This Is Your Carstairs SpeakingChapter 9: Open Sushime free porn video

This is a FigCaption - special HTML5 tag for Image (like short description, you can remove it)

We all deal with bad news in different ways. The doctor simply released the tension in his knees and slid to the floor. Asim also lowered himself to the ground, but he then leaned forward and began to pray, extending his arms over his head and touching the floor with his forehead.

“Allahu’ Akh’bar.”

“Would you stop that!” hissed Caroline.

“Subhaanaka Allaahumma wabi hamdika wa tabaarakasmuka wa ta’aala jadduka wa laa ilaaha ghayruka.”

“I said STOP that,” said Caroline, and actually kicked him in the ribs! Not with her full weight behind it, but enough to get his attention. To his credit, Asim didn’t even seem angry as he looked up at us.

“I need to ask Allah for help,” he explained.

“Really? Allah? Whose religion made airlines put in reinforced cockpit doors in the first place, huh?” spat Caroline. “Here’s a hint: it’s not the ruddy Hindus! Why don’t you get out your suicide vest and blow up that door, rather than crawling around on the floor!”

Asim ignored her completely, focused on reciting his prayers. I was left dumbstruck. This was an entirely new side to Caroline. I guess fear brings out the worst in people, no matter how well hidden it is.

With a slight judder, the airplane banked ever so slightly to the left. I could tell by looking at the cloud deck via a window, through a slit in the curtains made by the purser, as she joined us via the aisle on the other side.

“Why is he doing this here? There’s a prayer area in the aft section,” she asked. Then she looked at the doctor, who was still sat on the floor, his hands over his face.

“Sir, are you okay?”

“Todos vamos a morir!” cried the doctor.

“We can’t get in,” I explained. “He’s not answering. We knocked, we even tried to kick the door down. The plane is now banking and descending.”

The purser resolutely shoved me aside and picked up the phone. She pressed 1 as well. After a few seconds she moved to face a panel just around the corner, in the narrow hallway in front of the cockpit door. I hadn’t noticed it before, but it was like a keypad, with two vertical rows of six buttons. There she pressed the hash key, which was below the zero. We could hear a chime coming from the cockpit. It stopped after three seconds.

“You see!” said Caroline, now almost inaudibly. She was actually shaking!

“There’s an emergency access code!” explained the purser.

“NOW WOULD BE A GOOD TIME FOR THAT,” I said, somewhat louder than I intended. At my feet, Asim sat up straight.

“Ha, that’s good news! Allahu Akhbar!”

The purser’s finger hovered over the buttons and paused.

“I’ve forgotten it...”

“WHAT?!” said three people. “QUE?!” said one.

“It’s in my notepad! Just ... gimme a sec!”

We all stood there as she produced a tote bag from a small compartment in the galley and leafed through a black booklet.

“One Nine Nine Three. Oh yeah, the year we were founded.”

“Very interesting, NOW HURRY UP!” hissed Caroline.

She pressed the key code followed by the hash key. Inside, the same chime was heard, only it didn’t stop. A green light flashed on the display above the numbers. I tried the door, but it wouldn’t open.

“Wrong code!”

“It has to be this!”

“TRY IT AGAIN,” said Caroline. But even as she spoke, she reached out to the panel herself and typed in 1-9-9-3-#. The sound didn’t stop and the light kept blinking. I nearly broke my hand as I tried to wrench open the door. There was no way in hell I’d get through without a blowtorch. And I don’t even know how to work one.

“Oh, wait! I think we have to wait thirty seconds!” said the purser. “It’s so they can barricade the door when they think one of us is entering the code under duress.”

The aircraft banked again, now levelling off. After a few seconds, during which I could feel my own heartbeat in the back of my throat, the blinking light turned steadily green. I tried the handle again and fell face first onto the cockpit floor. Caroline’s heels nearly perforated my hand as she unceremoniously stepped over me.

“Thank God for that. Everybody get in. Hey, you! WAKE UP!”

The cockpit was really a bit too small for five people, although one of us was out cold. I noticed with some relief the bucket had not been used.

“Get your medical supplies,” said Caroline to the purser. “And find something to keep that door open. Doctor!”

The doctor really didn’t need any encouragement. He leaned over the First Officer and gave him a nasty pinch.

“HUH!” said the man, as he opened his eyes.

“I go tell my cousin the news!” said Asim, and turned to leave. Caroline grabbed his black hair and yanked him back. Again, I credited the man for not bitchslapping her into the nineteenth century.

“You are not going anywhere, my friend. What are you going to do, tell the entire sodding aircraft we’re down to one pilot, who is sick? Your cousin knows nothing about our current predicament and that is exactly how it will stay. Understand? UNDERSTAND?”

“Your boss is touching me!” he said to me. He sounded like an angry toddler.

“That is currently your best case scenario,” I said, as I got up from the floor. “Madam, please let go of him. Your Highness, you cannot tell anybody what’s going on here. You’ll cause a panic. Do you understand?”

A voice came from a speaker somewhere. I suppose we all have a basic idea of what a cockpit looks like: two seats, lots and lots of buttons and a bunch of mysterious screens in the center console. And windows that are a lot smaller than you’d think.

“Qatar Zero Zero Two, contact Athens approach on 121 point 4.”

“Deal with that,” ordered Caroline, as she let go of Asim’s hair and looked at me.

“What, me?”

“Yes, you!”

“Shouldn’t he do that, now he’s awake?”

“HRRRRLUB!” said the pilot. The doctor deftly stepped out of the way as Neil bent over and vomited copiously on the floor between the seats. Or rather, behind the center console, which extended well past the back of the seats. Some control panels got splattered. If there had been any smell of daisies here before, which was doubtful, it would have been eradicated right now.

“Get him out of here,” said Caroline.

“Then who is going to fly the plane?” I asked, because I am a master at stating the obvious. I have a certificate and everything. Came first in my class. Obviously.

“You are, for now. Sit down.”

She pointed to the left hand seat.

“Don’t be ridiculous!”

“SIT DOWN! At least you’ll be out of the way. Find a microphone and call for help.”

“Qatar Zero Zero Two, contact Athens approach on 121 point 4. Please respond.”

The plane moved again, just as I sat down.

“WHY IS IT DOING THAT?” asked Asim. “What did you touch?”

“I didn’t touch anything!”

“Grrrrr ... I ... set an approach ... kgggrrr...” explained Neil, whose front was now covered in vomit. It was reddish.

“Hello?” said a female voice in the doorway. Two stewardesses peered in. They were the ones serving the forward section of the lower decks. Their galley was somewhere around row fifty and they had worked their way forward on their rounds.

“Oh my God! What’s wrong with Neil? Neil!”

“You two: make sure the pantry curtains remain closed. The passengers can’t know about this,” ordered Caroline, who was slowly becoming her old self again.

“Why are you in that seat? SIR! GET AWAY FROM THAT SEAT! And who are you?!” barked one of the stewardesses.

“Find Sue. She’s getting us medical supplies.”

The purser showed up just then.

“I’m here! I’m here. This is what we have. Lydia, Catherine, it’s okay. I mean, it’s not okay but they can be here.”

