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The Apparition in White and Red by Tegeli Despite the seaside town's distance from proper civilisation, when I got the job offer there, I didn't hesitate. I only wondered how my reunion with my old friend Kim would go. CHAPTER I: Him My childhood was interrupted twice by my parents moving to another town. Kim's family happened to move to the same ones. Uprooted and among strangers, it was easy to just keep up with Kim, and it helped that our socially useless interests often aligned. Kim was one of those kids who believed absolutely in the reality of magic, but he was always convinced sorcery was deliberately hidden for a reason, and so kept it secret from everyone except me. I was glad, as some of the material was embarrassing, even though his enthusiasm often infected me, until we both were inevitably disappointed. When we chose our further education (though neither us in our real interests) in the same town and decided to share an apartment, there was quite some talk, but nothing I worried about. I did think Kim was a bit peculiar. Tall, and with a graceful yet decidedly manly face, little awkwardness shouldn't have stopped him from finding a girlfriend. I had fitfully managed it at times, even though I wasn't nearly as thoughtful or broodingly handsome. I liked to imagine that if Kim ever came out of the proverbial closet, I'd support my friend fully. My foolish suspicions turned into petty jealousy, when Theresa appeared, happily crooning under Kim's arm. She was short, and almost pudgy, but I scarce could have imagined anyone to be more beautiful, without losing the fey cuteness of her features. There was of course her main asset: her large tits??"??" her self-assured yet affable personality. Her keen intellect and erudition matched Kim's, though Theresa was noticeably the more confident of the two. Even if she was at times imperious, she was a delight to be around and converse with. My envy soon turned into joy that my friend had found such a catch. Nevertheless, I was surprised by their open talk about their marriage, only a few months after their meeting. I was the best man in their wedding merely a year later. I might have been worried that Theresa was pushing Kim, if she had been some barfly, yet she was a professional with mostly the same education as Kim. They were made for each other. Soon after the wedding, they moved to the seaside town, where Kim had received a choice job offer. I tried to pretend that I was alright with it. One couldn't just expect to hang out with the same friend forever in a world where moving around was a necessity of employment. I did think I had it well where I was. Then I lost my job due to economic reasons, and fell through part-time employments until I wasn't working anywhere close to making a use of my overlong education. Then I was driving towards the seaside town. The place was so out of place that it was difficult to reach with public transport, so I had to buy a car. As I drove out of the last ferry, I thought I had fallen in love. The admittedly small town, bathed in the evening sun, rose on a charming hillside. Its buildings were quaintly old with the just right amount of dilapidation, which made everything charming instead of depressing. At least on the first appearance, Kim had chosen a wonderful place to live in. I was eager to meet Kim, but also anxious about it. Over the two years, we hadn't kept nearly as tight contact as we could have. I feared that if I phoned him, he'd come up with an excuse to spurn me. So after unpacking everything in my apartment, I drove to meet the Bergs. The house was one of the oldest in the town, but in good repair. As I rang the door bell, I had to concentrate on not fidgeting. Kim answered the door, and smiled wide. I knew he was still my friend. He had found some new confidence, or at least so the firmness of the handshake indicated. Inside I saw Theresa. She was startled by the sight of me, of which I felt terribly guilty. Here I was, intruding back into their life, without even bothering to call beforehand. But then she smiled just as wide as her husband and hugged me. We had never been that close, so I was quite glad to receive the tender welcome of an old family friend. Theresa had made dinner, which was so fine it seemed like they had been expecting visitors. Their behaviour to each other surprised me with its tenderness. With their hand holding and lingering gazes, they were more like a fresh lovers instead of a couple married for two years. After we had finished, I began to help picking up the dishes, but Kim pushed me out of the kitchen, saying Theresa would handle it. Kim hadn't been one to boss the girl, but such division of labour appeared appropriate to wedded life. As far as I knew, Theresa wasn't employed at the moment. Or maybe Kim just wanted to catch up with me. His emergent self- assurance was obvious when he told about his new job, which made me a bit ashamed about the lack of progress in my own career. Still, I left the Bergs happy about the reunion with my friend, though with some of the old jealousy back in my mind. Finding a girl such as Theresa, who was glad to support her partner in improving himself, had been a major lucky break for Kim. And the happiness of Theresa was obvious, so I shouldn't have thought her lesser for not pushing to domineer her husband. I decided to start picking up my life while I still had the chance. I worked hard, but not too hard to burnout, in my new job and started a proper exercise routine again. Jogging around the town was fun in itself for the sights, and the town had a great though expensive gym near my apartment. After two weeks, I became anxious again. The Bergs hadn't invited me back, and I could scarcely invite them to my still disorderly apartment. I decided to bite the bullet, and called Kim. "Today's not good, Emil. But we can have a meal at six tomorrow. Would that be fine?" "Sure. I'll be there." "Good. Me and Theresa will be glad to see you again." I wasn't so sure about that, when I walked into the foyer. Theresa flinched as she saw me. I felt awful. If she didn't want me in their life, I didn't have any right to waste her husband's time. I tried to come up with an excuse to leave, but Kim pushed me to the kitchen. The food was, if anything, better than the last time. Yet the