Restoration
- 3 years ago
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September 5, 1986, Chicago, Illinois
“What are you reading?” Elyse asked, coming into the ‘Indian’ room after I got home from karate.
“Red Storm Rising, by Tom Clancy. He wrote the submarine book I read before, The Hunt for RED OCTOBER.”
“What’s the book about?”
“So far, the Russians are plotting a surprise attack on NATO and creating maskirovka - political cover - for the operation by bombing the Kremlin.”
“Why would they do that?”
“Muslim terrorists blew up the main Russian oil processing facility and the entire Russian economy would have collapsed. To avoid that, they decided to invade Europe.”
“Speaking of that, I just heard on the news that a Pan Am flight was hijacked at Karachi International Airport in Pakistan by some Abu Nidal faction terrorists.”
“Shit. Again?”
“Yeah. CNN just reported that the Pakistani forces stormed the plane after the terrorists started shooting people.”
“The world is going to hell in a handcart,” I said. “Plane crashes, hijackings, assassinations, and scandals.”
“How about we go upstairs and see if we can forget about the world for an hour and see if we can make a baby!” Elyse smiled.
“I suppose I can put my book down,” I grinned.
“I hope you don’t find that book more exciting than sex with me!”
“Not at all!” I grinned.
I put the book down, took her hand and led her up to her room where we made love twice, then cuddled together afterwards.
“Did you ever pick out girls names?” I asked.
“No. This is going to be Matthew,” she said.
“You think that you’re pregnant?” I asked.
“It’s about twelve days until my period is supposed to start so we won’t know until then, but something just feels different.”
“That’s what Jennifer said, and I kind of discounted it as wishful thinking. But it turned out she was right.”
“Don’t you think a girl would know?” she asked.
“I have no clue!” I said. “Of all the mysteries of the universe, the female Homo sapiens is the biggest!”
“True. Men are simple. A beer and a blowjob will pretty much get you anything you want!” Elyse giggled.
“Or a Reds game?” I chuckled.
“That night in the hotel at Aunt Jennie’s wedding. Let’s just say I had no idea that we’d end up here trying to make a baby seven years later!”
“You’ve pretty much been my rock for the past five years,” I said. “And even before that you were a very good friend.”
“I should never have stopped fucking you!” she declared. “I missed out on a whole year’s worth of orgasms!”
“You were dealing with the whole Sean thing,” I replied. “But you remedied that as soon as we got to Chicago. That was quite the surprise.”
“But it made sense, didn’t it? We’d been dancing around the topic for a year. Living in close quarters would have driven us both nuts. So I decided to take the shortest, simplest route.”
“That is you,” I said. “Including a couple of marriage proposals along the way.”
She laughed softly, “That was never going to happen. But it did make sense for me to ask.”
“I seriously considered it,” I said. “But in the end, I think we found the best solution. Speaking of the apartment, have you heard from Eduardo?”
“He’s back in Spain, as he had planned. He finished at Wharton in the spring and left for Seville.”
“Did he get a job?”
“He did, with a management consulting firm in Madrid. He wrote me the name in a letter. It’s some Swiss company. If you open the drawer of the nightstand you can get the letter and see the name.”
I reached into the drawer and extracted a pale yellow envelope with a Spanish stamp on it and handed it to Elyse.
“There’s nothing private in here. He’s the least likely person on the planet next to you to write me a mushy letter!” she said, taking out the letter. “It’s called Egon Zehnder.”
“Never heard of it,” I said. “But then again, I wouldn’t expect to.”
“They have offices all over the world, including in New York and Chicago,” she said.
“Would you date him again if he came back to the US?” I asked.
“I’ll worry about that if it ever happens! I hate to say this, but I probably need to let you go to your wives. I miss sleeping in your arms, but I understand their position.”
I kissed her and we got out of bed, and then went to her shower. We had a nice intimate shower with quite a few kisses and lots of laughter. When we finished, we dried off, and got dressed. After another kiss, we left the room so that I could find my wives.
