My Name Is Annika free porn video

Part I I grew up with a secret. For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a girl. When I was very little, I would pray at bedtime that God would turn me into a girl overnight. When I put on my bath robe, I would imagine it was a pretty dress. In the neighborhood, when the boys would go off to play "war", I was always the spy that went with the girls as they played house. I was a chubby little kid but that was just my family genes. My dad, John, was 5'10 and was of slight build. He had also been chubby as a little kid but as he grew up he became wiry and strong. He had thick dark brown hair and brown eyes. When he was young he was a boxer and fought in the Golden Gloves in the 123 lb division. I'm sure that even at his present age, he doesn't weigh more than 140 lbs. My dad was a great dad. He worked as a truck driver and was gone a lot but when he was around we had fun and did a lot of stuff together. We played catch and went on picnics and Dad was always the "Head of the Family". Unfortunately, dad was also a smoker. He smoked 2-3 packs of cigarettes a day, maybe more when he was on the road. He always smelled like smoke and later on was on an oxygen tank but let's not get ahead of ourselves. Mom sold Avon and cleaned houses. She used to take me with her when she was delivering to her customers or cleaning a house. Her name was Wanda and she had been a cheerleader and Homecoming Queen in high school. She had auburn hair and blue eyes and her complexion was flawless and so light that she almost glowed. She had a nice figure but she and all her sisters had large bottoms and wide hips to go with thick thighs. Wanda was about 5'4" and I remember dad talking after a few beers saying things like, "The bigger the cushion, the better the pushin'", and mom would blush and tell him to "Shut up." Mom was from a big Catholic family and dad never converted but he went with us to church on Christmas and Easter. Both my brother and I were raised Catholic and went to Catholic schools with the Jesuits. I remember my First Communion and how much I had wanted to wear a pretty white dress like all the girls. Of course I never told anyone that but I was so very jealous. My brother... My brother was about 8 years older than me. He was one of the smartest guys I ever knew. School was so easy for him that he was bored. He got A's in stuff he liked and C's in stuff he didn't like. His name was Gary and he was about 5'8" and had dad's coloring and brown eyes. He was stocky and strong as a bull. He also had a mean streak and I remember seeing him hit another kid when I was little. Gary was about 16 and so was the other kid. My brother hit him one time and knocked him out cold. I thought at first he killed him. Gary went away to college and partied for a semester before flunking out. Then he went in the service where he was selected for work he could never talk about. My guess is he was some sort of "spook" and he ended up living out in Annapolis. My birth name was John, Jr. Everyone called me Johnny or Jr. I had Dad's thick, dark brown hair and Mom's coloring and blue eyes. As I grew out of my chubby phase, it was obvious that I favored mom's side of the family. I remember as a kid that my jeans were always too big around the waist and tight around my butt and thighs. I played all kinds of sports and was almost always outdoors. I also remember when I was 10 years old and mom left me at home for the first time as she went to clean houses. I snuck into their room and opened her underwear drawer. It was full of lace and silk and color. I was immediately excited but I didn't understand why. I took off my clothes and put on a pair of her panties and a slip. I was in heaven. The silky feel made me feel so nice. I sat on the bed in front of her mirror and crossed my legs like a girl. I remember feeling excited but looking in the mirror seemed strange and somehow comforting. I walked around the house with no fear of getting caught. Gary was away at school, dad was on the road and mom was gone. I went back in her room and opened the closet and found a pair of her shoes. They were still a little big just like the panties and slip but I put them on anyway and walked around. The phone rang and it was my best friend Steve. He wanted to go to the park and play ball. So I took off mom's things and tried to put them back where I found them. I put my clothes back on and by then Steve was at the door. We went to the park and he asked me a couple times what was wrong. He said I seemed like I wasn't "all there". I laughed it off but after that, every time I was alone in the house, I went a little further in my dressing including mom's makeup and a wig she had that looked like her own hair. Sometimes, the doorbell would ring while I was "dressed up" and I wouldn't answer it. Once I looked out the window from upstairs and saw that is was Steve. I was dying to tell him but I was afraid he would laugh and tell other kids. I started dating a girl when I was a sophomore in high school. She was cute and athletic and had a very hot bod. She was all of 5'1" and her name was Diane. She was a cheerleader and a gymnast. I played football and baseball but since I was only 5'5", I never played basketball. I was very quick thanks to my big thighs and butt and was an outfielder in baseball and a defensive back in football. The summer before our senior year, I finally convinced Diane to have sex with me. I found it all very confusing. When she did oral sex on me I would imagine that it was me sucking on a cock. When I entered her I would imagine what it felt like to have a pussy and get fucked by a guy. Sometimes I would "go down" on her after sex. She never knew but I was turned on by eating boy cum. My dressing continued during high school. I was actually getting pretty good with makeup. Looking back, I'm sure my mom knew because she would go through mascara in no time but she never said anything. I always wanted to grow my hair out. I remember pleading with my mom and she said to ask dad. I asked dad and he looked at me and said, "Hell no. You have kind of feminine features son. If you grow your hair out and with your big ass, people with think you're a girl or worse a fag." When he said that, I felt a strange sensation of excitement and my dick twitched. I was more confused. I got a summer job working as a life guard at the local pool. I liked being in the sun and even though my skin was light, when I tanned I turned to a golden brown. Diane also liked the contrast of the tan lines from my swim suit. It was time for college and I was going away to a small Catholic school about 200 miles away. She was going to a JC in town. I thought I loved her and we were going to try to stay together. So I packed and headed out to be a college man. I was going to major in Psych with a minor in Soc. I was carrying 14 hours and I was going to work 20 hours a week at the university pool as a life guard. Life was busy and I really tried with Diane. She even came up to school a few weekends but our phone calls became less frequent and our emails sometimes created tension and jealousy. When I came home for semester/Christmas break, I called her and told her I was back. She said she wanted to get together and talk. So we met at the mall at the food court. I tried to kiss her but she turned and offered a cheek. We sat down and she proceeded to tell me that she had met someone else. She was breaking up with me. I started to ask questions and beg for another chance but she said that her mind was made up and she and this guy were living together. I asked who and she said, "You don't know him." I wanted to cry but not in front of her. So I asked about her family and how school was going. We generally made small talk for 10 minutes or so. Suddenly, Diane got a look of almost panic on her face and I said, "What's wrong?" and at that moment a 6'4" black