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Damsel of Fey Dreams by Tegeli PART I - The Dandy and Swordswoman CHAPTER 1 I glanced behind me. The sober neighbourhood didn't have an ill reputation, as far as I knew. Yet the sun had set, and most of the windows yawned lightless. My physique lacked the sturdiness for me to be confident when walking through dark and unfamiliar places. I should have armed myself with more than my rather superfluous walking stick. But I had to make the best of impressions. No weapon was concealed from a practitioner of the deeper arts. The tall narrow house, squeezed between others like it, still had lights on. I didn't have to curse the delay. When I stepped to the porch, the chill of a warning ward coursed through me. After rebuilding my confidence, I knocked on the door. I started, as the door swung open without delay. A cat with long black hair bolted between my legs and disappeared into the the night. I collected myself and nodded to the man at the door. Considering the size of the house, I hadn't expected Lorenz H_______ to open the door himself. He was both younger and more imposing than I had imagined. The straightly postured man towered over me. Though he wasn't robust under his wonderfully embroidered silk robe, his shoulders were imposingly wide. Only the pale gauntness of his face and the dishevelled state of his dark hair diminished the impression of casual finesse. Heartbeat filled my tensed torso. I said: "Good eveni-- Or should say night, mister H_______." "Good evening." He glanced at my suitcase. "I hope this is not an unwise attempt to sell anything." "Oh, no. The moon swims under their gaze." Lorenz stared at me without responding to the passphrase. I couldn't control my fingers, so I had to clutch the walking stick with both of my hands. "My name is Aurel K____. I have corresponded with you under the name of Pseudo-M_______." "Oh, I see." He slicked back his hair to reveal a tall forehead and a peaked hairline. When he lowered his hand, he seemed to have an inexplicably careful coiffure. "I was under the impression that you were a woman." I choked. "W-why?" "The handwriting was... extravagant. Besides, the original M_______ was almost positively a woman." He proved his claim by explaining to me the small, but in retrospect obvious, detail, which I had somehow missed in one of my favourite works. My gaze fell to his shoes. They were exquisite work, if a bit old- fashioned. "Do come in, if you will, 'Pseudo-M_______'. I'll make some post- evening tea." Everything was in prim order in the house of mister H_______, yet no sign of any servants could be perceived. "Do you live here alone?" I took a deep sip. The tea was overly bitter. In fact, it didn't taste much like tea at all. "Yes." My host had only a glass of water for himself. "After my valet died, I declined to hire more help. Due to my interests, it's more convenient this way." "I suppose it is." "What brings you here?" Lorenz asked. "I thought to ask for tutoring in the deeper arts, but due to this misconception..." "Don't worry about that. I wasn't soliciting for companionship." The man took a sip from his glass. "However, I could use an assistant. Do you still live in Bec? We could cooperate on the weekends." "No, I have moved to Fishamed. I took the express to here today." He rubbed his clean-shaved chin. "That's quite far." "You see, mister H__--" "Call me Lorenz." "Alright, Lorenz, I already applied to a clerk's position here in Bodn. I thought--" "That you might rent a room from me?" "Well, yes." His smile was faint but warm. "This house certainly has rooms to spare. But I haven't the need for rent money. Instead, I'd ask you to do the few chores here. Can you clean, cook and all that?" "Oh yes. I do think I am quite good at cooking. I often helped my mother, and she was traine--" "Then it is a deal. Where's the rest of your luggage?" "I don't have any." Lorenz showed me my new room. It was austere, but larger than the apartment I had rented in Fishamed. "This was my valet's daughter's room. She took care of her father for the last year he was with us. I presume you prefer this one to the room, where he died?" "Yes, I do." Dead things tended to leave traces. "Plenty of her belongings remain in the dresser and closet. Don't disturb them, if you can. Even if it's unlikely she will come back for them." "Did she die too?" Lorenz chuckled. "She moved overseas immediately after the old man's passing. Nevertheless, I doubt dead women come for their knickers, but in our business we can never know for sure. Good night." "Good night, Lorenz." It was rude to lock one's door as a guest, but I needed privacy. Powers forbid Lorenz should know that I rushed to check the cabinets. Of course, I would never dare to try those smooth and vivid garments, but my curiosity would have gotten better of me eventually. The valet's daughter hadn't been overly affluent, but her gowns had certain utilitarian style due to the high quality of the fabrics and dyes. I slammed shut the cabinet and sighed. I took care removing my only suit to keep it unwrinkled. After taking off my corset, I hid it in the cabinet. If found, the corset would have been an awkward topic of discussion. My usual excuse that the garment was for chronic back pain, instead of the stylish silhouette, was usually accepted with tolerable derision, but one never knew. In spite of the excitement, I managed to wake up refreshed before cockcrow. I was already bathed, dressed and cooking breakfast, when Lorenz arrived to the kitchen. He had only sleeping trousers on. For a reclusive occultist he had a noticeably athletic physique, but I was too busy watching the frying food to stare at him. "Good morning." He spread the morning paper on the table. "I didn't quite expect you to settle down this quickly." I placed the plate of omelette in front of him and wiped my hands on my apron. "It's mighty generous of you to let me lodge here for free. The least I could do is to take our agreement seriously." "I'm not complaining." He took a taste of the omelette, while I looked on with held breath. His head bobbed with approval. "Tasty. I didn't know I had pepper left in the cupboard." "You didn't. Luckily the neighbour, Mrs. Z____, was awake and could borrow some." "What did you tell her your business in my house was?" My spine shivered stiff. "Oh! Should I have kept my stay here secret?" Lorenz chuckled. "That would be difficult. Just say you work as a domestic. Speaking of that, will you handle the groceries from now? Presumably you know best, what you need." "Certainly, mist-- Lorenz." "Do note that I have a tender palate. It is embarrassing, but could you not buy anything too flavourful, like acidic fruits, mustard or garlic? Black pepper is fine; the more exotic spices tend to be tolerable for me." That would limit, what I could cook. But he was the master, so I agreed. Yet another shift of straining my eyes on dreadful penmanship was over. On my way back from work, I picked up all I had noticed missing in the morning, save for the lemon for the tea. Lorenz was already back home. When he hinted that we were going to begin my studies, I barely managed to keep my demeanour composed through the dinner. With the blasphemous iconography hidden in the decorations, my host's study was an obfuscated shrine to the higher fundamentals. I had already seen the room, but being there with its master sent an exhilarating jolt through my body. We sat on the floor in the manner of eastern nihilists. My tutor enacted the rite of ascertainment, in which he confirmed that I knew the Seventeen Wrong but Useful Questions. It was the bare minimum required to show understanding of genuine lore. As I was not a novice, I passed. "Have you breached Realms of Dominion yet?" Lorenz asked. "I don't think so. I have recurring and consistent dreams, but I never manage to become aware of myself in them." Those dreams couldn't be what Lorenz was talking about, because I wasn't anything like myself in them. "We have to rectify that", Lorenz said. "My connection to the post- oneiric plane is strong. Thus, with some adjustment, I should be able to drag you along with me." I couldn't stop myself from smiling in clear breach of the solemnity of the situation. The chance to piggy-back into a deeper realm had been in my hopes. Fortunately Lorenz returned my smile without a sign of displeasure. "What I don't understand, master, is why do we travel there in dreams, if the Realms are physical locations? Shouldn't they be purely mental constructs?" Lorenz broke his stiff posture and leaned on one hand. "They might be influenced by dreaming of the masses, but only a little. In my opinion the Realms of Dominion must have been made by now gone Powers, as a refuge from the oppressive certainties of this reality. Though the flexibility of the Realms has withered over the aeons. They indeed are physical locations now." The draught was bitter in my mouth, warm in my throat and freezing in my stomach. My tutor revealed to me a simple secret of opening my mind. In a few minutes, my regret was wiped away by intense dizziness. Vertigo made climbing back to my room a struggle. The bed was wide and deep, as it claimed me. My head was heavy from the narcotic cocktail, yet I kept the vanishing mantra in my mind as I sunk into the pillow. A force dragged me along with it, and I stopped fighting against the dreams. CHAPTER 2 The scent of smoke from a past unburned. Deliberate music, which had stolen its rhythm from the heart of a dying man. A corset embraced me tightly, yet this one supported my chest. In the place of the clothes I should be wearing, I had an elegant riding gown. My hand fumbled the pommel of my trusty sabre. I was perfectly aware that I was Aurel K____, yet the hazy memories of a 'lady Erdil' tried to pretend they were mine. She had lived through my dreams, though she had been more of a fumbling tourist than a free spirit of adventure. I lifted my gaze to look through the veil, which hung from the brim of my hat. I was in the lounge of a gloomy restaurant. The clientele sat around tiny tables, wearing fine clothes in perplexing variety of styles. A few strangers nodded at me. All had human faces, yet some didn't have human smiles. If Lorenz found me like this, at the very least the encounter would be awkward. Shunning me afterwards would be perfectly reasonable. It would be prudent to kick me out of his house in case I ended up causing rumours or enacted deeds which necessitated censure or worse. I stood up and hurried to the closest free private room. I took off my hat --which was lovely with its wide brim and lush plume-- and examined myself in the mirror. My delicate face retained a passing familiarity. The golden hair was the shade of the name, which my mother had given me. Yet my eyes shone with a deeper blue, and in place of my pale complexion was a sturdy tan, deep enough to be swarthy. The lithe body was unambiguously an improvement. Graceful arms ended in dainty hands and long thin fingers. The hips weren't wide, but seemed so with the perfect waist. Though I wore no bustle, my posterior was prominent under the skirt. Cursory examination of my chest revealed a bosom of petite size. My elation turned into worry. The girl staring at me lost her cool, as I fumbled with my hands. Lorenz likely was somewhere in the establishment. He might be able to fix the situation, which would be a missed opportunity. If he didn't realise, who I was, we could do things improper and impossible in the more shackled reality. And if he recognised me, I could pretend to be in a dream haze. I filled my lungs as full as the corset allowed. Lady Erdil found her composure, or a good part of it. I glided back into the lounge, though I kept my hat low to hide my face from the evaluating stares. The gazes indicated that lady Erdil was committing a faux pas, based on mores I did not know about. I had to pretend that I belonged, that I welcomed the attention. I slowed down and strode by putting my feet in front of each other. The thrill stoked the engine of my heartbeat and created in me a tension, which made clear my lower half wasn't what it used to be. I slunk to shady corner to calm down. I pushed my attention away from myself into my surroundings. The place was a sleazy bar, even if the decor and patrons had evident class. I hadn't expected such to exist in the Realms. The people, and what seemed to be people, appeared to enjoy their drinks. I failed to find anything resembling currency in my purse, but then again, a girl like lady Erdil shouldn't pay for anything in such a place. My eyes scanned the hall, until I recognise a man. He was dressed like a gentleman from the shores of the Golden Horn and had a slight tan along with a flame-orange hair. But he was Lorenz. I sighed, bid goodbye to my moment as Erdil and slid to my tutor. The man was sitting alone in a corner booth. The scent in the vapours of his water pipe was not from any plant. The liquid in his cup was a void in the gloom. "Are you expecting company?" I crooned. The girlishness of my voice juxtaposed delightfully with the dangerous mood of the bar. Lorenz examined me with his nonchalant gaze. The suspense tickled my stomach. Perhaps he wouldn't recognise me. I had little right to trick my master, but I had one chance and a lifetime to regret it later. The man took the pipe out of his mouth. "Yes, but he appears to have been impeded." I didn't give him the chance to imply he wasn't keen on female company. I sat opposite of Lorenz, and said: "Then this place is not taken." I grinned from behind my veil. "My name is Erdil." "The dreamers here call me Lorenz." The man's eyes were only a glint under the shadow of his brows. "Are you going to order me drink?" I placed my elbows on the table and my chin in my hands. He lifted a finger. "What would you like?" I knew not, what they actually drank in a place like that. "Pick for me. I'll evaluate your performance in the choosing." The spindly waitress stopped next to Lorenz but didn't even glance below her eye-level. "The usual for the lady", Lorenz said, and the waitress strode away. My master continued: "What brings a lady such as you to the Thalline?" I had assumed the Thalline Fulcrum was a temple of sorts or possibly a train station. But Lorenz might have been testing me, so I grinned. "Free drinks", I said. "Though I don't mind the company." He kept his eyes on me, but the room was too dark to ascertain the manner, in which he was examining me. A waitress brought me a dainty glass of clear liquid and left without a word of explanation. The drink had no smell and tasted faintly bitter. I merely smiled at Lorenz pretending I knew, what I was in- taking. Lorenz leaned back and remained silent. I emptied my glass and and swirled my finger in it. "Are you waiting for something?" "For the veritas to kick in." I cocked my head. The man leaned forward. "What are you?" "A subject of the Porte and a student of the deeper arts." I shuddered: no other answer hadn't been available. "Not a sila then. Who are you?" I fought against the syllables of my name and instead blurted: "What was that liquid?" "Something to coax the truth out of you. You asked for the drink, so it has the power to compel you. Now, answer." "Aah... Erdil Aurel K____." The way Lorenz recoiled at that name, sunk my heart. I slumped against my seat. He reached to take my glass, swiped his finger in the remaining liquid and tasted it. After murmuring to himself he jumped to standing and grabbed my wrist. I allowed myself to be dragged along like a doll. Were the circumstances only a little different, I'd been thrilled to be taken to a side room by the man. He locked the door after us. Despite trying to breathe as fast I could, I was suffocating. "I-I'm sorry, master. I just wanted--" The words got stuck in my throat. No amount of apologises would retract, what I had tried to do. Lorenz would righteously shun a mismatched creature like me. He'd never again take me to the Realms. Colours faded outside my focus. I was aware of the music behind the door, but I couldn't hear the notes. My legs lost their strength, but Lorenz caught me by the shoulders. His tone was commanding as he said: "Keep calm. You are fading back into mundane dreams. Concentrate on me." Lorenz was close. His grip was gentle and yet strong. Lady Erdil leaned to kiss him, but Lorenz only stared at me with his gaze of steel. To him I was Aurel K____, nothing more. My mind lost its weight and floated away. CHAPTER 3 I was trapped in sweaty bedsheets. Stuck as Aurel. I placed a pillow on my face, but such a porous object wouldn't suffocate me. The pathetic attempt merely served to heighten my humiliation. It was too early to go down for my chores. The floor would creak under my steps, so I couldn't pace around the room either. I waited until my thoughts became unbearable and got up. Making as little noise as possible, I washed, shaved and dressed myself. My mood sullen, I went downstairs. My impeding dismissal was no excuse to a do a poor job on my responsibilities. When Lorenz came downstairs in morning dress without coat, a hearty breakfast was ready for him. Lorenz bid me good morning and acted as if nothing was awry, while I stood in a corner near the stove. "Won't you eat?" he asked. My stomach ached bad enough that even drinking a glass of water had been difficult. "I'm not hungry." "Still, do sit." I removed my apron and took a chair. "Master. I'm sorry about last night." "That is unnecessary. You were in the Realms for the first time in any lucidity. It was understandably overwhelming." "But what about... Why was I this 'Erdil'?" Lorenz finished eating his cheese-crusted fried tomato. "This is delicious. Anyhow, I don't know. Recent academic thought theorises that our minds are made up from 'archetypes', some female and some male. Presumably a feminine aspect of your psyche is connected to the Realm. It is also possible your constant companion is female." I gulped. "Can you fix me?" I didn't feel like I needed changing, but that obviously was main part of the problem. "Possibly. You could try reinforcing the masculine aspects in your mind. But that would disconnect you from the part that already breaches into the Realms. It'd leave you little better than a hylic, I'm afraid. You already had problems remaining coherent in the Thalline, even though it intersects with this reality." "Oh." My shoulders slumped. I wasn't made for mystic refinement after all. Lorenz dipped beans in the cream mushroom gravy. "In order to have any hope of exploring the Realms, I suspect that you have to connect to this 'Erdil' more tightly." "What do you mean?" I pressed the nails of my thumbs into my forefingers to contain my hopes. The man smiled after tasting the gravied beans. "For you to try being her in this reality." My heart leaped, and I had to force myself to breathe out, in order not to look silly. Lorenz was going to let me stay. "Only temporarily, of course, and only if you feel comfortable with the idea. Additional stress would be purely counter-intuitive." He stared straight into my eyes. "If you can't remain in the Realms in a lucid state, you won't be able to assist in my search. But I don't want to exploit our friendship, so I won't ask you to pay rent in any case." "I'm sorry, I don't quite understand", I said. "However, I shall do anything to help with your research." "Good. We'll try if acting like this 'Erdil' helps. I can concoct extracts that moulds your body take a more feminine shape." My toes clacked as they curled. Yet, it wasn't proper to appear too eager. "Would... Would it be reversible?" "Of course. Considering the ample source of male essence I have access to, I can make concoctions to reserve any transformations, which occur." I took a deep breath and said as solemnly as I could: "Then I accept." Lorenz cleaned his mouth with the folded napkin. "Good. Our journey is that of changing." A small smile lifted the corner of his mouth. "I'm glad to have you as an apprentice. Even if it doesn't work, it shall be an interesting experiment." I sat on my bed to calm myself down. My fate should have been horrifying, or at least heavily uncomfortable. Instead, I was wondering, what sort of gown would look good on me. If Erdil took over, I might compound my embarrassment by trying to kiss Lorenz again. There'd be no excuse of the dream haze this side of the veil. The daughter of the late valet had been a woman taller than me. With a bit of adjustment her clothes fit on my frame. Her fine silk hoses were snug and pleasantly warm on my legs, and the garter belt fit well enough with my corset. I had to tighten the corset, so my waist fit into the dark grey gown. The shoulders remained a tight fit. Because the hips were disappointingly unpronounced, I took off the gown and put on more pillowy drawers, before redressing. With the padding, my silhouette was intriguingly feminine. Not as good as Erdil's, but passable. However, the face above my shoulders was merely boyish. Lorenz had told me to come back down as soon as possible, but I had to try improving my countenance. With my experience in stage makeup and a steady hand, I applied colour around my eyes and to my lips. My painted reflection wasn't quite a stunner, but still girly in a plain way. I reorganised my neck-length hair to imitate a daring woman's style, put on loosely fitting shoes with tiny heels and hurried downstairs. Lorenz gave me a glance, which betrayed no emotion at my appearance. He turned back to his apparatus and said: "Come and observe this reaction." The blood in the vial shimmered under the harnessed will of dimorphic natural principles. Lorenz explained the elementary mysteries behind the alchemical reaction, while the extract dripped through the heated glass pipes and pulsating filters. "But what shall it do to me?" I asked. "What a young woman's body does to itself. I have aided the substance by instilling it with forces to instigate albedo in the human body. So, after the substance stirs your inner