A Well Lived Life 2 Book 1 BethanyChapter 53 Two Babies
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February 5, 1994, Chicago, Illinois
“Are there still problems with Jessica?” Michelle asked as we climbed into bed on Saturday night.
“No,” I said. “She’s simply acknowledging her struggles, just as you are. I have them too, you know.”
Michelle giggled and snuggled close, “Your struggles are resisting the young women who want to get into bed with you!”
“It’s a tough life,” I chuckled.
“If I tell you something, will you promise not to get upset or do anything in response to it?”
“It’s tough to make a promise like that without knowing what it is. How about I promise not to do anything without talking it through with you?”
“I suppose that’s reasonable. Elyse forbade me from objecting to you having other girls.”
I sighed, and pulled Michelle even closer, “Elyse has her own agenda. And her own opinions. Just as you do. Just as Kara does. Just as Jessica does. And just as I do. That sentiment she has isn’t unique to her. Jennifer and Bethany agree with her, at least in principle. So does Kara, to a lesser extent.”
“And they’ve known you the longest.”
“Yes. I knew Jennifer, Bethany, and Elyse before I went to Sweden, which was before I met Kara.”
“Do you think it’s because of the pattern of behavior you demonstrated?”
“I’d say it’s more complex than that. I mean, sure, they base their opinions on what they’ve observed and what I’ve said. That’s what most people have to go on. They’ve also read, at least in part, my journals. The one thing I think all of them have missed, Kara included, is that over time my behavior has changed incrementally. There have been enough big incidents, mostly related to my severe mood swings, that overshadow the incremental change. And they also know I don’t do well with rules imposed from the outside.”
“You do tend to be a very good example of a stubborn male of the species,” Michelle giggled as she slid her hand down from my chest and over my stomach to gently fondle me.
“Double-checking that I’m male?” I teased.
“Just thinking of an activity which would confirm it,” she said, raising her head for a soft kiss.
“But you’ve seen what happens when I internalize something. Think about all of our conversations.”
“Yes, of course. And today, even. I half-expected you to reject any limits on sparring, but you listened to reason from Doctor Barton and I believe Sensei did what Kara said - deftly helped you come to a point where you were comfortable with the diagnosis and prescription.”
Michelle’s gentle grasp and slow strokes had the desired result and she moved to straddle me. She grasped my shaft, rubbed the tip of my glans along her labia to lubricate it, then slowly sank down until I was fully embedded. She lay down on top of me, stretched out her legs, and I wrapped my arms and legs around her.
“Al Barton pushed me to think about the actual risk calculation,” I said as I savored the feel of her tight, silky tunnel on my rock-hard dick.
Michelle tightened and relaxed her muscles a few times, creating delicious pressure that was designed not to take me too far along the path to orgasm, but to maintain the glorious feeling.
“And, in the end, you decided to do what was best for you, but you had to be led to it, carefully and gently. Just like Kara was saying.”
“Yes. Much like you led me in our conversations.”
“But not to the destination. Not yet.”
“I haven’t been with anyone except Elyse and my wives since you came home.”
“But you might,” she said, grinding softly against me causing gentle spasms to ripple along my shaft.
“Yes, I might,” I admitted.
“I’d prefer you didn’t.”
“I know,” I said. “And that is an obvious consideration.”
“I find it amazing you can talk coherently while we do this,” Michelle giggled, contracting her muscles. “My brain always feels like it’s about to short circuit!”
“And yet, you’re talking coherently!” I teased.
“Would you do something for me?” she asked.
“Sure, what?”
“Roll us over and fuck me hard until I scream,” she sighed.
I did, and she did. Twice.
February 6, 1994, Chicago, Illinois
“How long have you been awake?” Michelle asked after she silenced the alarm on her clock radio.
“Probably a good hour,” I said. “But I enjoy cuddling next to you. I use the time to think about the previous day and decide what my goals for the day are.”
“How about a shower?” she offered.
“I think that’s an outstanding idea!”
We climbed out of bed and went to her bathroom. I turned on the shower and adjusted the spray. We got in and began washing each other.
