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Amy 11: Best Friends Forever! by Amy Komori The original characters and plot of this story are the property of the author. No infringement of pre-existing copyright is intended. This story is copyright (c) 2010 Amy Komori. All rights reserved. Chapter One: Saturday Morning Hangover Saturday I woke up early and rolled over in bed. I just lay there and looked around my room. My cheerleading uniform was lying on the floor, which reminded me of what a shitty time I'd been having lately. Not only had I cheered for the J-V team the previous afternoon for their annihilation at the hands of Colby High, after dinner I had to go back to the stadium and watch the varsity team get creamed by Riverside High. We J-V cheerleaders all sat in a group in the stands even though I hated most of them and most of them hated me. Luckily, I had Monique, Kimmy and Saffron to talk to; Saffron brought Gummi worms and we passed the pack back and forth. Also, it got windy chilly in the stands as soon as the sun was down. I was totally unprepared for that and just about froze my ass off. After the game, Heidi offered me a ride home with this guy she was seeing. "Maybe I can get a ride with Monique and her mom," I said, my teeth chattering a little. "I wasn't asking you," Heidi said. "I was telling you." "Fuck, dude." "You brought this shit on yourself," Heidi said in a sing-song voice. Heidi told me the guy's name was Brett and that he was tall, hot and had sandy-blond hair, a varsity basketball player and senior. Wow, I thought, Heidi goes for older guys. When she's a senior, she'll be dating dudes from the university. We met Superboy at the stadium gate and he said, "Hey, I'm Brett," and held out his hand to me. I stared at it. Oh, he wants me to shake his hand, I thought and held out mine. His hand was huge and the palm was really sweaty. My own hand just disappeared into it. I said, "I already knew your name. I'm Amy. I'm a cheerleader." "Amy Komori," Brett said, probably wondering why I'd added the extra statement of obviousness. "Heidi was telling me about you." "Yeah, I've been hearing a lot about you, too," I said. I thought, And yeah, I'm also gonna be calling you Superboy from now on, but it'll be a secret, you won't know about it and I fucking hope you give Heidi syphillis. I didn't particularly think he was hot, though. I guessed he and Heidi would make a good couple. I mean, if the world needed more Aryan babies, they could probably make a double handful. For her part, Heidi was blushing bright red and it was actually kind of becoming seeing color in her cheeks and how flighty and nervous she suddenly was. If I wasn't hoping to find a knife to stab her in the heart with, I might have found her adorable at that moment. Superboy's car was a fairly new Honda Accord. I didn't know car years, but it was super shiny and despite some school books in the backseat where I plopped my tired body, it was actually pretty neat. "Hey, Amy," Superboy said as he drove, "I think I skated with you last year. You're into inline, right?" Oh shit! I totally remembered Superboy now. Patrick, Michelle and I called him Sky-High and still talked about him from time to time because he was such a giant. He'd come to the skatepark a few times and then just mysteriously disappeared. But his lanky, abnormally tall frame was right there in my mind, framed by the sunny sky as he waited to drop in on the vert. Yeah, good ol' Brett/Sky- High/Superboy. We were practically buddies! "Yeah," I told him. No point in making him think he was memorable or anything. He probably had girls hungry for his wang all day long at school. "I skate. When I have time." "I remember thinking some of the stuff you did was pretty sick," Superboy said, trying to flatter me to impress Heidi. Or simply because he was actually a nice guy and wanted people to like him. Why was life so confusing to me now? All that was playing through my mind now as I lay there in my bed. Fucking Heidi. She clouded everything with her... Heidiness. Time to get up. I met Emily in the hallway on my way to the bathroom. She was already dressed. "You're up early," I said. "Home late you mean," she said and yawned. I smelled beer on her breath and now that I was closer, cigarettes in her hair. I smoldered with jealousy. "How was cheerlosing?" she asked, leaning against the wall. "Fuckin' sucked, dude. You'll be happy to know I now no longer have any friends." "You're not making friends on the squad?" "I dunno. Some of the girls are pretty cool but they're really into cheerlea?" I shut my mouth. Big mistake. Tired as she was, nearly out on her feet, Emily fixed me with this intense, narrow-eyed glare. "And you're not, huh?" Emily said. "Why are you doing it, then?" "No, no. I'm into it. I'm so into it now, it's all I ever think about. Next to skating, it's the raddest thing I've ever done. Most rad? Anyways, I love it!" "You said it sucked and then the way you said how the other girls are?" "I'm totally into cheerleading. I've completely found myself," I said, then made a move for the bathroom, hoping Emily would go into her room and collapse for a while and I could escape before I let any more secrets out. No such luck. She followed me. "Why are you doing this, Amy? For real? What's going on, Honey Bunny?" "I don't wanna talk about it, Emily," I said in a pleading voice. She raised her dark, rounded eyebrows. "Okay, fair enough, dude. But you're miserable and I can tell. And I'm soooo tired..." She yawned again and started off down the hall. "Good night," I whispered. "If you decide you need my help, lemme know, okay, Honey Bunny?" "I will. I don't, but I will." "Don't let this go on too long." Chapter Two: Cho Mama! Free of Heidi and the Delacroix Blue Devils, I got Mrs. Komori to drive me to the skatepark to get out some of my pent-up aggressions and maybe figure a way out of this dilemma. Mrs. Komori was really enthusiastic about my cheerleading?"I'm so happy you're finally participating in school life!"