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Sorry I thought you were a Woman My Life chapter 5 By: Ms. Jenny Ann This story was written by me and may not be sold. It may be downloaded or shared at free sites only. I back in the good old USA Wilmington, NC mid-summer before the start of my sophomore year at John T Hoggard High School 1971-72. I did nothing hang around trying to make friends, no luck nobody knew me, so it made sense to wait till school started I felt sure someone would present themselves maybe I could even find a best friend. Dad and I were walking to the school to pre-register, no car dad said, "the walk will be good for you," then added, "you will probably have to get your hair cut." One thing that I did notice was that some boys had longer hair then me. Dad's Army buddies must be wrong about the dress-code. I thought I had more info and offered a bet that I hoped dad would like. I said, "If I have to cut my hair I will cut it and join JR ROTC, however, if I do not have to cut it then I have the right to say no, you can ask all you want I have the final word when it comes to a haircut." He looked at me like he had just won the lotto and said, "I'll take that bet." I reached out my hand to shake his and said, "Deal." Dad checked me in to school and we were about to leave when I had to ask about dress-code regarding hair length on boys. The lady that checked me in for school said, "No hair length rule for boys unless you are in JR ROTC," and asked, "Do want to do that?" I turned and looked at dad said, "No way," and with the biggest smile, "You lose!" On the way home I asked if he was going to honor our bet. Dad explained the honor code held himself to. "The only thing you have that no one can take from you is your word, you can only give it and when you give you keep it. I will honor our bet we had our hand shake and I gave you my word." He had said that with pride. I know he hated that he lost the bet, but, his honor would not let him back out of the bet. That was the one lesson that he gave me, and I still live my life by it. I did start to meet a few friends when school began I had no need to be the most popular just a few close friends and one to be my best friend. I did find him his name was Scott. She was still with me, you know the girl in the mirror I tried to be careful, but one time after dinner when dad, step- mom and the 2 kids were out for a walk I thought I would at least have time to try on one of her lip sticks and she heard me running from their bed room as I tried to put it back. Busted again, too late in the game to say I don't know why, so I told the truth this time! I said, "I like the ruby red I just had to try it on." She went and got it and held it out to me saying, "You like it, you can have it. Take it, now it's yours." Wake me up I think I am dreaming. I saw it in my hand the tube of ruby red lip stick, I had my first lipstick of my own. I know it is not much, but it was a real big deal to me. I now had lip stick and I could if I wanted wear it! Did it, I put it on in my room and went to the kitchen, to show dad and Bernie that I was not embarrassed to wear lip stick and I was feminine. I wanted to show them I was no longer going to hide how I felt, the inner me would not hide, I was not ready to be a girl outside of the safety of the trailer, however, I would express myself at home. After many experiences with the board of education that was what he called the wooden paddle that he would use on me to try and teach me the error of my ways, I must have had several master's degrees from his board of education. He could not beat the femininity out of me or he just stopped trying and gave up. Did not matter to me if I could be myself, at least while at home. I knew that I had to be careful or other people, friends at school would see that I was not much of a boy and would see me as more like a girl than a boy. I came up with a plan, I was going to grow my hair long, my victory over dad with the bet, it would be easy for people to think that I was a long-haired hippie boy. It could work, the male persona would be long-haired hippie. I lit a cigarette I could smoke, dad even let me get a pack from him when I needed one. He found out I was smoking when we were in Germany, He said as he threw down a package of cigarettes, "Want to smoke, then do it I front of me. Light one up and keep lighting up till I tell you to stop." I did what he told me and thought strange way to discipline me. The 1st one no problem. He said, "Light another one!" Did not feel that good as the 1st one, got a little dizzy, never had a 2nd smoke that soon. "Again," he said. OK, I was starting to see his plan, make me so sick from smoking that I would rather quit and not smoke any more. I was determined that I was going to win this battle. The 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, and I started to think might get sick and throw-up. Again, and again and at my 12th one in a row, he finally decided to call it over I had won; however, I felt sick and all I wanted was to go to bed. I was tired to make to the sofa and go to bed. He said, "Not so fast, you need to take your dog out, you can have a smoke if you want one." "No, thanks I'll wait, I really don't want one right now," I said. He laughed at my dismay and said, "If you need a pack you can get one from the carton, but don't take the last pack. Let me know before we get that low." "I just want to get her walk over and go to bed," I said. As I pulled the cigarette from my mouth I could see the imprint from the lip stick and I liked it, I knew wearing lip stick at home would something I would do from now on. The girl in the mirror was my future to calling myself that seemed wrong, I was incomplete. I, she or we needed a name. I knew that James was totally wrong, the same was true for Jim or Jimmy. I could have been given the name Jammie: however, my mother gave birth to me before my aunt on dad side of the family, their deal was the woman that gave birth to the next son could use the name James, the other child be named Jammie. I lost out on Jammie and that name would have worked out well as it could be a girl's name or a boy's name, just my luck, mother had me 1st. I could still use Jammie as a nickname, it would be good for now. I will use Jammie for now and when the time is right I'll change it to a name that fits me. "James, what's going on?" Scott asked. I admit I zoned out and did not hear him, I did hear him as he said, "Hey, didn't you hear me?' "Sorry, don't respond well to that name," I said, "it is the name dad uses when he is upset or mad at me." "I don't want to say hey you, so, what name would you like me to use?" he asked. I replied, "Jim, Jimmy or Jammie." He said, "Jimmy and Jammie seem ok, if we were kids I'll call you Jim." "Fine with me," I said. I had hoped for Jammie. "Jim want to come over after school and hang out for a while?" he asked. "Sure, I got nothing else planned, I'll need to call home," I said. "No problem," he said. I