“What’s missing?” Michelle asked as I ran my soapy hands over her small, firm breasts.
“Missing?”
“From our relationship and yours with Jessica and Kara?”
“We’re back on the topic of new girls?” I asked.
“Yes. And I’m just trying to understand, not have an argument about it.”
“We don’t argue,” I said.
“OK, a debate, then. Will you answer the question?”
“I’m not sure that’s the correct question,” I said, sliding my hands down to soap her stomach. “I had quite a few lengthy talks with my therapist about it. The bottom line, for all my issues, if we discount the medical problems for the moment, is an unhealthy family environment with an abusive mother and, until I became an adult, an aloof father who had trouble showing any kind of emotion or affection for me. Add to that my mood swings, and my attempt to medicate them with sex, and I think you have a better explanation. It’s not what’s missing NOW; it’s what was missing while I was growing up.”
“But things are better now,” she said, sighing as I slid my finger between her legs to remove the remnants of our activities the previous night.
“Yes, but who I am, who we all are, actually, is directly related to our formative years. So much of our personality is formed in youth, that at times I wonder if even intense therapy can actually change it. We can change behavior, but changing who we are is a very different thing. And that’s where Elyse, and the others, come into play. Who I am, inside, versus what I do and what I’ve done.”
Michelle sighed deeply and turned so I could wash her back and her very firm butt. She rinsed off, then took the soap from me and began gently washing my shoulders.
“That makes sense. But you aren’t using sex as medicine now, are you?”
“Not like I was. The diet and exercise have the mood swings under control. It is still a way of bonding closely with someone. Doctor Mercer once suggested that if I was bi I would bond with my male friends the same way. She’s probably right, but I’m about as straight as they come.”
“But we bonded without it. And Gina is a perfect example. You two are very close, but you’ve never so much as kissed. Well, I mean beyond friendly kisses on the cheek.”
“Except you and I didn’t,” I said. “From the moment we saw each other naked, we were on a collision course. You knew it. I knew it. We both just denied it. Or rather, we both struggled mightily to avoid that obvious destination.”
“If I admit that...” she sighed, washing my chest and stomach.
“What? You admit you’re human? That you had desires? That you spent a year working up to the point where you could ask me to make love with you and bond closely with you?”
“It runs so counter to everything I professed,” she said softly as her hands moved below my waist.
“Every single person on this planet is confused about something,” I said gently. “And most of them, in addition to other things, are confused about sex. Which brings us back to the conversation about Jesse and Birgit. They aren’t confused about sex. They have a very healthy attitude towards it. And Matthew, once he decides girls aren’t icky, will have one as well. I’m sure the same is true for the younger ones.”
“Did you ever think girls were ‘icky’?” Michelle asked as her hands moved to my butt.
I chuckled, “No. It probably won’t surprise you, but in kindergarten I got a girl to show me her private parts.”
Michelle swatted me on the butt and laughed, “Of COURSE you did!”
“And I played some very serious games of ‘doctor’ from second through fifth grade!”
“I bet!” Michelle giggled. “Before you were with the older woman, had you done anything?”
“Some kissing. My seventh-grade girlfriend broke up with me for trying to feel her up.”
I rinsed off and we got out of the shower.
“But once you were with this older woman, that unleashed the Tiger?” Michelle teased.
“No, that was Melanie Carston. She hooked me up with her twin cousins, and then more or less started shopping me out to other girls. Jennifer continued that.”
“But why?”
“Melanie? Because she got off on it for whatever reason. Jennifer? Probably because she was completely confused about her sexuality.”
“And it was every teenage boy’s wet dream!” Michelle giggled as we walked back into her room so we could dress.
“True,” I said, taking clean underwear from ‘my’ drawer. “But all of that helped shape who I am. And, to be honest, while you were away, I became completely happy with who I am. That’s not to say I can’t improve, but to say that after nearly thirty years of struggling, I’d found «lagom».”
“That’s the Swedish word that means ‘just right’?”
“Yes.”
“And ‘just right’ includes sex with other girls?”
