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My Turn Janet L. Stickney [email protected] As I thought about the proposal, how ridiculous it was, I saw her eyes twinkling in the light. My sister was the Co-Chair of the annual Spring dance this year. Every year at the high school, two clubs were selected by random draw, then jointly, the students in those clubs had to find, and sponsor, a new theme for the dance. Since this tradition had been going on for many years, almost every avenue had been tried at least twice. This year, the Principal told then to be inventive. "Look for something new," he said, "something untried, and don't be afraid to step outside of the normal parameters, be different." How they came up with this theme nobody would say, but it was a real doozy. The committee decided to have a select few boys attend as girls, then have the entire assembly guess which girls were actually boys! It was like Hide and Seek, only right out in the open, and my own sister wanted me to be one of the boys that would be dressed as a girl! As you might surmise, I firmly said no, leaving no doubt that it was my final answer. But Beth knew my little secret, and threatened to use it if I did not go along. I only have one sister, but I'll bet every guy in school that has a sister has been blackmailed into something, at least once. Now it was my turn. I resisted, she pushed harder, I resisted again, and she pushed again. There was no doubt in her mind that I would do it, and in the end, she admitted there was a prize, and told me what it was. That prize had me agreeing to become a girl, the pig in her little poke so to speak. Beth wanted to help me get dressed up in the worst way, but there was no way I was going to let that happen. I needed to borrow some of her things of course, but there was no way I would give her the chance to help me in any way. You see, my secret is that I had been dressing up as girl in private since I was quite young, and still enjoyed the few hours of relief I got when I wore a skirt or dress. That secret wasn't very secret since Beth knew. Beth had unfortunately caught me a few times, but thankfully, she never said anything about it. Instead, she began to help me, and over the years I became pretty good at becoming a girl. I didn't think that I was pretty exactly, but I wasn't a two bag girl either. By that I mean one for my head and one for someone to throw up in. By the time I was 14, I decided that I no longer needed her help. I think she resented it, but by then, I felt that I could manage fairly well. Besides, she was beginning to date and had less and less time for me. Beth knew how I looked, and quite often she would beg me to go out with her. I never got up the nerve to leave the house dressed as a girl, and because I told her no so often, she finally got the message or gave up, I'm not sure which. I had never tried going out when I was dressed, and didn't particularly want to either. Now, after all this time, Beth wanted me to attend a huge party-dance, dressed as a girl, and get away with it! "The party is almost 7 months away, which is plenty of time for you to get used to being a girl. Think of it. You'll have a nice party dress, get your hair fixed, and have a great time. Besides, you'll want to get used to being out as a girl." "Out? I'm not going out until the day of this party!" "Oh really?" Beth said. "I did mention that the person, if there is one, that is dressed as a girl and goes undetected, wins five thousand dollars, and you could use that money for college, but in order to win it, you have to be good enough to fool everyone." Beth is sneaky, but she couldn't hide a prize like that! Everyone would have to know, just so that some of the guys would try it. Seven months she said. Seven months in which she wanted me to get dressed, then go out as often as possible, just so I would get used to walking, using my hands and so on, just like a girl does. She also mentioned a party dress, which made sense, but having my hair done? While my hair is a bit longer than most guys wear it, and while Beth had been able to make my hair look okay when I was dressed as a girl, many times I had tried my best to create something at least a little feminine, on my own, and as yet, have not managed to create any kind of feminine style. I had my doubts that it could be done, at least by me. Beth and I stared at each other for a moment. Then I agreed to try it, getting dressed up I mean, just once, then leave the house as a test. If that went well, maybe I would consider the rest. Beth smiled widely, then told me to be ready for a hot Saturday night out. Within minutes our parents knew what I had agreed too. My dad laughed at me, telling me he couldn't wait to see me, confident that I would look exactly like what I would be. A boy in a dress. He didn't have a clue, while Mom, at the same time, was more reserved. But something about the way she looked at me gave me pause. I was just too caught up in the idea of my becoming a girl, and winning the prize that I didn't figure it out. On Friday morning mom told me to come straight home from school, as she and I were going to see how I looked as a girl. What could I say? No? Mom was the only female in the house that I could trust, and I would need her help if I decided to go ahead with this. I gave a nod of my head and left the house. In school, a lot of kids were talking about this party and of course, the weird theme, but there was only one person in the entire school that everyone agreed could become a girl and get away with it. Anthony. He was small and thin with long blond hair, and had every mannerism that the girls do, often using all of them. We all figured he would be one of the hidden girls. Five grand tempted a lot of guys, and they said so, but many of them were tall and wide, or had a very masculine build, heavy beards or something else that would not allow them to even try. Of the rest, some of us could do it, maybe easily. Some of the guys were adamantly saying a definite "no way," and some acted as if it didn't matter. Almost all of the girls said they thought they could pick out the ringers in a hot minute. Their innate sense of themselves would not let them even consider the idea that a boy, someone they knew, might be able to dress like a girl, attend a fancy affair, and fool everyone, including the girls. Myself, I could pick out at least ten guys that I thought would be able to dress as girls, and more than put a dent in the girls egos. That did not include me of course. When I got home, Mom told me that Dad and Beth would be away, not returning until Sunday, which would give us the chance to see how I would look, without any laughter or snide remarks from either of them. So much for my Saturday night test. Without much fanfare, I was told to strip as soon as I got in my room. Mom