Angel with a devil inside
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Authors note: Please note that the following story involves a semi-
religious theme, suicide and a man becoming a woman. If any one of these
things bother you, please find your reading enjoyment somewhere else.
Final note: I do not condone suicide as I have felt that there were
always other alternatives. I have seen successful suicides tear families
apart as well as cause a great amount of emotional harm. If you are
considering suicide, please seek professional help as soon as possible.
________________________________________________________________________
I had just finished swallowing the bottle of sleeping pills along with a
half a bottle of whiskey. The pain I felt in my arms from the deep cuts
didn't hurt as much as before and I wasn't bleeding as much as I
initially did. I sat in the running car breathing the exhaust that came
out of a dryer vent hose run into the side window of my car. My billfold
containing all my identification was laying on the dash. The driver's
license was visible, as was my name Harry Wilds as well as two dollars in
bills.
I glanced at my watch and saw it was 2:27 in the morning of June 18th.
I was feeling strangely at peace when I opened my eyes and saw a little
man standing on my steering wheel.
I laughed at the sight and found myself sitting on a plain wooden chair
in green forest. I looked for the cuts on my arms and I saw I didn't
have any. I felt fine and didn't have any trouble breathing.
The man walked in front of me and said, "Don't ask the inane questions.
Yes you are here in this paradise as well as committing suicide in that
car. We have just a few minutes, and then you die. You are at a
crossroads. One road leads to death. The other leads to life."
I looked around. "Let me guess. You're an angel."
The man looked up and said, "Why do you assign these problem cases to me?
What did I do that made you that unhappy?" He shook his head. "Yes, I
am an angel. This isn't like the show 'Crushed by an Angel", so get that
out of your mind."
"Don't you mean 'Touched by an Angel'?" The stern look I got told me
that he didn't care what the title was. "Okay. Got it."
"As I said before, we don't have much time. You need to choose. Life or
death." He gestured and a post clock appeared. The time was nearly
12:00
"I already choose death. My life was a living hell. My wife, Emily,
took my baby son and left the state with my best friend Tom Wells. She
left a note telling me my son really wasn't my son. The father was
someone named Gino. My mother and father disowned me. I was fired from
my job and was kicked out of my apartment. The last straw was the doctor
telling me that I have lung cancer from smoking cigarettes. All at the
wonderful age of 25."
"That doesn't count. If you continue to choose death, you will die and
go to hell. You may like it since you felt it necessary to take your
life three different ways. If you choose life, we will change your life
a little which will cause your life to take a different path."
A flash of lightning flew overhead and the angel turned around. "What do
you mean I have the wrong guy? This one was in the location you gave
me." He pulled a piece of paper out of the air and held it up to the
sky. A small bolt of lightning came from the sky and struck the paper
incinerating it instantly. "Ouch. So, what if I am 52 years early with
the wrong guy? They say it is better to early than late! Their
calendar is hard to understand and I calculated the wrong date."
Another streak of lightning went over head.
"Yes, I know. I have already given this guy the deal. We can't go back
on the deal. I say, let's give it to him and see what happens." Nothing
happened for a couple of seconds and he seemed pleased.
He turned back to me and said, "You have been cut a bend."
"Don't you mean cut a break?"
He looked at me, didn't say a word and brushed the ashes out of his
hands. I noted that his hands weren't burnt from the lightning. "Do
you pick life or death? He glanced at the clock and said, "Please hurry!
You don't have much time left!"
"I pick...."
The man started pacing and made motions for me to hurry up.
"I pick life. It can't be any worse than I what I have lived through."
"Life? Say goodbye to the way you are now, because you are restarting
your life over again. I will see you again at this exact same time and
date. Enjoy being a female!"
"A girl? You didn't say anything about me being a gi...". Harry Wilds was
gone having never been born.
The all the sperm that was ejaculated into Charlotte Wilds from her
husband was changed to carrying an X chromosome thus ensuring that the
egg being fertilized would become a girl.
Sally Wilds was born normally and grew up as a normal girl. As she aged
into a teenager, she grew to be quite beautiful as she mastered cosmetics
and clothing. She lost her virginity at age 16 and was sexually active
at age 17.
She was a cheerleader throughout high school and made friends easily.
She never took up smoking because of an allergy and a poster that showed
what a smoker's lungs were like.
- * - * - * -
On her first day of campus, she met a handsome man named Tom Wells and
soon got to know each other. The first few dates were plutonic but by
the third, she was laying beneath him as he pumped in and out of her
vagina. They climaxed within a few seconds of each other.
