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HARRIGAN'S ISLAND
© 2010 by Anthony Durrant
Harrigan, the harbour's errand boy, entered the room of David Parker, the
first mate of the S.S. Marine, and found him lying on his bed in a
drunken stupor. With him was his captain, Jacob Grumbly, an old hand in
the Hawaiian Islands waters. Harrigan took one look at Parker and told
Grumbly:
"It looks bad, doesn't it, Skipper? I came in here and found him this
morning. I think he's dead to the world for now."
"And just when I was about to begin my regular passenger run, too!"
Grumbly cried. "I guess I'll have to take you, instead!"
Grabbing Harrigan by the wrist, Grumbly dragged him out of the boathouse
and toward the Marine, where he forced him to go aboard and enter the
wheelhouse. Once Grumbly had shut the door behind him, Harrigan took the
wheel and began moving it back and forth. Looking out the starboard
porthole, he saw Captain Grumbly escorting five people aboard his vessel.
One he recognized as the movie star Ruth Rowland, who was wearing a fancy
dress with sequins on it; the second girl was a short blond with a happy
grin. This personage was followed by a man Harrigan recognized as Lord
Bardolfe - the sixteenth Earl of Bardolfe, that is - a respected merchant
from England who'd come over with his wife to Hawaii and settled there
for many years. His wife followed him aboard and was followed in turn by
a tall handsome man whom Harrigan didn't recognize. Grumbly cast off and
wheyed the anchor himself. He then walked back into the Marine's
wheelhouse and took the wheel from Harrigan, who then left the wheelhouse
and went aft to join the other guests. He was about to sit down beside
Ruth when a bump from the sea under the boat knocked him down. It was
then that he looked up and saw the big thunderhead cloud in the sky and
felt the first few drops of what was to be the year's worst storm.
Rushing into the wheelhouse, Harrigan was given a yellow rain slicker by
Grumbly, which he put on. Grumbly shouted:
"Throw the anchor over the side!"
Harrigan rushed aft again, cut the anchor from its rope with his
penknife, and hurled it overboard. After watching the anchor plummet to
the bottom of the sea, Harrigan quickly rejoined Grumbly in the
wheelhouse as the Marine was tossed by the waves through the rapidly
worsening storm. As the two of them struggled for control of the ship, a
huge wave surged up from the ocean's depths and surged toward them before
the two of them could let go of the wheel. The Marine was caught up on
the crest of the storm and hurled far away toward the long uncharted
Mystery Island, with everybody clinging onto its mainmast for dear life .
. .
***
Captain Grumbly's eyes opened, and he rose from the wreckage and looked
around. Near the port side of the Marine stretched a lagoon as far as
the eye could see. Rising to his feet, the Captain spotted a curved
wooden board sticking out of the sand, and dug around it with his hands
to reveal the prow of another boat that had been thrown there some time
before. Using his great strength, he pulled the wrecked boat from the
sand and was surprised to see it had lost its mast and sail on impact..
"Useless!" he shouted. "Just my lousy luck!"
As he walked back to the wrecked Marine, Grumbly saw the others waking
from their slumber and climbing from the wrecked vessel.
"Where are we, Captain?" asked Lord Bardolfe.
"On mystery Island, that's where!" Grumbly said. "We were thrown here by
the storm, so we're going to be marooned for some time."
"Marooned!" the tall man, whom Grumbly realized must be Professor Wexler,
the scholar who'd recently had his logistics class phased out at Bates
College after some twenty years, shouted.
"We're stuck on this island for keeps?" Harrigan cried as he climbed over
the edge of the deck, slipped, and fell on his face in the sand in front
of the blonde, who shouted:
"Are you all right, Harrigan?"
"You called me by name!" Harrigan cried.
"You don't remember me, do you, Harrigan?" the girl asked. "My name's
Michieline Davis, and I was your neighbour when we were kids."
"The same Michieline Davis with braces and pigtails?" Harrigan asked.
"The very same!" Michieline said. "But most people call me by my
nickname, Mici."
"Now that you've had your reunion, Harrigan, I'd like you to take my rod
and real and go get us some nice fish to eat!" Grumbly shouted.
"Aye, aye, Skipper!" Harrigan replied, giving what would become Grumbly's
nickname for the first time in public, then took Grumbly's rod and reel
from the locker in the still intact wheelhouse and hurried to the lagoon
to try and catch some fish.
