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LIFE IS WEIRD Part 1. Come on Jack, hurry up! Or we will miss the plane!" my mother shouted towards the house opening the car window. "Coming mom," Jack appeared at the door dragging his big luggage. He placed it in the trunk of the car, opened the backdoor and sat beside me. "I do not wanna join you in this stupid trip," he asserted angrily. "Watch your language young man!" my father warned. "It is necessary for the family members to have some time together." "Then, why don't you come with us dad?" "I have to work, son. If I did not, I would be coming too," answered dad starting the engine. "Jack, why are you so rebellious all the time? I wish you were a little bit cooperative like Carl," my mom asserted looking into my eyes. "Mom, I have made other plans for this holiday. And you force me to spend it with my cousins in San Diego," said Jack looking out of the window. "You can realize your plans with those great friends of yours when we turn back!" "Ok mom I do not want to quarrel with you." "You had better not." Then there was a silence in the car on the way to the airport. I just listened to the quarrels without making any commend. It was Jack's natural attitude towards family affairs. Rebellious, independent and messy all the time... I, on the other hand, love to spend time with my family, and much more caring compared to him. We are physically different as well. He is tall, muscled and all manly at the age of 23. His brown eyes and short brown hair make him a rather handsome young man. Though I was only two years younger than him, my slim body and fragile structure causes everyone to believe that he is much older. Despite turning 21 last month, my face is totally hairless and smooth, causing it look like rather girlish. Though I was a junior in the University of Florida last term, everybody thinks that I am just a freshman. It is not my fault to be so slim and fragile. And I sometimes hate it. Especially when I am into a girl. Girls prefer taller and more 'manly' guys. Because of this reason, I retain reluctant to ask for a date. Actually I have never had a date up to now, which is another difference between me and Jack. He has always been very popular among girls. This is one of the reasons why he did not want to attend to the trip. He could have spent it with his beautiful girlfriend Jessica, while we were away. My dad works for a small firm in the town and he earns enough money to supply our living. He is rather easy going, but when he is angry, he can be pretty tough. His gray hair and glasses give him a rather serious look. My mom never worked. She takes part in charity organizations to help poor people in the town like supplying clothes for them or so. She is rather caring. Despite being in her mid-forties, she is still fit. Her firm big breasts and curvy body makes her look like much younger and pretty sexy. She is blonde and has pale skin. I took most of my features from her. I have straight blonde hair, green eyes, and a pale skin like her. Although these features make her beautiful, they cause me look girlish, which I hate. I would rather be like my brother and father instead of looking like her. On the way to the airport my dad and mom were talking about our travel. Jack was grumbling next to me and he was texting with his girlfriend. My mom suddenly shouted with panic, "We have forgotten to take the presents that I bought for Laura and Alice!" "Susan! really? We cannot turn back. It will be late!" my dad said checking his watch. "No, mom, I have taken them, they are in in the luggage," I said with a smile. "Oh Carl, really? You are great!" "While I was getting out of the house, I saw the packets in the entrance. Put them in one of the bags." "That is great to hear this. How careful you are!" My mom smiled again looking rather relieved. Our car approached to the car park of the airport. My father parked and we all took our luggage, and dragged them to the terminal. Once we were in the building, dad and mom went to do the check-in procedures, while Jack and I found a place to sit. While sitting, an old lady touched me back on my shoulder and asked kindly, "Excuse me young lady, is this seat free?" I turned back and our eyes met. "Oh sorry, I thought you were a girl! Sorry young man," she said with apologizing eyes. "No, problem," I accepted the excuse with a low voice. "The seat is free, yes." In fact, it was not the first time that I was confused to a girl; specifically because of my long blonde hair. Although I deliberately give a boyish style to it, it still causes such misperceptions. "Excuse me if I go so far, you look really girlish, so I thought that you were a lady," she continued. I started to get irritated with the conversation and I gave her an irritated smile. "No problem!" I replied. She was so embarrassed that she did not sit by us and left slowly by saying good-bye. When she was away, Jack turned me and asked, "Why do you keep your hair so long! She is right, it makes you look girlish." There was no mocking in his statements. Although we had different physical and personal characteristics, we were getting on very well, and I am sure that he loves me and cares me. "It suits me more I think. I think short hair would be worse," I replied sadly. "Yeah, I agree, short hair would not be nice on you. Yet it would make you look less girlish at least?" "You say still girlish though!" I resented with the expression 'less girlish.' "There is no offense in it bro, but you should accept it is true that you are a bit..." "Okay, Jack!" I interrupted before he finished his words. "Okay bro, but just know that there is no offense in my words," he added. There was a short silence between us. Then to soften the atmosphere, he showed me a young woman in miniskirts with his eyes and commented, "What do you think, nice ass huh?" I checked her body top to toe. "Yeah a great one," I commented. Actually she was a hotty! A young rather sexy slim lady on high heels... Her curly hair was falling on her bare shoulders. Her smooth legs were adorable under the gray mini skirt. 