Tom looked down at me and said, "That was wonderful! Thank you very
much."
"I definitely enjoyed that. That was great!"
We lay in bed together and enjoyed the afterglow of the lovemaking. I
had a class in 30 minutes, so I started putting on my clothes. He hugged
me from behind and I smiled because I could feel his semi erect penis.
We promised to meet each other at 7:00 p.m. for a meal in the dorm
cafeteria.
I made it to my science class just in time. My best friend from High
School was waiting for me after class and we sat and talked. She looked
at me after the class. "Wow! I can tell you have a boy friend. You are
positively glowing!"
"True and guilty. Tom Wells is a fantastic lover."
"You are so lucky! All Gino has done is kiss me."
"Give it time. Drop subtle hints!"
"Hasn't worked yet."
"Okay, dress a little more provocative and see if he gets the idea."
"Wore a mini skirt and high heels. His eyes traced my curves, but
nothing."
"Okay. He may be one of those that are waiting for you to make the first
move. Remember Jerry? I nearly had to rape him after prom before he got
the hint. Some men are timid to get started. After they get going, it's
a fun time every night." She smiled, fondly remembering the night of the
prom and every night afterwards.
Emily had a cunning look on her face. "Gino will get a surprise tonight.
Speaking of Gino, I will see you later. I may have to trip him and do the
job myself." I smiled and watched Emily walk away.
At 7:00 p.m., I met Tom in the cafeteria after finished eating our meals.
We walked outside holding hands and eventually went back to his dorm
room. He had a single occupancy room and so we didn't have to worry
about interruptions. I stood in front of him and kissed him while his
hands roamed free and he unhooked my bra. His other hand cupped my butt
and I snuggled in closer.
He looked down at me and said, "Have you have given or received oral
sex?"
"Never. Some of my girl friends said they enjoyed giving oral sex while
others loved receiving it, but I always resisted the temptation."
"Well then. How about I show you what you have been missing?"
He undressed me completely and had me lay down. He had removed his
clothes and turned around in the bed. He started touching me and I found
I was enjoying the sensation. His head slid between my legs and he
started licking me. The sensations instantly doubled and before too long
I was moaning with lust. He nibbled on my clitoris and I exploded with
an orgasm. He continued to lick and I had wave upon wave of orgasms.
Finally, I couldn't take any more and was begging him to stop. He turned
around in bed and I lay on the bed panting.
"Well, what do you think?"
"I am at a loss for words. I have had orgasms before, but not one after
another after another. Wow!"
"Good. I thought you might like it."
We lay on the bed and I turned to him. "I have never given oral sex.
What do I do?"
He stood up and took a pillow off the bed and put it at his feet. He
stood up behind the pillow with his back to the bed. "Kneel in front of
me."
I did and found my mouth was at the same level as his penis. I held it
and kissed it. It grew hard and I kissed and licked it.
"Open your mouth and allow the penis to enter your mouth. You may have
heard this called a blow job, but you definitely want to suck rather than
blow. Pretend you are sucking on a big straw and allow it to slide back
and forth in your mouth."
I did and felt his penis on my tongue. I stroked his penis with my
tongue and moved back and forth.
"When the penis slides in, see how far you can get it in your mouth."
I did and managed to get more length in my mouth. The head touched the
back of my throat but I had only gotten about a third of the length in my
mouth. I leaned further in and felt the penis slide into my throat. I
pretended to be sucking on the straw and slowly let his penis enter my
throat. I slid further down the shaft until my nose touched his pubic
hair. I could tell I was doing something and slide back allowing the
penis to leave my throat. His penis seemed harder and his hands were on
either side of my head. He didn't force me as I slid deep onto his
penis. He suddenly came and I felt his ejaculation deep in my throat. I
swallowed and pulled back on his penis, as I wanted to taste the semen.
He was done, but I licked the few drops still coming and tasted it. It
was definitely salty but not that bad.
I leaned back and allowed his limp penis to fall from my lips. He was
trembling and fell back on to the bed.
"Will you marry me?"
I looked shocked. We had been going together for less than two weeks and
he was proposing marriage?
I lay down beside him and said, "Not right now. We are both in college.
We need to finish college and then we can think about getting married.
Besides we really don't know each other."
He lay there panting and said, "You were beyond wonderful."
"It was my first time and probably not very good. I am sorry about that
and promise to get better."
"If you get better, you will make me an old man before my time!" He took
a couple of deep breaths. "That was your first time?"
