Help I've Turned Into A Woman free porn video

Help I've turned into a woman This is a work of pure fantasy fiction. It is the first time I've written anything and what started with the germ of an idea for a short sex story quickly grew and evolved into a voyage of discovery. As I started to write the ideas kept coming to me and the story just kept growing. It became a question of what do I leave out? I have tried to imagine how a male would adapt to his new woman's body. What he would have to do to get life back on track as he learned how to use this new body. It is also an account of his sexual awakening in this new body. I was trying to imagine being a woman, I hope I've not been too fanciful. 1. The Change My name was Roger, I was 35 years old, when my life changed dramatically. At the time I was 5ft 9in, 135lbs, so I class myself as Mr Very Average. I had been married for ten years before being widowed two years ago. My wife, Wendy, had died at the hands of a drunk hit and run driver. I worked shifts in a call centre, our shift was a team of twelve people. I'd always felt closer to the female members of the team, possibly because talk of football, cricket and other spectator sports bored me. After one particularly hard shift, 2pm to 10pm. The team went out for a drink, we were then going to be off for three days before the next shift, nights 10pm to 6am. Nothing eventful happened, was just a pleasant evening with friends. I do remember one comment from some woman in the pub, as I was helping myself to some peanuts from a dish on the bar. "I wouldn't eat those you don't know where people's hands have been." After a few drinks I was feeling, not quite drunk, but a little tipsy. You can't get points on your driving licence for being drunk in charge of a bicycle, no doubt they'd find something to charge you with if you were caught. Anyway when I got home I changed and went to bed. On shift during quiet periods we'd sometimes wondered what it would be like to magically change sex. I said I'd hope if it was going to happen then let it happen during my sleep because, if I have to get up to pee during the night or first thing in the morning I will sit to pee, so I don't have to turn on any lights and I can remain in a semi comatose state. That is exactly what happened, I'd got up a couple of times to pee during the night and didn't notice anything, except for feeling a bit strange and restless during the night, which I put down to the drink. When I finally got up I sat to pee as usual, but when I put my hand between my legs to shake the drops off there was nothing there. What, how did I pee if I didn't have a penis. I was still half asleep and couldn't work out what was going on! I looked down to see what the problem was and noticed that my pyjama top was bulging in an odd way. I lifted my pyjama top and saw BREASTS? The hand between my legs was wet, it was pee, and what I was touching felt very much like a VAGINA? I quickly grabbed some toilet paper and dabbed it dry, then grabbing my shaving mirror I tried to look up between my legs, yes that was definitely female genitalia I was looking at. HOW? WHAT THE FUCK? HELL! I was confused, emotional and crying as I curled up on the bed. I must be dreaming. This can't be happening. How do I get out of this? Is it temporary? If it isn't what do I do? With all this going on in my head I must have cried myself to back to sleep. As a man, apart from the idle chatter on shift of what it would be like to change sex, I had quietly thought about that very subject. What is being a woman like. Dressing up, going out, how are you treated by other people. You seem to forge closer friendships with other women. You often go off to the toilet together, men would never do that, what is it, safety in numbers, or just friendship. Yes I understand that once you were in a cubicle it's more private than standing at a urinal. What's It like to have a period. What's it like to be pregnant and give birth. What's it like to have sex with a man or another woman. What's it like to have an orgasm. I was a little envious, I would never experience any of this. THIS DID NOT MEAN I WANTED TO BE A WOMAN! 2. Adjusting to my new Body When I next woke I did a quick check and yes I still had a woman's body. Deciding that I couldn't just hide away, hoping it was just a temporary aberration. I needed to do something . Off I went to the bathroom, I had to have a wee, it was a bit messy this time I seemed to dribble onto my thighs and down to my bottom. Patting myself dry wouldn't be enough this time, so I gave myself a good wipe. Was there a right and wrong way to wipe? Should I put my hand between my legs and wipe, or should I reach round the back? Wiping front to back seemed best as I didn't want any chance of poo near my new female parts. Reaching round and under was awkward, but I hadn't grown up doing that, no doubt I would work something out in time, if I remained a woman. Was there a Haynes manual or some Operating Instructions for a woman's body? I'd have to google that. Time for a bath, l went back to the bedroom stripped off and had a look at my new body in the full length mirror on the back of the wardrobe door. Gone was the Van Dyke Beard, the hairy chest and stomach, the hair on my arms and legs were noticeably finer and more sparse but I still had a man?s haircut. I'd also lost my prominent Adam's apple. What I saw, from a man's point of view was quite an attractive face and body, without being too spectacular, nice firm breasts, hips, buttocks, stomach and this area between my legs that I was still unsure about. As a woman I guess it was just an ordinary body, my body. Back to the bathroom I drew myself a bath and added some Radox muscle soak, climbed in and soaked for five or so minutes. I started to wash, the angles, planes and creases of my new body were unfamiliar, pleasant and strange to touch. I finished my bath, it was just a body after all. I dried off and went back to the bedroom. What was I going to wear? There were no women's clothes in the house, although I'd kept Wendy's clothes for a while. My wife used to say that I had no sense of smell, however I could smell her on her clothes and it was a comfort to smell them, but once the smell wore off I'd donated them to charity, with bras going to the bra bank and her underwear into the clothes bank. I only had my male clothes, so on with the boxer shorts, guess that'd be like wearing French knickers. Socks are socks, jeans, they didn't fit so well anymore, but would do for the time being. t-shirt, a bit too tight, I wasn't ready to go about with my breasts bouncing for all the world to see, so a short sleeve shirt, was more baggy and less obvious. My nipples rubbing against the fabric was a strange sensation it made them hard and stick out. If you think I was taking this calmly, you couldn't be more wrong. All the while my mind was in turmoil, flitting between one thing and another. How was I going to go into work. How do I even begin to explain this. What will the neighbours think. What about ID's, Driving License, Insurance, Bank accounts, Passport, National Insurance and goodness the list seemed endless. I needed somebody to talk to. Wendy and I didn't have any family, our parents had passed away and we never got round to having children. I didn't have any close friends, there were the people from the cycling club. Oh. I couldn't very well turn up on Sunday, as they knew my bikes and an unknown woman riding one of them would be odd. They were just riding companions, not anybody I could confide in. That left work, after all I spent more time with them than anybody else. OK I felt closest to Elena and Christine, perhaps I could ring them. 3. Friends Help I rang Elena first, it went to voicemail, I explained that I had very personal problems that I couldn't discuss over the phone, could she come round so we could talk face to face. Next I rang Christine, after a few rings she picked up, I again explained that I had very personal problems etc. etc. Chris said she would be round in twenty minutes. Fifteen minutes later the doorbell rang and there was Elena, after getting my message she dropped what she was doing and came straight round. She said Roger sounded distressed where was he? I told her to take a seat, Chris would be here shortly and I would explain everything then. Sure enough Chris arrived shortly afterwards and wanted to know about Roger. They could both see that I was distressed and assumed something bad had happened to Roger. I explained that yes something had happened to him and he was now a she and sitting in front of them, this brought exclamations of disbelief. I asked them to wait and let me finish my explanation. I told them what had happened to me since they last saw me the evening before. If they wanted further proof I told them about a couple of phone calls l?d had on shift. One was from a Jamaican woman, who at the end of the call offered me tea and cakes if I was ever in her neighbourhood. The other, which made everybody laugh at the time, was a male who at the end of the call invited me to have a beer with him at his house, he could play me his Barry Manilow records and I could sit on his knee. That call was terminated politely but firmly. Both Elena and Chris agreed I could only be who I said I was, but found it difficult to believe I had a female body. I had one identifying feature, but only my wife and doctor knew about the mole in my pubic hair. I didn't want to strip off to prove I had a female's body, so I turned my back to them, undid the shirt buttons an covering my nipples with my fingers, showed them my breasts. They knew that as a male I hadn't had any spare fat, so what they were seeing weren't man boobs, but the real thing. Still they asked about down there. That was something I wasn't going to show them, I would be too embarrassed. I assured them I no longer had a penis and had a woman's genitals. They agreed we needed to start planning how I was going to reintegrate into society as a female. By this time it was mid afternoon, and I hadn't had anything to eat yet. Elena went into the kitchen to make us all something to eat and drink. 