Jokes and GigglesChapter 152
- 2 years ago
- 21
- 0
These are compliments of Fmwarmac
WARNING: MANY OF THE FOLLOWING ARE NOT POLICIALLY CORRET. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.”
The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.”
The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!”
His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”
*Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it’s still printing.
*is so fat when she got on the scale it said, “I need your weight not your phone number.”
Do not be racist; be like Mario. He’s an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!
Yo mamma is so ugly when she tried to join an ugly contest they said, “Sorry, no professionals.”
How do you blindfold a Chinese person?
Put floss over their eyes.
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?”
The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?”
“Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”
How are black people and tornadoes the same? It only takes one to ruin a good neighborhood.
One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen.
“What’s wrong, dearest?” asked the confused husband.
“Oh darling,” sobbed the wife, “I was cleaning little Suzie’s room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bed, along with a very erotic porn magazine! Whatever are we going to do?”
“Well,” replied the man, “I guess a spanking is out of the question?”
Why do Mexican kids eat tamales on Christmas? So they can have something to unwrap.
How did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do an essay.
Andrea Standing (part 2 of Andrea's Stand) A note at the beginning. One of the problems with writing a serial story is that the author feels a need to recap what happened in the prior portions. Please go back and read part 1, "Andrew Running". It will make this a better story. Briefly Andrew at 19, abused by his father, runs away to a distant relative, Aunt Clara. Andrew goes along with a joke played by Clara's lover Marnie, and ends up as Andrea working in Marnie's luxury used car...
I slid the report into the proper file just as he walked into the room. Dennis Butz stood there wearing his three-piece suit, looking as handsome and charming as any man could. But I was not to be tamed by his charm. "Hello, Linda," he said with a friendly grin. "Judge Herns isn't in today," I replied back in a frosty tone. "I'm not here to see her." "My plane leaves in less then an hour Dennis, what do you want?" I slammed the file drawer shut and walked past him to my desk...
The house was coming along MUCH better than Carl had EVER believed it would, in spite of "minor" setbacks. The site was going up at least 2, and maybe even 3 weeks faster than anticipated. The crew was happier, and more energetic, than he could remember them EVER being. The incentive was that, on most days, any place from 2 or 3, to as high as 8 or 10 of the ladies came out to keep them company, and MOST of the time, if they didn't COME out naked, they were soon in that condition. EVERY...
Hum dono abhi bhi nange hi thay. Chalte chalte usne paad maari. Uski gaand mein abhi bhi haddi akti hui thi. Nadi kinare, jhadiyon ke bich usko bithaya. “Hug le saali madarchod. Kab se paad rahi jai bhosdiki.” Woh hugne lagi. Uski gaand se haddi nikal gayi. Uski garam moot ki dhaar mere pairo pe giri. “Saali maderjaat! Mere pairon pe mootegi. Saali raand muh khol,” main uske muh mein mootne laga. Lavda uske gale mein ghus kar mootne laga. Maine apni tange faila di aur wahi khade khade hugne...
Report to the King of Sparta. B.C 481 "We must conclude that there was more then one Persian ship in our waters. When one met with disaster in the storm, the other picked up survivors and as much wreckage as it could. The shield is the only piece of wreckage that signifies Persian identity. There can be no doubt that it was a spying mission or an attempt to land agents of Persia on our soil or the soil of a neighbouring state. We cannot ignore the possibility that a neighbour may actually...
Mera naam Rudra hai. Ek number ka harami aur besharam. Mera dimaag mere lavde mein hai, jo saala har waqt chudai ke liye uchalte rehta hai. Kasarati badan jo ghanto tak lavde ka saath deta hai. Waise toh bachpan se hi kaafi chudai ki hai. Lekin yeh wali sabse achi wali, ya yeh kahu ki sab se gandi wali hai. Main tab 30 saal ka tha. Shaadi hui nahi thi. Ghar mein rehta hi nahi tha. Naukri hi aisi thi ke sheher-sheher gaon-gaon bhatakna padta tha. Peshe se ek civil engineer, jiski degree paiso se...