cook, Theresa, was quiet, almost meek, and avoided my eyes. Suspicion rose in my mind, and after Kim pushed me out of the kitchen right after we were done eating, I gathered my resolve. "Is Theresa alright?" I asked. Kim dismissed the implication with a wave of his hand. "You know women. Their moods are as fickle as their body chemistry. Not that we men aren't controlled by our hormones, but the effect is more stable and easier to adjust to." I managed not to gape at Kim. That kind of talk didn't seem possible from the husband of Theresa. She hadn't been an obvious feminist, but she had been one clear argument for the equality between sexes. When Theresa came from cleaning the kitchen and sat next to Kim, I tried my best to see if she had the signs of 'running into a door'. But she was bodily fine, only made uncomfortable by my stares. I left the Bergs puzzled. But it was easier to accept that Theresa was affect by her 'moon-cycle', than believe my best friend was a wife- beater. CHAPTER II: Her I stopped visiting the Bergs afterwards. Maybe it was just that Theresa didn't want to see me. But Kim remained chummy, and often invited himself to my apartment. I couldn't pretend I wasn't glad of his company. It had been quite rough few weeks in adjusting to the life in the seaside town, and I had made no headway into finding a partner of my own. Not that there hadn't been plenty of pretty women around. I was actually rather surprised by it. I had thought that small towns were now devoid of young women, and if they had any, they were deformed by a long tradition cousin-marriage. But if anything, the women of the seaside town were on average more attractive than elsewhere. Or maybe I was merely pent-up from the desire of finding a woman, and thus found anything feminine attractive. We were watching an old horror movie ??"??"a verifiable classic we had seen half a dozen times??"??" when, with my courage stiffened by a few drinks, I decided to put my mind to rest. "Are you abusing your wife, Kim?" He glanced at me and smirked. That sort of handsome haughtiness would have bewildered any girl at the school. "No. What gave you that idea?" I pulled my eyes away from him and stared at my glass. "Just an idle thought." "Here's an idle thought. Have you found a girl for yourself yet?" I stopped myself from frowning. "Plenty. They just happen to be taken, or not interested." "That is odd." Kim poured himself more of the alcohol. "You aren't half- bad looking, and make decent money. What's not to like?" "If I knew, I'd try to change it." "Maybe you are barking at the wrong tree. Maybe you should be looking for a man." He smiled. "Don't pretend I haven't seen how you look at me." My heart must have jumped up to somewhere around my throat. I collected myself and smiled back. This was Kim after all. "I can't pretend you aren't devilishly strapping, Kim. But while I think you'd be attractive, if hypothetically I was a woman, I don't feel the sensations I feel from the sight of a girl's smile or her body, when I look at you." My heterosexuality now again confirmed, I could look back into Kim's eyes. "That is well. I happen to be taken too. Now, what if I and Theresa made some searches for a girl that might be interested in you? This town tends to be a bit... exclusive." "Wouldn't being introduced by a family friend be too old fashioned?" Kim had found Theresa over the internet. In retrospect, it had been a perfectly arranged marriage without arrangers. "Don't pretend you wouldn't prefer everything to be archaic." "Well, not everything. But if you can find a woman who'd give me the time of the day, I won't stop you." I was surprised when only a few days later Kim called me and told he had arranged me to meet a certain Caroline. I accepted despite my reservations, but my reservations turned out to have been in the completely wrong direction. Caroline was instantly charming in both appearance and behaviour. She was almost as tall as me, which made her slightly lanky with her thinness, though that didn't stop her from being a heart-achingly feminine. I didn't know much about women's clothing, but hers must have been fashionable not to mention expensive. Every moment she continued talking to me, my confidence was eroded. She was way out of my league. And then she asked me on a date. I couldn't have refused, though saying it took a moment of recollecting the pieces of myself. The next day, we dined in the best restaurant in the town (though there wasn't many beyond the usual exotic fare), and she footed the bill tactfully. She wasn't even after my money. I couldn't imagine what she saw in me, but I managed to keep my cool and not appear desperate for her affection. In the following weeks we spend plenty of time together. Yet there was never any indication that we could move beyond the heated kisses. I didn't mind. I wasn't going to push her when I was happy to merely be with her. We sat in my apartment, watching a recording of an opera. It was exhilarating to have found woman with such silly tastes as mine. Most of the performers were women, meaning a lot crossdressing was going on. Especially one of the actresses was quite dashing dressed as a nobleman. I wondered what Caroline would look like in high boots and 18th century riding coat. Dashing, presumably. "Have you thought how it would be like to be a woman?" Caroline asked. Despite being startled by the question, I had become used to Caroline enough to retain my confidence. I pulled her closer and said. "I'm sure everyone ponders about such things." "If you could become a woman, a fully biological one, would you?" This sort of sexual talk seemed to be leading to the main course, so I decided to humour her. "I'd definitely try it. But I wouldn't just immediately go for it, if a genie or something suggested it." "I'm asking, because there's this sex ritual, using a little psychedelics and autohypnosis, in which the partners feel the sensations of the other like they were in the other's body..." Now I knew from where Kim had found Caroline. Apparently he hadn't given up the 'magical' roleplaying. I did want to know how kinky a girl Caroline was. "Are you sure the drugs are safe? Not some designer shit that melts your eyeballs?" "Oh, it should be safe." She smiled coyly. "Theresa and Kim have been doing it for a while." I shouldn't have been as surprised as I