This was it, Dana thought as he lay half-awake on a massive bed in an
unfamiliar room. His life was over. The events of yesterday were not, as
he'd so desperately hoped, the product of some awful fever-dream. Instead
of boarding a bus to his debate camp in Little Rock, he had taken one
going to Miami. Within half an hour of arriving, he had lost all of his
money (and his painstakingly-assembled debate notes) to a mugger. Worst
of all, his would-be guardian angel, Celia "CeCe" Caine, thought that he
was a girl - and she had treated him to a remarkably thorough makeover!
Indeed, Dana couldn't help but dwell on how feminine his appearance had
become. The hotel had installed mirrors all over his room, including one
(//Why?//) on the ceiling above the bed. Everywhere he turned, he saw
glimpses of his swishing blonde bangs, his arched eyebrows, his smudged
but distinctive makeup, his shiny blue fingernails - Dana could hear in
his head what his father would say if he saw Dana now, as clearly as if
Dr. Diamond were really there:
"Not a word out of you, now - what I see with my own two eyes tells me
all I need to know. You've thrown in your lot with the most decadent and
depraved that this world has to offer. All these years I've toiled away,
trying to impart the Truth of the Gospel to you, and you go and toss it
by the wayside like it was trash. Someday, I pray maybe someday you will
get right with God again, but until that day I will not suffer a sodomite
or an invert to live under my roof. Now go."
He knew his mother would say nothing, but her look of dismay would hurt
worse than anything she could say. No, there was no way Dana could go
back home looking as he did now. He needed some time to make things
right, get back to normal. Cut his hair, clean off the makeup and nail
polish, buy some boy clothes... there was so much to do.
But, oh heck, he'd pushed it out of his mind, he didn't have any time to
spare: the camp must have called his parents when he didn't show, they
must be out of their minds with worry right now, maybe they'd even filed
a missing persons report! He had to call home right away to let them know
he's okay. What would he say? What //could// he say? Dana couldn't lie to
them - but he couldn't tell the whole truth, either. Okay, he would say
that he'd gotten lost on his way there, but he'd found a place to stay.
He was safe.
Dana dug through his purse (no, this wasn't //his// purse, boys didn't
have purses, this was just a purse that CeCe had bought for him) and
spilled a heap of random junk onto the bed. At last he found the iPhone
in its silvery case.
His father insisted on an old-school rotary as the sole phone in the
Diamond household. He called it a demonstration of humility and
austerity, but it also helped him to further restrict and monitor the
family's contact with the corrupt and sinful outside world. Consequently,
Dana had little experience operating modern push-button phones, to say
nothing of cell phones. But after a little fiddling around, he managed to
figure things out.
He dialed home. An automated message told him the number could not be
reached and reminded him to include an area code. Shoot! That's right, he
was calling 'long distance.' He dialed again and listened nervously to
the ring tone.
"Hello, this is the Diamond residence."
"Ummm, hello Mother."
"Oh, hello Dana! I wasn't expecting you to call at this hour. How are
you? How is camp? Is everything all right?"
"Uhhhhhh..." His mother didn't sound at all worried - she thought he'd
made it to camp! Somehow the camp hadn't informed his parents of his
absence. In that case, maybe it was best not to worry her? He didn't have
to //lie//. He would just avoid complicating things by explaining. "Uh,
um, yes, I'm fine... um, a little homesick, I guess. Um, just calling to
let you know I'm okay."
"That's good to hear! Everything is just fine here as well. I hope you
enjoy yourself at camp, meet some nice people. Do make sure to call if
anything's the matter."
"Yes, uh, I will. Thanks, Mother. Bye, I love you."
"I love you too, Dana. Bye now."
If his parents didn't think he was missing, then that changed everything.
Maybe Dana could salvage this mess after all, so that they never had to
learn how terribly he'd screwed things up at first. He could call the
camp and explain that he'd gotten waylaid but was on his way. Then he
could still make it there for the rest of camp.
That plan would require dealing with CeCe somehow, explaining that he had
to leave immediately. Dana couldn't lie to her, either - but he dreaded
the thought of revealing that he wasn't who she thought he was: not a
fellow undergraduate, not even a fellow woman! If only there was some way
to excuse himself without going into all the embarrassing details...
He couldn't think of anything off the top of his head. He couldn't think
very clearly at all: he'd woken up with a throbbing headache. Dana went
to the adjoined bathroom and scrubbed off the makeup as best he could.
The cold water woke him up some, but the headache persisted. Surely CeCe
had some aspirin he could take?
Stepping out into the suite, Dana was bombarded with sensations. Broad
daylight streamed in from the windows, so he had to squint at first. The
smell of bacon wafted over from the kitchen space. A go-cart racing game
was projected onto the wall, and cheery chiptune music piped out of the
speakers. Instead of CeCe alone, three other people were with her in the
suite, everyone facing away from Dana. Two were on the couch, intent on
the video game. The other was kneeling on a barstool, hunched over the
bar. CeCe was in the kitchen, busying herself by the stove.
"-and I mean, if Dada's already gettin' dusted then why the fuck not,
y'know?" Dana caught a snatch of conversation from one of the people on
the couch.
The other person on the couch said something in reply but Dana missed it.
The third stranger had his full attention now: she dismounted from the
stool and stretched unhurriedly, tossing back her hair and shaking out
her hips. She wore a black velvet dress that hid nothing of her generous
figure and black leather boots that laced all the way up to her knees.
Her hair was a violent magenta falling halfway down her back.
A Bible verse, one of his father's favorites, sprang to mind for Dana.
"If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For
it is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole
body to be thrown into hell." Hell had never felt closer to Dana than it
did now, yet he couldn't tear his eyes away.
"Zenon, please, you //know// I must take sugar with my coffee! Haven't
you seen me before in the most frightful states without it? Why, I become
positively anemic at times." She sniffled as if she had a terrible cold,
though her silky voice showed no signs of an illness. She rolled back her
shoulders and turned around.
Her face was the very picture of ease and focus. She held the world as if
it were a soap bubble in her hand, something she could explode at any
time. Eyelids hooded, blackened and beglittered. Lips a bruised purple,
quirked: probing, examining, evaluating. Her skin was as porcelain is,
flawless and brittle. Her hair wasn't half what he'd expected, being
almost fully shaved into an undercut on one side.
Her eyes were her eyes. They could be no-one else's; they were hers alone
to claim. They were not all that dissimilar to black holes: once you
crossed a certain line, not even the speed of light could save you. She
was in every way perfect.
"Look what the cat dragged in," she said, sardonic and self-satisfied.
CeCe turned and broke into a grin as she saw Dana. "You're up!"
Dana nodded, his eyes fixed right around the stranger's collarbone.
Hanging right above her cleavage was a golden emblem that Dana recognized
as the Rod of Asceplius, a serpent entwined around a staff. A small ruby
served as the snake's eye.
"Hope you slept well," CeCe continued. "I like just got up myself, so
it's not like you've missed much, like I'm just starting breakfast now.
You like pancakes? We got plain, blueberry, chocolate chip-" The third
stranger sniffed emphatically and cleared her throat. "Yeah, yeah, I was
about to get to introductions, hold onto your fucking high horse. Girls,
this is Dee Dee; Dee Dee, these are my girls. The two losers over there
are Zenon, Zee for short, and Exie-"
"//E//-X-E!"
