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The Rosebud By Geneva In the turbulent times of mid 1500's in Scotland, John is accidentally changed to a girl, Marion. Change back is delayed after she is abducted to England. Eventually Marion finds love. This is another tale of the Budrose family. START I had been working through the counting exercises my mother had assigned me when the newcomer arrived. I was taking a welcome break at the time so I noticed my parents' unusual behaviour. That made me curious. They were trying to act normally but not very successfully. The touch of furtiveness was a great contrast to their usual open, welcoming manner with visitors. Usually when visitors arrived at our small castle, my parents would have me and my brothers and sisters greet them and later we would usually all meet over dinner. We were most pleased if the visitors were from one of the cities like Edinburgh, and we would listen eagerly for news of the kingdom and the polices and doings and fortunes of the royal family and the nobles. My parents were always keen to know what was going on, especially which of the nobles had influence and who had not, who had been appointed to some or other position, who was in disgrace or out of favour, who might have been exiled or even who might have been executed! Perhaps they were keenly interested in politics to better know what to avoid. Or how to negotiate a way through intrigue. They continually drummed into us that our Budrose family had survived several hundred years and even become reasonably prosperous, possibly because we had avoided being identified with any faction of the nobles. They told us that that the history of Scotland was riddled with nobles plotting against others, or even the king, and the resulting bloodletting. However, when this visitor arrived my mother immediately took charge and we only got glimpses of him. Instead she led him directly to a garret so I had absolutely no idea of who he was at all. We had not even been told that anyone had been expected. He was alone, covered in a voluminous cloak, and riding a pony. Our visitor might even have been a woman, given the size of the cloak but by the low tones of his voice it sounded like a man talking, maybe a young man. Under the cloak was another shapeless garment with a cowl so I really did not know his age or if he was thin or plump or the colour of his hair or even if he had a beard. I noticed that my mother took some food and a jug of water up later to the garret but the man still did not join us at any time. I asked my father what was going on, but he just shrugged. "David, it's a special visitor, your mother's business. Just never mind! And get on with your work!" For some reason he sounded nervous, maybe even annoyed. It was also strange that he said it concerned my mother only. I could not remember in our family, or even among our friends or the local families any time that a woman had affairs she kept independent of her husband. It was all very unusual. My mother excused herself later and I went to the room I shared with my older brother James. I needed to check over some of the work she had assigned me, calculations this time and I hoped to get an hour of study in before I went to bed. My mother was a stern disciplinarian as regards learning. Another thing she continually drummed into us was that book learning that had helped our family survive and even prosper. She insisted It had also helped other branches of the family in Fife and Angus. We were the Budrose family, and lived in a small castle in an estate in the Scottish Border region. We had relatives in Fife and Angus who had modified their name to Burrows. I had been peering at my books in the candlelight and, feeling a little hungry, I went to the kitchen to get some bread and cheese. As I passed my parents' room their door was open and I saw my mother remove something from an alcove by the bed. I was curious by her manner, again slightly furtive. She drew a cloak around her, put something in a bag at her waist and headed to the stairs leading to the garret where they had lodged our mysterious visitor. I was intrigued by her manner and the visitor, and just a bit curious so I followed her, far enough behind her and in my bare feet that she did not see or hear me. After a gentle knock she went into the room but she shut the door carefully behind her. When I crept up to it I heard low voices behind the door and, as nosy as ever, I put my ear to the door. "Just to make sure, you know what this will do? And you agree with it totally," I heard her say. A man's voice answered. "Yes." "All right then.This is the book with the spells in it. I am going to read one to you. It will only be a few words so it will take only just a minute or so. The actual effect does not begin right away, but in only a few minutes you will begin to shiver. Then you will become totally unconscious and when you wake up in about a day and a half the changes will be complete. You will be sore all over but that does not last long. I will look after you for some more days to make sure you are all right, then your family will send someone to collect you.You will not look at all like you are now." There was a mumbled answer that I could not make out. But she had said 'spells'! I was horrified. It sounded like witchcraft. "You are ready then?" I heard. I wondered what this was all about. What on earth was she going to do? I heard more words, but spoken so low I could not catch what was said. Then I heard my mother's voice, not high, but distinct, careful and clear, as if she was reading something out but the words were totally unfamiliar. I did not recognize them as the Scots we spoke, nor how the English spoke, nor French nor Latin. The sounds were really alien but it only took a minute until my mother stopped. I heard a few words more and my mother telling the man to be patient. That was followed by some occasional low muttering but I could not make any of it out and then abruptly, about two minutes later, I heard a gasp followed by a cry and followed in a few seconds by another. It was not my mother's voice so it must have been the visitor in some kind of distress. I wondered what torture was going on. I could not conceive of my mother being involved in anything that would cause pain. Then, almost immediately, I felt a short sudden spasm that almost made me cry out. I tried to get away in case my eavesdropping were discovered but there was something wrong and I had begun to feel terribly cold. My legs were sluggish and I was shivering by the time I got to my room. Suddenly I began shaking violently. My older brother James was by my side, staring at me with his mouth gaping open, the puzzlement on his face changing to concern. "I feel awful," I gasped and tumbled into bed and then all became black. Some time later I began to be aware of things around me but also that my whole body was hurting, as if someone had beaten me all over. My head felt as if an axe was being driven through my skull. I was cold and I felt a blanket put over me and someone gently washing my face and body. I tried to stir myself but even the slightest movement gave me stabbing pains and I let myself fall back into a broken sleep. Sometime later I woke again, still aching, but feeling just a little better. I managed to turn to my front and raise my rear. For some strange reason I could feel my chest more and the bedclothes were rubbing on it but I was too sore and confused to even think about it. The next thing I knew I was on my back and someone lifted the blankets off me. "The spell's done a thorough job here too," I heard. It was my mother talking. "I should have been more careful." I heard her crying. "What do we do now?" "We know there's no real longtime harm done otherwise." That was my father. "You can give him the reverse spell in a day or so. It might teach him a lesson." "But it hurt him!" "Yes, I suppose you should know, but it's all the better to teach him a lesson!" I gave a groan and tried to get up again. "She's wakening now. She's a bit later than the other one." My mother gave a small curse. "Yes, David was always a bit nosy." I felt a hand at my brow. "And she doesn't feel nearly so hot. The fever's gone." I realized they were talking about me but, 'was' and 'she'? What did they mean? And she had talked about a spell? "Mother," I tried to utter but my voice came out more like a high pitched croak. "Oh! Yes, David, I'm here. Are you thirsty? I'll give you some water. Try to sit up." I felt hands pull me up, the blanket was put over me again and some support pushed at my back. There was a cup with water at my lips and I sipped at it. I ran my tongue over my lips, they felt cracked and as dry as dust. The water cooled my throat but some went the wrong way and I coughed to clear it. "What has happened? I feel terrible. And why am I speaking so funny?" "Shh, I'll tell you in a minute. But let me wash your eyes." There was a cloth and cool water at my eyes, gently rubbing them. "Try to open your eyes now." I forced them open, wincing at the sharp pain, then as my tears cleared, I saw my mother's face looking down at me. Her face was tender, but she had been crying. She took my hand in her own and squeezed it. She bent to me and kissed my cheek. "How do you feel? Are you still hurting?" "Would you tell me what's going on?" I demanded, annoyed, pulling my hand from her. "Have I been ill?" I laid it back on my chest. But there was something wrong. It did not feel as if it should. My hand had hit something that felt like a soft pillow, yet I had distinctly felt it on my chest. Wondering what it was I pressed my chest with both hands and found two soft mobile lumps. I pulled the blanket from me and at the incredible sight I tried to cry out, but it came out as a woman's scream. "I have breasts! What's happened?" Then I noticed my hands too. Something had happened. I held them up to my face to examine them. They had become slimmer and smoother, like women's hands, not men's and they were attached to slim women's arms. Worse, these were attached to a woman's chest, with breasts, and prominent women's nipples on these! I was screaming in a woman's voice, panicking. My mother tried to hold me and shush me but I pushed her off and pulled the blanket completely down. If anything, I screamed even louder. My lower body was changed too. Instead of my penis, there was only a slight raised mound between my legs, with a groove, just like my sisters had. By some devilish trickery I had been changed into a woman! By this time my screams were shrieks. My father stared at me, biting his lip while my mother held me, crooning to me and patting me as if I was a baby until I had no more energy left to