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SAYING GOODBYE TO FRIENDS -or- PARTING IS SUCH SWEET SORROW "The Pancake Man? This is the best place to have breakfast on The Cape?" Rose was not convinced as she and John walked up to the entrance of the decidedly unfashionable looking restaurant. It was painted a shade of nearly-black-brown that could only have been considered appropriate for a commercial venue in the 1970s. Immediately behind the fairly small building, an enormous water tower rose up and dwarfed both it and the parking lot. It looked like something from a bad science fiction film. "Wait till you try it! I promise you, you have never had pancakes like this before!" John had, at first, not been overly keen on taking Rose up on her offer to take him out to breakfast for some 'Sister Time,' but when she said that he could pick the restaurant, he got excited about returning to a place he hadn't been for over a year. "I don't really like pancakes." Rose shrugged as she held the door for him and they entered. The interior d?cor did not disappoint. The linoleum floor was shades of grey and yellow that had hundred of layers of wax build-up on it. The booths and chairs were all made from two-inch thick wood and stained what was probably meant to be mahogany, but was just as black as black could be and, even though smoking in restaurants had been forbidden in Massachusetts for more than a couple of decades, the ceiling was yellowed from old cigarette smoke and there were dust covered 'smoke eaters' still hanging derelict on dusty chains. Beneath those, all the way around the raftered ceiling, hung well over a hundred colorful, yet dusty, tee shirts bearing the name of the establishment and the slogan, 'Have a pancake, man!' The tee shirts offered the only real color to the otherwise dismal room. "Nice," Rose murmured sardonically as a college aged hostess led them to their booth, which had mustard yellow, vinyl seats that had been repaired in several spots with duct tape. "Seriously? This is your favorite place for breakfast?" John smiled and nodded. "Just wait till you've tried the food! You'll love it!" A much older waitress came to the table and looked at the 'sisters' with a look that said, 'I'm unimpressed.' "What can I get you to drink, ladies?" "I'll have a coffee, please, and my sister will have a small orange juice." Rose automatically ordered for John as if he was still a child. He didn't mind. This was the first time he'd been alone with Rose in days and he was enjoying every second of her attention. "I think I'm getting the half-stack of peanut butter cup pancakes." John was exploring the menu as they waited for the waitress to return. "Really? That would sit like concrete in my stomach for a week. How are their eggs, here?" "I don't know, Rose," John said with a playful petulance. "This isn't 'The Egg Man,' it's 'The Pancake Man.' I never had 'eggs' here. I always have 'pancakes' here. Hence, the name. Get it?" "Yeah, I get it. Maybe they should change the sign to 'The-Starch- Batter-Cooked-In-Butter-And-Grease-That'll-Remain-In-Your-Intestines- For-Months Man' in the interest of truth in advertising. Honestly, Bebe, you should consider a lighter breakfast. Pancakes will make you sleepy. You have a show tonight, remember." "Maybe you're right. I'll get the Silver Dollar Pancakes, instead. They're smaller." Rose read the menu. "They're smaller, but you get twelve of them!!!" John just smiled. "Mark my words, little girl," Rose chided, "you wont have the digestive system of a child forever. Eating like this will catch up with you!" "Come on, Rose. I eat salad for lunch every single day and I only eat reasonable helpings for dinner." "Oh, really? And what about last night at the food trucks? You put away plenty of unhealthy food then! You better watch yourself or you'll be needing maternity dresses to accommodate your 'food baby.'" John laughed. "What'll it be, ladies?" The waitress placed their drinks unceremoniously on their table and pulled out a notepad. "I'll have the 'Garden Veggie Egg White Omelette,' please and my sister will have," she let out a dramatically large, exasperated sigh, "will have the half-stack of peanut butter cup pancakes. She'll have a glass of milk with that, too." "Ok," the waitress said and departed. "Yay!" John cheered and clapped his hands quietly. Rose smiled at his adolescent gesture. "So, listen, Beebs, can we talk about what's happening this week?" "Rose, I'm not really a child. I know what's happening this week. Tomorrow morning, you and Ed are going to LA and you'll be back on Friday around noon. I'm happy for you, I really am. You guys need to just accept that!" "I know, honey," Rose kept her smile steady, "but we want you to consider something." "What?" "Well, Ed and I are going to try to find an apartment while we're there this week. Thanks to Rita's negotiation skills, the production company is giving us a housing allowance, so we can put down a down payment and get everything ready for when we move." John nodded. "That sounds good. I guess Rita really knows her stuff." He was about to add a snarky remark about how, if Rita is that good, then it must have been his fault that he wasn't cast in the show, but that would have been rude. "I guess, but Ed and I were talking and we're going to get a three bedroom place so that you can move out there, too. Does that sound good to you." "It sounds very nice and very generous, Rose... but it sounds a lot like charity, too. I don't think I can do that. Thank you, though. And thank Ed, too, but I think that's just... too generous." "Look, baby," her voice was becoming a bit more maternal as she tried to explain. As if she were explaining to a child. "Ed and I both understand that we would not be in this position if it weren't for you. The producers came out here to see YOU. They only even considered auditioning us because Rita felt that we worked well with YOU. Ed was done. His audition was a disaster and the only thing that saved him was YOU. This wouldn't be charity, Beebs. This would be our feeble attempt to pay you back for making all of this possible for us. You helped us, now we can help you." John sipped his orange juice and looked around the restaurant. "I need to think about it, Rose. I mean... I appreciate it and all, but right now... I'm kind of scared to go out there without a job and I'm kind of scared to go looking for a job, too. Right now, I'm not sure that I'll ever be a real actor." She looked at John more closely. His hair was pulled back into a crystal barrette that sat high at the back of his head. She'd brushed his hair and put it in for him. His makeup was very light, today. Just some base, very little on the eyes and young looking pink lipstick. The nearly shapeless white lace sundress that he wore was playful and lovely on his pale, weak shoulders. He was wearing white flip flops as well. His feet did not touch the ground and he was swinging his legs as he looked around the room. He looked perfect. "Beebs... every time I have ever been a show, I always felt like I was just a little bit better at acting than