man came up to our table. "S'up baby?" he said looking at Diane. She stood and kissed him and then looked at me. "Johnny, this is my fianc? Jamal. Jamal, this is Johnny." Jamal smiled and stuck out his hand and we shook. His hand was about 3 times the size of mine. "Nice ta meetcha." He said. I stammered, "N-n- nice to m-meet you too" I didn't understand. My first and only girlfriend had just broken up with me and introduced me to her boyfriend and I felt a twitch of excitement and my cock started to get hard. They were going ring shopping and I said good bye and wished them all the best. I left the mall and went out to my beat up old Honda Civic and cried for half an hour. I finally composed myself enough to drive home. I spent the rest of Christmas break moping around the house. Mom had found a job working retail and so was working about 12 hour days over the holidays. Dad was on the road. While she was gone I would get dressed in her clothes and put on her makeup and then fantasize about being a girl sucking Jamal's cock or letting him fuck me. I was ashamed and with just taking some basic Psych classes, thought I was probably either a transvestite or transsexual. Break ended and I went back to school. I went through classes and started to hang out a little with my roommate Jim. He was a little taller than me and had huge shoulders. He had been a wrestler in high school. We got drunk together and watched television. We went to the gym and he lifted weights while I swam. He was pre-med so a serious student. But we had a lot of fun and decided to room together as sophomores. I went home for the summer to my life guard job and staying at home with mom and dad. I hung out with Steve some. He had gone to a state college and came home for the summer. He had become kind of a "stoner" and he introduced me to pot. I liked it but Steve smoked like every day. I ran into Diane and Jamal a few times. She was dressing a little sluttier and her makeup made her look a little hard but they seemed happy. They got married in July and I got invited. I called Steve and he went with me. We smoked before and it was pretty obvious as we went through the reception line that we were pretty fucked up but I didn't really care at that point. I had gained the "freshman 15" during the school year and it was all from the waist down. Sometimes I could feel my thighs and ass jiggle when I ran so I went on a diet and lost the weight and with swimming every day I managed to get back some muscle tone but nothing like I had in high school. I dressed on and off over the summer and in addition to fantasizing about Jamal, I occasionally fantasized about my roommate Jim. Even though I thought I knew what my issue was, I still felt cheap and dirty and that even made me hornier. Soon fall rolled around and it was time to head back to school. I was back at the campus indoor pool as a lifeguard 20 hours a week and going to school full time. Jim and I were roommates and we partied on weekends and hit the books during the week. It was the middle of October and Halloween was approaching. The residence hall was having a costume party. One night Jim and I were eating supper and he asked if we were going to the costume party. I looked up and said, "I don't know. Ya wanna?" He said, "Ya. I think it would be fun." I shrugged. "Whatever. What are you going as?" He got a big grin on his face and said, "I have my old high school wrestling uniform. I could go as that and we could go out to that costume/gift place at the mall and get you a cheerleader costume and you could go as my girlfriend." I stopped eating and looked up. My heart was beating wildly with excitement and my hands were shaking so I put down my fork and put my hands in my lap. "I'm not going as a girl." I said. "Oh c'mon! It'll be a hoot. We'll get you a cheap wig and we could have one of the girls from the dorm do your make up. It would be awesome." I couldn't believe it. I thought my heart was beating so loud that he would hear it. I shrugged, "Okay." I said and tried to not look too thrilled. The next day we went out to that gift store and bought a cheerleader costume and some tights and some cheap girl sneakers and a cheap wig. We took it back to the dorm and he wanted me to try it on for him. So I shooed him out of the room and told him to come back in 15 minutes. I took off my clothes and my hands were shaking. I pulled on the tights and put the sneakers on and then I put on the little short skirt and the bare midriff top and the wig. It was a trashy blonde hair color and it was obviously a wig but whatever. Then came a knock at the door and Jim walked in. He stopped in his tracks and looked at me in silence. Then he said, "You're gonna have to shave your stomach." And with that he cracked open his biology book. Somewhat disappointed I took off the costume and put on some gym shorts and a tee shirt and started studying as well. I wanted to ask what he was thinking but decided to let it go. The next couple of weeks passed quickly and then it was the day of the party. Jim and I were back being buds and hanging out and things seemed to have returned to normal. About 3 hours before the party, I grabbed my costume and headed down to the girls floor where they were going to do my makeup. The girl who had agreed to lead that effort was named Sandy. I was just wearing gym shorts and a tee shirt and a pair of sandals. I had shaved extra close per her instructions. She took one look at me and said, "WTF? What kinda girl runs around with legs that are that hairy?" She tossed a couple bottles of Nair at me and said, "Shower now!" and walked me down there. I tried to protest and she said, "Do it or I'm not helping you." So I went in and got in the shower and got good and wet. I got out and put Nair all over my body. My legs, my stomach, my chest, my arms, even my genitals were covered with the cream. The instructions said wait 10 minutes. I waited 20. Then I got back in the shower. In a few minutes I was totally bald from the eyebrows down and I had to jack off in the shower cuz I had never felt anything like it. I loved it. I put my gym shorts back on and my tee shirt and went back to back to Sandy's room. She looked up and said, "Good. Now let's get to work." In the next 2 and a half hours, I had a pedicure with bright red toenails. She gave me a facial. She thinned my eyebrows and she did my makeup. I was not allowed to look in the mirror. Next she started to put something on my chest. I said, "What's that?" She said, "Adhesive. Jim said you got these the other day and wanted to wear them as part of your costume." With that she opened a box of breast forms that looked too real. She positioned each one and then pressed them on. They were very realistic and seemed to move almost like the real thing. I didn't get these. Did Jim? Then it was time for tights. As I was putting them on, they ripped. Sandy looked at me and said, "That's why we keep our legs shaved." So I put on the girls sneakers and I started to pull my boy underwear back on. She turned around and said, "Uh uh. Try these." She tossed me a pair of her panties. I said, "No way." She said, "Yes way or I'm done right now." So I pulled the panties up my hairless legs. I then unconsciously, took my boy parts and tucked them back between my legs. Sandy watched me do this and then winked. I realized what I had done and I blushed. I pulled up the short little skirt and pulled on the bare midriff, sleeveless top and then Sandy helped me with the wig. She put a little of the left over adhesive on the front part to stick to my forehead and then brushed everything out. She sprayed everything in place and inserted various hair pins to hold everything in place. I started to look in the mirror and then she said, "Wait!" I turned and she had some bright red press on nails for me. I let her put them on and then I turned to look in the mirror. My tummy was doing flip