She gave the doctor two plastic boxes, sealed in foil. He started to unwrap them.

“Do we have to do that here?” said Caroline. “Sue, take your girls away and brief them, discretely. And bring me something to clean up here. It’s all slippery.”

“Come with me,” said the purser to her colleagues. That made the cockpit area somewhat less crowded, but there were still five of us. Well, at least I had a seat.

“He doesn’t need to be here,” I said, pointing at Asim. He tried to make himself as small as possible and was clearly shaken up now that Allah turned out not to be actually at the controls.

“He does, for now. Can’t have him spreading the bad news to his cousin, or anyone else. Pilot? Pilot! How are you now?”

“Ung...”

“This approach you set, does it include a landing?”

“No. Didn’t have ... HUWAAAARGH...”

Fortunately Neil was now empty, at least above the navel.

“I wish he would stop doing that. Doctor, anything useful in that kit?”

“Sólo tranquilizantes y analgésicos.”

“I don’t think we want him sedated, do we? You know, some cocaine might do the trick.”

“I don’t think many people have the brass balls to smuggle coke on their person to Qatar,” I said. I was in the pilot’s seat but frankly I was afraid to turn around and face the controls. I saw quite enough of them from the corner of my eye.

“Qatar Zero Zero Two, Qatar Zero Zero Two, please contact Athens approach on 121 point 4. Please respond,” said the voice, now annoyed. It wasn’t perfect English to begin with, because traffic controllers are hard enough to find as it is. It’s not everyone who can visualize dozens of moving objects in 3D space. That’s why the job pays so well. Speaking intelligible English is more of an afterthought once you meet that first requirement.

In the movies air traffic control centres are manned by tough looking men in short-sleeved shirts with pocket protectors. In reality, all sorts of people have a go at the famously difficult admissions test, particularly students. Those who pass and get in find it very hard to give up the job, because it pays freakishly well. And so your friendly ATC operator may be a middle aged housewife who once dreamed of med school, a philosophy student who’s in his eighth year at university or indeed a Greek man who sounds like Demis Roussos chewing marbles. And it’s hardly Hi-Fi, these radio connections. The longer a wave has to carry, the smaller the bandwidth for decent sound.

The purser stepped back in. We just left the door open at this point. Come on in and have a go! Try a button, any button, three for a fiver! Big prizes! YOUR LIFE, actually.

“How is he now?”

Caroline answered:

“Not at all well. Ideally I’d put him on the pantry floor, keep him close. But that will alarm the passengers in the front section. If we take him to the crew rest area, he won’t be of much use and the entire plane will freak out.”

“There’s the pilot rest area,” said the purser.

“And where is that, dear?”

“There’s a small ladder behind this panel. If you climb up, you’re in a small space with two beds. You can’t really stand up there, but it’s something.”

She opened a panel, which revealed an area not much bigger than the inside of a chimney. There was indeed a ladder, of about seven rungs. I’d have a job crawling up there, but then I’m fairly broad-shouldered.

“If I could just have a lie down, that’d be great ... Wash up...” said Neil.

“Sir, do we need to talk to his Greek fellow? Before he sends in the F-16s?” I asked.

“Who?” asked Neil. That’s when I realised he wasn’t lucid. He was covered in vomit, beads of sweat pearled on his forehead and he had a weird grin on his face.

“Athens approach wants to talk to you!”

“Oh. That’s nice.”

He shivered. It was anything but cold here.

“Well, he’s not much use like this for the moment,” said Caroline. “And next time he may not manage to miss the controls. Ah, some towels. Finally.”

Say what you will about Caroline, but she’s not afraid to get her hands dirty. She was handed some surprisingly fluffy towels, no doubt intended for First Class, and cleaned up the mess on the cockpit floor. She was also given a new packet of wet wipes, but she gave that to the prince.

“Here, make yourself useful if you have a chance. Carstairs, get on the radio and declare an emergency.”

I let out a sigh that was long overdue. This was going to happen. Of course it was! When do I ever get a break from misery?

“Yes, Miss Keller.”

I managed to find the microphone, which was a sturdy piece of plastic with a single button.

“Hello? This is Qatar Airways flight zero zero two. Is anybody listening, over?”

It was quiet for a while. The doctor and Caroline pulled Neil out of his chair. Now he was on the cockpit floor, on his back. Caroline was cleaning him up, although his shirt was still drenched. A man who spoke slightly better English said:

“Qatar Zero Zero Two, this is Athens Approach Director. Why did you not respond?”

“Hello, this is Qatar Zero Zero Two. We have an emergency on board. The Captain and the First Officer are both seriously ill, over.”

Again, it was quiet for a few seconds.

“Qatar Zero Zero Two, can you switch to frequency One Two Five, over?”

“No I can’t. I don’t know how to work the radio. Uhm, over.”

Behind me, the doctor had climbed up the ladder and was hoisting Neil up. Asim was animating his legs. The plane was still on a gradual descent and now we were entering the clouds.

“This is a general message for all aircraft on frequency 121.4. This channel is now in use for an emergency. Contact Athens Approach on 130.025 only.”

I waited for a few seconds and pressed the button.

“This is Qatar 002. We’re on a pre-programmed approach and we’ve just gone through the clouds. There is no pilot. Please advise?”

“Qatar 002, who is this?”

“I’m a passenger. I need help to set this thing to auto pilot or something. We have a doctor who is assisting the First Officer, but it’s going to take a while.”

“Qatar 002, where is your Captain, over?”

“The Captain is ... he died. Our doctor confirmed it. About fifteen minutes ago.”

“Say again, Qatar 002. Over.”

“The Captain died. He was ill and then he died. And the First Officer isn’t doing very well, either. They both had sushi yesterday, we think that may be it.”

Well, I did at any rate. The acrid smell of vomit stung my nose. The view from the cockpit was basically zero, because we were flying through clouds. Behind me, two men were cursing. All in all, it was a fairly typical day for me.

“Qatar 002, was there a violent incident on board? Over.”

“No, there wasn’t. Over.”

“Didn’t you just say that the Captain was ill? Over.”

“Yes. But I wasn’t sure if I should be saying all this over the radio, over.”

“Sir, do you have any flight experience?”

“I have about five hours in a small one-engined airplane, no license. So I’d say no. Over.”

“Qatar 002, please wait.”

“Yeah, about that ... How do I stop this thing from descending, over?”

“Qatar 002, you’re still at 18,000 feet and descending very gradually. There’s still some time. Please stand by.”

“My friend, can I help?” asked Asim, who came up behind me. The doctor and his patient were now in the pilot rest area.

“Do you know how to fly an airplane?”

“No.”

“Well, that makes two of us.”

“Then I will clean up, okay? You sit there and talk to them. They will help, insh’allah.”

He opened the packet of wipes and began to scrub the carpet behind the seats. I had a feeling he hadn’t done a whole lot of cleaning in his life, but at least he was trying to be useful.

The cockpit door was now closed, but when there was a knock I had no qualms about letting anyone in. If these were hijackers, at least we’d have a chance they’d have taken flight lessons. Those 9/11 guys had, although landing hadn’t been a priority in their curriculum.

“Asim, would you open the door?”