***
Once he'd arrived at the lagoon, Harrigan removed the handle of the rod
and reel, took the instructions out of the handle and screwed it back in
place. Opening them, he read:
"Step One: Bait your hook."
Grabbing a small fish from the water, Harrigan slammed it onto the rod
and reel's hook
"Let's see now. Step Two: Cast the end of the line with the hook on it
into the water."
He then cast the hook into the water before him.
"Step Three: Lift the rod and reel up and down and turn the reel at the
same time so that it looks as if your lure is injured and possibly
dying."
And that's just what Harrigan did! Whilst he was making like an injured
fish, he felt the rod go downward as something pulled on it from under
the water. Hurriedly, he read the fourth and last step on the
instructions sheet:
"Step Four: If a fish does bite your hook, pull up on the rod and run
backwards to pull it out of the water and onto the land."
Hurrying backwards, Harrigan pulled on the rod even as the fish pulled
back. The result of this was that Harrigan fell on his back in the sand,
and his captive, a large wobbegong - a colourful and deadly shark that
lived as an ambush predator - flew over him and was flung into a nearby
palm tree.
"Harrigan!" cried Grumbly. "I said to catch us some fish, not a
wobbegong. You'll have to climb up there, get the shark, and put it back
in the sea."
Harrigan shinnied up the trunk of the tree like a little monkey. He
grabbed the shark by its tail, and slid all the way back down again.
When he reached the ground, he went over to the sea and placed the shark
in the water. It swam away, headed for the deep sea.
"Bye, fishie!" Harrigan said as he walked over to a small rock
outcropping at the edge of the lagoon and used another small fish to bait
his hook. After a few minutes, he'd managed to land several proper-sized
fish, which he brought back to the wreck site and cooked on a stake over
a fire made from some of the Marine's wooden deck plates.
"And, along with the fish," Lady Bardolfe added, "we have these strange
fruit that I found on a tray near the wreck. I've eaten some, and it
tasted wonderful."
The combination of fish and fruit proved a delicious and irresistible
one, and everybody loved the taste. It was at this time that the
actress, Ruth Rowland, said:
"This has been one of the finest, if strangest, suppers I have ever had.
Thanks, Harrigan!"
After finishing their meal, the seven castaways then again slept in the
hull of the Marine. The next morning, Mici saw that a pile of carp had
been left near the wreck site. Having nothing else for breakfast at the
time, the castaways cooked and ate them.
"Someone's evidently helping us!" Professor Wexler said. "But who could
it be?"
"There's another castaway?" Lord Bardolfe asked.
Grumbly, anxious to radio for help, went into the wheelhouse and grabbed
the transmitter for his C.B. radio, only to make the shattering discovery
that it had been damaged in the storm and was useless. However, the
small portable radio was intact, and so he grabbed it and took it back
outside with him. Placing it on the ruined deck, Grumbly turned it on
and switched it to the Jewel. While Harrigan rose and went off on his
own, the others just sat around and talked to each other and sulked,
except for Ruth Rowland, who ran hastily away from the Marine and
followed Harrigan as he aimlessly wandered about, perhaps looking for
shells on the beach in the golden sand.. She caught up to him and threw
her arms about him.
"Harrigan, darling!" she cried. "Why don't you go and get me some of
those large shells lying in the water near that rocky outcrop?"
"Okay, Ms. Rowland!" Harrigan cried as he walked into the surf, grabbed
the shells, and brought them right back to her. She took both of them
and put one to her ear, then handed the other one to Harrigan himself.
"If you put that shell to your ear, Harrigan, you'll be able to hear the
sea." she said.
When Harrigan put the other shell to his own ear, he could hear the sound
of the sea winds blowing - an enchanting wonderful sound that brought him
back to his childhood, when his grandmother had brought a green conch
shell back from her vacation in Florida. He still had that shell back at
home; it reminded him of her. Mici had followed the two of them down the
beach, and when she saw them together her rage exploded and she grabbed a
huge rock and pulled it out of the sand, then rushed toward them.
"Get away from him, you sorceress!" she cried. "Or I'll use this rock to
squash you like a bug before you can run away with him!"
"You wouldn't dare!" Ruth shouted.
