Comforting The Brothers Pt. 01 free porn video

Comforting the Brothers (Part One) This is a two-part story about a transgendered (mtf) firefighter. It will be cover, both her journey to realizing who she is, and how she and other firefighters deal with a tragedy. My Lyft driver kept glancing in his rearview mirror at me. I used to get very self-conscience when that happened, now I understood it to be more of a compliment. I wanted to take a quick peak at my makeup, but I wasn't sure I wanted to draw his attention any more than I already had. My vanity eventually won out and I opened my purse and pulled out a compact mirror. My eye makeup had held up well, but I couldn't resist adding just a touch more mascara. I then touched up my lip stick a little. "I can't believe you are actually a fireman; you are way too pretty to be a fireman," my driver commented looking back in the mirror. "Don't you worry about breaking one of those gorgeous nails, sweetie?" I laughed a little on the inside, he had managed to call me a fireman and sweetie almost at the same time. I honestly didn't mind either one, I was glad he had noticed my nails, I had spent money to have small French tip acrylic extensions, with a light shading of pink, so they would look good. "I try to be careful but thanks for noticing them." I was putting my stuff back into my purse and not looking at him when I spoke. I still got some strange looks when I talked although that was happening less, and I was really working on making my voice match my appearance. "Here we are beautiful. Really sorry for what all of you are going through and your loss." He seemed very sincere as he said that. "Thank you. I appreciate that," I replied as I opened the rear door of his sedan and swung my legs out together, making sure I didn't inadvertently flash anyone while getting out of the car. The skirt of my fire department dress uniform came to just above my knees, which was longer than most of my other skirts, but this was my first time wearing this uniform in public. The top portion, or outer blouse, was pretty much the same as the men's, just cut a little different. The shirt was similar but with a woman's cut, and the women could wear a crossover tie instead of a standard tie. The women's hat was different with the sides up tight against the cap, like a women's military bucket cap, instead of the standard uniform hat the men wore. My shoulder length hair was pinned up in a very tight bun under the hat. A lot of women choose pants and a man's tie when they wore their dress uniform. They also wore low heeled shoes that looked pretty much identical to what the men wore. If you choose to wear the skirt you had to wear nude or natural pantyhose or stockings and black heels with a three-inch heel or lower. Currently it a was choice for the women on whether to wear the skirt or pants, and it seemed to be about a fifty- fifty split among them, or I should say us now. There was also a move to go to a common style hat. Since I was wearing a skirt with heels, I could hear my heels clicking on the sidewalk as I moved towards my destination. This was a sound that still brought a small thrill to me and a smile, although with each step closer to where I was going the sound seemed louder. I looked down at the patent leather closed toe pumps and liked what I saw. They were weren't exactly regulation, the heel was actually three and half inches. My best feature is my legs and I knew that the taller the heel the better they looked. The large door to the firehouse that the fire truck was parked behind was closed. It was August, so on a normal day it would usually be open in the middle of the afternoon, but today the firefighters on the inside wanted to be alone with each other and were not inviting the public in. This meant that the regular door wasn't open either and I no longer had a key to open this door. As I reached for the doorbell, a flood of memories came over me and with that several emotions, unfortunately the biggest one right now was fear. ********************* I had first entered this door twenty-five years ago as a three-year-old boy. My mother was taking me to visit my dad, who was a firefighter. I had no idea at the time about the history of the firehouse, or its importance, I just knew it had a really cool fire truck in it and my dad was there. I would visit the firehouse a lot over the next fifteen years and fell in love with the sights, sounds, smells, and the people. It is what led me to following in my dad's footsteps and choosing to be a firefighter for a career. As a kid I had lots of toy fire trucks to play with, I also had kid's sized firefighter costumes, my dad would give me kids tool sets, and I was encouraged to do boy things. Throughout my teen years I spent most of my time being a typical teenage boy. I played sports, hung out with other boys my age, and my dad taught me how to do boy chores. My life was good during those times. I knew my parents loved me, we had a good home and always had food on the table. When I entered my teens though I also knew that I was different. When I saw pretty girls, I would notice more than just their looks, I saw their clothes, I saw their hair styles, I saw how they could hug each other and the closeness they shared with their moms. I knew I was envious of all of that. I don't