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Beth Huntly broke up with her boyfriend of two years, Tony Poffo, when he told her about he was a crossdresser. This revelation was Tony's most guarded secret. Tony was a crossdresser. Her ex was honest and explained he was a non-practicing crossdresser. That he has not worn a piece of women clothing in the last 10 years, but still thought about doing almost so everyday. Tony swore he would never wear a dress when he was with a woman. He believed that would be wrong. Women wanted to date men who were all men. His assertion of him never partaking in that past time again was not good enough for Beth. This was because he included the clause of as long as he was with a woman. That meant the desire to wear dresses was still with Tony. Beth knew she would always worry about Tony sneaking around her back and putting on her clothes. He was a big man and that would stretch the material. If one day Beth finding her favorite skirt unwearable was not bad enough there was a chance her coming home to finding Tony in her clothes. That would be a site Beth could never unsee. Beth broke off what they had as soon as Tony open up to her. This confession was a huge red mark on the balance sheet of their relationship. Knowing about Tony's secret was a deal breaker. What Tony's shared by opening up to Beth was more important than him being dependable, charming, kind hearted and her enjoying his company in and out of the bedroom. Him liking to wear panties outweighed all the good which Beth's ex brought to what they had. She was petty and could not stand that her man had the desire to dress pretty. Before she loved how compatible he was with her now the couple was too compatible to stay together. Beth did not want her man's fashion sense to be that inline with hers. Beth's man being a real man was what was truly important to her in a relationship. After the breakup, The next course of action for Beth was to call her friends to start the recovery process. They did the same thing each time one of them got out of a relationship, get a couple bottles of wine and watch The Break-Up, John Tucker Must Die, or Legally Blonde. They would spend the night with the movie on and talk about how bad that man was. The band of sisters would talk about how the lady with the broken heart could do so much better than that loser, and she was better off without him. Rosalita Bittan found so much about the phone call from Beth odd. The breakup with Tony was so unexpected. Just last week Beth was wondering when Tony would finally ask the question. Beth not telling Rosa what caused the ending of her relationship was weird. The girls always shared why on the phone. The joy in Beth's voice in telling her that the girls had to get together was also out of the norm. The night was supposed to help their friend get in better spirits, not the newly single lady spreading her cheer. Lastly, she was told to bring her boyfriend along. Tonight was for the girls, plus their men would be bored. Also her man, David Scialfa was Tony's best friend. Rosa did not want Dave to have to join along in how they were going to be downtalking his friend. The strangeness of wake for Beth's relationship continue for Rosa. Beth's house was lively, and loud as a party when as she and her man arrived. Instead of the guest offering their sincerest condolences they were all following Beth in laughing. The vibe of this room was one of a celebration. Rosa felt this was wrong. Before checking up on her friend, Rosa wanted some details. To know what to expect to hear from Beth. She asked Karen to fill her in and the lady was barely able to hold in the laughter in give her nonresponse. All Karen said was that she was not going to deny Beth the chance of telling anyone about Tony. Rosa and Dave made it to Beth. Then they found out why the mood was so good. The reason for the breakup was that Tony was a crossdresser. David joined in the laugher and Rosa shot him a look of disapproval. Tony being different was no reason for people to laugh at him. Even with him being 6'2 and 250 pounds and having a face rougher than 12 grit sandpaper this was not funny to her. Rosa and Dave were serious and she wanted to start having children as soon as they were married. Dave laughing at someone who he professed a closeness to was him failing the fatherhood test. Rosa wondered if Dave be supportive of their son if he was also a crossdresser. Rosa might have been a strict grader but was open to letting Dave retake the test later. She knew that Dave was probably not think when he laughed. On their way home she will talk to her man about why he laughed and see if he thought about it if that would change his reaction. Rosa knew her time at this party was not long. She gave her friends the benefit of the doubt about why they were so insensitive. Rose assumed that Beth was just trying to feel good about a relationship with a great guy ending. The rest of her friends were laughing more in a sign of unity. Rosa knew she would never be friends with people who found glee in picking on others. The gals convinced themselves the putdowns of Tony were not personal. Making fun of him was really about making Beth feel good about herself after the heartbreak of breaking up with someone she loved. The guys convinced themselves they were in joke mode, That it was just to get a laugh and no real harm was done because Tony could not hear them. Rosa was the outliner at the gathering. She did not see this as a good nature roast, but as putting someone down to lift someone else up. The true need of this get together was to make Beth feel good about making a bad decision. She ended a relationship with a man who treated her great, and until he told his secret wanted to spend the