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Understand Me Dauphin You can contact me on [email protected] (also my skype) Dauphin Welcome to the Dauphin Show. Tonight we are speaking to a family and neighbourhood that have been shocked by what many see as abuse. Some see it as a medical condition; many others see it as a confused family When a family sends their boy to a ballet class, and he is not accepted, what do you do? Is the answer to send him to another ballet class dressed as a girl? Is this abuse? Just what is the family thinking? Now there are shouts that the boy should be removed from his parents and put in foster care. There are shouts for the boy to get professional help? The Dauphin show has invited all the opposing sides, so we can try to understand the boy, the family and the people that have been outraged over this. Many of us has seen Billy Elliot, this story could remind us about Billy Elliot, the extreme version that. Welcome to the Dauphin Show. I would like to welcome our first guest. He is 11 years old. His name is Jadyn. (Jadyn sits down on the chair) It is very brave for you to be here Jadyn. There will be many things said that could embarrass you. If you feel uncomfortable at any time, then tell me. Why did you agree to put your life on the Dauphin show where so many will read about it? Jadyn Everyone knows about me in the neighbourhood. I do not think that my parents or I did anything wrong. I think they should hear our side of the story. There may be others out there like me. I don't want them to feel bad about following their dreams. Dauphin: So you want to inspire others? What if people think that your dreams were wrong, you know immoral or even a sin? Should people follow their dreams so? Jadyn: A sin is when you hurt someone else. I hope people will see that I was not forced to do anything. No one was hurt. Dauphin: Tell me about your family Jadyn I have a Dad. He works at an unemployment office, helping people get work. My Mom works at home. Then I have an older brother. He is 14 and one of the cool children at school. Finally I have a sister. She is 9 years old. I am nearly 11. Dauphin: Have you always been in girl things? Jadyn I suppose I have. When I got presents at Christmas or something, I would always wished that I would get my sisters presents. Sometimes I felt strange, because I even liked the pretty clothes that she got. I liked especially the tights, panties and the dresses. Dauphin: This is a hard question. Many think that they are a girl born with a boy's body. Do you think that you are a girl in a boy's body? Jadyn: I don't know. Dauphin: I think it's time to meet Jadyn's Mother. Please give a nice welcome to Jadyn's mother. What do you think of what Jadyn just has said? Mother: Jadyn is very wise for his age. When a girl wears boy's clothes and wants to do their activities, they are seen as tomboys, and nothing is done. When a boy wants to do something that is traditionally a girl's activity, or are interested in their clothes or toys, they are seen as sissies, someone that is nearly mentally ill and someone that needs help. None of the problems my family has now would not happen if my daughter wanted to play football or refused to wear girl clothes. Dauphin So Jadyn has always been interested in girl clothes, toys and activities. Mother Yes. Does this mean that he should be in an institution? Being taken away from his parents? Dauphin Here is a question from a member of the audience. You gave birth to a son. Then you were pregnant with Jadyn, Did you want a daughter? Jadyn is quite a girlish name after all. Mother I always wanted a daughter. I thought deep down that Jadyn was a girl when I was pregnant and Jadyn was the only name I thought of. When he was born, I was delighted that he was my second son. He was healthy. I was told that Jadyn was a unisex name and that I could use that name Dauphin You wanted a daughter and many would say that you raised him as a daughter Mother Short after Jadyn was born, I was blessed with a daughter. I love all my children. Jadyn had special wishes, and I will not hide the fact that we were confused or sometimes discussed what we should do. Everything that we did was Jadyn's own wish. We only wanted him to be happy Jadyn Mom or Dad never forced me to do anything. They love me. Dauphin I would like to hear from the neighbour. I would like to welcome Miss Wilson. She lives next door. She is 53 years old and is a housemother. Mrs. Wilson, what was your impression of the family before the controversy started? Neighbour There are a lot of families that lives on our road, and this family seemed like any other family. I do not look through the windows to spy on them. My impression was that they were a happy family. But as I said, you can appear happy and not know what happens when the doors close. Dauphin Were you friends with the family? I mean did you ever drink coffee over there? Neighbour: Yes Dauphin What was your impression so? Neighbour Jadyn's mother is very nice to talk to, and I always felt welcome there. She has lovely children. It was first much later that I thought something was wrong, Mother You mean something wrong in your eyes. Dauphin: What about Jadyn? Neighbour: The oldest boy was charming, always full of mischief, and the daughter was so sweet, and was and is very good at talking. But Jadyn was something special. He is very quiet and very feminine. I remember the first time I seen him, I thought he was a girl. Long wavy hair and look at those eyes and face. His clothes were somewhat unisex. His sister could easily have worn them. There was something strange about him. Mother This is where the problem is. First his clothes were boy clothes. His hair might be long, but it suits him and he likes it. You are without knowing it judging my son on your own standards. Let him be himself. Neighbour But I do think that many would mistake Jadyn as a girl at the first glance. This can lead to teasing, and you should try to make him look like a boy Mother Make? Dauphin I think it's time that we invite Jadyn's father. Welcome to the Dauphin show. What do you think of what has been said so far? Father This whole thing is strange. I mean our neighbor thinks that it is strange that Jadyn is a bit feminine. She could have said sissy if that's what she means. On the other hand, If