4. Planning After we'd eaten Chris took charge. She said I couldn't stay here as the neighbours expected to see Roger pottering about, but an unknown female in Rogers house and no Roger would be a no no. We could sort out what to do about the house in a couple of days. She told me to get a suitcase pack only essentials, as I would need a new wardrobe. I was going to stay with her for a while. So I packed my pyjamas, some toiletries, most of which she ditched as being unsuitable for a woman. My laptop and charger went in. I picked up my bank cards, cash, phone and charger. Elena said I'd have to change my name, they couldn't keep calling me Roger when we were out and about. That had never occurred to me, I?d been too busy worrying about other details. We all left in our respective cars and went to Chris house. If any of the neighbours caught a glimpse of me, with luck they would assume it was Roger. On the drive to Chris I thought about what Elena had said. My mother once told me if I'd been born a girl she would have called me Rhona, I liked the sound of that, I?d tell the girls my new name when we got to Chris. When we arrived, I told them the name I had thought of, they said it was a lovely name and in a way it was providing a thread to my past. We all sat round Chris kitchen table, I opened my laptop and launched google sheets, I do like my spreadsheets, to start a list of what needed to happen to bring my life back on track, albeit as a woman. We decided that if anybody asked, Roger had unexpectedly been called to Manchester, my home town, and we weren't sure at this stage if he would be back. That is also what I would tell the shift manager and I would make a private appointment with Human Remains, sorry Human Resources, to inform them that I now wished to present as a woman. Could I please go back on shift, with my old team, but as if I was a new starter. As I couldn't disguise my northern accent people would be told that Rhona had just moved from Manchester to Watford. Elena's brother was an estate agent, we would ask him to put up a for sale sign on the house, but not actually on his books, a week later he could put up a sold sign. We needed to find a transgender support group, to see if they could help/advise on getting my documents altered. By this time I was feeling uncomfortable, I needed the loo, my nipples were itching and hard. I assumed that was because I wasn't used to them and they kept rubbing on my shirt, which wasn't the softest of material. I excused myself and went to the loo.The girls had obviously noticed my discomfort because, as I was sat there, I heard Chris outside say "I've left you a bra and dressing gown on the bannister. That should make you more comfortable. If you fasten the bra at the front then turn it round, put your arms through the straps and pull it up, that makes it easy." I thanked her but said I already knew that trick I'd seen my wife do that many times. It was more than a wee I wanted this time, so I wiped my bum clean first, before wiping the rest. Suddenly I got the point about bidets and vowed that when I got home again I would have the bathroom redone to include a bidet. I hadn't dribbled on my thighs this time, so I was pleased with myself. I thought I was beginning to get the hang of this. I should have known nothing is that simple. I was yet to learn that a woman didn't have control of her stream, unlike a man who can aim his. There were other toilet faux pas I would soon make, and there seems to be an unspoken etiquette when using public toilets that I had yet to learn. I opened the bathroom door grabbed the dressing gown and bra, closed the door stripped off my shirt and jeans, put the bra on, oooh that felt so much better. It was strange wearing a bra, but the support was a relief. I wrapped the lovely fluffy dressing gown around myself. OK it was pink, not my favourite colour, but now I felt a lot more comfortable. Feeling better I returned to the kitchen and we finished off the list, which I then saved into a folder called M2F on google drive. I made it a shared folder which the girls could access and update. Chris and Elena then started to make an evening meal, while I sent off a quick email to the cycling group. I gave them the Manchester story and asked that one of them, create a shared folder and take over admin of the files I'd set up. There were Google maps with all our cafe stops shown, the next three month runs list, etc. Once done could they let me know and then I would delete my folder. I wished them many happy miles cycling and pressed send. Then I poured us all a large glass of wine and we sat down to eat. 5. Learning After the meal Chris said "Right madam time for a bath and when you come out we want to check your legs, underarms and bikini line." They saw the horrified look on my face and burst out laughing. "Don't worry you can wear panties and a bra, but remember, we're all girls together now. I'll leave you some new knickers in your room. You can owe me a pair when we go shopping tomorrow," said Chris. Meanwhile Elena ran me a bath and put in some scented bubble bath, then they left me to it. I got in the bath and had a good long soak, I was feeling calmer now that we had a plan. The water was getting cooler so I washed myself down, dried off, wrapped the dressing gown around myself and trotted of to my room. A plain pair of Sloggi knickers had been left on the bed for me, I pulled them on, they felt soft and comfortable. I hung the dressing gown on the back of the door and put the bra back on. Taking a deep breath I called the girls and told them I was ready. They came upstairs checked me over and took me back to the bathroom and shaved my underarms, my legs and trimmed my bikini line. As Elena trimmed my bikini line her hand lightly brushed over my crotch, startled I pulled back. Nothing was said but a look passed between her and Chris. I realised that the bikini line trim was just an excuse to check for any odd bulges and make sure I wasn't trying hide anything between my legs. I blushed bright red, but understood their need to know before this went any further. Nobody but my wife had touched me down there, but I had different equipment then. I couldn't help but be a little turned on by the thought of her touching me down there now. How would she react if she found her husband was suddenly her wife? I know that if we were watching TV and two women were kissing, she would feel uncomfortable. By this time Elena had to go home, she gave me a hug, said good luck with the shopping, unfortunately she wouldn't be able to come with us. Chris gave me a couple of bottles of moisturiser, with instructions to do my face with one bottle and where we'd shaved with the other one. When I was done I was to go downstairs and she would make us a warm drink. I went back to my room, as I only had one pair of knickers, I took them off to save for tomorrow. It felt strange wearing a bra and no knickers, so that came off as well. Without the knickers on I decided to trim the bikini line a bit more. Where was this obsession with shaving and bikini lines coming from, it was easier being a man, at least you only had to shave your face. I moisturised as instructed, put on my male summer pyjamas and the dressing gown, before going downstairs. Chris made us both a cup of camomile tea. It was like drinking stewed twigs in my opinion. She told me we were going to Brent Cross in the morning to buy me some basic underwear, nothing sexy, that could wait till I was more confident being a woman. Instead we would go to John Lewis and get a couple of packs of Sloggi Maxi briefs colour nude in size 12 as that was the size she had given me and they seemed to fit well. She said I would need to be measured for a bra as the one she had lent me was a 32D, and she didn't think it was a proper fit. Apparently John Lewis had an excellent bra fitting service, she saw my worried look, but assured me it was nothing to be afraid of and she would just be the other side of the curtain while I was being measured. I would also need shoes, at least one handbag, a couple of skirts, jackets and a blouse for more formal wear. For some casual wear we could try one of the concessions in John Lewis, tights, pop socks, etc from M&S, makeup and feminine products from Boots, my head was spinning with all this stuff and I didn't cotton on to what she meant by feminine products. She wasn't quite finished with the items I would need. We were going to meet Pamela from work and Chris girlfriend, Yvonne, for lunch at the Sushi bar by the escalator about 1pm. "Oh what will they think about all my shopping, a whole new wardrobe?" I asked. Chris replied, "Probably nothing, but if they ask we could say you're waiting for your stuff to be brought down from Manchester." Yvonne was going to stay at Chris that night, "Oh do you want me to sleep on the sofa so she can use your guest room?" I asked. "Don't be silly she will sleep with me." "Oh err ... are ... you, ... you ... lovers? I thought you had a boyfriend." As you may have noticed I can be a bit slow to cotton on at times. "Yes Yvonne and I are lovers and I do have a boyfriend, I'm bisexual. Both Paul and Yvonne know about each other and are OK with who I am. They know that they are distinct parts of my life and would always be that." "OK" I said "Elena is straight isn't she? I remember her telling us that when she was in Thailand with her boyfriend a woman tried to come on to her and she shuddered at the thought." "Yes Elena is straight and so is Pamela. Pamela had two kids but she wasn't happily married. Her husband was always off playing football, golf or some other sport. He?s one of those blokes that likes to be the last man standing. Pamela loved her kids but would have liked him around more to help with them. Don't be surprised when we have a girly evening, the talk can become a bit explicit and we like to bitch about the men in our lives." During our conversation she had been filing my nails to start giving them a more feminine profile, she also painted them, including my toe nails, a pale pearlescent pink. "I'll sort you some clothes out in the morning, do you know your shoe size?" I'd only brought my trainers, as they were acceptable as either male or female. "Well I was an 8 or a 7 depending on the make, but since my body change I think they are smaller." "How about you try on a pair of my size 5." I tried them on, they were too tight, I wouldn't be able to wear them for the day and it would be unfair to stretch them. "Right," said Chris, "you can?t wear a skirt with trainers, it'll have to be jeans and a top." That was good for me as, although I knew I'd need skirts, I wasn't keen on the idea just yet. "Your hair is too masculine, at the moment, it'll have to grow out a bit first, I have a hairpiece that closely matches your colour, we'll sort that out in the morning too," Chris said. By this time, it was only 10pm, but I was feeling exhausted. So much had happened, I think it had taken it's toll, I asked Chris if she minded if I went to bed. "Of course not. Sleep well and I'll see you in the morning." I brushed my teeth, went to the toilet and I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. I slept like a log, till about seven, when I heard movement downstairs, so I got up had a morning wee and went downstairs. Chris was eating cornflakes at the breakfast counter, I said good morning and asked if I could make her a drink. After