The Falling Oak - Learning How To DieChapter 40: You Can’t Turn Off A Disability free porn video

This is a FigCaption - special HTML5 tag for Image (like short description, you can remove it)

March 16th, 2019

Hi Everyone,

I waited a little bit to update. In part, because I had a neurologist appointment and I wanted to see how that went. The appointment went swell. The docs were really excited about all of the progress I’ve made since my last visit. They were actually happy. I apologized to my main doc. I was in so much pain the last time I was there I showed my ass a bit more than I should. At one point, I was an absolute dick. The funny thing was I was trying to be nice at the time. I didn’t see until my mind cleared a week or so later how I had treated her. She was gracious about it.

They changed my med ratio which sent me to a small visit to la-la land. They decreased one med to help me start sweating and doubled another one to help me rest more. I haven’t started sweating yet, but I’m sleeping better. After I came back from la-la land that is. They also want me to start working with a speech therapist they had mentioned that before but I hadn’t followed up as 1. It doesn’t make sense to me. I know how to place my tongue and shape my lips. I can’t get my brain to send the damn signal. 2. I only have so much money to put toward co-pays and meds. 3. I only have one day a week to fit in my, my wifes and my kids, various appointments. I would like to enjoy some of my days off. I told her I’ll follow up this time and I will. She gave me my life back. I have no reason not to trust her.

She also said she thinks we can get to the point where I won’t need the shades and ear protection if we keep working on it. Yay on that! On the speech issue, she’s says at this point there’s at least two separate medical things going on. The migraine and something else and she’s not sure what the other thing is yet. Anxiety makes it worse as it feeds into the migraine. So she’s glad I’m seeing my therapist.

One thing that annoys the living piss out of me is when you have an invisible disability people think you can just switch it off when it’s inconvenient. I’m not missing an arm or leg and despite what you may think my face isn’t disfigured. I have a condition that effects how my brain works. I can’t turn it off because it makes you uncomfortable. I can’t turn it off period. So getting pissy with me doesn’t do anything but piss me off or raise my anxiety and makes it worse.

What’s really frustrating is arguing with someone and they’re talking and you’re using text to speech. Almost anyone can talk four times faster than I can type. Then the damn thing has to say it. I literally can’t get a word in edgewise. I get run over. OHHH! That torques my jaws. If you’re going to argue with a mute at least have the common decency to let them argue back.

It’s even worse when four or five hours later when I can talk if I broach the subject then I’M the one stirring shit. It makes me want to scream. If I walk out of the room then I’m an asshole who doesn’t care. So I get to play fucking speed bump. Don’t you think if someone was treating me like this and I could turn it off I would do it so I could show them how to properly tear someone a new asshole? I’m just venting a bit. It wasn’t that bad an argument. Seriously though, when arguing with somebody take their limitations into account. It’s not as fun but there’s a lot less hurt feelings that way.

0
0

03.09.2022
31
0

Same as The Falling Oak - Learning How to Die
Chapter 40: You Can’t Turn Off A Disability Videos

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 74

Dec. 23, 2022 Merry Christmas, everyone! I hope this entry finds you and your loved ones well and happy. What’s happened with Darian the last few months? Damned if I know. Actually, I know a few things. My wife changed jobs and I lost my gym privileges due to it. That bummed me out as I enjoyed being a metal head. I’m hoping after the first of the year to find another gym. I was working out 1-1/2 up to two hours a day four to six days a week. While I was sore and a bit tired it helped my...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 73

Thursday, October 20th, 2022 Hello Everyone, I hope things are going well for you. I’m amazed by the love, compassion and support that I get from you. Thank you. Sometimes, it was just that that kept me willing to face another day instead of finding my tree by a stream and ending it. The pain is much less severe. The photo-phobia is too. For the most part I live a quiet, fairly normal life. I sleep six hours a night, usually waking up only once. I used to wake up 10+ times a night. That...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 49 Me Oh Me Oh My

August 14th, 2019 Hello Everyone, Has it been two years already? No, but the day after tomorrow will be the two-year mark of the onset of my illness. Since the Night of Hell, my new life has been sub-standard. There has been some good in my life. Several of the readers of the Oak have become close personal friends. Their support has helped me more than I can express. The love and support that the readers, in general, have given me have been amazing. I thank all of you. I don’t want to...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 19 The Terror of Transformation

