A Well Lived Life Book 4 BethanyChapter 40 Firsts Part I
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January 1981, Milford, Ohio
In chemistry class, Kara reminded me about our date.
“As if I would forget!” I challenged. “I’ll pick you up at 5:00pm as promised! How about Chinese food tonight?”
“That sounds good,” she said.
“I have quite a few things to talk to you about, too!”
“Did my dad give you the third degree?”
“Kind of, but it’s more than that,” I said.
The bell rang, preventing any further conversation. At lunch, I talked to Bethany.
“I asked Elyse to go to the Sweetheart Dance with me. I’m hoping that’s OK with you.”
“We’re not dating,” Bethany said. “I want you to have a date for the dance. You going with Elyse is just fine.”
“Will you go to Prom with me? We have plans, remember?” I asked hopefully.
She laughed. “I know we do. I’ll tell you this — I’ll go to Prom with you. The other stuff depends on if we get back together.”
“If?” I asked with a frown.
“If, Steve. I know you’re planning on getting back together with Jennifer in the Fall. I’m not sure it’s a good idea for you and me to be a couple, even if we’re not steady, if that’s going to happen.”
“I miss you a lot.”
“Enough to forget Jennifer?” Bethany asked.
She had me there. I simply looked down at the floor for a moment.
“No,” I said slowly. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s OK. I knew that was probably going to happen. I’m not mad at you or even upset with you. It’s just until that whole thing is resolved, it makes sense to just be friends. But we’ll go to Prom. And maybe, just maybe, if you’re a good boy, I’ll screw your brains out that night,” she giggled.
“Count on it!” I said, my attitude suddenly much better.
After school, I headed home and did my homework, then dressed for my date with Kara. I picked her up promptly at 5:00pm and was a little surprised when she came to the door rather than her dad. It had happened before, so I didn’t think too much of it. We headed back towards Beechmont Avenue, but this time our destination was a small Chinese place I knew.
“Kara, can I ask you some questions about your parents?”
“Sure,” she replied. “But first, what did my dad say to you?”
“Well, the most important question was what were my intentions towards you. Given you’re going out with me tonight, I’m guessing that I passed muster!”
“I’m sorry that Dad ambushed you like that. It wasn’t fair. But I can’t control him, as I’m sure you know.”
“He made it very clear, also, that I’m not to do anything with you that he doesn’t approve of!”
“What did he say?”
“Well, he said that he’d seen you kiss me on the cheek and that he hoped I understood the limits. Of course, that was after basically asking if I planned to marry you.”
“What?!” Kara asked, sounding concerned.
“OK, he wasn’t quite that blunt, but it was clear that’s what he was asking. I told him I couldn’t even think about that until I got out of college and got a job. As much as he wanted me to give a different answer, he couldn’t really argue with that one.”
“And about the kissing thing?”
“That was a tough one. I won’t lie, but I did manage to deflect the question in a way that seemed to at least keep him from throwing me out on my ear. I told him that I respected you and would never ask you to do anything that went against your beliefs. He pushed me a bit, and I told him that I wasn’t going to judge anyone else and that I was going to follow Jesus’ command to do unto others, and so on. That pushed the conversation away from a very dangerous topic for me and he seemed to at least accept I understood what he was saying.”
“I’m really sorry,” Kara said.
“Don’t be,” I said. “He’s doing what he thinks he needs to do to protect you and take care of you. And overall, based on what I saw at your house, both you and your mom are OK with that. Which is what I want to ask you about.”
“Dad is very traditional and conservative. He thinks cooking, cleaning, dishes, and laundry are women’s work, and the only reason a man might do them is if he was required to do it for some reason, like guys in the military, or someone who wasn’t married. Given he thinks we should get married as soon as I graduate, that wouldn’t be for very long.”
“He thinks we should get married? Really?” I said, pulling onto the expressway.
She giggled, “No, that came out wrong. If we were to be a couple, he’d want us to get married as soon as I graduated from High School. I’m pretty sure he’s afraid that if I go away to college, I might succumb to temptation.”
“I’d say he’s off by about a year and a half, if you ask me,” I said with a smile.
“You have no idea about temptation, Steve! You’ve been doing stuff for almost four years, since you were fourteen.”
