Pam Explains The Last Two Months Part 5
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By Sunday, Rob was feeling much better. We made love that night. I did the work while he quietly lay under me so as to not move his knee any more than necessary. It was good. Best of all, we cuddled afterwards and fell asleep in each other's arms.
Monday was back to regular life, getting the kids off to school and cleaning house. Rob was my captive as he’d be off work for at least another ten days or so. He was already up and hobbling around. Remarkable, when you think of the surgery on his knee. The stuff that doctors can do these days is amazing!
I wasn’t sure if he was up to having our talk yet and I didn’t want to rush him because we both needed to give it our full attention. His disposition towards me was the same as always. I must say that I was being super hypervigilant to his moods and I could not recognize any change on his part towards me. He was just regular Rob as we continued our everyday normal life routines as though nothing was now different. It gave me hope that I hadn't irreparably harmed our marriage with that event I now referred to it as – my little mistake.
Before lunch, I approached Rob as he sat on the couch reading a book. His knee was propped up on a pillow.
“How is your knee feeling today, Honey?”
“Pretty good, I don’t feel any pain whatsoever unless I put weight on it.”
I sat down beside him and said. “That’s awesome, Honey. I’m so glad.”
He put his book down, turned to face me and pulled me into his arms. I turned my face upwards and he kissed me tenderly. Every time he kisses me like that causes butterflies in my tummy. After all these years married, you’d think it would get old, but not for me. I felt goosebumps on my arms as I hungrily kissed him back.
He gently pushed me away, looked at me and smiled.
“I know you want to talk, darling. Maybe this would be a good time?”
One of the reasons I love Rob so much is his ability to pick up on my feelings. Sometimes, I swear he knows even before I do. Another thing I love about him is his capacity to know when to drop the fun or humorous attitude he usually has about most things in life. When there is something serious that needs doing, he’s all business. In fact, Rob is the one that takes charge when something bad happens. He’s the guy that stops at car accidents and does first-aid on people. Have I mentioned he’s a volunteer fireman and also part-time ambulance paramedic? He’s one of those special people that run towards danger when the rest of us are looking for a way to escape.
I nodded my head affirmatively, “Yes, I really need to as long as you’re feeling well enough?”
“I am; where do you want to start?” he asked.
“Apologizing again would be first on my list.”
Rob said, “Baby, there is no need. I don’t consider what happened to be a big deal. Let me go over what happened from my perspective.
“You were concerned about me and the pain I was in so much, that you moved to another bed so as to not cause me discomfort. I call that a very special expression of deep love and caring if I ever saw one. You placed a pillow between you and Jack. I get that it got moved, but it was in your sleep and you couldn’t know or control that.”
He smiled as he said, “I also saw the look on Jack’s face when I talked to him while you were in the shower. He has absolutely no memory of cuddling up to your back or how the two of you ended up connected together.
“I believe you and I believe him. Never, in all the years we’ve known him, has he ever lied to us. On top of that, he is a very serious person and it’s just not in him to take advantage of you or us willfully.”
Again he smiled as he said, “I know you were more awake when you took Jack in hand so to speak, but given the circumstances, I’m frankly surprised that a lot more didn’t happen, so you get marks for your restraint.”
I replied, “But what about us? What are you actually feeling and thinking about us?”
Rob said, “Nothing is going to hurt us or our love for each other, certainly not this. I love you now and always. I’m not feeling hurt. I’m not angry at you or Jack. In fact, in some ways, I’m hoping you both enjoyed it, especially you. We’ve talked about the idea that at some point in our lives, you might want to experience another man…”
I interrupted, “ Those are just fantasies that you and I have shared in our marriage bed to arouse each other. They aren't a reality.”
He held up his hand, “Let me continue, Pam. They are fantasies and I love that we play those games together. But if you being with another man became real, I would be okay with it with some conditions.”
I was flabbergasted and exclaimed, “How could you ever be okay with it? I don’t understand at all!”
“Let me explain,” Rob said. “I have thought about this before the event.” As he now referred to it. “Now that you and Jack have shared a bit of physical intimacy, it only solidifies my thinking in how I feel. There is a word I came across that sums it up in a nutshell. It’s called ‘compersion’. Have you heard of it before?”
I thought hard and could not place the term. I looked at him and asked, “No, what does it mean?”
Rob replied, “It’s hard to explain and possibly harder to understand. Let me give you an analogy. Remember when your mom married Joe after your dad’s death?“
I nodded my head affirmatively.
