Becoming Brittany free porn video

Becoming Brittany I Lori and I are deeply in love. We are kindred souls having grown up together and now happily married. Our mothers had been best friends since grade school and both married their high school sweethearts. I am older than Lori by a full 27 minutes, both of us being born on June 1st in the same hospital. We grew up living directly across the street from each other, and other than the fact that our families were close friends, we received no pressures to become friends but it's what happened. From the earliest memories I can pull from my mind, Lori and I were together, best friends through thick and thin. Lori and I also shared loss in our lives. My father was killed in a car accident when I was ten and Lori's dad was a fireman killed fighting a fire when she was thirteen. These losses worked to pull our families even closer together binding our mothers as best friends and Lori and I just as tightly. As we grew up together, Lori and I seemed to share more than just friendship. She was always big for her age and I was always small, so we were almost always the same size. Furthermore, she and I both shared Chestnut Brown hair, and similar skin tones that looked like we were always tanned. Our facial features were enough alike that people who saw us together often assumed we were siblings, even twins. Our mothers thought this was funny and played it to its utmost. On many occasions, they would dress us in similar outfits to confuse people even more. The only times this ever became a problem was during high school when some of the guys who thought they were the real studs would look at the two of us and change my name from Brett to Brenda. Lori always got more upset about this than I did, and she would step in to defend me even when I was ready to let it pass. During our years in high school while Lori and I remained close friends, we never really dated. We each dated others and respected each other's private lives and were always there for each other as one relationship after another eventually ended. The few exceptions to the rule were dates we went on as friends. These always turned out to be great times spent together and added depth to our friendship. A few of these dates turned out to be quite memorable because just like our mothers, Lori loved to play on the similarity of our appearances. The first such occurrence of what Lori called our 'friend in need dates' was for a Halloween party during our junior year. I had not planned on attending the party, but Lori's date cancelled just a few days before the party. I don't know what their costumes were going to be, but I know it wasn't what Lori came up with for us. We attended the party as Raggedy Ann & Andy, but at Lori's insistence, she was Andy and I was Ann. We had great fun, aside from a bit of teasing, and ended up winning second prize for the costumes. In March of the following year, we were to attend a costume party as part of a Mardi Gras celebration. While I was reluctant to go, Lori insisted, and ultimately won me over even though she pushed the limits of my tolerance. She invited me to her house on a Saturday afternoon several weeks before the party to show me the costumes she had picked out for us. For some reason, I had assumed we would wear pirate and wench outfits or something out of that vein, but Lori had a whole different idea in mind. What she produced from the bags she carried was matching pixie/fairy costumes one in pink and silver, and the other in light green and gold. This time she had gone too far. For the first time in our sixteen years, I was truly mad at her. I threw a fit and said definitively, "NO!" But in the end, Lori won me over. First, she pouted, and then she cried. Next, she tried begging and pleading but it didn't work. Finally, after more than two hours, she kissed me. I know it sounds corny; we had kissed before, but never like this. I don't remember if the kiss lasted ten seconds or ten minutes, but when it was through, I would have walked on hot coals for her. Before I knew what was going on, Lori had me stripped to my underwear and was shaving my legs, arms, chest and any other place where a stray hair showed. She used a sweet smelling lotion to help with the razor burn and then patted me down with powder from head to toe. By the time she handed me the costume I was coming to my senses and again tried to refuse. This time it took two kisses before I willingly took the costume to put on. But as it was, the only thing I could manage on my own was taking off my boxers and slipping on the panties. The rest of the costume would require Lori?s help to get me into it, help she was more than willing to give. The first of the items Lori held out for me were shear pink pantyhose with small sparkly bits woven into them. I sat on the bed while she pulled them up my leg and firmly into place. The next item was a small very stretchy panty that Lori said, ?Will act as a girdle to hold the hose in place as well as hold you in place.? When I looked at her to question this statement she reached into my panties and proceeded to tuck me in and then held the extra panty for me to step into. She was right, the stretchy material pulled back into place holding me securely and giving me clean, smooth lines. At this point Lori decided that something needed to be done with my hair before we went any further. I am sure I was in shock as she sat me down at her vanity, wet down my hair and started to trim it. She didn?t cut off much, but it was starting to worry me. My hair was almost shoulder length and Lori said it was perfect for the style she had in mind. Within minutes, she had used dozens of pink blue and red rollers to set my hair and then sprayed it with a setting lotion. While she allowed my hair to dry, she went to work on my face. First, she cleaned it with some sort of facial cleaning pads. Next, she plucked at my eyebrows and then used some sort of weird tool to crimp and curl my lashes. Eventually Lori was finished with the plucking and pulling and moved on to the makeup. She applied a liquid foundation to even out my skin color and set it with a shimmering powder. She applied pink powder blush high on my cheeks and blended in a slightly darker shade below. She applied a light coating of mascara and eyeliner, then covered my lids with pink and silver eye shadow. She used a light pink lip-gloss to finish my face before turning her attention to my nails. They were quickly filed smooth and coated with pink polish to match the lip- gloss. Lori moved me away from the vanity being careful so that I would not see myself in the mirror. Now it was back to the center of the room to get dressed. The next piece of the costume was a bustier, which Lori wrapped around me and fastened in the back. She then produced a pair of small pads that she slipped into the cups giving me the appearance of budding breasts. Finally, Lori slipped the dress over my head sliding it into place and zipping it up. I shivered just a bit at the feel of the gossamer like sheath pulled itself to my body. The dress had an almost translucent appearance to it but still hid my undergarments. The neckline was cut low but not dangerously so and the skirt ended at mid thigh giving me the feeling of being naked from the waist down. Lori produced a pair of pink ballet slippers for me to wear and then sat me at her vanity to finish my hair. She quickly removed the rollers and spent several minutes brushing and spraying before she was satisfied. She attached a small tiara to my hair and sprayed me with some of her perfume. For the final touch, she clipped on small silver pendant earrings, a silver locket, bracelet and two rings. She stood me in the center of the room facing the full-length mirror on the closet door making me promise to keep my eyes closed until she said to open them. I could feel her fastening something to the back of my costume that turned out to be a set of fairy wings as I waited to see myself for the first time. By now, my entire system was on overload. It had been well over an hour since Lori had started transforming me and I had given up control of my entire being. As I stood there waiting for Lori to tell me to open my eyes, I tried to pull myself together and rationalize what had happened. I was having some luck doing so until she said to open my eyes. At that moment, I knew I had lost it all. As I stood there looking in the mirror, every trace of Brett was gone. If front of me was a cute teenaged girl in a pink fairy costume. My face was perfect. The makeup had removed any hint of the boy behind it, and my hair fell in long soft curls to my shoulders. The costume and underclothing sculpted my already slim body into a developing feminine figure. As I continued to stare at the mirror, Lori kissed me again this time being careful not to smear my lip-gloss. ?Take a few minutes and get used to it. I?ll get my costume on also. I think that it?s only fair for you to see me as a fairy princess too, isn?t it?? I stood there for a full thirty minutes or more while Lori got changed, unable to take my eyes off the image in front of me. What had happened to me? What had Lori done? It didn?t seem possible some clothes and makeup could make such a difference, but it did. I was still standing in front of the mirror when Lori returned in her costume. She kissed me again and then stood beside me so that we both appeared in the mirror. That was the moment when it all really took hold. There in the mirror stood two teen aged girls who looked so much alike, they surely must be twins. Although one wore a pink costume and the other green, there was no mistaking their appearance. I looked at the reflection and gasped and heard Lori doing the same. It took me a minute to regain just a bit of my senses including the power of speech. I realized I had probably not said a word in almost two hours and now found them difficult to form. ?Oh my God, Lori. What have you done? How? Why?? Lori was just a bit more in control of herself and the words came easier to her. ?Wow! I knew this was going to be great, but I never expected this. We really look like sisters! You make a beautiful girl! I knew you and I looked a lot alike, so I thought this would be fun, but I never expected this. Brett, are you OK? I know this is a lot to accept, but look at us, do you believe it?? For the next twenty minutes or so, Lori and I tried to talk about what had happened. In reality she did most of the talking since I was still in shock. Finally, she looked at me as if coming to some sort of a decision. ?Brittany! That?s it. I certainly can?t call you Brett, and I?ll be damned if I?ll call you Brenda. So, Brittany it is.? With my name in place, Lori seemed to settle down and relax; something I was still unable to do. She took me by the hand and pulled me across the room heading for the stairs. ?Come on. Let?s see what we can find to eat and drink and then we can talk about this some more.? I knew our mothers were out shopping and wouldn?t be home until late, so I followed Lori down stairs into the kitchen. We assembled a tray of sandwiches and grabbed a couple of sodas and headed towards the family room to sit and eat. The one thing neither of us had realized was we had spent over three hours getting into the costumes and more time talking; and it was later than we thought. As luck would have it, we walked into the family room to find our mothers sitting there already enjoying a cup of tea and reviewing their purchases. II To say the least, the silence was deafening. Lori and I froze in place, neither of us saying a word, barely able to breathe. The look on our mothers? faces started out with confusion, then moved to recognition and finally ended up in laughter. They both set aside their tea and packages and stood to look at us. Slowly the laughter subsided but the smiles remained. Lori seemed to relax quickly as our mothers apprised the two of us, but my mind would not allow that to happen. My emotions quickly ran the gamut from embarrassment to fear and when the laughter started, I did something I hadn?t done since my father?s funeral. I cried. Lori was the first to notice, then my mother and then Lori?s mom. Their reactions were all the same; they came to me and hugged me. The problem was the more they hugged the more I cried. Somehow my brain transposed their attempts to comfort me into ridicule. It took several minutes before I could compose myself and begin to absorb what was happening. It was my mother who finally broke the spell. ?Oh, my poor darling little one. I?m so sorry I laughed. I didn?t mean to embarrass you. It?s just you?re so adorably cute. And with the two of you standing there together... Wow, how incredible. You could be twins!? Little by little, I regained my composure to the point where I could speak. All I could do was to throw myself into the arms of my mother and plead with her to understand. Finally, however it became obvious that not only did she understand, but she approved. ?My dear Brett...?, she started. ?Brittany.? Lori corrected her. Mother began again. ?My dear Brittany. There is nothing to be embarrassed about. I?ve known since the day you were born that you could have made a beautiful little girl. What you and Lori have done here today is only an extension of what has been going on all your life. Don?t you remember all the times that you and Lori were dressed in similar outfits just to make you appear as twins? Now I?ll admit that the pixie costume or fairy costume or what ever you want to call it is a bit of a shock, but to see the two of you together like this just seems to be so right.? After several more minutes of trying to explain what was going on, it was decided we all needed a little break to pull ourselves together and talk about it in a more composed manner. Our mothers returned to their tea, settling themselves into the comfortable chairs in the family room, seeming to relax as they composed themselves. Lori and I stood there still somewhat perplexed as to what we should do; but leave it to my mother to make it clear. ?Lori, Brittany, why don?t the two of you go change into something a little more appropriate for daytime wear and come back to discuss this with us? I think a casual skirt and blouse or maybe even a sundress might look nice. Why don?t you see if you can find outfits that match again? I do so think you make an almost perfect set of twins, don?t you Carol?? Carol, Lori?s mother, seemed just as interested in perpetuating the charade. ?You know Barb, I believe you?re right. You girls need to change into something more comfortable than those costumes must be and then let?s sit and discuss this altogether. I really look forward to hearing what Brittany has to say about this, but I believe Lori has a lot of explaining to do also. Don?t you dear?? Lori lost some of her composure hearing the tone of her mother?s voice. She replied in a voice that was almost a whisper. ?Yes mother. We?ll go change now and when we return, we?ll explain it all to you. I mean Brittany can tell her side of the story and then I can explain how I caused this all to happen.? Without further comment, we turned and started to walk from the room but could hear our mothers still talking as we left. ?Barb, I?m sure we?ll get to the bottom of this when the girls return. I?m also sure that Lori will have quite the story to tell about how she convinced Brett to become Brittany. Then, I?ll probably ground her for the next month or two. But you must admit, the two of them sure look cute together. And those pixie costumes: how cute are they?? ?Oh Carol, I don?t know if we need to be talking about punishments before we hear their story, and I think that Brittany?s story will be every bit as interesting as Lori?s. But you are right they do make a cute couple of pixies. I can?t wait to see what outfits they wear when they come back.? By the time we got up to Lori?s room, I was in a state of panic, and she was in a state of euphoria. I was sure that both of our mothers thought I was some kind of deviate and pervert and I would soon be undergoing lengthy therapy sessions. Lori on the other hand seemed relieved by their reaction. Suddenly, she was plotting and planning and in the throws of a full-blown scheme. For the next 30 minutes, I battled with Lori over her selection of outfits. At first, I demanded my boy clothes back, but she made her point by opening the window and throwing them out into the front yard. ?If you really want them, there they are. All you need to do is wiggle your cute little butt out there and recover them for yourself. Unless you?re ready for all the neighbors to see your costume, I suggest you go along with me and pick out something a bit more conservative. I believe our mothers are expecting us two ?girls? to return for more discussion not one boy and one girl!? I started to resist once again thinking maybe I could make a mad dash out in the yard and retrieve my clothes with out being noticed, but Lori was prepared for this as well. ?Hey, look Charlie Westin is out mowing the lawn next door. Would you like me to get his attention for you? Maybe he would be gentleman enough to help out a damsel in distress? With that, all my strength to argue left me. There was no easy way out of this, so I just gave in and let Lori pick out outfits for us. I had considerable input into the selection of the outfits. If I had allowed Lori to have her way, I would have been wearing a frilly party dress and high heels. As it was, I ended up in a denim mini skirt and stretch top. For shoes, she gave me a pair of wedge sandals covered with matching denim. She quickly chose a similar outfit for herself. When we were both dressed, she insisted on fixing our hair and make up to be more appropriate for our outfits. When Lori and I re-entered the family room, our mothers were deep in conversation and did not notice us for a few seconds. I could not stand the tension and cleared my throat to get their attention. They stopped their discussion and turned to face us. Slowly their eyes looked us over as if they were evaluating our efforts, which is exactly what they were doing. After several more seconds passed, smiles appeared on their faces and we were invited to sit on the sofa opposite the chairs where they sat. The discussions with our mothers lasted late into the night. It was after midnight when we were all talked out. In the end Lori was made to apologize profusely and promise to never again take advantage. But when her mother was ready to ground her for a month I stepped up to Lori?s defense. ?Mrs. Nichols, I don?t think it?s necessary to punish Lori any further. She already apologized, and I accepted it. There was really no harm done and I was looking forward to the party, but I think that maybe Lori could come up with better costumes. Whether she thought I looked cute or not, I would be embarrassed clear through to wear that fairy costume again.? With that, Lori was directed to choose more appropriate costumes for the party and no further punishment was given. When mother and I finally left for home, I was still wearing the skirt and blouse. I asked about changing but mother refused. ?It?s only across the street and it?s the middle of the night. Nobody?s going to see you and if they did, they certainly wouldn?t recognize you.? Lori added further to my situation by offering a nightgown for me to borrow over night. ?Never know? You just might enjoy it.? Mother made it even worse by adding her two cents worth. ?I think that?s a great idea. It will certainly be a big improvement over seeing you parading around in only your boxers!? I was totally embarrassed and blushed deeply. Lori ran up to her room and returned a few minutes later with a long pink cotton night gown with a ruffle around the hem and several small pink bows. There was a matching set of panties to go with the gown. ?Here you go Mrs. Taylor this ought to work.? Mother took the gown after commenting about how cute it was. ?It?s darling. I?m sure that Brittany will look adorable in it. Now tell Lori thank you dear and let?s be headed home.? I looked at Lori who had an evil grin on her face. I tried to return the look but was less than effective. ?Thanks.? I said as I followed mother out the door. As I headed down the sidewalk, I was sure I could hear Lori giggle, but I didn?t turn back to find out for sure. I just kept my head down as I crossed the street. Once we crossed the street and got into the house, I headed straight to my bedroom trying to get away from mother and the night gown she still carried. But any luck I was holding out for was not to be. I was peeling off the skirt and blouse when she popped her head in the door. She placed the night gown on my bed as I was retreating towards my bath room. ?Go ahead and get changed. Let me know when you have your night gown on and I will bring some cold cream and show you how to remove your makeup.? I tried to out smart her, but I should have known better. I slipped on a pair of gym shorts I normally wore instead of pajamas and attacked my face with soap and water but only succeeded in making a total mess of the makeup leaving it smeared and streaked across my face. Finally, I gave in and slipped on the nightgown leaving my shorts underneath and called mother to tell her I was ready. When mother walked into the room, she looked at the pile on of cloths on the floor and picked them up, placing them on my dresser. Then she turned around and handed me the panties. ?These will work much better than those shorts. They are so bunched up that your gown doesn?t even hang properly. Now go put the panties on and then let?s get your face cleaned.? I scowled, but to no avail. Mother handed me the panties and yet again I retreated to the bath room. I reappeared a minute later to her now smiling face. I sat on the side of my bed as she applied the cold cream and then used a warm wet washcloth to scrub my face clean. Once she had the makeup completely removed, she applied a moisturizing cream, gentling rubbing it across my cheeks, chin and forehead. When she was satisfied, she kissed me goodnight and did something that she hadn?t done in a few years, she tucked me into bed. She then kissed me again on the cheek and before turning out the light said, ?Good night Brittney. Sleep well sweetie.? Then she closed the door and was gone leaving me to my own confused thoughts. III I surprised myself and slept quite well. It was after 10:00 when mother woke me. I was confused by the feel of the night gown wrapped around me and it took a minute or two for my mind to clear and figure out what it was. Then all the events from yesterday came rushing back. I headed to the bathroom and tried to further clear my mind with a hot shower. I dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt and headed down to breakfast. Mother smiled when I walked into the kitchen, but at the same time looked a little disappointed. ?Well it looks like I have my son back with me this morning. I can?t say that I?m disappointed, but it was fun having a daughter for a while yesterday.? I gave her a look that let her know I wasn?t pleased, but at the same time, there was no damage done. And the things that had stayed in my mind were the fact that I had felt quite comfortable once we had changed out of the Fairy costumes, and the kisses that Lori had used to coerce me into the costume to begin with. Those kisses had thrown me for a loop. I had felt something for Lori I didn?t know was there. Up until that first kiss, we had been best friends, but now we were much more, at least to me we were. Now I desperately needed to know if it was the same for her. I was sitting in front of the TV catching up on some mindless show when Lori and her mother arrived. My mother greeted them at the door and they soon joined me in the living room. Before I knew it, the television was off, and the three ladies were deep in discussion over the happenings of yesterday. Slowly they drew me into the conversation. But what it took to get me really interested was for Lori to lean over and kiss me. My mother was more than willing to take the lead in the discussion and when she started, I immediately became embarrassed and began to retreat, but Lori was there for moral support and pulled me back. ?Mrs. Taylor, I think it was great of Brittany to go along with my scheme yesterday. I get carried away sometimes and she just played along. Even after you and my mom caught us and embarrassed her half to death she didn?t totally freak.? Mother looked at me with one of her special smiles; you know the one that all mothers use to tell how proud they are or how special you are to them. It?s guaranteed to make you feel better no matter what the malady that you are suffering from. ?All right, I think that you were a great sport too, but where do we go from here. For me it would sure be fun to have a daughter around occasionally and I?m pretty sure that Lori enjoyed having a new girl friend also. I just don?t want you to feel like you?re being forced into anything.? Over the next hour I explained to mother, Lori and her mom how I really didn?t mind being dressed up. There was a huge amount of embarrassment when they discovered me, especially in the fairy costume but it helped that Lori was wearing the same outfit. I gave Lori a particularly hard time about all the trouble she got me into but in the end, I forgave her and was rewarded with a big kiss, which is exactly what I had been aiming for. We talked for a while longer and the one thing that we all agreed on was the uncanny similarity in our looks after Lori had styled my hair and added just a bit of makeup. I had known for a long time that she and I looked more like brother and sister than most natural siblings, but this was different. This was far more. I knew my life would be different with this revelation but I didn?t know exactly how. In the end, it was mother who asked the one unasked question. ?So, when do you think we?ll be seeing Brittany again?? It wasn?t will we, because by this time it seemed to be a foregone conclusion; it was when? Now it was up to me. What was I getting myself into? This all started as a costume party prank played by Lori and suddenly was becoming so much more than that. A few minutes ago, we were just talking about how Lori had gotten me into the fairy costume. Now I needed to decide, not if, but when I?d turn into Brittany again. Maybe, however, I just might have some leverage here that I could exploit. I tried to play it cool and not push too hard, ?I don?t know. I did this all as a favor to Lori and I?m not sure I?m ready to go through it all again right now. And by the way, what?s my incentive? And you certainly can?t expect me to wear Lori?s clothes again? I don?t think that it fair to her or to me.? So, there it was. Before I knew it, I had said too much. Lori finally shut me up with another long deep kiss. So much for the incentive. And when the kiss ended there was my mother with a rather serious look on her face. ?All right missy! Then have it your way. I think we can find something in your closet that will do for the afternoon. A lot of young girls wear boy style outfits for casual wear. And you might as well be comfortable while we go shopping for a couple of new outfits, just for you. So, would you rather have Lori do your hair and makeup or would you prefer to give your mother a chance to make you presentable, because I?m sure you don?t want to be trying on dresses looking like you do now, do you sweetie?? ?Oh shit!? I knew I had pushed it way to far. Mother had a bit of a short temper when she thought I was taking advantage, and I had blown it big time. I thought maybe I could wait her out and she would give in but that was not going to be the case either. ?Well Brittany? What?s your decision? Lori, me or perhaps you?d rather try it for your self. It makes no difference to me. It?s now 12:30 and in one hour I want you ready for a trip to the mall.? And that was it. There would be no discussion now. I hung my head. My fate was sealed and all I could do was choose the executioner. I thought long and hard about who to choose. Maybe it would temper mother?s anger if I choose her, but what did she know about doing hair and makeup for a 16-year-old. I was about to choose Lori when she stepped in and made the decision for me. ?Mrs. Taylor. I think it would be great for Brittany to have all of us help her out. Why don?t you and my mom sort out her hair and I?ll go dig through her closet and find something that?s not too grungy or masculine. Then we can all decide on her makeup. We will probably want something simple. After all, it will just be us girls out for an afternoon at the mall.? There it was. The pieces of the plan lay in place. Now it was just a matter of following the plan. While Lori headed up the stairs towards my bedroom, mother and Mrs. Nichols started to size up my hair. Before I knew what was happening, there were curling irons brushes and hair clips being wielded. At some point, I heard the front door open and close and after several minutes open and close again. By the time that Mrs. Nichols and mother finished with my hair, it had been rolled, twisted, brushed straight, pulled up, pulled down and finally curled under. The hair style that they agreed on was actually quite simple. My hair was parted down the middle and combed to the sides. It was then curled under at the ends giving a very casual look that was popular with the girls at school. When Lori saw me, she oohed and aahed and made a big fuss telling me how beautiful I was. She was standing next to the chair where I sat and she was holding some clothes in her hands that definitely had not come from my closet. She must have snuck out and then in again which accounted for the door opening and closing. She handed the clothes to me and smiled. ?Once I saw the contents of your closet, I couldn?t bear to see you in any of those silly boy clothes. Other than some jeans there was nothing that looked even remotely unisex. I figured that if you were going to be trying on skirts and dresses we had better have something a bit more feminine.? I looked at the clothes that Lori handed me. I had a feeling of dread but at the same time was glad that I would not be wearing obvious boy clothes and then be led into various stores in the mall to try on girl?s clothes. As it was, I was still terrified that everyone who saw me would know I was a boy. At least wearing a skirt and blouse would provide a little bit of camouflage. The outfit that Lori had brought for me was simple, casual and comfortable. It consisted of a knee length brown corduroy skirt and a brown and white checked blouse. There were beige panties and bra and brown opaque tights. She also provided a pair of brown shoes with two- inch chunky heels and a small brown purse. ?With opaque tights, you don?t have to shave you legs again.? Lori offered. Small favor I thought. I was directed to the bathroom to change and make sure everything fit before my makeup was applied. This gave the three of them time to discuss colors and quantities. Fortunately, light colors and minimal quantities won out and Lori was elected to apply it to get the appropriate look for a teenage girl. Finally, Lori added a pair of clip on earrings a gold necklace and bracelet and a couple of rings. By 1:30 the three accomplices had met their goal. Brett was gone, and Brittany had returned. When I was led over to the full-length mirror in the bedroom, I was again amazed with the cute girl who returned my gaze. I was both terrified and comforted. The magnitude of the change achieved accounted for the fear, but at the same time, I knew there would be no questions about a boy in girls? clothing. I didn?t have much time to think any further. Mother was taking me by the hand and Lori made sure I had my purse and before I could resist we were out the door, in the car and headed to the mall. The drive to the mall lasted 20 minutes, just long enough for my nerves to take hold again. Lori could sense what was going on and did her best to reassure me, but by the time we were pulling into the parking lot I was near to terror. Finally, Lori decided to play her aces to get me through it. With a glance towards the front seat to make sure our mothers weren?t paying special attention, she leaned over and kissed me. Over the past few days I had become accustomed to her kisses and the affect they had on me, but this time she really went above and beyond the call of duty. Lori?s lips met mine and her tongue pressed against my lips causing them to part allowing her tongue free access to my mouth. I was lost in the kiss and when it ended, I had relaxed enough that I was out of the car and following Lori to the mall entrance before I gained my senses. In another two minutes, we were through the doors and headed to the first store. IV As we walked down the concourse of the mall, I began to regain my senses and with that came a bad case of the nerves. I felt my heart rate accelerate and my palms become sweaty. As I walked along still holding Lori?s hand, I felt my knees began to grow weak and my pace slow perceptibly. I looked around at all the people, knowing their eyes were looking at me and that inside they were laughing. I wanted to run away and hide, but Lori squeezed my hand tightly and led the way. ?Come on Brittany. There?s nothing to worry about.? Lori whispered in my ear. ?Take a look around you; nobody sees anything but two cute girls walking together. Hold your head up and smile. Shopping really can be fun you just need to relax and be yourself and forget about that boy you thought you were this morning.? My emotions were quickly overcoming me. On one level, I was trying to relax and just go with the situation, but on another level, Brett was still there and terrified that he would be discovered and humiliated. I was struggling with these two conflicting emotions, feeling like I would faint. Suddenly it was all too much for me and the dam broke. While Brett retreated and ran for cover somewhere deep inside of me, Brittany broke down and cried. Lori was there instantly offering comfort along with a tissue to dry my tears. We continued to walk as she offered comfort and soothing words of reassurance and offering to help repair the damage to my makeup caused by the tears. I just nodded following along trying to stop the crying and finally finding the strength to hold them back. This was when I found that Lori had led me straight into the ladies? room and I was standing in front of a large mirror as she wiped my face dry and started to redo my makeup. For the second time in the matter of a few minutes, I lost it. This time however there were no tears. I felt myself turn cold and begin to shake. I fought my way through it with Lori?s help. She wrapped her arms around me and held my tightly but with a gentleness that let warmth flow back into me. ?Brittany don?t worry, I?m here for you. I won?t let anything happen to you. You just have to trust me, OK? I know this is all a little weird for you, but just look at yourself in the mirror. Nobody, and I mean nobody will see anybody except the cute girl there. I?m here to protect you and so are your mother and my mother too. Now just take a few deep breaths and let me fix your makeup so no one sees those tears. Trust me and I promise we?ll have lots of fun shopping and I also promise to make this all up to you later.? It took another ten minutes for me to fully compose myself and let Lori fix my makeup. Just as we were leaving the Ladies room our mothers were coming in to check on us. We walked across the mall to a coffee shop and found a table near the back where we could talk. My mother made sure to apologize at least three times as we talked. She admitted to getting carried away by the idea of having a daughter and offered to take me home immediately. Lori?s mom was just as apologetic. We sat and talked for another twenty minutes and I was able to relate to all three of them just how terrified I was and fearful of discovery and humiliation. Finally, as I was again nearing tears, I could see they understood. By now, they were ready to give up the game and head for home, but I could also see from the look in their eyes that they were giving up something they really looked forward to. So, pulling together all the courage I could muster, I refused their offer and told them I decided to see it through. By now there were probably hundreds of people who had seen me, and no one had taken any special notice. I figured I now had enough confidence to make it through the afternoon. Although our mothers appeared to be a little apprehensive and showed concern over my decision, there was also a smile on both of their faces as we left the coffee shop and headed back into the mall. For her part Lori showed no apprehension what so ever. She took my hand and off we went. But now there was one more problem I needed to deal with, all the excitement and two glasses of soda had left me with a full bladder. This time it was me taking Lori?s hand and leading her to the ladies? room. Lori took advantage of the visit to the ladies? room to once again touch up my makeup. Actually, it was necessary after she kissed off most of my lipstick. ?You are so brave for going through with this Brittany. I am so sorry for getting you into this, but it is so cool that you are going to see it through and you are so beautiful...? Then she proceeded to smear my lipstick again making further repairs necessary. It took another ten minutes for Lori and me to get back to the food court where our mothers waited. Their anxiety was obvious by the look on their faces. They made one more offer to call off the shopping spree and head for home, but I refused to quit now, this time with a little more conviction in my voice. That was all that it took to get them back into the shopping mode and off we headed back into the mall. It was a continuous battle as our mothers led the way and we worked through the mall. Our mothers were drawn to the major department stores like Macy?s and Penny?s while we girls trended towards the smaller stores that catered to teenagers like Abercrombie and Fitch, Forever 21 and Gloria Reeds. Our mothers won the first battle when they spotted a sale sign in the Juniors Department at Macy?s. While Lori fell right into step when our mothers started hunting through the racks of dresses it took me some time to began looking. Finally, Lori whispered in her ear, ?If you stand back and watch you?ll look more out of place than if you start looking for yourself.? With that being said, I cautiously began looking through the racks of dresses. While our mothers seemed to look at every dress and discuss its merits, I moved quickly through the dresses quickly disposing of most of them but finding a few that were cute. The criterion I used to judge them by was to picture Lori wearing them and see whether it sparked my interest. Lori was quick to pick up on my choices and promptly grabbed three dresses off the racks. Taking me by the hand she led the way to the dressing rooms; no man?s land! I hesitated for only a minute as she pulled me past the attendant and into the dressing rooms. Again, she sensed my nervousness and pulled me close for a kiss. Once my nerves had settled down, Lori helped me into the first dress. It was a deep red color and featured a fitted skirt that end a few inches above my knees. The top of the dress had a modest neck line that curved gracefully from collarbone to collarbone. As Lori zipped it up, I felt the fabric mold softly to my body. Before I knew what was happening, Lori was pulling me out of the changing room to stand in front of the mirrors. Now, not only was I able to see myself, but also see that I had an audience. There in the common area between the individual changing rooms stood not only our mothers, but also the attendant and one of the sales clerks holding three additional dresses of our mothers choosing. After only a minor fit of terror, I managed to model the dress, turning and stumbling and further embarrassing myself. Fortunately for me, no one seemed to notice my uneasiness and they all clapped and smiled. In the end, it was unanimous that this dress was too fitted and too