“Sure, my friend.”

Caroline stepped in.

“Any news?”

“I’m speaking to air traffic control. They’ve got me on hold. You?”

“We’ve told all the stewardesses and did a turbulence announcement. Sue is speaking to the Qatar control room from the crew rest area. They’re trying to find out if there’s a pilot among the passengers.”

“Why don’t you just make an announcement?”

“Because that will turn this flight into pandemonium. We have several hours of fuel left, so there’s still time to think. Have you had a look at the controls yet?”

“Caroline, there is no way in hell I’m going to be able to fly this thing.”

“Why not? I’ve seen you doing it in computer games.”

“Yes and as soon as I find an XBOX controller we’re laughing. But I suspect it takes a bit more than pressing the left trigger button to slow down.”

“Look dear, this is a computer. A computer with wings. And what is your forte? Computers. Now I suggest you just take your time and work out what it all does. I’m sure none of them is a hidden self-destruct button.”

“Just find me a pilot!”

A very familiar sound rang through the cockpit, one that I associate with Kate. It took me a while to realise this was the default FaceTime sound! Caroline produced her iPhone from somewhere and pressed a button.

“Yes, hello?”

“Miss Keller, this is Qatar Airways control. What is your situation?”

“Well, see for yourself. This is Carstairs, he’s doing the honours right now. Carstairs, it’s for you.”

She gave me her phone. I was looking at the face of a woman dressed in a pilot’s uniform. She seemed to be in a control room of sorts. Worried looking men in white shirts milled about behind her. She looked familiar, somehow.

“Hello. Mr. Carstairs?”

“Do I know you?”

“Yes. It’s Leonie. We met a few years ago, on your flight to New York. When you served lunch to that boy.”

“Ah yes, of course! You’re a Captain!”

“Yes, I am. Call me Leonie. I’m in the Qatar Airways operations room. What’s the situation?”

“Uhm ... Athens Air Traffic control has me on hold. They’ve cleared their frequency for an emergency. Last I heard from the First Officer when he was still lucid was that he had programmed an approach to Athens, but that didn’t include a landing. And we’ve just gone below the clouds. If I’m reading this correctly, we’re at... 16,250 feet.”

“Can I have a look at the displays?”

I switched to the camera on the back of the phone, so I could see what see was seeing. I was very glad to see this tiny Belgian woman, who had risen to the rank of Captain at a Middle Eastern airline. We were speaking English now, but we could both default to Dutch if need be. If I have a choice, I prefer to handle life or death situations in my native language. But then, until now I never actually had a choice.

“Left. Left a bit. Keep it still,” she ordered, as I moved the phone towards a vertical display in the middle of what I’m going to call the dashboard.

“You’re in vertical descent,” she said.

“I know. I’d like to stop that.”

“Right. See those three orange dashes and the dots? Just over the white button with the blue triangle?”

“Yes.”

“That means you’re flying in ‘managed’ mode. The autopilot is controlling your speed and heading. That’s good for now. The other display has numbers on it. You’re in ‘controlled’ mode. The plane is slowly descending to 15,000 feet. But then it will level off.”

“It says ‘push to level off’. Can I do that now? It would feel REALLY good to be flying level.”

“If you like. We’re communicating with Athens ATC. They’re keeping all planes away from you. Thing is, you’re about to leave Greek airspace. Then we’ll have to deal with the Turks.”

“And that’s not good?”

“That’s never good. Apart from that, you’ve overshot your approach for Athens by at least two hundred miles by now. So I’m going to have to turn you around.”

“Right. Can I make a suggestion?”

“Not really.”

“I’m going to do it anyway. Why risk landing in Athens? We’re supposed to have enough fuel to reach Doha, and then some. That would give me a few hours to learn how this thing works. We’ll be flying over fairly uninhabited areas. And then I could try landing at Doha. Unless we find a pilot, that is. Or ours gets back on his feet. Does that make sense? I could even slow down, so we’ll burn less fuel.”

“What?! I need to ... Let me talk to the guys here.”

Caroline tapped me on the shoulder.

“I see you’ve got this, Carstairs. I’ll see if I can be of use somewhere else. Doctor? Cómo está?”

I couldn’t see the Doctor from my seat, but from somewhere above me I heard:

“Está inconsciente!”

“Oh. Bugger. Perhaps I can mix something to wake him up with what’s on board,” she mumbled, and left the cockpit.

“Why is your boss dressed as a stewardess?” asked Asim, back on his knees to clean up the rest of the mess.

“Because that way she can move about the airplane without arousing suspicion.”

“She is a remarkable woman.”

“She is indeed. And she’s not normally physically violent.”

He shrugged.

“I understand. We are all afraid.”

“Carstairs? You still there?” asked Leonie.

“Yes, I’m not going anywhere. Well, forward. But not relative to the plane.”

“We have decided to set you on a course for Doha, at least for now. Here’s what I need you to do.”

Let’s skip ahead to about an hour later, when my heartbeat had returned below 200 bpm. Because although I’m leaving that out, you can bet I was scared. Being Carstairs, or at least a slightly harried version of him, actually helped me. I was now speaking to Leonie via an iPad, because those have a much bigger battery. It was being held up by Asim, now in the co-pilot’s seat, so I had my hands free. He barely spoke a word, well aware of our predicament. The link was spotty, at times forcing FaceTime to default to audio only, or cut out.

Overhead we could hear the doctor speaking to someone at MedAire, as the purser had patched through a link via the handset near the pilot bunk. MedAire spoke Spanish with him and was very much aware of what was and wasn’t available on board. Caroline, who spent some of her time in the back of the cockpit, could hear what was going on and gave us a summary.

“Have you got a moment, Carstairs?”

“Yes, madam. They’re having a meeting in Qatar. We’re waiting for them to call us back.”

“The pilot is drifting in and out of consciousness. They’re searching the kitchen of that sushi restaurant as we speak and two people who ate there last night are also ill. Why the pilot died is unclear. It may be an underlying condition, exacerbated by food poisoning.”

“I thought these guys all got thorough medicals,” I grumbled. The novelty of seeing Caroline dressed as a stewardess had worn off rather quickly.

“Carstairs, professional athletes in their twenties have been known to drop dead from undiscovered heart defects. Besides, there is nothing we can do about it now. At least there is still a chance the co-pilot will recover in time. How are you getting on here?”

“Well, could be worse. I’ve been taught how to navigate this thing.”

“Excellent! I knew you could do it! You made some flights with Wayne, after all!”

“Yeah, not exactly the same. All I’m doing is entering waypoints, which are worked out by that Belgian lady on the ground. The autopilot is doing the actual flying. I’m not touching anything.”

“What do you mean?”

“Basically, I keep telling the autopilot where we need to go next. Coordinates, altitude. The autopilot handles the rest. That’s not flying, that’s data entry.”

“Surely you merely need to set it for Doha?”

“No. We can’t fly there in a straight line. There are fixed routes for airlines and we’re sticking to them. You know, to avoid war zones and such. Oh and Turkey didn’t want us in their airspace, so we’re taking an alternative route over Egypt. Also, we’re trying to conserve fuel so the pilot has a chance to recover. That means trying to find calm weather and favourable winds. I don’t know about any of that, though. But the connection is awful. It keeps dropping out.”