cry. I hated my weakness. Men did not cry. Women did and now... ! I must have fallen asleep again but when I woke my mother was with me immediately. I did not feel nearly as sore but the first thing on my mind was to feel my body to check, hoping it was all a nightmare. But the nightmare was still there. What had happened was real. I gasped, cried and screamed again until I was exhausted and broken. "Mother, what has happened? I've been put into the body of a girl," I finally spoke. "Yes, you have, but don't panic. It needn't be for more than a week. I know you are terribly shocked but have patience. I can change you back." "It was you who changed me? You did this horrible thing?" I was incredulous. She looked at me reproachfully. Then her eyes flickered slightly, as if she was remembering something. "I do not think having the body of a woman is horrible. You could even come to accept it but I suppose you want to know what has happened to you. You have made a terrible fuss. It was completely accidental. First though, I want to know what you were doing before you fell unconscious? Were you eavesdropping on me and our visitor?" I should have felt guilty, but I was too shocked and panicked at what had happened." Yes, I had seen the visitor arriving here but you did not let us see him. He was bundled up and it looked like you were hiding him for some reason so I wanted to know and I followed you up to the garret. I heard you talking. It sounded as if you were reading something. I had listened to you, then I came back here because I felt unsteady and I started feeling very cold and then, I don't know, I just woke up like this." I gestured to my awfully changed body. She nodded slowly. "I thought so! David, you were just too nosy! You poked your nose where it should not have been and now you are suffering the consequences." "Why? What has happened? Can't you do something?" "Yes, I can, but not just yet. You would be better to stay as you are for several days before I fix it. But first, you look a mess. We have to tidy you up so you look half respectable. You'll feel better too. And you must be hungry and thirsty." "Respectable? I want changed back right away." My voice had become a whine. She ignored me. "There is some water there and soap. I want you to wash completely. What you have gone through is like a kind of fever and you are all sweaty and you have an unpleasant fever smell." I had more serious things on my mind than washing but I did as she said. It was daytime, and probably quite a pleasant day and not too cold, but I was not in the mood to appreciate it. I tried to wash but I kept turning away to hide myself from her and I grabbed a blanket when I was done. "Leave it off. I want to check you." My mother pulled the blanket from me, the one I has been attempting to hide behind. "Don't be silly. I've seen you naked many times." She looked me up and down and even pressed my breasts."You were only just starting your change into a man but now you have become a girl of your own age, and girls mature faster than men. That's why you now look like a sixteen year old girl. I mean you have the body of a fully developed young woman. You were starting some hair at your chest and your groin, but I see the chest hair is falling out." She pointed to my chest and the wash basin. "You've now got a woman's hips and a nice slim waist and breasts. Your features have changed too." She smiled. "They are softer and smoother. Actually you make a very pretty young woman." I was not mollified In the slightest. "How can you say this? Mother, where are my own clothes?" "We undressed you so we could watch over you better to while you were changing in case there was a problem. Yes, it was James who called us. When you collapsed you were in quite a bad state at first. As for your clothes, your man's clothes don't fit you now. You've shrunk quite a bit and you have a woman's body. Your own clothes would just make you look stupid. So you will need to use some of your sister's clothes until I change you back." She pushed a bundle of clothes to me. "I borrowed these from your sister Anne. Try them on!" "I can't do that!" I cried. "I am a man!" "You 'were' a man, and in a week you can get back to being one, but in the meantime you are a young woman so you will dress as one. You are certainly not going to walk about here all naked!" Her face was adamant so, blushing continuously, I put on my sister's clothes, a shift type undergarment, then a gown over that and a wide apron that appeared to be almost a dress in itself. She wrapped my hair in a cowl. "Your hair is not long enough for a woman but that will hide it." "I don't want anyone to see me at all!" "I can see you're embarrassed. That will be a good punishment for you and maybe you will learn to keep your curiosity under control. Let me see you." She actually pulled and fussed at the clothing. "Oh, stop squirming! There, you look much better. I'm sure that you're wondering what is going on and what has happened." "This is horrible!" I was not interested in looking better. "Yes, you already said that. So, now you are dressed, I suppose I'd better tell you what happened to you. It's a long story. What you just experienced is from a little book that has been in the Budrose family for generations, in fact from when your ancestor came from France about two and a half centuries ago. That was Jean Boudreau and that's why we call ourselves Budrose. The book is probably even much older than that. It's a book of magic spells. I was given a copy from your father's mother when I married him. I was shocked, of course, because we've been taught that magic is evil. Certainly it's against the teachings of the Church. But your grandmother persuaded me to take it and I have found it very useful as well. "When spells from the book are read out, anyone in hearing is affected. Now, these spells are mostly on how to fix injuries and physical problems, all the way from club feet, cast eyes, some fevers, burns and wounds, things like that. One spell can help women in difficult childbirth. But possibly the most curious are four other spells, and I often wonder what they were first devised for, these can change a man to a woman, or a woman to a man, and there are two other spells that reverse these effects. They have other effects too. For instance, a woman hearing the first becomes quite beautiful and with the other, a man becomes quite handsome. "So that is what you heard and so you were changed. Our visitor, who is upstairs at the moment, I also treated him with the spell and he's been changed and is recovering, like you. He's also become a woman. "He wanted it done?" "Not really. It was mainly his parents' who wanted it, or I should say they proposed it and encouraged it. It's for political reasons, for his safety. It will be temporary too. "Do you want to see your face?" Without waiting for a reply she held up a piece of polished metal to me. Curiosity overcame my disgust and I could not help myself looking into it. I gasped. Facing me was a beautiful young woman. She had a slight look of my mother, maybe of my younger sister and only a trace of what I had looked like. "Pretty, aren't you? So, do you like yourself?" "Yes, I mean no! The girl is attractive but I have no intention of staying as one. You say I can change back, well, the sooner the better. Can't you do that right away?" "I could but it would not be a good idea. You've only just now recovered from the spell. Admit it! It hurt, didn't it? So you know it is very severe. Would you like to suffer such painful effects again, right away? Weak men or women, or old ones have even died under the spell. No, you'd better spend a week as a girl to get your strength back before you attempt to change back. You don't have any choice!" "What does my father say?" "He doesn't like the delay but he knows that is for the best." I still just wanted to scream and cry out but I had no more tears. I sighed. "All right, I will wait, but you can't let anyone else see me like this." "That will be difficult. We can't have you lounging about while we run after you hand and foot. Do you feel like anything to eat?" I was not sure but when she put some porridge before me I managed some, then some water. "The person upstairs who you changed, who is he?" "More like who he was, now. He is changed, like you. But as to his identity, it has to be kept completely secret. It would have been better if you did not know what is behind the secrecy but with you being changed too, perhaps you can help and encourage each other." My father had come back in. He looked at me, startled. "David, you are well changed. Let that be a lesson to you. But I'd better explain about the other person, the woman who is now upstairs." "David," he began, but he shook his head. "I can't call you that. I need a woman's name, even if it is a temporary one." "Call her Marion. It was my grandmother's name," my mother suggested. "Do you like it?" she asked. "Call me whatever you want," I muttered. "It will not be for long." "All right, Marion it is. All right Marion, Before I tell you who the person upstairs was, I should tell you about some things." He got up and looked out the window. "We've been lucky here in Blackhaugh. We have a quieter life here than in many other parts of Scotland. But the strife could hit us and destroy us anytime if our castle were discovered. It is well hidden but enemies still could find it. There is a lot of conflict and it is all complicated, and it's made worse by religious changes going on. England is affected and now it is into Scotland too. "You see, I find myself torn and conflicted. Scotland has become a pawn between the English and the French and there is a danger our land could fall under either French or English control. The king's widow is French. Her daughter Mary is now our rightful ruler but has been sent to France and she too will become a pawn. I think it would be highly likely that she could be married to a French prince or noble. We Budroses were originally French but... we are Scots now. "The English probably want to make sure we are not a threat to them so their former king, Henry, wanted to make a marriage between the princess and his son. So, to try to force a marriage, the last eight years we have endured English armies, plundering, burning and destroying. Unfortunately, here in Blackhaugh we are too close to the the English border and parts of our holdings have suffered in this. At least our small castle here is fairly hidden in the hills and has not been found yet. "It looks as if the English are running out of money to support their invasion here. There is talk of a peace treaty between the English and the French but I doubt if any Scots will be consulted. "To