flops. For the first time in my life, I was staring at me. My hands started shaking and I had to sit down. "Sandy looked concerned, "You okay?" I nodded. I stood back up and looked in the mirror again. I was pretty. Even Sandy said, "Shit Johnny, you really look like a girl!" I smiled and said, "Thanks for everything." And we hugged and air kissed. The party had started about 15 minutes ago so we headed down to the common area. I loved how it felt to have bare shaved legs and panties and walking around in front of people. I felt some of the guys ogling me, a couple of them said, "Nice butt!" I found Jim and his mouth dropped open when he saw me. He was almost speechless. I nudged him with my hip and said, "Aren't you going to get your date a beer?" and then everyone laughed. I had a couple beers and then went up with a couple other guys and smoked a little pot and then came back down and had a shot of tequila with Jim. Then we danced a little and I generally was as fem as I have ever been. I loved every second of it. It was almost 1:00 and we were both pretty wasted and so we went back to our room. I had to pee so I went to the bathroom. I'm not sure why but I sat down to pee. I pulled my panties back up and went back into the little kitchenette area where Jim was sitting. "Did you have fun?" he asked. I nodded, "Maybe the best night of my life." Then I realized what I said. Jim stood. "You like this don't you?" I nodded. He reached out and touched my cheek. "I like you this way too." He said. I turned to face him and he leaned down and kissed me. I kissed him back. Then he kissed me and I felt his tongue and I opened my mouth to yield to it and he took me in his arms. We were totally into kissing and then I felt his hand go down my back and he cupped my ass cheek in his hand. Then he sat down on the chair and looked at me, "I want you to suck my cock." He said. I knelt in front of him and pulled down the front of his wrestling uniform. His hard cock sprang free in my face. I leaned in and took it in my hand with the red painted nails. I began to jerk him off and he said, "C'mon baby suck it." There was a drop of precum on the head and I leaned over and licked it off with my tongue. I then licked the entire shaft down to his balls. I licked his balls and then took each one in my mouth and briefly suckled them. Then I licked and kissed the entire shaft back up to the head and licked off another drop of precum. I took the head in my mouth and swirled my tongue around it. Within a few minutes, my head was bobbing up and down on his dick. He was moaning and I was moaning. Suddenly I felt his hands under my shoulders, "Stand up baby." I stood and he kissed me. Then he said, "Turn around and bend over. O...M...G. Jim was going to fuck me and I wanted it more than he did. His cock wasn't huge and he spit on it. I reached onto the kitchenette table and grabbed a bottle of cooking oil and put a couple of drops on my fingers as he pulled my panties down. I rubbed the cooking oil on my tight little rosebud and then put another drop on the head of Jim cock. I turned back around and I felt him at the entrance to my ass pussy. Gently he pushed forward and I felt a "pop" as he entered me. He was very gentle and went very slowly. His cock was probably 5 inches long and not real thick so after about 5 thrusts, I felt his stomach up against my ass. Slowly we built a rhythm together. He was thrusting into me and I was pushing back to grind his hard cock even deeper in to me. The alcohol must have still been a factor because it seemed like he fucked my ass for at least 15 minutes. I was moaning like a girl and he was grunting and moaning. Eventually he started to tense up and said, "I'm gonna cum baby" and he did. As I felt his moistness in my ass I also got off and my hard cock filled my panties with my own cum. We stayed there for a few minutes and then I stood up with his cock still in my ass and he put his arms around me and I turned and we kissed. Eventually his cock softened and fell out of me. He took me by the hand and we went into the bedroom and I climbed into bed with him and we fell asleep like two spoons. I woke first the next morning and I took off my costume and hopped in the shower. My bottom was sore but every time I felt it, I smiled. I shaved and went back to the room. I made some coffee and went back in the bedroom and Jim was just waking up. I gave him a cup and sat on my bed with my legs crossed in a feminine way with my pretty red toe nails. He sipped his coffee and rubbed his eyes and smiled at me. "Hi babe" was all he said. Then he got up, leaned over and kissed me on the lips and got in the shower. I went to our little kitchenette and made some scrambled eggs. As I stood at the stove he came out and came up behind me and put his arms around me and grabbed my breast form and thrust his pelvis into my bottom. I turned and he kissed me. We sat and ate eggs and made small talk. I cleaned up and he said, "Let's talk." So I sat on a chair at the table and he sat on the sofa. "Look. Johnny, I really like you. I have known I was gay for a long time. I just never acted on it. Last night when I saw you in that cheerleader outfit with your hot ass and your fat little thighs, I couldn't help myself. I have wanted you ever since we met and could just never tell you. I want us to be a couple but if you're not okay with it then I understand." I nodded and tried to appear thoughtful. Then I got up and walked over to where he was sitting. I sat on his lap and said, "So...You think I'm an awesome piece of ass and you want me to be your girlfriend?" Jim grinned and said, "Ya that's about it." I leaned over and kissed him. "Yes, I'll be your girlfriend." We kissed again, deeply and passionately. Then he picked me up and carried me to his bed. He went back to the bathroom and came out with a jar of Vaseline and he made love to me missionary style. I felt like a woman and began to think about the future. Jim fucked me 3 times that Sunday afternoon. I removed my breast forms and that Sunday night, I went out while he studied. I stopped at the mall and went into the department store. I didn't care who saw me and I asked the girl for a makeover and ended up with all my own makeup. Then I went to the lingerie department and bought 10 pairs of pretty, frilly, and silky bikini panties. I also bought 3 lacey silky nighties. I came back to the dorm and hauled everything up to the room. I walked in and Jim said, "What is all this?" So I showed him and he was so turned on that he wanted to fuck again. I said, "Jimmy, my ass pussy is sore." And then I dropped to my knees and pulled down his gym shorts. I sucked his cock for all I was worth and in a few minutes I felt him begin to tense and he grabbed the back of my head and shoved his cock down my throat. I swallowed all his cum and then licked him clean. Then I looked up at him and said, "I've been thinking. When we're alone, I want you to call me Annika." He smiled and said, "Cool." So the months passed and while I didn't realize it at the time, I'd had my last haircut for a while. I kept my body hair free and my toes painted red. I had to quit my life guard job but I got another one as a night clerk in a hotel. It paid better. The guys on the floor talked about Jim and me. There never said anything directly to Jim but I still heard the occasional, "Nice Butt!" but now it wasn't intended as a joke. I also heard them call me a fag or twink a few times as well. I went home for Christmas and I missed Jim terribly. We talked every day and texted several times. My Dad saw my hair and said, "Get a haircut", I said I would when I got back to school. I ran into Diane at the mall. She was pregnant. We hugged and she looked at me. "Wow...long hair? (It wasn't really long. Just over my collar but long for me) You look different too. Omigod! Your eyebrows!" I had kept them thinned out and while they