Jadyn had punk hair and tattoos, then that would be just as bad. Is the important thing that Jadyn is happy? Neighbour He has been raised as a girl. He does not know any alternative Jadyn I am happy Father Jadyn was not raised as a girl. I think my wife made that very clear. He had some wishes and wanted to try things. We discussed them and agreed that he could try. A part of growing up is experimenting and finding out that you really are. Dauphin Does it make you sad when people call your son sissy? Father Let's be honest, no one wants their son to be a sissy. I want my children to find out who they are. I don't care if they are gay, sissies or nerds. I am more worried that they will be in gangs, be molested, take drugs or be depressed. When we raise our children, we teach them what's right and what's wrong. To know whom they are. That is more important. Dauphin Now I would like to introduce Jadyn's brother. He is 14 Welcome to the show. So what do you think about Jadyn? Brother He is a bit of a wimp Jadyn No I'm not Brother Yes Jadyn No Brother Yes. Sometimes I have to protect him at school because he gets teased. But he is my brother, and I accept him even though many thinks he is weird. It is a bit embarrassing being here to talk about Jadyn, who everyone thinks is a sissy. But we are family. We support each other Dauphin Wow. Let's see what your sister thinks Welcome to the show. What do you think about Jadyn? Sister I am so happy to have Jadyn as a brother. I feel sorry that he is in the newspapers and TV so much and everyone thinks he is weird. He is a nice brother, and I really love him as a brother. Dauphin Do you ever consider him as a sister? Sister Sometimes I pretend he is. I know he is a boy and he acts like a boy in many things. But I do miss having a sister Dauphin Jadyn, why did you want to start at ballet? Jadyn My sister started at ballet, so I wanted to try it. I saw her practice and it looked very fun. Dauphin What is it that you liked about it? Sister He used to help me practice, he used to do the exercises on the bars in my room and he was just as good as me. Sometimes he even tried my tights on and leotard Jadyn But I did not try on the Tutu. I remember the first time we practiced; we were lifting our legs back. I felt so free. I felt like a swan. Then my sister showed me how to do some moves, like twirls and things, and it was like I was dancing on a cloud. Dauphin What about the tights and leotard? Jadyn That was my idea. I just wanted to see if it felt better when they were on. I remember when I put on the tights. The sensation was so strange. It was the best sensation that I ever had. It was like rubbing my legs with silk. They were so soft and then when I put on the leotard, it felt much better than the shorts I usually wore. I felt like a ballerina. Sister He looked like one too. I used to help put his hair in a ponytail and then he looked like a girl. So it was fun pretending that I was practicing with a sister. He was so good that I said he should ask Mom if he could start. He said Ballet was only for girls. I said that's nonsense and If he liked it, then he should try it. Dauphin What about the parents, did you know he was dressing up as a ballerina? Father Not at the beginning. It was my wife that told me. First I thought that it has to be stopped. He was doing something wrong. If he continued, would it make him gay? Mother I found them one day. I was surprised first that they looked like twins, and that he was so good. Jadyn I asked my mom if I could start ballet Mother This is the last question you expect your son to ask you. I talked with my husband and said we should let him try, but talk to him about wearing shorts when he was doing ballet. The point is that boys could be ballet dancers and this doesn't mean that they had to be ballerinas. I also warned him that his friends would tease him and make fun of him, as ballet is not a common thing for boys. Jadyn I was disappointed that I could not wear tights and a leotard, but understood Mum. We agreed that I could wear them at home. It was hard for Dad to accept but I kept on saying it's only a game. Then he said some male dancers are famous, and it would be a good place to find a girlfriend. Mother That's just like my husband; he can see the positive in everything, as long as no one is hurt. Of course Jadyn was too young to start with a girlfriend Jadyn I could have a girlfriend if I wanted to Mum. Dauphin So let me understand this. It must have been hard for you as a father that your son was going to start at ballet. Father Yes, you're right. I mean it would be better if he played basketball, Football or something like that. But I respected and admired Jadyn. He was told that he would be teased and that people would think he is a sissy. His courage taught me something. Follow your dreams. I could have been a bad father if I just wanted my son to do what I wanted him to do, and not really what he wanted to Dauphin What about your brother starting at ballet? Brother When I heard that he was going to start at ballet, I laughed. I mean come on, everyone knows girls do ballet. But I have been living with Jadyn since he was born. I knew that he did not follow what people thought was normal. I knew he would be teased, and was afraid that he would be beat up. Dauphin So what was ballet like? Jadyn I went to ballet, and of course I was the only boy. The teacher was quite surprised to see me there. I missed not wearing my leotard and tights, but I knew that I would be teased if I wore them. The teacher was quite surprised on how good I was. Dauphin So you liked ballet Jadyn I loved ballet. I just didn't like that some were so mean. I loved the dancing but I missed the clothes Dauphin So what did you do about that? Sister That wasn't Jadyn's fault. It was mine. Jadyn told me he loved ballet and we all knew that because he always practiced and Jadyn is one of the best dancers. One day he told me he had a problem and that he couldn't tell because it was so weird. I could see that it was a huge problem and he was deep sad down. Jadyn told me he had no one to speak to. It was too embarrassing for him to tell someone. He couldn't tell Mum or Dad. Dauphin What was it? Jadyn I loved the dancing, but I was used to the tights and leotards. I couldn't say that to Mum or Dad. But it made me sad, as