-- and hadn't picked up on anything odd about it the way Emily had. Which was wonderful as far as I was concerned; Emily got a lot of her incisiveness from her mom, and all I needed was both of them on my ass about being true to myself. A few kids were there, mostly wood-pushers. I could see Patrick and some guys holding their decks and obviously shooting the shit. But one tiny figure all in black stood out on the vert platform: Michelle Cho. Michelle was kind of like my mirror image?both of us favored black, were tan and small-- and she absolutely did not give a flying fuck about anything. Michelle Cho was a tiny terror and even Gina was a little in awe of her. I remembered I was pissed at Michelle. She was the one who called me Claudia Traitor at the J-V game. Now she was all smiles, cheeks devouring her black eyes, her braces glittering like mouth-jewelry. "Whassup, Ayumi?" she asked and stuck out a gloved fist for me to punch. I snubbed her and went to adjusting my skates. "Okay, be that way," Michelle said and got into this raucous conversation about inline versus skateboarding with some of the other girls and guys there?lately there had been some tensions between the factions but Michelle wasn't giving an inch-- and then she was gone, taking a daredevil run on the vert. "Hey, Ayumi," Patrick said, patting me on the helmet. I looked up at him, squinting into the sun which haloed him and hurt my eyes. "You joined the cheerleaders at your school?" he asked. Patrick went to Lee. Apparently I was news all over town. Well, at least at the skatepark. I nodded. "That's cool," he told me. "No, it's not. It sucks. I hate it." "Then why are you doing it?" "You wouldn't understand." "I bet you look like super cute in your little skirt." I stood up, angry now. "Yeah, I do. I look like a motherfucking angel. But you're never gonna get to see me in it." "I'm just bustin' your balls." "You and the whole world." "Are you on the rag? You might wanna go easy on the PMS, Ayumi." "Fuck you!" I shouted and shoved him, taking him by surprise. His skateboard rolled out from under his foot and Patrick fell on his ass with a satisfying thump and this stupid gaping look on his face. I knew Patrick well enough to know he wasn't the kind of guy who'd beat me up or anything (I did kind of have a brief flashback to eating grass with Heidi on top of me), but I seriously wanted to punch him. "What the fuck, Ayumi?" he protested, but he stayed sitting there, just looking embarrassed while the other skaters around him said a lot of smart-ass stuff that only made me more livid. Michelle was coming up over the coping so I dropped in and started zooming back and forth. Anger made me fearless and as soon as had enough speed to get air, I did a 360 on the far side, landed it perfectly, came back up the other side, got too ambitious and went for a backflip but only managed a half-rotation and landed on my knees, then slid down the side on my stomach. At the bottom I jumped up and took off again, pumping harder and faster even than before, getting huge air on both sides, going higher and higher, and finally nailing a flatspin? for the very first time, and I wasn't sure if I'd gone a full 360 or just 180, nothing huge like a Taig Kris 540 or Eito Yasutoko with the extra reverse flip or anything but still the only one anyone in our town had ever even attempted, much less landed-- right in Michelle's face, everything a blur, the sounds of my wheels whirring and my sure-footed landings banging on the boards ringing in my ears. Close to exhaustion, I came back over the coping and grabbed the rail to keep from flying off. "Damn, Ayumi," Michelle said. "That was fucking sick! A flatspin!" People were pushing and shoving me in congratulations, even Patrick, just happily beating the snot out of me, rocking my bones?like they'd forgotten how bird-weight I was or they just didn't care because they were so thrilled-- while I shut my eyes and clung to the rail for dear life, breathing hard through my nostrils, moisture all around my nose and the top of my cheeks and above my mouth, which I'd clamped into a thin frown. I wanted to be able to scream with joy, with triumph but I couldn't. But I did feel a kind of pissed-off satisfaction with what I'd accomplished. The first and only flatspin in town. Me. Mine! Suck it, world! Michelle leaned close through all the kids, "I didn't mean anything last night, okay? I thought Gina was just doing her, you know, Gina