Robbie's Revelation free porn video
I hope you all enjoy the start of this tale, its actually the first
creative writing I have attempted since I was in college. We'll just say
that was 20+ years ago. This story has just been bouncing around in my
head for a while and I felt the need to tell it, to the best of my
ability. Some of the story is pulled from my actual experience, some are
just daydreams of a 40 something lady now. Anyway I hope you enjoy, and
I don't mind constructive feedback. I hope to get better as the story
progresses and I would greatly appreciate ideas. So that being said,
here we go.
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Robbie's Revelation, Friday the 2nd of October 1987, Starkville
Mississippi.
I must have been in a really pleasant dream when my alarm clock sounded
and woke me up a few minutes ago. I had been sitting here on the side of
my bed trying for the life of me what the dream was about for a few
minutes. This peaceful feeling, I had woken up with was quite uncommon
for me for the last few years. It almost bordered on actually being
happy. Happy and peaceful are not emotions I am used to and it actually
made me feel uneasy. To say that I have issues would be quite an
understatement. What most people don't realized that every single time
in my life I was actually happy, just seemed to be a forbearer of
horrible things to come. Being happy basically frightens me. As I sat
there taking a few minutes to fully wake up and get my bearings for the
day, those uncomfortable emotions quickly faded to be replaced by my
normal feelings of dread and anxiety. I know that most people, would be
really bothered with that, but not me. I've lived with my anxieties for
long enough that I've turned it into something I can use, I wear that
shit like armor. Armor that nothing can get through, or at least so I
thought at the time. The past several months though I could feel that
iron clad suit of armor I had crafted start to crack, and my answer was
to sink even further into my self-imposed depression.
After a while I noticed my clock was reading 5:30, and knowing my
parents would be up exactly at six, I had to get my butt in gear. While
I was waiting for the shower to warm up I hesitantly stared at myself in
the mirror. As I took in my reflection I could feel my anxiety start to
build some more. Thanks to my last growth spurt that started right at
the end of my ninth grade year I had jumped to 5' 11". If that had been
it though I would have been ecstatic, but the growth fairy also
sprinkled its dust in other areas. Areas that were getting increasingly
more difficult to hide, some to the point of being painful to do so.
Once the shower had warmed up I quickly got to business and was drying
off just minutes later.
As I made it back to my room I started the process of getting ready for
the day. I can barely remember what it was like from before, when I
could simply just put clothes on and go out the door. Now it can
sometimes take me 45 minutes before I feel comfortable enough to leave
the safety of my room. Tending to one of the areas that also had
spouted, I started binding my breasts. I honestly had no idea just what
size they were, ever since they started to grow I tried to ignore them.
Up until a few months ago that had worked, but then they got big enough
I had to hide them. I couldn't let anyone see them, I was a guy damn it!
I was supposed to be one at least, or so I thought. It took me almost
half an hour just to get them properly bound to where no one would be
able to notice them. Getting the rest of my clothes on I was thankful we
were finally into fall, wearing long sleeves and pants during the summer
here in Mississippi sucked. Dressing took a lot less time than binding,
it only took a baggy sweatshirt and overly relaxed fit jeans and to
complete my deception. Looking in the mirror I was pleased with my
effort. While not overly masculine there weren't any obvious signs of
anything feminine in my reflection, I headed to grab breakfast.
Walking into the kitchen I noticed my parents sitting down eating, as
always Mom working a crossword and Pop, what I call my step-dad, with
his morning paper. Trying my best to not disturb them I sat as quietly
as possible with my breakfast and began to eat. Before I was even a
quarter way through my food my Mom started trying to make small talk,
which is what I was trying to avoid. I just don't know what to say to
her anymore. We used to be so close and now I'm so afraid of
disappointing her any further than I already have. The shame I felt on
that fateful day when they learned the truth about what was going on
with me still sticks with me. The hurt in their eyes that day still
haunts me, I can't risk hurting them anymore than I already have.
"Morning Robbie, did you sleep well?" she asked still staring at her
crossword puzzle. I never know if she is just that engrossed in her
puzzle or she just can't bear to look at her son. My anxiety always
makes me think the latter. God why couldn't I be a real son to them.
"As good as normal I guess, my run yesterday evening took a lot out of
me so I slept like a log." I responded with a mouthful of food. My
running, along with regular exercise, has become sort of an addiction to
me. What started out simply as a way to try to build muscle and to
reduce all the fatty deposits my body had started building has become
something I did now to punish my body. The more my body rebelled against
me, the more I tried to hurt it.
"You know you push yourself too hard, I'm afraid you're going to hurt
yourself. You never do anything other than school, study, or exercise.
Why don't you ever go spend time with your friends?" she asked.
"MOM! You know why I can't do that? What if I slip up and someone sees
my...? Or someone figures out that I'm a... I mean what will happen if
the truth comes out? Life is hard enough as it is! I just can't risk it
Mom, I CAN'T!!" I said in a slightly panicked tone almost
hyperventilating. Taking a few moments to get my pulse and breathing to
start slowing back down, and also to fight back the tears that were
trying to form. I just said, "Besides Jennifer asked if I could help
her this Saturday with her Biology test coming up. So I'll be out of the
house for a few hours."