rest of her life with. Tony's urge to wear women clothes should have been seen as what it was, insignificant. Instead, everyone was making Tony out to be the worse man for any lady to date. The time was going so slow that it seemed that Rosa has been their as long as a documentary made by Ken Burns and only as hour passed. Each laugh, snide comment and joke made her opinion of her friends become a little lower. She started to question if these the type of people she wanted to influence her future children. After an hour of Rosa putting up with the childlike behavior of adults Dave's phone rang. He laughed when he saw it was Tony and told the group to quiet down. Rosa was happy that her man came to his senses and was going to be respectful to Dave. She was happy that her friends were only going to joke about this behind Tony's back. Them not openly mocking him when he could hear only made her opinion of them not go any lower. Dave answered it and said "Hey there pretty prissy Princess Tony, how are you doing?" Everyone else other than Rosa entire erupted into laughter. Rosa knew that Tony must have felt betrayed by everyone there. Her part of letting someone she confess to care about made Rosa start to feel physically ill. Knowing she would never see him again gave her comfort. Saying anything to him would be hard. Having any social contact with him would also remind her that she did not stand up for someone who she claimed was her friend. Right then, Rosa felt wrong in thinking she was Tony's friend, she knew how she acted made that word meaningless. Tony hung up without saying anything. Everyone else kept on laughing at the burn Dave gave his friend even after the phone called ended. Rosa waited for the laughter to die down and announced she going home. Beth and the other girls assumed it must of been Rosa's time of the month. The signs were there. The entire time Rosa was there, she did not interact with them and now she was pale. ********** Opening up to the wrong people can make a person become more closed off. The other people not treating what was told in confidence with respect breaks the trust between them. This betrayal made the person who was being vulnerable scared to get the same inconsiderate reaction from others. After hanging up the phone with his best friend Dave, Tony doubted that he would ever let anyone else know his real self again. If the lady he loved and was about to ask to marry him and the man who was going to be his best man saw this part of him as a joke, then everyone else would. Tony thought so much of Beth that he was going to build his future around her. Dave was like the brother he never had. In Tony's eyes they were good people who would do anything they could for him. The greeting Dave gave Tony was a wake up call about that desire. The two people closest to Tony treating his secret as something to find amusement out of made Tony think they were right, wanting to wear pretty women clothing was wrong. Tony would much rather have his desire be a social taboo than he was wrong about his friend. His friend were good people and would never do him wrong. If Beth and Dave were wrong about how they reacted then Tony would have been wrong about how he judge people. To this man, it was much better to be see who were good people than to not have trust in how he saw people. If only Tony knew the reason why he thought it would be nice to look nice in a dress then he would have been open to being wrong about Dave and Beth. Not being able to defend a desire made it hard to see what the person wants to do as right when others ridicule it. The reason of just because should be a good enough justification when the act was harmless, but sadly it was not. Since he could remember Tony was drawn to women's clothing. He loved so much about what women wore compare to men. Women clothing were fun. The buckles on Mary Jane's shoes adorable. Bows were just nice. How a pleated skirt flowed as a woman walked in it was elegant to him. The reasons why a women clothes were better than men were too long to list. Tony could but never talked all day everything he loved about that subject. The reason Tony had to go with just because was there was no better way to explain his longing to wear women clothing. He knew he was all man, so it was not about being a transgender woman or wanting to express his feminine side. The few times he snuck into his parents' bedroom to put on his mom's clothes, Tony did not feel a change in his personality. Wearing those clothes just felt nice. With not understanding why and the social stigma which came along being a crossdresser Tony never pursued dressing anymore. ******** Beth was driving her boyfriend home when she started the serious conversation about him laughing and putting down his best friend. "You really find it that funny Tony likes to wear dresses?" "Yes I do, Sweetcakes." "Say if it was our son, Honeybear?" "No son of mine would want to wear a dress." "This is serious." "I am being serious my son will be all man, like I am." "Tony wanting to wear a dress does not make him any less of a man." "Don't worry about what might be, Sweetcakes. We'll handle that situation if it ever comes about." Rosa liked to have contingency plans and Dave loved that about her. Having a quick course of action if their plans fell through led to less indecision. Instead of trying to figure out where to eat when where they picked was too busy, they just went to the next place. Her wanting one for this hypothetical situation was going too far. Planning for his son wearing a dress would be like the them planning on what to do if they ran into her annoying neighbor when they were on vacation. His son wanting to wear a dress was just not going to happen. "I am not worried about it, Honeybear. I