Caroline considered this for a moment.

“That might be because First Class and Business Class have complimentary Wi-Fi and are trying to watch Netflix. I’ll see if we can’t turn that off.”

“Wait! Don’t just turn it off! I’m on that same connection! If we lose it, we’re screwed.”

“Don’t worry, Carstairs. I won’t just start pulling plugs. Be right back. The purser is running a meal service right now. The passengers have no idea what’s going on and we’d like to keep it that way. While I’m out there: can I get you anything?”

“Nothing for me, thank you madam. Your Royal Highness?”

“Uhm ... Some water? Or juice?” asked a very timid prince. Caroline gave him a friendly smile, clearly intended to make up for the insults and the physical assaults, and left us.

And there I was, looking out over the Mediterranean Sea. In a straight line we’d have flown over Syria or Iraq. Although it’s not entirely uncommon for commercial flights to fly over war zones, the recent incident with Malaysia Airlines flight MH17, which was shot over Ukraine by incompetent Russian separatists armed by the Kremlin with surface to air missiles, killing 298 souls, had basically put a stop to that. We’d be flying over the Mediterranean sea soon, then hang a left past Egypt and then go across Saudi-Arabia, keeping a wide berth of Iraq. That was now ISIS country, mostly.

We were too high up to see any ships, never mind any buildings. There were some scattered clouds below us and the curvature of the Earth was visible, but if I’m honest it’s a view I can do without. I’m sure it’s better at night or at lower altitudes, but I’d seen screen savers with a more interesting view. (Are you old enough the remember the one with the guy stranded on a small island? Johnny Castaway. Bloody brilliant and it came on a single floppy disk.)

Leonie called back on FaceTime. It took thirty seconds for the connection to be made.

“There you are. How are things?”

“We’re still horizontal and going forward. Which is good news, I suppose.”

“Autopilot on?”

“Yes. Both of ‘em.”

Asim hastily turned the iPad, so she could see the display.

“Thanks. And the co-pilot?”

“He’s out right now. It changes, but when he’s awake he’s not exactly lucid.”

“Okay. Fuel?”

“Hang on ... One ten.”

It actually said 110.072 kg on the screen, in a font I hadn’t seen since I last used a dot matrix printer in 1988. The most important panels were front and center on the dashboard, if that is indeed the name for it in aviation terms. The FCU panel and the EFIS panel, which looked like car stereos from the early nineties, with small displays and lots of sturdy buttons, were showing me our speed, heading and altitude. There were iPad-like screens as well, just above my knees, but they weren’t as important right now. At least not according to Leonie. My judgment counted for very little.

“That’s good. That’s great.”

“You’re leaving Athens FIR. Has Cairo ACC checked in yet?”

FIR means Flight Information Region. ACC means Area Control Center. Air traffic control isn’t handled by airports, as you probably know, but by regional control centers. If you leave one, you say goodbye and then report in at the next one. This is called a hand-off. You’ll be told the frequency for the new area, but obviously there are charts to look it up. Not that I would know where to find them.

“Not yet. Athens will let me know when it’s time.”

“Good. You’re doing good.”

“There’s no need to keep telling me that,” I snapped.

“Got it. Sorry. Zeg, kunnen wij Nederlands spreken?”

She just asked me if we could speak Dutch. Clearly she didn’t want anyone else to hear this.

“Ja, waarom?” (Yes, why?)

“Verstoade gij nen Vlaoms accent?” (Can you understand the Flemish accent?)

“Ja.”

She and I had spoken Dutch before, when I was invited to the cockpit on my flight to New York. Belgium has two official languages: the Walloons speak French and the Flemish speak Dutch. There’s a clear geographical separation between both populations, although Brussels is a French enclave within Flanders. Both sides hate each other with a vengeance. The Flemish are exposed to Standard Dutch, because they watch our TV channels. They’ll tone down their own accents when they deal with us, but they can also turn it up to the extent where most Dutch won’t be able to follow. She was doing that right now. In fact, she was probably stretching way past her own accent, so that the tone, speed and word sequence would confuse anyone listening in. If you speak English, you can get a pretty good idea of what’s going on in a conversation in standard Dutch, but Flemish is another matter.

“En kunde gij daddook?” (And do you speak it?)

“Joa. Zo nen bietje.” (A little.)

“Kunnen wij dan zo ‘n gespreksken hebben waarmee dattem geen anderen meelustert?” (Can we have a discrete conversation?)

“Ja.”

“Dienen gast wat of dat u filmt, da’s nen ... Dies nie van ons, he?” (The man filming you, he’s not one of us, right?)

Same as This Is Your Carstairs Speaking
Chapter 9: Open Sushime Videos

2 years ago
  • 0
  • 13
  • 0

This Is Your Carstairs SpeakingChapter 7 Spread lsquoem

“Not much of a holiday then,” said Kate, as she buttered a warm slice of toast. We were having breakfast and as Kelly had spent the night at our house, my little family was complete. Ideally I’d have my parents there as well, but I saw them three times a week these days and that was more than I had been used to anyway. “Best I’m going to get, I’m afraid, what with Edwin being so young. We were gone for a week, all in all. That’s not too bad.” “We’ll make longer trips when Edwin can walk,”...

3 years ago
  • 0
  • 9
  • 0

This Is Your Carstairs SpeakingChapter 10 You Can Come Down Now

This chapter was originally posted with a copy/paste error that caused a section to repeat. This should now be fixed. Thanks for letting me know. You should also feel free to talk to me if it’s not about formatting errors! I love hearing what made you laugh, or if you spot a mistake. By the way, I am now also aware discrete and discreet are spelled differently in English. My proof readers missed it as well, so I always hope to hear about things like that from the SOL-community. – RD. “TWO...

2 years ago
  • 0
  • 13
  • 0

Carstairs of ArabiaChapter 6 Something in the Air

Monday, July 13th. Gatwick Airport. What the hell was wrong with me!? Why had I worked so hard to get here? How did I not realise that pretty much the last thing I ever want is to be away from my family, particularly my little boy? Why the fuck was I going to a country where I’d be practically illiterate, dependant on the good will of the very people I was going to spy on to speak English with me! And how in the world was I going to be a spy when I had a sodding Wikipedia page and an IMDB...

2 years ago
  • 0
  • 10
  • 0

This Is Your Carstairs SpeakingChapter 15 Call of the hunter

Today Sinterklaas arrived in The Netherlands! If you have no idea what that means, why not read my short story ‘Best Sinterklaas Ever’, available on this very website? It predates the events in ‘Best Sister Ever’. – RD Having all that security gear installed in my house made me a tiny bit paranoid, I don’t mind telling you. It’s not as if I’m planning to assassinate the Queen or overthrow the government when I’m pottering about in the kitchen, but my private affairs are rather unusual and I...

2 years ago
  • 0
  • 13
  • 0

Carstairs of ArabiaChapter 7 Miles from Home

The last time I was at Hamad I had been escorted off the plane soon after landing. This was much better. For some reason we didn’t use a jetway to get into the terminal building, so I was treated to a blast of the familiar heat of Doha. It felt strangely comforting, for some reason. It’s not quite the same as the heat of Los Angeles, or Las Vegas. Maybe it was because we were so near the sea. For the first few seconds it felt a bit like a warm hug. Isn’t that odd? An airport bus drove us to...