weren't obviously feminine, they weren't like before. "Let's go have a drink in the food court" So we sat and chatted and I told her what had happened although I left out the graphic parts. "So how far are you going to go with this, Johnny?" I smiled and said, "I like to be called Annika if that's okay." She smiled and from then on used Annika rather than Johnny. "Does your mom or dad know or Gary?" I shook my head. I explained that I wasn't sure how far I would go. But I was in love with Jim and I knew I wanted us to be together. Mom, dad, Gary and I celebrated Christmas and I hung around for several days. I had thrown out all my old boy underwear and now wore only panties. I did my own laundry now so the only thing that was different from school was I slept alone and I wore pj's instead of a pretty nightie. Steve and I got together a couple of times. We smoked some pot and went and watched our old high school play a basketball game. He was watching the game. I was watching all the girls there. I studied there mannerisms and they way they dressed and their hairstyles and makeup. God I hated being a boy! I kissed mom good bye and headed back to school. Dad was on the road. On my way out of town, I stopped at the mall and went into an earring shop. When I left I had several pairs of earrings and a gold stud in each ear lobe. Jim was already there when I got there and he loved my new earrings. He fucked me twice before bed. We had pushed our beds together to give us more room since we slept together. We were a couple. That spring I decided to stay in town instead of going home for the summer. I was going to work all summer at the hotel full time. I talked to Jim and we rented an apartment. It was one bedroom and very cute. He was going home for the summer and so I began to decorate with curtains etc. It was May 15th. My hair was now down to my shoulders and I had started accumulating more female clothes. I had a few dresses and a denim skirt and I had some black 3 inch black pumps and some strappy sandals with a 2 inch cork wedge. Once in a while I would glue on my breast forms and go out shopping as Annika. I liked men looking at me and thinking about fucking me or my lips around their cock. I missed Jim terribly but before he left, he bought me a big rubber penis that I could strap to something or sit on. It was very realistic with veins and everything. I had bought a bikini right as the summer began and I spent a couple of hours almost every day on our deck in the sun. I had girl tan lines and sometimes I would look at myself in the mirror and see my cock. I was pretty well hung (7 inches when hard) but I hated it. I wanted it gone. I had come to the conclusion that I was TS and I wanted to start HRT. It was June 1st. I got home from work that night and went to my laptop. I logged on to the pharmacy site I had researched. I ordered a 3 month supply of spirolactone and a 3 month supply of estrogen. I was back in my routine. Get up, layout in my bikini for a couple hours then get ready and go to work at the hotel. I was the night clerk and with my long hair and hoop earrings, I got "ma'amed" a lot which made me feel good. The 10 days flew by and on June 10th the packages arrived. I opened them and then opened the pill packaging. I took one Spiro tablet and two estrogen tablets and placed them on the table. Then I went and got a glass of orange juice and I sat down. I took the three pills and placed them on my tongue. I took the glass of orange juice and took a swallow. The pills washed down. The summer crawled by. My routine was boring but that was okay. The first week I was on hormones I awoke with nausea. Then after about two weeks I was moody a lot. Even Jim noticed it in our phone calls. "Jeez Annika. Why are you so bitchy?" I would apologize and just blame it on work. After a couple of weeks, I noticed that my skin was softer. Then about 8 weeks into it, I bumped my chest on the bedroom door and it hurt like hell. I started rubbing and discovered two little walnut sized lumps under my nipples and they nipples were itching like crazy. Sept. 1st rolled around and classes were set to start that next Monday. Jim was coming back and it was Saturday night. I had been on HRT for 14 weeks. The only times I presented as male were at work and when I had to do something for school like register. In fact, all my panties and my new bras and my skirts and dresses and nighties were just my clothes now. When I had to put on my Johnny clothes was when they were foreign to me. So before Jim got there, I showered and shaved my legs. I put on my denim mini and my 2 inch white wedgies. I wore my sexiest cream colored panties which really showed off how tan I was. I went out and had a mani/pedi and got my hair styled in kind of a shoulder length easy to care for page boy cut with the part in the middle and bangs. I wore a white tee and no bra. Even though I only had little nubs, they were very sensitive and I wanted Jim to see them. When I heard his car pull up I ran out to meet him and I gave him a big kiss. He smiled and then he looked closely at my face. He said, "Jeez Annika, you look different. I like your hair that way but your face? It looks different. I took his hand and said, "Come inside. We'll talk there." As I turned to walk inside he grabbed my ass and smiled. He took his suitcase in to our bedroom and then came out and grabbed a beer from the fridge. "So Annika, what's goin' on?" I told him to sit down and when he was seated and comfortable, I lifted up my top to reveal my little nubs. His eyes got big and he said, "Whoa...what are those?" I pulled my top back down and went over and sat in his lap. "Jim, I have been on HRT now for almost 14 weeks. Those little nubs are going to eventually be my boobs." He smiled and said, "Oh, that's great." I frowned and said, "You don't seem very excited." He relied, "I'm just tired baby. Long drive." So I made him dinner and he watched a little TV. Then I put some sexy music on and I turned off the TV. I wiggled my ass and tried to dance as sexy as I could and then sat on his lap facing him and grinded my fat butt into his cock. That got him going and he took me to bed and made passionate love to me. He even sucked my little nubs which drove me through the roof. The next day was Sunday and we slept in. I woke up in the wet spot and then got up and made coffee. Once it was done, I poured two cups and went back and got in bed. I decided to wake him with a blowjob so I dove under the covers and gently found his "morning wood". I licked the tip and then took the head and swirled my tongue around it. Soon my head was bobbing up and down on his cock under the cover. He stirred and then lifted the cover. I smiled and then went back to sucking his cock. He laid back and then reached for his phone and took some pictures of me sucking his cock. That made me hot to just think that someone might see that. He began to tense and then filled my mouth with cum. I climbed back up in the bed next to him and he got up to pee. I lay there with my coffee and waited for him. We talked for a while and things seemed normal. Then I got up to shower and he said, "Jeez, Annika. Do those hormones make your ass grow too?" I turned around and said, "Well ya. A little. My thighs will get bigger too a little. I'll just generally be a little rounder. My mom has 'C' cup boobs and the literature all says that MTF Trans women should expect to be about one cup size smaller than their moms. That means 'B' cup. Do you think those will be big enough?" He just shook his head and said, "Ya, I'm sure that'll be fine. Your ass already looks bigger." I went and got in the shower and then got dressed. I had to work so I kissed him good bye and left. I was so happy he was back. So our life fell back into a routine. Class and work and the occasional movie were our daily activities. We didn't go to parties anymore because I was