everyone else in the play. With you, though... I have no idea where your talent comes from. You just 'become' your character. It's almost scary. So, if you're not going to make it as an actor, what chance do I have?" The food arrived and they dug into it. "What do you think of the food?" John asked. "I hate to admit it," Rose laughed, "but it's delicious. Evidently mold and mildew adds something to the food." John laughed and continued eating his pancakes. When he was about half done, he slowed down, took a drink of milk and said, "You're going to be a huge star, Rose. I know it." "Really?" She rolled her eyes. "I get a part on a show and I'm already a 'star?' How do you figure?" "Because you're beautiful." She looked up at him and a smile moved across her lips. "There's lots of beautiful women in Hollywood, Beebs and I'm not 'Hollywood' beautiful." He shook his head. "No, you're not, and that why you're going to be a star. You're actually beautiful. You weren't created, you just ARE. You're beautiful. Combine that with the fact that you really are a brilliant actress and, ipso facto, you are going to be a star. I know now that I am not." "What? How can you say that?" "I've been thinking about what Mr Ferry said to me. He said I was better as a girl. The problem is... I'm not a girl. If they're not willing to hire me as a boy because I'm only average as a boy, but they won't hire me as a girl because I'm not really a girl, then that's it. I'm not going anywhere as an actor. "Bebe... Johnny, do the run of Shrew and then come to LA and audition. I'm sure that you'll find a good role soon enough. Rita has a lot of confidence in you, you know. She'll find you work, I'm sure of it!" He smiled at her as he thought of a way to change the subject. He just wasn't ready to think about them leaving, or him auditioning or anything else right now. "Since this is kind of our last day together, let's do something fun." "Such as?" He shrugged. "It's Cape Cod! There's tons of stuff to do. Let's start by shopping at the cheap places along Rt 28 and go from there." So, that's what they did. They went into dozens of tee shirt and dress shops all along the main drag. They both tried on dozens and dozens of very casual dresses. All cute and all less than $30. John used his first paycheck of the summer to buy himself six dresses while Rose bought herself three and two more for John as well! All the dresses were typical beach-fare. Thin, light cotton, somewhat shapeless, comfortable and cute as hell on John's petite frame. They were home to shower and change by early afternoon, and they returned to Brewster that evening for another excellent performance before another appreciative crowd. Janice had company backstage again with Julia joining her and complimenting every costume. They really seemed to have hit it off. John wondered if their relationship was just collegial or if they may have struck up a bit of a romance. Either way, Jan seemed thrilled to have her there! "Mind if I crash at your house again, tonight?" Ed asked as they headed for the car. "Of course not. I'm glad that I'll be able to see you in the morning before you leave." John hugged his big friend as they walked. "You're ok with us going, then?" "Of course I am. Obviously, I'd prefer to be going with you, but I'm not mad about anything. I'm more... disappointed in myself, I guess." Ed hugged him tightly as they reached the car. "Listen, John, I know that the ONLY reason they took me was because you saved my ass at the audition. Whether or not this becomes a career for me... well, we'll see, but whatever happens, I'll owe you forever for this chance. I love you, pal, and I really want you to come live with us. Will you do that?" John kissed Ed's cheek. "I'll think about it, Ed. Thanks!" None of the three of them slept that night - they didn't even try. They watched three Don Ferry movies and a three episodes of 'Law And Order' on which he played a sophisticated killer. They all were becoming fans of his, John more than anyone. "I never really noticed it before, but after reading with him, I'm really impressed by his timing. He really controls the pace of the scenes he's in. You guys will have a lot to work off of when you're in scenes with him," John said. He was wearing short, spaghetti strapped, purple satin nightie as he sat between Rose and Ed and they cuddled him. Rose was wearing a white sleep shirt with black pin stripes and black piping around the collar. It was oversized and ended on her upper thighs. Other than that, she just wore white nylon panties that, in keeping with the design of the shirt, peeked out from underneath the shirt on a pretty regular basis. "You're right, Bebe. If I hadn't been reading along with you, I would have tried to control the timing when I read with him, but I felt you relax into his tempo and I did the same." "Can you guys explain what you're talking about?" Ed was mentally taking notes. John smiled. He knew that Ed was better at this than he let on, but why not help him out. "When you're working with him, Ed, just relax and react and respond to him as naturally as you can. Don't try to control anything. That's what he's good at." "Think about Johnny Dept in the first 'Pirates' movie," Rose offered. "He sets the tempo in every scene that he's in. Everyone lets him create the feeling and they compliment his interpretation." "Huh," Ed nodded. "I get it. Michael J Fox did that too, right?" "Yeah, that's right," John grinned. "Not all actors can, but he does. Watch some Cary Grant movies, or Al Pacino or Paul Newman. When he's really owning the movie, Tom Hanks, too." "Oh, Yeah! 'Captain Phillips' is a great example," Rose agreed. "Is this what college is like at Emerson?" Ed laughed. "Because that's not what's it's like at Wentworth!" John and Rose giggled. "A little," John said. "This is more like the conversations in the cafeteria." They continued to critique the movies and, before they knew it, a big, black Lincoln Town Car pulled into the driveway. "Damn!" Rose stood quickly. "The car is here. I need to change real quickly!" As she ran to her bedroom, Ed teased, "I've never met a woman who could get changed 'real quick.' I'll tell the guy it'll be an hour." John punched Ed in the arm. "Behave." Ed hugged him tightly and buried his nose in John's hair. "Ohhh, man... I'm going to miss you. I wish you were going to be there to tell me how to do this." John enjoyed the hug. Ed always smelled nice - John had never really noticed how nice before. "Just relax and be yourself," John advised, "you'll be great." "'Be yourself,' huh? That's weird advice coming from you." Ed smiled and kissed him on the cheek as he rose. "I don't know. Maybe I am being myself. I've kinda lost track." John stood and walked behind his friend. Ed smiled at the remark, but John wasn't sure if he had actually been kidding or not. He had a lot to consider while his friends were away. Ed grabbed his sport-duffle from his bed in the breezeway, then called back towards the bedrooms, "How long should I tell the driver it'll be?" Rose emerged from her room pulling a rolling suitcase. "Is that all