"Well that's good I guess:" She sighed, returning to her puzzle and
letting me finish my food in peace.
As hard as I tried to just finish eating without thinking about the
conversation my mind kept drifting back to Jennifer. She had at one time
been one of my closest friends right up until my puberty hit. The more
my body started changed the more withdrawn I became, Jen was the only
person that kept trying to be my friend. I was never able to fully push
her away though, no matter how hard I tried. While I kept trying to
retreat further into my protective shield, she actually flourished when
she started puberty. She had gone from a rough and tumble rail thin
tomboy to one of the most gorgeous girls in the school, so she had
people lined up trying to be her friend. While I wished we could be the
friends we used to, I also knew that was impossible. I don't think I
could survive her total rejection if she found out, so we were relegated
to just study and lab partners. It just was the way it had to be.
Suddenly I was pulled out of my thoughts by Pop clearing his throat and
saying, "Umm Son? If you don't get a move on you're going to end up late
for school."
I just nodded and shoveled the last few bites down and rinsed off my
plate. I gave them both a half-hearted hug goodbye, mostly because I was
self-conscious of the multiple ace bandages wrapping my upper torso like
a mummy. As I was headed out the door the pain from the binding had
already started I just mumbled as I headed out to my car, "This is going
to be a long ass day if this is starting already."
Thankfully when I pulled my dilapidated old Ghia into my parking spot at
school I saw I had 15 minutes to spare. Thanks to being a lowly
sophomore our parking was the lot furthest from anything other than the
football practice field, I was going to need almost all that time just
to get to my locker and my first class. It would probably be easier if I
didn't have to always take different routes to my classes. If I was
predictable it would just make it easier for the bullies that have
targeted me to find me. That's just one of the many things I've picked
up for self-preservation, forcing myself into my loner exile has made me
more noticed by the lesser than honorable crowd.
Thankfully my first class was my AP biology, and I made it with just
seconds to spare. As I plopped into my seat next to Jennifer, I winced
from the discomfort in my chest and from sitting too fast. Jennifer
noticed and asked, "Are you okay? Did the Chris's get ahold of you
already?" She was referring to the two biggest pains in my life, well
other than boob one and boob two. Chris Jenkins, and Chris Jacobs were
two guys that believed that both of them against one was a fair fight,
just as long as they picked on someone they thought they could take
solo. I was lucky enough to have been their main target since middle
school.
I just shook my head and told her, "Nah, they couldn't find me this
morning, even if they could I doubt they could catch me. I had just
overdone it last night and pulled something, I'm okay."
I could tell that she didn't believe me, she just sadly smiled and said,
"Okay if you say so, now stop talking cause you're going to get us both
into trouble!" I just rolled my eyes at that, and then started to try to
focus on the teacher. At least for the next hour I can focus on
something else's biology instead of my own. Today it was flatworms, I
can live with that. I wish this class could last all day, it's the only
one difficult enough for me to keep me engaged and not drift in my own
thoughts.
The next three classes were the more basic courses, US History, English,
French II, and Band. While I disliked band it was either that or PE, and
THAT surely wasn't going to happen. Through those classes I could feel
myself sinking even further to the point I was starting to even worry
myself. I kept telling myself to just man up and suck it up I'll be
fine. Even I didn't believe that anymore though.
Lunch was one of the more dangerous times for me, too many other people
in one space for me to hide effectively. I was at the mercy of my own
luck, which I had no faith in other than it being bad luck. Once I
grabbed my food I headed to one of the corner tables so I could keep an
eye on everyone. One thing I had read in one of my self-defense books
the best way to keep out of trouble was situational awareness, so I kept
my head on a swivel. It was then I noticed Jennifer looking dead at me
and walking towards me with a very determined expression. Since the only
time we ever associated anymore was the two classes we had together and
the occasional study sessions at either her or my house, I was confused
to say the least. I mean she's popular and has popular friends, people
that wouldn't even notice me if they stepped on me. As she sat down at
the table directly opposite from me I just stared at her in disbelief.
"Robbie will you please tell me what's going on with you? I can't just
sit back anymore and do nothing. I've been worrying about you for a
while, but lately you've really started scaring me!" she pleaded.
Still in shock I respond, "Jennifer just what the hell are you doing
here? What if your friends see you talking to me? Aren't you worried
what they might say? Don't worry about me, I'll be fine!" I tried to
sound as confident as possible.
"Dammit drop the bullshit!! I know you're not okay and you haven't been
for a while. I've watched you go from being this amazingly funny
outgoing person, someone who was my best friend in the whole world. I
watched you start pushing your friends away, Hell you did the best to
push me away and I wouldn't let you!! Do you know why? Because deep down
inside of you I know my best friend is still there, but for some reason
you've locked him away! For the last time please tell me what's wrong!!