tight especially in the skirt. Five dresses later there was a decision to make. Mother had fallen in love with a stylish lavender raw silk dress. It featured a knee length handkerchief skirt and a deep vee neckline that made me very self conscious. It was the type of dress that you would wear to fancy party or elegant dinner. When I mentioned to mother that I would probably never have the need for this dress, she just smiled and said, ?Oh Brittany, you just never know.? The dress that Lori and I had picked out was a blue and white print with a flared skirt that came to mid thigh. Once I had it on, I was very concerned about the length of the skirt, but my audience thought it was perfect. And after a brief discussion that I seemed to take a very small part in, this was the dress we bought. Five stores later and our shopping was done. At Abercrombie & Fitch I ended up with a jean skirt and two shirts. Forever 21 provided a red and grey plaid pleated skirt and grey blouse. At JC Penny?s we collected bras, panties, two slips, a camisole, panty hose. Warehouse Shoes contributed four pairs of shoes including sandals, casual wedges, grey two-inch heel pumps and black strappy heels three inches tall. From All About Accessories I collected a purse and wallet, a few hair clips, three rings, a couple of bracelet and necklace sets and a pair of gold studs in my newly pierced ears. Loaded down with packages we finally headed out to the car. With all the bags safely packed in the trunk I thought we were through and went to get in the back seat, but it was not to be. Mother saw the questioning look on my face, ?One more stop. You need your own make up. It?s not healthy to be sharing.? So, it was back to the mall and a shop called Feminine Images. Before I could put up any kind of a fuss I was sat down on a high stool and my face was cleaned, scrubbed, moisturized and covered with an almost endless array of powders and paints. When I was finally allowed to look in the mirror, I was shocked. What Lori had previously achieved was great, but this was incredible. There was no trace, even to me, of my former self. I somehow manage to mumble out a thank you as mother paid for two bags full of cosmetics. As a final step, I was allowed, with Lori?s help, to select a new fragrance. So, smelling of vanilla and spice I left the mall totally inundated with femininity. V The ride home from the mall was mostly uneventful. There was a steady stream of discussion between Lori?s mother and mine. Most of it revolved around the experience and the clothes that were selected but some of it concerned what a good sport I had been and what a beautiful girl I had become. More than once my mother mentioned how great it was to have a daughter, even if it would only be for a little while. My mind was spinning. I had to admit that once I relaxed and went with the program as mother and Lori laid it out, I really had fun. Being in the dressing rooms with Lori with most of my clothes off, several times, added to the excitement. At the same time, I was in almost constant fear of discovery and humiliation. Now I was listening to mother say how happy she was to have a daughter. By the time we made it back to the house confusion was winning out. We all sat in the living while I pulled out each outfit for further critique. Lori always had the most to say while I added very little to the conversation. After a bit, I became a spectator to a three-way discussion. As I sat there watching and listening to the increasingly animated exchange, I felt myself becoming more and more of an object than a person. I felt like I had become just another piece in a complex game of dress up dolls. Somewhere along the line, I realized the discussion had come to a stop. The last thing I heard was mother again saying how much fun it was to have a daughter. Now, as I looked up I met three pairs of eyes all looking back at me, each in their own way questioning me, ?Where did you go? Are you tuned in or tuned out?? That was all it took. My emotions overtook me, and the tears fell. It had been years since I had cried and within the last three days, I had shed tears on at least three occasions. I tried to turn away, but Lori was having none of it. She pulled me close and spoke softly, ?What?s the matter sweetie? Is this all too much for you? Let me hold you. You?ll see; it will be alright.? With that I allowed myself to be held and cuddled, relaxing in her warm embrace. Lori softly stroked my hair and whispered soft words to calm me. At first, I wanted to pull away again telling myself I was acting just like a girl, and then it was perfectly clear. Here I was, wearing a skirt and blouse with full girly attire underneath as well. My hair was in a cute style and my face fully made up. I was a girl; wasn?t I? With this latest revelation, I really lost it. I pulled away from Lori and went to my mother. I threw myself into her embrace and cried again, ?Mother I?m sorry. I didn?t know. I never meant to disappoint you, but I never knew...? That was all I could get out and collapsed in her lap sobbing loudly. My mother hugged me tightly and we rocked back and forth as she worked to sooth me. When I finally started to control the tears, she helped me up and wiped my eyes with a tissue. ?Now missy, do you want to explain yourself? Just exactly what is it that you are so sorry about? ?Oh mother, I never knew... really I never knew.? I continued as I as I cried. Mother looked at more seriously now, deep concern in her eyes. ?I never knew you regretted that I was a boy. I never knew you wished that I was a girl. I?m so sorry I?ve disappointed you so badly. Oh mother, I am so sorry!? And with that the dam broke. The tears poured from my eyes and I pulled myself away. I could bear it no longer. I ran up the stairs and threw myself across the bed. ?How could I have been so foolish to not have seen it? How hard had it been on her for all these years to live with the disappointment?? It was about 30 minutes later when there was a soft knock on the door and my mother walked in. ?Brett... sweetheart... can we talk? Lori and her mom have left. I think we need to talk and I wanted it to be just the two of us.? I was curled up by the head of the bed hugging a pillow to my chest. The tears had stopped, I had cried myself out. I was confused, I was hurt and worst of all I didn?t know who I was. But what I did know is that I wanted my mother to be proud of me, not disappointed by me. Mother came and sat on the edge of the bed next to me. ?Brett, honey will you talk to me? Brett... I am not disappointed by you. Don?t ever think that. You are a wonderful son and you make me very proud. I?m sorry I got carried away today honey. I think I got caught up in a fantasy. It was special for me to have a daughter for a day, but that doesn?t mean I would ever give up my son. I could never be disappointed in you. You are such a wonderful child. A mother couldn?t ask for more.? For the next two hours, mother and I talked. By the time we were done, I had gained a new understanding of her, and she of me. I knew she had been hurt tremendously when my father had died and often wondered why she had never remarried. Now I knew. She had been so busy giving all of her to me that she had never taken the time to allow another relationship to develop. She was not put off by this situation and in fact found great satisfaction and joy in my growth and success. For her part, she learned about all my insecurities that I worked so hard to hide over the years. I had inherited her smaller stature, and her looks, and that had been the source of much of the harassment I had suffered over the years. Although I had no ill feelings about this, I had longed for just a hint of my father to come through. Mother assured me I had inherited his spirit, his love of life and his compassion. In the end, we sat there on my bed holding each other. At some point in time, mother helped me to undress and remove my makeup. She then went on to her own room to change while I finished washing up and dressing. When she came back to check on me and tuck me in for the night I was already in bed. When she leaned forward to kiss me good night, she stopped short. ?You?re wearing Lori?s nightie??? After all you?ve been through today?? I rose up to kiss her, ?I guess maybe I can be Brittany for you for one more night.? Next morning, I woke up, took my shower and dressed in my regular Brett clothes. After all, it was a school day. When I walked into the kitchen mother was already putting breakfast on the table. She smiled and said good morning, but I could see something in her eyes. While she would never object to me being Brett, some little part of her would have loved to see Brittany walk into the room that morning. School was a non-event for me. I was not able to focus on any of the lessons and would have to work extra hard on the homework to avoid getting behind. The problem was that the events of the weekend crowded every other thought out of my mind. Even after the talk with mother last night I was still confused. Although I was certain of her love for Brett, there was still a big part of her that longed to have a daughter. She had so totally enjoyed the whole weekend that I felt sorry for her when it had come to an end. I saw Lori twice during the day, third period English and lunch. She wanted very much to talk about what had happened after she and her mother had left last night and I gave her the abbreviated version. She also wanted to apologize for her part in all of it, but I would not allow it. There was nothing that she needed to be sorry about. She had opened my eyes to a part of my life and my relationship with my mother that needed to be addressed. By now I was sure that if the issues I was facing had not come up now, there would have been another time and place where it would have happened. The rest of the week went smoothly and life seemed to be returning to normal. Mother and I talked to each other much more openly then we had in the past and we both seemed very comfortable with this. While neither of us said anything about the weekend it was obvious that it was in both our thoughts, just below the surface. On Friday evening, I walked up stairs and found mother packing up everything that we had purchased last Sunday. I could see from the look in her eyes that she was hurting but I didn?t know what to say. In the end, I just walked over and hugged her. Mother hugged me in return then went back to packing up the clothes. ?I thought that I ought to take them back to the stores and get a refund if I can. I have to work tomorrow morning, but I take them after work? And I was sure that I saw a tear trickle down her cheek. Saturday morning, I was up early. Mother had left for her office about 7:30 and on a normal Saturday I would have stayed in bed until 9:30 or 10:00 but today was going to be different. Last night as I lay in bed waiting on sleep to come, I had put together a plan for today and I needed the extra time to get ready. The first thing on the agenda was to call Lori and get her out of bed because I was going to need her help. I figured I would need extra time just to get her up and going since she enjoyed sleeping in on weekends as much as I did. I had to let her phone ring until it went to voice mail three times before she gave up and answered it. Once she got over her initial whining and listened to me, she was awake and excited to help me. Fifteen minutes later the doorbell was ringing. When I opened the door, Lori flew through it almost tackling me in the process. Brett... I mean Brittany you are wonderful. No wonder I love you! And in that second, time stood still. What did she say? I turned to her and she had the same look in her eyes of the feeling that was running through my body. I was speechless but leave it to Lori to break the spell. She did it with a kiss. ?Come on now, there?s time for that later. We?ve got plenty of work ahead if we?re going to pull this off.? I thought my plan was simple, but Lori didn?t see it that way. I wanted to surprise mother with a mother and daughter lunch. I had seen the tear in her eye last night when she told me she would return the clothes. And I knew I couldn?t let that happen. After the talk we?d had last Saturday, I knew how she felt about Brittany. And I also knew it did not diminish her feelings for Brett. I let Lori lead the way with the planning and it was one of the smartest things I could have done. Instead of worrying about what I was going to prepare for the meal she took care of that detail in one quick decision. ?At 10:00 we?ll call Marcia?s Bistro. They have a wonderful selection of soups and salads we can order from. I think they even deliver. We might as well set up the dining room right away, that way once we start getting you dressed, we won?t have to worry about anything else.? Over the next couple of hours Lori and I talked about what I was doing and why while we set up the dining room. I brought out mother?s good table cloth and napkins and set out the china we rarely used. At 10:00 Lori called and ordered the food to be delivered at noon. Mother would be home by 12:30 so that gave us two hours to get Brittany ready. I headed to the shower with Lori reminding me to remove any body hair and to wash and condition my hair. I had already decided what I would wear, and Lori began digging through the bags to find the Lavender dress my mother had picked out during our shopping trip. It took the full two hours for Lori and me to get Brittany to emerge. Getting into the lingerie caused several distractions but we fought through it. When I slipped into the dress it was like magic. It hugged my every curve and felt wonderful. Lori attacked my hair with a curling iron, hair spray, a brush and at least a thousand hair pins. When she was done, I had curls everywhere in an elegant arrangement. My eye makeup was done in shades of lavender that complimented the dress. Lori spent extra time putting on several coats of mascara making my lashes long and full. The final touch was lavender lip gloss and a spray of my perfume. By the time I was ready, the food arrived and Lori and I busied our selves setting out lunch. The next thirty minutes flew by as the lunch was set and before I knew it, mother was pulling into the garage. Lori ducked into my bedroom so that she could be in position to rescue me if I fell apart. I steadied myself and took a deep breath letting it out slowly forcing myself to relax. I heard mother call as she came into the kitchen from the garage. ?Brett, are you awake yet? Get yourself ready and we?ll go to lunch if you?d like.? I stood quietly in the dining room as she walked in. When she saw me there she stopped, just looking. She let out an audible gasp then stood there with tears running down her cheek. ?Hello mother. I hope that you don?t mind, but I?ve sort planned a lunch for just the two of us.? Mother stepped further into the room and reached out touching my cheek. ?Oh Brittany, you are so beautiful. What have you done? Why... oh my darling I love you.? And with that the tears poured out. Mother cried, I cried and if I could have seen her, Lori was crying too. ?Mother, I thought you might like to have lunch with me and spend some time this afternoon getting to know each other better. I really enjoyed the time together last weekend and just couldn?t face giving it up. I?m not quite sure where this is all going, but I know I?m not ready to give it up just yet.? VI After the Saturday lunch with mother things changed rapidly for me. The relationship between mother and I became more complex but much closer and caring. While Brett was here 80% of the time, it was the 20% that Brittany was around that was the most meaningful. While Brett had been developing a relationship with mother for over 16 years, with Brittany everything was new and different. When mother and Brett talked, it was short and to the point, facts and figures, questions and answers. But when Brittany talked with mother the conversations lingered and wandered. We talked about feelings and emotions. We discussed events both before and after. We had 16 years of catching up to do. Mother was keenly aware of the need for each Brett and Brittany to have their own time and never put pressure on me for one or the other to be there at any particular time. She did however have a way of letting me know how much she appreciated the time spent with Brittany, mostly based upon a system of rewards and treats. An afternoon spent shopping not only yielded two new dresses for Brittany but also a video game for Brett. An evening spent as Brittany at an art show delivered diamond ear studs, while Brett got a new pair of the latest Nike shoes. I was beginning to think that I was taking advantage of the situation and discussed it with mother. She assured me it was quite the other way around and promised to work on it. During this same time, my relationship with Lori continued to develop, seeming to grow in several directions all at once. We continued to be friends and the depth of our friendship increased. We now had a side of our relationship where we were best girl friends as well as boyfriend and girlfriend. We talked more than ever about topics that never would have been discussed in the past. We began dating as boyfriend and girl friend; movies, dances, parties and more. We also went on dates as girlfriends; movies and the like, but mostly shopping. Lori seemed to have an endless desire to shop. Whether we actually bought anything or not was irrelevant; just being out in the stores and malls for hours on end seemed to satisfy her needs. It was during a little down time when I was in the Brittany mode that I started doing some self-analysis. I had always been interested in psychology and mother had teased me about being an amateur psychologist. Now I was turning it on myself. Here I was sitting in the living room on another Saturday afternoon taking a break between sessions with mother and Lori. I had begun to think in terms of sessions because it often seemed to be planned events. Such had been the case today. Mother and I had gone to brunch and then to a flower show where she had introduced Brittany to floral design. Now I had a couple of hours to myself until Lori and I were off to dinner and a movie. Life for Brittany was so much fuller than Brett was used to. The first issue I had to deal with was how easy it had all come. Becoming Brittany had been so easy and so convincing, even to me. The first time with the fairy costumes had been over the top, but later that day and the next, wearing Lori?s clothes and with her applying the makeup, Brett just faded away and Brittany emerged. Now just a few weeks later I had my own meager but growing wardrobe and I was quickly developing my makeup skills. Throughout my life I had learned to deal with my small stature and lack of masculine features, but now everything I had learned was being turned against me. Rather than building defenses to bolster my masculine self, I was tearing down those barriers to accept my new femininity. And that was the second issue I was trying to deal with; was I truly giving up my masculinity and accepting a feminine role? While in most regards I was enjoying my alternate personality, and, having a great time with both Lori and my mother, there was a part of me saying it was all wrong. There was a big part of Brett wanting to go upstairs take off the skirt, blouse and other feminine clothes wash off the makeup put on an old pair of jeans and tee shirt and be done with it all. The front door crashed open and Lori whirled through in a way that had become second nature to her lately. She seemed to live here as much as she did at her house. Many days she was here for breakfast, lunch and dinner. She had gone as far as to suggest to her mother and mine a sleep over and even promised we would both keep our nighties on all night, but she had not yet been successful in this venture. Before I could pull myself out of my psychological quandary, Lori had taken control. She had a way both physically and mentally to perk me up. I never had a chance. I was hugged, kissed, kissed deeply and pulled out the door. We headed to Lori?s car and were off before I could pull my senses together. By the time I realized where we were, it was obvious the plans for the evening had changed. ?Lori, what?s going on? We?re not heading towards Torelli?s. I thought it was going to be Italian food and then the movie?? I could tell by her grin that she was up to something, but I didn?t get a straight answer, only a wink and, ?Trust me.? We soon turned into a small strip mall and parked in front of a shop called ?Vanessa?s Spa?. I looked at the sign on the window of the spa and read what it said. ?Vanessa?s, A Spa Experience for Young Women. Services for teens and pre-teens.? Lori still had the grin on her face. ?I decided to treat you to something special. I got you into this and you?ve been so great I thought you deserved a treat.? Lori produced two gym bags and took my hand leading me into the spa. For the next four hours, I experienced the most exhilarating work out I could ever imagine. We first changed into tights and leotards and did a light aerobic program. Next, we soaked in a hot tub filled with special skin treatment oils before taking a hot shower. Lori then produced small bikinis for us to wear and we were led to tables for a soft massage. The final treatments included a facial, manicure, pedicure and make up application. After getting dressed we were given a meal consisting of vegi-wraps, chicken salad and mixed fruit with sorbet. By the time we left Vanessa?s, it was 10 PM and I felt refreshed and revitalized. It was beyond anything that I had ever experienced. Lori hugged me tight and whispered in my ear, ?Being a girl has its benefits, doesn?t it?? When we arrived back at the house, our mothers were there waiting. They had been watching a chick flick and sharing a bottle of wine, but mostly they had been waiting for us. Apparently, there was a plot afoot and they were fully aware of where we had been. ?Alright, somebody needs to come clean. I can tell when I?m being set up.? I said as I looked from my mother to Lori?s mother then back to Lori. It took a minute or two but they finally caved in. First it was Lori who giggled and then our mothers broke out in laughter. ?OK, OK.? It was Lori. ?We give up. There?s kind of a special event on Saturday the 23rd and we?re sort of planning on attending. It?s a charity event sponsored by MADD and we thought if we treated you to a special evening tonight you might be a little more receptive to attending with us. It?s still several weeks away so we figured we?d start bribing you now? Now I knew I was into something deep. If they thought it was going to take convincing it had to be something big. ?Alright, what are you getting me into now? I figured by now you would be running out of ideas.? The three of them looked at each other exchanging glances and trying to decide who was going to break the news. This must really be something. Finally, I saw my mother take a deep breath ready to spill it. ?Well every year the MADD group sponsors a charity event to raise money for their efforts. For the past several years the event has been a mother and daughter fashion show. I?ve attended the show several times, but I?ve never had a daughter to go with me.? Well it wasn?t as bad as it could be. At least that?s what I thought. But Lori piped up with the rest of the story. ?Brittany, you need to listen a little more. This is a mother and daughter fashion show. The idea is for each mother and daughter to act as models during the show. That means you have to go on stage modeling outfits in front of a couple hundred people.? That caused me to sit up and pay attention. ?Why? What do you mean model? I thought you meant we would watch the show. Why do we have to model?? Now it was my mother?s turn to explain. ?Well, I guess we really don?t have to model. But that?s part of the fun. I?ve watched Carol and Lori model for a few years and dreamed about having a daughter to share it with but always figured it would never happen. I guess I?m just getting carried away again. It?s not fair for me to ask you this. I understand you not wanting to model. We can just go and watch. It?ll still be fun.? Wow. She knew how to lay a guilt trip on me. I?d had her do it before, but never quite like this. By the time she was done I would have modeled lingerie on stage. I knew she had won, but I had to see what I could play this for. Maybe there would be something in it for me too. For the rest of the evening we talked about the show and what outfits mother and I might model. There were three choices of categories available, evening wear, casual spring wear and afternoon tea. We would choose outfits from two of the categories and they needed to be matching or complimentary between mother and daughter. Although there were a lot of options discussed it was decided we would do some shopping tomorrow before we made any final decisions. When Lori and her mother finally left for home, mother and I sat for a while just talking about the fashion show, how much she was looking forward to it, and she making sure I didn?t have any regrets over giving in and agreeing to do the show. I carefully chose my words telling her I thought it would be fun and how much I looked forward to doing something so special for her. It didn?t take her long to realize she was now being set up and she gave me one of her knowing looks. ?OK, I realize this is going to cost me. So, what does my princess have her heart set upon?? I felt bad at being so transparent, but I wasn?t about to let the opportunity pass. I giggled which sounded so very girly and then I blushed in embarrassment which made it all the worse. At last I collected myself enough and regained my composure. ?You know, I?ve been saving up to buy a car, and I am only a few hundred short of a down payment on that red convertible...? I let the words trail off hoping that I had not overplayed my hand. While it would be nice to get the car sooner, I would have saved enough in a few more months myself. But at this point I figured, ?What the heck, go for the gold!? So, I did. I didn?t really think she would give in but setting the stakes high would cause her to make a serious counter offer. I was really taken by surprise at her response. ?Alright, I guess I had that coming. Let?s see just how well you do at the fashion show and we can decide then. But maybe tomorrow after the mall we can swing by the car lot and take a look at the car with which you?ve fallen in love.? VII Sunday morning arrived with a rush. Mother was up early making her plans for the day. Apparently, there were several stores that contributed to the MADD charity and it was from these stores the outfits worn in the fashion show would come. She hurried me to get dressed telling me the stores were bound to be busy with other girls and their mothers getting ready for the show. I instantly panicked. ?Mother! You?ve got to be kidding. How can you expect me to do this? Those stores will be filled with girls and their mothers. These are girls who know me and go to school with me. How can I be in a fashion show with them?? This pretty much stopped her in her tracks. ?I never gave that a minute of thought. What was I thinking? Oh my God. I was so wound up about this show I never considered it.? It was something I hadn?t considered either, but it just hit me. What was I thinking? Things had been going so well for the past few weeks I never even considered the possibility of running into any of the girls from school. I guess it could have happened at any time while shopping or at a restaurant, but it never registered. But now... this was a situation where I would be surrounded by girls my age, many who might know me, at least know me as Brett and would recognize me especially when changing dresses at a women?s clothing store. For the next several minutes mother and I just stood there staring at each other. If it wasn?t for Lori showing up, we might have stood there all day. Lori bounced in as had become her habit lately and came face to face with mother and I standing there. This brought her to a halt also. ?What is it? What?s wrong? Does someone want to tell me what this is all about or do I have to stand here guessing?? So, for the next hour we talked. At some point Lori?s mother joined us and we talked some more. It took a while, but little by little I could see my mother?s excitement starting to wane. She had been so looking forward to this and now her dream was about to collapse. She sat at the table in the dining room looking deflated. ?I?m not sure what I was thinking. I was so caught up in the excitement I didn?t stop to think it through. The last thing I want to do is embarrass you.? And just like always it took Lori to bring me around. She looked at me and smiled, ?So who are you really worried about, some girl that might out you to the world? I?ll bet you that any of the girls there who might know you, first, won?t recognize you, second won?t care and third will probably think it?s really cool that you?d do something like this for your mother. Besides,? she now whispered, ?Remember the car... your mother told me about it.? So just a couple of hours later, we were pulling into the parking lot at Carla?s Boutique. I knew this was one of the most fashionable stores in town for women and girls. They were also one of the major sponsors of the fashion show, so this was the first place to look for dresses. Once we were through the doors, Lori and her mother went one way and mother and I went the other. The plan was, we would each make a few choices and meet at the fitting rooms to compare and try things on. As we looked through the racks and made a few choices, I was oblivious to the other shoppers. This lasted up to the point where I found a very pretty red dress which I had to show to mother. I pulled it from the rack and turned to show it to her, but instead came face to face with Monica Pressy, a girl who I knew from school. I stopped cold in my tracks, tried not to make eye contact, and, tried to move away from her and make my way to where my mother was standing, but Monica was having none of it. She reached out and stopped me. ?Wow, that dress is gorgeous! I didn?t think they carried anything quite that sexy here. I always thought this was an old women?s store.? It took a few more seconds, but I began to regain my composure, and I realized she didn?t recognize me. I held up the dress, so we could both see it better. She almost swooned as she gushed about the dress. ?I wish my mom would let me wear something like this, but she?s way too conservative. She?ll have me wearing a granny skirt and a turtleneck if she has her way. I hope your mom lets you get this.? As Monica walked away, I turned to see Lori looking at me. ?Wow! Girl you handled that so perfectly. I?m so proud of you. I thought any minute you?d freak out, I know I almost did. I saw Monica?s face and she had no idea who you were. And you just acted so natural.? Over the next six hours, we managed our way through four additional stores. We all tried on dresses from all three categories but we finally all agreed on the formal gowns and the afternoon tea styles. And it was in the last store we ran into trouble. Lori and her mother were trying on matching dresses and mother and I were waiting to see how they looked. Just as they stepped out of the dressing room, up walked another girl from school, Julie Martin and her mother. I had known Julie since second grade and her mother was a close friend of my mother. I was standing next to mother and both heard and saw Julie at the same time. ?Hi Lori, hi Mrs. Nichols. Those dresses are absolutely beautiful. You two always find the perfect matching outfits.? Then she turned and looked at me and then saw my mother standing there. ?Oh hi Mrs. Taylor. What are you doing here? Helping Lori and her mother pick out dresses?? And before anything else could be said or done, Julie turned her attention to me. ?Hi, I?m Julie and...? then she noticed I was wearing a similar dress to the one Lori was wearing and it was a matching dress to my mothers. ?Oh, are you here with Mrs. Taylor? I didn?t think she had a daughter only Brett and I know....? And that was it. She stopped talking and looked at me closely, took a step back, looked again, and when her mouth fell open and her hands flew up to cover it, I knew that I?d been discovered. ?Oh my God Brett! It is you, isn?t it?? Before she could say anything more, my mother had moved over to quiet her down. ?Julie, hi, how are you. Why don?t you and your mother come over here, so we can talk?? By this time Julie?s mother Sharon had joined us and was trying to figure out what was going on. All the while Julie kept saying, ?It?s Brett, can?t you see? That?s Brett wearing a dress.? Finally, after several minutes of confusion, mother managed to get us aside from the crowd with Julie and her mother where we were joined by Lori and her mother as well. Mother suggested to Julie?s mother that we all get changed and head over to a nearby restaurant to explain things. It took over an hour, but finally both Julie and her mother seemed to accept the situation. Julie?s mother Sharon couldn?t stop giggling. ?Julie, can you imagine your brother Jason agreeing to do something like this? Brett, I?m sorry, I mean Brittany, and I just can?t get over this. You?re very pretty. And I think what you?re doing for your mother is very special.? Julie was a different story. ?I can?t wait to tell Tina and Judy. They won?t believe this. Nearly everybody at school thinks you?re gay anyhow, and this proves it! Just wait until Monday, the schools going to go crazy.? Fortunately, her mother stepped in to stop this. ?Julie, I swear if you say one word about this to Tina, Judy or anyone else, you?ll be grounded until you?re 30. Brittany hasn?t done one thing to deserve that kind of treatment. Especially from you. Remember all the teasing you took just because you had braces and wore glasses? Only after you got your braces off this year and got contacts you finally agreed to do this fashion show with me. I?ll not have you acting that way.? That seemed to settle Julie down, and then she got interested in asking a hundred other questions. It took another hour until she seemed satisfied and swore she would keep my secret. On the way home, mother was very quiet, but Lori rattled on about the incident with Julie. I could sense mother was concerned about what had happened, but I didn?t want to talk about it until we got home. Once we got home, Lori and her mother headed across the street right away. They could tell that mother and I needed to talk. And we did, but for different reasons. Mother and I both changed into night clothes and I?m sure she was surprised to see me come down to the living room wearing the nightgown Lori had given me. She had made tea and laid out some brownies she had made the day before. We sat in the living room looking at each other, neither of us knowing where to start. Finally, mother broke down and started. ?Brittany I don?t know what to say. I?ve put you through so much. I?ve been so foolish, and I?m so sorry. You don?t have to wear that nightgown... or any other girl?s clothes again. I?m so sorry and I promise to make this up to you.? I felt so sorry for her and so sad. But as the day had worn on today, I had made a few decisions based upon everything that had happened over the past few weeks and capped off by today?s experience. ?Mother, you don?t need to apologize for anything. I?m wearing this nightgown because I want to. These past few weeks have been crazy and several times I thought I was losing my mind, but along the way I learned something, as a matter of fact, I learned a lot of somethings.? I now had her attention and she was listening. ?The first thing I learned is how much you love me. I?ve always known that you loved me, but in the past few weeks I?ve learned about the depth of your love and what it really means to love someone. And then I?ve had the chance to talk to you and listen to you in a whole new way. As Brittany, our relationship is different, and that?s not a bad thing. We?ve talked so much more, and I?ve spent so much more time being close to you. When I?m Brittany, you treat me differently and I really like that, because when I become Brittany everything changes for me. I don?t become a different person, but there?s a whole other side of me that comes out I might otherwise never have known. That doesn?t mean you treat me badly as Brett because you don?t. But when I become Brittany you treat me like your daughter and I like it, because I?ve come to really like Brittany. She?s as much a part of me as is Brett, and lately a little bit more, but that?s OK because I really enjoy my time as Brittany. And that goes for my time with you and Lori and her mom as well. And even today, when Julie figured me out, I was OK. Yes, I was worried about what might happen at school, but I could have dealt with that, because when she saw me as Brittany, she was just seeing another part of me, and it?s a part I?m not ashamed of. I?m not quite sure when the realization hit me, but spending time with you and Lori and her mother has really allowed me to accept myself and Brittany is a big part of who I am. And I?m not about to give that up.? And there it was, it finally came out... I said it. Being Brittany was something I wasn?t going to give up. I don?t know when the feelings started, maybe with the first kiss from Lori but I can?t be sure. From that point on, it had a lot to do with my relationship with mother. There was something special in how she treated me and how I felt around her. We had always been close, but this was different. There was a sharing of feelings and emotions that was not there with Brett. Not that it was a bad thing; it?s just that a mother daughter relationship is different than a mother son relationship. Also, there?s another part of it I was still trying to understand. There was a point where I suddenly felt like Brittany. I was no longer a boy in a dress afraid someone would discover me and humiliate me. I became Brittany and I was comfortable with that, so when Julie figured me out, I was OK. Now only where this would take me in the future was still a mystery. VIII Over the next couple of weeks my life continued to change, in subtle but distinct ways. Lori was ever attentive helping me both find my way and providing encouragement, as well as criticizing any little error or offence. ?Think of it as girly school. If you get all A?s and B?s you?ll get a reward at the end of the day. Anything less and you might get punished. Of course, you just might look cute over my knee while I spank your pink pantied bottom.? Girly school proved to be both fun and challenging. Every time I thought I had it all pulled together, Lori, her mother or my mother would point out some little imperfection. Every move was scrutinized, how I walked placing each foot precisely to get the correct feminine sway to my hips, how I crossed my legs when I sat making sure not to flash my panties, the words I chose when I talked and the emphasis and expressions in my voice, it was all judged. It was becoming difficult to keep Brett and Brittany separated. Several times during the day at school moving or speaking like Brittany, just catching myself before trouble developed. And at home, I had to be careful to not allow Brett to intercede where he didn?t belong. And at school, there was the additional problem of Julie. While she was true to her word and never disclosed what was going on, she found many subtle ways to make me nervous. Sitting at lunch, Julie would extend her hand to show off her new nail color. ?What do you think Brett? Is this a color you might pick? I mean do you find it attractive?? Or standing in the hall near our lockers she would lift her skirt a bit looking at her leg. ?Oh rats, a run in my stocking, Brett don?t you just hate when that happens?? About the time I was wearing thin of her actions, Lori stepped in to put an end to it. ?Julie, I was talking to your mother the other day, and she was telling me how funny it