becoming so fem and the guys from the dorm weren't very cool with stuff. Sometimes when I would see them on campus I would hear them mutter things under their breath like "sissy bitch" and "fairy doll". It bothered me because when they said those things I felt a tingle inside. Then one Sunday I wasn't feeling very well. I had a cold but I went to work anyway. I had been there for about an hour when the old couple that owned the place stopped by. They took a look at me and my little red nose and they told me I should go home and just be sick. So I did. I walked in the front door and tossed my jacket on the sofa. Then I heard a strange male voice from the bedroom, "Fuck that ass you stud. Harder. Ya make me a bitch." Then I heard what sounded like a slap and then I heard Jim's voice say, "Ya baby. That ass is so tight! You want my cum?" and then another sound like a slap. I walked to the bedroom and opened the door. Just in time to hear the strange male voice say, "Ya daddy fill my ass with your cum." And I saw my boyfriend, Jim smack the ass of the other male. He was standing behind an 18 year old freshman that I knew as Wally from seeing him around the psych department on campus. He had one hand pulling Wally's hair and head back and was slapping his ass while he fucked him. They were so into it they didn't notice me for almost a minute. I just stood there as my eyes welled with tears. Finally they saw me as I turned to walk out of the bedroom. I closed the door behind me and went and sat on the sofa. I heard a commotion and hushed voices. They came out together and Wally headed straight for the door. Jim just stood there. I looked at him and said, "Well?" He sat in the chair across from me. "Annika honey, I've been meaning to talk to you for the last month." I looked at him and said, "So you've been fucking someone behind my back for a month?" Jim nodded. "Why?" I asked. "Annika, I am so sorry. I know I told you I loved you and when I said it, I meant it. But things have changed." I just shook my head, "Like what?" Jim continued, "When we first got together, you were a feminine boy. Sweetie, I'm gay. I like other men. You're turning yourself into a girl." That was it. It was over. I calmly looked at him and said, "You can sleep on the sofa tonight but I want you out by tomorrow." With that I stood and went to bed. Of course I didn't sleep and within 5 minutes I heard Jim walk out the front door and I heard Wally's voice and then I heard 2 car doors slam and pull away. He was gone and so I cried all night and with my cold I was miserable for 2 days. Finally I pulled myself together. I was in the middle of my junior year. I was doing well in school. While I had been on HRT for 14 weeks, I hadn't done anything irreversible. I decided that being Annika was out for now so I weaned myself off the hormones. I kept the earrings and the longish hair. My grooming habits were still good but I basically went back to being Johnny. I didn't get my hair styled but I let it grow and just pulled it back in a pony tail. I purged my female wardrobe except for my panties. I started making new friends. I was starting to "come out" as gay. I hung out some in the bars and was popular as I was a total "bottom". Sometimes things got a little kinky, I went to a party one weekend at this house out in the country where these three gay guys lived and between the alcohol and the pot and the coke, everyone there was fucked up. We showed up on Friday night at 7 and I got back to my apartment on Sunday night at 9. I remember most of what happened because of the coke and I know that I was "spit roasted" at least twice and at one point I had one guy I was on top of with his dick in my ass and there was another guy behind me with his dick in my ass and I was sucking off the guy watching us. There were nearly 30 guys there and there must have been something about my fat girlish butt because I lost count of how many times I got fucked that weekend. But cum leaked from my ass for almost 2 days and I got invited to every party at their house after that. I was very androgynous in my dress and manner. I went home for Christmas that year and it was ugly. My hair was almost down to the middle of my shoulder blades now. Dad looked at my hair and earrings and he looked at mom and said, "I told you he was a sissy." My brother Gary looked at me and laughed out loud. Mom was mom. She hugged me and made me feel welcome. We had a few long talks that break and by the time I went back we were okay even if my dad and brother were assholes. I got together with Steve a few times. We got high and I told him I was gay. All he said was, "Cool. Let's get fucked up." I continued to party until I graduated. My grade average went from 3.5 down to 2.6 and I couldn't get in to grad school. So I was stuck in a dead end job as a night clerk at a hotel. I had to get out of that town. I was fucked up all the time and I went home with guys and I didn't even know their name. It was insane. I was in my apartment one night and the phone rang. It was mom and dad had been rushed to the hospital. He had retired about 3 months ago because of emphysema and had been on an oxygen tank. Mom came home from work one day and found him unconscious in his wheelchair. She called the squad and they had taken him to the hospital. I drove home and met her at the hospital. Gary was flying in too. We met with the doctors and dad apparently had a massive coronary. He was in the final stages of congestive heart failure. Combined with his emphysema his heart just wasn't going to hold out. He could go at any time. They were recommending hospice. We all went home and cried and held each other. Gary was even nice to me. We took turns sitting with dad even though he wasn't awake. After about three days he passed. Mom was with him. We had the funeral and I saw many people I hadn't seen for a while. Apparently mom had told her friends about me because nobody was rude. Diane and Jamal showed up. She was a lucky girl. He was even hotter than he was when I met him. He could tell I thought so and he didn't seem to mind. Steve came too. We got high after the funeral. So it was time for me to go back to my apartment when mom asked me to sit down. "Johnny, I want you to move home. I need you around here now that Dad is gone. You can look for a job and an apartment and just stay here for the time being." I was 23 and had nothing to keep me where I was. So I moved home. I took a couple of weeks to just settle in. I was still wearing panties and dressing very androgynous. Mom was cool with the panties. I started making some new friends. The city I grew up in had a decent number of gay bars and I hung out there a little. I went on a few dates with guys and was popular but nothing like it had been before. One of the bars catered to the trans community on Friday and Saturday nights with shows at 9 and 11 on both nights. I was there once and thought I saw Jamal but when I looked again, he was gone. I looked for a job and looked for a job. I found nothing. I wonder why? (B.S. in Psych with a 2.6 GPA, no grad school, long hair with a pony tail down to my waist, pierced ears, effeminate manner, even talking on the phone people thought I was female.) One day I was looking online and saw an ad for temps. So I called and made an appointment. I walked in the door and there must have been at least 10 people in the waiting room. I went to the receptionist and was handed a clipboard with an application which I filled out and returned to the receptionist. Eventually I was taken back in the offices and they sat me in front of a computer where I had to do all of these skill tests with Microsoft Office products. I also had to do a "words per minute" test in Word. I finished and was shown to a cubicle where I met with a recruiter who started telling me about the secretarial jobs she had available. Whatever...I needed a job. She mentioned one and