Swear to God Chapter 6
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I got her call a half hour after setting up shop at the kitchen table in front of the telephone.
"Cully, I'm okay, honey. It's okay. I'm fine." She sounded genuine.
"Where are you?"
"At his place. We walked in five minutes ago. I..."
I cut her off.
"Where is he?"
"He just left to get some take-out for us. He thought it might be better if he wasn't here when we talked. He didn't want us to feel badly, Cully. He's very considerate, honey."
"He left you alone in his apartment?" I was incredulous.
"Yes, Cully, I'm making a pot of tea for us... Cully?"
"What?"
"Are you really alright with this?"
"Yes."
"Cully, what's the matter?"
"Girl, yes, it's going to be okay."
"Thank goodness, I was so worried about you."
"When will you come home?" My stomach roiled wildly at the upcoming prospects her answer would entail.
"Tommy asked me to stay over tonight and then we'd spend some time together tomorrow, it's his days off and then I would come home tomorrow evening. He'd drop me off at Skaggs (drug store) and you could pick me up there. That way a strange man isn't dropping me off in front of the neighbors. Cully, how does that sound? If it's too long, I coul..."
I cut her off. For the first time I initiated a habit, a form, if you will that would follow me for all time. I'd offer more than was requested without receiving increased tangible compensation. I found immediate warmth in this action, a calming of the ledger of my life. A sharpening of the figures in the columns.
I went ahead: "Girl, it'd be fine if you'd like to spend a second night. I'm just relieved that it's not a set up, and that you're safe."
I was going to go on, but, I thought better and stopped myself. I had a sneaking suspicion that he'd suggested longer, but, she bargained to the statement of particulars I'd just been presented. Just a hunch.
"Gosh, Cully, that would really be nice. I think he could, well, we could relax then a lot more. I am safe here. I'm so relieved over that fact. And it's a nice apartment. Clean and well-kempt. Cully, thank you, for that generous offer. Then we'll call it Tuesday evening instead of Monday evening, right?"
"Yes." I waited and she continued:
"Of course I'll call every day and you have his number, right? Right. Tommy said if you needed you should call anytime. Anytime. He wouldn't have a problem with that. He really wants this to work, Cully."
"I'll look forward to your calls, Girl."
I wasn't going to go there, but, went nonetheless. I had the restraint of an olive:
"Have you done anything yet?"
"Cully, my goodness, I haven't been in the same room with the man for more than five minutes before he left to get food. Oh, and some panties for me. Remember, I threw mine out?"
I thought I heard her giggle, but, I could have been imagining that. My mind was in a whirl.
"He's buying you panties?" I was incredulous.
"And jammies, Cully. I had nothing to wear, honey, except this dress."
She seemed to be soaring. Girl liked men. Girl liked to tease them.
"Oh, that's right, I forgot about your panties."
"I didn't want to stop at the store. I wanted to rush here to call you. It's been so hectic. This is crazy Cully, isn't it?"
"Hard to imagine our day ending like this, with us apart." I sounded undone. She took note, as I'd intended.
"Cully, do you want me to come home? Before something happens? Tommy would understand."
But, I wanted something to happen. And had for quite some time. Not with Tommy, obviously, but, with a man. My secret, this marvelous spell that I'd been joyously encapsulated within for quite some time was dangerously close to its shelf life. I knew tonight was not the time to confess, to tell it, but, soon, very soon I would divulge. Two nights hence I'd divulge, I'd make that confession and go on. Me, Girl and Tommy.
"No, Girl, it's just like you said about all of this being crazy. You should stay. Make this right."
Then, I stooped again, just for good measure: "You'll come back to me? Girl? Please."
"Oh, Cully, darling, of course, I will. Don't ever think I'd leave you, ever. You're my life, Cully. I love you."
"Then that's all I need."
"You're okay then?"
"Yes. I promise."
"Then I'll talk to you tomorrow and I will see you for sure Tuesday evening at Skaggs. We'll iron out the exact time between now and then. Right, honey-bun?"
"Absolutely."