saw Scott at lunch and he asked," Jim still going to hang out after school?" "Yeah, don't live far, away do you?" I asked. "Just across the street," he replied. I had 5th period English class and it was to get fun, poetry never thought I would like it, but the teacher was good at making it fun. I wrote this poem about friends in that class, hope you like it. Friends Friends are great to have around, when the blues have got you down Talking to them can make you feel so good, cause that's the way you really should Friends may have need of you, cause the blues can strike them too Just remember it's a two-way street, down the middle is where you must meet. Written for English class 1971 It was a fun class, I had a notebook with all my works from class over that year, but I loaned it to someone and never got it back; however, that poem has always been in my mind. Scott and I had the same 6th period art class and again he inquired about coming over and I gave same answer. I met up with Scott after school and he was not kidding he did live right across the street. His house was across the golf course and its backyard shared the out of bounds with the 7th fairway. I was lost, his parents made good money and my dad had to get a job with NC Power and Gas, his retirement from the Army was not enough for him to support his family. He wanted to be my friend and it did not matter what my dad did or where we lived. I thought he was the coolest guy I knew. When we got to his house I met his mom and we went up to his room and he picked up a guitar and started to play, he was good I was amazed he could play songs and they all sounded great. I had to tell him," I think you sound great," I said. Then he surprised me by handing the guitar to me!! "Your turn," he said. I said, "no way, I have never held one and I don't know how to play." "I'm sure you can play, and I'll prove it," he said. He showed me where to put my fingers to make a e-chord and told me to strum the stings and I had played my 1st chord. "See, I told you," he said, "you just have to learn, and I can teach you. That is if you want to learn." "If you really think I can learn to play, I do want to learn," I said. "In less than 1 minute you played your 1st chord, so you can be taught, and it will take time, practice and hard work," he said. His mother came up to the room to see what we were doing. Scott told her he would be teaching me to play the guitar. "That's great, I won't have to worry about Mike getting you in trouble, throwing golf balls is very bad. Jim do you need to use the phone to call for a ride?' I said, "We don't have a car, I guess I will walk or try to thumb a ride." "It will be dark before you get home and your clothes are too dark for walking at night by the roadside and hitch-hiking is really dangerous. No, I will give you a ride home," she said. Scott said, "Dad is not going to like that, he thinks having a friend without valid transportation is beneath our standing." "I've told you before, not all of your father views are correct, and I let him know when he is wrong, and he is wrong in this matter," she said. She looked at me saying, "Get ready to go." I turned to Scott and said, "Sorry, I did not know I was beneath your standing, I must be a poor choice for a friend." "Dad is a snob and he is wrong, I was just reminding mom, it's fun to watch her put him in his place, and it doesn't matter to me, I won't let him chose my friends," he said. "Jim, it is time to go," his mom called out. I said, "Bye to Scott and told I was ready to start learning whenever he wanted to start teaching." His mom tried to get to know more me and my family and when we got to the trailer park, it was not hard to see that I lived in the poor side of town, but it was home to me. I said, "I live right over there I can make it the rest of the way myself." "I need to talk to your parents, so I will walk you to the door," she said. I opened the door and said, "I'm home, this Is Scott's mom and she would like to talk to you." Dad said, "Come in and thank-you for bringing our boy home." She said, "My son will be teaching yours to play guitar, don't worry if he is not home right after school I will make sure he gets home safely. I think it will be good for both, doing something positive, you agree with that." Dad looked a little surprised; however, he agreed. Dad and I still had some trust issues, he knew I had a thing for dressing-up in woman's clothes and was more like a girl at home, he did not think it would be good for me to spend that much time with a boy. Dad could be right, I did like Scott; however, his friendship meant more to me and I would do nothing make him feel uneasy around me. I could perfect the persona I needed by using him as a role model. I did make a few more friends there was Thomas and he went by T. D. don't recall what the D stood for, Dave and his sister Debbie. Other were more school classmates not what you would call a friend. My growing hair was getting to my dad, he would ask me to cut it and I would say no. Bangs in my eyes, past my ear lobes and over the collar, I thought I could use a trim. The next time dad asked me to get it cut, I said, "I'll get a trim." He took me to the barber shop and I told the barber, "Just a trim, I want the bangs out of my eyes and trim the rest from the ears back. No problem with the bangs; however, he cut much more then I wanted off. He went above the ear and that quick 3 inches from the ear going to the back on the right side gone! Upset and mad my rant to that barber, left no doubt how pissed-off I was. He said, "I can leave it like that if you want." I look at him my eye wide with disbelief at his last remark and said, "Match the left side to the right, do not cut the back. Just trim no more than a quarter of an inch. Have you got that?" He replied, "Match the left and quarter inch trim at the back." I was still upset when I that place, and I said, "I will never step foot in another barber shop, never ever that was the last time." When I got home and saw the damage up close, it was worse than I had thought. I had to trim my bangs to have anything close to some sort of style. There will a delay to the long-haired hippie persona. Scott knew Dave and Debbie and that was how I met them, they lived 2 streets over, Dave said, "Seen you around at school, I'm Dave and my sister is Debbie. Scott told me he is going to teach you to play guitar, how's that going?" "I don't have a guitar and the lack of transportation keeps me from staying at Scott's to get in lessons and practice," I said. Dave said, "Can't help you with a guitar; but, I do have an older bike you can use, it should take care of that transportation problem, it is a 1 speed and it can be hard to pedal at times." "Far out," I said trying to get a start on that hippie persona," that would help me out." "If my parents say it's OK, I'll let you have it, you know for keeps," Dave said. "Let's go for a ride and you can give it a test ride," Debbie said. Dave said, "We can go to