The Visitor Monica s Diary Sunday July 16
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The Visitor / Monica's Diary: Sunday, July 9 free porn video
The Visitor Monica's Diary: Sunday, July 9
Nathan was right about us needing to pray more for Timothy. Before our
Friday experience with Bobbye and her friends, Timothy had been somewhat
grateful to have been rescued from death, a bit less grateful to have
been brought into our home from the hospital and jail, and barely
grateful to be allowed to wear feminine clothing in our home and at
church. After our meeting with Kylie, Timothy seemed, for the few minutes
of our ride over to Bobbye's office, somewhat sobered. That second
meeting on Friday changed him completely.
On the way home, Timothy could not stop talking about how wonderful they
all were, especially how beautiful Bailey was, and how they all thought
he would be just like her, if not even prettier. When we got home, he
made it clear by tone of voice and rolling of eyes that he now considered
himself above the mundane tasks of both school and house work. Saturday
was worse. Hannah said nothing about it, but I could hear him arguing
with her about every task she tried to teach him.
Nathan could see it too, and last night before we went to sleep, he
insisted we pray about what to say to him and how to say it. "We don't
want to try to do the Holy Spirit's work for Him. Using carnal means will
only produce carnal results. If Timothy is to be reconciled to God, God
Himself must show him his condition, open his eyes to it, and deliver him
from himself." So, once again, we prayed into the night that no corrupt
communication might proceed out of our mouths but that which was good to
the use of edifying, that it might minister grace unto Timothy.
"I don't see why I have to go to your church," Timothy stated as we
gathered around the breakfast table this morning. His tone was almost
sullen. His words caused the heads of Mark and Josiah to jerk quickly
toward their dad. They caused a gasp from Elizabeth and Sarah. Hannah
stared unflinchingly at her plate. I felt my stomach rise up as if on a
dropping elevator.
"It's really simple, Sky," Nathan answered calmly. "You abandoned your
family. You could not support yourself, so the State of Texas placed you
in our family. By the will of God, I am the head of this family, which
makes me and my wife your immediate authority. Should you reject that
authority, you are abandoning our family, and back to the tender mercies
of the State of Texas you go."
"So, if I don't do just exactly everything you say, you're going to put
me in jail?" This time Timothy's tone of voice was sullen.
"So, you do see after all. I am glad you are able to grasp the reality of
your situation," Nathan said pleasantly.
"Some Christians you are," Timothy flared.
"Meaning?" Nathan asked.
"Jesus never threw people in jail for not going to His church."
"You confuse me, Sky. You don't want to go with us to worship the Lord
Jesus, but you cite Him as an authority for your rebellion. Which is it?
Do you believe in Him or not?"
Timothy sighed impatiently. "I believe in Him, just not the way you guys
do."
"We believe that He is God incarnate; that He lived the immaculate life
none of us could ever live; and that He offered that life as an atonement
for our sins to reconcile us to the Father, who could not bear the
presence of even one sin. What do you believe about Him?"
"Well, you know," he said, shuffling nervously behind his chair, "my
church teaches that Jesus loves us and wants us to have a more abundant
life now, right now, and not some pie in the sky in the sweet bye and
bye."
I guess I was surprised to hear that, not that line of reasoning exactly.
You hear that sort of thing all over these days. I was surprised that
Timothy actually had any kind of answer or explanation for what he did.
He must have been preparing for this conversation for at least a little
while.
"You're referring to the verse in the Bible where it says, 'I am come
that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly'?"
Nathan's tone was even, not hostile.
"Yeah, that's it."
"So, for you, the abundant life means having a sex change? God became man
and went to the cross. He died and rose again and ascended into Heaven so
that you could have a sex change?"
"Not a sex change!" Timothy protested. "I'm only having confirmed what I
am inside."
"Okay, but that brings up another question. How did you get to be what
you are inside?"
"God made me this way."
"God confused your body and soul? But the Bible says, 'God is not the
author of confusion'."
"Yeah, but your wife told those women at the picnic that since the fall
of Adam and Eve, nothing works the way it should."