was. While Kim was straight- laced when it came to recreational drug use, he'd definitely try psychedelics for 'rituals'. "Have you done it?" "No. But I'd really like to try." She placed her hand on my chest, and I felt pride from all the reps at the bench. She continued. "With you, Emil." "Do you want our first time to be some drug-addle orgy?" She pouted. "We aren't really virgins here." I relented. As far as I knew, carefully dosed psychedelics weren't that dangerous and Caroline insisted that the substance wasn't in itself at all addictive. And, truth be told, I really wanted to fuck her. But it wasn't as easy as just dropping acid and getting to work. Caroline wanted to use a weird pepper-smelling paste to paint squiggles on both of our bodies. Her hand lingered on my bicep like measuring it, and she brushed my rigid dick more than once. We drank the substance mixed in a cup of tea. As far as foreplay went, it was excruciatingly prolonged. We got to the bed, but she placed her knee between us and started chanting. It was guttural, almost throat singing. I was getting second thoughts from the sheer weirdness of it, even though it was also exciting. I couldn't understand the words; it didn't seem like hypnosis at all. When she moved her leg away, I couldn't control my desire. Right at the moment the psychedelics hit me. The out-of-body experience was more than a little disorientating. The perceptions of every one of my senses swirled. I was looking at myself, felt my dick touching myself and experienced a blast of an orgasm that was intense enough almost pass over to being painful. I was panting and shivering, though thoroughly satisfied. I glanced at Caroline, who was calmly smiling like the embodiment of contentness. Incoherent curses of confusion escaped my mouth. She opened her eyes and looked at me. "Did you like it?" "I??"I don't know." "Kim said it becomes easier to understand and enjoy as you train yourself to take in the hypnosis. I want to try it again later." She took out a card from her purse. It was five-year membership to the gym I visited. "Build yourself, for me, dear." I couldn't mask my desire to have more of her, so she managed to coax me into trying 'the ritual' again. And again. I was losing my mind. Every time the feeling that I wasn't just outside my body, but inside hers, became ever more distinct. The coherent part of the trip lengthened, until I could no longer pretend I wasn't imagining having passionate sex with myself. Or with Caroline in my body. She reported to have the mirror of my own experience, and clearly loved it. 'The best sex I have ever had', she claimed. The use of the drug was having an adverse effect on me, so I pleaded, against every virile instinct I had, to have a break from sex. Caroline accepted without immediately dumping me, of which I loved her. I didn't want to addle my brains permanently. I was already feeling rather disoriented even when 'sober'. Campaigns against drug abuse didn't seem so silly now. I had frequent spells of confusing sensations about being in the wrong body, and yet I also experienced uncomfortably narcissistic attraction to my own form. My face was angularly handsome, and I was decently muscular, quite obviously so after cutting most of the body fat. My dick, while it wasn't of porno-size, sure felt hefty enough to satisfy women. It certainly had felt like it satisfied myself. It was impossible to understand how Kim handled it so well. He must have become more confident from it, yet I felt like a wreck. Maybe I needed to re-examine my own sexuality. It certainly didn't seem as firmly set as it had before. The only place I felt consistently comfortable in was the gym. It had been easy to miss a day when I had to pay for it, but now it was the only constant in my life. Doing my routine, I was a big strong man, never a girl trapped in the clumsy wide-shouldered body of a dude. Caroline loved feeling my muscles, and sometimes even asked me not to immediately take a shower after a workout, so she could ??"??"I imagined??"??" take in the sweaty musk. She sure was an odd girl, which made fall for her even harder. I only wished she'd get over her desire for psychedelics-assisted sex magic roleplay. I wanted to satisfy her, but I didn't want it to come at the cost of permanent mental health issues. The break did help me balance, but even after weeks, it was clear I wasn't going to be the same person I was before moving to the seaside town. CHAPTER III: Them The bitter drink I used as a beer-replacement tasted rather disgusting, but it kept me from downing a six-pack as I brooded over my thoughts. Maybe we had done the ritual in a wrong way? Perhaps it was supposed to reinforce the masculinity of the man. I couldn't talk about it with Caroline: she must already have suspected that I was a pussy with a fragile ego. I'd have to call Kim. If he was doing it Theresa, then damn, I wanted his result instead of mine. The door bell rang. I was reluctant to open the door so late in the evening, but it might be about an emergency, such as the building being on fire. Or it might just be a neighbour, drunk enough to look to me for company. But I shouldn't have been afraid for myself, so I got up and opened the door. Behind it was Theresa. She was distraught and reached to hug me. I pulled her inside and closed the door. I knew what was going on. Anger built up in me. Even if Kim was my friend, I'd punch him for mistreating his wife. "I'll call the police," I said. Theresa's eyes widened. "What? No!" I was vaguely aware how victims of abuse would, for various reasons, be reluctant to get the help of authorities, so I had an idea how to proceed. "We need to. Only then will you be properly safe. Domestic abuse is a crime, and Kim will face the consequences." "Emil! Damned it all. I'm Kim!" I stared at her. They must have been hitting the psychedelics way worse than me. I tried to see any signs of her being under the influence, but only physical symptom apparent was the heavy shivering. Instead of saying anything, I guided Theresa to sit on the sofa, gave her a blanket and made us cups of tea. I still wanted to call the emergency number, but I figured it was best to let Theresa calm down. If she was indeed just high as a kite, then all of us would be in trouble if the police was involved, and for no good reason. "Just tell me what