the Zip-mart, it's about a mile, at the College Road entrance." Scott said, "Going home to get my bike, I'm not going to walk. I'll meet up with you all there." After the short trip to the Zip-mart and return to Dave and Debbie's house, Dave asked, "How did the old bike feel to not too hard to peddle?" "You are right it can be hard to peddle at times; however, it is much better then walking!" I said. Dave's dad had made it home from work and he went in to ask about the bike. His father came out to the garage and told me I could have his old bike. He did say, "By accepting this bike you have obey all the rules for riding and don't forget you must have a white light at the front of the bike when riding at night. Do you accept the bike with the conditions I have given?" "Yes, sir I accept and thank-you!" I replied. A few days later, after Scott had given me my lesson I was attempting to attach the old flashlight I got from my dad to the handle bar when his mom asked, "What are you trying to do?" I said, "Almost ran off the road the last time I rode at night it's hard to hold the light on the road at drive the bike." "Makes sense, be safe," she said. The next time I came she had a gift for me, she said, "Scott told me next month you have a birthday up coming." I said, "Yes, May 24th." She said, "You need this now, so, it is an early present." It was nightlight that had a generator. I thanked her, and Scott and I had fun trying to get it attached to the bike, we did get it on and it was a good thing, it was a dark night and no moon. My hair was getting longer, and it seemed to be making up for the loss in rapid time or I was getting the last push from puberty I did grow 2 inches over the school year; however, I maxed out at 5' 4". It was then that I started to hear the phrase that at first would make me mad. At a store the clerk would say," may I help you Miss?" and with a 2nd look say, "Sorry I thought you were a woman." When I faced the truth, I knew it was a possibility that I could be mistaken for a woman, 5' 4' a slight build and 115 lbs. The slight and light moustache, with hardly any other facial hair, I realized my hair was getting longer and unless I cut it to look more like a guy, I had to accept that if having longer hair meant I would look more like a woman, then so be it. My birthday had come and gone, Scott did have a surprise for me, he got the old guitar that he first had when he was 10 years old and gave it to me. He said, "It was so, I could practice over the summer" I said, "Thanks, I take good care of it." He said, "You better, if your parents ever buy you one, I want it back." Summer at last, I had met a guy at school that lived at Carolina Beach, I even spent the weekend once and no it was just a friend his name was Roy. I did not come as a big shock when I said, "It is my summer break and I might be sending at lot of time at the beach, I will be all right I have friends I spend the night with. That's unless you want to be my taxi." I had fun, a blast I did start to change a little, not so much just little things, OK, maybe 1 or 2 could be big. The first few days, I just hung out and spent the nights with friends, not wanting to be known as a freeloader I only stayed 1 night with the 3 friends I had met at school, on the 4th night I went to the 24-hour restaurant and drank my cup of unlimited refill coffee. I met Eddie, he worked the graveyard shift as kitchen helper and he asked, "Could I help him out and cover his shift Friday night 10pm-6am." I said, "I've never had a job and did not know what I would have to do, or if I could do it and would not want to do any harm to his job, by messing up." He said, "No problem there, George the cook will tell you what to do, the job is easy." "OK, then I will give it a try," I said. "You need to be here by 9:45 pm, and thanks a lot," he said. Thursday morning and the sun was rising although I drank coffee most of the night I was tired, but, I had to get home. I got to the main road leading out of town and had no luck get a ride. Too close to the central business district, I started to walk towards the edge of town, I hoped to have better luck there. I made it home, took a shower, put my dirty clothes into the washer and went to bed. When I woke dad was home from his job, so, I went to get a cup of coffee to help wake-up. "Hey, dad I have got some good news. I'm going to fill in for a guy at an all-night restaurant down at the beach on Friday night. I need my social security card and the night cook told me my school id would be ok for 1 night fill in," I said. "A job, not bad only 4 days into summer break and you have landed a job," he said. "I'm just filling in for Eddie, don't have a job, yet," I said. "Do your best, work hard and stay busy, trust me the boss will notice, and you may get a job out of it," he said. I was surprised by that, he sounded proud of me, I said, "Need to make it thru Friday night first." He got me my ss card and empty time to fill until it would be time to make it to work, didn't know how much time it would take to get a ride hitch-hiking. I said, "I hope I get a ride in time." I was shocked when dad said, "First night, first job and you don't want to be late, I'll give you a ride to help you out this time," he said. I could see what he was up to, if I worked as a boy, then I could put that girly-ness behind me and be a man. I had to laugh inwardly at that, I was going to use the money to buy make-up. Woke up Friday afternoon to get ready and thought cleaner face would look better, so, I shaved, showered and washed my hair. Got dressed and waited for dad to get home. Dad got me there 5 minutes early, he said, "Remember, early is good and late is bad." I said, "Thanks for the ride." I went inside, and it felt different, I was coming to work not just for coffee. My first night almost ended then. A woman in a waitress uniform name tag read Mary said, "Sorry but you can't work in flip-flops." I turned to look for dad; however, he was already gone, not that he could have helped the only shoes I had were split and lifting from the soles, I did need a new pair. I said, "I had thought I had time to get a new pair before school, but, this fill-in job offer came first. Tell Eddie I sorry I let him down. I started toward the door and the other waitress Alice said, "Let's see if we can come up with a pair of shoes for you." "What size do you wear?" she asked. I looked at the flip-flops and said, "Small to medium." "Not those, your regular shoe size," said. "Size 5," I told her. "That doesn't seem right, your feet look bigger than size 5," she said. Mary was laughing at that and said, "Alice, a boy's size 5 is a girl's size 7." "You're in luck, that's my size and I just got a new pair and my old ones are in the car. I'll go get them, Alice said. As she handed the shoes toward me she said, "You will need to wear these socks, or you will have blisters by morning." Mary said, "It is your choice, the socks and shoes if you want to work or go home." Of course, Jammie