The Falling Oak - Learning How To DieChapter 10: They Took My Gun free porn video

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Oct 21th, 2018

Waking up is mildly depressing. I haven’t had meds or CBD yet so my movements are either jerky or my BP is starting to rise putting pressure on my chest. Admittedly it’s not as bad as pre CBD days when I would wake up and go “Not this shit again.” meaning the pain. If you’ve ever studied any body discipline - Gymnastics, Karate, Ballroom Dancing. It’s especially upsetting when your body quits listening to you. Don’t get me wrong, at the moment, It’s more like I’m about 1 beer shy of a snootful. Tipsy, but not sloppy drunk. Typing is becoming a bitch as well. I’ve had to start using a cane for my own safety as I never know when this shit will start or stop.

My family told me that my spoken vocabulary has drifted to that of a child’s. I hadn’t noticed and had to ask what they meant. They said I use a lot fewer multi-syllable words. Once, I thought about it I saw their point. Small words are easier for me to pronounce. The CBD doesn’t erase the Aphasia completely. It eases a lot of the smaller episodes but it doesn’t fix the disorder. So I guess I started taking the easy way out. Usually, a small word will work. “Fuck,” works I have noticed I say it and “Well, shit,” and “Really!” all come in pretty handy.

My youngest daughter has started making lunch for me then texting me to remind me to eat it. Am I missing something here? I haven’t noticed myself skipping too many meals. I’m starting to wonder if there’s things going on around me that I’m not noticing anymore.

My wife took my gun away from me this week she said she’s scared of me. I’ve never threatened her even when I’ve been angry. I KNOW that because I’m scared to death of being one of those bastards that hurts their family. I pulled the clip emptied it, cleared the chamber and brought it and the magazine to her and showed her they were empty. I handed them to her. I’m not stupid enough to hand a loaded firearm to someone who just told me that they are afraid of me, not when my own philosophy is to destroy that which you fear.

I wake up every morning afraid. I don’t feel secure. How can I? In my lifetime, I have had so called friends leave me to die, frame me for felonies. I have had blood relatives swear in a Court of Law that I did not exist. I have found much truth in two sayings. People act in their own interests and If you believe that everyone you meet will betray you, you will rarely be wrong.

I have found that as long as you can keep yourself tied to someone else’s goals, purposes, ect they will share their resources. The moment you become a detriment you are gone. As someone recently reminded me, no one keeps a broken ATM. Darian, that’s not nice! Life isn’t nice and what I said is a lot closer to many peoples reality than not.

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15.08.2020
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Chapter 10: They Took My Gun Videos

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The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 15 Some Days Are Good

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Nov. 23, 2018 When I was a child there was a TV show called Baa Baa Black Sheep Squadron. It was about a hard living, hard drinking, U.S.M.C. fighter squadron led by Gregory “Pappy” Boyington during WWII in the South Pacific. The Black Sheep and The Flying Tigers were heroes to my buddies and I. In one episode the black sheep frenemy a Japanese pilot they capture. The pilot said something that always stuck with me. “If I were to use a thousand words to describe being Japanese and each word...

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Mighty Oak Tree

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The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 11 EEG

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Nov. 20th, 2018 In the movie “A Dark Song” there’s a scene where the woman and the wizard are chatting about their dreams. The wizard says he keeps dreaming about riding a moped. The night before last I had a dream. I pondered all day yesterday whether or not it was relevant and worth sharing. Part of me says yes and part of me says no. I even did three separate Rune divinations to try to understand better. Divination can be useful at times. This wasn’t one of them. Go read some Jung if...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 46 Whatrsquos Up

June 6th, 2019 Hello Everyone, I’m sorry for the long delay in the update. Things have been a bit busy on my side. They goofed around with my schedule at work again which of course goofs around with me. I’ve had graduations to attend, ect. I’ve also been working really hard to forget that I have an illness and just get on with my life within the constraints that I have, Of course, I’m reminded daily that I have issues. I just want to live. I’m back under house arrest due to the heat...

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The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 5 Seizure Aftermath

Sept .19th. 2018 I had to call in sick today because the seizure triggered a moderate/severe Aphasia phase where I could only speak 2 or three words at a time. The phase lasted about 22 hours which is extremely long for me. Unfortunately, my wife was with me during the transition back to verbal which was very hard. She almost called off work even though we were in her job’s parking lot when it happened. The screaming through gritted teeth didn’t help, I guess. It HURT. Going to the hospital...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 48 Always Faithful

Hello Everyone, I’ve resisted posting the last little while. At first, it was because I was trying to forget my illness and carry on my life as normal as I could make it. Lately, it’s been because my illness hasn’t forgotten about me. It’s been very faithful. The bitch. My memory issues have gotten to the point I can’t hide them from my family any more. My wife spoke to my Doctor on the phone and the Doc spoke to me a bit. She thinks there may be something going on beside the migraine and...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 66

Jan .27th, 2021 Hello Everyone, I received notice that I had won my Soc. Security hearing. Yay! That takes a lot of stress off of my family and I. I will be getting back payments and regular monthly payments. So I feel good about winning, but a bit negative about what was in my therapist’s paperwork. According to her, I suffer from delusions of grandeur (She obviously doesn’t understand how important I am ;), paranoia, generalized anxiety disorder, an instant willingness to become...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 4 Seizure