1 year ago
  • 0
  • 16
  • 0

Carstairs of ArabiaChapter 18 Teach her a Lesson

I suppose it’s only normal that you take on the English accent to which you are most often exposed. In my case it started when BBC 1 and 2 were made available on the Dutch cable network. I loved almost every show they put on and that shaped my theretofore rather unremarkable Dutsj Ekssent. Well, Lexy grew up watching shows and films like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Beverly Hills 90210, Clueless, The Twilight Saga and related TV trash. Not every character on those shows speaks Valley Girl, but...

1 year ago
  • 0
  • 14
  • 0

Carstairs of ArabiaChapter 2 I Spy With My Tired Eye

Saturday June 27th, 2015. Dallas Road, Ealing. “Good morning.” “You’re up early?” said Kelly, who I found scooping yoghurt into a bowl of muesli when I sauntered into the kitchen. She’d spent the night at my house, in her own room. “Are you kidding? It’s five minutes past eight! I’ve been staring at the ceiling for half an hour, trying to get back to sleep.” “Well, give it another go. Or give me ten minutes and I’ll come and wear you out.” “Cheeky cow,” I muttered, as I filled the tea...

2 years ago
  • 0
  • 13
  • 0

Carstairs of ArabiaChapter 8 Now Pay Attention 327

I signed another document and followed Miles into a cavernous space, which was rather dark. Two men in lab coats scurried away. Miles waited until they were gone and then flipped a switch on the wall near the door. Bright lights in the ceiling clacked on and unveiled a turning plateau with a car under a black tarp. I could see the tyres, but not much else. Miles and Hugo shot each other a look and grinned. “Carstairs! Your new vehicle! Feel free to do the honours.” I stepped onto the...

2 years ago
  • 0
  • 21
  • 0

Carstairs of ArabiaChapter 10 Come on Saudi Letrsquos Go Party

I woke up around eight in the morning, an hour later than I’m used to. I walked to the other side of the house, to Asim’s bedroom, and heard snoring. That was good. I had a quick yet annoying shower and took some time to spruce myself up. I’m not one of those men who are completely hopeless when they’re single, but what with Mel being a professional make-up artist and hairstylist, amongst many other talents, I rarely needed to groom myself nowadays. But now I was spending time shaving around...

3 years ago
  • 0
  • 15
  • 0

Carstairs of ArabiaChapter 26 Si Vis Pacem Nolite Exacerbare Carstairs

It was about ten minutes to showtime. I’d be at the mosque in three minutes or so, although K-T would drop me off at the mall entrance and then proceed to another destination. We were making good time, because although some traffic kept moving, many cars just pulled to the side of the road wherever there was space near a mosque. Sometimes cars were abandoned in the middle of the road, blocking each other in. The police never made a fuss: after all, everyone was supposed to be praying. Men...

3 years ago
  • 0
  • 13
  • 0

This Is Your Carstairs SpeakingChapter 2 Mosque you bring this up

Kelly was very quiet on the ride home, but fortunately (and I use the word fortunately as in: ‘I have learned to live with this as a project in personal growth’) my driver, Ali, has absolutely no problems filling a gap in any conversation. Even when no actual conversation is presently occurring. Kate texted with Melody about the contents of our fridge, so I could prepare a shopping list. Okay, so I’m now officially a guy who pulls up at a Waitrose in a chauffeur driven car, but then I buy...

2 years ago
  • 0
  • 14
  • 0

Carstairs of ArabiaChapter 4 Ask Me No Questions

Still Monday July 7th, 2015. A government building somewhere in London. (smiled.oddly.hosts) I was made to sit alone in a room for about ten minutes, so ordered by a man who clearly had no intention of getting me a cup of tea. And I did ask, twice. He was a bit shorter than me, but also a bit wider. Instead of a suit he wore something that was supposed to give him a military look but made me think of a fisherman: a brown shirt, brown carpenter pants, army boots. He was ginger, but his hair...

2 years ago
  • 0
  • 15
  • 0

Carstairs of ArabiaChapter 9 In Which our Hero has Lots of Dates

“Crank up the A.C, sweetheart. Let me get some water ... Oooaaahhh...” “Sweetheart? Again?” “Yes. I suddenly cared for you in the wilderness, in the land of great drought. And especially for that bag with bottled water. Let’s get a move on. You drive.” “Destination?” “The most expensive hotel in Al Hofuf. Unless you can find one with a charger?” “I cannot execute that search. We will reach Al Hofuf in two hours.” “Okay. Then I’ll do a search and you drive. Stop at the next empty rest...

1 year ago
  • 0
  • 16
  • 0

Carstairs of ArabiaChapter 14 In Which our Hero Sings for his Supper

If you’re anything like me (but maybe you got lucky and you’re not) you’ll know this feeling: there will be something on the news that makes you explode with rage. Say, some idiot gets behind the wheel, drunk as a skunk, kills three people who were just standing at a bus shelter minding their own Instagram and then he sues the bus company for placing the shelter near a pub. That sort of thing. Or a Belgian man locks up some girls in his basement and starves a couple of them to death before he...

3 years ago
  • 0
  • 16
  • 0

Carstairs of ArabiaChapter 19 Cooling Down in Riyadh

They waited until her heart stopped pumping blood, which took about twenty seconds or so. Then the pressure got too low, and the trickle stopped. Two men dressed more like medics than soldiers came out of the main building with a stretcher. They wore gloves and aprons. Hurriedly they placed the body on the stretcher. The executioner helpfully placed the bag with the head above the neck, but only after he was done wiping down the blade and carefully sliding it back into its sheath. The Imam...

2 years ago
  • 0
  • 12
  • 0

Carstairs of ArabiaChapter 20 Unexpected Benefit of Some Religious Instruction

There were also some messages. One was from Mr. Constable, the MI6 officer at the embassy. He told me they had analysed the recording, but that I’d have to come to the embassy to read the transcript. By appointment. But not on Thursdays. Another message was a transcript of a text message from Asim, which contained an invitation to join him on his next visit to Dubai. It seemed he was in the mood to catch a movie, and Dubai had cinemas. Well, two. The third message consisted of a somewhat...

3 years ago
  • 0
  • 11
  • 0

Carstairs of ArabiaChapter 25 I had a Cunning Plan

Sunday, 30/8/2015. Saudi Royal palace. My day started slowly, with breakfast being served without any extra items. I called on Anaïs with an eye on a cheeky kiss or a bit of a fondle, but was told by a rather indignant Malaysian chef who caught me looking around in her kitchen that she had been seconded to another palace for the next few days, to help prepare for yet another banquet. He then demanded to know how I knew her and what my business was with her, but I just told him I was acting...