We exchanged goodbyes, (I love you) and hung up.
Sweet Jesus, but that house was quiet all the sudden. I could actually hear that clock tick on the wall for the first time since we'd hung it. I was about to get my uniform together for work on the morrow when I realized that in all the cacophony of this Sunday from hell and heaven that I'd forgotten that neither Girl nor I had work tomorrow. I'd gotten leave, and we'd taken the entire week off. Her words buzzed thru at that moment... "it's his days off"
Tommy, he was on vacation.
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It was a long night in that empty bed. I sniffed her pillow, then exchanged it with mine. Then changed it back. I couldn't stop imagining what they were doing. All manner of sex acts and positions buried deep in my psyche came into my mind.. She liked to be on top. She'd ride it high, purse her lips just at the moment of crisis, then lift just short of out as I'd inject it into her in long streams.
"Yeah, like that, boy. Squirt it!"
She'd then release her snatch and would drain my stuff into her palm, look into the pool like she was reading tarot cards.
"You came a lot, youngster, though it's murky and smells different. You want some?" She'd stick her finger in it.
"No, but, I want to eat you, whole, ass-end first."
She'd sample it though, occasionally.
"Someday we're not going to block these little guys and I'm going to bear your child. And you think I scream loud like I'm going to do after you've licked me there, just you wait till we're in that delivery room. I'm gonna raise the dead, Culburn. I won't even accept a local. I don't care if he's coming out sideways. Nada. Just you, me, and the doctor, brother."
She crawled up, stationed it accurately, dropped it in my face, rotated it and shook the metal roof, what, twenty minutes later? Closer to a half-hour.
I pictured Tommy atop her. They were sleeping together as I obsessed and ruminated about them sleeping together. Now I knew precisely what "sleeping together" was all about. Or, did I really?
I picked up the phone more times than I care to admit to during that long night. And stopped myself three and four digits into the turning of that dial. I knew his phone number by heart for Christ sake. Hell, I didn't even know him mere hours ago! Never heard of the damn guy. I picked up my keys more times than I care to admit to during that long night and headed for the car. Tommy's rent receipt clutched in a death grip. Had it turned over one time, but, chickened out. Did I want to stop them, or, did I want to break down door(s) and catch them, watch them if only for a second split into a thousand frames of sight until I was either thrown out by this man, or, arrested, hell, by this exact same man and end up in the same damn hoosegow that I'd been headed to only hours and a lifetime ago in the bitter end of this endless day?
"Jack off!" I implored myself. I had to know, I had to hear, I had to see thru Girl's words before I shot my seed upon my belly. Pulling it in anger, in resentment, in rank ignorance caused nary inclination. I never came close.
"No!" I spat into Girl's bathroom mirror.
"Cully, you use the other bathroom, and this will be my bathroom." We'd agreed upon moving in.
"Agreed, angel."
And standing there I began to realize, to spectre that some day, God willing, in the far off future, further than I could ever see, after we'd grown old, gray and no longer beautiful one of us would be left to go on without the other. And I remembered on our wedding day finally turned night, when this girl covered that future certainty... "Cully, don't leave me here."
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I awoke cursing me every name in the book for gifting that second night.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I excoriated myself.
I was so angry I used Girl's bathroom to piss---pissed all over the rim and floor. If I got an ounce of urine in that toilet bowl I'm a monkey's ass. Spent the next hour cleaning the entire bathroom top to bottom with bleach. I love bleach. It's everything. Sometimes I use too much and my nose bleeds. "Cully!"
Finished, I finally braved my first time check. I denied myself upon waking, purposely blurred my vision so I wouldn't see the bedside alarm clock and restart my clock watching. 7:36? My ass. That meant I got up at 6:30. It was after three AM when I finally conked out to dreamless slumber. I looked at myself in Girl's mirror. I was the epitome of death warmed over.
"They're probably doing it again to start their day."
I can't function sexually in the morning. "No, Cully, you'll rub it raw again, boy. Uh, uh."
"Please, it'll be okay this time, Girl. I swear it."