making coffee for both of us, I also had some cornflakes. After we'd cleared away and washed up, Chris told me to use the bathroom, she would use her en suite, and when I was ready, go to her bedroom where she would sort out some clothes, do my hair and makeup. Off I went, used the toilet again, washed my pertinent parts. I would never have thought about that as a man, especially as I hadn't had a sexual partner since my wife. I now felt the need to be clean and fresh down there regardless of sexual partners. I didn't have room for an en suit but, I was definitely getting a bidet when I got back to my house. Cleaned my teeth washed hands and face, went back to my room put on bra and panties. Thought about putting the dressing gown back on, but then thought sod it, we're all girls together. I trotted off along the landing to her bedroom and knocked on the door, a voice said come in. Entering I saw Chris sat at the dressing table doing her makeup, she was also in bra and panties. "Just let me finish my makeup. I've put some clothes on the bed for you to try, have a look. Then I'll do your makeup." I saw a pair of skinny blue jeans, a white blouse, and a pale lilac t shirt top amongst other items. I just had to try on the jeans, they fitted me like a second skin. The lilac top was lovely, but I thought would have looked better with the black jeans, plus if I was to be trying on clothes, I didn't want to be pulling it on and off and messing up my hair and makeup. So it would be the white blouse with the buttons down the front, which also had the advantage of not being figure hugging, I wasn't yet ready for everybody to stare at my breasts. Chris approved of my choice, before I put the blouse on Chris did my hair and makeup. We then both finished dressing. I looked at the finished me, in her mirror, and thought that if I was a man, I would fancy the woman I saw. I thought I looked quite presentable, the look would be spoilt by the trainers. Chris gave me a small handbag, because as she said I needed somewhere to put my keys, phone, purse plus she said in the side pocket she?d put a couple of tampax and a couple of panty liners. I asked why I needed them, she said it would be normal for a woman of my age to carry such items in her handbag in case of need and as we didn't yet know when or if my period would start, it was better to be safe than sorry. I didn't question that any further at this point, but there was more I wanted to ask her later, when we were alone. It was now ten o'clock, so we left for Brent Cross. 6. New Clothes, New Woman We arrived at the shopping centre by ten thirty. As we walked through, I was aware of men looking at me, and it felt uncomfortable, did they think I was a man in drag, or was this how men behaved towards women. Either way I didn't like it. Chris seemed to understand what I was going through as she squeezed my hand and gave me an encouraging smile. She asked if I minded if she picked my makeup out for me this first time as she had an idea of what would suit me, I didn't, as I wouldn't know where to start. First we went to Boots and she picked out moisturiser, foundation, mascara, eyeshadow, lipstick, makeup cleanser, nail polish and remover, that would be OK to get me started. Then she made me buy more panty liners, a box of sixteen medium tampax and a pack of medium sanitary pads, so I was now prepared should anything start and I had a choice in case I didn't get on with the tampons. Next it was M&S for tights, shoe liners and a couple of pairs of ladies pyjamas. According to Chris the clothes were too frumpy and the place was beginning to feel like BHS. Then John Lewis for two packs of Sloggi knickers. Chris asked one of the assistants if anyone was available to do a bra fitting for me. The assistant said she was available and would madam like to follow her. She led us to the back of the lingerie department to a private area, Chris sat on one of the seats and the assistant took me into a cubicle and pulled the curtain across. She asked me what size I was wearing, I told her 32D. "Was the bra for a special occasion?" I said no just for work every day so I didn't need anything fancy and I would prefer something the same colour as the Sloggis. She asked me to remove my blouse so she could measure me. She looked at me, there was a slight frown, walked round the back and put a couple of fingers under the band and came back in front of me. "You are wearing the wrong size cup I think you should be a 32DD, but I'll just measure you to make sure." She passed the tape measure round me and under my bust, then over my bust at the fullest point. "Yes as I suspected you should be 32DD, if you care to wait I'll go and get one for you to try." Chris popped her head round the curtain and asked how I was getting on. I was actually OK, I hadn't been made to feel odd but made to feel at ease. The assistant came back with a Victoria's Secret bra and said "I'll leave madam to try it on and I'll check it when you are ready." I looked at the packaging which said it was a Perfect Coverage Bra, it was underwired and padded, colour was Almost Nude. I slipped off the one I was wearing and put this one on. I called the assistant she gave me a check over and pronounced it to be a perfect fit. She left me to get dressed again, but before I did I asked Chris her opinion. She popped her head round the curtain again, looked me over, told me to turn round, she said it looked good. I put the 32D back on and the blouse. I would in time learn there was no exact science for measuring breast size, depending on manufacturer, some were cut more generously than others. The time of the month also affected my breast size. The only sure way to get a correct fit was to try on. We went to the assistant, thanked her and I said I would take two bras and the Sloggis, but I still had some shopping to do, so she got me a basket and put all the items in. The bras were ?40 each and the knickers were almost ?20 for a pack of 3, this, along with what I had bought so far, was going to be an expensive day. Good job I had some savings I could use. Time was moving on, we next hit the shoe department. I tried on several shoes and styles, I didn't want anything with high heels. By trial and error we found I was a size 6. I settled for a pair of navy Gabor wedge heel ballet pumps for more formal wear, and some John Lewis wedge heeled espadrilles in a cream colour. Out came the debit card and I queued to pay. I?d kept the espadrilles on and asked the assistant to pack my trainers. I would dispose of them later. I looked so much better with the change of shoes. It was now time to go and meet Yvonne and Pamela at the sushi bar, on the way there I dumped the trainers in a waste bin. They were already there when we arrived, I was introduced. I had to pretend I didn't know Pamela, as she certainly didn't know me. We enjoyed our sushi, the talk was easy and intimate in a way I?d never experienced. When we finished we all needed the toilet so we went upstairs to the ladies, Chris and Yvonne would look after the shopping while Pamela and I went first, then we would swap. My wife had often complained about the queues, but I was still surprised at how busy it was in there. A cubicle became available, and a couple of friends shared it. Another came free and as Pamela made for that one dragging me with her, the one next to it became free, to my relief. As I closed the door I noticed there was no toilet paper, but I needed to go. Yuck, this was not what I expected, the toilet seat had been dribbled on. I gingerly lifted the seat, I was going to have to hover over the toilet and perhaps I could shake myself dry. As I hovered I realised just what a workout it was giving my thighs. Even though I had little experience as a woman, I was beginning to think men didn't know the half of it. After all ?pointing Percy at the porcelain? was easier than ?lowering Lilly over the loo?. What was I thinking, after less than 48 hours, I knew diddly squat about being a woman. I had a lot to learn yet. Being a woman was more complicated than I thought. I was startled when Pamela tapped on the partition and said "Rhona I've just come on and I've run out, have you got one I can borrow?" What was she talking about. Come on, run out, borrow. Then it dawned on me. "Just a moment," I said as I rummaged in my handbag. I passed her a tampon under the partition, and asked her if she had any toilet paper in her cubicle. I heard her pulling on the toilet roll on her side and a big handful appeared under the partition. We'd been able to help each other, was that why women went together? As I left the cubicle I warned the woman going in that there was no paper. As I waited for Pamela, I washed my hands, checked my makeup and hair. When Pamela was done and she?d washed her hands, checked herself in the mirror, we left and swapped with Chris and Yvonne. When we were all done, we headed back to John Lewis, where the girls helped me pick a couple of business like skirts, blouses and jackets. Then we visited one of the in-store concessions, where I picked a less formal summary striped jersey dress, the cut was generous, so I tried a size 10, I added a fine chain belt that I could fasten round my waist. It looked perfect. After all the dressing and undressing trying clothes on, it was time for a coffee, first I paid for all my purchases with my debit card. Fortunately my debit card showed only my first initial and last name, so there were no embarrassing explanations to give. There was now a big hole in my account, but as I said I had some savings which I could use. After coffee, Pamela went home, Chris and I got in her car and Yvonne followed in hers back to Chris. I really wished Yvonne wasn't staying that night as I needed to talk to Chris, I needed to know more about periods, how would I know when I was due, etc. To my shame I hadn't taken much notice of my wife's periods, it was a woman's thing which, like all women, she just got on with. I was even uncomfortable with the ads for ?women's things? on TV, the place for that was in the women's magazines. I didn't want to know. I had to agree with Roger on that one, women should retain an air of mystery and not have all their bodily functions paraded so publicly. But now, well according to the ads, if I wore a certain product I could go skydiving or rock climbing. I wasn't going to be doing any of that, but I did like swimming. Was that possible. Also could I wear a tampon, because I assumed, I was a virgin. All these questions would have to wait for another time. We got to Chris, I unpacked and hung up my new clothes, sorted out my makeup and other supplies into the dressing table in the guest room. Checked my email, opened my google spreadsheet and checked off what I'd bought, saw that Elena had