1 year ago
  • 0
  • 9
  • 0

This Is Your Carstairs SpeakingChapter 11 Game Check Point

I’ve never been one to make much of a fuss over cars. I mean, I enjoy comfy seats and power steering as much as anyone and it has been said I’m a tiny bit obsessive over vehicular cleanliness, but by and large I am not very interested in the roar of an engine or how many horse power it has. So it was odd I found myself so completely enthralled by this Aston Martin Vanquish. Not just the paint job, which was a deep, dark, shiny, sparkly, magnificent blue, but the stitching on the seats, the...

1 year ago
  • 0
  • 13
  • 0

Carstairs of ArabiaChapter 3 There is an I in MI6

I was met by Kelly in the hallway. “Hi,” she said, leaning in for a kiss. A chaste one, on the cheek. More than enough for me, thanks. Although admittedly I’d have been disappointed with less than that. “Hello, gorgeous. I think you might have come at an awkward...” “Oh, I know. I was summoned. Caroline has been here all afternoon. She even had a lie down, because of a headache. Mel and Kate know everything.” It was ominously quiet on the other side of the door that led to the living...

3 years ago
  • 0
  • 13
  • 0

Carstairs of ArabiaChapter 5 My name is Carstairs Reginald Carstairs

Caroline summoned me to my office on Friday. My ticket for travelling the next Monday had just been arranged. I was actually discussing something with Daphne, which always takes a while, but Alice, her secretary, was quite clear: I was to report to the fourth flour at once. “Sorry about that, but I think you got the gist of it. Winston will certainly be able to flesh out the code. It will give you a chance to hang out together.” “I still want to know why you’re leaving,” said Daphne, trying...

1 year ago
  • 0
  • 10
  • 0

Carstairs of ArabiaChapter 12 The Stein Way

As meetings go, I’ve had worse. I had no particular reason to doubt John Stein, but you never know what Americans are really up to. The Saudi government is only one of many undemocratic regimes they support to the hilt. They’re also not particularly interested in bringing people to justice. Generally all they need is a set of coordinates, a license plate number or the exact time their target will be driving past a hospital or day care centre. I was fairly sure a couple of terrorist attacks in...

2 years ago
  • 0
  • 9
  • 0

Carstairs of ArabiaChapter 21 The Ugliest Laptop Ever Made

I woke up at nine, which was fine except a bit too late to attend the buffet in the main building. Never mind: I called the kitchen again and ordered breakfast. It would take a while to reach me, but as long as I didn’t order any hot items that was fine. Yoghurt, a bun and some jam would do me. I selected a suit and showed up just in time for my daily session with Alexandra. Technically this was the start of a new week, although neither I nor Alexandra got any days off. It was crunch time...

2 years ago
  • 0
  • 73
  • 0

Carstairs of ArabiaChapter 22 Say it Donrsquot Spray It

I went over the call with Kate in my head, slightly upset at the fact I had broken off our conversation just to get out of the heat. Maybe it hadn’t been the heat so much as the fact I didn’t want to be reminded of how much I missed her. That girl isn’t just catnip to me: she’s oxygen. And every time we were apart, there was nothing for it but for me to practice holding my breath. I also worried about the fact people had started to miss me, all over sodding Doctor Who! It’s the shittiest...

2 years ago
  • 0
  • 11
  • 0

Carstairs of ArabiaChapter 23 The Beginning of the End

Tuesday, August 25th, 2015. My garage. Total.hilltop.digital. It was about one a.m. when the door to the garage opened and K-T rolled in. I had called ahead, to let Anaïs know that I was fine and on my way. “How are you doing?” “I am drinking water and eating uh ... Maltezers. Very poor chocolate.” “Yes, it’s English chocolate. Could be worse, though.” “Hershey...” she shuddered. “Exactly. I’ll be there in about twenty minutes. Can you hang on?” “I can go nowhere else, Anglais. It is...

2 years ago
  • 0
  • 12
  • 0

Carstairs of ArabiaChapter 24 Mosque Not Get Caught

Friday, August 28th, 2015. Royal palace, guest annex. The next morning I called Asim and offered to cook for him, so I’d be able to intercept any packages that might be delivered to his house. He was glad to have me and I took delivery of five boxes while he was out. I made us roast duck (honey roasted, with creamed cauliflower) and an old-fashioned trifle and then I stole one of his outfits: guthra, igal, thobe and sandals. Two thobes, actually, just to be sure. He only had fourteen left, I...

3 years ago
  • 0
  • 12
  • 0

Carstairs of ArabiaChapter 28 All Out of Gum and Ass to Kick

Darkness had come and gone. Musa and I had worked all through the night. When I had answers to all the questions I could think of, and had copied the contents of the SD-cards to my laptop to make space on one of them, I had written a script for him to read. It was based on what he had told me, but we still went through it line by line. By that time he was struggling to stay conscious. The wounds on his wrists in particular hurt terribly, so much in fact that I had to cut him loose and bandage...

3 years ago
  • 0
  • 8
  • 0

This Is Your Carstairs SpeakingChapter 12 Next Contestant Please

Hi! This story contains some sudden scene transitions. This seems to confuse many of you. In the print version these jumps are clear(er) because only new paragraphs get a blank line. However, on this site every hard return gets a blank line. Fixing this would require going through the entire book to add the right display codes, and I can’t be bothered. So if you’re suddenly confused, just go back a few lines and you’ll likely figure it out. Cheers! RD. On the way out I shook quite a few...

3 years ago
  • 0
  • 13
  • 0

This Is Your Carstairs SpeakingChapter 14 Therersquos no office like the Home Office

The trip back home was luxurious but uneventful. I had taken Caroline out to dinner for our last night in Doha, after an afternoon spent in Souq Waqif. I liked it there, because even though it was rather sanitized, there was more than enough to see, smell and taste. Sure, one or two of these hole in the wall shops sold the inevitable Gucci handbags, but it was actually fun to learn from Caroline how to spot fake goods. “Take this GG canvas horse bit hobo bag,” she said, while the salesman...

3 years ago
  • 0
  • 15
  • 0

This Is Your Carstairs SpeakingChapter 5 lsquoWell I can see who wears the trousersrsquo

So there I was, in a homeless shelter somewhere in Rome, with a nun, a priest, my wife and the head of the Catholic church. So the bartender says... Okay, there was no bartender. Too bad, because this was supposed to be a vacation, damn it! A honeymoon! But what do I get? I get to go from one potential aneurysm to the the next! Someone walks in on me fucking my wife! Then there’s an orgy in my apartment! I seem to be on a painting made well before I was even born and to cap it off THE...

2 years ago
  • 0
  • 24
  • 0

This Is Your Carstairs SpeakingChapter 6 Whatrsquos in a Name

“Martin, get up. It’s gone ten. The Pope has been up for over five hours, you know.” “Good for him. Show-off.” “You’ll miss breakfast!” “I told you: get them to deliver a tray to the room.” “I don’t want to eat in the room! I want to eat on the rooftop terrace again! Come on, you can’t stay in bed all day!” “Yes, I can. I’m on vacation.” I was being truculent, although I like to think it was in a playful way that women secretly find boyish and charming. Mel would probably not agree. Nor...