“Possibly, yes. No, I’ll be honest, probably, yes.”
“Probably?”
I nodded, then pulled a sweatshirt over my head, “Yes. I’m sorry.”
“For what? You’ve never lied to me nor have you tried to trick me. You’ve been nothing but honest.”
“But?” I asked.
She smiled, then pulled a fuzzy pink sweater over her head, “But nothing. I gave myself to you, freely, and completely, with the only condition being that you love me. Nothing about this situation is ideal, except for how much you, and everyone here, loves me.”
“And above all things, have fervent love for one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins,” I said. “That’s 1 Peter 4:8, but he’s citing Proverbs 10:12 - Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all transgressions.”
“How DO you do that?!”
“I read the Bible a lot when I was younger, and recently I’ve been following the daily readings on the calendar when I do my morning prayers.”
“May I pray with you before I go to church?”
“Of course. You will have to run the gantlet of Birgit. You got part of her usual cuddle time!”
Michelle laughed, “She can have hers when I go to church!”
I kissed her, and we headed downstairs where I was immediately accosted by a young woman who I was sure resembled Kara at that age, hands on hips.
“You missed cuddle time!” Birgit declared.
“I’ll cuddle you when Michelle goes to church,” I said. “I need to do my prayers now.”
“Fine!” she huffed, turning away and heading towards the sunroom.
“She’s a stinker!” Michelle said quietly.
“That she is! Can you imagine the poor young man who wants to ask for her hand in marriage? God help him!”
Michelle laughed, “That’s a few years off!”
“It is! And honestly, she’s not going to be asked. And she’s not going to ask. She’ll simply TELL the young man he’s getting married and that will be the end of it!”
Michelle laughed and I took her hand and led her to the ‘Indian’ room where we said our prayers and I read the Scripture readings for the day. Michelle left for church with Jesse and I went to the kitchen to make breakfast for the rest of the family.
“Is she OK?” Kara asked when she and Jessica came into the kitchen.
“Yes. She’s struggling with the same thing every young woman who ever wanted to be with me has struggled with.”
“The fact that you aren’t wired to be monogamous.”
“Yes,” I said, taking eggs, bacon, butter, and milk from the fridge.
“How will she react when you have your next dalliance?” Kara asked.
“You say that like it’s a sure thing!”
Kara smiled, “I know you well enough to know it will happen. It’s simply part of our reality.”
“Which is exactly the situation Michelle finds herself in. Obviously, if she could wave a magic wand, she and I would be married to each other and raising our own large family, with me having no other girls.”
“The same thing Samantha and Penny wanted.”
“Yes, minus the large family! Penny is done now that she has Amber and Andrew. And I don’t see Samantha having more than two kids. I like our large family!”
“And it was MUCH easier to have those kids by four women,” Jessica said. “Ugh!”
“I’d have done it,” Kara said. “Happily! But with all the other kids around, two seemed like the right number. And all of them treat me like a mom. Well, except Jesse, who seems to have decided he doesn’t need ANY moms!”
I chuckled, “Jesse believes he should be in charge of his own life.”
“Gee, I wonder where he got THAT idea,” Elyse asked, coming into the kitchen.
“Is that a problem?” I asked.
“No, but it certainly makes things interesting around here with all the kids wanting to run things their way!”
“Speaking of which, after breakfast I need to cuddle someone who was very cross with me this morning!”
The girls laughed and when I had breakfast ready, they rounded up the kids and we ate. As I’d promised, I cuddled Birgit while Kara and Jessica cleaned up the kitchen.
February 7, 1994, Chicago, Illinois
“Lomax & Milton has ten days to file their reply brief to our motion to dismiss,” Jamie said.
“What’s your take?” I asked.
“Honestly, I’m at a loss. I went over everything you sent me, talked to Sam, Charlie, Eve, and K, and I cannot fathom what they’re going to claim.”
“Could they change it or add something else?”
“Sure. At this point getting leave to amend your claim is pretty much automatic. But what?”
