Hermione's POV
Ronald
That name had been floating around in Hermione's head for the past weeks. He was the only thing she could think and dream about. She would spend hours and hours laying awake in bed at night just thinking about how it would be like if she had told him that she loved him all these time. She wasn't stupid. She knew that Ron has feelings for her.
But why he hasn't said anything? Why is he so afraid? Is it the war? Is it that he still has feelings for Lavender? Or is it me?
Maybe it was only her imagination. Maybe Ron had never show any signs of attraction to her. Maybe it was all in her head. Was she really that desperate to believe that Ron fancy her that she misunderstood his actions?
No, it can't be. No, i'm sure he fancies me. There are so many evidence.
Compliments.
He always found time to express his admiration for her intelligence, calling her smart, genius or the most amazing compliment ever, when he said to her that she is the most wonderful person he ever met in his life! Well, these are not the typical compliments a girl dying to hear, but every time he says something nice about her she feels like she's the happiest person alive. She still had dreams about that time when he told her "i love you". He only said that because I helped him with his homework, but a girl can dream, right? Just hearing those three words coming out of his mouth was enough to cause Hermione endless nights of romantic and sometimes naughty dreams.
Jealousy.
All she had to do is say Viktor's name and Ron's face turn red with anger. At first she thought it was because Viktor was a triwizard champion and Harry's opponent. He had to support his best friend, right? Even against his Quidditch hero. But Ron was angry with Harry too during that time so she started to wonder what made him feel so much hate for Viktor. Then it hit her.
I went with Viktor to the Yule Ball. Ron asked me to go with him. Well that if you call the "Hey, you are girl. Come with one of us" a proper invitation and I refused. I choose Viktor over Ron. Not that Ron ever wanted to go with me in the first place. He was just out of options and he thought that someone like me could never get a date, so he would do me a favour. A favour! I showed him though! His shocked face when he saw me. His eyes widen, his mouth on the floor and the blood rising up his face showing his clear anger. I honestly thought he was going to hit someone!
Protection.
She'll never admit that to Ron, but every time Draco and his buffoons calling her names like "filthy mudblood" and he goes all mad at them and he tries to protect her, she feels wonderful. Hermione knew from the start not to paying attention to what pathetic losers like Malfoy could say, but Ron is another story. Ron is like her own Knight in Shining Armor. Every time someone insults her, he is there to defend her and comfort her. He doesn't let anyone to hurt her. Other than him of course. I suppose he is the only one allowed to hurt my feelings , Hermione thought bitterly. Ron is the only one who can make her feel truly happy or deeply hurt and he doesn't even know.
Himself.
Ron can't hide his feelings. I see the way he looks at me sometimes and I know what that look means, because it's the same as mine. The first thing he does when he sees me, is to give me a smile. Oh, that smile... And then we start a bicker. I'm sure he's doing it for the same reason as me. He wants my attention as I crave for his. So we start bickering. We are not fighting. Sometimes I see Harry how scared he is that one of our rows would go out of control and we are going to say something that would ruin our friendship. But he can't understand. Ron and i know the line and we never cross it. We bicker because we want to. It's our thing.
Her-my-nee.
I can still hear him saying my name, lying on that hospital bed, almost dead. Despite his pain and unconsciousness , he had me on his mind. Not Lavender, not Harry, but Me. How do you react to something like that? I wanted to hug him and kiss him like there was no tomorrow, but I restrained myself. After all, even if I kissed him he wouldn't know it because of his condition. So I wait. I wait for him to get better. Foolishly I thought that his nearly-death experience would make him see that it's pointless to fight his feelings. That he should start taking risks because life is too short. But 7 months later i'm still waiting.
Tomorrow we'll go get Harry from the Dursleys. It's dangerous. I don't even want to think what's going to happen if we have to face Death Eaters. Are we ready? We weren't in the Department of Mysteries. I almost die. What if tomorrow is the last day of my life? What if tomorrow I actually die? I already saved my parents by sending them to Australia with changed memories. But what about me? I've never told Ron about my feelings. I don't want to die without telling him that I love him. I must tell him now! I wonder if he's sleeping. Well, there is one sure way to find out...
Hermione climb up the stairs to the second floor and found herself outside Ron's bedroom. After a moment of hesitation she knocked gently the wooden door.
"It's open" Ron, almost yelled.
Hermione open the door and slowly walked inside and closed the door behind her. "Hey, it's me."
Ron's POV
Hermione.
Ron knew it was her. She is the only one who would knock on his door. Everybody else seems to ignore the fact that this is his room and when the door is closed means it's closed for a reason. He don't want to be disturbed. But nobody except Hermione respects that. That's another reason why I love her, he thought with a smile on his face.
The smile quickly faded away though when he saw her face. She was tensed and concerned. Almost scared.
Did something happened to her? Did she read something bad in the Daily Prophet? Does this has anything to do with her parents and what she did to them? And if that's the case what do I do? I'm not good with these stuff. Do I hug her and tell her everything would be ok? Yeah, that doesn't sound so difficult. I can do it. But what if it's something else? What if... Oh shut up and ask her already, you git!
"Hey, Hermione. Is everything alright?" he worried.
"Yeah, I just couldn't sleep. Big day tomorrow," she said. "I know that you sleep late at nights so I thought that you would be awake. Plus everybody now is asleep and I really needed to talk to you without any interruptions," she added looking at him in the eyes.
I knew it, Ron thought! She wants to talk about something important and I know i'm going to say something childish and i'll ruin everything. Come on, you can do it. Be a man. Whatever it is, you can handle it. Remember what that book said. Be a gentleman, let her do the talk and whatever she tells you remember that "witches are always right". Take a deep breathe and you can do it.
"So what is so important that you couldn't wait until morning?" he asked nervously.
"Ron, i'm scared. And i'm not afraid to admit it. Do you realise that tomorrow we are going to face death, right? I have all these horrible images in my mind haunting me and I don't know what to do. What if something goes wrong, Ron? What if this is our last day alive? We might …die tomorrow" Hermione said with a trembling voice and with a tear rolling down her left cheek.