chemistry, the feminine influence will overpower the male essence in you." I let out a nervous hiss. The substance did sound promising, but its effectiveness couldn't possibly be thorough. Also, the side effects might be more drastic than the intended effects themselves. While we waited the bubbling to cease, Lorenz explained more of his alchemical methodology. He mixed the finished product with two spoonfuls of honey, but even then the putrid taste made me retch. I shuddered, when Lorenz told me that I'd have to drink a vial every other day. The first effect was a troublesome fever. Due to my hoarse throat, it took me several days to notice that my already rather high voice had tightened. Over the week, the bothersome drudgery of shaving became unnecessary. My light body hair thinned all over my skin and almost completely fell off my torso. Such nakedness left me vulnerable in a strangely tantalising way. Never had wearing silk and smooth linen felt so wonderful. Feminine dress didn't make my indoor chores noticeably harder. I had already avoided dirtying my own clothes, so there was no difference in preserving the womanly ones. The skirt did offer difficulty to certain movements, but as I learned to accommodate to the hem, my movements became --if anything-- more graceful. Because I couldn't go to a tailor to have the clothes refitted to my measurements, I had to spruce up my own sewing. Luckily, the clothes didn't need much adjustment. Just to be safe, I chose the garments with dark fabrics, which hid my new sub-par seams. For a while, I kept dressing as a man outside, especially for work. But when my changing voice became too noticeable, I had to give up my clerk's position to avoid garnering attention. I blamed an onset of consumption. Such illness gave me an excuse for putting away my masculine clothes: Aurel had supposedly moved to a sanatorium in the mountains. Only his 'sister' Erdil remained in Lorenz's employ. My first excursion outside in a gown made my heart thump at my ribs like a madman at prison bars. In spite of my makeup, I wore shawl around my face in the fashion of the distant capital. Yet nobody reacted as if there was anything amiss in me. The grocer smiled at me wider than previously, men lifted their hats and women looked at my slightly outdated dress with only disinterest, amusement or pity. Soon I abandoned the shawl, so I could smile back at the people. Because the house didn't have enough chores for a full-time maid, I started to look for employment available to women. When I mentioned this to Lorenz, he claimed he 'knew people'. In two days, I regained my old clerk's position as Erdil. My boss seemed to even prefer a female employee. Perhaps a bit too much. His indecent remarks faded the moment I implied that Lorenz's interest in me was based on reality and not my silly fancies. The cat gobbled up beef scraps, while I petted it, and purred in an incongruously angry way. Its long hair was shining black satin under my fingers. "What's your cat's name?" I asked Lorenz. "'Souver?n'", Lorenz answered from behind the morning paper. "It's not in truth mine, but Mrs. Z____'s." "It certainly prefers to stay here. Must be the food." Whenever the cat wanted anything, its mewing grew imperious. Yet the wails retained a pitiful quality, like the moans of an aristocrat bereaved of primordial prerogatives. Souver?n preferred to repose in high places, where it could look down with nonchalant majesty. In spite of how I teased it, the cat kept following me around the house. Perhaps it made sure I worked no mischief, even if it was more of an intruder than I. Lorenz's house still had proper gaslights, instead of the merciless electric ones they had in the office. Though pouring through old manuscripts resembled my job, I found studying in the library to be relaxing after the evenings of straining my eyes. "Still up and reading?" Lorenz asked. He placed two cups of tea on the table and sat on the other side. "Ah, the 'Logomachi Kata Sofia'. Making any headway on that polemic?" "Some. But the symbolism of the Sun eludes me. Is it supposed to be Truth? God?" "The Sun." "What?" He took a sip of his tea. "Indeed. Anyway, I think you are close to finishing this period of acclimation. We should hold the final test. One of my associates is a holding a masked ball, and I'm planning to take 'Erdil' with me." My filled lungs until they strained against the corset. Lorenz was taking me out. I let air out slowly to keep myself calm. "But I lack a gown fit for a ball." "We must get you one." "That'll be expensive!" "Don't fret. The guest list is varied on... their economic situations, so the rule is that all attire must be at least decade old, preferably two. We'll get you a used, but pretty, garments. How well do you know the fashionable dances? You'll have to learn the other side of them in a week. Can you manage that?" I grinned and dismissed the implied trouble with a wave of a hand. "I know them already." My smile disappeared, and my cheeks warmed. "I mean, we practised a lot without women at the gymnasium." In fact, I had enjoyed being the led partner, especially in the hands of a certain young man. But I wouldn't have told that to anyone. My blush grew worse. I cleared my throat. "We practised dancing almost as much as fencing, in fact." "Oh, you fence? I wouldn't have guessed. You don't have any of the scars." I lifted my chin. "That's why I wanted the practice. I didn't want to end up with any ugly marks, not matter how courageous they might make me seem. While I shouldn't boast, I was the best of my group. Though I didn't like the stationary style of the regulated duels. Proper footwork makes the sabre more like dancing." I flinched at my blurt. "And is of course closer to real fighting." Lorenz chuckled. "Let's hope you can manage. I'm planning my expedition in the Realms, and arranging the voyage will be easier if you can accompany me from the start." CHAPTER 4 The insides of the rural mansion weren't quite as dilapidated as the facade. Yet the wallpaper drooped like tongues, and soot stained the ceilings above fireplaces. The struggling candle lighting did its best to hide the imperfections in shadows. As far as I could determine, the host mentioned in the invitation had been dead for two decades. I hadn't been able to dig up who presently owned the mansion. Possibly no one. The ballroom was heavily crowded. I would have averted the murmuring congregation, if my face hadn't been hidden by a mask. Nothing I overheard belonged to polite and mundane conversation. A lot of the costumes hid their wearer too well. Especially the humongous vivid robes were ridiculous to the point of being intimidating. Mere 'old-fashioned' would have been a poor description for many of the attires. A few women wore wispy loose apparitions, which hid little of voluptuousness. Such scandalous gowns hadn't been in style since before the Emperor of the Occident fell for the second time. Even the more modern gowns involved risqu? necklines and glimpses of bare shins, almost as if advertising perfectly negotiable virtues. The men weren't any more decorous. Antique military coats and resplendent suits mingled with overly embroidered bathrobes and states of careful undress. Two inebriated gentlemen clunked along in full harnesses of polished steel. A woodwose complimented his attire by such a wild stare and musky stench, that it was plausible that he had slept in a forest for the past week. Lorenz was in a sober uniform, similar to what an officer of the New Army would have used half a century earlier. His tall hat was accompanied by an expressionless mask of black steel. Ruffled shoulders and a hooped hem surrounded me like a cloud. My gown had been once white, before an unwise washing had turned it silvery pink. Though the new colour was irregular, my large white lace mantle concealed the worst blotches. I had decorated both my mask and the gown with white goose feathers, though I did pretend in my mind that they were from swans. Even though I hadn't had the time to build wings, I was light enough to almost fly. Lorenz held my hand to keep me grounded, and I squeezed back as hard as I dared. "Are you here for 'business'?" I asked. Missing any of the dances for the conversation available would have been little less than insufferable. "No. Beyond your trial, I'm merely seeing, who is in attendance." "Anyone in particular you are out to check?" I asked. The small orchestra was preparing their instruments, so I pulled Lorenz towards the dance floor. Lorenz didn't resist my guidance. "Not any of the poseurs and aspiring patrons, who make most of these guests. There are certain personages, which I hope won't make an appearance in the region." I opened my mouth to respond, but the first chord rang, and I let Lorenz move me to the position for the first waltz. His hold on my wing bone and hand was too firm. I didn't complain. The music started in earnest. I closed my eyes and trusted Lorenz to guide me through the dance. My skirt rose ever so slightly in the spins, and I truly flew for a heartbeat, when he lifted me. The other men weren't nearly as sure in their movements, so when the pairs cycled, I had to keep my wits to myself. Dancing was dancing, all the same. I even received compliments for my 'swanlike grace'. Pure flattery, but delightful still. By the time I returned to Lorenz's hold, the flutter inside me burst out in wanton giggles. The music stopped, and most dancers bowed out. Lorenz didn't indicate any fatigue. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close. Light shone in the grey eyes behind his mask. I pushed against him and closed my eyes. The thump in his chest was the only music I needed to hear. The music ended with a big flourish, which left me leaning on Lorenz's arm. Dizzy from the spinning and exhaustion, my brain would have wanted to continue, but my legs shivered. Lorenz helped me to sit and brought us refreshments in the form of wine mixed with soda water. I tried to take his hand, but Lorenz's gaze was fixated across the hall. Nothing in the throng caught my eye. "I'd like some fresh air", I said. "Could we go into the garden?" He glanced at me. "Very well. It wouldn't be proper to send you on your own." The unkempt garden had wonderfully tacky follies imitating the remnants of dead empires. The flowers among the overgrown grass allowed the breeze to carry their summer scent. In the light of the flickering lamps and the gibbous moon, it was easy enough to submerge my mind into the fictitious past. We weren't the only pair seeking privacy in the dark, though they hurried to seclude their heated desires. Lorenz sauntered with his hands behind his straight back, and I fumbled with my own hands beside him. "Placing an arch like this next to these pillars is frankly offensive, in context of both aesthetics and archaeology", Lorenz said. "Are you ready to go back inside?" I startled. Inspecting whimsical architecture hadn't been my priority. I stepped next to him and took his hand. "I thought you... We... I..." The man didn't answer. The steel mask and its dark pits for eyes betrayed no emotion. A lump in my throat didn't go down by swallowing. I leaned forward. Merely kissing the hard lips of the mask would have been enough. Lorenz jerked back and dropped my hand. "The test has been thorough enough. We can go home." I shut my eyes to dam the tears, but I had to turn around, as I failed. The darkness and the racket of the carriage veiled any sobs I couldn't contain. Back at Lorenz's house I excused myself to my room. I had to get out of my ridiculous getup, but the clothes were too pretty to just rip off. After the elaborate ritual of undressing, I hurried to the bathroom. Sitting in the near empty bathtub, I scrubbed the humiliation with an old worn sponge, but only the jester's paint came off. In the struggling light of the gaslamp, I examined my body. The weak and scrawny frame couldn't have been been attractive, even without the purposeless member, which anchored me to my existence as Aurel. I had to end the sham. My act as Erdil only made me delusional. I swallowed three doses of poppy tincture, clambered in the bed and placed my face on the pillow. At times dedicated escapists managed to suffocate themselves by accident. With the comforting thought, I recited the vanishing mantra. PART II - The Spirit of the Occident CHAPTER 5 The dreadful beat was that of the Thalline, and the corset strangled my waist. Slight touch to my groin showed the problem persisted. Erdil still trapped me. Despite the craving for another hit of the bottled oblivion, I was perfectly cognisant. I went to the main room of the bar. Lorenz sat in secluded booth with a pretty little thing. A jolt of jealousy coursed through me. I tried to push the futile resentment away. At the garden of follies, Lorenz had made clear, what he felt about me. A fit of pitiful hysterics sent my breath racing. The lounge darkened, and I smelt only ash. I searched through my purse find anything to calm me down before I fell into mundane dreams again. If I failed again, and I might as well give up Dreaming. Even though I didn't smoke outside social occasions, apparently Erdil did. I fumbled a cigarette into an overlong holder, but I couldn't find any matches. "Do you need fire, Mademoiselle?" a low voice with thick occidental accent asked. I lifted my gaze into forest-blue eyes. The lean man in front of me was wearing a suit and frock coat of snowy white. His pale brown hair was in a state of artistic disorder. Pure confidence filled his smirk without a hint of mockery. "Yes, sure", I said. The man snapped his fingers, and my cigarette caught light. I sucked in a deep breath. The smoke didn't taste like burned leaves at all. "Vauquelin Antoine Fadet le chevalier de C____, at your service, Mademoiselle..?" "Erdil." "Tr?s jolie." The self-declared gentleman gestured towards a table. "You look like you could use a drink. And perhaps company, no?" I glanced at Lorenz, who was still talking to his dark-haired floozy. "Sure I would, Monsieur le chevalier de C____." "Oh, do call me Antoine." The Occidental ordered me a warm drink, which didn't include any apparent poison. Based on the taste, the liquid included spices, cranberry juice and brandy. Antoine was politely blunt with his nosy questions. When I gave furtive answers distantly based on the truth, he repaid me with welcome flattery and more drinks. "Who is that man, who keeps glancing at you?" Antoine nodded towards, where Lorenz was. "My master." Though the alcohol wore me down, the calmness grounded me to Thalline Fulcrum. The music was a living thing in the air, and all sensations were more vivid than in the bland miserable waking reality. "Oh. That is why you are talking with me. You want to make him jealous." I jerked, but found a grin. "That might be true. My aims are irrelevant. He doesn't care for me." "Ah! He's inclined differently, I see." "Doubtful." My chuckle was weary with bitterness. "I know, what shall turn him jade, if he has any feelings for you. Come, Mademoiselle, sit on my lap." My back stiffened from its drunken slouch. "That would be most improper!" Antoine grinned. "Nothing is true here, and we do as we will." He motioned to me, as if I was a nervous small animal. I swallowed, stood up and straightened my skirt. With long slow strides I walked to the man. Hands shot out and pulled me to sit on Antoine's lap. I instinctively struggled, but only for a moment, before I realised the embrace was gentle. Strong arms held my dainty frame. I leaned against him. Antoine shifted me. A hardness poked against my posterior. A wave of heat swept over my lower half, and the unfamiliar parts of me stirred. "A fire has lit in his gaze", Antoine whispered. I nuzzled against his neck. "Kiss me." "No, no, no. Your man will hurry claim your first kiss, if he senses a danger to it." He placed a hand on my butt and squeezed. "Your lips haven't touched a man's." "Am I that obviously inexperienced?" "Yes." Antoine's touch was electricity in my scalp. "Some mannerism of a woman of the world can't hide the fact that you should be hidden in the boudoir of your mistress. Besides, you are, should I say, overtaken." "I'm not, how you say, soused." "Fine. Look at your man, and smile." I obeyed. Antoine's hold of me tightened. A finger pressed to the temple of my skull and send a freezing shock through my brain. I cried out. Lorenz jumped standing, but other patrons barely noticed us. "Silly bird", Antoine crooned. "I could drink your soul right here." He pushed me off his lap and slapped my butt. "Go to your master, Mademoiselle." For a moment my mind struggle to clear itself. I shuddered and scurried to Lorenz. He wrapped his arms around me, but the chill lingered in my neck and skull. "Are you alright?" Lorenz asked. I glanced at Antoine, who had stood up. He bowed to us and sauntered away. "What is he?" I couldn't stop myself from shivering. "One of the spirits of the Black Land, which the Emperor bound to his officers. I didn't think he'd flaunt the Truce here. I should have..." Lorenz let go off me. "Do you feel constant?" "Yes, master." Lorenz sat and beckoned me to do so. I sat in the booth next to the girl, with whom Lorenz had talked. Her sharp and boyish features were framed by short silky hair, which as black as her intricately embroidered velvet suit. "This is Ditos Mulk", Lorenz said. "He'll be our chaperone." The surprise smashed the worst of inebriation out of me. Ditos grinned at me. "Good that you managed to make an appearance." His acute voice was only distantly masculine. "What do you mean by 'chaperone'?" I asked. "If we are to travel with any consistency, we must tie these bodies into the Realms. Someone needs to guard over us, while we are awake." "So, you are a native?" I glanced into the lounge to make sure Antoine had gone. Ditos shook his head. "Oh, no. I merely excel at sleeping." He leaned closer to me. "Just between us, I wouldn't trust the autochthons in this business. They have no reason to care about the safety of our kind. It's not like a spiritually dead former dreamer can come back for revenge." "Wait a moment", I said. "Where are we going?" Lorenz frowned. "You don't remember? I explained it the other night, but I guess it was merely Erdil to whom I spoke." He stood up. "We can talk about it later. Now we need to make arrangements before our ship leaves. With my hand on the pommel of my sabre, I followed close, as Lorenz strode and Ditos jogged to one of the exits. CHAPTER 6 The door of the vestibule opened into a blazing sunset. From the crimson sea far below us, rose a multitude of sharp promontories. A tile-roofed city sprawled over the precarious tables of rock. Lorenz nodded at the statue, which guarded the door, and hurried down the narrow road carved into the cliff-side. "Where are we?" I asked. "The ever-tranquil city of Naruya", Ditos answered. Lorenz scoffed. "Not so tranquil these days, with so many of us dreamers mucking about." We circled around a wide pillar of naked mountain. I dodged a teetering bicycle-cart with a loudly croaking cargo speeding up the road. The stone rail stopped me from going over ledge and falling to the endless maze of twisting alleys. A scarfed woman reached from a tiny shop bored into the rock. She tried to sell me chirping insects in tiny cages for 'warding my dream- quest against malicious gods'. I politely declined and ran after Lorenz. "But we are leaving already?" I bit my lip. "How soon? Do we have time to sightsee?" "Not really", Ditos said. "If we can acquire our equipment fast enough, we can take a look around the main harbour. They sell lovely seafood there." I needed a spare outfit, but I didn't have the time to get tailored. So with the ditty-tokens Lorenz gave me, I bought baggy trousers, a pillowy shirt, an embroidered vest and a gossamer coat. The textile work was exquisite, even though the shop was too cramped to be anywhere near high class. Because Lorenz disappeared on errands, I was left with the yawning Ditos. He showed me around the harbour plazas, but soon declared he was too hungry to walk about. Though we had only covered a speck of the huge city, I conceded that I too was hungry. The languished expression disappeared from Ditos's face. I had to run to keep up with him, as he darted through the plazas and alleys. He stopped at a restaurant overlooking the main harbour. In the ruby- water, vessels with graceful insect wing sails mingled with gigantic beasts of metal and steam. "This is the best one", Ditos declared. I couldn't answer through my winded breath, before he had disappeared inside. The smells of the kitchen made following him far from unpleasant. Ditos ordered a huge bowl of steamed prawn-like creatures. I took the dish with the most mundane name for the fish. Still I was startled, when they brought my food. But despite its sliminess, the fat sea creature was delicious. "Do you know Lorenz in the waking world?" I asked. The slim man didn't bother to swallow before answering: "Yes." I squirted more of the acidic purple fruit in my bubbly water. "What do you do in the waking world?" Ditos swallowed and didn't immediately stuff his mouth full. "Me and you, we've met." "Oh. I don't recognise you." Ditos guffawed. He rubbed his eyes and stared at me. His pupils were narrow and pointy. "Recognise me now?" Black shiny hair. Rangy build. Yellow-green cat's eyes. I gasped at my realisation. "Can't be. Are you the cat?" He grinned and rubbed the normal look back to his eyes. "'Souver?n', they call me, yes." "I didn't expect felines turning human in their dreams." He shook his head. "They don't. I taught myself the trick, while listening the ramblings of a scripture-addled hermit at the Holy Mountain." "But you never act any different from other cats." "Why would I? A cat is perfect as it is. Though, I must admit some of these usually pointless parts, like the bigger brain, have certain advantages. Thumbs also are useful." He motioned to his half-finished bowl. "I'd be puking by now with a