remember how old I was the first time I snuck into my parent's room and looked in my mother's dresser drawers. I remember, I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I couldn't stop myself the first time I just touched things of hers. When I got back to my room, I swore I would never do it again. Of course, that wasn't true, and it wasn't long until I would be in there, every opportunity I got, to wear her things. While I had a few close calls in being caught, mostly by my mom and a few times by my younger sister, I somehow never did. After I graduated high school I went off to college and for a couple years I was able to resist the urge to wear women's things. I did find, while in college, that I seemed to develop friendships with females much easier than I did males. I also knew that I envied them and the cute outfits they would wear. I was hired by the fire department before I graduated college and, because of my father, got an assignment on one of the busiest companies in the department fresh out of the academy. At work I was known as an aggressive, brave, and very competent firefighter. This is despite being relatively smaller than most of the men I worked with at only five foot eight inches tall and 170 pounds. I was living a different life when I wasn't at work. My salary allowed me to rent a small two-bedroom condo and for the first time I was able to buy things I wanted and not have to hide them. The things I wanted were skirts, blouses, dresses, and heels. Eventually I was adding makeup and wigs and with the help of Youtube makeup videos, I became proficient in looking like a mostly passable woman. Although at this point, I hadn't ventured out of condo. A series of events happened over just after I turned twenty-five that completely changed my life in the course of about a year. First, my father retired from the fire department. He had worked there for thirty years and said he wanted to get out with his health still mostly intact. That allowed me to go to work for the fire company he had worked on for years. The department wouldn't allow us both to work there at the same time. He was on the Rescue Company, the most prestigious company in the department, it was comprised of elite firemen, kind of the Navy Seals of the fire department. You had to have proven yourself to get a chance to try out to be a part of the company. I think it was my dad's proudest moment when he found out I was being asked to try out. He was even prouder when I accepted and assigned to the company. The other, more significantly life altering event happened when my younger sister, by four years, stayed at my condo one evening after visiting and drinking too much. She slept in the tiny second bedroom and in the morning when I got up, I decided to go out and get us some fresh bagels and coffee to start the morning. She was awake when I got back, sitting on the couch and I saw strange look on her face. "Sally, you okay? I got some bagels and coffee. There is also a Gatorade and a banana in the kitchen that might help you get going this morning. How is your head feeling?" "Uh, thanks. You are right I am more than a little hunger over this morning," she replied quietly and seemed to be avoiding looking at me. "Everything okay? You are acting a little strange or something sis." "So, do you have a serious girlfriend you haven't mentioned or told me about?" "No, I haven't dated any one longer than a few months since Andrea back in college. Why?" As soon as I said it, I figured out the why. I could see my bedroom door was open and I knew I had closed it before I had gone out. "Um, so then, whose clothes are in your bedroom Landon?" I am sure the shock, fear, and humiliation showed on my face, but my response was angry. "Why in the fuck did you go in my room?" "Well, first I was looking for you, then I wanted a sweatshirt or something because I was cold in my tee shirt and shorts. You didn't answer my question." The tone of her response was very neutral. I didn't say anything and just looked down. There was no lie that would get me out of this, and I wasn't sure I could tell her the truth. I had never told anyone about this part of me and that included some women who I considered close friends. I had wanted to tell a couple of them but could never find the courage. "Landon, are the clothes yours?" I looked at her. She didn't seem angry. She got up and walked over to me. I noticed that she was wearing one of my fire department sweatshirts, so she was telling the truth about looking for something to make her warm. She reached her arms out and pulled me into a hug. She was only a couple inches shorter than me and we fit well together. "No judgements, just the truth." And she hugged me tight. The hug lasted for a minute and we separated. "They are mine." I was staring down at the floor. "Well it looks like you have good taste." I looked up and her smile seemed genuine and I responded with a weak. "Thanks." "Want to talk about it? Is this a new thing? Where do you wear them? Does anyone know?" I took in a very deep breath. "No one knows, or at least until this morning no one knew. It isn't new, having my own stuff is new or at least ever since I got this condo, but wearing things has been going on for a long time." Sally smiled at me. "So, whose clothes did you wear if having your