Ron walked on her and gently he put his hands on her face caressing her cheek and wiping her tears away. He knew that she needed courage. He had to be brave for her. "Hermione, look at me. Look at me! Everything is going to be alright. We are going, we'll follow Mad-Eye's plan and we'll bring Harry home. And we are going to be fine" he said, his hands still on her face.
Ron noticed that Hermione had stopped breathing and she had her eyes closed. Maybe my touch it's too disgusting for her, and he quickly dropped his hands off her face. Several seconds later Hermione seemed to start regain her ability to function properly and after a few deep breaths she looked at him and with a concerned tone she spoke.
"How do you know that, Ron? I'm still having nightmares about the Department of Mysteries. We survived by luck that day. Or have you forgot? Maybe the scars in your arm ring a bell? Maybe tomorrow we won't have luck on our side," she said, trying desperately to make him realise how dangerous Harry's rescue will be.
"Listen to me Hermione. I know it's dangerous. But I also know that we have no choice. And since we are going to do it, we shouldn't be thinking what might go wrong. We must stay positive," Ron said trying to convinced himself also. "Hey, I'm scared too. I'm terrified actually. But we are not alone now. We have my dad, Bill, Mad-Eye, Lupin, Tonks. Hagrid, Kingsley. They know what they're doing. Together we'll make it. We can do it!" he added, giving her a smile.
Hermione looked him in the eyes and then she embraced him in a tight hug. "I knew coming to you was the right decision. I feel so safe when I'm with you," she said, almost whispering.
Ron hugged her back and he wished this hug could last forever. She was a good four inches shorter than him, so her head was resting in a perfect position on his chest. His heart was beating like crazy and he was worried if Hermione noticed that.
After what it seemed like hours or in reality only a couple of minutes they broke apart and looked each other in the eyes. Hermione spoke first. "Ron I want us to talk about everything. We may not have another chance to do it."
Ron didn't expect that. He honestly thought that the hug was the best way to end the night. He was quite proud with himself actually. He was serious, he didn't say any inappropriate jokes and he comforted her. Not bad at all! But talk? He wasn't good at this part. And what did she meant by everything?
"Okay. If you want to. But what do you mean when you say everything?" asked Ron.
"I mean everything, Ron. There so many things I've never told you about and I want to. I really do. But I need some time to find the courage, because what I want to tell you it might change our relationship, or the way you see me forever," she said looking suddenly at her shoes with great interest.
Now it was Ron's turn to stop breathing. A billion thoughts crossed his mind in mere seconds.
Might change our relationship? What could possibly cause our relationship to change? Oh shite! She's going to tell me about her love feelings about Krum, or worst Harry. I guess she knows that I will probably overreact and she's hoping that I won't have a problem and I will be the supportive best friend. Well forget it, Hermione. If you want Harry, I would never forgive you. And I'm pretty sure Ginny would make you regret the day you laid your eyes on her future boyfriend. And if you want Krum, well I don't know what I'm going to do, but it won't be pleasant. Wait a minute? What if it's someone else? McLaggen maybe? Or someone i don't know? What if she starts telling me about her secret affairs? Oh, Merlin, I don't know if I can do this. I can already see how this will go "You see Ron, I've slept with Krum, then Harry, Cormac, Neville, Seamous, and Blaise", "What about me?", "Don't be ridiculous Ronald. What girl in her right minds would ever want to sleep with you? Now I'm sorry but where was i? Oh, yes! I've also slept with Dean, Michael, Theodore..." Oh, boy! Where is a firewhiskey when you need it? I don't think I can handle this.
"Ron? Ronald!" Hermione waved a hand in front of his face and that brought him back in reality. "Are you alright? You seemed a little off," she asked, giving him a worried look.
"Yeah, I'm fine. So …you want to talk about everything? Alright, if that's what you want," he said, afraid of what she might start saying.
He saw Hermione sit on the down side of his bed and he took his place across from her sitting on the up side.
"I have some questions first and I need you to answer me truthfully Ronald. I promise I'll answer any questions of yours. Do we have a deal?" she asked.
"I suppose," Ron agreed feeling slightly relaxed.
"Ok. I'll go first" she said. Ron noticed how nervous she was, while she kept her eyes on the floor. Suddenly she raise her head and looking at him straight in the eyes, she said. "Lavender."
Ron froze. He certainly didn't see that coming. What could she possibly have to ask about Lavender? He looked at her and he saw the determination in her eyes. Bloody hell, where did I get myself into? Taking a deep breath he asked. "What about her?"
Hermione's POV
Lavender
Even the name makes Hermione angry. She was her dormmate for 6 years. She isn't a bright mind. All she cares about is make-up, fashion and gossip. Seeing Ron with her everyday snogging in front of everyone like a lovely couple, broke her heart. What did he saw in that bimbo? I don't deny that she's beautiful. One of the most wanted girls in school actually. But is that a good reason to be with someone? I know Ron. He's not the kind of a guy who would fall for a girl just because of her looks. Yes, he's a boy. And a little daft as far as girls is concerned. He just can't take a hint. Not mine, anyway, she thought bitterly.
But to be with her means she must have meant something to him. She must have some hidden endearing qualities. Why her and not me? I need to know.
"What about her?" she heard him asking her.
Ok, here we go. "Do you love her?" she asked.
"What are you talking about?" he asked back looking confused.
"My question is quite simple Ron. Do you love Lavender?" she asked him again, this time though raising the tone of her voice.
God, he can't be that daft.
"No, I don't," he said looking at her and Hermione saw the truth in his eyes.
Good, it was only a fling. But what if he did love her while they were dating? I'm so pathetic...
"Did you?" she asked him.
"Did I what?" Ron asked back and once again with a confused look.
Did you love her when you... when you were together?" she asked him with a choked voice. Please say no, please say no...
"No, i didn't" Ron answered almost angrily.
"You didn't?" Hermione didn't know what to do next. She had her answer. And it was the answer she hoped for.
Yes, he didn't. Lavender means nothing to him. Then why? If he didn't love her while they were a couple, then why he was with her in the first place.
"Then why you were with her?" Hermione asked him, clearly unsatisfied with his answer.
"I wasn't rejecting a lot of offers Hermione in case you failed to notice. I was 16 and a pretty girl showed interest in me. For the first time an actual girl told me she likes me. What was I supposed to do? Reject her and pray for something better to come?" Ron said, giving her the same look he usually give to her every time she nag him about his homework. That looks means 'give me a break Hermione. I'm doing my best. I'm not perfect like you'.