"Yes. I know I pleased you, but was I any good?"
"Oh my god! You did a deep throat blow job on your first try. I have
heard that most women would gag on the penis when it touched the back of
their throat."
"Oh that. I had strep throat a lot as a kid and the nurses all said that
I didn't have a gag reflex when they collected the cultures. Would that
make a difference?"
"That would explain that for sure." He was still panting. "God. I am
wiped and it isn't even 9:00 p.m."
He rolled over in bed and quickly fell asleep. I held him for a few
minutes. I was tired too and eventually fell asleep next to him.
We continued to date continually throughout our college education and I
even moved into his apartment with him. Each time we made love, he
always asked me to marry him. We both graduated and I finally agreed to
marry him. Emily was my bridesmaid and Gino was Tom's best man. The
ceremony had its fair share of disasters. The air conditioner conked out
causing temperatures to climb into the 90's inside. The young boy
carrying the pillow with the rings threw the pillow causing the rings to
be scattered, prompting 15 minutes madhouse hunt for the rings. I
laughed my way through it but my husband didn't initially think it was
funny. He wanted the perfect wedding, but afterwards, we both laughed
when we watched the DVD. We even caught things we missed during the
performance such as the flower girl slapping the ring bearer for screwing
up. She couldn't have been any older than he was.
Gino and Emily got married shortly after we did. They worked hard at
putting funds away and Emily eventually became pregnant and delivered a
baby boy.
Tom found a job with an Engineering firm and did some drafting and filing
of the firms blue prints. I used my degree in teaching and interned with
a school and helped with a Kindergarten class. I eventually got a class
of my own - First Graders. We worked several years and heard the
unending questions of when we were expecting a little one in our lives.
Tom was blunt and said, that the time wasn't right yet. We saved up
enough money and we finally felt that I could afford to get pregnant.
We decided to get serious and I took my temperature each morning. We
also used ovulation predictor kits to make doubly sure. We missed it the
first two periods, but I got pregnant on my third period since I started
monitoring. I endured morning sickness and Tom endured my yen for odd
foods at odd times of the day or night. We even timed the pregnancy so
that I would give birth during the summer so I could continue to teach
school.
As my pregnancy progressed, I went to the doctor. Early in my third
month, the doctor dropped a bombshell. "I wasn't sure for a while, but
you are definitely pregnant with twins. Tom was jubilant but I wasn't
expecting two young ones at the same time.
By my fifth month, it was obvious that I was pregnant. By my sixth
month, I felt awkward walking but Tom didn't equate it to waddling. My
seventh and eighth months had me huge and I looked like a balloon that
was going to pop. We didn't make love at all, as it wasn't physically
possible anyway we tried. Tom was incredibly turned on one night and so
we tried anal sex. I had never had anything in my anus before and the
brief sex experience taught me that I didn't care for that at all.
During my ninth month, I was waiting for inevitable to happen. I was
short tempered, but Tom endured my brief periods of anger with a smile.
I had heard that the cramping and the delivery process was painful, but
the writers in the books didn't mention that the pain was sharp enough to
cleanly cut a battleship in two. I went into the hospital at 11:30 p.m.
and was in the delivery room at 1:10 a.m. I had delivered the first
child and it was cleaned up and put in a crib that was warmed. The
doctor said it was a girl. She cried as soon as she entered the air. I
pushed and pushed and finally gave birth to my second child, a boy. His
cry also told me that he was alive. Tom was taking pictures and was
quite happy. I felt strangely drowsy and passed out.
Coincidentally, the time was 2:27 in the morning on June 18th of her 25th
year.
- * - * - * -
The machine monitoring her blood pressure sank alarmingly and went into
alarm mode. Her pulse quit and her EKG showed a heart that had quit
pumping blood and was a flat line. The physician called a cold blue,
which summoned doctors and nurses from all over the hospital to help.
Machine after machine went into alarms within seconds. Tom was whisked
out in tears, while the babies were taken to the neonatal care unit as
the nurses and doctors worked on trying to save Sally.
I felt strange and looked around. I was lying down on a bed of wild
flowers deep in a forest. I sat up and noticed I wasn't pregnant. A man
appeared in front of me.
"Here we are again. Back at the same exact date and time of your first
death." He swept his arms expansively. "You had your life to live over
again and you avoided the mistakes that caused your first death." I
remembered both times and my body morphed from a woman to a man and back
again.
I shook my head and said, "I am so confused. I can remember both lives
at the same time."
