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RUNNING by Rebecca Author's Note: There is one graphic sex scene near the end of this story that might be somewhat offensive to the heterosexual Crossdresser. I do not write from experience -- I just wanted to see if I could write such a scene and, also, it seemed to fit the story better than anything else I could come up with. Chapter 1 Jim pulled his coat up tightly around his neck and looked nervously from side to side as he crossed the street in front of his apartment. The clouds hung heavy with the threat of rain. The night was so dark and oppressive that even the streetlights seemed to glowing with less light than usual. It was always on nights like this that Jim's thoughts turned to his old friend Sam Campbell. How long had it been now? Must be over two years and it all happened on a night just like this, one block from where Jim lived. The memory of that night filled Jim's mind. Sam had offered him a ride home from the school meeting. About twenty minutes after Sam left , he heard the sirens but made no connection with Sam. The next day he read about the murder that had taken place just one block from his apartment and later that day at school he noticed that there was a substitute teacher for Sam. During lunch, Jim stopped by the principal's office to inquire about Sam's absence and that is when he learned that Sam had witnessed a murder, was able to identified the killer and he was being held in protective custody. In the weeks that followed the details became clear through the news media. The killer that Sam had identified was an underworld boss that the police had been after for years. Threats had been made on Sam's life. After the trial, Sam was placed in the witness relocation program and he and Jim were not allowed to communicate in any way. It was a sad day when they said their goodbyes. They had been roommates in college and after graduation had both taken teaching jobs at the same high school. It didn't seem right to have a person just removed from your life. In some ways it was worse than loosing a friend to death. The police had warned Jim that the mob might try to get to Sam through him and that for his own protection, it was necessary that he never know anything about Sam's new life. The knowledge that the mob could be watching him was unnerving to say the least, but not nearly as bad now as it had been during the first few months. As Jim was unlocking his front door, his thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of his telephone. He fumbled with the lock, got the door open and ran to the telephone. He picked it up and said, "Hello". "Sam needs help", a voice answered. "Who is this?" "A friend." The voice sounded female but Jim could not be completely sure. "Where is Sam?" As soon as Jim asked that he realized that maybe he didn't really want to know. Was this a trick by the mob to find Sam? Jim considered just hanging up the phone. "Sam needs you," the voice repeated. "Working at the clinic." "What clinic are you talking about?" Jim asked. Without any apparent reason, the voice on the other end of the line changed the subject and said, "Sam said to ask you if you remembered loosing your virginity?" "Is this some kind of sick joke? Who the hell is this?" "Sam needs you". The line went dead. "Wait a minute," Jim shouted into the silent telephone, but it was too late. The woman had hung-up. He sat for a long time staring at the telephone and wondering just what to do. Should he call the police or wait and see if another contact was made? Was it really a plea for help from Sam of was the mob trying to see if they could use him to flush Sam out of hiding? Jim lost all track of time as he sat and replayed the short conversation over and over in his mind. Finally he reached for the phone book and looked under clinics in the yellow pages. There were hundreds of clinics of all types each with a different name. Why didn't the woman give him the name of the clinic? What did the loss of his virtue have to do with anything? Maybe the caller had been afraid to mention the name of the clinic because she knew that the mob had tapped Jim's telephone. Possibly it was all a riddle that he had to solve before he could find Sam. Then it hit him. Sam had been with him when he had lost his virginity. He and Sam had taken Mary Beth Andrews and Danielle Newman for the weekend to Nags Head beach on the coast of North Carolina. It was during their sophomore year in college. Jim had planted his first seed in Mary Beth that weekend and was elated that Sam could no longer tease him about being a twenty year old virgin. He could even remember the name of their motel, The Tide Water Inn. Maybe the clue was at Nags Head. Jim reached for the phone with the intentions of calling information to see if there was still a Tide Water Inn at Nags Head. He had already dialed the operator when he realized that if his phone was tapped, he might be providing the wrong people with a possible answer to the riddle. He ignored the operator and broke the connection. He needed to call from another location. Jim was both excited and confused as he walked the two blocks back to his apartment after calling the operator in Nags Head. Not only did she still have a listing for Tide Water Inn, but she had listings for three clinics. One was called Tide Water Clinic for Government Research. That had to be where Sam was located, so he had the operator ring the clinic. A woman answered and assured him that there was no Sam Campbell either working there or on the list of patients. She tried very hard to find out who was calling but Jim refused to give his name. If Sam was there, why would this woman act as though she had never heard of him? Then he realized -- Sam had most likely had to change his name and maybe even his physical appearance. Jim was deep in thought when the black Buick pulled up to the curb. Two very large men jumped out and grabbed him by the arms and began to force him toward the car. He struggled but the two men were much stronger than he was. He knew that these men were part of the mob that was after Sam and the thought that they were now after him caused a panic in him that he had never felt before. The overpowering fear that he felt when he realized who these men were caused the adrenaline to pump and he began to struggle like a mad man. During the struggle, without any conscious effort of what he was trying to do, Jim's hand slid under the jacket of one of the men and he suddenly found that he was holding a 38 revolver in his right hand. One of the men saw the gun and released him and reached for his own gun before Jim even realized what he was holding. Jim had never fired a hand gun in his life, but fear was controlling his actions now. As the large man pulled his gun clear, Jim pointed and fired. His lack of skill as a marksman made no difference since the man was only three feet away. The bullet struck the mobster squarely in the chest and the impact knocked him into the second man. Jim fired again as the second man tried to regain his footing not knowing if he had hit anyone or not. As Jim ran away from the awful scene, he looked back to see if he was being chased. He saw a second car turning onto the street at a fast rate of speed. There must be more of them. He turned into an alley in hopes of loosing his pursuers and tripped over a trash can. He fell hard on his left arm and felt the bone snap. The gun skidded away and was lost in the trash. He got to his feet and tried to run but the pain in his arm was bad and he felt faint. He didn't even make it to the end of the alley before he collapsed. CHAPTER 2 Jim didn't know how long he was unconscious. He did know that there were times when he was semiconscious and felt the presents of other people. He could remember being loaded into a car and he could recall voices but could not remember what was said. At one point he knew that someone