I did actually know quite a bit about it because of Stephanie, but that was a topic that I could never broach with Kara, and that, in and of itself, was a reason that I couldn’t see myself with Kara long-term, no matter how much I liked her and how gorgeous she was. At least I agreed with Stephanie on one thing with regard to Kara — that she was ‘smoking hot’.
“I know a bit about it,” I said. “But I guess it’s more difficult for you because I never really had the moral struggle that you have.”
“What else did dad have to say?” Kara asked.
“He asked about my parents,” I said, explaining for her what I had told her dad.
“Wow, I didn’t know that stuff. Will I get to meet your parents someday?”
“Yes, absolutely,” I said, though I worried a bit about my mom, as always.
“Are you doing anything tomorrow?” she asked.
“I don’t have any plans.”
“Good. Maybe we can do something. We can talk about that later, though.”
“What did your dad say to you?” I asked.
“Not much. He does like you, but of course he’d be a lot happier if you were going to our church or one like it.”
“That’s not likely, and you know it, for a bunch of reasons. The ‘Holy Rollers’ table last semester made clear to me why I want to stay far away from a church like yours. I’d only get into trouble or cause trouble because I could never condone withholding information about sex from my kids. In fact, I plan to raise my kids more in a Swedish style than an American one.”
“What do you mean by that?” Kara asked.
“Well, Swedish parents are more open and permissive than most American parents. They give their kids a lot of latitude and freedom to make their own decisions. And, for the most part, they let the kids run their lives once they get to be teenagers. I plan to do that.”
“Isn’t that dangerous?” she asked.
“For whom? For me? Or for the kids? It’s only dangerous if you don’t teach your kids how to be responsible and make good decisions. I’m not talking about letting them do anything and everything, but decisions about what to wear, how to fix their hair, that kind of thing, start early. The same with responsibility. That means chores like doing laundry and dishes, both for girls AND boys. As they get older, decisions about what classes to take, and, eventually, it’s up to them if and when to have sex. When I lived in Sweden, I spent the night at my girlfriends’ houses quite often, with the full knowledge and blessings of their parents!”
“What?!” Kara gasped in surprise.
“Kara,” I said gently, “not only that, but we talked openly about it with their parents. It’s not a hidden thing like it is here. You know I went to Indianapolis and Columbus to see my Swedish friend, who is an ice dancer. Well, her parents booked us our own hotel room. Neither of us asked them to do it, they just did it. And Katt, that’s her name, said things like ‘He curls my toes, dad’ to her father.”
“No way!” Kara exclaimed in disbelief.
“It’s true. I didn’t have to sneak around at all in Sweden. I traveled a couple of hours by train once a month to see my girlfriend Pia and stay with her for the weekend at her parents’ apartment. For the last four months I was there, I stayed just about every weekend with Katt in her room.”
“No wonder Josh is so hyped to go on the exchange program,” Kara laughed. “I meant to tell you he put in an application already. He made Sweden his first choice because that’s where you went.”
“He’ll have a great time. And his parents won’t know how to deal with him when he comes back!”
I pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant.
“But you were already like that. Well, except for having to sneak around.”
“Kind of. Melanie’s parents were just fine with it, because their attitudes are closer to Swedish ones than American ones. Jennifer’s parents accepted it, but didn’t approve. The same was true for Becky’s parents.”
“Becky?”
“A girl I dated for a while during my Freshman year. Ancient history at this point.”
“OK. And who are you sleeping with now, Steve?” she asked, her voice holding a hint of accusation.
“Nobody, actually.”
“What? Are you serious?”
“Yes, I’m serious! I don’t have a girlfriend right now and the girls I’m hanging out with are just friends. And I mean that in the way you would understand it. Friends.”
“Including me? Am I ‘just a friend’?”
A VERY dangerous question that I had no clue how to answer.
“Can we just say we’re exploring and leave it at that? Please? Let’s eat, OK?”
“OK,” she said pensively.
We got out of the car and went into the restaurant. We were seated fairly quickly, and both ordered beef dishes with lots of vegetables. They served us tea, and we drank while we waited for our food. Our food was ready in less than ten minutes. They also brought us a bowl of white rice to share. We dug in, me using chopsticks, and Kara using a fork.