cat-sized stomach." Inwardly, I cringed at all the times, when I had placed treats in hard to reach places and watched Souver?n fumble trying to get it. "I'm sorry for forcing you into tomfoolery and then laughing at it." "That's pointless." He wiped his mouth with his napkin. "A feline isn't embarrassed by anything it decides to do. In fact, as a cat I don't bother retaining the idea of humiliation. Even now it's such a distant concept. You humans are ruled by shame. No wonder it's you, despite your vaunted intelligence, who serve us, and not the other way around." The red sun was still struggling above horizon, when Lorenz arrived. "Good, you have already eaten. Let's go. The embarcation has started." "Won't you take anything?" Ditos asked. "I'll eat onboard." Ditos's frown was exaggerated. "I kind of hoped to eat another bowl." The liner 'Foam Crescent' was beyond elegant, with a its curving prow and silver-white surface. Unlike some of the vessels in the harbour, it wasn't monstrous in size, but large enough to daunt a lifelong landlubber like me. In the sundry line waiting at the ramp, only few wore anything not colourful and peculiar. A gentlemen or three had insisted on wearing stiff black suits in the waking world style. Ditos opined that it made them appear very much like autochthons desperately trying to pass off as dreamers. Shouts of amazement lifted gazes upwards. A man in white attire hurled through the air and landed in a small whirlwind at the top end of the ramp. The chevalier Antoine tipped his hat and smirked at us. He ignored both the protests and the older gentleman he had almost pushed in to the drink, and walked past the ticket check. "What is he doing here?" I asked Lorenz. "Trailing me." "Why?" I managed to not jump, when the ship's horn bellowed like a beached leviathan. "It's a tiny part of the game between the Emperor and the Porte", Lorenz said. He handed off our tickets and continued: "It doesn't matter that I serve neither." Due to economic and oneiric reasons, we three had to share a small cabin. At least each of the beds was in their separate alcoves and protected by a thick curtain. Ditos hurried out to check the dining establishments onboard. Having nothing else to do, I decided to follow, but Lorenz stopped me at the doorway. The passage was tight, and he was almost pressed against me. A calm breath warmed my nose. The foolish desire for his affection wasn't gone. I sunk against the wall and turned my eyes away. Lorenz's words were stilted like a rehearsed line, as he said: "I must apologise my indiscretion at the ball." My guts wrenched. "That was nothing." "No. You were hurt. But it would have been improper." "I understand." Without the wall, I would have fallen off my feet. "You don't. I'm your tutor, and the one who coaxed you into this experiment. And..." I looked into the grey eyes. His face was expressionless, without any clarification of his feelings. I stood upright. Our faces were close. Lorenz leaned back. "Anyhow. Keep away from the likes of de C____. Not all such entities are bound by waking world agreements. Now, if you excuse me, I'll have to go eat." When the door closed after him, I slid down to sit on the floor. CHAPTER 7 The deep night wrapped the world in its tendrils. The ink-black sea shone with more lights than the reflections of the colourful stars. No shore broke the flatness of the horizon, yet the wind managed to carry the heady scents of a meadow. With a ritual and a potion, I had tied myself to the present existence in the Realms. No surprise, anguish nor pain would jolt me awake. Even if I was detached, part of my soul was now anchored in the Dream. I leaned far over the rail. If Erdil drowned, a bothersome part of me would be gone. Aurel might lose all creativity and most of his aspirations, but he might find it easier to be content. I could stop meddling with deeper arts and get a conventional hobbies like smoking, small talk, gambling and the bottle. "Seasick? No?" It was Antoine's sly baritone. "The nights here take some getting used to." I glanced at him. "Oh, you. Eat my soul or push me over. I'd prefer to have someone to blame." The man leaned his back against the rail. He took a deep puff from his long thin cigar. "Want a smoke?" "No, thank you. I have my own smokes." I took one the odd rolls from my purse and put in the holder. Antoine snapped his fingers, and I breathed in a lungful of acerbic smoke. I said: "I have no idea, what these are made from." "Smells like dried aspis intestines." I laughed. "Why do you bother me, cursed ifrit? Are you trying to get to Lorenz through me?" Antoine tapped ash from his cigar into the waves. "You didn't get your kiss." "No." I would have turned away, but my expression wasn't visible in the dark. "Brooding here won't help it." "Oh? You think so? What do you suggest, o spirit of the dunes?" His white teeth glinted in the starlight. "I suggest that you put on your nice gown from earlier and accompanying me to the caf?-concert. I would enjoy it, if I could pretend that I'm working, while I entertain a demoiselle." The music of a downcast flute and whiny strings fit my mood. Nothing but a low murmur rose from the patrons. The gloom was made even more impenetrable by the smoke and vapour. My eyes got stuck on a small woman lounging near the bar, before I realised I had recognised her. I started. He was wearing a gown with a hem, which reached the middle of her thighs, and only long gloves covered her arms. I hurried to him and whispered: "Ditos? Why are you disguised?" He grinned. "Disguise? And it's 'Dite' at the moment." Her voice was effortlessly girly. "What are you doing?" "Having fun." She pouted. "You should know." I rubbed the bridge of my nose. "Well... I... Alright." "In my case, it's no weirder than any clothes at all. This way I can avoid paying for my refreshments, which is quite proper." I gave her a good look-over. In the gown, her svelte frame was overtly girly. I said: "That skirt is scandalous." "Oh?" She lifted the hem a bit, to reveal a band of pale skin between the skirt and the stockings. "How about now?" "Stop it!" I whispered and stifled my giggle. "Why are you standing all alone here, then?" She nodded towards the main area with the card tables. "I'm whetting their appetite. You know, to show that none of them are good enough for me. While that is true, they will be allowed to treat me all the same." "Does that actually work?" "Why wouldn't it? As long as there is demand, value is inversely proportional to availability." "You aren't a commod--" "There you are." Antoine sauntered over and nodded to both me and Dite. "Ladies." "I can see, what you are." Dite expression became a weird mix of a sneer and a smile. "And so can I you. Not that I mind." Dite's smile mellowed. She tapped her nose. "I'll go gamble away someone else's money and leave you two to it." Antoine took my hand and guided me to sit in a corner table. I didn't mind his company, as long as I could get 'overtaken' again. He took a steaming cup of black, while the green drink I got numbed my tongue. "You said you could see, what Dite was", I said. "Can you see, what I am?" Antoine closed his eyes. "Now I'm curious. Pray tell, what do you mean?" "Never mind then." I waved the question away. The Occidental leaned forward. "Do you know, where you are going?" "Aha. Now comes the spying." "Oh, no. I already know. But do you? Did your master tell you?" I drank my glass empty. "Lorenz thought he had already told me. I know this ship is going to Akhene." "One can get to anywhere from Akhene." "So I've heard." I tapped my glass. "Get me another, or I'll go wake up." Antoine's accent was ridiculous. I could listen to it all day, without bothering to understand his platitudes. As the haze of the libation deepened, so did my fleeting connection to the Realms. Everything around me was worth seeing. I could appreciate the melancholic tones of the tiny orchestra. The occidental gentleman was dashing despite his stupid smirk. "You know." I swirled by finger in my drink. "I thought the Realms would be less firm. More symbolic. More dreamlike." "Alas, that hasn't been true for a good while. The change is because of us dreamers. Our presence makes everything more like our own reality. In the past, the autochthons were shifting apparitions without true limits. Now they are mostly fixed flesh and blood, like us." He grinned. "You can imagine why." The heat in me reminded that my imagination still functioned. "Why did you hurt me back at the Thalline?" "I taught you a lesson. And besides, you needed to sober up to catch the boat." My smile was crooked, as I could barely hold my eyes open. The man would need to hold me again, so I wouldn't start blubbering. I'd repay his mild kindness him with kisses, as he carried me to his cabin. I stood up and immediately tripped on the chair leg. Antoine caught me and lifted me to his arms. I tried to kiss him, but he chuckled. "You are 'shoussed', Mademoiselle." The man carried me into the hallway. My vision was an out-of-control carousel. I clung to Antoine with my life. Instead of opening the door to an empty cabin, where he could enact his passions on my vulnerable body, Antoine knocked. Lorenz opened the door. Slight annoyance spread to his face. "What did you do to Erdil?" he demanded. "She drank too much." Antoine let me down. I collapsed forwards, but Lorenz caught me. "Keep away from us", Lorenz said. "No, I won't. Good night. I must go wake up." I shuddered, as Lorenz carried me into the cabin. The walls squirmed with sigils. By the time he lowered me to my bed, I was crying. The welcome mundane dreams came easy. CHAPTER 8 Absolute humiliation in both the evening before and in my dreams. I sighed a sob. At least no hangover carried over from the Realm. I needed to stop being so melodramatic. I dressed up in bare minimum under my gown and didn't bother with makeup. Morning was already far, and downstairs my chores waited their doer. Lorenz appeared late in the kitchen. "Good morning, master." I couldn't look at him. "The breakfast is ready." "Good morning. Are you alright?" "Yes, of course, master." The words of the cat surfaced into my mind. Perhaps I did seem to have little worth for pushing myself on Lorenz so much. I lifted my gaze and forced a smile. "Just a bit weary. I had such a wondrous time in the Realms." For an eye blink, Lorenz's face flinched. Possibly with envy. He might not want me, at the moment, but he didn't want me to be with Antoine either. "You may be wrong about Monsieur de C____, master. He was delightful company." Another flicker on Lorenz's face. My stomach fluttered. Lorenz sat down. "Just be careful. I'd prefer to have your help, once we reach Mesinre." I poured myself a cup of tea and took a chair from the other side of the table. "What's that, and what are we going to do there?" "It's a city in the farther reaches of the Realms." Lorenz hesitated. "Though the topside is filled with factories and plants churning out products of human ingenuity, the old undertown predates mankind. A... person I trusted told me that another sapling of the world tree has burst through the ground somewhere there." I jolted and spilled my tea. "Really? But won't it be risky go snooping in such a place? The New Army will hurry there to burn it like the rest." "That is true. What usually is not remembered, is that a sapling rarely rises alone in an area. My plan is to find another smaller sprout. I'm not looking to conquer the world, so I don't need another Verdant Embrace." "And while we are there..." I said. "We can look through the undertown. The trip is not wasted, even if we find no magic trees." Lorenz nodded. "Yes, that was my backup plan." As I cleaned up the house, I found the cat curled on a top of a cabinet. It was weird to think that both Ditos and Dite were dreamed up by that cute little hairball. I didn't want to wake it up, but I had to scratch behind its big ear. Without opening its eyes, Souver?n stretched its forefeet and clawed the air. Presumably it was working to keep us safe in the cabin of the cruise ship. Time in the Realms acts strangely, in some ways like a rubber band. While a dreamer can spent great lengths of time there in the sleep of just one night, many events, such as crossing the primordial seas, require certain amount of time to pass in the waking world. At least so Lorenz explained it to me. Dreaming into the Realms was taxing to the mind, especially for me, so I didn't bother to project myself there, while the Foam Crescent made its way to Akhene. I had more matters to distract my mind while awake. I poured through books on physiologic alchemy. Though my body was changing, the process was slow. Extreme fasting could have speeded me to a dainty slimness, but I needed to retain my full physical ableness to work my chores. Thus one particular feminine aspect had to be emphasised. To drink elixirs crafted by an amateur like me was unwise. I rationalised it as an learning experience for myself. Besides, Lorenz had claimed that he could reverse my physical alterations, so I had little lose, if I grew a modest bosom. The flesh of my chest had already softened. With the widened areola, I could consider myself to have budding breasts. However, it wasn't enough to fill any bust, and my hips were at best girly. That was a problem, if Lorenz preferred a more womanly anatomy. Any thoughts of my genitals I forced out of my mind. The man could hold me, and kiss me, and dance with me without my crotch ever being relevant to the matter. I was in the middle of an experiment to turn a lump of coal into a gemstone, when the cat meowed. It stared at me from the distance of few paces. "Ditos?" The cat didn't react. "Can you understand me?" Its demanding moan didn't seem like an affirmative. More like exasperated urging to hurry. I stood up and followed Souver?n into the kitchen, where it made its desire perfectly clear. "I guess that talk about brains wasn't a joke", I said as I brushed Souver?n's fur. For a moment I pondered the metaphysical implication of cat having a soul with human intelligence. "You must be hungry from dreaming all of the time, aren't you Di-?" The cat ruffled its fur and screeched. It ran to the doorway, spun around and gave me a startled look. I hurried after it into my room, where it jumped on the bed and kneaded the pillow. I didn't bother trying to ascertain, what it meant. As Lorenz was still out, I wrote a hasty letter and took the chemical route to the Realms with the cat lying next to my head. CHAPTER 9 Ditos pawed my shoulders. "Thank the Soul of the Heavenly Queen, at least you are here", he wailed. "I was so hungry in the waking world, the whole thing passed my mind." A loud thump shook the ship around us. "What is going on here?" "Is Lorenz coming?" Ditos's eyes were wide as a startled cat's. "He wasn't at home, but I left him a message." In the cabin, Lorenz lay in stupor in his bed. "Damn, damn, damn." The cat whirled around himself. Another thump made me trip, as I tried to stand up from my alcove. Ditos stopped and grasped my wrists. His face was tense from fright. "It's R?n's corsairs. They'll capture all they can, drag them into the depths with them and sink the Foam Crescent. I don't want my soul trapped in the depths of a wet sea!" I clasped my weapon belt around me. "We'll need to get the master and ourselves into a lifeboat." "That'd be easier if he could walk himself!" Ditos took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds. "Yes, you are right. A dingy boat is marginally safer than a pirate-infested sinking ship." "The chance that anyone could find one boat in the dark ocean is tiny." I drew out my sabre. The coiling blade poured out as liquid metal. "Let's go." Neither me or Ditos were as feeble as our bodies would have indicated in the waking world. Yet Lorenz was a tall man. We struggled through the abandoned hallway. Behind the locked doors of the cabin, dreamers were were blissfully awake, but there was nothing we could have done to them. Foam Crescent creaked, shook and groaned like a dying sea-beast. The din from topside grew into distinct shouts, clashes of steel and the rattle of firearms. Antoine stumbled down narrow stairs. His suit was ruined by sanguine blotches. "Oh, there you are." "What are you doing here?" I demanded with my sabre in front of me. "Making sure you get out of here alive and dry." He grinned. "My assignment is to follow your master, and I prefer to remain above surface for that. Let me. I can carry him myself." I nodded at Ditos, and we let Antoine lift Lorenz on his shoulders. "The crew is trying to hold the ship", Antoine said. "At best they'll give the passengers a chance to escape." "How could they surprise us?" Ditos yowled. "This ship is faster than the wind." "And loaded with a succulent prize worth ambushing." Antoine walked sideways to carry his load in the narrow hallway. "Pity for those awake. Death of the soul might be preferable to the nightmares as R?n's chattel." I rounded corner first, straight to the front of a hulking man. Where his pallid and bloated skin had burst, it had been crudely stitched back together. Yet he was in a fine suit, presumably recently looted. He held a rapier with a wavy blade. My mind went blank beyond one thought. I did not want any scars. My sabre shifted the corsair's thrust. I slashed at his face, slowly enough to give him time to lift his weapon in front of mine. Steel hit steel. Yet the point of my fluid sabre continued onward over the rapier. It whipped the man in the face. The bloated corsair recoiled. My sabre became solid, as I pulled it back, and sunk into the corsair with a sickening wet sound. I scurried backwards, as the monster collapsed into a soggy heap. Ditos screeched. Instinct moved me away from a door, which smashed open in front of me. Another creature, half-dressed in a woman's finery, rushed out. Only faint gurgle left her mouth. She lifted a flicker of blue metal. A pistol. The explosion crashed into my ears. The corsairess must have missed at point-blank, as my slash split her skull. Sticky clear liquid gushed out of her wound, and she collapsed without rigidity of bones. "Impressive", Antoine said. His tone was as if he had evaluated the dance performance of a clumsy child. My hands trembled, as I swung my sabre to remove the worst of stinking ichor from the blade, and cleaned it on an aisle-curtain. We hurried onwards. Ditos asked: "Where did you learn to move your sword like it was quicksilver?" "I'm not sure. The blade did, what I would have wanted it to do." Antoine chuckled. "That was merely application of desire to your existing skill, Mademoiselle. That works in the Realms. Cat, you do the same constantly." "I do 'feline sorcery'. That's something innate to my superior being. It's more subt--" The ship jerked to the side. I was thrown off my feet. Luckily I didn't land on my sabre. Antoine was too tightly packed with his load to fall over. Ditos helped me up. He had managed to pretend nothing had happened, but couldn't stop his pursed smirk. "See?" he said. "Clumsy human." We emerged to the top deck at the rear of Foam Crescent. Near the front of the ship rose a mountain of black against the stars. "What is that?" I asked. "One of R?n's sons", Antoine said. "And the corsairs' vessel." Some passengers were still clambering into the lifeboats, but there were plenty left. Shouts became more desperate as they approached. A crewman ran from the dark, but instead of boarding a boat, he wailed: "They! They got through the barricade. Save yourselves!" and jumped over the rail. In the flickering lights of the top deck, a few mariners fought the misshapen attackers. I was glad for the poor lighting. In the horde were shapes worse than mere drowned men. "Board a boat", Antoine said. "I'll lower it." Ditos and I placed Lorenz in a lifeboat. The cat huddled in the middle and shivered. "If they get closer", I said. "Just jump in, and we'll cut the ropes." "No. I'll stay and keep them following you into the water." My mouth twisted. I hadn't quite expected le chevalier de C____ to be a man of honour. "You'll be killed, or worse." Antoine smirked. "I am flames without smoke. In me the corsairs shall have a distraction, which they will not forget." "Thank you..." I leaned forward, but Antoine dodged my attempt at embrace and grasped my fingers. He winked, lifted my hand and kissed it. "Hurry now, ma sabreuse ch?rie." His eyes were fire. I boarded the lifeboat. A corsair sprinted towards us. The ropes turned to ash with a snap of fingers from Antoine. For a moment I had no weight. My back slammed against the boat. Ditos cried out, as he bounced off and fell into the water. My back hurt, but I reached to the churning waves. The cat had managed to catch the side of the boat and didn't weight too much for me to lift into the lifeboat. Wet and frowning, Ditos looked beyond miserable, but I commanded him to take the other big oar. The waves were like the humps of beasts and coils of sea serpents. If anything found our boat an enticing morsel, there was little we could do. With great difficulty, we rowed into the the inky sea lit by the pillar of fire rising from the deck of the ship. In the flames glistened the uneven surface of the son of R?n, before he pulled Foam Crescent below the surface with him. CHAPTER 10 Dawn revealed a waste of water around us. We had stopped rowing, for we had no direction to go; in the Realms the Suns rarely heeded the formalities of astronomy. Ditos was trying to catch fish with the finger-length claws he had sprouted from his hand. Lorenz jerked awake and looked around. "What is going on?" I hugged him. He remained stiff in my embrace. My cheeks warmed. I pulled back and explained, what had happened. "At least we got out with our souls intact", Lorenz said. "Good work, and my thanks. I'll start the ritual to undo our anchoring." His smile was wistful. "We lost the race." The boat's rear jerked upwards. A man in a pristine white suit balanced on the tip of the prow. Even his hat was back. He