if something was missing. I told my sister because we knew each other's secrets. Sister Then I thought and thought and said we were the same size. He said so what? So I said that he could wear my panties to ballet and then maybe that would help him. Mother Jadyn, is that right? Jadyn Yes. I tried on her panties and then went to ballet with them on. It didn't solve the problem. In fact caused a new problem. When I tried her panties on, I thought that they were so nice and soft. They were better than my boy's underwear. I felt so confused and weird then, and not normal. Father We knew about the panties later, but we never knew how it started. I wish you came to us. It would have confused me. But you should not have been alone. Dauphin It's time for another guest. I would like to welcome Joanne. She was one of the other girls at the ballet class Welcome to the show. So what was the reaction when Jadyn started at Ballet? Joanne I never thought I would be on this show. When we heard a boy was starting at ballet, we all were confused. I mean boys don't do ballet. Then we all hoped he would be cute. Jadyn started and I must admit that he did look like a girl with his small body and face and hair. Dauphin Did you or the others tease him? Joanne Not that much. I mean if he wanted to do ballet, then it was up to him. We asked him a lot why he liked ballet. But he was good at it. Once he was teased because when he was doing leg stretches, this girl said that he was wearing panties. Everyone started calling Jadyn ballerina then. Some girls teased him a lot after that. Everyone thought that he was a sissy. It must have been hard for him to go to ballet then. Jadyn It was. She did see my panties. It was my fault that I was wearing baggy shorts. After that it was fun dancing, but the teasing got bad. Dauphin We have another guest. His name is Richard and he is in Jadyn's class. Welcome to the show Richard. What happened at school when Jadyn started at ballet? Richard We didn't understand it. Only sissies did ballet, so Jadyn was teased a lot. We called him ballerina and girl and sissy. It's not nice teasing but it was hard not teasing him. I don't think any boys knew what really happened at ballet. We just thought that they went around in tutus on their toes. Sometimes Jadyn cried when we teased him, and this means that he acted more like a girl. I mean boys shouldn't cry. Mother That's the way we raise boys. We tell them that they shouldn't cry but they should be allowed to cry Neighbour Or you can say by feminizing your son, you made him a victim and someone that is easy to tease. Jadyn I do get teased at school. It's not fun getting teased and being called names like sissy just because you are good at dancing and like it. Dauphin Richard was it just the ballet or was Jadyn a sissy in more ways than just being dancing? Richard Look at his hair. I mean it's nicer than most of the other girls hair. It didn't help that sometimes he wore pink clothes or sometimes there were flowers on them. His body is also like a girl. I mean his arms are so skinny. He just looks like a girl and that made us tease him. It was not just teasing; it was also us telling him that we thought he was weird. I mean which boy wants to look like a girl? Then we all heard that he wore panties and that just made it worse. Once after gym, we were changing clothes and we noticed that he was wearing panties. It was hard to see they were panties, but if you looked close, you could see that they had a little ribbon on. Lucky for him, he put his clothes on quick and not everyone seen it. Dauphin We can remember the Hanson boys in the 1990's. They did look like girls with their long hair. As parents, do you think it was your responsibility to make Jadyn less feminine so he will not be a target at school and at dance? Neighbour I think that it is the parent's responsibility. Ok, some boys have long hair and it could be in the fashion. But when parents know that Jadyn is being teased, they should have done something about it, so he would not have had any troubles in School. Maybe cut his hair, or play some sport or wear other clothes. I would have done that if he were my son. Mother That is why your children have no contact with you anymore Dauphin You can all see that this is a controversial topic. To get a bit of professional help and insight, we have yet another chair. I would like to welcome the child psychologist Dr. Steve Hope you can find some place to sit. Have you any comments from what you heard until now. Is this parent's fault? Dr. Steve From what I hear, this family is a very close family that loves each other. That is the most important aspect of a family. However love can be blind. We cannot just ignore social pressures and social prejudices. We have to guard our children against them. At the same time, I see nothing wrong at Jadyn starting at ballet. What should have happened here was some support from the school to educate other children that there is nothing wrong with it I have no criticism for the parents, but Jadyn already showed some signs that he was a transgender at this stage. I think parents should get help from a doctor or psychiatrist so they and the child do not feel alone or weird. Father That's what a typical shrink would say, come and we spend all our money on listening to what some brain head wanted us to believe. Dr. Steve The problem is that Jadyn was confused about why he liked the tights and panties and a leotard. He was confused why he liked ballet and other boys did not. So were you as parents. You were confused why your son liked these things. A shrink as you call us, could have helped you understand and help Richard understand who he was and that it does not make him a freak. Dauphin I would like to ask the parents, was Jadyn acting more and more like a girl? Mother Yes. He played a lot with his sister. They would play with dolls, try her clothes on and basically they were like sisters. At one stage, I wanted to cut his hair. Jadyn was hysterical for days and at the end we made a deal that it would not go down to his shoulders, but it could be a bit long. Sister I knew he was my brother, and I was happy that he wanted to play with me. I know it was sissy like to try on my dresses and play with dolls. But I just thought that he was a cool brother. Brother You would never see