seemed a bit distant, yet she was smiling in that way she has. The one she always used on us when she knew something that you didn't. I should have seen it. I wish I had. Once I was down to my briefs, mom checked me all over, running her hands all over my skin, which was causing a little problem that I had to hide. She stopped, then came the cream. Smelly, pink and thick, she smeared it all over me, lowering my briefs so she could do my butt. With my manhood barely covered, I had to stand there for a while. As the itching grew in intensity I wanted to run in the shower and wash it off, but was held back for just a bit longer. Finally, to my great relief, Mom let me go, and as quick as possible, I stood in the shower. The water wasn't even hot yet, but the strong flow of water, merely tepid in temperature was a great relief that only washed away the cream. Drawing a washrag over my skin removed whatever didn't wash away, then I shaved as close as I could, which satisfied my once a week ritual with shaving. After toweling dry, I returned to my room to see mom waiting for me, sitting on the bed with one of her enigmatic smiles written on her face. She looked like Mona Lisa, but that pair of panties hanging from her finger told a different tale. Quickly slipping them on, I tucked myself then turned to face mom. She took me to Beth's room, sitting me at the vanity. I expected her to do the makeup, but she pulled up another chair and simply told me that she wanted to watch me do my own makeup! She told me she wanted to see how I managed on my own, telling me that she wanted to see how good I was! How did she know? Or did she? There was no way I was going to confirm, or deny that I had ever worn makeup before, yet as we sat there, that ugly feeling inside grew in intensity before I finally picked up the foundation. I was unsure if mom knew about my dressing up, or she was just curious. Either way it didn't matter now. Beth used the cream type, and I always used a swab to put a little on my finger before I applied it. Using two fingers I covered my face, drawing it out so that I had evenly covered my face. Mom didn't say a word until I reached out for the kit of eyeshadow. "Is that how you usually do it?" "Ummm...?" Mom ignored my question. "After the foundation you should always use the powder." I watched as Mom opened the small round container with the soft beige powder in it. "Take the puff and dab the powder everywhere you used the foundation. After the foundation absorbs the powder, brush away the excess and see how you look." As I patted the powder on, I began to turn into a ghost. White powder hung loosely on my face and I began to doubt my mother's ability with makeup, yet after a few moments, patches appeared. Soft skin tone patches. Using the big fluffy brush, I removed the excess, then saw that my face looked as smooth and soft as almost every girl in school! After that, using the colors mom selected, I put on the eyeshadow. Soft green, plum, and gray, blended with a triangular sponge she handed me. My eyes had never looked this good! The eyeliner was the hardest, and I had never mastered it well. Mom handed me the applicator, told me to put my elbow on the mirror, and slowly draw the brown liquid on my eyes. Doing it her way turned out to be easier, and for the first time I did not think I was going to stick myself in the eye. The blusher I usually used was a reddish coral, but mom handed me the peach, and I added a bit on each cheek, leaving it alone as I always did. Mom used a sponge to draw it down and forward. It made my face look thinner, my cheek bones higher. At this point I usually got dressed, but mom had other ideas. With deft strokes, she separated my hair, began to put in a few rollers, then used the curling iron and hairspray to create a short but very feminine hairstyle! As one we stood up, then going to the bed, she picked up something I had not seen before. Mom called it a waist nipper, and as I fastened the hooks up the front I knew why they called it that. It wasn't uncomfortable, just...different, and snug. Then she handed me a pantybrief that was padded with some kind of gel on the hips and butt! The bra was one of Beth's old ones, a white lace trimmed demicup bra that fastened in the front. Mom handed it to me, and watched as I slipped it on, like a pro. I missed her smiling as she then handed me the two small birdseed breast forms I had made. She knew. With a silent gulp, I slipped one into each cup, then slipped them under my own breasts, which made it look as if I really had boobs! I always liked that look. I took the pantyhose she handed me, the nylon making me shiver as they slid up my newly hairless skin, a new sensation for me since I had never shaved my legs before. The slip was short, settling on my shoulders, showing none of my modest bust, stopping at mid thigh. I watched as mom took the dress off the hanger, unzipped it, then gave it to me. I slipped the dress over my head and let it fall on my shoulders, then struggling to zip it up, mom helped. The shoes were there and I stepped into them, turning to face mom. She was smiling. So far, I had not seen myself, since she had covered the huge mirror on the door. Eager to see myself, I reached for the blanket, but she pulled my hand away, and made me stand there while she removed the rest of the rollers and finished brushing out my hair. Then earrings were put in my already pierced ears, a necklace fastened around my neck, and with a lipstick, mom gave me, I colored my lips. As a final gesture, she spritzed me with some of her perfume. Tense, I stood in front of the mirror waiting as she removed the blanket. All at once, there she was. The girl I had always tried to become yet always failed to create. Not one thing remained of my old self. Long tapering legs perched in low heels that gave way to wider hips and a narrow waist, the dress draping perfectly over my new hips while defining my breasts with the soft drape of the material, and my hair framing my face, exposing the earrings. Speechless, I stood there, gaping at the beautiful creature I had dreamed of, and now, had finally become. "I think you'll have no problem convincing anyone that you're a girl, but we'll need a name for you. We can't call you Kevin when you look like this. Do you have any suggestions?" Still struck dumb by the way I looked, I blurted out the name I had always called myself. "Kathy," I said, instantly wishing I could take it back. But mom said it was a nice name, and started using it whenever she spoke to me. Like when she pulled out a small purse, put my wallet in it along with the lipstick and some tissue and handed it to me. "I bought those panties yesterday, guessing at the size, and that bra is the only one in the house that size. And that padded pantybrief was one that your sister used back when