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Even when I was a child, I thought something was wrong with me. I didn't know what it was. I wanted to wear pretty clothes and have long pretty hair but every time I did something feminine, my dad went ape shit. His name was Lars and he and his wife Hanna had two kids. My sister was 2 years older than me and her name was Inga. I was the little brother and my name was Lars, Jr. but everyone called me Junior. My dad owned a resort/fishing camp on a lake in Minnesota. That meant that, from the time I could remember, from May through the end of September, the whole family worked. Everything from repairing docks and boatlifts to taking the "gut bucket" from the fish house out and burying it in the woods, to cleaning cabins was a part of everyone's job. Not that we didn't have time to play and enjoy and be a family. We certainly did some of that as well but over the years as I became a teen, the tension between me and my Dad grew. My dad was the strongest man I ever saw. He was about 5'8" with big shoulders and blond hair. He had a big bushy mustache that had some red hair mixed in with the blonde and he worked his butt off. In the winter months, we stored boats and did repair and we also had an ice fishing village that we managed. Hanna, my mom was a petite woman with blonde hair and big blue eyes. I think she wasn't much taller than 5'. I remember seeing her in a swim suit and she always looked younger than dad. Years later I would remember that she was very "top heavy" with large breasts but as a kid you just think of her as Mom. Inga, my sister was two years older than me. She was always full of fun and life and loved to play house and dolls. Since we lived at the resort year round, she had some school friends but I was her main playmate so I learned how to play with her and with Barbie and Ken etc. We looked a lot alike as little kids and many of the guests thought we were twins. One thing I do remember was going to bed and praying for God to change me into a girl like Inga. As time passed, we grew up and by the time we were in high school, it was obvious that both Inga and I were going to be small like Mom. That wasn't a big deal for her as a girl especially since she was "built". Inga was very popular and boys were always hanging around. She was smart and sassy and always had something to say. I was the quiet one. As I grew up, I was always the shortest kid in my class at school including the girls. My blonde hair was always on the long side because Mom gave us our haircuts to save money. As a kid I was often mistaken for a little girl which was fine with me but not so okay with Dad. Sometimes people thought I wasn't very smart because I was quiet and always seemed like my brain was somewhere else. Dad was always after me about being "spacey" when we were doing something together and then we would get mad at each other. I did well in school but sometimes found my thoughts wandering off to what it would be like if I could be Inga or another girl in school. When I was a sophomore, Inga was a senior and she was one of the popular girls. She was Homecoming Queen and there were always boys calling. We rode on the school bus together and people were always talking to her and I ended up staring out the window. It was around this time that I started sneaking into her room when nobody was around and I would sometimes steal a pair of her panties. I also noticed that when the guests would show up with their kids, I would find myself watching the other boys as they swam and ran around camp with their shirts off. Sometimes when I was alone in bed, I would fantasize about being a blonde teenage girl named Sonya and what it would be like to kiss a boy and wear pretty clothes and panties. Inga graduated high school and was accepted at the U of M down in Minneapolis. She had won an academic scholarship that paid for most of her school and our parents agreed to help her as long as she kept her grades up. She left at the end of August. While I missed her, I also thought it was okay because she still had clothes in her room here. Sometimes mom and dad would go into town and I would go into her room, put on some of her clothes, apply some of her lip gloss and Sonya would live for an hour or two. I came out of my shell a little after Inga left. I even dated a few girls but I couldn't shake the fact that I would sometimes find myself fantasizing about a boy in class or a boy at camp, especially boys that were tall and big. I was only 5'4" by the time I was a senior and I hadn't grown for a year. I graduated and I managed to make good enough grades to be accepted into The U in Minneapolis as well. Inga was living with some of her girl friends off campus but I was going to live in the dorm. I got to campus on August 15th. I had applied for several grants and a student loan but I was also going to have to work so I applied for several jobs and ended up working as a bus boy in a very nice restaurant. I made an hourly wage but the servers also shared their tips with me and I found that I could make an extra $100 a week just on Friday and Saturday nights so I was actually ahead of a lot of the other kids. I was also spending more time on the internet. I had discovered some porn sites that showed men who not only dressed like girls but they had bodies like girls too. I continued to research it and I discovered that these "girls" took female hormones and that made them grow breasts and get a female shape. So I researched that and found out that there was a specific regimen and that you could buy these hormones over the internet. For several days I would lie in bed and fantasize about what it would be like. Then one night I got online to the pharmacy and I ordered a 3 month supply of spironolactone and estrogen. I was so excited that I could hardly sleep. Two weeks later I got a note in my mailbox that I had a package and so I went to the window and got it and nearly ran to my room. I opened the package and put the pill bottles on my bed and stared at them. Then I took one of the white ones and two of the blue ones and washed them down with a glass of milk. I did that twice a day. The first week or so, I would wake in the morning and feel a little nauseous but I knew from my research that was normal. I lived in the dorm but I had a private bedroom and I was already starting to accumulate some female clothes. I had several pairs of panties and a couple of nighties and a skirt and a dress. I also had some makeup but I was too afraid to put it on as we shared a common bathroom. My roommate already pretty much ignored me. I had longish hair my whole life but I hadn't had a haircut since the previous March so most of the time I wore my hair in a pony tail. It was the end of October and it was starting to get cold. We had a new bartender start at the restaurant. His name was Reggie and he was at least 6'6" and he looked like he lifted weights. He shaved his head and had a goatee and an earring. He was black and I was mesmerized. I had never really got to know a black person and Reggie was absolutely charming. All the women at work flirted with him and they talked about him. He was always very nice to me and went out of his way sometimes to be nice. Sometimes as it got colder he would offer to give me a ride back to the dorm. Once, when it was forecasted to snow, he offered to pick me up since we worked almost the same hours. We were fast friends at work. He would sometimes tease me about being spacey or a "dumb blonde" and I would sometimes tease him about all the girls at work being "hot" for him. I couldn't go home for Thanksgiving break because I had to work. Several of us younger folks got together and had a very nice time. I was in a little bit of heaven since I was in the dorm virtually alone. I went to the drug store and bought some depilatory cr?me and used it all over my body. My skin had been softened from the estrogen and the feeling of my hairless legs made me so excited. I actually