Hermione noticed that and she got angry with his behavior. "Yes!" she almost screamed. Why can't he see that what he did was wrong? You shouldn't be with someone you don't like. "You should have wait Ron. You should have wait for," ...Me, she added mentally.
"For who? Do you know any girl besides Lavender who fancies me and I don't know it? Because really, I don't know any," he started shouting back at her.
"Ron keep it quiet! You don't have to scream at me" She pulled out her wand and cast the Muffiato spell.
"Listen I'm sorry for yelling at you, but you must realise that I'm not Harry, Hermione. I don't make girls turn their heads on me every time I walked by them. I'm not rich, I'm not famous, I'm not good at Quidditch, my clothes are second or third hand so I'm not a fashion icon either. I'm actually surprised Lavender wanted me in the first place," he said with bitterness in his voice.
"Not every girl cares about these stuff Ron," she said, feeling sad for him all of a sudden. I'm one of those girls actually...
"Oh, I know that. Obviously Lavender is one of those girls. She liked me for me. She never cared about any of these stuff. She was a good girlfriend," Ron said. But he wan't finished.
"All I'm saying is that usually when girls look at someone like Krum or Harry, they're thinking how lucky they would be if they were their girlfriends. Not even girlfriends. A date, a kiss, a smile from them is enough to make girls go crazy. Even you, Hermione. Don't tell me that when you went with Krum to the Yule Ball was because you admired how brilliant or articulate he was. You went because he is Viktor Krum."
Anger filled Hermione's mind. "How dare you? I never went with Krum because of his fame. I went with him because he asked me. And he did it properly. But you wouldn't know what I'm talking about, right Ronald? And as for Lavender. What do you mean when you said she was a good girlfriend? Are we talking about Lavender Brown? You know the same Lavender Brown you were avoiding after your birthday incident, because you couldn't stand her?"
I shouldn't say that. Now images of Ron's almost lifeless body lying on that hospital's bed, flooded her mind and it was too difficult to concentrate on the conversation.
"I never said that I was a good boyfriend, Hermione. I never treated Lavender with the right way. I knew from the start that she meant nothing to me but I was..." he didn't finish his sentence.
"You were what?" Hermione asked still angry for what he said earlier.
"I was tired to be alone, Hermione. I was tired to be the only one left without having been kissed. My baby sister had already two ex-boyfriends and I hadn't even share a lousy kiss with anyone," he said and Hermione saw that he had his hand on his face trying to conceal his embarrassment.
"Oh, I see! You just wanted a pair of lips so you wouldn't feel like loser, right? I suppose now that you have kissed Lavender everybody must think how cool you are, Ronald. Welldone," she said sarcastically.
"What do you want from me Hermione? You want me to tell you that my relationship with Lavender was a joke? That it was a mistake to be with her in the first place? Because I'm not gonna say it, Hermione. Lavender can be annoying at times, but she wasn't all that bad. She tried to be a good girlfriend. She was honest with her feelings and she never pretended. If anything, I was a mistake to her. She is a good girl and I'm not going to apologized for dating her," he said in a very angry tone.
Hermione realised that she might crossed some lines. After all Ron doesn't know the real reason behind her behavior. "I'm sorry, Ron. I didn't mean to insult her or your relationship," she said trying to defuse the tension.
"Why my relationship with Lavender is so important to you, Hermione?" he asked her looking at her eyes.
Because I was jealous, she wanted to shout at him, but she couldn't do it. Not while he's still angry. She had to wait for him to calm down. "Because I never liked her and I really do think that you should've waited for someone else," she said thinking that it was a good excuse.
"Is that all? Is that why you are so mad at me for going out with her?" he asked again, his eyes never leave hers.
"Yes. Like I said, I've never liked her and as for you, I'm mad, because I think you've made a mistake. Your first kiss should have been special. With someone you really love."
She couldn't help the blush on her face. She was looking anywhere but him, and then she added "And you threw it away."
"Well not all of us are lucky enough to have a perfect first kiss like you, Hermione," he said giving her a meaningful look.
"What are you talking about?" she asked confused.
"I'm talking about your first kiss Hermione. It was with Krum on the Yule Ball, right? You were so beautiful with that dress and he was like a prince," he paused at this part and Hermione reminded herself to breath.
Ron thought I looked beautiful. Why couldn't he said that to me that night? Why he choose to fight with me instead?
Ron spoke again. "You danced, you laughed, he was a real gentleman and then you shared your first kiss. Isn't that every girls dream? So, tell me Hermione. Tell me how perfect it was your first kiss. Tell me what I've missed when I throw it away with Lavender!" he yelled at Hermione.
Hermione was shocked. Ron knew. He knew about her kiss with Viktor. "How do you know about that?" she asked trying to understand.
"Does it matter? What matters is that you never told me," Ron said and it was obvious from the tone in his voice how hurt he was. Hermione didn't say anything.
"I think it's my turn now to ask a question, right?" he asked her and she nodded awkwardly.
"Alright, ask me anything you want," she said ready to face anything he could ask her.
"Viktor Krum," he said.
"What about him?" she asked, but she already knew that it was her time to reveal her secrets.
Ron's POV
Krum
That stupid Bulgarian pumpkin-headed prat. What did she saw in him anyway? Yes, he is a famous Quidditch player, but Hermione never liked that sport, so I doubt he dazzled her with his performances. He is rich, but Hermione is not a gold digger. He comes from a royal family so he's probably a prince. Maybe that's it. If they ever got married she would be a princess. You don't turned down that offer easily. Or maybe she went out with him because he's older and probably more mature. Hermione is more serious than other girls of her age. She can hold a real conversation about anything. Maybe that's what she saw in Krum. He's a confident mature man. Obviously he don't have the emotional rate of a teaspoon.
"What about him?" he heard her asking him.
Okay, here we go. Keep it cool, Ron, whatever she tells you.
"What exactly was your relationship with him?" he asked preparing himself for the worst.
"I never had a relationship with him, if that's what you're asking. We are just friends," she said with an angry tone.
"Friends who kiss each other?" he asked her also with an angry tone.