updated the sheet with the fact that she had spoken with her brother and he had agreed to help. I went back downstairs and between us we made something to eat and set the table. Once we finished and washed up we sat in front of the TV and talked, but I soon excused myself saying I wanted a bath. I did, but I also wanted to let Chris and Yvonne have time alone together and I was feeling a bit of a gooseberry. After my bath I put my boy pyjamas on, I loved the shorts but maybe I would change the top for something a bit looser. I went back to my room and started leafing through some women's magazines I'd borrowed. I'd flicked through women's magazines before out of curiosity, but now I found them interesting. I read through some stories and articles, then I turned out my light to go to sleep, I hadn't heard Chris or Yvonne come upstairs yet. 7. Masturbation and Confusion Something woke me during the night. I could hear a rhythmic movement, whispering and soft little moaning sounds coming from Chris room. Oh god they were making love, I put my head under the pillow to try and block it out. Of course once I'd heard them I couldn't stop my imagination and found myself fondling my breasts both hands pushing up the pyjama top, caressing my breasts, feeling my nipples getting hard. I never realised just how sensitive nipples were. I pulled them, twisted them, tried to suck them but couldn't quite get them in my mouth. I began to get a strange feeling between my legs. If I was male I would have had a raging hard on, this was altogether different my hand went between my legs inside my shorts. My lips felt warm, soft, puffy and damp. As I ran my hand in my pubic hair and between my thighs I felt myself opening up and becoming wetter. I gently parted my lips with my index and middle finger. I hadn't so far done a detailed exploration of my new self, the sensation of touching myself was pleasant, very pleasant, and I was getting very wet. I ran my fingers up and down my slit and found my clit. Oooh damn that was good. My clit was larger than my wife's had been, she just had a little nub that she liked me to play with and lick. Just the thought of somebody doing that to me, made me so excited I nearly came there and then. Mine, I could just hold the tip between thumb and forefinger and wank it like a little penis. At some point I lost the shorts and top, I put the pillows between my legs and imagined I had mounted a man and was riding his cock, while my finger was working in and out of me. The feelings building inside of me were like nothing I'd ever experienced, my orgasm when it hit me was so intense. It felt like a series of electric shocks running through my body. Pleasuring myself as a woman was so much better than wanking as a man. I fell off my mount, the pillows, but I wasn't done yet. I could still hear Chris and Yvonne, it seemed as if their love making had become more intense and louder. That set me off again, this time I was on my hands and knees, furiously fingering my vagina and rubbing my clit. I was so wet I could hear a squishy sound as I pumped my finger in and out. I imagined it was a man holding my hips and slamming into me. Oh how I wished it was, I wanted to feel him in me, fill me up, instead it was empty air and my finger. As I came again, I stuffed my hand in my mouth to stop myself from screaming. Stars were bursting behind my eyes and in my head. I collapsed on the bed, instead of feeling relief I had a headache. I was confused and I started to cry. I'd never thought about sex with another man before, why now! Wait I was a woman now, but I had been a man. What did that make me. Lesbian for being turned on by two women having sex. Homosexual for wanting sex with a man. I hadn't liked it today when I thought men were staring at me, but the women, when I was trying on clothes in the store or when I used the public toilets didn't treat me any differently than any other woman. What was I, some sort of monster, where did I fit in. I fell asleep curled up and crying with this all spinning round my head. When I got up in the morning I looked and felt rough, I would need a wash as I was a bit sticky and smelly, but I needed coffee first. I found my pyjama top on the floor near the bed and the bottoms under the duvet at the bottom of the bed, I just put them back on and went downstairs. As I was making a coffee, I heard Chris and Yvonne getting up, so I started to get things out for breakfast. When they came down, I'm sure we all knew what had transpired in the respective bedrooms, but nobody said anything. Chris, when we were alone again, would admit that they had heard me and couldn't help being even more turned on at the noise I was making. The idea of them turning me on, me turning them on more and back and forth in an endless cycle of being turned on nearly fried my brain. Anyway once breakfast was finished and everything tidied away, I told them I was going to Watford, I nearly said the Harlequin Centre, but remembered that Yvonne thought I'd just come from Manchester, so would have been surprised that I knew the shopping centres' old name. It was now called ?Intu Watford?. I much preferred the old name, so I acted as if I didn't know about the shopping centre. It was partly an excuse to let them be alone together, and partly to clear my head. I went to have another bath, I needed it after last night. I put on my new panties and bra, mmh, they would do for work. Maybe while I was in Watford I could find something prettier, I also wanted a swimming costume. It promised to be a warm day so, on went my new striped jersey dress and espadrilles. While I was dressing Chris came up and said Yvonne would be gone by two and she would then teach me how to use and put on makeup and if there was anything I wanted to ask she would do her best to answer. Great I thought there was so much I wanted to tell her about my experiences yesterday, and I wanted more information about periods like when would I know if one was due, symptoms, etc. Chris did my hair and makeup before I left. 8. Toilet Etiquette and Periods On the walk to Watford, I stopped in a quiet spot in a park so I could phone HR, I explained that I needed to discuss personal issues and managed to get an appointment with the head of HR for two the following day. Arriving at the shopping centre I needed a wee, but my mind was on other things and I walked into the Gents and headed towards a urinal. It was only when one of the guys turned round and was doing himself up that I realised, by the surprise on his face, I was in the wrong toilet. At that I ran out, quickly heading to the Ladies. I didn't even notice if there was a queue, I just dived into the first free cubicle and leant against the door, my heart pounding. What if they had called security? I listened out for the hue and cry, but all seemed calm. I looked at the toilet seat, no dribbles it looked clean but I wiped it with some toilet tissue anyway. There was no way I was going to hover, I needed that wee but I also needed to sit down, calm down and compose myself. When I'd calmed down sufficiently I opened the door, looked round, there was no security waiting outside. I quickly washed my hands, checked myself in the mirror, and headed for a little coffee shop just outside the shopping centre. As I sat drinking my cappuccino, I wondered if I could buy little packets of toilet tissue and loo wipes that I could keep in my handbag. After my coffee and feeling better, I went to Boots and bought a packet of tissues and a packet of wet ones, for emergencies. That reminded me that, when I got home, I should replace that tampon Pamela had borrowed yesterday. I vowed to ?Be Prepared.? Then I visited Fat Face to browse the clothes. There was an assistant, she was Spanish, who reminded me of Ramona from the TV show Cold Feet. She helped me choose a pair of jeggings, paired with two different stripy t-shirt tops and some giraffe print baggy trousers with a black strappy top. Added to the list was a summer casual dress, a cardigan, a tankini and some pretty panties with matching bras. Was I now beginning to think like a woman. I was enjoying clothes shopping, whereas I used to put up with shopping, unless it was to do with my bike or new personal technology. By now it was time for lunch and I went back to the little coffee shop, it was my favourite one in Watford. After lunch I walked back to Chris, perhaps I should have taken the bus with all this shopping to carry. I got back just after two, and was glad to put my feet up. Yvonne had gone, I would now have time to talk to Chris about my experiences so far, and my concerns. First we went to my room and I tried on my new clothes to show Chris. I wanted to try on my new tankini, but was too shy to strip off in front of her, being in bra and panties was ok, but that was as much flesh as I was prepared to expose for the moment. In the shop I'd had my knickers on under the bikini briefs, I wanted to see what it looked like without them. So I turned my back to Chris and slipped my knickers off from under my dress and put on the bikini briefs, then slipped off the dress and bra before putting on the tankini top then turning round for Chris to see. I asked her if she would go swimming with me one day soon, as I could do with her moral support for my first time at the pool as a woman. She agreed and promised we would make a day of it, but said no more. I would try the new panties and bras later in privacy. Chris left and I got dressed again, before joining her in the kitchen, it was becoming our favourite place to talk. This is when she told me they heard me last night, I admitted that it was hearing them that started me off. She told me that when she had sex with Paul, she would usually stay over at Paul's. So if ever I needed the privacy to bring somebody home, I was welcome to do so. I didn't think that was going to happen because, a) I didn't have a partner, and b) I wasn't comfortable with the idea of using her house in such a way. If I was to bring somebody home it would be on my terms and on my territory i.e. my house. We then discussed my toilet experiences over the last couple of days, and while she had a giggle at today's mishap, for yesterday's she said "Welcome to the sisterhood." She agreed that women could be sloppy when hovering, as they didn't want to sit in somebody else's dribbles, but hovering was compounding the problem. It would be so simple to lift the seat, perhaps the old sign 'Gentlemen lift the seat' had become ingrained in the national conscience. Sharing toilet paper and sanitary products was what women did without question, you never knew if you would need the favour returned. She did remind me that when using public toilets I should remember I was a woman now so I should face the door, after closing