me play those things with my sister, and especially not wear dresses. I did tease my brother and I know this hurt him. I teased because I wanted him to be normal and I knew if people at school knew this, he would be teased. Mother What is normal? Jadyn My sister and I are nearly the same age. That's why we play with each other. I didn't mind playing with dolls or make up or playing house. It was quite fun. It let me escape from the teasing that I experienced at school and dance. I started to try on her clothes when we played house or been models or something. I liked the way they felt. Even putting a dress over my shoulder makes my heart beat faster and when I have it on, I feel that I finally belonged to this world Neighbour I don't understand this. You as parents should have put a stop to this. Your son dressing like a girl is simply abuse if you did not stop it. Dr. Steve I do not think this is true. We live in a restrictive society where everything is black and white or where things are right and wrong. If we listen to Jadyn, we can hear that he was having a problem deep down. An identity problem. Why did he feel more like he was alive when he was playing as a girl or acting like a girl? What Jadyn needs is a person that understands him, not people that condemns the parents he loves. He needs to understand and accept who he is, not feel guilty about it. Dauphin Jadyn was being teased in school and at Dance. He quickly had symptoms of depression. His only escape was when he was with his sister. Then his mother had a plan. What was this plan? Mother No one likes seeing his or her child sad. I knew that Jadyn was special and others did not accept him. He was being teased and I was afraid that this would end up in violent bullying. So I spoke with my husband, and we agreed on one thing. Jadyn should have the opportunity to continue at Ballet. It was his favourite thing. As parents we would have to do something radical We decided that he would stop dancing at the local dance school and tell his friends that he would not dance. Then we would enroll him in Madame Nikitas dancing school. We would enroll him as a girl. He would wear the girl dance clothes and that was our outrageous plan. I know we sound like bad parents, but deep down we thought that the problems would stop. Dauphin As a father, did you agree with this solution? Father It took me a lot of time. I mean we were discussing to accept that our son was a sissy. We were accepting that he could pretend he was a girl in public. What father would think this was what he dreamt of when he had a son? But as my wife said, the alternative was a son that was sad and depressed. The alternative could have been that some boys at school would beat him up and he could end in a hospital. Loving your children means accepting the way they are, not the way you want to be. I am sure that others would like us to bring out the boy in him. But this is not love. It is abuse. It is not accepting who they really are. Brother When I heard this first, I was shocked. Was my parent's crazy and getting all soft? Were they going to let Jadyn go to the new dance school dressed as a girl? He was my brother, if people knew this; they would start teasing me as well. I got mad at my parents. I said that that they were doing something wrong My Dad explained that others would think it was wrong, but that is because society cannot see the problems that Jadyn was having. Dauphin How was it starting at Madame Nikitas School? Jadyn I remember the first time that I went. My sister was helping me put on my tights and leotards on. I could do it myself but I think she wanted to help me. It felt like the most exciting day in my life. Here I was with panties and tights and leotards and was about to go to ballet and tell everyone that I was a girl. Mum put one of my sister's tracksuits on me and put my hair in a ponytail. I looked in a mirror and my heart jumped. I was afraid that they would see that I was a boy. This was my chance of doing something that I wanted without being teased I was quiet all the way in the car. A part of me wanted to tell mum to turn around and take me home. But deep down I was excited. We came to the dance school. I changed and walked in where there were 7 other girls. The ballet lesson went very well. I did all the exercises and the teacher said that I was very good. I don't think I ever did better. I felt like I was one of the other girls. Dauphin What was it like as a mother taking your son to the ballet as a girl? Mother When I was helping Jadyn, I thought what clothes he should wear. Some part of me was saying that he would look pretty in a summer dress, and another part was reminding me that he was a boy, and if he was confused about his gender and that it should be at his own pace. I felt guilty putting his hair in a ponytail. Then he got his tights and leotards on and I was nearly in tears. I was thinking why is this happening to me? Why can't I have a normal family? Why am I dressing my son as a girl? Then I looked at Jadyn's face and even though he looked like a girl, I could see him smile and there was peace in him that I have not seen in a long time. Even when he was in ballet class, I noticed that he looked so peaceful and happy. No one could see that he was a boy and I must admit that I was proud of him that he was doing so well. Dauphin What was it like for the others that Jadyn suddenly was pretending to be a girl at a ballet class? Brother I felt sorry for him. He was now being a sissy in public. I remember when I first seen him going, I thought that he really looked like a girl. He should watch out, maybe some boy would fancy him. I wanted to tease him about this but decided to keep my mouth shut, as it must have been hard enough for him. Yes, I felt sorry for him but at the same time, I thought it was his own fault. I mean he could have been a bit normal. Father The day that Jadyn was starting at ballet, I was late at work. I didn't have to work late. I was just being a coward. I didn't want to see my son dressed as a ballerina. I knew I gave my consent. I was just worried about the consequences. Were we doing something wrong and were we making Jadyn even more confused than he was. Dauphin So after a few times at ballet, was it easier? I am sure everyone wants to know, did you consider yourself as a girl or as