was inside my head practically yelling for me to grab them; however, I was going to work as Jimmy and he should not be so eager, I did need them. I said, "I guess I really have no choice I will need to wear them if I want to work," and put fourth my hands to accept the socks and shoes. A funny thing did happened, at least I can laugh at it now. I was told to put my flip-flops up in a locker in the men's room and grab a white work shirt from the closet in the hallway on my way back. Should have been no problem, but I grabbed what I thought was a white shirt, it was white and at a glance it did look like a shirt. It wasn't, it was a white work dress I should have looked at it before I started to put it on while walking back to the main dining room to save time. I said, "I seem to be too small to fit into this." Alice and Mary were both bursting with laughter, as Mary said, "Silly, that's a work dress." Alice said, "Let's get you that work shirt." At the closet, she said, "I see no white shirts in here and with the dress folded you just made a mistake, no harm no foul." I hoped I could make it the rest of the shift without a big blunder, but that was funny. I did make it till morning I had done everything that George had told me to do and after the bar rush I even did something extra. I cleaned the shelf behind the booths I saw it was dirty there and just did it. In the morning when the owner came in he looked at me and said, "Who are you and where is Eddie?" I said, "I'm Jimmy and I filled in for Eddie last night, Eddie was going to pay me when he got paid, by the way when will that be." He was going to say something when the area I had cleaned as an extra task caught his eye. "Did Eddie ask you to clean that area behind the booths?" "No, I noticed it needed to be cleaned, I had the time and it did it . I did come in to work had the time and it just seemed right," I said. He said, "I had asked him twice to do that." He looked at me with a follow-up, "the job is yours if you want it." I said, "I did not mean to cause Eddie to lose his job, was just trying to help him out. I would like it; however, I feel bad about it." "Here is the deal, Eddie had been here for 3 weeks and has missed 1 day of work every week thus far, I told him 6 days a week, and I told him twice to clean that area, no I was going to let him go for that after this weekend, so, if you can give me 6 days a week I'll give you 25 cents over minimum wage. Do you want the job?" I said, "If you were going to let him go, then I'm not really taking his job, YES, I'll take the job." He shakes my hand and I did have a summer job, dad would like that, I could hear him with the I told you hard work is noticed. I turned to Alice. "I need these shoes to work, until I can buy my own," I said. "You can have them," she said. Mr. Thompson came over to the table with some money and said, "I'm going to pay you for last night, no need to wait on Eddie, I'm not going to pay him for last night he did not work you did. Be here 9:45 tonight." I thanked Mr. Thompson for paying me and I asked him, "Could I get a to-go bag to carry my work shoes home, I don't want to get them dirty." "Just a minute," he said. He went to his office and returned with a padlock and key and told me, "Get an employee locker to store them in, that is what they are for." I got a locker and took off my shoes and put on my flip-flops and started on my way home. I was still new to hitch-hiking; however, I knew that I would have to walk until I was closer to the edge of town before I would be able to get a ride, I began to look over the town that I would hopefully be spending most of my summer break. There were 4 stop lights in the center of town and past the last stop light the blocks began to space out and at the last side street I stuck out my thumb. I got home an hour and a half after I left, not too bad. I did have a couple of things I had to do before I could go to bed and sleep, 1st talk to dad about getting a driver's license and buy some of those socks, like the dirty pair I had stuffed into my back pocket(quite funky after a night working in them). I entered the house and said, "I' home, dad I need to talk to you." I when into the kitchen and the family was just finished with breakfast, dad looked at me and asked, "How was your 1st night at work?" I said, "It was my 1st night of my new job." I went on to explain how the owner offered me a job. I knew what he was going to say, "I told you hard work will get you noticed and will pay off." I said, "I need legal ID from the state and since I passed driver's ed would you let me get a driver's license?" "No, I let you take driver's ed, so you would know how to drive and get a license when you turn 18," he said. "I need an ID dad and have to have one by Monday night for work or it's bye-bye to the summer job," I said. "The state can issue a state ID, I'll help you get that, problem solved. No need for a driver's license the matter is closed," he said. I knew I had lost my bid to get a driver's license, a state ID would work. I needed to sleep, so off to bed. I woke up at 5pm to shower, had a cup of coffee, got put on my jeans and a clean t-shirt, flip- flops and left to go to work. I did not know how long it would take me to get a ride to the beach and I had a brief stop to make had to get some socks to wear at work. I got the socks and was on my way, I am glad I left when I did as it took a lot longer to get a ride. Leaving at 6pm, I had 3 hours and 45 minutes to get to work and it took almost 3 hrs. to get there. Still, I was early I knew I would have to do something about my lack of transportation. I entered the restaurant and went to the employee table as close to the back kitchen and had my 1st of many cups of coffee, it was free, and it would be a long night. Alice and Mary showed up as I was starting my 2nd cup. Alice said, "You made it back, I'm glad to have you as part of the team." "Yes, I thought it would be a good summer job to have, only problem is my lack of transportation and I did not see a white shirt to wear," I said. Alice said, "I had hoped you would come back tonight, so, I brought you a few old basic white shirts that you can have that is if they fit. I have a friend Rick, he works on a shrimp boat and rents a room nearby he is looking for someone to split the rent and share the room, if you want I'll call and tell him to come by and you two can meet, if it works out it will solve your transportation problem." "Sure, that sounds great, you can call him," I said. She handed me the bag with the shirts and said, "Go try them on and I'll call Rick." I went to the restroom to put my socks up after grabbing a pair to wear the shoes and took off my t-shirt and put on one of the shirts from the bag, arms through the holes no problem; however,' I stopped as I tried to button it up, it was a women's blouse. It was a very plain and could pass as a guy's shirt other then it buttoned on the wrong side, and I did need to wear a white shirt. Alice may have