went to the mall which had a Victoria's Secret Store and I went in and told the sales lady that I wanted 7 matching bra and panty sets. She wanted to know size and I told her I didn't know. She then asked if it was for my girlfriend and I said no. I told her I didn't know what size but I was 5'4" and weighed 115 lbs. She smiled and took me in the back and measured me and I walked out with my purchases. As I walked by the earring shop I couldn't help myself. I went in and when I walked out I had a small stud in each ear lobe. I got back to the dorm and tried on my new panties and bras and walked around my room and sat and crossed my legs. I even put on some makeup and pretended I was getting ready for a date with a boy. That night, I took all my boy underwear and threw it in a plastic bag and I took it down to the dumpster. Sunday rolled around and all the students came back from Thanksgiving break but I was sad because then Sonya was back in the closet. I finished the semester and I managed to get a couple of days off for Christmas. I had been on hormones for about 3 months and other than very soft skin, moodiness, and my chest itching like crazy, there wasn't much change. My dad didn't say anything about my earrings but Inga made a fuss in a good way. We spent a little time together during this 2 days I was home and she asked if I had anything I wanted to tell her. I told her no and then she said, "Well....you'll tell when you're ready." Looking back I think she knew before I did. I got back to Minneapolis and things fell back into the same routine. Work and school took most of my time. Reggie seemed to be more and more friendly and we actually started doing a few things together like occasionally going to movies etc. It was Feb. 10th and I got back to the dorm from work and the elevator was out. I lived on the 4th floor so I started up the stairs and suddenly I noticed as I went up that my chest had a jiggle to it. I stopped for a second and then started again. I was definitely jiggling. I practically ran the last 2 flights of stairs and went into my bedroom and took off my coat and my sweatshirt. I looked in the mirror and I realized that there were little nubs on my chest. I touched the nipples and it was like someone shot electricity through me. I took off my pants and stood there with my now shoulder length hair and wearing nothing but pink lace panties and I saw a 12 year old girl staring back. OMG! It was happening. I was turning into a girl. Shit that was making me hot! That weekend I went back out to the mall and I bought some new clothes. They were very "plain" but the jeans I bought were girl jeans even if you couldn't tell and I bought some sweatshirts in the "Misses" department and some very "plain" sneakers. But I knew they were girl clothes even if nobody else did and that was exciting. I also bought a purse and a girl's wallet. And then I had a makeover and bought some of the cosmetics. I stopped in the girl's restroom before I left the mall and washed my face but I still felt pretty and alive. That week I had to work Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. I was walking through the parking lot on the way to work on Friday after class and Reggie pulled in. he got out of his car and he looked at me and said, "Whasup Lars? Damn you kinda walk a little like a chick." I smacked him on the shoulder and said "Fuck you." and he just smiled. Later that night I finished clearing a table in the bar and as I was leaning over I noticed Reggie looking at my ass and he said, "You puttin' on some LB's?" I just smiled and said "Bite me Reggie." And he winked at me. OMG he was flirting with me!!! My little cock twitched in my pretty panties. When I got back to the dorm I weighed myself and the scale said 125 lbs. I couldn't believe it. I got out some of my old boy jeans and they were very tight in the hips and thighs. So I decided from there that all the clothes I bought would be women's clothes. I would stay "plain" for now but that was that. I gathered up the rest of my boy clothes and the next day I took them to the donation box. That night I couldn't sleep so I got up and watched some makeup tutorials and finally fell asleep around 3:30 or so. I dreamed that I was Sonya and that Reggie and I were married and had 2 kids. But I still had boy parts and when we made love he took my ass. When I woke, I closed my eyes and masturbated to my fantasy. Over the next couple of months, Reggie and I became better and better friends. He had his own apartment and when we weren't at work, he was either at the dorm or we were at his place or at a movie or shooting pool. The other guys at the dorm whispered about me behind my back but since I was with Reggie most of the time, they were afraid to say anything to my face. I had gained another 5 lbs and I was really "filling out" my jeans. There was no denying what was happening to my breasts and I was wearing very tight t-shirts under my girls' flannel shirts and sweatshirts to try and hide that I actually had "bewbies". I noticed that men I didn't know were starting to hold doors for me. I got "Ma'am" a few times at the convenience store. I was actually feeling very happy and content. But it was April and spring was approaching. Soon it would be time for shorts and t-shirts and I had no way to explain hairless legs or what was happening to the rest of my body since I couldn't hide it under baggy winter clothes. I had been on hormones for 7 months and I looked different. People that I saw everyday didn't really seem to notice but when I ran into Inga on campus she almost didn't recognize me. I explained it away that it was "the freshman 15" and she smiled and said, "Sure it is, Junior." Reggie and I were both off on Monday and after class, I stopped by his place. We played video games for a while and then decided to grab a burger and a movie. When we were at the restaurant, the server came over and asked if we were ready to order, Reggie told her what he wanted and then she looked at me and said, "And for the lady?" I was so stunned that I just stared at her. Reggie jumped in and said, "She'll have the same." We laughed a little and made some small talk as we ate and when she came back with the check, she just gave it to Reggie. I reached for my wallet and he said, "I got it." I tried to insist but he prevailed. We drove to the theater and went to get tickets and when he stepped to the window he said, "Two adults for Harry Potter." I looked at him and then we went in and he handed the tickets to the guy. Then we went to the concession stand and he asked if I wanted anything. I told him, "Just a Diet Coke. I've gained 15 lbs this year and I need to watch it a little." He just smiled and said, "I like how it looks on you. My baby got back!" Shit! What was happening? We went into the theater and found a couple of seats in the middle towards the back and made small talk. Soon the lights went down and they started playing "coming attractions" and then the movie started. It was about a half hour in and suddenly I felt his hand on my leg. I didn't move or look at him. I took my hand and put it on his and he took my hand. I turned and looked at him and he smiled. I smiled back but my tummy had butterflies as big as an airplane. I was running things through my head. He bought dinner, paid for the movie, bought my drink, now he was holding my hand. OMG! I'm on a date with Reggie! After the movie, we held hands as we walked to the car, chatting about the movie just like any couple would do. He opened my door and I got in. As he came around the car, my heart was beating out of my chest. God...What if he tried to kiss me? Oh shit! Oh shit! This was really happening! Oh shit! What if he tried to go further than a kiss? He got in and started the car and we drove back to his place to get my books. We went in and I ran over and grabbed my book bag and turned. He was right there as I turned. I was looking straight into his chest. I was petrified. "What's your hurry?" he asked. "No