“You can use those? Wow! I never could figure it out.”
“I learned a few years ago. Once you practice, it’s easy. Like pretty much everything in life.”
She giggled, “I bet!”
“Oh stop it!” I said playfully.
“Sorry, it’s just with your history, well, it was funny.”
“Yeah, I can see that. So what else did your dad say about me?”
“He was very concerned about you asking me to the dance, but when he told you ‘no’ and you didn’t argue with him, he felt better about it. You seemed to know exactly the right thing to say to him.”
“I have lots of experience with parents, and have always dealt really well with adults, well, except my mom.”
“It she REALLY as bad as you say?”
“Sadly, yes, she is. No matter what I do, she doesn’t approve. She’s wanted to control my life since I was little. When I turned fourteen, I basically started asserting myself and she hated it. I’ve spent the last four years fighting her for control of my life. Fortunately, my dad has taken my side more often than not. Most importantly, I went to Sweden for a year and found out just how to run my life and to deal with all kinds of stuff.
“It also helped that I had a good job before I left and started my company with Beth. That let me buy my car and my computers. Mom had a fit about both of those, but especially the car. She had wanted to be able to take my car keys away to control me, but now she can’t do that. Of course, she made it clear that I can’t expect any support from her for college, but I don’t need it.”
“But how are you going to pay for it, then? Does your business make that much money?”
“Probably not, but my boss from my other job will help with tuition if I need it. I also applied for some scholarships and my grades are good enough I should get some. I don’t need anything from my parents, though my dad would help if I asked him. I won’t, though. I have to do this my way.”
“That’s actually pretty cool. My dad is impressed by that stuff. He’d love for us to be a couple.”
“Yes, and by ‘couple’ he would mean engaged and married in less than two years when you graduate!”
“Would that be so bad, Steve Adams?”
“Kara,” I sighed, “it’s not that it would be bad, but I really think I’m going to end up with Jennifer.”
“She’s in Seattle.”
“Yes, for now. But we’ll be in Chicago together in the Fall. That’s why I’m not looking for a girlfriend.”
She sighed, “I think we’d be great together. We get along really well and have a lot in common.”
“But I could never go to your church, and we have very different world views.”
“I know that! But you’re the first guy I’ve ever gotten to know who is anything like what I think a guy should be like. Most of the guys in church are like Josh. He’s a wimp and mostly afraid of his own shadow!”
“Is your dad like that?”
“Honestly? Yes, he is, to a point. He’s strong when he’s protecting me, but otherwise, he’s a total pushover. My mom controls him pretty effectively. I don’t like that. I’m not saying the guy should be an ogre, but he should be confident and strong and not take guff from anyone. Heck, most of the guys at school are more like Josh than like you!”
“You’re getting way ahead of yourself. We’re going on dates. That’s all.”
“Yes, I know. And I’m trying to tell you why I like you and why I like being with you. I know it’s a long shot and it might never happen, but at least don’t say never!”
“OK, on that, we can agree. I rarely say never when the future is involved. I’m taking things one day at a time and trying to achieve my goals. Each day I ask what can I do to further my goals, or at least not mess them up. I learned over the last couple of years that if I try to think too far into the future, all I do is obsess and mess things up. So I have long-term goals, but not long-term plans. Does that make sense?”
“It does.”
We finished eating, and they brought us ginger cookies and fortune cookies. As was my style, I had Kara pick her fortune cookie first. I found that if I let everyone else take one, I got a better fortune. I cracked open my cookie and started laughing.
“What’s it say that’s so funny?”
“It says, ‘Opportunity is at hand, seize it’.” I chuckled.
“Why is that funny?”
“It’s a long story. I can tell you on the way home. What’s your fortune?”
“‘A pleasant experience is at hand; don’t pass it by’,” she said, turning red.
I laughed again. I didn’t stop laughing as I paid the bill and left the tip and we walked out to the car.
“Why are you laughing so hard?”
“The combination of fortunes,” I said as I held the car door open for her.
I got in the car and pulled out of the lot. I told her about Birgit and Melanie and the picture with the word ‘Opportunity’ on it.