thing. You know how she likes to fuck with everyone. But after she kept talking about how pissed she was and I felt kinda bad for you, ya know?" "Yeah, but I know you were the one who called me Claudia Traitor. Do you think I'm a traitor?" "To what? I was just... that was... I was just, you know, extending Gina's joke. You don't remember that one where Claudia got that new friend and--" Babyshitters again! I cut her off with a quick, "The people I lived with before Mom adopted me didn't let me read those." That was a pretty handy excuse I'd used in tight spots before, but I had to admit it gave people this impression I'd lived a pretty austere life before Mrs. Komori rescued me. Everyone must have sensed Michelle and I were going to have a serious talk, so they all kind of melted away and went back to skating and picking their noses or whatever. Still feeling the jolting they'd given me in my muscles and nerves, I turned around and leaned against the railing and look out over the park. Cars went by in the distance and over the trees?rusting up a little in preparation for the upcoming color show?I could see the tall parking decks and clock dome of city hall. Downtown. Fuck, my arm hurt. It felt like someone had frogged me right under my tricep, so I rubbed it. When I twisted my arm around a little, I could tell it was already reddish and would probably leave a bruise. Patrick payback, no doubt. Sneaky weasel. Well, I'd settle with him later I decided, and thought about Gina. "She's still really pissed, huh?" "Gigi? Yeah, she is. Nobody can figure out what you think you're doing. Fuckin' cheerleading?" Gigi? I was going to use that against Gina if I ever got the chance. "I kinda have to." "Oh fuck, dude. No one has to do anything they don't wanna do. Quit that shit. Tell that bitch Heidi Flugleman to go fuck herself. Gina will forgive you. Sarah was practically crying." "Feegleman." "Heidi-ho Fleegle-flugle. I don't care what her name is. She sucks." "What about Lena? Did she say anything?" Michelle shrugged. "You should talk to them yourself, dude." "I-I don't think so..." "No, for real. I can't think a girl who can do what I just saw you do would be so pussy as to not confront her friends when they're treating her like shit. But if you'd rather be friends with a bunch of snotty cheerleaders, I'm not gonna stop you. Send me a postcard from the top of the foodchain, okay?" "They're not all snotty. Some of them are actually super-nice." A little flicker of disgust on Michelle's face, mostly from the way her lips pursed. Then a smile like a thin stripe of mercury. "Are they nice as Sarah McAvoy?" I had to grin back at her. "No." Then we both shouted in unison, "No one is as nice as Sarah McAvoy!" Chapter Three: If You're So Special Why Aren't You Dead? Michelle had convinced me. Also, I just really missed the girls who cared for me enough to get pissed when I did something seemingly out of character, even if I also wanted to kick their asses for what they'd done the night before. I might have forgiven Michelle, but that "Claudia Traitor" stuff Gina started really burned and stung. Looked at one way, the whole feeling of betrayal was proof how much they needed me. So after saying my goodbyes at the skatepark and without any real plan, just a comingling of uncertainty and love, I skated to Sarah's. Her mom said she was with Gina, so I went over there. The garage door was open and I could hear a song I'd never heard before, Gina's beat, Sarah's lovely, clear voice like water made into sound. But no guitar and no bass. I skated right up the driveway towards them, pulled off my helmet and shook out my hair, sweat droplets raining on my shoulders and face. I took a deep breath and said, "What's up?" in a ragged voice. Sarah startled like a surprised cat. "One more time, okay?" Gina said, glancing at me then away. She counted them off by clacking her drumsticks loudly onetwothreefour and they started the song again. So the plan was to ignore me. Well, I wasn't going anywhere. I put my hands on my hips and waited out the song. "Why is she singing a capella?" I asked when they finished. "Where's Lena?" "Why aren't you in one of those backless shirts, like those other trendy bitches?" Gina said before the last rattle of her drums and garage echo died away completely. "Look, I deserve that. I've been acting like a total shit lately." No comeback to that. Gina's mouth opened, shut. Wait for it.... nothing. I was almost in the clear; time to work my magic. I did everything short of apologizing, but I finally got through to them. We were friends, we loved each other. I was their Mulan, the Babysitters Club couldn't be complete without Claudia. Plus, I told them I understood they'd been more hurt than angry, and acting angry was just their way of covering up. For the piece d'resistance, I tried as much honesty as I dared: "There's also... something going on between me and Heidi I can't really tell you about. I haven't figured it out myself, and you may not believe me but... I'm kinda being forced to do this. I really don't want to and I'm trying to figure a way out but for now..." "How are you being forced?" Sarah asked, completely horrified at the concept. "It's really messed up," I said. "I don't