a boy? Jadyn After the first time, there was no problem. The other girls treated me nice and even asked me to help them with the ballet. When there were breaks, we just sat and gossiped about everything. I often thought that my brother would be bored if he had to listen to this, they talked about clothes and make up and boys. Once they wondered why I didn't wear makeup. I asked Mum and she said no. Going to ballet was the best day of the week, and I always looked forwards to go to ballet. Dauphin Do I understand this right; you really felt comfortable and most happy when you went to ballet? Jadyn Yes. Dauphin Is it because you were a girl or dressed as a girl that you felt so happy and at peace with yourself? Dr. Steve That's what I was thinking. It seems like Jadyn's actions and wishes may indicate that his identity was being a girl and doing girl things, which may show that he had some transgender identity issues. Jadyn I don't understand a word of what the doctor is saying. I am happy that I can do ballet. I like dancing. I know some people say that it is only for girls. But Men also do ballet. I like wearing the tights and leotards. They feel good. So do girl clothes. I do not think if I am a girl or boy when I have these on. If I think I am a girl. Then I feel bad because I think I am weird. Boys are not supposed to think that they are girls. When I do think about this, then I cry and feel very bad about myself But then I think people think a boy is a boy and a girl is a girl because of their body. When I have girl's clothes on, no one can see if I am a girl or boy because they cannot see my body. They think I am a girl. So what is a girl? Is it what you look like or how you feel? I liked doing ballet. I liked wearing girl clothes and doing girls things. But I didn't like thinking if this was normal or if I was a girl or not. Dauphin Ok. Jadyn was a girl we can say once a week at ballet. This was hidden from school and neighbours. Did you notice any changes in Jadyn? Father Jadyn was happier. He was a good student and practiced at home. He had a very good relationship with his sister. The most important thing was that he was happy. I did not experience him so much dressed as a girl, but I could see that more and more he borrowed his sister's clothes and even some clothes I did not see. Brother I think that I accepted my brother as a sissy. At least I didn't have to worry that he was stealing my clothes and stuff. I knew he would loan my sisters toys and her clothes. It was embarrassing having a sissy as a brother. It was also lonely, because no one would play sports with me and it seemed like Jadyn got all the attention. Sister I was delighted. I had a new sister. I didn't even consider Jadyn as my brother anymore. I considered him as my sister. I would ask him if he wanted to try some clothes on. Maybe he would say no at the start, or he would think it was too girlish. But after a while of me persuading him, he would try them on. The same when we played. He would say no but after I said it was fun he would say fine. Sometimes my friends came over. I think they thought he was a girl too. When we had sleepover, he was allowed to play in our games and sleep with us. He looked so cute with a nightdress on. So I was delighted that Mum and Dad let him be like he was. It was like getting a new sister. Dauphin I would like to introduce two new guests to this show. Let us see if we have more chairs. The first is Jadyn's Grandmother and the second is Jadyn's best friend at school. What did you notice? Grandmother We live about 4 hours away from Jadyn and his family, so it's not that often we seen them. But we always knew that Jadyn was a special boy When the family visited us, Jadyn's brother would get dirty or play sport outside while Jadyn and his sister would help me in the kitchen. Then I knew that Jadyn started dancing. He showed me how he danced and he was very good. I knew he was being teased, and tried to tell the parents that children are cruel and they tease anyone who is different. The next thing I knew was that Jadyn told me that he started dancing at a new school and everyone thought he was a girl. I was not so sure if he was allowed to tell me, and I couldn't get any information. They wouldn't tell me. The only thing I knew was that Jadyn hinted that he was a girl when he went to ballet. Dauphin Did you think that was strange, that he could be going to ballet as a girl? Grandmother Of course I thought it was strange. The fact that the parents would not be open about it and keep it a secret made it stranger. They probably knew what I would say. After hearing what has been said here today, I don't know. It must have been hard and lonely for Jadyn, and his parents would have been powerless. I think it's good that they didn't ask me, as I would probably have made things worse by not understanding what the problem was, but by telling them what society expects. Richard At school we still teased Jadyn about being a sissy. Yes, he told us that he quit ballet and we never thought that he would start in another town. But the damage was done. He would always be a sissy in our eyes. His hair was shorter, but it's the way he was. He was like a girl. He even played with girls or Martin. Martin Hi. I am Martin. I am Jadyn's best friend. When I moved to the school, he was just after quitting the new ballet. Everyone told me that he was a sissy and that he did ballet. To be honest I didn't really understand what a sissy was. From the start I thought that Jadyn was interesting. He had a little face and long eyebrows. He had this big lips and his skin was so white. His hair was long and it didn't bother him. I couldn't put my finger on it at the time, but there was something special about him. At first it was hard being friends with him. Jadyn played mostly with the girls and when I tried to speak to him, he was shy. But after some time, we became good friends. I think it's because I accepted him for who he is. I didn't think he was a sissy or girlish or weird. He was just Jadyn. Dauphin Now I would like to hear something from his mother. Did you notice anything after he started at the new ballet school? Mother Jadyn was suddenly very happy at dance. He did well with the other girls and often when he was home, he would chat with them on internet. I was so happy that he had