was when you walked out of the restroom at you cousins wedding with your skirt tucked in your garter belt. She said you walked all the way to the middle of the dance floor before you realized why everyone was laughing. She said she even has a picture someone took with your panties on display. I?ll bet that she?s willing to let me borrow that picture.? And that put an end to it. At home, mother kept up the pressure, but it was in a relaxed and reassuring way. She would suggest an activity that was fun, exciting or challenging, but always had a purpose. Sometimes, the activity was challenging like making five trips up and down the stairs while wearing a pair of her shoes with 5-inch heels, a fitted pencil skirt and carrying two glasses of water filled right to the rim. Other times, we would sit relaxing in the living room while taking turns reading poetry. Mother would coach me in voice inflection, facial expression and body language as I recited everything from Louisa May Alcott to Dr. Seuss. What made this all so much fun was the time I was spending with mother. I never felt closer to her. I found out it was possible to share with her emotionally in a way which I had never before done. As we talked, I could relate to her words, but I could sense her feelings. We just connected in a very special way. The other thing mother and I did was what she called bonding chores. Together we cooked dinner, baked cookies, did laundry and cleaned house. It gave me a new appreciation for how much work she did keeping up with the house and along the way not only did I learn a lot, but also had a lot of fun. For her part, Lori helped where she could, but still couldn?t resist teasing me. ?You?re going to make somebody a wonderful wife some day. You can cook, clean house and when you get dressed up for the night, you?re sexy as hell.? She then wrapped her arms around me kissing me and then letting her hands wander and explore every inch of my body. More than once, mother insisted she was going to throw a bucket of cold water on us after walking in and find us in a clinch. One other thing which happened during this time was that Lori and I began to relate on a different level. We had gone from best friends to boyfriend/girlfriend, but now there was something else. Where I had been seeing myself as one person it seemed that Lori was seeing two. When she wanted to be with Brett she treated me as all boy, and when she wanted to be with Brittany she wanted me to be all girl. This was both a good thing and a bad thing. It kept me grounded in that she realized Brett was still here but challenged me to do my best to be a girl when Brittany was here. It helped me maintain my sanity but was something we would have to reconcile as time went by. Especially if she expected Brittany to be around after the fashion show, and, especially since I did. I never realized how complicated it was being a girl, and Lori was more than happy to both show me, and to make sure I learned as much as possible. While I wasn?t going to learn it all in just a few weeks I studied hard and Lori was a great teacher. Something I hadn?t counted on was learning to do my makeup and take care of my hair. Lori surprised me with this task. ?Hey, a girl who can?t handle makeup and hair will stand out like a boy in the girl?s locker room. We?ve got two more weeks of girly school and you?ve already mastered most of your feminine movements and graces, so now we work on this. It may be a little more challenging, but you don?t need to become an expert, just proficient.? Over the next 7 days, including the weekend I suffered through makeup lessons, and practiced hair styling. Early on, I struggled with the makeup, seeming to lack in the artistic skills necessary to make myself presentable, but Lori took her time explaining to me step by step as she would do it, then removing the makeup and have me attempt to redo it. Somewhere during the third evening of practice, I made a huge break through. Lori had been telling me since the first day to relax and watch the image in the mirror and pretend I was painting a picture. I started out looking like a paint by numbers picture, but finally, after much prodding, I could do just what she said and relax; the results were amazing. Every brush stroke became easier and smoother. My movement as I worked through the eye shadow and mascara became a gentle sweep rather than a brush swipe. I was far from an expert, but all at once I was able to do a respectable job. Then came my hair. Oh my gosh! I had been washing my hair, combing and brushing it by myself since I was five years old. But this was different. First there was washing it, with herbal shampoo and then a conditioner containing citrus oils, vanilla bean and banana extract. When I was done, my hair smelled like a fruit salad, but was never softer or shinier. After washing and conditioning Lori started on hair styles. We did simple pony tails in four different positions both straight and curled. Then we did pigtails and braids and finally moved on to more difficult styles that required, rollers and curling irons or flat irons with hair clips and pins and much, much more. In the end, I mastered a few styles but would have to count on my mother or Lori for anything more complicated. The last week before the fashion show was filled with outings. Mother had decided I needed more time in public to gain confidence and be comfortable. ?You?ll be on stage in front of a big crowd. You need to be ready and be able to leave your nervousness behind.? When the weekend of the fashion show finally arrived, I was as ready as possible and scared crazy. I had butterflies in my stomach and couldn?t even eat dinner on Friday. Mother took it easy on me and we had a quiet evening. She gave me a glass of wine which helped to calm me down and we went to bed early. She tucked me in and kissed me on the cheek. ?Thanks, sweetie, sleep tight... we?re going to have a great day tomorrow. You?ll see, just be yourself and you?ll have lots of fun.? IX Saturday morning, mother and I were up early. I had slept surprisingly well. After everything I?d been through over the past couple of months I was as excited as I was nervous. We had a light breakfast and then got ourselves ready for the day. Our dresses were hanging in plastic travel bags ready to go. We would be doing our hair and makeup at home, carrying the dresses with us and changing back stage at the theater where the show was being held. Mother told me there would be changing rooms but warned me there might be girls running around in their undies and that I shouldn?t be embarrassed. By noon mother and I were ready to go, and Lori and her mother came over carrying their dresses, so we could all ride together. We loaded up in our minivan and headed down town to the theater. When we got to the theater, it was in a state of mass confusion. There were easily 50 girls there with their mothers and dresses were hanging everywhere. And you had to watch where you stepped to avoid makeup cases and piles of shoes. Finally, it seemed as if everyone had arrived, and a tall elegantly dressed lady stepped forward to take charge. ?Ladies... girls... I?m Helen Toutman and I?ll be the show manager today. Thank you for all being here and making this event the success it is every year. If I can get you to check you show guides, you?ll see there is a code number and sequence in the upper right corner. This will tell you the order of appearance and give you an idea of timing. Now things are always a bit fussy and confusing, but just listen when the numbers are called by the stage coordinator and be prepared for your walk across the stage.? She spoke confidently which seemed to settle the crowd. Then she gave a few more instructions and made a couple of introductions. First was a rail thin lady wearing a grey business suit and her hair pulled into a rather severe bun. ?This is Sharon Helwig. She?s the show announcer and has all the style sheets which you?ve turned in. She has edited them into three-minute dialogs, which will provide you a sense of timing on stage. Be prepared at the curtain edge, stage right, and make your entrance as soon as you hear her speak. You should be center stage on the Plaza Star just as she finishes. We then allow an added minute for pictures and applause. You will see a small, red, light flash at the front of the stage and you will turn and exit stage left. Remember, breathe, relax and smile. I?m sure you will all do just fine.? ?Next, ladies, let me introduce Carla Salvatore. As I?m sure you all know House of Salvatore is the up and coming couture designer for young ladies and is the featured sponsor of this year?s event. Carla is here with three of her lead designers and they have graciously agreed to be part of our judges? panel for this year?s show. So, girls and moms remember to strut your stuff and you just might take home a blue ribbon this year.? For our part, Lori and I and our mothers could relax for a short while. We would first be modeling in the B segment, Afternoon Tea Styles. Lori?s code was B11 and mine was B 15, so she and her mother would be four ahead of me and mother. Then for the C segment, Formal Gowns Lori and her mother had C6 and mother and I were C7 right behind them. As the A segment of the show was winding down, we began our preparations. We didn?t have much to do, just put on our dresses and touch up our hair and makeup. This was when the past few weeks of training came into play. For tea dresses, Lori and her mother had picked lacy pink dresses. Lori?s was an off the shoulder design with a princess neckline. It was fitted to the waist and then flared to the hem which was three inches above her knees. Her mother?s dress was made of the same fabric, with cap sleeves and a modest round neckline. It was also fitted to the waist and then the skirt became soft draping folds to mid calf. They looked so elegant. My dress was one which mother had picked for me to wear. She found my choices to be far too conservative for a teen aged girl. The dress was made from raw silk and was copper colored. It had a high collar that fastened with pearl buttons and short sleeves that feathered at the edges. The bodice had an oval keyhole cutout in the front positioned perfectly to display my very modest cleavage. The dress had an empire waist that was wrapped with a satin belt embellished with pearls. The skirt flowed in a soft a-line and ended several inches above my knees. More than I would have been comfortable with, but it had been mother?s choice. I watched as Lori and her mother made their way out on to the stage walking to the Plaza Star, turning and walking forward to the front edge where they paused, made a slow spin and returned to center stage. They waited for the applause to die, and then turned to make their exit. At that moment, the butterflies took over. I was so nervous, but mother took control. She took my hand if hers and smiled. ?Don?t worry sweetie, I?ll be right there with you. Take the next few minutes to relax... a few deep breaths will help, then just smile and be yourself, you?ll do fine.? And I did! I don?t remember it, but I did just fine. I heard the announcer start, and mother tugged on my hand, and then we were standing center stage listening to the applause and watching the flashes from the cameras. Back stage, Lori hugged me so tight I thought I might pop the seams on the dress. Mother kissed my cheek and Lori?s mother gave me a hug as well. Then it was off to change. We didn?t have much time to get changed, and we all wanted to redo our makeup for the formal gown segment. For this segment, Lori?s dress was a sapphire blue satin halter style with a very low cut back. Low enough that she could not wear a bra with it. Mother reminded me there would be no peeking when Lori changed, then laughed when I blushed. Lori?s mother?s dress was a similar design but not so low cut so she could wear a halter style bra. Hers had a lace jacket that added a bit of a mother of the bride look to the dress. Together, they looked fantastic. My dress for this segment was ruby red satin, sleeveless with a princess cut neckline. It had a corset style back that laced with a wide ribbon. The dress was then fitted snug to my body down to my knees where it expanded into a mermaid style. Mother surprised me with chandelier earrings, with matching necklace, bracelet and ring all set with red crystals. Mother?s dress was of the same red satin but had a modest bowed neckline with puffed sleeves and a straight skirt. When we looked in the mirror just before heading to the stage, I could see that she was holding back tears, which caused me to do the same. This time, I remembered every step we took. My first time on stage I had been all nerves; but this time I was confidant and sure of myself. The four of us were sitting back stage, enjoying a glass of iced tea and exchanging compliments about our efforts when Helen Toutman stopped by to congratulate us as well. But she had a surprise for us as well. ?Ladies, you all look so lovely in your dresses and you did such a good job on stage. No stumble, no nervous looks... everyone was impressed, especially Ms Salvatore. She sent me here to extend her compliments and to make you a special offer, at least for the two of you.? she said looking at Lori and then me. While we were recovering from that, she continued. ?I?m sure that you are aware, that this evening during the awards ceremony, Carla will be presenting her spring line of formal wear. It focuses on prom and spring wedding wear and will be seen for the first time right here. Well, she has sent me to ask if the two of you girls would be willing to act as models this evening. It?s a fantastic offer. Would you like to do it?? Lori was the first to jump. ?Yes! Wow... yes absolutely.? But her mother brought her back to earth. ?Are you sure? This seems like an incredible offer, but what?s all involved? Before we turn these girls loose, I think we need to know the details.? Helen sat with us and explained the details of the offer, more to our mothers than to us. ?Here?s the details of what?s being offered. Carla was very impressed with both the beauty and poise of your daughters. For this evening, she would like them to model one outfit each separately and then a complementary pair of dresses. This afternoon, rather than taking a break before the evening show, they would be spending time with Carla?s staff of beauticians and cosmetologists. They will have professional makeovers and then be fitted for the dresses. There will be the walk on stage much as this afternoon, and then there will be a photo shoot. Afterwards, they will wear the dresses at the reception and press conference. The girls will have to sign one-day modeling contracts. Mothers you will have to co-sign as I believe the girls are still minors. The girls will be paid $50 for the evening. If any of the photos taken are used in the catalog or for any promotional work or advertising there will be additional payments. Also, the contract includes a renewal clause that allows the House of Salvatore to extend to the girls a one-year contract at a rate to be negotiated if there is the opportunity for them to do additional modeling. This renewal clause ends after six months.? To say the least, we were blown away. Our mothers looked at us and could tell how excited we were. Lori was busy convincing her mother, which wouldn?t take much, when mother pulled me aside. ?Are you sure? Do you know what this means? The chance of someone finding out about Brett? I?m not going to tell you no, but I just want to make sure you realize what the consequences might be.? Fifteen minutes later, we had signed contracts and Lori and I were headed off to meet the beauticians. The rest of the afternoon was an incredible experience. After we changed into our street clothes, we were escorted to Monique?s, a beauty shop that had been rented for the day. Having been through the spa treatment with Lori, I knew what to expect, and how to protect my identity. What I wasn?t ready for was the beauticians and cosmetologists. My face was scrubbed and cleansed and while they were at it, and before I knew it, my eyebrows had been waxed, plucked trimmed and shaped. I didn?t put up a fuss, and, figured I?d come up with something later to hide them. While I was getting a manicure and pedicure, they started trimming and shaping my hair. By the time they were done, my fingernails had been extended ? inch past my fingertips and they matched the rose color that was already on my toes. And just when I thought it couldn?t get any better, they brought out the dresses. For the individual outfits, we were both wearing short prom dresses. Very short prom dresses! Lori?s was lavender, strapless and fitted right down to the hem that hit at mid thigh. Mine was also strapless, baby blue close fitted bodice with swirled patterns of sequins and an explosion of tulle for a skirt the was spread wide by a sewn in petticoat. It also ended at mid thigh. We were fitted with shoes and jewelry to complete the outfits. For the gowns, Lori and I were given matching satin gowns, hers red and mine dark green. They were strapless with a deep sweetheart neckline. We were shown how to use small bits of double sided tape to avoid a wardrobe malfunction. Again, we were supplied with all the necessary accessories and then changed into street clothes and shuttled back to the theater. We met our mothers is a private dressing room where they were having dinner. Lori and I ate a few snacks once we were assured there would be someone stopping by to repair our makeup. While we ate, our mothers took in how our hair was styled and our makeup done. Finally, mother looked at me closely, ?Your hair and especially your eyebrows are going to be difficult to hide when you go back to school. Are you OK with this?? I looked at her and smiled, I could see the concern in her eyes. ?Mother, I?m OK. I must admit, I wasn?t quite ready for this much, this fast. But I could feel it coming for the past several weeks. Brittany is a part of me that?s not going away. Sooner or later something like this was going to happen, so let?s just accept it and get ready to enjoy tonight.? A half hour later, both our mothers were freaking out when they saw the dresses that we would be modeling. The gowns were not an issue, but the two individual dresses created quite the stir, especially when we put them on. It took a while; and a visit from Carla herself before our mothers were settled down. Then the makeup artist showed up for the final touch up and we were ready for the stage, and our mothers were in tears as we headed out to the stage. If the afternoon event had been special, this was something else. The stage had been set with backdrops that could be changed for various presentations of dresses and gowns. And there were lights everywhere. Bright, colorful, blinding lights. Lori and I stood there trying to focus our eyes against the glare and losing the battle. Finally, one of the professional models sensing our dilemma offered her advice. ?Just don?t look at the lights, and don?t look down, you?ll become disoriented. Pick out a face in the audience as far back as you can see and focus your eyes there but try not to stare. And as hard as it sounds, relax. Be yourself and don?t overdo it, you?ll be just fine.? Her words meant so much to Lori and me. We thanked her and took a couple of deep breaths to prepare ourselves and were ready to go. There was a stage manager to help us get ready and in position. Then when she nodded and gave us a little tap we were off. Lori was fifth in our group just behind the girl who gave us the advice. Then there were five other girls before it was my turn. As I walked on stage and began to move towards my starting point, I looked out at the audience to pick the face I would focus on. And that?s when I realized how big the crowd was. This afternoon there were a few hundred people in the audience, but tonight, every seat was filled. That meant over 2500 people, and I realized that every set of eyes was on me. I heard the voice of the stage announcer start her description of my dress, and I started to move. I picked up a face to focus on half way back in the audience and kept my eyes centered there without staring. I walked to the center of the stage and then made my way to the front right edge. I paused here for a second or two and then turned walking carefully along the curve of the stage placing each foot carefully to keep my balance. At front, left of the stage I paused again then turned and made my way to the center of the stage, pausing until the announcer finished and then waiting for the applause to die off and the flashes of the cameras subside. Backstage, Lori and I hugged each other and then found our mothers waiting for us. They had been watching from the side of the stage and were almost as giddy as we were. After a few more hugs, we were escorted back to the dressing room where the makeup people and hairdresser waited for us. We had plenty of time to get changed for our next turn on stage, so we slipped out of our dresses and into robes. Cold drinks and a light snack were available, but Lori and I were too wound up to have anything more than a few quick sips. Then it was time for the hairdressers, makeup artists and our dresses. And back to the stage. Our second appearance on stage was different than the first time out. With our matching gowns, other than color, we made our way on stage together. Once at center stage we paused as a spotlight came into focus on us. As the light came to full brightness the announcer started her descriptions. Lori and I looked at each other and then turned moving away from center stage towards the right and left front. There, we paused, turned and then move to the opposite sides of the stage passing at center front. We paused again at the edges of the stage, and then turned and made our way to center stage. There we stopped turned to the audience and posed again. At this point, the audience went crazy. The applause was thunderous, and I thought the cameras would never stop. But finally, the noise died off and we turned to make our way back stage. This time not only were our mothers there to greet us, but so was Carla Salvatore. She hugged us both and thanked us profusely while moving with us to our dressing room. ?Girls, you were fantastic! Now remember we have the press conference and the reception before your evening is done. When you?re out there with the press, just be yourselves. I?m sure they will ask a few questions about how you came to do the modeling tonight and tell them the truth. I?ll be there with you and won?t let things get out of control. Be polite, be proud and enjoy the evening.? Everything Carla said turned out to be true. At the press conference, the reporters all had questions for us. We answered them simply and truthfully, and if it seemed we would be stuck for an answer, Carla was there to step in. Then we moved on to the reception where everything was more relaxed. A lot of the girls from the show earlier in the day stopped by to congratulate us. And while Lori and I had been disqualified from the awards, neither of us objected at all. There were a lot of girls who did a great job modeling with their mothers. X Sunday after the fashion show was given to rest and relaxation. We all slept in and decided to meet in town for a late breakfast. Over Belgian waffles, bacon and eggs with orange juice and coffee we shared our favorite memories of the show. Neither Lori nor I had eaten very much Saturday, and this morning we made up for it. We only slowed down when our mothers started teasing about losing our girly figures. After breakfast, we decided to walk through the mall, not intending to buy anything, but to walk off some of the calories. We looked at clothes and shoes and jewelry but after the fashion show, our interest level wasn?t there. Imagine the four of us in the mall and nobody interested in shopping. We were just about to leave the mall and were heading to the exit when we passed by Sharon?s Bridal and Formal wear. They were the local outlet for House of Salvatore, and there in the window were large blow up pictures from the fashion show, and front and center was a picture of Lori and I posed side by side in the evening gowns. We stopped in our tracks, the four of us just staring at the picture. While we stood there, Sharon Beckley, the owner of the store came out to greet us. ?Girls, how wonderful for you to stop by. Come on in and meet my staff.? And when we walked in the store we were mobbed. Several of the girls working in the store had copies of the picture of Lori and me; and they all wanted autographs. Lori and I were flattered to the point of embarrassment but took time to meet everyone and sign every picture offered to us. Sharon was so enthusiastic. ?I can?t wait to get stock of the dresses you two wore last night. We?ve already had six calls today asking about them. I?m sure you two are going to be a great success.? It was another hour before we could get out of the store and headed home. Lori and I were giggling at our new-found celebrity status. But our mothers cautioned us about letting our egos get away with us. ?If you girls start acting like divas, the next shopping trip will be to Goodwill and you?ll wear the worst things we can find. So, you better keep yourselves grounded.? Once we got home, it was time for mother and me to talk about the weekend, and what would happen now. I could tell that mother had had a wonderful time at the fashion show, and I knew she was proud of me, but at the same time I could see something else. Something that made me sad. ?Mother, I want to thank you so much for this weekend. If you would have told me just a few months ago that this was possible I wouldn?t have believed you... I couldn?t have believed you. I know this all started with the costumes Lori picked out for us, but along the way I discovered a piece of myself I never knew existed. And I love you so much.? Well, now we were both crying. Mother reached over and hugged me. ?What am I going to do with you? I?ve always known I had the best son in the world but now, at least for a little while you?ve given me the best daughter as well. I love you too sweetie.? We sat there on the sofa for a long time just hugging each other. I think we were both afraid to break the spell. But finally, mother pulled back and looked at me. ?What are we going to do for school tomorrow? Your face is so beautiful and with your shaped eyebrows and your new hair style it might be a bit obvious even if we hide it a bit. Are you sure you can get through it for the next few weeks? We can always cut your hair back to a boy?s style and we might be able to work on your eyebrows with a little pencil. What do you think?? ?I guess I?ve already considered that, but I don?t think it will work, and furthermore, I don?t care. I can wash my hair and brush it to stay flat then in the morning I?ll pull it back in a low ponytail. I?ll have to work on the sides where it?s layered, but it?ll be fine. If we try anything with my eyebrows, it?ll only get worse. They won?t look natural which will make the guys stare, and the girls will pick up on the makeup right away. My best option is just letting go... to be who I am. I?m comfortable with that, so it?s for the best.? When I went upstairs to get ready for bed, I decided to get back into boy mode. I pulled my hair back in the ponytail, scrubbed every bit of makeup from my face and put on an old pair of sweats. I heard mother calling me from downstairs saying she had made hot cocoa, so I went to join her. I bounced down the stairs three at a time just like I usually did and skidded into the kitchen in my stocking feet. When I looked up, mother was standing there with a look on her face I couldn?t quite figure out. She was either going to cry or laugh... and I was so glad when she finally chose the latter. ?Well look who?s here. I wasn?t sure that you?d be stopping by, but I?m so happy you decided to visit. I was beginning to miss you.? This really made me feel good. Then we hugged each other and attacked the cookies and hot chocolate. For the first time in weeks it was mother and son instead of mother and daughter. We talked about school but only the classes I was taking and what I thought my grades would be. She was really pushing me to do better as I would soon be thinking about colleges. She was hoping I would be a doctor or lawyer, but I was leaning towards computer technology. She seemed more than a little disappointed, but I think she didn?t see the potential. At bed time, we walked upstairs together. She followed me in my room and watched me climb into bed. Over the last several weeks, she had taken to tucking me in every night, but not tonight. But once I was settled, she did lean down and kissed me on my cheek. ?Good night Brett, Sleep well.? XI Monday morning, I was up and going early. I took a shower and washed my hair, leaving it to dry on its own, brushed it flat and pulled it back in a low pony tail. I didn?t bother trying anything with my eyebrows; I really didn?t see the point. I picked a pair of jeans and a blue striped button-down shirt. It was something I always wore and it?s what I needed, something to make me feel like Brett. By the time I was ready to leave for school, Lori was waiting for me. And she provided me with even more reinforcement as Brett. It started with a big hug and ended with a kiss. ?I?m glad to have my boy friend back. Now let?s go so we won?t be late.? And we were out the door. The day at school went by without any problems. Once or twice I had to catch myself from reacting in a really-girly way during a conversation, but other than that, it was fine. For the next few days, it was the same, but then on Friday morning I walked in to find something I didn?t expect. There on the big bulletin board by the main entrance was a poster of Lori and me in the Salvatore evening gowns at the fashion show. Below it was a small banner that someone had printed reading ?Congratulations Lori and Brittney?. I was standing there staring at the poster, waiting for Lori who had stopped outside to talk with friends. Suddenly, a voice behind me tore me from my trance, ?Sure are beautiful, aren?t they?? And then another voice. ?They certainly are. I have Lori in US History, but I don?t know Britney. But they could be twins.? I turned slowly to see Mrs. Thompson and Mr. Hargrove standing there. They both were still looking at the picture and then looked across at me. I waited for the recognition, but it wasn?t there. They took one more look at the picture and then turned and walked away. I took a deep breath allowing my nerves to settle just as Lori walked over to where I stood. ?What?s up? You look like you?ve seen a ghost.? I just turned and pointed at the poster... and heard Lori gasp. ?Well, I guess we knew this was possible. You going to be OK?? I shook my head and tried to smile. ?I?ll be OK up until someone figures out who Brittany is. Then my life will probably come to an end.? Somehow, I made it through the day without anybody walking up to me and saying, ?Hey it?s Brittany?. Throughout the day I did get a couple of weird looks from Julie Martin and once I saw her standing in front of the bulletin board whispering conspiratorially with Tina and Judy, but when I walked by, no one said a word. Lori and I walked into my house just after four o?clock, headed to the kitchen where we were shocked to find our mothers. Since neither of them was ever home much before six it was a surprise to find them there. Further, they were both dressed like they were headed out for the evening, not the office attire they wore to work. Mother grabbed me and turned me around, while Lori?s mother grabbed her by the arm and they headed towards the door. ?Come on girls... we don?t have much time. Carol, I think you?re right after all. Dressy and age appropriate, nothing over the top. Just regular high school girls out for the evening with their mothers. We need to be at The Martinique by seven, so we need to hurry.? I stopped as mother was pulling me up the stairs. ?You want to tell me what?s going on? The Martinique? What are we doing going to the Martinique?? I could hardly get the words out of my mouth as mother continued to drag me upstairs. Finally, as we got to my bedroom door she spoke. ?We have a reservation at seven for dinner. We?re meeting Carla Salvatore. Her secretary called. She has checks for you and Lori for your modeling at the fashion show, but she wants to discuss a new opportunity. Can you believe it? She wants to discuss an opportunity. How could I say no?? So just after six, the four of us were in mother?s minivan and headed down town to a restaurant we normally couldn?t afford, to meet with a celebrity fashion designer who wanted to discuss an opportunity. Lori and I sat in the back seat trying to act dignified, and giggling like a couple of school girls. We were fantasizing about becoming fashion models making millions of dollars walking the runways at shows in Paris and Milan. But at the same time living in the reality of two mid west high school girls. When we arrived at the restaurant, Carla was waiting for us. She welcomed us with hugs and air kisses and led us to the table that she had reserved. ?You girls look fantastic. I still have a hard time believing you?re not related. When I first saw you at the fashion show, I thought you were twins, or at least siblings. With your looks and what appears to be a lot of natural ability, the opportunities for the two of you are unlimited. I?m just glad I found you before anyone else.? With that said she placed two checks on the table and pushed them over towards Lori and me. We picked them up and looked at them I almost fainted and Lori was just as shocked. We both reached out to take the checks expecting the $50.00 promised to us for the fashion show but the amount on my check was $12,500.00 and I expected Lori?s was the same. Our mothers looked at the two of us as if we were crazy, but when they took the checks and looked at them their reactions were about the same. Lori?s mother found her voice first. ?This can?t be right. Are you sure? Why? What?s happening here?? And that was more than the rest of us could get out. Carla was classic in watching us all react. She sat there stoically at first, but then a big smile swept across her face. ?Do you remember when Helen Toutman first talked to you about modeling? She mentioned that if any of the photos taken during the show were used for advertising, you?d be compensated for them; well those checks represent your fee for appearing in this ad.? With that she pulled out a copy of Teen Miss Fashions. Opening it to the inside front cover, there we were. It was a picture taken during the photo shoot and was one taken by surprise. Lori and I had been standing in front of a screen with a flower garden background. We had been posed in several different positions individually and together. We thought we were finished after several pictures were taken with us holding small bouquets of wild flowers. When the last pose was finished,I bunched all the flowers together and held them in front of me leaning down to take in their fragrance. Lori reached out placing her hands over mine and leaned forward to take in the sweet air. When she did, I looked up, and our eyes met. In that moment, there was something special that passed between us... feeling and emotions all came together, and we smiled at each other. And while we weren?t expecting it, the photographer caught the moment, and that?s the picture in the magazine. Carla was holding up the magazine for us to see. ?It?s was a magic moment. There is emotion there that can?t be faked. The two of you were connecting on a level I can?t explain, but it was pure magic. When I saw the picture, I just had to use it. So, the checks I gave you represent your fee for this picture. And might I add my compliments as well.? Over the next two hours, we had a wonderful dinner sharing stories about the fashion show, and the fashion industry and finally returning to the picture in the magazine. Then we talked about life in general and ended up with Lori telling Carla and our mothers about the poster at school. When Lori mentioned the poster and the reaction of the teachers as well as the students the tone of the conversation took a decidedly down turn. It started with my mother but soon we were all involved. Her face turned pale. ?Brittany, what happened? What did you do? Did anyone say anything? Are you OK?? Her questions just went on and on. And then it was Lori?s mother. ?Lori, do you know who did this? Who put the poster there? Does anyone in school know about Brittany? Doesn?t that girl we saw at the dress shop know? Did she say anything?? Lori finally jumped in and settled the discussion down a bit. ?That girl, was Julie Martin and I don?t think we have to worry about her, at least for now. Her mother laid down the law to her and so far, she?s been true to her word. A few of the teachers were trying to figure it out, because none of them remembered having Brittany in class. But for the most part, everything was fine. So far no damage control required.? But that didn?t settle it; my mother was nearly hyperventilating and stumbled for her words. ?What are we going to do? I knew I pushed this too far. Oh Brittany, I?m so sorry.? And she was in tears. I moved over next to mother and hugged her close to me. ?It?s OK. There?s nothing to worry about. I told you weeks ago I was OK with everything. We knew this would happen at some point. We just didn?t expect anything as grand as this.? During this entire time, Carla sat there with a look of confusion on her face. Finally, she couldn?t hold back any longer. ?Girls, I?m so sorry if I?ve caused a problem. I thought sending the poster to your school would be a great surprise. And I wanted it to set the stage for tonight. I?m sorry if I made a mistake, but I don?t understand what?s happening here. I wanted to give you the checks tonight and offer you a contract to do more modeling for me.? With that she pulled the contracts out of her purse and laid them on the table. She recognized something was wrong but had no idea what it was. So, I felt it was up to me to straighten things out. I picked up the contract and looked through it quickly. My first reaction was, WOW, that?s a lot of money. Then I passed it to mother. She read it just as Lori and her mother were reading their copy. It was suddenly very quiet, and I could see the confusion continue to build for Carla, so I went on with what I had to say. ?Ms Salvatore, this is really hard for me to say, but I don?t think I can accept this contract. I mean, it?s really great and having my picture in the magazine is fantastic, but I don?t think it would be fair to you.? Now she was really confused, so before she could say anything else, I continued. ?Ms Salvatore, I?m sorry I fooled you, but I didn?t set out to do that. The fashion show was something which was supposed to be a onetime thing, and we didn?t plan on it going any further. But now it?s becoming something more and it?s only fair to you that you know.? She was listening intently, but when I stopped to take a breath and steady my nerves, she asked. ?What? What is it that isn?t fair? What is it that I need to know?? With a look to my mother and then to Lori for support, I continued. ?Ms Salvatore you need to know something about me.? I took another deep breath and finally got it out. ?Ms Salvatore, I?m not really Brittany, my name is Brett and I?m a guy.? There it was, it was out now we only needed to wait for the reaction. What would it be? I expected her to ask us to return the checks and break out in a screaming rant, but nothing happened. Well that?s not exactly true, a lot of things happened, but there was no screaming and no emotional explosion. The first thing that happened was everything got really quiet. All at once we all stopped talking. Next, Ms Salvatore was looking at me very closely. Not starring but looking close enough to take in every detail of my face and what she could see of my body. This went on for what seemed like several minutes but was probably no more