"It happened once Ron. And yes, it was on the Yule Ball. I've never kissed him again," she said looking on the floor.
Yes, it was only one kiss! Still bad, but it could be worse.
"Why? Was he such a bad kisser?" Ron asked with a grin on his face.
"No, if you must know he was a great kisser," she answered blushing.
Great? Not just good? How can I compete with great? Well, maybe it wasn't that great. If it was then why they are not together.
"So why you are not together if he is such a great kisser?" he asked her.
Ron watched her breathing heavily and blushing like mad and looking anywhere but him but he thought it was just an awkward conversation that made her feel uncomfortable. Probably she's just trying to hide things. But then he heard her saying "Because I don't love him Ron."
Busted, he thought. She told me that the first kiss should be with someone you love. Hers was with Vicky, so that means she loved him.
"But you did, didn't you? You know, during 4th year?" he asked her trying to make her telling him the truth.
"No, I didn't!" she shouted. "He was and still is a good friend, but nothing more... Unfortunately!"
I knew it! She wants him."Unfortunately? So, it sounds like you want him, but he doesn't?"
"No, I could be with Viktor, Ron. He asked me to be his girlfriend during the championship, and later on his letters. But I couldn't. Unfortunately I'm stupid when it comes to romance. I chose to fall for the only guy who can't take a hint," she yelled at him looking him straight in the eyes.
Ron was taken aback from her outburst and he was dying to ask who that guy was. But the truth is, he was too afraid about her answer.
It must be Harry. It'll be too painful for him to hear her confess her feelings for his best mate.
"You won't ask who this guy is, Ron?" she asked him with a trembled voice and Ron saw that she was trying to hold her tears from rolling down her cheeks.
What does she wants from me? Let her confess her love for Harry and then hug her and tell her that everything is going to be alright? She must be kidding.
"No. It's not my business, right?" he said with a cold voice.
"And what if I told you that it is your business?" she said almost whispering.
Ron was now sure. Of course it's Harry. And Harry is his best friend plus his sister and him are having some sort of a thing going on. I suppose that does make it my business. I must change the subject.
"Before you tell me how this is my business I want you to answer me this. There is something I don't understand, Hermione. You lectured me minutes ago about how stupid I was to kiss Lavender. You said that the first kiss should be with someone you love. Yours was with Krum. That means you had to love Krum for letting him kiss you for the first time, right? So, why you denied it a few minutes ago?" he asked her, hoping to win more time before the big revelation of her lustful feelings for Harry.
"I never said that I had a perfect kiss with someone I loved, Ron. I was talking generally and brought you as an example. You really want to know how my first kiss was? You really want to, do you? Well I can't tell you Ron, because I don't remember it! Yes, that's how wonderful that moment was," she cried.
"You want to know what I do remember from that night? I remember you. You and those hideous dress robes and your painful remarks about how horrible girl and friend I was. I remember our fight and I remember me crying for hours in my bed afterwards. That night I had my first kiss and you ruined everything," she yelled at him, not holding her tears now.
Ron felt horrible. He made her cry. She was already worried about tomorrow and he made her cry. "I'm sorry, Hermione. I didn't mean to make you cry," he said truthfully.
"Don't worry Ronald. It's not the first time I'm crying over you. And I'm sure it won't be the last one either," she said wiping her tears form her face.
Ron stare at her for a moment. Could that be true? Did he really made her cry often? He knew they were bickering a lot, but he doubted that this could give her sorrows. "What do you mean by that? When have you ever cried over me before?" he asked hoping to get an honest answer.
Hermione gave him an angry look. "I don't know Ron. Maybe when you called me a nightmare, or when you thought that I only bought Crookshanks to eat your rat, or with your pity invitation to the Yule Ball, because according to you, I wasn't a girl-girl to find a date of my own, or when you kissed Lavender, or when you mocked me in the Transfiguration lesson, or …." But Ron interrupted her.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa... What do you mean when I kissed Lavender?" Ron asked confused. How on earth could that made her cry?
"My God, Ronald! You must be without doubt the daftest person alive! You still can't understand that I..." she never finished her sentence. She just was staring at him in the eyes.
Was she ready to say what I think she was? She's not in love with me, is she?
"You what?" he asked. She didn't move. She kept looking at him in the eyes without saying anything. "You what Hermione?" he asked again.
Hermione took a deep breath and she spoke. "I will tell you, but before I want to ask you something important. Can I?" she asked him.
"Sure, go ahead."
"Do you love me?"
Both POV
Ron was petrified. His eyes widen and he was quite sure he wasn't breathing. Did she just ask me if I love her? What am I suppose to say? Of course I love her. But not in the way she wants me to. She wants me to love her as a friend or a sister. God, what am I going to do now?
Hermione was watching Ron having trouble to give her an answer. He had a blank look. The same look he has every time Snape asks him a question at Potion. It's the "I'm trying to think, but nothing comes to my mind" look.
If he loved me he would say it already. We are alone in his room and I hugged him and I told him about how jealous I was of Lavender and that Viktor doesn't mean anything to me. So he must know. He must know by now that I'm in love with him.
"Ron I asked you a question. Do you love me?" she asked him again more nervously now.
Ron heard her voice again asking him if he loves her. Well a little truth doesn't hurt, he thought. "Of course I do Hermione. How can you ask me that?"
Hermione couldn't believe it. He admitted it. He loved her. "You do?" she asked him with a huge smile on her face.
"Yes, we may have our rows, but that doesn't change my feelings for you," Ron said trying to hide his pink ears with his hands.
Hermione was over the moon. But then she realised that she didn't hear him saying the exact words. "Then say it Ron. Tell me that you love me. I need to hear you say it."
"I love you Hermione Granger," Ron said immediately, looking in her eyes and with the words coming out of his mouth so natural and without a doubt that he was impressed with himself.
Hermione couldn't hold any longer. She threw herself at him wrapping her arms around his neck and she held him very tight.
Okay, Hermione this is your chance. Tell him now. She raised her head and she locked her eyes with Ron's. "I love you too Ronald Weasley."
Her voice was very sweet and some happy tears were rolling down her cheeks. She noticed that Ron's ear's had a deep red colour now, but she was sure that hers would probably look exactly like that too. "And I think it's time for me to say it. I love you, but not like I love Harry," she added trying to explain what she meant.