wanna talk about it right now. I just want to be with you and Gina." "Why should we let you?" Gina asked. "Don't make me say it, dude..." "I think you should. Why do you want to be with me and Sarah? What could we possibly have that Heidi Fleegleman and Ashleigh Bodine don't." "I don't?" "Say it." "Okay! I totally love you both! There!" "Didn't hear ya. Maybe cuz playing drums has like ruined my heari?" "I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU BOTH! I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE SARAH!" As I shouted, it was like a light went on inside me and I started laughing, tears suddenly streaming down my cheeks. "Okay, okay," Gina said, finally smiling. "We were supposed to come up with a name for our band before you ditched us for Heidi. We... we kinda didn't because Sarah wouldn't let us." Wiping my eyes, I looked at Sarah, totally in love. She nodded. I was still laughing, but I turned my back on her and said, "Don't look at me." "You okay?" Gina asked. "I'm happy. Shut up." "You have a weird way of?" "SHUT UP!" It was a few minutes before I could stop laughing and my eyes were dry again and then I had to deal with Sarah looking at me with radiant adoration. They'd double-teamed me and broken whatever locks I'd kept on my heart and opened it, letting out a glow they could bask in that was a lot like when they opened the briefcase in "Pulp Fiction," but I was back in, at least on a probationary basis. Lena showed up shortly after that and we fixed things up with her, which wasn't that hard because she was a lot more mature than any of the rest of us. She was really jazzed about my being with them again. So we practiced all day. It felt awesome to get all sweaty with the girls again. We rocked out, same as before, easy covers like "Wild Thing," with Sarah making eyes at me the whole time. Jeez, Sarah, you're not even bi, I thought, you don't even know what that is yet. We even tried to write another song. Sarah hummed along to my bass line, and said she'd try to write a melody and some words to it. "Two originals," Gina said. "We'd be like a real band then!" I squealed. "Aw yeah," Gina drawled from behind her drums. Later, because it was still hot enough, we swam in the pool in our underwear and stretched out on the grass and smoked clove cigarettes. Aw yeah was right. It was a good day, the first one in over a week. The best one, in fact, for as long as I could remember. A contender for best day ever. I'd never felt like this in either of my lives and I wanted to always feel this way. But I had to get home eventually. Tons of homework I'd neglected doing the cheer-thing. When I was dry and dressed and started to leave, Gina tugged the back of my shirt and said, "Where are you off to, Claudia?" I shrugged and said, "I gotta get home, dude." Gina shook her head. "No, we need you. Dude, it's been forever since we hung out so... we gots plans!" "What kind of plans?" "Sleep over tonight and you'll see. You can even be Mulan again." Chapter Four: Dressed Up and Messed Up No more Claudia Traitor. Just Mulan. It didn't matter that yeah, Mulan was Chinese and I was?well, Emily and I guessed Japanese because of some weird twist to Darla's spell; having a more kickass nickname sold me. I called Mrs. Komori and told her I was spending the night with Sarah at Gina's, showered and borrowed some clothes from my size-equal Michelle Cho?just an old t-shirt and some baggy black Dickies pants plus beat-up sneakers that were ready for the dumpster?and we all went to this all-ages show at this empty building downtown the local artists sometimes used for gallery shows where we saw two really awesome bands although four were on the bill. We'd missed the first ones but it didn't really matter. The band we walked in on consisted of three guys who were playing really slow, the guitar and bass tuned so far down they sounded like sludge and I felt the buzzed short hairs on the back of my head standing up and vibrating like a thousand little people saluting. "Oh shit," I said, turning to Gina and Michelle, my face burning. The bass was reverberating in my chest. It was like listening with my lungs. "I know!" Michelle said, her expression matching mine, the kind of face you get watching fireworks in summer. Sarah looked a little pale. We found ourselves mingling with a much older crowd. Actually, I had known a few of them in my previous life; in this form, I was a stranger to them. In this mind, too. How could they eve begin to understand what happened to me, and how it was still happening, all the changes and new feelings and stuff? We were in the same town and in the same live space, but holy fuck we were in different universes in every way that really counted! Strangers and former friends alike, they were more than a little intimidating to me now in this guise, occasionally feeling vulnerable and small among them and I soon discovered I'd lost the ability to relate to them on anything on equal terms. I was seeing it all again but it was somehow totally new. Tall skinny boys with plastic framed glasses who hung over us like construction cranes or something, walking Eiffel Towers, anything tall and dark. Girls smoking and talking about their classes or even their jobs, wearing