than 30 seconds. And finally, she spoke. ?Really? A boy? Not Brittany, but Brett? I... I don?t know what to say. I look at you and all I see is Brittany, a beautiful teenage girl who is comfortable and confidant with herself and surrounded by her mother and best friends who are just as comfortable. I must admit, I?m surprised... maybe a bit shocked, but it doesn?t affect how I see you or what I think about you. In my business, what I try to achieve is making all girls feel good about themselves; and that?s what drew me to ask you and Lori to model my dresses at the fashion show. You both have that something special that comes from being comfortable and confident with yourselves.? Then came the questions. ?Have you always wanted to be a girl? Is this all naturally you? Do you mean you?re not Brittany all the time? Clothes... makeup, poise... I mean, this is a lot to absorb. And then, back to the big three how, when and why. And then, what about your future?? We sat and talked for a few more minutes before the conversation became awkward. At that point, mother decided it was best to call it a night. ?Carla, I realize we?ve dropped a bomb on you tonight, and I think we all need a little time to think things through. If you would do us the honor, I?d like to invite you out to our house tomorrow afternoon. Saturday afternoons are casual time to relax and we?ll be able to explain everything. Then we can make whatever decisions we need to make.? XII The ride home Friday night was mostly quiet. I think we were all stuck in the ether floating somewhere between shock and reality. The past months had been a grand adventure and now we had to face the reality. It was the fashion show that had brought it to a head, but it was much more than that. Ever since the first day when Lori dressed me in the fairy costume I had changed. At first it was a little but then it became a lot. And as I changed, mother, Lori, and her mother had all changed too. Maybe the results of their changing were not as visually obvious, but the mental and emotional side was just as big. We all knew this day would come, but we weren?t prepared for it, especially with the complication of Carla Salvatore. I hardly slept Friday night and when mother came in to wake me up I was sitting up leaning against the head board of the bed, hugging a pillow against my chest and crying. I couldn?t help it. My emotions had run away with me. All I could think of was how I had disappointed my mother and how much embarrassment I had caused. And on top of that, it would include Lori and her mother as well. They had all done so much to help me over the months and now they would have to deal with this mess all because I couldn?t separate Brittany from Brett any longer. I did it for eight hours a day for school, but I didn?t have a way around that. But I did it because I had to, not because I wanted to. Mother hugged me and dried my tears and helped me to feel better about myself. ?Brett or Brittany... the name doesn?t matter. What matters is that you are my child and I love you. I know you think that you?ve disappointed me, you?ve said it before, but it?s so not true. I?ve been guilty of living out a fantasy through Brittany, but that doesn?t mean I love Brett any less. Don?t worry, when Ms Salvatore gets here we can straighten it all out. I?m sure that she?ll be reasonable. But it?s got to be a lot for her to take in and try to make sense of. Now get yourself together, unless you want Carla to see you with tears streaking down your face.? An hour later I walked down stairs to help mother get ready for Carla? visit. I?m sure mother was surprised, because it was Brett that came down stairs, not Brittany. She looked at me and smiled, and then asked, ?Are you sure?? I returned her smile trying to show my confidence but shaking inside. ?She needs to meet me... Brett, and, see this part of me.? For the next couple of hours, I helped mother prepare for the afternoon. We mixed fresh squeezed fruit punch, made lemonade and iced tea. Once they were all in the refrigerator to get cold, we turned our attention to a light salad and hors d?oeuvers. While she prepared skewered shrimp with pineapple and sweet glaze, I made mini meatballs in barbeque sauce. We then fixed a cheese tray with nine grain crisp bread. We had just laid everything out on the dining room table when Lori and he mother arrived with their contributions. Lori?s mother had made seafood bisque while Lori contributed a relish tray. What was going to be a casual afternoon now included a gourmet meal. By noon everything was ready and while the other three prepared the table with dishes and glassware, I headed off to get cleaned up and wait on Carla. I needed these few minutes to clear my mind and prepare myself. I was so nervous I was fighting off the tears. But I was finally able to calm down and found the strength to prepare myself. What I did, is accept myself in the same way I had asked mother to do. I was comfortable with who I was, so I just needed to be me. Carla arrived at 1:30 and was welcomed into our house by my mother, Lori and her mother. I stayed in my room while they talked and settled in the living room. After a few minutes of discussion, I heard my mother say, ?I have someone who I?d like you to meet.? That was my queue, so I walked down the stairs and around the corner into the living room. ?Carla, this is my son, Brett.? I stood there wearing dark khaki pants and a tan button down shirt. I had pulled my hair back into a low ponytail and tucked it under the collar of my shirt. Carla stood when I walked in but remained quiet. I closed the distance between us extended my hand to shake hers. ?Hi... I?m Brett, and?, before I could say anything else, she stepped forward and hugged me. ?Brett, so pleased to meet you.? Over the next three hours, we took advantage of the food we had prepared while I explained my story to Carla. Occasionally, Mother, Lori or her mother would add a comment, but for the most part they let me talk. Carla would stop me a few times with a question, but mostly she listened. I started with the costume party and finished with the poster at school on Friday, so she had the whole story. When I was done, I expected an immediate reaction and I was prepared for the worst, but it was not to come. Carla sat back for a couple of minutes thinking, but not saying a word. Finally, she stood up and walked across the floor, and I expected her to keep going right out the front door, but she didn?t. She stopped in front of the chair where I was sitting and stood there. She reached out and took my hand and pulled gently causing me to rise to my feet. I didn?t know what to do, but she solved that by reaching out and hugging me again. Carla stood there holding on to me. ?Brett, I so happy we had a chance to meet. I think you?re an amazing young man. But after having already met Brittany, I would have expected nothing less. So now all we need to do is figure out where we go from here.? Now it was my turn to hug her. ?Carla, I don?t know what to say.? And tears ran down my cheeks. Carla stepped back, took out a tissue and wiped the tears away. Can I ask you favor? Do you suppose Brittany would like to join us for a while? I think she should be involved with the rest of the discussions tonight.? I turned and looked at mother and she nodded her head saying OK, so I headed off to my bedroom. It took about 30 minutes to change and get my makeup done. When I returned, I was wearing a blue jean mini skirt and a knit pullover top. I had used just enough makeup to be presentable and put some blue sparkly studs in the holes in my ears and a matching bracelet and necklace. I took two steps into the room and stopped, and when I did, the conversation also stopped. It was Lori that made the first move. She jumped up off the sofa, ran across the room and nearly jumped into my arms. Then she hugged me and planted a big kiss right on my lips. Only then did she realize what she?d done and got totally embarrassed. When we turned back to our mothers and Carla there was a moment of complete silence finally broken by Carla. ?Well I guess now I understand the magic between the two of you that comes across in the picture.? And with the tension broke we all ended up laughing. After we all settled down again, Carla decided she needed to know the whole story. So, for the next hour she heard all four versions of the story. She sat there listening, sometimes laughing, sometimes is a state of disbelief. ?Brittany, I don?t know quite what to say. Are you OK with all of this, everything that?s happened? I mean, I hear the story and then I see you sitting here, and I don?t know what to believe. If I hadn?t met Brett, I would have never believed any of this. At this point I even feel responsible for some of what?s happened. Are you OK?? I looked away from Carla studying my mother?s face and them Lori?s and her mother?s. They looked terrified, afraid of what my answer would be. I took my time, making them sweat a little. I?d answered this question before for them in several ways, but this was different. Someone from outside was asking. Finally, I turned back to face Carla, and I smiled. ?I?m fine; actually, more than fine. I?ve got to admit, my life has been pretty-confusing for the last few months, but I?ve experienced things, learned things and grown in ways that wouldn?t have been possible if this hadn?t happened. And I?m fine with it all. As a matter of fact, I can?t see myself going back to just being Brett. I mean I?m not ready to let him go, but I enjoy being Brittany, and I?m not ready to let her go either.? Carla sat back quietly taking in what I had said. You could see it in her face; her eyes would narrow and then close as if she were in deep thought. There was a brief frown and then a smile. She opened her eyes and looked at me taking in every detail. You could almost feel her drawing in information and forming opinions. Then she looked briefly at my mother, Lori?s mother and then at Lori, allowing her gaze to linger there just as she?d done with me. Finally, she rubbed her head with her hands, massaging her temples, very deep in thought. It took a few more minutes but at last she looked up at directly at me and smiled. ?So here?s where we are... I think we can make this happen. I mean if all of you are OK with this. Who am I to say differently?? To say I was shocked would be a massive understatement and by the looks on everyone else?s faces, they were right there with me. Finally, I found my voice and asked what we were all thinking. ?What do you mean we can make this happen? Just what is it you?re thinking about?? Leaning forward in her chair, Carla again looked from one face to another coming to rest on me. ?I came here yesterday to give the checks for your modeling pictures used in the catalog and store posters. The $12,500 is normal fee for this work, so the checks are yours free and clear. Just remember, you?ll need to pay taxes on that before you spend it all.? She looked around again raising her hand when my mother started to object. ?No objections. The amount is fair for the work which was done. It may have seemed easy and fun, but in the future, it won?t always be that easy. I can be quite the task master, and my staff photographers are even worse.? This time it was mother that found herself first. ?What are you talking about? What do you mean in the future?? Carla laughed a bit at our confusion and then went on, ?Well, giving you the checks wasn?t the only reason I came to town. I could have just as easily mailed them. But I?ve got another reason to see you, and that?s why I sent the poster to your school, kind of a way to pump you up a little before we talked. It?s just I didn?t have a clue that I might be causing problems.? She reached into her purse and pulled out a file folder extracting some documents and laying them on the coffee table. ?This is the reason I came back to see you in person. I never offer contracts to models via the phone or mail; only in person.? Now we were all in shock again as she spread the papers across the table. ?The contract you signed at the fashion show was a short-term agreement and it gave me the option to make you an extended offer anytime during the six months after the show. Well here it is. When I got back to my shop, I sat down with my marketing people and they went crazy over the pictures of you two. That?s when the catalog picture was chosen, during that first meeting, and we immediately e-mailed copies to all the stores who feature my dresses. Then we took another week to put together a plan, and here I am.? My mother picked up the contract and started thumbing through the pages. She would stop and read a bit then turn a few more pages and read a bit more. You could see she was overwhelmed. Carla watched and saw the look as well and intervened. ?Let me make it easy for you. There?s probably 30 pages there, and you?ll want your lawyer to read through them, I?ll even pay to have an attorney review the contract for you if you?d like, but here?s the long and short of it. I?m offering each of you a three-year contract to exclusively model for House of Salvatore. During the first year your base compensation will be $50,000 and you will earn bonuses based upon placement of your pictures in our ads and catalogs. You may also be asked to do some live modeling in which case you will be paid an additional fee based upon time requirements. During the contract period, all expenses will be paid for by House of Salvatore and if any travel is required, your mothers will be invited to travel with you and if it?s necessary for them to be absent from work, they will be compensated for any loss of wages. Since the contract period covers your entire senior year in high school, we will hire a tutor to help keep you on pace, who will travel with you as necessary. There is also language in the contract explaining our medical coverage, which is top shelf. Although I?m sure it won?t be an issue, there?s also an explanation of our expected behavior and the grounds upon which the contract can be voided. It?s the usual stuff, drugs, alcohol etc and what I consider behavior unbecoming and inappropriate for young ladies. I?m pretty strict in that regard.? ?Wow!? It escaped my lips before I could even think it. ?Are you for real? Is this for real? I feel like I?m in the middle of some fantasy dream.? I looked around the room and could see that Lori and our mothers were right there with me. Mother was the first one to ask the obvious question. ?But you know about Brett, and you?re alright with that? I know she... I mean he... I mean Brittany is a beautiful girl, but she?s also 16 years old and at some point, soon I think, Brett is going to start to take over, how do we protect her... him from exposure and ridicule? Even in the short term how do we accomplish that. There?s already at least one girl at school who knows, and I?m sure it?s going to start to spread. I don?t want Brittany... I mean Brett to go through that.? For several minutes, the room was quite as we all thought about what mother had said. I brought us back to reality. The fantasy dream I?d been experiencing suddenly crashed to the ground. XIII Over the next few weeks, life seemed to drag. Carla had left, telling us she was convinced we could make this work. But I was skeptical. There was a part of me that wanted so much to do the modeling but another part of me which was terrified. And for some reason the thought which terrified me the most were mother?s words about Brett taking over. I hadn?t considered that happening. I guess I realized sooner or later I would have to go back to being a guy full time and that nature would run its course and make it happen, I just wasn?t ready for it to happen now. I know my mother had talked to Carla several times, but she wouldn?t share with me what they discussed. Whenever I?d ask her, she?d say, ?Don?t worry about it. There are too many questions yet and not enough answers. When we get things resolved I?ll let you know. Then we?ll sit down and talk about it. Until then just let it go, it?s not going to do any good for you to worry about it.? School was winding down and I was focused on taking final exams, so I was finally able to focus my mind there and allow myself to relax. On the last day of school, I only had one test early in the day, so I was home before noon. As I walked in the house, mother was waiting for me. ?Brett, hurry up and get changed honey. You?ve got a doctor?s appointment at 1:30. Take a quick shower and get cleaned up, you don?t want to offend anybody.? I stopped and dropped my book bag by the stairs and follow her into the kitchen. ?What doctor?s appointment. I?m not sick, and it?s not time for my physical. I don?t get that until school starts in the fall. So, what?s going on?? I headed towards the refrigerator to grab something for lunch, but she stopped me. ?No lunch today. The doctor is going to take blood samples and since I know you don?t eat breakfast you?ve already done the fasting, so don?t mess it up now. And as for the why now, I don?t want you to get upset, but I?ve been talking to Carla. I know how much both you and Lori want the modeling contract, and I also know how much Carla wants you to model, but I?m still worried about how long it would last before your body floods itself with testosterone and you grow into a handsome young man.? ?I don?t think any of us wants you to get into something that becomes physically, mentally or emotionally a problem. I felt the best thing to do was get you totally checked out by a couple of doctors before this goes any further. Carla has been a big help, and we?ve found a few doctors that will do the evaluations and let us know where you stand before we make any decisions.? I was shocked. I knew she?d been talking to Carla; but about this? ?So, I?m not going to see Dr. Morris? I think he?s the only doctor that I?ve ever seen. It?s not something serious, is it? Is there something I need to know, is there something specific you?re worried about?? Mother walked over to where I stood and put her arm around my shoulders kissing me on the cheek. ?Sweetheart, there?s nothing you need to worry about, but I do have a few questions I want the doctors to answer for us. Now you know I love you unconditionally, but at the same time you?ll be 17 years old in a few weeks, I?d expected you to have started developing a few more masculine characteristics. Look at you... your body is long and lean except you have more curves than a skinny boy. Your skin is soft and completely hairless, you don?t shave and I can?t see any signs of whiskers. I just want to get some answers. All of these things I?ve mentioned have made it easy for you to transition into Brittany, but could just as well change over the course of a few months. I think it?s just better all around if we get a few answers.? Then she gave me a hug and swatted me on the butt. ?Get a move on it mister; we?ve got a schedule to keep.? Just over an hour later, I was walking through the doors of a medical clinic I didn?t know existed. We had driven fifty miles to County General Hospital the biggest medical complex I?d ever seen. There were four separate hospital buildings and four large medical buildings housing doctor?s offices and lab services. We entered the largest of the office buildings and headed up to the fifth floor. On the double doors leading to the office was the clinic name, ?Health Science Services?. I stopped and read the sign carefully. Below the clinic name were the names and specialties of the doctors. M. Steiner ? Cardiology, B. Martin ? Endocrinology, S. Stevens ? Urology, B. Calvin ? Neurology, T. Westin ? Skeletal Muscular, P. Perth ? Pharmacology and D. Severs ? Family Medicine. Over the next four hours, I was poked, prodded, x-rayed, and otherwise examined. I had to pee in a cup, and have enough blood drawn to satisfy a vampire. Finally, I was through with the testing and figured we?d be heading home, but it was not to be. As we walked out into the lobby, another nurse approached us, handing a stack of papers to mother and having her sign one of them and return it. Before we could move any further in the waiting room, she pointed towards the door, ?Dr. Poole?s office is three doors down. She?ll be waiting for you.? So out the door we headed and down the hall to yet another office. This time as we entered, I read the name on the door and was even more surprised. ?Tina Poole ? Family Psychology?. I turned my head towards mother but before I could even ask, she supplied the answer. ?I thought it for the best. You?ve been through a lot and if you do go forward with the modeling, I want to make sure any issues you have are covered. I know you and I have talked about it, but I want someone you can talk to who will listen to your side of everything totally independent of the situation. Maybe there are questions you need to ask that you might not feel comfortable talking to me about.? I thought about it for a few minutes while I sat in the waiting room and mother handed the stack of papers to the receptionist. Finally, I came to a conclusion, ?Maybe she?s Right!? Ever since this started, the only people who I could talk to about what was happening were mother, Lori and her mother... and now Carla. It probably would do me a lot of good to have someone to talk to, and I did have a lot of questions. And a lot of them I couldn?t ask mother about. So OK, I was ready for this. As it turned out, Dr. Poole was great. Mother and I met with her for about thirty minutes and we both gave her the short version. Then, she sent mother to the waiting room so that she and I could talk one on one. ?Well Brett, this is quite the story. It appears to me you?ve been on quite the roller coaster ride here. So why don?t you tell me all about it. I?ve heard the abbreviated version while your mother was here, but now I want to hear the rest of the story.? For the next ninety minutes I talked, and she listened. Every once in a while, Dr. Poole would interject a specific question, but finally, my story was told. In the end, Dr. Poole asked me three questions. ?First, what is your relationship with Lori? Don?t just tell me you?re friends; tell me in deep detail what it is. Second, what do you feel like when you are dressed as Brittany? Are you playing a part, like and actor or actress, or is there more to it? And finally, how do you feel about this as Brett? Separate everything else other than being Brett and tell me what you feel. Now, I don?t want your answers right now, but I want you to think about your answers. I?m going to schedule a follow up appointment for next week and then we?ll talk more. In the mean time, we?ll also get the medical report back and we?ll know just where you stand there as well.? When I walked out into the waiting room, I was surprised to find not only mother waiting for me, but Lori, her mother and Carla. Lori ran over and gave me a big hug, ?we decided you could probably use some moral support. Carla picked us up and drove us here. She?s treating us to dinner and a night in a hotel. But in return we promised her that Brittany would make an appearance tomorrow. Something about promotional pictures for the next show she?s planning. Is that OK with you?? It was typical Lori, and how could I refuse her. Dinner was great, but all four of them peppered me with questions, several of which I could not answer, and most of the rest I wouldn?t answer. But I think they all understood. We enjoyed the dinner and then moved over to the hotel where Carla had reserved us a suite. Lori and her mother shared a bedroom and mother and I each had our own. I made it to the bed and collapsed without even getting undressed sleeping soundly until the early morning hours. When I woke up, I found a suitcase mother must have packed. There was a pair of jeans and a pull over shirt, but also a denim skirt and lightweight sweater along with proper underclothes for Brittany. I decided on the skirt and sweater, and then took a hot shower, washing and conditioning my hair, and got dressed. Everyone else was still asleep, so I walked out onto the balcony and sat there, enjoying the morning air, and thinking about my discussion with Dr. Poole, and her three questions. How would I ever be able to answer them? I sat there for a couple of hours before mother walked out bring me a glass of juice and some toast. ?How long have you been out here? I wasn?t sure if Brittany would be here this morning or Brett, so I packed clothes for both. I hope you don?t mind.? I looked up at her and smiled, then stood up and gave her a hug. ?I figured it would be easier this way. We are going for pictures later, aren?t we?? When I stepped back from the hug, she was crying. She tried to turn away and hide it, but I saw it plain as day. I pulled her back to me and hugged her again. ?Are you OK? Did I say something wrong?? She pulled back and dried her tears with a tissue. ?Oh, don?t worry about me. I?m just being a mother. I worry about losing my son and worry about taking care of my daughter.? Mother and I talked more and managed to pull ourselves together in time to join Lori and her mother for lunch. I?m sure they felt the leftover tension, but neither of them mentioned it. After lunch, it was off to a studio Carla had rented for the afternoon. And that?s when the fun began. I surly wasn?t ready for it, but Carla had planned major makeovers for both Lori and me. She explained her plan and the logic behind it. ?This is really a two-fold program. First, I want to pamper the two of you and convince you how much you want this. But the other reason is to get some really great publicity photos of the two of you. While I want you all to myself for my clothing line, there?s another huge opportunity with a couple of shoe designers and jewelry manufacturers. I already have a couple in mind who I work with regularly and I?ve shared some of your photos with them, and let me tell you, they?re interested. So today, we want to do a few special things to take it to the next level. You?re both out of school for the summer, so we can take a few more liberties with your look and with your style without having to deal with going to school tomorrow. So, as long as you?re willing, I?ve got a staff of stylists and designers ready to go. So, how about it?? Wow! What a lot to think about. I looked at Lori, and I could see we were thinking the same thing. ?What do you mean taking some liberties with our style? I mean I go from day to day sometimes worrying about what I?m doing. I mean I love it and I don?t want to give it up, as a matter of fact I don?t think I could give it up, but that doesn?t stop me from worrying. Does that make sense?? I looked around and saw my mother was nodding her head in agreement. ?Whatever we decide here, first and foremost I want Brittany to be comfortable with it. No embarrassment and nothing she?s uncomfortable with. If she?s OK then I?m OK, but nothing to extreme. So just what do you have in mind?? XIV The next eight hours were like nothing I could have possibly imagined. It started with Carla explaining what she had in mind. ?I really want to play upon the idea that the two of you look so much alike, but at the same time you each need to have your own identity. What I plan to do is have you both model a couple of outfits together, just to get into the swing of things. Then, I?m going to turn you over to my staff and you will talk to them about what makes you, you. And based upon your responses, you will collectively create an identity, the style that says to the world this is who I am... this is me.? With that decided, Carla called in the troops. ?Lori, this is April. She will be your personal dresser. Brittany, meet Ellen, your personal dresser. These two ladies will be responsible for helping you always look your best. Listen to them and learn from them but make sure to express your opinion to them as well. And here is the rest of the staff. Donna is our lead cosmetologist and she heads up the makeup staff that includes Beth and Gail. Terri is responsible for your hair and Misty and Kimmie are her staff. So off you go to get beautiful while I spend a little quality time with your mothers helping them to make sense of this.? While Carla whisked our mothers off to parts unknown, Lori and I were dragged away by our personal dressers. How crazy is that, a personal dresser. We started out together talking about some of the initial outfits we would wear and how we would build our style. April took the lead explaining what they had in mind. ?I amazed to find out that you two are not sisters. When I first saw your pictures, I actually thought you were twins. We want to play that up a bit, and then move you on to do your own thing, creating your own style.? Then it was Ellen?s turn. ?We?re going to start with a couple of complimentary outfits. Carla is renowned for her formal wear, but she also has a complete line of everyday wear. There are two distinct themes she follows; the first is country girl casuals and the second is party wear. We?ll start with the country girl wear and then move on to the party dresses. Donna and Terri are waiting for you for hair and makeup, so change into the robes hanging in the changing room and they?ll be in for you in a minute.? The next three hours were a whirlwind of hair and makeup. Lori?s hair was trimmed to match the length of mine and then mine was lightened two or three shades to match hers. Then we moved on to highlights, at least three colors layered on one after the other. And then trimming and shaping. Then there was sitting and baking during which time Donna, Beth and Gail attacked our finger and toe nails, shaped our eyebrows and glued lash extensions in place. Then it was back into the styling chairs where our hair was subjected blow driers, curling irons, teasing twisting and spraying before we were finally turned back over to the makeup girls. Another 30 minutes saw our faces prepared with foundation and contouring blush then our eyes were lined, lashes coated with mascara, eye lids colored with five shades of shadow and our lips lined, colored, and glossed. At long last it was back to see April and Ellen to find out what we?d be wearing. True to their word, April and Ellen had selected casual country styled dresses for us to wear. The dresses had a loosely fitted bodice to a tight waist and a flared skirt that was supported by two petticoats with large soft ruffles that were just visible below the hem of the dress. Lori?s was medium blue with cream colored pettis and mine was a deep rose with white pettis. We were both given beige round toe shoes with a two-inch heel and ankle straps. Finally, there were matching sets of jewelry and a spray of softly spiced perfume. When Lori and I finally saw each other we just stood and stared. Our reaction was somewhere between shock, amazement and disbelief. More than ever, we looked like twins. It was uncanny. I felt like I was looking in a mirror. It started with our hair and makeup and followed through our outfits. The cut of the dress gave me the illusion of hips and a trim waist. The heels on the shoes caused me to stand straighter, and this modified posture caused me to pull my shoulders back causing my chest to protrude forward. This combined with the padding tucked into my bra provided for a noticeable bust line. If our reactions were something to behold, our mothers? reactions were over the top. Lori and I were escorted down the hall to a small lounge where Carla sat with our mothers having coffee. Ellen entered the room first, made a quick introduction and waved us in. Lori and I made an entrance walking arm in arm and then striking a pose. As instructed, we stood back to back looking at our mothers across our shoulders, and then we turned face to face, and finally facing them head on. Their reaction was incredible. First and foremost, it was shock and then they broke into huge smiles and then my mother?s face turned to tears as she ran across the floor to hug me. ?Oh Brittany, what have they done? Oh my God, you?re so beautiful, but what have they done? Are you OK with this? Is Brett OK with this? What are we going to do when we go home? Are you OK? Please tell me are you OK?? And the tears flowed again. By now Carla was on her feet and by my side as I hugged my mother. Carla hadn?t been quite prepared for this and she was almost panicking, but once I was able to get mother?s tears to subside Carla settled down as well. ?Mother, don?t worry, I?m OK. None of us knew exactly what to expect here today, but we all knew there would be some changes. I didn?t expect to go this far this fast, but it?s OK. School?s over for the summer so we don?t have to worry about that, and if anyone else has a problem with the way I look, it?s their problem, not mine. I?ll admit, I was really worried about this today, but having the makeover and looking like this... well it?s like magic. I?ve told you before how I feel about this, and while today has taken it a step further than we expected, I love it. I feel great, and I look spectacular. Brett left on vacation the minute school was out, and now Brittany?s here. Besides, over the last few months, you and I have shed enough tears. We?re through with that. If I see any tears from now on, I want them to be happy tears!? It took several more minutes, but we were finally able to put that bit of drama behind us. Mother settled down and watched as Carla brought out the photographers to do their thing. And truth be told, it was getting into the rhythm of the photo session that finally allowed me to settle down. Listening to their directions and moving to pose, smiling on demand, trying to look innocent or flirty or shy took all my concentration, so I went into an auto mode and was able to set everything else aside. An hour later, Lori and I were back in the hands of the hair and makeup artists. Over the course of the afternoon and evening, Lori and I went through three changes in outfits each one requiring changes in hair and makeup. We spent what seemed like hours in front of the cameras posing alone and with each other in front of different backdrops and with various props. Finally, at 8:30, Carla declared us ?done for the day?. But she wasn?t done yet. ?I?ve got dinner reservations for nine, so we need to hustle to get there. No reason for you girls to change, you can keep those dresses you?re wearing. Consider it a bonus for today, and since I really want to keep your interest peaked for tomorrow.? I looked at Lori and she was just as confused I was. ?I thought that we were heading home tonight. Are we doing this again tomorrow?? Carla smiled looking very mischievous as she did. ?I guess the plans were changed a bit. I discussed it with your mothers and we decide to go ahead with another shoot tomorrow and make a weekend out of it. I?ve invited Marco Pilanta and Mischa Barlow to tomorrow?s sessions. They?ll be bringing their latest styles of shoes and jewelry and we?ll add some real glamour to the session.? I had no idea who Carla was talking about, but it was obvious that Lori was more than a little familiar with their names. There wasn?t a chance that we?d miss this opportunity. She?d see to that personally. ?I can?t believe it! I?ve dreamed about wearing Pilanta shoes, and Mischa jewelry, are you kidding me? I think I?ve died and gone to heaven.? XV And from that moment, going forward, the pattern was set. This weekend would be repeated time and time again over the summer. And every time and every place we went it just got better and better. The only break came the first weekend in June when Lori and I celebrated our 17th birthdays. Our birthdays were on Friday and we had pizza, cake and ice cream at Lori?s house. Her mother gave her presents, and Lori was shocked. The first package contained tickets. The four of us would be going to dinner and the theater Saturday evening in Chicago. The musical stage play Momma Mia (based upon the music of ABBA) was in town and we had 5th row tickets. Then Lori opened a small package, neatly wrapped in silver paper and tied with a pink ribbon. Inside was a set of real diamond stud ear rings and a matching necklace with a silver heart pendant and a single diamond in the center. This time, it was Lori?s turn to cry, but they were tears of happiness. After that, I was kind of waiting for my present, and they all knew it, but mother just smiled handing me a box similar to the one Lori had received. Inside, were a set of ear rings, a necklace styled nearly the same as Lori had received and a matching ring. But mine were not diamonds, they were Alexandrite, the birthstone for June and one of the most beautiful and amazing birthstones. While many of the birthstones had color variations, Alexandrite changed colors depending on the light reflecting off of it. A single stone would change from bright green in sunlight to sparkling red in most indoor lighting. And the ones mother had selected for me were absolutely beautiful. I thanked mother, giving her a big hug and kiss while trying unsuccessfully to hold back my happy tears. But she had yet another surprise in store for me. ?The rest of your present is being delivered. I thought it might be here by now. But I did tell them to deliver it to our house. Let?s go check, shall we?? We headed out the front door of Lori?s house and I didn?t get three steps before I stopped. There it was... parked in front or our house... my car! The car I had been saving for... a beautiful 1967 red Mustang convertible. It wasn?t a high-performance version, it had a six cylinder engine and automatic transmission, but there it was, and it was mine. I turned and looked at mother and her smile was as big as mine. ?I never paid off my bribe from the fashion show, so I figured I?d just add it to your birthday present.? With the birthday weekend behind us, we were off on our summer adventures. Carla had a local studio she used in Chicago and most of the photography work for her catalogs and advertising was done there. But over the course of our three-month ?vacation? from school we also travelled to New York, Los Angeles, Dallas, Miami and Montreal. Getting a passport was a real thrill and a bit of a challenge, but Carla just seemed to know the right people to get it done. As our travels would allow, I made two return trips to see the doctors. For the most part, I met with Dr. Severs and Dr. Poole and they were both informative and supportive. From Dr. Severs I learned I suffered from very low testosterone and an overactive thyroid. These two issues caused a few problems but nothing that wasn?t treatable. The first problem was a delayed, slow onset of puberty, and a higher than normal metabolism. The second problem was low levels of certain vitamins including B12, E and K. This didn?t pose any specific physical problems, but explained the low energy level and slight nervousness I had been experiencing. My time with Dr. Poole proved to be more interesting. Together we explored my feelings and emotions and sorted out several questions I had about what was going on in my life. Some of the answers came with the results of the medical tests, but others came only after lengthy discussions. Dr. Poole had no direct answers, but as we talked, things gradually came into focus. The biggest thing I learned was that I was not some sort of deviate and I had nothing to be ashamed of. As a matter of fact, she seemed very impressed with my maturity and sense of family and how I related to and respected my mother. Each time I walked out of Dr. Poole?s office, I felt better about myself. I was learning to accept myself and be comfortable with who I am. It wasn?t that I had been filled with self doubt or otherwise concerned about what I was doing, but I had a big decision coming in just a few weeks. School was about to start, and I had to make a few decisions about what to do then. There was always the option to simply cut my hair, put away the makeup, put on my jeans and button-down shirt and Brett would be back for the whole world to see. But was that what I really wanted? If you had asked me that question at the beginning of the summer, the answer would have been clear, but over the past few months, so much had changed for me, and although