'How lucky is the guy who owns this beauty,' I thought myself. I faced my fate again. I will never have a chance to have such a girlfriend! Or would I? I just started to dream of having her as my girlfriend. How nice would it be! But would she accept it? Sure not! If she were my girlfriend, how happy would she be with such an insecure guy who has low self-esteem? Or in bed, how happy would she be once seeing my little prick, which has always been a shame for me in locker rooms in school. But, but, maybe she would! Why not! She may not care such things... While I was having such thoughts, a tall, dark, handsome guy came near her, hugged her and kissed her lips. 'No she would not!' I murmured. Once again, I hated being so small, weak and girlish! My mom and dad turned back. They seem to be in a hurry. "Hurry up, boys!" Mom said looking at her watch. "Or we will be late." We started to walk towards the gate. We hugged dad quickly, said goodbye and walked towards the plane. The flight was uneventful. We changed planes in Atlanta and I watched a comedy film all the way, which made me laugh several times. My mom slept as she was so tired after the trip preparations. Jack read a sports magazine all the way. He is really into sports, especially football, which is another difference between us. Once the plane landed, we collected our hand baggage and walked towards the exit. Aunt Laura and Alice were waiting for us in the exit. I waved at them as we approached. Alice saw us first. "Hi Carl, you look great!" She hugged and kissed me on the cheek. "Hi Alice, hi Aunt Laura, it is nice to see you again!" Actually I had missed my aunt and my cousin. I had not seen them for almost 15 months. Aunt Laura was looking rather lovely with her short- cut black hair, knee length skirt and a lovely blouse. There was the same sweet smile on her face, which I remember from the last time I saw her. Alice, my only cousin, was at the same age with me. She had a stylish low cut blue jeans, a pink top that reveals her cleavage and pink sandals on the feet. "As always, you look great!" I commented while we were walking towards the car. She smiled and responded, "You, too." I kindly smiled at her. We have always been great friends with her and this trip would provide great opportunity to have time together. Once we got in the car, Aunt Laura started the engine and moved towards the house. Mom was sitting in the front seat and she and Aunt Laura was in a deep conversation about the travel, our life in Gainesville and so. They were having sincere laughters while chatting. It was apparent that these sisters had missed each other very much. In the backseat I was sitting in the middle. Jack was having a telephone conversation on the phone most probably with her girlfriend. As far as I could follow, he was complaining about the trip. We were chatting with Alice about her school. She was in her third year in the collage and she was explaining excitedly the life in her school. She has just had a boyfriend called Mark. It was apparent that the reason for her happiness was to some extend because of him. I was also quite happy to see that she was happy in her life. She was a friend of mine as well as being my only cousin. Finally we reached at home and after a tiresome work all our luggages were carried into the house and the clothes in them were placed in wardrobes. Jack and I were organized to stay in the same room next to that of Alice's. My mom had her own room close to her sisters. Their house was actually pretty larger than ours, and it was close to one of the popular squares of the city. It was almost 11 pm when we arrived in the house. Aunt Laura prepared coffees for us and we all drank together in the living room. Everybody seemed to be happy except for murmuring Jack. I was glancing at him sometimes and his desperate looks were making me smile. As we were rather tired after the journey, we all went to our rooms to have some sleep. Next morning I wake up around ten. Jack was still sleeping in the next bed. I was hearing laughters coming from the kitchen. I headed towards the bathroom yawning. I could not rest in full sense since it was a bit difficult to adapt to a new bed. When I went into the kitchen, I saw that the girls of the house were all up. Aunt Laura, mom and Alice were preparing the breakfast. "Good morning Carl!" Aunt Laura greeted me with a lovely smile. "How was your night? Could you sleep well?" "Morning Aunt Laura, morning mom, Alice. Actually, yeah it was good. But it is difficult