own clothes is new? Did you wear mine?" "Never yours. Yours would have been too small." "Moms?" I just nodded my eyes again looking back down at the floor. "Oh, that had to be pretty boring. Her wardrobe is rather drab," she added a small giggle. I smiled at that. My sister and I were never really close, mostly because of our age difference. At the same time, we never really fought either. In the past couple of years, we had gotten a little closer as we moved into adulthood. "So where do you wear them? Just here in your condo? You have never been out?" "No. I have never been out. I have put my hand on the door knob a few times but never made it to the other side." "That is a shame. Some of the clothes I saw are really cute and deserve to be shown off." That was followed by another big, and what appeared to be, genuine smile. There was silence for a few minutes as we both ate our bagels and sipped our coffee. I noticed Sally was also mixing in bites of her banana and Gatorade. I had forgotten she was nursing a significant hangover. Sally broke the silence. "Can I see you?" "What?" I played a little dumb. "Can I see how you look?" The question scared me and excited me at the same time. I honestly didn't know if I could appear in front of another person wearing my girl things while at the same time the idea of being able to show someone else thrilled me. "Maybe, when?" "How about tomorrow evening. I can come over and make dinner here and we can spend the evening together." I immediately said yes. Sally smiled at me. She told me she would do all the shopping, cooking, etc. and that all I had to do was make myself look pretty. That got another smile from me. We finished our breakfast while I asked her a few questions about college and how that was going for her, she told me great. Right after she left, I immediately went to my room to try and figure out what I would wear tomorrow. I briefly considered going all out and picking one of my cocktail dresses for me debut, but knew that was overkill. I had ruled out any pants, capris, or leggings. I didn't have a big selection of those to start with. Eventually I choose my short red pleated skater skirt, and black rolled sleeved blouse. I initially pulled out my black, over the knee, suede boots but reconsidered that and went with my black four-inch heeled pumps. I was going to wear black tights on my legs to hide my leg hair. The whole next day moved in slow motion, I tried to sleep in a little but couldn't. I went for a long run and had a good workout. Lunch was half a sandwich because my nerves wouldn't let me eat. By two o'clock I was in my bubble bath to help get me in the mood. I started on my make up at three and was starting to get dressed at four o'clock. I had gone with a black lace thong and matching bra incase for some reason my sister would see them. I pulled out my latest acquisitions, a pair of C cup breast forms and set them in by bra. I had spent a couple of overtime checks on them, but they were worth it. They looked real and felt almost real to me. I added my new blonde pixie cut wig to my head and when I looked in the mirror, I was happy with what I saw. I wished my hips were a little wider, but the skirt did a good job hiding that. I added a spritz of perfume and went into the living room to wait. Finally, at five o'clock I heard a knock on my door. Normally I loved to hear my heels on the hardwood floor but as I made my way to it this time, they seemed to thunder with each step. I took a huge breath in as I opened the door and saw my sister standing there with her hands full of groceries. Not sure how but I managed to speak first. "Come on in Sis." She just stared at me for a few seconds. Then her eyes travelled from my head to my toes and back. "Umm, come in before a neighbor wanders by please," I pleaded. "Yeah, okay. Wholly fuck, I don't know what I expected, but wow," she said as she walked by me. I shut the door behind her as she entered, and we walked into the kitchen. Again, the sound of my heels, in my mind, sounded like an artillery barrage. She put the groceries on the counter and turned and looked at me again. "You are beautiful... sister." The word sister was as much a question as a statement. "Really? Please be honest with me. I have worked really hard at this." "Yes, really. Do you, I don't know, please understand I have a ton of questions, I want to be respectful, but I will probably mess up some. Anyways do you uh, have girl name for when you dress like this?" "Lana," I replied without hesitation. I also realized that right this minute she might be more nervous than I was. She moved to me and hugged me. It felt good. "It is wonderful to finally meet you Lana." Her smile was a big as I have seen as she stepped back. That evening I pretty much gave her the history of my dressing in girl's clothing. She asked questions and with every answer I felt a little weight and burden come off my shoulders. There was no judgement in her responses, and she made it all feel normal. There was even some humor in the discussion. "You know mom knew someone was messing with her stuff, right?" she asked me. "Really, I was always really careful, or at least I thought I was." "If I went and moved a couple of your things right now would you notice?" "Probably, but I am pretty organized." "Girls know. They