“No idea. I was just thinking that if these claims won’t stand up, they’d try to find something else. What really has me wondering is Littleton knows how fastidious we are and how detailed our records are. He saw that with the whole BLS thing.”
“That has me perplexed as well. All we can do now is wait. Did you hear anything from Ms. Rizzi?”
“She talked to Dustin Brady’s mother and is supposed to meet her for coffee later this week. Beyond that, we’ll have to wait and see.”
“Before I forget, do you have your schedule handy? I want to know what dates you’re available for depositions if we get that far.”
I chuckled, “I’ll chew him up and spit him out. Again. Let me put you through to Kimmy. She’s working on my March visits to Pittsburgh and LA.”
I transferred the call, then went back to work. That evening, rather than going home, I headed for Shaw’s for dinner with Dante. It had required a bit of juggling, but Jessica had picked up Albert and Ashley from daycare so that I hadn’t needed to make a trip home.
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August, 1983, Chicago, Illinois I walked in the near 90°F heat to Carla’s place. I was grateful that the humidity of the morning had dropped significantly; otherwise the heat would have been unbearable. By the time I walked up the steps to the apartment over the photography studio and knocked on her door, I had broken into a light sweat. Carla answered almost immediately and invited me inside her studio apartment. The air was moderately cool, and the window air conditioner was running full...
July 1982, Milford, Ohio On Tuesday morning, I kissed Kara goodbye and headed to my parents’ house for my usual morning routine with my little sister. She was happy that I could spend the morning with her and asked to take a walk, so we weren’t in the house with my mom. “Let me guess — this walk will end in the clearing,” I said with a smile. “Yes,” she said, taking my hand as we walked down Overlook towards Klondyke. As usual, we turned around and walked back, taking the path to the...
March 13, 1994, Chicago, Illinois “Hi, Steve!” Ailea said when she opened the door. “Hi,” I replied, accepting the offered hug. There was no touching of lips, just of cheeks, and I wondered if I’d misread her intentions at her birthday lunch, or if, perhaps, she detected my reluctance to return the offered affection. “Lunch is ready, so go ahead and sit. I’ll bring it in from the kitchen.” I went to the low table, sat down, and a minute later, Ailea brought miso soup and sushi, our usual...
April 3, 1997, Dallas, Texas “Remember what I said about drinking too much,” I said, as I poured bourbon into three cups. We’d stopped at a liquor store, bought a bottle of Blanton’s, and then returned to the small suite I’d reserved at the Westin. Deborah’s room was down the hall, and Krissy’s was two floors below. Krissy’s comment had caught me a bit off guard, but I hadn’t reacted visibly. I didn’t know her quite well enough to know if she’d been teasing with Deborah, so I was being...
March 28, 1991, Chicago, Illinois “This day belongs to you, Kara!” I said when the three of us woke on Thursday morning. “Happy birthday!” Jessica said. “Thanks,” Kara replied happily. “I think I’d like an amazing birthday fuck from our husband, and then a nice loving shower with my wife!” Kara said. “Do we have enough time?” I asked. Jessica giggled, “I set the alarm for thirty minutes earlier!” “Then let’s not waste any of it!” I said pulling Kara to me. Kara’s squeals as I plunged...
September 4, 2000, Chicago, Illinois On Monday morning I went to my study to make a surreptitious call to ensure that the surprise I’d planned for Kara was still going to happen, and after confirming that it was, Jesse, Matthew, Michael, and I began preparing for the Labor Day party by getting beer and soda into coolers, getting the grill ready, setting up tables and chairs in the backyard, and ensuring the liquor cabinets were stocked while my wives and daughters worked on food prep in the...
September 1, 1987, Chicago, Illinois “I heard that you have some kind of plan to help Ed,” I said to Connie. “There’s no plan,” she replied. “A witness who saw the shopkeeper alive after Ed left came forward.” That sounded convenient, and I wondered if the witness was real or someone that Anthony had put forward to solve the problem. Certainly, the videotape was real, because I couldn’t imagine how Anthony could have faked that, but the witness? Who knew? “So is he being released? Or is...