1 year ago
  • 0
  • 8
  • 0

This Is Your Carstairs SpeakingChapter 4 Begin the legume

“Okay, so maybe it’s me. I’m on TV, sometimes. I did a movie. Someone made a painting and thought of me. Or they saw an ad or something. This happens to Emma all the time.” Melody shook her head. “Except in her case they Photoshop her face onto pornography. That’s her actual face, not a portrait. This is one, and it’s fairly well done. The painter wasn’t very experienced, but certainly talented. I’d say he used a live model, not just one reference picture.” When Melody says these things,...

3 years ago
  • 0
  • 11
  • 0

This Is Your Carstairs SpeakingChapter 3 When in Rome

I knew Mel was all talk when she said she could easily leave Edwin in Caroline’s care. But I didn’t blame her. I just sat on the couch, next to Peter Fox, in Caroline’s luxurious apartment on the corner of Hyde Park, just over the Aston Martin dealership. He lived there now, on a trial basis. “It’s a much shorter commute,” was all he said about that. I knew his home. The man liked marble statues, preferably with a penis or at least a six-pack. (No replicas of David, then.) He liked Persian...

2 years ago
  • 0
  • 9
  • 0

This Is Your Carstairs SpeakingChapter 17 The Faint Light at the End of It

Well, there we are: the final chapter. You have until January 1st to read this story before I make it available to premium members only. Your comments are welcome and if you find you like this sort of thing: there’s plenty more available on my site. – RD It rained. I think it should rain, at funerals. Most people stood under black or transparent umbrellas, but I wore a Macintosh over my black suit and I just didn’t care. I needed to focus on not crying. Rain on my face might help to conceal...

3 years ago
  • 0
  • 9
  • 0

This Is Your Carstairs SpeakingChapter 16 Deep underground

All was well until we arrived at Paddington. It was busy, but not too busy for the crowd to give us half a second so we could lift Edwin’s stroller over the infamous gap and onto the platform. But then there’s an escalator, a fairly long one that leads back to street level. You see, the track slopes downward from Edgware road to Paddington. Trains aren’t generally good at inclinations, but it’s a fair distance between those stations. One of the escalators was being serviced: a man in a blue...

3 years ago
  • 0
  • 10
  • 0

Carstairs of ArabiaChapter 11 My French connection

I like to think I’m a decent man. I don’t leer at women, not even when I’m absolutely sure they’re not watching. I don’t turn around to check out ‘cabooses’, I don’t call women ‘darling’ unless I know them very well indeed and by and large you can trust me with your daughter. Unless she’s REALLY insistent and/or has grown legs and breast that make Marilyn Monroe look like a coat hanger. But even then I try really, really hard to ignore that. But being in a country where women were nothing...

3 years ago
  • 0
  • 15
  • 0

Carstairs of ArabiaChapter 13 Irsquom something of an Esobe myself

When Asim and I came home, it was as if nothing had ever happened. I examined the lock, but that was only because my instructors had told me it’s a good habit to see if you can spot the scratches most lock-pickers leave. This guy was good: there were no scratches at all. I also reviewed the footage from my spy-cam, but learned nothing more. I also had no idea what prince Omar had been doing in other parts of the house, because I only had enough gear to monitor my own room. By the looks of...

3 years ago
  • 0
  • 17
  • 0

Carstairs of ArabiaChapter 15 In Which our Hero Comes out of the Closet

Right. How to get to deck four, and more specifically into Omar’s private quarters? Doors wouldn’t be a problem: only the guest rooms had those card readers. Deck four was for family only. No, my problem was with the guards. One had already denied me access once. But there was that lift near the pantry, so that’s where I was now headed. I passed the Sayada lounge, where two guards eyed me as if I was going to take out my dick then and there and burst into the room, turned a corner and found a...

3 years ago
  • 0
  • 8
  • 0

Carstairs of ArabiaChapter 16 And Now the End Is Near

I had to put my jacket back on in the hallway, so quickly was I ejected from the kitchen. Two phones really weighed it down, but if the Professor had recorded the meeting, I was sure my spymasters would want me to hang on to it. The pen had served its purpose, so that went into the water as soon as possible. And then I felt really odd for a minute. A man was dead right now, because of me. He was hardly the first, but it was different from all the other deaths I have caused. I planned this,...

2 years ago
  • 0
  • 9
  • 0

Carstairs of ArabiaChapter 27 It Only Hurts When I Laugh

As soon as the rolling door had shut behind me, I began to undress. The plastic segments that allowed in some sunlight were so badly scuffed nobody would be able to see inside. Not unless they pressed their face up against them, anyway. My suit was in tatters. I wasn’t even sure why I wasn’t wearing my slacks and button down shirt. It’s think it may just be that wearing a suit seemed suitable for the occasion. If you’re going to commit mass murder, you should at the very least dress for it,...

1 year ago
  • 0
  • 34
  • 0

Mathis the Mountain Man

There he was, sitting near the rocks, whittling a piece of wood. Naked. Half the time, he was naked. I guess that was the perks of living in the woods by yourself. He was a real mountain man. A big, rugged fellow with tanned skin and dense dark hair all over, from his chest to his ass. He had a bulky body, but his arms and legs had natural muscle carved purely from physical labor from living out in the wilderness, and his thick uncut cock hung low like a third leg down between his...

3 years ago
  • 0
  • 15
  • 0

Hot Nights In Copenhagen

I heard a joke once, “If you want to make God laugh, tell Him you have a plan.” Well, I can vouch for that one. After three months at sea working on a Norwegian freighter, I finally signed off in Alicante, Spain and made my way to the north of Europe, my original destination three months earlier. I had signed on as a galley boy in Brooklyn with twenty bucks to my name and planned to sign off in Lisbon. Unfortunately, two days out at sea Lisbon was cancelled and the first port would be Beirut,...

4 years ago
  • 0
  • 15
  • 0

Hot Nights In Copenhagen

I heard a joke once, “If you want to make God laugh, tell Him you have a plan.” Well, I can vouch for that one. After three months at sea working on a Norwegian freighter, I finally signed off in Alicante, Spain and made my way to the north of Europe, my original destination three months earlier. I had signed on as a galley boy in Brooklyn with twenty bucks to my name and planned to sign off in Lisbon. Unfortunately, two days out at sea Lisbon was cancelled and the first port would be Beirut,...

Straight Sex
2 years ago
  • 0
  • 10
  • 0

A Blonde in Copenhagen

A Blonde in CopenhagenI arrived in Copenhagen one cold December morning with the equivalent of a dollar to my name. After working on a Norwegian freighter for several months, I signed off in Alicante, Spain and made my way north stopping here and there along the way, spent a week or so in Paris living in a small room on the Left Bank where many of my favorite expatriate writers lived, walked the streets, sat in cafes then made my way to Denmark where I somehow managed to live for several...

Love Stories
1 year ago
  • 0
  • 9
  • 0

Wonderful Wonderful Copenhagen

If you have never been to Copenhagen, I swear you must go. It is a truly wonderful city by the sea. The inhabitants are hospitable, fun loving and to an overwhelming degree, exceptionally good looking. The story goes that centuries ago Vikings kid-napped the most beautiful women during conquering visits to Europe and deposited them in Scandinavia, resulting in the tendency toward tall, blonde, healthy and attractive generations to follow. It is not hard to believe the legend when you spend time...