just do." She smiled at me. "So, mom knew, and she blamed me. She was always accusing me of going through her stuff and yelling at me about it. Like I would want to wear any of her boring crap." "Hey, I liked wearing that boring crap." I giggled. "Sorry, you liked wearing it and I got yelled at about it, Bitch!" And we both laughed out loud. On our third glass of wine we started, what would be a life altering discussion for me. "Lana, needs to see daylight, or nightlight, you need to get out of this condo and show yourself off." "One day." I averted looking at her as I responded. "One day soon, soon being next weekend." ***************** I rang the doorbell for the firehouse twice. When no answered at first, for a second, I took that as a sign and opportunity to leave. I still wasn't sure exactly why I felt I needed to be here and put myself through what I believed was going to be an unpleasant and potentially embarrassing experience. I knew a part of it was a sense of duty. Maybe another part was I felt that I had earned the right to be here and who the hell were they to deny me that right. Possibly, like the people on the other side of the door, I was grieving, and one stage of grief is anger. What was a better place to be angry, than the place that had kicked me out just for being me. I started to push the doorbell a third time when door started to swing open and I took a deep breath. Just a head peaked around the side of it and I thought, sure that is how this would work. I looked into the eyes of Sean, the guy who had replaced me in this company. He stared at me and I saw an eyebrow raise, like he was trying to recognize me. His expression changed when he figured out who I was. "This is only for members of the company," he finally said, his voice did not sound very sure of himself. "Yea, current and past members. I am a past member so open the door," I replied trying to sound way more confident than I was. I was also trying to make sure the tone of my voice matched my appearance. He stepped back a little and door opened a little more, so I reached out and pushed it open enough to let me in. He looked at me sheepishly and turned and moved away from me and headed back into the firehouse. I followed him and as we walked along side of the fire truck sitting there, I could hear loud voices and laughter. He glanced back over his shoulder, this time I felt, as much as I saw, his eyes look me up and down. When he turned his head forward, I was pretty sure I saw him subtly shaking his head in a no motion. As we got deeper inside, I saw the back and the shoulders of a wall of blue uniforms and heard more laughter coming from out of the kitchen. I am sure it was sound of my heels on the concrete floor that caused the men closer to me to turn and look in my direction. The sound of heels in a firehouse is not very common and I don't know for a fact, but it is possible, it was the first time they had ever been heard in this one. As they turned and saw me the laughter and the talking died down around the back of the fire truck, but you could still hear the noise from the kitchen I stopped and waited for some type of reaction. I saw the men look at me, most of them starting at my face and then looking down to my feet and back up again. In a few of the faces I saw surprise and in others I saw disdain, maybe even in one or two I saw pure hatred. Out of the corner my eye I saw movement coming from out of the kitchen and moving toward me. "Lana, thanks for coming." And suddenly I was in the embrace of large man who wrapped me in a hug. "I am so sorry Big Joe," I said to him while he continued to hug me. I believe that Big Joe would have hugged me, although way more briefly, if I had shown up in the firehouse as Landon. The fact that he was hugging me as Lana made my heart warm and tears to start forming in my eyes. I know seeing this did a couple of things with the other guys that were watching. First, it made them desperately uncomfortable. Second, it made it known that I was welcome, at least while Big Joe was here. We separated and I heard a few of the men begin conversations again. "I still can't believe it. You always know it can happen, but it is still unbelievable," he said looking down at me. In my heels I was just about six feet tall. Joe was six feet, four inches tall and weighed two hundred and fifty pounds and that was pretty much all muscle. He is what you wanted and expected your elite firefighters to look like. Pretty much the poster boy in fact. I used to joke with him when we worked together that he could break the doors down and I would run through them. Big Joe loved to lift weights, he never enjoyed cardio that much. I wasn't a big fan of lifting heavy weights, especially at that point in my life. I didn't want my shoulders and arms to get much bigger than they already were because I didn't think they would look good in a sleeveless dress. I did love doing cardio though because it kept my waist trim. I also enjoyed doing squats and lunges because it made my ass and legs look good. "Yes, I was sure that Captain Tyler was invincible and possibly immortal. Hard to believe that Lester and Frank are gone also," I responded. "Yes, I am sure they are glad that you came to pay your respects. That took some guts Lana. I am proud of you." His eyes were sincere. "Well, I