would not care if our son wore a dress and would support him. I just want to know if you would be the same. This is about nurturing our children." "Yeah, I will also." Honeybear's confirmation was about as convincing as an aspiring magical pulling off an illusion they never performed before. Sweetcakes knew she could work on him better understanding why her man needed to be ready to be more supportive of their future children. Now she wanted to see if his lack of empathy was from what she attributed it to, Dave just not thinking. "When are you going to call Tony to apologizing for taking that joke too far." "If anyone needs to say they are sorry, it is him. He was rude by hanging up on me. Tony needs to learn to take a joke." "I don't blame him for hanging up on you. You called him a pretty prissy princess. That was just wrong." "Don't get your panties in a bunch like Tony did. I was joking so no harm was done. Just drop it, Sweetcakes. This will blow over when Tony sees he was wrong." "Ok there Half-Job Dave, when are you going to finish working on the den." "Don't call me that!" "Why not, I am joking so no harm was done." "I don't like it. I get things done on my own time. There is no hurry to do the trimming. " "You think that Tony liked you calling him Princess." " Don't be so serious. That is different.Don't worry when Tony calls me I will be the better man and apologize. Then again, I am the better man because he likes to be pretty." It was now Rosa's turn to give a weak confirmation. "Yeah, you are." How Dave handle finding out something as insignificant as his best friend wanted to wear dresses woke Rosa up. Instead of being on autopilot around him and their friends she started to pay attention to what they said. She cringed everytime Dave would say something was gay or retarded. She brought up how insensitive using those terms were then Dave would defend himself by saying she was overreacting and that if one of their children was gay or retarded he would quit using those derogatory terms. Rosa found her friends calling themselves the girls and them calling the men in their life their boyfriends fitting in an unflattering way. Those people being called boy and girls match their maturity level. She found the men worse. They would not drop putting down Tony. Those so call jokes were a way for the men in title only to defend their manhood. Rose knew that they were scared the other boys would think less of them if were fine with Tony's desires. Tony never called Dave back. At first Rosa was happy for herself. She would not have to deal with the awkward situation of facing someone she did not defend. Then the happiness became for Tony. He deserved a better friend than Dave and the others. Her man not being a good friend added to Rosa questioning if he was a good enough man to be the father of her children. , Then a couple of months later Dave met one of Rosa's co-workers, Fred Cunningham, as he was leaving Pasta Two with a takeaway bag and they were going in. The conversation stop instantly when Dave told a story and in it used the phase "that person must have been brain damage". Fred said "Sorry to cut this short, but I have to get home to my wife." When Fred was out of ear shot, Dave turned to Rosa "What is his problem?" "His wife was in a car accident and suffered brain damage." "Oh, I did not know. I would have never said that if I did. Make sure you tell him I am sorry." Rosa started to walk towards the car as she told Dave to come on. Dave was hungry and the last thing he wanted was to hear his Sweetcakes overreact about him not be sensitive to others. He was, people just were too soft. "Rosa, Don't take this so serious. It isn't a big deal about me using a common phrase." "That phrase is insensitive. You should not use it around people you don't know/ You made light of a very serious topic. I am sick of hearing you put down others." "I do not." "Calling things gay, retarded and how you treated Tony? Have you even apologize to him yet?" "Oh he is being a baby. Or can't I say that because it's insensitive to real babies?" "Don't get smart with me. You did him wrong and you should be the one who reached out to him. I am shocked that you have not, you said he was your best friend. You not doing that says a lot about you as a person. Tell the truth, I am happy for Tony that you did not. He doesn't need people like you in his life." "Are you saying I am not good enough for him?" "Yes and to tell the truth at this moment you are not good enough for me. I will drop you off at your place." Rosa and David had a huge fight on the way back to his home. In a way Dave was happy that they were over, Rosa was becoming too serious about everything. She was acting like a social justice warrior. Instead of having to watch what he said, David thought that others needed to toughen up. Dave forgot to include himself in the toughening up. Like most other people who did not want to be considerate of others when they spoke,Dave cried the loudest when people said or did something he found offensive. Dave thought that people saying Happy Holidays or Season Greetings instead of Merry Christmas was them declaring war on Christianity. Some football players knelt for the national anthem and he wanted them to never play the game again. Rosa was also happy that the relationship was over. Dave was not the man she thought he was. She went to call the girls to start the healing process, but stopped. She was not in the mood to bad talk Dave. It was immature and weak to have to put someone down to lift yourself up. Plus, until she told them about the break-up Dave was a great guy in their eyes. She found how quick they turned on someone?s ex as being disloyal. Friendship should be based on who you are, not who you are