was working on his broken arm. He did recall that he was no longer afraid. His arm did not hurt and his totally relaxed state indicated that he had been given an injection of some kind. Hopefully, that meant he was receiving medical attention. Some time later he did awake fully and could tell by his surroundings that he was in a hospital bed with an IV connected to his arm. A woman in a nurse's uniform was standing by his bed. His first question was, "Where am I?" "You are in the Tide Water Clinic and you have a very nasty break in your arm," answered the nurse. "How did I get here?" "I'm sorry Mr. Clemmons, I'm not allowed to answer any questions. Miss Adams will be here first thing in the morning and she will tell you everything that you need to know." "But ---. What happened to the man I shot?" Jim felt the panic returning as he began to recall his ordeal. Who brought me -------?" The nurse interrupted, "Now Mr. Clemmons, I told you that I could not answer questions, so stop asking. I am allowed to tell you that you are safe now and to give you something to eat. Are you hungry?" Jim had to admit that he was. He had lost all tract of time and had no way of knowing when he last ate. The nurse brought him a very tasty meal but made sure that he didn't over do it. He tried again to pump her with questions but she would offer no information. She did tell him that her name was Sally but her last name remained a secret. He tried to find out who the mysterious Miss Adams was but to no avail. Sally would only say, "She is a friend," After he finished the meal, Sally added something to the IV tube that was attached his good arm and it made him very sleepy. Even though his arm was in a cast, Sally explained that it would be properly set in surgery tomorrow. In a matter of minutes he was sound asleep. The next morning, Jim awoke feeling better but hungry. Sally came in with his breakfast and Jim wondered if she had worked all night. He knew better than to start asking questions again so he simply ask when Miss Adams would in. Sally assured him that she would be there soon. Jim ate his breakfast, Sally cleared the dishes and he waited an hour before the door to his room opened again. A beautiful, tall, well proportioned blond lady walked into his room. She smiled and said, "Hi Jim. Long time no see." There was something about the lady that was familiar to Jim but he felt sure that they had never met before. "Do I know you?" "My name is Samantha Adams and you used to know me very well," answered the tall blond. That's funny," said Jim, "but I'm pretty sure we've never met. I think I would remember someone as pretty as you." "Thank you very much, but I wasn't nearly this attractive when you knew me. Don't you remember your old friend Sam Campbell?" "Of course I remember Sam ............" Jim stopped in mid sentence. This couldn't be Sam,' he thought. The height was about right but nothing else was. Even if Sam wanted to look like a girl, which Jim knew he never would, he couldn't manage to look this good.' "What the hell is going on here? There is no way you and Sam Campbell are one and the same. I knew Sam too well." "Well, I certainly am not Sam Campbell now, but I can assure you that I once was," said Samantha. "What do you think of the new me?" "I don't believe this. I just can't conceive of such a thing." For thirty minutes Samantha told Jim of things that only Sam would know. Finally, Jim had to admit that this really was his old college roommate. He had a thousand questions. "Hold on a minute," Samantha said. "Let me start at the beginning and tell you the entire story." Samantha's Story You know the story of the trial and what lead up to it so I won't repeat all of that. When they brought me here I can tell you that I was really scared. There was a contract out on my life and I didn't have much confidence in the relocation program. I felt lost and as alone as I have ever felt. I knew that drastic measures would have to be taken for my protection but at the time I had no idea just how wonderful those changes could be, but I'm getting a little ahead of the story. Dr. Joseph Hoenig was in charge of my case when I first arrived. He explained the old methods of relocation, some minor plastic surgery, a new name, new records and a new town to live in. He said that in all honesty, these methods had a success rate for protecting witnesses of about eighty per cent. That meant that twenty per sent of these people were either killed or injured for life. Then he said that he wanted to explain a new program that, so far, had a success rate of one hundred per cent. He explained that it wasn't right for everyone, but because of my small bone structure, my height of only five-eight and other features, he was sure that I would be a perfect candidate. When he said, "Change the male to a female," you could have knocked me over with a feather. My first reaction was, "No way". As he continued to explain he had me partially convinced that it might be better to be a live female than a dead male but it took a lot of talk to persuade me completely. There were two levels of change that I could choose from. 1. The Female Disguise: Some minor surgery. Hormone treatments. Extensive training in how to act completely female. Complete facial electrolysis. This one is mostly reversible with minor surgery, possibly a mastectomy and the facial hair can not be reginerated. The procedure is fairly effective. 2. The Total Female: All of the above with sex reassignment surgery. Not reversible because the male sex organs are permantly removed and female organs are constructed. Most effective. You know how I have always hated shaving so that part didn't sound so bad. However, I had a lot of doubts about all of the other changes that would take place. I didn't know what scared me most at that point; the mob or Dr. Hoenig. After several days of extensive sole searching, asking hundreds of questions and praying a lot, I decided to go ahead with Dr. Hoenig's plan. I agreed to give him a free hand up to sex reassignment surgery. I was sure that I didn't want to go that far. I should have been suspicious when he smiled and said, "We'll see how you feel in six months." Within an hour after I agreed, all of my clothes were removed from my room and replaced with dresses, skirts, blouses, bras, panties, slips, etc. Nancy Chan, a beautiful oriental lady, was assigned the job of molding me into a gentle, ladylike, nurturing, tender, womanly person and she was good at her job. Nancy gave me the first of many hormone shots that day and helped me shave the hair from my legs, arms, underarms and chest. I felt skinned and embarrassed as she dressed me in bra, panties, slip, nylons and a pretty red and white shirtdress. I can still remember her saying, "Remember, my pretty one, no more boy clothes. If you to become girl, must not even think boy thoughts again." She meant it too. I have not even been allowed to have a male thought since that day. If I played tennis, Nancy made me wear a tennis dress. If I wanted to watch a football game on TV, she would come into my room and change the channel to the ballet of a woman's talk show. She would even come into my room at night to make sure I was sleeping in a lacy night gown. She taught me to sit, walk, talk and even to run in a completely new way. My hair was allowed to grow and Nancy gave me my first perm. As it grew even longer, she taught me how to care for and style it. She was real fussy about my nails. I had to keep them polished and filed just right. The funny thing is that after a few months, I began to enjoy these things. It was fun to try and style my hair in a new way. If I accidentally broke a nail it really bothered me. The hormone shots continued for about a month. One day Dr. Hoenig called me to his office and said, "Samantha," no one called me Sam anymore, "We have been watching you very closely for side effects to the hormone treatments