thought that if I did not mind wearing a pair of women's shoes, then I should have no problem wearing a plain white blouse and she was right. I buttoned it up and tucked it into my jeans, I grabbed the baseball style cap pulled my hair into a pony-tail; however due to that barber I could not wear at the base of my neck like most guys did, it had to be up higher so that the side could be gathered into the pony-tail. Half-way up the back of my head and sticking out the gap of the cap at the back, it was either; wear it this way or, cut it and that I would not do. I looked in the mirror and I knew Jammie was happy, this was the closest to being out in the real world she had ever been. I went back to the table and had my 3rd cup of coffee and lit a cigarette, knowing it would be hours before I would have the chance to have another. Alice said, "It fits, it looks better than one of the larger men's shirts that if they were here would be too big on you." "You are right, I still have to shop in the boy's department as I am too small to fit into a man's small," I said, I went on to say, "I can't afford to buy clothes just to work a summer job and shoes are just shoes, and a shirt is just a shirt." Mary said, "Glad you feel that way about the shoes and shirt, do think you would say the same thing about slacks. You should be wearing white pants or black slacks. I do have a few pairs of basic black slacks you can have to wear here at work; however, I would need to measure you and take them in, so they would fit you, you are even smaller than me." I said, "I want to thank you both for your help with work uniform, I would have had to speed a lot of money, without your very kind donations, so, Mary you can take whatever measurements you need." Alice and Mary teamed up to get the information that would be required to alter the slacks, Mary took them, and Alice wrote them down, waist 26, hips 32 and 28 inseam. I slipped a white apron over my head and my 2nd night was under way. Saturday night was a lot busier than last night and when the bar rush hit us, every table as well as the counter was full, and people were standing at the door, that did not happen last night. I had all the dishes, coffee cups, dishes and silverware caught-up, however it would not take long before I would be working my ass off, just to try to keep from running out of clean stock, and it would continue until there were no people left standing at the door. The bar rush started at 10 minutes to 3am and it took an hour and 15 minutes to seat the last people that had been waiting. Now, I could only wait for customers to finish I could have everything cleaned and put up by quitting time, and then clean the restroom, sweep and mop the kitchen, mop the dining room and take out the trash. I tried as hard as I could, but, I was just getting to the trash cans as the shift came to an end, I worked over by 15 minutes. I hoped Mr. Thompson would not be to upset. I was bringing in the last trash can, when he came up to me and said, "only 15 minutes over and 3rd shift broke $1200.00 by $75.00, good job." I looked at him and said, "But I had to work over to get it all done, I thought I performed poorly." "Nonsense, Eddie had worked a $900.00 shift and he was still washing dishes at 7am. You did very well. Just one thing, it has nothing to with your job performance, I don't allow jeans to be worn," he said. "Yes, sir," I replied, "Mary told me last night before the shift started and offered me a few pairs of basic black slacks, I seem to be too small for even a man's small uniform." "You are right, no offence to you, there would be no way you would fit into a man's small, so, if you don't have a problem with hand-me-downs I won't have one either," he said. He added, "When a shift breaks $1200.00 they get an extra meal, enjoy," I helped myself to a cup of coffee, I had lost track of how many I had, but it must have been enough because I did have the energy to finish the night, I lit a cigarette, I had been right to have one at 1:30 am. It got too busy to grab on until now. I was thinking about what Mr. Thompson had said, good job, very well done and was mentally patting myself on the back, when Alice and Mary joined me," what a night I'm glad it's over," Mary said. Alice said, "You finished before we did, Mr. Thompson must have been pleased with that." I said, "He did say good job and very well done and the extra meal." "That's Rick, the guy I told you about," Alice said, and waved him over. I could not help it he was imposing at 6 feet 3 inches and around 185 lbs., hair pulled back into a pony-tail at the base of his neck, green eyes and moustache with a goatee, he must be at least 23 years old, he was handsome in a rugged way. He extended his hand to me and said, "I'm Rick, and you must be Jimmy." I reached out to shake his hand, his hand was rough from hard work and his grip was tight, very firm I tried to return the grip, but there was no way for me to match his strength." I looked at him and said, "I'm Jimmy and Alice informed me that you are looking for someone to spilt the cost and share a room." "Direct and to the point," he said, "I like that. The room has its own bathroom, unlike the other rooms at the house which must share 1 bathroom, and it can be very disgusting at times. I pay $15.00 more per week, but I believe it is worth it. It only has 1 bed, but also has a sofa that folds down, and you would have no problem sleeping on it, however, I'm too tall to fit and the weekly rate is $45.00. I think a split of $20.00 for you and $25.00 for me as I have the only bed. It's only 2 and a half blocks from the restaurant and 1 and half blocks from the beach, after your meal you can look at the room and tell me what you want to do, sound good." My meal had just arrived and before I started on it I said, "Sounds fine, let eat this and I'll look at it." I began to eat my meal, something about free food, it seems to taste better. Ai finished and was about to leave with Rick, when Alice and Mary were counting out some money, Alice said, "We tip you for busing our tables when it's busy; however not when it is slow, if you are bored and want to have at it, but we don't tip for that." I got $7 from Alice and $5 from Mary. Rick and I left and walked to the room it was close, and it not too bad, however, the table was a square folding type it did have 2 chairs, one edge was against the wall and 5 feet away was the fold down sofa, I did not know how it worked and said, "Show me how this works, I'll have to know if it's going to be my bed." "Does that mean you will split the rent and move in?" he asked. "It really is what I need, a place to sleep, bathroom and close to work, $20.00 a week," I said. "Yes, we will both be saving money," he said. I took a seat in one of the chairs and pulled out my billfold to get the $20.00 I would need, a five from Mary, another five from Alice and a ten that I had left from Friday's pay, leaving me with 2 dollars. That's not right I should have more money. Rick