"-right, EXE, Exie, Ex, E - or if you prefer, 'you humongous nerd' -
she'll know who you're talking to. Exie's the blue cueball over there,"
one of the two had an extremely short buzz cut, dyed glow-stick blue,
"while Zee is-"
"The one getting her fucking ass kicked in Kart!"
"-Zee is our resident redhead." The other of the two had her curly,
coppery hair piled up in a high bun. She gave Dana a quick smile and a
wave before turning back to the game.
"And then like, this im//possible// motherfucker over here is Dahlia, or
Dolly or-"
"-No, Celia my dear, you can call me Dolly because I am, after all, just
your plaything, to use and abuse as you please." She blew a smirking kiss
to CeCe. "But this little one - come closer dear, so that I may have a
better look - this //darling// child should show some respect for her
elders."
Dana stopped a few feet away from Dahlia, barely able to breathe. Even
though he was still taller in his stocking feet than she was in her
boots, he felt as though she was towering over him. "Dana dear, I expect
you to call me Doctor Starr, or Doctor. Doc, perhaps, once we've gotten
to know each other better, mmmkay? I will consider any other form of
address to be //most// disrepectful. Understood?"
"Yes! Um, yes Doctor Starr."
Exie guffawed. "Come off it with that 'doctor' shit, dude: you don't even
have your fucking bachelor's."
"Why, Liora my dear, you are the absolute last person I'd think would pay
mind to silly little things like degrees or certificates! True, I may not
be 'licensed to practice' in the strictest sense. But you cannot deny I
know as much or more than most M.D.'s about the intricacies of
psychopharmacology. I'd say I am //exceptionally// well-qualified to
diagnose all sorts of imbalances of the body, mind and soul."
She turned back to Dana and pressed a gleaming black nail into the middle
of his chest. He noticed that the gel pads were no longer sitting evenly
within his bra, and he started to sweat. "For example, I can tell at a
glance that our delicate Dana here is //dangerously// 'deflated.' She is
suffering from a dire deficiency of 'bubbly.' If left untreated, Dee Dee
runs the risk of becoming irreparably dour and dull."
Dahlia turned to the bar, picked up two glasses filled with orange juice
and handed one to Dana. "I prescribe eight ounces of mimosa, to be
adjusted at her physician's discretion." She clinked her glass against
Dana's and raised it to her lips. "A toast, then! To Dom P?rignon, a man
of God, a man of Science and, at the end of the day, a man of the Good
Life."
After yesterday's schnapps debacle, Dana knew he should be careful about
drinks he didn't know. But all he could think about was Dahlia's cocksure
smile, her entrancing gaze. In all likelihood, he would have drained a
cup of hemlock had she handed it to him.
The mimosa tasted like orange juice with fizz mixed in. Dahlia downed all
of hers in one go. Dana took a bigger gulp than he meant to.
"Fuuuck, like at least when you're drinking you shut the fuck up for once
in a while," said CeCe, getting chuckles out of Exie and Zee.
"If you don't like the sound of my voice, Celia dearest," Dahlia shot
back, "you need only gag me, you know." CeCe let out a half-strangled
laugh. All of a sudden there was a lot she needed to do with the
pancakes.
In the blink of an eye, Dahlia mixed another mimosa as if out of muscle
memory, or magical means. Then she began roving around the suite and
gesturing demonstratively. "I will take that as permission to keep
running my mouth, then. 'I shall begin with our ancestors...'"
It was remarkable to Dana how smoothly she could flow from one topic to
the next, from the Peloponnesian War to the cultivation of olives to the
global distribution of calcareous soil to the chemical composition and
creation of pearls. She moved from one topic to the next with little
outside prompting; the other three seemed to be only half-listening to
Dahlia, talking amongst themselves and throwing a joke or a jab her way
every couple minutes.
Even though Dahlia spoke with greater precision than CeCe, she was much
more difficult for Dana to understand because of the sinuous and
solipsistic bent of her musings. That didn't stop him from listening with
rapt attention, of course.
"Breakfast, bitches!"
Zee and Exie finished their game and gathered at the bar to eat. Dahlia,
however, was still on a roll. She swept into the kitchen area and swiped
some pancakes straight off the griddle. CeCe swatted her on the bottom
with the spatula, eliciting a yelp. Dahlia continued pacing around,
rambling on, stopping now and then to stuff her face with pancakes. Her
orbit looped back through the kitchen a few times to grab more pancakes
and top off Dana's mimosa.
"Don't even fuckin' bother with Dada right now, dude," Zee told Dana.
"When she's on a come-up, you can't tell her shit about shit."
Breakfast proved to be an effective distraction from Dahlia. The pancakes
were a slice of heaven, fluffy and buttery and full of fresh blueberries.
The bacon was as crisp as it can be without burning. CeCe accepted his
praise graciously, saying, "It's NBD, Dee Dee. And there's like a lot
more coming, so chow the fuck down! You're skinny as shit as it is."
Exie snickered. "You're like //such// a mom, CeCe-TV."
"Damn straight! And if you stay out past sunrise again, young lady, I
will //not// hesitate to ground your ass."
"Aye aye, cap'n." A pause. "We //are// gonna get shit rolling tonight
though, right? Start cracking the packs, all that?"
CeCe pursed her lips and glanced over at Dana. "Yeah... well like, I
dunno, like I was thinking we'd have more of a low-key night to start,
y'know?"
"There's no time but the present, if you ask me," interjected Dahlia.
"See but I //didn't// ask you, Dolly."
"It is Saturday, is it not?" Dahlia continued, undeterred. "When all the
pretty party people are out and about? I simply cannot con//ceive// of a
night better suited to our purposes. Why, even if we kept strictly to
best practices, we could easily clear a quarter of the-"
"-Dee Dee, honey, can you do me like, a mega huge favor?" CeCe broke in.
"I like totally spaced on this, um, this 'letter' I was supposed to give
to someone. Can you take it over to him right now? Please please
//please//? He's in the hotel, like it wouldn't take long." Dana nodded.
"Great!" She pulled an envelope from a bookbag sitting on the counter and
handed it to him. "He should be in room 237. His name's Ricky. And like,
if he's not in, just come back, okay?"
"Okay!"
-.-.-
Dana knew that she was just trying to get him out of the room so she
could speak to the others in private. He didn't mind it, though: after
all, he had only just met CeCe yesterday, while the other three seemed to
be good friends of hers. He wasn't sure why they needed their privacy.
But if CeCe didn't want him listening in, then it would be rude (not to
mention ungrateful) to pry.
Also, the errand gave him time to think about his own plans for the day.
Dana realized he need to call the camp as soon as possible. Somehow,
either they'd neglected to note his absence yesterday or they'd failed to
communicate it to his parents. But now that camp was underway, they could
realize their error at any time.
The camp calling his parents now would needlessly worry them: it would
also tell his mother that he hadn't been entirely truthful in their
recent conversation. He hadn't told her anything //untrue// - it was just
a little lie of omission, really. He was only trying to protect her!
Still, Dana felt a pit of discomfort growing in his stomach.
"You one of CeCe's girls?" The man answering the door was shirtless and
shining with sweat. He was also at least two heads taller than Dana and
built like a linebacker. Even though the man looked relaxed to the point
of catatonia, Dana still felt intimidated.
"Ummmm, yes?" he squeaked. "Is, um, is Ricky here?"
