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During my second year at the university, I never set foot in the library, not even once, a record I was kinda proud of, truth be told. I was too busy with swim practice and trying to pork as many of the betties on the campus as I possibly could to worry about grades, ferchrissake – and I did an admirable job with the betties, too, believe you me. I left a trail of satisfied women a mile long, the face of each and every one of them glazed like a fuckin’ jelly donut with a heapin’ helping of my hardy sperm.

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