notice that I would have only 2 dollars left and said, "If you need to wait till you get your first payday, that's OK." I said, "I left in such a rush I forgot that Mr. Thompson was going to pay me for Saturday night and start me on payroll Monday, no problem," as I handed him the money. I noticed how dirty the table was to-go bags and a to-go tray a couple of cups, I just started to clean off the table. Rick said, "He would do it, he just was too tired when he got in to clean up." "Sorry, only been working 2 days and I see a dirty table and had to clean it," I said. We both laughed at that and helped each other clean the table. After that Rick gave me a key to the padlock to the door to the room and said, "I'll drop off the key to the front door at the restaurant after I get a copy made." I said, "I'll see you later, I 'll be move in Tuesday morning." I went back to the restaurant and saw Mr. Thompson, I said, "I left to see about split rent on a room and got it. So, I have solved that problem I had with transportation. I'll get a state ID on Monday before I come in to work." "That is good news, I had wondered how you were going to deal with that transportation issue and you left is such a hurry you forgot this," he said, and handed me my pay. $14.43 minimum wage plus .25, hard to believe that was a day's wages. I thanked him and left to start my way home, walking at first like yesterday I did have time to reflect on the recent changes to my life, I had a job for the summer and I room to share, and it was close to both work and the beach. I thought of things that I could do when I was off from work, there was the beach itself, the pier and the boardwalk, all would be new to me. I would not have much nightlife, only one night off per week and it would be Sunday or Monday, still I might be able to find something to do. I got home and talked to dad, I told him of my choice to share the room with Rick, how it be better than taking a chance at being late for work. He looked a me and said, "that does make sense; however, don't let this brief bit of freedom from house rules cause you to forget that went you come back home you will still be under my roof." "Yes, sir," I said, "it does solve my transportation problem, and at the end of summer, it is back home and your rules." I went to my room to pack a bag for my time away from home. My dad had called in to his job and told them he would late and after he helped me with my state ID he would be in to work. An hour after they opened I had my ID and dad dropped me off at home, and said, "Work hard and try not to get in any trouble." I grabbed my bag and told Bernie, "I don't know when I will be back, that is during the summer, I will be back in time for school." And I left heading to the beach. I dropped by the restaurant to pick up the key that Rick was to have left for me, he did. I went to the room and I saw a note on the card table, it was from Rick and it read, 'Jimmy left you the bottom of the dresser, if you did not see it when you where here that's understandable, as it is behind the bathroom door. Welcome to the room. Rick' I found it and put my stuff in the bottom drawer and looked at the bathroom old fixtures, the tub had claw feet and no shower, it did have a hand-held shower wand that had been affixed to fill nozzle by metal clamp. The sink had hot and cold water, I mean to say one of each, it did match the tub. I still had close to 11 hours until I had to start my shift, I decided time to check out the beach. I went out the door and turned left towards the beach. When I got to the sand and saw the ocean for the first time up close, the waves breaking on the shore, others forming and on their way in and beyond as far as I could see, nothing but water. I could just sit and watch the never-ending assault of tide, incoming or outgoing it did not stop, and the smell of salt in the air. It was more than the smell, it could be felt as I got closer to the breaking waves, the spray from the waves, turning to mist and carried by the breeze, I could feel and knew what was meant by ocean- breeze. It was hot, I thought I could cool off by going into the ocean, I did not have swim trunks or shorts and I was not about to strip down to my jockeys, I could always go back to the room after my dip. I saw a couple of girls on beach towels and I asked, "Would you mind watching my t-shirt and flip-flops while I take a dip in the ocean?" They said, "Sure, no problem." I took off my flip-flops and noticed how hot the sand was and I peeled off my t-shirt tossing it near the flip-flops and made my way to the ocean, I needed relief from the hot sand. I felt the coolness of the sea water as it met my feet, and then the pull of the current eating away at the sand beneath my feet, I knew the tide was outgoing. I took a few more steps and a wave broke right in front of me sending spray up and covering me. My jeans were wet mid-thigh and I was wet from the spray on the front of my body; however, my back was feeling the heat from the sun, 1 more step on I was up to my waist and I saw the next wave, it would be a direct hit. I had learned from the last one and I dove into the wave, I felt the coolness cover my whole body and it felt good. The good feeling was soon replaced by one of concern; I did not know which way up, how deep it was or which way back to shore. I bent my legs hoping to find the ocean floor, I was in luck not that deep and I could feel the bottom. I stood up just as my lungs were crying out for air, I shaking my head to keep the salt from the sea out of my eyes, opening them I looked to see wear I was and knew the beach would be to my right, the ocean wave had turned me 90 degrees. I did want to swim, just take a dip to cool off and I had done that, so, I turned back to shore and to my stuff. I grabbed my t-shirt put it on and slid my right foot into the right flip-flop and it was cool, however, the left was hot as I put my foot into it I said, "Wow, that's hot." One of the girls that had watched my stuff said, "If you turn then over, then the sun heats the bottom." They laughed at my newness to the beach, not a mean spirited, but, knowingly as if to say, newbie. I said, "Thanks, I will do that, that was really hot after the coolness of the ocean." I got back to the room and I had to change my jeans as they felt like they weighed a lot more that I thought, they would have, I would be turning my back-up pair into shorts, a slight hole was starting to form at the right knee. If Mary did not bring the slacks, I could not wear the spare pair of jeans to work, I changed my briefs and put on the spare jeans and took the wet clothes in hand to find the coin-laundry, I needed to know where it was, so, it would not be time wasted. On second thought I took off the t-shirt I was wearing it would still be a small load of clothes. I found the coin-laundry, after I stopped at the Zip-mart, I bought a coke and asked the clerk, "Where is the closest coin-laundry, as I am walking I hope that it is not too