“What’s the plan for tomorrow?” Jessica asked as I walked into the ‘Indian’ room.
“Breakfast with the guys, karate, and a couple of hours of work. After that, I’m all yours!”
“Who’s coming on Sunday?” she asked.
“Dave and Julia are away for the weekend, so not them. We did say it was going to be casual, so whoever else drops in is cool. But it’s only couples that were invited. Hopefully Karl will bring Ginny and the kids. I invited Carol and her husband, so Jesse might have a date!”
Kara laughed, “Jesse and Francesca are so cute together. Do you think that her family will show up?”
“I doubt it,” I said. “I can’t imagine her husband agreeing to come here from what she said. But I had to try. Bethany has been talking to Carol, but it’s only been a couple of weeks.”
“Is she still hitting on you?” Jessica asked.
“Not as much because I’ve been taking Penny, Charlie, or Tasha with me. Carol is way more circumspect about it with the younger girls there. But she still does the touch-the-arm thing and the hair-flip thing. If Jesse weren’t so enamored with Francesca, I’d avoid her completely. Hopefully Bethany can have a positive effect.”
“I’ve seen those moves with nurses and medical student flirting with doctors,” Jessica said. “Be careful.”
“He is, Jess,” Kara said, coming to my defense. “She’s married and he’s not going to break that rule. That’s why he’s taking the girls with him. He’s been very, very good and is exercising self-control.”
“I’ve seen girls wear men down,” Jessica said.
“Jess, of all the people who shouldn’t trust Steve, don’t you think that I’d be the foremost? He actually cheated on me!”
“Sorry,” she sighed. “Steve, I apologize. You have been well behaved. I guess the Emergency Medicine sub-I is really wearing on me. Five weeks down and three to go. And then I’m gone again for a month. I’m just cranky.”
“It’s OK, Babe,” I said. “We’re all working through this together. And this is good practice for next year when you start your Residency.”
“You are both going to hate me by the end of the first year,” she sighed.
“Never!” Kara and I both said together.
“Do you girls want to see a movie tomorrow night?” I asked.
“I checked the show times,” Jessica said. “Reform School Girls, Friday the 13th Part IV, and She’s Gotta Have It? No thanks! Talk about a bunch of stinkers!”
“You saw Stand by Me last night with the girls?” I asked.
“Yes,” Jessica said. “That was pretty much the only decent thing showing. What if we go for Thai food and a carriage ride through the park?”
“Deal!” I said.
“Did Elyse wear you out?” Kara smirked.
“No. This is a very different Elyse. She just wants to make love and make a baby. Nothing crazy. Not even a lot of exertion.”
“I could use that,” Jessica sighed. “Just slow and sweet.”
“Then, my lovely wives, let’s go to dinner, have our carriage ride, and then make love!” I said.
September 14, 1986, Chicago, Illinois
“Are you ready for this talk today?” Kathy asked when she and Kurt arrived.
“I am,” I said.
“Just listen to her,” Kathy said. “She has a lot to tell you.”
I nodded, “OK. But I’m not blameless in this whole mess.”
“No, you aren’t. But today isn’t about you, Steve. It’s about Bethany. Let her get it all out. She may say some things that will shock you, and some things that may upset you. Just keep calm.”
“What are you trying to tell me?” I asked.
“Nothing. Bethany will tell you. Just hold it together for her.”
I HAD been confident that I was ready for the talk with Bethany, but now I wasn’t so sure. Kathy was warning me about some big revelation - one that had the potential to upset me. I had a pretty good idea what that might be, and if I was right about what it was, it wouldn’t bother me. What would bother me was the deception. Of course, I could be completely wrong. All I could do was wait to hear what she had to say.
“OK,” I said.
I made some mint tea, which was Bethany’s favorite, and brought it and two mugs into the ‘Indian’ room, along with some snacks and a couple of bottles of soda. I sat down and a few minutes later, Bethany came into the room and shut the door. She locked it, and pulled the curtain over the glass in the door.
“Hi,” she said.