you're taking?" She asked Ed. "Yeah. Why? We'll be back in a week." What if we have to go to a nice restaurant or something?" "I have nice things." She shook her head with exasperation, then she looked at John and said, "Men just don't have a clue, do they?" John smiled. "I'll take your suitcase." He rolled it out the door with more difficulty than he expected. "Johnny, be careful," he heard his mother scold him from the doorway. She must have woken when Ed called to Rose. "You're only wearing a nightie, for crying out loud. Don't let people see everything." "Ok, mom," he said and hustled to catch up with his friends, but his mother, discreetly in her robe, caught up and helped him. "Bye Mrs Foley," Ed kissed her cheek. "Thanks for everything!" "You're very welcome, Ed. Take care of yourself." "I will." Then he turned to John, hugged him and gave him a more than friendly kiss on his lips. "Bye, Beebs. I'll see you Friday afternoon." "Bye, bud. Just be yourself, ok? They'll love you." "Ok" "Bye, Marilyn, and thank you so much for everything," Rose hugged Marilyn and offered a kiss on her cheek. "Goodbye, Rosie. Be very careful out there." "I will. I promise." Then she turned to John, kissed him and whispered, "I wish we'd had some time last night, Beebs. I'm going to miss you, so much." John smiled, but his eyes were getting watery. "No, you won't. You'll be busy, doing exciting things. You won't have time to miss me, but I'll see you on Friday, though. I love you." She smiled sadly. "I love you, too, little girl. See you on Friday." The door to the Town Car closed, the car pulled out and Ed and Rose were gone. They'd been his whole world for two solid weeks, but now they were gone, leaving John standing in front of his home watching the car getting smaller in the early morning sun. Marilyn stared at John's back for a long while before she asked, "Are you ok?" When he turned, he was wearing a brave smile, but his face was wet with tears. "Yeah, I'm ok." "Come on. I'll make you some breakfast." She wrapped her arm around his naked shoulder and led him into the house where Nancy was waiting and watching from the breezeway. She opened her arms to hug him, but John fell into her arms completely and he sobbed and sobbed until he needed to breath again. He woke up at about three that afternoon. When Marilyn heard him stirring she called in from the hallway. "Are you up, honey?" "Yeah, mom. I'm up." "Good. Take a shower and get changed, baby. We have a reservation at Cicero's for five-thirty, then we're going to see a movie." John sighed. "Mom, I don't really feel like..." "I know, I know, you feel like sitting around and feeling sorry for yourself, but that's not what you need right now. Right now, you need to take a shower, put on your makeup, do your hair nicely, put on a nice dress and pretty jewelry and go out and face the world. So, come on, little girl, get your pretty little butt in gear because your mother is hungry." He groaned a resigned groan. She was right. All he wanted to do was wallow in self pity for awhile. There was nothing wrong with that under the circumstances, was there? Evidently there was because his mother wasn't going to let him do it. A half hour later, when he re-emerged from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his torso and another wrapped turban style around his head, he was surprised to find a pretty, pink, lace bra and panty set on his bed next to a magenta, sleeveless, fit-and-flare dress. The dress was unadorned, but the color was very pretty and he could tell by looking at it that the bodice would fit him nicely and that the skirt would have a playful quality to it. He liked it. "Nice choice, mom," he called out. "I'm glad you like it, but I didn't pick it out." Marilyn came in to the room and picked up the panties, holding them out so he could step into them. Keeping his modesty with the towel, he stepped into the panties, although he might just as well have been standing there naked, because, when the panties reached his crotch, his mother reached in and placed his penis in the gusset of the panties. After he got past the shock of that, he asked, "Where did the dress come from, then." Marilyn smiled. "Your sister went out this morning while you were sleeping and she came back with it. She had to leave earlier than expected to take care of a few things." She stood to help him put on his bra. "Really? Nancy bought that for me?" John was a bit confused by the gift. "Yep." She fastened the bra. "There's a card, too. Why don't you read the card, put on your dress and come see me in my room and I'll do your hair and makeup." She left him alone. John saw the corner of the card sticking out from under the dress. Gingerly, he pulled it out, sat beside the dress on his bed and looked at the address on the card. 'To: My wonderful brother and my beautiful sister. From: Your idiotic sister.' John read it several times and each time he felt worse that things were weird between him and Nancy. He'd always looked up to her. He loved her in a very special way and he wanted things between them to be normal, again. Eventually, he opened the card, which was actually a piece of printer paper folded twice to create a small booklet. On the front was a drawing that Nancy had done. It was a somewhat anime-ish drawing of two girls standing in a field, holding hands. It made him smile. He opened it. Nancy's handwriting was very small and crisp, easy to read. The note filled the page. 'Johnny - my wonderful little brother. I don't know why, but I have always had a hard time dealing with my feelings. I tend to either shut them out or get angry. That's just how I am and I know that it's not fair to the people I love. I'll try to be better - to be more like you, Johnny. I never meant to hurt you or show you disrespect, but I did. This morning, when I held you and you cried, my heart broke into a million pieces and I realized that I didn't care if you were John or Bianca or anyone else, that I loved you more than I will ever love anyone. You have been like my own child since the day you were born and mom let me hold you. You mean absolutely everything to me, Johnny, and I nearly threw all of that away because I was unwilling to let you be who you are and who you are becoming. From now on, I promise to try to be better - to be more like you. To show my love more freely and to be more deserving of your love. I will always be here for the brother I love, and the little sister I am just meeting. I will cherish you both forever. I am leaving this note for John, my wonderful brother, and this dress for Bebe, my beautiful sister. I will be back as soon as I can. Until them, remember I love you, I love you, I love you. Nancy' The tears that clouded John's vision were warm and loving. He wished that Nancy was still staying at the cottage so he could hug her and tell her everything her was feeling. Eventually, he picked up his phone and sent sister a text. 'I love, too. I really do. I'm so sorry and thank you.' Moments later a response came. 