Brett was still very much a part of who I was, more and more, Brittany was in control. That?s not to say that I was losing myself to my Brittany side, but I was certainly feeling more comfortable in that role, and due to our schedule for travelling and modeling the vast majority of my time was spent as Brittany. By the time our schedule allowed us a week at home, school was only two weeks away. For several days, I had been replaying my discussion with Dr. Poole over and over again. I needed to make a decision about school and I was torn about what to do. Mother could sense what was going on and she tried to talk about it, but every time we started to discuss it, neither of us could find the words which would lead to a decision. As it turned out, it didn?t make any difference what we thought, because the decision was already being made for us, and that decision first turned up as a certified letter from the Superintendent of Schools. Mother and I sat in the living room as she read the letter out loud. The letter was short and to the point and we needed to decide how to respond. ?It has come to my attention and the administration of South Central High School, that your son Brett is undergoing a change of gender and is planning to attend school this fall as a female student. While the policy of this school and our school district is based upon non-discrimination at all levels, we are not prepared to deal with this situation. There are many issues that need to be addressed before we are able to deal with a transgender student, and we are disappointed that you have decided not to contact us on this sensitive issue. Therefore, I have scheduled a meeting here in my office for Tuesday August 28th to discuss this further with you and your son (daughter) to see what accommodations might be made and what options we have.? Mother and I both had the same questions and no immediate answers, but it didn?t take too much thought to come up with the only logical assumption, Julie Martin! She had been sworn to secrecy, but nobody could expect her to keep quiet forever. The question was, who had she told and what had she said? Apparently, whoever she talked to, and whatever she had said, spread like wildfire. And we probably wouldn?t have any further idea until the meeting on Tuesday. Over the weekend, mother and I talked about school quite a bit. At one point I considered calling Julie, but mother talked me out of it. In my mind, everything hinged on what was said at the meeting on Tuesday. If they were expecting me to return in female mode, my life might actually be easier. At this point it was much easier for me to stay as Brittany than to return to being Brett, especially if I were to keep up with the modeling expectations Carla had for me. And as much as I lamented over some of the things Brett would miss during his senior year, I would thoroughly enjoy them as Brittany. The only possible exception might be the senior prom, but I was sure Lori would come up with a creative solution for that as well. During the time mother and I were trying to decide what to do, Lori and her mother gave us as much room as they could, but they were deeply interested and concerned. They wanted to help, but they were very sensitive to the emotions of the situation. After many hours of seclusion, mother invited them over for dinner on Sunday, ?Dinner today is a time for us to relax and enjoy each other?s company. Our decisions will be made over the next few days, and for today we?ll set that discussion aside.? I had decided to wear something casual and comfortable for the day, so I picked a beige bib top jumper with a knee length skirt. The blouse was soft cotton in a multi-colored swirled print. I wore brown penny loafers and simple jewelry and had pulled my hair back into a high pony tail. When I answered the door, Lori stood there without saying a word. A single tear ran down her cheek. ?Brittany! I?m so happy you?re here.? And she pulled me into a long hug and finished by kissing me on my check. Conversation over dinner was slow and almost painful. It was like each of us wanted to avoid the obvious topics. Finally, we settled in on discussing the last photo shoot we had done in Chicago and an upcoming designer show in New York. But that show was scheduled out two weeks after school started and led us right back to the problem at hand. Facing that, we decided to call it an early evening to avoid allowing ourselves to get in to the quandary which couldn?t be resolved until our meeting on Tuesday. Monday was a long day, seeming to drag on and on. Mother and I talked about school, only as it was my senior year and I needed to relax and enjoy it as much as the classes and study would allow. Beyond that we barely spoke, instead each of us choosing to be alone in our thoughts. On Tuesday morning, I was up early in anticipation of the meeting. I allowed mother to sleep in until I had showered, dressed and made breakfast. I guess the smell of the coffee brewing woke her and she walked into the kitchen just as I was scrambling eggs to go with the bacon I had already fried. She was walking through the door as I turned to face her, and she stopped there. ?Wow! I wasn?t expecting this. Made a decision, have we?? Sometime during the night, I had indeed made my decision. As I lay there unable to sleep, I finally realized it was my decision to make and I knew what I wanted. If there was going to be any question in the minds of the school administration, I was going to answer it right from the start of the meeting. I had dug deep into my wardrobe and picked what I thought was the perfect outfit. My skirt was grey, red and blue plaid and fully pleated. I matched it with a white pull over top with a Peter Pan collar and two buttons which I left open. I picked a grey cardigan that matched the color of the skirt giving me a classic school girl look. I selected dove grey tights and black Mary Jane shoes with one-inch heels. My makeup was minimal with just a hint of blue and grey to bring out my eyes and pink to highlight my lips. Simple silver ear rings, necklace and bracelet finished the look. I wanted it to be all girl; no room for questions. If they wanted to know about Brittany let them find out right from the moment I walked in the door. No doubt in my mind and no doubt in theirs. I served breakfast and watched as mother looked me over two or three times. Finally, a broad smile came to her face. ?Are you sure? You look perfect you know? Half the girls are going to be jealous and you?re going to have to learn to deal with the boys. There may be a few who have a hard time accepting the change, but the rest of them are going to be flirting and chasing for a date. Are you ready for that?? I didn?t have to think about it before I answered. I had thought it through from every possible perspective I could imagine. ?I don?t think I?ve ever been so sure of anything in my life. This is me, this is who I am, and I?m not embarrassed by it. I like me, and I?m not going to hide from anybody.? XVI At 8:45, Mother and I were waiting in the Administrative Offices of South Central High School. Superintendent Michael Furness had scheduled a 9:00 meeting including Tom Davis, the school principal, and Marsha DeWitt, my guidance counselor. We sat on opposite sides of the small waiting room, both of us more than a little nervous, but I think mother more so than me. At precisely 9:00 the door to the inner offices opened and Marsha DeWitt walked through. ?Good morning Mrs.Taylor. I?m glad you were able to make it today. I think it?s important that we get this worked out, but I was expecting Brett to be here as well. I?m not sure we can go forward without him being present.? Before mother had a chance to respond, I stood from my chair and crossed the room. ?Hi Mrs. DeWitt, I?m here and ready for the meeting.? She turned to look at me and froze in space. She looked at me and her eyes got big. She opened her mouth to speak but stumbled over her words. ?Brett? Is that you? Can it be be? Oh my God...? When she was finally able to compose herself, Mrs. DeWitt led mother and me into the conference room. We made ourselves comfortable as she went to find Mr. Davis and Mr. Furness. It was another ten minutes before the door opened and three of them joined us. As much as they tried not to show it, you could see the shock on their faces. It took another few minutes before any of them could find their voice, so mother stepped in. ?Mr. Davis, Mr. Furness, and Mrs. DeWitt It appears to me that you are at a loss here, so let me explain some things to you that might help. First, let me introduce my daughter, Brittany, you will remember her as Brett. As you can see, there has been quite a transition. While we are still trying to fully understand what this means and where it will ultimately lead her, I think you will agree there is no way for her to return to school as a boy. Now, I?m not sure what you may have heard, but I?m sure there are a lot of stories and misinformation being bandied around. What I would like is for you to know the truth of the situation.? It was Mr. Furness who was first to be able to speak. ?Mrs. Taylor.? Looking at my mother, then turning to look at me, ?and Brittany, I?ll be the first to admit, we?ve heard quite the assortment of rumors and stories, and I don?t know what any of us expected this morning, but I?m sure I speak for all of us when I say we are pleasantly surprised.? That took the edge off the entire situation. Mother explained about my work as a model, and that both I and Lori would be continuing to work through the school year. She also explained about the tutor who would travel with us and keep us up to speed on our school work. ?The last thing we want to do is make a spectacle out of this. It would serve no purpose for Brittany or for the school. While we do expect some reaction from the students, we anticipate this will quickly wear off. All we ask is the support of the administration and the faculty to make this as much of a nonevent as possible.? The rest of the meeting went well, and we discussed everything from restrooms to gym class. Mother had apparently thought ahead and had a letter from Dr. Severs excusing me from Phys Ed and another from Dr. Poole stating that I was under her care. And with that, it appeared all bases were covered... at least for a while. But we were all aware things would probably not go smoothly, at least for the few days or weeks after classes started. Walking out of the school building, I felt relieved things had gone as well as they had. There was no confrontation, and the discussions were reasonable, so I was anticipating the best. That lasted until we walked out the front doors of the school. Apparently, there were a lot more people who were aware of the meeting this morning. There on the front lawn of the school were two groups of students and parents. On the right side was a group of 30 or more with horrible signs yelling all kinds of slurs, while on the left side was a group yelling for equal rights and self expression. Neatly dividing them were television trucks from the four local TV stations. We were accosted by reporters pressing forward and shoving microphones in our face while yelling all sorts of questions. ?Brittany, when did you discover you?re a girl? Do you intend wear dresses every day? Is it all about the clothes, or are you gay? Do you have a boy friend?? and on and on. We fought our way through and made it to our van, but mother had to drive carefully to avoid running over some of the more aggressive protestors. It was horrible. By the time we made it home, Lori and her mother were there waiting for us. There had been a live feed from the school lawn on the morning news. And worse yet, it was picked up by the national networks and had been on Good Morning America, Today and more. Fortunately, there was no further reception waiting for us at the house and we all made it safely inside. Once we were inside, we thought that everything was over. There would be a bit of a media fracas, but we figured it would pass in a few days. That idea lasted until the phone started ringing. The first call was from a producer for Good Morning America. They wanted to send a film crew later in the day to interview mother and me. The next call was from the Oprah show, and they wanted me in the studio the next morning. And after that, mother left the phone off the hook. It took another twenty minutes before mother?s cell phone rang, but we were less anxious about this as the number was not published. As it turned out, it was Carla. She was in LA and had just seen the delayed west coast viewing of the Today Show. She?d been caught off guard as much as we were, but she had already taken action. She had almost immediately contacted her agents and her attorney. ?Don?t worry, we?ll head off the heavy stuff with the media, but there?s not a lot we can do with the local group. If I had to bet, they?ll make a big deal out of it for a few days, and then drop it. What you need to focus on is making sure you?re OK with the school and the kids there. You may find that people you thought were friends will not stand up for you. But you may find allies that step up for you from unexpected places.? Going forward, things went better than we had reason to believe. Carla?s agents and lawyers handled the networks and they all handled it in a very positive and supportive manner. We refused to do interviews but did supply answers to their most pressing questions. Around town, there were a few people who went out of their way to make a nasty comment, but by the time school was ready to begin, it seemed that all had died down, but there was still that hurdle to get over. XVII I was awake early on Monday morning to get ready for school trying to deal with the anxiety and fear over what I might face, but my determination helped me to get through it. I chose to wear something simple for my first day. I wanted to look good, but I wanted to fit in. Just another girl. I selected a jeans skirt and a light blue button front blouse. My hair was pulled into a high ponytail, I wore silver hoop ear rings, with a matching necklace, bracelet and two silver rings, one with my birthstone and the other just braided strands. The shoes I picked out were a pair of brown flats with a tied bow across the instep. I managed to get down a little breakfast and was ready when Lori showed up for us to walk together. Mother had suggested that she give us a ride, but it was only eight blocks to the school and Lori and I always walked. We wanted to make today as much like any other day as possible. The walk to school went well and Lori and I made it to our lockers without a problem. Then we had to separate to head to our homerooms. I wouldn?t see her again until lunch. The walk to homeroom was not a problem and I walked in and took a seat near the back of the room. A few other students came in and took seats without comment. Then the teacher Mrs. Holbrook came in. She set a stack of papers on her desk and then came back to where I was sitting. Mrs. Holbrook stood next to my desk and seemed to closely scrutinize my appearance before she spoke. ?Brittany, good morning. I?m glad that you could join us this morning. I want you to know that I?m pleased it worked out for you to be back at school with us, and if there?s anything you need or any problems you have, you come see me. I?ll help you where ever I can.? Somehow, just hearing her say that, I felt great relief. Those were the first words anyone said to me and it meant a lot that she would say them. ?Thanks, Mrs. Holbrook. That means a lot to me. I don?t expect any problems, but I guess I?m not sure what all to expect.? As the classroom filled up, I heard a few snide comments from some of the guys and a few giggles from the girls, but no one came right out and said anything to me. I felt like a piece of odd artwork everyone was looking at. It wasn?t until the end of the homeroom period when we were heading out to first period classes that anyone said anything at all. A girl named Kasey who had always been a loner around school stopped and said hello. ?No matter what anyone else says or thinks, I think you?re very brave. It?s hard to be true to yourself. If you need a friend, come talk to me.? What Kasey said caused me to think. I didn?t see myself as being particularly brave, just being me. But that was just the point of what she said. Being brave meant doing something, or, being different than what everybody wanted or expected you to be, and, standing up for yourself. It took a certain amount of strength, and maybe bravery was the right word, or at least a part of it. Fortified by what Kasey had said to me, and the support shown by Mrs. Holbrook I made it through my morning classes. I would hear a few comments whispered here and there, but, had no major incidents. History, science and geometry made for a full morning and I found myself concentrating on my classes and the time passed quickly. Lunch time finally rolled around, and I was able to catch up with Lori. She was already in the cafeteria with several of her friends when I walked in. She looked at me waiting for me to say something, but I couldn?t find the words. Finally, she broke down and asked, ?Are you OK? You look a bit befuddled.? I couldn?t say anything in front of her friends, so I pulled her aside. ?I don?t know if befuddled is the right word, just confused. So far things have gone well, but I have this feeling of impending doom.? I told her about Mrs. Holbrook and about Kasey, and then I told her about all the whispered comments, just loud enough for me to hear. Mostly they were harmless, but they still stung a bit. But what I couldn?t shake was the feeling that there was someone out there holding back... just waiting, for what, I didn?t know, and that?s what worried me. Lori hugged me, which brought a few looks from other students walking by, but I didn?t care. At that moment, her hug was exactly what I needed. She pulled me back into the cafeteria and towards the table where her friends waited. ?Don?t worry, I?ve heard all the stories this morning, and I?ve got to tell you, they?re almost all very favorable, and those that weren?t really don?t matter. I think most of it is jealousy. You?re making a statement, being yourself and not running or hiding. You?re being braver than any of them could ever be, and they?re jealous.? Back at the table, Lori proceeded to introduce me to her friends, all of whom I knew, but they knew me only as Brett, so for them, they were meeting the new girl in school. For all the things that had me worried, having lunch with the other girls put me at ease. They readily accepted me, and we talked like we were old friends, which in reality, we were. But we talked about things Brett would never have discussed with the girls before. As we all got comfortable with each other, a few more difficult topics came up, but I found myself comfortable discussing them. Initially, there were a lot of comments on how great I looked and how they all liked my outfit and my hair. Then the questions, ?Do you really use the girl?s restrooms? Do you dress like a girl all the time? Wasn?t it easier just wearing boy?s clothes? Do you sit to pee? Does your plumbing still work the same way? When you graduate are you going to have surgery? Are you and Lori lesbians now?? And that last question brought it to an end. Everybody turned to look at Anna who had asked that last questions. And I think there was a general embarrassment that passed over the group. Suddenly the girls all seemed to feel guilty about the questions, but it really wasn?t all that bad. I?d rather they ask and let me answer than whispering behind my back. I took a deep breath and tried to answer as many of their questions as I could. Starting with the last one first. ?Lori and I are just friends...? and I stopped there. I knew I said something wrong when I saw the look on Lori?s face. And by the time I could try to recover, the bell rang, and we had to be off to our next class. And I knew I really screwed up when Lori picked up her books and headed out the door, before I could say a word. For the next three hours, I had all I could do to pay attention in class. I had to put up with a few snide comments but barely paid attention to them. But what was really on my mind was Lori. ?What had I said?? Well, I knew what I had said, but I didn?t know why Lori had reacted the way that she had. But I guess that?s not really true either. I knew exactly why she reacted that way, but I wasn?t sure what to do about it. It had been coming on for the past few weeks and I had even discussed it with Dr. Poole, but she didn?t have the answer either. She just promised we?d discuss it again. Last period of the day was chemistry class and the teacher droned on about the periodic table and rare earth elements. I barely heard him and just scribbled a few notes. Fortunately, Kasey was in the class and she promised to give me a copy of her notes. We talked as we walked to our lockers and then out the front door. Kasey turned to catch the bus and I turned to find Lori so we could walk home... but I certainly wasn?t prepared for her greeting. ?So, is she another girl who you?re just friends with, or is there something more serious going on there?? And she turned to walk ahead of me. ?Lori, I?m sorry. I didn?t mean to upset you. I was just trying to explain to the girls... I didn?t want to say anything to them which would cause them to think anything about you.? But that?s as far as I got. ?Look, I understand. I just want to know who the competition is. Maybe tomorrow I?ll introduce you to a couple of guys I met today. You can all be my ?just friends?. And that was all she said. For the rest of the walk home, neither of us said another word. It was the first time I remember either of us feeling like this. We had never shut each other out before and were definitely into new territory. I knew that mother wouldn?t be home from work yet, so headed up to my room, dropped my book bag on my desk, sat down on my bed with my feet pulled up under me and I cried. I cried unrestrained tears until I could no more. When I finally gathered my wits, I found my way to the bathroom and washed away the smeared make up. Finally, I decided to pull myself together and think this through. I changed into a pair of soft pajamas and found my way to the soft cushions of the wicker chair in the corner of my room. Before I realized what I was doing, I pulled out my cell phone and had dialed the number for Dr. Poole. It was the emergency number she had given me and the one that I never intended to use. I was surprised when Dr. Poole answered on the second ring. ?Brittany. How are you? I assume since you?re calling there?s a problem. Tell me all about it.? For the next hour, we talked. I told her all about my day and she listened without saying a word. She was thrilled that my first day went as well as it did, but, concerned about my tiff with Lori. ?Brittany, we talked about this a little, and we agreed at some point this would come up, I just don?t think either of us expected it this soon. You have to remember, we talked about her physical development as opposed to where you are. She has dealt with puberty and is living with her sexuality where as you have yet to face that transition. She will have vastly different feelings based upon this difference.? I understood what she was saying. Dr. Poole and I had discussed this briefly, and she was right, I was ready to deal with this. ?Dr. Poole, I?m really having a tough time understanding all of this. I know what I said about just being friends was not the right answer, but how could I answer any other way? I love Lori, I really do, but how do I express this to her? I thought I was doing it right. I didn?t want to embarrass her in front of her friends, especially when they asked if we were lesbians. I wasn?t worried about me... I was worried about her.? In the end, Dr. Poole suggested I talk to Lori as soon as possible, but not to push her into it. ?If you think you?re ready, tell her how you feel. You might be surprised how that alone opens things up for the two of you.? She also suggested I have Lori come to my next appointment in two weeks. ?I think it might help for the three of us to talk.? By now it was 5:30 and I hung up just as mother was walking in the door. She headed right to my room appearing as nervous as she was when I had left that morning. ?Brittany, tell me all about it. How was your first day?? And then she saw me in my pajamas. ?Are you OK? I thought we might go out to dinner to celebrate. Oh, please tell me you?re OK... tell me all about it.? So I did. I told her about the reactions of the other kids, about some of the negative comments and I told her about meeting Kasey. And when I got through the school day, I told her about Lori. And I cried again. This time she joined me, and we cried together. We ended up eating a light dinner and settling down in the living room just to relax. We had just settled in, when the front door bell rang. It was unusual this time of the evening, and we were both concerned as to who it could be. Before we could get up, the door opened, and Lori peeked around the corner. ?Hi, can I come in?? She asked this in a thin voice barely disguising how unsure she was of herself. Normally, she would just open the door and come in; she?d been doing that for years, but tonight was different. Mother waved her in and asked her to join us. ?We?re just settling in for the evening, make yourself at home.? Slowly, a smile came to her face. ?I wasn?t sure that I?d be welcome here tonight after how I acted today. I came to apologize.? And she came over and took my hand. ?Brittany, I?m so sorry for the way I acted today. I don?t know why I did it, I guess that you were the center of attention, and I felt a little left out. I should have been supportive, and instead I was a bitch. Can you forgive me?? I didn?t know what to say. In that minute, all of my self-doubt disappeared, and my emotions took over. I stood up and looked her directly in the eyes. ?Of course, I forgive you, as long as you forgive me.? And I kissed her... and for the third time that evening, I cried, and Lori cried as well, and we stood there hugging each other and cried. Sometime later, Lori?s mother came over to make sure things were OK. ?I heard the story from Lori?s side and I just knew if they got together everything would be OK. I explained to her how much a struggle this would be for you, Brittany, and suggested she needed to put her feeling and emotions on hold, and help you get through this. I knew she felt bad, but I knew the two of you couldn?t stay mad at each other.? We talked for a while longer and I told everyone about my discussion with Dr. Poole. I explained her idea about having Lori join me at my next session and they all agreed it was a good idea. And with that decided we were all ready for a good night?s sleep. Day two at school awaited us in the morning. XVIII Tuesday morning was rainy, so Lori and I accepted a ride to school from my mother. This gave us an extra 20 minutes in the morning and gave Lori the chance to play with my hair. ?I want you to try something new.? Lori brushed out my hair and then separated it into several sections. Taking three small sections on the right side of my head, she braided them diagonally holding the braid tight to my scalp. As the braid reached around to the back of my head she fixed in there with a tight band and a few hair pins. Then she made the same kind of braid on the left side of my head. When the two braids were joined, she continued to weave them together where they ended in between my shoulder blades. She finished this braid off with a large red ribbon. I barely had time to check the results in the mirror when mother walked in telling us it was time to go. She looked at my hair and smiled. ?Very cute. Such a girly girl look. I?m getting to like having a daughter more and more every day.? Mother and Lori giggled, and I blushed furiously. The ride to school took only a few minutes and Lori and I were dropped at the front entrance. I gave mother a hug and jumped out of the car ready for day two. Heading into the school, no one paid a bit attention to me. They were all preoccupied with their day ahead as well, and it didn?t bother me a bit. The last thing I wanted was to draw attention to myself. This lasted until we made it down the hall our lockers. There in the hall stood a group of 20 or 25 other students, and they were all pointing and laughing. While they weren?t laughing at me directly, they were still laughing at me. There across my locker was a poster size picture that someone had copied from the House of Salvatore catalog. I was wearing a sparkly blue party dress and had my hair pulled up into a fancy up do. In large red letters, someone had written, ?Brett Taylor for Homecoming Queen? and then drawn a big X over the word Homecoming. I stood there in a state of shock. I saw the sign and I heard the laughter, but I was frozen in time. But it wasn?t the case with Lori. She grabbed the sign, tearing it down and took me by the hand heading to the school office. She made such a scene when she entered that Principal Davis and Mrs. DeWitt were up and out of their offices. Mr. Davis took the lead as Lori handed him the poster. ?OK, where did you find this? Do you know who was responsible?? And then he looked at me. ?Brittany, I?m sorry about this, but I was afraid something like this might happen. Why don?t you two spend a few minutes with Mrs. DeWitt while I sort through this?? For the next twenty minutes Lori and I sat and talked with Mrs. DeWitt. She offered to call my mother, but I declined. ?I knew in my heart something like this was going to happen, I just need to get over it.? But Mrs. DeWitt didn?t see it that way. ?Brittany, you?ve done nothing wrong and there is nothing you need to get over. I?m sure we?ll eventually find out who did this. There are no secrets in this school that are kept very well. I?m sure Mr. Davis is already on to it.? When Mr. Davis returned to the office, he was indeed ?on to it?. ?OK, here?s what I already know. The poster was placed by one person, who happens to be one of our seniors and a member of the football team. He has not admitted to it, but we have three witnesses who saw him put it up. Also, we have leads on two or three other people who were involved in making the poster. This afternoon, I?ll be adding a tenth period to the schedule and the entire student population will be meeting in the auditorium. Whether or not the other culprits are identified by then we?ll see, but I?m going to lay down the law. Everyone knows the school?s policy about harassment and I?m going to make sure they are reminded of it. Brittany, you?ve got a couple of options here, you can spend some time here with Mrs. DeWitt and then return to class, or I can excuse you for the day and you can head home. It?s up to you. And I promise either way, this will be resolved.? It didn?t take long for me to make up my mind on the matter. My goal was to be accepted and not to run away, and I let everyone know that. ?Mr. Davis, it doesn?t make sense for me to run from this. It?s a couple of students who did this, not the entire student body. Yesterday, almost everyone treated me very well. I was actually surprised. For me to run and hide today isn?t going to resolve anything. I?d really like to get on with my classes and put this behind me.? So that?s what I did for the rest of the day. I went to classes and pretended nothing was wrong. For the most part, everything went well. Most of the girls smiled at me or told me how sorry they were, and most of the guys ignored me. At lunch, I sat with Lori and her friends and we were also joined by Kelsey. The discussion over lunch covered classes and teachers and no one mentioned the poster, so it made me feel great. The last thing I wanted to do was talk about the poster, and the other girls realized it. As ninth period ended, and the regular school day was over, everyone made their normal locker stops and then headed to the auditorium. There was a lot of complaining, but most of the students just accepted it. There were a few who complained a bit too loud and would find themselves staying again the next day for detention. I was really surprised by how Mr. Davis handled the extra session. I knew he wouldn?t take it lightly, and he did not. As Principal, he was all about rules and regulations, and there were seldom shades of grey involved. When he stepped up to the microphone and began to speak, there was no doubt on the part of anyone in the room of his intentions. ?There comes a time in the lives of all young people where they are faced with choices and must make decisions. And with this power, comes accountability for their decisions and actions. As you grow and mature becoming adults, you need to understand the ramifications of your actions. Here at school and at home with your parents you are taught and coached how to act as a member of society, and you as an individual are part of society just like anyone else, no better, no worse, no more important and no less. We take a hard stand on issues when it comes to your actions towards others. We do not, and will not, condone bullying, harassment or any other breach of appropriate behavior towards others.? There were a few chuckles at first, but those who did were escorted out of the auditorium by teachers to be dealt with individually. And after the first two or three were walked out the room remained silent as Mr. Davis continued. ?I don?t need to detail what happened here today as I am sure all of you have heard through the rumor mill what occurred. But I want you to know; this type of activity will not be tolerated...? For another hour, Mr. Davis spoke, followed by Mrs. DeWitt, and without ever referring directly to me, they got theirs point across. I felt sorry for most of the other kids, as I was sure there were only a few involved, but we were all going to hear the lecture. That evening, Lori and her mother invited mother and I over for dinner and we discussed the poster and the reactions of Mr. Davis. Mother was initially determined to meet with him the next morning, I convinced her not to. ?We all knew this wasn?t going to be easy, and this is only day two. I think most of the kids are OK and those who aren?t, are avoiding me. After today?s lecture by Mr. Davis, I?m sure things are going to settle down. I know I?ll still be teased, and a lot of the kids and their parents will think I?m crazy, but I just want to fit in. If we keep making a big production out of it whenever something happens, it won?t let the attention die.? Over the next 2 weeks, that?s exactly what happened. I still heard occasional comments and there were a few notes slipped into my locker, but life seemed to settle into a pattern not much different for Brittany than it had been for Brett. My ring of friends changed, and I hung out mostly with the girls, but there were several boys who talked to me regularly and a few who ventured to say I was cute, which immediately led to them being harassed, but always in a good-natured way. XIX Carla called regularly to talk about a few modeling assignments. We knew she had a few things planned, but she had given us some time to get settled in school before she pulled us away. There was a runway show in New York she needed us to do, and there was the winter catalog that needed to be photographed. She was asking for two weeks of our time to get this done. Plans were made, and our tutors met with our teachers to get assignments for us. There would be no let up on our studies while we worked. Travelling with Carla was an experience. She did everything first class and that meant we got the same treatment, including our mothers. We flew to New York on Sunday morning and spent the afternoon settling in to our rooms. Then it was three hours of study with our tutors to work ahead due to the show schedule taking up most of Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday with fittings and rehearsals. Sunday evening was dinner at an enchanting French restaurant and then plenty of rest to prepare for the week. If anyone would ever have asked Brett, I would have thought modeling would be easy. But as Brittany, I was finding out how much hard work there was. Although the physical labor isn?t difficult, once you learned to walk and pose properly; the days would last forever, and you would be constantly on the go. Over the first three days, Lori and I must have each modeled 50 outfits, and with each one there was a change in hair, makeup, shoes, and jewelry. While it was fun having April and Ellen fawn over us, along with the makeup and hair crew, it was very strenuous. Then there were hours under the hot glaring lights while three different photographers snapped thousands of pictures. By the end of each day we were exhausted but still had to face dinner and at least two hours of study. By the time the catalog pictures finished we were looking forward to the slower pace of the runway show. Friday night, Carla said she had a special treat for us as a reward for our work. The treat turned out to be concert tickets for a great show. Morgan and Colt Crawford were the latest up and coming country rock band. They were 21-year-old twin brothers and had hit it big after being discovered singing at a county fair in Wyoming. They were now travelling the country with their band packing concert venues everywhere they went. They had already released two albums and were working on a third, and currently had two top ten hits. It was probably one of the most difficult shows to find tickets for, but as always, Carla had her ways. The show was incredible. Carla had managed tickets in the fourth row and it felt like we were right on stage. Even our mothers, who were not up on the latest music scene were impressed. When the music died from their last song, Carla told us to stay put she had another surprise. She had arranged to take us back stage to meet the band. As the theater cleared out, we were escorted back stage into a large open area in front of the dressing rooms. There, we waited for the band to come out. Even then, Carla was firm in how she expected us to act. Girls don?t belong in the private dressing rooms of guys, and vice versa. While our mothers shook their heads in agreement, I had a momentary horrible question flash through my mind, ?So where does that leave me?? Mother sensed my discomfort and pulled me to her for a hug. ?Don?t worry Brittany, just be you, just be one of the girls. I?ll be right here with you.? As it turned out, I had nothing to worry about. Morgan and Colt came out and introduced themselves and were great to talk to. The rest of the band had already left, so it was just the two of them. Although their popularity was off the charts, they were just a couple of regular guys, and as Lori put it, ?Cute to the extreme and full of country charm.? And when she said it, I was hit hard again. I backed away from the group a bit and when Lori saw me, she knew exactly what had happened. This was yet another measure of our relationship that would have to be clarified with the help of Dr. Poole. We spent a total of an hour meeting with Morgan and Colt and other than Lori?s little comment, it was great meeting them. And before we left, Carla had invited them to Sunday?s fashion show. While they were a bit iffy about attending, their agent accepted on their behalf. ?A new experience and a chance to be seen by another part of their growing fan base.? Saturday, Lori and I were allowed to sleep in, and anticipated a relaxing day doing nothing in particular. Turned out after lunch, our tutors had other plans. We spent the entire afternoon doing school work. There was going to be no let up on the education. The show on Sunday was thrilling and exciting. It was the largest venue Lori and I had been to yet. There would be over 5000 attendees there checking out the winter lines of several designers. The benefit for Lori and I was that we only needed to model three outfits each. Since the show was exclusively for formal wear, we would each model a short formal dress, a cocktail dress, and an evening gown. But even with