and there are none. I think that it is time to give you a time release implant that will automatically release a daily dose of hormones that will, for all practical purposes, convince your body that it is female." "That sounds rather permanent," I said. "Won't that create changes that will be irreversible?" "Oh no, it will have to be replaced every year. You will notice a change in your body shape. Your breast will enlarge, your hips become rounder and sex, as a male, will be out. An erection will most likely become impossible, but if we do not renew the implant next year, you should, in time, revert back to the old Sam. Well, almost anyway with the help of some chemicals and we can always remove your breast surgically. I know you think I was crazy to allow this, but as strange as it might sound, I was beginning to enjoy this new way of life. I lifted my skirt and pulled down my panties and leaned over the examining table. As the doctor inserted the needle in my hip I felt a chill of excitement run from my head to my toes. I could feel the implant inter my body and I felt like I was being reborn. It was almost a religious experience. The electrolysis treatments were the most uncomfortable part of my treatments. It seemed to take forever. Some days I would spend as much as four hours at a time with the electrologist and then many of the hairs would return and they would have to be removed all over again. Eventually though, they were all gone and I now have a smooth completion that I love. No more shaving is wonderful. The voice training was difficult in the beginning but seemed to become easier as the female hormones took control of my body. My mannerisms, my voice and my general demure have become such a part of me now that I don't think I could change back if I wanted to. Oh, I'll admit that while all of these changes were taking place, I often had doubts. Nancy seemed to always know when I was having these periods of anxiety and she would bring me a new dress, a new gown or dream up some very feminine activity for me and my apprehension would be forgotten. One day, I believe it was in June of last year, Nancy came into my room and said that she had two surprises for me. I had just emerged from the shower so I called to her from the bathroom that I wasn't dressed. "Get something on and come in here." My shoulder length hair was soaking wet so I wrapped it up in a towel, turban style. I slipped into my lace trimmed panties and donned my bra, which was now a "C" cup that I filled completely. My pink bathrobe matched my slippers. I knew that Nancy would probably scold me for not wearing any make-up but I was too eager to see what she would dazzle me with this time. To my surprise, Nancy said, "I think that we are finally a success. Even with your hair wrapped in that towel and no make-up, you are beautiful. I believe old Sam is gone forever." I could feel myself blushing and I said, "Stop trying to embarrass me. What are your big surprises?" She handed me a small unwrapped box which I opened. There were a beautiful pair of diamond ear rings but they were not the clip-on style. "These are for pierced ears," I said. "Right. Now sit down here and let me fix your ears." "I'm not sure I want holes in my ears." "Don't be ridiculous. All ladies have their ears pierced now." I didn't really put up much of an argument because I had been thinking about piercing my ears for several weeks now. Nancy opened a little kit that she had with her and in no time she had holes in both ears and the new ear rings had been inserted. I walked over to the mirror, turned from side to side and said, "I love them. Thank you Nancy. What is the other surprise?" "Well, Samantha, it is time for you to spend some time away from this complex. You are a beautiful, confident lady in the safety of the clinic but you need to spread your wings out in the big world." "Are you trying to tell me that I'm being kicked out," I asked. "No. It is just time for you to mix with others." Then she dropped the bomb. "You have a date tonight -- With a Man." I wasn't at all sure how I felt about this new test. Surely, I had become more feminine than I would have ever thought possible, but was that only in my own mind. I liked the new me, in fact, I had become to prefer this new life. When I looked in the mirror I was delighted with what I saw, but did I see what I wanted to see? Would others see me the same way or would they see a pathetic creature trying to be something that would never be? Nancy was right -- I had to find out if this would work, but with a man on a date would be a very nerve racking experience. "Wouldn't it be better if just you and I went out together for the first time," I asked. "No. You are still under protective custody and the only way the director would agree to let you out this early was to be accompanied by an agent." "I'll bet that this is a real treat for him," I said as sarcastically as I could. "All he knows is that you are a young lady that is in the witness protection program and he is to give you a night on the town and protect you with his life. How he feels about you as a woman is up to you." "So, he is being paid to take me out." "Well, yes, sort of. But, I have seen him and he is cute. You'll like him and he is not married. Be careful though. I've got a feeling that he is going to try to get into your pants just like any other red-blooded boy would." "And what, may I ask, am I supposed to do if he finds out that I am not exactly what I seem to be?" "Believe me, honey, if you can control yourself and keep him out of your pants, he will never know." "I'm not worried about my control," I said. "What about his?" "There are many ways a lady can tease a man and still remain in control of a situation," She gave me a sly smile and said, "We'll talk about it while I help you dress." And we did. Nancy had obviously had lots of experience with men and the girl talk flowed in abundance as she permed my hair and helped me select the perfect dress, shoes and jewelry for my first date. By four o'clock that afternoon, I was as excited as a high school girl going to her first prom. Chapter 3 My date's name was Chuck Archer and, I have to admit that he was cute. Looker pretty good myself in my low cut black dress with spaghetti straps. The dress fit like a glove and all of my newly developed curves were visible. My four inch heels were also black and my little diamond necklace matched my new pierced earrings perfectly. My freshly permed hair hung to my shoulders and neatly turned under at the ends in a snazzy page style. I could tell that Nancy had added a little color because my thick mane looked blonder than it had yesterday. The outfit was topped off with a light, waist length white and black jacket that open down the front showing just enough of the top of my dress and cleavage to create interest. Chuck was a gentleman and I was nervous in the beginning but as the evening progressed, I became very relaxed and caught-up in the excitement. We had a delicious dinner in a very plush restaurant and everyone treated me like a lady. I assumed that Chuck was on an expense account because cost seemed to be of no concern to him. I was having a wonderful time. I felt like a lady, I acted like a lady and in my mind I was a lady. After dinner we went dancing and I discovered that I loved being held by Chuck and guided around the dance floor. Chuck was a wonderful dancer. Several times I caught other men looking at me and dozens of women were watching me with envy because I was dancing with the best looking man in the place. Before I realized it the time was 1 am and I knew from our conversation that Chuck needed to be up early the next day to fly to Atlanta. I suggested that maybe we should call it an evening and Chuck insisted on one more dance so I assumed that he was having fun also. I really hated for the music to end during that last dance. Standing outside the building that