make it worse, this whole thing is now complicated by religion. As I said, with Henry's break with Rome, the English, like other countries which have broken with Rome, now call themselves Protestants. "Mary of Guise, the queen's mother, is French and Catholic. Our nobles are split but the bulk of the common people are increasingly hostile to Rome. And a lot became more sympathetic to the Protestants after those stupid executions of Hamilton and Wishart. The people see them as martyrs. "Then some Protestants murdered the cardinal who ordered the execution but they were captured with the help of the French and they were imprisoned in French galleys." He emphasized 'French'. "So, David, finally, to show how this affects us, the person upstairs was one of these. He was called John Moultrie. We try to keep good ties with other branches of our family, especially the Burrows family in in Fife. John Moultrie is a nephew of the Michael who is head of the Burrows family. John Moultrie managed to escape from the French but to keep him out of the way Michael sent him to us for shelter, and they suggested we disguise him too. I mean, change him to a woman just as happened to you. A good disguise, don't you think?" I felt myself flush. I was unrecognizable as David Budrose. Any man affected like that would be unrecognizable. My father had seen my reaction and gave me a half smile. "Our kin in Fife could have done it but they are under some suspicion so that's why they asked us to do it." He shook his head. "Soooo, we have become caught up, in spite of our best intentions, in political and religious intrigue. "I do not like this and I hope we do not regret it. We put family first, but we also try to be loyal subjects of the queen. Unfortunately she is only a small girl and her mother is French. "So you accidentally heard the spell that changed John, now her. I will let you meet her, as she is, in a day." "How long will she be kept as a woman?" My mother broke in. "As long as necessary. But more to the point, what do we do with you? We have to find something for you to do. We can't have you lazing around here doing nothing, so you can spend a week in women's clothes and help at women's work before I change you back. That will be a good lesson to you not to be so nosy." I protested but I was told in no uncertain terms that I would contribute. "You can object all you want but it will make you appreciate what women have to do. The clothes I've given you will be fine for wearing inside and it's summer so they will be fine if you go outside too." I could not imagine going outside where everybody could see me in women's clothing but I didn't want to be stuck inside either. "And if you're inside, you can go barefoot or you can use your sister's slippers. They should fit you. If you have to go out there are some leather boots, or if it's just around the castle you can use wooden clogs." My protests were useless so, stuck in the woman's body I was introduced to the rest of the family. After they got over their first shock, my sisters were highly amused at my expense, and could hardly stop giggling every time they saw me. The worst was my sister Anne. "Don't you look pretty, Marion. Don't you think I have good taste in clothes, Marion?" or " Make sure you look after my clothes properly, Marion!" Eventually it got so bad my mother shooed them away. James and my younger brother Thomas were wide eyed the first time they saw me, whether with shock or more likely the fear that the same thing could happen to them, but I did not care. I was angry at the spell, my mother, myself and the whole situation. Even when I returned to my own male body they would all remember my predicament and probably remind me of it when it suited them. My sisters would be the worst. It was two days later when my mother finally brought out our visitor to see us. "This is our guest. You can call her Helen. She will be with us a day or so." Helen was slightly taller than me, ringlets of black hair to my straight brown hair, brilliant blue eyed to my grey. She had a beautiful curved woman's figure too but looking at her reminded me that I was also stuck in a woman's body and curved like a woman. She had been given the name Helen to use. I wondered what she thought of that. I was struck by how beautiful she was but I discovered, like me, she did not appreciate being a woman. We had trouble talking with each other at first, probably a through a combination of conflicting emotions and embarrassment. Like me she was a pretty woman. Like me she had also had been a man, and she had gone through the same changes as I had and endured the same severe pains. Like me she hated the body she was in and would be looking forward to getting her male body back. We had a lot in common, to say the least, and were both unhappy with our predicaments so we began to share experiences and our memories and talk about our aspirations. Helen got curious looks from my sisters as well, but they had never known her as a man. It was more as if a new woman had just appeared in their midst. Maybe in our common misery, Helen and I spent a lot of time together, and I asked what had happened to her. It was just as my father had said. A group of lairds in Fife, already sympathetic to the Reformation, had been furious when the preacher Wishart was burned for heresy at the cardinal's behest. In revenge they had killed him, but then they had taken refuge in the castle at St. Andrews. Helen shook her head. "It was done too hastily. We should have planned it better, it was a mistake to get holed up in the castle. It would have been better if we had scattered too. We didn't stand a chance with the French besieging us." "You were lucky you were not killed right away." She gave a rueful smile."Yes, we'd killed a cardinal, after all. Maybe the French didn't want to stir up any more trouble. Maybe they knew that Beaton might have been a churchman but he was hardly a shining light. He was corrupt. He had enriched himself, he had suspect property dealings, and he had a mistress and many children. Hardly a good example of what a priest is supposed to be, was he? "But the French were going to send us to their galleys as slaves and that was a death sentence. We'd be worked to death. I was lucky. Someone hadn't fastened my chains properly and I was able to slip them. I jumped into the sea in a harbour to get away. I almost drowned, but somehow I managed to get to the shore. The French were looking for me but they were unpopular with the people so some farmer hid me first and then I got shelter with some friends. But to be safer they sent me to the Burrows at Culross. Even there Michael was worried about my safety and sent me here. And get disguised like this!" She gestured to her female clothes. "We are quite a pair, aren't we." She ran her hands down her female body. She was attractive, but her action just reminded me that I was stuck in an attractive female body as well. "What now?" "I wish I knew. It will be in God's hands. But this land is changing. The French and the English are growing tired of the struggle. Maybe my friends will get freed sometime. We had one of Wishart's followers with us, a man called Knox. He was quite a preacher. Maybe it's his zeal that made us hold out as long as we did. If he ever gets back to Scotland he'll make his name. "People here in Scotland are growing more and more sympathetic to the Protestant cause and that's going to cause more trouble, perhaps even between the princess Mary and her people." He sighed. "For myself, I just want to get back to my home at Pitlemno. I've had enough of trouble for a lifetime. "Oh, Marion, or should I call you David? It's been good talking about things with you. I don't know if they told you but I am leaving tomorrow. A man will be coming to escort me to our relatives, the Burrows in Culross. It's nearer my own place and I will stay with them until I can change back. "I hear you are getting to change back in a day or so and I expect you'll be glad to do so. I will. Maybe if we all survive this perhaps we can visit each other. Ours is a very strange tale and yet we'll have to keep it a total secret. No matter whether it's Catholics or Protestants in power, they would all see what we did as witchcraft. It would be the stake or gallows for us and the destruction of our families." That was a very sobering comment. I shivered. My nosiness had put me and all my family in a lot of danger. The sooner I changed back and the quieter I kept it the better. I watched as Helen saddled up the next day with a manservant who had been sent from Culross for her. Helen was still in her women's clothes under a cloak, and sitting sideways on a pony, like a woman. With a final thanks my family, especially my mother, she rode out of the courtyard onto the narrow road that led out of our valley and she was gone. I was sad to see her go. I wondered what John would look like after Helen took the reverse spell, but I doubted if I would ever see him again. I woke the next day feeling more cheerful. It was down to only three more days until I could get my male body back although I did not look forward to the effects of the reverse spell. My mother had said I would be feverish then be unconscious for a day or so. But my good spirits also made me feel cooped up and I just needed to get out. I announced I wanted to take a small ride round our estate. "Marion," my father warned. "Mind you stay near the castle. Remember that things are still unsettled. They tell me the English will soon be leaving but there will be renegades who are out for anything they can carry away with. I'll get one of the men, maybe Will Fairbairn, to ride with you just in case." "You're expecting danger, with me as a woman? In that case the sooner I am changed back the better!" My mother sighed. "Marion, we've been through this before. It is not safe for you to change back yet. We love you and wouldn't want to lose you. Have patience, only three more days should do it." I shut my eyes in frustration. But I didn't have as much fun as I had thought I would. I had hoped that away from the stable I could get my legs astride the horse and ride like a man. Instead I was given only a pony with a woman's saddle so riding astride it was out of the question. I felt humiliated again but at least it was good to be out in the open air. My companion was Will Fairbairn, a youngish man who had been working with our family for a year. Maybe he knew who I was really but his attitude to me was like I was one of my sisters, deferential enough, but condescending too. Like a man to a woman. "Let's go up there." I pointed to the top of one of the hills that ringed Blackhaugh. I would normally have galloped up there, or