I remember at this point thinking that Timothy was a lot brighter than I
had thought. He could reason after all and he could think on his feet.
"Okay," Nathan said agreeably. "The Bible does say that creation itself
is in 'the bondage of corruption,' but that means not only physical
bodies and spiritual souls, but your very heart as well. The Bible says,
'the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can
know it?' How do you know you aren't deceiving yourself?"
"Why would I?" Timothy asked.
"The Bible says, 'There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the
end thereof are the ways of death.' No one can deliberately deceive
himself, but it is very easy to make a wrong choice thinking that mere
immediate pain relief is the cure. No alcoholic or drug addict or AIDS
victim started out to ruin their life. They started out looking for a way
to cope with misery, pain, or loneliness, but the solace they sought
turned out to be poison instead."
"But it's still my body and my choice." Timothy's tone was not so much
sullen as defiant.
"Sorry, Sky, the only way you can say that is if you aren't a Christian."
"I said it. I mean it. And I am a Christian, just not like you." Timothy
stared at Nathan, then me, and finally at Hannah, who continued to stare
down at her plate.
"But, Sky, the Bible says that 'your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost
which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own for ye are
bought with a price: therefore, glorify God in your body and in your
spirit, which are God's.'"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Timothy demanded.
"It means that if you really are a Christian, it's not your body but His,
and not your choice but God's."
"According to you," Timothy said.
"All I did was quote what the Bible says, Sky."
"But that's your interpretation."
"Yes, we can always hide behind that, so what are you going to do?"
Timothy looked confused, so Nathan went on. "You can choose not to go to
church with us, which means that tomorrow I will notify FPS that we will
no longer be responsible for you. That also means that while we are at
church, you might steal all the food and water you can carry and flee
into the wilderness again in hopes of reaching the never-never land of
true womanhood that exists only in your imagination. Or you can come to
church with us, and your life will proceed at your own pace toward the
goal you have set for yourself."
"Okay, fine, I'll go," Timothy sighed, staring down at his plate.
"Sky, listen to me. The feelings that are coursing through your body
right now--the anger, the hatred, the resentment--are the feelings we
experience when we deal with the people bent on turning you into
something you are not, but we do it and try to be civil about it. Do you
know why? Do you know why we took you in and agreed, and got our church
to agree, with this whole arrangement?"
"God told you to. You love me, or something," Timothy mocked.
"We do this so that you might hear the gospel."
"I've heard it all my life," Timothy shouted. "Sunday School, church,
VBS, youth camp. You name it, I've been there; I've heard it. God loves
me and has a wonderful plan for my life. Ask Jesus to come into your
heart. I've done it."
"Actually, Sky, not only have you not heard the gospel. You do not yet
even have ears to hear it. And that's why we ask you to come to church
with us."
And that's how Timothy ended up in the car with the rest of us this
morning. All was not rainbows and unicorns, however, because on the way,
Nathan outlined the congregation's bathroom policy for Timothy.
"Why can't I just use the women's room?" Timothy demanded.
"Because you just aren't a woman," Nathan answered.
"I am on the inside."
"That argument is valid only in the next life," Hannah interjected.
"Whether you end up in Heaven or Hell, you'll be a spirit until the
resurrection, which means you won't be ingesting anything physical until
then, which means that while you may desperately desire a cold glass of
ice water, you will never need to go to the ladies' room."
"And after the resurrection?" Timothy's question surprised me. Rather
than dismiss what Hannah had said, he actually seemed curious.
"We'll get back the bodies God gave us, only they'll be perfect. We'll
never grow old, get sick, or die."
"So, I'll be stuck like this forever?"
"Not stuck exactly," Hannah answered. "You'll have a perfect soul as
well."
"Meaning?"
"Meaning that in Heaven and in the Resurrection, you won't have the
sinful nature you have been carrying around since birth."
"What?" Timothy almost sounded angry.
"It's natural to sin. It's natural to want to sin. It's natural to enjoy
sinning. It's natural to feel no guilt for offending God in thought,
word, or deed."