housed my living quarters, Chuck said, "Look Samantha, I know that you understand that it was part of my job to take you out tonight and I must admit that I tried to get out of this assignment at first. In all honesty though, I had a wonderful time and I would love to see you again." "I had a delightful time but I'm not sure ........." Before I could finish my sentence, he put his arms around me and pulled me close to him. I knew that I should stop him, but my willpower just melted away. I looked up into his eyes and said, "I would love to see you again." Our lips met and I was unable to offer any objection. At first the kiss was soft and genital, but when I reached up and put my arms around his neck it became more passionate. I felt his tongue part my lips and slide deeply into my mouth and I felt myself wanting to be penetrated by this man in a way that was not possible. The kiss finally ended and I felt so weak that I was afraid that my legs would not hold me up if he released me. I said, "good night" and turned to leave on wobbly legs. As I reached my door, Chuck took my hand and turned me around and we kissed again. His hand found my breast and I could feel my nipples become hard. I could feel the bulge in his pants pressing against my stomach. That is when I knew that I had to end this new found delight. I gently pushed him away and said, "Remember, you have to get up early tomorrow." "You are right. I'll call you next weekend when I get back. Would you mind if I called you from Atlanta?" "Do you have my number?" "Oh yes." He leaned down and kissed me again lightly on the lips and said good night. I stood on the steps and watched as he drove past the guard house and his car disappeared down the street. I was feeling emotions that I had never felt as a man. Oh, don't get me wrong. I didn't think I was in love with Chuck, at least not after just one date. I was realistic enough to know that if he had known that I was really a man, he would never have kissed me. What I did know, however, was that I was in love with being a girl. I knew what I wanted. Early the next day I called Dr. Hoenig and ask him to schedule me for sex reassignment surgery as soon as possible. Jim had listened intently and with fascination as Samantha told her story. It was a shock and a difficult story to believe, but the living proof stood before him now. He had to admit that there was a glow of happiness about Samantha that he had never seen in Sam. He had a thousand questions but didn't know where to start. "Sam ... Ah, I mean Samantha, how does all of this affect me. I mean -- I am glad to see you again, but why did you call me the other night and say that you were in trouble? And, what about my job? I'm supposed to be at work right now." "Don't worry about the job. Our people took care of that. You have resigned in good standing due to medical reasons. As for last night, I was trying to warn you. We got word that the mob had decided to go after you in the hope that they could use you to flush me out. That would not have worked and they would have surely killed you. We didn't have time to get a man to you so I tried to give you an edge with that call. I couldn't tell you more on the phone because your phone was tapped." That news gave Jim a sick feeling in his stomach. "Oh no," Jim moaned. "What am I supposed to do?" "It is even worse now," answered Samantha. "You probably have not been told yet, but you killed one of them last night an hurt the other really bad. Our people got word this morning that a contract has been taken out on your life." "Oh, damn! You're telling me that I'm as good as dead. Oh no, I'm a dead man. Samantha, can the police protect me? What a dumb question -- I know they can't." "Calm down, Jim. You are not a dead man yet. You could be a live woman like me." Samantha smiled and pushed a loose hair back into place. "No way, good buddy! I'm not ready to change my life the way you have. You keep that doctor of yours away from me." "Come on, Jim. It is your one chance to be safe. You will make an even better candidate than I was. How tall are you -- five-five or five-six. You are smaller than me, you are small boned, you really have very little body hair and your features are already rather pretty in a feminine way." "Forget it, Sam. I'm not interested!" Samantha sat looking out the window for several minutes before she spoke. "We did some checking on you Jim. We've talked to your mom and your sister and we know that you have dabbled in crossdressing since you were six. Your sister told our investigator about how you used to enjoy wearing her clothes." "That was a long time ago." "We also checked your apartment,Jim. I know you didn't have a female roommate. Who do the dresses in your closet belong to?" "I don't know what you are talking about." "And the panties, the bras and the slips. Who do they belong to?" "OK. So I have a strange hobby. I may even qualify as a transvestite, but I am not a transsexual and I'm not ready to have body parts removed or added. I just use those clothes to relax in after work. My answer to your proposal is NO!" "I'm sorry dear friend, but the decision is not yours to make." Samantha brushed a tear from her cheek. "It has already been made for you. We are going to keep you alive." Chapter 4 Jim was shocked and he felt trapped. He could run but where to and if he ran now he would be running for the rest of his life. He needed help, but the kind of help the government was offering was preposterous. And too, he needed medical treatment for his broken arm. All he could manage to say was, "Sam, that is against the law. Please don't try and force me into something that I don't want." "Please Jim, try to understand my position in this. I know that you will probably hate me for the rest of your life but as your friend, this is the surest way I know to save your life." "Why can't I make my own decisions in something that affects me more than anyone else?" Asked Jim. "We've got a time problem. Dr. Hoenig just doesn't have the luxury of being able to take you through this as slowly as he did with me. I was just sure when we discovered your crossdressing that you would welcome these changes of at least accept them with some excitement." "What time problem are you talking about?" "It took over a year for me to become what you see. The same will be done for you in five months. This is a federal program and what is being done for you is very expensive. You could not afford it on a teacher's pay. Congress has not appropriated the funds to continue this program. Unless Dr. Hoenig can create a miracle with congress, this entire facility will close in five months. You and I will both be on our own at that time." Jim didn't speak. He just stared at Samantha with anger in his eyes. Samantha continued, "This afternoon you are going to surgery to have that broken bone in your arm repaired and while you are asleep, Dr. Hoenig would like to do the sex reassignment surgery. He will not do that without your permission." "Well, you tell him I said hell no!" "What he will do, with or without your permission, is remove your testicles. It is important that the female hormones begin to act as quickly as possible and with the testicles gone there will be no male hormones to interfere with their progress. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but it is going to happen for your own good." "Wait a damn minute," said Jim. "I'm not agreeing to any hormone injections and don't you let that butcher near my gonads." "It's too late for that now. Last night, right after your arm was splinted, a time release implant was put into your body. You can't get it out. Right now, your body thinks that it is female. With the testicles removed you should begin to form breast in a matter of weeks. Your fate is set. Why not relax and enjoy it." Without another word, Samantha stood and walked to the door. As she opened the door she stopped and turned to a bewildered Jim and said, "Please don't hate me too mush." She left without waiting for a reply. Jim was angry, scared and embarrassed. Sure he liked to occasionally wear feminine clothes but that was a personal secret that he had guarded all of his life and these people had no right to pry into his life the way they had. Now they planned to use him like a piece of meat and preform experiments on his body without his permission. He tried frantically to form a plan to stop them. He knew from what Samantha had said that there was a guard house, which meant that the place was most likely heavily guarded. If he could get out, he still had to get his broken arm set somewhere and who would protect him from the mob. Maybe he could find a doctor that could remove the hormone implant before it took complete control but how in the hell would he ever explain how it got there. Jim was deep in thought when the nurse came into his room. He noticed that she was doing something with the IV bottle that was feeding nourishment into his veins but it was too late to stop her by the time he realized that she had added a sedative to the IV fluid. He felt the warm glow spread up his arm and across his chest and his last thought before his heart spread the sleep inducing fluid throughout his body was, 'I lost -- There will be no escape now'. When Jim awoke he felt a little groggy but fairly alert. His first reaction was that it had all been a dream and everything would be OK. He raised his arm and the weight of the cast told him that it was no dream. With his good arm he quickly moved his hand to the bandage between his legs. He felt as though he was going to be sick. The penis was there but even through the gauze bandage, he could tell that he no longer had testicles. In the days that followed, Jim was anything but a good patient. He was moved to another room that was nice but he wouldn't admit it to anyone. It was a very femininely decorated room with his own bath, and a balcony that overlooked a swimming pool and the tennis courts. The balcony was four floors up so that it offered no outlet for escape. His closet was full of dresses, skirts and blouses. All in his size. In his heart he was dying to try on some of the pretty items but he refused to because it was the only way he had to fight back. All he would wear was a pair Chic jeans and a t-shirt. The drawers to his pretty dresser were full of bras, panties and slips. There was no male underwear so he had to wear a pair of panties but he choose a pair that had the least amount of lace. He had to admit, to himself only, they did feel good. His legs, arms and chest had been shaved during surgery but he refused to shave them himself. He even refused to shave his face. In the beginning, Jim would not cooperate with the electrolysis so Dr. Hoenig started withholding his food and eventually Jim gave in and his light beard was removed in a fairly short time. Nancy, Samantha's friend, explained that because the male hormones were gone and his body produced only female hormones now the beard was much easier to remove. Still, Jim would only wear the jeans and t- shirt even though Nancy would lay out a pretty skirt and blouse or dress every morning for him. His hair was quite long and Nancy would offer to help him style it but Jim would refuse. One morning, after Jim dressed in the jeans and t-shirt he glanced into the mirror and was shocked by his reflection. His enlarged chest was no longer hidden by the loose fit of his large t-shirt and his hips had really filled the jeans. A week later his breast were so large that they became somewhat uncomfortable and bounced considerably when he walked. Finally, for comfort reasons only, he told himself, he put on a bra. He was standing in front of the mirror, secretly admiring his shape when Nancy walked in. "You are developing a beautiful figure, Dear," Nancy said. "I'll bet you would look beautiful in that sun-back. I'll be happy to fix your hair for you." "No," was Jim's only answer. "Look mister, I'm getting tired of your attitude and your lack of cooperation." Nancy had never raised her voice to Jim before and he could tell that she was angry. "You could be one of the prettiest girls in this state if you would only put out a little effort, but no, you insist on fighting us at every turn. I assume that you are trying to punish us for your problems but we are not your enemy. Your enemy is out there," she pointed out the window, "and your worst enemy is in there," she pointed toward Jim's head. "You want to be a man so badly," Nancy was literally shaking with anger. "Let's play it your way. I'll be right back." She left the room and slammed the door behind her. Jim stared at the door in awe. He would never have believed that this pretty little lady had such a fiery temper and her speech had left him with some guilt feelings. He realized that he had not made many friends during the past fifteen weeks. Even Samantha had not been by to see him but twice since that first day. But still, they had no right to force these changes on him. They had gone slow with Samantha and her wishes were respected but not with him. All because of a lot of bureaucratic bull shit. It just wasn't fair. Nancy entered his room without knocking, slammed the door again and through a suitcase on his bed. "OK mister macho man," she said, "here are your clothes from your apartment -- your boy clothes. You will find the keys to a 1991 Honda and five thousand dollars in the suitcase to get you started. You can not return to your old apartment because it is not safe and it has been rented. After you get dressed, call me and I will give you a boy haircut and take you to Dr. Hoenig. He will remove the implant and give you some male hormone pills. In a few months you should have your old sloppy male shape back. You are free to leave." "What about my beard and testicles? You plan to return those too?" "Stuff a couple of walnuts in your pants and buy yourself a fake beard for all I care. You probable won't be alive in six months anyway." Before he could respond, she was gone. For the third time the walls shook as Nancy banged through the door. Chapter 5 Jim opened the suitcase and selected a white shirt and a pair of gray slacks. He found socks and underwear but no shoes. As though reading his mind, Nancy opened his door and through a pair of shoes at him. Again the door withstood her violent closing. After dressing, Jim stood before his mirror. Everything was all wrong. His pants were too big in the waist and too small across the hips and butt. Even with the bra off, it was almost impossible to hide his breast. He thought, maybe a good haircut will help.' He pulled his long, unkept hair up and put on a baseball cap. It didn't help. His facial features, even without any make-up looked more feminine than a man would be comfortable with. He couldn't believe that he had changed so much. As he looked at the effeminate figure in the mirror he finally realized that he would be no match for the mob and Nancy was probably right. He would be lucky to last six months. He had to admit to himself that the reflection in the mirror, even in the ill fitting clothes and silly ball cap was rather pretty. He suddenly recognized what must be done. As quickly as possible, he got out of the baggy male clothes. He rambled through his drawers until he found a strapless bra and a pair of very pretty panties. After they were on , he took the gorgeous sun-back dress out of the closet and laid it on his bed. He had wanted to wear it for a long time now but wouldn't because of his stupid pride. The war was over - He would surrender and, maybe, be the winner after all. Jim went into the bathroom and quickly shaved his legs and underarms. As he applied make-up, he wished that he had paid more attention to his teachers. After a while the job was done but he realized that there was room for improvement. The eyes were the hardest and he finally