Andrea On Her Own (Part 3 of Andrea's Stand) A Note Before: If you have not read parts 1 and 2, please go back and do so. I have spent some time trying to develop the characters involved and a brief description of the plot so far will not help you much. Chapter 1: Needing More I leaned back in my chair and stretched. It had been a long hour and a half finishing the homework from my calc. class. As I stretched I felt the sweater pressing against the breast forms and glanced...
Andrew Running (part 1 of Andrea's Stand) Chapter 1: Running I called my Aunt Clara from the bus station. She didn't seem that surprised to hear from me and when I explained why I was there she told me to walk a couple of blocks to the local diner and get myself a cup of coffee. She'd pick me up in about half an hour. I sat and sipped chocolate milk and tried to eat a pastry while I glanced nervously out of the window waiting for my father to show up and force me into his...
This introduction story is based on true events. All the characters mentioned are above the age of 18. For personal reasons, the names of the characters have been changed. Any resemblance to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The writer does not believe in any kind of discrimination or disrespect towards women. The story has been written for sexual satisfaction and should be held in the same regard. “Aah!” Nandini moaned as my thick member entered her...
IncestThis introduction story is based on true events. All the characters mentioned are above the age of 18. For personal reasons, the names of the characters have been changed. Any resemblance to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The writer does not believe in any kind of discrimination or disrespect towards women. The story has been written for sexual satisfaction and should be held in the same regard. “Aah!” Nandini moaned as my thick member entered her...
IncestLater, after all the women had tried a little belly dancing to the accompaniment of much laughter and cat calls, they put the leftover food away, and soon had the dishwashers doing their thing. "We'll leave the rest of the cleanup until tomorrow," Diana said, looking around to make sure they hadn't missed anything that needed doing now. "You're going to stay the night like we talked about?" Diana questioned Sheriff Tate's wife, Virginia. "Yes," Virginia replied with a smile, "we...
The doctor got me set up with gadget that let you spell things out with your tongue. We tested for a little while to see if I understood how to use it and to make sure again that I wasn't clearly brain-damaged. "Ok, John. I think you're about ready, and your mother is certainly ready to see you!" I rolled my eyes and he laughed. "I can imagine growing up with her." He opened the door and gestured. But the women who came in was Gloria. "Oh my god, what did you do to yourself!" She...
The Brit and I drove out to the site, where all the activity would begin the next day. He asked to go there. I thought for sure it was some kind of security thing, but he asked far too many question about the plans for it to be anything but genuine interest. "You were right to blackmail the road builder into grading this road. It would have been difficult with these ruts to back that trailer onto the site. As a matter of fact, why not just cut a new drive over here?" he ask pointing to a...
~~Antoinette~~ “Feeling better, old friend?” Daniel managed a small nod as he sat down across from her. Deep in her tower, in one of her offices, the two could discuss matters privately, without fear of spies or accidental ears from a wandering Samantha. A quiet room of soundproofed walls, with only two chairs, a single desk, and little else. A room she and her sheriff used rarely, and only when to speak of the most painful of situations. The fact her old friend sat, instead of standing as...
Gwen was at the hospital to cover my release, so I planned to catch a ride home with her. "So what are your plans for the rest of the day?" she asked while we waited for my release. She really had only a professional interest. Most likely she hoped to stay one step ahead of me. "My plan is to watch the episodes of my favorite TV shows that I have missed. Then I think I will go to dinner somewhere. I might take a shot at the Barbecue Pit. After dinner I will most likely swing by the Cop...
February 23, 2018 Dear Ms. Diary, I woke abruptly in the dark with a bit of panic. I lay there with arms around me from both sides trying to figure out the cause of my alarm. I had just about succumbed to my drooping eyelids when I figured it out. I was naked. I thought about that for a while, deciding that putting clothes on now would not make any real difference so drifted back to sleep. I woke to quiet talking. “ ... how many of us are naked.” “Beth is, you and I aren’t. That’s all...