"In the flesh. CeCe just called, said you got something for me? A
'letter,' maybe?"
"Uh, yes, here." Dana handed him the envelope.
"I got something for her also." Ricky gave him back a much thicker
envelope. If this too was a letter, Ricky sure had a lot to say. "All
right then. Thanks, babe; tell CeCe I say hey. See you around. Or not."
-.-.-
When Dana returned to the suite, whatever conversation they'd been having
was over. CeCe was back cooking up a storm. Exie and Zee were deep in
their video game. Dahlia stared out the window while she smoked a
cigarette. As he entered, Dahlia turned and gave him the oddest smile.
Dana blushed and looked away.
"So, um, Ricky says hey. And uh, he gave me this, for you."
CeCe gave Dana a bracingly tight hug. "Thank you so, so much Dee Dee!
You've been such a huge help. There's loads more breakfast shit on the
bar now, so have at it!"
The spread was so good, Dana almost forgot he had an important question
for CeCe. "Umm, I was wondering if, uh, you knew somewhere I could access
the Internet? I need to, um, look some things up."
"Well like, there //is// your phone, for one: I got you a data plan last
night, remember? Though I guess you were, like, zoning pretty hard by
then, hehe. And like, using the net on a cell fucking blows anyway,
right? Can't see shit. But no, yeah, my laptop's like, on the bed in my
room. I'll go log in, and then you can have at it."
-.-.-
Dana spaced on the name of the camp, but a search for "little rock debate
camp" turned it up. //Brightheart: Tomorrow's Leaders, Today//. The
flashy photo montage that usually opened their homepage had been replaced
with an unadorned letter. "Dear Brightheart community..."
At the end of the letter, he wasn't sure if he was more shocked at the
camp being abruptly shut down or at the director being "held under
suspicion of the possession of improper materials." What did that even
//mean//? The phrase was ominous but extraordinarily vague - Dana
supposed it was the sort of euphemism he would have learned to use had he
attended the camp.
Whatever it meant, it meant he couldn't slip away to Little Rock. Dana
either had to return home or he had to stay with CeCe and her friends. He
had nowhere else to go. And he couldn't go home as he was now, but he
couldn't stay here as anything else.
Dana felt stuck, then, in what some of the unsaved might liken to Limbo.
According to his father, the idea of a place in the afterlife in between
Heaven and Hell was a Papist deceit, spread by the "Liar of Rome" to lead
people away from salvation by faith in Christ alone. Either you lived
with the Love of the Lord in your heart and ascended to Heaven, or you
lived devoted to sin and fell into the fires of Hell, to be tormented for
all eternity. There was no 'in-between.'
Dana knew that everything his father had taught him was drawn from the
Word of God Himself and so was true and right. Nonetheless, Dana knew now
that there was something to the notion of Limbo. He felt torn, neither
here nor there.
He had surely strayed from the simple piety of his home life. Deuteronomy
22:5 minces no words: "A woman must not put on men's clothing, and a man
must not wear women's clothing. Anyone who does this is detestable in the
sight of the Lord our God."
Was he therefore utterly estranged from God's love and guidance? Dana
held close the Word of the Lord in his head and his heart. So long as he
can still turn to Christ for succor, was he truly bound for Hell - even
among all these unsaved women? (Kind, thoughtful women, but unsaved
nonetheless.)
Yes, he needed to go back home, but how? And when? The very thought of
shopping for men's clothes or asking for a male haircut was daunting to
say the least, looking as feminine as he did. And all of that would have
to come after explaining his sudden departure to CeCe. There seemed to be
no way to fix his predicament without revealing himself as abominable to
someone he respected.
Truth be told, Dana didn't want to leave just yet. Was that so wrong,
given all the obstacles in his path? And... he had only just met Dahlia,
(or Doctor Starr, rather.) But he felt certain she had something to teach
him, something he couldn't learn at home. The Lord chooses peculiar
instruments, does He not? Was it really so queer to want to hear what she
had to say?
"So yeah dude, we're packing a kief bong, y'know, if you want in," Exie
announced, breaking Dana's reverie.
"Ummm, what?"
"If you wanna smoke? Or like, get knocked off your ass, I mean - not
'smoking' in the traditional sense of the term, TBH. But whatever,
right?"
"Ohhh! Oh, uhh, no, um, I don't smoke. Um, sorry?"
"Haha, no, I feel you dude: shit can get intense, for sure. Carry on
then." Dana followed Exie out anyway, since he no longer had any reason
to stay in CeCe's room.
Everyone was sitting on the couch in front of the projector - everyone
except CeCe. She was at the bar, smoking a cigarette with one hand and
drumming her fingers on the counter with the other. Dana sat a few seats
down from her to avoid the smoke.
"So, like, Dee Dee... we did //collectively// decide to go out clubbing
tonight. Um, what d'you think?"
"Umm. What do I think about, uh, //clubbing//?" He pictured them all
brandishing cudgels - no, that couldn't be what she meant.
"Yeah, like do you like to dance? Like, there's for sure some sweet
spots, like some killer DJs and shit. They're not //all// gross, y'know,
like we know where to go where it's more chill."
Dana watched as Dahlia held her lips up to a tower of ice and drew an
immense white cloud into her lungs. Her look in her eyes as she sank back
into the couch and exhaled was like nothing he'd ever seen.
"Uh-huh."
"You think so? Like no, I'd love to go out with you, for sure, er, like
go out to party, I mean... so if you're down, then hell yeah!"
"Buuuuuut..." drawled Zee, who had been listening to the whole exchange.
"But like, //yeah//... like that just means we've got some other shit to
do today, right? Like, fuck, I'm not hiding Dee Dee in my fucking purse,
that's for fucking sure."
"Celia dear, you won't hide hardly anyone in your fucking purse - I think
it's //terribly// unfair." Dahlia was sprawled over the couch, eyes
closed. Exie, who had been nursing the bong for some time now, broke into
a tremendous coughing fit. It sounded as though she were losing pieces of
lung.
"Mmmmmhm. But like, for serious: Exie, you're gonna need to move your ass
in the next couple hours. Like, you //are// our ID guy, right? Right?"
"Uhhhh? No, yeah, yeah Ce-D-Ce, you know it! I got IDs for //days//,
dude. Eons, even."
"Okay, cool. Great. Fucking terrific. Like, fuck, you silly fucks have
just smoked yourselves senseless so like, I won't even fucking bother.
Dee Dee, you maybe wanna take a walk, to talk and shit?"
"Not at the same time, one would hope." This was from Dahlia.
"She's got jokes, ladies and gentlemen!" CeCe ground out her cigarette on
the bar.
"Actually just ladies, right?" Exie.
"Eh, I wouldn't say we're all //ladies//, dude." Zee.
"Confirmed." Dahlia.
"Yeah, yeah, you're all blazed-out bitches, my fucking mistake. Dee Dee,
if you want some air, I'm heading out."
-.-.-
Dana had never seen CeCe angry in the brief time he'd known her. He
wouldn't call her mood wrathful, per se - she was nothing like his father
on his bad days - but seeing her usual bubbliness replaced with
prickliness was worrisome.