black or gray cardigans with the sleeves pushed up to reveal wrist tattoos. When I thought about it, I realized I was actually jealous of the girls and not the guys at all; the girls had this air of maturity, of adulthood about them I'd lost but also this self-possessed, intellectual quality I totally envied most of all. When I grow up, I'm gonna be like them, I thought, and it kind of thrilled me. Oh fuck, I gotta! Then we all got a shock because it turned out Michelle knew the singer for the opening band that we'd missed?he was a student at the big university-- and he told us about how he thought his band sucked so it was completely appropriate that we avoided them, plus they only had like 6 songs they'd played through twice before giving up... and then all about this party afterwards and invited us to ride with him. "How old is he?" Sarah asked. "I dunno," Michelle said, shrugging. "Old." "Does-- does he know we're in 9th grade?" "Fuck no. Don't tell him, okay? Just be cool, Sarah." Michelle looked at me for affirmation. I just nodded. "You girls ready?" the guy said when he broke off from his friends and came back to hang with us. "Oh yeah," Michelle said. She wiggled her eyebrows and took me by the hand as we went out the front and up the sidewalk, hand-in-hand like twin sisters in a fairy tale, to where the guy's car was parked. The sky above was an ugly brown from the streetlights and I couldn't see any stars, though I tried. I felt Michelle's fingers kneading my hand. Impulsively, I gave her hand a little squeeze and she squeezed back. "What's his name?" I whispered. "Fuckin' Bob, dude." "Fuckin' Bob? Do you like him?" Michelle gave me this sly look. Then she said, "Nah. He's older than my stupid big brother. I do kinda like someone, though." "Who?" "Not saying." For some reason, I got shoved in the middle of the front seat with Sarah and Michelle, crushing me into Fuckin' Bob, which meant I got most his attention, but when I casually (on purpose) let drop that Sarah was the singer in this little group we had, he got very interested in her. But I knew whatever hopes poor ol' Fuckin' Bob had of possibly getting with Sarah weren't going to come to fruition. For one thing, Michelle, Gina and I wouldn't allow it, and for another, I pretty much knew Sarah was scared shitless of everything that was happening and feeling trapped by circumstances growing beyond her abilities to deal with them. She'd run. The party was at this big old wooden house with no air conditioning. We picked up some plastic cups in the kitchen. The people around us here were almost exactly like the ones at the show (some had even been there because I recognized the ones who were distinctively gorgeous or distinctively ugly and some of the ones I'd once known by name)?college kids. Almost everyone had a cup, yellow or red or blue. Guys and girls standing face-to-face, talking and smiling. Cigarette smoke rising from ashtrays. A party platter of crackers and cheese cubes on a table looking pretty unappetizing but also picked over. "I don't think we should be here," Sarah said. "These are all like college students." "So?" Michelle said. "We're college students." "Michelle," I whispered right in her ear, her hair tickling my nose. "Sarah's pretty freaked out. And there's no way anyone thinks we're college students. They probably don't even think you and I are even high school students." "Chill, dude. Everyone here is cool. Nobody cares what we are. Just look after Sarah is all you gotta do. Babysit her, Claudia." So I was stuck being Claudia again. Still, Michelle's idea seemed like a plan... until I kind of forgot all about it. There were too many people around, too many conversations and I got caught up in this fucked up activity-delirium, party Parkinson's. Plus, I was just excited anticipating the first taste of beer I'd had since way back just after I switched teams. Also, Gina and Michelle were hugely into this whole scene and we kept whispering to each other, pointing out all the coolest looking girls. But neither of them knew how to pour from a keg, so when we finally located it?a big silver monstrosity of an atom bomb I heard someone say was full of Miller Genuine Draft in an ice-filled garbage can out in the back yard-- I had to show them, so it was their turn to be surprised. "How do you know this shit?" Michelle asked, holding her red cup as I pumped the keg and used the little black nozzle to fill her cup with just a small head of foam. "I used to be a college boy," I told her and she laughed. The thing is, at this size, I was still pretty much a lightweight. Lighter than ever, in fact. Fortunately so were Gina, Michelle and Lena. After a cup and a half each (and it tasted much nastier than I remembered, just disgusting and foamy), which we drank kind of hiding under the low tree limbs near the fence and within easy refill distance of the keg, my lips were a little numb and we were already acting silly. "It's not... It doesn't taste the way I expected," Lena said, making a sour face, some beer foam clinging to her upper lip. She licked it off and nearly gagged. "Eww." "Is that still your first cup?" I asked. She nodded. "Disgusting." "I dunno. My dad used to give me beer all the time before he divorced