am not sure about Lester, but Frank was a friend. And Captain Tyler, I don't know? I think he would have preferred I had never been a member of the company. But he believed in me, or at least he believed in the old me, and I will not forget that." "I think Captain Tyler regretted what he did, and Lester was ass, but he was a hell of a fireman." He laughed. I nodded because I agreed about Lester. I didn't say it, but I felt like he was the driving force in Captain Tyler's decision to kick me out of the company. I don't know if I agreed with his assessment about the captain's regret about his decision. I do know that it had happened when it was exposed how I spent my time off. I also know that a part of me was grateful because it gave me the courage to eventually discover who I really was. ******************* After my coming out or debut to my sister I was on cloud nine. I had been able to share Lana with someone else. I had a few female friends, some I considered close friends, that I thought about telling about my dressing, but I never found the courage to do it. Sally had been very accepting and encouraging. We texted a lot that week and she kept pressing me to get out of the confines of my condo. While she had originally said that she would be forcing me out the following weekend I had successfully stalled her for over a month now. She did not give up though. She kept pressing it and six weeks after she had first seen me in girl mode, she was coming to spend the weekend with me, and we were planning on going out on Saturday. Late Friday afternoon I heard the knock on the door. I had decided I would greet her dressed kind of down the middle. I was wearing floral print leggings with an old fire department tee shirt. I did not have my wig on and my only make up was an exceptionally light coat of a pink lipstick, I had also painted my toenails in a bright pink color. Underneath it I was wearing a thong and had on my 40 A cup bra, so I was not wearing my breast forms. Opening the door, I heard a loud and enthusiastic, "Hello Sis." She stepped in and stopped for a second in front of me. I choose to take the chance to pull her into a hug. We hugged on occasion, but this was not a normal greeting for us. "I think I like Lana better than Landon. Lana is much sweeter." She laughed as she stepped back from the hug. After dropping her bag in the guest room, she returned to kitchen and I offered her a drink. We decided on wine and to order a pizza later. "Here is the plan for tomorrow. The day will start with sleeping in a little and then we, we being me and Lana, are heading to Harriston and going to the mall there for some shopping. Then we will get some lunch at some point. After that, we head home to get dolled up and head out to Laurenstown for dinner and there is club to go to after dinner," Her tone was very matter of fact and left no real ability to protest. She had also chosen locations that were about an hour away from where we lived so there would be less chance of any one, we knew seeing us. I nodded my head yes in acknowledgement and took a long sip of my wine. "So, lets go see what you have to wear for shopping and lunch. We will be getting you a new outfit for tonight." Sally went through my things. Most of them she approved of and complimented me on. As she got a little deeper into the closet, she just shook her head. They were a lot of my older things, noticeably short skirts, heels that could be described as hooker heels, and my collection of cocktail dresses. We eventually decided on a denim mini skirt, a purple blouse, and one of the two pairs of flats I owned. A pair of white strapped sandals. I realized that outfit would require me to shave my legs. I was fortunate that my body hair was fairly sparse to start with and what I had was light. I normally hide my leg hair under stockings, tights, or pantyhose. I had shaved them a couple times and preferred how that looked and felt but didn't want to have to answer questions about it if it was noticed. We returned to the living room and made some small talk about how her school was going. She would be graduating next spring with a degree in nursing. She did shock me when she said that she was planning to return to this area and work at the hospital here. For years she had told the family that she was heading west as soon as she graduated. "Why are you going to stay here now? Please tell me it is not because of some boy, or girl?" I asked. She laughed at my comment about it being about a boy or girl. "No, definitely not. It is just as I have gotten older, I have learned to appreciate my family more. And I just meet my awesome sister." She smiled. "Plus, I want to help you and mom with dad." Her smile turned to a frown. My dad had been retired for six months and was diagnosed with cancer. At first it looked like it was caught early, and he was going to be okay, but each month it was obvious that he was getting sicker and not better. "Have you told mom that? She will be really glad to hear it." "No, I will soon." "I am excited to hear it also, so you know." We ordered the pizza and when it arrived, we started on our second bottle of wine. We were about halfway thru that bottle when Sally started to ask a few questions about my wearing women's things. She started with the easy stuff, like what was my