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I remember sitting there in the hospital, staring at you hooked up to all those machines, and realizing that I did really love you. It had taken me so long to admit that to myself. Because of all the negative pressure from my family, I tried to convince myself that you were someone that would just bring me down in life. But the more and more I spent time with you, the more I realized I had been lying to myself. I realized I was in love. When I finally accepted that, my heart broke. Staring at you, I realized I was setting myself up to be hurt. You were going to die.

Your lungs were weak and your heart was failing, your body slowly shutting down. You were on life support while the doctors got the paperwork together for me to sign. I was your only family so I had to be the one to do it. It hurt me so much. I asked them, begged them for another way, but there wasn’t.

As I put the pen down I thought back to when you had first come into my life. You were really the first man to love me. At first I didn’t see it. At first I just ignored you and tried to pretend that you didn’t exist, like maybe if I did you would just go away.

But you persisted. When I was at the store or watching TV alone, I shift my gaze and suddenly see you there… and I always smiled. Even when my parents talked about how much you were going to destroy my life, I’d still smile. I knew it wasn’t true. You would have only made my life better. In the short time I did know you, you completely changed me. I could only imagine who I would have become had we been able to live the life we deserved.

My grandma always said, ‘God gives us just enough — never too much and never too little.’ She was right. That short time I knew you was just long enough for me to know someone loved me. I think that was the thing that changed me most of all. Knowing that someone had unconditional love for me. And that was what made me finally able to let go and love myself.

Sometimes at night I think about the night you died. I cry every time I remember the look on the nurses face, when I knew the end was near. She came in and pulled away the tubes. Then the doctor came, and they turned off your life support. I closed my eyes as I heard the rhythmic sound of your heart monitor shift to a single sharp note. I still hear that in my head sometimes when I close my eyes. I don’t think it’ll ever go away.

But what I’ll remember even more is what happened just before all of that. They stepped out of the room to let me say goodbye. I ran my fingers through your thin hair and choked out words that I had thought I would get to sing to you every night for years. But this once would just have to be enough:

‘Hush, little baby, don’t say a word… Mama’s gonna buy you a mockingbird… If that mockingbird don’t sing… Mama’s gonna buy you a diamond ring… If that diamond ring turns brass… Mama’s gonna buy you a looking glass… If that looking glass gets broke… Mama’s gonna buy you a billy-goat… If that billy-goat won’t pull… Mama’s gonna buy you a cart and bull… If that cart and bull turns over… Mama’s gonna buy you a dog named Rover… If that dog named Rover won’t bark… Mama’s gonna buy you a horse and cart… If that horse and cart falls down… You’ll still be the sweetest little baby in town.’

At first I used to say I fell in love with you in the 8 hours you were here on earth. But now I know that’s not true. I fell in love with you over seven and a half long months. Seven and a half long months of watching my belly grow and feeling you kick.

But in those eight hours after you were born prematurely, I grew to love myself. I saw the look in your eyes those few times they opened. I could see your fear and pain, like you knew what was about to happen. But, then you would look up at me and all of that would go away. You knew I was there, and that was all you needed. And today when fear and pain creep into my life, I just look up at you, and that’s all I need too.

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I know I'm just a fourteen-year-old kid but I'm a big fourteen-year-old kid. My size was from my biological father and he was a big man. He'd played college ball at the University of Miami and he'd started all four years at tight end. He was six five and weighed two sixty and none of it was fat at that time. I wasn't there yet but I was big boned, five eleven and weighed one seventy already. I played junior varsity football and I was a wrestler too, I wasn't a stranger to the weight...

The Public Mens Room

Introduction: Man inadvertantly introduces his wife to glory holes In the Public Mens Room There is a park that my wife and I sometimes walk in. It has trails and nature walks. I never used the old toilet building near the parking lot and had not noticed that there were always men near it or sitting in their cars. One autumn day after a long walk through trails with Marie I quickly ducked into the washroom to take a leak. It had 3 urinals and 3 stalls. There were two men standing at the...

Greatest Sex Toys Ever Part 2

We were both saturated with sweat and mixed fluids of cum and more cum and vaginal juices; it was a languid smell that titillated my senses.Sally kissed me, got up and walked to the room's shower. “Join me, Jack?” with a naked, pretty smile.“Of course, beautiful!” I began to collect the prototype assembly in order to clean and repack it properly. I grabbed my phone and texted the sample people at the company and requested a replacement for ‘emergency demo’, as this one gave its all and needed...

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Donovan Manor Chapters 714

Introduction: Things are heating up at the Manor Chapter 7 Things heat up in Donovans Manor As Kathy went back downstairs she retied her robe closed. As she entered the bedroom she didnt see Ray, but his suitcase was packed. She went into the Master bath and found Ray in the tub waiting on her. He was holding his hard cock in his hand, stroking it slowly. Kathy stepped up to the sink to brush her teeth. Kathy saw what Ray was doing and said, Ray what are you doing? Ray smiled and said, Just...

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