"Are you saying I'm a sociopath, that I have no conscience?" Now he was
angry.
"Oh, you have a conscience, just like a fish has feelings in his skin,
but since a fish hatches out in water and lives in water all its life, it
doesn't know what it is not to be wet. The Bible says that you inherited
the nature to sin against God from Adam and have therefore been living in
sin since your mother conceived you. Like the fish, you don't know what
it is not to be sinful."
"And I suppose you do?"
"Only when I look at the life of Christ, but that wasn't your original
question. In the Resurrection, both soul and body will be perfect, and
you will be perfectly happy with the body that you have. The only way
you'll be stuck the way you are forever, as you put it, is if you die in
your sins. You won't have a male body in Hell, but somehow, I don't think
that will be much comfort. And in the Resurrection to the Second Death,
you get your male body back only to be tormented by its death and decay
forever because you will still have the sinful nature you were born
with."
"So, my only hope for happiness is the few years of youth and beauty
available to me right now." Timothy actually sounded depressed.
"And a thousand years from now, you probably won't even be able to
remember what it was to be pretty." Hannah's tone was not hateful. She
sounded much as she did when she was explaining to Timothy how to muck
out the goat barn or clean out the chicken coop. The expression on his
face, however, was one of intense hurt. He turned from us to look at the
wilderness around us. He leaned his head against the glass and closed his
eyes.
After that, church was all but an anti-climax. Timothy marched woodenly
into the building with us. He stood when we did, sat when we did, held a
hymn book, but I don't think he sang, or even attempted to. When Pastor
Chupco preached, Timothy sat unmoving and unresponsive.
I usually sit between Sarah and Elizabeth, Nathan between Mark and
Josiah, and Hannah between Elizabeth and Mark. In that manner, we keep
the younger ones from distracting each other. Timothy slumped down at the
end of the row on the center aisle. I think at first Josiah tried to
share his Bible with Timothy, but he remained totally indifferent to the
gesture.
That was sad. Brother James continued his exposition of the book of
Revelation. He was in chapter 13 talking about the beast that could do
such great signs and wonders that he could deceive all that dwell on the
earth and thereby entangle them in a universal system from which there
was ultimately no escape.
Brother James was followed by Pastor Chupco, who preached on the next
word in his Thesaurus of Salvation series. The word was regeneration, and
his text was 2 Corinthians 5:17-- "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he
is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are
become new." Again, Timothy simply slumped in his place at the end of the
pew staring at nothing, completely zoned out.
Between services and at lunch downstairs a few people, mostly women,
would make a point of seeking Timothy out and speaking to him. They all
seemed cordial--asking him how he was adjusting to life in the country,
was he homesick for his parents, did he miss the hustle and bustle of
Austin--that sort of thing. A couple of the teenage girls even came over,
ostensibly to speak to Hannah, but attempting by body language and smiles
to include Timothy in the conversation.
In every case, he seemed frightened. He never left our table, even after
the meal, when Sarah and Elizabeth and Josiah and Mark flew off to join
their friends outside in the sun. Hannah normally leaves too, but today
she stayed with us and spent the time identifying each member of each
family present. I don't know that Timothy paid any attention and I rather
doubt he retained much if any of the information he received, but the
conversation, one-sided though it was, saved him from the appearance of
loneliness and abject misery.
During our two o'clock service, Pastor has been working his way through
the Psalms for the past five years. He started Psalm 139 in June and had
finished verse 13 last Sunday. We stood as he read the next section:
I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made:
Marvelous are thy works;
And that my soul knoweth right well.
My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret,
And curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect;
And in thy book all my members were written,
Which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.
How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God!
After we sat down, I noticed that Timothy was leaning forward, staring at
the back of the pew in front of him. He never moved from that position
for the entire hour of Pastor's lesson. When the service ended, Timothy
was up and out of the building in a flash. It was a good thirty minutes
before the rest of us found him, leaning against the Suburban in the
parking lot.
We were halfway home before it occurred to me that Timothy had never once
gone to the bathroom.
Annalisa
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