it, and pull my pants down. If anyone caught a glimpse of my feet pointing towards the toilet as I pulled my pants down, they might think I was a man and that could be embarrassing. Next we talked about periods, hymens, virginity and losing it. Yes I could go swimming when I had a period. Yes a virgin could use tampons, your hymen did not cover the entrance to the vagina, but was perforated, else how could you have a period. Considering where my fingers had been last night, that made sense. No you wouldn't necessarily bleed when you lost your virginity, too much fuss and old fashioned ideas were attached to that. Your hymen could be stretched by, masturbation, using sex toys or in my case cycling. Nobody would be able to tell if I was a virgin or not. Technically until I had sex with a man I was a virgin. Why was it OK for men to have one or more sexual partners before marriage and a woman expected to be a virgin. Where were all these virgins if men were having as much sex as they claimed. I had to agree, even when I was a man I thought it strange. A woman was in charge of her own body not men. I learned about symptoms, cycles, flows, frequency and that no two women were the same. She didn't believe in women's periods syncing when they lived together, yes mothers and daughters in the same household often synced. Women living together or sharing digs at college may only sync once or twice a year. During all this Chris showed me how to apply makeup and do my hair. She asked what I would wear for my appointment with HR, then advised on the makeup. Chris said she she was putting on a wash when she got up in the morning, if there was anything I wanted doing, leave it in the machine and she would sort it out. I told her I'd do the ironing and buy the groceries, next week, while she was on nights. I would pay my way, I couldn't keep relying on her charity. I knew Chris would stay up till the early hours, then sleep late the next day, she always did before the start of a night shift. I went for my bath, while there and thinking of our conversation, I squatted over a mirror and really examined myself. I examined my slit, inner and outer lips, my clit (hidden away now) my orifices, closely inspecting my vagina, I couldn't tell if I was a ?virgin?, I stuck my finger in, not the nicest feeling, as I was dry. Maybe if I ever had intercourse I would check again to see if I looked any different. Going back to my bedroom I replenished the supply of tampons in my handbag. I found instructions in the box of how to use them, so I read through, tried the positions they suggested till I found a position that just felt right. We would see, if and when I came on. 9. Putting Plans into Action, #@&% MEN!!! Next day I was dressed smartly and took the train to Euston, then the underground to Victoria where the offices were. I didn't like the underground, crowded and dirty. In the carriage I'm sure the man behind me deliberately rubbed his erection against my bum. I looked at the man behind me. He was smartly dressed and in his sixties, he had that blank look on his face that all underground passengers seemed to have. I could have been mistaken, maybe it was an accident, but I moved away. I met with the head of HR, an understanding lady. I told her that I was transitioning and had got to a stage where I wanted to present as a woman. I didn't want my shift to know but asked if I could go back to my old shift as a new recruit. I told her that I was going to call my shift manager and say I'd been called back to Manchester. She told me not to worry, she would sort all that out and I could start back next week on the day shift. Fortunately I had a very common surname, losing Robert Nnnnn but gaining Rhona Nnnnn wouldn't be suspicious. She was also helpful in supplying me with contact details of support groups, I would still do some googling for contacts. She also asked if I had a date for surgery yet. I replied in the negative. She said when it came up to let her know and she would arrange for me to have as much time as I needed. I left feeling positive about the meeting, but I would have to do some research into gender change surgery and how long it took. It wouldn't do to get caught out now. I made my way home. This time on the underground, somebody WAS feeling my bum, I just saw red, turned and kneed him in the groin, unfortunately due to the tight skirt, I couldn't get a lot of force behind it. It was enough, I hadn't hurt him as much as I would have liked, but I don't think he'd be touching women up anytime soon. Several men were embarrassed at his behaviour and some women clapped and cheered. I was given plenty of space for the rest of the journey. Once home I ticked off what I'd done on my spreadsheet and in my shared folder I created a ?Diary/Journal of my Experiences?. The girls would leave, notes, comments and advice in the folder. While Chris and Elena were on nights I occupied myself, googling and contacting gender change support groups. I needed to find out how to officially get my gender changed on my documents. I started to look at redoing my bathroom, I realised there wasn't enough floor space for a separate bidet, but on the web I had seen a bidet/toilet which looked interesting. I just needed to find a local supplier and installer. I wanted to see it first, I hoped to find a demo model plumbed in as I didn't want anything that wasn't up to the job. When the girls had rested after nights had finished, the three of us went swimming. The ladies changing room was just a mirror image of the mens. I was nervous at first, there were women who I had been on nodding terms with when I was a male. That was weird. As you would expect there were people in various states of undress and nobody paid any mind. Probably because it was my first time I noted that we came in all shapes and sizes and some women were shaved down there. Apart from the shaved bit I could have been in the mens changing room for all the notice anyone took. I was a bit self conscious, poolside as I thought the men were eyeing me up from crotch to breasts and back again, so I quickly got in the water. I swam for a solid hour and did 1,500 meters, which was only a couple of hundred meters less than usual. Not much slower than my last swim as a man. I never claimed I was any good.The girls were much more relaxed swimming, they weren't trying to prove anything. We then went back upstairs to use the sauna, steam room and spa pool, spending another hour in there. Then we had lunch in the cafe, before they dragged me to Yoga followed by Pilates and lastly T'ai Chi. All things I'd never done before. There seemed to be a token man in yoga and one in T'ai Chi. Where were all the men? Chris period started when she was on nights, my first one started a couple of weeks later. I woke one morning, my breasts feeling heavy and sore plus I had an ache in my lower abdomen and was feeling out of sorts. Chris advised this was the time to use panty liners and to keep an eye out for any discharge, be aware that my flow would probably start within the next couple of days. When it did start Chris wasn't around, so Elena stood outside the toilet, in case I had any problems with my first tampon. I didn't. I would find the whole period thing horrible, painful and wanting to curl up an die, some months were worse than others. Like all women I carried on, society expected it of us. If men made flippant, insensitive comments about women and their periods, I felt like stabbing them low down in the stomach and twisting the knife. Why didn't men understand what we were going through. OK, as a man I hadn't understood how it felt. Was I now being unreasonable in my expectations. Elena's brother had put a sold sign on my house, people had been wanting to view it even though he hadn't advertised it, they even tried offering above the ?asking price?. I also started looking for another car, I couldn't keep the Audi, so I ordered a Mini Cooper automatic. This change of gender was costly, but I was growing in confidence. Three months on, my house was being redone with new bathroom, new bedroom furniture and would then be redecorated. My new Mini arrived. My hair was now all my own, I no longer needed the hair piece. My spreadsheet had lots ticked off. My diary come journal was filling with information. I was back cycling with the group. I remembered a story from one of my friends when I was in my teens. He worked for a telecom company and one day he was out working up a telegraph pole, his partner had taken the van down the road to another pole. He told me a car drew up, a smartly dressed woman got out looked up and down the road then squatted behind a hedge for a wee, he didn't know whether to shout a warning or not, he opted to keep very quiet and still. So I vowed that if I ever had to wee in the wild, I would look in ALL directions, including ABOVE. I also noted that I was irritated by men who talked to my breasts, I would think, H-e-l-l-o, I'm up h-e-r-e, talk to M-E! The girls admitted it happened to them and they also found it annoying. I did confront one of those men one day, asking if my company was boring him and were my tits better at conversation? Despite this I wanted to try dating and downloaded a dating app. When the girls found out they gave me a lecture on how stupid that was, didn't I realise that the men who answered these were only after one thing, I was putting myself in danger, etc. etc. I wasn't going to be put off, I could handle myself I said and I hadn't left any contact details on the app, apart from a disposable email address. They made me promise to go on the pill, before even going on a ?date?. I wasn't sure if they thought I was going to have one night stands, or it was protection from unintended consequences, should a ?date? become too forceful. I had about eight ?dates? before giving it up as a bad idea. There was no pretence at romance, I didn't like having my breasts groped and mauled, A man even tried to get his hand up my skirt before we had finished the first drink. He got the rest of my wine in his face and the rest of his pint in his lap. Another kept going on about anal sex, no way buddy, apart from feeling embarrassed at the idea that his finger or other appendage would come out with a bit of poo on it, there was no way I was using that orifice in such a manner. All went in the dairy. I resolved that the next girly evening we had, I would ask if any of them had tried anal and what did they think about it. 10. Surprising Revelations About a dozen or so of us would attend these girly evenings and if it was held at Chris?, Yvonne would stay the night. The next girly evening happened to be at Chris. As the evening wore on the conversation came round to relationships and sex, as it often did. I asked if anyone had tried anal, three or