only three outfits there was a lot of work involved. Each dress required slightly different undergarments which always created a problem for me, but we were allowed private rooms for this part of our dressing. But the main changing room with racks of dresses, and rows of chairs for hairdressers and makeup artists was a mad house. For our first dresses, Lori wore a lavender strapless dress with a princess neckline, empire waist and a very full tulle skirt. The selection I was given was also strapless. It was emerald green taffeta and fit very snug from the neckline to the hem which was several inches above my knees. With the help of a padded panty and bra, I had curves I didn?t realize were possible. Lori made a point if telling me she was jealous. For our second dresses, we both wore below the knee dresses with satin under dress and a lace over dress, Lori?s in baby pink and mine in teal. Then it came to the evening gowns. Lori was given a peach colored confection of satin, lace and tulle. It had a halter top, a slightly dropped waist and flared skirt. The dress I was handed was an all satin mermaid style dress in a color called French Blue. The dress was very tight to get into, and, hugged my body even more so as the corset lacings on the back were pulled firmly into place. The snug fit of the dress followed to just above my knees where it spread into a flowing taper. This restricted me to very short, very precise steps just to move, and getting up the five stairs to the stage was a practice in balance and poise. When the show was over, it was our turn for Lori and me to play hostess, when Carla invited Morgan and Colt back stage. Once again, we had a great time talking with them and were invited out to dinner. For the first time, Carla and our mothers allowed us to go to dinner with just the two boys. The most difficult part was after diner, standing in the lobby before we headed up to our rooms. First, Morgan gave Lori a hug and kissed her on the cheek. Then it was my turn as he approached me. I fought off the urge to run and just let it happen, and when he finished, it was Colt?s turn. As the boys left the hotel, Lori and I turned to leave and came face to face with our mothers. It was hard to tell who was more shocked, them or us. We headed up to our rooms where we all sat together without saying a word. I knew they were all worried about me and my feelings, and I sat there so confused I couldn?t say a word. For the next five days, we did more catalog shoots, but the days were not as hectic. We visited the Statue of Liberty, went to the art museum and walked through central park during the afternoon. On Friday evening, Lori and I were standing on the balcony outside of my hotel room watching the sunset. Our mothers had gone to dinner on their own while we splurged on burgers and fries, something our diets rarely allowed. While we stood there watching the colors fade away, Lori turned to me, put her arms around me and kissed me deeply. I was frozen for a minute, but then responded to her kiss. It was a kiss that went on and on, neither of us wanting to break the spell, but finally we did. Neither of us said a word, just happy to be there together. My next visit to Dr. Poole was going to be a major event. Travelling back home on Saturday was anti climatic. We were up early to get to the airport, and back home by mid afternoon. We were all a bit over whelmed by the past two weeks and needed the time to recover. XX Getting back into the school routine took just a bit of doing. Lori and I found we were right on schedule, so we didn?t have any make up assignments to do. That was a great relief, But, there was an endless dialog with the other girls about the fashion show. They wanted to know every detail not only from the show but everything else we did. And when we told them about the Crawford Brothers concert and meeting them in person, the questions really started. Especially when Lori spilled it about going to dinner with them. Then there was no end to the questions. Being settled in at home felt good and felt comfortable, but I was more than a little concerned about my emotions and my identity. Day by day, I could feel Brett slipping further and further away and I didn?t know where it was leading me to. I really needed to talk with Dr. Poole and see if she could help me get my mind straight. The next weekend, mother and I were off to visit her, and Lori was tagging along. When we arrived at the clinic, I first went to see Dr. Martin. And Dr. Severs. Mother and I sat with them and listened to what they had to say based upon all the testing completed back in June. Most of what they had to say, we already knew, but there was also some concern expressed. Dr. Martin took the lead. ?We?ve looked closely at the results of all of the testing you had done. With this information, we believe there are three alternatives for you to consider. Since you body is producing very low levels of testosterone, we could choose to supplement that. We would jump start your puberty. The concern is that we can?t predict how far or how fast your development will be compared to what is considered normal. The second alternative is to do nothing and wait and see how you develop. The risk here is that you?ll be caught in between. You?ll continue to grow and develop in a physical sense but there will be an absence of sexual development. The third option is to give you testosterone blockers to prevent further male development and if you choose, to give you low levels of estrogen. This would allow you to start a female puberty and cause your body to develop in a more female manner. Your body would reshape itself a bit, adding curves to your hips and butt, while narrowing and giving definition to your waist. Also, you would begin to develop breasts. Additionally, your skin would soften a bit and your face would fill out just a bit. We would monitor these changes very closely to not eliminate your opportunity to move back to a male puberty at a later date.? I was a bit stunned and didn?t know what to say. I looked to mother and there were tears in her eyes. She opened her mouth, but no words came out. We just sat there looking at each other. Finally, Dr. Severs stepped in with further explanation. ?We?re aware of your situation with your career potential and want to offer you the options available. I realize it?s a lot to think about so take your time to consider these options, but if you?re going to choose the third option, it?s probably better to start the hormones sooner rather than later.? Beyond that, I was given booster shots for my vitamin deficiency and a diet plan to follow. Something to help me build up my body no matter what decision I ultimately made. Then it was off to see Dr. Poole, and I certainly had a lot to discuss with her. I spent an hour with her talking about everything that had happen to me over the summer and the start of school. She was aware of the issues Lori and I had, so we talked about those as well. She was sure she knew the root of the problem and by this point in time, I knew what it was as well... sex. Lori had developed along the lines of any normal girl and was dealing over the course of each month with her hormonal swings, and I was at a loss to understand it. I had yet to have any real sexual feelings and my relationship with Lori was as my one and truly best friend. Both as Brett and as Brittany, she was my absolute best friend. For the next hour, Lori joined us, and we took the discussion to a whole new level. Several times, either Lori or I were near tears, but Dr. Poole helped us both hold it together. When the time was up, we had a whole new understanding and appreciation for what we were both going through. And when we understood that, it was easier to understand each other. When Lori and I came out of Dr. Poole?s office, it was mother?s turn. Lori and I sat in the waiting room, side by side, holding hands, without saying a word. It was all we needed. It was another 15 minutes when the receptionist called me up to the desk and said the doctor wanted to see me. I gave Lori a quick look over my shoulder and smiled as I walked over to the door leading to the doctor?s office. As I walked in, mother and Dr. Poole were talking about school. I listened as mother shared her feelings, and then heard Dr. Poole say she thought I?d handled it well and was confidant in my ability to deal with it and impressed with my reactions. She offered to speak to the Mrs. DeWitt or Mr. Davis if necessary, but only if we both felt it was needed. For the remainder of the time, we talked about mother?s feelings of having lost a son. Even though she had gained a daughter, she was struggling with the sense of loss. For my part, I assured her Brett was still here and promised her he could make an appearance if necessary. We talked for another few minutes, and finally wrapped up agreeing this was a good idea. It was surprising, but on the ride home, the three of us talked casually about everything, except what was discussed with Dr. Poole. We talked a bit about school, and a lot about Carla?s latest catalog which was due out within the week. Both Lori and I were excited to see which pictures were chosen and which outfits would be selected for the catalog. Before we knew it, mother was pulling in the driveway, and we were discussing what to have for dinner. Lori?s mother joined us, and we ended up calling out for Chinese. For the rest of the evening we ate and just enjoyed each other?s company. We talked about nothing special and by 9PM we were ready to call it and evening. While I didn?t plan to do it, I was up early the next morning, and decided it was as good a time as any for Brett to make an appearance. I dug into my closet and found a pair of jeans, one of my old football jerseys and a pair of sneakers. I did wear a light blue pair of panties and camisole as a buffer against the coarse fabric of the shirt and jeans. I removed the gold studs from my ears and brushed my hair back, pulling it into a low ponytail. While mother was still sleeping, I snuck out of the house and down to the doughnut shop for some ?clairs which I used to always eat for breakfast on the weekends. When I got home, I made coffee and was just sitting down at the table when mother walked in. I thought she was going to break a rib as she squeezed me so tight. I picked her up as I hugged her back, and, twirled her around the room. When I set her down, the smile on her face was remarkable. ?Honey, I?m so happy to see you. I thought maybe you were gone for good. There are so many things I need to tell you. I?ve missed you so much.? For the rest of the day, mother and I just spent time together. She asked me a hundred times if I was OK. ?Do you need to come home? Do we need to put this aside and get back to what life was before all of this started?? In every case I assured her I was more than OK. ?Don?t worry, it?s still me, just dressed a little different. If you want to know the truth, it?s been so much fun with the modeling and the travel, the problems I?ve had aren?t really a big deal. I?m sure there will come a time when this will all end, but right now I don?t want to let it go. I never could have imagined being your daughter, and now I can?t imagine letting her go.? Later in the day, Lori and her mother stopped in to visit and were surprised when I walked in the room. We went through the same questions and answers mother and I had earlier. Then we spent some time talking about school and plans for the winter break. As far as we knew, Carla had nothing planned for us, and we thought a long weekend, maybe a skiing trip would be perfect. And we all laughed when mother complained about what we would have to spend on a wardrobe just for the trip. XXI Back at school on Monday, everything fell into place. There was a rhythm to the days that was established, and it was refreshing to have this time of normality. Both Lori and I were doing well with our classes and enjoy the privileges of being seniors. I was learning a lot, both from my classes and about life. For the next few weeks, life fell into a pattern. It was easy to just be me and get through each day. When the end of the month rolled around, Lori and I were invited to a big Halloween party, and our mothers made sure they approved of the costumes we would wear. There would be no repeat of the fairy costumes that started this whole affair. For some reason, Lori decided it would be fun to dress as clowns, and that?s what was agreed upon. But even then, our mothers insisted on final approval once we were dressed for the party. They both smiled when Lori asked, ?What? Don?t you trust us?? The week after Thanksgiving, was the time for the winter ball at school. Lori and I planned on attending and looked forward to the opportunity to really dress for the event. We knew Carla could be counted on for spectacular dresses, but we weren?t ready for the condition she put on them. ?I?ve worked out a deal for the two of you. I?ll give you your choice of any dress in the catalog, but I get to select your dates.? Lori and I were stunned! I found my voice first. ?Dates? Lori and I are planning on going together, you know as a couple. Hell, everybody thinks we?re lesbians, so that?s the least of our worries.? It took hours with Carla and our mothers before it was decided, and Carla had a lot of explaining to do. ?The two of you made quite the impression on the Crawford twins. Their agent has been calling every week with some sort of opportunity. I?ve sorted through them and made sure whatever it turned out to be there would be two conditions; first, it?s up to you girls to decide and your decision will not be questioned, and the same for your mothers, and second, this is a date plain and simple no expectations beyond the dinner and dance. And those are the rules.? But there was more to it than that. We all knew there had to be more to it than that. We waited quietly for Carla to continue. ?Well there is a bit more to the deal, but I think you girls will enjoy it. I?ve promised to help them out with the release of their latest album. Their agent has come up with a grand release strategy and it includes producing a short video and a premium pack for the CD including video footage and posters. What they want, is for you girls to star in the videos, and model for the posters. I?ve already agreed to do custom costumes. The album?s called The Crawford Bros. Travelling Stage Show and has an 1890s western theme. It?s such a great opportunity, for them, and for you. Incredible publicity and a heck of a payday. We also get to use the video images to support an entire new line of clothing, so there?s even something in it for me.? This was the first time we had encountered the driven business woman side of Carla and we were all in shock. But she talked with such passion and conviction we let her spill it all out. ?I promise, there?s no down side to this. But if you don?t agree with me, that?s OK, it?s totally up to you. Whatever you decide, I?ll let it be.? And a whole new episode of life started, for me, for Lori, and our mothers. It started with the dance. Not only was I going on a date, but it was with a guy. And there was no way we would be anything other than the center of attention when we walked into the dance with the Crawford twins as dates. We had to have preapproval from Mr. Davis to bring dates who were not students, and he insisted there be no publicity, and no media attention. He was willing to allow only one special camera crew for a few pictures during the dance. There was sure to be cameras at the restaurant, but we wanted to minimize that as well. Publicity was important, but controlling it was paramount. Two days before the dance, Carla arranged for Lori and me to have dress fittings. To our surprise, she had sorted dresses with our mothers and kept it a secret until the fittings. With autumn beginning to give way to winter, Carla had chosen appropriate colors. Lori?s dress was a blend of gold and orange tulle, layered over brown satin. It had a modest neckline edged with a satin ribbon and ? length sleeves. For me, Carla had selected copper colored taffeta. The dress was strapless with a princess neckline and a bubble skirt ended a few inches above my knees. It was completed with a matching jacket with a stand-up collar and ? length sleeves. Using her connections, Carla had ?borrowed? shoes and jewelry from Marco Pilanta and Mischa Barlow. The shoes were incredible but were the highest thinnest heels I had ever worn. I was happy to see that Lori was having the same difficulty I was trying to walk delicately in them. And the jewelry was amazing. Ear rings, necklace and bracelet made from delicate crystals exactly matching our dresses. There were two rings for each of us, one with the same matching crystals and the other were a set of intertwined bands that were separated with one piece handed to each of us. The thought was lovely, and the meaning clear and we very much appreciated it. As it turned out, the entire evening went great. Carla had hired a limo and the boys picked us up a 7 PM for diner. Inside our house, Carla had her photographers set up for pictures. Then there were three camera crews who snapped pictures as we left the house and got into the limo. Our entrance to the restaurant was much the same, but once inside we enjoyed a quiet dinner together. The boys were true twins in every way from their appearance to their sense of humor. It took a few minutes, but finally Lori and I figured out how to tell them apart. Colt who was supposed to be my date had a little mole next to his left eye that was missing on Morgan?s face. To their credit, they didn?t try to play the switch game and I was relieved we weren?t forced to play along. The dance was being held at an events hall near down town, and as the limo wound its way through traffic, we were aware of the cars full of photographers following us. When we arrived, we made our way through the ranks quickly and hurried into the hall. While I had expected our entrance to be disruptive, it was really minimal. Very quickly, we were surrounded by several of our girl friends who pulled their dates with them. But after a few introductions everyone seemed to settle in and enjoyed the dance. While Lori and I danced with Colt and Morgan several times, we let every girl who wanted to have a dance as well. And while all this was going on, we danced with their boyfriends which kept them happy as well. Carla?s team of photographers kept low key, but they probably took 1000 pictures. She planned to offer free copies to each girl as they danced with Colt or Morgan. It was a great way to get buy in and create publicity and good will. Finally, the evening came to an end, and what I was dreading the most, good night kisses. We loaded in the limo and were driven through town, with the driver obviously taking the long way getting us home. We sat in the back talking to the boys and thanking them for the evening and thankfully they acted like perfect gentleman. When we pulled up in front of the house, the boys opened the door and help us out. We walked up to the front porch and my heart rate accelerated. Was I ready for this? I looked over Colt?s shoulder as he told me what a great evening it had been. I saw Lori look up and caught her eye knowing she was aware of what I was facing and feeling. Then I saw Morgan learn forward and kiss her, gently at fist and then with added passion. And as I watched, I felt Colt?s lips meet mine. It was gentle, and his lips were soft and warm, and before I knew it, I was no longer just on the receiving end but an active participant in the kiss. I closed my eyes as the kiss deepened and felt the first swell of passion, and as Colt pulled me closer, I felt another more significant sign of his passion. My mind froze, but I still felt my body respond as the reality of the situation hit me. ?Oh my God! He?s got an erection!? The kiss lasted another few seconds before we separated, and I took a step back, assuring it would be the last one. At the same time, I saw Lori and Morgan separate as well. We all exchange final good nights, and Lori and I watched as Colt and Morgan rode away in the limo. We turned and looked at each other and I saw exactly what I expected, Lori?s smile was huge. She had obviously thoroughly enjoyed the kiss and was basking in its afterglow. For me, not so much. While I couldn?t deny that the kiss had reached some part of me, I hadn?t expected, feeling Colt?s erection as he hugged me had totally freaked me out. I am sure that Lori sensed something was wrong. Her smile melted, and she put her arms around me pulling close. ?Are you OK?? And I stepped back and answered, ?I don?t know.? Lori wrapped her arms around me and we walked in the front door. Not to our surprise, our mothers were waiting for us in the living room. They nearly jumped off the couch when we walked in and the questions flew. How was dinner? How was the dance? How many times did you actually dance? How did the other students react? Did you have a good time? The questions came rapid fire, until they saw the expression on my face. And then the room got very quiet. It was mother who broke the silence. She walked across the floor and threw her arms around. ?Are you OK? What happened, tell me all about it.? But I couldn?t tell her. I didn?t know how to tell her. I couldn?t find the words. How does a son tell her mother that as he stood on the porch kissing his date good night, he could feel his date?s erection pressing against him through the dress he was wearing? When she pulled away and looked at me, I burst out crying and ran up stairs to my bed room. And when I closed the door behind me, I just stood there, looking at the sight in the mirror, a young girl, in a gorgeous dress, beautiful hair and makeup, crying her eyes out. Mother had made her way up the stairs and I heard her open the door behind me. I turned around and saw the tears in her eyes as well and I threw myself into her arms. ?I?m so scared, and so confused. I don?t know who I am or what I am, and I?m scared. Please, please, please help me.? XXII At some point, I physically and mentally crashed. I remember mother helping me change in to bed clothes and clean the makeup from my face. As I lay back on the bed, mother held me and told me how much she loved me, and finally I fell into a restless sleep. Throughout my dreams I could see myself being held and kissed by Colt and again and again feel his erection pressing against me. And every time it happened, I would see myself standing there asking myself, ?Am I a boy or am I a girl?? When I woke up in the morning, I found mother sitting next to my bed in a chair. She was wrapped in a blanket but looked like she hadn?t slept all night. ?Good morning sweetheart. How are you feeling this morning?? There was a weak smile on her face, but I could see the concern in her eyes. I lifted myself up to a sitting position and leaned back against the head board, trying to leave my mind clear itself of the last of the dreams. It took considerable effort, but I tried my best to return her smile. It took another few minutes, but finally I sat on the side of the bed and mother moved to sit next to me. She put her arm around me and hugged me, kissing me on the cheek. When she released me from the hug, she asked with a bit of a tremble in her voice, ?Are you ready to talk about it? Don?t force yourself if you?re not ready, but when you?re ready, so am I.? In my mind, I knew that I needed to talk about it, but in my heart, I knew that I wasn?t ready. It would have to be today unless I wanted to drive mother completely mad, but right now I was still wrestling with the dreams. I needed to allow them to fade before I could face talking about last night. ?Let me take a shower and get dressed, then maybe I?ll be ready.? Mother was trying hard to make it easy for me and I would have to make it up to her when I was feeling better. ?Take your time getting yourself ready, a nice hot shower will go a long way. I?ll put some coffee on and we?ll have breakfast. Then when you feel like talking, I?ll be ready.? I took my time with my shower and when I was done, I stood there deciding what to wear. At first, I thought about grabbing a pair of Brett?s jeans and a shirt, but then I thought better of it. More and more, I was uncomfortable when wearing boy clothes, even when it came to something as simple as a pair of jeans. Brittany?s jeans just fit better and were more comfortable. In the end, that?s what I chose, jeans and a pull over cotton blouse. I pulled my hair back into a ponytail high on my head and decided to forgo any makeup or jewelry. I slipped on a pair retro Ked?s sneakers and headed down to the kitchen. While I had been taking my shower, mother had been busy. Not only was there a cup of coffee waiting for me, but she had made bacon, eggs, and was just putting the finishing touches on cream cheese and raspberry crepes. ?What are you trying to do? Make me fat? Carla will fire me, or have me on some crazy starvation diet where all I get to eat is dried fish and spinach.? That made her laugh and I was happy to see it. We sat at the table and ate the amazing breakfast and said little to each other. We were both deep in thought and both searching for the right words before we spoke. Finally, when we were just finishing, I had to say something, the tension was too much to allow it to linger any longer. As we walked into the living room, I asked, ?Mother when you look at me, regardless of what I?m wearing, who do you see? I know it?s easy to say Brett or Brittany based upon what I?m wearing, do you see a girl, or do you see a boy pretending to be a girl?? I think the question caught her by surprise, and she hesitated for a few seconds before she answered. ?What I see is my child who I love so much. While you have been spending all your time as Brittany, I know that Brett is still there. And I am so proud of you and what you are accomplishing, and I can only imagine how hard it must be.? OK, that was a great answer, but not what I needed. ?What do you think other people see? Do they just see the girl, or do they see something else?? This time, I?m sure she sensed where the problem was. ?I?m sure what other people see is the beautiful young girl who is in front of them. Isn?t that what you want them to see?? And there is was! That was exactly what my problem was. I wanted them to see a girl, but was I ready to be that girl? And I was finally able to say it, ?That?s what happened last night. Colt saw me as a girl, treated me like a girl and apparently reacted like he would with another girl, and I wasn?t ready for it. All evening, we had a great time. We talked, and we danced, and I felt like I was connecting with someone who I really liked. Then when we were standing on the front porch, he kissed me. I was ready for it, I expected him to kiss me and I had resigned myself to it, but I didn?t expect it to affect me the way it did, and I certainly didn?t expect it to affect him like it did!? Now, she understood! I could see by the look on her face that she knew exactly what had happened, and I could see the shock that accompanied that realization. And she stepped forward and hugged me. Once it was out in the open, we were able to talk about it. And talk we did. It turned out to be the mother-daughter talk and the mother-son talk all rolled up into one. She asked me several questions and seemed surprised but concerned by what I knew, what I thought I knew, and what I didn?t know. For me, I was surprised that once we started talking, it would be so easy. She explained things I knew and then explained the things I had only guessed about. In the end, I had a better understanding about myself and I had the answers I needed. And I also knew I had some decisions to make, but that was OK, because now I understood. The one thing mother and I absolutely agreed on was both she and I needed a session with Dr. Poole. It wasn?t that there were problems between us, that was not the case, but we had discovered a whole new area of concern and we were both certain because of the circumstances neither of us had all the answers. Monday morning, mother put in a call to Dr. Poole and by that evening we had a response in the form of e-mails addressed to both of us. There was a set of questions for each one of us to answer and return to her, another set of questions for the two of us to discuss, and a schedule for an appointment on Friday afternoon. For the next three days before the appointment mother and I spent each evening talking through the questions Dr. Poole had sent. For the most part, the topics were consistent with the discussion we had had on Sunday, but this caused us to revisit them without the nervous uncertainty we had experienced the first time. Although it didn?t inspire any new revelations, it allowed us to explore our feelings and feel more confident about our thoughts free of the emotional overload that we had been experiencing on Sunday. During the week, Lori and I talked through the same issues as I had with my mother, but from an entirely different perspective. She was amazed to find out what my concerns were. For her, these things had become second nature as she had gained sexual maturity and had faced all these same concerns. However, she had always been a girl and had experienced what was considered ?normal? development and this was far and away from what I was experiencing. But in the end, she understood what my problems were, especially when I finally got up the nerve to tell her about Colt?s erection while we were kissing. By Friday, I was more than ready to see Dr. Poole. While my discussions with mother had been great and talking with Lori had helped, I found I had more questions than ever, and I was hoping that she could supply the answers. When we sat down in her office, Dr. Poole pulled out the questionnaire which I had returned to her. She took a minute to glance over the answers, but it was clear she had already read them through and knew each answer in detail. It was more like she was looking for a specific answer for us to start the discussion. It took her a minute, but she found it. The question asked me to explain what I thought the relationship was between sex and gender. My answer was ???? I don?t know, and I think that?s why I?m confused.? Dr. Poole looked at me and it felt like her eyes saw right through me. And then just a bit of a smile came to her face. ?OK, so this is where we need to start. Most of the other answers revolve around this point, so this is where we start. Why don?t you tell me what you know about sex and gender?? For the next ten minutes I fumbled for words to explain what I knew, and she listened without commenting. When I finished, she scratched out a few notes and seemed to consider them for a minute longer before she spoke. ?Brittany, when I look at you sitting there, I see a very lovely teenage girl. She appears to be comfortable, confident and at ease. Is that a fair appraisal? Is that how you see yourself? Is that how you feel? Is that how you want others to see you?? Now, it was my turn to think. I knew what I wanted to say, but I wanted to make sure the words came out just right. ?I want... actually, I need for people to see me as Brittany, I don?t want there to be any confusion. It scares me that someone will see right through me. I don?t know what they?d say or do, but just the thought terrifies me. Way back, when this all started, and my mother first saw me dressed, I was embarrassed and worried about what she would think of me. I never had any desire to dress like a girl, but I went along with it for Lori, and it grew from there. I mean they all, Lori, her mother, and my mother all encouraged me. I think it was a sort of a game to them, but to me it became much more than a game. The way they treated me and the way it made me feel... it caused me to change. It wasn?t just about the clothes; it was about me discovering myself. And now when I?m Brittany, that?s who I am, and when I?m Brett, I?m Brett.? Dr. Poole sat for a minute considering what I?d just said before she responded. ?I think that?s very insightful. It gives me a good idea of where your thoughts are, but there?s more isn?t there? You haven?t said a word about sex yet, and that?s a problem, isn?t it?? I knew we would get to this point and I had been preparing myself, but I was still unsure. I figured she already had a good idea of my concerns, so I just jumped in. ?I?ve talked to Dr. Severs about this and I pretty much understand from the medical part. For whatever reason, I?ve not gone through puberty yet. So, I?ve not yet had to deal with sexual development. From what she said, I have some options with hormone injections to try and start male puberty, or some other hormones that would start more of a female puberty. I really don?t understand how this works, but apparently, I can go either way, but if they carefully control the female hormones, I could still go back to being a boy later. I probably need to talk to Dr. Severs and Dr. Martin more about this, but I really need to make a decision. If I start to become a boy, I?ll lose my modeling career and I?m not sure I want to do that. If I start female puberty my body will develop like a girl?s, and that could help me in my modeling. But beyond that, I?m still confused about sex. I?ve learned all the basics in the health class, and I know how things are supposed to work, but last week when Colt kissed me, I felt something inside of me I wasn?t expecting. I felt warm and excited and I felt things I can?t describe. Then when he pulled me close and kissed me again, I felt something quite different... I felt his erection; and I totally freaked out.? Dr. Poole had been listening carefully and I could tell she understood. While I had told a short version of this to my mother, I spelled it all out for Dr. Poole. If I was going to get any help at all, she needed to know and hopefully understand, and she seemed to. ?Brittany, I can help you understand the mechanics of sexuality, and I can also help you with the emotional side of what you will experience, but I can?t tell you for sure what your emotional response will be. We can explore whether you think you?re attracted to boys or to girls and what that means. And we can talk about expectations for you, and what others will expect of you. That will include Lori, your mother your friends, both male and female, and because of you growing celebrity status, your fans. I can help to guide you, but ultimately all the decisions will be yours. You?ll be turning 18 in the spring, and the world will consider you an adult and expect you to make decisions on your own, but it doesn?t really work that way. Your mother will still be there to help and so will I. We?ll work hard to make sure you?re making the best decisions, but, remember in the end they?re still yours to make.? Then, it was mother?s turn to meet with Dr. Poole. I sat in the waiting room paging through a two-year-old copy of National Geographic, reading a fascinating article on Societal Development Amongst Farian Red Wasps in Central Africa. Thankfully before I could become completely engrossed in the article, the receptionist asked me to head back to Dr. Poole?s office again. Mother had only been with her for ten minutes, so I was a bit concerned. As it turned out, mother was much more succinct in expressing her concerns and worries. So now, we would talk together. Without going into a lot of detail it turned out there were a few critical issues for us to face, and a few key questions to answer. While mother was thrilled with having a daughter, there was a true sense of loss over losing a son. We discussed a way to develop a better balance between her time with Brittany and Brett. Her only other issue was helping me to develop and understand who I was and wanted and to be, with the questions of puberty and sexuality central to this issue. In a similar vein, my central issues concerned the same topics. First on my list was maintaining my mother/son/daughter relationship, again with balance being the key. Next, was my relationship with Lori. Was she being pushed away by Brittany, what were her expectations? And finally, being caught between being a boy and a girl from both the perspective of social situations as well as sexuality, with sexuality becoming a bigger part of the concern. Added to that was the confusion between gender and sexuality to be resolved in my mind. It became obvious my last two concerns were wrapped up in the same set of questions. What were Lori expectations for our relationship? Was she attracted to Brett or to Brittany or both? Was the attraction platonic or was there a sexual attraction as well? What were my expectations for the relationship? And then the tough questions, how did I see myself and what were my expectations for my development and my future? I needed to spend some time thinking about these questions, come up with some answers, and make some decisions. While I now understood the support which was available, thanks to Dr. Poole, I also clearly understood the decisions were mine to make. We scheduled another appointment for the following week, and this one would be for Lori and me. XXIII I spent a lot of time over the weekend trying desperately to figure out who I was, what I was doing and where I was going. And I desperately needed some answers from mother and Lori. I tried tactfully to ask questions which would get me those answers, but never got the exact response I needed, or expected. In the end, I decided the direct approach was the best and went with very direct questions which would illicit the same type of answers. I started with mother, and she didn?t appear to be surprised. She said she knew this was coming, but I need to get myself to the point where I was ready for the discussion. So, Sunday afternoon, I started the discussion. ?Mother do you love Brett as much as you love Brittany?? This one took her a bit by surprise, but she gave me the answer I wanted. ?My love for you is not dependent upon you being Brett or Brittany, but simply being my child. My love for you is complete and unconditional.? That went well, and we spent the next two hours planning some mother/daughter time as well as some mother/son time. In the end, she wrapped it up nicely. ?Whoever you want to be, I will always love you... as long as you finally give me a ride in your car. Grab your keys and let?s go; I?ll buy the ice cream.? So off we went in the middle of December, with the convertible top down to get ice cream. The day couldn?t have gone any better! My next challenge was with Lori, and it was much more complicated, because anytime anything involves discussing sex, it becomes complicated. It took me until Wednesday to get my courage up and have the discussion. ?When we finally sat down together, we were both nervous as could be, and I had to find a way to get the discussion going, so I jumped in with a big one. ?Lori, before we get too far into this, I need you to know something. We?ve been best friends for ever and there is no one else that comes close to that with me. Whether it?s just friends when we were younger, to boy friend and girl friend, and now best girl friends, you are the one person who I know I can rely on to be there for me.? She tried to cut me off at this point, but I wouldn?t let her. ?There is one thing I need you to know and I?ve never said before, or if I did, it didn?t carry the meaning I need to get across today... Lori, I love you!? There, I finally said it. It was out in the open, and I needed to see how she?d react. I steeled myself for her response, but still wasn?t quite ready when she jumped up and hugged me. ?Well ya big dummy! It?s about time you said something. I was beginning to think you?d never say that. I love you too. We?ve been best friends through thick and thin, of course I love you.? And she kissed me. But now came the tough part. ?So, do you love me as Brett, or as Brittany?? She didn?t hesitate with her answer at all. ?I love all of you. Of course, I love Brett, do you think I?d loan my panties and night gown to just any guy? And I love Brittany just as much. We get to share things I could never talk to a boy about. I