happened." Her eyes were wild. "You don't believe me. But haven't you done the ritual with Caroline?" "I did use the drug with her a few times." "Damn it, Emil. It's not a drug. It's magic. Real god damn magic." In other circumstances, I might have been quite eager to accept the existence of supernatural, yet with my experience with the drug, Theresa suffering from a horrible trip was the obvious explanation. I was glad me and Caroline had stopped using it. Prodding on a heavily delusional person probably wasn't a good idea, but Theresa was lucid enough, so perhaps noticing incongruities between reality and her perceptions might have calmed her down. At that point, getting her to sleep had to be most prudent course of action. "Alright. Prove that you are Kim." She sighed and placed the cup on the table. "Yeah, I get it. It's hard to accept." Her voice had been calm for a moment, but rose wild again. "How about how we held hands on the first grade, until we realized it was 'icky'? Or how you bragged about having had your first kiss, and then I kissed you, because I wanted my first kiss be with my best friend? Then you told you hadn't actually kissed anyone yet, making it really weird for both us. I felt like I had raped you, even though I barely knew what rape was! You know I wouldn't tell that to Th-Theresa!" She took a deep breath. "Also, your lock-box code was three-four-six- seven, because there was a squiggle that looked like five in the middle." I suppressed a shiver. "Kim could have told you all of that." "No! Just humour me, Emil, please." She seemed ready to start crying. "Alright. Alright. Why are you here then?" "I-I'm pregnant, but I'm not the father!" She hugged me. "I can't be. Theresa still takes this body for a spin from time to time, and this... I must have been impregnated by something... I feel it squirm inside me. But it shouldn't, it's barely a week old! It must be the foul spawn some creature, a demon, Theresa has courted. In my body!" The girl's sobs were heart-wrenching. Even if it was a trip gone wrong, it was a horrible thing to go through. I waited her to calm down and said, "Has... The person in Kim's body hurt you?" "No... I love him, Emil, I really do." "Did... Theresa force you to change bodies?" "Oh, no." She dried her eyes with her sleeve, seemingly collected again. "It was all my idea. I don't know if I hid it well, or if you were just blind, but I've always wanted this. It's all confusing now in retrospect, but I had a huge crush on you. But I knew you weren't gay, and neither was I, not really. I wanted to be straight as an arrow, but as myself. Finding Theresa was the luckiest thing that I ever happened to me. When we found the secret, after studying and experimenting for so long... You can't believe it, and I almost couldn't either. Actual real magic! And it did exactly what we wanted it to do!" I tried to imagine what would have happened, if Kim had revealed his crush to me when we lived together. I wanted to pretend I'd have accepted him??"??" her, but he had been taller than me, wide-shouldered and with a low voice. And better equipped than me. If he had done fitness, he'd have easily been the more masculine looking out of the two of us. The thought made me uncomfortable, like I was betraying my friend, years in retrospect. I forced myself back to the present. "You haven't been pregnant before?" She shook her head. "Have you actually seen this demon?" "No, I hav??"??"" She stopped and placed her hands on her belly. "Oh god. I get what you mean. If it's actually mine. Ours. Then I'd have wanted to kill our baby..." She was crying again. "You know what." A surge of bravado was on me. "I'll go talk to Kim. Or who ever is Kim now." I went to the door, took the spare key and gave it the girl. "Only leave if you absolutely need to. You can stay here as long as you want. Don't let anyone inside. If someone tries to get in, call the police first. Only then me. Alright?" She nodded. "Be careful, Emil." "I doubt she can harm me with her magic. I mean, can she?" "I don't think so. But he might hit you with a baseball bat. Kim's body is pretty strong." She smiled coyly like a smitten school girl. Driving to the Bergs' house, I fumbled a cigarette to my lips. I had successfully stopped smoking over a year ago, but now I felt the need again. Maybe I wanted to look like a detective, one with nerves of whisky and steel. A ritual of sympathetic magic, but instead of the spirit of the wolf, I was channelling pulpy fiction characters. Or perhaps I was merely nervous. More nervous than ever before. Accepting the existence of concrete metaphysics was a big step, and I couldn't be assured that I myself wasn't delusional. Maybe this had been an elaborate prank, and I was about to make a huge fool of myself. Maybe it was part of the magical roleplay Kim and Theresa did. I pulled near the house. Standing at the front door, against reason, I lit another smoke, before I rang the bell. Kim quickly answered. "Good evening," I said. He smiled. "Hi. You have picked up smoking again." "I've had too much on my mind today." "Let's talk about it inside." I lifted my cigarette. "You can finish smoking in the foyer. Small stench of tobacco just adds to the antique atmosphere." Sucking my cigarette like a damned pacifier, I tried to appear confident. Kim gazed at me with a faint smirk on his face, waiting me to speak. He really was noticeably taller than me. I only then realized how big he was under his clothes. He must have started training at some point, though those were pretty impressive gains for two years. His presence felt dangerous, for the first time in my life. I shook off a sense of emasculation. He wasn't a boxer, so he couldn't just kill me with his bare hands. If anything, I should have been able to beat him up. I said, "Theresa came by." He chuckled. "Come on, Emil, we know what's the deal here. Is Kim alright?" "She's pretty shaken. You really are Theresa?" "What gave that away?" He laughed. "I wondered how you couldn't notice your best friend having changed so much, but I guess it was a huge leap of logic." "Yes. Yes, it was. I'm still not sure if my leg isn't pulled." I opened the door and threw the cigarette to the pavement. "But you and Caroline must have done the ritual, right?" "She said it was psychedelics and autohypnosis, not magic." Kim was thoughtful for