'You have nothing to be sorry for. I love you. Enjoy your dinner with mom. Send me a picture of you in the dress.' "It is an adorable dress, isn't it, Bebe?" Marilyn had done John's make up and was now working on his hair. She'd put some curl into it and was fastening the bejeweled flower hair clip she was using to pull some hair back away from her son 's face. John looked at his mother in the mirror and said, "Mom, that's the first time you ever called me Bebe when we were alone." Marilyn looked back into the mirror to meet John's gaze. "Nancy and I talked for a long time before she left today, baby. We decided that it was probably best to refer to you as Bebe for as long as you appear to be Bebe. That's ok, isn't it?" He nodded. The look his mother had chosen for him was similar to the look he'd come home with after the call back. It was very young and innocent. His makeup was simple and barely visible. His lips were a sweet pink instead of Bianca-red. He liked the way his hair looked with a little curl in it and pulling the sides of the front back made his bangs more prominent which also looked a bit more juvenile. She fluffed and fussed with his hair a bit longer, then checked the clock and said, "We need to go if we're going to make it to the restaurant in time." John stood and Marilyn guided him to the full length mirror on her closet door. With his mother in reasonable heels and him in gel-flats, his forehead was at the height of her shoulder. He leaned his head back, resting it on her shoulder and he looked at the mother and daughter reflected in the mirror. They seemed happy. "Come on, baby," Marilyn put her arm around his narrow shoulders. "Let's go to dinner." Cicero's was across the bridge in Buzzard's Bay, so their drive was fairly long. It was one of Marilyn's favorite places to eat. Even in the off season, every now and then, she'd make the ninety minute drive from Worcester to enjoy this restaurant's menu. When they pulled into the parking lot, John immediately noticed a familiar vehicle parked away from the road. "Hey, isn't that Nancy's car over there?" "Huh? Where?" Marilyn feigned. "Over there, in the corner. I'm sure that's her car. I can see the Umass Medical School parking sticker on the back window. I thought she left." "Huh! I thought so, too. What a surprise. Wait till she sees us. Won't she be shocked!?" John cocked an eye at his mother. She was a lousy liar. "What's going on, mom?" "Nothing's 'going on,' honey. Heavens, what an imagination you have." "Yeah, well, you start talking like a British woman in an old movie when you try to be coy and right now you sound just like Julie Andrews in 'Mary Poppins.'" "Oh, push-tosh," she teased as she put the car in park. "Alright, come now, Bebe. Spit spot." She laughed at her own imitation of the fantastical nanny. As they entered the restaurant, Nancy was headed out the door. "Well, hi, guys!" Nancy said. "I didn't think I'd meet you here! What a coincidence!" She kissed her mother's cheek and whispered, "I'll put everything into your car before I leave." Then she looked at John. "Oh, Bebe, that dress is just adorable on you!" She kissed his cheek. "Um, thanks, Nan, and thanks for buying it for me. Look, about your note..." She hugged him. "I'd really rather not talk about it, Bebe. Just know that I love you, ok?" She released him and he looked confused as he said, "Ok... I love you, too... but... what's going on? This isn't a coincidence, really, is it?" She smiled a little too slyly and said, "Love you, Bebe! I have to run. I have a shift starting at eleven o'clock." She kissed him again and said, "Bye, honey," as she headed out the door as John watched, confused. "Come on, honey," Marilyn said as a hostess waited to lead them to a table. John followed his mother's guidance as she prompted him to follow the hostess and she followed him. She also waved across the room at some people she knew who also seemed to move towards the same table. "I love your dress," the hostess said to John as they walked. "I love the color! It's so bright! You're so lucky to have dark hair. I've got this mousy-brown color that just doesn't seem to look good with any bright colors. Alright, here we go." She placed four menus on the table and stepped back to allow John and Marilyn to sit in the booth. "Marco will be your waiter. Have a wonderful evening. Oh, and I guess this is the rest of your party." John looked in the direction that the hostess had indicated and was shocked to see Annie and Cassie bounding over to their table. John's smile was huge and sincere. "Oh, my God! What are you guys doing here!?" Cassie leaned over and kissed him as Annie insinuated herself into the seat beside him and hugged him tightly. "Your mom said that you were feeling sad and lonely after Rose left," Cassie said, with an equally huge grin, "so she invited us to come down for a few days." "A few days? How long?" "Till Thursday afternoon," Annie giggled. "Then our mom is coming down to get us." John was still trying to get his thoughts in order, "But... how did you get here?" "Your sister Nancy drove up to Manchester and picked us up!" Annie was beaming. In her entire fourteen years and seven months of life, she'd never done anything as exciting as going on an impromptu vacation and surprising a friend in this manner. "Nancy?... but... that's, like, two and a half hours both ways! Nancy drove five hours... for me?" "She did," Marilyn smiled. "Why?" John was still processing everything. "Because she loves you, Bebe. Haven't you figured that out, yet?" "Yeah... of course, I have, but... I'm just... Holy cow! I can't believe you guys are back! Again!!!" There was nothing but grins all around. "Alright, ladies," Marilyn opened her menu, "let's order soon. We have a movie to get to!" The movie, as it turned out, was at a public beach back in Hyannis where a large screen was set up in the parking lot to create a drive- in theater. "Did you see that sign?" Annie asked as they pulled in past the concession stand. "They're showing 'Grease' first, the 'The Greatest Showman!' BEST DOUBLE FEATURE, EVER!!!" "Awesome!" Cassie agreed. "Wow, mom! Great choice!" John said. Of course, John and the girls knew every song and movement in both movies. While Marilyn camped out in her comfortable, captain's seat behind the wheel of her Toyota RAV4, John and the girls, with the assistance of a Bose Bluetooth speaker, were outside of the vehicle throughout both movies. They sang. They danced. They recited lines from the films. They were joined by other girls, from ages seven to sixteen, who also knew every second of each film. By the time 'Grease' had ended, the area in front and around Marilyn's vehicle was the social center of the makeshift theater. There was something about being Bebe that just brought John to life. The more he indulged in his little girl persona, the more outgoing he became and being with Annie and Cassie, well, that just brought out the little girl even more. By the time 'The Greatest Showman' reached the song 'Never Enough,' John and about thirty other preteen and teen girls were standing straight and tall, facing the screen with the same attitude that Rebecca Ferguson assumed as Jenny Lind in the movie and they all were singing at the top of their lungs. 