at least as fast as was safe for the horse, but the fastest I could manage this time was a canter. Even that hurt between my legs so I had to slow down and it was an hour later before we reached the crest. I looked round at the glorious view of the grey tops of the hills against the blue skies. The valleys below held fields dotted with grey sheep or dark cattle. Then my eyes narrowed. Away in the distance to the North it looked like a dark stream was flowing down one of the valleys, like a swarm of minuscule ants. I drew in my breath, squinting against the light and as it came nearer I recognized it as a procession of armed men, some walking, some on horseback. "Will, look down there. There. I think there's men. Some are on horses. Others are just walking. I think it's some of the English. Do you think they're a danger?" "Aye, if they see us, or find the castle." We edged back from the ridge so we would not be seen against the sky but we continued to watch them. As they came nearer I recognized their banners, a Red Cross on white. So it really was the English army or some of them, returning to England. It was good they were leaving, bad for us that they would be close to the narrow pass that led into Blackhaugh. Will studied them. "That glen leads past the way in to Blackhaugh. It depends how curious they are. An' we maun hope they dinna poke aroond too much." "I agree. Will, you go back to the castle and warn them. I'll stay and watch here then I'll come back down." He looked at me, worried. "I've been tellt to mind you!" "We need keep our eyes on them but we need to warn the others. And you can ride faster than me! All right," I sighed. "You're worried about me so we'll go down together." "Naw, That's a' richt. But mind yersel. "He rode down as fast as was safe but it was a lot faster than if I had been with him. I watched, scarcely daring to breathe as the men came down the valley, just a hill away from Blackhaugh then I began to relax as they continued steadily south. They were just about past and it was time for me to get back down. I had passed a slight ridge and the castle came into view. It looked deserted, even around the tenant's' dwellings over to the side and there were no cattle in the fields. I guessed that they had reacted immediately to Will's warning and moved as much as they could up to the head of our own glen to hide among the trees. I rode down to the castle to check and it was untouched as I had hoped bout it was deserted. I was about to head up into the trees too but I decided to go down to the glen entrance for a last check. I got there just in time to see the last of them to the south. I felt some relief and I had turned to get back up to Blackhaugh when four horsemen came out of some trees. They must have been stragglers. I heard cries and they had seen me and spurred their horses to me. I hesitated. I could have ridden back up the valley to Blackhaugh where I would be safer but the other English might follow and I could put my family and tenants in danger of getting discovered. But it would not have mattered. I spurred my pony up another valley but I was sitting side saddle and with only a pony I was no match for their speed. In less than a minute one caught up to me and seized my pony's reins. I struggled and screamed but the man just laughed at me and pulled me back to the others. I screamed and realized my vulnerability when they pulled me off my horse. I was a woman and with the feral expression in their eyes I was going to be raped. When one came up to me I tried to scratch his face but he easily dodged me. Another came from behind and held my arms while the others cut and ripped off my clothes. I screamed and kicked at them but my female strength was no match for them. One lifted up his tunic and opened his nether garment, while the other three held my head and arms and pulled apart my legs. "Please don't!" I screamed but they laughed at me. I struggled but I was no match for the men. One held a knife at my throat and I went rigid. "My turn first! I caught her," one of them cried. "Then make sure you soften her up for us!" cried another. "Hold! What do you think you're doing?" I heard another voice and suddenly I was dropped onto the coarse grass. A rider had come up. By his bearing and his armour and clothing he looked as if he far outranked the louts who had been about to rape me. He looked about the same age as my father. A burly man, his face was tanned from an outdoor life and his beard was showing traces of grey. He had that air about him of a man accustomed to command. He was not in full armour, only a metal helmet and the chest part of his armour with some faded and worn coat-of-arms painted on it. A cloak was loosely draped over his shoulders. On his waist was a scabbard with a sword. By the saddle was a firearm. His horse, dark brown with white patches, looked big and strong and well bred. The newcomer glared at the men. "Get away from that woman immediately before I have you dogs whipped or hanged." His hand was on his half drawn sword hilt, ready to enforce his command. The men glared at him as if they were ready to fight him but when he drew his sword completely their manner changed and they got on their horses and skulked off. I was left crying and naked in front of the newcomer. He dismounted, picked up my clothes and handed them to me. "Better dress yourself, lass." Slowly I put them on as much as I could but the material was ripped and torn. I was just able to cover my body, but I had to hold it against myself to keep it from falling off. "Here, you'd better put this on!" The horseman impatiently pulled off his cloak and handed it to me. "And stop your snivelling, girl! Or I'll give you back to these men." "Thank you sir," I managed to say. "Who are you, girl? By your clothing you are not a peasant. Where did you come from?" I could not tell him either the truth or even a part of it or the retreating forces might turn around to Blackhaugh and plunder it. I needed to lead them away. "I came from further South. My horse was frightened by something and I was miles away before I could rein it in and now I am lost. My family live near Melrose." "Your name, girl? If you are under my protection I should at least know who you are. "Marion Budrose, sir". "I have not heard of the Budroses. Do they live around here?" "Possibly some do, sir, but my family are from Melrose." "Hmmmm." It was obvious he did not quite believe me. "Budrose? That sounds a French name originally, like mine. I am Sir Roger Beauchamp." So his was another French name, although somewhat anglicized. Probably his ancestors had come five centuries before with the Norman's. I thought of my own family, but we had been in Scotland three centuries. He had thought of it too." Our nations are fighting but we both bear French names," he said. I did not like his condescending manner. "There is one way to stop fighting and that is for you to leave. You and the French." He looked amused. "Well, a spirited girl, maybe insolent too. I would have thought you would have been more grateful to me for saving you from a rape. You even could have been murdered." "I will be eternally grateful, but they should not have been in my country. However, I do thank you for saving me. Where are you from, Roger Beauchamp?" "Sir Roger Beaumont to you, girl! My home is in Yorkshire. I am a knight, and the commander of some troops in our army. We are on our way home. I would like to return you to your family but Melrose is a bit out of our way and I cannot spare men to take you there, and you are not safe alone. I will leave you at Selkirk and perhaps you can find shelter there and someone will contact your family." "Thank you, sir." That was still awkward. I would be a woman and alone and away from home. This man had saved me from rape or death but I was caught in my own lie and I could not tell him about Blackhaugh. I just needed to get away from him. "Sir, if it is out of your way, you can leave me here and I will make my own way back home." He looked at me incredulously. "Marion, are you mad or don't you realize your own danger? There are still stragglers for our army and you need to avoid these." I lost my patience. "Why don't you just leave me!" I screamed and, spurring my pony, I tried to ride away from him but he easily caught up with me and took the reins. "Lady, please," he pleaded. "You are beginning to annoy me. You cannot do this. Is it because I am English and you do not trust me? Please, I will protect you. I am a knight." Frustrated, I broke down in tears and let him lead me away. The knight was being chivalrous, but it was the last thing I wanted. He was taking me South, ever farther from my family, and worse, further away from the book and the spell that would restore my male body! Without it I was stuck in a weak female body. The knight was intending to make some enquiries about the supposed Budrose family in Selkirk. I wondered what would happen when he could not find any. Would he be angry with me? Would he abandon me, or what? We reached the Selkirk area that night and Sir Roger actually had me share some of his meal, and even pointed to a tent. "Marion, you will sleep in there tonight. Tomorrow we will look for someone who can guide you to your family." I lay awake that night. I wondered about trying to sneak out of the tent and slip away from the English camp and make my way back home. I would be on foot but I would try to keep away from open areas where I would be seen. I waited until the general camp noise had subsided then looked out of the tent. I cursed. Just a few paces from me was a sentry and he had seen me poke my head out. He looked at me curiously and I retreated back in. I was stuck. I woke the next morning to sounds of dishes clanking and men talking and moving about, and the jingling of horse harness. When I put my head out Sir Roger was eating something from a bowl and he wiped his face and beckoned me out. I still wore the same ripped clothes and the cloak he had given me. He had a strange smile on his face. "Lady, you said your name was Marion Budrose. And from Melrose?" "I did." "That is curious. You see, I sent out two men to ask around in Selkirk. They came back with an interesting tale. They said they had asked many burghers, but none knew of any Budrose family around Melrose. But, they were told that there was an old established family to the north of us, the Budroses of Blackhaugh who live in a small castle and I believe that is close to where I rescued you." I felt my face go red. He laughed. "A very pretty blush, but I think you have deceived me. I should be angry, but I admire your courage. I think you told me that story to save your family from getting plundered. You are from