hurry. I just thought I was going back to my room." I still wasn't looking at him. "I had a really good time tonight." He said. "Me too." I replied still staring into his chest. Then his hand came up and he took my chin and tilted my face up towards his. God he was so handsome! He was smiling. "I'm gonna kiss you." I nodded and closed my eyes. I felt him lean over and I stood up on my toes. It was a gentle, soulful kiss. My first kiss from a man. I was breathing heavy and my heart was beating wildly. He kissed me again. This time more passionately. He took me in his arms and I felt his tongue begin to probe my lips and I opened my mouth and yielded to his power. He leaned down and scooped me up and I put my head on his chest as he carried me to his bed. He laid me on my back and got on top of me and we kissed and I could feel his manhood as he began to hump against me. Our kisses were becoming more passionate and urgent and I felt his hand on my breast and he found my rock hard nipple and he tweaked it between his fingers. I let out a gasp, "Oh Reggie!" He stood and removed his shirt. His massive chest was breathing heavily with lust. I felt my hands run over his chest with heavy "man fur" and then he reached down and pulled off my sweatshirt and the t-shirt I wore under it. My small girlish breasts responded to the air as I stood. He leaned over and began to suck my nipples and I was in ecstasy. I found my hands reaching for his belt buckle as if they had a mind of their own. I wanted his cock. I undid his belt and unzipped his pants and they fell to the floor and I was stunned by what I saw. I had never seen another hard cock in person before. I dropped to my knees before him and looked up in his eyes. "Tell me what you want?" He took my head in his hands and smiled down at me. "I want you to suck my cock bitch."" And so I took my tongue and I began to lick. First the precum on the tip and then all along the shaft and down to his balls. I took each one of his balls in my mouth and gently suckled them. I looked up as his balls and his cock lay across my face and then I licked all along the shaft as I worked my way back up to the head. It seemed as if it was as big as my arm and his power made me feel so sexy and submissive. I took the head in my mouth as I swirled my tongue around it and began to bob my head as he moaned. After a few minutes he pulled me back up and took me again in his arms. Then he began to remove my jeans. He laughed as he discovered I was wearing sexy panties. "You are a sexy little sissy bitch!" and his words thrilled me. We lay on the bed together as we kissed. "Reggie," I was literally panting. I want you to make love to me but I'm a virgin." It's okay baby, I'll go slow and gentle." He got up and went into the bathroom and came back with a tube of KY. He lay back down next to me. "Turn over" he said. He then pulled my hips up until I was on my knees. Then he leaned over and began to lick my little hole. I felt his saliva begin to moisten me as he tongue fucked me. Then he took the KY and put a few drops on his fingers and a few drops on my little hole. He began to work his fingers in and out of me. First one finger, in and out. Then two fingers, in and out. Then three fingers, in and out. Then four fingers in and out. Gently, he built a rhythm and soon I was rocking back into his hand. "Uh yeah, Reggie. Fuck me baby? Please fuck my tight pussy?" I felt him change positions as he got on his knees behind me. He paused as he rubbed KY on his 8 inch pole. Then I felt the head of his cock as it touched my little hole. He pushed forward gently as I pushed back into him. I felt a "pop" as he entered me and I saw stars. It hurt even though he had loosened me up. I reached back and he slowly waited for me to relax. Ever so gently, he began to stroke. In and out. He was a huge and powerful man and I was his woman. Each time it hurt I reached back and he stopped. He was kind and considerate and patient. It took about 10 minutes but eventually, I felt his tummy up against my ass cheeks. Slowly we began to move together. He was thrusting into me and I was beginning to push back to meet his thrust. This was what I was meant for. As his thrusts became longer and more powerful I felt my tiny breasts jiggle and my thighs and butt were shaking as he rocked my world. I rose up on my hands and knees as my man fucked me and then he grabbed my pony tail. "Take it bitch!" and he slapped my ass with the other hand. He was riding me and I was responding, "Yes daddy fuck me. Make me your bitch!" Finally he said, "Gonna cum baby!" and he tensed and then he filled me with a moistness. He must have cum a gallon as his juices leaked from my ass. Then as we began to collapse on the bed with his manhood still deep in me I cummed too without even touching myself. We lay in each other's arms as we caught our breath. He never went soft and after a few minutes, he pulled out, told me to turn over on my back and he put a pillow under my butt. Then he "made love to me". My ankles over his shoulders and his balls bouncing off my butt as he pounded "his pussy". I cummed again as he filled me with his cum. We lay together as he grew soft and fell out of me. We fell asleep in each other's arms. I woke the next morning and had to pee. I got up without waking him and made it to the bathroom where I sat to pee. I felt a large glob of cum leak from me and then I cleaned myself as best I could. I noticed one of his shirts on a hook on the back of the door and I put it on. Then I padded quietly back into the bedroom and found my panties and put them and "tucked" everything away. God I was sore! But every twinge brought a smile to my face. I went to the kitchen and made some coffee and I heard water running as I went to the fridge. I was leaned over looking for eggs when he came up behind me and grabbed my butt. I smiled and turned to face him. He took me in his arms and we kissed. I had class in an hour and so I told him I had to get back to the dorm and shower and change. So we got dressed and he took me back to the dorm. He kissed me in the car just as my roommate was leaving and he shook his head. I knew he would tell everyone what he saw but I didn't worry since my boyfriend was big enough to kick all their asses. About two weeks later, we were sitting in Reggie's living room. I was studying and he was watching ESPN. It was a Sunday. I closed my book and hugged him. "Sweetie, I gotta get back. I have a test tomorrow and it's at 7:30. He looked at me. By then he was calling me Sonya all the time except when we were at work. "Sonya. I have been thinking. Running you back to the dorm so you can pick things up or do this or that is a little silly. We're here almost all the time now. Why don't you move in?" I couldn't talk. Tears started running down my face. He turned and looked at me. "What the fuck are you crying for?" I said. "Just shut up and kiss me." So I moved in with Reggie. My wardrobe was expanding and I now had several skirts and tops and dresses and nighties and other than work or campus, I was presenting as female. It was the middle of April and mom and dad didn't know. Inga knew because Reggie and I were out at a movie one night. It was an unusually warm, spring night. I was wearing an old wife beater t-shirt with no bra (I was almost an "A" cup) and a denim mini skirt. I had on gold hoop earrings and was wearing makeup. I had my first appointment at a salon that day and they worked on my eyebrows, gave me a mani/pedi (my nails were not long but they were shaped and painted with hot pink polish). My hair was cut in a feminine style with bangs and it was about 3 shades lighter than my natural color. As we were leaving the theater, I had to pee and as I came out of the stall and went to wash my hands, there she was right next to me. We looked like twins except her boobs were bigger. When she saw me she looked at me and did a double take. "Hi Inga, it's me." She looked puzzled for a sec and then it hit her. "Omigosh!" Lars?" I