“Hi, Sweetheart,” I said, trying to set the mood.
I poured tea for both of us and set the pot back on the warmer. Bethany turned a basket chair so she could face me, and sat down. Based on Kathy’s advice, I was going to wait for Bethany to start the conversation. We both sipped our tea in silence, and I wondered if she was working up her courage. She took a deep breath and let it out.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“And you’re forgiven for whatever you’ve done.”
“Don’t be so sure about that,” she said.
“Bethany, no matter what you have to say to me, I love you and I’ll continue to love you.”
“How do you even do that?” she asked. “What is your secret?”
“What do you mean?”
“That you can love people unconditionally. You even loved Becky after she tricked you into getting her pregnant and later seduced you. I just don’t get how you do it.”
“I have no idea,” I said. “Maybe it’s my whole ‘live and let live’ philosophy. Or maybe that I don’t take things personally as most people do.”
“I think I may do a research project on you. It has to be something to do with your mom and sister. Maybe the lack of love from your mom and the unconditional love from your sister, to the point where she made love with you, taught you that.”
“Maybe,” I said. “But is that what we’re here to talk about?”
“We could talk for a month,” she sighed. “I also think it’s amazing how you don’t see all of the damaged women around you as damaged. You never looked at me like I was dirty because of the rape; or thought badly of Elyse because of the sexual abuse from her boyfriend; or of Kara because of the abuse from her dad and pastor; or even Jennifer with all her issues. In fact, the only thing that hurts you is when someone breaks their word or deceives you.”
I sat quietly and waited. She took a deep breath and let it out, then sipped some tea. Whatever it was, it had to be a deception of some kind or a broken commitment. That would hurt, but I was resolved to let it go, no matter what it was. After all, this was my Sweetheart. She took one more deep breath and then started talking.
“I’m not even sure where to start,” she said.
“When we talked before, we started at the beginning,” I said. “I’m guessing there are things you haven’t told me.”
She nodded, “There are. I guess it starts with my dream future in fifth grade - a devoted husband, two or three kids, a house with a white picket fence, a dog, a cat, and a parakeet. And I kept hoping that you would fit that dream, even when I’d accepted that you wouldn’t. I didn’t update it when I told you that I was OK with your proposed future. I didn’t update it when you told me you were ready to marry. It’s more complicated, and I’ll get into it deeper, but that dream helped lead me down a disastrous path, one that hurt you quite badly.
“Even so, you did what you’ve always done. You let your friends help you and you picked up the pieces and made something good out of them. Oh sure, there has been plenty of drama at times, but not this time. You’ve grown up. Despite everything, I’m pleased at how you dealt with it. Not the outcome, mind you, but how you reacted. And I was very impressed with Kara and how she handled you, your sister, and everything else that was going on.”
She paused and sipped her tea. I had the distinct feeling that she was trying to find a way to cushion the blow of whatever it was that she was going to tell me. Or maybe it was more than one thing. But whatever it was, I was still going to love her. I couldn’t do anything else. I sipped my tea and waited.
“I had a long-term affair with a graduate student in Madison,” she said. “It started towards the end of my Freshman year and continued right up to the accident. I cheated on Gene. I lied to you.”
That was not what I had expected her to tell me, and if that was the extent of it, there wasn’t anything for me to get upset about. Gene, on the other hand, would have had a right to be royally pissed.
“I had no claim on you, Sweetheart. None. Did you ever tell Gene about it?”
“No way!” she said. “And that’s the other issue. I let him think it was you that caused me to break it off with him. I never said so, but I never corrected him when he blamed you. And I never told you about it.”
“So why tell me now?” I asked. “It really wasn’t my business and it didn’t hurt me.”
She smiled, “I know. But this is confession and I’m going to make ... what do the Catholics call it?”
“Perfect contrition,” I said. “One with the right motives and a true desire from the heart to get right with God. Or I guess in this case, me.”
“That affair is the real reason I applied to Loyola. I had to get away from him because I couldn’t bring myself to break it off with him.”
“Why not just end it?” I asked.