new friends. Miss Nikita also told us that he was an excellent dancer, and could be a ballerina when he got older. It was hard smiling knowing that he was a boy, and she never noticed that. When he was dancing, I would always worry that others could see a bulge in his leotards and others will notice that he was not a girl. I read that you can give children hormone growth that their privates would not grow so much, but I decided not to do this, as that would be going too far. His privates have always been small anyhow. Jadyn Mum, do you have to say that so everyone can hear it? Dauphin What about at home, did you notice anything different? Mother No despite he was happy. I noticed that he played with his sister a lot more and was interested in girl's clothes and toys. Dr. Steve I think that it is important that we do not judge anyone here. Jadyn was slowly becoming more interested in feminine things. The process has been slow where he did more and more. It can be compared to parents cannot see how fast their child grows up, but people that do not see them quite often are shocked at how much they have grown. Jadyn's family could not notice that he was showing more and more what he felt like inside. He was acting as a girl. One thing I noticed is that his sister was very important and persuaded him to do a lot of things. I do not know if this was his sister brainwashing him slowly, or manipulating him because she wanted a sister and not a brother. Dauphin Interesting. I would like to ask his mother and grandmother, did you start thinking that Jadyn was a girl and start treating him like a girl? Mother The whole thing was simple yet hard. Jadyn wanted to start at ballet. He loved ballet. This is what it was all about. I can see what Dr. Steve is saying; his little sister liked him wearing her clothes and acting like a girl. I do not think she did it because she was evil. Maybe she seen something in him that we did not see. When he started at Ballet and was a girl in other people's eyes, he was still my son. It was a family protest against the values that we have in society where we expect boys to be boys and girls are girls. But after a while it was like I could see the girl part of him shine. I could see that he was interested in girl clothes and everything that a girl does. I recognized that this was part of him. This was him showing us who he was. What was I to do? I could force him to be a boy. But then what problems would he get later in life? He would be unhappy, maybe be on drugs or could end with suicide Dauphin Did you ever treat Jadyn like a girl? Mother As I said, after a while, I could see the girl part of him flowering. Without noticing every detail, Jadyn was becoming more and more of a girl every day. I won't call it sissy as that is so mean. It was like he was coming out of his cocoon. Sometimes after I picked him up at ballet, we would go to the mall. Yes then he would be a girl. I also had it in my mind that he was a girl. I could see that this did not affect him and after a while he told me he enjoyed what he called mother daughter days. I also noticed that he was wearing my daughter's clothes and bought him his own dresses and tights and other clothes. The deal was that he could wear them when he was home. Dauphin The problem was that Jadyn wore some of these clothes to school... Richard He tried to cut his hair a few inches shorter, but he never played sports. He just played with the girls. Playing skipping and hula hoops with girls does not help us to stop teasing. It all went wrong one day when we were sitting on desks talking about some project that we had to do. We looked down at Jadyn's feet and noticed that he had strange socks on, so we teased him that he was wearing tights. I don't think we actually believed that they were tights. It became worse when the bully of the class suddenly lowered his trousers, and we could see that they were girl tights and under them, he wore girl's panties. We all just stood there in shock and then just started to tease him. I know we shouldn't tease but let's be honest, under these circumstances, it was impossible not to. Jadyn I remember that day. I was mostly a girl at home by now. I loved the feeling of being a girl and I loved that I felt so happy and people accepted me at home for what I was. I figured that I could wear clothes like panties and tights to school under my uniform so no one can see them. I usually put socks on. That day I forgot and they could see what I was wearing. They found out and started teasing. I cried at first but then thought the names that they called me were true. I was a girl. I was a sissy. They were right to call me those names. The worse part of it was that no boy except Martin would be by friend. Dauphin Jadyn was now like a girl. Is this something that the neighbours have noticed? Neighbour Jadyn's clothes were somewhat feminine at this stage. So I would just look at my husband and say that modern fashion was strange. One day we saw that Jadyn was playing with his sister. I was shocked. At first I didn't know who was who at first, as they were both wearing summer dresses. Then I noticed that Jadyn was wearing a dress. I know many would think that this is cute, but I thought it was wrong that a boy his age should be wearing a dress. I felt like talking to Social services, but my husband said it was just a game and he would speak with Jadyn's father. Father A few times they did tell us or ask us why our son was wearing a dress outside. To be honest it was hard to answer this, as I did not understand it myself. The only answer I could give was that he was playing with his sister, and it was just a game. I tried to explain when children experiment, they develop Dauphin Did you stop Jadyn from going out as a girl and did you know your wife was taking Jadyn out to malls and that she even bought him girl clothes. Father I did not stop him from playing in the house or outside the house. I think that his transformation has been so slow that we slowly accepted what he was inside and accepted that he wanted to express it. A boy that thinks he is a girl confuses me. But when I think about it, I think that it must be worse for him. I didn't know that they were going out to the mall with Jadyn dressed as a girl. I think that this could have been discussed. Neither did I know that Jadyn