'Never Enough! Never! Never! Never Enough! Never! Never! Never Enough! For me! For me! For me!' Each of them, with John in front of them, stood straight and still, with arms out stretched and imploring as they sang the plaintive lyrics. They aimed their heads and voices high and distant as if they were singing to the back row of an opera house, just as Jenny Lind did in the film. Marilyn used her phone to record the scene and she sent it to both Nancy and Rose. Part of her was amazed by her talented son and his uncanny ability to lead a crowd, but part of her was sure that her son was, in fact, gone forever. Bebe was too strong for him to resist. Hell, Bebe seemed to be too strong for anyone to resist. John was a good kid, but he went unnoticed most of the time. Bebe was a force of nature and she had taken over John, heart, soul, spirit and being. TIME WITH THE GIRLS -or- IF WE ARE TRUE TO OURSELVES, WE CAN NOT BE FALSE TO ANYONE On the ride home, it finally occurred to John to ask his mother, "Have you heard from Ed and Rose?" Marilyn pulled out her phone, opened up the text message app and handed it to John. "They arrived around seven o'clock our time. Here are pictures of the hotel and the pool." "Can we see?" Annie leaned forward, curious. John shared the pictures of the hotel and some shots of the meal they shared with the other stars of 'Civil Disobedience.' "I can't believe that they are going to be friends with Don Ferry," Annie said, still star struck. "He's so handsome!" "He is a babe, don't you think, Bebe?" Cassie asked. Marilyn smiled as her once girl-obsessed son was put on the spot. "...yeah... yeah, he's a fox!" The girls laughed. "A fox!?" Cassie laughed. "What are you, like, fifty years old!?" John laughed, too. "He's cute," he recovered. "That's an understatement!" Cassie handed the phone back to John. "He's gorgeous!" The next three days were a blur of fun and excitement for John and the girls. They all slept on the sleep-sofas in the big room. They would sleep late, then go to the beach for a few hours. They rode bikes and shot baskets in the driveway. They shared clothes and did each other's hair and makeup. On Wednesday morning, John had a brush-up rehearsal and Cassie and Annie came along. John had sent an email to everyone asking that they refer to him only as Bianca or Bebe in front of the girls. The cast treated the girls like princesses and Jan even let them try on several costumes each. They even got to wear John's 'Bianca' costumes. They were in heaven! Throughout it all, Marilyn and John received many pictures from Rose and Ed. Pictures of the limousines that picked them up and the drivers in their dark suits. Pictures of the set and Don Ferry acting with cast mates. The one thing that seemed to be upsetting them both, though, was that Christian William Harris, the young actor who had gotten the role for which John had auditioned, had thus far been a no- show on the set. The cast had been told that his absence had been due to an extension of the filming schedule on another project. The only real impact this seemed to be having on the show was that Rose had only filmed a few scenes so far, since many of her's were meant to be with him. Wednesday evening, John was in the kitchen helping Marilyn by making brownies for dessert, something he seemed to know how to do, now, even though he'd never made them before, when Cassie called in from the big room. "Bebe! You have to see this!" "I'll be right there," he called back. "No! You need to come, NOW!" As he headed into the room, his mother's cell phone rang. Seconds after she picked hers up, John's rang, too, but he was already in the other room. "Look!" Annie grabbed his arm and pulled him to the couch while Cassie rewound the digital cable transmission. It was a gossip broadcast on the TMZ network. When she'd reached the right location, she pressed 'play.' "Trouble on the set of veteran actor Don Ferry's new show today." The handsome host of the salacious broadcast smiled as he spoke. "Shooting, which began on Monday, has been delayed as they waited for the arrival of teen heart-throb, Christian William Harris who has been AWOL all week, supposedly due to a conflict on another project. Today, however, TMZ learned that the young actor has, in fact been fighting an addiction problem..." "Bebe," Marilyn came into the room, "you need to take this call." "Just a second, mom." The man on the TV continued, "... According to our sources, young Mr Harris has been battling an addiction to heroine for quite some time. Earlier this afternoon, he was hospitalized after a severe overdose. According to a spokeswoman from the show 'Civil Disobedience,' the show will be shutting down briefly to retool in the wake of this news..." "Bebe," Marilyn was more forceful, "you NEED to take this call. It's Rita." But John was still riveted to the broadcast. Another TV host spoke to the first. "Looks like another bad turn for the once successful Don Ferry, to me, Blake." "I don't know, Shayne, but not many shows ever recover from 'retooling.' This sounds like the death knell for 'Civil Disobedience.'" "BIANCA!" Marilyn shook John's shoulder, "TAKE THIS CALL!!!" John's thoughts were far away ? in LA. Poor Ed and Rose! This must be awful for them! But he heard his mother?s voice and felt her shake his shoulder. ?What?? ?It?s Rita, honey. She?s on the phone and needs to talk to you.? John was in a daze, but he took the phone and said, ?Hello?? He wandered towards the kitchen. Marilyn sat between Annie and Cassie and watched the TV. ?Oh, Lord,? she muttered. ?I?m sure that everything will work out, Mrs Foley,? Cassie said and she touched Marilyn?s shoulder. ?Yeah,? Annie add, mimicking Cassie?s gesture on the other shoulder. Marilyn reached out with both hands and shook the girls? knees. ?I know, girls. It?s just scary, having the kids so far from home when things aren?t going well.? ?I can imagine,? Cassie said, as she hugged the older woman. ?They?ll fix this, I?m sure.? Marilyn nodded and smiled at the support the girls were offering. John was dazed as he returned. ?Mom... Rita needs to speak to you.? He handed the phone to his mother. John sat on the couch opposite the one the sisters were sitting on. He was lost in thought. ?Are you ok, Bebe?? Annie asked. He nodded and looked frightened. ?Beebs, what?s wrong?? Cassie asked. ?Who?s Rita?? He looked up. ?Rita is my agent...? ?You have AN AGENT!?? Both sister shouted. ?I... I have another shot at that part. The one that they were just talking about. I... I have to go to California... I have another audition... tomorrow...? The girls let out screams of joy and ran to hug John. John felt a tidal wave of fear wash over him. When he went to the first audition, he felt pretty confident. At the call back, he felt like Superman because, basically, the entire production crew had come all the way to The Cape to see him, but that had turned out to be such a massive failure that he was petrified that he?d go all the way to LA, again, and this time he?d fail even worse. He?d never felt this