I want to help you!" She exclaimed. I could see tears starting to form
in her eyes.
I tried to respond, but the words just kept catching in my throat. I had
hurt my parents, and now I realized how badly I had hurt Jennifer as
well. My spirits sunk even lower than I thought was possible. I finally
managed to get out, "I um.. Jennifer you see.. I wish I could tell
you.." Sighing, I wiped the tears that had started to leak out of my
eyes. I finally came to realize that the best way to protect her from me
hurting her anymore, was to finally force our strained friendship to be
over. You know that thought of just one big hurt instead of continuous
little hurts would be kinder. I finally looked at her and calmly stated,
"I'm sorry I can't tell you, I can't tell anyone. The best thing you
could do is to just walk away and forget I ever existed!"
"Dammit Robbie you know I can't do that! Do you know the jocks have
started a suicide pool on you? I'm not the only one that sees that
you're in trouble!! Those assholes are betting on the day you're going
to kill yourself! I'm trying to be your friend, please let me!" she
pleaded.
Still sure it was the best thing to do, I coldly stated, "Really? Tell
me what day you picked and I'll see if I can help you make some extra
money. One friend to another."
The hurt I saw in her eyes felt like it pierced my very soul. With both
hands covering her mouth she stood up and started glaring at me.
Finally, she yelled, "I would never!! How dare you even think that I'd!!
That's it you fucking asshole!! You want me gone, I'm gone!!"
At the commotion I noticed almost every eye was on me. This isn't going
to be good at all, I had just made one of the friendliest most popular
girls in my class cry in front of the whole lunchroom. I should have
been filled with fear, now I would have more than just the bullies after
me for what I just did. All I could think of if I was really protecting
her, why did I have to hurt her so badly. After a moment I steeled my
resolved, thinking she will be better off this way.
I wish I could say I evaded any beatings, but as I finally sat down in
Health Class, my last class of the day, I had suffered several
confrontations. At least the jocks knew where not to leave visible marks
on me. A minute later Jennifer came in and took her seat next to me and
refused to look at me. I could see her eyes were still red and puffy. I
realized that after what I did, I deserved the beatings I got and will
continue to receive for hurting her.
Coach Mason came in right before the bell rang and started the class. As
much as I loved biology, because of learning about all the different
species of animals and their anatomy, I hated Health due to my own. No
matter though how much I hated this class I do admire the Coach. She was
the girls' softball coach and stereotypically the rumor mill assured
everyone that she was a lesbian. Coach never did anything to dissuade
that notion, and I figured she really was from how her lectures could
border on the line of something that would probably get her fired. Today
was no exception.
We had been learning about the human reproduction system this week. Some
of the jokers in the class would make comments about gay's being wrong
since they couldn't reproduce, blah blah blah. What can you expect from
a bunch of unruly rednecks in Mississippi during the late 80's, they
were just trying to get under her skin. I will give it to Coach, she
could always bring the conversations back to where it should be, but she
would always tiptoe that line talking about those alternative lifestyles
for a few. That brings us to today's topic.
We were finishing up with the topic of female reproductive organs, which
I had ignored totally. That was the last thing I wanted to discuss. Half
way through the class, one of the troublemakers asked the question what
about those that have both? I just cringed, mostly because I was afraid
that Coach would want us to walk down this path. I hate it when my fears
are right.
Coach Mason then tells us all about anomalies that occur in humans and
animals alike, hermaphrodites were one example. One of the guys jokingly
brought up transsexuals, asking something along the lines how do you
expect us to believe that's real?? At this point I'm doing everything I
can to ignore the discussion and just squish down even further in my
seat. I tried to play it off as it was just hot in the room and I had a
sweatshirt on, but I was also sweating profusely. Even Jennifer noticed
that, and kind gave me a worried look. The conversation kept on.
It was at the moment Coach was talking about intersex individuals, how
some people could be born with both sex organs but one set would stay
dormant or only partially formed. I was white knuckled clutching my desk
just trying not to pass out. Then I heard Coach say, "Some intersexed
people could even grow up thinking they were one sex, but then they
would start to develop as the other. For example, a guy could hit
puberty but then would start developing female secondary sexual
characteristics."
I heard a girl in class, I think it was Alicia, then exclaim, "Oh my
God! That sounds like it would be so confusing, that would be so
horrible!!"
In my near full blown panic attack, when I heard her ask that question I
simply thought, you have no freaking idea!!
I was so focused trying to maintain a calm composure, it took me a
moment to realize how quiet it had gotten in the classroom. As I looked
around I noticed several people near me just staring at me, and then I
saw Jennifer. Her face was a mix of shock, surprise, but then I saw it
in her eyes. It was realization and she was staring directly at me. At
that moment I knew exactly what had happened, I didn't think those words
I said them.
It probably comes as no surprise the next words out of my mouth were,
"OH SHIT!!"
...To Be Continued... Hopefully
Rowan
- 25.07.2020
- 39
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