Nov .13th 2018 I began studying sign language last night. As I’ve mentioned, I am left mute from time to time, sometimes for up to 22 hours. If the battery dies on my phone and I am caught without pencil and paper I’m S.O.L. I already know a little sign that I learned when I was in my twenties. A friend’s son was deaf. I’ve discovered that signing while driving stick is a bitch. I don’t recommend it. The last few months as you know by read The Oak I’ve been remembering and re-evaluating my...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 17 Compassion

Nov. 6th, 2018 I had several good days in a row. Yay! As they say, all good things must come to an end. It started with an increase of my internal anxiety level that had absolutely nothing to do with the external world. Nothing had changed. I was still having seizures and Aphasia and living my life. Things just started becoming harder again. Being that my condition is neurological my mood can be and often is a precursor and indicator of coming events. When I laid down last night and closed...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 35 Life In The Fast Lane

Jan. 21st, 2019 Hello Everyone, Sorry about the long update time. I’ve been so busy that most days it’s work, errands or function, then sleep. One night I was so exhausted I slept about 12 1/2 hours. I had my initial appointment with a shrink and it was really hard. I couldn’t even talk about The Night of Hell. I had her read the prologue to the Oak instead. It took me a few days to get calmed downed. On the 30th of January I meet my regular therapist. So if I start talking in a real...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 29 Am I Safe Now

Dec .18th, 2018 Have you ever done full contact sparring without the pads? That’s how me and my buddies trained. We pulled our punches a bit. Head shots, Neck shots, Joint breaks, and the ever famous groin shots had to be pulled completely and stop just close enough so you both knew the defender could not have prevented them. Even with those areas protected you would wake up the next day so sore sometimes. Or imagine that you’re a piece of paper that someone has crumpled up in a tight ball...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 58

March 21, 2020 Hello Everyone, So what’s Darian been up too? Not much. Since the last entry I’ve been dealing with a new mixture of the same old shit. My memory issues were getting down right scary. They put me on a new med to help my memory and took me off a drug that was know to create memory issues. In my case, it was making my issues worse. End result? My mind is usually quieter and my memory still sucks. It has toned down a bit. I am a believer in lists and instructions now. They...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 32 Happy New Year

Dec. 31. 2018 Whew! We made it! If I never have another year like that it’ll still be too soon. I’ve been busy. I knocked out almost 30 hours of work in 3 days. I also learned that I can most definitely exceed the limits of my medication and sounding like a 5 year old and my best bobbing bird imitation is right on the other side of that limit line. So I have to be more moderate in what I do and make sure I get enough sack time. Not that I’m all that wild and crazy. I went and saw Aquaman and...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 3 Anger

Sept. 16th, 2018 Today, we’re going to another place that’s fairly dark. But Darian, you’re sick, your mind could be gone in a few years. You have a right to be angry. You say that, but do you really mean that? I don’t think you do for the simple reason I don’t think a lot of people have ever been angry. True anger is dark bloody emotion that most people won’t admit to feeling. I do. Even if they admit to feeling it to themselves they won’t explore it or share it with others. Part of my...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 2 Suicide

Sept. 12, 2018 I said in my “There are no words” blog post that we would be going some places here. It’s ok. We’re exploring feelings real ones. Not all thoughts, feelings, and actions are pleasant. It’s ok. You need to ask yourself if you’re up to looking into these places. It’s ok if you need to skip something that hits to close to home. You’re not going to hurt my feelings. A lot of people have been hurt by suicide. I understand if you don’t want to talk about it with me. I’m NOT trying...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 57

Feb 3d, 2020 Hello Everyone, It’s been a bit since I posted. On the disability issue I’ve received my first denial. My lawyer is filing the appeal and then we go see the judge. My lawyer said it will take about a year I have a new toy to play with. The sensation of falling forward. The place I’m at isn’t moving like when you’re drunk or sick. It stays the same. I experience the sensation of falling forward. I’ve stumbled more than once to keep myself upright. I also lost the ability to...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 38 Being A Fuddy Duddy Sucks