I had bacon, eggs, sausage, toast and juice on the table as the North six made their way from the lower guest rooms at 6:45. I had heard them moving around and talking at 6:15. They had just enough time to eat and make it to the gym at their normal start time. I asked if everyone was good with last night's fun in the basement. There were nods and smiles from all of them and only one question. "Can we come and stay and do it again next Friday night?" one of them asked. "Are all of you...
Laura received a phone call from Trina. She had already drunk two glasses of wine and had to sit down. "Trina." "Hi hon', you okay?" "I'm... fine." "I been missing you a lot. Shawna too." "God, you don't know how I've missed you, Trina," Laura said. And it was true, though she had actually been fucking her brains out with every beautiful woman she could find to forget about Trina. To calm herself, she actually ran through their names in her mind, in under two seconds....
“My life has been one big audition.” —Elizabeth Eulberg, Take a Bow IT USED TO BE that you couldn’t rent a car until you were twenty-five. Em was twenty. But she had a National Service CDL and the agency had to recognize her as qualified and responsible. Which was good because she was the only qualified driver for our Starcraft. It felt like we were all getting on the short bus to go to school. But it was a surprisingly comfortable ride once we were all settled. Getting settled included...
My family wanted to go out for supper to the inn, although I would have rather have had the time at home with them. But they had talked about this all week for this time together. As usual we were well protected. The Beast number two was on hand - it was now a fixture in the parking garage. The Secret Service had commandeered four bays and had block walls and garage doors installed. A dozen Secret Service Suburbans were in the line. The griping and complaining from the Secret Service had...
The nurse nodded at Leslie's remark and motioned for another woman to come forward. Her nametag read Dr. Wilma Scott. The group knew she was the former starlet who had opened AMS in the early 2000s. "Who is it?" Adam asked the doctor. "I can't say," the woman replied. She cringed when she saw the look of anger that flashed on Adam's face. The men of Five Friends were the ones who primarily worked outside the group. If one of them contracted the deadly disease, everyone had it. "How...
This explains why friends forward jokes. I’ve never thought of it this way before. A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a...
What I want in a Man, Original List 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5. Witty 6. In good shape 7. Dresses with style 8. Appreciates finer things 9. Full of thoughtful surprises What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32) 1. Nice looking 2. Opens car doors, holds chairs 3. Has enough money for a nice dinner 4. Listens more than talks 5. Laughs at my jokes 6. Carries bags of groceries with ease 7. Owns at least one tie 8. Appreciates a good home-cooked...
These are compliments of Fmwarmac Blonde: “What does IDK stand for?” Brunette: “I don’t know.” Blonde: “OMG, nobody does!” Yo momma is so fat when she went to KFC the cashier asked, “What size bucket?” and yo momma said, “The one on the roof.” Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn’t find the “CALL” button. Yo momma’s so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50...
Another short one from joevsr: Short One! Jokes about pole vaulters, don’t go over very well!! This group is compliments of a Friend of J & G. Jokes The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning. I said to her “If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff”. “Now why would you want me to do something like that?” she asked. “I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don’t want some other wanker using my stuff”. She...
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room...
Say thanks to Pepere for this one!! In a terrible car accident, 3 nuns die at the same time. They all appear in front of the gates of Heaven to meet Saint Peter. When they arrive, Peter informs them that those who lived a life of the cloth must answer some basic questions about theology before they are permitted to enter Heaven. Each of the nuns has studied their bible well, so they don’t feel worried by this. The first nun steps forward and tells the saint that she’s ready. “Who was the...
Below a new set of real life stories about a beautiful hot Brazilian women Fernanda, nick name Peituda Safada.You can meet her at the strip-club Rota96 in Curitiba Brazil!Fernanda & Paulla entertaining a guy.I had sex 2 days ago with together another dancer from the club:An american guy wants see how 2 girls do lesbian sex.He orders us to put out all clothes, only we must wear our shoesAfter that we must kissing. He wants see how our tongue goes deep in each other mouth .We must play by...