far?" He replied, "You are in luck, only 3 blocks from it. Go right 1 block, turn left and it is at the start of the 2nd block." I said, "Thank-you," and turned to leave the store and as I was walking out the door I heard it. "Glad to have been helpful, Miss," he said. I thought as I walked to coin-laundry, I heard him 'Miss', however, I did not turn back to say I'm guy, no I accepted what he said and continued out the door. It was not the first time a clerk had thought I was a girl, however, it was the first time that they had not corrected the error of perception and I had not told them that they had made a mistake. Not to big of a deal, I was still a long way from accepting myself as a woman, however, I no longer cared if someone thought I was a woman. A small step toward the road in life, I would later choose when I had to make the choice. I found the coin-laundry, did my washing and drying all 3 of my items. I needed to turn these jeans I had on into cut-off shorts, water-logged jeans are not great for swimming. I on my back to the room, and heard my stomach growl I was hungry, I stopped for a foot-long hot dog with chili and onions, and a coke to drink. It was close to 4pm when I got back to the room, I thought 10 minutes to walk to work, I set my alarm clock for 9pm, that would be plenty of time for me to get ready and make it to work. I laid down for a nap. I woke when I heard a sound, looked to see and I saw Rick, I thought I may have over slept and asked, "What time is it?" Rick replied, "8:15pm." "That's good," I said, "I set my alarm for 9pm, thought I might be late when I saw you." "Glad to see you made it here, you do anything today or just sleep?" he asked. I said, "I took my first dip in the ocean and got a hot foot from my flip-flop and found the coin-laundry." "It really was your first time at the beach," he laughed, "newbie mistake a hot foot." "The girl with the big pair, told me how not to get a hot foot," I said. "A nice pair, did you get a good view?" he asked. "Almost got to see the right nipple when she leaned on her left arm to tell me that they would watch my stuff, I had to hurry to the water, I had to turn as not to show how much I liked the view and my feet were starting to burn from the sand," I said. "There is no doubt, that at some time you will get a good view," he said. "I'm going to get ready for work, I'll get there early and have time to eat," I said. I got to work and had my free meal, I was on my 2nd cup of coffee and having my after-dinner smoke, when Alice and Mary arrived. Mary was carrying a bag, I hoped it had the slacks in it. "Your work uniform will be complete," Mary said as she handed me the bag. "Thank-you, now I won't have to buy any clothes to work here, you have saved me a lot of money," I said. Mary said, "I was glad to help you out and it did not take long to take them in, your size is smaller then what Mr. Thompson has brought in, and it did not seem fair that you should have to pay for a work uniform, when I had these slacks that were too small for me, and you could use them." "I need to finish getting ready for work," I said and went to the men's restroom. I took a pair of slacks out of the bag and hoped that they had a zipper in the front, it was my lucky day, the zipper was in the front; however, they did button on the girl's side. I knew that with the apron over them, you could not tell that they were girl's slacks, I knew, but, it was not the same as wearing a dress. I had put my hair up into the pony-tail and put my work cap on, slid the apron over the cap, and I was right, they looked just like the type a boy would wear. I went back to the table, I had time for my 3rd cup of coffee and a cigarette, I knew busy or not, it was going to be a long night. Mary said, "You look like a proper restaurant employee." Alice agreed. "I would not have been able to look proper, without your help, thank- you both," I said. I was right about it being a long and slow night, I made it through I did drink a lot of coffee, it was not that I like coffee that much, it was the caffeine. In the morning after the shift was over, I showed Mr. Thompson my ID and he made a copy of it for my file. I would find things to do while I was going to be down the at the beach, if I woke up early enough, because all I wanted to do was sleep. The small nap that I had before work had left me very tired and the last 2 hours were the hardest, I found I was drifting in and out of sleep while I stood at the sinks where I washed the dishes, I had to keep busy, keep moving I might end up in one of the sinks. I changed out of my work uniform and went to the room, that I would call home while I worked at the restaurant and was out as soon as my head hit the pillow, I did not even take my clothes off. I woke up early, I had been sleeping for 9 hours and it was just 4pm. I would have time look around this little town. I washed up and left to explore the boardwalk and I found it was realistic, the walk-way was made of boards. One side had stores and shops, which had most everything you might need while at the beach and the other was a tall sandy berm. I found a shop and got the cup of coffee that wanted. I drank my coffee and walked to the far end, I saw something, and I was not quite sure what it could be, it seemed to have arms raised up in a muscle pose, but it was large than any man I had ever seen, as I got closer it became clear what it was a gorilla, the place was called Safari Land and it was a putt-putt golf course. There were other animals you would expect to see and the one I remember the most is the gorilla. (next summer while at the beach I'll tell you why I remember it so well) I would play many rounds of putt-putt over the time I spent at the beach. I walked back down the other side of the beachfront boardwalk it was just a sidewalk only wider and came to the center of the beachfront area, parking for cars on three sides, I turned to the right towards the main part of town where the stop lights were and then I saw Richie's Recreation and Pool Hall and I went in. I looked around and saw that it seemed to be a hand-out for the younger crowd, and I could enjoy spending a lot of my free time in this place. I could play a game of pool, play pin-ball or play foosball when someone need a partner or play one-on-one, being asked to someone's partner was by far better as I would not have use my own money, always nice to have some fun for free. The 1st time I was asked to play, this guy, I never found out his name, asked, "Do you want to be my partner, I need someone to help me challenge for the table?" I said, "I've never played before, I guess I'll won't learn if I don't try." He said, "OK, since it's your 1st time you can play goal-keeper and I'll play forward." He was a good player and we won, and kept the table as the house rules were, challengers or losers pay. We kept the table having won it and won the next 5 games, before being defeated. He said, "Not bad for a greenhorn." I said, "Thanks, that was fun." I