the location was close to mom's house. It was only a two week assignment but I accepted it. She told me to be there at 8:00 AM the next day. I showed up and it was working as an admin assistant to the controller for a small company. He was very nice and patient. I answered the phone for him, "John Smith's office." Most of the time people over the phone referred to me as 'Miss' or "Ma'am" and I liked that. It was mostly typing and filing. I went to lunch a couple times with the girls that worked in the office and I fit right in. In fact, my last day one of the other office women organized going to lunch that was just for "the girls" and invited me. I called my recruiter and over the next several weeks I worked 4 different assignments and apparently got great references on all of them. I was finishing the last one and called my recruiter and she said, "Listen, we have a job here at the front desk. It would be a permanent position. I'd like for you to come in and meet with the big boss and see if it's a good fit." Wow. A receptionist at a temp company. I needed to work and this was a regular job with benefits. So I met with him and he liked me and I was hired making $10.00/hour plus benefits. As time passed I began to be even more conscious of my grooming. I was giving myself manicures and using clear polish. I was still a fixture in the gay bars on the weekends and life was good. I had quit smoking pot and using coke and I didn't see much of Steve anymore. I was scraping by in my own small efficiency apartment. Mom was helping out where she could and I was still eating most of my meals there. That Friday night, I went out with a guy I had seen a couple of times and we went to our favorite bar. There weren't many people there but when we sat down at the bar and ordered, the owner was tending bar and he handed me a handbill. It was all done up and it was announcing a contest. He was going to start featuring drag shows on Friday and Saturday nights. Two shows each night at 9:00 and 11:00. He was going to have a contest and pick the three Top Amateurs who would win cash. First prize was $2000.00, second was $1,000.00 and third prize was $500.00 and then be paid $250.00 a night for the four performances on the weekend going forward. My date got excited and said, "Shit, Johnny, you would win that easy." I rolled my eyes and we hung out for a while. The contest was in two months on a Saturday night. We started doing shots of tequila and after about 5 shots my date looked at me and said, "Let's go back to your place and fuck." I nodded and we got up to leave but as we did that I grabbed the flyer and put it in my pocket. The next day I woke and felt cum leaking from my ass. I got up and sat down to pee which I always did now. I needed the extra money and was thinking of getting a part time job on the weekends. If I won, then it would at least be something I enjoyed. I could use the extra $500.00 bucks a week. I had some ideas. Jim used to like it when I lip synched to Mariah Carey and did my little seduction dances. I got online and downloaded several songs and watched some of her videos for some ideas. Then I got online and began ordering outfits. By the time I was done, my credit card was maxed out at $2,000.00. Okay well if I won, then I could just pay it off. I called the guy who owned the bar and told him I was in. He said, "Great! What's your stage name Johnny?" I paused for a second. "It's Annika. Annika Swensen." So I quit drinking and started practicing my dance routines every night to lose the 10 lbs I had gained. I was not quite as hairy as before since I had been on HRT for almost 4 months but I still began using a depilatory every week and keeping my legs shaved all the time. When I did go on a date at the bar, I drank iced water or tonic water. The guys I went out with regularly went nuts over my hairless body and they all encouraged me to "Go for it." I borrowed $50.00 from mom. I told her it was for food but it was for 10 tanning sessions. I began to shape my eyebrows a little every day so the people I worked with wouldn't notice. And I practiced and practiced until my feet got blistered from my new heels and then I practiced some more. The Thursday before the contest, I asked my boss at the temp agency if I could meet with him. I was very nervous. He knew I was gay and effeminate and so he wasn't surprised when I told him about the contest. Then I told him, "I want to make an appointment tomorrow for a color and cut at the salon. But that means Monday when I come in, I'll have hair resembling Mariah Carey. If you say no than I won't do it but I'd really like to win." He smiled and said, "Johnny, we are very supportive of the LGBT community here at this company. Do you need the day off tomorrow?" I smiled and jumped up and kissed him on the cheek. "Yes please?" He smiled and nodded. I went back up front and called and scheduled a mani/pedi, cut and color for 9:00 AM the next day. My boss scheduled a meeting for the next day to discuss my situation. The girls in the office were excited and several of them made plans to attend the contest. That day I left work and went over to mom's house. She was close to 65 and slowing down. I sat and we talked and I told her about the contest. She looked at me and smiled. "Johnny, I never told you this but I always wanted a daughter. I love you and will be there for you no matter what. Now what time is this contest and where is it?" Shit...my mom was coming. I gave her the details and then I headed home to practice. I got up early the next morning and showered and washed my hair. I got there at 9:00 and they showed me back and gave me a "cover up". I sat in the chair and said, "Make me look like Mariah Carey." As they were finishing my hair told me they were doing a special offer on eyebrow waxing. I figured I might as well and nodded. When I sat up and looked in the mirror, Annika was alive again and she was a hot blonde. I gave them my debit card and apparently still had enough to cover it and I went home. I then called and made an appointment with a psychiatrist in town that specialized in Gender counseling. I knew what I wanted and where I was going. Finally the big day was here. I was having coffee when there was a knock on my door. It was my brother Gary. I opened the door and let him. He looked at my hair and eyebrows. "Mom called and told me what you're doing so I flew in to talk to you." Fuck...here comes the guilt trip. "I just wanted to wish my little sister good luck and tell you I'm coming tonight." What? You could have knocked me over with a feather. Then I welled up in tears and hugged him and kissed him on the cheek. We talked for a couple of hours. Finally I had to shoo him out the door to get ready. I had to do 3 numbers. 