Feb. 22nd, 2019 Hi Guys, I’m still cruising along. My family is finally about done with the flu. Yay! I find it interesting that even after having my illness for more than a year I’m still learning things about how it has changed my approach to life. I yelled at a doctor yesterday. We were at my youngest child’s appointment. We were in the exam room. All of a sudden there was a lot of movement in the hallway. It wasn’t an emergency or anything, it just became busy. Between the activity in...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 44 Staying 100

April 14th, 2019 Hello Everyone, I know it’s been awhile since I updated and there’s a reason for it. I promised that I would keep this 100 and I just didn’t want to be 100. I didn’t want to be honest with myself much less you with some things that have been going on in my life. In some ways, I’ve been regressing and it scared me. I had a meltdown like the one at the bank at a restaurant. My wife had to tell the staff I have a medical condition. My mind has had moments where the fogginess...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 30 Reflections

Dec. 22, 2018 I meant to write this yesterday but life disagreed. Instead, I got to see my grandchildren for awhile. I have little to share but that little is a lot. My mind is becoming quiet. I’ve caught myself working on plot points for stories without realizing I was doing it. I do phone work and had to get off the phone yesterday because I started bawling my eyes out. A Hebrew song had started running through my mind and I was able to sing it. Passages and verses came in and out of...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 60

June 1st, 2020 Hello Everyone, I’m checking in as it’s been a minute. I’ve settled into a narrow gauge of behaviour and environment. As long as I don’t push myself or get stressed or overstimulated I’ve been able to function pretty well. I still have the memory issues which get me in trouble as I forget when or if to pick somebody up. I’m having to renew my commitment to the checklist and written reminder system. My headaches are more frequent again and I’m having to take extra pain...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 47 Happy 4th of July

July 4th, 2019 Hello Everyone, I hope everyone has a safe and happy fourth. Please remember Roman Candles are not meant to be held as they are going off. A few years ago, a cousin of my wife who is in his early thirties ignored that piece of practical wisdom and it exploded on him. He was hospitalized with severe burns and bruising. The base plate slammed into his chest. Things have been a bit different. I have developed a new for me symptom. I will think of and hear myself saying one...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 69 Donrsquot I wish

Wednesday, August 11th, 2021 Where to start? It’s been an interesting last few months. The highlight being that I thought I was in the middle of a fit and told my kids to call an ambulance. Nothing of the sort, my blood sugar was 834 and climbing. I found out I was a diabetic, who knew? It was like this: if you’ve noticed Mt.Dew figures into a lot of my stories. That’s because I drank it constantly. I had finally convinced my self to slow down or stop it and was drinking fruit juice in it’s...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 63

Hello Everyone, It’s been a minute, but I am Finally Free. I can go outside without worrying that I’ll cook. WHOOO HOOO! Due to Covid things have been kinda strange. Video conferences with my therapist and neurologists. Is it good news, bad news, or no news? A little of each. my sweat glands gave an effort. I actually sweated a little. Not the way I should have been. But, it’s a start. I’ve spent a lot more time with my came because I’ll randomly start falling over. I’m scared of doing a...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 21 Carpet Ride From Hell

Nov. 17th 2018 Last night was uncool. As I have mentioned before, I am now subject to periods of madness which I lovingly refer to as reality being bendy. Last night I awoke in a state of full blown terror and internal reality was absolutely bendy. Back in the day, I’ve done things they say make LSD look like bathwater in comparison and last night it was full speed ahead welcome to hell. Normally, I have for lack of a better words an anchor. I know which way is up so to speak. Not this...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 14 Her

Oct. 26th, 2018 I mention HER so much that I decided I wanted to talk about HER. Some background first. One afternoon when I was nine my mother came back from the grocery store. She puts the groceries away, packs a few things, then puts my sister and I in the car and the next thing I know I live in the deep South. My mother had pissed off the Mob. Two men had walked up to her in the store and told her she had 24 hours to get out of town or she was dead. I ended up living up in the hood...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 8 Ive Had A Bad Day

Oct .3, 2018 I don’t want to talk today so it probably means I should. Today has been hard for me. I’ve had some good news, a fundraiser to pay for some of my medical tests was successful.Yay! I also got to hold my grandson for the first time today. He’s a mess. I got to hold him twice and play with my grand daughter which was fun. I have to sit before I hold my grandson in case I have a seizure. Which leads me to the bad shit. While we were at my daughter’s I felt a seizure trying to...