smiled. "I go by Sonya." She looked at me. Then she looked at my chest. "Oh gosh, Sonya! You look wonderful. I just knew you would find yourself." And she hugged me. She was happy to see me and we agreed to meet for coffee that week. She asked if mom and dad knew and I told her no. She wanted to know if I was going home for the summer and I told her no. I was going to summer school and working. She then said, "You aren't living in the dorm are you?" I said no. By then we were walking out and her boyfriend came up to her and Reggie came up to me. I looked at her boyfriend and said, "Hi! I'm Sonya. Reggie, this is Inga." Her boyfriend took my hand in a delicate handshake and then shook Reggie's hand. "Hi! I'm Alex. Wow you two sure look alike." Inga said, "We're sisters." We chatted for a minute and then headed out. I met Inga on Tuesday. It had turned back cool again as it so often did this time of year. I wore a pair if skinny jeans that looked like they were painted on and a pair of black 4 inch pumps. I wore a V-neck black ribbed sweater that gave just a hint of cleavage, a crystal pendant on a delicate gold necklace and crystal stud earrings. I pulled my hair into a loose bun with bangs. I did my makeup in a low key daytime style with just foundation, powder, mascara, and a hint of eyeliner. I walked in to the coffee shop and Inga was already there. She got up and hugged me as I reached the table and then we sat and talked. It really was like two sisters getting caught up. "You really are a babe," she teased. She also wanted to know all about Reggie and it was funny because I realized I didn't know a lot about his life before we met. Then she offered advice, "When you tell mom and dad about your transition, you might want to give them a chance to digest that before you tell them you are living with a black guy." I also hadn't thought that far ahead but I realized she might be right. She wanted to know if I planned to "go all the way" with surgery etc. I told her I was having so much fun as a "pretty boy" that I hadn't really thought it through. I was 19 and I had a boyfriend who was handsome and other men paid attention and were obviously friendly to me as Sonya. I had never been popular and I was having fun. She smiled as she shook her head, "Sonya, you give new meaning to 'dingy blonde'. Don't you know that the changes you are making are soon going to pass the point of no return? How long have you been on hormones? Do you think that if you go back now that you will just go back to looking like Lars? Honey, please think this through. Are you seeing a shrink or are you self medding?" I told her I was self medding. "Okay, here's the name of the best Gender specialist in Minneapolis. Even if you decide to continue, you will need his support to change your name legally as well as your sex. He will get you to the right other doctors as well as someone to represent you legally when it is time to change name/sex etc. Next fall for school, are you registered?" I wasn't yet so I shook my head. "Are you going as Lars or Sonya?" I said, "Sonya." She said, "Sonya, you have to change your name and sex legally before you can do that. I love you and I will be here for you no matter what but please think this through." My eyes got big. "You mean I have to have sex change surgery before next fall?" Inga giggled, "No silly but you have to be under a doctor's care to go through the process as well as have a medical diagnosis etc." I took the name and number of the doctor and then as we were getting ready to leave, she said, "So...? Are you gonna beat your older sister to the altar?" I blushed and then she said, "So is it true what they say about black men?" I looked at her with a puzzled look and she whispered, "You know...are they bigger down there" and she gave a quick glance down. Now I was really blushing. I giggled and leaned in and whispered, "Sometimes I can hardly walk the next day." And then she blushed. I went home and made an appointment for the next day to see the doctor she had recommended. I arrived in plenty of time and filled out all the forms. My given name I wrote in as Lars Holgersen, Jr. There was also a place for preferred name where I wrote Sonya Steensen. When the nurse came to the door to call me back, she called 'Sonya Steensen' for which I was grateful as there were other people in the waiting room. She asked me to get undressed and then I put on one of those gowns they give you. They took my vitals as well as height and weight. I was 5'4" and I weighed 133 lbs. Blood pressure was 120/70. Everything seemed normal. They drew blood and then I waited for the doctor. There was a knock and then he came in the room with my chart. He was older and had very kind and wise eyes. He complimented me on my looks and said that most of the TS people he treated didn't have the obvious advantages I did. He said that I was already very pretty and was quite surprised to learn I had only been on hormones for around 8 months. He asked if I was living full time as Sonya. I said yes except for class and work. He asked about the women in my family from a medical history standpoint and then he asked about bust size. I said, "Why do you need to know that?" He replied that normally in TS women, breast development would generally be about a cup size less that my mom. My eyes apparently got big because he said, "Problem?" I smiled and blushed before I said, "I saw one of my mom's bras in the laundry as a kid. I remember that it said 34DD." The Doctor smiled and said, "Lucky you." The nurse came back in and handed him a file which he opened. He said, "Well your blood work checks out. We will want to make a few changes though. Going forward, you'll come in here for a weekly shot. The pills are harder on your liver over time and not as efficient. You will continue to take spironolactone but we want to double the dosage. This will virtually eliminate any testosterone in your system." I asked about side effects and he said that probably in another month or two, I would be permanently sterile and unable to have biological children so if that was something I wanted I should consider donating to a sperm bank. He also said that in another 6-9 months I would be impotent and unable to have an erection. I asked about sex and he asked if I had a boyfriend. I blushed and said yes. He asked if I had ever been with a woman and I shook my head. Then he asked, "When you have intercourse with your boyfriend, do you have an orgasm?" I nodded. He said that would continue and that when I had SRS, I would experience an orgasm much like a genetic woman. Then he explained the mechanics of the surgery and I found myself wishing I was already all woman. He asked if I had any more questions, I shook my head and then the nurse handed him a syringe with an amber colored liquid in it. "I need a hip dear" and so I lifted my little gown and felt a cold alcohol swab and a little pinch. Then he put a band aid on me and said, "Okay, Miss Steensen. These hormones are much stronger and are going directly into your system. You are also doubling your spironolactone so you may experience a little nausea much like morning sickness over the next few days. Also, you might consider having an orchiectomy." I said, "What's that?" He said, "We remove your testicles. You can forget the spironolactone and many TS women actually prefer the look as you have less to hide down there. Some have reported improved function and if you don't have enough money for SRS, it can be a temporary solution." "Finally, here is a letter certifying you as under my care and as transgendered. Normally we take a bit more time but since you present as female and have been on HRT for about 8 months and have a boyfriend, we will want to move forward I think. This letter will allow you to change your name and sex legally. Do you have a lawyer?" I shook my head. He took a piece of paper. "Here, give this guy a call. He's good and he's reasonable on fees. He works with all of our TS patients. You