2 individual and one as part of a chorus line at the end. I had picked "Touch My Body" and "Fantasy" as my two individual performances. I got there a little early and went in back to do my makeup. The next 90 minutes passed slowly. Finally it was time. I went out on stage and lip synched and danced my still fairly ample ass off. There were 10 of us competing. The crowd seemed huge but with the lights I couldn't tell. I felt like I got the loudest cheers but I didn't really know for sure. Finally the crowd voted. We came out for the chorus line and did our kicks and then lined up on stage as the results were announced. They announced from third to first in that order. I didn't win third and I was let down. Then they announced second and I wasn't second and I was about to throw up. What a waste. Why did I do this? I had just humiliated myself and spent a lot of money I didn't have for nothing. Then the owner said, "And our first prize winner....Annika Swensen!" What? Me? Omigod! I won! I started crying like Miss America and they put a little tiara on my head and a sash that said, "Miss Bottoms Up" (the name of the bar). Things wound down and it was close to midnight. I was working my way through the crowd and many of my friends were there. All 4 of the guys I was dating and sleeping with occasionally were there. My mom and brother, Gary, and the girls from the office and my boss were all there. Apparently there had been almost 300 people there. It was a magic night. I had no more secrets. I was just me. I felt alive. I was on top of the world. I had a chance to talk to my boss briefly and told him I made an appointment with a therapist. He said that counseling was covered by our insurance. I asked if I could start going by Annika Swensen at work even if my paycheck said John Marsh. He nodded and smiled and gave me hug before he went. The girls from work were just awesome and they all gave me hugs and we planned a "girls only" lunch for the following Wednesday. Mom and Gary came up and they both gave me hugs and Gary said, "Nice goin' sis." The four guys had been dating were gone. I figured they were otherwise occupied. I got up and went to lunch at mom's the next day. I told her and Gary that I had made an appointment with a therapist and planned to transition. They were both supportive and then it was time to take Gary to the airport. We dropped him off and then on the way home mom started asking questions about the transition process. What were the steps? What doctors were involved? What changes would happen? I started to explain HRT to her. She said, "Are you on these hormones already?" I told that I had been in college for almost 4 months but not since then. I explained that I would get softer and rounder. My butt would get bigger and my thighs. Then she asked, "Will you grow breasts?" I nodded and then she asked, "How big?" I went on to explain the research I had done before and how since she was a "C" cup I would probably be a "B" cup. Then she said, "Honey I don't know how to tell you this. Before you were born, I was having lots of back problems. It was because I was a "DDD" cup size and I had breast reduction surgery." My eyes got big, I pulled off to the side of the road. I looked down at my chest and then back at my mom. "Sorry?" she said. I hugged her and said, "Please don't apologize." And I smiled the rest of the day. I met with the shrink on Wednesday and presented as Annika. We set up weekly sessions and he referred me to an endocrinologist and made an appointment for me on the next day. The endocrinologist examined me and said that I still had some remaining breast tissue from my first time. He asked how big my mom was as he drew blood and I told him the "DDD" story and his eyes got bigger than mine. He told me that we would get the results the next day and I should come back for my scripts if he didn't find anything unusual. I got off a little early that Friday and stopped by on my way to the club. The doc came in with a script and a needle and syringe filled with amber colored liquid. He said, "we're gonna do a combination of shots and pills. I need a hip for your injection." I pulled down my skirt and panties. (My boss had given me permission to be full time at work) I headed out to the club. Over the next year things changed very quickly. I started laser hair removal immediately. At the 3 month point, I had legally changed my name. At the 9 month point I had an orchiectomy. I missed a couple of shows that weekend but as I healed I was in love with my new look. With no testicles, I didn't need to take spirolactone any more and I could wear even more revealing clothing. As my body changed, the guys I was dating stopped calling. Apparently they were like Jim and were into men not TS. I was far from lonely though. I only went home alone when I wanted to. By the one year point I was a very full "C" cup. My measurements were 36D- 28-39. I was 5'5" and the boys were saying I was built like a brick "outhouse." I preferred to think of myself as voluptuous but I was firm and toned from dancing all the time. I had quit my day job at the temp agency and I was working at the Bottoms Up five nights a week. I was making over $100k/yr. I did two shows every night from Tuesday through Saturday at 9:00 and 11:00. The 11:00 had gotten a little more risqu? and my last number was always a striptease that I danced to "Crazy Bitch" by Buckcherry. I always finished with a g-string and little pasties on my nipples and as the song ended I would pull off the g-string to show that I still had equipment. (Even if I didn't have testicles) One Saturday night I looked out at the crowd before I went on for the strip show finale and I saw a black man in the front row that was apparently high as fuck. He looked very familiar and I finally placed him. It was Jamal. What the fuck was he doing in a bar like this? So I went out and as usual brought the house down. I went back stage and changed. I put on a pair of lacey black thong panties, black leather mini skirt that came about 6 inches above the knees, black 36D demi-cup lace bra with underwire, black bare midriff tee with a gauze cut out that showed the tops of my boobs, and a pair of 4 inch spike heel pumps. I touched up my makeup and headed for the door. Jamal was at the bar and wasted. I stopped and he looked at me, "Shit baby, yoo' hot ass bitch!" was all he could say. I asked him if he had a car because we needed to call him a cab. "Why? Ain't got no place ta go. Bitch ass wife threw me out. Caught me lookin'at tranny porn." Great. Diane threw him out. Shit. I said, "Listen, you can sleep on my sofa tonight. Then tomorrow you can figure out what to do." I had one of the bouncers help him to my car. I was driving a brand new Honda Accord. We drove out to my condo. I had bought a two bedroom condo about 2 month ago. I took off my pumps and then I helped Jamal in and we made it as far as the living room. He passed out on the sofa. I grabbed my shoes and went up to bed. I put on a pair of gym shorts and a wife beater tee The next morning, I got up around 10:00. Jamal was still sound asleep. I plugged some coffee into the Keurig and within a few minutes I had a nice hot coffee. I sat and looked at the news on my iPad and soon I heard Jamal stirring. I made a cup of coffee for him and sat down across from him as he woke up. He sat up. "Coffee's on the table there in front of you." I said. He looked at me. Then he drank some coffee. It took him a few minutes to get his bearings. Then he looked at me. "Annika, right?" I nodded. Then he said, "Did we...you know?" I giggled. "Did you fuck me? No." He put his head in his hands. I went up stairs and got him some Advil and came back down. "Here" and I handed them to him and sat back down. So tell me about you and Diane. He opened his eyes and looked at me. "You know her?" I nodded. "She's an old friend." He buried his head in his hands. "She wants a divorce. I don't know if I love her anymore but with the baby and all. I don't know what to do." I said, "Well. I'm sure you will figure it out. I have to go over to my mom's for lunch so I need to jet. I can drop you off at your car if you want." He nodded. I went up and got dressed. I wore a blue denim halter dress with a tie front and open back. The hem stopped about 4 inches above the knee. I was bare legged with powder blue 4 inch pumps. I dropped him at his car and then went over to mom's I was just her daughter Annika now. It was like I had always been her daughter. We chatted and ate a little. She seemed frail a little more each week. We were making plans to fly back to Annapolis. Gary was getting married and I was going to be a bridesmaid. I headed back to the condo with a million things to do. My mobile rang and it was Diane. "You fucking slut! You fucking slept with my husband you whore!" I said, "Wait Diane. I didn't sleep with him." She was screaming, "You fucking liar! I found him looking at a picture of you online last night and he was jacking off." I didn't understand. "You were sucking a guy's cock you stupid