frightened of anything in his life. ?You?re going to California!?? Cassie clapped her hands in excitement. John nodded. ?By yourself!?? Annie asked. ?Probably. I went out by myself a couple of weeks ago.? He told them the story of meeting Rita on the plane. ?Wow!? Annie fell back onto the couch and banged her hands against the cushions. ?You are the coolest girl I have ever met!!!? ?Aren?t you excited, Bebe?? She asked. He shrugged. ?To tell you the truth, I?m kind of terrified.? ?Why?? Annie sat up. ?We saw you act last weekend. You?re amazing. Why would you be scared?? ?Joh... Umm... Bebe... Can I talk to you privately for a moment?? ?Ok,? John headed into the kitchen. ?Here?s the deal that Rita worked out. The Disney people are not going to know that they auditioned you already. As far as anyone knows, you?ll just be a girl that Rita represents and who she?s bringing in for an audition. There?ll be a bunch of other boys and girls there for the audition, too, so you won?t stand out, necessarily. You won?t see the pages ahead of time, but someone named ?Julia? wants to meet you before the audition to prep you.? He nodded and listened. ?So I?m auditioning as girl, only?? ?I?m afraid so, honey. Is that ok?? He thought for a moment. ?I guess it?ll have to be. I?d rather be there with Ed and Rose, dressed as a girl, than back here with out them. So, am I leaving tomorrow morning?? ?No, baby. They need you TO BE THERE tomorrow morning. You?re leaving at eleven-forty-five tonight. You?re taking a red-eye flight to LAX. Rose has hired a car to meet you. You?ll be back on Friday in time for your show.? ?But, what about the girls?? ?Hey, girls,? Marilyn called out. ?Bebe has to fly out to California tonight. How would you like to help her pack and drive her to the airport with me?? ?Cool!? They Both yelled as they scampered into John?s bedroom to pick out clothes to make him look as cute as possible. ?Well,? Marilyn grinned at her son, ?what are you waiting for? Go get ready, cutie.? She kissed his cheek. He smiled, then ran off to help the girls pick out his clothes. The ride to the airport was loud and exciting with Annie and Cassie asking all kinds of questions and making all kinds of predictions about how the audition process would proceed and how his destined success would impact his life. John may have found it annoying if he wasn?t extremely grateful for the distraction. He knew that he?d be stressed and ?in his head? too much while he was on the plane, so talking to the girls was much better than obsessing. The girls were in charge of picking the dress he would wear on the plane. Their first pick was the beautiful dress that Rita had bought him for his first reading. He explained why he couldn?t wear that again, so they picked a little floral print dress with a hint of a sleeve and a drawstring at the waist. It was one of the cheapest dresses he owned. Rose had picked it up on their little farewell- shopping-spree on Saturday. It fit the bill perfectly, though. Mid- thigh, off white background and long stems with blue and red flowers adorning the very light, cotton fabric. Marilyn had done his hair similarly to the way she had on Sunday, with the hair on either side of his face pulled to the back of his head and clipped together there. This time, though, she had incorporated the little butterfly hair clips that Ed had given John the first week of rehearsal and the ornamental clip at the rear of his head was also a white butterfly that Marilyn had purchased to match Ed?s gift. They parked the car and hustled into the terminal with Annie pulling John?s carryon case as quickly as she could. She beat them all to the entrance by a solid minute. This time, following Rita?s instructions, Marilyn spoke to the woman at the Southwest Airline counter and explained that John was a minor traveling alone. The woman gave him a document to hand to the TSA desk to allow him to pass through without an ID. Just as John was headed to the TSA gate entrance, they heard a shout from the entrance, ?Bebe! Bebe, honey! Wait!? He stopped and turned to the voice and found Nancy bounding towards him as quickly as she could. She grabbed him into a hug panting, ?Oh thank God I made it before you left!? She kissed his cheek and held him as tightly as she could for a good ten seconds or more. ?Good luck, baby! I hope it all goes great.? Then she forced a small role of bills into his hand and whispered, ?Just in case you need anything while you?re there.? She kissed him one last time and he kissed her cheek, too, and she stepped back as he told her he loved her, too. Then, he waved one last time and disappeared into the hallway that lead to the security checkpoint. THE LONG, STRANGE TRIP -or- THERE IS A WORLD ELSEWHERE Rose and Ed were waiting by the disembarking area. It was not quite five o?clock am and LAX was a busy hive of activity already. Both of his friends wore excited, anxious smiles. Ed hugged and kissed him first, then grabbed his carryon and headed for the door as Rose hugged and kissed him and filled him in on the plan for the day. ?The audition is at 9:00 in Century City. Rita has already signed you in, but she wants you there by 8:00, so we?re on a tight schedule.? As they half jogged to the exit, John said, ?It?s not even 5:00. We have enough time, don?t we?? ?Not really. Traffic here is awful, especially in Century City, so we?re going to go directly to the building where the auditions are and Julia is going to get you ready.? ?Ok,? they reached to Town Car and the driver was holding the door for them. John jumped in and scooted over, next to Ed as Rose took the seat by the door. ?So,? Ed took over, ?everyone, and I mean everyone, Rose and me, the director, Don, the whole production team, want you to play the younger child, but they?re nervous that the big shots at Disney may not go for it, so we are not discussing the fact that you are really a guy, right now. As far as anyone knows, you?re Bianca Foley from Worcester, Massachusetts.? ?If they cast you, then we?ll discuss that you?re a guy afterwards,? Rose said. ?Well...? Ed corrected. ?We?ll discuss it if we can, but it?s entirely possible that you may have be a girl twenty-four-seven if you are cast in the show and keep doing that for as long as the show runs.? John nodded, thinking that being a girl twenty-four-seven is just fine, BUT what would happen once his secondary male sexual features began appearing? Oh, well. He?d cross that bridge when he got to it. Ed went through all the plans, the schedule and the contingency plans several times as they headed towards Century City. As the sun began to light the city, a lull appeared in the conversation, so John finally had a moment to say, ?I really missed you guys.? Rose put her arms around him and pulled him so that he was half-laying across her lap. She nuzzled his neck and kissed it. ?We missed you, too.? She squeezed him tightly and he giggled. ?Didn?t we, Ed?? Ed smiled at his two feminine companions. ?Dude, we missed you like crazy. Man, Monday morning, I had my first scenes and I was like, ?What Would Johnny Do,? all day. I really need you out