Stupid Boy Freshman Year Part IIChapter 10 Baseball Tryouts
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May 1978
The first couple of weeks in May were busy with school, work, and friends. Except for Becky, I didn’t even have any dates. But I was OK with that. Well, almost OK. I wanted to see Anna, but it likely wasn’t going to happen until school was out.
I had tutoring sessions with Melanie, but she still wouldn’t talk to me about anything other than Spanish. Barely a hello. I was grateful for the tutoring, but it was maddening seeing my friend this way. I hoped someday she could understand my position. But right now, I didn’t hold out a lot of hope. I thought about calling Pete, but I wasn’t sure what that could accomplish.
Bethany did call me and ask if I could come to dinner on the 13th. I was looking forward to it. She lived in Larry’s subdivision, so I could easily bike to her house. I wouldn’t be able to stay late, but I figured that in the circumstances, dinner and some conversation with her parents afterwards would be fine.
We did see each other in the halls at school and exchanged greetings, but she didn’t ever start a conversation, so I kept it at that. I wasn’t sure if I was doing the right thing, but Jennie had told me to let Bethany completely set the pace and define the relationship.
I talked to Joyce and asked her if she’d like to come swimming on the 20th. She asked if we could go out one night as well. We decided on dinner in Milford on 24th, after my last exam. I was really glad she had a car.
I talked to Mary. I still wasn’t sure what I was going to do. She told me that the third week in June Ben was visiting his grandparents. He had at one point mentioned an old girlfriend who lived by her grandparents and Mary told him she was OK if he hung out with her. Mary, of course, had to take it further. She gave Ben permission to fool around, on the condition she could fool around with me. He had readily agreed.
What Mary hadn’t counted on was me. I told her I wasn’t sure. She had a boyfriend and even with permission, it was still a touchy subject for me. She went and got Ben later that day, dragged him over, and had him tell me. I told Mary I would think about it. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. It was right on the edge of right and wrong for me.
I knew I’d had sex with Melanie when she was still with Stan, but I’d developed opinions of right and wrong since then, especially with regard to sex. I just didn’t see how I could get between two people like that. Permission changed it a bit, but only a bit. The entire Melanie incident brought that home in a big way.
Becky and I seemed to be doing OK. She hadn’t bothered me about the status of our relationship, but then again, I hadn’t had sex with anyone but her since Spring Break. I was pretty sure things would get messy again when that happened. Of course, if I was seeing Bethany, Joyce, or Anna, Becky had little to worry about. And I knew in my heart that Mary was off-limits, even though I knew how much fun that would be.
Of course, things had to get even more complicated. My phone rang and when I answered, I didn’t recognize the voice at first. Then it dawned on me. My cousin Vickie. I could guess why she was calling.
“I started on birth control last week.”
“How did you manage that?”
“I had a friend who’s a Junior take me to a clinic for girls. They gave them to me. Mom and Dad don’t know.”
Now I was pretty sure she wouldn’t change her mind. I had counted on the birth control pills as my main line of defense. I still had a month and a half to figure out a way to avoid doing what she wanted. It’s not that I wasn’t attracted, but I was worried about getting caught.
It would have been one kind of disaster having been caught with Becky in my bed. This would be on the order of the bombing of Dresden that I had just read about in the WWII book I got for my birthday - a firestorm of apocalyptic proportions that I would not survive. I’d have to figure something out.
“OK, Vickie. Call me the week before Fourth of July and we’ll figure something out.”
“Thanks!”
I sighed. More journal fodder. Stephanie was going to laugh at that one. She had agreed with me that Vickie probably wouldn’t be able to go on the Pill. Of course, at the same time we discussed that, my little sister told me what her first request would be when she collected on her debt - to take her to get birth control pills when she needed them.
I didn’t even want to think about that! Fortunately, she wasn’t asking that day. I did tell her that if it was Jimmie Henderson, I was going to kill him before he could touch her. She laughed and said no way. I knew better. She mentioned him so many times I was sure she liked him.
Saturday, May 13, 1978
I worked like normal. The weather was great so I was biking, making some deliveries, and making some pickups. Andreas told me that over the Summer he’d have some new things for me to do. I thanked him again and said I would do whatever they needed.