Ron's face frowned with the revelation. She loved him, but obviously not in the same way as Harry. "Oh, I see," he said loosen up the hug and looking on the ceiling. He didn't have the strength to look her in the eyes anymore. It was too painful.
Hermione didn't realised what was happening at the moment because she was staring on the floor. She had a feeling that Ron would kiss her any minute now and she was trying to prepare herself. She looked at Ron and she saw that he was clenching his teeth with anger and he was looking anywhere but her. But what worried her more is that he wasn't touching her anymore.
Didn't I make myself clear? Maybe he didn't understand me.
"Yes. What I feel about you it's different. Way different. Do you understand what I'm saying?" she asked him thinking she made herself very clear this time.
Ron must have realised what I'm trying to tell him now.
"Yes I understand. I understand perfectly," he said with a hint of resentment in his voice. Hermione didn't notice though.
"You do?" she asked with a huge grin on her face.
This is it. Now I know he's going to kiss me. Come on Ron, I'm ready. Just do it.
Instead of kissing her like she hoped, Ron walked away from her and he went to sit on Harry's bed. Hermione didn't understand his actions.
Is this some kind of a game? Am I suppose to go and sit right next to him?
"Ron you said you understand, so why you don't do anything about it?" she asked him nervously.
Like throw me in the bed and snog my brains out?
"Like what? Giving my blessings?" he said sarcastically.
Hermione was totally lost. "Your blessings? What are you talking about?" she asked him confused.
"I'm talking about your feelings Hermione. I guess I should have expected that. After all you always gave your full attention to him. All those little moments now make perfect sense. After all it's the hero that gets the girl in the end, right?" Ron said with a little laugh.
"Ron what are you...?" she tried to speak, but Ron interrupted her.
"You know what? I'm going to be a good friend. I don't know what Harry feels about you, but I really hope he loves you back, Hermione. Even if that would break my sister's heart. I only want you to be happy. So don't worry. Your feelings for Harry won't change our relationship. I promise."
Finally Hermione started to realise what was happening. "Ron something tells me you've got it all wrong."
"No, I don't," he said giving her a cold look.
"Yes, you do!" she yelled. "Tell me Ron? What exactly did you understand? That I'm in love with Harry? Is that what you think?" she added angrily, not able to comprehend how someone can be so daft like Ron.
Ron wasn't looking at her or spoke. That was enough for Hermione to confirm her suspicions. "Honestly, Ronald. I can't believe you. How daft can you be? How can you not understand what I'm trying to say to you?" she yelled at him, while real tears now were running down her cheeks as she rested herself on the floor.
Ron turned to watch her and he saw her lying on the floor, sobbing with her legs on her chest and her hands covering her face.
Does that mean that I'm the one she is in love with? It sounded like. Could it be true?
He walked towards Hermione and he fell on his knees right in front of her. He put his hands on hers to take them off her face.
"Don't touch me!" she yelled at him. It was too painful for her to feel his touch right now. "Leave me alone, Ron. Just leave me alone," she said in tears.
But Ron didn't let go. He decided to tell her the truth. He was still confused with the whole situation. He didn't know if Hermione was telling him that she was actually in love with him and not Harry, but right now nothing mattered.
"Hermione look at me," but Hermione still held her eyes on the floor. "Please just look at me," he pleaded.
Hermione wiped her tears and then raised her head and she looked him in the eyes. They just stood there staring at each other for a couple of minutes, until Ron spoke "I must tell you something. I really don't know if you want to hear it but I'm going to say it," he said not talking his eyes from hers even for a second. "I love you Hermione. But maybe not in the way you want me to."
Hermione almost felt her heart break. Her greatest fear always was telling Ron about her feelings and him saying he doesn't feel the same way. And now it was happening. She was living her worst nightmare.
But then Ron spoke again. "You see Hermione, the truth is that I'm in love with you."
Hermione couldn't believe what was happening. Ronald Weasley, the boy that she secretly have been in love for the last three years, was in front of her, telling her that he's in love with her too? She was numb. She didn't move a muscle, her eyes were staring at his without blinking, her mouth was wide open but no words coming out.
But Ron wasn't finished. "I'm in love with you and I have been for the last two, maybe three years. And I don't know if this is a good or a bad thing, but like you said, we might die tomorrow. I didn't want to die without telling you first."
Hermione was still a statue. She went there to tell him that she loves him, and instead he's the one telling her that he loves her. And not just that, but he kept his feelings for her secret for so long.
"Hermione, I think now would be a good time for you to tell something," Ron said.
But Hermione was still in shock. Ron took that as a sign that she didn't share the same feelings and she didn't know how to tell him. "I'm so stupid! I should never…" he said as he stood up again and he walked as far away from Hermione was possible trying to hold his tears for running down. He wouldn't cry in front of her.
"Ron…" he heard her whispering. He didn't turn though. He was afraid that she would see how weak he was at that moment. He heard her voice once more "Ron". He mastered his courage and turned to see her. She was in the same spot, only this time she was standing. She had a shocked expression on her face and she was looking at him straight in the eyes.
Hermione started to walk very slowly towards Ron. She didn't break the eye contact. She reached him and she stopped. She was right in front of him and her heart was beating so fast that she thought she might passed out any minute now. "Why?" she asked him.
Ron didn't expect that question. You don't ask someone why he loves you. He just does, he thought. "Why I love you?" he asked her and she shook her head.
"No. Why you never told me all these time about your feelings? What, did you thought I was going to laugh at you or I wouldn't love you back?" she asked him.
Ron let a small sigh. "Come on Hermione. Don't stand there and pretend that you love me as more than a friend. You made it very clear to me that I'm not good enough for you and I shouldn't have these ridiculous thoughts of you and me together."
Hermione felt anger rose inside her. "Pretend? You don't know what you're talking about. I've been in love with you since the end of third year! Don't tell me that I wasn't obvious. Everybody knew, except you. And I tried to show it to you, but it's impossible for you to take a hint!" she yelled.
"You tried to show me? That's funny! Hermione, do you have any idea how many times I tried to talk to you or show to you what you mean to me, but all I got back was rejection?" he said looking anywhere but her, trying to hide his embarrassment.