“I tried. Several times. But every time I went back to him. I don’t even know why. I met him one day in the library and we struck up a conversation. One thing led to another and I went back to his apartment with him. We didn’t make love that first night, but we came really close. And a few days later, we did.”
Library. Grad student. Affair. I wondered if the pattern had repeated itself and that I was right about what she had to tell me about Andrew. She continued.
“We kept it secret, and later, he was a TA for one of my psychology classes. There was a kind of thrill at that point, you know, sneaking around. He treated me really well, and he knew about Gene, and he knew you and I had some kind of relationship, but not the details. It didn’t really matter to him, because, as I think about it after the fact, I’m pretty sure he was just in it for the sex. That’s what made me want to break it off with him, but as I said, I was just pulled back to him.”
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March 13, 1994, Chicago, Illinois “Hi, Steve!” Ailea said when she opened the door. “Hi,” I replied, accepting the offered hug. There was no touching of lips, just of cheeks, and I wondered if I’d misread her intentions at her birthday lunch, or if, perhaps, she detected my reluctance to return the offered affection. “Lunch is ready, so go ahead and sit. I’ll bring it in from the kitchen.” I went to the low table, sat down, and a minute later, Ailea brought miso soup and sushi, our usual...
April 3, 1997, Dallas, Texas “Remember what I said about drinking too much,” I said, as I poured bourbon into three cups. We’d stopped at a liquor store, bought a bottle of Blanton’s, and then returned to the small suite I’d reserved at the Westin. Deborah’s room was down the hall, and Krissy’s was two floors below. Krissy’s comment had caught me a bit off guard, but I hadn’t reacted visibly. I didn’t know her quite well enough to know if she’d been teasing with Deborah, so I was being...
March 28, 1991, Chicago, Illinois “This day belongs to you, Kara!” I said when the three of us woke on Thursday morning. “Happy birthday!” Jessica said. “Thanks,” Kara replied happily. “I think I’d like an amazing birthday fuck from our husband, and then a nice loving shower with my wife!” Kara said. “Do we have enough time?” I asked. Jessica giggled, “I set the alarm for thirty minutes earlier!” “Then let’s not waste any of it!” I said pulling Kara to me. Kara’s squeals as I plunged...
September 4, 2000, Chicago, Illinois On Monday morning I went to my study to make a surreptitious call to ensure that the surprise I’d planned for Kara was still going to happen, and after confirming that it was, Jesse, Matthew, Michael, and I began preparing for the Labor Day party by getting beer and soda into coolers, getting the grill ready, setting up tables and chairs in the backyard, and ensuring the liquor cabinets were stocked while my wives and daughters worked on food prep in the...
September 1, 1987, Chicago, Illinois “I heard that you have some kind of plan to help Ed,” I said to Connie. “There’s no plan,” she replied. “A witness who saw the shopkeeper alive after Ed left came forward.” That sounded convenient, and I wondered if the witness was real or someone that Anthony had put forward to solve the problem. Certainly, the videotape was real, because I couldn’t imagine how Anthony could have faked that, but the witness? Who knew? “So is he being released? Or is...
August 17, 1997, Chicago, Illinois We finished lunch and Marissa and the younger kids went to play, but Natalie sat with the adults to talk, with coffee, tea, or soft drinks. The Sarcus were very comfortable, but the Heaths were still struggling. But, vitally, they hadn’t left and hadn’t insisted Natalie leave the group. “Can you explain how you developed this attitude and approach?” Chris asked. I nodded, “It started when I was just a bit younger than Natalie. My mom was a total control...
July 1979 — Falkenberg, Sweden On Friday, when I got back from my run, Pam was in her bra and panties again. I whistled at her, she giggled, then finished dressing. I showered, and we went to breakfast and finished up our last day. Once class was done, we were pretty much free. On Saturday, we’d have several optional activities and then on Sunday we’d head back to our host families. After dinner on Friday, I took Pam’s hand and we walked towards the river. It was quiet and peaceful, and...