a moment. "That could kind of work as an explanation for the sensations during a failed ritual. So you didn't do it all the way through?" I shook my head. "Figures. It requires both participants to be willing. I presume you were the reluctant one? It's a wonder you are still sane, to be frank." "I do not feel quite sane at the moment." I leaned on the wall. My hand fumbled for another cigarette, but I just put in my mouth without lighting it. "Most of the dysphoria caused by a botched ritual should be fixed by completing it successfully at least once." I was glad to hear that, but tried not to show it. "How does it work? Does it just switch memories between brains, or do souls actually exist?" "That would be an interesting case for study. Still, I'm pretty sure the souls are transferred." "So. What faith is the correct one?" He shook his head and chuckled. "I can't know. I'm not even sure if it's souls, as commonly understood. Even religions without immortal spirits might still be correct. But yes, we can't be sure of any of it. I might, in truth, be just Kim who thinks he's Theresa in his body. But in the end, does it matter? I'm much happier now than Kim or Theresa either were." "You know, Theresa, I would never have guessed. You never looked??"??"" "Butch? I didn't want to try being a man with a woman's body. Though I almost started to think that was the best option. Luckily I didn't get my boobs removed." He grinned and lowered his voice. "This body loves groping those delightful sacks of fat." The predatory mirth in his expression disappeared and his eyes wandered. He hid his face with a hand. "I was lucky I met Kim... I wanted to have children, even if I had to endure being..." The mood was becoming oppressive. Spellcraft was one thing, yet the emotional package was another. "Theresa is pregnant. That's why she came to see me." Kim's expression brightened into joy, from the brink of crying. "Is she? Really?" "Well, I can't be sure, but so she says. She's distraught about it. She thinks you aren't the father, but that the father is... something you fucked while using her body." "What the hell? We started trying for a baby a few weeks ago. We haven't been in these bodies for more than a few months." He continued slowly. "I would do no such thing. I want children. Mine. Ours." "Why do you still use her body?" Kim gritted his teeth, before his calm returned. "I guess it's hers now. But I need it to attend the meetings of the witches, of course. They don't let men in. Absolutely no 'fucking' happens there, though. Against the rules, you see." My head swam. I wouldn't be getting easy answers. Like having read my mind, Kim smiled and said. "There's a way for you to make sure about the coven." CHAPTER IV: It I understood what the person in Kim's body meant. But I was determined to help the person in Theresa's body, even at risk to myself. Being chivalrous made me feel manly, which I desperately needed. The plan was almost solid. I'd take Caroline's body, go meet the 'witches', get some sort of proof that absolutely no demons are about, get back to my own body and tell Theresa that everything is alright. The iffy part was my original body being tied down, so Caroline wouldn't be able to steal it. Yet, if the ritual wasn't actually real, the worst that could happen would be pretty mundane. I seriously doubted Caroline would have tried to harm me physically. "Instead of lying, why didn't you tell me the truth?" I said as Caroline tied me to her bed with strong ropes. "Would you have believed any of it?" she asked. "'Hey, magic is real and I want to get into your hunky body! Would you like to take my place as a woman?' And I'm sorry, I didn't know it'd mess up your mind if you resisted. Shit, I'm not even a proper witch. I haven't met this coven Theresa-in-Kim talked about." "Were you trying to steal my body?" She pulled the last rope around my wrist noticeably tight, which was foolish, considering she would be the one suffering it. "Just like you, I want to try the other side. I would have switched back if you asked, I promise." "Did you actually mean it, those times when you said you loved me?" It was a desperate, stupid, question, but I needed reassurance. Things were either going to get really weird or tremendously disappointing. "Gee, Emil." She sat on my legs, with my erection right in front of her naked groin. "I like you. We share surprisingly a lot, and I really enjoyed spending time with you. And the sex has been great. But I don't want to be your woman. I'm not sure if I ever want to be any man's woman." She smirked. "But you can be mine." "Just... Let's get this over with." The witches were apparently having a meeting through the whole night, but it was getting late enough to be early. Caroline sang her gibberish and lowered herself on my member. The ritual forced my mind into a swirl, but this time I didn't assume it was just hallucinations; something to be resisted. I allowed the force gather itself around me. A wind carried me until I opened my eyes and saw myself. A foreign object moved inside me eliciting unbearable sensations with every one of my humps. The dizziness constrained my consciousness until I saw only a point of light. By lower half was being tied to a knot, until the tension released as wonderful aching. I woke to my own trembling. I was on the bed. My own body was still tied to the bed, with my??"??" his eyes closed and satisfied smile spread on his face. My dainty hands weren't mine. I clambered from the bed. The shivering body I moved and from which I saw, was clearly Caroline's. I walked to the mirror. The bewildered girl in the reflection shifted with my movements. I tried to suppress the need, but couldn't stop myself from touching my groin. My fingers recoiled from the sensation the touch caused me, and from the sliminess. I moved to grope the breasts before realising there was semen in my hand. "Hey, girl," distorted version of my own voice said. "Clean yourself up, get dressed and get going. I don't want to spend the whole night like this." I turned to stare at the very well-formed man, who looked like me. His ample member was already straight and ready again. He didn't look at all vulnerable, despite being tied up. With few careful breaths I managed to calm myself down. "Should I redo my makeup?" "No!" He laughed. "You don't know how. Just get rid