"I mean it's like, fuck, I don't give a shit if they wanna get blasted
into space, or like, if she wants to stuff a brick up her nose or
whatever, right, but like they //also// wanna go clubbing and work the -"
CeCe paused to take a long drag from her hand-rolled 'cigarette.' "- And
dance all night and shit? I mean, we do need some time to prep, right,
all that? It's like, fuck, it's like herding kittens who like just ate a
whole fucking bag of catnip, y'know?" CeCe blew a few globes of smoke
into the air without breaking stride.
"Must be frustrating?"
"Yeah, no fucking kidding! But like still, I love my girls to death, like
I'd take a bullet for any of them, real talk - they're just huge pains in
the ass sometimes. And like no, they're all super loyal - which is so
fucking rare - and like scary smart, too." She took another sharp pull
from her spliff. "//When// they're not faded as fuck - which like, let's
be honest, isn't gonna be too fucking often these next couple of weeks.
Still, they've got good instincts even when they are fucked up - and
like, that's also rare as all hell."
Dana nodded and murmured and commiserated with CeCe as she kept venting.
She cooled off quickly, but a cloud of concern lingered over her
features. All of a sudden her eyes flashed with recognition. She stopped
and tugged on Dana's arm.
"Hey, Dee Dee, that is like my favorite store //ever// across the street
there! Let's take a look at their shit, you feel me?" He shrugged and
followed her into the store. "Apoplexia" was its name. Its window display
featured a mannequin version of St. Sebastian, bound to a post and shot
full of arrows. Instead of Sebastian's usual loincloth, the mannequin
wore a gray sarong patterned with cat eyes.
The store's interior layout took after the window display's example. All
throughout were platforms where mannequins suffered exquisite torments
lifted from classical myths, Dante's //Inferno//, and the Inquisition.
The displays were so realistic - well-defined muscles on the mannequins,
fake blood seeping from their wounds - that Dana couldn't help but feel a
little nauseated. CeCe, on the other hand, was in heaven, darting with
glee from one display to the next.
"Ohhhh my god, I like //have// to have this!" The garment in question
resembled a military jacket that had been savaged by wolves and then
patched back together with a grab-bag of cloths, furs and leathers. The
mannequin had its feet encased in a glass box filled with taxidermied
rats. Dana couldn't judge the jacket's aesthetics, but it managed to look
quite comfortable in spite of the mannequin's plight.
CeCe soon found a jacket in her size and had it boxed up. Then she turned
to Dana with a gleam in her eye.
"So yeah, there's like gotta be something in here for you, am I right?"
"Umm, sure! But, uhh, I don't know... you um, you got me enough nice
things already-"
"Dee Dee, you're a sweetheart, like really, but listen to me: a girl
//cannot// have 'enough' clothes. Sorry, but that's the law. I don't make
the rules, I just enforce them, and in this case that means you're
walking out of here with something cute, 'kay?"
"Okay..." Dana wanted to avoid ending up with even more women's clothing.
But CeCe was just now returning to her usual cheery self - he didn't want
to stress her out by arguing. And to be honest, her tone of voice didn't
suggest the possibility of an argument. "Umm, maybe something small,
though?"
"If you'd prefer that, then like, sure - they've got tons of dope
accessories and shit."
CeCe prowled around the store with Dana trailing behind. Suddenly she
stopped by a mannequin hanging upside-down by one leg.
"Oh wow, like these socks would look fucking perf with that one skirt you
got, right? The gray checked one?" Dana made a noncommittal noise,
looking at the mannequin out of the corner of his eye. The thigh-high
socks were pure white at the bottom, but a midnight-purple dye oozed down
from the top. They looked as if a glistening ichor was leaking onto them.
Since the mannequin was upside-down, the ichor appeared to defy gravity
by flowing upward.
The stockings were certainly disturbing, but that wasn't why Dana was
reluctant to give the mannequin a good look. Apart from the thigh-highs,
all the mannequin wore was some very racy black lingerie. Dana recalled
CeCe buying him some underwear last night that was scarcely more modest.
He struggled to push the thought out of his head, only to find it
replaced with an image of Dahlia in similar attire - even worse! He felt
himself stirring in a place he knew he shouldn't be.
Dana was so preoccupied with the struggle for his soul that he raised
little objection to CeCe's other 'must-have' discoveries. In addition to
the stockings, Dana left the store with a pair of fingerless blue-velvet
gloves and a headband sporting miniature goat horns. CeCe contented
herself with the jacket and a necklace with a barbed-wire pentacle.
-.-.-
Back at the suite, the other three had put up a movie on the projector.
Dana and CeCe entered just as Tommy Lee Jones was chasing Harrison Ford
through a sewer and over a waterfall. Dana recognized neither actor, but
the tension of the scene was clear enough. Nobody said a word as Harrison
Ford plunged into the churning water below. Then Dahlia began laughing
uproariously, and (Dana felt) rather inappropiately. A man's life was
held in the balance, no? As it turned out, Harrison Ford survived his
leap of faith to face further trials.
"Alright, y'all seem a little more focused," CeCe said as the credits
rolled. "So like, maybe you can resolve this issue we have with an ID,
EXE?"
Exie nodded in an almost mechanical way. "You're talking to an ID expert
here, TL-CeCe. Like, dude, y'all need to step the fuck //back// while I
get to work, all right?"
Zee and CeCe exchanged a look that Dana couldn't decipher. Then Zee
pulled Exie up off the couch and led her over to CeCe.
"Okay, like Zee, I think we //really// need you to like, calibrate the
lighting and shit for Dee Dee's photo? So like, just go along and help
with that, 'kay?"
Zee gave CeCe a secret smile and prodded the other two out into the
hallway. She acted as a sheepdog, guiding or goading Dana and Exie over
to a different hotel room. As they entered the room, she placed a
reassuring hand on Dana's shoulder.
-.-.-
"Okay! Okay dude, here's how it's gonna happen: you stand by that wall
next to the TV, and I'll go get my camera. Cool?"
Dana didn't have time to nod; Exie had already disappeared into another
room. Zee laughed as though an anticipated amusement had exceeded her
expectations. Then she led Dana over to the space Exie had indicated.
"She's off an addy from that 'bathroom break,' so just humor her, 'kay?
She gets kinda wired-up, but it's no big." Dana knew Zee was trying to
set him at ease, but her unnaturally blas? tone of voice only set him on
edge.
"All right, Dee: look at me like I'm a dead dog." Exie was pointing an
alarmingly large camera at his face. "Or a dead cat, or a bird or lizard
or like whatever. Just, just look at me like the whole world seems like
kind of a shit proposition, okay? Okay? Got it?"
Ever since he'd woken up, Dana had been wondering whether the world
wasn't all it's made out to be. Apparently his expression satisfied Exie,
because she grinned while she snapped perhaps three dozen pictures of him
in quick succession.
"Yeah no, that's it, fuck! Like... fuck! You're really fucking making me
feel like I'm working at the DMV here, dude - this is truly some
//great// shit right here." Exie turned and plugged the camera into her
laptop. "Yeah, like I feel like I could fucking fuck around on the rest
of the ID, like all these shots are institutional as shit! Like, shit!"
"All right now, dude, let's not liken Dee Dee to an inmate or anythin',
y'know?" Zee said.
"Or like, a loon, or any number of things, really-"
"-Yeah, yeah, the mind boggles: let's get this fuckin' shit pressed and
printed though, right?"
"Haha, like don't even worry, dude: the file's already sent. I'm a
motherfucking //pro//, y'know?"