"It will pass in a little while." The post clock I remembered was in its
usual spot and was stopped at 12:00.
My body had settled down and I was woman again. I compared my life as a
male to my life as a female and knew I had a far happier life as a
female.
"Ready to get on with the after life?"
"NO! It's not fair! I went through the pregnancy only to die before I
really had a chance to know my babies. They will never remember me!"
"That's someone else's problem. Your life is through. You have died."
"I don't care! I want to know my babies and I want them to know me. I
want to see them grow up! Send me back, please!"
"I can't. You're dead and you have already been given your choice the
first time around."
"Can he send me back?" I pointed to the sky.
"No. These are his rules." The sky filled with lightning from horizon
to horizon and the man looked up.. "First you punish me for not
following the rules and now your upset that I followed the rules?"
An ancient man appeared in front of him and walked to his side. "The
rules aren't written in stone. I only did that with the commandments
because Moses or such couldn't remember them."
"But he/she is dead! They can't go back!"
The ancient man shook his head. "Remind me. What was the rule number
for that."
He sighed. "Section K. Subsection 14L. Sub Subsection 19J. "If the
person chooses life, they live their changed life over again until the
reach the exact date and time at which they died."
"Even you have to admit it was a rotten trick to take her right after the
birth of her children."
"I guess."
"I guess? Try again." The clouds rushed in and it appeared that a storm
was eminent.
"It was, but the rule specifically states the time and date must match."
"So be it. Rule Change." The clouds rolled back and disappeared. The
forest was now lit by sunlight.
"What, again? It has been only fifty years since the last rule change!"
"Rules change to fit the pattern of life. Section K. Subsection 14L,
Sub Subsection 19J, Clause 2. Should the person choose to return to
life, and relive their changed life over again, they have the choice of
continuing with their second life from the point of their second death or
to proceed with the afterlife."
He sighed. "I got it." He opened a book that bigger than he was out of
thin air, found the page, ripped it out which disappeared in flames and
replaced it with the page that materialized from the air. He closed the
book, which disappeared and looked at both of us. The ancient man smiled
and said, "That wasn't so hard now was it?"
"No it wasn't."
My mouth was wide open. "Are you...."
"Yes. I am God, Allah, Zeus, Yahweh, Isis, Quetzalcoatl and several
thousand more names that I can't really keep track of. I am all of them
and all of them is me."
"And the angel is ..."
"Someone who needs to learn that the rules are made to be modified."
A movement out of the corner of my caught my attention and I saw the
clock running backwards. It ran backwards until it stopped at 2:57.
"Does that mean what I think it means?"
"Yes. Do you want to go to your afterlife, or do you want to go on with
your second life where you left off?"
"I want to go on with my life. My babies and my husband need me and
quite frankly, I need them too." I paused for a few seconds. "Thank you
doesn't seem quite appropriate considering."
The old man stepped aside. "It will do, Sally. Ready Araboth?"
"I'm ready." He turned to me. "See you in about.... Well, you will just
have to find out like everyone else does. Don't worry, it will be quite
a while till I see you again."
The doctors and nurses had just ceased working on Sally. They had
removed the tube from her throat. Everything they had tried didn't work.
The EKG monitor showed a flat line with no pulse. The doctor that
assisted with the delivery said, "Note the time of death at...."
The EKG alarm rang for a second and ceased as the monitor showed a
suddenly normal heart rhythm. Within a second, each system monitoring
Sally climbed into the normal range. Her pale skin suddenly turned pink
as her eyelids fluttered.
The woman on the table gasped once and started breathing normally on her
own. She moaned once and started moving like she was going to wake up.
The doctors and nurses in the room looked at each other. Several who
were catholic crossed their chests. One nurse seated by her head had
her gloved hand on the carotid artery feeling the pulse. She had tears
streaming down her face said, "It just wasn't her time to die!"
A hardened old nurse who worked Emergency said, "And I thought I had seen
it all. I guess I haven't yet." She wiped a tear from her eye and
started cleaning up the defibrillator on the crash cart for the next
patient.
The woman lying on the birthing table opened her eyes.
- * - * - * -
"I must have fallen asleep for a few minutes."
I looked around and saw many new faces in the room. Two nurses were
wiping their eyes while one was holding another nurse who was crying.
The doctor doing the delivery looked white as a sheet and sat down on the
stool.
"Did I miss something?"
"Yes. You died."
"Excuse me, but did you say that I did miss something or that I died?"
"Yes. You definitely died."
"How is that possible since I am here now?"