to sleep in a bed that you are not used to. It will be better next night I hope." "Oh, we can change your bed if you wish," offered Aunt Laura. "No, really there is no need for it. I am not that unhappy," I smiled kindly. "Is Jack still sleeping?" asked mom turning towards me. "Yeah he is in the room." "The breakfast is almost ready, I think I should wake him up too," she said while heading towards the room. "How are you Alice?" I asked winking at her. "Great! We laughed a lot this morning," she said with a joyful voice. "Yeah, your laughters were coming to our room, what was so funny anyway?" I asked curiously. "It is a girl matter," she responded making the issue more mysterious. "About a boy then, huh? Your boyfriend?" She looked at me in a way appreciating my intelligence. "Hmm, sort of," she responded. "So, what will we do today?" I asked changing the subject. "We are planning to show you around. First a city tour, than we can have lunch together, and in the afternoon we can go to a mall for shopping if you wish. Besides, there is a beautiful lake very close to the city center. I can take you there tomorrow if you like," Aunt Laura summarized the plan. "They all seem fine," I responded positively. My mom turned back to the kitchen and this time she warned me. "Carl! Go and wear your daily clothes! You know I do not like seeing people in breakfast with the clothes they wear in bed!" "Okay mom!" I stood up swiftly and walked towards our room. In the room Jack was changing up. "Hi, bro," I greeted him. "Hi Carl," he responded with a sleepy look. "Could not you sleep well?" "Hm, it was okay!" he seemed to be rather negative as usual. After changing clothes, I turned back to the kitchen. The breakfast was delicious. Aunt Laura had prepared a great table for us. We had our breakfast while chatting about the possible places that we had planned to visit. After the breakfast, we started to carry out our plan. We had a city tour with Aunt Laura's car stopping in the places which have got beautiful views. In the afternoon, we went to one of the malls of the city for lunch and shopping. Though I did not buy anything, I loved spending time with them. The city is really very beautiful, especially the girls in super miniskirts and little tops that show a lot of skin. Mom and Alice bought dresses, blouses, skirts etc. They seemed to be enjoying the trip as well. The only person that was not much happy was naturally Jack. Although he did not protest much, it was apparent that he was not happy. We got home all very tired. Thinking that a shower would make me feel better, I headed towards the bathroom directly. Once I was naked, I stood under the hot water for a while, which relaxed me a lot. While washing myself with a shampoo, I started to play with my semi-erect cock. As I had seen so many hot chicks all day, I was feeling rather horny. I started squeeze my cock dreaming of the nice asses, breasts, legs that were passing around me all day. I closed my eyes and started to push my cock into my hand as if I was entering in one of those hot pussies. Especially the blonde girl in red dress who walked in front of me in the mall swaying her large hips was so vivid in my memory. Her super mini dress could hardly cover her large feminine hips and the lines of her black thong were perfectly visible in her every step on high heels. I closed my eyes and started to dream about fucking this hot chick. She would bend over in front of me and I would force my fully erect cock into her juicy pussy parting her butt chicks with my hands. I would nail her faster and faster, making her moan in every stroke. It would be great to feel her wet pussy walls around my hard cock. Holding her tightly, I would force my cock into that hot hole again and again and again.. When she is all ready for me, I would shoot my hot load into her fully wet cunt, emphasizing my manly power on her... While having such thoughts, I started to shoot in my hand with a slight moan. My sperms started to spurt out from the shaft filling my hand fully. Breathlessly, I leant on the wall to get some support. I was completely out of breath. Collecting enough power, I completed my bath and went into my room to sleep. When I wake up, it was almost ten o'clock. Jack was still sleeping in the next bed snoring loudly. Smiling at him, I went to the kitchen to find that the women of the house were chatting there while preparing the breakfast. After greeting them, I sat down looking at Aunt Laura. "What will we do today Aunt Laura?" "We can go to the lakeside near the city if you wish. It is a great place. I am sure that you will love it." I was about to make a comment when Jack appeared at the door and interrupted "Lakeside? Wow! What a great idea!" said sarcastically. "What is the problem with you Jack?" My mom responded him. "We cannot make you happy in any way!" "Because I am tired of having such stupid activities!" "Watch your language! You cannot talk to us in such a manner!" "Whatever, mom. I am really bored. I will not join you anymore! I wanna turn back to Gainesville. It is enough. Now I will get ready for the airport!" "No you will not! We came here together and we will turn back together!" "Then prepare your staff and join me. Because I am really leaving!" He turned back to the room like a storm. My mom