said: "Don't quit just yet." "Antoine?" I asked. "I thought you--" "Died?" His smirk was infuriating if welcome. "I can fly, so of course I wouldn't go down with that silvery bucket. Anyhow, we are in truth quite close to Akhene. A patrol ship is on the way." "I'm told you helped save me", Lorenz said. "Thank you. I owe you now." Antoine rotated his hand and stepped down to take a seat. "You don't. I was doing a favour to demoiselle here. She'd be lost without a master." I turned my face towards the rippling waves. Instead of dulled steel, the patrol ship shone with polished tinge of green. On tall masts it flew the proud colours of the Porte and symbols of its might on both sides of the veil. Mariners helped us on board. They quickly singled Antoine out as an occidental. "We should throw him into the sea", a shirtless mariner opined. Antoine was unperturbed. "That would be most impolite. And violate the Truce." "Who would know?" another burly mariner asked. "Your tarred conscience", Antoine said. "Though perhaps there's no spot left to mar in your honour." The mariners reached for their knives and pistols. Ditos's shrill laugh cut the air. "That won't be wise. He's a daemon and is merely goading you." The mariners swore on The Indivisible and made protective signs with their hands. Their leader spit overboard. "Ill luck, this. Keep your side of the Truce, and we'll take you to the shore unharmed." In the horizon rose the dream, which had reforged an empire. Its titanic trunk was darkest grey, and its foliage glittered in silver- green. The mariners saluted towards the Verdant Embrace and sang to thank the Oceanic Star for another safe voyage. A gate opened in the sea-wall, and the patrol ship glided through into a mirror-still bay. At the root of the mountain-tree, sprawled Akhene. Malachite domes and needle-towers of milky jade ascended above the mightiest mortal city in the Realms. The ship docked at a wharf of green-veined marble. After a short inquiry, those rescued from the surviving lifeboats of Foam Crescent were let onshore. "I'll be off to the imperial embassy", Antoine said. "This nap is stretching into a long one. See you three later." I took half a step after him, before I checked myself. "What are we going to do now?" Ditos asked. "I reckon all our baggage is wet beyond repair." Lorenz let out an amused but weary sigh. He lowered his gaze, rubbed his temple and walked a few paces. "There might still be a chance. But I need to get more funds." "If we are to continue, I demand a rise." Ditos stepped in front of Lorenz and straightened his back, so he reached my master's chin. "How much?" "I want tuna. A can a week. Properly fresh, and in brine instead of any icky rancid oil." "Deal." I moved my eyes away from the crowd, into which the man in the white suit had disappeared, and looked Lorenz. He was staring at me with his face blank. Irritation flared in me. Lorenz had barely even thanked those, who risked their souls to save his. But I bottled the outburst, before it could leak out. He had thanked. There was no need for embarrassing grovelling gratefulness. It wasn't his thanks I had hoped for. When I woke up, the night had fallen, but the streets lamps were still on. Souver?n stretched its smooth frame next to my head. I greeted it. As an answer the cat poked my face with its wet cold nose. I couldn't fall asleep straight away again, so I changed out of my clammy clothes and went down to do my missed chores. My limbs froze, when I heard steps in the hallway. Lorenz walked to the kitchen, scratching his dishevelled hair. His presence twisted the insides of my ribcage. I couldn't deal with it right then, so I hurried past him. "Wait, Erdil. That's what you'd prefer to be called, right?" I turned around and rubbed my palm with a thumb. "I've thought about using a different name, while awake." "Oh. Any ideas yet?" "Aurelia... It would be a shame to give up a beautiful name like that completely, I think." "It is pretty name, I agree." He paused for a while. "I doubt I can sleep much after that overlong nap. Would you like to join me for a walk?" Though the moon was waning, it remained large enough to compliment the lights of the town, which seeped between the trees. We weren't the only ones walking the forest path up to the hill. Many carried smouldering brands or even lanterns. Most were in pairs. "Where are we going?" I asked. My limbs were strangely heavy, but I wasn't going to let tiredness ruin this chance to be with Lorenz. "I'm not sure", he said. "These people are going somewhere, though." "We are woefully underdressed, if it's some sort of celebration." I was in the stained second-hand gown I used while cooking. Lorenz on the other hand barely counted as dressed up in his shirt and wrinkled trousers. "It's dark, and I'm not looking for attention." At the top of the hill, we passed through a tunnel of spruces. Music --wild in beat, with plethora of instruments and without fancy notation-- filled the air. In the light of two large bonfires were throngs of dancers. "Ah. It is a festival", Lorenz said. "Fancy a dance?" "Not really. It's not my kind of rhythm." Too upbeat and full of life. "Mine neither." Lorenz guided me to an overlook, and we sat on a weather-worn bench. The town was faint lights sprinkled in a carpet of trees. Even if the stars weren't as bright as in the Realms, the sky was sapphire-studded velvet. Despite the tranquillity, my heart followed the rhythm of the distant music. I barely controlled my breathing, as I said: "Bodn is lovely at night." "I agree." Lorenz lifted his arm on the back of the bench. "I quite enjoyed the ball at the mansion." My shoulders collapsed. "I did too." "Until I ruined the evening. I'm sorry. You were lovely, but I just couldn't..." "I understand." My body curled up along with my spirit. "No, I don't think you do." He lowered his arm on my shoulders and pulled me against him. When he didn't continue, I merely resigned myself to enjoying his hold. But he owed me more than the sound of his breathing. I twisted, and before he could react, planted my lips on his. I sat back and looked into the town. The darkness was deep, so that my silly smile shouldn't have been visible. Lorenz pulled me to him tighter. "Let's continue on with care, Aurelia." I snuggled against the man and took his hand. "Alright." The world teetered around me on our way back. I didn't allow Lorenz to let go of my hand. If we had been in the Realms, I would have floated off without an anchor. Lorenz stopped me in the vestibule with a kiss. I tried to drag him forward, but he held me in place. I giggled, as I fidgeted in his grasp. "Please", he whispered. "Calm down." I pouted but said: "Sorry." "Now, don't be upset." He lifted my chin with a finger. "I want to treat you like any other girl. With proper decorum." "What does that mean?" He kissed my forehead. His lips were cold. "Good night." PART III - Revenant Touch CHAPTER 11 I woke in the small room we had rented in Akhene. Lorenz stood up from the divan and stretched his wiry frame. I jumped up and hurried to him. He didn't answer my hug, but stood still. My lips trembled, as I looked into the grey emotionless gaze. I was still Aurel. Lorenz tried to make me feel better, but I was expecting too much of him. My head lost its weight, and the world around me dulled into muted colours and joyless sounds. "Erdil! Don't fade." Firm arms pressed me against the man, and warm lips pressed into mine. The cold numbness disappeared from my body. Sunlight shot through the curtains and stroked the room with a brush of cosy vividness. The smell of the stale sweat on the man was mixed with deep spices. A young girl sang in the street below. Our lips detached. I pressed my head against his chest. The heart inside had a restless beat. "I'm sorry that I can't handle being here without your help", I whispered. "It's fine." Lorenz petted my head with awkward movements. "Ah... I'm sorry I'm not Erdil in the shackled reality." The man in my embrace jerked, and the hands tightened their grip. "Don't." Lorenz sighed. "My words would merely make another mess. Just tell me, what would strengthen your connection to these Realms. I need you here." "Are we in a hurry?" "No. I need to wait for my funds still. Such things work strangely in the Realms." I drew back. "Could we go sightseeing then?" Lorenz twisted his mouth into something akin to a smirk. "We can, after a bath." I hadn't consciously undressed in the dream yet, so on my turn in the bathroom, I hesitated. When I was out of my gown and corset, my body remained natural. The thick tuft of red-gold hair did ease me into acknowledging visually, what I already knew from touch: Lady Erdil was all a woman. In spite of the temptation, I managed to limit my explorations to bare minimum required to feel cleaned. Lorenz handed me a translucent carnelian fruit he had bought from a stall. Without taking my eyes off the peculiar facades, I bit into the fruit to taste a tingling acidity and heady sweetness. Among the many mundane, if imposingly tall, buildings, an older strata lingered. No mundane stonecutter or mason had left marks on them. The bulbous ancient houses appeared the result of processes similar to the growth of fungi or perhaps stalagmite. Lorenz explained that they were remnants of the original city, which had been created before permanent artificial shelter had influenced the human subconsciousness more than as a distinct possibility. We stopped at a cafe at the side of a crowded plaza near the root of the mountain-tree. A sharply angular fortress surrounded the mighty trunk. Above the parapets, numerous resplendent flags declared the abundant dominion of the Porte. "Do they let tourists to the roots?" I swirled the electrum spoon in my cup. The utensil wasn't visible under the pitch-black surface, but the hot drink itself was tasty if burnt bitter. "Sometimes." Lorenz took a sip from his cup. "But I can't go closer." I strained my neck to look up to the clouded canopy. "How big are those leaves?" "Huge. But they lessen into blades, normal sized ones, as they fall down." I gazed at my sabre. "Oh. I think mine is one of them." "Might be. They are easier to take up as proper swords, when one isn't entirely lucid here." "So..." I placed my elbows on the table. His expression was mildly amused at best, yet Lorenz kept his eyes on me. He must have enjoy my looks, at least as Erdil. I said: "Do you dye your hair in the waking world?" "Yours is different here too." "Only a little. I'd say blazing orange is drastically different from near black brown." The man looked away. I shouldn't pushed the issue. "Such colouration would attract attention, which I don't need", he said. "Besides, some of the less than flattering attributes associated with red hair do apply in my case." He looked at me and lifted one corner of his mouth. The riflebirds pecking on crumbs took flight. Ditos --or Dite as she was in a skirted bicycle suit and makeup-- hurried to us from the direction of a sheer wall. Her expression was agitated. "Lorenz! They are searching our room!" My master stood up. "Who are?" Dite caught her breath. "They were dressed up like autochthon soldiers, but their leader was dead and the rest obviously dreaming." Lorenz clapped his hands and did a gesture as if stretching an invisible noose over his head. His face shifting a little, and his hair turned bland grey-brown. "By the Artist! I assumed they had given up on me. Come girls, we'll have to catch the next train." "Good thing I have no luggage", Dite said. The cyclopean stone beast screeched as it drove on the huge rails. Lorenz had remained all but silent, until we reached the private compartment. "Who are after you?" I asked. Lorenz cringed. His hair was still dull brown, but his face was his own. "My old new family. I had hoped they'd consider me dead." He leaned forward. "Erdil. This expedition has become a little too dangerous. I'll undo your binding spell, so you won't end up dead or worse." "But you said you needed me!" I cleared my throat. "In fact, you'd be at the bottom of the sea without me and Dite." "Yes, and I can't ask you to risk yourself any longer." "Though you can ask me." Dite lifted her legs on the bench and curled her hands around them. "I'm a professional." "I'll stay", I said. "And you'll explain, what's going on. You aren't out to steal a branch from the world tree just for the thrill of it." Dite gave Lorenz a weird look along with her frown. My master closed his eyes. "If I'm not wrong, those men looking for me were from the New Army. I was one of them, my soul bound to the Porte. A carefully enacted ritual has kept me from having to follow their obligations, but I need the world tree branch to break the shackles completely." Lorenz opened his eyes and leaned towards me. "Erdil... They are a dangerous bunch. Skilled dreamers and soldiers, both. And this world itself becomes less predictable, more dangerous, as we leave the lands subdued by human expectations." I gathered my confidence and nodded. "I won't be discouraged. You could certainly use my help." Lorenz lifted a corner of his mouth. "Thank you." "Besides..." I returned his attempt at a smile. "I can't settle for only seeing the mere tourist destinations of the Realms." The window was knocked. Antoine's head, upside down, blocked the view over the river valley. "By the perfidies..." Lorenz muttered. I opened the window. Before I could ask the Occidental's business, he pushed himself into the cabin with the agility of a snake turned acrobat. Antoine stood up and straightened his ivory coat. "A hasty getaway, I say." Antoine smirked at Lorenz. "You almost left me in the dust." Lorenz scowled. "What do you want, you foul mistake of Shaitan?" "What put you in such a grumpy mood? Your old friends, I presume?" Lorenz groaned. "Oh, you know of the recent developments." "Yes, I do. Being informed about such things remains my assignment." Antoine reached towards Lorenz. My master flinched, but Antoine grabbed Lorenz's wrist. The Occidental said: "I know you have mastery of certain obfuscations. Allow me to take your form, and I'll create a diversion." "They'll figure it out much sooner than later." Lorenz grimaced. "Fine." The words, which poured out of his mouth resembled no language I knew. Antoine stood straight. He let out a pained grunt, as his features shifted and his frame stretched. The hair under the hat brightened into blazing red. The Occidental cursed in his language, but his voice was Lorenz's, as was his face. Real Lorenz smirked. "One might think a flame would bend easily." The pained grimace left Antoine's new face only with effort. "I am... as much flesh as you." His outrageous accent had disappeared. Antoine turned on his heels towards me. As he bowed, his grin was much too lively to Lorenz's face. I lifted my hand, which the Occidental clasped to kiss. "Mademoiselle", Antoine said in my master's voice. He gave the same farewell to grinning Dite, and in a moment the chevalier was out of the window. CHAPTER 12 We let the stone train to carry our dream-bodies out of the areas directly controlled by the Porte. The journey would take at least half a dozen days. In the waking world, I spent my free time working on a vulgar translation of the 'Confutation of the Grand Heresiarch'. The enlightened madman's picaresque journey in the Realms stirred my imagination, even if the details were filtered through a lens of vitriol. Now I had direct personal experience for comparison. Usually I could expect Lorenz to return shortly after sunset. One evening he didn't and remained away for two more days and nights. I caught Souver?n, as it visited for a meal. I asked the cat, if it knew, where Lorenz was and if he was in trouble. The cat wriggled out of my grasp and didn't bother to comprehend my words. When Lorenz appeared in the foyer, the sun had barely risen. He didn't answer my greeting. While his shoulders were slumped and clothes stained with more than mud, Lorenz himself was no worse for wear. Still, I asked: "Were you hurt?" "No. I needed to take care of some business in advance." Lorenz stepped to walk past me, but I grabbed his hand. "Is everything alright?" Lorenz stopped to look at me. The lines of his face were less gaunt and pallid. His complexion was almost as ruddy as in the Realms. I squeezed his warm hand. "You aren't the only one, who would prefer to be something else." He wrenched his hand from mine and staggered upstairs. I hesitated a moment before following him. "Lorenz! Tell me, please, what happened." He spun around at the top of the strait. Fury lit his eyes. I recoiled and took a step backwards, where my foot found only the empty air over the steps of the stairs. I fell. "Erdil!" A strong hand caught my arm and pulled me close to Lorenz. My heart raced from the brief moment of weightlessness. The man answered my embrace. "I'm sorry", I whispered. "I didn't mean to pry." Lorenz kissed my hair. "It's alright. The fault is mine. I need rest to get over this foul mood." He detached from me, went to his room and locked the door after him. When Lorenz came down for supper, I refrained from being nosy about the goings in the waking world. I nursed the cup of herb tea, which I had prepared for my sore throat. "Can we continue our expedition without the funds?" Lorenz cleaned the sauce from his lips. "I did manage to secure a some trinkets of little worth, and I should be able to reach my contacts during the travel. We'll be forced to spare on our expenses, but that would be wise anyhow. Frugality deters notice." "I don't know the Realms well, but if we head straight towards Mesinre, the New Army is going to figure out our aims and head there before us." "You are right." Lorenz's fingers tapped the table. "I don't like to delay, but we'll have to take a detour to confuse them. Travel around a bit." I smiled wide. The cargo compartment of the stone train was infested by Sasoprian growth of pustules and crablike appendages. The train barely made to the placid outpost of Khula, but the locals managed to contain the cancerous menace with their lore on enchanted oils. The ensuing blaze was like Antoine's. Khula, barely a village, was surrounded by trackless forest. The soldiers stationed there were largely dream-folk in Porte's colours. Their pageantry was splendid with their handsomeness and height, their pristine uniforms and perfectly synchronised movements in formation. Lorenz had his altered face again. According to him I myself could use a change of hair colour, but the idea of dark brown didn't entice me. Instead I insisted on making my hair redder instead. The new copper- orange colour of my hair was striking, but not overly noticeably in the strange crowds of the Realms. Dite didn't need help with her disguise. She had turned into Souver?n, her clothes disappearing into the thin air. Languid on my shoulders, the cat was like a luxurious pelt shawl, though one with a pleasant purr. We hired a small boat, which was tied to a river convoy. None of the vessel with us had oars or sails or engines of any sort. Instead the sturdy captain of the leading boat made the river flow in the ways she wanted. The whole stream changed its direction after us, as we passed further inland. The voyage was dauntingly monotonous. The tall overgrown forest blocked the view in all directions, and the clay-red cloud-cover rarely cracked. We couldn't leave the boat to stretch our legs on the shore, because the swampy woods were the haunt gnarly Ietgis. Though they were intermittent anthropophagi, Ietgis weren't inherently hostile to humans. However, only particularly brave traders ever contacted the furtive folk. Reportedly they were eager to molest all who broke their obscure rules of deportment. The convoy stopped at the lake Hyyn, from which the half-sunken town bearing the same name still rose. Unseen remnants of the antediluvian aristocracy lingered in their thin bronze towers, while the rest of the populace had to content themselves with the sprawling mattress of rafts and houseboats covering a good part of the lake. Lorenz changed his bottled songs to Hyynian translucent pearls, and we joined a caravan heading towards the Mountains of Vengri Wall. To make following our trail less trivial, we changed our travelling company and route whenever possible. Beyond the pilgrims and traders of peculiar goods, most travellers were dreamers like us, though few were aware of anything but their lives in the Realms. Their tales were often wild enough to be incoherent, but Lorenz could often chime in his own more concrete experiences. Further away from the shackled parts of the Realms, the flow of time lost more of its constrains. One night's dreams might become several weeks worth of travel. Yet one might fall asleep after a day in the waking world without more than a night having gone by in the Realms. Whenever I had an excuse, I pretended that my connection to the Realms was fading, so that Lorenz would kiss me long and intensively. Often he didn't need a reason. In the waking world his behaviour was much more chaste. A part of me remained between us. I researched potential ways in which a male could turn female, but I only found the limits of Lorenz's library. To add to the traditional mythical accounts, I found only mentions of ritualistic mental transformations but not anything physical. Erdil was nothing but literal dream. My lot was determined. I should have tried to find some happiness in rest of my life as a man. Every dream made acceptance more difficult. In the Realms Lorenz held me with his gentle strength. His hand appreciated my narrow waist, roamed down to my hips and sometimes presumed to grope my soft buttocks. But in my eyes he saw Aurel. He never moved on to do, what a lusting man did to a willing girl. To allow my love beget bitterness and anger was irrational. Yet my lust wasn't gone in the waking world, and with the heat came a frustrating reminded under my garments. The turmoil twisted my insides. I had to act, even if it risked pushing Lorenz