Blackhaugh. Is that right?" "Yes, sir." It was safe to admit it now as it was behind us. "That was noble and brave of you, to put yourself in danger to save your family but now I have a problem. I cannot send men back with you and it would be unsafe for you to go alone." "I am willing to take the risk." "Nonsense! However, I think, as you have lied to me, I will take you home with me to my house. We will contact your family later and we will see how we can arrange to get you back. Perhaps they have enough money for a ransom." "You cannot do that!" I gasped. "Well, it is an old established tradition, maybe not as common now, but Marion, you lied to me and I feel justified. Now, my Lady, we have to be moving soon. We have another day's march ahead of us before we can cross back to England." "Where are you taking me?" "You will be my guest at my home near Harrowgate. Then we can contact your family and see how much you are worth." I was broken. I was going to be taken further and further away and worse, I would be stuck in the female body longer and longer. At least he allowed me to ride on my pony, rather than having to walk but I was surrounded my English soldiers and there was no way I could escape. Constant riding made me exhausted at the end of each day. He was correct with me and allowed me his tent each night while he slept in the open. Gradually the English forces grew smaller, as different groups left the main party to go to their homes. Some went to the Newcastle area, then a group to the area around the river Tees.A substantial group also left to cross over to Lancashire then a day later Sir Roger's group turned aside. "Home stretch for me, Marion. In a few more hours I will be home. It is two years since I saw it and I will be glad to be with my wife and family again." "You have a wife?" "Of course. And a family. I have five children. My wife is Mary. My oldest son, my heir, is Richard. He is just a bit older than you. I have two daughters, Anne, Catherine, then two younger sons Giles and Anthony. I have been away from them too long. "What was your family?" he asked. "My father is Thomas Budrose and my mother is called Anne. My oldest brother is James, my younger brother is Thomas and I have two younger sisters Janet and Mary." We were left with only Sir Roger and a dozen men when we rounded a last corner, and a small castle came into view. It was probably only a little larger than Blackhaugh but its lines were more modern, less of a castle and more like a fortified house. "There," he said, a look of pleasure and triumph on his face. "Finally home. I don't think I want to go off like that again." There was even a sIight tear at the corner of his eye. He tapped his breastplate. "I will be glad to get out of this armour. Too long in your damned country." "You had a solution for that! You could have left earlier, or better, never come at all!" "Now, is that gratitude for saving you?" "I thank you for that, but don't forget it was English soldiers that tried to rape me." "Marion, do not offend me!" Our approach had been seen and a crowd surged out of the castle and its outbuildings into its courtyard, laughing, cheering and crying too. I watched as Roger embraced his wife and they must have held each other for at least a minute. He was a tough military man, but I now saw a softer side to his character. He then embraced all his children too. Only then did he introduce me, if that was the word. I was going to be somewhere between a guest and a hostage. I am not sure about Mary's reaction when he brought me before her. Unsure of my own status I just gave her a brief nod of my head and a half curtsy while she looked at me with suspicion. The younger children just gaped at me but I did not like the look in Richard's eyes, startled then interested and in a way that made me uncomfortable. He had looked up and down my body so I drew my cloak around me more. At least they found proper clothes for me, servants' simple and coarse wear but it covered me. That first week I was kept in a locked cellar off the kitchen. The servants slept in alcoves there so I heard their constant chatter. I was given solitary meals too but that soon changed. Apparently the servants were too busy to properly watch over me. My situation changed a week later. For some reason I was given a small room upstairs and I was actually told to eat with the family at all my subsequent meals. It was awkward interacting with them at first. I was a stranger and a captive and all except Sir Roger and Richard looked at me suspiciously but over the following weeks that awkwardness gradually wore off and the family acted more naturally in my presence and I saw teasing, jokes, small spats, but love, support and affection. Just like my own family. They had watched me at first too, but when it became obvious I could not go anywhere, their close watch on me dropped off. In fact I began to see the Beaumonts less and less as enemies, although not friends. I occasionally wondered about how I could escape, but I knew it was totally impossible without help. I was a woman and I would be alone and too vulnerable in a foreign country. Even if by some stroke of luck I could get a horse and enough food I was days from Scotland. However they soon made it obvious to me that I was expected to help the women in their work. This was difficult as although I had watched my mothers and sisters at weaving, sewing, tapestries, cooking and housework, the only time I had done any myself was in the few days immediately after my change. In fact the Beaumont women often laughed or sneered at my ignorance of domestic matters but I began to help with cooking and let them teach me sewing. They also gave me better quality clothing. I did not see Sir Roger much during the daytime. He was busy overseeing and touring his lands and checking all the things that had been left untouched for the two years he had been away, along with a number of his men. The maintenance of ditches, walls and buildings had been neglected and much had fallen into disrepair. At evening meals he was often tired and irritable. I had been there more than a month and still had heard nothing about my being returned to Scotland so I went to see him. It was a wet and stormy day and it was too rainy to do outside work. Mary directed me to a small room where I found him with some ledgers spread in front of him on a long table. He looked at me irritably. "What do you want? You are disturbing me." "I beg your pardon, Sir Roger," I asked. "but I have now been here some weeks. Have you contacted my parents?" "You're keen to get away are you? You're rejecting my hospitality?" Maybe he was joking but I was not in the mood. "Your so-called hospitality? I am a prisoner." "And you should have patience. I sent a message to your family two weeks ago. You will appreciate that it is difficult to send messages between our countries. It may take months so I advise you to have patience." He turned away from me as if I was being dismissed. "Now let me get back to my accounts!" He looked exasperated and peered down at figures in a ledger before him. He sighed. "These dammed accounts. I can't get them to balance?" He went to sweep the papers from his table. "I am a noble. I should be out doing things. I should not be working in this room like a damned clerk," he shouted. "And I can't get anyone to do it! My clerk was accidentally killed in Scotland." I actually felt sorry for him and I wondered if it would be an idea to get on his good side. "What's the matter? Can I see?" He sat back and stared at me. "Woman, this is man's work! What would you know about it?" "In my house the men and women were educated equally, especially in accounts and numbers." That was true. "My mother taught me. All the men in our house were rigorously drilled in reading and counting and the girls were expected to learn just as well. That is important! Otherwise you are relying on the honesty of others to look after your money." "All right. Have a look! See what you can do if you feel so confident," he grumbled and impatiently pushed the ledger and papers to me. When I examined the sheets of figures I could only just resist shaking my head and sighing. His accounts were a total mess! There was no order in them at all. I had to be tactful. "Sir Roger, excuse me sir, but can I study these for a bit to understand your methods?" That got me a contemptuous look." See, you cannot do it! You are wasting my time, girl. So now get back to the kitchen." "Please sir, give me time. Can I have a pen and ink, and I will need some paper?" Actually he did not have much paper but he had some slates and I scribed the figures on these with a pointed metal rod. He stood glaring at me but after some minutes he stamped off in disgust. "I will leave you to it!" That was fine. I did not want him breathing over me. I had the moneys received or disbursed or owing separated and reorganized by the time he came back two hours later, running a cloth through his wet hair. He must have been outside. "Miserable out there. So have you given up?" "Sir Roger, here are the figures. According to this you should have this amount of money in your money chest. At least if you should have if you have not been robbed. Does it correspond?" I was hoping that he had recorded all of his transactions accurately otherwise my work would have been useless. And at least he could count money so I watched nervously as he opened up his money chest and piled up the gold, silver and copper coins, along with some links of gold chain. He was amazed and pleased." This is better than it has ever been." Given his sloppy accounts I was not surprised. I did a quick total of the contents of his chest and I was fairly close. He could still hardly believe me. "That is marvellous. You have a gift for that." "No, Sir Roger, just training. And patience," I could not help adding. That got me another glare. After that, it seemed I had a job. Both Roger and Mary were both glad to let me take over the finances of the household and estate and inside two weeks I had the finances accurate to almost a penny. It needed some tact but I made sure I was suitably deferential. I was happy about the result, but an event happened that made me frustrated, despairing and angry. I had wakened feeling uncomfortable and out of sorts then I discovered my breasts were tender and I was bleeding from the alien woman's parts between my legs. I knew what it was. I would suffer that each month. I had heard ribald comments about these things from other young men and back in Blackhaugh I could not help noticing that the same thing had happened monthly with my oldest sister. The spell that had made me into a woman was affecting me inside. I would have all the