had his own clothes. I did notice that he wore some clothes that were not his sisters. Dr. Steve From what I am hearing, it appears as if Jadyn's father really loved him. But we can all understand that this was no longer a question of ballet. It is a transgender identity problem, where the parents are trying to let their son choose his fate. The father accepts this but it seems as he often turns a blind eye. Neighbour This is what I call total abuse. They know that their son was becoming more and more like a sissy. I have seen Dauphin before, and I know that the audience usually has sympathy with sissy boys. Most normal people do not buy dresses for their boys. Most people do not take their sons out dressed as girls. The confusion that Jadyn had was caused by his parent's flower power and inability to raise their child. Jadyn When I played outside with my sister, we were playing. I felt good what I was in Even though other people did not like it. So it was a dress. It would have been worse if we were playing with pistols. What is worse? Me playing with a doll or me play war? I don't understand why people judge me and don't ask me what I think. Dauphin Then it seemed like the whole family came out in the open when you went on holidays with Jadyn as a girl? Grandmother That must have been one of the greatest shocks in my life and when I was standing outside my house waiting for the family to come on their summer holidays. Jadyn was the last to get out of the car. I had to look twice, as Jadyn was wearing a dress. It was a cute little yellow summer dress. It was identical to his sister's dress. I thought they looked like twins. I felt like I was going to faint. Neighbour I remember that day. I was looking out my window, seeing the family pack their car to go on holidays. I saw these two girls come out wearing the pretty summer dresses. When I looked closer, I saw that one of them was Jadyn. I was angry and sad. Poor Jadyn as I thought his parents were forcing him to be a girl. Dauphin Were you forcing him to be a girl during the summer holidays? Mother No. School was over and the whole family now knew what was going on. Jadyn considered himself a girl. We decided that we would let him try to be a full girl during the summer holidays. Maybe it was just a phase he was going through. So we let him dress as a girl on the holidays. Grandmother So there I was. I lost a grandson but now had an extra granddaughter. I wanted to bring the parents in and give them a piece of my mind. Then Jadyn and his sister gave me some flowers that they picked on the way. When Jadyn gave me those flowers and we started talking, he won me over. I could see something that I never seen before. He was happy. I accepted that his parents seen he was different. He should have been born as a girl, but was born as a boy. It is hard to understand, but I accepted him for who he is. Dauphin Jadyn, what was it like being a girl full time? Jadyn I remember when Mum asked me did I want to be a girl for the summer to see if I liked it. I was so overjoyed. It was like a Christmas present. I walked out of my own house as a girl. When my grandmother seen me, I could see that she was confused. After a while, she was herself. I played with my sister and this other girl that lived close by. She even thought I was a girl. We chatted and fixed each other's hair and went through fields looking at flowers. I even showed her how to practice ballet when I had to do it. That summer was great. I didn't have to hide or be two different people. Dauphin So the grandparents and family accepted it. The problem was that the Neighbour seen Jadyn in a dress. Did you do anything? Neighbour I did what every good citizen should do. I contacted Child Welfare and told them that a boy was being made to be a girl and even wearing a dress in public. Father That was not a good citizen. That was a nosey citizen. Everyone can see that we love our children, even when they are different than others. Dauphin I would like to introduce another guest, the social worker that was put in charge of the case. What was your first impression of Jadyn and his family? Social Worker First let me say that I do not believe in Transgender children. I think that parents should raise boys as boys and girls as girls. This whole idea that we heard so far that a girl can be hidden in a boy's body is against nature. I mean if a white boy wanted to be black, do we just paint him? We heard that Jadyn as being treated like a girl and we decided to investigate it. Because of the mount of cases I had, it took me some time to get started. Dauphin School started again, and Jadyn continued as a girl at home and then being a girl at Madam Nikitas dance school. Then something happened between Jadyn and his best friend Martin. Could you tell us what this was? Martin Jadyn told me about his summer holidays. He told me not to tell the other boys because they would tease him. I know that people tease Jadyn because he looks like a girl and likes girl's things. I never teased him because I know him. He is sweet. He can be boring when he talks about ballet and stares at a dress in a shop window and draws flowers all over his books. But I know who the real Jadyn is. It's not what his body looks like. It is the fact that he is the sweetest best friend I ever had or will have Dauphin Did you consider him as a girl or a boy? Martin I don't know. I tried not to think about it as it confused me. I do know that once when I was visiting him, he was looking at this magazine with horses. I thought it was his sisters, but it was his. Later he put on his ballet costume and started practicing. He wanted to show me how hard it was. I just stared at him. He looked so graceful and happy. Without thinking I gave him a hug and a kiss. I think that I accepted that he was a girl then. Dauphin Was he your boyfriend then? Martin No he was my girlfriend. But we told no one because they would never understand it. Social Worker Do you see how this is like a ripple in the water? First Jadyn is confused that he is a girl and gets no guidance or structure or taught what he really is. Now he is confusing Martin in what is really a homosexual relationship. Are these children too young to even know if they are gay or not? Jadyn I am not gay. I know that. I love Martin and he is a boy, but I don't think I am