August 17, 1997, Chicago, Illinois We finished lunch and Marissa and the younger kids went to play, but Natalie sat with the adults to talk, with coffee, tea, or soft drinks. The Sarcus were very comfortable, but the Heaths were still struggling. But, vitally, they hadn’t left and hadn’t insisted Natalie leave the group. “Can you explain how you developed this attitude and approach?” Chris asked. I nodded, “It started when I was just a bit younger than Natalie. My mom was a total control...
July 1979 — Falkenberg, Sweden On Friday, when I got back from my run, Pam was in her bra and panties again. I whistled at her, she giggled, then finished dressing. I showered, and we went to breakfast and finished up our last day. Once class was done, we were pretty much free. On Saturday, we’d have several optional activities and then on Sunday we’d head back to our host families. After dinner on Friday, I took Pam’s hand and we walked towards the river. It was quiet and peaceful, and...
July 1980, Over the North Atlantic We reached cruising altitude, and I settled back to read my book. Pam raised the armrest between us, snuggled close to me and read as well. The cabin crew offered drinks, and I had my first Coke in a year! Meal service began about an hour and a half into the flight. After the cabin crew picked up the trays and offered drinks again, they passed once more, offering headsets for the movie. Trevor and Maria took them, but Pam and I didn’t, instead we turned on...
July 8, 1997, Chicago, Illinois “Is it really that surprising?” Leah asked. “I suppose not,” I replied. “I just didn’t read too much into the kiss on the cheek.” “I didn’t think it was a good idea to kiss you on the lips with all those people around, because I had no idea who they were or what they would think. You were VERY careful with our dance, so I kind of followed your lead.” Which showed very mature thinking on her part. Both of these girls were exactly the kind of students I...
November 8, 1993, Chicago, Illinois A dark fog swirled before my eyes as I tried to take stock. My head hurt, badly. I felt something on my face and realized, dimly, it was an oxygen mask. My right hand was uncomfortable and I recognized the feeling of an IV and pulse-oximeter. My left arm ached fiercely. On my chest I felt the pads and wires of an EKG. I didn’t feel anything else wrong as I continued taking inventory. I tried to open my eyes, but the fog didn’t clear. I tried to speak, but...
August, 1983, Chicago, Illinois In the morning Anala and I ran as we had the previous time, then showered together, carefully washing each other’s bodies in an intimate but non-sexual way. After our shower we went to the kitchen and I made breakfast and we sat down to eat. “Steve, may I make a suggestion?” she asked. “Sure.” “Broaden your circle of friends. Other than me, all of you are white, nominally Christian, 20-year-old Americans. And you don’t invite me to your Sunday...
June 23, 2000, Chicago, Illinois “Steve,” Kimmy said over the intercom, “I have a Suzanne Aavik for you.” “Thanks,” I replied. “Put her through, please.” A few seconds later, Suzanne was on the line. “Hi!” she exclaimed when I greeted her. “I’m in Chicago for three weeks. Can I still run away and join the circus?” I chuckled, “You might want to find out what the circus is actually like before you join! If you’re free, you’re welcome to come to the house tomorrow or Sunday and meet the...
March 1979 Monday was back to the normal routine of school. Debbie Courtney, who lived across the street and had turned fourteen the last week in February, started flirting more with me on the bus each day. Debbie Vaughn, who lived just down the street, would turn fourteen on March 16th and invited me to her birthday party. And Donna Woody, who lived just down the street in the other direction, would turn fourteen on March 20th. She had made it clear what she wanted for her birthday, and in...
June 2, 1990, Chicago, Illinois “My office, please,” Sensei Jim said after class on Saturday. I followed him to his office and waited for him to bid me to sit. He did, and I sat in the usual chair across from him. “She has a real problem, you know that, right?” he asked. “I do. That’s why I insisted she start seeing a counselor.” “I run a huge risk having her here with that kind of temper and her violent acts.” I nodded, “I understand. May I ask what you intend to do?” “I really don’t...