will need to legally change your name and sex in order to transition at work as well as register at school as female. You are at the U of M, correct?" I nodded. Then he gave me another piece of paper. "Here, contact her in the in the admissions office. She handles all of our student patients. You will need to live full time and work for a year as Sonya in order to be certified for surgery. See you in a week." And with that he was gone. I got dressed and went back to the apartment and I took my second Spiro pill as he had instructed. Then I sat and looked at the two pieces of paper he had given me. I called and made the appointment with the lawyer and then I called the sperm bank. I explained the situation and they were very understanding. Reggie got home from work and asked how my day was. I told him everything that happened including the sperm bank. That seemed to make him uneasy and I asked if he ever wanted kids. He told me that he hadn't thought much about it but I could tell that something in his head clicked. I also told him about the surgery and he was very interested in that and in fact it made him horny and we made love on the living room floor and I ended up with some minor carpet burns on my knees. I met with the lawyer the next day after I got done throwing up. All I had to do was sign some paperwork and I was on my way. Three days later, I saw it in the paper and I got the document from my lawyer by registered letter 2 days after that. I was legally female. I went to the drivers' license bureau and got a new drivers license with a new picture and the letter "F" under sex. Then I took all my paperwork over to the admissions office and met with my contact and she took care of everything. I called my boss from the restaurant and asked if he would meet me for coffee. He agreed and when he saw me he smiled. I told him what I had done and he said, "Well there's the worst kept secret in Minnesota." I started laughing, "You knew?" and he took my hand, "Sonya, everyone knows and they are so happy for you. It was in the paper. Legal notices." Duh...blonde moment. "In fact I have been meaning to ask you if you would step in as a server. I can give you full time this summer and as many hours as you want during school." I agreed and asked how much a good server made. "Including tips? Usually around $40,000 if you are full time." Shit. I went home and told Reggie and he seemed happy for me but I felt a distance from him. Classes ended and it was summertime. I called mom and asked her to meet my bus at the bus station. "Please don't tell or bring Dad? I have something to tell you." Reggie offered to give me a ride and I told him "One thing at a time." He got a little offended. "Ohhh I see. Afraid that mommy and daddy won't be okay that their little faggot son likes Big Black Cock?" I turned and looked at him. "Really? You say that to me?" I shook my head and got on the bus. Four hours later we pulled into Bemidji. I grabbed my purse and my overnight bag and stood. I got off the bus and looked around. Mom was all alone about 30 feet away looking right past me for her son. I walked over to her and said, "Mrs. Holgersen?" She turned and looked at me. "Mama, it's me." The look that came on her face was one of disbelief. "Lars?" I nodded. "But my name is Sonya now." I thought she was going to faint right there. Finally she composed herself. She was wearing flats and I was wearing 3 inch heels and so I was taller than her. She looked up. "My god. What have you done?" "Mom, can we go somewhere and talk?" She nodded. "Your father is over in Duluth picking up some new boat motors. He won't be home until tomorrow. We can go to the house." I picked up my bag and we walked to the car. Over the next 6 hours I explained what I was doing. To her credit, she asked really good questions and after that it seemed like the old days. She asked if I still had "it". I laughed and said that I did. I told her about changing my name and sex from a legal standpoint. She asked to see my driver's license with "F" under sex. She just shook her head. "You know you read about these things and it doesn't seem real but here you are." Then she asked if my breasts were real and I nodded. She shook her head again. Then she asked, "Do you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend?" I smiled as I took a sip of coffee. "I have a boyfriend." She paused. "So you're gay?" I smiled. "No. I am a woman so it is normal for me to be attracted to men." She seemed puzzled by that but then began to ask about him. The usual, what does he do? Where is he from? Is it serious? I answered all her questions and told her that we lived together. Then she asked, "What does he look like? Do you have a picture?" I nodded and I got up to get my purse. "He's very handsome. He's 6'6" and was a competitive bodybuilder for a few years." I took the picture of us that had been taken a few weeks before when we were together at a friend's party. "This is us together." She smiled as she took the picture but the smile left her face quickly. "He's black." "Yes mama, he's black." She just sat and looked at the picture. She handed it back to me. "So Mama, what time will daddy be home tomorrow?" She looked at me and there was a little anger in her eyes. "He won't be home until after dinner. Why?" I put the picture back in my purse. "Well, did you want me to be there when you tell him?" She sat upright in her chair. "When I tell him what? That his only son likes to dress up like a little sissy and wear makeup? That his only son is a fairy that has taken drugs so that he has boobs? That his only son is a homo that is letting his big black boyfriend fuck him god knows where? Which part did you want to be there for?" I was stunned. I didn't know what to say or do. Mama stood and took the coffee cup and went to the sink. I stood and grabbed my purse and my overnight bag. "Mrs. Holgersen. Please, I'd like to go to a hotel for the evening and I'll be on my way tomorrow." She turned and said, "Mrs. Holgersen?" I nodded. Tears started running down my face. "As far as I'm concerned, I'm no longer your daughter." She just laughed. "Well you ain't nobody's son anymore either." She grabbed her keys and we rode to the hotel in silence. It was across the street from the bus station. I got out of the car and grabbed my bag from the back seat and closed the door. It was barely closed when she drove off. I composed myself and went to the hotel office and got a single room. I got to my room and fell across the bed and cried and cried. Finally I called Inga. She felt terrible and assured me I would always be her sister. The next morning I felt terrible but I got some coffee on board and took a shower. The Minneapolis bus left at 9:15 AM and I was on it. I wondered as we headed out of town if I would ever return to Bemidji. There was nothing there for me now. That part of my life was over. I think that Lars Holgersen, Jr. died that day. I got back to Minneapolis and Reggie was waiting for my bus. We kissed and embraced. He put my bag in the trunk and opened my car door. I got in and he came around to the driver's side. He got in and before he started the car he said, "Sonya, I'm sorry for what I said." I smiled and hugged him, "Forgiven. Take me home?" We got home and I told him what happened. He felt terrible for me and then we cuddled for a while. He carried me to bed and we made love twice. Summer passed all too quickly. In Minnesota we have a joke; q. What do you do in Minnesota during the summer? a. If it comes on a Sunday we have a picnic. I spent the next 3 months working at the restaurant and working on my tan. Reggie loved his white girlfriend's tan lines. Sometimes I would do a little striptease for him. I started taking yoga classes and I took a pole dancing class during the second summer term. I was getting my shot once a week and taking my spiro and the doctor was right. By the end of summer, the fluid when I had an orgasm was clear. I was also noticeably smaller and when I got