four said yes they'd tried but weren't bothered to repeat it. Lucy said she let her husband do it. It kept him happy, but she wouldn't let his fingers or dick anywhere else once he'd been in there, not unless he washed himself. While he was doing it, she liked to use a vibrator on herself, after all if he was having fun why shouldn't she. When she got bored of him pumping away in her bum, she would insert the vibrator in her vagina. He would feel the vibrations through the adjoining tissue and would come in seconds. But quiet unassuming Kelly shocked us all, I assumed it was the drink that loosened her tongue. She liked to do anal on her husband. He liked to wear her underwear, bra, panties, suspenders and stockings, he even had his own high heel shoes. She had a strap on specially reserved for him and she used him like a whore. She wasn't finished, more jaw dropping details were yet to come. They went to swinger parties, he liked to sit in the corner and wank, while watching her being fucked by another man. She like to watch other men fuck him. They would often get on the bed together side by side, while one man fucked her and another fucked her husband, before swapping partners. She had even taken him to a party dressed as a whore and fucked him in front of everybody. She laid him on his back on the edge of the bed, with his legs up in the air while she had someone fuck her from behind at the same time. Judging by the shuffling and surreptitious ?adjustment? of clothing this was having the same effect on the other girls as it it was having on me. I imagined them going home, masturbating or having sex with their partners, husbands, boyfriends and girlfriends. That was certainly true by the sounds coming from Chris bedroom, that night. I didn't care as I was giving myself some extra special loving with my new vibrator. I ran it over my body, over my breasts, in my mouth, over my nipples, stomach, down to my mound, up my thighs, between my legs parting my lips and running it up and down and between my lips. I screamed as I touched my clit, I had to turn the vibrations down a couple of notches, as the vibrations were too strong. I felt as if a volcano was about to erupt, when I came it was like hot embers shooting round my body. 11. My Girlfriend and the Joy of Sex Over the next few weeks life settled down to work, shopping, going out with the girls, checking work was progressing on my ?new? house and meeting my ?new? neighbours. Finally the house was ready, I packed all the clothes and other stuff I had amassed. Chris, Paul, Elena and her husband, helped me to move in. We had a girly house warming party later that week, during which I seemed to click with a woman called Saskia who'd been to our other girly evenings. From first meeting her I had liked her bubbly personality, her happy smile, her Mediterranean looks and olive skin. How could people not be enchanted with her. I felt like a pale skinned northern plain Jane next to her and I was secretly in love with her. Towards the end of the evening I was starting to clear away some dishes and glasses. With butterflies in my stomach, I asked if she would help. We took the dishes into the kitchen, which was when with a light touch, she turned me to face her and kissed me on the lips. I was startled and froze momentarily. "Oh I'm sorry Rhona, I didn't mean to offe..." "Shhh" I said as, I pulled her into me and returned her kiss. Which was when Elena walked in. When Saskia and I returned to the lounge the girls, with a little encouragement from Elena, were preparing to leave. We all said our goodbyes, once they had left, we looked at each other, I held her hand and took her upstairs. We lay down on the bed kissing, caressing each newly exposed area of flesh as we slowly undressed each other. Eventually we were naked. I loved the feel of our naked bodies pressed together. The feel of my hard nipples caressing and dancing over her hard nipples. I loved it when she took my nipples in her mouth, licked them and blew on them. Her hand caressing between my thighs had me panting with desire, my head wanting her to touch me, to spread my lips and caress my clit. These feelings were new to me. I was now beginning to understand why, when I'd done certain things to my wife, she had enjoyed them. I was finding new erogenous zones and revelling in every minute of it. Saskia was shaved, she looked so divine I had to taste her. I went down and admired her crease, admired how her lips opened up like a flower. I ran my tongue over every crease, crevice and nibble on her clit. The taste of her was like nectar from the Gods. She grabbed my head pushing me into her as she came. We lay there gently holding each other, after a little while she returned the favour by licking me, trying to stick her tongue into my vagina and nibbling my clit, my thighs gripped her head, my hands greedily pulled her head into me and tried to push away at the same time. I came to a shuddering climax. I was left with such a feeling of love and contentment as to be almost unbearable. Kissing her, I tasted my own nectar for the first time. We slept in each other's arms, waking during the night to kiss and gently caress. We slept late into the morning, waking and making love again, before having breakfast. We didn't bother dressing, just wore our panties, as we cleared away from last night. We learned more about each other, talked about men. Even as a young teen she had been attracted to other women. At college she had a brief lesbian fling with her roommate. I admitted to only ever having had 'straight' sex. I didn't elaborate further. Like me her experiences with men hadn't been positive, unlike me she'd been put off men. I was willing to keep trying. I loved the closeness we'd shared last night, and I hoped that my admission wouldn't spoil it. When she eventually left, we kissed and she promised to call me. I spent the next two days worrying, would she ring, would she dump me, even silly thoughts such as, if I shaved down there would she find me more attractive. On the evening of the second day the phone rang, it was Saskia, she sounded nervous. I thought 'oh no please not the Dear John'. It turned out she had been thinking of our conversation and had thought I was going to dump her. We were both so relieved that we spent the next two hours on the phone reassuring each other. We agreed that when I finished work on Friday, I would go round to her house and we would spend the whole weekend together. Yes we made love, but it wasn't just sex, it was an affirmation of our love, our desire for companionship. We started dating. If one of the girly evenings was at one of our houses, we would stay over. We tried strapons. I couldn't get on with the harness, whether I was the giver or receiver. We discovered the Feeldoe, it took a bit of getting used to. The giver had to hold it in herself using her pelvic floor muscles, but there was no harness to get in the way. Closer contact could be achieved, and the fact that we both got pleasure at the same time, made it all worth it. We also tried vegetables and fruit. I admit I loved it when Saskia fed me strawberries from her vagina, but nothing beat sex without any aids. She taught me to take my time, there was no rush for the big 'O', it was about the joys of the erotic journey there. As we explored each other I was finding new erogenous zones. A gentle caress, finger nails lightly scratching or an ear being nibbled were erotic. She taught me that there was an art to fingering, not just pumping in and out or rubbing the clit, but there were the lips and the slit to be caressed. Fingers inside could be curled back and forth in a come hither motion whilst thumb or tongue could circle the clit. Why had my wife never told me of these pleasures. I could lie with my head on her stomach for hours, and watch her breasts rise and fall with her breathing. We both loved oral. I loved tribbing, rubbing my wet engorged clit against hers. She loved my nipples running up and down her slit between her lips and trying to put my nipples inside her vagina, then licking and sucking her juices from them. I loved watching her lips open and blossom like a flower, as she became aroused, is that what happened to me when I was aroused. A man's arousal was obvious, but a woman's was hidden and only she knew about it. I wondered how many women knew how beautiful they looked as they blossomed, yes they would know the feel of themselves when aroused, but seeing that arousal was something else. Over time with the help of Chris and Elena, she learned my true history. She was disappointed that I hadn't confided in her sooner, but still loved me for who I was. For some time now I had been thinking of trimming my bush, I'd only ever bothered with the bikini line because of the swimming. I had read up on the pros and cons of waxing and shaving. I decided shaving would be less painful, but I didn't want to nick any delicate parts, so hadn't got any further than buying some supplies. As well as my bikini line trimmer, I had bought a razor, shaving cream for delicate areas and moisturiser for after. On one of the girly evenings I managed to steer the conversation round to 'trimming one's lady garden.' As I had found out, a group of women together don't hold back. Yes some of them did shave or wax, they even pulled the front of their panties down to show off the designs. There was a heart shape, a triangle, a couple of landing strips, a couple completely shaved, but the one that got everyone talking was the cat's paw design. We could have been talking about a new fashion accessory for all anybody cared. Saskia was staying over that night, as we prepared for bed, I took out my bikini line trimmer and trimmed my bush all over, to about a quarter of an inch. I then jumped in the bath with her. As she watched me trim she remarked that she needed to do hers as the stubble was beginning to itch. After I had bathed I got out of the bath patted ?myself? dry and applied shaving cream, careful not to get any inside ?myself?. I started shaving, but was having trouble with hand and eye coordination. Saskia had to help me. I'd opted for a simple landing strip, but after my attempt, Saskia had to take over and correct the unevenness. The landing strip came out narrower than I had intended, but it still looked good. Saskia ran her fingers over the shaved area, checking for any stubble or missed bits before declaring herself satisfied with the result. I returned the favour by shaving her, I knew she could have done it herself but I wanted to do something personal, because I loved her. When I finished, I checked for stubble and gave a quick kiss on her mound. We then moisturised, went to bed and spent the night in each other's arms. It wasn't always about sex. 12. A Holiday, Men? One day