"Wouldn't I?" Mici cried. "You're with my man, and I'm afraid I can't
allow that. So I want you to return to the boat and leave Harrigan
alone!"
"Never! Never!" Ruth shouted angrily as she jumped on Mici before she
could throw the rock at her, forcing Mici to drop it, then grabbed the
rock herself and raised it over her head.
"Now I am going to crush you!" she cried.
"Nobody's gonna crush anyone!" Harrigan cried as he slammed clumsily into
Ruth and knocked her down, causing the rock to fall into the sea.
"Why, you little -" Ruth cried as she grabbed Mici by the shoulders and
shook her violently, only to have Mici grab her and throw her over her
shoulder into the sea. Rising from the water soaking wet, she charged
Mici and tried to strangle her, but was hurled into the sea again.
"Stop it! Stop it!" shouted Harrigan as he stepped between the two of
them and tripped over a crab, falling on his face in the mud under the
water.
As he rose to his feet, he saw the girls were still fighting. Grumbly
ran up to them and pulled them apart, shouting:
"Now, now, ladies, let's please not fight!"
"Yeah," said Harrigan, "let's please not fight!"
The two of them then escorted the women back to the Marine, where they
sat down on the deck, safely away from the sea itself.
***
"Isn't this a beautiful place, darling?" Lady Bardolfe asked as she and
her husband strolled out through the palm trees, and he replied:
"Not as lovely as the cash in my bank vaults, Lusitania!" he replied.
"The green leaves of the palm trees here remind me of my greenbacks!"
At that moment, the two of them heard a rustle in some bushes and
stopped. Her Ladyship pushed her husband away, and headed for the
bushes. There, she was grabbed by someone who was powerfully strong and
pinned to the ground. Enraged, she kicked upwards and hit her opponent
in the stomach, threw her arms around a slender waist, and shoved forward
so that her opponent fell on their back.
No, Lady Bardolfe thought, her back. She had felt the chest of her
opponent against her own, and it was definitely a woman's. Therefore,
she knew her opponent's gender. The other woman slammed into her and
knocked her down, then got to her feet and ran quickly away, leaving her
Ladyship caught in the bushes. She broke free and hurried back to her
husband.
"Hugh," she said, "I believe that I've just had a scuffle with the woman
who's been leaving us those strange fruit we had at dinner and for
breakfast this morning after we found them near our wrecked boat. We
must report this to Captain Grumbly at once."
"And we will!" Bardolfe said gently.
***
But when they delivered their news, Grumbly refused to believe them. He
hollered:
"How could a woman live tucked away on this island for so long? That
wrecked boat I found buried in the sand was at least ten years old,
judging by its current condition. That tells me whoever's giving us the
fruit is keeping themselves hidden away because they were scared or hurt
in the storm that brought us here."
"Even so, Captain," the Professor spoke up, "it seems to me that they may
be telling the truth. Japanese soldiers were found years after the war
at the spots where they were stationed, because the surrender had never
reached their ears, and it is Japanese tradition to never surrender."
Even as he spoke, Wexler watched Harrigan return to the Marine and sit
down, pulling a small sand crab from his sock as he did so. He threw the
crab onto the beach and it scampered away.
"All I can say, Captain, is that it is damn cheek of you not to believe
my wife, because she has never told a lie in her entire life!" Lord
Bardolfe retorted angrily as Mici took hold of Harrigan's hand and they
watched the seagulls fly.
"Fly, little ones," Harrigan said, "fly right up to Heaven, for there and
only there can you rest in peace and contentment, away from all the
troubles and cares of this weary world. Say, I wonder what made me say
those strange words?"
"Danmed if I know!" said Mici calmly.
"Would you please catch us some fish for lunch, Harrigan?" asked the
Professor, and Harrigan left the Marine and bid Mici goodbye, then took
Grumbly's rod and reel again and walked off to a new spot along the edge
of the lagoon. There he baited the hook with another small crab and
again lowered the rod and reel's hook into the water. Having baited his
hook properly, Harrigan hoped he'd be able to catch the proverbial "big
one," the kind of trophy all fishermen dream about. Soon, he'd hooked
something again and pulled back on the line, this time pulling a
struggling grouper out of the water and flinging it into another palm
tree. Rising to his feet, Harrigan climbed over the sand to the tree and
then made his way up the trunk. He then grabbed the grouper with one arm
and slid all the way back down, at which point he took the grouper back
to the Marine, where it was very warmly received and put on the spit over
the campfire area for luncheon.