“Remember how you told me how happy you were for your mom that she had found someone that would make her content, give her happiness and that she wouldn’t be alone anymore? You even said that you hoped they got along as good in bed as we do.”
“I do,” I said. “I was really ecstatic that she had found Joe. He is such a wonderful man and they seem to really love each other”.
Rob said, “Think of that feeling of joy and pleasure you experienced in your mother’s happiness. That’s called compersion. It explains how I feel when I know you are happy, even if it is because you’re experiencing joy and pleasure doing something you love without me or with another person. Basically, I’m happiest when I know you’re happy. When I experience that feeling through your joy and pleasure, I really feel how much I truly love you.
“If it happens with someone like Jack, whom we both care about very much, and that I know he’ll treat you with respect and love, I not only would take pleasure in your happiness, but I’m also content that you’re safe and will be taken care of in the same way I take care of you. So, if you happen to also gain physical pleasure from being with Jack and he makes you happy, how could I not want that for you? … because, as I hope you can understand, your enjoyment is tied to my happiness and the love I have for you.”
Rob stopped and looked at my face expectantly. Frankly, I felt tongue-tied as my brain tried to assimilate what he had described to me. On some level, I intellectually understood the concept of compersion as he had described it, especially as he used it in the analogy with my mom and her new husband, Joe. On a more gut level, I couldn’t see myself feeling happiness if Rob was being intimate with some other woman. Perhaps that was a fault in my own personal growth. I didn’t know.
It prompted my first question to Rob.
“Does this mean you’d expect me to feel this compersion thing if you were with another woman?”
“No, Pam, I know you don’t feel that way about me being intimate with others. We’ve talked about that before in our fantasies and the idea of me and another woman has never turned you on. I think you either feel it or you don’t, but either way isn’t wrong or better than the other. It’s just the way we are as individuals.”
I shook my head in wonderment. “I still don’t get it. Are you saying you want me to have sex with Jack?”
Rob replied, “No, I’m not saying I want that, but if you wanted it, I would be happy for you. As I mentioned at the beginning, there would have to be certain conditions because I am human and not immune to feeling jealous or other negative feelings. If those conditions were met, I’m positive I would feel more happiness than any other emotion.”
Even after all we had covered in our discussion up to this point, I had no thought in my head of actually having sex with anyone other than my Rob, yet his last reply prompted my next question.
“So what would the conditions be?”
Rob asked with a smile, “Does that mean you’re thinking of going all the way with Jack?”
“No, - God no! I’m just curious about your list of conditions.”
“Okay,” Rob replied, “The most important one would be that we’re always honest with each other. No secrets ever and nothing held back. I would have to know when, what, where, etc. In fact, I’d prefer to be with you when you were with someone.”
That last part made me gasp, “I don’t think I would ever be comfortable with you watching while I made love to Jack or for that matter anyone else!”
Rob said, “Well, if not with you during, then at the very least, I’d need you to share the details with me after. I’d need to feel that I was part of what you were experiencing as that completes the compersion cycle. I wouldn’t be able to share and experience your pleasure without being included in your happiness and pleasure in that way.”
I nodded in understanding. Things were beginning to make sense to me. What was even more interesting was that in my thoughts I was actually beginning to consider Rob’s points as though they could in some way become real. I was starting to see myself being physically intimate with an unknown man other than Rob and I was superimposing the face of Jack onto that man.
Rob continued, “It’s also very important that our relationship both emotionally and physically never takes a second place to any act or moment with another person. In fact, this condition is in many ways my top condition as it would destroy me knowing that I wasn’t first and always in your heart.”
That was easy in my mind, as Rob was and would always be my true love and I told him so.
“Last but not least, and I know this is silly on an intellectual level, but I am human and as men, we tend to compete against other men in almost everything. That includes comparisons on our physical abilities, how good we are at satisfying our partners and other things I’m embarrassed to mention. The honesty thing I mentioned in the beginning especially includes these things. I’d need you to tell me how you view me and the other guy after you’ve made love with someone else. I can deal with someone being better, but I couldn’t deal with you not being honest about it. As I said, I know it sounds silly, but I also know it’s very important to me.”
I looked at Rob quizzically as I thought through what he was actually asking me. “Are you talking about penis size?”
Rob’s face flushed red as he answered, “Well, not that specifically but yes, that too. I really mean the differences of all the characteristics of the other guy, versus me”
I laughed, “Men, you’re all so concerned about size.”