July 1980, Over the North Atlantic We reached cruising altitude, and I settled back to read my book. Pam raised the armrest between us, snuggled close to me and read as well. The cabin crew offered drinks, and I had my first Coke in a year! Meal service began about an hour and a half into the flight. After the cabin crew picked up the trays and offered drinks again, they passed once more, offering headsets for the movie. Trevor and Maria took them, but Pam and I didn’t, instead we turned on...
July 8, 1997, Chicago, Illinois “Is it really that surprising?” Leah asked. “I suppose not,” I replied. “I just didn’t read too much into the kiss on the cheek.” “I didn’t think it was a good idea to kiss you on the lips with all those people around, because I had no idea who they were or what they would think. You were VERY careful with our dance, so I kind of followed your lead.” Which showed very mature thinking on her part. Both of these girls were exactly the kind of students I...
November 8, 1993, Chicago, Illinois A dark fog swirled before my eyes as I tried to take stock. My head hurt, badly. I felt something on my face and realized, dimly, it was an oxygen mask. My right hand was uncomfortable and I recognized the feeling of an IV and pulse-oximeter. My left arm ached fiercely. On my chest I felt the pads and wires of an EKG. I didn’t feel anything else wrong as I continued taking inventory. I tried to open my eyes, but the fog didn’t clear. I tried to speak, but...
August, 1983, Chicago, Illinois In the morning Anala and I ran as we had the previous time, then showered together, carefully washing each other’s bodies in an intimate but non-sexual way. After our shower we went to the kitchen and I made breakfast and we sat down to eat. “Steve, may I make a suggestion?” she asked. “Sure.” “Broaden your circle of friends. Other than me, all of you are white, nominally Christian, 20-year-old Americans. And you don’t invite me to your Sunday...
June 23, 2000, Chicago, Illinois “Steve,” Kimmy said over the intercom, “I have a Suzanne Aavik for you.” “Thanks,” I replied. “Put her through, please.” A few seconds later, Suzanne was on the line. “Hi!” she exclaimed when I greeted her. “I’m in Chicago for three weeks. Can I still run away and join the circus?” I chuckled, “You might want to find out what the circus is actually like before you join! If you’re free, you’re welcome to come to the house tomorrow or Sunday and meet the...
March 1979 Monday was back to the normal routine of school. Debbie Courtney, who lived across the street and had turned fourteen the last week in February, started flirting more with me on the bus each day. Debbie Vaughn, who lived just down the street, would turn fourteen on March 16th and invited me to her birthday party. And Donna Woody, who lived just down the street in the other direction, would turn fourteen on March 20th. She had made it clear what she wanted for her birthday, and in...
June 2, 1990, Chicago, Illinois “My office, please,” Sensei Jim said after class on Saturday. I followed him to his office and waited for him to bid me to sit. He did, and I sat in the usual chair across from him. “She has a real problem, you know that, right?” he asked. “I do. That’s why I insisted she start seeing a counselor.” “I run a huge risk having her here with that kind of temper and her violent acts.” I nodded, “I understand. May I ask what you intend to do?” “I really don’t...
February 21, 1991, Chicago, Illinois “Hi, Sweetheart!” I said, greeting Bethany at the door. “Uncle Steve!” Nicholas exclaimed. I took him from his mom and he hugged me tightly. “Is Jesse with his moms?” Bethany asked. “Yes. They won’t bring him back over tonight so you and Nicholas can surprise him in the morning.” “Perfect!” “How was the drive up?” “The same as usual. Just a bit of traffic in Northern Indiana. Otherwise, smooth sailing. It was driving the other direction that was a...
November 4, 2000, Chicago, Illinois “Good morning, Sensei,” Miyu said when Kara, the girls, and I walked into the dojo on Saturday morning. “Good morning, Miyu.” “Do you have a moment, please?” I nodded and we went to the small practice room for privacy, as Sensei Jim had a family in his office. “What can I do for you?” “I need you to meet a young man,” she said. “I think you might be taking this ‘not do anything without permission’ a bit too far!” Miyu shook her head, “No, I’m not....