followed him to the room. And they continued to quarrel there. Their shoutings could easily be heart in the kitchen. With bewildered and upset looks, Aunt Laura commented "He is right Carl. We do not have to force him to do anything he does not want. If he wants so, we should let him go". Aunt Laura was a rather sensible woman. She went into the room to express her ideas while I stayed with Alice in the kitchen. After a while, a silence occurred which indicated that they reached an agreement. They all turned back to the kitchen. Jack had his luggage in his hand. "He is going," Mom informed us about the agreement that they reached. "Carl, can you take him to the airport with my car?" Aunt Laura demanded. "Yes, sure!" I stood up to change my clothes. "There is no need for it. I can go myself," Jack declared. "No, at least we want to know that you get to the airport safely," my mom responded. While they were still quarrelling near the door, I got ready to go out. I handed over the keys from Aunt Laura and we all went out. After a reluctant and sad good-bye, Jack sat beside me in the car, and I started the engine to head towards the airport. On the way, I it was my turn to quarrel with Jack. "What is the problem with you bro? Why do you always cause problems?" "Am I causing problems? The only thing that I did is refusing to join you in those stupid activities!" "Why do you think they are stupid? And I do not know what makes you happy!" "Quite simple, turning back to Gainesville makes me happy, okay?" "We will turn back there in a few days. Cannot you be a little patient! Did not you see how unhappy you made Aunt Laura and Alice? We can only see them once in a year, even not a year, once in two years, and you cause troubles!" "Mind your own business Carl. I am happy in Gainesville." "You are acting selfishly. Why do you wanna turn back so much? Cannot your stupid girlfriend wait a while to fuck?" "Watch your language Carl! You cannot talk to her like this!" "Whatever it is, you are so......." "Carl! Watch out! Look in front of you!" Jack cried. When I looked ahead, the car was out of the way and going towards a tree!!! I pushed on the brake with all my power. And cried loudly!! "Ahhhhhhhhhh," Everything was blurred and went dark in a few seconds.... I opened my eyes slowly, then closed again. Collecting all my strength, I opened once again. Sunshine was leaking from the window towards my face. I tried to turn my head towards the window; I could not and slightly moaned.. "Oh good heavens! You are awake!" I heard my mother's cry. I tried to turn towards her but I felt so weak. I had a great headache and dizziness. I felt the hands of my mom on my face. "How are you honey? How do you feel?" "Oh mom," I whispered. "Where am I? What happened to me?" "You and Jack had a car crash yesterday morning. We are in a hospital now. Do not try to move. Do not spend your energy. You are okay. You will be better." Than everything started to dawn on me. Trip to San Diego...Aunt Laura's house... Jack.. quarrel.. "How is Jack?" I whispered quietly. "He is better than you. Do not worry. His left arm was broken and there are some bruises on his body. But he is okay. He is lying on a bed next door," my mom informed me. "You will be okay son!" I heart dad's voice. "A few of your ribs were broken and there is a problem with your hip. Fortunately your operation was successful," he added in a relieved manner. "Hi, dad," I greeted him softly. Aunt Laura and Alice were also in the room. They came and hold my hands. "My Dear Carl, you are alive. You will be better!" Aunt Laura spoke with tears on her eyes. "Oh Carl, we love you so much!" added Alice in tears as well. "Thank you very much." I was in tears as well. "Unfortunately, there is another problem, Carl," Dad started with a sad and serious voice. "No, Eric! Please do not.. Let the doctors explain it!" My mother interrupted furiously. "What is that mom? What will the doctor explain?" I asked curiously. "Nothing important Carl. Do not force yourself. Try to rest. Everything will be okay!" My mom answered with tears in her eyes. I heard some footsteps and a serious male voice "Hmm our patient is awake! Please everybody! Let me examine the patient once more." All of them obeyed his commend and left the room silently. I was alone in the room with this middle aged, gray haired man who wears a white uniform. It was obvious that he was my doctor. "How are you feeling young man?" he asked while controlling my pulse. "I am Dr. Miller," he introduced himself. "I have headache and dizziness. And I feel very weak. I cannot move easily. It is also very difficult for me to speak," I answered slowly. "Okay, do not waste your energy by trying to move. Just lay still. I will check your body." He took the blanket over me and started to examine by ribs, abdomen, crotch, hips and legs which were all covered in bandages. I just lay there without a motion. After finishing his examination, he rose up and started to talk with a serious voice. "The ribs are better than I expected. And the crack on the hip seems to be unproblematic. The bruises on your body are also okay. The operation that we had on you seem to be rather successful." "Then, everything is okay?" I asked with a relieved voice. "Unfortunately we have another problem." He was directly looking