love both of you, all of you... it isn?t an either or... it?s just you, and I do love you dearly.? Now it was time for the difficult questions. ?I know you?re more sexually advanced than I am. I mean I?m still sorting out puberty with the doctors. But, do you every think about me sexually? I mean at some point in time, when you were considering sex, would you be interested in me as Brett, or as Brittany, or neither?? This time, it took her a bit longer to come up with her answer, and I was getting worried. I was just about to back out of the question, when she decided to answer. ?Wow! You certainly know how to put me on the spot. But I kind of figured we?d get around to talking about this. So here goes. First, I do think about having sex, but I?m certainly not ready yet. It?s a huge step and I?m not ready to go there. It?s tough sometimes listening to some of the girls at school talk about it. I mean I can name at least five of my friends that have already had sex with their boyfriends. I know one girl that started in 8th grade!? ?We?ve kissed a lot. I mean me with both Brett and Brittany, probably more with Brittany, but when I kiss you, I?m kissing the same person either way. And I guess when I think about you sexually, it?s the same way... it?s not you Brett, or you Brittany; it?s just you, the person who I love. My answer is, both...is that OK?? Wow, it was more than OK. It was more than I could ask for. ?So, if Brittany decides to become a little more of a girl, and Brett moves a bit more into the background, that would OK with you?? Now, for the first time, Lori had to sit back and really think about what I was asking. I gave her a few minutes to think about it and had convinced myself this wasn?t going well, and then she didn?t answer, she asked a question. ?Are you talking about the hormone therapy? You told me about it before and I kind of know what it will do, but if you?re looking for me to give you an answer, I can?t do it.? Ok, I should have seen this coming, but I didn?t, so I needed to explain. ?Lori, I?m not looking for an answer from you, but I need to know what you?ll think if I do. I?ve told you I love you, and I don?t want to lose you over this. That?s all I need to know.? It took even longer this time for her to formulate her answer, but finally she was ready. ?Brett... Brittany, that?s a decision you?re going to have to make, but I want you to know no matter what you decide, I?ll still be there for you, and I?ll still love you. Nothing there is going to change.? And fighting to hold back tears, she hugged me again. For the rest of the week I thought about what Lori had said, and what mother had said. I knew I had to make some decisions, and I knew they weren?t going to make them for me, but I also knew they would support me. Now I just had to decide, but first, there was Christmas and New Years to get through, so I set a deadline for myself. Lori and her mother, my mother and I, were headed off on our ski vacation holiday for a week in Vail and then Carla had invited us for New Year?s Eve in Las Vegas. But once we were home, I would decide. January 7th was my deadline. One week into the New Year and I would make my decision. For the sake of my sanity, I could let it go any longer. I did have the benefit of one more session with Dr. Poole before the holidays, and this time it would include Lori. I didn?t intend to put her on the spot, and, planned to allow her as much time as needed with Dr. Poole and then see what kind of feedback and discussion happen. In the end, I think the session did more to help Lori than for me. During the discussions with the three of us, she was comfortable and confidant in expressing herself. She appeared to have reached a point where she understood our relationship maybe even better than did I, and for me, that was important to us, moving forward. XXIV Christmas vacation was incredible. While I had learned to ski when I was nine, and mother and I went to local ski hills around the Midwest, this was my first time on the mountain trails and staying at a high- class Colorado resort. Instead of hotel rooms, we had used Carla?s connections to rent a condo. We spent each morning exploring the town of Vail especially a few shops we discovered ?off the beaten path? selling antiques. These shops were fascinating and filled with everything from furniture to dishes to clothing. They were far removed from the over-priced stores targeting tourists. During the afternoons, we skied for several hours before stopping to get ready for dinner. We all stayed to the beginners? trails and managed not to have any accidents. We had promised Carla there would be no broken arms or legs. But even the beginner trails were challenging enough for us. The evenings were amazing. We found several family style clubs where there was live music or comedy shows. There were several other clubs restricted to 21 and above due to alcohol being served and we avoided them, except Friday evening when Lori and I insisted our mothers head out on their own. We made plans for dinner in the lodge where they featured hamburgers served around a massive stone fireplace. We cheated, and had huge chocolate malts, each promising not to tell our mothers and especially not Carla. Saturday was Christmas Eve, and mother had arranged for a catered dinner in our rooms. It went way beyond normal room service. I don?t remember it all, but the French pastries for desert, I might never forget. Later, we listened to Christmas music on the stereo in the great room while sitting in front of the fireplace drinking cocoa. As it approached bedtime, our mothers brought out wrapped presents for Lori and me. We pulled away the ribbons and stripped away the paper to find cute pajama sets. We quickly changed and came back with presents for our mothers. They weren?t expecting them, so it was a complete surprise. For Christmas Eve, we had always received pajamas, so we had ordered them adult size blanket sleepers complete with footies. So off they went to change listening to Lori and me yell, ?Now we won?t have to hear you complain about being cold!? Christmas morning, we were all up early and had breakfast of coffee, juice and leftover pastries. Then we settled in to open a few more presents. Lori and I had each bought a set of ear rings with matching necklaces for our mothers. Lori and I each received sweaters, skinny jeans and western boots. We also received gift certificates for a spa back home which we could use anytime. We spent the rest of Christmas day doing a whole lot of nothing. Just sitting around and relaxing. Late afternoon, I was sitting near the fireplace thinking about our upcoming trip to Las Vegas to meet Carla for New Years Eve, when Lori, her mother, and my mother came into the room together all looking very suspicious. Before I could say a word, they all held out packages for me. I was totally confused, but mother explained. ?These are for Brett. We didn?t want him to feel left out.? And she gave me a big hug and kiss. ?I don?t think he?ll mind if you open them.? To say the least, I was shocked. I took the presents from them with tears in my eyes and sat there holding them in my lap. It was only after they all prompted me, I began to open them. From Lori and her mother, I received a pair of the latest Nike shoes, and a gift certificate for an Indy car style Go Kart track. It was something that I?d always wanted to try, and now I would. Finally, I opened mother?s gift. After digging through a rather large box, I found in the bottom of it a gift card for a set of custom wheels I had been looking at for my Mustang. But it was the next box that contained her real special gift. It was a handmade certificate addressed to ?The World?s Greatest Son?, and it read, ?In Recognition of his acts of unconditional love, and giving of himself above and beyond any expectations, Brett Taylor has been named the Greatest Son in the World along with all the rights and privileges accorded to this title.? And it was signed by my mother. Over the past year, I had shed so many tears, I thought I was done crying, but this bought them on again. With the tears running down my cheeks I pulled mother to me and hugged her. And not wanting to let go of the moment, I just held on and hugged. On Tuesday morning, we said good bye to Colorado, and headed to Las Vegas. I had heard stories, and had seen pictures, but nothing really does justice describing Vegas until you?ve been there. Carla had gone over the top again, booking us a suite at Mandalay Bay. It was simply incredible. Although Lori and I were 17, and technically not allowed in the casino, Carla arranged for a special casino tour, complete with handsome tour guides / body guards. We spent a couple of hours watching the gamblers, some winning and some loosing, seeing amazing amounts of money on the tables. For the next three days, we spent our time being tourists. We saw the lions at MGM, did the walking tour of Paris and the Luxor, watched the fountains at the Bellagio, and the Pirate Show at Treasure Island. Lori and I rode the rides on top the Stratosphere while our mothers stood by and watched in terror, and more calmly when we rode the rides at Circus Circus. Wednesday evening, we managed tickets to Cirque du Soleil, and Friday, tickets to see the Magic of David Copperfield. It was a great week of fun and excitement. Saturday was all about the New Years Eve party. We slept in until after ten, but once we were up, it was non-stop go, go, go! We managed a light breakfast before Carla descended on us with April, Ellen and half of the hair and makeup team in hand. The party wouldn?t start until 9:30 that evening, but there was a lot of work to get done. In addition to dress selections and fittings for Lori and me, not to mention hair and makeup... Carla had decided to extend the full treatment to our mothers. So, even starting just before noon, we barely managed to be ready by 9PM, when Carla rolled in with the photographers. Twenty minutes of pictures then it was off to the Grand Ballroom, where the party was being held. Aside from the four of us, Lori had 12 other models there and her entire staff; altogether, 38 people. I can?t begin to imagine what the cost was for the event. There were three other dress designers there, as well as Marco Pilanta, Mischa Barlow, and their entourages. I guessed 200 people I all. There was open bar for the adults and soft drinks for Lori and me, as we were the only attendees not of drinking age. An enormous buffet was laid out at one end of the ballroom, and at the other end was a stage where two bands alternated 30 minute sets to provide nonstop music. It turned out to be a great evening. It took a bit of getting used to, when we realized that women out numbered the men in the room by 10 to 1. Several of the models had brought husbands and boyfriends with them, as had staff members, but the youngest guys there were probably 25 or 26 and attached. Initially, this left Lori and I without dance partners, so we danced a few times with each other. Eventually, some of the guys wandered over and asked us to dance, and then they were persuading our mothers out on the floor as well. After many dances, with almost every man in attendance at the party, Lori and I finally found ourselves together again, just as the countdown to the New Year began. We were holding each other close as we danced when the call came forward for the countdown. We all turned to the center of the floor as a crystal ball descended from a high perch coming to rest on its stand just as the band began to play Auld Lang Syne. With the strands of the music around us, we kissed, and in that moment, I knew I wanted to be with her always, but I needed to decide in what role it would be. I was aware of everything she had told me, but I needed to put it all together; put it together in a way satisfying to us both. I had seven more days in which I had to pull myself together and make what might very well be the most important decision of my life, and I had to make it when I was still 17 years old. XXV We travelled home on the 2nd of January looking forward to the return to normalcy after the grand adventure of the vacation. It was a quiet trip, and we all seemed to be deep within our own thoughts. I think they all sensed I was in the midst of a crisis, but they all recognized it was something I needed to work though on my own. Lori and I had the whole week off before we would return to school and we spent most of it together. We talked about everything we had been through over the past year and what it meant to us, and then we talked about our dreams for the future. Although we agreed on so many things in the long term, there were still so many unknowns. But the one thing we were in total agreement on was where the short term would take us. The opportunities we had with the modeling were something which would last for only a short time, of that we were certain, and we were not willing to give it up, and neither were we willing to give up Brittany; either of us. During the week, I called Dr. Poole three times to talk with her, for help with the decision I had to make, not that she could make it for me, but she could help me to clarify my thoughts and make a good decision... the best decision. On Friday morning I sat down with mother and told her of my decision. And when I had done so, she cried as I?ve never seen her cry before; and she hugged me and kissed me, and, swore she would be there for me every step of the way. We had made a special appointment with the doctors for Saturday, so I could get over this hurdle before school resumed on Monday. Mother decided we should take the Mustang, but I convinced her to keep the top up, or maybe it was the 8-degree morning temperature. But I think she was trying to do something special for me to help me relax, and I think it helped. She let me drive the 50 miles to the doctor?s offices which kept my mind preoccupied, but she made me promise to let her drive home. My first appointment of the day was with Dr. Poole, and after we and talked for 30 minutes, she asked mother to join us. For the next 30 minutes, the three of us talked, with Dr. Poole making sure mother agreed with my decision and that she would support me. Finally, when we were through, Dr. Poole called Dr. Martin to join us and we discussed my decision and options with her. When Dr. Martin walked in, Dr. Poole took the lead. ?I?m sure this will come as no surprise to you, but this young lady is ready to start her hormone therapy. I?ve prepared my letters of recommendation and have copies for you.? And she handed them across. ?I?ll leave it in your hands to help her with her next few steps to femininity.? So, the next stop was Dr. Martin?s office where we discussed what it was I wanted to accomplish. ?Brittany, here?s how I recommend getting things started. I?ll have the nurse draw blood for testing, but I?ll also give you two injections today. The blood tests will provide us with a baseline, but there?s no time like the present to introduce your body to hormones.? She looked at mother who nodded silently before she continued. ?The first injection will be a hormone blocker. Since you body is currently producing a very low level of testosterone, we?ll be using a very low dosage. Then the next injection will be estrogen, the primary female hormone. Normally, we would need some time for the blocker to work, but in your case, it won?t be necessary. The estrogen dosage will be a jump start for your body. The actual dosage will be about 25% of what floods a young girl?s body when she starts puberty, but trust me, the effects will happen quickly. Your body is primed, and we will carefully monitor your progress, so we can preserve your options down the road. What you can expect early on will be some subtle changes in your body, some softening of your skin will probably be the first thing, and then some subtle changes of body fat distribution. You?re very thin already, and you have some girlish curves, so some of the changes may move quickly. What you can?t expect is overnight boobs. And mother, what you can expect is moodiness and a temperamental teenage daughter, and that?s where we are. If you?re ready, I?ll have the nurse draw the blood while I prepare the injections.? An hour later, mother and I were walking out the door of the doctor?s office after I?d received the first two injections. We?d have to be back in two weeks for a follow up and Dr. Martin would start to develop my hormonal profile. While I know it?s not possible, and I know it?s crazy, but when we walked out the door, I could have sworn I could feel the changes happening. It really turned out to be a good idea to let mother drive home, as my emotions were running on overload. I was replaying every minute of the past year in my mind and fantasizing about what the future held. At some point, I drifted off into a relaxing sleep, only waking up when mother pulled into the parking lot of an Italian restaurant near home. And not surprising, we were joined by Lori and her mother. Lori and I sat at the table having a stare down with each other. I knew she wanted to ask, but I wanted to make her sweat it out. She?d look at me and I?d turn my glance away. Then when she?d catch my eyes again, I?d try to look sad. We went through about three repeats of this before she couldn?t handle it any more. She just blurted out, ?Well are you OK? Are you gonna tell me about it, or just sit there with sad cow eyes and make me guess?? It was so funny both our mothers and I burst out laughing, but I gave in and told her what had happened. ?I guess I?m no longer a girly- boy... now I?m officially more of a girly-girl.? For the next hour, while we ate, mother and I explained every detail, from our discussions with Dr. Poole and Dr. Martin, to the testosterone blocker to the hormone injection. At one point, it was Lori who had a sad look on her face, and in a very concerned voice she asked, ?Does that mean Brett?s gone forever? Please don?t tell me that, I?m not sure I could stand it? I thought you were only delaying things for now, not making a full change!? And there were tears in her eyes. It took another 30 minutes to explain everything the doctors had done and what the outcome would be. Lori had heard me talk about it before, and she understood it, but now it was real, and she needed to go through it all again. ?Brittany,? she said, ?I am so happy for you, I really am, but I hope you understand, I don?t think I could handle losing Brett.? And she came around the table and hugged me. For my part, I was blown away by her concern, and especially about her feelings regarding Brett. I knew I didn?t want to let go of Brett completely, but to hear her say it, made my life much better. Once we got home, there was one last surprise waiting. I don?t know how she snuck them in, or when, but I was willing to bet that Lori?s mother was the co-conspirator. There on the couch in the family were two sleeping bags with pillows and new pajamas stacked beside them. I looked at mother and she was smiling as wide as her cheeks would allow. ?We figured you girls were overdue for your first pajama party.? While Lori and I took showers and change into our new pajamas, our mothers laid out the sleeping bags and pillows. When we walked backed into the family room, they were just setting out a big bowl of popcorn, a plate of brownies and bottles of root beer and cola, diet of course. Lori?s mother smiled as she sat the bottles down, ?Your lucky to get the brownies, so don?t complain.? The four of us sat up and talked until after midnight, when Lori?s mother was ready to call it a night. She headed home, and my mother headed up to bed. Lori and I turned out the lights, snuggled down in our sleeping bags and wiggled and rolled until we were as close together as we could manage. Lori unzipped the top of her bag and reached out to hug me, and I did the same; and this was how we slept for the entire night. XXVI Monday morning, it was back to school, and the New Year was off and running. There were the usual stories of the holiday escapades, and Lori and I tempered our stories. We were extremely fortunate to have the kind of holiday we had, and we didn?t want to brag. We did tell bits and pieces to satisfy the curiosity but were careful to not go too far. Everything just returned to normal, or as close to normal as I had any right to expect. We had the next three weeks to get into the swing of things at school again without any modeling commitments, and it felt good to be at home and relax. We heard from Carla at least once a week whether by phone of e-mail. Frequently, she would send outtakes from the latest upcoming catalog, all including pictures from our last photo session. She reminded us of the commitment for the Crawford Brothers video and told us she had some really exciting designs she was working on. She planned to bring them down for fittings in a few weeks, so she could have everything ready by March first and the anticipated film schedule. True to her word, Carla called one Thursday evening telling us to expect her Friday evening. ?We?ll have dinner, and I?ll explain the video concept to you and help you understand the designs for the outfits. Think 1890?s Wild West and you will have the general idea, but I think you?ll still be surprised.? And so it went. Carla arrived Friday afternoon with boxes and bags of partially assembled dresses and two seamstresses to help with the fittings. We dined on steak and sea food, small portions, while Carla explained more about the video concept. ?The Crawford Brothers have a travelling road show moving from town to town across the west. They stop in every town with a saloon which might have a stage do their show. The whole show travels by coach and wagons as they make their way. The video will follow the band as they make their way across the west.? I?ve got some incredible concepts laid out for the dresses, but we need to do a fitting to make sure of the sizes. The dresses of the old west were based upon Victorian designs, so they tend to be very fitted. I pretty much know your sizes by heart, but if you gained a few pounds over the holidays, I?ll need to make adjustments. Carla was at the house mid morning on Saturday unpacking the boxes and bags. The first thing she did was to have both Lori and me strip to our bras and panties and take new measurements. It took her only a few minutes with Lori, as nothing had changed, but when she came to me... things were different. ?Brittany, your body seems to be changing. Your basic bust size is the same, but your breasts are developing. You?re past working on a B cup without any padding. Your waist is over an inch smaller than it was before the holidays, and while your hips are the same, you?ve added some padding to your butt. Girl, you?ve got some real curves going on here.? So, I had to break down and tell Carla about the hormones. I had sensed the changes, but, had not said anything yet to Lori or mother. I could still hide the changes and didn?t want to say anything until I could see how far and how quickly the changes would come. ?I guess the hormones must be the fast-acting variety. Dr. Martin told me not to expect much for the first few months, but the changes seem to be coming fast. Please don?t say anything to my mother, she?s worried enough already, and if she sees this much change already, she might panic.? Carla chuckled and kidded with me, ?My little girl is becoming a woman. I?m going to have to change your measurements in the file so Ellen knows what to expect. I?m guessing she?s in for a surprise the next time she?s helping you with a shoot. And don?t worry, I won?t say a word, but at this rate, you won?t hide things much longer.? For the rest of the day, Carla and the seamstress, Delia and Heather, whom she had introduced last night at dinner, worked to fit bits and pieces of what would eventually become dresses on Lori and me. There were pieces which would become skirts, bodice sections to be attached to the skirts and even samples of corsets, and something I had never seen before... bustles! It was hard to imagine, from the bits and pieces being fit to our bodies and pinned together, gorgeous dresses would emerge, but we had seen Carla?s magic before. There was never a doubt in her mind as we watched the material being pulled from the boxes and bags. Linens and satins in a rainbow of colors and patterns almost seeming to be randomly fit into place always ended up in the form of rough fit dresses. It was amazing to watch it happen. By late afternoon, Carla said they were finished with their work for the day. It didn?t seem possible, because there was not one item resembled a finished dress. Certainly, there were pieces you might identify as parts of dresses; maybe a skirt or bodice or sleeves, but that was as far as it went. But these pieces were all stacked carefully back in the boxes for safe transport back to the sewing shop. Throughout out much of the fitting process, our mothers had left us in the able hands of the two seamstresses with Carla?s oversight. When it was over, they found their way into the living room that had been turned into the makeshift sewing shop. Over the months, they had resigned themselves to dealing with these sessions, but this was the first time Carla had taken over the house. I wasn?t sure if they totally approved or not. There was the benefit of not having to travel, but that was something I think they had started to enjoy. With Carla, travel was always first class, and our mothers really enjoyed it. When everything was packed and ready for shipping, Delia and Heather loaded the boxes in the minivan they had rented and bid us goodbye. They were charged with getting the work in process dresses back to the shop where over the course of the next week, they would be turned into gorgeous finished dresses. Carla stayed for a while longer explaining the schedule for the filming of the video as well as the photography for the other promotional items. ?The dresses will be finished by Thursday, so I would like you to be at the Chicago studio on Friday for final fittings. We?ll have dinner on Friday evening and then on Saturday, I?m going to schedule a promotional event for the spring catalog. There?s a Young Miss Pageant Saturday evening and we?re one of the key sponsors, so I?ll be asking you girls to be there doing some autographs and such. It should be a fun event. Then on Sunday we?ll fly to LA for the video shoot. The production company has rented one of the old western sets at MGM for the shoot. Just think, you?ll be on the same set where John Wayne filmed some of his greatest roles.? Chapter XXVII Lori and I had four days at school to get our classes in order and pick up our assignments in preparation for two weeks away. We turned two large stacks of project work over to our tutors, so they could review them and contact any of the teachers if necessary. One of the things we had learned, was there would be no let up in our studies. While we couldn?t spend six or seven hours a day as we did in the classroom, we would spend 2 or three hours each evening and even some weekends. Something else we had become aware of was a certain amount jealousy developing amongst some of the students at school. Obviously, they were aware of how much time we were taking off from school, but they had no idea of how demanding our schedule was both with the modeling and the school work. There were two cliques who represented most of the resentment. The first group was headed up by Tiffany Shields who had been homecoming queen and saw herself as the queen bee for the entire school. Somehow, she felt Lori and I usurped her status. She would refer to us as the ?modeling bimbos? and while never saying or doing enough to run afoul of school policy she would push it to its limits. Surprisingly, or maybe not, the other group that gave us grief consisted of several members of the football team, basketball team and cheerleaders who were the student celebrities and felt a bit slighted by the attention given to Lori and me. To us, it seemed crazy, and we tried to ignore them, but this worked against us, as we were called stuck up and arrogant. There really was no winning this battle, so we tried our best to avoid confrontation. What Lori and I found the most amazing was the group of our friends who stood by our sides and supported us. And the group was led, by none other than Julie Martin. She had put herself in harm?s way more than once to defend us, and never backed down. She became our best friend and Lori and I intended to find a way to repay her for all she had done. We had worked out a plan with Carla, but still needed to fine tune it. Our trip to Chicago was OK... nothing special except for meeting all the girls at the Pageant. They were great. Lori and I were treated like celebrities and it was pretty embarrassing, but a lot of fun. Then we were off to LA. When we arrived in LA, we were again treated like celebrities. There was a stretch limo to pick us up at the airport and we were whisked off to a 5-star hotel situated between Hollywood and Beverly Hills. It was luxury like we had never seen before. Carla told us to relax and enjoy it, ?The studio?s paying for it.? We spent Monday and Tuesday reviewing the storyline and script for the video. There were six people from the studio including an associate director, a producer, two acting coaches and two script advisors, and we all met in a conference room where we read through the script and practiced it until Lori and I memorized our parts and it started to become natural to say the lines. At first it was tedious, but gradually it became fun. On Wednesday, Colt and Morgan were there and we did the lines again with them reading their parts. It was great fun; especially since Lori and I were better prepared than the boys were. Colt, in particular was having a hard time. ?Hey, what do you expect? I?m a singer not an actor!? But they didn?t receive any sympathy from either Lori or me. I asked, ?You have to memorize lines for your songs, why don?t you sing the lines?? And when he did, it worked, but the producer was especially hard on them, ?I expect more from you. Shooting this video?s not cheap and you need to be prepared.? But by the end of the day, things were going well, and the associate director announced we would do a walk- through in the morning, playing out the parts while exchanging our lines. We?d still be in the conference room, but we?d be moving around and trying to learn our moves while saying our lines. It turned out to be a lot more difficult than I expected. The boys thought we would have the weekend off, and, volunteered to take Lori and me on a special Hollywood tour, but their idea was shot down by the producer. ?You?ll be on set tomorrow morning at 9 for a first full rehearsal. The first dress rehearsal is tomorrow afternoon and final is on Sunday. We need to start shooting on Monday.? The experience of shooting the video was not at all what I expected. I knew it would be challenging, but it was a lot of hard work. If you think about a video, it last only as long as the song, in this case 3 minutes and 19 seconds. Actually, a bit longer with lead in and fade out, but start to finish in less than 4 minutes. The reality of the actual filming was 10 hours spread over two days before we were done. Ahead of the filming, the boys had recorded six tracks of the song, satisfying the producers demand he would have enough good segments to complete the video. Then, we started with the filming, and to my surprise, it was not done start to finish. While I knew there would be breaks for costume changes and locations changes, I somehow figured we would start at the beginning and follow through the song. Not so. The first piece we shot was the fade out sequence coming at the end of the video. Then we worked on pieces of the scenes from early in the video, the lead in and arrival in town. We worked on various parts of the song in bits and pieces, some as long as a full minute and some only 15 seconds. I just couldn?t understand how they would piece it all together but was told it was the editor?s job. We just needed to supply them with enough good footage. After two days of filming we had accumulated almost 6 hours of video, and the director decided it was enough. Throughout the two days, Lori and I were constantly changing costumes and having changes in makeup and hair. There were three costumes for Lori and me and we rotated through them as the director decided on multiple takes and changes in the positions and angles for the cameras. More than once, we were caught with the wrong hair style for the scene. Having to bounce back and forth so much, it was easy to miss something, but it didn?t make the director happy. More than once I thought he and Carla would come to blows, but they always worked it out. In the first scene, the Crawford brothers were riding into to town on horses, leading a carriage in which Lori and I rode. Behind us in a partially covered Conestoga wagon were the members of the band and the instruments. As we stopped in front of the town?s hotel and saloon, the boys dismounted and helped Lori and I out of the carriage. They were wearing period styled suits with boots and hats, and, looked handsome and refined. They even wore guns and holsters. Lori and I were wearing the Victorian style dresses popular during the 1890s. Hers, was dark blue with cream colored ruffle and lace trim. Lori was laced into a tight corset pulling in her waist for the tight fit of the dress, which was complete with large bustle just above her butt. My dress was the same design as Lori?s, but dark green and white. I was laced equally tight in a corset and had to adjust to the bustle. We both carried matching parasols, and our hair had been pulled up in an elegant style with cascades of curls falling down our backs. The stylists had added extension to our hair to get the length and fullness desired. In the video, the boys began singing just as they dismounted the horses and came to escort Lori and me into the hotel. The video continued as we registered and then walked up the stairs to the second-floor rooms. Later there were clips of us sitting down for dinner before we entered the saloon. When the video continued we were walking into the saloon. Lori and I had changed outfits. These were the outfits worrying us the most, and we were glad, for now at least, our mothers weren?t here to watch the filming. Our dresses for this scene were out and out saloon girl outfits. Something coming out of the dance halls of Paris, and, were destined to become burlesque. Very sexy, with low cut necklines and tiered skirts that were well above our knees in front and trailed in layers to mid calf in back. Lori and I were hoping when our mothers saw the video we wouldn?t be grounded for weeks. They were very sensitive to some of the outfits Carla asked us to model, and the image they presented; and these certainly pushed the limit. The script for this part of the video called for Lori and me to roam through the saloon flirting with patrons while the band played, and the boys sang. Eventually, the boys were playing cards and winning money while Lori and I continued to flirt and distract the other card players. In the end, the four of us walked out of the saloon with a huge pot of winnings, much to the chagrin of the customers and the saloon owner. In the final scene of the video, Lori and I were dressed in jeans, blouses and vests with boots and hats. We were on horses following Colt and Morgan as we rode out of town with the saloon owner and customers lining the street yelling their disapproval. As we rode away, on the other side of town, the boys in the band exited with the carriage and wagon. The work was harder than I thought, especially trying to stay in character. It gave me a new appreciation for what the actors and actresses in the movies went through. I was exhausted after two days of work for a 4-minute video, what would it take for a two hour movie? With the video behind us, we took advantage of the boys offer of the Hollywood tour. Our mothers were concerned about allowing us to go with the boys, but they also knew we could be trusted. In the end, however, it all worked out well and the boys were complete gentlemen. As we found out, both Colt and Morgan had girlfriends, actually, more than just girlfriends. Lori and I found ourselves being escorted on the tour by not only the Crawford Brothers, but their wives. The boys had both been secretly married earlier in the year. The secret was being kept to maintain appearances with their fan base for as long as possible, but based upon the look of Colt?s wife, it certainly wasn?t going to be long. Judging by appearances, she was about six months pregnant. When we were released from our commitments, Lori and I spent two days doing the Hollywood tourist stuff with our mothers. We did everything from taking pictures at Hollywood and Vine to checking out the Walk of Fame. While we were impressed seeing the sights, we were a bit surprised it wasn?t all glitz and glamour. We lost track of the number of adult video stores and themed breakfast buffets scattered along Hollywood Boulevard as well as the working girls more plainly in sight than we expected. We did fall for one of the restaurants where we were served by one of the twelve Elvis impersonators working as waiters. It was a Hunk-a, hunk-a heart burning lunch. And with that behind us, we headed to our hotel to pack for the trip home. Chapter XXIIX Returning home from Hollywood had come as a welcome relief to all of us. The whole event had been a great adventure, but not one that we looked forward to repeating. While the modeling work with Carla was fun, exciting and rewarding, the whole Hollywood experience exceeded our limits. We were all in agreement on this. While we did make a lot of money for our appearance in the video as well as the promotional and tour posters, it wasn?t something we planned on doing again, at least any time soon. Even Carla admitted it went well beyond her expectations and tolerance, but added ?The publicity is tremendous; the two of you are hotter than ever. The minute trailers of the video hit the internet, I started receiving calls from other designers wanting to ?rent? your services. They?re offering big money if I?ll agree to share you. That?s not my decision to make alone, and, is something we should talk about.? For the next several weeks, Carla?s idea about Lori and me modeling for other designers became a hot topic. Our mothers were concerned about how much of a demand on our time this would be and whether Lori and I considered making this a career, at least in the short term. Mother expressed her feelings and at the same time brought the discussion to a halt. ?Carol and I planned on our girls going on to college.? And it hit us all, ?girls? plural, and that?s where it stopped, it wasn?t Lori and Brett going to college, it was ?our girls.? I thought I had moved past this issue, but it jumped right up and hit me. This would be a whole different level of commitment, and what was my mother really saying? Was she now thinking of me only as Brittany... only as a girl? And this opened up a whole additional line of issues starting with what colleges, where? And could we really accommodate a college schedule while continuing to do modeling? For the next week, the whole issue of college vs career became a hot topic of discussion. And for me and mother it was combined with the whole Brett vs. Brittany discussion all over again. In my mind, I understood what mother was saying when she referred to me as a girl. After all, I was basically living full time as a girl, including school and the modeling. I had made the decision to start hormone therapy and was quickly developing a feminine body. It was a rare Saturday or Sunday when Brett made an appearance and more and more both mother and I became uncomfortable with these days. For all intents and purposes, we were mother and daughter and Brett was the occasional visitor. Then, in a moment of total indecision, we made a decision. Neither Lori nor I had made a firm decision about where we wanted to go to college, and, had not settled on a major