she was still growing up, so we'll get another one of those as well. To do this right, you should have your own lingerie Kathy, and maybe a few pairs of shoes. Now that we know we have the right sizes, I thought that you and I would do a little shopping." Clutching the purse as if it were a football, and scared out of my mind, Mom took me by the elbow and led me outside, then to her car. While I could not get in the car fast enough to suit me, the gentle breeze washing over my naked legs, blowing up the dress and flicking at my hair all combined to send my mind racing. It was everything I dreamed it would be, and more. Yet I was so afraid of what people might say that I disregarded the way I looked. There was no way a casual observer would ever think I was a boy, yet 14 years of hiding my feelings had left me paranoid. After all, 17 year old boys don't look like this, and they certainly don't like it! But God help me, this is what I had dreamed of for so long that I can't remember when I didn't dream of this. Now that I had a valid reason to dress this way, there was no need for the paranoia. Yet I had grown used to the familiar feeling of shame that always surrounded me whenever I got dressed as a girl. Like a warm fuzzy blanket, it was hard to get rid of. "Kathy...KATHY!" "Huh...what?" "You'll have to get used to the name Kathy honey. When we are in the stores you'll have to answer to it. Okay?" "Yeah, I didn't hear you is all." "You look very nice and you know it, so just relax. I won't let anything happen to you. We're going to get just a few essentials for now, but it will let you get used to the way people will react around you. It'll be different you know." I did not understand what she meant, and by the look on my face she knew it, so she explained it. "People," mom said, "more often than not, will ignore a girl your age, because girls like to look and often do not have the money to spend. Then there are the boys your age. They will see you, and if they're like most boys, one or more of them will want to talk to you. Women are treated differently than men, and you'll just have to accept that. We are going to spend a few hours shopping, and all I want is for you to learn to relax when you're in public. Just do what I do, and you'll be fine. Okay?" "I'll try," I said, unsure that I wouldn't run out of the mall screaming, my fear clutched tightly to my heart. Walking from the car to the mall proper was easy. Going in was harder, yet I managed to control myself and followed mom in, then into the lingerie section of a big department store. Within minutes it seemed, she had found the right size bras, and I stood by waiting for her to make the selections, but she said no, insisting that I make my own choices. I fought the urge to grab two and run, as there were a few other girls my age also wandering around, but they were busy with their own shopping, and ignored me. With great effort, I carefully picked out the two that most resembled the one I had on, then followed mom to the panty rack, and was gifted a several packages of cotton panties in assorted colors. Mom paid the bill while I waited, half hidden in the racks. As she walked away, she did not even look back, leaving me to either follow her or wallow in my fear. I caught up with her just as she veered into a shoe store, one of the cheaper ones. Three pairs of shoes later, we walked out into the concourse. I thought we were done because we now had everything she said I would need. How silly that thought was. Women like to shop, so of course, mom being the veteran shopper that she is, headed toward another department store. It became obvious that nobody was staring at me, which let me relax a little, yet all those years hiding was not going to be easy to shake. I always wanted to be able to dress this way and go shopping, and now I had finally realized that dream. The scary thing about it all was that Mom wasn't forcing me to do anything. She merely told me I could do it. Then she helped me look as good as possible. I understood that I could do this, and do it quite well, all I had to do was get over my nervousness. When we reached the dress area, mom told me I could pick out two skirts and two dresses on my own. She was going to get some other things. Standing in a sea of colorful skirts and dresses, I had no idea where to start, except that I knew my size. Mom had told me what size to buy. I selected a pleated green, white, and navy skirt, plus one that was tan. In dresses I picked out one in black and one that was all pink. All alone in those dresses, I got lost in the very idea that I was picking out my own clothes, all to make it easier for me to become a girl. It was wonderful. I met up with mom, and saw her arms full of blouses and tops. As we walked to the counter, I saw, right in plain view, a breastform! It sure looked real to me, and I nudged mom. She did not buy the breastforms. "Let's see what everyone thinks before we spend that kind of money Kathy." The minute I got home I took everything to my room, anxious to try on a new bra, then all of the other clothes. Everything fit just great, and I wore the navy, white and green skirt with the new white shell top that mom had picked out. My new bra could be seen right through the thin material, the top hugging my body pretty tight, and the skirt, short as it was, showed a lot of leg. I loved it, especially those long legs of mine, and quickly went to show mom, right after I put on more lipstick. My heels clicked on the floor as I walked towards the kitchen, and without a thought, went in. Mom was at the table sipping on a soda, and right across from her was my best friend! "Kathy, this is Jack. Jack, this is Kathy. She'll be here off and on for a while." His eyes went up and down before he settled on a point somewhere just below my face. That's when I understood what mom had told me about boys. Hi," he said as I stood there, wondering if I should sit down or leave as gracefully as possible. Mom pointed to the chair beside her, then got up to get me a soda as well. Now I had no choice. I sat, sweeping my skirt to the side like mom had told me. Jack is one of the boys that could never dress like a girl and get away with it. Tall and wide, with muscles out to there, his hair cut extremely short, plus that bulldog face of his would never lend itself to becoming a girl. But he was my closest friend. I didn't know what to do, and just sat there, wondering what was next. I sipped on the soda, trying to politely hide my face. Then mom dropped her bombshell. "Jack and his mother have invited us over for a small picnic. I told him that Kevin wasn't here, and he invited you to come along. We have about two hours to make something to pass, so we better get started. Jack, tell your mother we'll be there." "Yes Ma'am," he said, but he was looking straight at me, and