into my eyes. His voice and facial expressions were revealing that he was about to mention something very serious. "We tried our best in the operation, yet, unfortunately, we could not save your reproductive organs," he finished with a falling pitch. "What do you mean?" I asked with confused looks. "What I mean is that your penis and testicles were severely damaged in the accident. We tried our best to save them. Yet there was nothing much to do." I had difficulty in understanding. "What you mean is that I lost my malehood?" I asked after gulping down. "Unfortunately yes young man. I regret to tell you this." "No! It is impossible!" I started to cry. "No! Is not there any other way?" I gulped again. "I wish we had," he answered sincerely. I started to cry loudly hitting to the bed with my fists. "It is impossible.. impossible.. impossible!!!" The doctor yelled out, "Give him some tranquilizer urgently!" A nurse held my hand, and everything went blank again. ***** I opened my eyes slowly. I was still feeling very weak. There was some dizziness and headache again. I turned my head right and left. I was alone. Then I remembered my horrible talk with the doctor. A pain stabbed into my stomach. I started to cry softly. Then the door of the room opened my mom, dad, Aunt Laura and Alice came in. "Oh my dear!" my mom came and hold my hand. "Mom, the doctor said that..." I was started to talk in tears. "We know," mom interrupted. There were tears in her eyes as well. "Mom, I lost everything. What will I do now?" I started to sob more intensely. Mom turned back and said "Could you please leave us alone? I want to talk to him personally if you do not mind," my mom requested kindly. They obeyed her request and left the room slowly. We were alone in the room with her. I was still sobbing. "Listen Carl. Two days passed since the accident occurred and believe me we had terrible hours here. Me, your dad, Laura, Alice, Jack, all of us have been crying since then. Your father brought two important professors from a private hospital. They examined you while you were sleeping. Unfortunately, they say the same thing. There is nothing to do with your reproductive organs." She started to cry loudly. "Mom, what will I do? I will not have any girlfriend. I will not be able marry. I will not have children... This is so cruel." I was sobbing loudly. "Yes my dearest, it is... Yet, I have to tell you something. I know you are not ready to hear anything new. But according to the doctor we have limited time. So I have to tell it to you now in order for you to have some time to think about it." Indeed it was such a long sentence. "What is that mom?" I asked curiously, hoping to hear a remedy for the situation. "Listen, today three doctors came from an organization named Community Health Research Organization and we discussed for about three hours on your situation. They say that they learnt your status from hospital records and wanted to contact immediately." "Yeah, what do they say?" I asked eagerly. "Please do not interrupt me. I am already having difficulty in finding the correct words to use. So, please listen to me without saying anything." These expressions increased my curiosity. I was not crying anymore. I started to listen to her. "They say that it is impossible to save your malehood. If no further operation is made, you will live as a sexless person from now on. And, and.." "Yeah and?" I interrupted reflexively. "And they state that they are having a very important research recently. They say that they can do a complete reproductive system transplantation from one patient to another." "What you mean is that they can transplant a new penis and testicles to me?" "Unfortunately, no Carl. They can only transplant female genitals." "What?" I shouted disappointedly. "Come on mom! What you are saying is the Sex Reassignment Surgery. It is done for so long! They are trying to make me a woman! Sure no!" "Listen Carl, I have not finished yet. What they say is not just the Sex Reassignment Surgery. They will not open a gap between your legs. What they say is more than that; you will have a complete system: a vagina, uterus, ovaries... You will be able to have your own babies. Shortly, they are offering you a new future!" "Come on mom!" I said mockingly. "Your ears are not hearing what you say. Whatever its difference from Sex Reassignment Surgery, I will not accept it. I do not want to be a woman!" "Why not?" my mom started insistently. "What is the problem with being a woman? I am a woman for 44 years and I am pretty happy." "Mom," I started again, "I will not be a woman. I do not want it. I am happy as a man!" "Listen Carl. Unfortunately you are not a man anymore. I wish you were. And if you were, I would never want such a thing from you. But we should face the reality. You lost your manhood. You will either live as a sexless creature, or became a full woman. You should look at the issue from this dimension." "Mom, everything is so new. Why are you insisting so much!" I started to cry again. "Listen my dearest; they say that there is a suitable patient whose brain death happened this morning. Her tissue structure is completely suitable for you. The doctors say that they have to make the operation at most in two days. Otherwise, they will not be able to use the organs. That