inside body parts that made women different from men. I not only looked like a woman. I really was one! It was one more effect of that malicious spell. It all put me into a bad mood. Mary soon found out but she was completely matter-of-fact. In fact she was amused at my bad temper. "I don't know what you're fussing about for," she scolded. "Is this a bad one?" Of course, I could not tell her why I was so annoyed, nor that it was my first. I hoped it was my last. At least my status in the family had improved. They were treating me something like guest rather than a prisoner, but still I chafed. Time was dragging on and I was still stuck in this body. "You have not heard from my family?" I asked of Sir Roger. "I am getting very impatient." "That is not my doing. Your father must be responsible for the delay. And we look after you anyway." "You should release me. Our nations are not at war." "Yes Marion, and we should not be enemies either. There are a lot of things that are the same in England and Scotland. You know, you could live here in comfort. You could become a valuable member of this family. Actually, you already are." His voice had become softer and persuasive. I had a sudden wave of suspicion and apprehension. I wondered what he had in mind. What he had said was flattering, and I knew I was making a real contribution to this family but he was hinting at something deeper? It was as if I was being guided into a course that would have intimate and deep consequences for me and I had little control. Another thing began to make sense. I was aware that Richard had started to spend more time with me, and conversation with him had become easy and relaxed and I had even begun to look forward to our talks. I had noticed too that others would find excuses to leave me alone with him. We often talked about his future and his ambitions. His situation was the same as that of my elder brother James. Both would inherit lands, become heads of families and would have the same responsibilities for governing and even acting as military commander. We had even got into the habit of taking brief rides together in the estate and I looked forward to these, even though I still had to ride side saddle as women were expected to do. Our conversation had gradually become more personal, almost intimate. He had started to talk about his childhood, his growing up. I felt obliged to do the same to flesh out my supposed past life, but always I had to do it carefully, choosing my words. If necessary I would draw on memories of my sisters and the things they liked doing and the things they disliked. I could not admit I had once been a man. He would either think I was a madwoman, or one touched by witchcraft. I was embarrassed when once he took my hands and squeezed but at least he did not try to kiss me. "Marion, I like you very much. I think I am in love with you. Would you think of marrying me? I think we could make a good match." I was now horrified. "Richard, I can't. Please understand me. I like you very much. You are a good man but we can't marry. In fact, I don't want to marry at all." He was confused as to my meaning but I could not tell him the truth. "But you could not be a nun now. King Henry dissolved the monasteries and convents. I have not seen you praying.You are not still a Catholic, are you?" "No, it's just that I can't." I had few religious feelings at all, I suppose. My own family had simply attended a church, a Catholic one, as that was the only one. My father said a change was coming in Scotland but I had no idea how extensive or fast. Although I was a captive the Beaumonts had taken me with them to the local church, maybe another way of moulding me to their ways. They said it had become Protestant. The language used was English, not Latin and some things been cut out but that was about all. The main difference was that English king was the head, not the pope. Richard's attentions just told me that I would be better to get away from him and the Beaumonts. Unfortunately that was impossible and circumstances were forcing us more and more in contact. Even worse, both Mary and Sir Roger started to drop hints too, trying to wear me down, so much so that my own situation and my future were always in my mind. I was in despair as it looked as if I had been abandoned by my own family. I was in the woman's body and it did not feel strange any longer to have breasts, wide hips, and be physically weaker compared to what I had been. I had got used to my smaller size. When I had another bleeding spell I was no longer as horrified but I was still as angry. Then Richard proposed again, much more explicitly, and once more I refused. This time there was a change in his father's attitude to me. He called me before him and talked about Richard's prospects for about an hour. He began in a gentle and persuasive tone but at my continuing reluctance he became much more brusque and threatening. "What is the matter with you Marion?" He cried out. "I have given you shelter. I've protected you. You eat at my table. You are almost one of my family! You help my household enormously. Now Richard has asked you to be his wife. He is my heir. He would be an excellent match for you. Why, he could have his pick of the girls of a dozen noble families. And yet you refuse him! "Why, you are little better than a waif, a daughter no doubt an impoverished half barbarian family in that benighted nation to our North. Here you would be well provided for. You would become the lady of these estates. You would have your own maid, horse, fine clothing and shoes. You would have jewelry and gold. Richard is kind hearted yet he will be a good leader of men. People listen to him. "You have a good head on you. We have come to rely on you. I urge you to think it over." I burst into tears. I was furious too at his insults to my family but I had to hide it. It made me more and more depressed and I wondered how I could get out of the trap, the hole I had dug myself into. At least he did not follow me when I fled to my room. At supper the next day, Sir Roger had other matters on his mind. He was discussing his estate. "Our estate is prosperous. We have had a good harvest. But today we caught two robbers around our western border. They held up some merchants on their way through my lands and robbed them. It is my responsibility to keep our roads safe so I took some men out with me to scour the fields and woods for them. We were lucky and we caught them after a fight. He gave a malicious grin. "I was tempted to hang them right away, but it would be a good lesson to others who might be so-minded if they were tried then hanged afterwards in the square. "Do you want to come and see the execution?" Mary, her daughters and I shook our heads but Richard and the other sons looked eager. Thomas looked at the women sternly. "I think you should be there too. I am the lord of this area and I represent the king's authority. You are my family so you should all be there. You too, Marion. "Oh yes, there have been reports to of another rider around, a stranger, but there are no reports of him involved in any robbery or theft but we shall have to keep an eye open in case. Some years before, my father had taken me to Selkirk to see the execution of a thief. I had been mildly interested but I had lost my taste for these public exhibitions of death. So, giving in to Sir Roger I accompanied his family to the nearby village and the building where the trial was held. The trial was over in minutes and when Sir Roger pronounced sentence the two men were dragged out and their hands tied, they were put on carts and nooses draped around their necks. I followed with the others, a short trip to the small hill where the gallows stood ominously. The ropes were thrown over a beam, the cart pulled away and the men left dangling and kicking. I just wanted to be sick. That was a common punishment for witches and that could be my fate if ever my strange change were found out. There had been a crush of people at the hanging but Sir Roger had pushed us to the front. At the horrible moment when the men first fell to the end of their ropes I felt a push at my back and when I looked around a man was moving away from me. I supposed he was the one who had jostled me but his face was hidden by a hood. I immediately felt at my clothing but my purse was still there. Pickpockets were always a risk in crowds. I was glad to get back into the castle but when I took off my outer clothes I felt something rustle in a pocket. It was a folded piece of paper and on it was drawn a rosebud along with some coat-of-arms I did not recognize. There were a few words ' Courage, you will be rescued.' My heart jumped but there was nothing else and over the next weeks there were no further signs. I had been given some fresh hope of my family mounting a rescue or trying to ransom me but as time went on I heard nothing and I lost hope again. There were still reports of a strange rider in the area, then these reports stopped too. Still, the risk put a temporary end to my small excursions out of the house unless I had an escort. If there were a possible robber or outlaw it was best to be safe. And so it carried on. By now I had given up any hope of rescue or being changed back and I would have to make the best of my situation and decide on my future life. If it looked as if I was going to be stuck as a woman I had to decide how to accept it and try and make the best kind of new life for myself that I could. Yet, as the days went on, 'being stuck' described my feelings less and less properly. I no longer looked on my new body as a handicap. I became more and more accepting of it, then satisfied and finally pleased with my nimble and graceful and shapely figure. When I looked in the mirrors I saw a beautiful female face with large sparkling eyes, a small nose, a long neck, dimples and full lips. If I angled another mirror and turned my head slightly I saw an attractive profile, a small straight nose and a small but determined chin. All very female. My hair was short, almost as short as a man's but because of some of the Beaumont girls' comments I had let it grow. I liked more and more my small hands and dainty feet, my pert breasts, slim waist and my full hips. There was one thing more. It was increasing, and embarrassing but I could not help that either. I had begun to look at men more, admiring their strong bodies, broad shoulders, their slim hips and sturdy legs. I liked their assertiveness and the power and confidence that radiated from them. Then I would remember my own past and blush or curse under my breath. Richard had been practising some swordplay on horseback when there was an accident and he fell off the horse. He badly sprained