"I guess it didn't get away, huh, Skipper?" Harrigan cried proudly.
"That grouper's so big, it should last the seven of us for several days."
"Harrigan!" Grumbly cried angrily.
"I was only joking, Captain!" Harrigan said.
It was then that Grumbly noticed a pair of lady's hands come out of the
nearest bush with another platter of fruit on them. Running over to the
bush, Grumbly ripped it out by the roots, only to discover no one
underneath it - the owner of the hands had already scampered away.
"Go after him, Harrigan!" Grumbly cried.
Harrigan leaped from the boat and fell on his face on the ground, but got
up and ran after the woman, following her tracks in the sand to an area
near the middle of the island where there was a small cave in an
outcropping of rock. Once he'd gotten into the cave, Harrigan walked
inside and proceeded to trip over a small rock on the floor. He then
arose and hurried into the cave. There, as he stumbled into the
darkness, he came across a tall pole sticking up in the sand at his left,
which was clearly the other wreck's missing mast. Crouching nearby and
trembling with fear was a woman covered in filth and wearing a tattered
dress. She was eating one of the strange fruit, and apparently enjoying
the taste much as he himself had.
"Poor thing," Harrigan said solemnly as he came up to the woman and she
recoiled from him, "I can see, now, who you are - or, rather, whom you
were and will be again."
He then gently caressed her face with his hand, brushing the locks of
white hair from her face, and grabbed her by the hand. Pulling a knife
from its sheath at her waist, the woman tried to stab him with it, but he
grabbed her other hand, then pulled her towards him. She screamed and
bit him in the shoulder, but he held on to her hands even as she slammed
her own hand into his and knocked him down on the floor of the cave.
Eventually, the woman stopped struggling, and he tied her hands together
with his belt, then took her all the way back to the Marine. There,
Harrigan dragged her in front of the other castaways, even as she spit
directly into his face, and said:
Ruth came up to her and took the woman by the hand, leading her back to
the stern of the ruined boat and looking her over.
"Girl," she told the mystery woman, "once I get through with you, you'll
be more dazzling than the lights on a Christmas tree!"
And then she took the woman to the lagoon to help her wash off all the
filth.
***
Once the woman was clean, Ruby showed her how to apply the makeup she'd
brought with her on the Marine. Once that had been applied, Ruth gave
the woman her spare dress and shoes and showed her off to the other
castaways.
"Stunning!" said her Ladyship. "Simply stunning!"
"Who are ya, lady?" Grumbly asked.
"I am Rujah," the woman said, "Rujah, the Langur Girl. Thank you for
helping me."
"As long as we can continue to enjoy your fruit, Rujah!" Lady Bardolfe
said.
With her hair flowing down her back and coming to a stop at a widow's
peak on her forehead, Rujah indeed looked stunning. Tall and with darkly
tanned skin, she was a truly exotic beauty.
"Wowzers!" Harrigan cried, and Rujah promptly hit him in the face and set
him flying onto the sand below the Marine, knocking him unconscious.
Rujah then leaped off the Marine and ran over to the fallen man, cradling
him in her arms.
"Mister!" she cried. "Mister, are you okay?"
"Yes, I'm sure he is!" Mici said.
Scooping Harrigan up in her arms, Rujah hurried back to the Marine.
There, she handed him over to Professor Wexler, who examined him.
Carefully lifting the locks of hair Harrigan wore on his forehead under
his white sailor's cap, the eminent scholar saw something odd underneath
them - a silver band that was thin and stretched from one of his ears to
the other. Staring at the strange device, Wexler said:
"I don't know what this is, but the various falls undertaken by Harrigan
here on Mystery Island have affected its operation by damaging its
components - that's why he's been behaving oddly. I'll have to go below
with him and operate, Captain Grumbly."
"Take care of my little buddy, would ya, doc?" Grumbly said sadly, and
Wexler replied:
"Don't worry, Captain - I will. That's a promise."