an erection, it was not as "hard". My breasts continued to grow and by the end of September I was a full "B" cup. Inga was back for her senior year. We got together at least once a week and she and her boyfriend and Reggie and me were together a lot. I decided not to enroll for fall term. I was making good money at the restaurant and not sure what I wanted to do so why spend money on school? Reggie was never very forthcoming about his past. But I managed to find out that he had spent time in federal prison on a drug charge. He had made a deal for a reduced sentence. On his one year anniversary at the restaurant, they threw him a party after hours. We hung out for a while but left. When we got home, he took me in his arms and said, "One year ago today, I met you. I didn't know it at the time other than I thought you were cute even as a dorky boy. I love you Miss Sonya Steensen." I started to cry and I told him I loved him too. Our sex life was incredible. He was an awesome lover and had tremendous stamina. He was a good man. He was kind and gentle (except when I wanted to play a little rough). He was honest. I began to think about a life with Reggie. There were backward ignorant people like my parents but most people were more enlightened than that. We would see where life took us but I could see us being happy together. Even people that knew I was TS began to just think of us as a couple. By February I was a full "C" cup. My measurements were 36C-28-35. I was toned from Yoga and pole dancing class. I was now an instructor for that class three days per week. I was working at the restaurant and with both gigs together making about $50,000/yr. I still didn't know what I wanted to do so college wasn't even a thought. By March, I was totally impotent. Reggie still liked to suck on my "clit" and when we had anal sex and I had an orgasm a little clear fluid came out. But I made a decision. I knew I eventually wanted SRS but I also knew it was going to be a while before I could afford it. I called the doctor and scheduled the appointment. Reggie took me to the hospital that morning. I took off my clothes and put on the stupid little gown. The nurse gave me a shot and after a few minutes I was pretty fucked up. Reggie told me later I was funny as shit. Making jokes and just generally being "Queen of Pre-op". They wheeled me into the surgery room and I had to hop off the gurney on to this table that looked just like the table you see in the movies when the girl is having a baby. The nurse helped make sure my feet were in the "stirrups" and I lay my head back. The doctor came in with his mask on and immediately went to the foot of the table. He said, "Okay Sonya, you're gonna feel a few pinches." He was right and then we waited about fifteen minutes. Then he leaned in and said, "Feel that?" I said, "No." "How 'bout that?" "Nope." They doctor smiled and said, "Let's get started. Scalpel. Forceps." Fifteen minutes later the nurse took something from him. She set it down on the table. It was one of those stainless steel bowls you see in hospitals. There were two fairly small lumps of tissue in it. "Sutures" I lay my head back. I wondered what my folks would think of me now. I had a great pair of tits, a hot ass, I wore sexy girl clothes, panties, high heels and makeup, I loved "nigga dick" (Reggie's words) and I had just paid someone to castrate me on purpose. Reggie drove me home and I followed orders with ice and pain meds. A week later I went in and they put me in stirrups again while they took out my sutures. A week after that, I was back "working the pole" in class. I was amazed at the difference. I was able to wear even more revealing clothing and I just felt peaceful. In June Reggie and I eloped in Vegas with Inga as my Maid of Honor. I was now Mrs. Reggie Washington. We bought a small two bedroom house and began our version of happily ever after. Two years later, I had SRS. We had finally saved enough money. We had to wait eight weeks before we "took it for a test drive." During those eight weeks, my husband received almost his lifetime quota of blowjobs and I'm pretty sure I had enough "protein" for a while anyway. The night I gave my virginity to my husband for the second time was the most beautiful sensuous evening of my life. We started talking about having a family and the options that were open to us. It was a Friday night. It was summer and it was storming in Minneapolis. I was still working at the restaurant only now I was the manager. Reggie was home sick with a summer cold. I called him about 11:00 and he was going to bed. I told him I loved him and I would see him in the morning. We closed up and I got in my car and drove home. I pulled in the driveway and got out. It had stopped raining and I loved the way the air smelled. I walked to the front door and started to put the key in when I noticed that the door was open and it looked like someone had broken it down. Slowly I opened it and the living room was a mess with broken lamps and tables. Then I got scared. I saw a lot of blood. I called for Reggie but there was no answer. I went to the phone and called 911. They said to get out of the house and wait out front. Within minutes, sirens wailed and lights flashed. The police went in with their weapons drawn. Ten minutes later, I heard the radio come to life. "10-19 this is Sierra 12, over. The Sergeant picked up the radio. "Roger Sierra 12, this is 10-19 over." "Yeah Sarge this is a mess we got a dead body, African American male, late 20's, maybe 6'6"." They last thing I remember was screaming, "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!" I woke up in the hospital heavily sedated. Inga was there and she had a lawyer with her. I started crying as soon as I saw her. She held me for what seemed like hours. Finally she said, "Sonya, the police want to talk to you." I nodded and they showed in the sergeant and another man. "Mrs. Washington? We are so sorry for your loss. But we have a few questions." I nodded so they continued. "Did your husband have any enemies?" I mentioned the fact that he told me once about doing time and that he had made a deal. They showed me a photo of our bedroom wall with the word NARC spray painted. They asked a few more questions and then left. I got out of the hospital the next day. I went and stayed with Inga because I just couldn't go back to the house. I went to the funeral home. Reggie had been beaten with a baseball bat. They told me that what was left of his face wasn't recognizable. We had a small service with friends and I cried for days. I was a 25 year old widow. After a few weeks I finally put the house up for sale and moved into a condo. I went back to work but gave up the gig as an instructor for the pole dancing class. I was beginning to wonder if I would ever laugh again. I started drinking to dull the pain. Just a glass of wine after work, then it was two glasses. After a month or so, it was a bottle of wine. Then I started to gain a little weight so I started drinking Vodka. For a month or so it was martinis but soon it just straight vodka. I would pass out and then have to get myself together for work the next day. I found that just a small glass of vodka before work seemed to calm the shakes. I started smoking when I drank. After a month, I was just a smoker. After about three months, I would drink after work and then if I was off the next day, I would wake up and get in the shower and start drinking as I did my makeup. Then around 5:00 when lots of men would stop for a drink or two on their way home, I would head out to the bars. I would always dress as sexy as possible. i would drink and smoke and I would go home with men I didn't know. I went home with men of all colors and sizes. I went home with men who wanted to do threesomes and foursomes. I was a total slut. I started calling in sick and coming in late. I started showing up drunk. The owner called me into his office and told me that he knew I was going through a horrible time but he had a