is why we are in a hurry. If we had an alternative, we might wait and think for at least one year! But it is not for sure that there will be suitable organs for you in the future. The doctors say that it is really a rare case, and they say that you are lucky." "Lucky?" I smiled sarcastically. "Really a great luck!" I turned mom and asked seriously, "Suppose that I agreed, mom, what would I say to my friends, our neighbors etc.? They will all make fun of me! How are you planning to explain it to them? It is not as easy as you think mom, I prefer to live as a sexless creature without being humiliated." "They have also a solution for it. They say that they have already had all governmental support for this operation. They can create a new identity for you. Your school records would be changed according to your new identity. You may became the sister of Carl who lived in a different country all her life and turned back to USA after her brother's death. It is possible to make up a suitable story. You will have all governmental documents. I mean everything will be legal." "Why are they doing such risky things then? Why?" I asked. "They would provide a better explanation for your question. They want to talk to you personally today. But I asked the same question while I was talking to them. They say that the project aims to gain sexless people who lost their genitals after such accidents. Government units look positively towards such action,, and of course, to protect the rights of the patient. I mean as you say, to protect them against public pressure like humiliation or mocking, they apply the identity change application. But they can provide better explanation for your question... Now Carl, will you accept to talk to them?" "I do not know mom. Hurricanes are turning around in my mind. This is so remorse. Do you really want me to accept it?" "I only want you to be happy Carl. You will make the choice. You will be either a person without a sex who cannot marry or have children, or a complete woman just like half of the world. This is what I think." "Mom, I should think about all these points. Please do not let anyone enter the room. I must think silently," I told her desperately. "Okay, Carl." She kissed me on the forehead and said, "Just know that we all love you, and we will always love you, whatever happens," said in tears. "I love you mom." I was in tears too. She walk towards the door and went out. I had thought that being alone in the room would be better for me to think. In fact, it was rather irritating. I was feeling as if the doors were coming towards me. It was really difficult for me to collect my mind. Everything had happened so quickly. 'I wish I had died in the accident' I thought myself. If I had died I would not have to make such an important decision. Both choices were negative. If I accepted to be a girl, I would be someone that I did not want to be. I would end up like a creature in between a man and woman who would be humiliated by everybody. Omg, that was horrible. In addition to all this, I would lose my past. Though I did not have much close friends back at home, I had great memories there. The people in the neighborhood were going to learn that I was death in the accident, and I would not be able to have time with them anymore. All my past would be lost if I started life with a new identity. On the other hand, being a man without sex organs was equally negative. Though nobody would know it except for my family, my father's or mother's merciful looks would make me die every day. Yes, they would feel pity for me every day. When I would get older, I would be all lonely.... These kind of thoughts were revolving in my mind making pains in my stomach. I tried to collect my mind ones again. What should I do? After a long and tiresome thinking process I gave my decision. My family would get used to the situation in time and would stop feeling pity for me. I would hide the reality from everyone. Since I had never had a girlfriend, not having anymore would not a problem as well. 'Yes, I will not accept it' I thought myself approving my decision. With these feelings and due to the effects of the drugs they gave me, I fell asleep. "Carl? Are you sleeping?" I woke up with mom's voice. "Yeah, I was," I said turning towards her. "Have you made your mind?" she asked curiously. "Yes mom I have. I will not accept it," I said looking into her eyes confidently. "Okay then, we respect your choice," she said with a disappointed look. "But someone from that organization came here and wants to talk to you; I think you should at least talk to her. "I do not want to talk about the same things over and over. It makes me upset," I said with begging looks. "I know my dear, but just talk to her. At least express your decision yourself." She told me holding my hand. "Okay mom, I will talk to her." "Okay, I am sending her in," she said and with fast steps went towards the door. I was expecting some middle aged men to talk to me. Hence I was surprised to hear that it was a 'she' from my mother's expressions. The door was knocked twice and a very beautiful blonde lady who appears to be in her thirties came in. She had a white mini skirt that revealed her tanned skin, a light blue blouse and white jacket. Though her long straight blonde hair was causing her to