I knew at some point I’d be asked to do something overtly questionable if not outright illegal. I still wasn’t sure what I would do, but I was leaning towards doing it. Part for the thrills, part for the money that would clearly come with it. I was still a minor so I knew I couldn’t get in any real trouble.
No Jennifer for lunch. I had pretty much given up on that. It hurt. She still wasn’t talking to me beyond the minimal cordial conversations at lunch. I hung on to every word she said for dear life. But I got no sign of a thaw any time soon.
I biked home, quickly showered, and changed into nice jeans and a button-down shirt. Bethany had told me jeans were fine. I grabbed my windbreaker in case it cooled off before I had to ride home, got my bike from the garage, and rode the three miles to Bethany’s house.
I rode up the driveway, picked up my bike, and carried it to the porch. I chained it to one of the posts there. I didn’t think the bike would be stolen, but it was a decent 10-speed so I was being careful.
I rang the bell and Bethany answered. She was wearing jeans and a nice blouse with long sleeves, and the collar buttoned all the way up. It made sense now why she always dressed so conservatively. The only exception was when she wore her red and white Eagles cheerleader uniform. And she looked quite fine in that, but there was no way I was going to say anything like that to her at this point.
Mr. and Mrs. Krajick greeted me warmly and offered me a Coke and led us to the family room. I sat on the couch and Bethany sat on the opposite end. Her parents sat on a loveseat. They asked the usual questions one would expect - how I was doing in school, what my dad and mom did, where we lived, about my family, and so on.
I was polite and respectful, but more reserved than usual. I would have preferred to be more of myself, with small jokes and being a bit silly, but I figured that the parents of a rape victim probably wouldn’t appreciate that from a guy meeting them for the first time and interested in their daughter.
Dinner was great. Fried chicken, corn on the cob, dinner rolls; messy but tasty. Dinner conversation was more of the same, though her little brother, Ed, was there as well. He was in seventh grade and would be moving up to the Junior High as Bethany and I moved up to the Senior High for our Sophomore year.
After dinner, we sat on the patio behind the house and drank soft drinks. I appeared to have passed the test so far. I asked Bethany if she’d like to get together next week for burgers and ice cream. I’d be OK if she brought Ed along. She smiled and said she’d like that. Her dad nodded his approval. We agreed after school on Tuesday. Dad would drop me off, and Bethany’s parents would bring her and Ed. Ed was thrilled that I had invited him along.
As odd as it sounded that I might invite a little brother on a date, I also had another plan as well. I’d ask Stephanie. She was at the Middle School with Ed, though I didn’t know if they knew each other, because she was in sixth grade.
Bethany asked if I would like to take a walk with her, and I readily agreed. We walked down the sidewalk, side-by-side, but not touching. I knew the neighborhood and we could take a route that circled easily back to her house. So I directed us that way.
“I really appreciate you coming over and spending time with me and my parents. I can tell my mom likes you. Dad will be a bit tougher, but I think he sees how respectful and polite you are. Asking Ed along was a great idea. Dad might have been reluctant otherwise.”
“I’ll bring Stephanie as well. I suspect Ed will like that.”
“Your sister? She’s super cute, isn’t she?”
“So they say. She’s my sister so I’m not really able to judge. Besides, somebody who calls me a dumb boy can’t be all that cute!”
“She’s wrong. You are not a dumb boy. And I’ll tell her that.”
“Thanks. Are you doing OK?”
“Yes. Do you think I could get you to do something for me? Something really important?”
“Probably. But until you ask, I won’t know.”
“I’ve been talking to my therapist about you since before the dance. She’d like to meet you and talk to you, if you’re OK with that.”
“Why would she want to do that?”
“Because I told her I like you but I’m afraid. She wants to talk with you and see if she thinks you can handle being with me.”
“So I’m being evaluated.”
“Yes. Sorry. But I think my mom and dad may have put her up to it. You don’t have to do it, but it might help.”
“I think it’s a great idea!” I said.
“You do?” she asked, incredulously.