“Hold on. Your Swedish girlfriend set you up with the girl in the family she lived with? Even though you were madly in love? That makes no sense.”
“Apparently it did to Birgit. And I understand now, years later, what she was trying to do. She knew we both had to grow up and the only way that could happen for me was to date and do stuff. In order to make sure I didn’t just pine away for her, she set up the situation with Melanie. It worked quite well. Sadly, Birgit died before she could see the results. Of course, your fortune made you turn red, so I know what you were thinking!”
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June 29, 1995, Chicago, Illinois On Thursday, I finally had lunch with Melissa again, something I hadn’t been looking forward to. Much like with Cèlia, Melissa and I had passed an inflection point and I was left with sub-optimal paths forward. I’d been struggling with the possible solutions, and all of them had pitfalls. When I walked into Takumi, I had something of a plan. Whether it was good or not would only be known once everything played out. “I spoke to my wives,” I said after we’d...
December 5, 2000, Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minnesota “I had a good time last night,” I said. “I was surprised you invited a friend!” Mary laughed as we walked into the exam room, “Naomi had a good time as well. You know what a Resident’s life is like.” I nodded, “No social life.” “Exactly. You guys seemed to hit it off pretty well.” “Yes, but I’m not here for that!” “You’re everywhere for that, and you know it!” I couldn’t help but laugh. “Let’s just say that you hit the sweet spot -...
March 1980, Hovås/Göteborg, Sweden I woke early as usual, but just enjoyed being in bed with Katt. When she woke, she hopped out of bed and pulled a robe out of her closet and handed it to me. “There’s a spare toothbrush in the bathroom. Go have your shower, then we’ll have breakfast after I have my shower.” I quickly showered and brushed my teeth, and went back to Katt’s room. She went to shower and came back a few minutes later. She dressed, and I got a very good look at her sexy body...
April 5, 1997, Chicago, Illinois “You missed cuddles this morning!” Birgit said accusingly when I walked into the house about 9:30am. “I know, Pumpkin, but I had a work emergency and had to go see Aunt Joyce and Grandpa A.” “And now we have to get ready for karate!” “I know. We’ll have some family time this afternoon. I don’t have any plans.” “Good!” I hugged her and the rest of the kids, then went to find Kara. We hugged and kissed, and went straight upstairs to get ready for...
September 3, 1989, Chicago, Illinois “Good morning, Sensei,” I said, bowing to Sensei Jim. “Good morning!” he said waving me to a chair in his office. “How was your trip?” I asked. “Enlightening. I spent most of my time acting as a manservant to Sensei Robert and Sensei Hiro.” “He who will lead, must first serve,” I said. “Someday, I’m going to send you to Sensei Hiro, should he live long enough. You understand.” “Does that mean you are now 6th Dan?” I...
October 29, 2000, Chicago, Illinois Birgit followed me as far as the stairs, then scooted upstairs when I went to the front door and opened it. “Hi!” Sophie said. “Hi!” I replied and held the door open so she could come into the house. I closed the door behind her then led her to my study where I waited until she went in, and then walked in, closing the door behind me. I nodded to one of the wingback chairs, she sat down in one, and I sat down in the other. “Is something wrong?” she...
August, 1983, Chicago, Illinois I walked in the near 90°F heat to Carla’s place. I was grateful that the humidity of the morning had dropped significantly; otherwise the heat would have been unbearable. By the time I walked up the steps to the apartment over the photography studio and knocked on her door, I had broken into a light sweat. Carla answered almost immediately and invited me inside her studio apartment. The air was moderately cool, and the window air conditioner was running full...
July 1982, Milford, Ohio On Tuesday morning, I kissed Kara goodbye and headed to my parents’ house for my usual morning routine with my little sister. She was happy that I could spend the morning with her and asked to take a walk, so we weren’t in the house with my mom. “Let me guess — this walk will end in the clearing,” I said with a smile. “Yes,” she said, taking my hand as we walked down Overlook towards Klondyke. As usual, we turned around and walked back, taking the path to the...
March 13, 1994, Chicago, Illinois “Hi, Steve!” Ailea said when she opened the door. “Hi,” I replied, accepting the offered hug. There was no touching of lips, just of cheeks, and I wondered if I’d misread her intentions at her birthday lunch, or if, perhaps, she detected my reluctance to return the offered affection. “Lunch is ready, so go ahead and sit. I’ll bring it in from the kitchen.” I went to the low table, sat down, and a minute later, Ailea brought miso soup and sushi, our usual...