An interesting thought from Mark!! While I don’t have any jokes about rabbits ... The following has been tweeted several times but is worth another mention: As we end week 2 of lockdown, I have been thinking about Osama Bin Laden. He was stuck in his house with three wives for five years. I am beginning to wonder if he called in those Navy Seals himself. And this is what dorsetmike had to contribute: It is with great sadness that I have to mention the loss of a few further local...
Valentine’s Day Jokes Dreaming of Gifts One morning Emma woke up with a start. Her husband Jim asked what was the matter, she told him, “I just had a dream that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine ‘s Day. What do you think it means?” “You’ll know tonight,” Jim said. That evening, Jim home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, Emma opened it – only to find a book entitled “The meaning of dreams”. Lots of Letters Mike walked into a post office just before...
More from dorsetmike many thanks to him and all who submit Jokes. An elderly married couple was at home watching TV. The husband had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel... The wife became more and more annoyed and finally said: “For god’s sake! Leave it on the porn channel. You already know how to fish!” I opened my bedroom curtains very early this morning and to my astonishment saw a fox having a fight with a hedgehog. The...
There was a 70 year old grandma that moved in right next to my apartment, I was 18 at the time and my grandpa was 74. I lived with my grandpa at the time. The old grandma would come to talk to my grandpa each day, she would keep teasing him, she would flirt with him, she tried to seduce him. My grandpa ignored her at first but then he started flirting with her after a couple days. I once came out of my apartment only to see her sucking his dick outside on the porch while he was touching her...
Jokes A man takes his place in the theatre, but his seat is too far from the stage. He whispers to the usher “This is a mystery, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I’ll give you a handsome tip”. The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter. Yep. 25 cents. The usher looks at the quarter in his hand, leans over and whispers “The wife did it”. A man stood outside his house after a bitter divorce and noticed a crate of beer...
Say thanks to a great supporter of J & G for these. Trump Jokes In a recent survey, 70% of Americans responded that Donald Trump becoming president has made them nervous. The other 30% said it will make them Canadians. Donald Trump has announced that now he’s president, he’s going to put a wig on the Presidential plane and call it Hair Force One. Donald Trump becoming President isn’t the first time he’s kicked a black family out of their home. I just found out Donald Trump ran...
???????????????? ???????? If you are not vaccinated, I respect your choice. I am vaccinated, please respect my choice. I’m vaccinated, not to please the government but: * To not die from Covid-19. * To NOT occupy a hospital bed if I get sick. * To give our healthcare workforce a bloody break * To hug my loved ones. * To Not have to do PCR or antigen tests to go to a dance, go to a restaurant, go on vacation and many more things to come... * To love my life. * For Covid-19 to be an old memory. * To protect...
He watched them as they sat sipping their colorful drinks and flirting with male guests and hotel employees alike at the Garden Cloud Lounge. They were undoubtedly four sisters, all in their late twenties and thirties, and attractive. They were obviously American, and they laughed as they tried what little Spanish they knew on the young waiters. He had seen groups like this many times. Their often affluent husbands allowed them to have "Girl's Time Off" now and then. It worked out on both...
Dead Penguins - I never knew this! Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica? Where do they all go? Wonder no more! It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird and lives an extremely ordered and complex life. Penguins are extremely committed to their family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with their offspring throughout the remainder of their life. If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface,...
???????????????? Fofo Xuxu is to thank for this group!! Here are a few jokes. Hope you can use them. A duck walks into a bar and asks, “Got any grapes?” “No this is a bar and we don’t serve ducks, now get out of here.” Next day the duck comes back, “Got any grapes?” “No, I do not and if you come here again, I’m going to nail your feet to the floor.” Next day the duck comes back again and asks, “Got any nails?” “No.” “Got any grapes?” Everyone’s Buddy At a wedding reception I recently attended, the...