smiling! Jack left out the back, leaving me scared to death, but mom acted as if nothing at all was wrong! I asked her why, and she told me that if I could pass around my best friend, then I would have no trouble anywhere else, and besides, I would have to get used to being around kids that knew me, because there was no way to avoid them. Since Jack gave no sign that he knew who I really was, she had a point, and I began to smile. It was right at that point that I knew I could do this. I glanced in the mirror, saw Kathy standing there, not like before, simply a scared Kevin in a dress, and smiled. Mom and I made the egg salad, packed up some corn on the cob, and then we both went to our rooms. Me to check my makeup once again. No change. I did redo the perfume since I could no longer smell it any more. We gathered up our stuff, then walked out the back and across the yards to Jack's house. After a flurry of hi's and hello's, we set out the food. My world came crashing in when Jack sat across from me, then calmly told me I made one hell of a fine looking girl! "Kevin is gone and Kathy is here? You're mom could have done better than that. Besides, I'll bet there are a lot of guys trying to become girls right now." What could I say? He obviously knew who I was. The only consolation was that I could drop the pretense and be myself, or so I thought. I told mom what Jack had said, and she told me that his parents had not figured it out, and she wanted me to do my very best. I helped set the table, just like any girl would, but caught Jack staring at me a few times. Jack's mother is a mousy woman, small, with short dark hair, about average in looks I guess, but she is also an air head. His dad was an ebullient kind of guy, and tended to look at women as tools to get what he wanted, or needed. He took one look at me, and when I saw that look on his face, I knew what he had in mind. Pervert. During dinner, with mom on one side of me and Jack on the other, I felt a hand on my thigh! Without even looking I knew it was Jack of course. I put my hand over his and gave it a squeeze, then pulled his thumb back hard enough to make him yelp. "Something bite you dear?" "Nah, I'm okay mom," Jack said, even as he massaged his thumb. Mom patted me on the other leg. Later, after we cleaned up, mom and I went home, our trays empty. "When you bend down, do it from the knees Kathy. Jack was getting quite a eyeful every time you bent down." Once I was safely in my own house, I expected to simply go undress, shower, and end this charade. One more day of this and I knew I would be hooked, if I wasn't already. While I thoroughly enjoyed dressing as a girl, and liked my time out of the house, I was on the edge. I liked it so much that I was beginning to wonder if I could even quit. I looked at the new clothes, the packages of panties, and the bras as I undressed, knowing there was no way I could not wear them. Just as my skirt hit the floor, Mom walked in and handed me a nightgown, telling me to join her in the familyroom. It was not a question. The nightgown was a new one. I had not seen it before. The sheerness of it gave me a sense of nakedness, and as I walked into the familyroom, I pulled the billowing material close around me to hide myself. "Did you enjoy our day shopping?" "It was alright mom, why?" "Because I have known about you little hobby for years, and I also knew that today was the first time you had ever left the house. But I was watching you carefully all day, and other than a few mistakes, everyone thought you were a girl. I also saw that you were enjoying it as much as I thought you would." Of course Mom had known. I knew it when she handed me those home made breastforms of mine. I sat there, figuring silence was the best course of action, waiting for her to do or say something else. "Since we both know how much you like becoming a girl, why don't you quit fighting it, at least until this is over? If you win the money, you will have a very long head start on your college expenses, which you know you'll need." There was more, I could see it on her face. "If you become Kathy, but not once in a while, but full time, then you will be as feminine as any girl you know, and it'll give you a better chance to win." "Full time? As a girl? But how? I have to go to school! If I go to school this way, everyone will know who I am, and I'll get picked out in a red hot minute!" "You don't have to do it of course. You don't even have to enter the contest, no matter what Beth says. But if you pass up this chance, It will never come again, and you know that." Then she dropped the clincher. "Honey, if you were meant to be a girl, isn't this the best way to find out?" Mom sounded very calm, as if she told me I needed shoe laces. Yet she was talking as if I wanted to become a real girl! While I would never ever admit it, I had thought what it would be like to...well, be a real girl. She was right. This was the one and only chance I would ever have to dress this way, out in the open, and not be thought of as a freak. Her suggestion that I might want to become a real girl cut me deep. Did I want to become a woman? Or did I simply love the clothes and what they represented? Before anything else, I would have to say yes since there was no way to test that assumption unless I did live full time as a girl. I wanted to become a girl just to make sure myself, and before mom said anything else, I nodded my head. It was done. I had committed myself to remaining Kathy for as long as needed to win this contest. Then I raised the question again. "But what about going to school? If I say yes I mean." "Yes or no Kathy." With a sigh, my desires took over, and I nodded my head again. Then she told me about a school a friend of hers runs. As I listened, I realized that I would have to use every bit of my knowledge about girls to even survive! The friend she mentioned ran a boarding school for girls! High class, she told me the woman turned out many girls that were successful in business, but all of them were ladies right to their core, in manners, dress, and actions. Mom told me she intended to have me attend school there. I would get every bit of training I would need to perfect myself as a 17 year old girl, and by the time of the party, I would be a well mannered young lady as well! As we locked eyes, I saw her smile, and I soon found myself smiling right back! "You have about two weeks before the end of the term. I'll call Mary and get you set up on Monday, so that you can start the new term as Katherine." "I'd like that mom. Are we going anywhere tomorrow?" "I hadn't planned on it, why?" "I was just wondering, that's all. Good night mom." "Good night dear." As I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, the full impact of what I had agreed to came to rest. I had agreed to give up my manhood to become a