***
After making sure everything below decks was as completely clean as he
could manage, Wexler used an injected sedative to put Harrigan to sleep,
then used some tweezers to try and remove the band, but it remained stuck
and wouldn't come off. Finally, he used a pen like a lever and pried the
band off Harrigan's forehead, breaking it in half in the process, and
then tossed it out through a porthole. Just a few minutes later,
Harrigan awoke from his drugged sleep and rubbed his head. He cried:
"The Memory Band - it's gone! My real memories are back, and I know now
who I truly am. I'm Bronchior, formerly the Spiritual Father of my
adopted people, and better known as the Monkey King."
"I've heard of you!" said Professor Wexler.
"Oh, you have, have you?" Bronchior asked.
"Yes, you are the one who stopped aliens from breaking up Kraken, your
second wife's colony!"
"Mici, you mean?" Bronchior asked. "That's right, Professor, and the
Mastyrial who was impersonating her father is now in Kraken custody.
After the two of us were married, I had my memories erased and replaced
with the Memory Band, so that Mici and I could have a normal human life
together. Unfortunately, we separated and haven't seen each other for
several years. I have no idea why she chose to take Captain Grumbly's
three-hour tour, but I am going to ask about it, for sure!"
Rising to his feet, Bronchior left the planet through a hole in the hull
made by the storm as it hurled the Marine onto the island.
"Are you okay, little buddy?" Grumbly asked.
"Indeed I am, Captain!" said Bronchior, and he leaped lithely onto the
deck and went over to Mici, to whom he said softly:
"Mici, the time for deception is over. They know."
"Damn!" said Mici. "I tried to warn you that your alien mind might not
take to the Memory Band as well as a human's, but you wouldn't listen."
"I didn't want to hurt anybody else!" Bronchior retorted as Mici tore off
his outer "Harrigan" disguise and revealed his true form, that of a tall
slim humanoid with fiery red fur all over his body and black eyes set in
a lean, bony, purple-skinned face, then handed him his clothes and his
staff.
"I've always carried them with me in case you recovered your full
memory!" she said simply as her husband dressed in his own clothes once
again. "That was why I joined Grumbly's three-hour tour: I intended to
take that band off you sometime on the tour itself, which is why I
drugged Grumbly's mate's liquor. As that proved impossible, I introduced
myself as your childhood friend in the Band's memory lexicon so as to
allay any suspicion of who I actually was, so I could try and remove your
headband later."
Once he was fully clothed again, Bronchior turned to the others, and even
Rujah was surprised when she saw who her rescuer actually was.
"I've heard of you, Monkey King!" she snapped. "Why did you disguise
yourself as Harrigan?"
"Because I didn't want to have Mici live with the stigma of the crime I
committed when my Eye of Time imploded my homeworld's moon and set me
spinning through space to Kraken."
"That doesn't matter, darling!" said Mici. "I don't care about your past
or what might have happened to your homeworld's moon - I care about you,
Bronchior, and I wish only to live out the rest of my life with you.
You must learn to be yourself and not someone else."
Bronchior seated himself on a rock near the wreck and Mici sat down
beside him. Taking one of the strange fruit from the dish, she bit into
it and seemed to be enjoying the taste. Bronchior then himself took one
of the strange fruit and tore it apart with his claws. Looking at the
interior of the fruit, he showed it to Mici with a sad smile and said:
"This is the creation of one of the former rulers of my homeworld, a
tyrannical despot who created them to destroy our enemies. He created
these diabolical plants and expelled the seeds into the cosmos. The
seeds were designed to live in outer space and to only open after
entering the target world's atmosphere. This particular batch must've
missed their target planet and landed here on the island because it has
long since been destroyed. All of us will have to work together to
locate the tree this came from and destroy it."
They then returned to the Marine, and Bronchior told the Professor about
the fruit.
"This fruit makes women stronger and more aggressive, so as to turn them
against the men of their world and themselves!" he said. "Once this had
happened, it was fairly easy for the tyrant's army to take over the
targeted world! Unfortunately, they fall through space so slowly that I
was still dealing with the repercussions of the seed landings as
Spiritual Father."
"Rujah," said Grumbly, "Could you please tell us where the tree you found
the fruit on is?"
Looking around at the other castaways, Rujah's shoulders sagged, and she
said:
"It is near the cave where I live, and in which the Monkey King found
me!"