here, buddy.? John smiled. He was about to point out that he missed them emotionally ? not just because of the job, but Rose cut him off by saying, ?I missed the way you feel when I hold you? the way you talk ? the way you smile ? the way you smell... I missed you every second of the day. I?m so glad you?re here!? They arrived at the office building and John was rushed into an office-suite which Julia had commandeered for the day. The office- suite was on the second floor, the audition would be taking place on the fifteenth floor. ?Hi, sweetheart,? Julia said in her larger-than-life manner. ?Long time, no see. Are you excited?? ?Petrified is more like it,? John joked. ?Oh, please,? she waved off his concern, ?What have you got to worry about? You blew everyone away, last time. Just do that again. No big deal!? Yeah, no big deal. Just wow everyone like last time when you ended up alone. John was so concerned about doing a good job, that he wasn?t sure he?d be able to do ANYTHING. ?There?s a janitor?s closet down the hall where I set up a chair with a reclining back. Let?s start with a shampooing and we?ll go from there, ok?? John nodded. ?Why don?t you take off that dress, sweetie? I forgot to bring a plastic cape and the towels will probably allow some wetness through. This way your dress won?t get wet.? As he started removing the little, flowered dress, Julia said to Ed, ?Perhaps it would be best if you left. We should give our little lady some privacy.? Ed stood there as he processed what she had said. ?Umm, you know that I?m a guy and Johnny?s a guy, right? I mean, we?ve been skinny dipping together before. We?ve been to the gym, together. I?ve seen him naked. I think I?m ok to stay, right John?? ?Sure,? John dropped the dress lower so he could step out. ?Ok,? Julia said, ?but I?m not getting anyone named ?John? ready, so if Bianca gets to feeling embarrassed, out the door you go. Got it?? ?Yep.? He turned to make a joke about how silly Julia was bending to John, but he was struck dumb by what he saw. Instead of a guy, who was just a little younger than him, wearing boxers and a padded bra, as he kind of expected, there was a young woman ? a girl, really ? in very feminine lingerie with no discernible indication of a male ?package? and very real looking breasts, that were being supported by the soft, white lace of a high-end bra. Ed had always assumed that it was just the clothes making John look like a girl, but as far as Ed?s hormones were concerned, John was a girl ? every single, beautiful inch of him. Rose glanced at Ed, then, instinctively, at his groin, and she saw his tool expanding in his pants. Her first impulse was to giggle, but she knew that would be wholly inappropriate at the moment so she cleared her throat, ?Ah hmm.? Ed gave her a double take, then realized that she was indicating that he was having a problem down below. He glanced down there and said, ?Oh, Umm... if anyone needs me, I?ll be out at the reception area,? and he got out of the hallway as quickly as he could. Julia scrubbed his head with the efficiency of a seasoned hairdresser. It both hurt and felt wonderful to have her nails scraping his scalp. When she?d finished at the sink, she had him stand and walk into an office where she?d set up her hair and makeup station. ?I?m not really a hair dresser, but I know my way around a salon. Obviously, I?m not cutting anything that would interfere with your ?Bianca? look, but I?m going to give your hair some loose curls. That will look less like it?s been done professionally and make you look a little younger. Sound good?? Rose agreed immediately, but John asked, ?How young? I mean, most people think I?m fourteen or so, now. How young to you plan on making me?? Julia laughed, ?Don?t worry, honey. You won?t need diapers or anything. I?m talking about keeping you looking like an early teen, but less like one who?s been made over by a professional, if that makes sense.? ?I guess...? John had absolutely no idea what she meant, but saw no reason to argue. She brushed out his hair and wound some rather large curlers into it, all the while, Rose filled him in on how things had been going on the set of ?Civil Disobedience.? ?Don?s been great and he rehearses Ed a lot before they shoot a scene. Ed has really come a long way in just a few days. I?ve only shot two scenes, so far, because I?m supposed to be helping my younger brother - or now, I guess, it?s possibly my younger sister - through our mother?s death, so... not much could be shot there.? ?The actress that plays Don?s mother is awesome, too. She?s been in, like, a million things. I looked her up on IMDB and she?s got over a hundred and fifty credits. I haven?t had a scene with her, yet, but she makes me call her Nana all the time, like my character calls her. She?s not a method actress, or anything like that, she?s just really sweet and thinks it?s nice that I call her that.? At that moment, Rita entered. ?Sweet, my ass. I?ve told you, that bitch has a reputation for back-biting, so you be careful what you do or say near her. Keep her at arms-length and you?ll be fine.? Then she looked at John who sat in his pretty undies, half of his head in curlers. ?You know, I never had to deal with things like this when I represented Bruce Willis.? ?What, you mean Bruce doesn?t wear a lace bra and panty set?? John teased. ?No, of course he does,? Rita didn?t miss a beat, ?but he?s bald, so I never had to have his hair curled. Bradley Cooper, though, we?ll, there?s another story...? Everyone snickered at that. Rita pulled over a seat and indicated for Rose to do the same. ?Alright, ladies, here?s where we stand. Other than the people in these offices, there are nine people who know that little Bebe, here, is a boy. All of them have a stake in the show being successful, so none of them are ever going to talk about it. The problem is that the ?suits? at Disney know that we auditioned a boy and that we wanted to cast him as a girl. The bad news is ? they are not in favor of that. The good news is ? they are so ?not in favor of that? that they didn?t even want to see the recording of the audition. So, chances are, the ?suits? that?ll be here today won?t have any idea who John Foley is or what he looks like. If they do, then our gooses are cooked.? Rose nodded while John just listened and got more stressed. Rita looked at John with a very serious expression. ?What?s your name, sweetheart?? John smiled and lightened the quality of his voice as much as he could without sounding cartoonish. ?Bianca Angela Foley.? ?How old are you Bianca?? ?I?m fourteen, ma?m.? ?And when?s your birthday?? ?September twelfth.? ?Where are you from, Bianca?? ?Worcester, Massachusetts.? ?And how did you happen to end up in Los Angeles, today.? ?I flew out from Providence, this morning.? ?How did you hear about today?s auditions?? ?My step sister, Rose, told me about it. She?s already in the show.? ?And do have a lot of experience acting, Bianca?? ?Yes, ma?m. I?ve been in, like, twenty plays in community theater plays near Worcester.? Rita sat back and looked around at everyone. ?I doubt that they?ll be more