of it. Go clean yourself, instead of spreading that spunk all over yourself, you silly slut." In the shower I did my best to ignore myself. After drying I walked back to the bedroom and started to put on Caroline's clothes. "Not those!" he said. "There's a set on the dresser." That outfit had an easy to put on sports bra, panties, jeans, cute wool socks and a thick warm shirt. I put them on and found some flat shoes underneath. Perhaps it was smart not to try heels immediately. "Take the driver's license, just in case you get stopped," he said. "And the keys!" "Thanks," I said. "Thanks for helping me." "Yeah, yeah. You can repay me by sucking my dick when you get back." Late evenings were fortunately dreamy time in the seaside town. I wouldn't have been able to navigate any traffic, as I could barely concentrate on driving. Magic was real. No hallucination could explain what I was experiencing right now. I was in a woman's body, and yet everything felt perfectly coherent. I wasn't drunk, dizzy or addled. I wasn't particularly freaking out either. I had a job to do. I fumbled a cigarette to my lips, but I didn't light it. I needed the pacifier, but my body didn't need the nicotine. Caroline wasn't a smoker. I stopped at the Bergs. I didn't know if I could trust Theresa-in-Kim, but if I couldn't, I'd fail helping Kim-in-Theresa anyhow. And I wanted to trust him. He had been my friend since I got to the seaside town, and him being an evil demon-worshipping witch would ruin Kim-in-Theresa's life. I wanted to believe it was all a huge misunderstanding. Kim came outside to meet me, and we hopped in his car. "You seem awfully calm, considering," Kim said. "Thank you. I try very hard." I sighed. "I'm actually quite excited. We don't live in the boring mundane world I thought we lived in." "That is true. But out of all the hidden dark things, you are only experiencing one small benign aspect. And it wasn't easy for us to find. If you knew what we know, it wouldn't be much of a surprise, how Kim could be so unnerved as to think..." He glanced at me. "Thank you for being a friend for her." "Hey, I'm not sure you aren't the devil himself, yet." We stopped at the closed mental hospital near the waterfront. Despite being over a decade abandoned, the building was still in remarkably good repair. Still the dark windows and long shadows thrown by the light of the street-lamps created an uncertain atmosphere of vague dread. Only the fear of shame kept me able to resist my other fears. "Do you summon the ghosts of the women raped by the orderlies here?" With my voice thin from anxiety, my attempt at joviality came out sounding like genuine concern. "It wasn't that sort of institute." Kim lit his torch, which darkened everything outside its light. "It was more of a rest home for the wealthy to calm their nerves in ??"??"consider the scenic view??"??", until it was turned in proper mental ward for a few decades before its closure. Their worst crime was being too eager to suggest electro-shock therapy, though the method used was already close to current ones. There is the rumour about one voluntary lobotomy, but I personally think it's just a spook story. As far as things go, this is a very boring haunted house." I tried to think so too, but my body was very reluctant to walk the steps up to the front door. Kim opened it with a key, and I followed him inside to the pitch-black chasm. I walked close to Kim, as even mundane dangers would have been dangerous for me at the moment. My gut wrenched from having to rely on someone I couldn't fully trust. I had stepped outside the spotlight of public order, which the cordial society pretended was everything. Despite all the laws, policing and equality-toting social norms, nobody's safety was truly guaranteed. Those who couldn't protect themselves were at the whims of those who could. My eyes were blinded by bright light. Yelp of terror escaped my throat. "Aren't you jumpy." Smirking Kim was pointing the torch towards me. "That's not funny." "It actually is." Kim moved the light down a flight of stairs. "Watch your step." We went down and stopped at the mouth of a dark hallway. "This is as far as I can go." Kim placed his hand on the air like a mime. "You should see the tunnel, but for me it's a locked metal door." My flesh shivered. "If it's an illusion, couldn't you just force yourself through?" Kim knocked the thin air in front of him. "I might be able, but I might also lose my mind in the attempt. It's quite convincingly a door for me." He pushed me forward. "In you go. Don't worry, the girls there won't bite. I called them beforehand. I'll wait in the car." He went back up, leaving me in the dark. I fumbled on blindly for few paces, until I realized I had my phone with me. Guided by the light of advanced portable technology, I ventured onward. After a walk for what I expected the whole institute to be in length, I found a door little ajar. Faint light poured into the hallway. The only sound was the faint burble of something boiling. I stepped inside the dimly lit room. "Hello, Emilia." A brightening light revealed me ??"??"Caroline??"??" smirking in the corner, with a pistol in his hand. On the floor, between chemical apparatus and book shelves, were blood smeared corpses of several women. I fought against instinctive fear, the need to flee, until I was merely frozen in place. I steadied my voice and said. "What are you doing? How are you here?" "Do you mean the ropes or the barrier? The ropes were easy. Didn't I tie them myself? As for the barrier, magic." "But you said you weren't a witch!" "Obviously I'm not one of these lesser dabblers in occult. Nevertheless, they will be useful once in their lives. Their blood will make a fine carnal offering of arcane potency." He waived his gun. "Start stripping, and I'll explain everything. I do love to gloat, and we will have to wait for the catalysts to distil anyhow." He nodded to one of the instruments that was processing some liquid. I started to take off my clothes, clumsily slow from my shivering alone. Caroline walked to the door and pushed it close. "While I did want to try out being a man, I also wanted to have children with my 'special someone'. Obviously I don't want to experience that having of children myself, so appropriating your body was doubly useful. Though I have to admit, I am amazed how my plan worked with barely any need for improvisation. You three ??"