"No."
I bet Tommy had no problem cutting the mustard of a morning. At least I knew he couldn't lick the jar like I could. I'd heard somewhere that black guys didn't like to lick a jar.
"Girl, did he lick your jar?"
"Oh, God, Cully, did he ever, and I thought you were the living end at that. Ha."
I checked the phone. Dial tone was still there. I cradled it, then snatched it up fast to see if it really truly was live.
"Thank Christ."
"How bout driving over there and hiding in that cornfield next to his complex." There had to be a cornfield there.
"There's one every other fuckin' place."
It never bothered me that I talked to myself before. Now? Now it bothered me.
"No, Dale, seriously drive over in Girl's car so you ain't so damn conspicuous in that death trap and just watch his cruiser. What else are you going to do today?"
I had the answer: "I'll be sitting over there when she calls, you damn fool, you."
"You're right."
"How bout a walk?"
"Phone, a-hole."
"Oh, yeah."
They were probably going to go somewhere, somewhere special after they showered together.
"Where would you like to go, Girl? Anywhere you like is fine with me, Missus."
Yeah, I bet he didn't call her Missus anymore. (Missus), what the fuck was that all about? Some kind of gentlemanly act I imagined.
"Huh?"
Serve him right for asking. He'd end up in a museum, or, the zoo.
"You never go where I want to go, Cully. It's not right. It isn't fair, Cully."
As I was bent over the Atlantis Pinball Table at Gizmo's in the Old Market Area. The management finally banned me for ruining the machine. Said I "corrupted" it.
"You were warned, Cully. I don't feel sorry for you."
After the museum there'd be dinner, a special dinner, probably at Ross's Steak House.
"Don't do it, Girl, that's our place. Please I'm begging you."
After all was said and done it was our place; Tommy, Girl, and I.
I finally laid down on the couch after I dragged the phone close, the fifty-foot line was the first problem I didn't have and checked the dial tone for the umpteenth time.
I watched game shows. I got into the "$10,000 Pyramid" to the point where I fell asleep. This time unlike in our bed I dreamed. Dreams of rats haunted me at times and the dreams of that Monday morning had that vermin in generous supply. They were close to me, laying entwined, long, furry and opulent, overfed, overgrown, almost like lurid pets. I woke with a start, checked the phone and remembered I hadn't had my caffeine fix. The headache reminded me.
I started up talking to myself again: "If you have a headache that means it's after eleven AM."
"11:11. I want to cry."
"Go on, it'll do you good." But, the tears wouldn't come. Not even close.
"Why the fuck did you give them that second day?"
"How did this happen?"
"Did they trick you?"
"Was Tommy sitting out there waiting for you to come by?"
"If you had it to do it over again would you grant them that second day? Please, I'll be lucky to get off the phone today without gifting them a damn third day!"
The coffee warmed my cockles. I wolfed down some cold French toast she'd made me just before we went to church a million years ago.
He had his hands on her. She had her hands on him. Thank God we didn't have a gun. I laughed a bit at her banning that BB gun. I'd never took the sling shot back. Hid it in the shed.
"Should go over there with it and shoot his cruiser windows out."
Shot the neighbors car window out. "Somebody got me last night, Cully." I walked him back to his mobile home (two doors down) before big eared Girl heard that news. It had been a bully shot.
I pictured her sucking him. Her white body kneeling before Tommy. No kneeler like at church, I bet. Both knees on the hard floor, in total supplication. His ebony body with nary an ounce of anything but muscle & sinew. I bet she didn't catch his stuff in the old palm-a-rooney and read the tarot over it.
So lost in my regrets tour I don't know how many rings had been made, but, I was close, so damn close.
"I'd about given up, honey. I was starting to get panicked, and had just about decided to have Tommy drive me over so I could check on you."
"Why the fuck did you pick that phone up?" I pantomimed to my reflection in the blackened television screen of my pride-and-joy twenty-five inch Magnavox color console television set.
(to be continued)
Maddy
- 19.06.2020
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