favorite things to wear. I told her basically dresses and skirts, or anything that would allow me to wear heels. She then asked if there were things, I wish I could wear but had not. I told her I wished I could have worn a prom dress, that occasionally, I had thought about how nice it would have been to wear a cheerleading uniform. When we got to the bottom of the second bottle of wine and opened the third the questions got more personal. "Do get off when you dress up?" she asked out of the blue. Normally she looked right at me when talking but this time she was staring at her wine glass as she spoke. "Pretty much never anymore," I replied surprisingly quickly. "But you used to?" She was now looking at me. "Yes, when I was in my late teens. I did it a lot. It was just part of the process then, I guess." "Why did you stop?" "When I got this place and started buying my own stuff. I realized that I just liked how I felt and looked when I was dressed. It just felt, I don't know, normal." She got up out of her chair and came and hugged me after I said that. I turned the conversation back to her and asked about her love life. She made it clear that she liked boys but that she did not feel like she had the time or energy right now to devote to a relationship. "What do you do for sex? A friend, or friends, with benefits?" I asked. She took a large sip, or maybe a gulp of wine. "Do you know what a B O B is?" I smiled. "Battery operated Boyfriend." Laughing she responded, "Wow, you are more of girl than I realized aren't you Sis!" I blushed, I loved hearing her call me sis. She took my blushing though to mean something else though. "That blush. Does that mean you have one of your own? Wow. I hadn't even thought that ask you whether besides dressing like a woman if you were also into men. Are you?" "Maybe. I don't know. I have only dated women and had sex with women. I enjoyed it but it feels like something is missing." My response was honest. "Do you find men attractive? Do they turn you on? And you never really answered my question about having a toy?" "Yes, I have a toy," I blurted out. "And I do find some men attractive. At least visually and I have had a crush on a couple." "I am going to want to hear all about your crushes tomorrow, it is getting late and we have a big day tomorrow." We stood up and she hugged me again. "Thank you for being honest with me. I feel like I have missed out and such a big part of your life and I am happy to be a part of it now." The next day we got up a little later and after a light breakfast went to shower and get ready. I not only shaved my legs but also my underarms which was a first for me. I had a thought and went and knocked on Sally's door. "Hey, uh, any chance I could borrow some deodorant? I don't have any women's and I am thinking Old Spice isn't right this morning." I smiled at her. "Here you go. Nice job with the towel." She handed me her Lady Speedstick and was commenting on wearing my towel up under my arms. By ten o'clock we were ready to go. As we both got into the living room, we complimented each other on our appearance. Sally was impressed with my make-up, which I had done lightly this morning. I was wearing the outfit I had picked out the day before and Sally had on a cute maroon skater's skirt, black tights, a white blouse, and a pair of ankle boots with a short heel. I was surprisingly calm that we were getting ready to step out but recognized I had a problem as I went over and picked up my wallet, phone and keys. Sally saw the look on my face and a smile spread across her face. "Give them to me, I will put them in my purse. Go grab the lipstick you are wearing today also. Looks like our first stop will be to get you a purse or two." I didn't know that the minute I stepped outside the door that my life was going to change dramatically. To say the day was perfect would be an understatement. Every second was wonderful as my little sister guided me through a day as a woman and I loved every bit of it. We shopped in the morning getting me a couple of purses and a new outfit to wear that night. It was a black and white checkered mini skirt, with patterned tights and a gorgeous white blouse. After seeing her shoes, I wanted to get a pair of ankle boots to go with my new clothes, but Sally convinced me a pair of simple closed toe black pumps was the right choice. We stopped at a caf? for lunch and before we ordered I made my first trip to a lady's room. I was nervous about it, but Sally told me that someone would have to look really close at me to see that I was actually a guy. Returning to our table we each ordered a salad after we sat down. "Okay, details on your crushes, spill the beans." She looked right into my eyes as she spoke, and I felt that I had to answer. "There really have only been two. A guy at college that was in the same dorm as mine. The current one is a guy I worked with at the first firehouse I was assigned to." "Details Sis, do you have a type? Did you ever let them know you had a crush on them? Anything ever happen with them?" Again, I loved when she called me sis and it definitely loosened my tongue. "I like taller men. I want a man that I can wear heels with. Hair and eye color don't really matter, a neatly trimmed beard is appreciated but definitely not a requirement, especially if they are