Suddenly Exie fixed Dana with a dead serious gaze. "And you're straight,
right - like you don't strike me as a narc, y'know?"
"Ummmmm, no? No, I'm not, uh, I'm not a, um, a //narc//?"
"Narc? Like, you //do// know the term, dude? 'Federal narcotics agent?'"
"..."
"Or like, a snitch? Fuck. Like, fuck - Dee, let me put this real fucking
plainly. Have you ever seen something that wasn't, like, //strictly// on
the level?"
"..."
"As in: 'oh my, this is something a person could get arrested for!' An
activity of that sort."
"..."
"Like no, of course not. I get it: you're a good, God-fearing Christian,
like I can see that. But that doesn't mean that you have to talk when you
//don't// have to talk, right? Like I mean, 'render unto Caesar,' all
that shit?"
"..."
"My understanding has always been, like - there's a world of difference
between heaven and earth, right? Anyone has to admit that."
"..." Dana agreed, but Exie seemed to be taking that fact in an unusual
direction.
"Like okay, okay, look: you'll have to take my word for this, but - once
upon a time, I was a very sweet, very respectable Jewish girl."
"... Jewish?" Exie hadn't seemed at all Jewish to Dana. But then, her
blue buzz-cut had distracted from the rest of her features.
"Yeah, haha, like I was gonna meet a nice Jewish boy at college, a future
doctor or lawyer of course, and I was gonna marry him, and I was gonna
give birth to a buncha brilliant, beautiful Jewish babies." Zee was
smiling and shaking her head.
"Ummm..."
"And then what happened? Well, Dee, //then// I met Zenon, and she
introduced me to her two best friends."
"CeCe and Dahlia?"
"Haha, no - good guess though. We didn't meet 'til freshman year. No, I
mean Mary Jane," here Exie mimed hitting a joint, "and Sappho!" and here
Exie gestured by spreading her middle and ring fingers apart and licking
her tongue through the space between them. Dana wasn't familiar with the
gesture, but it did seem rather lewd.
"Ummm, like the poet?"
"Yeah, yeah, Sappho was a poet, dude - and what else?"
"Um. A teacher?"
"Aaaand..."
"Um. Uh. A corrupter of youth?"
Exie snorted and glanced over at Zee. "Haha, yeah, how does that shit
sound on your headstone, ZeZe? 'Hottie, genius, corrupter of youth.' Not
bad, right?" Zee looked to the floor and shook her head. "No, dude, like
she taught me how to //fuck//, y'know?"
"... ... ... ... ... So, um. You're... uh, you're um, you're... //gay//?"
Exie shook her bright-blue, close-cropped head in disbelief. "Uhhh, yeah?
Like uh, are you //that// kind of Christian? 'See no evil, speak no
evil?'" Zee gave Exie a hard look. "Er, I mean, like, no, like whatever
dude, it's whatever, like no - like I totally see why CeCe would be down
with you." Zee gave Exie a look of pure ice. "No, I mean - um, no really,
it's totally like, whatever. Really."
"... ... ... Um, so CeCe-"
"-No! No actually, like: look, dude, like we did not even talk about
this, all right? We never in fact discussed anything of this sort. Like,
for real, if you were to talk to CeCe right now, you would //not//
mention the words 'gay' or 'homo' or, uh - 'lesbian,' 'dyke,' 'fag,'
'queer,' and so on, like any of those. Uh, that is unless you wanted
shit to get real fucking uncomfortable." Exie had quickly closed the
distance between her and Dana. Her breath was hot and dry on his face.
"... Yeah um, okay, sure, of course! Of course."
"Ex gets a little chatty when she's had her candy, but it doesn't really
//mean// anythin', y'know?" Zee said in a chilly tone.
"Um, sure... I mean, I don't even know what you're talking about." Dana
truly didn't, and now seemed like the right time to admit it. If they
were as close to CeCe as he thought, wouldn't she already know they were
gay? And hadn't CeCe told him yesterday that she wasn't homophobic? She
//had// seemed a little flustered by the idea, but still... Dana couldn't
make head or tail of the situation.
"Great! Like, what is love, really? I mean, fuck, forget it, your ID's on
its way, so let's just drop it, right?" Exie squeezed Dana's shoulder
pretty darn hard.
"Hey, it's almost 6:00 now - let's fuckin' eat, right?" said Zee. Just
then, Exie's phone erupted into a ringtone that Dana failed to recognize
as the Nyan Cat song.
"Yello? Yeah! No yeah dude, you know it: I'm the motherfucking //man//.
Oh? Yeah, sure, see you there." Exie hung up the phone. "Lol, you and
CeCe must be 'synced up,' dude: she just asked us to meet her at the
hotel restaurant."
-.-.-
The dinner was mouth-watering, but Dana had a hard time enjoying it.
After that talk with Exie, he was left with no illusions about his
understanding of CeCe's circle: he didn't have a frickin' clue. They had
their own private history, their own slang, their own in-jokes and their
own unspoken rules. He was nothing but an interloper - and given his
patchy knowledge of the secular world at large, he had about as much hope
as a Martian of coming to understand them. Sitting at a table full of
people talking and laughing, Dana felt hopelessly alone.
Dahlia had poured him a glass of red wine from one of the bottles at the
table. He didn't want to put himself even more out of place by refusing
the wine, so he just sipped at it while the others finished glass after
glass. His church had already given him diluted wine for Communion, so he
half-convinced himself that this wasn't too big of a transgression.
A question had been nagging at Dana for some time. When the dessert
arrived, (a superb chocolate tiramisu,) there was enough of a break in
the conversation for him to speak up.
"So, umm, about this ID...?"
"Oh, yeah dude: I never really explained, did I?" Exie grinned, then
glanced over at CeCe. She shrugged, so Exie continued. "Yeah, so it's
like, how do we get one printed so quick? Well, heh, you could say 'I got
a guy.' Except I don't know if it's a guy, or a girl, or like even a dog
or whatever. You know about the Deep Web?" Dana shook his head. "Haha,
like that's kind of the point, right? Okay." She clasped her hands
together.
"Like, think of the internet as an iceberg. You've got this little part
poking out the top: that's the Surface Web, the shit anyone can see, the
shit being indexed by Google and shit. But like then you have this huge
chunk floating underneath: that's the Deep Web. No indexing, no nothing.
//That's// where all the real juicy shit's going down. And a shit-ton of
totally boring shit too but like, shit, that's life, y'know? You gotta
have a buncha coal to make diamonds, or whatever." Exie paused to take a
swig of her wine.
"Okay, so like I can see you wondering: how do you find any of this shit
if it's not on Google? Well, there's like a buncha different approaches,
but my personal favorite is..." Exie descended into a technical
discussion that was way over Dana's head. He nodded and smiled as she
rattled on; the other three seemed to be doing the same, also taking the
opportunity to drink more or to swipe some of Exie's neglected tiramisu.
"... and so that's how it's delivered without any, like, 'actionable'
paper trail tracing back to the printer or the purchaser." Exie took a
deep breath. "Pretty fucking cool, right?"
"Uhhhh, yeah, yeah, sure! But... I was actually wondering more about
//why// I need this ID than about how we're getting it." The rest of the
table chuckled, Exie excepted.
"Ohhh... really though, dude? But that's like, a much shorter
explanation. Shoulda just stopped me." Nobody believed that Exie could
have been stopped once she'd gotten rolling, not even Exie herself.