in-depth than that with their questioning. I?ve created a good resume for Bianca and they usually only really ask questions to hear your speaking voice. I think that we may have a chance, girls. If they don?t connect Bianca to the boy the crew auditioned in Hyannis, and they don?t ask for a physical immediately, and they don?t ask you anything too personal... we might just stand a chance of pulling this off!? Rose took John?s hand and kissed it. ?If anyone can do it, my little sister can!? John smiled, feeling just a bit nauseated with anxiety, as Julia sprayed something called ?Lotta Body Hair Setting Lotion? all over his rollers. A very modern looking, soft-bonnet hair dryer was placed on his head and he was told that he needed to ?cook? for about forty minutes. Meanwhile, Julia removed the polish from his fingers and toes, replacing the strong red color with a soft pink. She even added decals of little white butterflies, to match his hair clips, to the little finger of each hand. She pulled out a frozen gel mask and put it on his face, stretching the strap over the bonnet, letting it rest on John?s eye area for about ten minutes before she went to work on his eye brows. When she was done, they were no longer ?just neatened up. They were very thin. Not so much so that they?d look odd on a young girl, but he?d certainly look odd if he tried to be a man again any time soon. She did his makeup as she?d done it before, so that, when she was done, he didn?t look like he was wearing any makeup at all. His face just looked cherubic and youthful. She also removed the little faux- pearl earrings he?d been wearing for the past few weeks and replaced them with little white butterflies that Ed had gone out and bought on Julia?s instructions. Finally, the bonnet was removed, as were the curlers, and Julia began brushing out his hair. When she?d finished, John was astounded at how much hair he had. Just a few weeks ago, he?d had a fairly straggly mane that was usually in a straggly bun. For the last few weeks, he?d had very beautiful, glossy, straight hair. Now, it puffed off of his face and over his head, beautifully. Julia had followed his mother?s cue and pulled some of the hair from the sides of his temple back on either side and clipped them in the back as she had done. He had white butterflies on his little, pink fingernails, white butterflies at the sides of his face clipping his hair back, a big white butterfly holding the hair on the rear of his head and an inexpensive, white butterfly hanging on a necklace on his chest. His lingerie was, perhaps, just a bit mature for him, but other than that, the image that Julia had created was that of a very pretty, twelve to fifteen year old child, who?s step sister had done her best to get her ready for an audition. ?Alright,? Julia surveyed her own work, ?let?s try on some dresses.? John had no say in the matter, whatsoever, but Julia, Rita and Rose finally settled on a dress and they all agreed that this was a dress that a girl might have in her closet ready to grab at a moment?s notice. It was sleeveless, with a scooped neckline, creating an effect of an almost ?athletic? top, but the bodice was made of a very luxurious, stretchy, black velvet that clung to his perky, modest breasts beautifully. At the high waist was a sequined waistband that transitioned half way around to black velvet and tied into a big, floppy bow in the back. The skirt was a traditional, red plaid with white and black intersecting lines creating the plaid pattern. The front of the skirt ended just above his knees , but the rear of it fell about three inches lower, allowing the skirt to billow with his movements. To further enhance the skirt?s structure, there was a tulle lining that created extra volume and structure for the skirt. John looked in the mirror. All was going to plan, but, DANG he looked younger than ever! Just so sweet and innocent and so damned cute! Just as he was beginning to despair that he?d never, ever be considered a grown up, again, Rose hugged him from behind and whispered, ?Damn, little girl, what I wouldn?t give to have an hour alone with you, right now.? Well, John needed no further encouragement. He wanted this role more than anything because he wanted to be with Rose more than anything. ?Here, try these on,? Julia handed him a pair of nice shoes. They were silver grey, round toed pumps with the words ?Pump Up The Pretty? written in the shape of a heart on inside of the heel. They had a chunky, supportive, two inch heel and a slender strap that buckled around his ankle. When he stood, he found them remarkably easy to walk in. ?Well,? Julia asked Rita, ?what do you think? Rather than have him stand out with your designer dress, he?ll blend in with the other girls. His hair looks pretty, but not outlandishly coiffed, makeup is subtle, light and young and he?s wearing a forty dollar dress and thirty five dollar shoes. Dressed up, but simple and the same as everyone else.? Rita shook her head. ?You?re like a wizard, Julia, I swear it! I mean, I didn?t think he was a guy when I first met him, but this... this is a masterpiece, my dear. Thank the nice lady, Bebe. She may have just created the newest character on ?Civil Disobedience.? John reverted to his Bianca training and gave a modest curtsy as he said, ?Thank you, Ms Julia. You made me very pretty.? ?Oh,? Julia placed her finger tips on her chest, just above her cleavage, as she crossed to John and hugged him to her warm, ample, perfumed breasts, ?aren?t you just the most adorable thing!? Now, I need you to go upstairs and get this part, little girl. I need a steady paycheck and the only way I?m going to get that is if this show gets going!? She kissed him on the forehead as she released him. ?Now, go make momma proud.? She turned him and patted his butt as she sent him to Rose, who escorted him out to the reception area. Ed was napping, but woke when he heard them coming. He stood, stretched and said, ?Did everything go ok? We need to be upstairs in about forty-five...? When he saw John he stopped and stared. This was definitely not his friend. This was a child. A real child. A kid who had somehow ended up in Julia?s office and made friends with Rose, but this was not John. Although ? she did look a lotlike John. Well... Bebe, anyway. ?Go Show Uncle Ed your dress, Bebe,? Rose toyed. John, however, was entering his ?Bebe Zone.? He half skipped away from Rose, did a spin for Ed and ended with another, modest little curtsy. ?Holy shit, Johnny,? Ed muttered. ?You?re so... so... girly... and... young looking. Holy shit! What did they do to you.? ?Julia just took the beauty that God gave him, Ed,? Rose said, with her eyebrows raised in a way that said ?Don?t mess this up! He?s ready to go, so shut the hell up!? without saying a word, ?and enhanced John until Bebe emerged.? ?Boy, did she ever!? Ed had been trying to disguise his Massachusetts accent all week, so Rose knew that he was really shocked when the word ?ever? came out as ?ev-ahh.? At last, Rita joined them, dressed in a freshly cleaned and pressed skirt-suit and said, ?Well, children... let?s go.?