my mom," Michelle said. "You realize that was probably child abuse." "He didn't give me like whole cans or make me drink it, Lena. He let me sip from his. I still wanna punch him in the johnson, though." "Oh." Lena started turning her head, craning her neck. "What are you looking for?" I asked her. "I wanna dump this out." I took her cup from her. Some guy re-filling his own cup said, "You're gonna double fist? Hardcore! Aren't you in my J360 class?" I smiled and nodded. "Yeah. With Mrs.?" "Dr. McChester. How... how old are you?" "We have to go in here now, Amy," Gina said, grabbing my arm and dragging me away. We went up the concrete block steps into the kitchen and found an unoccupied corner to sort of semi-hide in. Gina, Michelle and I drank our beers and poked at each other and insulted anyone who caught our attention, but in low voices so they wouldn't hear. Then we totally abandoned Sarah and Lena in the kitchen and roamed all through the house, looking for adventure. "What's the point of having a beer that's supposed to taste like it's on draft, if it's really on draft?" I kept asking people. Gina and I thought it was hilarious, but none of the college-age hipsters around us did. They started murmuring about us and I distinctly overheard "kids" and "children" and "bedtime." And "cops" and "police." So I said it even more, including one time rising up between this super-gorgeous and serious-looking young couple. The guy wasn't much taller than I was so I was almost in his face, like kissing distance if I'd been inclined that way. I could see up his nostrils, all the bumps and pores and also the blue-black bristles of beard on his chin that persisted there even though he'd shaved, while my own face was as smooth and shiny as a baby's tummy and just as soft, I was sure. His response was just a terse, "Yeah," and they both walked away. What can I say? We were drunk on beer, we were drunk on being friends again. Gina reneged on her Mulan promise and kept calling me Claudia or just Claw-Claw, so I called her Gigi or Nipsey-Ann all night. Michelle dubbed herself Isabella Rockerfeller, Lena stayed Lena, but Sarah we called Mallory. Later, I let Sarah and Lena draw tattoos all over my back with one of those message pad markers. We were sitting on a broken-down sofa that looked pretty buggy and I hiked up my shirt and hunched over to give them a big flesh-canvas on which to work their magic. "Everyone knows we're 14," Sarah said. "Shhh!" Lena hissed. "I'm 13," Michelle said. "I won't be 14 til December." "I'm only 13," I said way too loudly. "I won't even turn 14 until next summer!" Eyes cut towards me. I grinned the grin of the truly woozy. The marker was tickling me and I was really needing to pee, like right that second. Suddenly, I screamed "I'M GONNA PEE IN MY PANTS!" Pulling my shirt down, I stumbled to the bathroom, which was unoccupied for once that night and ended up peeing in the bathtub because the toilet was so nasty there was no way I was gonna sit on it. Too bad the bathtub was full of pool toys?a beach ball, some inflatable dinosaurs and other plastic things I couldn't identify. They got pretty well hosed while I hovered and I did feel at least a little guilty about it. But then I drunkenly thought, Why would they put pool toys in the bathtub if they didn't want me peeing on them? That semed to make sense as I spashed water on my face and looked at myself in the mirror. Definitely different than that view of that guy's case close up. Through the beer-induced delirium I started thinking that I was actually pretty. Not as femme-tastically beautiful as the ethereal Ms. McAvoy or as suburban-sporty as Heidi Fleegleman?who probably could have modeled or something-- but kind of all right in an elfin sort of way, with my severe "The Professional" bob cut. Glossy black hair, crescent moon-shaped eyebrows, huge black eyes, a surprisingly regal nose, a teensy bow of a mouth, and almost perfect creamy brown skin. How did you make me like this, I asked long-lost Darla. It made me feel crazily confident, even proud. Yeah, I was proud to be more like Emily now, or like Michelle Cho. Why would I ever want to be anything else? By the time I came back out, that very same short guy I'd annoyed earlier was informing Gina and Michelle we needed to get the fuck out of there and pronto. His serious tone amused the shit out of me and I laughed evilly. I pointed at his face and told him, "You can't make us leave. What are you, the party police?" "Her, too," the guy said sternly. "You get her the fuck out of here right now. I've never ever hit a girl but I really think I want to punch her in the face and I'm starting not to trust myself not to do it." "I'm not goin' nowhere!" I said and Sarah grabbed me on one side and Michelle, who was just as drunk as I was, on the other and they steered me towards the door. I kicked the doorframe on the way out. Actually, I'd aimed for the wall but missing it was probably for the best. Otherwise there might have been a huge hole and more trouble. "Not cool," someone said. "Nice party!" I sang. "Mata ne, motherfuckers! Mata ne!" "Kids," someone groused. "COLLEGE MOTHERFUCKERS!" I shouted, copying his tone but at a much louder volume. I had a grip on the door