girl. A lady with class mom had said. But what would dad say? All of my friends would fade away as I attended an all girls school some miles away of course, but what could I do? What would Beth do? Could I trust her to remain silent? My hand fell to my friend, and as my fingers caressed him, he did not respond. Maybe I was tired. Visions of skirts and dresses filling a closet came to mind, the scent of perfume, the taste of lipstick and the feel of the soft fabrics came together as one, and I saw myself as a latter day Ingrid Bergman. Beautiful yet sedate, sexy without obscenity, moderate yet forceful. All I needed I thought, was a caf? and a guy named Rick. I already had the danger. Attending an all girls school would be filled with all sorts of problems, from gym classes to hygiene, and then there would be the relationships. Girls undressing in front of me without a thought, trading talk about boys and sex, periods and cramps, babies, makeup and clothes, and wicked mothers. My confidence went South as I realized just how hard this was going to be, on all of us. In the morning I dressed myself, did my own makeup, tried brushing out my hair, then joined mom in the kitchen. Over coffee, I told her every single thing I could think of that would cause me to fail, and why. The biggest problem wasn't having breasts like the other girls did, it was Mr. Wonderful. Just how could I hide the fact that I was a male in an all female environment for so long? I wasn't about to let anyone do anything stupid, and that left me wondering just how we were going to manage that problem. Mom listened silently as I let it all out. Once I started I could not seem to stop. How I felt when I was dressed, how exulted I was the day before, my dreams and fears. I was a wreck by the time I was done. I had finally told someone how I felt inside, hoping that it would make me feel better. All I felt was shame. "Well, Mary has told me that in the past they have had special girls attending her school, so I'm sure they have managed to figure out a way to make sure that you're not discovered. I'm not sure how she does it, but, according to her, it has been done in the past." A smile came to her face as her hand reached out and took mine. No words, just that gentle softness that she has. As my tears dried up, I looked down to see the twin mounds of birdseed pushing out against the thin blouse, wondering why I was so unlucky to be a boy. My knees were touching, the smooth skin of my thighs rubbing together. I loved it. I looked up when I heard my name. "Kathy, all we have to do is give you the chance to succeed, and you will. If we end up with two daughters, so what? Many people have two daughters and get along just fine." "Dad..." "I talked to your father last night honey. I told him how it was. I told him that he was going to be very surprised when he saw you. Then I told him that I was making the arrangements to send you to Belle Academy. I told him why, and I also told him that you had a very good chance to win the prize." "Mom, won't sending me to the Academy cost more than the five grand I would win? If it does, I don't need to do this!" "You need to do this Kathy, but not for some silly contest. You need to do this for you. As far as cost go, I'll ask when I talk to Mary later today. Maybe, if you like, we can drive over there and look around." I could find no reason to say no, and again, simply nodded my head. I went to my room to try and do my own hair. It took about three times as long, but I managed to come close to what mom had done, and I was happy that I had accomplished that much. About an hour later mom and I drove the academy. As we pulled into the driveway I saw that it was more like a small college campus than a high school. I saw some girls kicking a soccer ball around, a few sitting on benches in a small park like area, then we came to the front door. Carved, dark with age, it looked heavy. "Shall we go in?" "Why not?" I said, following mom to the door. Surprisingly, the door swung open easily, and we walked into the building, the cooler air a pleasant change. We stuck our heads into various rooms, finding them empty, then, as we turned a corner, mom saw her friend Mary. "Mary! You look fantastic!" "Gretchen! The last time I saw you, she was just a little girl!" "Mary, can we talk to you, in private? We're thinking about sending Kathy here for the next term." "Of course. Come into my office." As we faced her I was sure she knew I was a boy, yet not a flicker came to her face. Mom got right down to business. She told her about the party, how I had dressed up for years, and now that I had the chance to become the girl I wanted to be, she had decided to let me. But I had to attend school, and going to my old school this way would not let me win the money. Then she mentioned every single one of the fears I had about being in an all girl school, including hiding Mr. Wonderful. Mary listened carefully, resting her arms on the big desk. I said nothing, not even in my own defense. Finally, mom sat back. Mary waited a long few seconds before she smiled at me and spoke. "Of course we can help Katherine. It's not a question of if we can help her, it's a question of will she let us. To be frank, we have hosted other girls in the same situation you are in, and over time, we have developed a way to help them. We have some very strict rules here Kathy. You will be required to wear a uniform, that goes without saying. Every girl must join in a sport of some kind, however, since it is the middle of the year, all of our teams are filled, and that leaves only tennis. The girls play as individuals, so adding one more will not hurt. But all of that said, it leads to the central area of concern. Being around girls that will be naked. If you were to attend here you would have to fit in, and that means no special privileges, like private showers." "But ma'am..." "Just listen to her Kathy." Mom patted my leg and Mary went on. "Most girls your age have not yet completely filled out, and based on what I see, an A cup would be about right. Our doctors can take care of that in a few hours. As for the rest, it has always been painful for previous girls that had to undergo the rest of the changes. We have however found a way that is less painful, just as effective, and can be done at the same time we do the breasts. Think of it Kathy, in just a few hours we can make it possible for you to attend here without sticking out so to speak." "But how is that possible?!" Mom beat me to the question. "It's quite simple really. We'll use breast implants of course, then Dr. Raven has perfected a way of turning a male member into what looks like a vagina, all without surgery. The recovery time is two days, but that is for the breast implants." "No hormones?" "Not very often. The girls are not able to sign the form themselves, so