Chris told me that she and Yvonne were planning a holiday and asked if Saskia and I would like to go, I said yes without even checking with Saskia first. Luckily she was thrilled by the idea. One evening the four of us got together and poured over holiday brochures and searched the internet. We finally decided on Amalfi in Italy, there was a small hotel that the brochure said was an old spaghetti factory. It was also an excuse, as if one was needed, to go shopping for summer clothes. I bought myself a couple of skimpy bikinis. I would never have been brave enough to wear them here, but the thought of beaches made me want to show off. The day of the holiday finally arrived. We departed from Heathrow and flew to Naples. From the airport it was a two hour drive along a twisty and precipitous coast road. We stopped at various holiday destinations dropping other people off, we were the only ones for Amalfi. Because of the narrow streets we were collected in a golf buggy, with the luggage going in it?s own little trailer. After checking in we were shown to our rooms. The hotel was a lot quainter than we expected, it was on many levels and partially built into the hillside. Our two rooms were on a shady roof terrace that few people used. Perfect for relaxing. We did all the touristy things visiting Mount Vesuvius and Pompeii. Those ancient Romans knew how to signpost the way to the local attractions. We giggled as we followed the carved penises. We started playing at what is the plural of penis, was it penises, penii or penes? Then we played what is the collective term for penises, 'a flock of cocks', a 'peck of peckers', we settled for ?a stand of penii? Who cares we were having fun. The penises led us to the Roman brothel, where Yvonne leapt onto one of the stone couches and pretended to be a Roman prostitute welcoming her clients. That earned us a disapproving look from a group of German tourists, which only cracked us up even more. We went to one of the small coves, to explore the beach facilities. The Italians do like an organised beach, there were blocks of coloured umbrellas and loungers, each little concession having its own colour scheme. We hired four loungers and two umbrellas for the day. We planned to do some serious tanning. The staff were on hand to bring us drinks or food whenever we wanted. Other groups and families around were happy keeping an eye on our belonging when we went for a swim. It felt safe. I even plucked up courage to go topless. Men didn't seem to ogle me it felt more like an appreciative look that they gave me. I don't know if it was the holiday, the sun, sea, drink, just being more relaxed or growing in confidence with my body, but I was enjoying the attention. It wasn't long before some men started flirting with us, this didn't feel like home where men seemed in a rush to get in your pants. These men were taking their time to get to know us, weren't upset if their advances didn't get them anywhere, they just carried on with the light hearted banter. I have to admit I was enjoying this and was certainly tempted. However I was on holiday with my girlfriend and would in no way upset her and spoil the holiday for all of us. I think Saskia knew I was tempted because I was more attentive to her needs and desires during our love making, or maybe I was just extra randy. 13. My Boyfriend and the Joy of Sex A short time after we came back from holiday, I sat Saskia down to talk about my interest in men. She had known all along that I would want to try a ?straight? relationship and was worried that I'd dump her once I found a man. I spent the night comforting her, assuring her that I would never, whatever happened, dump her. She was part of my life and I couldn't imagine life without her. I told her I would never leave her out of any decisions I made about dating men. She accepted what I said, but was still worried about our future. After my previous experience with a dating app, I was going to try just meeting people. My first date was a guy I knew from swimming, I had been on nodding terms with him since before my change. We had about three dates, but we agreed we had nothing in common. I then had a date with a guy from one of the other shifts, but because of our shift patterns, that never got off the ground. However he had a friend called Sean and we soon hooked up, we just seemed to gel. I kept Saskia updated on developments, making sure she wasn't left out. I soon decided that if I was going to take it further with Sean, I was not going to make the same mistake as I had with Saskia. So one night I invited Chris, Elena and Saskia round to meet him and explain my history. Sean found it difficult to take in, but with the evidence and photographs from my past put before him, he could do nothing but accept. When we finished telling him all, including my relationship with Saskia, there was a brief silence where I thought maybe this wasn't a such a good idea. He reached for my hand and said "What matters to me is who you are, not who you were." By the end of the evening I felt emotionally drained and we all went our separate ways. I carried on, dating both Saskia and Sean. One day while Saskia and I were out browsing at the clothes in a small independent dress shop, I picked up a couple of dresses to try on. We made our way to one of the changing rooms and as I pulled off the dress I was wearing, Saskia sat down on the bench. As my dress cleared my head I saw that Saskia had hitched her skirt up round her waist and was pulling her panties down to reveal that she was wearing her feeldoe. Had she been wearing it all morning or did she put it in when we visited the toilets, I didn't care the sight turned me on. My hand reached inside my panties and cupped my sex. I was getting very wet. I leant forward to whisper in her ear that we couldn't do it here in such a public place, yet I yearned for just that to happen. Saskia kissed me and yanked my panties down, turned me round and pulled me towards her. My hand reached between my legs and grabbed hold of the shaft guiding it to my entrance, without any further thought I impaled myself on it. Her hand reached round the front, nudging mine out of the way, and started playing with my clit. Her other hand pushed my bra up and caressed my breast while I played with my other breast. We were both so horney it wasn't long before we came. It was like a tsunami had hit me as wave after wave washed through me. We had tried to be quiet, but hadn't been entirely successful. A voice outside said, "Can I help you ladies with ... anything?" I was still impaled and catching my breath, unable to speak. Saskia, trying to sound normal, managed to say, "No thank you we are OK." After a couple of minutes to recover, we dressed and I quickly tried on the two dresses. Selecting one, we went to pay. The sales assistant gave us a smile and asked, "Was everything ... satisfactory?" "Oh yes," we both replied. As my trust and confidence in Sean grew. I started taking the pill again, just in case. One evening when he was at my house, we were kissing and cuddling on the sofa and I just felt ready to take it further. My hand found the front of his trousers, he was definitely aroused, I undid his fly slipped my hand in, touched and fondled his manhood. We slowly undressed each other, fondling, caressing and nibbling. In my previous body I'd had oral sex with my wife, but although she had kissed my penis, she never took me in her mouth. I know I would have liked her to. I assumed Sean would like it, so I went down on him, he didn't resist. I pinned his hands to the sofa, this was going to be my night! I twirled my tongue round the tip, bobbed my head up and down the shaft. I wondered what I would do if he came in my mouth, would I swallow or would it be too gross. In the end I'd got past caring and swallowed the lot and I knew I would be happy to do so any time he wanted me to. I let him rest for a few minutes, kissing and caressing him, then I climbed on top pinning his hands above his head. I rubbed myself against his manhood as I kissed him on his chest. I was getting very wet and left a trail of my juices on him, as I slowly rubbed myself up his stomach and chest. Was this scent marking my territory, I didn't know but I was enjoying it. By this time we were on the floor, I don?t remember how we got there, but I still had his hands pinned above his head. I was straddling him so that my mound was on display just in front of his mouth and far enough away that he couldn't reach it with his mouth. I was enjoying teasing him, bringing it close enough for him to give me a quick kiss or lick then moving away, then in again, this carried on for a while. I was having fun. He could have flipped me over anytime and I wouldn't have complained, but he was enjoying the game as much as I was. Eventually I couldn't stand the teasing any longer and let him lick me, nibble me and rub his nose in me. I came hard and collapsed on his face, he had to move me as I was suffocating him. I scooted down beside him and held him as I recovered. I wasn't done yet, when I was ready I turned onto my back, spread my legs, took hold of him and guided him to my opening. He gained entry without any difficulty, ohhh, this felt better than any dildo, real human flesh inside me. A silicone penis was no comparison to the real thing. It responded to every move and contraction of my vaginal muscles. I could feel every twitch it made. It had a life of it's own. It was magical, I loved the feel of him inside me, pumping in and out. We were soon whimpering and grunting, I felt near to cumming again and it was obvious that Sean was near, he seemed to swell inside me, then I felt him twitch and shudder and a warmth seemed to spread inside me, which sent me over the edge. We lay together, spent but happy. He was still inside me, even though he was now soft. Sometime during the night we went to bed, slept, making love again when we woke in the morning. Losing my virginity had been a small milestone, what was more memorable was the sex. The only small inconvenience was the wet patch in bed and waking up feeling a little crusty between my legs. I soon learned that keeping tissues by the bed was useful for mopping up any seepage, thus avoiding the wet patch and crustiness. Over time Sean and I tried different positions, Sean liked doggy style, I preferred being on top. That way I had more control, also I could curl round and watch him enter me, going in and out of me as I bounced up and down. This wonderful joining of bodies, was a special and magical sight. I couldn't say sex with a man was any better than with a woman. When Saskia and I made love we knew exactly what each of us wanted and needed, without any prompting. We could, if we wanted, make each other orgasm several times a night. Making love with Sean was wonderful but I felt the need to control the pace, I needed to be caressed, fondled, masturbated to a heightened sense of arousal before full penetrative sex. Sean would start with all good intentions, but his desires could soon take over and I would be left behind and unsatisfied. It could easily become wham bam thank-you mam, if I didn't have that control. Also Sean could only manage two or at the most three orgasm in one night, another reason for me to take control and stretch the pleasure out. I carried on seeing Saskia and Sean, they each knew I was making love to the other, but never asked what we did, I would have been disappointed if they did and wouldn't have told them anyway. Only once did Sean try to put his finger up my bum, I moved away from it and he quickly got the idea that I wasn't into that and never tried again. After a shaky start while Saskia and Sean worked out the dynamics of their relationship with me, they became good friends once they realised they weren't a threat to each other. 