frame now and it took both Gina and Michelle to pull me loose?Sarah had given up and was already making her way to safety out near the street-- and almost carry me down the steps into the front yard. "RUN!" Michelle screamed, her voice ear-piercingly shrill and the next few seconds were mostly a series of quick-cut images of long shadows on the street under the lights, crashing through bushes and houses at strange angles. On the soundtrack: wordless shrieks, high- pitched laughter, sneaker soles slapping asphalt and concrete. Gina and I had out-paced everyone, but Michelle wasn't far behind. Lena and Sarah caught up to us around the corner from the party house, which we deemed a safe enough distance to regroup. "Oh my God!" Gina said through ragged breathing, hands on her knees. "That was so awesome..." "I-I totally peed in their bathtub!" I said triumphantly. "On the toys?" "Fuck yeah!" "Me, too!" "Oh shit!" I laughed. "I can't believe we both did that!" and Gina and I high-fived each other. "Amy, you're crazy," Lena said. I couldn't tell if she meant it as praise or a warning of some kind, trouble ahead. "That's my girl," Michelle said and hugged me. "See? She's learning fast." "I'm learning what?" I asked. "Learning how to be like me, baby." "More like you learning to be like me." "H-how are we gonna get home?" Sarah asked. "Walk," I told her. So we did. We had to hike all the way back to Gina's; it took almost an hour and the whole time we kept having to stop and pee in the bushes, shrieking and running whenever headlights swept across us and hiding behind cars parked along the street. As we neared her neighborhood, Gina started chuckling as she walked along the curb, doing a tightrope act with her arms out, her balance surprisingly good for someone who'd been drunk enough to pee in a bathtub. Sarah asked her what was so funny and she said, "Bob's gonna have a lot of explaining to do." "Hold up," Michelle said, waving her hands, her face suddenly very serious, leafy shadows making her look like a Vietcong guerilla out of an Oliver Stone movie. She seemed poised to tell us something earth- shattering, so we all waited for it. She took a deep breath, composed herself. "His name is... Fuckin' Bob." Then she ran away cackling like a crazy woman. So it was pretty much the perfect night. I paid for it, though. Not only was I sick most of the next day, Mrs. Komori came down hard on me. Grounded for a month, with a 7pm curfew on school days and no going out on weekend nights. Then she babied my hangover all day Sunday. At least I felt like my old self again, or an even newer me. Born again, Michelle Cho's wayward daughter, baptized in Gina's pool, suckled on MGD. I wasn't even dreading Monday all that much anymore. Chapter Five: Storm Warning At Monday cheer practice, the yellow sun dipping behind the trees and long purple shadows across the practice field where the shitty Delacroix High football teams went through the motions despite being thoroughly demoralized, Heidi gave us a critique of our performance Friday. Predictably, she gave me the most grief. I thought about all the fun I'd had Saturday while she bitched and crabbed. "And that Satan stuff you screamed?" Heidi said. "That was just... beyond weird." That brought me back to the playing field. I'd totally forgotten about improving that cheer into darkness. Actually, I thought it was pretty funny and I couldn't help smiling. "It frightened me," Abby said. "My family and I are Christians and I don't want to hear that stuff. It's bad enough our school mascot is a demon." I rolled my eyes. "I was joking. I'm not a devil-worshipper." "Well, I'm not joking," Heidi said. "You'd better get your act together, Amy." "Sure thing, Bossy," I quipped. Heidi gave me an eat-shit-and-die look. "Did we do anything right, Heidi?" Monique suddenly asked. 'I was just getting to that. You guys were really improved from the previous week." "I thought Amy did pretty well, considering she only had a week to learn things," Saffron said. I could have kissed her. "She sucked, but if her attitude improves, she's got promise, yeah," Heidi said, not looking at me. "Also, for the rest of you, the dance routines were also vastly improved." Monique whispered, "Baby girl got some body moves." We bumped fists, grinning at each other. I thanked her and then Heidi told us to get into position so we could go through everything again. And again. Abby asked about the stunts, but Heidi said she was still working it out with Mrs. Blake, who had gone all safety-conscious on us all of us sudden. But it was Tara who wanted to press the issue. "God," Tara said. I'd never seen someone so disappointed over something I considered so idiotic. Stunts and having a chance to do some serious tumbling probably meant as much to her as inline did to me. "She's the reason, Heidi. She's the reason we can't do things like regionals. We've got plenty of girls. She's just scared of the competition." "I'm talking to her," Heidi said. "Are you? When did you talk to her? After the game? This morning? Did you do a special consultation or something? When?" Heidi seemed to get a little taller all of sudden and her blue eyes flashed murder. Fucking blond Xena the warrior princess all of sudden, but