unless the parents sign it, no drugs of that type are issued, although in every case we have had before you, we have recommended at least enough to soften the skin, remove the hair and cause you to have wider hips." Mom and I traded looks. If what Mary said was true, and I agreed, within a few weeks I would look like a girl, even naked! I had no idea how they could do that, but it didn't take a genius to understand that no matter where I went, I would be safe, because I could prove I was a girl! I would have boobs and all! The specter of what Mary was saying caused me to have a vision in my head. Wider hips, narrow waist, perky breasts, and skin as smooth as glass. I couldn't help myself. I grinned. "What about cost Mary?" mom asked. "We aren't rich by any means, but if this is what Kathy wants, well, we'll try." "You'll have to pay for the surgical costs of course, but I can put her on a scholarship for the rest of this year, and if she does well, all of next year as well." When mom looked at me, I knew what she wanted me to say, and there was no hesitation on my part as I said, "Okay," out loud. Mary had me fill out some paperwork, mom asked about my school records, which Mary said she would take care of. It was settled. As Katherine Michelle, I would be starting the new year as a girl, in an all girls school. Beth would go nuts. I wondered what Dad would say when he found out. Mary offered to show us around, but mom said no, we had a few things to do. After thanking her, mom and I left the Academy. What mom wanted to do was hit the mall again, and by the time we left, I had two more dresses and another skirt plus two more bras. Mom said that as long as I was an A cup, the bras would fit. If they didn't she would bring them back. On Sunday morning I took my time to look as good as possible, and wore a black skirt that was pleated with the pleats inserted with white. With a white pullover top and white shoes it looked great. Mom did my hair again, while I did my own makeup. Dad and Beth would be home at noon, and I wanted to eliminate any problems by looking as good as I could. Nervous is what I was, and sat on the edge of my seat until I heard the car in the driveway. I felt like running to my room, but one look from mom kept me there. As the door opened and they walked in, mom and I stood up, facing them. "OhmyGod!" shouted Beth, then she walked over to me, looking me over from head to toe. Dad was more subdued, yet by the look on his face he to was shocked. He walked in and sat down while I kept turning to face him. When he was seated, his eyes came to rest on my boobs, then his head bobbed up, then down as he took in all of me from a closer vantage point. Beth was almost beside herself in the way I looked, and wanted to know how I did this and that. I didn't tell her of course. Then mom told her to sit down, and announced that she and I had decided that the only way I could be as feminine as I would need to be, to win this contest, would be for me to live full time as a girl. "But everyone will know who she is, and she'll lose!" "Be quiet Beth. Kathy isn't going back to school with you. She will be attending at Belle." "But that's and all gir...ls schoool! She can't go there, she's a boy!" "Yes, it is an all girls school, and yes, Kathy is going to start there as soon as school starts after the new term." Mom looked right at Beth, and told her in very clear terms, that she was not to speak of this to anyone, because if she did, life as she knows it would cease to exist. By the tone in her voice, mom left no room for doubt that if Beth even hinted at what we were doing, she would be extremely sorry. Beth did not take it well that I was going to Belle, because she always wanted to go there. She is a girl, natural born, and I was a boy, yet I was going and she wasn't. It pissed her off. Dad didn't say a word, yet he did not look relaxed about any of this, and I wondered how long it would be before he exploded. Our family discussion was interrupted when Jack came over. Standing right in front of everyone he asked dad if it was okay for him to take me for some ice cream! I thought dad was going to bust. Beth choked a bit, but mom said I could go, so I grabbed my purse and left with Jack. To my very great surprise, Jack took my hand as we walked towards the ice cream shop! He was holding my hand tight, and not wanting to make a scene, I did not make a fuss. Later, on the way home, Jack told me that he thought I was one hot looking girl, which is when I reminded him that I was a boy, and I wasn't that hot. His response when I said that really shook me. He pulled over to the curb, grabbed my hand, and yanked me over to him. Then he kissed me, right on the lips, and I mean hard! As we were lip locked his arm went around me and as he pulled me closer, I gave in and submitted to him. By the time we broke that up we were both panting hard, shaken by what had just happened. We did not mention it on the way home, and when he dropped me off, I ran in the house and went straight to my room, shaken by what had happened. I never once included a boy kissing me in my dreams, yet it had happened. Worse, that kiss had caused me to fold right up and submit to Jack. Every bit of the male inside of me simply left, leaving only the girl, and I acted like one. I knew there were other things that girls could do for their boyfriends, but my mind refused to even consider the only two options available to me. There was no way I would, or could, consider that! But my very best friend kissing me? That made me wonder about both of us. The next day was Monday, and I had to return to my old self. I had ten more days before the end of the semester. My first thought was that I hated it. My jeans felt so...heavy. But I went to school, and during the day, filed my papers as a contestant for the five grand prize. Only the Principal knew who the boys were, and he wouldn't even tell me how many there were! All he told me was that a request had come in for my records, and he would be sad to see me go. Then he mentioned Belle, and I knew, that he knew, that I was going to be attending an all girls school. The rules did not state that the boys had to attend our high school, only that they come from within the district, which Belle was. Jack was pleasant, but he never gave me any sign that anything had happened between us. It was a very long five days as with each passing day I began to count down the hours until I could once again become Kathy, or as mom put it, Katherine Elizabeth. During the week there was a buzz in the school about a few of the guys. At least three of them had dressed up as girls and spent the weekend that way, two of them going so far as to buy clothes at the mall with their mothers. According to the gossip, one of them was almost undetectable as a girl. All gossip is full of rumor