Immediately upon saying it, I could see in his eyes this was very important to him. I backtracked and to make sure he knew I understood the significance of his statement, I reframed it back to him and asked if that was what he meant. He said yes, I got it exactly.
I then said, “I love you and I can see how important it is to you, so I will always tell you everything no matter what.”
After some more thought, I asked, “So let me understand this. You’d be alright with it if I had a fling with Jack?”
Rob replied, “The simple answer is yes, but I’ve never thought of you as a fling kind of woman. Seems to me you’d have to really care for someone before you could be intimate with them. Wouldn’t it be more like an ongoing relationship for you?”
I knew he was absolutely right. I’d have to have feelings for a person. Yes, I enjoy sex, but for me, it has always been tied to making love, not just ‘getting off’ in the physical act of sex.
I said, “We’ve known Jack for over twenty years. You know that if I entered into something like this with Jack, it might end up being long term, possibly for years. How would you feel about that? What if it didn’t work out? We’d lose a very dear friend.”
Rob answered, “I guess moving from friend to lover always carries risk. We’d have to weigh those risks against the potential benefits. There are other issues too, like birth control. We don’t need it now, because I’ve had a vasectomy, but Jack still fires real bullets. Also, there’s Jack. He needs to be a part of this decision, although I suspect he would jump at the chance to bed you. I’ve known for a very long time that he loves you.”
“Really, why do you say that?” I asked.
“It’s pretty obvious. Haven't you noticed the way he looks at you? Also, Jack hasn’t had a real girlfriend or for that matter any real dates for some time now. I think in his mind, other women just aren’t attractive to him because of his feelings for you.”
As I considered Rob’s statement, I realized that I’d been completely oblivious to Jack’s feelings towards me. Up to now, I hadn’t even given it a thought, always considering him to be just a good family friend, but oh my gosh! – A whole parade of Jack’s behaviour and attitude towards me now made complete sense.
I said, “You’ve given me an awful lot to think about. One thing I know is that we have to talk with Jack, no matter what we decide going forward. I’m also not completely sure you or for that matter me, can deal with the reality. I hear what you’ve said intellectually, but how will you really feel after I’ve been with Jack, making love with him, sharing my body with him and being intimate with him as only you and I have up to now ?”
Rob replied, “I couldn’t say for certain either until it actually happened, but I do know that if you had pleasure from it and were happy, I’m pretty sure I would be too. I never thought you’d hear this out of me, regarding talking about feelings but I can also promise that as long as we’re honest with each other, and really talk about our feelings, I will tell you if I can’t handle something. Then we can deal with it together. In the end, you and I have to come first no matter what. If one of us says no more, then we both agree it would be over.”
When we had started our conversation my thoughts were that, Oh my God, I’ve made a horrible mistake! To me, our talk was going to be all about how I could make this right with Rob. Now, somewhere in the back of my mind, I was actually considering physical intimacy with another man, namely our very best friend Jack. I had begun to truly think of the next steps to make having another man a reality in my life. The idea shocked and surprised me. At the same time, I can not deny that it also significantly aroused me on a number of levels.
For example, the idea of having two men was making me extremely sexually aroused. In addition, I realized I had strong emotional feelings for Jack. Coupled together with basically a free pass from my husband Rob, I found myself giving serious pause to really and truly consider making the idea a reality.
I asked, “Honey, in the spirit of being honest, what would you say if I told you the idea of what we’ve talked about has kind of made me hot?”
Rob looked at me and smiled. “Well, honey, I’d say it’s made me the same.”
He took my hand and placed it on his crotch, where I felt a very hard erection. I didn’t waste any time, immediately undoing his belt and pulling down his zipper which exposed his manhood to my gaze. I took him into my hand and savoured the soft feel of his skin and the heat that radiated from his penis. I also noticed that his cock was literally dripping pre-cum. Obviously, our talk had excited him very much.
It piqued my curiosity and I asked, “Does the idea of me being with Jack turn you on?”
“It does, baby, and I really can’t explain why. I just know it does, but it shouldn’t surprise you, because you said you’re turned on too.”
“Yes, I am, but I’d be the one having sex with Jack, so that makes sense to me. You wouldn’t be there.”
Rob replied, “I know you said you wouldn’t be comfortable with that, but I would share in your pleasure too when you tell me later what you did and how you felt. The idea of you telling me your feelings after really gets me hot.”
His lovely cock was still in my hand. I could feel it was throbbing with each beat of his heart. Turning to him and lifting my head, I kissed him deeply. He responded by hungrily kissing me back. Rob took me in his arms as we continued kissing. My hand still held him, but now I was sliding his pre-cum down his shaft.