May 1979 The limo dropped me at home about 9:00pm. I took my stuff to my room, stripped, and hung up the tux. The rest of the things went into the hamper. I took a shower, put on shorts and a t-shirt, and walked down the hall into my dad’s office. I saw no reason to put this off any longer. “Stephen, you need to explain yourself!” my mom demanded. “I was in Mrs. McGrath’s, well, Mrs. Sanders’ now, wedding, as I said.” “You walked her down the aisle! You’re sixteen and not even related to...
November 3, 1990, Chicago, Illinois “I still don’t understand why you told everyone to leave Katy alone last night,” Elyse said on Saturday morning. “Because we weren’t going to talk her out of it. I could tell by the way she told us. I hoped letting her sleep on it would allow her to hear what we had to say. Obviously I was wrong.” “I was surprised that she wouldn’t talk to Jennifer at all,” Kara said. “I thought Jennifer would be the one to get her to listen to reason this morning.” I...
February, 1983, Chicago, Illinois Our first joining since the previous summer was slow and sweet, trying to express our deep love for each other through the motions of our bodies. When we finished, Karin held me tight and refused to let me move off of her. “Sleep there, please,” she whispered. I kissed her once more then adjusted my pillow so that I could rest my head next to hers. It wasn’t the most comfortable position, but it was what Karin wanted. The feel of her firm body under mine,...
July 3, 1996, Chicago, Illinois I blinked several times and took a breath before responding. It didn’t help. The best I could do was contain my visceral reaction at her completely out-of-line request and her wrong-headed assumptions when she had NO idea what had happened in my life the previous eight months. “What makes you think you can make that request after refusing to talk to me for nearly eight months? And equally importantly, without explaining Alexi? And without giving me the first...
August 12, 1994, Chicago, Illinois “Fuck ‘em all,” I sighed. “Especially Donald Fehr. Running to Federal Court, the NLRB, and Congress? I’m really tired of the government putting its thumb so heavily on the scale.” “Well, we’re not going to resolve that problem today,” Elyse said. “Jackie and Jeremiah want to come over.” I chuckled, “Why am I not surprised? I bet you anything he had a rough sketch done ten minutes after they hung up the phone.” “They want to discuss options. Kimmy felt...
July 1983, Milford, Ohio My drive to Ohio was filled with wild swings of emotion. After quickly driving Anala home I had set out for Milford, driving as fast as I thought I could get away with, slowing only when warned to do so by my radar detector. I’d told Nancy that I’d come straight to her house and asked her to call my dad and let him know so that Stephanie wasn’t worried. I pulled into the Blanchards’ driveway at 3:30pm, having managed to avoid any run-ins with the Indiana State Police...
June 1980, On the Train, and in Abisko, Sweden As the train sped across the Swedish countryside towards Stockholm, I reflected on the fact that there were less than three weeks to go until I had to be in Copenhagen to board a flight home. I was torn between wanting to go home and wanting to stay, but in the end, I didn’t have a choice. I really liked my life here, the freedom I was given, the friends I had and, the respect I had from adults. I hadn’t run into a single adult who had treated...
May 18, 1997, Chicago, Illinois “As I said last time, today we’re going to talk about decision making and how to make good decisions. I think we’ll start with what I think has to be the easiest decision with the least controversy - is it ever OK to drive drunk?” “No!” came a chorus from several of the students. “And yet, people do that every day,” I replied. “And they die or kill people because of that bad decision. You have to ask yourself why people would drive drunk; and often it’s...
March 6, 1987, Chicago, Illinois “This is a big improvement,” I said as the green flag dropped for the Goodwrench 500 at North Carolina Motor Speedway. Bill had taken the pole, and when the flag dropped, led the field into turn one. “His car seems fast,” Kara said. It was. Bill led the first 89 laps, most of them under green, though there had been a yellow flag for seven laps when Richard Petty had wrecked in Turn 1 on lap 19. From lap 90 to 143, the lead shifted a few times, mostly...