Hermione didn't say anything. She was just looking at him shocked. "What? What are you talking about Ron? When did you try to tell me that you're in love with me in the past?"
Ron decided to go all in. He had nothing to lose. "I fancied you before the Yule Ball, Hermione. But I thought that was just hormones and it would eventually go away. I was wrong. After I saw you with Krum, I felt the first heartache. I started acting like a jealous prat, trying to show you how much your relationship with him bothered me. Then I felt a worst pain in my heart, when you didn't even care what I thought. You already made your decision. Apparently he meant more to you than my friendship," he said with bitterness in his voice.
I can't believe he loved me all these time. We could be together from 4th year? And we weren't because of Viktor? He thought I preferred Viktor over him? Idiot!
"You're talking nonsense right now, you know that? It was my decision if I wanted his friendship or not. Not yours. That's why I was mad at you. Not because I chose him over you. How could you even think that?"
"Well, considering that you lied to me about the nature of your relationship with him, I think I wasn't that idiot," he said sarcastically.
"I lied to you?" she asked him, clearly offended.
"Yes, you did. During the tournament I was asking you about Viktor and you always told me he was just a friend. You never said he kissed you, and if it wasn't Skeeter's article you wouldn't have told me about his confession that he likes you more than any girl he ever met before or abut his proposal to spent your summer in Bulgaria. And please don't tell me that you were going to tell me eventually, because that's a lie and you know it, Hermione," Ron said trying to contain his anger.
"I…" She didn't know what to say. Ron was right. She had no intention to inform him or Harry about Viktor and their talks. Not that she ever crossed her mind to go to Bulgaria, but at the same time she liked the idea of someone like Viktor Krum having so strong feelings for her. He was very sweet and he made her feel like a beautiful girl.
Ron saw that she was once again in the verge of tears and once again he felt bad with himself. "I'm sorry, Hermione. I didn't mean to sound harsh."
"No, you're right. I wasn't going to tell you that Viktor kissed me or that he invited me to Bulgaria. I'm sorry. But, you know, since I didn't share his feelings or I wasn't going to visit him, I thought it wouldn't make any difference if you knew it or not," she said truthfully.
Ron seemed to soften and Hermione was glad that at least they could leave the Krum issue behind them.
"So, your invitation to the Ball was a message to me that you liked me more than a friend?" Hermione asked him, but he shook his head.
"No, the first time it was at the end of the year. During our ride back to Kings Cross, I was trying to think a way to tell you how I feel about you, without humiliating myself," Ron said nervously.
Hermione looked confused. "What happened? Why didn't you tell me?"
"You kissed Harry and you gave me just a quick hug. I think you made it quite clear that I had no chances with you. I mean it was already bad enough with Krum, but Harry? What were my chances against Harry?" he said looking at her, showing that he believed every word that was coming out of his mouth.
Hermione was shocked. She never considered that kiss as anything more than a sign of friendship. "How could you misunderstand that Ron? I gave him a kiss on the cheek, because he needed to feel that his friends are there for him and I gave you a just a hug, because I was still mad at you for all those things you were telling me all year. Nothing more," she said, trying to make him understand her actions.
"Yeah, I thought about that in my holidays before you came. And when you came in Grimmauld Place and we spent a couple of weeks without Harry, I saw that we can have a nice time just the two of us. That gave me hopes and I thought that maybe you wouldn't find my feelings as a reason to laugh," Ron said trying once again to hide his embarrassment.
Hermione couldn't believe it. "So all these time, you thought that I'm just a horrible girl, that could mock you if you have told me the truth?" she asked him and her look showed to Ron that he had obviously hurt her feelings.
"No, Hermione. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I was just trying to show you, how insecure I feel when it comes to you," Ron answered immediately.
"Why? Why you feel insecure about me?" she asked him trying to find an answer.
"Because you don't believe I'm worthy, Hermione! Whenever I do something good, you looked so surprised that... that you make me doubt about myself," Ron answered, walking away from her and looking outside of his window.
"What? What are you talking about?" she asked him walking towards him and turning him over to face her.
Ron took a deep breath, he looked her in the eyes and he said. "Do you remember what happened when Harry came to Grimmauld Place? You only talked to him and it was like I didn't even exist. And then those letters came. McGonagal made me a prefect. I never thought that I would ever be a prefect in the first place, but holding that badge I felt good. And I was so happy, because I thought that maybe you would think of me differently. Maybe someone you could respect. And then you open the door and I was ready to tell you and I was hoping that after you would learn that I was a prefect, maybe you could be happy about me."
Hermione knew what he was going to say and she quickly interrupted him "But I was happy about you Ron. And I was so proud," she said.
"No, you weren't!" Ron shouted at her. "I was there Hermione, so stop lying. I saw how excited you were with the prospect of you and Harry as prefects," he stopped talking and he took a few deep breaths to calm himself. The last he wanted was to fight once again with Hermione.
After a few moments he started talking again. "When you came in the room, you didn't even look at me. You walked in, searching only for Harry. You just wanted to hear him saying that he's a prefect like you. I can still hear your voice in my head. I knew it Harry…You almost shrieked from joy when you saw him holding that badge. And when he told you that it was me and not him…" he stopped talking once again running a hand through his hair, sighing.
Hermione realized that he was trying to hold back tears. She let him finish though. She understood that he needed to get it out of his chest. She on the other hand, couldn't hide her emotions. Ron's words were like adding salt, in an open wound.
"I saw your face Hermione. All the happiness and excitement was gone and you had that shocked expression like it was the most absurd thing you've ever heard. You couldn't even find a nice reason of why I deserved that badge. Not a single, lousy one. You made me feel like I stole that badge from Harry. Nothing has ever hurt me more in my life than your reaction that day," he added with a defeated voice.
Hermione was now really crying in and out. She always felt guilty for her reaction that day, but hearing Ron say how she made him feel it was unbearable. "I didn't mean to, Ron. I was just… I was sure it was going to be Harry, not because he deserved it more than you, but because he is Harry Potter. He always got things without much trying. His spot on the Quidditch team, the free books from Lochart, the best broomstick. I just thought that the prefect badge was just one more of those things. And I wasn't excited. I was just trying to cheer him up, because after what happened with Cedric or his attack from the Dementors or the fact that he spent all his holidays alone, made him miserable and grumpy. I thought that being a prefect would give him something to distract his mind and maybe make him happy. And…" she said trying to make him see her side of the story.