April 3, 1997, Dallas, Texas “Remember what I said about drinking too much,” I said, as I poured bourbon into three cups. We’d stopped at a liquor store, bought a bottle of Blanton’s, and then returned to the small suite I’d reserved at the Westin. Deborah’s room was down the hall, and Krissy’s was two floors below. Krissy’s comment had caught me a bit off guard, but I hadn’t reacted visibly. I didn’t know her quite well enough to know if she’d been teasing with Deborah, so I was being...
March 28, 1991, Chicago, Illinois “This day belongs to you, Kara!” I said when the three of us woke on Thursday morning. “Happy birthday!” Jessica said. “Thanks,” Kara replied happily. “I think I’d like an amazing birthday fuck from our husband, and then a nice loving shower with my wife!” Kara said. “Do we have enough time?” I asked. Jessica giggled, “I set the alarm for thirty minutes earlier!” “Then let’s not waste any of it!” I said pulling Kara to me. Kara’s squeals as I plunged...
September 4, 2000, Chicago, Illinois On Monday morning I went to my study to make a surreptitious call to ensure that the surprise I’d planned for Kara was still going to happen, and after confirming that it was, Jesse, Matthew, Michael, and I began preparing for the Labor Day party by getting beer and soda into coolers, getting the grill ready, setting up tables and chairs in the backyard, and ensuring the liquor cabinets were stocked while my wives and daughters worked on food prep in the...
September 1, 1987, Chicago, Illinois “I heard that you have some kind of plan to help Ed,” I said to Connie. “There’s no plan,” she replied. “A witness who saw the shopkeeper alive after Ed left came forward.” That sounded convenient, and I wondered if the witness was real or someone that Anthony had put forward to solve the problem. Certainly, the videotape was real, because I couldn’t imagine how Anthony could have faked that, but the witness? Who knew? “So is he being released? Or is...
August 17, 1997, Chicago, Illinois We finished lunch and Marissa and the younger kids went to play, but Natalie sat with the adults to talk, with coffee, tea, or soft drinks. The Sarcus were very comfortable, but the Heaths were still struggling. But, vitally, they hadn’t left and hadn’t insisted Natalie leave the group. “Can you explain how you developed this attitude and approach?” Chris asked. I nodded, “It started when I was just a bit younger than Natalie. My mom was a total control...
July 1979 — Falkenberg, Sweden On Friday, when I got back from my run, Pam was in her bra and panties again. I whistled at her, she giggled, then finished dressing. I showered, and we went to breakfast and finished up our last day. Once class was done, we were pretty much free. On Saturday, we’d have several optional activities and then on Sunday we’d head back to our host families. After dinner on Friday, I took Pam’s hand and we walked towards the river. It was quiet and peaceful, and...
July 1980, Over the North Atlantic We reached cruising altitude, and I settled back to read my book. Pam raised the armrest between us, snuggled close to me and read as well. The cabin crew offered drinks, and I had my first Coke in a year! Meal service began about an hour and a half into the flight. After the cabin crew picked up the trays and offered drinks again, they passed once more, offering headsets for the movie. Trevor and Maria took them, but Pam and I didn’t, instead we turned on...
July 8, 1997, Chicago, Illinois “Is it really that surprising?” Leah asked. “I suppose not,” I replied. “I just didn’t read too much into the kiss on the cheek.” “I didn’t think it was a good idea to kiss you on the lips with all those people around, because I had no idea who they were or what they would think. You were VERY careful with our dance, so I kind of followed your lead.” Which showed very mature thinking on her part. Both of these girls were exactly the kind of students I...
November 8, 1993, Chicago, Illinois A dark fog swirled before my eyes as I tried to take stock. My head hurt, badly. I felt something on my face and realized, dimly, it was an oxygen mask. My right hand was uncomfortable and I recognized the feeling of an IV and pulse-oximeter. My left arm ached fiercely. On my chest I felt the pads and wires of an EKG. I didn’t feel anything else wrong as I continued taking inventory. I tried to open my eyes, but the fog didn’t clear. I tried to speak, but...