??"Kim, Theresa and you, Emilia??"??" did everything I hoped you would." After I was undressed, he prodded me towards the stone slab at the end of the room. He continued. "Theresa had some competent mental defences, but they were weakened by her beginning pregnancy. It was trivial to push into her mind the image that something was wrong with her belly. Women tend to be sensitive about such things." He grinned. "But soon you will know all about that." I weighed my possibilities. Maybe I should try to rush him and pray to get killed, instead of participating in whatever he was planning. But my limps were barely more pliable than lead. He could have overpowered me. He had a gun. He had already killed, but wasn't in progress of killing me. I wasn't a cold-blooded though guy, but a naked girl in middle of fresh corpses. "And then Theresa ran to you for help, instead of talking it out with her hubby." Caroline chuckled. "Well, you know the rest. Lie on the altar." I obeyed, trembling from the chill and fear. He whacked me in my chest. "Now, stay still, or I'll pummel you some more. I only need you alive, not pretty." I gasped for breath until I could sob, as he tied my limps with cords connected to the holds in the stone slab. He patted my cheek. "That's a good girl. This will take a while, so get comfortable." With a thin brush, he drew patterns that were like squirming letters on my skin. The ink burned with a stinging warmth, and when he brushed his hand over it, the symbols weren't smudged. He worked swiftly but deliberately, filling my skin from collarbone to ankle with the horrible writing, for that it was as he mouthed the incomprehensible syllables after every line. Caroline patted my cheek and went to the bubbling apparatus. "Damn. Should have figured out how to do prepare this beforehand." He turned to me and walked back to the altar. "Oh well. We have time. Aren't you curious about who your baby daddy will be? He, it, she, he doesn't care about human pronouns, or humans in general. I'm the one who has to do all the hard work in this relationship." He guffawed and took a satisfied breath. "I'm glad I'm not the one to bear his children. For a while it seemed I would have to, as the recipient lucky girl must be thoroughly prepared to receive his seed, just to survive in the first place." He brushed my hair. "But then I met Kim! He taught me his little ritual, after I claimed I had his condition." I stared at him, as he paced around the room. His expression was stern. "Maybe I have it. And yet, I have the feeling I will get bored with being a man sooner than later. I'll have to figure out how to do the ritual with an unwilling partner, to have a proper selection." The wild joy was back on his face. "How puerile to use this sort of hefty magic to fix identity issues, when it's the path to functional immortality!" He leaned over me and placed his hand under my navel. I winced from his gaze. His hand rubbed my belly hard enough to hurt. "Imagine yourself beautifully distending. You will be the mother of a brood of squirming progeny. A gate from a distant existence to this one. No mortal woman would survive it, even with the changes to your body I have painstakingly done, but your children will keep you alive through it. I almost envy your honour." His head whipped towards the chemical apparatus. The bubbling had stopped. He strode to it, and took a vial out of the clamp. "I am prepared to serve as the surrogate father." He lifted the vial towards me. "Cheers." He screamed after he had forced himself to swallow the liquid. The howl echoed from the stone walls with ear-piercing volume. My fearful apathy was gone, and I struggled against my bonds. The plastic cord bit into my flesh, yet didn't give. No more I could recognize my features on the man's face, so twisted were they from agony. He pulled his trousers down without even trying to unlatch the belt and climbed on top of me. I tried to shield myself by twisting my body, but even when my limbs were painfully contorted I could not avoid him. His thrusts were frantic and missed twice until he forced himself into me. The fierce rhythm of his movements was precise, mechanical, and painfully strong for even the man, let alone the woman. I whined into to my sobs. It wasn't rape. Not even intercourse. No one was being satisfied, nothing enjoyed it. No desperate animal instinct forced the action. It was a cold physical assault against my innards. I was less than a woman being used for pleasure. I was merely a tool in a scheme I could not understand. And the person in Emil's body was no better. A part of the pain in the man's expression vanished, and his body twitched. Like a man freed from torture, he had released his seed inside me. He let out a wail. The door to the room opened. Through the tears I saw a apparition of white and red. A tiny flash of light was accompanied with the sound of explosions, which pierced my ears in the enclosed space. Caustic blood dropped from the man on me, and he fell off to the floor. Theresa appeared from the fog of my vision. She stopped near the body of the man, and with tears on her cheeks, she aimed her hunting rifle at it. Her mouth moved, without words I could hear over the wail still lingering in my ears. She closed her eyes and pulled the trigger until it hit empty chamber twice. After a slow deep breath, Theresa shouldered her firearm. She took off her earmuffs, revealed a knife and cut my bonds, all the while trying to talk to me, even though I couldn't hear her. With gestures and pulling my wrist, she managed to get me to follow her. I glanced at the ruined twisted wreck that had been my body, and I couldn't stop myself from crying again. Theresa helped me put on the jeans, shirt and shoes and pulled me to the hallway. Kim, holding a hunting shotgun in his hands, was waiting behind the barrier. Theresa and him talked for a while. "??"