"Well, uh, anyway-" Exie finished her glass. "-to answer your //actual//
question, it's like fairly straightforward: the clubs wanna cover their
asses."
There was a long pause, as if Exie expected that to resolve the matter.
Then, seeing that Dana still did not understand, she elaborated. "Like,
okay, suppose that the authorities have arrived. Some illegal shit just
went down, and the po-po are there to investigate. Or maybe they just
felt like showing up. And like, //now// suppose a sizeable percentage of
the clubgoers have no ID or like, fucking shamelessly bogus ID, or else
ID that suggests they should not be on the premises at all. That's gonna
look pretty fucking bad, right? Like, there's no amount of money you can
hand off to make that go away." Exie filled up her glass again.
Dana wasn't sure he was following. "So then... you need to get an
official club ID to get in?"
"Exactly, dude, it has to be super 'official.' Like it has to be 'club
certified,' so to speak. It's not getting your ass on a plane, but like,
it'll pass the sniff test, and it'll come //fast// if you've got the
right connects."
"And who is Liora, if not Little Miss Connects?" Dahlia mused. "Why, they
should call you 'Connect Wh-'" She was stifled by CeCe's hand over her
mouth.
"You should chill on the wine for a while, don't you think, Dolly?"
Dahlia pouted theatrically, then nodded. "I do believe this one was
something of an off-year for Bournogne, anyway." The rest of the dinner
passed in relative quiet.
-.-.-
"If we're gonna go out tonight, we're doing it right, all right?" CeCe
lit up a spliff as soon as she stepped in the suite. "By which I mean,
doing it big, y'know? Like I know y'all are fierce as fuck every night of
the fucking week, but like, I mean battlegear here, you feel me?"
"Loud and clear, CeCe," said Zee. Dahlia threw a mock salute. Exie just
shrugged.
"'Kay, leave your bags with me, go get your shit sorted then head back
here, right?" The three handed over their purses (or backpack, in Exie's
case,) and left the suite. CeCe took the bags into her room.
"All right, Dee Dee, let's fucking do this thing!" She all but flew from
her door over to where Dana was standing. Somehow she managed to finish,
ash and dispose of her spliff in a baggie while in transit.
"Ummm, what thing?"
"Like, getting dressed to go out? I mean like, hehe, we didn't buy all
that shit just to //look// at it, y'know?" CeCe took him by the arm and
led him into his bedroom. Then she pulled open the walk-in closet where
his wardrobe was stored.
"Ohh, of course, but um... isn't what I'm wearing now okay?" Dana knew
that people got dressed up to go to parties and such, and he imagined
'clubbing' was much the same. But he was more than a little nervous about
what CeCe might pull out of that closet.
"Dee Dee, honey, like no of course you look super cute as is, but like...
okay, as your self-appointed stylist, it falls upon me to explain." She
lit up another spliff; Dana didn't have the faintest clue where she'd
pulled it from. "You can't wear just anything clubbing, right, like it's
a different scene en-fucking-tirely than just wherever. If you don't come
correct, you get wrecked, y'know? Or like, worst case is you don't even
get in the fucking //door//."
Dana looked a little stricken, so CeCe put a hand on his shoulder. "But
like no, if you and the club have an understanding, then like that's
never a problem. And we do, so like don't even worry about that, Dee Dee.
My point is, almost everyone else in the club did have to stand in line,
knowing that they //could// get turned away. So like, everyone's game is
turnt up way past maximum, y'know? Which means, if you wanna look like
you fucking belong there, your style's gotta be lethal, you feel me?
Like, 'the fuck is a warning shot, bitch?' That kinda look, right?"
Dana was losing track of her again. You had to dress intimidatingly
stylish, was that it? He doubted he could intimidate a grade-schooler, to
say nothing of a club full of ultra-hip people. CeCe did not seem
concerned. "Look, Dee Dee, just chill, it's all gonna come together
great. With all the sharp shit we got and your killer looks, like you're
gonna be a motherfucking monster out there, trust me." She smiled at him,
the same beatific grin that had set him so at ease when they'd first met
on the bus. It didn't quite quell his worries now, but he felt compelled
to smile back.
"All right, like my first instinct is we go in on one of the throwback
dresses, y'know?" CeCe was on the hunt, pawing through the closet. She
was also smoking her third or fourth spliff; Dana was starting to feel a
little woozy from all the secondhand smoke. "Like, this one here would
look fucking //perf// for a psycho-Lolita look, but like, at least for
tonight we can't go that route."
She gave Dana's shoulder a squeeze. "Don't take this wrong way, Dee Dee,
but like we're gonna need to bust our asses to age you up some, y'know?
Like, again, the clubs will all know us so it's NBD, like really, don't
worry, but like - if you don't even look //legal//, that kinda brings us
some unwanted attention, you feel me?" CeCe took a long drag from her
spliff, then looked Dana straight in the eye. "And like, it's not like
I'm going to make this a thing or anything, but if you want to level with
me, great. Dee Dee, are you eighteen?"
Dana was not. A couple months ago he'd reached his "Sweet Sixteen,"
though at the moment it was turning out to be anything but. "Ummmmmmm...
no?" he whispered. He felt himself tearing up - this was the closest he'd
come to admitting that he wasn't at all who she thought he was.
"Shhhh, shhh, honey it's okay," CeCe said, gently rubbing the back of his
head. "I don't think any less of you just because you're a little
younger, y'know? You're still like, really cool and really smart and all,
okay Dee Dee? It's so not even a thing to me. Okay?"
Dana sniffled and nodded. He felt a little better, even though he knew
she wouldn't be anywhere near as understanding if she found out he was
also male.
"Like, that being said though, let's make one thing clear, 'kay?" CeCe
gave him a kind but firm look. "I don't want to mom on you, but like, I'm
gonna mom on you for this one thing: don't go chasing after boys tonight,
all right?" Dana almost laughed aloud; chasing after boys was the
absolute last thing on his mind. "I mean it! This is so not my joking
face here." CeCe ditched her spliff and took hold of Dana by both
shoulders. "Look: you remember last night, I swore I wouldn't let anyone
hurt you? I was //not// fucking around then, Dee Dee. I will join my
mother in the cold-fucking-ground before I see that happen to you. D'you
see where I'm coming from now?"
Dana nodded, feeling terribly torn. On the one hand, he was moved far
more than he could say that she would value his life before her own. On
the other, did he even deserve such protection? She hardly knew him! And
almost everything she thought she knew about him was a falsehood he
hadn't had the courage to correct. He wasn't cool, or smart, or even a
girl - he was just some stupid kid who had taken the wrong bus. If CeCe
knew who he really was, she would turn him away in an instant. But so
long as she didn't know, he knew he had nothing to say against what she
felt.
"Okay then, we're understood. Like okay, I'm not saying don't dance, or
don't have fun or whatever, but just like - keep it casual, y'know? The
clubs are so not the place to be looking for like, an 'all right' guy,
right? But also like, on the flip side of that - if a guy is creeping on
you, come to me //immediately//. I will blow his fucking balls off." A
pause. "Again, no jokes. I don't do jokes. And I mean, I'll be looking
out for you anyway but like, please, you need to let me know when
something's shady, okay?" She paused, then grinned. "Enough heavy shit
though, right? Let's get you looking fucking fatal, you feel me?"