away. That might even be a good outcome, because it'd allow me to stop clinging to my foolish hopes. Elixirs had changed my form into distantly feminine one. I still lacked the slim grace of Erdil. My face now resembled the one I had in the Realms, though granted it wasn't a huge change from my original appearance. Yet the nose was large and jaw remained prominent, for a woman. I had to use liberal amounts of makeup to enhance my good features. Any garment requiring a bosom remained out of question, even if my chest has swollen enough to look a bit more than a mere awkward deformity. I could have used padding, but Lorenz would know it to be deception. At least one of my features was satisfying. I had gradually tightened my corsets, which gave my torso delightful lines. I squeezed into my red gown, which left my pale shoulders bare and hinted of cleavage. For the makeup, I chose a style, which resembled what Erdil had whenever I woke up in the Realms, but I enhanced my lips with a more striking rouge. The face paint and the strong crimson of the old-fashioned gown gave off a suggestive impression of an indecent occupation. I grinned at my reflection. My throat itched, and I tried to clear the phlegm with a cough, but that just made sensation worse. I took a dose of laudanum to calm both my throat and nerves, before I headed downstairs. Lorenz was reading in the lounge, so I brought him a glass of aqua vitae and sat next to him on the divan. He lifted his eyes from the book and gave me a surprised look. A warm tingling swept through me, when the grey eyes lingered below my chin. It was a mystery to me, how a girl might suggest getting intimate to a man. Presumably a wife would clamber on top in the marital bed, and the husband had to oblige. I pushed against Lorenz. He wrapped his arm around me. His hand was cold on my shoulder. I had tried to feed him more liver, but it hadn't cured his anaemia yet. He took a long sip from his glass. Concoctions to arouse the flame in men were easy enough. I could have laced the drink, but it wasn't the mere lust of his I needed. A sufficiently addled man would bed a goat, or so I had heard. The unreasonable, the selfish, the reasonless part of me wanted Lorenz to consider me desirable as I was. "What's on your mind?" Lorenz brushed through my hair. "You are acting strange. Are you planning on going out?" "No. Do you..." The words caught in my throat for several heavy heartbeats. "Could you possibly think that I'm alluring?" Lorenz's hand stopped moving. He didn't answer. My chest ached. "I mean... I want to be with you, to please you. You wouldn't have to do anything for me, except hold me, perhaps." Lorenz stood up and took a step away from me. My breath halted. The man remained still, his back at me, inscrutable like a statue. "I'm sorry", I muttered. "No. It's not your fault", he said, without turning. "I do like you, both as Erdil and Aurelia." I went to him. My hands shivered, as I lifted them to hug him, before deciding otherwise. "Please, Lorenz, just tell me the truth, and I'll accept it." Lorenz spun around. The sorrow in his expression startled me. "I keep hurting you." His voice was a ragged whisper. "Through lying by omission." He didn't stop me from embracing him. After a moment, he grabbed my shoulders and gently moved me away from him. He said: "I'll make some coffee and tell you--" His mouth twitched. "--the truth." Lorenz's cup had stopped steaming, while he stared at it with a blank expression. Floorboards behind the wall creaked, as the neighbours prepared for the night. The massive grandfather clock clicked on in its alien rhythm. "No one escapes the Porte", Lorenz said. "We are its slaves in life and continue serving in the Realms after our death. I found a way to trick the curse. By being dead but still bound to this side, the spells of the Porte can't claim me." "What..." A chill went up my spine. "What do you mean?" "I committed a hateful suicide. Before my 'family' realised that I hadn't moved on to service at the Verdant Embrace itself, I escaped my grave. But not as a man, not fully so. For long hazy years I was driven by nothing save maddening instinct, until my volition returned." "You don't look like a..." I tried to swallow but failed. "A revenant." "My ritual prevented some of the complications. Namely, my heart beats enough so that my flesh does not rot on my bones." Lorenz stifled a grimace. "But I wasn't able escape all of the consequences." His speech turned slow and toneless. "I am compelled to harm my family. The new one and my old. To leech on their vitality and spread pestilence on them. My 'valet' was my father, and his daughter my sister. They didn't recognize me, as I had been taken as a child and spent three decades as a half-witted beast." He let out a sob, and his voice broke. "I killed my father, and almost my sister." Silence fell, thick as an evening mist. Like bile, revulsion welled in my mind. The clammy hands, which had touched me, were dead, the breath between the lips lifeless as a grave. That pallor and those sunken eyes weren't from poor health, but because of a crime against nature and its Creator. None of that mattered to me. That man was Lorenz, not kin to the creatures I had seen at the sacral orgy in Pest. "You think, if I was your lover --and so part of your family--, you'd end up hurting me", I said. "Yes. And..." He took the cup and drank it empty. "But you don't know for sure." "No." "Then I want to risk it." I placed my hand on Lorenz's. It was cold, but not unpleasant. "And when we find the branch, you will be free, right?" "That is true." Lorenz lifted his eyes and stared at me. There was a hint of a caged animal in those eyes, but no danger. The man stood up and pulled me into an embrace. A strong hand guided my jaw into a kiss. The scent of coffee lingered in his breath. Shadows were rich and all colours delightful in the dim shine of the gas lights. Our clothes rustled together, and so beat our hearts. I pulled back, gasping. Lorenz's smile was wistful. "Go prepare. I'll heat up water bottles for the bed and fetch some good wine from the cellar." In my room, I cleaned myself thoroughly, even though I hadn't clue of what we were actually going to do. I could surmise potential acts from literature and risqu? miniature paintings, but most of that seemed rather unpleasant. The nightgown I chose was as sheer as untouched snow. I tied it down with a wide belt around my waist. My heartbeat stoked my member, which had filled to an unfeminine attention. Lorenz knew that it was there, and he didn't seem to mind. At least the thing wasn't large enough to appear overtly masculine. Lorenz's was lit only by a dim lamp and the cinders in the fireplace. When the man stood up, he became a large black silhouette. He offered me a small cup, but had none for himself. The wine was potent with the exaggerated sweetness of noble rot. Lorenz watched me drink. "You won't have any?" I asked. "It's not to my taste. I want to have a clear head to drink you fully." I giggled. "Let's get into the bed." It was cosy warm between the thick sheets. Lorenz was wearing only trousers, and I let my hands explore him as his arms coiled around my body. My hand sunk into his only garment and found the decent sized member. I touched its firm nose. There was only the exposed glands. "Oh!" I pulled my Lorenz kiss. "You are..." "Yes. They still do that." Lorenz moved my hand up and away from his trousers. "Did it hurt?" "Most likely, but I was too young to remember." He pulled up the hem of my gown. "Let's see, what I've missed." "No, you don't ha--" I yelped, as fingers brushed along the length of my member and pinched the hooded tip. "Don't", I said. "You don't have to touch my cock." "We can call it something else. Your girly nub, if you will." "That's silly--" I could only moan. The pincher-grip rubbed and squeezed. The careful but bullish administration robbed my appendage all sense of stout manliness. I wrapped my arms around the man's neck and drew myself against him. His grip tightened. "Let's hear a girl die a little." My flesh in his hold throbbed. Breathless gasps took over my voice. The moment my 'nub' threatened to ooze, Lorenz squeezed hard. My toes curled, and I saw less than the darkness of the room. After I gathered myself, I purred: "That was wonderful." Lorenz lifted the hand, which had pleasured me, to my mouth. I grinned and took the slimy fingers to my mouth. The taste was quite faint. I sucked the fingers clean and reached down, but Lorenz stopped my hand. "Don't you want me to reciprocate?" I asked. "No. I want to retain my lust for the Realms." "Oh!" We changed the bed sheet, and I hurried to wash myself. When I returned, Lorenz was still as a cadaver. To follow him with utmost speed, I drank a larger glass of the sweet old wine. CHAPTER 13 The damp mountain wind pushed into my tent. I clambered out and ascertained that we were still in the same place I had woken up from. Ditos sat next to the campfire, roasting one of the large fish, which flew through the constant mists of the region. I greeted him and barely stood up, before I scurried to Lorenz's small tent. My underwear stuck into my crotch. He was still asleep, so I mounted him. The tent wasn't tall enough to sit straight, but I wanted lay against him anyhow. His scent was calming, even though he smelled of the trail. Lorenz opened his eyes. He smiled at me, before jolting from surprise. "Erdil!" I kissed his cheek. "We'll do it right now." I humped against his hips until a hard bar poked under the trousers. Lorenz fumbled his trousers open, and I piled my skirt out of the way. The instinct to just impale myself failed. Lorenz had to help with positioning, before his flesh could join mine. I whimpered, even though there was no pain of the first time. Despite my clumsiness, soon we found a mutual rhythm. The trackless waste around us knew our love, from my giggles and howls. A cluster of nerves flared, and again my mind drew blank. Strength left my thighs, and I collapsed on the man. He grabbed my hips, and moved my body gently with his powerful arms, while I enjoyed the glow inside me. Lorenz continued, until he churned our mutual liquids inside me. He let me slide to his side, but the tent was too narrow to lie together comfortably, so I clambered out. "I'll go wash", I said. Ditos stared at me with the wide eyes of a startled cat. His black hair stood up. "Where was the stream?" I asked him. The cat pointed towards the cliff overlooking our camp. I found the tiny cascade soon enough. Despite the chilly air, the water had a volcanic warmth. While I was undressing, Lorenz joined me. He was more brawny than in the waking, or perhaps just less emaciated. His torso was lean but sturdy, and the vigour of those arms I knew well. He joined me under the stream, kissed my shoulder and touched me in ways I could have scarcely imagined. One hand sunk into my receptive flesh, and another tucked at at the wrinkly bush, until the man's fingers found a bundle of delicate nerve. "Does this feel just as good as while awake?" he whispered. "Oh..." I had take support from the rock. "You have done this before." An odd jealousy flickered in me. He was my first man, but I wasn't the first woman for him. "Not ever earnestly before you, Aurelia." I let out a weak whine. My legs were wobbly jelly. A jolt through my torso heralded my climax. Lorenz wrapped his arms around my waist and supported me, until my inner shimmering abated enough to let me stand. Lorenz stayed to wash his hair properly. I returned to our camp with a wide grin on my face. Ditos was eating his fish. "You humans are disgusting." "How so?" I opened my bag, took out the pan and dropped a hint of sour butter, the dried leeks and gullhead mushrooms on it. "Copulating without any heat or even a rut." Ditos's exaggerated sneer didn't stop the corners of his mouth from rising. "Cats 'copulating' has always seemed like violation to me. All the screaming, you know." The cat grinned. "Is that any different from you?" Lorenz returned and sat next to me. "So you are finally a pair?" Ditos asked. I glanced at Lorenz and said: "Yes." "Does she know?" Ditos asked Lorenz. "She does." "Oh..." The cat made a wry face. "I guess a human can't see how dead you are, Lorenz." Ditos cringed. "I'm sorry." "It's alright." Lorenz pulled me against him. "With her, I'm alive enough." Our path lead to a trunk road, which climbed up the mountain range. Steam wagons carried pilgrims up towards the sacred city of Dzaitil. We hitched a ride in the crowded back of a rickety smoke-belching monster. The truck wobbled and jerked over the muddy road like a beast barely under the control of its rider. I trembled with delightful thrill, whenever the serpentine road narrowed into a strip between the sheer rock wall and the yawning precipice. Lorenz didn't share my excitement. His eyes were closed, and his knuckles were white as he clutched anything his hands found. Never had I held anyone's hand with such intensity. The pilgrims sung to their gods' glory from the scarlet sunrise to long into the jewelled nights. During their breaks they were amiable company, particularly their elder chief. The venerable man was well aware of the waking world, which he considered a dreary trapped existence. I objected to his assessment, out of metaphysical chauvinism, if nothing else. "This 'waking world' is shackled to laws of matter, while our world obeys the desires of the spirit", the elder said. "Why else would dreamers resemble their ideal selves here? It is obvious to me that this is an elevated plane of existence." He clasped my hand into his own. His wrinkled skin was rough, but his grip was gentle. "For your sake, I resent the implication that this here is somehow not truly real." I couldn't answer outside morose frowning. There was no privacy at the back of the wagon. Even though I was packed against Lorenz, I craved his touch. Souver?n had solved the problem of space by becoming a silky furball, which let the eager children aboard to pet and brush it. After the cat hissed and showed its claws, they also knew not to pester it overmuch, while it slept on one of their laps. The mountain road pushed into the cloud cover. We were surrounded by a fuzzy pillow, too thick to resemble the mists of waking Earth. At least the vast emptiness of the chasm was no longer visible. Lorenz could relax a little, even though death was just as present. Worst of the fog dissipated. We arrived at the edge of a crater-like valley covered in vivid green moss. At the bottom was a murky circular lake, from which rose steam to join the thick clouds. Walls of mother- of-pearl snaked through the valley guarding a sprawling city of amber and spotless alabaster. Dzaitil sprawled up the side of the mighty peak. The city was renowned for its three hundred globose shrines, and the endless variety of spas and hot springs. According to the tale, a goddess had once descended from the heavens to touch the surface of the lake. Thus the rejuvenating qualities of the water were now widely sought, as tales said, even in the waking world. The city was such a destination that skipping it would have been suspicious. We decided to stay for a while. Lorenz had lost his hurry into the mountain air. Nobody was allowed to wear shoes inside the sacred city. This wasn't much of an inconvenience, as the ground was warm, and the round stones of the clean streets prodded the soles like expert masseurs. I spent an afternoon soaking in one of the smaller hot bath establishments. It was the first time I've ever been at a communal bath for women. Erdil had nothing that didn't belong, and instead of appreciating the female form present there, my mind was stuck on getting back to Lorenz. Our room, in the tower of a hotel, had no corners. There, Lorenz made me feel like a woman with vigour, which left me little chance to rest. Not that I had much experience, but his eager actions had certain clumsy ferocity, which made his diligent attempts to please me even more charming. Dawn was peeking between the clouds. We had lingered long in the Realms, and mundane dreams were claiming both of us. The bed wasn't warm, and the sheets stuck to my sweaty skin. My hand touched cold flesh and recoiled. Lorenz was still asleep. He barely breathed. Like in the Realms, dawn was rising, so I had to get to my chores. As I wrenched myself up, my head felt light, and my chest ached. A chill went up my spine. I glanced at Lorenz. He couldn't have caused these symptoms. Not so soon. Perhaps it was just a case of morning flu. No need to be overly alarmed. But if it was Lorenz's curse affecting me, he'd insist on pushing me away, even though we were so close to the branch of the world tree. I had to hide it: being sick for a few weeks I could handle. I went to my own room, washed and clothed myself. The malady wasn't gone, so I steeled my body and resolve with a salubrious cocktail of laudanum and cocaine salts. The pain faded, and my heart beat strong like the gallop of a race horse. My hands quivered with unbridled energy, demanding work to do. Lorenz came down to the kitchen right about time I was finished with his breakfast. I grinned. "Good morning." "Good morning. Er-- Aurelia, are you well?" Lorenz walked to me. "How so? Of course I am." "You must tell me, the moment your health deteriorates. Even if you feel a bit under weather. I cannot distinguish between my desire to be with you, and the dread compulsion." My smile widened. "Are you sure the curse counts with lovers?" "No." "So, perhaps it doesn't." Lorenz stared at me with blank expression. Blood roared in my ears. He might have been able to discern my state from continued examination. "Your breakfast, Lorenz." I stepped away from him and placed the tray on the table. "Do sit." The delicious smell dragged Lorenz to his place. He said: "You won't have any?" Lorenz would interpret lack of appetite as a symptom of some ailment. I lifted a porridge bowl still unclean from yesterday and said: "I already ate." After Lorenz left for his work, I began to trawl through the library for information on creatures of his kind. Even taking in account the unreliability of the sources, it was clear there was no singular phenomenon, but wide variety of different curses and altered states of being. I could find nothing to shield myself from the draining, at least not without hurting Lorenz. The constant harangues, of how Lorenz's soul was damned even beyond permanent death, became too overwhelming to ignore. I had to stop. By the time Lorenz returned, my morning flu was gone. He was barely into the foyer, before he embraced me and gave a me kiss on the cheek. "Aren't you cheery", I said with a smirk. "How couldn't I be?" He looked me up and down. "Do you feel yourself in good health? Completely, without a hint of sore throat or anything like that?" "Yes, yes. You worry overmuch." Yet I liked his fretting. Lorenz continued my lessons on practical theurgy, and we managed to summon the emanation of a chthonic daemon. The confused poor thing had little of use to say, so we let it dissipate. Souver?n had been noticeably upset by the spirit's presence, and its hissing had disturbed the daemon anyhow. I was too distracted to truly care about our failure. Come night, weariness crept through my every sinew and nerve. When I managed to clamber into Lorenz's bed, I was in no mood for anything beyond tender soft touches. Everything would be better in the Realms. Despite the bliss of arduous treatment between the silk sheets of Dzaitil, I departed city with bounce in my step and my eyes wide open to the colours of the world. The road out of Dzaitil was cramped with halted travellers. A mountainous gastropod, still visible as a smooth silhouette through the clouds, had decided to migrate through the bridge over the gaping ravine. Workers swarmed to mend the broken crystalline structure, but the noxious mucus hampered the attempts of reconstruction. Many of the travellers had already set up their tents. The bridge was the only route over the broken landscape without circling around the Vengri Wall mountains. "How long do we have to wait to cross over?" Lorenz asked the repair foreman. The burly man in stained overalls scratched his pronounced jowls. "This side will take two to three weeks to crystallise. Then we'll have to move on to the other side, which might take several more, but we'll set up a rope bridge by then." "We can't wait that long after dallying in the city", Lorenz said to me. He turned back to the foreman. "Is there any other routes across?" "There's an old system of fortifications and bridges down in the gorges." The foreman nodded towards over the edge. "Maybe the rumours about an intact route through the region are still true. If I were you, I'd return to Dzaitil, and relax for a few weeks more." Lorenz took me and Dite away from the crowds. He said: "Dite, can you sense a path into down in ravines? Perhaps it's used by smugglers or other illicit business." Dite, who wore only an indecent wispy wrap, crossed her arms. "I'm not a hound." "But you can sense, where multiple people have gone through." "I can try. But if we get lost, blame yourself for making a cat to do a dog's work." A narrow footpath had been carved into the sheer rock wall, all the way half down the mighty ravine. Lorenz put on a brave face but welcomed my hand. Between the dark walls, the sky was a strip of luminescent grey, and deep below the squirming river was a mere silvery glint. The path widened into a terrace, which allowed Lorenz breath more easily. The rock walls yawned with caverns filled with windowless ruins. Scrapes on the floors indicated that the ubiquitous platforms had once held heavy statues. All were gone, likely down into the gorge in the same violent pout of iconoclasm, which had defaced the bizarre carvings on the walls. Lorenz used mastery to revive a domestic scene as a phantasm. After seeing one of the rooms in its ancient disconcerting splendour, we decided not to do that again. Dilapidated stone