bitch!" Wait....Jim you son of a bitch. "Diane, I can explain." Don't bother you little whore. I followed him to that bar last night where he watched you prance around like a fucking fairy. Then I saw him leave with you and he went back to your place and spent the night you fucking slut!" I finally had enough. "Sorry Diane, I gotta go. Jamal's cum is still leaking from my ass and I have to go change panties again. That's the third pair today." I hung up and I was shaking I was sooooo mad. Mom and I got on the plane on Thursday and headed out to Annapolis. I saw the TSA guys snicker when I went through the body scanner. Whatever floats your boat? We landed and went to the hotel. We went to dinner with Gary and his fianc?, Jenny, Thursday evening. The rehearsal dinner was set for Friday and the bachelorette party immediately after. The wedding was set for Saturday afternoon at 5:00. She seemed very nice at dinner and we seemed to hit it off. We went pee together and powdered our noses. As we headed for the car, Gary grabbed my arm and pulled me aside. "She doesn't know you're trans." I turned and kissed him on the cheek, "Thanks, big brother." He smiled, "Anytime, little sister." The weekend went off without a hitch. The bride and the wedding were beautiful. Mom and I flew back on Sunday. I dropped her at the house and headed for the condo. I had three messages from Diane that all started with "You fucking slut..." and I deleted them all. I relaxed and laid by the pool on Monday and Tuesday afternoon and it was back to the club on Tuesday night. I went out for my first set and I looked down in the front row and Jamal was there with a big grin on his face. After the first show, I usually go out and mingle with the crowd. I went the stage door and got Jamal's attention and motioned him backstage. He came through the door and I said, "What the fuck! Will you please tell that crazy bitch you are married to that we didn't sleep together?" He had no idea what I was talking about so I explained the whole story to him. He was very apologetic and said he would take care of it. The next day I had my appointment with my shrink. I sat down and crossed my legs, "Well Annika, today is a big day." I looked up and said, "Why?" The doctor sat behind his desk and handed me an envelope with a letter inside. Still puzzled, I opened it. "Having met the standards of care established by......Annika Swensen is hereby certified and authorized for Gender Reassignment Surgery.....Omigod. It was my SRS letter. I started crying. Doctor got up and came around the desk. "Congratulations dear." I finally composed myself and went home and called my mom and told her. She seemed very happy for me. Then I stopped. What happens to the show and the club if I do this? When I got there that night, I talked to the owner of the club. I would continue to perform at the club for one more year. Then when I was post surgery. I would run the club for him with an option to buy over the next 5 years. I was so happy that I floated on air for a week. Then things settled back into a routine. Diane didn't call anymore. It was about 6 months later. I had changed my closing strip song to "She Rides" by Danzig. I walked out and looked at the crowd before I went on. Jamal was in the front row. Fuck.... So I went on and when I pulled the g-string the place went wild and I went back stage to change. I was wearing a pair of skinny jeans and a tank top with no bra and a pair of 3 inch canvas open toe mules. I grabbed my purse and came around the corner and Jamal was sitting at the bar. I walked up and said, "What are you doing here?" He turned and said, "Diane split. She left for Vegas and filed for a divorce. She left the baby and me. She doesn't live here anymore and it's just me and Jordan. I sat down. "Jamal, I'm so sorry." We talked for a while and then it was last call. "Wanna get some coffee?" he asked. I said that would be nice. We started to be friends. He was a good guy. A little crude but nice and gentle and a wonderful dad. Jordan was now 4 years old and he was all boy. One Sunday afternoon I was sitting by the pool and tanning. Jamal had stopped by many times with Jordan and he would sometimes stay for dinner and Jordan would swim and then watch the cartoon network. I really cared about the two of them and Jordan called me Anniya. It was adorable. I was attracted to Jamal too but too scared to go there. I could tell he liked me but he never went past that friends point. About six months went by and I would go to mom's for brunch on Sunday and then go lay out for an hour or two and then Jamal and Jordan would come by and spend the afternoon. That's how it seemed to go every Sunday. Then one Sunday I went to mom's for brunch and then went and laid by the pool. Jamal's Black Yukon pulled up. He got out like usual but he didn't let Jordan out of the back seat. He came over and sat down and I just looked at him. He said, "What?" I said, "Where's Jordan?" He said. "Oh. I got a sitter." I said, "Why?" Jamal turned and looked at me and said, "Because I thought we might go out for dinner and a movie." My mouth dropped open. "You mean like a date?" He said, "Yeah, like a date." I sat for a few seconds. "You sure?" He said, "Yup". I stood up and he looked up at me. "Guess I better go change." He said, "Good. I'll be right here." I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek and said, "Good, I'll know where to find you." So we started dating. He was a perfect gentleman and a great kisser. We waited for a month and neither one of us could stand it anymore. We had sex and he was the absolute most incredible lover I ever had. He was patient and considerate and he was hung like a bull. We sometimes did dirty talk and hair pulling ass up head down sex and sometimes we made slow and gentle love. We just seemed to synch with each other in a way I never had before. He was supportive of me having my SRS. He wanted me to be happy. My surgery was scheduled for February 16th. On Christmas Day, Jamal and Jordan and my mom celebrated together. We were all finished opening gifts and I was headed out to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. Suddenly, Jamal said, "Wait, it looks like there is something else here." I stopped and turned around and went back over where he seemed to be fishing for something under the chair. When I got over to him he pulled out a small box and he opened it. It was an engagement ring that my dad had given to my mom. "Annika, I love you with all my heart and soul. Will you marry me?" I was crying and my mom was crying and I nodded my head. He stood and held me in his arms. I looked at that ring on my finger about a thousand times that day. Before Jamal and Jordan left, Jordan came over to me and gave me a big hug like usual. Then he whispered in my ear, "Since you're going to marry my daddy, can I call you mommy?" I started crying all over again. Jamal looked puzzled I knelt down on one knee and put my hands on Jordan's shoulders. "I think we should ask your dad." I looked at Jamal. "He wants to know if he can call me mommy." The hugest smile ever came over his face. He looked at Jordan and said, "You bet you can call her Mommy!" On February 14th, Jamal and I flew out to California for my surgery. We were there for 10 days. I finally felt complete. I asked the doctor how long I had to wait. She said, "I recommend 10 weeks. I figure if I say that you'll wait at least 8 weeks." I went back and started running the club. I had lots of ideas and we would eventually open a second club in another city and then a third. On the 8 week anniversary of my surgery, Jamal took me to dinner and then we went back to the condo and he made love to me as a woman. I was in heaven. The following June. Jamal and I were married. Yes I wore white. In the words of Annie Savoy, "Honey, we all deserve to wear white." Jordan was the ring bearer. My brother gave me away.