Dana had a boatload of feelings floating around, but chief among them was
pleasing CeCe. If she liked how he looked, wouldn't that go a little ways
toward repaying her for taking him under her wing? He would have to
disillusion her soon enough, but maybe he could make her happy for just
one night? (The smallest, worst part of him was curious to know how he
might turn out. But of course, that played no role whatsoever in his
decision to go along with her.)
-.-.-
"I think this might be the one." After five minutes of browsing the
closet, after several dresses already considered and discarded, CeCe
thought she had the one. 'The one' was a take-off on the archetypal '50s
housewife dress. It was collared and polka-dotted, with buttons down the
front and a flared skirt.
There the similarities ended, however. The dress was the murky, menacing
blue of an ocean trench, polka-dotted black. The polka dots themselves
appeared normal toward the middle of the dress, but the pattern started
to glitch as it approached the hem and the neckline, fuzzing and smearing
across the dress like a television set losing its signal. Nearing the
edge, the very fabric of the dress began to dissolve, fraying from a
solid cotton into a tangled lace, and from there into a ragged fringe of
sheer muslin. It was as though the dress was being eaten alive from the
outside.
"Um, okay?" Dana took the dress from CeCe and headed for the bathroom.
"Cool, but like, you don't have to go anywhere, right?" CeCe said, the
slightest edge to her voice. "Like I mean, we're both chicks and we
//are// both straight, so like we don't have make it weird if we see each
other, y'know?" Oh no, Dana had completely forgotten! He was acting as
though he were a heterosexual man with a heterosexual woman, as though he
needed to guard both his dignity and her modesty. But as things stood
between them, they were both heterosexual women. So in fact it was as
natural as anything for them to change in front of each other. Even so...
he wasn't sure he could keep up the pretense in such proximity.
"But wait, like... no, I mean it's whatever, right, like //I// don't give
a shit! I was just saying you don't have to walk all that way, y'know,
that's all I was saying. I mean, whatever, right?" CeCe had started by
gesturing with emphasis, but she cooled off towards the end. Then she
picked up again. "Ohhh, fuck, like I mean, of course - if you're self-
conscious about your body or like, your-" here CeCe made a cupping
gesture in front of her chest, to symbolize breasts. "-then like, don't
be, honey! Like you're still super hot, right? I mean, hahaha, that's
just my totally fucking disinterested straight girl assessment but like,
yeahhh, any guy would be lucky to have you, y'know?" She blinked, chewed
her bottom lip and continued. "Though like, not tonight, remember? No
guys are getting at you 'cause like, that's gonna end up totally
terrible, you hear me?"
Dana nodded. CeCe seemed to be getting a little agitated over this whole
issue, so perhaps it would best if he did change in front of her. But if
she noticed his, um, his thing, then it would be all over. What was he to
do?
"Umm, yeah, no, uh, like it's no problem! But ummm, I do have to go use
the bathroom, okay?"
"Oh! Yeah, sure, sure."
Dana left the dress on his bed and headed into the bathroom. He truly did
have to pee, so he relieved himself. Now, he had a little work to do.
Okay, if he pulled his stuff all the way back like this, and pulled his
underwear from the Twins all the way up like this, how did that look?
Flat in front, good, good, and in back... um, not exactly right, but CeCe
wouldn't be looking too close, would she? He didn't know how to do any
better, so he pulled up his shorts and stepped out into the bedroom.
CeCe now had a glass of cranberry juice in one hand and yet another
spliff in the other. "All right, Dee Dee, here's the thing - we should
get your stuff sorted, um, up top, before we see how it looks, all
right?" Dana looked at her blankly. "Yeah, like, all I'm saying is, um,
like... if we want you looking legit, like as in, uh, legal, y'know, then
like, ideally we want to show a little happening, um, up there, that's
all." Dana looked at her blankly. "Okay, like: can we tape up your tits,
is what I'm asking?"
"Ummmmm..." Dana looked at her blankly.
Dana had no idea that his boyish (read: soft) pectoral muscles could be
drawn together to form something approaching a woman's cleavage. Then
again, he had no idea he could be mistaken for a college girl and dragged
into a drugged-out vacation, but that seemed to have happened despite all
his expectations.
The dress fit him well, once the tape was secure and the gel pads were
smooshed into place. Dana almost didn't recognize himself even as he was
reflected through about a dozen mirrors. Was that //him//? 'Him' almost
didn't make sense in this context. But in that case - well, no time to
consider that now.
"I like think we have a winner!" CeCe had a look of absolute satisfaction
on her face, one that Dana had rarely seen as of late. "There's like a
lot more to do but like, we're definitely on the right fucking track,
y'know?" It was all Dana could do to nod; CeCe was on her sixth or
seventh spliff and her third glass of cranberry and vodka. He had the
most remarkable headache.
"All right, like we should shower, then!" CeCe said. "Ummm, I mean like,
//you// should shower, and like I'll go take care of my own shit or
whatever."
Dana nodded. He hadn't showered all day, somehow: he was honestly
disgusting, if he thought about it at all. All the smoke that had soaked
into his skin wasn't helping matters. And he felt most peculiar in this
dress. It would be easier to have it off for a while.
-.-.-
"Okay great, like just let your hair air-dry or whatever," CeCe said
after wrangling his 'breasts' into place for the second time. "Okay, so
like I left the tights and the shoes on the bed. The MJ's are really low,
like two inches, so you'll be fine. Oh and um, Zenon'll come through soon
to do make-up, and like, she is a fucking master - like, for real, like
she's Michelangelo and your face is the Sistine Chapel, right? She will
take it to that level, see if she doesn't. ...Ummm, no though, not to
freak you out or anything, Dee Dee, just... let her work, y'know? She
can//not// underwhelm you."
-.-.-
"All right, I conferred with CeCe and I think we have it sorted," Zee
said as she laid her palette out on the counter. "The guidin' light here
is 'impersonal.' Imagine you've met an android, maybe a cyborg, y'know,
some kind of human-robot amalgam. And this robot is super expressive by
design, right, but due to the limits of technology they're also real
stiff and eerie, y'know? So you can't tell from their expression whether
they're a good robot there to serve your every whim, or a bad robot
waitin' for you to let down your guard before they fuckin' end you. Basic
'Blade Runner' shit here. But the point //beyond// that is this: you
don't even care if they're good or bad, you're too fascinated by this
'impersonal personality' on display, this person coated in impersonality
- it's a persona that's foregroundin' the very act of impersonation,
y'know?"
Dana had never heard Zenon speak more than two sentences at a stretch, so
this geyser of words took him by surprise. He thought he understood the
content of her words well enough: the purpose behind them, however, was
way beyond his grasp.
"So then you're, um, making me up as a potentially killer robot?"
"Look at this way: anyone you've ever met could be holdin' a deadly
grudge against you, right? So we're just bringin' that all-too-human
reality to the surface with this face. And when you mix the self-
cannibalizin' housewife motif into the equation, then we start to look
toward a tragicomic readin' of the heteronormative script, and we start,
uhh - I mean, fuck, you don't want to hear all this theory shit. I'll
just sum it up, then? We're embracin' the inanimate, or rather the
receptive, or rather, um, the tension between the 'settled' space of the
make-up and the 'unsettled' space of the face. The powder stays in place
or it doesn't, but the face is always already mobile, as in mobilizin'
//against// itself. We're recognizin' the perpetual self-effacement of
the face, you feel me?" She let out a sharp breath. "I mean, fuck it,
forget it. I'm no good at explainin' myself."