bridges defied gravity, as they criss-crossed the chasm. The extinct folk, who had built the cave settlements, hadn't been without their inner strife: the bridges were burdened by fortifications and guarded by tall watchtowers. At times, the glow of fire peeked from the sighing caverns. Because the occupants made no sounds, we thought it wise not to bother them. We ourselves had little to burn, so our nights were spent huddling close together at the mercy chilling winds. Dite stopped at the middle of a crossroads of bridges. "What now, Lorenz? Here diverges three more or less equally used paths." Lorenz pointed to a ramp in the distance. "We should head towards the topside. I'm not familiar with this area, so might as well return to a proper road. This detour has taken long enough." A haggard figure, leaning on a walking stick and covered in soot and rags, blocked our way up the footpath. Lorenz placed his arm in front of me, but I pushed it aside. "Antoine?" I asked. He didn't answer, so I hurried to the Occidental. His hair was a dishevelled mess, and the charred remnants of his white suit barely clung on his body. I continued: "Are you alright?" He lifted his bloodshot eyes and tried to smile. His voice was a distant wheeze. "I need to speak with your master, Mademoiselle." "What do you want?" Lorenz demanded. "Your friends caught me. Their leader... interpreted my help to you as breaking the Truce." Antoine grunted. "Foutaise... Nevertheless, it gave him enough leverage to bind me to his will, for the duration of one command. He wants to have a talk, and I will have to... oblige you." Lorenz's expression darkened. "Where?" "At the broken bridge. He'll be on the other side." Antoine guided us to the bridge. "Hail, brother Qirmez", a man shouted from the other side of the gorge. He had an obviously strong build under his loose clothing. The debonair moustache dominated his sharp virile features. He had other similarly stern men with him, but though he was no larger in size, my eyes got stuck on him. "Hail, brother Kayserkul." Lorenz's falsely dark hair blazed back into a bright orange. "What do you want?" "Now that we know you are still alive, in a sense, we will track you down and end this terror you have wrought." Kayserkul placed his hands behind his back and took few steps. "Yet you don't have to be destroyed. In fact, together we could dispel this curse you have worked on yourself." I clasped Lorenz's hand. "Your words ring hollow", Lorenz said. "I am offering you the largest of indulgences, my Qirmez. For the sake of the sweat and blood we have drained together." "You are a puppet... A shade of the man I knew." Kayserkul's smirk was visible all the way to us. "So are you." Antoine stood forward and wailed: "Sorcerer! Have I done, as you asked?" "Yes, you have, the foulest of spirits. Begone." "Thank you." Antoine sighed and jumped into the gorge. I yelped, but when I looked down, the Occidental was gone. "This is your chance, Qirmez!" Kayserkul roared. "Like us, you are an honoured slave of the Porte. This undeath only postpones your return to submission. You will return to servitude here in the Realms, after we burn your rotting corpse in the waking world." Lorenz bared his teeth in a snarl. Kayserkul continued, his voice booming over the wind: "Who is that girl clinging to you, Qirmez? If you love her, you will save her from yourself." Rage flashed on Lorenz's face. He turned around and walked away. Soft murmur of the patrons filled coaching inn. "Who was that man?" I asked. Lorenz had spoken barely a word since the broken bridge. He hadn't touched his meal of aged simorg eggs. "Nobody." He didn't look at me. I frowned. "You promised not to lie to me." "That wasn't a lie", Lorenz snapped. "That thing with Kays's face wasn't him. I watched my friend die at Gize, near the mounds of the deathless kings." His hands tightened into fists. He whispered faintly, his audience only himself. "We were supposed to be unconquerable. To laugh at the face of death. Yet, Kays died in agony and terror." I took Lorenz's hand. It was warm and damp with sweat. Lorenz wasn't in any mood for affection that evening. I was happy to merely rest next to him. Sleep inside the Realms was a strange mixture of incoherent impressions and clear lucidity. Those dreams within the Dream left me baffled but restored. The bright morning in the coaching inn was no exception. Lorenz too had found his peace of mind, not to mention his virility. His incessant touch made me quiver, gasp and moan for respite, before he concentrated on his own needs. My heart melted for him. When my reason cleared, I was filled with dread. In the waking world I couldn't be Lorenz's woman. The words of Kayserkul would gnaw in Lorenz's mind. He might keep his distance from me. I wrapped my arms around Lorenz and pulled myself against him. "Promise me. Swear that you won't push me away." Lorenz was silent for much too long to my liking. "Promise!" I demanded. His hand brushed my cheek. "I will never betray you." I pressed my face against his chest to hide my frown. His words hadn't been the assurance I had hoped for, but I was being too clingy already. He had given, what he could. Despite all my sleep, I found myself agitated by stress. We had spent too much time in the Realms. As a centre of industry, Mesinre was anchored to human existence. Near it, time flowed in a manner closer to waking reality. Lingering in the Realms had become taxing to the mind. We had to sink in to normal dreams. PART IV - A Layered Existence CHAPTER 14 Tiny needles prickled my lungs. My gasp turned into a harsh cough. I glanced at Lorenz at my side. He was still asleep. I had to get to my room. Lorenz wasn't allowed to see me sick. My vision spun, after I sat up. I took support from the nearby cabinet, but my sweaty hand slipped. I fell without being able to catch myself. Before I managed to clamber from the carpet, Lorenz was already awake and on his feet. "Aurelia!" He hurried to me and grabbed my arms to lift me up. "I-I'm fine", I croaked. "I tripped on the carpet." "No." Lorenz lifted me up like I was a sickly child. "No, you aren't. This is my fault." He carried me to my room and tucked me under the blanket. I was too weak to resist. "This is to the room's lock." Lorenz put a key on the night table. "I will give the other to Mrs. Z____. She'll take care of you. Don't ever let me into this room." I fumbled for his hands, but he kept them out of reach. I wheezed: "Don't go. It's just a flu." "Do not worry." Lorenz walked to the door. "You'll be fine in a few days. Mrs. Z____ can be trusted." "No. Don't..." It hurt to speak. Lorenz's mouth wavered. "I'm sorry. Goodbye." He was gone. I sobbed until breathing became too difficult from the itching mucus in my throat. Through my half-sleep, I heard movement from downstairs. After what seemed only a moment, the door opened, and Mrs. Z____ stepped inside with a tray. She was plump for such a graceful woman. Grey streaked her black hair, but her dark aquiline face was barely middle-aged. "Good day, Aurelia." Her motherly voice was thick with the southern accent that had gestated from the utterance of hoary sages and commands of conquering generals. "Mr. H_______ told you were sick, but that he had to leave to a sudden business trip." She placed the tray on my night table. The soup smelled heavily of garlic. "I'm not hungry", I wheezed. "You must eat." Her smile widened. "But not necessarily right now. The bowl will remain hot." The window clinked. Mrs. Z____ went to open it. A meow, and a familiar black cat jumped into my field of view. It kneaded the pillow next to my head and lay down. Mrs. Z____ closed the window and placed a bell on the night table. "Ring this, if you need anything. Fret not, if I don't immediately appear. I do hear it." She left me alone with my thoughts. Getting up would have been futile. I didn't know, where Lorenz had gone. Besides, I wouldn't have gotten far beyond the front door in my state. I had no real reason to be despondent: the branch of the world tree would repair Lorenz. Perhaps it might have enough magic to change me into Aurelia in earnest. The illness wrecking my body was just the consequence of Lorenz's love. After we both got better, me and him would travel beyond the reach of the Porte. Somewhere in the occidental colonies, perhaps. But nowhere tropical; I was sweltering already. We'd have a dainty crooked house next to a picturesque ruined city. I'd end up gravid from our frequent and passionate expressions of love, and we'd start a proper - -if a bit strange-- family. Every morning he'd tell me, how he was glad he never ever abandoned me. My feverish reveries and the cat's purring eased my state, and eventually I could force the watery soup down my sore throat. "What should I do?" I asked Souver?n. The cat only lifted its ear as a response. I scratched behind its ear to make the purring louder. My stomach churned, and the soup threatened to return for another round. I emptied my stomach into the chamber pot and threw the vomit out of the window. Never had I been so ill. I collapsed back into the bed, startling the cat. I had to escape the discomfort. I needed to get back to the Realms. However, though the fever made me light-headed, restful sleep eluded me. Mrs. Z____ returned in the afternoon. "Good. You managed to eat." She placed on the table a tray with a bowl of watery porridge and a cup of tea. "Are you feeling better?" "No", I rasped out. She picked up the previous tray. "Do you need anything?" "Where did Lorenz go?" Mrs. Z____'s smile disappeared. "I do not know. Now, you must rest. Lorenz wants you to get well." The vague anger bubbling inside me would have burst into an argument, if I hadn't been too tired for it. A nightful of flashing nightmares brought some improvement to my health. I managed to wash myself, after Mrs. Z____ brought me water, but climbing down the stairs remained a daunting prospect. I forced myself to eat the meals Mrs. Z____ had brought. Full stomach lessened the risk in taking chemical routes into deeper dreams. When the evening dimmed my room, I took enough laudanum to knock out a man twice my size, but mixed it with good dose of stimulants to keep myself awake long enough to recite the vanishing mantra. I woke up in the stilt house, where I had fallen asleep beside Lorenz. Being able to breathe easy was a relief, but that bliss was marred. Lorenz wasn't there. On the cabinet was a letter and a pristine blue-green pomegranate. My hands shook, as I read through the hasty penmanship. "Dearest Erdil, It was immensely selfish of me to accept your affections in my state. All fault was mine. Eating the fruit next to this letter breaks your anchoring into the Realms of Dominion. I've used the methods available to a beast such as I, in order to remain in the Realms without waking up. Do not try to follow me to Mesinre. If you still desire to help me, travel somewhere else. That might mislead the pursuit. I've made arrangements for you to inherit the little material property I have. Forgive and forget me. Always yours," The 'always' was crossed over and the signature was a mess of angry lines. I wailed. Ditos burst into the room. "What's wrong?" I reigned myself from sobbing. "You are here?" "Yes. Where's Lorenz?" "I should be asking that! Where is he?" Ditos frowned. "I thought he was still sleeping here." "How could you..." I gathered myself and explained, what had happened in the waking world. "Sorry to hear that", Ditos said. "The human existence in the waking reality is more than baffling to me. I didn't even consider that there could be something wrong with you lying in a bed all day through." Anger broke my voice. "But how could Lorenz leave without you noticing it?" Ditos scowled. "First, I'm not asleep all of the time. Second, it's been days here since we arrived. I can't spend all of my time inside four walls." "I... Sorry." The cat shrugged. "It's alright." "But days?" A shiver went through my spine. "We need to go after him." "If Lorenz thinks he needs to be alone to get the branch, he must have a plan." "He doesn't want it to break his curse." My mouth twitched. "Lorenz wants the branch in order to die." No smoke rose from the pipes of the canal steamer, as the current was deemed strong enough to carry the ship in sufficient speed. The captain ignored my pleas to hurry up. "We'll arrive, when we are supposed to." The captain nodded in agreement to himself. "No need to waste fuel. If you are anxious, dreamer, wake up! Otherwise, enjoy the view." The high crags, through which the canal cut, were impressive in their sharpness and greenery. My thoughts were elsewhere. I stood at the prow, willing the current to run faster. My efforts had little, if any, effect. "Worried about something, Mademoiselle?" I turned around to face the man, who was back in his pristine white suit. "Antoine! I thought you died." He chuckled. "Of cour--" I took a step closer to him. "Can you carry me, while you fly?" "Why would you..?" The spirit made an exaggerated expression of understanding. "Oh, is your master gone?" "Can you or can you not?" "I can't meddle in such matters. The Truce forb--" "The Truce doesn't apply to me. Do it as a favour to a friend." "A friend? Oh, you flatter me, Mademoiselle. But why?" "Lorenz will die, if we don't hurry to Mesinre." Antoine stretched a corner of his mouth. "His death would put damper on my employment. But what do I get out of helping you?" I frowned. "What do you want?" The Occidental grinned to show a set of perfect polished teeth. "Your soul." "Done." Antoine's jaw dropped. He collected himself and cleared his throat. "Alright. I'll collect it, at my convenience. Where's that epicene feline?" We found Ditos sunbathing at the top deck. He stretched himself like a gymnast before standing up. "I have a request, cher peluche", Antoine said. "Turn into a large enough cat to carry Erdil." "Why would I do that?" He lifted his nose in an arrogant gesture. "What makes you think I even can do such a thing?" "You can shapeshift into a human", Antoine said. "Turning into something you want to be should be easier." The cat gasped. "Why do you think I want to be bigger? I'm of a perfectly good size." "Please." I took Ditos's hands. He grimaced. "I'll help you, if you don't have it in you", Antoine said. "No, thank you, daemon." Ditos pushed me away from him. "Stand back. And remember, I'm doing this only because I feel like it." Silky black fur pushed through the melting clothes. The boyish man disappeared into a bulk of flowing muscle and fangs like bone daggers. Emerald eyes broke the uniform black of a huge tiger, darker than the night before dawn. "Mount up", Antoine said. I hesitated only a moment before clambering up behind the robust shoulders. The thick fur was just as smooth as Souver?n's. "Here." Antoine waved his walking stick. "Step on the air." Wind whirled around us, and Antoine hurled into the sky. The powerful hind legs of the giant cat bent. It leaped high into the air, but instead of falling down, it ran on invisible steps. I giggled as I pressed against the soft fur and the steely muscles hidden under it. We climbed higher and higher into air to the level of the mountains, where we caught up with Antoine. The ship was a mere toy far below us, and the canal an unnaturally straight brook. I saw far; the strange cities and perplexing remnants thrusting through the earth. Twisting pinnacles and sprawling jungles. The ocean of jade and silver reached beyond the edge of the world. The Mountains of the Vengri Wall bid me their greetings, as the clouds danced around their primal peaks. Despite the immense distances, everything was in my reach. "Do you enjoy the sights?" Antoine's voice was resonant and clear over the howling wind. "Is the view worth your soul?" "Almost!" I shouted. My glee disappeared into remembering, why I had made the hasty bargain. In front of us was Mesinre. A coastal valley filled with brick and concrete, with arrogant plumes of smoke and steam creating the city's own cloud cover. As we descended, the heaps of grey turned into the bold lines of tall buildings and factories. The warm lights shining in all windows made the endless dark alleys into fields of stars. Souver?n's paws made no sound, when we landed on a roof of a high- rise. The great cat shook and threw me of it. Before I got on my feet, Dite was herself. She wore a soot black riding gown with a skirt long enough pile around her feet. "Thank you, Dite." I hugged her. "You were magnificent." She drew back. Her smirk revealed a set of sharp teeth. "But of course." "Antoine, can you find Lorenz?" "Perhaps, but only by using the same methods any mortal dreamer would." Antoine's smile disappeared. "Besides, it might be construed as providing aid to him. Your master's enemies have shown themselves to be poor sports in this regard." "Still, you'll have to help me", I said. "Otherwise that soul you own now is at considerable risk." "On the other hand, I could take the soul to my safekeeping right away." "Such an act would go against the spirit of our bargain." I glanced around to find a way off the roof. No door was visible, but the top of a ladder peeked over the edge. "Yes, a mere travel ticket wasn't your true desire." Antoine kicked his walking stick from under himself and floated into the air. "I'm heading to the undertown", I said. "Come help me, if you will." Antoine tipped his hat and let the wind carry him away. The ladder lead to a spindly mockery of a fire escape. Dite decided she had done enough walking for one night, and insisted to ride on my shoulders as Souver?n. Fortunately the cat didn't weight much. The metal stairs rattled under my careful steps, but didn't collapse before I reached the ground. Sharp and deep shadows dominated the street, despite the orange light of the street lamps. The pedestrians were little more than silhouettes, and the roaring carriages, with their fire-belching engines, were boulders of moving darkness. A local paused his return home to guide me to a huge public elevator. The furtive passengers in the suspended iron cage gave me plenty of room. "The undertown is no place for a lady, even an armed one", my guide said. "But you seem like one of those dreamers, so perhaps you know, what you are doing. Stay safe, and farewell." The elevator shook and rumbled in its slow descent. I placed a hand on the pommel of my sabre. My heart drummed a frantic rhythm and anchored me into the blood surging through my oneiric veins. I was Erdil. The pneumonic weakling, that Aurel in a gown, could die as far as I cared. He couldn't be with Lorenz. I could. If Lorenz wouldn't have me, I'd gladly give my soul to the ifrit. Aurel could then shamble on as a passionless husk. That might have been a blessing. We descended into gigantic cavern, lit by the faint gleam that filtered from the crack towards the sea. Mighty pillars rose from the jet-black water into the impenetrable gloom above. The town at the hidden shore was a haphazard collection of tightly packed buildings, which resembled more mounds built by insects than anything man-made. Lethargic blue lamps struggled to keep the town from disappearing into the surrounding ever-night. The other passengers hurried out of the elevator. Narrow alleys spread to every direction and twisted behind the unearthly structures. I picked an alley in the general direction of the harbour and stumbled onwards. In the disorientating azure light, alcoves and corridors yawned interchangeable. The smell of rotting fish permeated the thick air. Locals were startling flickers of movement between shadows or looming shapes blocking the narrow passageways. I knew not to fear them --they must have been nothing terribly inhuman--, yet my heart raced. Only by the hazy outline of the massive pillars, I found my way to the shore. Ships of varied size crowded the harbour. Their many-hued lamps were a jarring incongruity in the surrounding dismal calmness, but I was drawn to them like an insect to a flame. The creatures gained the appearance of people in the harsh lights of the harbour. I had been a fool to shirk from the locals, even if they were little languid and peculiar with their concealing clothing and round fleshy features. I asked a shopkeeper, where visitors would be most likely to stay, and got directions to a seaside inn. The twisted building was undecorated concrete. The air inside was the clammy breath of dying sea-beast. Purple veins peered through the pallid skin of the matron, but her overly wide smile was warm. I started to describe Lorenz to her, but realised how futile that would be. Instead, I asked about the world tree branch. "We had idle talk about such a thing having poked out of the ground in the ghastly outskirts, until it got uprooted by the folk of the bigger tree", the matron said. "A few dolts keep claiming another has grown here. Deranged wishful thinking, says I. How would a tree grow in our cosy dark? Be that as it may, magic trees attract the worst type of dreamers. Not that I think you, my dear, are one those, despite asking about the business." "Who is talking about the tree here?" The matron's smile crooked into a smirk. "Many. None of them authoritative. Think about it for a moment, miss. If such a tree was here, wouldn't it be swarmed with people, out of curiosity, if nothing else? You can't find it by poking around." She was speaking to me like I was a nosy tourist. Which was understandable. I did my best not to let my bile rise. "I don't care about the tree", I said as amiably as I could. "I'm trying to find a person looking for it. He exists, even if the tree doesn't." "Ooh. Who is he?" The matron glanced at my sword. "A lover, who spurned you?" I declined to answer. She continued: "Describe him. A lot of outsiders pass through our establishment." "A tall dreamer." I might as well have amused the matron. "Hair colour varies. Generally a brooding jerk." The matron nodded. "I know the type." She leaned forward. "A recent visitor here fits your description. He pretends to