"That still doesn't justify your reaction. The twins were making fun of me and I don't know if you tried to defend me or not, but when the time came to tell them why I deserved that badge, you didn't say anything. You just silently agreed with everyone else that I wasn't worthy enough," Ron interrupted her again.
Hermione felt horrible. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for making you feel unworthy. I'm sorry for not showing to you how happy I was that you were a prefect. But if you've asked me with who I wanted to do patrols, I would say you with no hesitation. You have no idea how thrilled I was when I went to my room that night, thinking all the time we would spend together... alone," she said truthfully.
"Maybe you were. I don't believe you, by the way. The rest of the year showed me that you didn't actually want something more from me. I mean you kissed me before my first game and for a moment I thought that it meant something more than friendship, but later all I got from you was that, I have the emotional rate of a teaspoon, that my Christmas gift was unusual, and when the time came, you chose to go with Harry to see Grawp, than see me winning the Cup," Ron said bitterly.
Hermione couldn't believe that all these little things were so important for Ron. She always thought that Ron never paid attention to details. "It wasn't like that Ron. I called you a prat with the emotional rate of a teaspoon, because your best friend had a terrible experience for his first kiss and you were making fun of him. And the perfume was unusual, but not in a bad way. Actually it was the best gift I've ever…" but Ron once again interrupted her.
"Don't bullshit me, Hermione!" he yelled at her. "You came down happily and you told us how happy you were that Harry got you that book you always wanted. If you liked my gift, then why it was so difficult for you, to say it?" he asked her.
"I don't know, Ron. I was ashamed that I gave you a homework planner. You gave me a sweet gift that it was almost like telling me that you realized finally that I'm a girl, and I didn't know what to think about it. I wanted so much to believe that you might like me, but at the same time I was afraid if I just misunderstood your gift and you did it only because you didn't know what else to get me. As for Grawp, you know the story. Hagrid didn't leave us a lot of options. We had to follow him," she said trying desperately to make Ron believe her.
"Yes, but in all time in Hogwarts, you never missed a game where Harry was playing. And the first game he's out, you left with him," he sighed.
"I'm sorry I missed your game, Ron. And I know Harry is sorry too. But we had no choice. Please tell me you believe me in that," she almost pleaded with him.
"It's okay. Besides I was so happy that day that it didn't bother me so much. Is just that... there are nights that I can't sleep and there is this voice in the back of my head, telling me that... that when it comes to me and Harry, you'll always choose Harry," Ron said with a shaky voice.
Hermione walked on him and she put her hands on his face. "Look at me, Ron. I choose you, Ron. It was always you. And if I ever chose Harry over you, it's because I thought he needed my help more. Not for any other reason. Trust me on that."
Ron seemed convinced. Her eyes weren't lying. "Anyway, after that year I decided that it would be best if I stopped dreaming about you and let it go," he said.
"You shouldn't! I spent my entire summer after fifth year, counting the days to see you again. I decided that this year, I would tell you about my feelings. But before I had the chance, I lost you from Lavender," Hermione said with a obvious pain in her voice.
Ron gave her a small laugh. "No, it wasn't then. It was during the Quidditch try-outs. It's then when you lost me like you said."
"I don't understand." Hermione said confused.
"I saw McLaggen in that fifth shoot, Hermione. I knew that someone confounded him. It was so obvious. And it wasn't so difficult to realize that it was you. That's why I mentioned that, when we were talking later with you and Harry. I wanted to see your reaction," he said.
Hermione was blushing like mad. She had no idea that Ron knew about her helping wand that day. "I was just trying to help."
"No you weren't! You just thought that I'm not good enough to win that spot on my own. It was then when I realized that you don't have faith in me," he said sighing.
Hermione was hurt. "I don't have faith in you? Of course I do. That's why I'm always trying to make you work harder on your homework. You have great potentials and you can't see it. Your confidence issues are your problem, not mine. If you believed more in yourself, then you could do anything you want. I couldn't let a prat like McLaggen to take your spot in the team. And you saved all those goals without any help. Maybe it's you who don't believe in yourself," she screamed at him.
"Really? So when I saved all those goals in my first game and you accused me for cheating, was another way to tell me how good I am and how much you believe in me?" he asked sarcastically.
"You thought it was Felix Felicis too. Why is that my fault?" she answered immediately.
"I'm not the one who said that I can do anything without any help. You said it. Besides when you invited Cormac to that party, you told Parvati that you only like good Quidditch players. Don't tell me that wasn't aim to me. You wanted me to hear you, so I can once again feel that I didn't deserve the spot on the team and that I'm not good enough for you," he said with an accusing tone in his voice.
Hermione never thought that Ron could take it that way. "You don't know what you're talking about. I only said that, because I wanted to make you feel jealous. Just like with Viktor. I wanted to show you, that there are guys out there that want to be with me. Yes, I made it sound that I believed Cormac was better than you at Quidditch, which is a lie by the way, but only because I wanted to cause you some pain. But you didn't care," she said with a hurtful voice.
"I didn't care?" he asked her and started laughing with the irony.
"Well, if you did, you sucked at showing it," she told him.
They both stayed silent for a couple of minutes. "Why you went with him, anyway? I wanted to go with you. Until that day I thought... I thought we were going together," Ron said with a soft voice.
Hermione now was staring at him. He really couldn't understand why she couldn't go with him? "We couldn't go together, Ron. For me Slughorn's party was a date with you. Our …first date," she said blushing hard.
"At least, that what I thought it would be." she added bitterly. "I was counting the days until that party. I had bought a new dress and we were going together as a couple. We would dance, laugh and maybe at the end of the night, you would …kiss me," she said almost whispering the last part.
"But you ruined everything when you decided that Lavender's lips were your new best friend," she finished making it clear that it was his fault.
Ron felt angry with himself. They had a date! "Was it really a date?" he asked her whispering.
"Of course, it was, Ron. What did you think it was? A prank from the twins?" she asked him back sarcastically.