The Falling Oak Learning How to Die Chapter 7 I Want To Scream

I WANT TO SCREAM! My wife was working in the garage today. She came into our bedroom where I do my work from during one of her breaks. She wants me to get rid of most of my books because I’m not smart enough to understand them anymore. Not my fiction collection, but my hard and soft sciences and language, theology books. I couldn’t even argue the point. I told her I was going to keep some for sentimental reasons. It made me cry. I had to get off the phones for a few minutes. I had built so...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 36 I Met My Shrink

Jan. 30th 2019 Today I met my shrink. I wanted to hold off updating until I met her. So here goes. The last week or so has been rough. My job has shifted my schedule over two hours which has fucked with my body clock and raised my anxiety levels as well as problems with Aphasia. I’ve lost a lot of work because of it. They say it’s only temporary i.e. a couple of weeks, but it’s very uncomfortable. I have to wake up every day at 6:00 am to take meds rain or shine because I take them every 12...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 72

August, 29th, 2022 Hello Everyone, It’s been an interesting few months. I was T-boned by a lady who apparently decided I didn’t need my CRV anymore. My wife was down with the flu and I just got over it. That part is awesome as I only catch the flu about every 5 - 8 years. As I turned 55 this month that means I don’t have to worry about it until my 60’s! Yay me. I’m making some strides. I have an established workout plan that involves treadmill work and weight lifting 4 - 6 times a week...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 64

Saturday, Nov. 14th,2020 Hello, It’s time for another update. My memory has been worse. Basically if it’s not written down then it probably doesn’t exist in my universe. Errands, pick-up times, and that sort of thing. People tend to get pissy when you forget them twice in one day. All I can say is “I’m sorry. I’m not doing it on purpose.” It sucks. I have started a new universe called Warlord. It’s my version of fiddling as Rome burns. I can’t stop this and I’m becoming so aware of the...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 62

August 16th, 2020 Today is the third anniversary of becoming this person. This different self. You don’t grow up thinking that your personal identity can be taken from you, but it can. If you’re lucky, you have something left that has been rearranged into something, someone else. Some of the changes are quite dramatic. I went from being a known Christian theologian to an avowed Heathen who honors the Old Ones of my ancestors. What? You posted stories here how are you a theologian? Simple,...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 27 Its Quiet

Dec. 12th, 2018 I’ve been completely off the old med and on the new for about 2 days now. The flatness has disappeared and my anxiety level is higher. The migraine pain is more noticeable but still tolerable. The speech issues are about the same. Ditto with the cognitive. Though I am detecting a little loosening around the edges and a little more freedom in thought. So that’s good. It will still take a while for my body to acclimate to the meds to really tell. My wife and I had a little...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 15 Some Days Are Good

Oct 30th, 2018 I really enjoyed writing the last chapter. Reliving those memories was good for me. For a moment, I was young, strong and blinded by my dedication to HER. Life was far from perfect. My mother made her last suicide attempt which failed. At the time I was mad about that fact. I did get to spend that summer living with my best friend though. I had a step father for two whole weeks, that was interesting. I thought for a minute I would be able to relax, but nope. Still, Some of the...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 24 That Was Scary

Nov. 27th, 2018 Today, Aphasia kicked in so I FMLA’d and took a nap. When I woke up my right side from my face to my toes was numbish. I flipped. The only thing I could think was stroke. The only other thought I could think was “please let me die”, over and over again. I can’t manage if I lose the use of half my body on top of my other issues. I could still move, but I didn’t try to get my wife’s attention. She was in the other room. I was scared stupid, but If I was having a stroke I’d...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 45

May 12th, 2019 Hello Everyone, Here in the states it is Mother’s Day. So Happy Mother’s Day to all of our mothers out there. Going with the day, I decided to talk about my mother. I’ve said some harsh things about her here from time to time. I’ve also stated that the last fifteen years or so of her life we were able to build a good relationship with each other. It wasn’t until my early twenties that I began to understand that my mom made what she thought was the best decisions she could....