and innuendo, and since no names were given, all I could do was assume that at least one of my male class mates had gone out, and looked damned good. Beyond that, nobody knew anything. My name never came up at all, at least in front of me. By the time Friday arrived I was on edge, ready to get home as quickly as possible and change clothes, but that didn't happen. The minute I got home mom told me to get in the car, then she took me to a clinic across town. That was the first time I ever met Dr. Raven. She was a tall woman, with blonde hair, green eyes, and a knock out figure. She and I talked in her office. Mom was there but never said a word until the end. She wanted to know if it was my idea to become a girl, or was I being forced or pressured into it. I told her all about the contest, the huge prize, then admitted that I had dressed as a girl many times before. She also asked me if I was attracted to boys. Just how could I answer that? As Kathy, I didn't mind at all when Jack kissed me, I just didn't know why, and I did not want to admit that in front of my mother. But my pause told them both that the answer was yes. I know that because both mom and the doctor smiled, then Dr. Raven said that my reaction to boys was perfectly normal for a boy that wanted to be a girl! But, when I said that I didn't want to be a girl, the doctor asked me why I agreed to have breast implants, take some mild hormones to give me smooth hairless skin, and to have my manhood tucked away and out of sight well enough that I would look like all the other girls. I had no answer for her, or mom, because anything I said would sound like a lie, and what I had said was a lie. I did want to be a girl, yet I still held onto my male pride. "Shall we go ahead then?" The question was directed at me, as the doctor ignored my lie for what she knew it was. "I guess. I want to win that money," I said, then, "besides, it's only until the Spring Ball, right?" "Until school is out you mean. The Spring Ball is a month before school lets out." "Yeah, right. Until school lets out," I said. Mom was in the room the whole time, and while I was awake, I could not see a thing as the doctor covered everything but the area she was working on. I couldn't feel a thing, but based on mom's face, the doctor was doing a fine job of it. I lay there wondering what it would be like to have my own boobs, and of course, what it would be like to no longer have Mr. Wonderful to play with. He and I were close friends after all. It did not take as long as I thought it might. About two hours after she started, Dr. Raven told me she was done, and helped me sit up. That's when I saw them. My breasts looked smaller than I imagined, but there was only a small bandage on each nipple to ruin the view. As I stood up and I saw my groin I almost but not quite grinned. There, right in front of me, reflected in the mirror, was a small thatch of hair surrounding a narrow slit. My vagina. My pussy as the guys would say. Without thinking I touched it, drawing my finger up and down it twice. Then mom harrumphed, and I got dressed. Mom helped me get the bra on. Stretching my arms to fasten the clasp hurt like hell! When I slipped my panties on I saw that I no longer needed padding either, and the panties fit a lot better than before, but the strangest sensation was being able to touch my thighs together without any impediment. That was when I knew that I could win. I no longer looked like a boy, and could prove it. The only thing I would have to do is make sure that my manhood would be able to be shown when I did win. I knew that someone would ask, and I would have to be able to prove myself as a boy to keep the money. Mom and I went home and I went to my room and lay down. My boobs were starting to itch, and my groin was beginning to feel funny. Beth wanted to come in and see, but both mom and I told her not then. I needed the time to get used to this. I fell asleep, waking the next morning feeling much better. As I dressed I realized that I could now wear anything that Beth could, and slipped on a robe and went into her bedroom. She was laying on her bed watching television when I walked in. As soon as she looked at me I opened the robe and let her see the new me. Her eyes went wide as she saw my boobs, a full A cup according to the doctor, and what looked like a vagina. Casually, without closing my robe, I asked her if I could borrow a swimsuit even as I picked out her pink and white bikini from her dresser. I took it back to my room, and slipped into it, adjusting the string ties to hold my breasts up and in place. Then I put on some shorts and my gym shoes before I went to the kitchen. Dad was drinking his coffee when I walked in and he saw the new me for the first time. He sputtered into his coffee as I grabbed a juice box and told mom I was going to Jacks house to use the pool, then I walked out the back door. Jack was going to have a cow when he saw me, but that was why I picked out this bikini. I saw Jack on their patio when I walked up, and while it wasn't a conscious move on my part, I know that my back went just a tad straighter, which pushed my boobs out that much farther. He stared at me as I walked up, then sat down next to him. "Holy Shi...! You got...boobs!" "Yes, I do! Aren't they nice?" I couldn't help it. I was yanking his chain to get a reaction, and I did. His eyes almost never left my chest. He excused himself and went in the house, returning with his swimsuit on. I peeled out of the shorts, took my shoes off, and watched as he saw the rest. The panties to the bikini were tight enough to clearly show my new cleft, which almost made him ask me what was going on. But he didn't. Instead, he jumped in the water with me following close behind. Jack and I spent about two hours in the pool. Twice he managed to touch my breasts, just to make sure they were real I think, then we both went to change clothes. When mom saw me she said that what I had done to dad was cruel, since, while he knew about the operation, he had no idea how I would look. Mom said she had hoped to lead dad into it gradually. She also got on me about having a camel toe in the panties. All I could do was grin and go to my room and change. There wasn't anything I could say. I started school at Belle, wearing the required uniform, and began to learn how to be a girl. They had classes in poise, which included the correct way a lady should walk, and all sorts of manners, starting with table manners. Classes in makeup and hair along with math and English filled my days. I learned how to play tennis, and quit worrying about having other girls see me naked. In fact, I had a better shape than some of the real girls! By the end of the first month those classes in poise were starting to effect me. The school imposed a fine of two hours extra study for anyone caught