Dana felt he was following the 'what' of her words. But the 'how' and
'why' still remained elusive. How was she translating all of that into
the products she applied to his face? And why was that the appropriate
theme for his make-up? And also, actually: what in good grace was the
heteronormative script? Dana thought back to Una and her peculiar fairy
tale. He concluded that cosmeticians were a curious breed, far beyond his
comprehension.
"All right, gold." Zee appeared satisfied with Dana's face.
Dana stepped up to one of the room's many mirrors to get a better look.
He supposed he saw how the make-up followed from all that abstract talk
earlier. The impression it left on the viewer was certainly one of
'impersonality.' The foundation was very even and flat, with just a touch
of plasticky sheen to it. The blush was flashy but unconvincing, trying
and failing to inject warmth into an unfeeling surface. Similarly, the
contouring around his cheeks and temples aimed to accentuate the humanity
of his bone structure. But instead his face appeared hollow, as if it had
pressed out of a mold. His eyes were sharply defined by a deep blue
eyeshadow close to the color of the dress. The strategic application of
white eyeliner helped to make his eyes 'pop,' quite literally - they
looked as though they could be popped in and out of his sockets at will.
The overall feel of his face was very 'Uncanny Valley.' Dana resembled a
sultry sexbot who might or might not be programmed with femme fatale
protocols. His natural facial expressions were as genuine and open as
ever, but that only served to heighten the viewer's sense of ambivalence.
Dana felt a heady mixture of attraction and repulsion as he stared at his
reflection.
"Okay... um, thanks?"
"Later, then." Zee was already ready to go out, Dana realized, with her
darkly distinguished mouth and her iron throne of a dress.
All Dana had left was to don the tights and the shoes. Like the rest of
his ensemble, the tights were unusual, though in a more understated way.
They were transparent, so his legs looked almost bare. But they were shot
through with a pattern of hairline cracks. His legs seemed to be
threatening to shatter, like they could crumble to dust at any moment. It
was a little touch and go pulling them on, but he'd gotten some practice
last night. If he could do it sloshed beyond belief, he could do it
(mostly) sober.
Dana wouldn't say he felt 'drunk' exactly. He'd had hardly a half glass
of wine at dinner. But he couldn't say he felt altogether himself,
either. Dana had dismissed it earlier as a headache from the smoke, but
it was much more than that. He felt more alert, not in the sense of
having more energy or focus, (as he did with caffeine,) but rather of
being tuned into features of his environment that had escaped his notice
before. Cross-sections of fabric patterns, the negative space between two
pieces of furniture, the hollow of an abandoned glass: all these scenes
had been before his eyes the whole time, but he had never paid them any
mind. Now they felt essential to him.
The shoes were gleaming black Mary Janes with a silver buckle. With two-
inch heels, they were reasonable by comparison to many other shoes, but
that was little consolation to Dana. He was sure he'd soon fall and make
a fool of himself. And what if he actually did adjust to the heels -
wouldn't that be the final emasculating nail in the coffin of his
manhood?
Even standing alone in his room, Dana could feel the heels changing the
way he related to his body, shifting his center of gravity and altering
his posture. Dressing like a woman was one thing, but holding himself
like one and walking like one was another thing entirely. Could he ever
get back to the way his life used to be? No, no, of course he could: none
of this really meant anything. This outfit was just a surface appearance,
after all; he was still a man underneath, right? (But what if the man
that he'd thought he was was just a surface appearance as well, and what
if nothing lay underneath? Woah.)
Surface appearance or no, it was undeniably effective. There was no trace
of his former self in his reflection. Nothing hinting at masculinity, for
one. He had also been 'aged up' rather well. The casual observer would
suppose him to be at least eighteen or nineteen, though probably no
older. "Dee Dee" was a youthful-looking late teen, trying for twenty-one
but not quite getting there - but also trying for sexy and passing with
flying colors.
The dress was not outrageously revealing, nor was it flaunting his
curves. (Apart from his false chest, he didn't have any.) Its allure was
due to its suggestiveness. Only a sliver of cleavage rose entirely over
the neckline, but a good amount more was only half-concealed by the outer
ring of irregular lace. The same principle held for his legs: the entire
hem reached down to his knees, but the edge of the solid cotton stopped
four inches farther up his thighs. Even more tantalizing was the dynamism
created by the transition from cotton to lace to muslin. One could easily
imagine that process continuing, the material dissolving from the
outside-in until it was more a negligee than a dress, or until it
disappeared all together.
Likewise, his make-up relied upon its ambiguous proposal to the viewer:
Dee Dee might or might not be looking to snap your neck, but you were all
but guaranteed a good time before that happened. And wouldn't it prove
all the more satisfying if she had in fact been biding her time all the
while, just waiting to seize the moment and your neck? In reality, of
course Dana was as docile as a lamb, (a lamb with a contact high, at
that,) but the onlooker had no reason to reach that conclusion.
All told, his ensemble took elements that were chaste and wholesome (the
domesticity of the Stepford dress, the blandness of androids, Dana's
chastity and wholesomeness) and twisted them into anything but. The
outfit was less foward than many he would see throughout the night, but
its intentions were clear enough all the same.
Dana could think of more than a few words that his father had for women
dressed in a similar fashion, none of them pleasant.
But Dana hardly thought of his father. He was more concerned about the
words that the others might have for him. Well, the words of one in
particular: Dahli- Doctor. (Dana sensed he wasn't on familiar enough
terms to call her Doc just yet.) How would she take his new look? Would
she even notice him at all, or ignore him as she'd done for most of the
day? What would he say to her? What if she asked him to dance? (People
did that at parties, right?) He didn't know how to dance! And wearing
these gosh-darned heels, he was sure to fall on his face as soon as he
tried. Maybe they could just... stand near each other, instead?
-.-.-
When Dana finally mustered up the courage to come out, he found the
others standing together on the suite's dancefloor. A large circle had
been chalked onto the floor, circumscribing a five-pointed star. CeCe and
the others each stood just inside the circle at one of the star's points.
Exie whistled. "Damn, dude. Killing it."
Dahlia gave him one of her cryptic smiles. "Indeed. Our dear demure Dee
Dee looks quite the daredevil now." Dana shivered. Her smile was the
absolute best he'd ever seen. Hands down, hers took the gold, no
question.
Dahlia was a vision. A black latex dress clung to her body as though a
machine had sealed it onto her. Her heels were impossible. Five or six
inch stilettos? Standing in his Mary Janes, his knees felt weak just
looking at them. Her face was a placid mask. Her eyes betrayed her
intense focus, but the rest of her features suggested complete vacuity.
It was an unsettling combination.
"Um, so what //is// all this?"
"Oh, Dana dear, this is just a lovely little team-building exercise our
Celia likes to lead us through. Perfectly innocent, I assure you."
Dahlia's face revealed nothing. Her eyes promised everything.
"Fuck, like if you're gonna sass me, Dolly, can it at least wait until
after?" A pause. "See, Dee Dee, it's like this: I've got this quick, uh,
this quick ritual I do before we go out, like, just to help keep us safe,
y'know?"
"... ... Ritual? Um, like-"
"-She's a witch, dude." CeCe shot a sharp look over at Exie. "W