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 42 Changing Meds

Ahh, the joys of changes in medication. Most of my medication revolves around migraines and is also used to treat seizures, anxiety and other brain activities, When dosages or medications are changed it is a certainty I am not going to sleep much if any the first night. Usually, there is also a quick visit for a day or so to La-la land as I adjust. I then wait two weeks or so as the deeper cycles of my brain chemistry adjust and determine if the change is good or bad. A couple of weeks ago,...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 23 Failure

Nov. 23, 2018 When I was a child there was a TV show called Baa Baa Black Sheep Squadron. It was about a hard living, hard drinking, U.S.M.C. fighter squadron led by Gregory “Pappy” Boyington during WWII in the South Pacific. The Black Sheep and The Flying Tigers were heroes to my buddies and I. In one episode the black sheep frenemy a Japanese pilot they capture. The pilot said something that always stuck with me. “If I were to use a thousand words to describe being Japanese and each word...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 16 Doctors Are Assholes

Nov 1st, 2018 So today I was supposed to receive the test results from my EEG and by 3:00 pm I had heard nothing. Nada. Zip. Knowing the clinic closes at 4:00 pm. I was preparing to call them, but my wife beat me to it. She finds out they had no intention of giving me my results today. I had to wait until my next regular appoint which is Dec. 5th. My wife reminds them the doctor had told us that we were to be scheduled for an earlier appointment due to the seizures and the tentative...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 20 What A Day

Nov. 16th 2018 So today, I wake up mute. I was also still experiencing a light to mild cognitive fog. I started crying because it had been over 36 hours since this particular episode had started. I haven’t experienced one this long since my initial illness in August 2017. I was afraid something had shifted in my brain and this was now permanent. It’s now 12 hours later and while I’m not mute I’m still having cognitive and speech issues. The few brief periods I’ve not I’ve had a nice migraine...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 67

March 24th 2021, Hello Everyone, The last six weeks or so have been interesting. I received my back pay from Social Security. We’ve been busy using the money to improve our lives. Exterminator, Heat/Air getting worked on, A window A/C unit for my room, A/C installed in my daughter’s car, ect Medically, things have been deteriorating slowly. My short medium term memory is crapping out. It hurts me to say this. but I had to ask my youngest daughter how many children my oldest daughter has....

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 52 Doctors Say The Darnedest Things

Sept. 17th, 2019 Hi Everyone, I waited to make this post as I had a neurology appointment coming and I wanted to tell you about that. I had my counselor appointment and then my neurologist appointment a few hours later. It was a busy day. My counselor says that I have Major Depressive Disorder with recurring anxiety I.E. clinical depression and panic attacks. My neurologists said that they believe all other symptoms other than the migraine and migraine symptoms(light, sound sensitivity,...

Mighty Oak Tree

Mighty Oak Tree Synopsis: When a lad is enchanted to become an oak tree, he finds love in the form of farmer whose son befriends the tree and in time, frees the tree and finds his love. [-][+][-] Once upon a time there was a mighty Oak Tree in a grassy meadow. It was a part of a farm owned by a farmer that loved the land and cared for the Oak Tree. One day the farmer brought a bundle to the tree and said to the tree, "Oh Mighty Oak, here is my son that I love. He shall be taught to...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 11 EEG

Oct. 23d, 2018 Tomorrow, I have an EEG scheduled. It’s purpose is to try to discover the reason for the seizures and some of the other cognitive issues I experience. Yesterday, was emotionally a hard day for me as I discussed possible diagnosis’s and their consequences with two close friends. As you know, there has been a lot of turmoil in my life due to this illness and I’m at the point where I need some firm answers. “We don’t know” and “Let’s try this.” isn’t cutting it. One decision I...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 22 Some Ride A Moped

Nov. 20th, 2018 In the movie “A Dark Song” there’s a scene where the woman and the wizard are chatting about their dreams. The wizard says he keeps dreaming about riding a moped. The night before last I had a dream. I pondered all day yesterday whether or not it was relevant and worth sharing. Part of me says yes and part of me says no. I even did three separate Rune divinations to try to understand better. Divination can be useful at times. This wasn’t one of them. Go read some Jung if...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 46 Whatrsquos Up