??"e alright?" Kim said. "Are you sure this is Emil?" "Yes... That creature, it couldn't have been him." "I??"I'm Emil," I stammered. "Oh god... No! M-my body is d-dead..." CHAPTER V: Us I was barely conscious the way back to the Bergs' house. They told me I shouldn't worry, that Kim would handle 'the business'. I gathered that Kim had immediately been bored while waiting for me, and had went on a walk around the block. He had found a car that seemed familiar. He wouldn't have paid much attention to it, except it appeared to be deliberately hidden instead of parked conveniently. When he recognized it as Caroline's, he assumed the worst. He could have tried to force through the barrier, but doubted if he could have passed in any state fit to help. So he had called Theresa and explained the situation. They had agreed that they should make sure nothing shady was going on. Kim had picked Theresa up from my apartment. On the way back to the mental institute, they had stopped for their guns, just in case. To me, it would have been a drastic leap, but I was glad that they had a rule for never underestimating anything, when it came to metaphysics. At the institute, the simplest of scrying invocation had revealed that something was about to go terribly wrong. Theresa helped me clean the blood and other fluids, and waited next to me until I could fall asleep. After waking up in the afternoon, I didn't feel nearly as horrible as I would have expected. I was alive. I wasn't maimed, at least physically. Theresa made sure I was as comfortable as possible, and the Bergs' house was most likely the safest place in the world for me at the moment. I sat on the edge of the bed and Theresa sat next to me. We stayed silent for a long while, as I was scared to hear my own voice. Caroline's voice. "Damn..." I took a breath. The sound of voice my wasn't so horrible. It wasn't quite Caroline's in my ear. "Thank you for saving me." Theresa smiled wide. "How are you feeling?" "Not as bad as I probably should." "That's good to hear." She took my hand to hers. "Which one are you now?" I asked. "We decided not to change around any more, except perhaps temporarily in private. The trust issues involved, they sort of lead to this mess. I'm Theresa now, but for the longest time I was your friend Kim. Not that I'm not still your friend." Her smile was wistful. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I didn't tell you right away. I thought you wouldn't believe it, and I was afraid that..." "It's fine. And I'm happy for you. For both of you." Even if I wasn't happy for myself. After recuperating for a few days, I started picking up Caroline's life. The man Emil was dead, no way around it. Kim had some friends among the local authorities, and Emil's death was ruled a disappearance and probable suicide without any investigation. Considering he had no close relatives alive, he had left all to his girlfriend Caroline. It wasn't much, and it turned out Caroline herself was quite independently wealthy herself. We combed through the assets in case the money was illicit, but it turned out she had just won smaller prizes several times in the lottery. It hurt a bit that I couldn't easily get back to a career based on my education, not without getting my degree again. But Caroline's body was young, and I had time to think what I wanted. Theresa was happy without pursuing a career, instead planning to be the housewife and mother for a large family. Living was affordable in the seaside town, and Kim was paid well. Both were happy with their future, and I was happy for them. The detachment I had felt, for the last weeks before my shift, was gone. I found it odd. Kim had said it would be gone with the ritual, but shouldn't I have still felt detached from the woman's body I was in? Kim and Theresa offered me to teach the ritual so I could find a man to switch places with, but I refused. I didn't want to be a formless creature moving through bodies like Caroline had planned to become. I'd be a distinct person, and it was in a way easier to take the place someone who was gone. The bizarre writing on my skin didn't fade. It did have the appearance of beautifully exotic tattoos, so I wouldn't have much minded them, save for that they were a nasty reminder. But so was Caroline's face in the mirror. They were just things I would have to get over with. Though I was mostly collected when awake, my sleep was flighty and plighted by incoherent nightmares. Too often I was burned by the splendour of the night sky. At the Bergs' recommendation I sought counselling, but there was little I could tell them, and little they could do to help me. The typical treatment for the effects of sexual violence were no use in my case. My violation had gone further than any mundane abuse. I wasn't merely figuratively a different person from the experience. The old me was literally dead. At least I managed to drop smoking for good. Even though I had taken several morning-after pills, when my stomach ached for several days, I became deliriously anxious. Theresa calmed me down and convinced me not to harm myself before we were sure of what was going on. The pregnancy test was negative, and neither Kim or Theresa could notice anything magical in me. They said I was lucky. They had experience on how not every intercourse resulted in pregnancy. I went to a medical professional, who couldn't find anything wrong with me. But how could human methods detect something that was so far beyond them? Every dizzying spell, every cramp, every movement in my bowels and every one of my ever stronger heartbeats were a connected whole. In my dreams I heard my children ??"??" as numerous and glorious as the stars??"??" sing to me. They knew their coming might, and praised me for it. It hurt, yet I had to move away from the seaside town. Though I loved them, I couldn't thrust that Theresa and Kim wouldn't try to do harm to me, if they saw my belly grow. They'd knew, and they'd fear what they could not understand. Still a human myself, I too could not understand it either, and that was the majesty of my condition. An abortion would have been a futile gesture. No mortal means could kill my children. I might have attempted suicide, but my children would have protected me. And I didn't want to hurt my children. My futile existence had found its purpose. I craved to be a mother. The mother of many. AUTHOR'S NOTE: Some commenters (you all are great) to my earlier story pointed out (very reasonably) that fourteen was perhaps a bit unreasonable number. Not to be one to be bound by reason, I went for the high score here. I am not sure how many stars there are, but it must be a lot more than fourteen. Thanks for reading. Please, leave a comment. All rights are waived on this text, CC0.