his body and had to rest so I took it on myself to tend him. We spent many hours in his room and at one point he put his hand over mine, "Dear Marion," he said, "You are an angel." I kissed his hand. Then he raised mine to his lips and kissed it. At last I was allowed out again and I resumed my rides with Richard until there was a break when his father sent him on a trip to inspect some of the property to the west. His father was allowing him to take a greater and greater part in administrating their estates. Richard even took some interest in the revenues but was content to leave the accounting to me. I was glad to be able to get out and ride around the countryside but I had mixed feelings being with Richard. I liked being with him and we got on well together but an unsettling feeling began to grow too. I knew he was attracted to me and I found I was beginning to think about him. As his father had said, he would be a good match. I had even had a small pang of worry the time Richard was away, wondering if he was pressing his suit to another girl. Was it some jealousy on my part, or just on how it could affect my own role? Hanging over me was the question of my future if I did not accept Richard. Then what would the Beaumonts do with me? Would they marry me off to some other, less desirable man or just keep me as some servant to run their accounts? Then I would be stuck around the family, an aging retainer andk die in some lonely garret. Indeed, on another ride just by ourselves, a lovely spring day with the grass greening, and buds showing on the trees Richard did ask me again to marry him. I had gradually weakened and lost my will to resist. And this time I answered yes. Richard immediately kissed and embraced me. When we returned, Richard triumphantly announced my decision. Mary gave a cry of joy and warmly embraced Richard then me, and Sir Roger embraced me too. "I'm so glad, lass. This is a great thing! It will be just wonderful having you as part of the family." I was overwhelmed with the universal enthusiasm and joy and even I felt tears. Almost immediately there was a formal betrothal ceremony and our wedding was set for a month later. In the privacy my chamber that night I shed in silent tears, wondering if I was doing the right thing. I had been abandoned by my own family and I was stuck. It looked like I had to make the best of what looked like the rest of my life. I would have to let myself take on the role of the wife of an English nobleman. What lay ahead for me was a position as the lady of the estate and castle, providing too a support for my husband, being mistress of the domestic side of the organization and..... producing children, especially an heir. I stripped off my clothes until I was naked and looked at my body. I ran my hands over my breasts. I tried to imagine Richard caressing them. The areolas were dark against my pale skin and centred in them my nipples were large and prominent in the slight chill. Having breasts was not strange any longer. They had become part of who I was. My hands went to my waist, so slim. I wondered if Richard could span it with his hands. My womanly hips and buttocks swelled out below my waist yet my belly was almost flat. It would probably not remain like that for long after I was married. It would soon swell with a growing child that Richard would give me, the first of many. There was a triangle of dark red, soft yet crinkly hair at my groin. I parted my legs, bending down as much as I could to examine my women's grooves and folds. I slipped my hand to my lips, flinching as my probing finger felt the sensitive nub then the moist cleft below and its soft lips. Soon it would have to accommodate Richard's manhood as he thrust into me. I wondered how I would react, if I would feel ecstasy or pleasure. Would I be able to accept and welcome him in me? Could I act as a woman? Mary had taken me aside one day. "I'm so glad for you, Marion. You are a lovely girl and you will love being married. "She gave a small laugh. "When a man moves in you it will be the most wonderful feeling you will have." I tried to remember the days when I was a youth. My male body, my ambitions and my desires, all these memories were almost gone. A fate that had led me to this and Idid not know if I welcomed it or not But I had to accept that my past life was gone. I was doing the best for myself that I could. Besides, arranged marriages were almost the rule among Sir Roger's class. My crying done, I wiped my eyes, took several deep breaths and forced my mind to concentrate on making a new life with as much bravery as I could muster. A lighthearted mood had taken all of the castle inhabitants at the news of the impending wedding, but this was tempered when we heard that the young king Edward had died. He had only ruled for a few years since his father Henry had died. "There will be more changes to come," Sir Roger grumbled. "Old King Henry's daughter Mary will now be queen. She's still a Catholic so we shall probably see the English church revert to Rome but I wonder how much she will be able to reestablish the Catholic Church? The monasteries and nunneries and all are gone. Their moneys have gone to the crown and the lands have gone to the nobles. But I imagine her priority will be suppressing those who oppose a return to Catholicism. "We'll see our share of changes right here too. Our local priest was a Catholic. Then when Henry broke with Rome he decided he was a Protestant." Sir Roger gave a cynical laugh. "Now he will have to remember his Latin again if he wants to keep his job, or maybe his life. And he's married too!" The castle had been decorated, supplies laid in for the wedding feast, new clothing made for all and invitations to the marriage sent out to neighbouring nobility. I even had had several new gowns made, of fancy imported cloth. I looked very impressive and noble in them. I would cut quite a figure as wife of the heir. Mary was ecstatic." Oh Marion. You just look so beautiful. I will be so pleased to have you as my daughter. You know, I was annoyed when Roger brought you here but now I know it was one of the best things he did." That last night before the marriage was to take place the Beaumonts had arranged a small family celebration in the castle. Richard's Uncle Edward had come all the way from Lancaster with his family. With Richard at my side I looked round at Richard's family that would soon be mine too. They actually had treated me very well, even more after I accepted Richard's proposal and my respect for them had grown, bordering on affection. I would be glad to have them as my friends and to support me in any troubled times. But I still felt strangely weary and I needed time to myself. "I am tired, my Lord and Lady. Please allow me to go to my chamber." "By all means, Marion," Mary said affectionately. "Have a good sleep, my dear. A great day tomorrow!" Richard embraced me and gave me a kiss on my cheek. "Sleep well, my love." As he pressed against me I even felt the swell of his hard penis beneath his clothes. Wearily, I opened the door and lay down on my bed. Some minutes later I was in a doze when I heard a thump and the noise of an object rolling over the floor. It was a stone wrapped in paper. I opened It and read, 'Marion, if you are willing, come to the main door of the castle.' The note bore the coat-of-arms of the Budroses but I did not recognize the other on it. My chamber over looked the courtyard. It was deserted but from the stables I heard the sound of laughter and singing. Sir Roger had given a butt of ale to the servants to celebrate. Then I saw a dark solitary rider in the courtyard, his horse strangely quiet until I saw cloth tied round its hooves. The rider had stopped under my window and he must have seen me, as he doffed his hat and waved at me. I could not see his face properly in the dim light but it was the dark haired man. All my doubts and earlier resolutions vanished. I had been willing to accept Richard, but now I knew my heart was not truly with him and I would be glad to get away. A rescuer had come, even at this late hour and I would go with him. I threw on a long dark cloak, carefully opened my chamber door and peeked out. There was no one there other than an elderly woman servant. "I need a breath of fresh air," I said. "I will not be long," and I crept down to the castle door. From the main hall loud voices and laughter drowned out the soft noise of my light shoes. Even at the castle door there should have been a guard but he was lying asleep. I tiptoed by him and eased out the door. Just outside the door and looking down at me from a horse was a young man with dark hair. I did not recognize him yet his face looked slightly familiar. "So, Marion, are you with me?" he whispered. The accent was Scottish and I knew absolutely that I did not want to stay with the Beaumonts. I ran to him and, reaching down, he caught my hands and easily pulled me to the horse in front of him. With his arm tightly holding me he slowly and silently edged the horse out through the gates, once outside at a faster walk, then a canter as we got further away still and finally the horse was at a gallop. "It is very nice holding you, Marion, but we'll ride better and faster if you have your own mount." He stopped in some woods where another horse was tied to a bush and he put me on it. Wonderful too, it had a man's saddle and I swung my legs across it and pulled my gown up my thighs. My legs were exposed but it did not matter. I suddenly realized that I was taking a great risk. I did not know this man at all yet he had said he was rescuing me. The only proof was a piece of paper with the Budrose crest. "Who are you?" I cried. "Patience, lassie, you've met me before, but I was disguised that time. I am taking you home to your parents. You'll have had enough of the Beaumonts, I'm thinking?" My doubts vanished. "Yes, let's go," I laughed. We rode all through the moonlight night, and when dawn broke we found some woods to hide in. "Who are you?" I asked again but my laconic rescuer just shook his head. "Time to sleep. I will take first watch, then you." I had fallen asleep in exhaustion. There was dew on the ground, but I was warm in the cloak and a blanket he had pulled out from a saddle bag. I woke to his hand gently shaking me. At first I had to think where I was. I was on hard ground, in chill air, not in a warm bed. "You are beautiful when you are asleep, but I need some too! Let me sleep for an hour. There's some bread and a flask of water in the bag." With that he wrapped himself in another blanket, lay on his side and he was asleep. I studied him as he slept. He was taller than me by half a head. His features were dark and strong features with dark