14. Pregnancy and Motherhood I was now thirty eight and beginning to feel broody. Was it my body clock telling me to get a move on before my fertile years were over. Would my reproductive ability be different, as my first period was when I was thirty five. As it turned out I was average for a woman of my age. When the menopause came, all the other girls in our group had started or were soon to start theirs. We were to bitch about hot flushes and night sweats, but that is another story which I won?t go into. I discussed my feelings with Saskia because she was part of my ?family? and any pregnancy would also affect her. She seemed so keen on the idea that I wondered if she was feeling broody, if so what route would she go down to get pregnant. She wasn't into men in that way and I couldn't imagine her doing it just to get pregnant. Artificial insemination. Suddenly I had a picture in my head of Sean in one room with a load of adult magazines, me in nurse's uniform full turkey baster in hand walking into another room where Saskia lay with legs spread. No! I had to get that out of my head. She told me that I needed to discuss it with Sean, I was going to but I wanted to run it past her. Sean liked the idea of becoming a father. I was going to need a plan. I called a meeting of the inner circle, Chris, Elena, Saskia and Sean. If the HR manager were to find out I was pregnant it would be awkward as she was still expecting me to give her a date for my gender reassignment. I didn't want to fall pregnant then hand in my notice, in case anybody guessed my condition before the end of my notice period. For the people on shift I would be taking time out for myself, possibly going traveling. For the HR manager I had a date for my gender reassignment and I wanted time to recuperate before deciding what to do with the rest of my life. I had received compensation from the drunk hit and run driver's insurance which I had invested and not touched, now it would give me a modest income. In my head I apologised to my wife and asked for her blessing. I came off the pill and fell pregnant three months later. Saskia and Sean were delighted. Saskia's broodiness was satisfied, she only wanted to experience pregnancy vicariously through me. At about six weeks I started to feel sick and as the weeks progressed it got worse, why was it called morning sickness, I could be sick any time of day. It lasted till about my eighteenth week. Certain smells could trigger it, the smell of tea was one of them. I'd never been keen on tea and I still can't drink it. I also went right off eggs, even now I will rarely touch one, it's ok if disguised in a cake. I had cravings for Piccalilly pickles, I ate them with just about everything. I would buy the biggest jar I could find and I couldn't wait to get to the cash till before opening it. I carried on making love to my partners throughout, they would also take intimate photos of me, as we watched my body change. These photos were only shared between my photographer/lover and myself. I don't even know if Sean and Saskia were aware they were both photographing me. We all marvelled at the changes in my body. I was weeing more due to the pressure on my bladder. I became unsteady on my feet due to the change in my centre of gravity. One or other of them would accompany me on antenatal visits, where they called me a ?Granny Mum?. From about the eighth month I just wanted this thing out of me it was wearing me down. In the past I used to walk into Watford and back, I could no longer manage that so I used the bus. One day walking back home from the bus stop, I lost my balance, fell and started to roll down the slight incline. I was rescued by two eleven year old girls, they helped me up and escorted me home. They asked if there was anything they could do for me. I was very grateful for their assistance. Made them both an orange juice and gave them each a choc-ice. Gave them the phone so they could ring their mums for a lift home and explain why they were late. They lived next door to each other, so one mum would tell the other and so long as they walked home together when they were ready, that was OK. The girls were full of questions, what does it feel like being pregnant? Was I having a boy or a girl? Did I have a name for the baby? At eleven the girls didn't need to know about any problems of pregnancy, they had plenty of time to learn before they needed know. Besides it wasn't my place to tell them, that would be down to their mums. I told them that being pregnant made me feel proud and special to have a new life growing in me. I didn't know if it was a boy or girl as I only wanted a healthy happy baby, it's sex didn't matter. If it was a boy I would call it Roger as the name had a special meaning for me, but I hadn't decided on a girls name yet. I asked them if they could think of a girl's name for me, they came up with Poppy. They were excited when they felt the baby moving in my tummy. Before they went home they made me promise to let them visit when the baby came. As my time drew near Saskia and Sean took turns spending the nights with me, just in case. One morning just after Sean had left for work, I got up and as I pottered around making breakfast, I just had a feeling that something was about to change. During the morning the postman delivered a package, as I was signing for it, I had a contraction. If it hadn't been for the pain, I would have found the look of panic on his face, hilarious. The contractions were coming every twenty minutes or so when I rang Sean and Saskia. I wanted them both at the birth of 'our' baby. Saskia arrived first, after about ten minutes. It took Sean another fifteen minutes as he worked further away. Once Sean arrived Saskia went to pack my case for the hospital, it was one of the things I had been told to prepare, but it was the one thing I neglected. At the hospital I was assigned a room. Nurses came and went checking, blood pressure, heartbeat, asking questions. I was in labor for fourteen hours, I don't even remember being sick on Sean. Women who came in after me were delivered of their babies, and their partners were coming back to visit after they had all rested. I was still in labor! Eventually I was taken to the birthing room with Sean and Saskia in tow. I'm told I was swearing like a trooper, blaming the pair of them for letting this happen to me. I wasn't going to let them anywhere near me ever again. They were thinking of using forceps, fortunately they weren't needed. I finally gave birth to a healthy baby girl, who I named Poppy. As Poppy grew into a toddler she like to come into mummy's bed in the morning, for a cuddle. Sometimes she would find daddy or mummy Aska, she couldn't say Saskia, in bed with me. That was normal for her and they would also get a cuddle. There were ?interesting? moments when she started school and she heard that some of the children didn't have a mummy or daddy. She proudly announced that she had a daddy and two mummies and if they wanted she would lend them one of hers, so long as she could have them back before bedtime. 15. Later Years Shortly after Poppy's birth, Pamela split from her husband. She said it was like living with a big kid. She might as well have been his mother, doing his washing and ironing and cooking his dinner. He never helped with the kids. It was so bad she even had to call her dad to do the minor household repairs. At some point she found another man who was more supportive, divorced him and moved in with Dave. Yes Dave had hobbies, she was OK with that, because they weren't to the exclusion of all else. Chris and Paul eventually split up, he couldn't cope with sharing her anymore. Chris moved in with Yvonne. She would miss sex with Paul, but Chris and Yvonne were devoted to each other and spent the rest of their lives together. Now we were all in our mid seventies and proud grandparents. We had all kept our own houses, we never got round to sorting out other living arrangements. Sean and I had spent an enjoyable few days in York, when the trip was over we went to our own homes. A couple of days later Sean had a massive heart attack, it was a complete shock, he'd been a fit seventy six year old. I was inconsolable, sad that I'd not been there to hold him in my arms, been unable comfort him and to say my goodbyes. Not long after Sean's funeral, Saskia came to live with me, we neither of us wanted to be alone anymore. We started with separate bedrooms. After a while that just seemed ridiculous, it was comforting to share a bed and know we were there for each other. Some people might have considered my lifestyle unconventional, I didn't see it that way. I'd been faithful to my three lovers, my wife Wendy, Saskia and Sean, never once did I go behind their back, never once did I desire group sex, each partner was an individual. Only four people, Elena, Chris, Saskia and Sean, knew my full history. I was grateful to them and all the other men and women who had unwittingly helped me become the person I was. I hadn't even told my daughter, first it was that she would be too young to understand. Then when she was a teenager she might think me a freak and be embarrassed about bringing her friends round. Then it was marriage and her own children. Why give her all that baggage as well. If you asked whether I preferred being a man or a woman, I can't tell you. One thing I can say is as a woman I have a dedicated pleasure button, as a man I had a multipurpose tool, I know which I preferred. After all these years I barely remembered what being a man was like. As a man, I didn't recall any disadvantages or negative experiences, but I was comfortable with my body and enjoyed my femininity. I had been lucky to have experienced both and I wouldn't have changed anything.