decided to only apply a little mascara and see if Nancy would help with the rest. He returned to his room and carefully pulled the dress over his head taking care not to get make-up on it. It surely fit better than the pants and shirt had. While fastening the halter top behind his neck he realized that his hair was a mess. It had grown to his shoulders but had received no care because of Jim's attitude. It was uneven and straight and no matter what he tried to do with it, he saw no improvement. Finally he combed it straight back and up from his neck and simply put a rubber band around it to form a pony tail. That looked better than anything he had tried. The panty hose he found in the bottom drawer felt good on his freshly shaved legs and he found a half slip that was the right length for his dress. Matching three inch heels were in the closet and after everything was in place he stood before the mirror again. "Now, that looks much better," he said and no longer cared who heard him. Jim boldly left his room and walked the long hallway toward the office area. As he reached the area in which Nancy's office was located, there were rows of desk that were occupied by clinic secretaries. Heads turned as he passed. Just as he reached Nancy's door one of the girls began to applaud, then another until the entire secretary pool was giving him a standing ovation. Obviously, Nancy heard the commotion outside her door because before Jim could reach for the knob, the door opened. Nancy just stood with a surprised look on her face and stared wide-eyed at Jim. "Could you help me with this hair," Jim said in a very meek voice. Nancy broke into a big smile. "Oh Jamie, I love you." She ran to him and through her arms around his neck. From that day on, no one ever called "her" Jim again. The name Jamie stuck and "Jamie" loved it. "Come with me, beautiful lady. We will not only fix your hair but we will fix your life." Nancy had tears in her eyes as she took Jamie by the hand and lead her away. News and/or gossip usually traveled fast within the family atmosphere of the clinic complex, but for some reason Samantha was one of the last to hear that Jamie had finally giving in and was cooperating. Samantha had seen little of Jim, or Jamie as she had been instructed to call him now, since the day he had become so angry when she told him of his fate. She felt guilty and responsible for what had happened to him. She didn't want Jim to be angry with her, but she just didn't know how to apologize figuring that he was in no mood to accept her apology anyway. It was easier to just stay away from him. She had asked about him every day and her depression had only deepened when she learned of his lack of progress. As soon as Samantha heard the good news, she rushed from her room and literally ran to the wing where Jamie's room was. She paused outside Jamie's door and thought, 'What makes you think he or she, I hope, will even now forgive you?' She had to face Jamie someday and it was time. She took a deep breath, said a little prayer and opened the door. Nancy had just removed the curlers from Jamie's hair and was in the process of combing it out when Samantha opened the door. Jamie turned toward Samantha as she entered and for several long seconds they just stared at each other. Samantha finally broke the silence. "Oh Jamie, you look simply beautiful." "I'm feeling much better about myself," Jamie answered. "I feel pretty." Samantha was still having trouble deciding what she should say. She began, "Jamie, I'm so sor........" Jamie interrupted with, "Samantha, I'm sorry that I was such an ass." Several awkward seconds passed again before Jamie stood and walked to Samantha. Both girls began to cry. They put their arms around each in a loving embrace, each kissing the other's cheek and both, at the same time, trying to tell the other how sorry they were. Nancy realized that the girls needed some time alone, so she started for the door. As she was leaving, she heard Samantha say, "Jamie, oh my dear, sweet friend Jamie, We are going to do so many fun things together. You are going to love being my best girl friend, I promise." Chapter 6 The two girls were like sisters after that. If you saw one of them you could be sure that the other was not far behind. Samantha helped Jamie with her voice and make- up lessons. They swam and sunbathed together almost every day and both had beautiful tans. Jamie could not believe how sexy she looked when she stood naked before her mirror and saw the white areas where her bikini had protected her skin from the sun. It made her large breast seem even larger. The only trace of masculinity left was her small, inactive penis. It looked so small to her now that it was hardly noticeable and it was easy to hide. Dr. Hoenig and Samantha both encouraged her to go ahead and remove it, but Jamie still was not ready to take that step. Neither the good doctor nor Samantha wanted to force their recommendations on her so they just stopped making the suggestion. One day near the beginning of June, Samantha came into Jamie's room bubbling over with excitement. Jamie was in the bathroom combing her hair. "Jamie, where are you?" she shouted. "Get out here. I've got great news." Jamie came out or the bathroom still brushing her hair. "What is going on?" "I've got so much to tell you that I don't know where to begin. Have you lightened your hair. I like it." "Forget my hair, Samantha, and tell me the news. Start at the beginning, Please." "OK. As you know, you and I have to leave this place next week. The clinic is being converted into a VA hospital and Dr. Hoenig's relocation program ends." "I know all of that. I thought you had good news." "I do, dear. Dr. Hoenig's people have found us teaching jobs in Florida and we will be teaching in the same school and they have purchased us a beautiful condo on a beach that we can share." Jamie jumped into the air and squealed with delight. She had become rather dependent on Samantha and the thought that they would be separated next week terrified her. The two girls danced around the room like two school girls laughing, hugging and making plans. Suddenly, Jamie became very quiet. "What is the matter?" Samantha asked. "It won't work, Samantha. I don't have a teaching certificate for the state of Florida. I can't even get a college transcript in my new name. No one is going to give me a teaching job without checking my credentials." "Oh my pretty one, you underestimate the power of the United States government," Samantha said with a big smile. "Open that package I brought you." There was a large file folder laying on Jamie's dressing table. She had seen it in Samantha's hand earlier but had thought nothing about it. Inside, she found a stack of documents and as she pulled them out a small laminated card fell to the floor. She picked it up. It was a Florida driver's licenses for a Miss Jamie Lynn Parker, picture and everything. It was her driver's licenses. She looked through the other papers. All were for Miss Jamie Lynn Parker. She found her teaching certificate, a college transcript, a high school and a college diploma and even her birth certificate. In a separate folder she found tax records for the last five years. She was not even sure what some of the documents were. As she dug deeper, she found a beautifully framed photograph. It was a family portrait of Jamie's real mother, father and sister. The amazing part was that there was a fourth person in the picture and it was Jamie. "How did they do that?" Jamie asked. "They are good, aren't they. The nice part is that your family also has a copy of that picture. They have been told all about the new you - why and how it happened. They send their love and support and insist that you visit them right after you return from your vacation." "What vacation? I have no money for a vacation." "Oh yes you do, my sweet. I told you I had lots of good news when I came in. You and I are leaving