June 6th, 2019 Hello Everyone, I’m sorry for the long delay in the update. Things have been a bit busy on my side. They goofed around with my schedule at work again which of course goofs around with me. I’ve had graduations to attend, ect. I’ve also been working really hard to forget that I have an illness and just get on with my life within the constraints that I have, Of course, I’m reminded daily that I have issues. I just want to live. I’m back under house arrest due to the heat...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 13 Who Am I

Oct 25, 2018 Who am I? I remember who I was, but I find myself wondering who am I now. Males tend to identify themselves by the roles they fill and the jobs they have. I have been Warrior, Security Officer, Soldier, Writer, Burial Vault Man, Sub Contractor, Pizza Delivery Driver, as well as committed a list of felonies I’ll not list. I’ve been a Lynx Shaman, Ceremonial Magician and Chaos Mage as well as preacher, associate pastor, and street minister. I’ve been girls go to boy when they just...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 34 Twas A Nice Honey Moon

Jan. 11th, 2019 That was a nice break. I’m still doing ton’s better than before. The headaches and Aphasia are back though. To be honest, the headaches aren’t bad at all mostly a little visit to Uncle Fester’s vice. The Aphasia is coming more often and is becoming problematic. I’m thinking it may be due to the temperature changes. I’m starting to think I’m made out of ice cream. It’s like 70 in the house and I’m in short sleeve’s with a fan blowing on me from less than two feet away and I’m...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 5 Seizure Aftermath

Sept .19th. 2018 I had to call in sick today because the seizure triggered a moderate/severe Aphasia phase where I could only speak 2 or three words at a time. The phase lasted about 22 hours which is extremely long for me. Unfortunately, my wife was with me during the transition back to verbal which was very hard. She almost called off work even though we were in her job’s parking lot when it happened. The screaming through gritted teeth didn’t help, I guess. It HURT. Going to the hospital...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 48 Always Faithful

Hello Everyone, I’ve resisted posting the last little while. At first, it was because I was trying to forget my illness and carry on my life as normal as I could make it. Lately, it’s been because my illness hasn’t forgotten about me. It’s been very faithful. The bitch. My memory issues have gotten to the point I can’t hide them from my family any more. My wife spoke to my Doctor on the phone and the Doc spoke to me a bit. She thinks there may be something going on beside the migraine and...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 10 They Took My Gun

Oct 21th, 2018 Waking up is mildly depressing. I haven’t had meds or CBD yet so my movements are either jerky or my BP is starting to rise putting pressure on my chest. Admittedly it’s not as bad as pre CBD days when I would wake up and go “Not this shit again.” meaning the pain. If you’ve ever studied any body discipline - Gymnastics, Karate, Ballroom Dancing. It’s especially upsetting when your body quits listening to you. Don’t get me wrong, at the moment, It’s more like I’m about 1 beer...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 66

Jan .27th, 2021 Hello Everyone, I received notice that I had won my Soc. Security hearing. Yay! That takes a lot of stress off of my family and I. I will be getting back payments and regular monthly payments. So I feel good about winning, but a bit negative about what was in my therapist’s paperwork. According to her, I suffer from delusions of grandeur (She obviously doesn’t understand how important I am ;), paranoia, generalized anxiety disorder, an instant willingness to become...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 4 Seizure

Sept. 17th 2018 I just left work because I am having seizures. I want you to see what it’s like. I was at my job for less than 2 hours. Now, it’s hard to think. My hands and arms jerk. I feel little because I’m not earning money for my wife and children. I’m afraid because the seizures are getting worse before they were just in my head. Now I shake. I work from home and had to dial a number to call in sick. I couldn’t remember how to find the number in my phone. I had to just sit there until...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 25 EEG Results And More

Wednesday I had an appointment with my neurologist. I would have updated sooner, but to be honest I came home exhausted then I was balls to the wall (for me, anyway) the next day trying to get done the things they wanted done as well as little necessities like paying my mortgage. Today I was able to put in almost a full 8 hours before I had to pull the plug (I was scheduled for overtime). I am still rather trashed so I am reusing a modified summary of the doctor’s appointment that I emailed a...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 43 Boy in the Bubble