field of study, so we leaned on Carla to continue with the tutors while we took online classes from one of the State Colleges. We could complete almost two years of study before we would have to make commitments to a specific program, declare a major, and attend classes on campus. Dealing with my other issues, Brett and Brittany, was a whole different battle and one I needed to fight on my own. While mother was sure to support me, it was still my decision, and while I could count on the doctors for advice and answers to some of my questions, again it was my decision. I had already made part of the decision when I had started taking hormones, now I needed to make a decision at the next level, whatever that would be, and that?s where I needed to count on the doctors to help me understand my options. During my next visit with Dr. Poole and Dr. Martin I was armed with tons of questions, and luckily for me, they were ready with answers. Most of the questions I had for Dr Poole were about confidence. You would think anyone who was doing fashion modeling would be confident in their appearance, but since I had begun the hormone treatment, my body was changing significantly, and my brain wasn?t far behind. For the most part I had been able to hide a least the magnitude of the changes, although I was sure mother was all but going crazy with my mood swings. Dr. Poole and I spent a long time talking about self acceptance as a basis for building self confidence and it made a lot of sense. Together we discovered a layer of fear I had continually buried which I needed to rid myself of. While this couldn?t be accomplished in one session, she provided me with mental exercises to use as well as an assignment to write down every example of fear entering my life. This would provide direction for our further sessions. My appointment with Dr. Martin went a bit differently. While I had been developing a girlish figure from almost the first day I started taking hormones, this past month had found me really blossoming. So far, using loose and baggy clothes I had been able to keep it a secret, from everybody except Ellen. Every time I had done a fitting or modeling assignment over the past several months, she had had to make alterations to the fit of the dresses. Most of the time it involved using less padding for my hips and smaller bust enhancements, but a few times she had to take in or let out seams. But I had sworn her to secrecy, and she had been true to her word. When I made my way to Dr. Martin?s office, she was surprised by how much development had occurred since my last check up. ?We?re going to make some adjustments today in your injections. Too much girl juice in your system, I think. Usually this dosage isn?t a problem, but your body seems more than ready to respond. We need to slow you down a bit to stay with our program.? After my appointment with Dr. Martin and a round of down sized injections, I made my way back to Dr. Poole?s office. I had been considering a crazy option for my coming out, so to speak, and I wanted to make sure she didn?t think I was totally crazy. At first, she wasn?t quite sure, but when I did a few poses and explained to her that every curve she saw was all me, she understood. While she wasn?t sure my idea was the perfect solution, she didn?t advise against it all together. ?Brittany, I?m sure you?re going to blow some people away; it ought to be fun for you, and as long as everybody believes in you the way I think they do, it ought to be fun for them as well. Just be careful, because the last thing you want to do is hurt anyone, especially Lori or your mother.? So, now with Dr. Poole?s blessing, sort of, I could turn my plan into action. I really didn?t know exactly how, when or where, but I knew what... or at least the basic outline of the what. I still needed to fill in the details. And, I was going to need a lot of help, but I was counting on Ellen for that. She was becoming my partner in crime, and, was sworn to secrecy. Chapter XXIX It was almost perfect, and I couldn?t have planned it any better. Carla had been working on her plan to ?rent? our services to other designers, and to that end had agreed to have us attend an open audition party for designers. While it was called open auditions, there was not a girl there who had not received an invitation. The open part was meant for the agents who were bringing their best and brightest talent. It was being held back in Vegas at Mandalay Bay and was as much a party atmosphere as it was an audition. While most girls there would be auditioning, another group, which included Lori and me, were there to decide which of the many designers we might work for. We were expected to have several contract proposals from which to choose. Carla and our mothers would eventually have more say so about this than Lori or I would, but it was so exciting to think all these companies wanted us. While Lori and I were thrilled about this opportunity, and the money it would bring, our mothers were skeptical... still hung up on the college issue, and how this might affect any long-term decision. But all of that lasted until the offers started coming in. Carla had been correct as always. The amounts being offered on some of these contracts were amazing. I think as our mothers saw the offers, their opinion on the situation change quickly. It would still be possible to pursue the on- line classes and we would just have to manage our modeling schedule and commitments. Over the course of two days we talked to at least 20 different companies and designers. While we initially thought the biggest and best offers would come from the elite designers, this was not necessarily the case. Carla knew the ropes of the business and was not going allow us to be taken advantage of. It was also in her best interest to have some control of the situations. Obviously, she would never allow us to work for her direct competition. But there were enough other opportunities so that question never came up. What surprised us the most was when a very large retailer of clothing approached us about not just modeling, but, acting as spokespersons for their broad lines of clothing targeting teen girls. There line included everything from jeans and shirts to fashion day wear, school fashions, lingerie and not surprising... formal wear from the House of Salvatore. We knew that Carla had been expanding her offerings beyond her couture line, but, hadn?t expected this. And of course, Carla as our primary employer and effectively our agent, would have first right of refusal on any of the contracts. While it seemed a bit contrived on Carla?s part to lead us to this opportunity, she didn?t resist when our mothers considered other offers as well. But in the end, it was an easy choice to make. The combined offer was petty staggering. It would require a lot of time and effort on our parts, but, included the benefit of fulltime jobs for both our mothers as our personal managers. It was simply too much to turn down. It was decided quickly, this was the chance of a lifetime, and our mothers agreed to stay on in Vegas for a few extra days to iron out all the details. In the meantime, there was a cocktail party and dinner to attend, and as Carla put it; ?All the girls are expected to wear their sexiest dresses for the event.? While our mothers hesitated for a minute, they had become accustomed to these situations. It didn?t mean they fully supported the idea, but they understood. For me, this was the opportunity I had been waiting for. Ellen and I had secretly made our plans and Saturday night would be the great reveal. While our mothers would be enjoying a day at the spa and salon to get ready, Lori and I would be turned over to Ellen and April to prepare us for the evening. Normally, Lori and I would be together almost all day when preparing for an event like this, but Ellen had arranged it with April to keep us separated. The first task was a trip to a private salon where Ellen had Terri and Misty meet us. There they added extension to my already shoulder length hair bringing it to the small of my back. It was then dyed a very light blond and finally had pink highlights scattered throughout. Once that was complete it was set in large rollers, and Ellen and I headed back to the hotel where Terri would do the final style later. Back in Ellen?s room, she brought out the lingerie she had helped me select. There was a white, silk and lace corset with push up half cups that made the very most of my now already prominent bust line. There was also matching panties that I pulled into place. I then laced the garters from the corset under the panties and attached them to the very shear stockings I pulled up my legs. The material of the stocking caused me to shiver as I pulled them up, and I marveled at the way they shimmered with just the faintest touch of pink. The dress I had selected for the party was best described as scandalous. It had dark pink and silver in a pattern of swirls across a lighter pink background, but it was the way it was cut that made it stand out. The dress was strapless with a princess neckline modified by Ellen to plunge more deeply thereby displaying more cleavage. Ellen had also taken in the waist line and fit the dress snugly to my corseted body. I also convinced her to shorten the skirt until it barely hid the top of the stockings and garter tabs. I would have to be very careful with each move I made, but it would be worth it. To finish the outfit, I had found a pair of multi strap silver sandals with a one-inch platform and six-inch heels. All the more reason to walk carefully with every step I took. Being fully dressed, Ellen had Terri come by to finish my hair. Tonight, it was about elegant and sexy. She did a little trimming and then pulled my hair up on top of my head fixing it with a jeweled silver comb and letting the new length cascade to my shoulders in large soft curls. It turned out gorgeous. Next, it was Beth?s turn with my makeup. While she had done makeup for me more than 300 times, like everything else tonight, this was special. She worked on my eyes with at least six shades of color making them sexy and sultry. She added dark liner to the upper and lower lids bringing out a cat eye look. Then my lashes were treated to thick full mascara making them appear longer than ever. My cheeks were contoured with three shades of blush and my lips finished with shimmery pink that looked almost liquid. She finished with icy pink polish on my nails. When Beth was done, Ellen returned with jewelry borrowed from Mischa. The ear rings were dangly silver loops holding pink crystals. There was a bracelet made from woven silver bands and another made of the pink crystals. The necklace was an intricate silver chain holding a single large pink crystal just above my cleavage. Finally, there were three complimentary rings. When everything was in place, I stood and looked in the mirror. I definitely looked older than 17; maybe mid 20s and sexy like I never had before. My body in this dress screamed for attention. It was the look I wanted, but maybe a bit too much. I stepped back from the mirror, and asked Ellen what she thought, and for the first time since I had met her, she was speechless. Brittany, you look amazing. It?s like seeing my little girl all grown up in front of me. I think your mother may faint, and Lori and her mother won?t be far behind. Carla may have apoplexy. But what an amazing coming out party. When I was ready, I placed calls to mother, Lori and her mother telling them I was running just a bit late and I would meet them at the entrance of the ballroom where the party was being held. The room had been decorated in a vintage Hollywood style, and you entered via a dramatic winding stairway. I was actually in place early, to watch Lori, our mothers and Carla make their way to the ballroom. I overheard them talking and heard mother saying, ?I know she?s up to something. She thinks she can hide it, but I always know. It?s one of the perks of being a mother.? So, she knew I was up to something, but I was willing to bet she had no idea what it was, and I wasn?t going to keep her in suspense much longer. I saw them standing near the bottom of the stairs, and every time the doors at the top opened, they looked up expecting to see me. Finally, I couldn?t make them wait any longer, and I made my entrance and it was everything I wanted it to be. When I walked through the doors and started down the stairs, they looked up and then momentarily they looked away. Then, a classic double take. First it was mother, and she gasped. This drew Lori?s attention as well as her mother and Carla. To say they were shocked was an understatement. It was more like stunned. When I looked up and made eye contact, I knew I had achieved what I wanted. While I was sure I was going to catch a lot of grief, I was making my statement. I wanted them to see me as all girl, only Brittany, no trace of Brett, and with my new body, there would be no doubt. I took my time, slowly descending the stairs watching each and every reaction. When I finally reached the bottom, I stopped where they were standing taking it all in, and, allowing them to do the same. As the seconds ticked by, it was like no one wanted to break the spell. Then I saw it. A single tear in my mother?s eye, and she spoke, ?Oh my God... what have you done? What have we done?? And she reached out and hugged me tightly. It took several more minutes for the full affect to take hold. Lori stood there staring and her mouth hanging open. Her mother was much the same. And Carla, her expression was much the same, but she was able to find her voice. ?I think I know what we?ve done... we?ve created a monster!? When everyone had finally regained their composure, we moved across the ballroom to a more private section. Once we were there, the questions started. The two biggest questions were how and why. To say the least, they were all amazed by my physical development. Carla swore she was going to have a talk with Ellen about keeping secrets. And then the why questions started, and as much as I thought I was ready to answer them, I still stumbled for the words. ?I wanted you to see me, all of me, not with pads and push up bras, and I wanted to feel pretty and special... and I guess I wanted to surprise you, and let you see the new me. My life has changed in so many ways, and my body has finally caught up with the changes. I need to be who I am, and for now and for the immediate future, I am Brittany.? And this started a flood of tears around the table where we sat. It took several minutes for the tears to subside, so we could talk again. And when they did, the same old questions came out again. ?Are you sure? Are you OK? Does Dr. Poole know about this? And what about Dr. Martin?? And then the observations, ?Why tonight? Why that dress? Why your hair?? And on and on. It took a long time to explain and for them to understand, but eventually, we reached a point where we could relax and enjoy the party. After all, the party was the reason we were there. We were supposed to be mixing and mingling and Lori and I were supposed to make ourselves available for pictures. And we did. As we made our rounds, I was finally able to see the dress that Lori wore and the gowns our mothers wore. They we all simply spectacular. I had expected nothing less, and they lived up to everything I could have imagined. Every time I would catch my mother?s eye, I could see she was evaluating me. She might be looking at my legs under the short skirt, taking in my hair and sexy make up, but many times I could see she was staring at my breasts and cleavage and would shake her head in disbelief. Near the end of the evening, she could take it no longer. She pulled me aside into a quiet corner to talk. ?Well young lady, I knew you were up to something tonight, but I hardly expected this!? And she waved her hand indicating how I was dressed. ?It appears I?ve missed out on a few things as you?ve grown up over the past few months. But I don?t know how I missed this,? she said as she looked at my cleavage. ?I guess I was so preoccupied with you being my daughter, I missed you growing up and blossoming. I look at you tonight and the perfectly beautiful girl who I have been enjoying my time with has become a beautiful young lady. You?ve grown up before my eyes, and yet I missed it.? There were tears in her eyes as she continued, ?Obviously, we need to talk, but I want you to remember how much I love you, and I want to make sure we?re doing the right thing for you. But let me say this... regardless of how lovely you look tonight, don?t expect me to ever allow you out of the house looking like this. I?d have to send a body guard with you to keep the boys away.? And when she laughed at that thought, I had no choice but to laugh with her. Then she hugged me, and we made our way back to the party.? Chapter XXX With all the excitement of Las Vegas behind us, it was time to settle back into the routine at home. Being able to sleep in my own bed was truly a pleasure, and even going back to school felt right. There was a lot of catching up to do, even though our tutors kept us on track with most assignments, there was always something we missed. Beyond school, there were the upcoming demands of our new modeling and spokesperson contract. While Carla assured us that she would minimize the impact until after graduation, there would be at least two major trips for photo shoots and modeling appearances. Before we could do either of the trips, our mothers would have to work out the details and agree to the contract. Although it was pretty straight forward, it was a big change for them giving up their current jobs to become our managers. There needed to be protection in place so at some point they didn?t find themselves unemployed. They were very careful and utilized an attorney Carla recommended to assure it was all above board and legal. No detail was overlooked, and after a few corrections and minor changes, the contract finally approved by all parties. Once everything was worked out, mother decided it was time for her and me to have a mother daughter talk. Although ever since the last Vegas trip I knew it was coming, I wasn?t looking forward to it. I had made sure to behave myself and not push any boundaries or limits, hoping this would carry some weight with her, but not expecting it. Mother chose Saturday afternoon for our talk. She told me she wanted to allow plenty of time for us to talk openly about anything and everything going on in our lives, hers as well as mine. She made quite the effort to make sure the setting was as relaxed and comfortable as possible. We sat in the living room where she had a plate of fresh made cookies and a pot of our favorite herbal tea. Before we sat down, we both left our cell phones in our bedrooms, so there would be no interruption. Once we were comfortably seated, she started. ?Brittany, I want this discussion to be open and honest. I know it will be very emotional for both of us, so we need to be prepared for that. If it gets to be too much for you, just let me know and we?ll back off for a while.? She waited for me to respond and when I nodded, she pressed on. ?I want to talk about Brittany as well as Brett. I know you?ve moved well into the Brittany mode over the last several months with Brett making only an occasional appearance, and I want to make sure that we are both comfortable with this. I want to make sure we are, you are, doing the right thing. I also want to talk about sex and sexuality. I realize you probably think you know all about it and have all of the answers, but believe me when I say there are things, I?m sure you?re unaware of... especially as Brittany.? For the next four hours, mother and I sat there and talked. There were things we both agreed on, a few we disagreed on and more than a few that surprised us. Mother was afraid she had pressured me into the role of Brittany, and I assured her it had only been a gentle nudge, and once I was exposed to my feminine side I was hooked. That didn?t mean I was ready to give up Brett, but I was having the time of my young life as Brittany, and had opportunities available to me that Brett would never have. I had discovered a whole new part of me which I otherwise might never had known. For her part, she assured me she would support me in whatever decisions I made, but, would provide all the guidance she could. She referred to it as, ?the wisdom of the years.? Finally, our discussion came around to sex as I knew it would. She wanted to know what questions I had, and if I Lori and I had been sexually active. It wasn?t easy for me to respond, but I explained as best as I could about sex-ed in school, and all the discussions I had been having with Dr. Poole and Dr. Martin. Mother was very surprised by both, not realizing what we were exposed to in school, and by the depth of the discussions I?d had with my doctors. That just left the subject of me and Lori open for discussion, and I blushed furiously while trying to avoid saying too much. Mother realized the position I was in, and, knew exactly how to get around it. ?Don?t worry about letting out any secrets or protecting Lori... she is having this same discussion with her mother as we speak. So, Carol and I can compare notes later and fully embarrass the both of you.? I know I was blushing furiously as I stumbled my way through my explanation, but mother did her best keeping a straight face and not saying a word until I was done. I wasn?t sure if I was more worried that she would scream and throw a fit, or she might laugh. But she did neither. She sat quietly and listened. For the next twenty minutes, I explained how far Lori had I had gone exploring our sexual relationship, which in reality wasn?t very far. We regularly did the kiss and cuddle routine and allowed our hands to explore, but that was the limit... at least as far as I was willing to admit. While we hadn?t had intimate sex, we had done everything we could think of up to that point. I was just hoping Lori?s story would match mine when our mothers compared notes. In the end, I think mother was impressed with my honesty, but also somewhat surprised. She had expected that Lori and I were occasionally having sex, or at least had more than a few rolls in the sack. She summed up her thought saying, ?I?m proud of you. With everything you?ve been through, and the number of times you and Lori have been in a position to take advantage of the situation, you?ve made very adult decisions. With all the times the two of you have been near naked in dressing rooms; it would have been so easy to sneak in a quickie. I?m very impressed, but I got a question, and I hope you don?t get upset with me asking.? Mother took a minute or two to collect herself before asking, and probably to give me a minute as well, but then she pressed on. ?When you and Lori are together, how do you see yourself... and how do you think she sees you? I mean do you see yourself as Brett or Brittany, and what about her? Is she kissing and cuddling with Brett or Brittany?? I somehow knew this question was coming, and, was prepared for it when it did. ?This may sound strange, but I don?t think it?s either. When we?re together it?s just us, she and me. And it doesn?t come into to play if it?s Brittany or Brett. I don?t think either of us even considers it. We?re comfortable with each other and she accepts me as the person I am... both sides of me. As for me, I?m comfortable with myself and don?t try to be all masculine as Brett or decidedly feminine as Brittany... I?m just me.? I was a little surprised, but this explanation seemed to satisfy her curiosity. A big smile came to her face and she reached over to hug me. She didn?t say a word, just held me close, and that was the end of our discussion. Chapter XXXI Over the next several months, life moved at a torrid pace. With the new contract signed, the work load increased beyond what we had expected. Carla assured us it would taper off and settle into a more manageable pattern, and slowly it began to happen. With as busy as we were, school seemed to pass in a blur, and it was all too soon that we were coming up to graduation. But before we could face that, there was still senior prom. It was something to which Lori and I had been looking forward and we had found enough time to make our plans. It took Lori and I quite some time to convince Carla and our other clients to keep from making the prom a big media event. This was the last of our high school experiences and we wanted it to be just about us. We realized there was great commercial potential and advertising value to be had, but with the help of our mothers, we convinced everyone we deserved to have this one night for ourselves. Even though we kept the night for ourselves, we did allow Carla to provide us with designer gowns, and she outdid herself. Lori?s dress was pale rose with the bodice consisting of a satin lining with a chiffon over lay. The skirt was a gently tapered a-line that swept to her ankles. My dress was made from light green taffeta in a fitted mermaid style. The snug fit clung to my curves, followed to my knees and flared to a broad sweep. We both wore silver strappy sandals, and silver ear rings, necklace and bracelets from Mischa. Our mothers treated us to a limo for the evening, so we were shuttled around in style. Our first stop was Parisian, a small French restaurant where we enjoyed a quiet dinner before making our way to the Crystal Ballroom where the prom itself was being held. For the rest of the evening, Lori and I enjoyed ourselves as we joined many of our friends at the dance. We were asked to dance by many guys who were careful to ask their dates for permission before asking us. But saved most of the dances for just us. We did get a few curious looks from some of the couples that didn?t know us well, but no one said anything to us. There were two lesbian couples and one gay couple attending the prom, so no one paid any particular attention to us. When the dance wound down two other couples joined Lori and I in the limo for a slow cruise around town that included a stop at the Dairy Star for ice cream cones which we sat in the small park across the street and ate. After taking a little time for kisses and cuddles, we had the limo driver drop us all at our houses. It was a perfect night for us without any of the pressures coming with the notoriety of our careers. As school wound down after the prom, Lori and I began to focus on our plans for the summer. While most of our classmates were anticipating a last summer before college, or starting jobs, our summer was already laid out for us and booked solid with travel. How many other graduates would be travelling to New York and LA and looking forward to seeing Paris, London and Milan? But as much as it would be another grand adventure, the amount of work required would be quite taxing. We had convinced our mothers and Carla we needed a week to ourselves, quiet time after finals and the cap and gown affair before the travel started. While Lori and I really did need the time just to decompress, we also needed some time together to figure out ourselves. Ever since we?d had ?the talks? with our mothers, something between us seemed to change. It wasn?t a change of the good or bad variety, just something different. There was something needing to be answered, and while we both knew what it was, we weren?t sure how to deal with it, but we were determined to find a way. It took a couple of days to work out the logistics, but fortune fell our way halfway through our week off. Carla needed our mothers to meet with her, her attorney and financial advisor relative to their new jobs as our personal managers, and, how certain aspects of our contracts would be handled. Since we would now be working for more than just Carla, the scheduling of our time and the financial arrangements were going to become far more complicated, so the attorney and financial advisor where important assets. For two or three days, they were off to the Chicago offices to discuss business giving Lori and me the privacy we needed to sort things out. Friday morning was time to prepare for phase one. Friday evening, Brett and Lori would be going on a date. It would take most of the day to get ready, but it was all part of the plan. My first stop was the mall. I needed an outfit for the evening and everything else to go with it, and it turned out to be quite the experience. I had to buy everything from boxers and tee shirt to slacks, shirt, sport coat and tie. Then it was socks, shoes, belt and even a wallet. It turned out to be more of an adventure than I expected. No one expected an 18-year-old girl to be buying a guy?s outfit, but the clerks were all more than helpful. I can?t tell you how awkward I felt. I made it home late in the afternoon and took my time getting ready. After taking a shower, I washed my hair, drying it on low heat with a blow drier so I could brush it flat and pull it back into a low pony tail that could be tucked under my jacket. The cotton of the boxers and tee shirt was coarse and rough against my skin and the fit of the shirt and slacks only went a short way to hiding my curves, but the jacket and tie helped a bit to give me a classic guy look. The shoes and socks felt heavy and I actually had to practice for a bit to walk like a boy. At seven o?clock, I walked up the steps and rang the bell at Lori?s house, choosing to allow her to invite me in rather than just barging in, and the effect was worth it. The look on her face was priceless. She stepped back and looked up and down taking in my entire look, finally breaking out in a huge smile and jumping into my arms and hugging me. For this date, it was basic boy takes girl out for dinner and a movie. Afterwards, we strolled leisurely along the downtown sidewalks window shopping and exchanging small talk. Eventually, we made our way home deciding on my house for the evening. After making the required calls to our mothers, we locked the door, turned out the lights and headed up to my bedroom. At first, we were both unsure of ourselves and it was a bit awkward. Lori approached me removing my jacket and tie while kissing me tentatively. I tried to reciprocate and unzip her dress, but it wasn?t working for either of us. Finally, we sat on my bed kissing and cuddling and finally removing our clothes. The awkwardness really started to settle in as we explored each other?s body, but we slowly made our way. We touched ... caressed and fondled searching out every way possible to excite each other but never got past the feeling of awkwardness. Eventually, with both of us naked and our bodies intertwined we fell asleep. Saturday morning, we awoke with our arms and legs still tangled. It was comfortable, cozy and obviously sexually exciting. I didn?t wake up with an erection but lying there cuddling with Lori soon changed that. While the hormones now coursing through my body had changed me physically, I could feel the onset between my legs. We were soon doing more than just cuddling, but just as the previous night, we fell short of having intercourse. It wasn?t that we didn?t try, but we just couldn?t get there. Lori and I did shower together, which led to more exploration of our bodies as we washed each other and wrapping our wet bodies together led us both to orgasms, but no intercourse. By the time we recovered and got ourselves dried off we prepared to get on with our day. We had promised our mothers to do some chores today, so we had some running to do. We decided on breakfast out before heading to the dry cleaners, the post office and the mall. We figured we could be done and home by early afternoon giving us lots of time to get ready for tonight?s date. This time it would be Brittany and Lori heading out for the evening. For this evening, we?d chosen a somewhat fancier restaurant, but not over the top. There was an art show downtown we planned to attend before dinner. Since the art show was sort of upscale and we had chosen the nicer restaurant, we could justify dressing up a bit. Lori chose a red and cream print strapless sundress with lace along the bust line and a lace flounce at the hem. She paired this with red wedge sandals and sparkling red and silver jewelry. For myself, I chose a dark green and white sundress with thin shoulder straps and a tiered skirt. I found a pair of beige strappy sandals with three-inch heels and a matching purse. For jewelry, I choose a necklace and bracelet from woven strands of linen thread laced with green crystals. My earrings were tiny green crystal studs. The evening was perfect. We wandered through the art exhibit casually checking out paintings, drawings, sculptures and more. Everything there was from local artists and almost all of it was for sale. A few times, Lori and I would get interested in a painting until we saw the price. While we could easily afford the price if we really wanted it, neither of us would dare to pay that much for a painting, not to mention our mothers would impound our bank accounts and ground us for a year or two. When we reached the restaurant, both Lori and I were getting a bit edgy. There was an air of anticipation both of us could feel and we were both being careful to not let it run away with us. After sharing a grilled shrimp appetizer, we both ordered petite prime rib with steamed vegetables. We even decided to splurge and ordered cherries jubilee for desert. When we finally pulled our selves away from the table, I don?t know which one of us was most anxious to get home. All through dinner we had kept the conversation light, mostly taking about the art show and what our mothers were up to with Carla and deciding they were probably eating somewhat better than we were. But as we walked down the street to the car, Lori expressed exactly what I was feeling as well, ?I want you... all of you.? And she turned and kissed me deeply, there, right in the middle of the street, neither of us caring what anyone taking notice might think. I don?t think either one of us remember the drive home, but soon enough, we found ourselves in Lori?s bedroom. We stood there for a few minutes just holding hands and looking at each other. Finally, I stepped forward pulling Lori to me embracing her in a passionate kiss. And then there was no stopping and no going back. We took our time, slowing undressing each other while kissing and hugging. We both still wore panties and bra when we crawled into bed, but those were quickly lost as well. We let our bodies and our desires lead us. We cuddled and nuzzled and our fingers and our lips and our tongues explored each other?s bodies. No spot was out of bounds, and we quickly found each other?s hot spots. As high as our anticipation was, we could barely resist the temptation for one of us to just jump on top of the other. We allowed the passion to build until it overtook us. And at last, Lori pushed me onto my back and crawled on top slowly lowering herself onto me. While the female hormones flowing through my body had performed the magic on all parts of my body, I managed enough of an erection to allow us adequate penetration. In the earlier hours of the morning, I awoke to find Lori sitting upright in the bed leaning back against the head board. I raised myself up to her eye level and found a tear in her eye. My first thought was I had somehow injured her, either physically or mentally, I was sure I had done something horrid. It took a minute for me to find my voice but finally I asked, ?Are you OK? Did I hurt you?? Lori broke out in tears and reached over to pull me close to her. She was trembling and shaking, and hugged me tightly to her body.? I?m sorry, I am so sorry. Can you ever forgive me? Do you hate me? I can leave right now, and I promise to never screw up your life again. I?m really sorry, really, really sorry.? And she pulled me close and burst into tears again. I held her tight and told her everything was OK, but I was confused. Why was she so upset? What was she talking about screwing up my life? I didn?t know what to say or do, so I just held her until she fell asleep again in my arms. Once I was sure that Lori was sound asleep, I shifted her into a comfortable position and slipped out of bed. I took a quick shower and headed down to the kitchen to see what I could arrange for breakfast. I had just finished getting a fruit plate with melon, sliced peaches and orange segments ready, pouring two cups of coffee and getting ready to scramble some eggs when Lori walked in the kitchen. She had taken a few minutes to wash her face and pull her hair back, but you could still see the traces of tears on her cheeks. She had wrapped a fluffy robe around her and wore fuzzy slippers. I total sight for sore eyes. I walked across the room pulling her into a firm hug. She wrapped her arms around my neck, returning the embrace. When we finally separated, she looked me right in the eyes, ?I meant what I said earlier. I?ve probably ruined your whole life, and if you want me to go away I will, but you need to know something first. I love you. With all my heart, I love you. Brett or Brittany, which ever you are, I love you and always will.? I walked over to Lori and pulled her close to me, hugging her as tight as I dare. There were tears in my eyes as well as when I said to her, ?I love you too girl, and don?t worry about whether I?m Brett or Brittany, I?m OK either way you want me. I?ve pretty much decided I?m Brittany, and I?m content being her if you are, but there?s still a bit of Brett inside of me, and I think we found those parts last night. But it doesn?t change a thing, I love you now and will always love you.? It was a day later when our mothers returned home, and they knew immediately something had changed... and they were smart enough to know exactly what it was. They sat us down, separately at first and then together for a talk. They knew this was inevitable but wanted to make sure we were OK, and set down a few ground rules. As a result, our relationships all changed a bit. Mother summed it up best saying, ?I guess our little girls are all grown up now. But don?t expect us to let you run wild. There are still rules to be followed.? And we all nodded in agreement and then laughed about it. Epilogue It?s been seven years since the day when Lori and I finally made love, and since then although a lot of things have stayed the same, many more things have changed. Lori and I celebrated our 25th birthdays a few weeks ago and if a few more weeks we?ll celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary. Then just before Christmas, we?ll celebrate the 2nd birthday of our twins, McKenzie our daughter for her father Mack, and Barret our son named for my father. Fortunately, I planned ahead many years ago before I started any hormones and had sperm samples frozen just in case I would need them in the future. This proved to be a very saving grace for when Lori and I decided we wanted children, artificial insemination was the only choice we had. Lori and I have continued to model, but, have cut back a great deal on our schedules. We will not take any assignments unless we can take the twins with us. Lori did have a huge success when she was pregnant, modelling maternity clothes. She continually teased me telling me I could get padded out to model them as well, but I talked her out of that idea. We are financially secure and can afford to be selective in our assignments. We do enough of the day to day work to keep ourselves current in the industry, but really take advantage of the special trips to do runway shows where we can take our parents with us and visit, Paris. London, Milan, Tokyo and more exotic locations. Oh, and that?s what else has changed. Our mother?s lives changed as well. Lori?s mom met a great guy named Logan, and my mom met another guy named Tucker. Once Lori and I were secure in our careers, they we able to look out for themselves. Just a year after Lori and I married, they had a double ceremony were both couples were wed. It was a small ceremony with Lori and I acting as witnesses, and a few close friends in attendance. Lori and I surprised them all with honeymoon trips to Tahiti and sent them happily on their way.