"I don't know. I really honestly don't know."
"How are my babies doing and why do I hurt like I have been beaten up?"
"We worked on you trying to save you. We had quit trying after a while
because you weren't responding to the treatment and what we were doing.
After forty-five minutes, of no response, just after we quit, you came
back to life. I have never seen anything like it."
One of my questions was answered but I didn't know about the other one.
"My babies?"
"I think they are doing fine. How do you feel otherwise?"
"Okay aside from the bruised ribs, aches and pains. Can I see my
husband?"
"Yeah. Sure. Why not?" He definitely had a dazed expression and mopped
his profusely sweating brow.
A nurse guided my husband into the room. He looked like he had been
crying for a while. My mom and dad were behind him and both looked like
they had a rough time too.
My husband stopped walking because he noticed that I was moving and
looking at him. He rushed to my side and said, "I assumed you died since
some of the nurses came out of the room crying."
The doctor still had an ashen face. "She did die. We called the code
blue and worked on her. Nothing we did helped and so we quit working on
her and I was getting ready to pronounce her dead. She suddenly came
back to life from a certifiable death." He paused and lifted one hand
up. "One minute - no heart rate, no pulse, no blood pressure. She was
dead." He lifted the other hand up. "We quit after working on her and
she came back to life with a strong heartbeat, breathing on her on and
waking up the next minute. I have never experienced anything like that
before. I am not a religious man, but the term that best fits this is a
divine miracle."
My husband had tears streaming down his face and collapsed by my side
crying. My mom was crying in my dad's arms and he had tears in his eyes.
I didn't feel any different and just held my husband's head.
He finally quit crying and looked at me. "Don't you ever do that again!"
He thought about what he said and started laughing. "That was irrational
of me, wasn't it?"
"Yes, but I understand. Can I see my babies? I went through all this
and I really haven't seen them yet."
In a couple of minutes, my babies were wheeled back in and I held them
both in my arms. My daughter had lots of dark hair, but my son had very
little. What little hair he had was blond.
We had agreed upon names before the birth for every eventuality, but I
looked at my daughter and I knew the female names wouldn't work. One
name popped into my head and I knew it was a perfect fit. "How do you
feel about Hannah as her name?"
My father spoke up. "Your great great grandmother was named Hannah."
Tom nodded and said, "She really doesn't look like a Brittany or a
Ashley. My grandmother's name was Hannah too and the name Hannah really
fits her. What about the middle name?"
We both looked at each other and it was like we scripted it. We both
said it at the same time. "Elaine! Hannah Elaine!"
My daughter opened her eyes and looked at me. She blinked her brilliant
blue eyes as she stared at me.
"Hello, Hannah Elaine." She looked at me for a few seconds, then yawned
and fell asleep again.
Naming my son was easy. Our first preference was Mark William and that
fit him perfectly. He unlike his sister didn't wake up when he heard his
name.
The doctor completed the birth certificates and told the nurses. "If I
am needed, I will be in chapel for a while. After that, I will come back
and complete the paperwork."
I was cleaned up some more and was put to my bed. I couldn't sleep for a
while but just lay in bed holding my husband's hand as he slept in the
chair beside my bed. I was hurting in more places than I knew I had
places, but for some unknown reason, I was loving every minute of being
alive. The drugs I was given for pain hadn't kicked in yet and I lay
there and waited and wondered what it would feel like to breast feed my
babies.
Our minister walked into the room and said, "I was called by your husband
because he feared that you had died. Happily, I see that is not the
case."
I explained the whole situation and he stood patiently listened. When I
finished, he said, "When I was going through the seminary, I was visiting
a friend when an ambulance brought a little girl in who had fallen
through the ice of a river. She wasn't breathing and didn't have a heart
beat. I stayed with the family and tried to comfort them. The doctors
and nurses worked and worked on her. Just when they were about to quit,
she came to life. The girl lived through the experience and I had a
chance to talk with her. She said that she had died, but was met by a
man next to a large clock in a forest."
"He wasn't a man. He was an angel name Araboth."
"That's strange. She said the same thing. Anyway, he sent her back, as
it wasn't her time. She talked about her life after that as 'living on
angel time'." He paused and said, "I know your husband and family are
deeply grateful for having you back as am I."
I thanked him for stopping by and thought for a while after he left. The
pain medication was starting to be effective and as I lay on the bed, the
longer I thought about it, the dimmer the memory was of the man standing
in a forest next to a clock also. I guessed I was 'living on angel time'
too.
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