August, 1983, Chicago, Illinois In the morning Anala and I ran as we had the previous time, then showered together, carefully washing each other’s bodies in an intimate but non-sexual way. After our shower we went to the kitchen and I made breakfast and we sat down to eat. “Steve, may I make a suggestion?” she asked. “Sure.” “Broaden your circle of friends. Other than me, all of you are white, nominally Christian, 20-year-old Americans. And you don’t invite me to your Sunday...
June 23, 2000, Chicago, Illinois “Steve,” Kimmy said over the intercom, “I have a Suzanne Aavik for you.” “Thanks,” I replied. “Put her through, please.” A few seconds later, Suzanne was on the line. “Hi!” she exclaimed when I greeted her. “I’m in Chicago for three weeks. Can I still run away and join the circus?” I chuckled, “You might want to find out what the circus is actually like before you join! If you’re free, you’re welcome to come to the house tomorrow or Sunday and meet the...
March 1979 Monday was back to the normal routine of school. Debbie Courtney, who lived across the street and had turned fourteen the last week in February, started flirting more with me on the bus each day. Debbie Vaughn, who lived just down the street, would turn fourteen on March 16th and invited me to her birthday party. And Donna Woody, who lived just down the street in the other direction, would turn fourteen on March 20th. She had made it clear what she wanted for her birthday, and in...
June 2, 1990, Chicago, Illinois “My office, please,” Sensei Jim said after class on Saturday. I followed him to his office and waited for him to bid me to sit. He did, and I sat in the usual chair across from him. “She has a real problem, you know that, right?” he asked. “I do. That’s why I insisted she start seeing a counselor.” “I run a huge risk having her here with that kind of temper and her violent acts.” I nodded, “I understand. May I ask what you intend to do?” “I really don’t...
February 21, 1991, Chicago, Illinois “Hi, Sweetheart!” I said, greeting Bethany at the door. “Uncle Steve!” Nicholas exclaimed. I took him from his mom and he hugged me tightly. “Is Jesse with his moms?” Bethany asked. “Yes. They won’t bring him back over tonight so you and Nicholas can surprise him in the morning.” “Perfect!” “How was the drive up?” “The same as usual. Just a bit of traffic in Northern Indiana. Otherwise, smooth sailing. It was driving the other direction that was a...
November 4, 2000, Chicago, Illinois “Good morning, Sensei,” Miyu said when Kara, the girls, and I walked into the dojo on Saturday morning. “Good morning, Miyu.” “Do you have a moment, please?” I nodded and we went to the small practice room for privacy, as Sensei Jim had a family in his office. “What can I do for you?” “I need you to meet a young man,” she said. “I think you might be taking this ‘not do anything without permission’ a bit too far!” Miyu shook her head, “No, I’m not....
May 1979 The limo dropped me at home about 9:00pm. I took my stuff to my room, stripped, and hung up the tux. The rest of the things went into the hamper. I took a shower, put on shorts and a t-shirt, and walked down the hall into my dad’s office. I saw no reason to put this off any longer. “Stephen, you need to explain yourself!” my mom demanded. “I was in Mrs. McGrath’s, well, Mrs. Sanders’ now, wedding, as I said.” “You walked her down the aisle! You’re sixteen and not even related to...
November 3, 1990, Chicago, Illinois “I still don’t understand why you told everyone to leave Katy alone last night,” Elyse said on Saturday morning. “Because we weren’t going to talk her out of it. I could tell by the way she told us. I hoped letting her sleep on it would allow her to hear what we had to say. Obviously I was wrong.” “I was surprised that she wouldn’t talk to Jennifer at all,” Kara said. “I thought Jennifer would be the one to get her to listen to reason this morning.” I...
February, 1983, Chicago, Illinois Our first joining since the previous summer was slow and sweet, trying to express our deep love for each other through the motions of our bodies. When we finished, Karin held me tight and refused to let me move off of her. “Sleep there, please,” she whispered. I kissed her once more then adjusted my pillow so that I could rest my head next to hers. It wasn’t the most comfortable position, but it was what Karin wanted. The feel of her firm body under mine,...