business to run. I tried to straighten up but it didn't last. I started fucking a guy who would give me coke and for a while we would party and I would do a couple toots and go to work. Eventually, I got fired. The next night I was dressed in this slinky black dress with a low cut front, no bra, 6 inch spike heel pumps, no panties. This guy thought I was a hooker and offered me money. I figured what the fuck, girl has gotta make a living so I took it. He asked me how much. I told him $100 for a blowjob and $500 for a fuck. He paid me and we went out to his car and I gave him head. Mama and daddy woulda been so proud. Now their sweet son was giving $100 blowjobs in parking lots and he didn't even have a dick anymore. He had a pussy and it was for sale too. For the next 6 months I turned tricks. It got to the point where I couldn't go in the bars. I was hanging on street corners. I got busted for prostitution. I didn't care. Finally, Inga caught up with me. She told me that both mom and dad were gone. Dad had a massive stroke trying to carry a railroad tie our for dock repair not long after my falling out with Mom. Mom had got a very aggressive form of pancreatic cancer and she only had lived for 6 months after diagnosis. But the house was there and since it was winter, maybe I could go up there and stay for a while. "Sis, I want you to listen to me. You'll be dead in 6 months if you keep this up. Is this what Reggie would have wanted?" That hit me between the eyes. I agreed to check into a detox and once I was clean I headed up to Bemidji. The story was that I was a cousin that was down on her luck and was staying at the old place for a while until Inga could sell it. So I got to town and stopped at the grocery store. I almost bought a fifth of vodka but I managed to get out of the store with just food and milk. I got out to the place and got my suitcase into my old bedroom and got groceries put away. I turned on the TV. Great. Inga didn't get the cable turned on. So I looked at the bookcase. I found a book called Red Lily by Nora Roberts. I took a hot bath, made a sandwich and curled up in front of the fire. About 11:00 the fire had died out and so I went to bed. The next thing I knew it was 9:30 and the sun was up. I got up and made some coffee. I called the cable company and they said they would be out the next day. I had a slice of toast and grabbed my book. Around 1:00 I decided to take a drive. The weather wasn't horrible and I was getting a little cabin fever. I drove by our old high school. Then I drove by the mall where were used to go as kids. I parked and got out. I went in and window shopped for a while. I bought a pretzel and sat down on a bench to eat. I noticed this guy sitting across from me checking me out. "Awesome. Country bumpkin is going to come over here and talk to me." I thought about leaving but it was too late. He was up and moving this way. He came over and took off his hat, "Ma'am? Did you use to be Inga Holgersen?" I smiled. "No that's my sis..er..a..cousin." he smiled. "Oh well nice ta meetcha ma'am. I heard you was stayin' at the ol' place. My name is Mickey Wilson. I went to school with Inga and her brother. I'm in the book and if you need anything you just give me a call." Well fuck me....Mickey Wilson? Star football player? Looks like Mickey could spend a little time in the gym. "I'm sorry ma'am. I didn't catch your name." I smiled. "I'm Sonya. Sonya Washington." He stuck out his hand. "Well you remember. Mickey Wilson. Call if you need anything. Shoot your whole family is sure pretty." I smiled. Hoping he would leave which he did. Shortly after I headed back to the house, too much fun can make a girl crazy you know (sarcasm). I made some supper and read for a while in front of the fire. I had on a flannel nightie and my warmest robe. God I miss you Reggie. About 11:00 the fire had burned out and I went to bed. I woke the next day around 7:00. Coffee and a hot shower. About 8:15 there was a knock at the door and I looked out and saw the cable truck. I went to the door and there was Mr. Mickey Wilson. "Hi Miss Sonya, how lucky am I? I get to see you two days in a row." I smiled and nodded. "Yes I'm a lucky girl too," I said. (more sarcasm) "I'll just get things set up out here and come in and finish up where it's warm, okay?" I could hardly wait. "That would be fine Mr. Wilson." "Aw, shucks ma'am you should call me Mickey. Everyone around here does." I smiled. "Alright, Mickey." So he got my cable up and running and before he got finished inside I heard how he had gone away to college on a football scholarship and then flunked out. How he moved back here and met some local girl and got married and then she ran off with some other guy. I listened and tried to pretend to be interested. I wasn't feeling the need for a lot of drama so when he left I was quite happy. Inga called and we chatted and laughed. I told her about Mickey. I was laughing but she wasn't. She then told me that he was the one she lost her virginity to. And that she thought he was going to split her in two. He was hung like a horse. I said, "No way. And she said, "Yes way." She had never seen a bigger cock. Suddenly Mickey seemed more interesting. I noticed that the pipe under the sink was leaking. I called Mickey and he came out and fixed it. I made him a nice sandwich and we talked for a while. Then he asked if I wanted to go to the movies in town some night. I shrugged and asked him what was playing? He said, "Avatar." I said okay. We decided to go Friday night. He waved as he left. "Pick you up at 6:00 we'll have a burger and a beer." So on Friday afternoon I took a hot tub and shaved my legs and put on makeup for the first time in a month. At 6:00 there was a knock on the door. I grabbed my purse and he opened the passenger side of his pick up. I stepped up and got in. "Nice ass," he said before he closed the door. It made me chuckle. I wondered what he would do if he knew he was thinking about fucking little Lars Jr. We stopped at a place called Hot Toddy's and everyone seemed to know him. We each had a burger and a beer and then dashed off to the movie. Avatar was overrated but okay. After he asked if I wanted another beer, I said sure. So we went back to Toddy's and ended up sharing a pitcher and shooting some pool. About 11:30 I told him I was having a great time but I was getting sleepy and could he take me home. He walked me to the door and gave me a peck on the cheek and asked if he could see me again. I smiled and said, "I'd like that." And I meant it. He was a good guy and I really had enjoyed myself. I went to bed and for the first time in a while, I had a smile on my face. I got up the next day and had a bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee while I watched the morning news. I called the detective who was in charge of the investigation of Reggie's murder. No news unfortunately and I wasn't really surprised. They told me that usually these things are done by professionals and so there isn't much to go on. Oh well.... I got in the shower and got ready for the day. I put on a pair of jeans and looked in the mirror. I still had a very nice figure even though I had spent a good long time abusing it. I went for a walk down by the lake and it was cold but it seemed to clear my head. I went back in the house and built a fire and picked up another book by my new BFF Nora Roberts and read. I had an apple and some hot cider for lunch and I must have dosed off because I remember looking at the clock and it said 2:30 and the next thing I knew it was 4:30. I watched a little TV and I thought about Mickey Wilson. The phone rang and guess who it was? My new admirer Mickey. It was Saturday night and he said he just called to say hi and tell me again what a great time he had. I thanked him again too and then I have no idea what possessed me but I said, "Why don't you let me cook dinner for you tomorrow night?" As soon as the words left my mouth I wanted them back. He responded, "That's awful nice but