be an autochthon really hard, but his mind is in other worlds. Had dark hair when he came, but red, when I brought him a late supper." My heart leaped. "Where is he?" "I'll tell, if you promise you won't start swinging that blade in our establishment." "I promise." The matron stepped from behind her desk. "Good. I can't let you barge into his room, as he might be the one you seek, even if many of our clients would welcome company like yourself. Follow me, but stay quiet." We went to the backroom and climbed two sets of stairs. The matron opened a panel, and we stepped into a space between walls. She stopped and fiddled with a clasp. Tiny prick of light appeared. "You have peep holes into your rooms?" I whispered. "Shush, girl. And of course. They are necessary in an establishment such as ours. Now is that the man you want?" Lorenz, his hair copper red, reposed on the floor in an apparent state of careless unconsciousness, but the position of his limbs matched a posture of deeper meditation. "It's him." "This inebriated lout was your flame? No accounting for taste, I guess." We returned to the main corridor, and the matron opened the door into Lorenz's small room. A sharp stench of alcohol filled the air. With his mouth open, Lorenz did appear passed-out drunk. I couldn't hold back a sneer. Maybe he truly wanted to end his wretched existence. But he should have at least spoken to me about it. He should have asked me, how I felt about living on, as I was and without him. Should I be unworthy to live for, he should have told me that I might as well die. I was being unreasonable, but my chest ached from exasperation. Breathing was hard. The chill air numbed my lungs. Lorenz opened his eyes. A smile flickered on his face, but disappeared into a gasp. The man moved to stand up, but the sabre was in my hand, with its blade on his throat. "Erdil! What are you doing?" "Not too happy to see me?" The shrill waver of my voice robbed all gravitas from it. Lorenz grabbed the blade into his hand. Crimson trickled from his palm, as he stood up. "You shouldn't be here." I cried out and wrenched the blade free. A flicker of my wrist sent blood flying and moved the sabre back to Lorenz's throat. "I can kill you, if you desire that." The man's scowl disappeared into a despondent frown. "If that worked, we wouldn't be here. Kill me now, and a cursed beast still stalks the night in the waking world. And I'd still be here, no less a spectre." My sword arm went limp and fell to my side. "Why didn't... Why didn't you tell me?" Lorenz's face set into an expressionless mask. He turned on his heels and went to the bathroom to wash his hands. I had hurt him, which he did deserve, if only a little. My jaw wavered at the cusp of sobs. Ditos appeared into my tear-clouded vision. I hadn't noticed the cat dropping from my shoulders. "I fail to grasp, why you are fighting", he said. Anger flared and spoke for me: "Because that leech left me for dead, after he was done with his amusement." I stared into Lorenz's eyes, waiting him to respond. Ditos gestured his indifference. "I came to tell you, that the wards around the house are agitated. Something more than a mundane mortal tried to get inside." Lorenz spun around, still holding his bleeding hand with the other. My guts wrenched from the sight of his watery eyes. He walked to me. "You need to wake up and leave my house. It could the agents of the New Army." "What do I care about Aurel?" My voice rose much higher than I intended. "They'd do me a favour, if they stabbed that... That..." Lorenz took a step towards me. "You don't mean it." "Yes, I do! What sort of life is left for me, after you are gone?" My hands moved mechanically to clean my sabre and sheathe it. I whispered: "Who would accept a mistake like me?" I shuddered. It was unfair --selfish-- to guilt him to stay with me. I couldn't know, what he had endured. And besides, Lorenz wasn't at fault for the incongruities I experienced. "Sorry... I was thinking only of myself." I lifted my gaze to his eyes. "Just tell me that..." Everything I could say sounded accusatory in my head. "That this is what you need to do, and I'll accept it." Lorenz's breath was unsteady. "Your presence makes that difficult." Ditos tapped his foot. "They are trying to get in again." "I'm sorry you found love for the wrong man", Lorenz said. "No. I fell for the only one for me." I stepped closer to him and took his wounded palm into my handkerchief. "I shall stay with you and go, where you go. Regardless of what you think is necessary." I tied the handkerchief around his hand. "Now then, I'll return into the waking world to see what's the ruckus. But promise me, you'll be here, when I come back. I ask nothing more." Lorenz made an attempt to smile. "I promise." He brushed my cheek with his uninjured hand. "There's a good cavalry sword in my study. Old, but the steel came from a pre-Adamite crucible." "Yes, there over the mantle." "Only use it, if your life is threaten--" I rose to my toes to help Lorenz kiss me. CHAPTER 15 For an agonising minute, I regretted waking up, or living in general. My lungs flamed with every breath, and my limbs were lead. Because I had wallowed in self-pity enough for a lifetime, I forced myself out of the bed. A strong touch lingered in the house's wards. I needed strength, or at least to mask my weakness. A dose of my usuals did their trick. Pain faded and my breath worked again. A scraping sound from downstairs sent a cold shiver up my spine. I hurried to the study and reached for the sword. It slid out of its sheath like oiled, and barely weighed anything. The curve of the blade was a bit too much to my liking, but the tip was sufficiently sharp. I brought the blade close to my eyes to admire the curving patterns on the superb steel. They were lively enough to appear to move. The sword quivered in my grasp. A shudder went through me, as a chilly whisper squirmed at the edge of my hearing. I had indulged on the substances over much, but my usual regimen rarely caused hallucinations beyond brief odd sensations. "If you are alive, o sword, speak." Nothing. I sighed from relief. Souver?n appeared in the doorway and meowed. "I do feel it", I said. The wards were bending again. I wrapped a housecoat around myself and went downstairs. A tall shape darkened the glass of the front door. I took a deep, blissfully easy, breath, hid the sabre behind my back and opened the door. The man on the porch had an unassuming lounge suit, but his mien was swarthy enough to be southern instead of just tanned. His stoop was affected, and didn't come naturally to the fit young man. Presumably he was hiding his straight military posture. He glanced to his side. I didn't have to follow his eyes to figure out he was checking his comrades stalking out of my view. I smiled and moved my leg behind the door. "Good day." "Good day, miss..?" "Yes?" I coughed into my sleeve. "May I come in?" "I'm not entertaining any guests, no. You see, I'm quite ill, and I fear the bug is contagious." "Is Mr. H_______ here?" "Oh, he moved away. I'm the new owner." "What was your name again, miss?" He was clumsy with his attempts to gain occult advantage over me. Such rookies could turn dangerous, when stonewalled. His coat bulged near the waist. Either he had a particularly large pocket watch, or he was armed. I smiled. "I don't think you introduced yourself." His hand was fast. I kicked the door. It hit the man, not forcefully enough to hurt, but to surprise. I took a step back to give my sword space and slashed. Instead of nicking his arm, the blade veered into his torso and sunk deep. I gasped. My attempt to pull the blade cleanly out turned into a gut- slicing arc. The man's whine was accompanied by the shouts of others. I pulled the door close and slammed it locked. Halfway up the stairs, my lungs didn't fill properly any more. There was no pain, just dysfunctional numbness. Fighting against dizziness, I pushed upwards. Souver?n was sitting at the top of the stair. "Run, you dumb cat", I rasped. A howl swelled behind the door. The wards screamed and gave in. The door was smashed open. I staggered into the backroom and threw open the window. Under it was the roof of the back terrace. I climbed out. My feet hit the roof tiles, but my legs gave under me. I tried to catch anything, but my swordhand only tightened its grip. The sky was beautifully blue between the hints of cloud. Hitting the ground was a jolt into my back and head. No pain; I was invincible, even though the taste of blood filled my mouth. I willed myself to do the motions of sitting up. Nothing but my eyes moved. Man in a fine suit ran to the backyard. My sword was stuck in the ground. I reached for it, but the blade remained just out of reach. The inhuman steel mocked me. It had taken a life, when I had offered it none. "Get her to the carriage. Make sure she lives." The injection they gave me burned in my veins. It kept me conscious, but my eyes couldn't concentrate enough for me too see more than the fog, through which the carriage sped. Sensation returned to my body as blood-curdling horror. Waves of scorching pain crackled through my back. By the time the carriage stopped at a fuzzy structure with multitude of eyes, I whimpered in agony. Soldiers carried me on litter through a maw into twisting intestines. The cruel lights hurt my eyes, yet I couldn't hide from their judgement. I lay on a bed in a small room. The people around me were shadows fading in and out of my view. "She needs morphine!" The words warbled in my head, and I had to fight to hear them. "No, we can't risk her falling asleep. Besides, more sedatives might collapse her respiration." "This is inhuman. She doesn't deserve to suffer for the plan of a... What did you say the officer in charge was?" "A New Army oneirarch." "Yeah. A damned dream ghost. Regardless, she's not an enemy, or even a foreigner, but a subject of the Porte!" "No narcotics. That is the order." The taste of blood and bile mixed in my mouth. My body was prison made from screaming nerves. The only escape was death. It wouldn't be that bad for me. Sometimes dreamers managed to reincarnate in the Realms. My captors wanted to keep me conscious, most likely as leverage against Lorenz. My limp sleeping body --and his promise to me-- in the Realms would hinder him. Souver?n might be able to warn him, but that would do little good, if I couldn't move in the Dream. I had to get back. The throbbing agony and stimulants they had given me would keep me awake. I had to die. Afterwards I wouldn't have any need to be Aurel any more. Lorenz could be with me. The pain would end. It was my fault I had been captured. Failures deserved to end. When I tried to move, my mind recoiled from the flash of pain. A whine, which might have been my scream, filled the room. The men walked out of the door, save for one. Behind the round spectacles, his eyes were beady and inscrutable. He must have been the one, who had wanted to give me morphine. I lifted the corners of my mouth to imitate a smile and slurred: "Please..." Through my foggy eyes, I assumed his frown was due to concern or pity. The man glanced at the now closed door. "I can help you", he said. "Will you promise me that you shall not try anything, especially falling asleep?" I moaned an affirmative. He crushed a tablet into a glass of water. "A bit morphine. Not enough to collapse your breathing when the stimulants give out. I hope." The man helped me sit and to drink the glass. After a few minutes of fearing the pain would never leave, my insides turned blissfully numb. "Thank you", I croaked. He smiled. "I couldn't stand idly by. What's your name?" The answer stuck in my throat, but I owed my saviour something. "Aurelia." "That is a pretty one. Suitable too." He gestured to my hair. "It's a crime to treat you like this." "No... I killed him." The words burst out. "It wasn't the sword." "What... Who are you talking about?" "He reached for his pocket." Liquid shame warmed my cheeks. "I don't even know, what he had there." "Look, just--" The door opened, and a man in a modern drab officer's uniform strode in. He barked a command, and physician scurried out. I swallowed and looked at the ceiling. After a moment of silence, the officer sat next to me. "You are grateful, no? I am squandering a year's effort, Mademoiselle." I turned my heavy head to face the man. It was him, though with a large greying moustache and more lines carved into his face. "Antoine!" I swallowed. "Are you here to claim my soul? I think it's already stained." "No." He smirked. "Not yet at least." "How are you here?" He smiled. "I am more than a boogeyman in your dreams. This part of the Porte's domain is mine to supervise. Or was. After I help you, my cover will be blown." "Why bother with me then?" Antoine placed his hand on the bed. "Do you know, what your master is?" "A victim of two horrible curses." "Oh, Lorenz is more, even though he's not fully aware of his importance. This land yearns for its freedom. Lorenz is a fracture in the local cohesion. I want him to remain out of the Porte's yoke and active in this world." The Occidental dropped two pearls into a glass of water and used a spoon to mix them into a cloudy drink. "They will use you to coerce him, and I can't get you out alive." I closed my eyes and gasped a sob inwards. "Je suis d?sol?." "No... It's fine", I said. "There isn't exactly much for me to live for here. I'm only content in dreams, waking or not." The man clasped my hand and offered the glass. "If I could", Antoine whispered. "I'd whisk you away from your predicament, Mademoiselle. We would visit my quaint home city by Seine. They say it has a toe in the Dream." "That could be nice." I sighed. The earlier shot of morphine had spread its calming tendrils across my body. "I can't be that useful, even if Lorenz truly was necessary for your plans. Why do you care about me?" "Frank narcissism." Antoine's smile was wry. "I see myself in you: a soul trapped in a wrong form. But for me, the passage of time will eventually grant freedom. And I must admit, I have grown fond of my 'prison'. That, I think, can never happen to you." In its glass, the eternal sleep still swirled. It barely tasted in my mouth. Antoine took the empty glass and squeezed my fingers. "Dream well, Mademoiselle." I closed my eyes and smiled. Strong arms held me aloft. Above was a narrow strip of brown gloom between the black silhouettes of tall houses. "Erdil?" Lorenz asked. I wriggled out of his arms to stand on the wet cobblestones and hugged him. "You managed to escape", he said. "I... I did. What's going on here?" "My former 'family' managed to track me here. We had to leave our room." "Is Dite safe?" "Of course." Lorenz's barely visible arm rose. "The cat is following us on the rooftops." I embraced him again. "Let's leave the branch to the Porte and escape. You don't need it for us to be together in the Dream." Lorenz pushed me away from him. "It might work, for a while. But eventually I'd convince myself to seek you out out of some excuse." "And your solution to that is--" I caught my tongue before I uttered 'giving up'. "--is your own death." "I can't allow myself to harm you." "There's no risk of that." Lorenz took a step backwards. "No..." He turned and leaned on the wall, wavering as if ill. I grabbed his wrist. "It doesn't matter. I was--" Lorenz wrenched his arm free. He spun around and walked into an alley lit only by struggling blue lights. "Wait!" I had to jog to keep up with his stride. "Where are you going?" "To get the branch. This must end." "Why? You can't hurt me any more." Lorenz said nothing but picked up his pace. I pleaded him to stop. Forms clouded in shadows passed us by. Though I sped up until I ran, Lorenz gained distance between us. He disappeared into the yawning darkness. I screamed his name. Under my feet was an inky marsh. It clutched my legs and pulled me down. Cold spread through all my nerves, at first stinging until it brought blissful numbness. A shrill voice yelled my name. Slender arms grappled me from below my shoulder and jaw. I was dragged across the uneven pavement to the glimmer of a lamp post. My body below the shoulders was a mere tangible shadow. There was no pain, no sensation at all. Ditos crouched next to me, with worry on his face. He clasped my barely visible hand. "Come, Erdil", he said. "This is not a nice place." It would have been rude to resist. I let him help me up and guide me through the street to the lights of an inn, which glowed like dying embers in an oven. Ditos took me inside and ordered two cups of the warmest drink available. Sensation and colour returned to my fingers, as they clasped the hot porcelain. Finally, I muttered: "He abandoned me again." Ditos took a long sip from his cup. "I saw... That was nasty. But, Erdil, he was distraught. You aren't the first lover, who died for his sake in the waking world." I gazed into the large eyes of the cat. "You mean..?" He tilted his head in nonchalant affirmation. "Maybe. I'm never truly sure, what you humans are on about." "I understand. This human irrationality must be alien to a cat. Even now, I need to get back to him." I stood and almost fell off my numb legs. Ditos motioned me to sit back down. "You need to recollect yourself before you can fade again. Besides, we don't know, where Lorenz is." I sighed and slumped on my chair. "We can't tarry. He must have know the location of his damned branch all along." "He did seem to know, where he was going." My hands were nearly solid, though connected to hazy forearms. I asked: "What happened to me in that alley?" Ditos leaned back on his chair. Unease contorted his features. "You were passing on. Dammit, girl. I'm no expert, but that feels like the truth." I frowned. "It didn't feel like I was joining the Indivisible." "Don't say that. We mortals can't know, how dying works." "So... You can see that I'm dead." "You don't have the stench, which Lorenz and that Occidental have. But yes, I can guess what happened. I'm sorry." "Don't be", I scoffed, but my voice couldn't muster the indignity. A weary sigh mingled with a sob in my throat. "If I hadn't chanced upon the practice of genuine lore, I would have strung myself up long ago. I should be glad that for a while the homesickness for nowhere was gone." Ditos's face furrowed in confused attempt at empathy. At least he didn't mention that as a cat, he was always his perfect self. I was grateful. The bell at the door clinked. A man in a white suit walked inside. "Antoine!" I was on my feet and hurried to him. He let me wrap my arms around his neck and embraced me back. The Occidental was warm as fire but didn't burn me. His grasp was a bit too intense for a mere friendly hug, but I encouraged him by pressing against his chest. After a moment Antoine moved his hands to my ribs and gently pushed me away. My gown had regained its vivid and fully opaque hue. "Mademoiselle." "How are you here already?" I asked. "Oh." He smiled. "I can straddle both sides of the veil, being what I am." "What happened to my bod-- corpse?" I asked. "I hope that kind physician doesn't get into trouble for trying to help me." "He won't be implicated. I'm taking you from the fort." "I guess my remains won't be cut up by some overeager medical student. I'm not sure if I should care. But thanks." For a moment, I hesitated. "Antoine, can you help me again? I need to find Lorenz, before he blows himself out." "That is why I am here. I know, where he is." The moist air above the town scintillated in a pale blaze. We hurried over the uneven rooftops and planks between them, towards a slowly whirling pyre of white flames. I kept close to Antoine. His warmth kept the creeping numbness away. The tight building clusters opened to a wide square dominated a hillock of jagged rock. On top, the cold fire surrounded a huge sprawling husk of metal framework and dirty glass panes. "Is that a greenhouse?" I asked. "Down here? What's up with the flames?" Antoine chuckled. "Your master was not as subtle as he would have preferred. His old friends followed him. I made a little something to stave them off." "You could stop them, despite how they subdued you earlier?" The Occidental's smile was interrupted by a flash of grimace. "This time I made sure they have no edge on me." I clasped his hand. "Thank you." Antoine's smile widened. A shudder went through me. I turned the lingering touch into a brisk handshake. "You are welcome." The spirit lifted my hand and kissed his thumb over my knuckles. "My damselfly." My shivers intensified. I was lighter, yet my mind reminded focused. "Thanks", I said. "Your touch can be such a pick-me-up." "I've heard." I turned to the Ditos, who had followed us without making a sound. "And thanks to you too. For all the help." "Don't mention it. A good cat takes care of its humans." Ditos pursed his mouth into a frown. "But you say that with such finality. I don't like it." "If I can't help Lorenz, I won't abandon him." "Oh." We hugged, and Ditos purred like an injured feline. Down through a dreary bar and into the opening we went. I hesitated at the sight of the Porte's soldiers, who blocked the only route up to the hillock, but Antoine touched my arm in encouragement. Kayserkul turned to us and came a few steps closer. "You did this." Antoine shrugged. "I admit the blame." Smooth syllables like the water of the Great River flowed from Kayserkul's mouth. The Occidental lifted a hand in weary amusement. "Unless you want to break the Truce, you have no power over me at the moment", Antoine said. "This fire is not for l'Empereur. I'm helping Demoiselle here." Kayserkul gave me a harsh look. "She's the subject of the Porte. You are intervening in internal affairs." "Not so. She's the subject of no mortal authority, having... changed her diocese." I jerked in place. Antoine had used me as a pawn in his scheme to thwart the Porte. I swallowed the pointless ire. "Yes, I see." Kayserkul's frown could have splintered marble. "Presumably she wasn't brought here as a means of blackmailing