firefighter. Tattoos are a big bonus and I like if they give off an air of masculinity." "Interesting. It sounds like you have put some thought into this. It isn't just a curiosity is it?" "No, it isn't just a curiosity." I blushed. "So, you are gay?" She hesitated as she asked it. "I don't know. I don't feel like that is the right... label." "What is that you want to do with them?" "What do you mean? Are you asking if I want to date them? Have sex with them? What?" "Well, I was thinking more about what is that you want to do in bed with them? But that is a good question, do you just want sex, or do you want more than that?" I am not sure exactly how she did it, but you could hear the sincereness and maybe empathy in her question. I blushed a little. "It isn't just sex, or at least not with the guys I had crushes on. And I think you are trying delicately to ask me if I want to pitch or catch?" Sally had played softball in high school, so she knew what I meant and smiled broadly. "Yes, do you want to be the pitcher or catcher? I just had this thought, if you have a battery-operated boyfriend, I am pretty sure I know the answer. Do you also want to suck their dick?" It was my turn to blush. "Yes, I want to be the catcher. And I really want to trying giving a blow job." Sally smiled and I realized how lucky I was to have such a wonderful sister. I also realized that saying things out loud, to someone else, was therapeutic. After we finished lunch Sally told me she had one more thing on the schedule for the afternoon. She took me for my first mani-pedi. It was wonderful experience and I walked out with dark pink toenails and fingernails. Every time I saw my fingers my heart warmed. That night we went out to dinner and then to a club to have a couple drinks before heading back to my condo. My initial thought was nothing noteworthy happened that evening. It was just pleasant, and comfortable, and at some point, it felt natural. It was a great ending to a wonderful day. On reflection it was those feelings that made it noteworthy and somethings very noteworthy happened, I realized that being out in the world, as a woman, felt right to me. ********* When Big Joe moved away from me, I suddenly felt very alone again. I could see and feel that there were still a lot of eyes on me. I was wondering if I should leave now. I had proved to myself that I had the courage to come here. I had talked to Big Joe; I did feel like I should talk to Smitty but I wasn't sure he would even want to talk to me. Yea, I could probably go, I am sure that would make pretty much everyone else here happy. I had just begun to turn when I loudly heard, "Landon, is that you, oh excuse me I am sorry, I mean what is it? Lana now?" Walking out of the kitchen was Josh. We had worked together on the Rescue Company for about a year. He was promoted to lieutenant and transferred to a ladder company and had been replaced by Frank. We had got along when we worked together on the Rescue but since, what I had taken to calling the big reveal, he mostly ignored me when our paths crossed. Because of his role in the big reveal we definitely weren't ever going to be friends and even though I was one that was outed by it, he blamed me for negative attention he got. Once again most of the background noise quieted and everyone turned to look at me. "Loo, you know it is Lana. I am just hear to pay my respects." I was trying to thread the needle, calling him Loo, which is a respectful term for Lieutenant while also standing up for myself. "Respect. That is funny, especially considering what you did for the reputation of this company. You might as well have spit on everything all the men before you did to build that reputation. Oh wait, do you prefer to spit, or to swallow." I wasn't sure what I noticed more, the smugness in face or the anger in his eyes. Of course, after what he thought was clever comment he smiled, I did hear one or two snickers or laughs. I had become used to this type of comment. My normal response was to ignore it. I wasn't sure if it was the anger, I felt about losing the Captain Tyler, Lester, and Frank or I what, but I didn't let it go. "One thing is for sure, that is something you will never get the chance the find out on your own. And with the way you have been checking me out, especially my legs, I know how much that must piss you off." I looked him straight in the eyes as I said it. Surprisingly, while I did hear a few gasps, what I mostly heard was laughter. Unfortunately, that really pissed him off and he quickly covered the space between us and got in my face. "Fuck you, you cock sucking sissy, faggot, wanna be woman." I actually felt his spittle hit my face, but I didn't flinch and stood my ground. With my heels on he was only about an inch taller than me. I saw movement out the corner of my eye and then felt Sean's shoulder pushing against me as he wedged himself between us. On the list of people who I thought would step in and help me, Sean was pretty far at the bottom of the list. "Loo, back off, okay. Don't make a dumb decision. He, she, whatever, isn't worth it." He had taken one hand and pushed me gently backwards while starting to walk forward and push Josh away turning and herding him towards the kitchen area. I was thankful for his intervention but the, he, she, whatever part burned