this weekend on a seven day cruise with all expenses paid by the federal government. It is part of the relocation cost and Dr. Hoenig is prescribing it as part of our education. He says that it will make us more comfortable in our new feminine roles." Again, Jamie squealed with delight and both girls started making plans. "I don't have a thing to wear," said Jamie. "Get dressed, honey. We are going shopping." And they did. They shopped for two days, had their hair and nails done at a nice salon and Jamie had her ears pierced at a jewelry store. Jamie felt so comfortable in her new feminine role that she could hardly even remember her old male self. One thing she could remember was that she had never been this happy as a man. She almost wished that she had allowed Dr. Hoenig to complete his handy work, but there was no time for that now. Maybe later. The day they left for their cruise, Dr. Hoenig came by to wish them good luck. Both girls cried as they were saying their goodbyes. The doctor assured them that all of their things would be shipped to their condo in Florida and everything would be in place before they returned. He gave each girl his phone number and address and insisted that they keep in touch. Their personal cars had been disposed of so that no one could trace them that way, and the government had already parked new ones at the condo in Florida. As Jamie and Samantha were preparing to enter the cab that would take them to the airport, Dr. Hoenig called Jamie to the side. "Jamie, please don't be angry," said the doctor, "But you really do need one more operation." Jamie looked down at her feet and was unsure as to how she wanted to answer him. She said nothing. Dr. Hoenig took her hands in his and said, "Do me a favor and just think about it. I'm getting old and I will not be around forever and I know that you will want it someday. I don't want you going to another doctor because it might blow your cover. Call me anytime day or night and we will talk." "I promise, I'll think about it," she said. Dr. Hoenig gave her a kiss on the cheek and said, "I hope both you girls have a wonderful time on this trip." Chapter 7 The cruise was an exciting and wonderful experience for both girls. Jamie, having had less exposure as a girl than Samantha had, was completely overwhelmed with it all. She wanted to do everything and never seemed to tire. It was all that Samantha could do to keep up with her. For every new activity, Jamie would want to wear a new outfit and redo her hair. The second day out of Miami, Samantha sat Jamie down for a talk. "Look young lady," she said, "I you keep changing clothes ten times a day, you are going to run out of things to wear before the week ends. Your hair looks beautiful. Stop changing it so much. I don't want you to start your new job with a bald head." "I know that I'm acting like a silly school girl," Jamie answered, "But this is all so new and I want to pack as much into this week as I can." "You really are enjoying being a girl, aren't you." "Oh yes! It's wonderful and I want to think you for not giving up on me." "I could never have given up on you. After all, I am the one who got you into this mess." "Don't say that," cried Jamie. "I'm glad it all happened. I know I'm going to love this new life. I wouldn't go back to being Jim again for all the money in the world." "You don't know how happy it makes me to hear you say that, Jamie. I thought you would like it but I have to admit that I was a little worried there for a while." Jamie put her arms around Samantha's neck and whispered in her ear, "Thank you for finding the real me and releasing her from that other dull life." "Sounds like you may be planning to give Dr. Hoenig a call when we return." "I'm thinking about it." Jamie would still make no firm commitment. "Well, my lady, while you are thinking let's get dressed for dinner. That is, if you can find anything fresh to wear. Like most cruise lines, the cruise director on this line made a conscious effort to arrange the dinner seating in such a way to make the guest comfortable. Young couples were seated at the same table, middle age and older couples were usually paired together. Likewise, young single ladies usually found themselves seated near young single men whenever possible. Samantha and Jamie were assigned to a table that seated four and their dinner partners were Rick Graham and Ben Parker, both electrical engineers from Richmond, Virginia. They both worked for the same company in Richmond and had decided to take their vacations together. Samantha and Jamie found them to be pleasant company the first night out of port so had made no request for other seating. The two men were already seated when the girls arrived and they stood and helped the ladies into their seats. Jamie could tell that Ben had set his cap for Samantha and Samantha wasn't doing anything to discourage him. That left her with Rick. She wondered if they had possibly tossed a coin that day to see who paired off with who. She felt a little sorry for Rick because she knew that Ben had a much better chance of getting what he wanted from Samantha than Rick had with her. She enjoyed the attention that Rick was giving her, but it made her feel a little guilty because she had already made up her mind that he was not going to get to first base with her. The dinner was pleasant and all four got along well together. They talked about their jobs, the ship and the islands that they would be visiting on his trip. Ben remarked that if he had been lucky enough to have teachers as pretty as Jamie and Samantha when he was in school, he would probably still be in high school. As the meal came to an end, Ben said, "There is a dance in the main ballroom tonight. Would you lovely lades do us the honor of accompanying us?" Jamie tried to answer first with, "Oh no, we have ......." "We'd be happy to," interrupted Samantha. "But, we ......." "No buts about it." Samantha cut Jamie off again. "We are in stateroom 101. Just give us forty-five minutes to change and you can pick us up." "See you in forty-five minutes," said Ben as Samantha literally pulled Jamie out of the dinning room. "Who's changing clothes too much now?" Jamie sarcastically ask. "You don't have a prettier dress than the one you're wearing or does it take too long to get that one off?" "That was a nasty remark. Are you mad because I'm forcing you to go dancing?" "You know that I'm in no condition to go out with men," Jamie explained. "I'd like to know why," Samantha argued. "You are one of the prettiest girls on this ship." "In case you have forgotten, I am probably the only girl on this ship who has a penis too." "I don't advise you to show him that." "Be real, Samantha. He is not dating me because of my mind. What do I do if he touches me there and discovers that I'm not what I seem. It could make him very angry. He might be tempted to beat me up or maybe just throw me overboard and I'm not sure I would blame him." "He seems like too nice a guy to do something like that. I think you are being a little paranoid." said Samantha. "How can you say that? We only met the man yesterday. Some thought Jack the Ripper was a nice guy." "OK. I've got a solution to your problem. Come with me." Samantha took Jamie by the hand and lead her toward the ship's shopping area. They entered the small drug store where Samantha purchased a box of sanitary napkins. As they walked back towards their state room, Samantha said, "You wear one of these and if he touches you, tell him that it is that time of the month. Or even better, tell him that you just got out of the hospital, which is true. Tell him that you had some female work done, which is also true, and that you can't have sex for at least a month, which is an undoubtable truth." "That should work, but I just hate the idea of stringing the poor man along." "Now he is a poor darling. A little while ago you were referring to him as Jack the