Sept. 17th 2018 I just left work because I am having seizures. I want you to see what it’s like. I was at my job for less than 2 hours. Now, it’s hard to think. My hands and arms jerk. I feel little because I’m not earning money for my wife and children. I’m afraid because the seizures are getting worse before they were just in my head. Now I shake. I work from home and had to dial a number to call in sick. I couldn’t remember how to find the number in my phone. I had to just sit there until...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 25 EEG Results And More

Wednesday I had an appointment with my neurologist. I would have updated sooner, but to be honest I came home exhausted then I was balls to the wall (for me, anyway) the next day trying to get done the things they wanted done as well as little necessities like paying my mortgage. Today I was able to put in almost a full 8 hours before I had to pull the plug (I was scheduled for overtime). I am still rather trashed so I am reusing a modified summary of the doctor’s appointment that I emailed a...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 43 Boy in the Bubble

April 14, 2019 Hello Everyone, Today was much more interesting than I intended it to be. My family went to a Renaissance Fair and I promptly locked my keys in the car. I was distracted as my wife and I were discussing the legality of where I was parking. So as they went and enjoyed the fair I was attempting to get into my car. First, I called my insurance company as I have a road side assistance policy. No dice, as they reimburse you later and I had eleven dollars in my pocket. Next, I...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 18 Date Night

Nov. 9th 2018 Last night was date night with the missus. We had dinner at an Italian place as part of a club she’s a member of. It went pretty well. At one point, she laid her head on my shoulder which hasn’t happened for awhile. My Aphasia disappeared for awhile so I was able to talk with people. I was known for witty one liners and last night I was in full swing and kept my table laughing. It was nice. I started to get the shakes so I got to do the rocking thing. I swear I’m going to get a...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 12 Test Day

Oct 24th, 2018 Today was the EEG test. I went to bed at 11:30 and got up at 4:00 a.m. The test required me to be tired. As I was trying to stay awake I surfed the net. I watched some porn. Guaranteed to keep the heart rate up lol as I wasn’t allowed to have caffeine. I’m old not dead. What was it Bocephus sang? “I like the sweet young thing with old Grand dad.” It’s fun to think about anyway. I spent some time looking at videos about living in nursing homes. I hate surprises. It went from...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 37 The Flu And Other Goodies

Feb. 10th, 2019 Hi everybody, Things have been a little out of kilter here. When I offered to bring a note from my mental health care provider to my employer my schedule magically reverted to normal. Yay! It took a few days to get back into the groove and then the flu decided to come visit. My wife works with kids and one of my kids works fast food so it’s inevitable. I ended up with a stomach thing which made me feel like I was going to barf if I moved. That lasted about 24 hours then my...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 6 A Little Wisdom

Sept. 29th, 2018 Things have been interesting around here the last little while. I have a brand new grandson! Yay! His middle name is his other grandfather’s and mine first names. That’s awesome. I’ve never had someone named after me before. My dog gave me poison ivy so I haven’t held him yet. That will be remedied in a few days. Through the good graces of one of our friends here a backup system has been put in place so if/when my mind slips off the rails my family will receive a copy of...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 26 Intermission

Dec. 5th, 2018 I’m still trying to wrap my mind around everything. The fact that I’m being taken off one medication while being put on another is also messing with me. I don’t feel unsettled so much as flat. It feels as though my emotions are in a very narrow range. The meds must be some pretty strong beta blockers because my sex drive is almost non existent on one level. That’s the whole problem right there. A levels thing. On one level I don’t have a sex drive or feel the migraine, but on...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 9 I Misplaced My Left Hand

I love CBD! I haven’t had to take a single extra Naproxen for pain since I started it. I still take the other sedatives and such but this is the most pain free I have been in over a year!!! At times, my mind is quiet and I can think a little. I was able to do part of a multiplication problem in my head a couple of days ago. It doesn’t sound like much and it isn’t, but it’s more than I have been able to do for a year. CBD doesn’t fix anything but it sure does make the quality of my life...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 31 Christmas

Dec .26th, 2018 I hope everyone’s Christmas was good. Mine was good. I ended up at Christmas Sunday church. My wife wanted to go so we went. I had to go outside during the music because even with earplugs it was still too loud. I sat in the very back so I wouldn’t cause a disturbance if the preaching got too loud. You know Holy Rollers, if it ain’t loud it ain’t sanctified, lol. The preaching was actually quiet. My wife picks my clothing for important occasions because she knows I don’t...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 70 Things Have Been Looking Up

Jan. 22nd, 2022 Hello Everyone, Things have been looking up for me. I had a checkup yesterday and my A1C (it’s derived from a test that is able to measure the trend amount of blood sugar for the last few months.) was 4.3! My last one was 5.3. The one given the day I was admitted to the hospital was over 15. My doc said I didn’t need insulin but is having me take 5 units twice a day to wean my system off of it. I started at 35 units twice a day. That’s a big difference. The doc even wants...

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