dating. ************ In a couple of months Rosa slowly got Beth and the girls out of her circle of friends. They were at different points in their lives. Beth and the others were happy to stay were they were instead of striving to become the best version of themselves they could be. Rosa reconnected with a couple of her best friends from high school. Them wanting to be best they could be was the exact place Beth was striving to be in her life. One of them, Julie Randor, was a huge fan of the website Postsecret. Rosa went along with her to a talk given by its creator, Frank Warren. Julie liked the site because she believed that it was beneficial to the people who posted their secrets and the readers. The person who was opening up was coming one step closer to coming to terms with their secret. The readers are reminded that they are not the only person who was not perfect. Reading those posts also made sure she stayed empathetic to others. Tony Poffo also went to the same talk. He was also a fan of the site. Tony was someone who shared his secret and it made both the site and one of the books. The secret he submitted was ?My desire to wear women?s clothing keeps me from making a close connection with a special woman. My desire for a close connection with a.special woman keeps me from wearing women?s clothing.? After the talk Julie and Beth went to wait in line so Rosa?s friend could get her newest Postsecret book signed by Frank. On their way to join the queue Rosa saw Tony going towards the line. Rosa tried to stall getting into line right away. Getting a couple of people in line between them would form a buffer. She did not want to bump into the man she did not defend.. Rosa was not over how she did not stick up for him. Being face to face to a friend she let down was going too hard. Tony could not be in front of them in the queue . Rosa knew that Julie would start a conversation with Tony. She was outgoing and he was burly. Julie liked her men to be built like a lumberjack. There would be a conversation Julie just had a way about her. She easily broke the ice to with people. Her secret to getting people to open up was she took genuine interest in what the other people were saying and used open ended questions.. As soon as they got in line Julie struck up the conversation with Tony. ?That talk was just amazing, what was your favorite part?? Tony turned around to answer the stranger?s question. Talking to someone made the time in line past and he wanted to share this experience he just had. As soon as he saw who was standing next to the lady he was going to speak with Tony calmed up. Rosa and her friend were not going to get enjoyment by flaunting they knew his dirty little secret. Julie really liked what she saw and so wanted Tony to talk more. She hated to have the conversation start being one way. Julie never wanted it to be her doing the talking. Julie tried to get Tony to open up by saying? I thought it was so true what Frank said about most secrets only having power because people want to keep others from knowing it. I will tell you mine if you tell me yours? Tony took her trying to get him to open up to her as taunting. In his mind, this lady already knew his secret and just wanted to hear him say it. ?You already know it. Rosa told you.? ?You know Rosa? How do you two know each other?.? ?Lady, just leave me alone. You can have your laughs at my expense all you want. I am not going to be a part of it.? ?We would never laugh at someone sharing something which is important.? ?Yeah, right.? Tony went to get out of line. He much rather go to the back and have to wait longer than deal with the snide remarks of Rosa and her friend. Rosa stopped him. ?Julie, I am going to wait in the car and please just leave Tony alone.? Julie could not leave that man alone, he was hot. Plus, How with his defenses, Tony needed a friend to share this secret. The optimistic lady wanted to be that friend. She liked what she saw. Julie thought that everyone was a friend you just did not know yet. They might not ever be a close friends, but everyone has common ground with everyone else. Once they knew the common ground they were friends and they should be on friendly terms by now. Liking Postsecret was that common ground for her and Tony. Those three should be enjoying their time in the line by now. ?Rosa if you go to the car I am also. I am not going to let Tony being rude chase my friend away. No wonder you did not tell me you knew him, any money his secret makes him not worth knowing.? Julie was being provocative on purpose. She hoped that pushing his buttons would cause him to engage with her. That it would lower his defensives so he would tell her his secret. Tony would defend himself and prove why his secret did not make him not worth knowing. Trying to get Tony to open up backfired as bad as an old out of tune car. How the few people who knew his secret treated him made Tony feel like he was not worth knowing. Tony could not hide the hurt on his face and his voice got soft when he said ? You are right,I am not worth knowing.? Rosa was shocked at how Julie acted. Her friend was being so immature. She thought she left the little kids table of life when she left Beth and the rest of them. Then the only thing worse than the pain in Tony?s voice and on his face was Rosa knew he believed what he said. She stood by once when people put Tony down for being who he was, that moment she was not going to fail Tony again. ?Julie, we are going to the back of the line and you apologize to Tony right now. He is a great man. I let him down once by not standing up for him before, but not now. He is right in not wanting to talk to me.? Julie said ?Tony, I?m sorry. I was just trying to get you to share with me. I wanted you to share. I felt you