Qirmez?" "At the moment, we want the same thing", Antoine said. "To keep Lorenz from cutting himself off this existence." "What do you propose?" Kayserkul asked. "I'll let Demoiselle past my flames. Afterwards you can continue your game of chase, if you can. But I warn you, don't try anything with her." Antoine's voice lowered. "Your petty mortal tricks shall not work a second time." The soldiers paced a few steps and changed their postures like angered peacocks. Kayserkul waved his hand, and the movement stopped as if the Porte's men had turned into statues. Lorenz's old friend stared at me with too much ice for it to be mere distrust. I tried to meet his gaze, but the intensity forced me to blink. Kayserkul was gone. Only a man-shaped shadow stood there, grappled by twining tendrils and roots rising through the solid rock below. I blinked again, and the officer of the Porte was again his uniformed self. "Fine." He sighed. "Convince my friend to end this charade, bint. Whatever your dealings with Qirmez are, be assured you can continue them, after he returns to his duty." CHAPTER 16 Moisture gleamed brighter than electric lamps in the Occidental's flame. My feet slipped, as I trudged up the grimy steps. The greenhouse was the size of a modest palace. Its glass panes gleamed milky white under their mouldy stains. Vivid greenery blocked the view deeper into the crystal manor. Though framed with little else than rust, the front door opened without effort from me. Inside was a dazzling thickness of flora, everything from gnarly trees to sprawling shrubs heavy with berries. A veritable jungle, with the sounds of nature replaced with the hum and groan of old machinery. Narrow gravel paths squirmed under the ferns and roses. I took the one in the centre and headed deeper. In the scent of moisture and moss, fluttered heady fragrances of blossoms and overripe fruit. The ambient light had no visible source beyond the cloudy mist right under the high ceiling. Stagnant water circled a platform filled to brim with a meadow. In the middle, sat Lorenz. His outstretched hand clasped a leaf-covered spike, which protruded from the ground. As I walked towards him, Lorenz opened his eyes. The shock on his face was short-lived, before he jerked his gaze away. "Erdil..." Lorenz fell silent with the weight of important things left unsaid. I sat on the other side of the branch. "Sure I might have a reason to be angry, but I don't blame you. You don't need me to drown yourself in guilt." "Do you know the worst variety of guilt?" Lorenz spoke softly, though there was a sharp bitter tinge to his tone. "The one from happiness. I should be dead, yet here I have lingered, at times even enjoying myself. It sours the small good parts and makes me feel like an ungrateful fool." My mouth opened, but my chest constrained my words. Silence was easier. I placed my hand on the branch over Lorenz's. "I won't try to guilt you from doing what you see as necessary", I said. "Yet, if you go, take me with you. In any case, I doubt I would last long alone." Lorenz cursed a short and vulgar outburst. He stood up. "For decades, I've been nothing but a desire to end. I haven't truly lived for almost as long as I can remember. Now, when I could finally stop, I..." His posture collapsed. "I've ruined everything." "No you hav--" "Stop. Do you really think our trip was purposeful? With a little more preparation, I could have come straight to Mesinre from the higher dreams. Or at least get onboard a liner that circled directly here. Or take another train instead of the trip through the periphery. I've been tarrying. You must have noticed." He let out a tired guffaw and continued: "When you came to my door that night and announced that you were my erstwhile pen friend, I was devastated. You had robbed me of pseudonym 'M_______', who had been a phantasm of hope for me. A girl, who I couldn't hurt, because I didn't know more of her than her local post office. I could project all my unviable desires on that glimmer of an imaginary woman. She was --you were-- my Galatea of ink and scented paper." Mine was the only hand on the branch. Inside my ribcage, a heart drummed as if it was alive. "I don't mind", I blurted. "I mean, I am real." Lorenz tried to slick his hair back, but his hand wavered so much he only tousled it more. "Yes, you are. And I squandered my opportunity to have you out of self-pity." I stood up, but kept my hand on the branch. "Nothing stops us from being together now." "Except those soldiers surrounding this place. As I said, I ruined everything. I shouldn't have lied for so long." I pulled the branch out of the ground. In my hand, it was a sharp sliver of molten platinum: an exquisite cavalry sword. "We could fight our way out." I flourished the blade. "Though that might not work." Lorenz looked at me and a smile lifted the corners of his mouth. "No." I slashed the sword into a silk scarf and wrapped it around my neck. "Apply skill to will to enact change in the Realms. That's how it works, right? I want to get out with you and I can dance. Take my hand." "What are--" Lorenz shook his head in amusement. "I don't think any amount of ability or desire will be enough to wish us away." "Oh, but I am quite the dancer. But I'm not relying on my skill. Antoine loaned me his flight." "That Occidental?" Lorenz gazed at me sharply. "Why is he helping you?" "Is that jealousy in your tone?" I smirked. "If you won't have me, I must go to him for solace." Lorenz smiled and allowed me to place us into a close dancing position. "Let us dance then." A few steps back and forth, and we found a common rhythm. I could almost hear the ponderous waltz. We swirled and my feet left the ground. They did not return. I stepped on air, and Lorenz came with me. He glanced down and stuck his gaze firmly into mine. Though his legs were nimble, his grip was vicelike and his spine stiff. "Relax", I said. "Let me lead." Lorenz didn't resist. After we passed through the glass ceiling, he closed his eyes. In the pale gleam of the spirit's flames, we danced. Perhaps I could have concentrated to lift us up like a fish being dragged out of the depths, but dancing was more enjoyable. Below us, the undertown was a collection of struggling lights scattered through impenetrable darkness, and the faint glisten of waves lapping against the mighty pillars, which kept the ceiling and uppertown aloft. I didn't ask Lorenz to open his eyes to look at the fascinating vista underneath. My smile widened, as I thought of the Porte's soldiers stuck in the depths. I had stolen Lorenz from them. He was mine now by the right of conquest. To deny such prerogative would have been immensely hypocritical of the Porte. We passed through man-made caverns basked in rampant bioluminescence. Up we rose, to a dark street in the gorge of gigantic high-rises. Yet we climbed on, until only the dome of stars remained above. Our feet dropped on a flat roof. Lorenz's eyes blew open. He glanced around and pulled me away from the edge. My legs shuddered with exhaustion. I took support from the man, and he clasped my head with both hands. By the time he let go, I gasped from the prolonged kiss. "Thank you", Lorenz said. "That you came for me." He shivered. "Oh... It feels like I'm benefiting from your misfortune." "Don't blame yourself for my own decisions. It easily begins to sound patronising." "Forgive me. It's just that I'm not used to being more than a dead man walking. It's as if I suddenly found out that the lightless cavern was a tunnel all along." "It's alright. Just accept that I do love you." Lorenz smiled. "I love you too." I took the scarf off my neck. "What are we going to do with this? It'd be a shame to waste it." He took the branch. It was a copper-gold orchid in his hand. "Do you know, where your body is?" "Dead, somewhere. Antoine is taking it for burial, I guess." Lorenz looked intently into the flower. "Your soul is still connected to your body. With this branch, I could undo, in a way, part of my mistake. But you would be like me. I don't know, if it's worth the cost." "You'd want to be with me, how I am in the waking world?" "Yes. I want to be with you. However, it took me decades to regain my senses after my death. I might be able to help you along, but that is hypothetical." "Would I leech on the vigour of those dear to me?" "Only on mine. That I can make sure of. For you, I'd figure out how to handle it." I fell silent. After a while, Lorenz continued: "It'd maintain your existence here in the Realms and keep you from fading." "Like Kayserkul is anchored?" "No, not at all. More as I am, but you wouldn't be connected to the Verdant Embrace. If you wanted, you could always escape your existence." I stepped close to him. "We could be together. There would be all the time in the world to figure out the way to break your connection to the Porte." "Erdil. What I propose, many consider a fate worse than death. Rightfully so." "But you'll save me from the worst, like you have saved yourself." "I will try." Lorenz tilted his head with unease. "This is a lot from me to ask." "No, it isn't. I don't want you to be alone and miserable. And stuck here, I might feel forlorn myself, whenever you aren't Dreaming." Before Lorenz could reconsider his offer, I clasped the flower and pushed myself against him. "Do the ritual", I said. "Before we regain our senses." "Alright. As soon as I break our anchoring here, I will come find you, wherever you are." Lorenz didn't need words or overt gesticulations to enact his pneumatic thaumaturgy. He blew gently into the orchid, which crumbled to dust. I felt the gentle tucking of wakefulness. With a sigh, I let myself fall off the Dream. Cold seeped through every nerve and fibre of me all the way to the stiff bones. I suffocated. A breath inwards barely moved my chest. Gurgling whine warbled in my throat. Through the pain I struggle to fill my lungs with air. Tiny trickle of air passed my opened mouth, and with it came intense relief. At the brink of passing out, I worked my lungs, until I could fill them properly and restart my breath. My vision was cloudy, but the shadows had turned into shapes around me. I was in a stone-walled room, laying on a bitterly cold table. Walls on both sides were stacked with small hatches. I concentrated my bleary eyes on the closest one. It had a name and two dates. A grave. All of the hatches were the doors into graves. All had died decades earlier and hadn't lived anywhere close to full lives. A tomb of small children. I wrangled myself around. At the closed metal door, a man leaned on the wall, with his face half-hidden by a snappy hat. Gone were the lines of considerable age, and the moustache was less impressive. "Antoine?" The Occidental jerked as if from deep thought. He smiled wide. "Mademoiselle? Already back among the living?" "In a manner." I pressed a hand on my chest to feel an unhurried heartbeat. "I assumed I'd wake up as a ravenous unthinking witch- beast." "You can thank a little something I did to preserve your brain, nerves and heart; 'Akhetiba', as they used to say back in the good old days. I'm glad it appears to have worked tremendously well." "Lorenz used the world tree branch. Perhaps that also helped." Antoine whistled. "He sure must like you to spend such power on you. Not that it was waste, in my opinion." "What happened to Ditos?" I asked. "Did he get away?" "The moment you two rose through the glass ceiling, he pulled my sleeve. With the tiniest push from he, he undid his own anchoring and disappeared with swiftness I myself couldn't have replicated." "Good. Souver?n should be safe then." I examined the Occidental for a moment. "I thought you were an old man in this realm." "But I am old, terribly so, though this body doesn't age. But people tend to distrust and envy the ageless. Back when it was relevant, l'Empereur taught me this trick." Antoine frowned enough to make himself look weather-beaten elder. In a blink of an eye, he was back his youthful self. "These days it's useful for a gent in my profession." "What is this place?" "This, Mademoiselle, is the tomb of certain little boy, who became Qirmez." "Oh, his parents held him a mock funeral, when he was taken to the New Army. They must have been old-fas-- But then again, it had to have been over half a century ago." Antoine gave me a tender smirk. "You seem to have a thing for older men, Mademoiselle." "Why did you bring me here?" "Look there." Antoine nodded to a crumbling sarcophagus. Behind the block of carved and worn stone was a canvas. I moved it aside to reveal Lorenz. His pallor was striking, and his arms were rigidly over his unmoving chest. I crouched down, closed his open mouth and pulled the blanket back to give him a bit of dignity. "I'm like him now, aren't I? A corpse that imitates the motions of living." I rubbed my hand. The clammy skin didn't feel cold. It wouldn't for me. "You are a spirit inhabiting a body separate from it. For most, their physical and mental existence is so interconnected that any distance between them is instinctively wrong. But you were always different, weren't you?" I turned away from him and shifted my thighs. The quick test proved that lower half hadn't changed. There hadn't been any reason for my body to suddenly shift from being dead for a while, but still I found myself disappointed. "Wouldn't you happen to know some hoary cantrip to alter one's physical form?" I asked. "No, not in the way you'd want, I'm afraid." "Bugger." "But I'm sure it's possible, in some way." The sound of wet bellows forced open distracted me from my reply. Lorenz stirred slowly. I pulled him to sit, before he realised he was awake. "Er-- Aurelia? How are you--" I nodded towards the Occidental. "He did hermetic tricks on my corpse to preserve it. I think he planned to have me brought back from the start." "Not this soon", Antoine said. "Truth be told, I hoped to tangle the possibility of your resurrection as means to get Lorenz's cooperation with certain business. But I think you have enough of your own problems to be any use to me now." "Well... Thank you, regardless of your motives", Lorenz said. I helped him to stand and pressed myself against his side, until he realised to wrap his arm around me. "You are welcome", Antoine said. "I have a buggy waiting nearby. If you need a ride, I can take you." "I have a safehouse in walking distance. It would be better for us to split up here." "What are you going to do?" I asked the Occidental. "Get across the border, while the Porte's men search for an older officer instead of a dapper foreigner. Perhaps I'll take a much-earned vacation. I've heard the valleys of the Confederacy are splendid this time of the year." "They are", I agreed. "And the wines aren't half-bad if you pour them into fondue", Lorenz said. "Ah. Wine!" Antoine smacked his lips. His accent deepened. "I've almost forgotten the meaning of the words after years of these rotten grape juices you drink in this land. Anyhow, I should be going. Farewell, Mademoiselle and Monsieur. We'll have time to meet again. If nowhere else, then in Dreams." Antoine bowed and moved to leave. "Wait!" I yelped. "What about my soul?" The Occidental chuckled. "Mortal souls aren't worth the effort to keep them slipping away. Let's just say you owe me a favour. Au revoir, Mademoiselle." Antoine stepped outside with a whistled war song on his lips. I turned and wrapped my arms around Lorenz's neck. His hand slid down my spine taking census of every vertebrae on its tantalisingly slow descend. I yelped, when my posterior was squeezed. "This is not the place for that!" I protested. "We should get to your safehouse." "First I need to do something." Lorenz stared into my eyes. His expression was a cold and impassive mask. He reached down. His lips were as warm as mine. EPILOGUE The road below our window buzzed with the clatter of carts and the boisterous yells of workmen heading towards the Queen of Cities. I was lazy to remain in bed so far into the morning. Besides me, Lorenz read a folded gazette clumsily in one hand. His other was below the blanket twisting the remains of my manhood like an absent-minded girl might play with her curls. I leaned against the man and kept my hand on his chest. The beat below muscle and bone was strong these days. The City was the grand hive of the New Army, and Lorenz could 'feed' without causing more than frequent flu among the soldiery. And I could gorge myself on his strength. The constant hunger was impossible to separate from a lover's pining. Lorenz's uncombed hair was its natural vibrant auburn. The City was cosmopolitan enough to swallow a redhead as just another nativised foreigner. He reassured me that anyone who had known Qirmez in life were gone in one way or another. "Find anything interesting there?" I cooed. "No. You distract me." "Oh. A bad quality in one's secretary." My employment in Lorenz's new 'transport company' wasn't nearly as salacious as I had half-hoped. Keeping track of all the various shipments up and down Tuna kept one girl busy. I had little time to play the personal servant in a vulnerable position. Lorenz dropped the gazette with theatrical aplomb. He turned and took hold my head. I rubbed my stockinged thigh against his leg. A rigid member poked against me: we had found a working alchemical solution to Lorenz's problem, which he had been too despondent to fix by himself. "I'm thinking of taking a day off", Lorenz said. "We could go to the City, do some sightseeing again. Eat at the harbour." His hand slid over the hard-won curve of my waist. "Buy you something pretty. I hear the Occidental boutiques have new designs, again." "Oh..." I crooned. "Why spend money on me?" "Do I need a reason?" he gave my forehead a quick kiss. "Do you remember the Cuvalis?" "I'd be a pretty bad secretary, if I had forgotten." "Well, I'm planning on doing more business with them. Yet they are a traditional lot, despite the trade they are in. It doesn't fit their mode for me to keep an employer so openly as my mistress." "Are you setting me a side?" The jest in my voice was much too brittle. "What would you say if we held a marriage ceremony. A fake one, obviously, for our false identities. I can't expect you to actually marry a man like me." I grinned. "Can we have a real wedding in secret afterwards?" "Certainly." Lorenz sighed with amusement. "I planned to wait until we reached some beautiful place in the City. But keeping anything hidden from you feels rotten." "Rightfully so, mister H_______. I can't plan your day if I don't know your plans." "Often I don't even need to state my plans for you to sense them." I took the hint, and with a smile on my face I turned on my stomach. Lorenz clambered on top of me and reached for the petroleum jelly on the night table. Though I prepared myself, the first push sent my spine into an arch. "Do you want me to help with that?" Lorenz gestured at my crotch, where the feminine influences of my daily elixirs and my arousal fought over the control of my member. "No thanks", I said. Being bothered intensified the pleasure of Lorenz's presence. I pulled on my corset. "Help me with this." Lorenz moved behind me and took the laces. "You know, the local women don't wear these." "Maybe you should marry one of them then." He liked to affect concern about my use of corset, but satisfaction was clear on Lorenz's face, when he could almost wrap his hands around my waist. I filled my lungs, and Lorenz pulled the laces. With the help of another, the corset could be tied tighter. And when Lorenz did it, the squeeze was like a day long embrace. "Tighter", I muttered without letting too much air out of my lungs. "The whalebone is going to snap." "Rubbish." Lorenz pulled the last necessary portion of an inch and tied the laces. His hands moved around my waist, to make sure the corset fit right, of course. After I got my black redingote on top of the bustle and warm petticoat, I began to paint my face. Lorenz, himself already dressed, combed my hair. I enjoyed the clumsy pull on my scalp, as usually Lorenz was too busy to help me in the mornings. "Many men would resent the idea of helping in their woman's toilette", I said. "Why? It's for their own gratification also." Perhaps I was making assumptions without any actual knowledge. Outside the window of our speeding carriage, labourers prepared fields and olive orchards for the coming wet season. The outskirts were increasingly mottled with tightly-packed villages, until the landscape disappeared into the immemorial urban sprawl. Lorenz gazed out of his window. His face drooped in a still frown. At times, morose ideation still poisoned his mind. Nothing I was capable of could cure him, only alleviate the symptoms. I clasped his hand. The bones were readily apparent in my overly tight hold. "Lorenz", I said. He turned. I put on a wide smile. Fortunately it infected him, and he smiled back. "What, dear?" "You were brooding again. And remember, you promised to tell me, if something troubled you." "It was nothing grim. I'm just thinking what sort of stone your ring should have." A shrill yelp escaped my lips. Lorenz's smile became almost smugly satisfied. "First I thought it should match your eyes, but on the other hand symbolism is important in these things. However, symbolism according to what tradition? I--" "Amethyst." "Why? It wouldn't be too expensive, but why that?" "I just think they are pretty." "Then they fit your eyes perfectly." "Oh you rogue." My smile pursed as if I had something horribly delightfully sour on my tongue. "You waited for the chance to say that." "I might have." He sighed. "Even though your presence is supposed to drain my strength, it feels like the opposite." Perhaps Lorenz hypothesis was wrong, and that we both took the strength of the other in a circular mess of a pathological relationship. At the moment I didn't care. Under the shadow of a gate of autocrats, Lorenz stopped my time for the length of a little death. AUTHOR'S NOTES: As always, thanks for reading. All rights are waived on this text, CC0.