My Punishment Essay
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Lola's Punishment Essay #3 - On The Body free porn video
Lola's punishment essay #3 -1000+ words on the body
Before I begin the word count for this essay, I need to frame it a bit.
You see, I am being turned into a girl by my good friend E. I'm willing
to do this, and she's willing to do this, but there are elements of
reluctance as well. Do I really want to change my body, or am I just
interested in a sort of alternate experience of the world or am I just a
garden variety submissive? What issues is she working out by "helping" or
"encouraging" or maybe even "forcing" me to be a girl. She tells me that
it is because she wants to see me objectified and controlled, that she
enjoys dominating me, and I accept that. But still, I have to wonder
just how it pleases her. I guess that is for her to know and me not to
know. After all, I've lived a long time with nobody knowing my
suppressed desires.
Word count begins below.
The word bodice means the part of a woman's dress that extends from the
shoulders to the waist. I didn't know this word until E introduced it to
me, but I have found it to be enjoyable to think about the word,
especially as it relates to my body. E has been deliberately feminizing
my body for nearly 2 years now, and I marvel at the result.
I have been taking herbal supplements that naturally address the hormonal
balance of my body. While not the equivalent of the kind of hormone
therapy undergone by male to female transsexuals, the herbal supplements
have been somewhat effective. I have developed small but noticeable
breasts, and smoother skin. My body hair seems to have thinned out, and
my hair loss up top has slowed. I can't prove it, but it sometimes feels
like my body fat has, in fact, redistributed itself to my hips and butt.
This may be just a feeling though, or wishful thinking.
In addition, I have been doing other things to my body to promote
femininity. E has put me on a diet, and I have lost a substantial amount
of weight. I work out to keep fit and toned, but my muscle mass has been
reduced. I shave my legs and under my arms, and E takes me for waxing
once every couple of months. She insists that I treat my skin well, so I
use moisturizers and skin cremes to keep my skin soft and smooth. I have
been for laser treatments for my facial hair, which is thinner now and
easier to manage and conceal, but still, I do not quite yet have smooth
and feminine cheeks. It will not be long though.
Makeup has been the hardest thing for me to accept about my femininity.
It doesn't feel natural. It feels fake and contrived. But still, it is a
necessity for me to wear in public, so I have become an expert student of
my own face. I never imagined how much time I would spend looking at my
own face, experimenting with different shades and techniques. There is a
skill and an art to it, for sure, and for a long time, I sort of resented
having to practice. But E has always insisted that I "work on my face"
for at least half an hour each day. When I complained that it was boring
or unnatural, she just laughed and told me that I would need to accept
many boring and unnatural things as a girl. "So many trifles! So many
details!" she had said. "Welcome to your life, sis."
Closely related to make-up are my hair and nails. Manis and pedis were
some of the first steps I took down this road, and I have had immaculate
nails for the past couple of years. I haven't grown my nails
uncomfortably long, but I do keep them painted, frequently to match my
outfits. Likewise, I've grown out my hair, and while too thin for my
taste, I can still do things with it. E showed me that I can compensate
for a bit too much forehead by wearing bangs, cut straight across over my
eyebrows, and I wear the back about shoulder length. Still, I remember
the day she took me to cut my bangs as being traumatic. At the time, I
was less sure about my submission to E and becoming a girl, and the
haircut felt completely emasculating. Before, I could pretend to be
letting it grow long, and simply tie it back in a ponytail. But after,
there was no doubt that I would need to work on my hair every day. My
hair does have a kind of nice soft curl to it, but if I had a fuller head
of hair, I would probably go shorter and more playful.
But all of this isn't enough for E. There are layers and layers to her
dominion over me. I have learned that if I want to receive any affection
or attention from E, I must take pains to totally conceal any masculine
attributes. I have been keeping myself tucked so that I present a flat,
feminine front. It isn't even uncomfortable any more, and I enjoy that,
while well hidden, I haven't been completely de-sexed. After all, our
libidos are important parts of our personalities. We just wouldn't be the
same without them. But E doesn't want to make love to a man in a
traditional way. She wants me to bring her pleasure, which I gladly do
with my mouth and my hands. I think she also enjoys that I have been so
thoroughly restricted and controlled, and that I have become, in a sense,
her creation.
Of course, there is more to a feminine body than the lack of a penis. I
have mentioned the effect of herbal modifications and diet, my breasts,
smooth skin, loss of muscle mass, but there is more that I must do to
please E. I have been figure training myself, to create a well defined
waist. E has shown me that by using belts, tape, and shapewear, I can
trim down my waist at its narrowest point, just above my navel,
approximately aligned with my elbows. She says this is the right spot for
a girl's waist, and where she ought to wear her pants and skirts. My
waist is significantly smaller than my hips and bust now, and while I
couldn't claim to have an "hourglass" figure, I do have "a" figure. In
fact, when I pad out my hips and butt a little, I have a "nice" figure.
Which brings me back to the word bodice. The clothes I wear have been
chosen for me by E. They aren't sexy in that they would never be used to
entice a man. My clothes are sort of modes, not revealing. In part,
it's because I admit I don't have much to work with, but in part, it is
just E's taste. It is also her plan. E likes to keep me in one piece
garments - dresses, jumpsuits, and rompers, especially the latter. I
think that this is about control, about making it difficult for me to
undress, especially since none of the outfits that E chooses for me
fasten in front.
I also think that she enjoys seeing my body expressed in these clothes.
She has a definite preference for clothes that have a short bodice and a
high waist. When I am dressed to her liking, she seems to find it hard
to resist putting her hands on my breasts. I can feel her thumbs trace
the seam between the bodice of my dress or jumpsuit and the top of the
attached skirt or pants, above my narrowed waist. When I am in one of my
jumpsuits, she runs her index finger down the front seam, tracing the
curve of my tummy, and reaches around to give my butt a squeeze through
the soft, flowing fabric of my clothes. She never undresses me - it
seems like instead she enjoys keeping me dressed. And I enjoy it too,
anticipating her caress and her embrace, feeling so ready, so willing, so
cared for.
Dani
- 03.08.2020
- 9
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