“Yes. I talked to a very close adult friend about this situation. She warned me that I could be getting in over my head by dating a rape victim. That there were so many potential problems that I needed to be extremely careful in everything I did, give you all the space and time you need, and let you make every first move. Talking to a professional might help me understand what I need to do for you.”
“Thanks. Thursday the 25th at 4:00pm. Mom will pick you up at 3:30pm. The appointment takes about an hour, so you’ll be home by 5:30pm. OK?”
“Sure.”
“Would you hold my hand the rest of the way?”
“Of course,” I agreed, happily.
She was shaking when she took my hand, but she did. As we walked, my mind flashed to an old memory. I felt like I was three years old when I used to walk hand-in-hand with Jannelle Green when we lived in California. We were going to be married, have ten kids and six cats. I hadn’t even thought of her in more than ten years. It was a funny memory to have just then.
When we turned onto her street she dropped my hand. I assumed she didn’t want her parents to see, which I understood. As I thought about it, it was a good idea for me as well. They probably weren’t ready for their daughter to have any kind of physical relationship with anyone, even if it was as innocent as holding hands.
We walked up to the house, she thanked me for coming and I got the idea I should leave. I unchained my bike, said goodbye again, and rode away. As I pedaled home, I thought about Bethany. She was so sweet. Could I deal with this? I’d give it a try. She needed a friend, for sure, and that I could be. I knew how to do that from my time with Melanie and Jennifer. I also knew what to avoid if I wanted her as a friend.
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Freshman Year By Stacey D The fall semester and the falling of the leaves seemed so strange to happen at the same time, but this was Vermont and things change quickly here I'm told. I felt uneasy about leaving my home for the first time. I was now 17 years old and had never left the county where I was born. After 20 hours of driving I could see that the next exit up ahead is where I needed to get off the turnpike. I could not believe that I had a fully paid tuition to a...
August 1981, Chicago, Illinois On Sunday morning, I made my usual call to Karin. I described everything in the apartment and all the things I’d done during the week, including the reception. Both of us would start school in a week and we were both looking forward to it. When we finished talking, I went out for my run, showered, and ate breakfast. I made some tea, started a load of laundry, and then turned on the stereo. I put on an REO Speedwagon album and then relaxed on the couch with the...
I met Cassidy at our locker before school. I was still trying to figure some things out. First, why did she need her brother to kick my ass last week? She could obviously do it herself. Another was why did she set me up with April? I mean she was a nice girl and all, but I was starting to wonder if she was worth all the work. I could be dating Peggy right now. Worst case would be my friends' network. Suzanne, Beth and Cindy would be more than happy to go out with me. If I really wanted to...
The forth week of pre-season training had now begun. All the coaches and staff were now present, and this week we would began learning and running plays, and more section training. Of course there was an important item to take care of right off the bat. I called a meeting just before practice on Monday. “Maurice ---your cut---I think you know why”. “Yes sir” was all he said. OH—in other news, If you want war paint for Friday night, then be at the locker room about 30 minutes before dress...
Going into my freshman year of college I experienced the normal mix of emotions about the coming year. I was extremely excited about heading out on my own for the first time, but I was also nervous about the unknown. One of my main apprehensions was about having a roommate, which as an only child I had never had. I ran through about a dozen different scenarios about how bad it could go. What if he was a slob, or had poor hygiene, or listened to annoying music?However, after the first week of...
Gay MaleAugust 21, 1989, Chicago, Illinois “Unbelievable,” I said when I read the headline from the Chicago Tribune. “It says here that Solidarity activist Tadeusz Mazowiecki was nominated to be Prime Minister of Poland.” I hadn’t had a chance to read the paper on Sunday because it hadn’t been delivered before we left for the race track in Michigan. “So now what?” Kara asked. “We’re in totally uncharted territory. Your guess is as good as anyone’s right about now.” “Steve, do you have a minute?”...
June 8, 1981, West Monroe and Rutherford, Ohio “This entire conversation is going to be ‘too much information’, isn’t it?” I said when Liz and I left the house on Monday evening. “Probably. Is there anything you don’t want to hear?” “Anything at all about my little sister’s sex life!” I laughed. “But I guess you want to talk.” “‘Cause you won’t judge me, Mikey. You’ll listen and give me good advice.” I pulled out of the driveway and headed towards Rutherford. The Rutherford Free Clinic...