look younger, the glasses she was wearing were giving her a serious look. "Hi Carl, I am Annette Hawkins, A psychologist working work Community Health Insurance and Research Organization," she greeted me kindly. "Hi I am Carl, just Carl," I said emphasizing my desperate position. "Nice to meet you, Carl," She said while sitting the chair across me. She adjusted her skirt and started to talk. "I think you are already informed about the offer that our organization made you." "Yeah, I know, I really do not want to hear them once again," I refused kindly. "Okay!" she said professionally. "I will not cause trouble by repeating the same information. Your answer is negative as long as I learnt from your mother. Just tell me the reasons of your decision and may be there might be a few comments that I would make on them," she said. She had a sincere attitude which made her look rather trustworthy. "It is difficult to state a reason. I just do not want to be a girl," I said sincerely as well. "Why not?" she asked looking into my eyes. "Because, because I do not know. I just do not want to be a girl," I said once again. "Then let me guess why..." she started. "Because it seems horrible for you to get used to a new identity, especially the one in the other sex. You have grown up as a boy who should be strong all the time. You should be the dominant figure all the time. And with the feelings of a boy, you feel as if you are being humiliated by turning into a girl. You are afraid of being humiliated, not being accepted by the community. There is also the sexual part of the issue. The boys are 'givers' and the girls are 'receivers'. You have grown up to compete with other boys to earn the heart and body of a girl. This is what nature has provided us. As a boy, you are taught to be a 'giver'. Even the thought of being on the soft side and being a 'receiver' is horrible for you. This is the reality of the man-dominated society. Am I right?" she asked looking into my eyes. "I do not know... maybe .." I responded with confused looks. "Look Carl. These are all very healthy feelings. I understand and appreciate them. Yet, you should believe that they are only valid for now. Once you have had the operation, and once you get used to your new role as a woman in the society. There will not be such concerns. And we will provide all necessary support for you to get used to your new role. Do not be afraid. We will be all with you. I have been charged to provide all necessary support for you from now on. Besides, as far as I see, your family seems to be rather supportive on this issue, which will also make it rather easier. Believe me, once you adapted your new role as a girl, the concerns that you have as a boy will have all disappeared." "But there are also other issues. I do not have many friends. That is true. But I have a few from my hometown. If I accept your offer, I will lose them. I said with sincere looks. "No, you can tell them the reality. Of course we were planning to keep this issue among the family members for your convenience. Yet you can include your close friends to the list of people who share your secret. If they are your real friends, they will not see any problem with continuing their friendship with you. If they do the opposite, I can say that they are not your real friends. And I suggest you not to worry about losing them in such a case," she said confidently. "But.. but.." I said with confused looks. "I will be something in between a man and a woman. Neither a boy.. nor a girl.. Everybody will understand at first glance that I am not a real girl." "Oh sweetie! Why do you think so? I think you are very lucky. Please do not be offended, but you have already quite effeminate physical characteristics. I got your measurements from hospital records this morning. You are 5' 4'' which is rather short for a boy and perfectly average for a girl. You have also narrow shoulders and large hips compared to other boys in your age. These are all quite promising for the future. After the main operation, there will be some plastic surgery operations on your face and vocal tract. We can also implant false breast on you. Yet, we want you to develop your own breast after a special hormone therapy. You are not a hairy guy but that therapy will also make you lose your body hair to a great extent. Besides, your body will start to store the fat on your hips and buttocks which will give you a complete feminine look. I guarantee that you will be a beautiful girl," she finished smiling positively. "I do not know.. Really I do not know.." I said. She stood up, approached and hold my hand. "Trust me Carl, I will always help you!" she said rubbing my hand. She was acting rather sincerely and she had got my confidence with her trustworthy comments. "Okay than," I surrendered. "I accept it" She smiled at me sincerely "That is the correct decision Carl. You will not be regretful," said squeezing my hand. "I should go out to give the good news," she said and walked towards the door. After a while, the door was opened and all my family members entered in. They all expressed their support for my decision. I felt so happy to hear their supportive expressions. I was starting an interesting a most probably a difficult journey, and it was nice to get their support in advance. End of part 1.