Ripper." "You know what I mean. What if he tries to kiss me?" "Kiss him back if you want to." "What if he doesn't want to stop there?" "Look Jamie, you are the girl now. You call the shots. It will only go as far as you want it to. "Maybe that is what I'm concerned about. Self control. What if I get something started that I can't finish?" "There is more than one way to satisfy a man." Samantha said with a sly smile. "Oh yea, I could cook him a good meal." They were both laughing when they entered their room. Samantha chose a low cut red and white floor length gown that showed too much of her bosom, Jamie thought. She was asking for trouble, but maybe Samantha knew exactly what she was doing. Jamie was not sure, but from some of the things that Samantha had said, she thought Samantha had most likely slept with a man before. Probably with the government man, Chuck, she dated after her surgery. Samantha's love life was her own business and Jamie was in no way passing judgment on her, but that was one part of being a girl that scared her to death. In contrast, Jamie selected a high neck, Chinese style dress that hung loosely to the floor. He intention was to wear something that would not be so revealing. What she didn't realize was that as she moved, the thin silk would cling to her pretty little butt, hips and breast in such a way that left little to the imagination. She looked equally as sexy as Samantha and she didn't even suspect it. With her sanitary napkin in place she felt a little more protected. When they heard the genital knock on their door, Jamie took a deep breath and said," I'm going through with this, but if he throws me overboard, Samantha, it will be on your conscience." "Silly girl. My only worry is that when he finds out he can't have you, he may jump overboard." The evening went well and in spite of her fears, Jamie found herself having a good time. Rick was fun to be with and a wonderful dancer. She was surprised to find that they had so much in common and conversation was easy and enjoyable. Being held closely on the dance floor by Rick was exciting. Around twelve thirty, Samantha leaned over to Jamie and told her that she and Ben were going for a walk on the upper deck. "Will you be OK alone?" Samantha asked. "Are you still nervous? "I'm fine. You two go ahead. We'll just stay for a few more dances." Well, they stayed until the band started putting their instruments away. Jamie couldn't believe that it was already two o'clock. When they stood to leave, Jamie also realized that she had probably had a little too much to drink. She didn't feel drunk, but just a very warm glow and she was happy to have Rick's arm around her as she tried to maintain her balance walking up steps. When they reached the door to Jamie's state room, Rick put his arms around her and pulled her close. Jamie looked up into his eyes and knew what was about to happen. She didn't care. In fact, she realized that she wanted very badly to be kissed by this man. When their lips met, Jamie offered no resistance. The kiss lasted a long time and Jamie hoped it would never end. She felt Rick's tongue part her lips and sink deeply into her mouth. One of his hands came to rest on her breast and still she didn't have the strength to stop. She felt her nipples grow erect and hard. Even the feel of the growing bulge in Rick's pants pressed against her stomach only added to the passion she felt. It wasn't until she felt his hand slide down and between her legs that she was jolted back to reality. She pushed him away and felt a sudden jolt of panic. "Oh, do you have your period?" Rick asked, looking like someone who just discovered that there was no Santa Clause. "Ah, not exactly. I just got out of the hospital where I had a female operation and I'll have to wear a pad for another month of so." It really sounded like a lie to her and she wondered if Rick bought her story. "Does that mean no sex?" The poor man looked so disappointed. "I'm afraid so," answered Jamie. "Could I come in for awhile?" Rick asked. "There are other ways that we can satisfy our needs. I really want you, Jamie. You are the sweetest girl I've met in years." "I'm sorry Rick. It is just not a good time." "But Jamie, I ........" Jamie cut him off by kissing him again. The kiss lasted several minutes and Jamie could feel the bulge in his pants again. She gently pushed him away. "Rick, I had a wonderful time tonight. Please don't be too disappointed with me." "Well, maybe I can get over you with a cold shower," he smiled and she knew that he was not too mad. After another light kiss, Rick went on his way and Jamie entered her room. She noticed that Samantha was not back yet but figured that she and Ben were probably on deck enjoying the night air. She quickly got out of her dress and put on her short red night gown and was in her small bathroom just beginning to remove her make- up when she heard a knock at her door. Assuming that Samantha had forgotten her key, she didn't even bother to put on her robe before opening the door. To her surprise it wasn't Samantha. It was Rick. "Oh Rick, I thought you were Samantha." She could feel herself blushing and she quickly reached for her robe and put it on. "I don't think Samantha will be sleeping here tonight," said Rick. "What do you mean? Has something happened to her?" "No. She is fine, I'm sure. When I returned to my room, the "Do Not Disturb' was on our door and my good friend, Ben, left me this note." He handed the note to Jamie and she read: Good Buddy, I have a guest for the night. Could you please find somewhere else to sleep. I'll do the same for you someday. Ben "Obviously, Samantha is in my bed ---. Well maybe not in my bed, but she is in my space." Rick said. "Thought you might allow me to sleep in her bed tonight." "Oh no, Rick. That just wouldn't work out at all." Jamie could feel the panic returning. "Even if I promise to stay on my side of the room? I am very tired." "I don't know. Couldn't you sleep on deck in a lounge chair?" "It's raining. I'll catch pneumonia." "Rick ... I just can't." "I'll be good." "Promise?" "Scout's honor." He held up two fingers in the Boy Scout sign. "I guess it will be OK, but no sex and I mean that." "No sex. I want even ask for a good night kiss," Rick said as he came into the room. Apparently Rick's word was good. They had turns using the bathroom and afterwards Rick went straight to Samantha's bed and crawled in. Jamie got into her bed and turned out the light but knew that she wasn't going to sleep at all. She was just too nervous. Her thoughts turned to the Rick and the feelings she had experienced while he was kissing her. It had felt so natural and she had to admit to herself that it had been nice. Had she really changed so much that she now preferred men or had she always preferred men and now this new body gave her the excuse she had always needed? Who knows? All she knew was that kissing Rick had not felt like a perversion. She was a woman in almost every way and there was no reason why she couldn't be a woman with Rick. "Jamie, are you awake?" "Yes." "Are you having trouble getting to sleep?" "Yes." "Me Too." "I thought you said that you were tired." "I am, but I keep thinking of you." Jamie didn't answer. "Jamie, have you had a bad experience with a man?" "No. Not really," she said. "I haven't had much experience with men at all. Why do you ask?" "I just thought that may be why you turned so cold on me." "Look Ricky, I explained why I couldn't have sex with you." "Oh, I understand that. It is just that I sort of get the feeling that you are now scared of me, of something. I don't know exactly what it is." "Go to sleep, Ricky" "I think maybe I could sleep if you would come over here and sleep with me." "We've already been over that." "I didn't say have sex. I would just like to feel your body next to mine. Then I could sleep. Again Jamie didn't answer. She thought, 'Poor man. Do I owe him that much? No, I do