my parents are out of town for the weekend and I don't have anyone to watch my kids. My boy, Andy, is 5 and my daughter, Katie, is 3 and they are a handful." I said, "Well bring 'em with." What? Who fucking said that? "Are you sure?" he said. I said yes and that was that, they were coming at 5:00. What was I doing? What was I making? After 5 minutes of laughter, Inga said, "My! Is my sister going all domestic?" I had called her to see if she had any recipes. She said, "You remember that roast beef Mom used to make? The recipe is in the box above the stove. It's simple. You like put dry onion-mushroom soup on it and then wrap it in foil and bake it for a couple hours. Make a couple baked potatoes and salad and make macaroni and cheese for the kids." Mickey and the kids got there at 5:15 and I was ready for them. They came in and I met them and Andy looked me up and down and said, "Dad? Is this one you told Uncle Johnny about that you said was hot and had big boobs?" That definitely broke the ice as Mickey turned bright red and I almost fell over laughing. We had a great evening and after a while when we had ice cream for dessert, Katie sat on my lap. About 8:30, they kids started getting a little cranky and Mickey decided it was "round up" time. This time as he left, he put his arms around me and kissed me on the lips. I kissed him back. It wasn't electric, like the first time I kissed Reggie, but I felt warm inside and it was a kiss that was filled with potential. I cleaned up the kitchen and put on my warm flannel nightie and curled up to watch TV and "Sleepless in Seattle" was on. I had another dish of ice cream and after the movie I read a while and then went to sleep. I woke and had coffee and watched the Sunday news shows as I read the paper. I looked in the want ads and saw a job advertised for a day waitress at the big truck stop off Highway 2. I figured what the heck. I put Inga and Mickey as references and I got the job! I got home and called Mickey. He said, "Job? That sounds like a girl who might stay in town." I was smiling and I said, "Who knows? Seems like a nice town with nice people that I'm starting to like." Mickey said, "I'm glad you're staying even if it's for a while." So I started as a waitress and worked Monday through Friday from 7:00 am to 4:00 PM M-F. I started to make some friends, many of whom I already knew but they didn't know that. A couple of months passed and it was spring and the ice and snow were gone and the mosquitoes weren't horrible yet. Inga had sold the house and resort. I had a little money for the first time since I cleaned up my act and I have to admit that I thought about partying and getting crazy back in Minneapolis. Inga noticed my mood during a phone conversation and asked me if I remembered how well that had worked out the last time. So I got an apartment. It wasn't huge but it had a kitchen and a deck and a bedroom. I thought about it and it was really the first place that was mine. I actually felt a little proud and found that I enjoyed decorating. Mickey and I were dating. We had been seeing each other for almost 9 weeks when we went out to dinner one night. We had gone to a sports bar where everyone knew him and we had been there together before. We ate and then a group of his "guys" were around so we had a few beers. I got up to go to the ladies room and I ran into a guy that I knew from high school, Ron Jorgensen. He was a little drunk but he looked at me and said, "You're Mickey's girl, right?" I said, "Excuse me?" He said, "Mickey...Mickey Wilson...You're his girlfriend right?" I stopped for a second and looked around. "Yeah...I'm Mickey's girlfriend. Why do you ask?" He smiled, Oh, I don't mean nothin'. It's just you're seem a lot nicer than that witch he was married too. He's a good man and you make a handsome couple." I smiled up at him, "Awwww..that's a nice thing to say. Thank you!" I ordered a couple of beers and went back to our table where they were watching the Twins get beat by the White Sox. The game got over around 10:30 and Mickey drove me back to my apartment and walked me to the door. I unlocked the door and turned and said, "I had a great time again Mickey. You have to go get Andy and Katie?" He shook his head. "Naw, my mom and dad said they could spend the night. I don't have to pick'em up until tomorrow around lunch." I looked up at him, "Ron Jorgensen asked me tonight if I was your girlfriend." Mickey got that 'aw shucks' look and said, "Yeah? What did you tell 'em?" I smiled at him and said, "I told him I was." Mickey put his hand on my hip. "I guess that makes me your boyfriend?" I nodded. He leaned down and gave me a soulful, tender kiss. I felt my breathing increase. Our passion had been building and our kiss ignited a fire. In a few minutes we were making out like two high school kids in the hall and he had me pinned against the wall and I could feel his hard cock on my tummy as he pressed into me. I whispered in his ear, "Fuck me." He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around him as he carried me to the bedroom. We stood next to my bed and tore each other's clothes off and when I saw his cock spring from his pants I gasped. He was at least 9 inches and it looked bigger than Reggie. I smiled and we jumped in bed and he was incredible. We fell asleep around 2 and woke around 9:00. I made breakfast and then we had another "romp in the hay", as he called it, before he left to go get Andy and Katie. I read the paper and had coffee. My apartment was only a block from the lake and so I went for a walk. It was spring in Minnesota and I was falling in love with that "Country Bumpkin." Did I tell him who I was? Did I just let him think I was Inga's cousin? I didn't have ready answers to those questions. All I knew was that I felt happy and peaceful. Mickey and I had been dating through the summer and fall. We had been on his boat and skied and fished and I had been with him to a Viking game in the fall and I had even gone with him and the kids to his parents' house for Thanksgiving. We occasionally got cross with each other but he had such a good heart that even though he was a "guy" in every sense of the word, we managed to work through things. Once I had started to tell him that I had been through some rough times and I was going to tell it all. He put his finger on my lips and said, "I don't care what you have done or who you were before." I'm not sure that he fully understood but I decided to leave well enough alone. We sometimes had conversations about different things and he knew I couldn't have kids but that I wanted to be a mom someday. Andy had turned 6 and knew Santa wasn't real. Katie was 4 and she very much believed in Santa. It was a Saturday afternoon in December and we took Katie to the mall to see Santa. We waited in line for a while and saw several people we knew. It was time for Katie to talk to Santa and she got on his lap. Santa was Mickey's friend Rod. He gave her a big "Ho, Ho, Ho. What do you want for Christmas little girl?" Katie didn't miss a beat. She looked up at him and said, "Santa? Can you make Sonya my mommy?" Rod didn't know what to say. Mickey was smiling and I felt a tear run down my cheek. Finally Rod said, "Well...you'll have to talk to your dad about that. Are there any toys you want me to bring?" It was Christmas. Inga was in town with her husband and 2 kids. We were all at Mickey's Mom and Dad's house. The kids were opening presents and the grownups were drinking coffee. Things got crazy and there was wrapping paper everywhere and kids being loud and being kids. I sat back and thought about how lucky I was to have survived. I felt warm and safe. I felt loved. Things began to wind down and the kids were playing with all their new toys. I was talking to Mickey's mom about her recipe for the egg dish she had made for breakfast and sipping coffee. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mickey stand up and start to walk. He stopped in front of me and I finished what I was s