shoulder length hair. His clothing was practical and sturdy, but not worn at all and his riding boots were of strong leather. I rummaged in one of the bags but there was nothing in it to identify him. It was then I was aware he was watching me with deep set dark blue eyes. I blushed and closed it quickly. "My, your parents always said you were a nosy one." "Well, you must tell me who you are." "That's easy! I am your rescuer!" I glared at him but he put a finger to my lips. "No more talk! We'll have something to eat and drink then we have to get on our way. I've no doubt the Beaumonts will come looking for you and they'll have hounds." We carried on through the dusk and night again stopping only briefly and we rested that night in a rough shed filled with straw. It was the same the next day and then again the next night. I was getting tired with his laconic answers to any of my questions or attempts to make any conversation. "Please tell me who you are." I kept asking but all I got was a a full smile or a grin. "Sometime I will tell you but all you need to know is I am rescuing you to take you back to your parents." We did not want to risk being seen so we avoided any sign of habitation. We were running out of supplies and raw oatmeal and dried meat were our only food and all we had to drink was water from streams. It took two more long days for our journey. We had travelled mostly at night while the moon was bright, then as the moon was waning and it was more difficult to see, at dusk and early dawn. Finally he looked round. "Better now. I think we are finally in Scotland and we can travel by day, reasonably safely." We headed north-east and after a last crossing of some higher open moorland country we saw the valley of the Tweed below us and I recognized the landscape. That afternoon we finally reached the narrow path that led to Blackhaugh, close to where I had been captured all these months ago. I was overcome with emotion at the memory and I sagged in the saddle, crying at the months of apprehension, shock, despair and self doubt I had endured. My rescuer put his arms around me to comfort me. His arms were strong and I let my head lean against the front of his neck while he stroked me. "All right, Marion. Cry all you want, but you're home." "You can tell me who you are, now." "You met me before, but then I was Helen. Now my man's body is restored. It was safe for me to take the spell that changed me back. I am John Moultrie." "You look so different!" He laughed. "I hope so! Ah, it was good to get my strong body back again. PWhat about you?" "Yes, of course. The sooner the better," I said, but then I wondered. He looked at me intently. "We will have a strange tale, each of us, but who will we dare tell it to?" As we approached the castle we had been seen and, screaming and crying in joy, my father and my mother, then my brother and sisters all embraced me and led me inside. . When we had sat down and I had some food and drink I told them all that had happened to me but it was then I realized my rescuer was not in sight. I looked round bewildered. "Where is the man who rescued me? That was John Moultrie, but he wouldn't tell me at first!" "He didn't tell you at first, but you still went with him?You must have trusted him!" My father had a good laugh. "The political situation has changed in Scotland so it was safe for him to change back. "Then when he heard you had been taken by the Beaumonts he offered to rescue you. The Beaumonts had sent a message to us for ransom so we knew where you were. We had the money ready but then the Beaumonts refused to negotiate any more. I think they wanted to keep you. What was that about? Did you know why?" "I became too useful to them and then they thought I was a good match for their son Richard and they were ready to marry me to him. John rescued me just in time." So Sir Roger had lied to me. Oh well, I had led to him once. I supposed it was a measure of how much he wanted me for Richard. "Just in time indeed!" my mother nodded. "That would have been terrible. But now you can finally use the reverse spell and change back. That Richard Beaumont, if he's so minded, he would not be able to find you then." I wondered about Richard. I think he loved me and he would have been a good husband. I hoped he would marry well to some girl who really loved him. My mother looked at me. "I'd offer to change you back right now, but my lassie, you're looking a bit thin and worn. Remember, these spells are severe. I think you should wait a week or so. Is that all right with you?" "I have waited so long now that another week or so will make little difference." My mother had called me 'Lassie'. So even she was thinking of me as a girl. So again I settled down to wait until I could change, impatient, but I had lived as a woman for some months and it did not feel an imposition. Then a week later we had a familiar visitor. It was my rescuer John Moultrie. I embraced him, aware of my breasts pressed against him. "John, thank you for rescuing me. I will be eternally grateful. But what brings you back here?" "Marion, forgive me, but I could not stop thinking about you. I was on my way home and I had almost got there but you were continually in my mind. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I rescued you from your capture, but it's you who have now captured my heart." I did not know how to answer him. My mouth dropped. John shook his head. "I'm so sorry. I should not have said that. I know you were a man. I know that you will change back but you are the most beautiful of women. If you decided not to change back. I would ask you to be my wife. I want you but.....that would destroy your own hopes and ambitions." My ambitions? What were these now? I took his hands and looked into his dark eyes, his strong face. "John, I have seen you as a woman and a man. In both forms I felt you as a soul mate. "You have only seen me as a woman. For myself, my own feelings, I have felt my male identity and feelings gradually slip away. It was slow but definite, the spell works that way. My mother has offered to change me back in a week but I don't know what I want. I need that time to think about what I want to do and I will give you an answer." "Marion, David, it is your decision. And whether you change back or not I will count you as a friend." "John, you saved me. You risked your life for me. I hope I can always count you as a friend too." "And if you decided not to change back? What would you feel then?" I looked at him steadily. There was something about that man, his courage and his daring. He would risk his life for me. "Then, as a woman, I would have to admit that I am in love with you and I would be honoured to become your wife." "And when will you decide?" "A few days yet, John." But the very next day when I woke up I lay in my bed thinking about my two lives and my adventures. I removed the blanket and I looked at my hand, slim, smooth, long fingered. I liked its gracefulness. I felt at my face and my smooth skin, at my lips. They were soft and tender. I did not want to lose them and they needed a man to kiss them. I ran my hands down my body on my tender sensitive skin. I held my breasts with my small hands, testing their weight, marvelling at how they moved on my chest. I liked the sensation. I ran fingers round my areolas, feeling little bumps raise. I gently pinched my nipples, my body tensing pleasantly. I would have that and more if I let a lover stroke and caress me. I now loved that body and its reactions and it's potential. I remembered that I had tested my body at the Beaumont castle when I was trying to accept what seemed to be my fate. Now my decision was much easier. I slipped my hands down between my legs, parting the soft hair, and probing to the soft ridges and the delicate cleft. I opened wider, imagining how a man could take me and push into me and how I would welcome him in me. I would raise my arms to clasp him and pull him even closer to me so that I was totally filled. The man had been formless but this time he changed into the body and face of John Moultrie. I felt my heart surge with pleasure, desire and anticipation. I felt at my slim waist then my belly. It was flat, but I would welcome it swelling with new life, children of my union with John. There was a light knock at my door and my mother came in. She leaned over me tenderly and kissed me. "How are you today, Marion? Sorry, David I mean," I held her hand. "Mother, you called me Marion. I think you see the truth, what I am now. I have become a woman, completely. I have a woman's body. I am sure I think as a woman and have a woman's emotions." I laughed gently. "It was my nosiness that led me to this. Mother, I don't want to be a man again. I want to remain a woman." She wiped a tear from my eye. "Yes, that is what can happen. After the first effects of the spell, the change in the woman's mind lags a bit behind her body. So, if the woman is delayed in changing back, it is then that she starts to think and behave as a woman. So, Marion, if you want that, that is what will happen. I will have a new daughter and I will cherish her. "Marion, I will tell you a secret. You are by no means the first man in Budrose family to decide to be a woman, nor even your immediate family. You see, I was once a man. Your grandmother changed me to stop a neighbouring family being destroyed through rivalry, then your father and I fell in love. "I was tricked into the change, and I also hated it at first, but I grew to accept it, then welcome it, as you have." I was completely astonished. This so feminine, maternal, tender woman, my mother, had been a man once? But then we embraced, two women sharing a great emotional bond. Eventually we dried our eyes. "I will speak to your father about your decision. I am sure he will accept it. After all, it's not as if he hasn't heard something like it before." Her eyebrows raised. "And I suppose you have something important to tell John." I met John that day and we went for a walk in the woods near the castle. His talk was gentle, solicitous, concerned for me but he never pushed me about my decision or pressed me. He was allowing me to come to the decision on my own. At last I was the one who grew impatient. "John, you have not asked me to reply to your question. But here is the answer to it." I pulled out a pink rosebud that I had taken earlier from a bush, held it to him and with my delicate slim fingers I slowly spread apart the petals to expose its centre. I pressed it to his hand. I turned my face up to his, put my arms round his neck and pulled myself up to him so our lips met. END Note. David/ Marion's parents, Thomas and Anne, are the main characters in my earlier tale, "Favours".