Some shorty’s from Dorsetmike I bought a 12yr old scotch. His parents weren’t pleased about that. What do you call a chicken looking at lettuce? Chicken sees a salad. My boss has announced he’ll sack the employee with worst posture. I’ve a hunch it’ll be me. As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn’t afford a dog. From a Friend of J & G. Jokes Recession beater. Wife says to husband “If you start riding that new bicycle I bought for you to work, we can get rid of...
A Well Run Business Me: I was doing an overnight at a hotel away from home. I took my computer down to the bar to do some data entries. I sat down at the bar and I asked the bartender, ‘What’s the w ifi password?’ Bartender: ‘You need to buy a drink first.’ Me: ‘Okay, I’ll have a beer.’ Bartender: ‘We have Molson’s Canadian on tap.’ Me: ‘Sure. How much is that?’ Bartender: ‘$8.00.’ Me: ‘Here you are. OK now, what’s the wifi password?’ Bartender: ‘ “youneedtobuyadrinkfirst”; No spaces and...
Here is an opposite point of VIEW from Dominions Son “I don’t know why people are so concerned about the corona virus. Most people know to put a piece of lime in the bottle to kill the virus.” No, no, no. Then you get corona and Lyme disease. ✧ ✧ ✧ A Few from Dorsai about his Hero!!! Here’s a few jokes with a common theme. I don’t THINK they’re duplicates. After a difficult year, President Trump decides he needs a nice break from work and, as he’s heard about this big horse race but...
Compliments of Reltney McFee So, once upon a time, a construction crew was working outside a convent. This was long ago, in a more delicate time, and, well, the workmen were a plain spoken lot. After a time, the Mother Superior invited the construction foreman to meet with her, so they could discuss some things. She related how the tender sensibilities of the sisters were tested by the Anglo-Saxon terms employed by the workers, and could the foreman please encourage his employees to tone...
Some interesting observations from OldGreyDuck to contemplate over a few drinks this weekend. 1. Ration of an Igloo’s circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi. 2. 1 millionth of a mouthwash: Microscope. 3. 2000 pounds of Chinese Soup: Won Ton. 4. The time between slipping on a peel and hitting the pavement: Bananosecond. 5. Weight a televangelist carries with god: A Billigraham. 6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knotforlong. 7. 365.25 days of drinking low...
Some Thoughts from doral!!! Presidential sayings George Washington - “I cannot tell a lie.” Donald Trump - “I cannot tell the truth.” Harry Truman - “The buck stops here.” Donald Trump - “The buck is someone else’s responsibility.” Teddy Roosevelt - “Walk softly and carry a big stick.” Donald Trump - “Talk loudly but make no sense, just ramble on about things that you know nothing about and do not concern anyone at all but find someone else to blame it on because it must be the...
???????????????? Important News Bulletin: from fagan8300 The Energizer Bunny has been arrested. The charge is Battery ???????????????? This one is from Durock: An 18th-century vagabond in England, exhausted and famished came to a roadside Inn with a sign that read: “George and the Dragon.” He knocked. The Innkeeper’s wife stuck her head out a window, looked him up and down and said, “we got no room for the likes of you!” “Could ye just spare some victuals then?”, he asked. The woman once again looked at his...
These are from a friend of J & G: Darren marries this girl, and they go on their honeymoon. He leaves the room the first night to go down to the lobby to get a pack of cigarettes. When he gets back, his bride is lying on the bed naked fucking one of the bellhops. Another one is under her, getting her in the ass. She’s sucking off the desk clerk, and she’s jerking off a cab driver and the dishwasher. Darren screams “What the fuck are all these jerk-offs doing in here?” She says “Well,...
“Allan B” If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. (Ann Landers) The other day upon the stair I saw a man who wasn’t there. He wasn’t there again today I think he’s from the CIA. The BBB (Blonde Bimbos Bureau) wishes to thank AOC for single-handedly putting an end to dumb blonde jokes. What is the most popular Country song n Iran? Sweet Home Allahbama... The female praying mantis devours her male minutes after mating, while the female human...