in a white t-shirt and blue shorts. We all knew then Tara had pushed it a little too far and I, for one, hoped she was also aware of the danger. It was definitely a warning to me. I'd been feeling pretty good about myself and everything but at that moment, I realized some serious shit could still go down, and probably would. Not even probably. At first, I was sure I hadn't asked for this war-- Heidi had just thrust it upon me with the keying bullshit and the fight. Everything Monique and Saffy had told me about her?the way she was always talking about me, as if she had some kind of obsession?was trying to come together in my brain. But it wasn't quite there. Then it dawned on me something had been attracting us to each other. Heidi and I had a shared destiny, to be melodramatic about it. So part of me wanted to be here, had all along, the first time we'd clashed. Michelle had told me no one did anything they didn't have to do and she was more right than she realized. I want to do this, I told myself. To be a cheerleader. I wanted to the day I made my little sneering comment that brought me to Heidi's attention, but not in the same sense of the other girls on the squad. Their purpose was simply cheerleading, but for both Heidi and me, cheerleading was a means to finding a purpose. And I was starting to figure mine out now and once I did, I'd have this out of my system and could quit free and clear. Heidi's, though, was a secret otherness, and it was a ghost-melody in my brain now, a few notes or a snatch of singing, just enough to make me want to know the name of the song. Some of the other girls started to gripe a little about the stunt situation, taking some of the pressure off Tara and causing Heidi to sort of relax and just be her regular bossy, bitchy self, and I was relieved. I really wasn't too stoked about the prospects of standing on someone's shoulders or have them toss me into the air so I'd have to be caught before splatting. On the other hand, I wasn't sure how I felt about the coming storm. Heidi still scared me so much, and now the ship of Amy-state was heading right into the gale. Full speed ahead and all that. Just like in that book about the lost fishing boat Mrs. Komori read over the summer. Perfect something or other. Chapter Six: Sarah McAvoy's Super Mystery! Sarah was waiting for me next to the gym after practice and I was glad to see her because if I'd stayed alone with my thoughts, I might have regressed or something. I hopped over to her feeling all sweaty and in need of a shower, just adoring her freckled face as it got closer. "Saturday was fun, huh?" she asked. She was wearing this really pretty peasant skirt and sneakers with my name written on them. "I'm in so much trouble," I told her. Then I explained the grounding. "But you still have to cheer?" she asked. I kind of waved my hands in front of my cheer tee. "Y-you said you were being forced," Sarah said softly, then she looked around as if we were sharing secrets and spies were everywhere. "What did you mean by that?" "Oh." I still didn't want to tell her, but she fixed me with those big green eyes and I couldn't resist. And anyways, it was Sarah, not Gina. "Remember when... you know... Heidi said I keyed her mom's car?" "Yeah, I was gonna investigate like in a 'Babysitters Club Super Mystery' a-and?" I didn't want to tell her my insights from that afternoon, so I drew on my own recent history to weave something plausible and hopefully not too far from an acceptable truth. "Well, this is payment. Or payback. If I don't do this, she's gonna tell her mom or the police. And... I kinda... I've never told anyone this but I kinda... already have like a... you know... police record." My voice got really small at the end. "YOU DO?" Sarah shrieked, her voice echoing off the tennis courts and the concrete breezeways all around us. "Shut up! Yeah. It was really stupid and I did it when I first tur... when I first moved here. I was really lonely and didn't have any friends so I started stealing stuff from like convenience stores. I got caught. When I'm 18, they'll expunge my records and stuff." "But you didn't key the car." "I know. But who do you think they're gonna believe? Also... to be really honest... I'm totally fucking scared of her." A little truth to garnish the lie. "Who?" "Heidi, Sarah." "But you beat up Mike that time! And stole his money!" "Yeah, but Mike was a pussy. And I kinda got lucky. Heidi's like... she's Heidi Fleegleman!" "Why is she making you do this though, if she hates you?" "That part I don't know." More truth, and the most personally involving part of the whole thing. Then Sarah's face lit up. "I'm gonna save you!" "God, Sarah, don't do anything! Just lemme?" "I'm gonna totally save you! I'm?I'm back on the case!" The next day, I learned super-detective Sarah was as good as her word, too. She had a locker not far from Heidi's, and after cheerleading practice the next day she gave me a full report on how she kept Miss School Spirit under constant surveillance. She also did some asking around despite her natural shyness. She was so thorough and so dedicated, she even took notes, which she showed me?although they were mostly drawings of anime characters and lines from poems she'd written.