ME: Please welcome my special guest this evening, Céleste d’Chevalier, the bestselling author of The Anarchist’s Cookbook. Céleste. [Applause. Nicki enters.] I understand you have had quite a whirlwind tour this month. Thank you for taking the time to be on our show. NICKI: It’s been insane, but it is over now. I’m home. ME: And home is where? NICKI: Where the heart is. ME: You know I have a daughter named Céleste. NICKI: You know she’s here. She’s been traveling with me for three...
February 21, 1991, Chicago, Illinois “Hi, Sweetheart!” I said, greeting Bethany at the door. “Uncle Steve!” Nicholas exclaimed. I took him from his mom and he hugged me tightly. “Is Jesse with his moms?” Bethany asked. “Yes. They won’t bring him back over tonight so you and Nicholas can surprise him in the morning.” “Perfect!” “How was the drive up?” “The same as usual. Just a bit of traffic in Northern Indiana. Otherwise, smooth sailing. It was driving the other direction that was a...
November 4, 2000, Chicago, Illinois “Good morning, Sensei,” Miyu said when Kara, the girls, and I walked into the dojo on Saturday morning. “Good morning, Miyu.” “Do you have a moment, please?” I nodded and we went to the small practice room for privacy, as Sensei Jim had a family in his office. “What can I do for you?” “I need you to meet a young man,” she said. “I think you might be taking this ‘not do anything without permission’ a bit too far!” Miyu shook her head, “No, I’m not....
May 1979 The limo dropped me at home about 9:00pm. I took my stuff to my room, stripped, and hung up the tux. The rest of the things went into the hamper. I took a shower, put on shorts and a t-shirt, and walked down the hall into my dad’s office. I saw no reason to put this off any longer. “Stephen, you need to explain yourself!” my mom demanded. “I was in Mrs. McGrath’s, well, Mrs. Sanders’ now, wedding, as I said.” “You walked her down the aisle! You’re sixteen and not even related to...
November 3, 1990, Chicago, Illinois “I still don’t understand why you told everyone to leave Katy alone last night,” Elyse said on Saturday morning. “Because we weren’t going to talk her out of it. I could tell by the way she told us. I hoped letting her sleep on it would allow her to hear what we had to say. Obviously I was wrong.” “I was surprised that she wouldn’t talk to Jennifer at all,” Kara said. “I thought Jennifer would be the one to get her to listen to reason this morning.” I...
February, 1983, Chicago, Illinois Our first joining since the previous summer was slow and sweet, trying to express our deep love for each other through the motions of our bodies. When we finished, Karin held me tight and refused to let me move off of her. “Sleep there, please,” she whispered. I kissed her once more then adjusted my pillow so that I could rest my head next to hers. It wasn’t the most comfortable position, but it was what Karin wanted. The feel of her firm body under mine,...
July 3, 1996, Chicago, Illinois I blinked several times and took a breath before responding. It didn’t help. The best I could do was contain my visceral reaction at her completely out-of-line request and her wrong-headed assumptions when she had NO idea what had happened in my life the previous eight months. “What makes you think you can make that request after refusing to talk to me for nearly eight months? And equally importantly, without explaining Alexi? And without giving me the first...
August 12, 1994, Chicago, Illinois “Fuck ‘em all,” I sighed. “Especially Donald Fehr. Running to Federal Court, the NLRB, and Congress? I’m really tired of the government putting its thumb so heavily on the scale.” “Well, we’re not going to resolve that problem today,” Elyse said. “Jackie and Jeremiah want to come over.” I chuckled, “Why am I not surprised? I bet you anything he had a rough sketch done ten minutes after they hung up the phone.” “They want to discuss options. Kimmy felt...
July 1983, Milford, Ohio My drive to Ohio was filled with wild swings of emotion. After quickly driving Anala home I had set out for Milford, driving as fast as I thought I could get away with, slowing only when warned to do so by my radar detector. I’d told Nancy that I’d come straight to her house and asked her to call my dad and let him know so that Stephanie wasn’t worried. I pulled into the Blanchards’ driveway at 3:30pm, having managed to avoid any run-ins with the Indiana State Police...