into me. I was deciding it was time for me to leave when I felt an arm come around and wrap over my shoulder. I turned to see Smitty holding me or maybe corralling me away from the confrontation. "You okay, Lana?" He smiled at me as he asked. Of the guys I had worked with as Landon, Smitty was the one that I had no idea of his thoughts about me now that I was Lana. The fact that he was smiling, using my correct name and seemed concerned about me hit me hard and I began to almost cry. He continued to pull me away from the crowd at the back of the firehouse and we ended up in front of the big fire truck, but on the opposite side of the entrance door. Sean had followed. "Josh always has been pretty much an asshole, but I think that is more about his anger at what happened, than any problem he has with you," Smitty said. I screwed up some courage. "Thanks for intervening, both of you, I appreciate it." I turned to Sean and with as much conviction as I could said "so you know though, it is she." Sean stared at me for a second and I could tell he was thinking about his response. "You're right, sorry that was a shitty thing for me to say." Smitty stepped forward and pulled me into a hug and my response was let him hold me tight against him. It was now my turn to try and figure out if it was because of what he had just said, the shock of his kindness, or my sorrow at the loss of three men I had worked with. As I stepped back and as I worked to stop crying, I heard Big Joe say, "You have to stop that, or you will ruin your makeup," followed by a hearty laugh as he handed me some tissues. I smiled at him and I noticed that a lot of the guys were heading out the door. Josh saw us standing there and moved towards us again. I don't think I did it on purpose, but I found myself standing behind Big Joe. Maybe he saw something in Big Joe's eyes, but Josh stopped. "Hey, we are heading over to O'Malley's. Sean, Smitty, you and Big Joe want to join the rest of the men and have a toast to the guys we lost?" Josh had placed a heavy emphasis on the word men and looked directly at me as he said it. Smitty responded, "We might catch up with you later." "Fuck him and the guys with him. We can do our own toast and do it here where we worked with the Captain, Frank and Lester," Big Joe said as he turned to walk toward the kitchen. Sean followed him and I stood wondering if I should also follow when I felt Smitty's hand in the small of my back and pushing me to follow them. As we went through the kitchen and passed the on-duty crew, I saw a number of surprised faces as I moved through. Big Joe opened the door to what we called the dungeon and headed downstairs. Sean followed, then me and finally Smitty who closed the door behind us. The dungeon was the location of the furnace, hot water heater, and the other guts of the firehouse. It was dank, dark but most importantly away from all the main day to day activity that occurred. In the back corner there were two old love seats, an old wooden rectangular table, with a half dozen chairs, and a small refrigerator. Big Joe clicked the ceiling light on and the darkness went away. This allowed you to see the bottles of Jameson's Irish Whiskey, Jim Beam, Middleton and a mixed match collection of high ball glasses. It also allowed you to see the pictures and other things on the wall. It was in some ways a memorial to what a lot of the men called the good old days. Calendars of scantily clad women, centerfold pictures from old Playboy magazines, and group pictures of firemen with different groups of women, including several with the local Hooters girls and the cheerleading team from the local college. We each took a seat at the table. Both Sean and Smitty watched me as I reached behind me and smoothed my skirt under me as I sat down. Their eyes lingered on my legs as I crossed them, and the uniform skirt rode up some and exposed even more of my thigh. Big Joe poured us each a glass of Jameson and walked around handing them to each of us before taking a seat himself. "To Captain Tyler, Frank, and Lester," he said raising his glass. We all followed suit and in unison said "To Captain Tyler, Frank, and Lester" raising our glasses and taking a big drink. I had noticed that when we raised our glasses my hand, or really my fingernails, had stood out from all the others. I also noticed that when I put my glass down with the rest of them, my lip stick marks were very obvious. My choice in my uniform, makeup and fingernails made it impossible for me to seen as just one of the guys. That was reinforced even more as I saw that both Sean and Smitty kept glancing at my legs. It felt strange but it also felt good to be here with these men. I was feeling accepted as part of the fire department. I was also feeling accepted and even maybe admired as a woman. I never thought this would happen, after I was kicked out of this company and forced to go to work at headquarters doing admin assignments. I especially never thought it would happen after I came out as transgendered, starting hormones, and living as a woman full time. Even after I got out of headquarters and back on fire truck six months ago, I wasn't really accepted by most of the department. Right now, though I was part of them, I was with my brothers, my brother fighters. End of Part 1. Part 2 coming soon.