April 14, 2019 Hello Everyone, Today was much more interesting than I intended it to be. My family went to a Renaissance Fair and I promptly locked my keys in the car. I was distracted as my wife and I were discussing the legality of where I was parking. So as they went and enjoyed the fair I was attempting to get into my car. First, I called my insurance company as I have a road side assistance policy. No dice, as they reimburse you later and I had eleven dollars in my pocket. Next, I...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 18 Date Night

Nov. 9th 2018 Last night was date night with the missus. We had dinner at an Italian place as part of a club she’s a member of. It went pretty well. At one point, she laid her head on my shoulder which hasn’t happened for awhile. My Aphasia disappeared for awhile so I was able to talk with people. I was known for witty one liners and last night I was in full swing and kept my table laughing. It was nice. I started to get the shakes so I got to do the rocking thing. I swear I’m going to get a...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 12 Test Day

Oct 24th, 2018 Today was the EEG test. I went to bed at 11:30 and got up at 4:00 a.m. The test required me to be tired. As I was trying to stay awake I surfed the net. I watched some porn. Guaranteed to keep the heart rate up lol as I wasn’t allowed to have caffeine. I’m old not dead. What was it Bocephus sang? “I like the sweet young thing with old Grand dad.” It’s fun to think about anyway. I spent some time looking at videos about living in nursing homes. I hate surprises. It went from...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 37 The Flu And Other Goodies

Feb. 10th, 2019 Hi everybody, Things have been a little out of kilter here. When I offered to bring a note from my mental health care provider to my employer my schedule magically reverted to normal. Yay! It took a few days to get back into the groove and then the flu decided to come visit. My wife works with kids and one of my kids works fast food so it’s inevitable. I ended up with a stomach thing which made me feel like I was going to barf if I moved. That lasted about 24 hours then my...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 6 A Little Wisdom

Sept. 29th, 2018 Things have been interesting around here the last little while. I have a brand new grandson! Yay! His middle name is his other grandfather’s and mine first names. That’s awesome. I’ve never had someone named after me before. My dog gave me poison ivy so I haven’t held him yet. That will be remedied in a few days. Through the good graces of one of our friends here a backup system has been put in place so if/when my mind slips off the rails my family will receive a copy of...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 26 Intermission

Dec. 5th, 2018 I’m still trying to wrap my mind around everything. The fact that I’m being taken off one medication while being put on another is also messing with me. I don’t feel unsettled so much as flat. It feels as though my emotions are in a very narrow range. The meds must be some pretty strong beta blockers because my sex drive is almost non existent on one level. That’s the whole problem right there. A levels thing. On one level I don’t have a sex drive or feel the migraine, but on...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 9 I Misplaced My Left Hand

I love CBD! I haven’t had to take a single extra Naproxen for pain since I started it. I still take the other sedatives and such but this is the most pain free I have been in over a year!!! At times, my mind is quiet and I can think a little. I was able to do part of a multiplication problem in my head a couple of days ago. It doesn’t sound like much and it isn’t, but it’s more than I have been able to do for a year. CBD doesn’t fix anything but it sure does make the quality of my life...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 31 Christmas

Dec .26th, 2018 I hope everyone’s Christmas was good. Mine was good. I ended up at Christmas Sunday church. My wife wanted to go so we went. I had to go outside during the music because even with earplugs it was still too loud. I sat in the very back so I wouldn’t cause a disturbance if the preaching got too loud. You know Holy Rollers, if it ain’t loud it ain’t sanctified, lol. The preaching was actually quiet. My wife picks my clothing for important occasions because she knows I don’t...

The Falling Oak Learning How to DieChapter 70 Things Have Been Looking Up

Jan. 22nd, 2022 Hello Everyone, Things have been looking up for me. I had a checkup yesterday and my A1C (it’s derived from a test that is able to measure the trend amount of blood sugar for the last few months.) was 4.3! My last one was 5.3. The one given the day I was admitted to the hospital was over 15. My doc said I didn’t need insulin but is having me take 5 units twice a day to wean my system off of it. I started at 35 units twice a day. That’s a big difference. The doc even wants...

Porn Trends