Stay thanks to St John for this group... Two homosexual guys were walking down the road when one looked at the other and said “You see that guy across the road?” “Wow, he’s cute!!” the other said. “Well, I had sex with that guy a couple of years back.” “No shit??” the other asked. “Not much...” replied the first. A guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken. The waiter says that there’s nothing special ... we just flat out tell’ em they’re gonna die... Paddy was planning...
Not many Trump Jokes left so here is one last... ! Trump dies from the virus. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him. “I don’t know what to do,” says the Devil. “You’re on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’ve got three people here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I’ll even let YOU decide who leaves.” Trump thought that sounded pretty good so...
A history lesson from squaddie117 How lucky can we get???? It is a little-known fact that King Arthur had more knights than is usually believed. They included: Who was the devastatingly handsome, but disappointingly shallow knight? - Sir Face Who was Arthur’s best knight of all? - Sir Pass Who was the knight that is a great help to all the other knights? - Sir Port Who was the knight who got around a bit - popular at parties? - Sir Culation Who was the knight who could always be relied...
Thanks to Pedant for this one Boris Johnson goes to a little rural village and asks them what he and his government can do for the local people. “We have two major problems,” says a local official. “Firstly, we have a health center, but no doctor working there.” Boris whips out his phone and talks into it for a minute. “I have made a call to my team in Westminster,” he announces, “and we’re going to have an absolutely top-notch doctor here next week to cater to everyone’s needs! What was...
Jokes for children A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer; bartender says “sorry, we don’t serve food here.” Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse. What do you call a fish without eyes? Fsh. What do you call an alligator detective? An investi-gator. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. There are two muffins baking in the oven. One muffin says to the other, “Phew, is it getting hot...
Astute (but true) Observations There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and dipshit’s. ✧ ✧ ✧ The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content. ✧ ✧ ✧ I live in my own little world, but it’s OK. Everyone knows me here. ✧ ✧ ✧ I saw a very large woman wearing a sweatshirt with “Guess” on it. I said, “Left Tackle?” ✧ ✧ ✧ I don’t do drugs. I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast. ✧ ✧ ✧ I don’t like political jokes. I’ve seen too many get...
???????????????? ???????? OldGreyDuck is digging deep for these three!!!! ???????? I went to a comedy club last Friday evening. There was a woman there telling nothing but chicken jokes. She called herself a “Comedi-hen”. ???????? ???????????????? I was stuck driving behind a car today. The license plate read: G4ND4LF/ No idea who was driving, but he wouldn’t let me pass. ???????? ???????????????? In case you didn’t know, Weddings at Nudist Camps are highly unsuitable. ???????????????? Biiguy came through again!!!! An Englishman’s wife had died. Somewhat...
A GREAT HUNT Shot my first turkey yesterday! Scared the shit outta everyone in the frozen food section. It was awesome! Getting’ old is so much fun ... Remember: Don’t make old people mad! We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to piss us off. These are compliments of Pat W Wayyyyy back at the dawn of T.V. A man walked into an agent’s office for an audition, as he had a strong desire to be an actor. He acted, he sang, he danced, he told jokes, and did...
These are compliments of the web_magician More lawyer jokes... Q: How can you tell a lawyer is lying? A: Other lawyers look interested (they are gathering new material for future use). Q: Why should lawyers wear lots of sunscreen when vacationing at a beach resort? A: Because they’re used to doing all of their lying indoors. Q: What happened to the banker who went to law school? A: Now she’s a loan shark. Q: Where do vampires learn to suck blood? A: Law school. Q: How do you define...
The difference between oO and Oo; Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope. The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in court Monday" On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs...
This compliments of Pepere Quote of the day: “It’s good to see that a country that’s $20 trillion in debt and on the verge of financial collapse is spending countless millions of dollars to change pictures on money to make people, who don’t earn any money, happy.” This group is compliments of John M Irish jokes The reason there are so many Irish jokes is because the Irish have a quaint way with words. Like the Irish patient who hobbled into the Surgery waiting room. “I hope to God the...