She then stood up and led the other castaways through the jungle to her
cave, then turned left and headed toward a clearing in which a tree was
standing, a mighty tree that had silver leaves and a very thick and
rugged-looking trunk.
"Damn!" said Bronchior. "This is what I was afraid of. The tree's grown
to maturity, and I can see the fruit among the leaves up there. We're
going to have to burn the tree at the root before those fruit open and
release their seeds up into the stars, where they'll float until they end
up on another planet. This type of artificial tree is called a Pexas
tree after the despot who created the species!"
Even as Bronchior spoke, one of the fruit burst open and released the
seeds inside it.
"Damn!" said Bronchior. "It's begun!"
And then he channeled his power through his staff and fired a beam of
psychic energy into the tree's trunk, which promptly caught fire and
burned like blazes. The girls ran up to the tree and picked some of the
fruit, then hurried back to avoid being burnt. Grumbly rushed up to the
tree with his ship's fire axe in hand and began chopping the branches of
the tree off its trunk. Ruth and Mici each ate their fruit and enjoyed
it; they enjoyed watching the guys and Rujah destroy the tree. Rujah,
meanwhile was hacking away at the roots of the tree with her knife, and
so was her Ladyship. Lord Bardolfe rammed his brolly into a hollow into
the tree and pushed it forward to split the trunk in two. Seeing this,
Bronchior inserted his staff into the hollow and pushed alongside him, so
that they were able to split the trunk in half. One of the halves fell
down on the ground and disrupted a few butterflies from their food
plants, while the other one remained standing and burning. Eventually,
the branches on the fallen half caught fire as well.
"Finally!" said Bronchior as he sat and watched the Pexas tree burn.
"Highlord Pexas's weapon on Earth no longer exists."
***
Once the tree had been destroyed, Bronchior and Mici returned to the
lagoon to pick up Mici's backpack, then went with the others to the
clearing near Rujah's cave. There, they cut down some of the bamboo
growing there, and began building huts for themselves.
"This is hard work, isn't it, Skipper?" Bronchior said as he and the
Captain built their hut together with the aid of Bronchior's great
strength as well as the Captain's own might.
"You better believe it is, little buddy!" Grumbly replied. "Especially
in this heat."
***
After a hard day's work, the eight castaways gathered around the radio,
which Professor Wexler had repaired, to hear the latest news. The clock
on the radio read 5:30 P.M., and the news broadcast came on immediately:
"The Coast Guard reports that a small vessel, the S.S. Marine, has
vanished in last night's storm after setting out for its regular three-
hour tour of the Islands. Aboard the missing ship were seven people:
"Jacob Grumbly was the Marine's captain and is an old hand in these
tropic waters. His mate on this voyage was Harrigan, normally the
harbour's errand boy, who was replacing his regular first mate, master
seaman David Parker."
"If he only knew!" said Bronchior proudly.
"The passengers included Ruth Rowland, the sultry raven-haired siren of
the silver screen; Professor Jonas Mixler, a retired college teacher;
Hugh Stanton, the Earl of Bardolfe, who is a respected businessman in
these shores, and his lady wife, the former Trixie Tryfle, who is one of
the finest ballroom dancers ever known. They've followed in the wake of
Rujah the Langur Girl, the astronaut and hero who started out life as a
black-faced langur, who vanished in her sailboat during the last big
blow. With these people was Michieline Davis, a country girl from Little
Rock, Arkansas."
After listening to this lengthy report, the castaways were served their
supper by her Ladyship, who was a very accomplished cook.
"This is a very delicious repast, my Lady!" said Bronchior proudly. "It
easily equals the repasts I had on my homeworld."
"Yes, I'm sure it does!" said Lady Bardolfe as she savoured her pineapple
upside-down cake.
"Can't you use your powers to escape?" Rujah asked.
"No, I'm just as much a castaway as you are, Rujah, even with all of my
power." he replied as he and Mici put their arms under hers and clasped
hands. "Don't worry - Mici and I will be your parents now."
"We can't call this island Mystery Island now," mused Grumbly, "so what
should we call it?"
"Why not name it after my lamented fake identity?" Bronchior asked.
"After all, people are sure to get a smile from the lot of us stranded
castaways here on Harrigan's Isle!"
THE END
Myra
- 14.03.2022
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- Category:
- Humor