slouching, or otherwise acting "unlady like," as they put it. Dad, while not exactly jumping for joy at what I had become, was, none the less, beginning to treat me more and more like a girl, while I had taken to calling him "daddy," just like Beth did. Mom increased my wardrobe a bit, but since I was stuck in the uniforms, there wasn't a lot of choice each day. By the end of the second month I never thought of myself as anything but a girl, and no longer felt the urge to stare at the other girls in the shower. I had become one of them, so there simply wasn't any reason to look. In everything I did I had come to the point that I did it like a girl. Jack and I had been out on three dates by then, and once, the last time, I had let his hand manage to creep inside of my bra. That set both of us on fire, and I understood what Beth meant when she told me about the time Bill had touched her. It was great, and made my nipples stick out. As I started my third month as a girl mom told me that I should start wearing a "pad," as she called it. Because I had no need for a pad, I didn't see the reason for it. What mom said shocked me. "We both know that you are never going to go back to being a boy Katherine, so lets quit trying to fool each other. Sooner or later you will become a real girl, and real girls wear sanitary pads, so there is no reason that you should not start now. Beth and I both wear them, and I think you should too. Let me show you." After that I had to wear a pad five days a month! That was also the month that I did what I never thought I would do. Jack and I were on a date, and deep into a passionate necking session, when his hand slipped between my legs and touched me, outside my panties. I knew that he was erect, I could feel it against me, and in my passion, I touched him. He quickly pulled it out, and while he was playing with me, I gave him a hand job. At the time it felt like the right thing to do. But when I was back in my bedroom, and I had time to think about it, I thought I had done the devils work, and felt really ashamed of myself. I was a boy, he was a boy, and I had done that! It bore down on me so hard that I had to talk to mom about it. When I did, all she did was smile and tell me that all girls do that sooner or later, usually when they were in high school, just like me, and all that did was confirm what she said she already knew. I was now a girl in almost everything way. Two days before the ball Dr. Raven made it possible for me to prove my manhood. I spent several hours at the salon, had my hair, and nails done, eyebrows plucked, and my legs, face and arms waxed. Jack was my escort to the ball, but he had not seen me for a week, and had no idea what I was wearing, or that my manhood had been restored, and I did not tell him. My gown was a low cut strapless white sheath with a plunging neckline. The hem was at my ankles, but the dress had a slit up the side so I could walk. I wore pearls with white rhinestones on my choker necklace, bracelet and earrings. I wore white satin shoes with a white rhinestone toe clip and carried a small white satin purse to match the shoes. As Jack and I walked in not one person recognized me, which was great. Looking around I did not see any girls that stuck out as if they were boys in a dress, but the night was young yet. "You," Jack said in my ear, "have this prize in the bag Kathy!" "Maybe," I answered, "unless Beth spilled the beans." We found our table, and I saw that I was with three of the schools cheerleaders! As Jack and I sat there the talk inevitably led to guessing who the girls were that were really boys. After Megan pointed out one girl, and we all watched her for a bit, it did seem possible, but she was really pretty and I had my doubts. Not one of the girls sitting at our table guessed me. We ate, danced, laughed and had a good time for about three hours, then came the moment. One by one, every girl there had to walk on the stage, hold up her number, then everyone else would vote. If there were ties, ten extra girls were added and the vote taken until one person was left. The first vote eliminated almost everyone, including me, leaving just six girls. All of them were average to pretty with nice shapes, yet there was something about all of them that said... "Maybe." The only person in the entire school that knew the true identities of the boys was the Principal. As required, I went to see him, and told him who I was. All of the boys dressed as girl had to do it. One by one The girls on stage stood up to the microphone and stated their real name. All of them were boys, except for two. They were real girls, and were sorely pissed at being selected as boys in dresses. Then the Principal announced that they had missed two, and to settle the matter, he was going to ask four girls to come up on the stage, for one last vote. In what seemed like a random pick, I and three others walked on the stage again. One of the real girls was my sister Beth. Obviously, the Principal had a sense of humor. Beth was eliminated at once since so many kids knew her, then, in a surprise to me, I was eliminated! The one other boy in a dress was unmasked as Anthony, one of our first picks. He looked fantastic by the way. Then our Principal announced that there was a winner, and called me up to the stage. Every one of those cheerleaders choked as I smiled at them and walked up to the stage. I said my real name, and as expected, a challenge was made, so The challenger, the Principal and I went into the men's room where I hiked up my dress, yanked down my panties, and proved myself. After choking a bit, the challenger withdrew and I was declared the winner. That night, on the way home, Jack stopped the car in his favorite spot, and pulled me to him. He knew without any doubt that I was a boy, yet he ignored that, and swept me into the world of teenage lust. He touched me, I touched him, he became erect while I never did. My life as a boy was over that night and we both knew it. He gave me his class ring and I gave him the best...well, we both enjoyed it, and I still did not get erect. Two days later Dr. Raven put me back together so I could finish school, and she also started me on a heavier regimen of drugs so that I would develop a female shape quicker. I used that five grand to attend college, but not as an Engineer. I decided to become a Nurse. Jack and I parted ways after school, but I met this really cute guy at college. He's from New Jersey, his name is Bill, and he lights my fire every chance he gets. Dad has accepted me as his daughter while mom still coaches me about life, men mostly, and how to control them. Beth is the one that went on to become an Engineer, and soon after she graduated she moved to Seattle and now designs airplanes. I guess you could say it was my turn in life to have something great happen, and it did.