August 20, 1981, West Monroe, Ohio I had just hung up the phone when there was a knock at the door. I went to open it and saw the van Dorn girls standing on the porch. “My sister won’t be home until after lunch,” I said. “She gets off work at 2:00pm.” “Mom said you were really nice,” the younger one said. “So we decided to come say ‘Hi’,” the older one added. “I’m Mike. Which is which?” “I’m Abby,” the younger one said. “And my sister is Becky.” “Welcome to West Monroe. I think you’ll...
September 6, 1981, West Monroe, Ohio “Mike!” Emmy squealed, launching herself into my arms when she opened the door. “Missed me?” I asked as I carefully spun around with her. “Yes! Let’s go! I’m STARVED!” I put her down and we walked to my car for the drive to Marie’s Diner. “How was your first week of school?” I asked. “Nothing changes. I mean, sure, I’m a Sophomore now, but otherwise it’s all the same. How about you?” “It’s a huge change, especially the amount of homework. I used to...
July, 1983, Chicago, Illinois I woke up early on the First of July, because my body clock was still set to Swedish time. The flight back had been long but uneventful, and I was happy that the businessman in the seat next to me hadn’t wanted to talk. I read, wrote some longhand journal entries, ate, and generally relaxed while the plane zipped over the Atlantic. I’d come home, taken a sauna, eaten a light meal, and gone straight to bed, not bothering to check messages, look at the mail that...
June 1977 When I got home, I grabbed a Coke and some chips and went right to my room. I didn’t think I could deal with my parents or Jeff or Stephanie. I just needed to be by myself. That wouldn’t seem odd to anyone, because I often went to my room to read. In addition, I now had the TV I’d received for my birthday. I flipped it on to WXIX Channel 19 and reruns of Gilligan’s Island and Green Acres played in the background while I read. I had to get my mind clear for the final exams that...
Greg and Angie left for Chicago. They were going to be gone until Thursday. Kyle was staying with us, for the week. He was my responsibility during the day. Jim was not happy when I put Kyle's car seat in the back seat of his car. We met the guys at the health club to work out. The health club had daycare so Kyle got plenty of attention. I talked Bill, Mike and Wolf into coming to the health club so we could run passing drills. They had a big grassy area, so we had plenty of room. We had...
Freshman Year Chapter 2 Dazed and unable to grasp reality, I opened the door and looked out into the hallway trying to decided which way led to my room. Either direction would be fine I believed if only to get away from Maggie. I had no sense of where my room was but I did realize that I should start to move and fast. But somehow fear had trapped me into not wanting to move in case I made a bad decision. What had just happened to me could not have happened, but it did and it was just...
July, 1982, Milford, Ohio I woke up early on Friday morning to make breakfast for Kara and her mom before she went to work. Mrs. Blanchard was surprised, but very pleased. After her mom left for work, Kara gave me a fierce kiss. “Thanks for staying in and cooking breakfast for us,” Kara said. “I hope that doesn’t cause you trouble with Stephanie, with you breaking your normal routine.” “Don’t worry about it,” I said, kissing her back. “We got in a bit later than I expected, and she’ll...
July, 1983, Chicago, Illinois After Rosie left, I stripped the sheets from my bed, as well as the cover of the duvet, and tossed everything into the washing machine. I lit a lavender candle in the room, and then swept and dusted. I did a quick spot-check of the rest of the house and noticed that the tub in the sauna needed to be cleaned. I scrubbed it, then mopped the sauna floor with a damp sponge mop. I finished cleaning the sauna about the time the washing machine finished, so I moved...
May 26, 1991, Iron Mountain, Michigan “Shall we see if we can find a farm?” I asked at breakfast on Sunday morning. “That sounds like a great idea,” Jessica said. “There’s a visitor’s bureau in town,” Kara said. “I saw it when we were here the first time.” “I’m sorry I ruined that vacation,” Jessica said. “Ruined?” I protested. “Are you kidding? Getting you back was way more important than a few days of vacation!” “I agree,” Kara added. “Jess, you know exactly how bad off Steve was...