was looking at the guy racking the pool tables, he looked like a surfer and his hair was down to the middle of his back, I thought he must have been growing his hair for quite some time. He came over and said, "My name is Brian, I saw you help hold the foosball table, that was a good run. How long have you been playing?" I replied, "That was actually my 1st time, thanks, it was nice to say next." "I know you are new to the beach," he said, "I think I saw you at the Captain's Table Restaurant this past Saturday night, how long have you worked there, if it was you I saw." "Yeah, that was me," I said, and explained how I got the job and tonight would be my 4th day working there. He said, "Mr. Thompson offered you a job he likes his employees to have experience and you had never had a job, you must have done a very good job." I asked, "How long have you worked here and what age is required? I think it would be cool to work here." "18 is the age requirement, I started part-time after my birthday last year and have been full-time once I graduated," he said. "Crap," I said, "I would be 18 till next May." "Hey," he said, "if want to work here, I'll introduce you to Blackie, he does the hiring and you will have a head start for next summer. What's your name?" "Jimmy," I said. Brain made the introduction and Blackie said, "Let me see what Mr. Thompson has to say about you, check back with me next Wednesday." I said, "I'll do that and thank-you for taking the time to talk to me." As we walked away, Brain said, "Don't be surprised if Blackie asks you to start part-time, the 1st weekend after your 18th birthday." I thanked Brian and left to get ready for work, if it went OK next Wednesday I would have my next job lined up. Work began to became routine as well as my days, every 3rd day do laundry, I did get the offer from Blackie, that was good news. On my next night off, I went with some people I had met to a hotel that also ran a rooming house, if the room was paid for they did not care how many used the room. It was then when I saw it on the floor an ear ring, it was a wire for a pierced ear and had a triangle and an inverted triangle hanging below it, I picked it up and asked, "Anyone lose an earring?" A girl said, "That was mine and I don't want it, you can have it if you want." As I held it, I knew what I was going to do, and I asked, "Do you have any alcohol I can use, I want to pierce my ear?" She got some for me and I cleaned both the ear ring and my right ear lobe, I could hear and feel the ear ring as it passed through one side of my ear and came out the other side. That quickly and without much thought my right ear now was pierced. When I got to work the damn thing felt like it weighed a ton, I knew why she didn't want it. Alice and Mary spotted it right away, Mary said, "That ear ring is a bit too big and Mr. Thompson won't like it." I said, "I need to take it out, it feels like it's going to rip my ear lobe in two." Alice came over and took the hanging triangles from the wire and asked, "Does that feel better?" "Yes, I can't feel the pain anymore I did not think of doing that," I said. Mary said, "Mr. Thompson won't mind that and that way you ear can heal." In the morning after the shift was over Mr. Thompson said, "I have an older model car and I can offer it to you for only $225.00, are you interested, you can pay a little each week and once it's paid for you get it." I thought about it and said, "That's sounds like a good deal, I'll do it." I thought if I came home after working the summer and had a car to show that had spent my money wisely and not just partied it away he would concede and sign the form and I could get my driver's license. The days flew by and a month later, one afternoon at Richie's Rec Center, a girl came up to me and said, "Did you know that most gay guys have their right ear pierced, like yours?" "No, I did not know that," I said. I took the ear ring out of my right ear lobe and with two quick pops my left ear had an ear ring through the lobe. That is the most important change to my personal appearance it meant that once the left ear had healed, both my ears were pierced, and I could when I felt like it wear a pair of ear rings and I would do just that, I had a lot of fun confusing people. I gave my notice at work, Mr. Thompson did not like that I was quitting with 1 week left of summer but understood that I wanted at least one week of my summer to have some fun, before the start of school. I paid the car off and told he I would pick it up when I got my driver's license. A bad last week of summer fun, someone stole my flip-flops while I was swimming and was looking for them and there was no doubt they were gone, at least I still had the shoes I had worn for work and they would be better than no shoes. 2 nights later, things got even worse, I was crashing at one of the rooms that did not care how many were in the room, the hotel rooming house was on the radar of the local police department, they had heard that it was a hot bed for drugs and sex, and they raided the hotel hoping to get somebody on something and close the place down. It was still dark, and I was waking to a flash light shinning in my eyes. "Get out of bed and put your hands behind your back," the police officer said. I was still trying to wake-up as I got out of bed placed my hands behind my back and heard the hand-cuffs click. I was scared and terrified beyond belief, I was just sleeping I had all my clothes on. All 4 of us were fully clothed and there were no drugs or alcohol, and nobody had sex, why were my hands in cuffs. Everyone of us had their hands cuffed and I never heard you are under arrest, I asked, "Excuse me for asking but why are we handcuffed?" The officer replied, "It is for our safety while we search for drugs, alcohol or weapons." I did hear one officer say, "Chief, we did not find anything." The Chief of Police said, "You will be charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor 2 counts and co-habitation, that's when two or more member of the opposite sex stay in the same room." Tammy spoke up and said, "Daddy, if you arrest Jimmy for that you will have to arrest me too. I'm not a minor any more, my 16th was last week, I guess you forgot." The Chief of Police was Tammy's father and he was not going to arrest his daughter. He was mad as he took the cuffs off me and said, "all of you may leave now." I was trying to leave I found one shoe and was looking for the other when the Chief said, "Go before I change my mind." One shoe would do me no good, I dropped it and left. Outside I said, "Tammy, I did not know your dad was the Chief of Police; however, I am glad to find out this way, I thought I was on my way to jail." I left the beach, I felt that if I stayed the Chief would try to lock me up for anything if he could, no only 3 days left I was just going home it was the smart thing to do. I got a ride, and I heard it again, Sorry, I though you were a woman, I didn't mind, I liked it better each time I heard it.