fully a boy. I can see why you don't understand that as you just think what you know and don't try to understand others. Martin I am not gay. I just love the girl part of Jadyn. Dr. Steve I think it is very narrow-minded of the social worker. Two boys have given each other a hug and kissed. Children do that. They experiment and there is nothing wrong with that once they both agree to it. The fact that Martin and Jadyn played around does not mean that they are gay or even in a relationship. It means that they are experimenting. You are right; they are too young to know their sexuality. Give them a chance Dauphin Now we are nearly up to date. How did this to be big news in the press? Social worker We had some complaints from Jadyn's Neighbour and the teacher at school. So I investigated it. The School told me that he played with girls. Hade a very close relationship with Martin and sometimes wore girls panties and tights. They said that he had a loving family but did look like a girl and acted like a girl. The teachers were worried about his feminine side because he was being teased. We talked with the neighbours that have seen that he sometimes had girl's clothes outside when he was playing and the summer where he was a girl. This was confirmed by the grandparents. At last we found out that he was attending ballet as a girl, and this was a shock to me. I clearly classed it as child abuse. Dauphin What happened so? Social Worker I visited Jadyn and his family. He was dressed as a boy but sat with a doll. This surprised me a bit. I looked at his room and was shocked that it was a girl's room. It was obvious that this boy was in the wrong environment. We removed him from his parents and place him in foster care until the courts decide what to do. Dauphin Our last guest is the foster Mother. Welcome. How is Jadyn doing in Foster care? Foster Care Let me start by saying that I think that parents that treat their children like sissies or allow them to be sissies should not have them. When I heard Jadyn's story I knew why he was sent to us. When Jadyn came he was crying all the time. We gave him the first few hours for him to get used to his new environment. Then we had a talk with Jadyn. We removed all his girl clothes and magazines and books. We told him no ballet and we told him that he would get his hair cut short. Dauphin They sound like drastic steps... Foster care No, it is just changing the wrongs to right, it is important that Children have their boundaries and limits. Dauphin Jadyn how is Foster care? Jadyn I hate it. I miss my family so much. I miss my old life. I miss ballet and the things that I used to do. They don't think boys can draw hearts or do ballet and boys should only wear special clothes. What's worse is that everyone thinks it's my parent's fault. They have loved me. They didn't make me a girl. No one understands them or me. I never felt so sad in my life. Dauphin This is both sad and something to think about. I would like to ask everyone what his or her final thoughts are, and are there any solutions? Joanna I knew Jadyn at ballet when he first went to ballet. I don't think he should go to ballet as a girl. That sounds just too weird. It's also wrong that he is told that he is not allowed to do ballet. I think if he likes to do ballet and is good at it then he should be allowed. Brother It's hard to have a brother that thinks he is a girl. It's hard to have a brother that is not like the others. I think that he needs to see a shrink. Because even though it's hard for me, it must be harder for him. Richard Some people are gay. Some are sissies. Jadyn is one of these. He just has to live with it Martin It's hard not seeing Jadyn. I think its mean that the foster care says we can't be friends because they think we are gay. I think the teacher should show Billy Elliot that is about a boy that does ballet. Maybe we will understand and Like Jadyn better Neighbour I think he needs to stay in Foster care. It is wrong as I said that parents did not raise him as a boy, but helped him be confused. I think the parents should be tried in court for child abuse. Sister I love my brother and it's sad what has happened to him. I wish that people just stops pointing fingers at him and treating him like a freak. I love him as a brother or sister and love him for who he is, why can't others do the same Grandparents I think that we should listen to what his sister is saying. Jadyn is happy at home. Is he happy with his foster care family? No. This must be enough. Let Jadyn be where he will be happy. Let him develop the way he is meant. Maybe he should go to a special school in order to help him. I don't know if there are any sissy schools. Social worker Society is a balanced system. The family is very important. It is important that parents raise their children to survive in the world they one day will be alone in. I do not think that Jadyn will be ready for this. I think he will have a confused identity. I do not think his parents have made a mistake. I think they just have misled their son Father Many are saying that we are bad parents. That we have twisted his mind and made him the way he is now. That's strange we can do a good job with two children and make a mess out of the other child I think society should recognize that some children are different, and that they need love and understanding. I think that Jadyn should be with the family that he loves. Mother I agree, but at the same time, I think that we need help. This has been hard for our family. I think that now we need a solution how to keep our family together. We need a solution on what is best for Jadyn. This could mean that he needs some tests and counseling to who he is, and how we can support him. Maybe we should send him to a private school where boys that are feminine are accepted. Dr. Steve One thing is for sure, Jadyn needs help. Not being taken away from his parents. This has just caused him unhappiness and more isolation. I think that Jadyn has transgender identity crises, where he believes he is a girl. This should be taken seriously. He needs to be understood, accepted and loved. Dauphin There you have it. No real solution to a topic that has many different sides, many different views. Hope this Dauphin Show has made you think. Remember to comment. Thank you http://dauphinsworld.activeboard.com/