Rob broke the kiss and looked at me. “I don’t think I can hold out very long. I need to be in you, baby.”
There was a benefit having my hubby home during the day while the kids were at school and I was about to take full advantage. I got up and pulled my yoga pants off my legs. Then I helped Rob pull his pants down to the top of his knees. I climbed up on the couch, placing one foot on either side of his thighs. I placed my hands on his shoulders for support and lowered myself down until the head of his cock was nestled in the folds of my sex. Then I rotated my hips in small circles to make sure the head of his shaft was lined up with my opening.
I sank slowly down, enveloping all of him into my pussy. I was absolutely soaking wet so it was no problem taking him in all the way with the first thrust. He felt so good inside. His cock filled me in a way that made me feel complete. I’m not sure men will understand what I mean by that statement, but other women will know and maybe one of them reading this can explain it better than I can.
Rob reached up and pulled my face down to his. We kissed again, a long drawn-out kiss that sent electric pulses through my body. I sat on his lap, not moving, relishing in the feel of the two of us being joined together. Rob has always been able to cause his penis to jerk up and down with just the muscles in his abdomen. He would do that sometimes while standing naked in front of me. I always found it fascinating to watch. I could feel him doing that now inside of me. It was the only movement between us and it felt like he was stirring hot embers in my vagina.
I wanted us to remain just as we were, sitting still, just holding each other, but those embers were bursting into flames inside me. It was driving me to devour his cock completely into my silky tunnel. I wanted to feel him spurt his hot cum inside of me. Tensing my legs, I rose up and then down. We both moaned into each other's mouths as we continued our kiss. I could feel butterflies in my tummy. Continuing the dance for both of us, I rose and fell on his iron cock. Rob’s body was straining up against me as he tried to bury all of his manhood into me. I knew he was close.
I cried out, “Oh, baby, I’m so close. Make me cum. Fuck me hard, please, please!”
That’s all Rob needed. He drove his hips hard into me. I could feel myself on the edge of my orgasm. Rob drove his cock into me again. I threw my head back and uttered a guttural growl as my climax washed over me. At the same time, I felt at least five spurts of Rob’s hot cum shoot into my pussy. Time stood still, as both of us delighted in the intensity of our orgasms. Eventually, our muscles relaxed. My body fell slackly against Rob’s chest as my lungs heaved for breath.
I kissed his ear and down along his neck. “I love you so much, Rob. That was incredible. Thank you so much!”
He replied, “The pleasure was all mine.”
We stayed together like that until I felt his cock soften. As it did, his sperm seeped out between our parts, soaking his balls under my bum. Finally, I rose up, looking down at him as I did. Drips of cum fell from my pussy onto his cock.
I giggled, “Looks like you filled me up to the overflowing point.”
He laughed and said, “I’ve made quite a mess, haven’t I?”
“Yes, you have. Good thing you can’t get on your knees, or I’d be asking you to clean up after yourself.”
“Rob replied, “I’d love nothing better if I could, but I’d love to get a rain check from you.”
“Anytime, my love”.
I used my yoga pants for emergency clean-up duty before sitting down again beside Rob Then I cuddled up beside him. He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close. We were both quiet as our bodies enjoyed the warmth of our post-orgasm glory. I think we were also reflecting on our conversation and what it might mean for both of us.
”Penny for your thoughts?” I asked Rob.
“I was just wondering where we go from here,” he said.
I told Rob, “I have to really think through what we’ve discussed before I can make any decisions.”
He said, “Of course, honey. I wouldn’t expect anything less. In the meantime, you should ask Jack over so you can talk to him and get his perspective. I’m not sure it would be fair to him for both of us to corner him, although if you want, I would certainly be there. Anyway, depending on what you decide, I have a meeting next Tuesday night. That might give you a good opportunity to talk with Jack. I know you two always get all emotional when you talk feelings, so if you guys have to have a hug or something, I’m fine with it as long as you fill me in when I get home.”
I didn’t give Rob’s suggestion a second thought as it seemed like a good idea. I knew Jack would feel like a cornered rat if both Rob and I started talking to him about touchy-feely stuff. I also laughed at Rob’s comment about getting all emotional, because frankly, Jack did wear his feelings on his shirt sleeve and often would tear up when we watched certain types of movies. Little did I know that meeting alone with Jack would lead to a major escalation in the relationship between the three of us.
Grace
- 17.07.2021
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