needed to and thought you would defend yourself. Your secret cannot be that bad you are not worth knowing. I would not have been pushing if I did not want to get to know you. I would not have been pushing if I did not want to be there for you? Tony?s ire was still up. Julie just try to provoke him to get a reaction. He was ready to share that secret to prove her wrong and sadly more importantly himself right. That he was not worth knowing.. ?Ok I will share. My desire to wear women?s clothing keeps me from making a close connection with a special woman. My desire for a close connection with a.special woman keeps me from wearing women?s clothing.? Julie response and action as Tony was bearing what others saw made him less of a person touched him. Tony?s new friend grabbed his hand to share her strength with him as she joined in with him saying the secret. The tone of her voice shared the pain and hope in Tony?s. The pain of not finding someone special and the hope that it would still happen. ?I remember reading your secret. It touched my heart. It made me so sad that someone could not find someone special because of something so trivial. I thought that man deserves to find someone who knew what was truly important. I will share mine with you now.? Tony felt undeserving of Julie sharing her secret with him. He was not because even with saying what was confidental to her, he was not sharing it. He used admitting what made him feel ashamed to chase her away. ?Julie don?t. I didn?t share mine with you. I said it to get rid of you.? ?It didn?t work. It made me feel closer to you. I trust you will treat my secret how I treated yours. I want to feel the relief of not being judge like you are right now. I can tell that there is a heavy burden lifted from you.? Taking a big breath Julie was going to finally say something she never told anyone before. Tony?s secret being cyclical in nature like her made it easier for Julie. Tony must be able to understand how that loop fed itself and became stronger each and every day. ?I see myself unworthy of love so I let men use me. I let men use me because I am unworthy of love.? As Julie was sharing Tony started to hold her and joined in saying it. His embraced made her feel as safe a runner who the catcher did not challenge him stealing second. He was a millisecond behind saying the words so Julie knew that Tony did not remember it. That fact did not matter, Julie knew that Tony would from now on. After she was done opening up to Tony their physical embraced ended. Those two kept their emotional embrace and it was shown by them now holding hands. As young love was blossoming in front of her, Rosa felt like a third wheel. If that was not bad enough this third wheel was square and flat. Rosa just did not like how being around Tony made her feel. She did not do enough when others were putting him down. In wanting to give Tony and Julie privacy to get to know each other better and not being a negative presence to Tony she went to excuse herself. ?I am going to let you two talk. See you after the signing Jules.? Tony asked Rosa to stay. His shame of her knowing his secret went away. Tony felt good being that someone he considered a friend knew what he hid and still wanted to be around him. Another reason Tony wanted Rosa to stay was to find out how his former best friend, ex girlfriend and the others were doing.?Rosa stay, How is Dave doing?? ?I don?t know.? ?You can tell me. I am not mad anymore. I know he meant no harm when he called after Beth told him my secret. I was just ashamed of him and everyone else knowing.? ?I would tell you if I knew. We broke up..? ?I am so sorry to hear that. You two seemed so happy together.? ?We were but I realized how insensitive he could be to others. I did not want the father of my children to be that way.? ?Oh he means no harm. If it is not too late you should try to patch things up with him.? ?I know he means no harm and that was not the issue. He thinks meaning no harm means that his comment could not cause harm. The issue is he wants others to always consider his feelings, yet will not do so. I don?t like to be around people who want to be treated better than they treat others. That is why I don?t hang out with Beth or any of them anymore.? ?I hope Beth have found someone who has what she deems is important in a man.? Julie said ?The sad thing is she will and that will make sure she is never happy in a relationship. She doesn?t know what is truly important.? Tony and Rosa were able to follow Julie?s logic. Beth was using her eyes and society?s hang ups to pick what her heart should. She was worried about what others thought of who she was with instead of how who with treated her and how they got along. With going after what she deemed important in a relationship, she would never find someone who has the qualities which were truly important to make their relationship great. Rosa did stay in line with Julie and Tony. Being able to right how she betrayed Tony made the lady comfortable around him. Not having the regret about her treatment of Tony was good. How well Tony and Julie were hitting it off, her friend she reconnected with was going to be a part of her circle of friends. After getting their books signed, Rosa suggested that Tony go get a bite to eat with Julie. Those two insisted she joined them. They were both feeling vulnerable and wanted a chaperon, a buffer so the topic each of them just shared had no chance to come up. Being together was safe for those two but talking more about their secret would have been uncomfortable for either of the. Rosa declined, she knew the tanum bike those two started to ride did not need training wheels. She left those two alone so they could discover what was truly important to know about the other.