Group Sex
1 year ago
  • 0
  • 8
  • 0

Getting Girls in Copenhagen

My plane had just landed in Copenhagen. It was a little overcast, but warm. I got off the plane and headed over to baggage claim to get my stuff. Oh, I should probably tell you who I am. My name is Stefan. I'm from a little suburb outside of Philadelphia. I'm 23 years old. I just graduated college. Wesleyan, to be exact, with a major in European history. My dad, who is a business man and has lots of connections in Europe, found me a job in Copenhagen doing historical research with a professor...

Erotic
3 years ago
  • 0
  • 22
  • 0

One Night in Copenhagen

I was broke, cold and hungry. I had arrived in Copenhagen one cold December morning with the equivalent of a dollar to my name. After working on a Norwegian freighter for several months, I signed off in Alicante, Spain and made my way north, spending time in Paris on the Left Bank, Antwerp, and other places, and eventually made my way to Copenhagen, where I arrived with my last dollar. One of the things I learned while traveling is how important it is to find a café or bar I liked and keep...

Straight Sex
1 year ago
  • 0
  • 16
  • 0

Billionaire and the SisterhoodChapter 76 To Copenhagen Wife Swap Party

Mark April Fools Day I broke the news to Wes and Scott that I had lined up a European porn video shoot for their girlfriends at a studio based just outside Copenhagen. At first, they thought I was kidding. I had to explain the whole story to them before they believed me. I guess I could have picked a better day for my reveal. I wanted to keep the trip and the arrangements a secret until the last minute, but I couldn’t think of anyway to get Vanessa, Anna, Wes, Scott, Felicia, and Monica to...

4 years ago
  • 0
  • 14
  • 0

A Blonde in Copenhagen

A Blonde in Copenhagen I arrived in Copenhagen one cold December morning with the equivalent of a dollar to my name. After working on a Norwegian freighter for several months, I signed off in Alicante, Spain and made my way north stopping here and there along the way, spent a week or so in Paris living in a small room on the Left Bank where many of my favorite expatriate writers lived, walked the streets, sat in cafes then made my way to Denmark where I somehow managed to live for several...

1 year ago
  • 0
  • 15
  • 0

NAILING AUNT MEGS TWINK SISSY SON FOR OPENERS

It was the very first night of my month long North Carolina July summer vacation stay when my Aunt Meg suddenly entered the bedroom that I was temporarily sharing with my younger cousin Rudy. Being so openly effeminine in his body language,voice and looks, I had already planted such dirty thoughts into my mind! Yes quite stimulating to me forbidden sexual thoughts about making my cousin Rudy become a secret faggot for me just like openly gay Joey Parker who lived right down the road from me...

2 years ago
  • 0
  • 21
  • 0

Thistle street middlesbrough escort

6 or maybe 7 years ago I was working 6 days a week, 12 hour shifts with only a Wednesday off. So no time for a girlfriend so I started seeing escorts again.At the time I was still old school and finding them in back of the sport newspaper in classifieds section, there used to be around 5 adverts for Middlesbrough in northeast section, there was one think it said something like mboro female 6 days then had home phone number and a mobile number. I phoned talked to a very nice sounding lady who...

2 years ago
  • 0
  • 10
  • 0

Sunset Strip 1 Openning Night

Warning: This story is a work of pure fiction, and contains some adult matter, including transformations from male to female. If you are under the legal age (18 most everywhere) or are offended by such, please read no further. This is the first in a series of stories I'm writing based in a strip club. I don't know how long this is going to go on (so far, I've only got ideas for five stories including this one), but I'll write as I get ideas. Like the "Spells 'R' Us" and "Bikini...

4 years ago
  • 0
  • 24
  • 0

Sorcery The Gropening

In the year 2020 a new card game appeared on the market. No one had ever heard of it before but it quickly swept the nation. Many were surprised at this change since it required any store that hosted games to create special rooms for playing it but the proprietors were all strangely willing to go along with this. The game was Sorcery: The Gropening, often abbreviated as StG or just Sorcery, it was the most popular collectible card game to ever exist despite being 18+ only. Within five years it...

4 years ago
  • 0
  • 14
  • 0

Openmind Sexy Mom

Open mind sexy Mom By san I live with my mom for several reasons. I’m 20 and mom lets me have my freedom. I can do just about anything, except drugs and bringing girls home for sex. Otherwise, I have the run of the house. My last reason is; my mom is hot. My mom works in real estate and does some modeling for the local TV shopping channel. She models clothes and jewelry, sometimes makeup. My mom is 40 and petite, with a 38c chest. I think she looks perfect. My father left mom for another woman...

Incest
4 years ago
  • 0
  • 12
  • 0

Master Santino The Arena Reopens

Master Santino-The Arena Reopens: This is a another part of the series. You do not need to read the rest ofthe story to understand it. If the story offends you, don't read it. Male Modificationand enslavement. John Santino died. That is what started the events that changed a number oflives. John was part of our small gay group that met once a week for fun andgames. He owned an old building that was not in use any more called ARENA.Well not in public use. Our group had used it for our parties....

4 years ago
  • 0
  • 5
  • 0

Mrs Copenhaver

Mrs. Copenhaver's Night Out Judy Copenhaver called to her son Clay. Get the phone son, I'm in the middle of fixing supper. Its for you Mom it' s Sister Sorensen. OK come tend supper while I see what she wants. Hi Emily,whats up? Ooh I need to see you. Well I'm fixing supper,whats up? These two women had been lovers for several years. I need to see you, you know why. I'll meet you at the church house in a few minutes These women used their Custodial assignments for the church as a...

1 year ago
  • 0
  • 12
  • 0

Openload

Are you looking for a free site that offers users an opportunity to upload, share and download whatever kind of content including erotic photos and porn videos? Open Load. may as well be your best or only bet. This site is free allows you to upload unlimited files whether photo thumbnails or videos at remarkable speeds. It's simple, reliable and mobile-friendly. I am sure you are interested to know more about the site so follow through the review below.StatisticsOpenload.co, a free content...

Porn Video Hosting Sites
1 year ago
  • 0
  • 12
  • 0

Xopenload

What can we find at X Openload? If you are not a fucking toddler, then you may have noted that Google is making it harder for people to access porn. That’s exactly why you need a porn tube, a place that gathers and streams tons of XXX videos for your fapping pleasure. Whether it is Blondes, redheads, petite girls, fat women, BDSM, teen, MILF, and what have you are all parting their thighs (and other places) to welcome huge throbbing dongs in their fuckholes in steamy, high-quality...

Free Porn Tube Sites
1 year ago
  • 0
  • 8
  • 0

OpenTGC

Who’s up for some Open TGC? I bet you either got a raging boner when I asked that or you’re just utterly fucking confused right now. Hey, I feel you on that. My whole job is looking at Internet porn all day and it took me a good half hour to figure out what OpenTGC even stands for. It’s a deep-niche sexual fetish, so naturally, it’s going to have its own nomenclature, secret codes and in-jokes. It sprang out of Reddit, too, so the neckbeard vibes and insular posturing is doubled; I was scared...

Sex Stories Sites

Porn Trends