"I thought you took pity of me. You knew that Harry couldn't get away that time and he had to go, so you invited me, so I wouldn't feel like a lonely loser," Ron said, clearly embarrassed.
Hermione sighed. "You are an idiot."
"Yeah, I know," he said with a little laugh.
"I really wanted to dance with you, you know. I love dancing and that party was my chance to show you that I'm not only books. That I can have fun besides reading," she said sadly.
"I know that you love to dance Hermione. I was watching you through the whole Yule Ball. You are wonderful at dancing by the way," Ron said feeling like an idiot for not asking her for a dance that day.
"Thank you," she said blushing with the compliment.
Minutes passed and nobody said word. Suddenly Hermione spoke. "You said my name."
"What?" Ron asked her confused.
"When you were in the hospital after your birthday incident, you were unconscious. But for a moment you woke up and you mumbled something. It was my name. You said my name. And then you fell asleep again," she said softly with a pink face.
"I didn't know that," Ron said looking away, trying to hide his blush as well.
"Yeah. That's why I decided to be friendly with you again. After months of believing that you don't care about me, I saw how wrong I was. You were still thinking about me. You did, didn't you Ron?" she asked hoping for a positive answer.
"Of course, Hermione. I'm always thinking about you." he said honestly. Then he asked her. "Hermione is it true what you told me before?"
"What part?" she asked back.
"That you've been in love with me since 4rth year?" he asked afraid if he misunderstood some things.
Hermione made a few steps towards him and she was now inches away from him. She found it adorable that Ron after everything they talked, he still wasn't convinced about her feelings. She had already told him that she was in love with him but apparently he needed to hear it one more time. She looked him in the eyes and she asked. "Ron, do you know why I really came here tonight?"
"To play Wizard's chess?" he joked, but he immediately saw that Hermione was talking seriously.
Hermione put his hand on his cheek and she smiled at him. "No, Ron. I came to tell you that I love you. That I'm in love with you," she said with love in her eyes and her voice.
Ron didn't do anything. He was still trying to comprehend what he just heard. I mean he heard her before, but it was during an argument. Now she was calm and she had a steady voice. That must mean she really does love me, he thought. He heard her voice again.
"Ron, if you are thinking what you should do now, let me tell you that when the girl you love, tells you she loves you back, then a kiss is the most appropriate move. And…" she never had the chance to finish her sentence, because Ron lips were on hers. After the first shock, she regained the control of her body and she started kissing him back.
The kiss was sweet and gentle at first, but it quickly got heated. She wrapped her hands around his neck and he pulled her waist closer to his. They both let soft moans as their bodies were pressing tightly against each other. Neither wanted to break the contact. They kept kissing savouring the taste of each other's lips.
Hermione felt her whole body shivering and at the same time it was like her whole skin was on fire. She had never felt like that before and she had no idea how she could live without. For the first time in her life, she let her heart take control of her body and she didn't regret it.
After what it seems like ages, they broke apart to breathe. Their faces were red and then they looked at each other. They could see the love in each other's eyes. Hermione smiled at him, as she was still trying to make herself believe, that her dream had come true. Her heart was so full of love for Ron at the moment that she was afraid it would explode.
Ron smiled back and he put his hand through her bushy hair. He loved that hair and now he was able to touch them with no fear. He couldn't believe that Hermione loved him back.
"It was our first kiss," she said softly.
"Indeed it was," he answered with a grin.
"What are you thinking?" she asked him resting her face on his shoulder.
Ron wrapped his arms around her and he hugged her. "No more thinking."
They hugged for a long time. Ron was caressing Hermione's hair and Hermione was hearing Ron's heart.
Ron knew that they should stop. They had a mission tomorrow and they must be ready. "I think it's a good idea to go to sleep. Get some rest and clear our heads. We have a long day tomorrow. We need to stay focus on the mission," he said, not breaking the hug.
"I think you're right." she said, but inside her, she was wishing that she could stay in his arms forever.
With a reluctant heart, they let go off each other and Hermione started slowly to walk away. Reaching his door she turned to Ron and she saw that he was looking back. They smiled at each other and then Hermione said. "I love you, Ron. Goodnight."
And she walked away closing the door behind her. She made a few steps forward, but she stopped. She had shared her first kiss with Ron, but she wanted more. She debated whether she should ignore the desire she was feeling or to go for it.
She chose the second option.
The door opened again. Ron saw Hermione standing in the doorway, like she was waiting for something… like she was waiting for him.
He walked to her, pulled her inside his room and closed the door behind him. They now stood inches away from each other. He put a hand on her cheek and caressed it gently. Then he leaned in and kissed her again for the second time in his life. Hermione responded immediately wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him back with great enthusiasm.
Ron had shared a lot of kisses with Lavender, but nothing felt even close to what he was experiencing with Hermione right now. He felt like he was in heaven, kissing her sweet lips and hearing her moan softly. He wanted more. He nipped at her lower lip and then ran his tongue along it.
Hermione opened her mouth to him and started circling her tongue with his. She had no experience on how to kiss using tongue and she had no idea if she was doing it right, but Ron's moans were a sign that she was doing a good job. Their tongues had a rhythm that surprised both of them. It was like they knew exactly how to please each other as if they were doing it for years.
Her hands were still on his neck, but this time she was holding him tightly; it was like she was afraid that if she let him go, she'd die in the spot. She didn't want this feeling to end… Not now. She kept moaning into his mouth, feeling more and more lost in his touch and taste. She wanted more. She removed her hands from his neck and she lowered them onto Ron's chest so she could start unbuttoning his shirt.
Ron pulled away from her slightly. They looked at each other with flustered faces. Their breathing was short and fast. Hermione's hand was still on his shirt and to his surprise she started unbuttoning all of the buttons, keeping eye contact with him the whole time. She took his shirt off and he stood there in front of her, naked from the waist up. He wasn't ashamed of his body. He was actually proud of his abs and his defined muscles. Quidditch training had really paid off this year.
Hermione took her eyes from his and she stared at his naked torso. She knew that Ron was fit, but it's a difference between imagining what he would look like and actually seeing him. She tentatively put her hand on his chest and ran a finger down to his abs. She looked up to see him and she saw the desire in his eyes as she was sure he could see the desire in hers.