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ALL GIRL NOW by Rebecca Chapter 1 My story began when I was 15. I had just finished junior high school and was looking forward with some apprehension to my first year in high school. The entire summer lay before me and I had planned to make the most of it. I really don't know how I managed to get into so much trouble. I was not a bad boy. I was never in fights, I made good grades, I liked people and as far as I know I have never hurt another person in my life. It must have been the hormones -- Or maybe I should say the lack of them. You see, I was a late developer. All of my friends were going through puberty of had already completed the process, but not me. A couple of my best buddies already shaved two or three times a week. No such luck for me. I didn't have a single hair on my body. Well, I will take that back, I did find a little peach fuzz on my legs but you had to be real close to see it. My voice was still high, my skin was soft and there was not a hair on my face of crotch. I had even begged my mother to allow me to get one of those army style haircuts, hoping that would make me look older. She wouldn't even discuss it. She said that my hair was too pretty to ruin that way, so it remained full and just below my collar. My life was an embarrassment and my friends had started calling me baby face. It was so humiliating that I had refused to take showers at school during the past year. When I complained to my mother, she said to be patient and the changes would come soon enough. That didn't console me -- My image was at stake. When I suggested that we steal the car and go for a joy ride, I really think I was trying to compensate for my lack of hormones and prove something to my post-puberty friends. It was my feeble effort to be masculine, to be a tough guy in the eyes of my buddies. Well, to make a long, terrible story short, we got caught. Our parents were called to the police station and we were released in their custody. Three days later we were in juvenile court facing a judge. He put everyone on six month probation except me. Since one of my good buddies had told him that I instigated the whole thing, I got three years probation and was released into the custody of my mother. He told both of us that if I got in any more trouble, I would be sent to reform school. My mother was broken hearted and promised the judge that I would never get into trouble again. I was grounded for the entire summer. My second big mistake came three nights later when I sneaked out of the house to go to the movies with some friends. When I came home, my mother was out of control. She promised me that I would not leave the house again that summer without being in her company. She wouldn't even allow me to sleep in my own room that night. I was told to go to her room and get into bed right away. It really made me sad to see her that upset so without argument, I did as she commanded. The next morning, I got up and went to my room to get dressed. I couldn't believe my eyes when I opened my closet to get a pair of jeans. My closet was empty. I yanked open drawers looking for a pair of shorts and a shirt I could wear but, like the closet, they were also empty. I ran to the head of the stairs and called to my mom asking her where my clothes were. She answered that she had laid out something on my bed that I could wear. Upon returning to my room I got the shock of my life. Spread very nearly on my bed was a red and blue plaid skirt and a silky blue blouse with lace around the collar. Immediately, I marched down stairs in nothing but my BVDs and we had probably the worst argument we have ever had. She explained that she intended to keep me at home for the summer and if it meant dressing me in girl's clothes, then that was what she proposed to do. My angry shouts eventually shifted to begging and pleading. "Please tell me where my clothes are," I begged. My appeals fell on deaf ears. Her mind was made up. She explained that I was not to come down stairs again dressed only in my underwear and that if I wanted to participate in meals, I would have to be dressed in the clothes she chose for me. I stayed in my room all day, missing breakfast and lunch. Around seven o'clock I was pretty hungry and my mother refused to even discuss the matter further until I was dressed. What else could I do? I put on the skirt and blouse and looked at myself in the mirror. What a silly sight I was. Surely when she saw me dressed this way, she would get a good laugh, figure that I had learned my lesson and return my boy clothes. Even my new shoes were girl shoes. Patient leather with a little buckle across the instep. I took a deep breath and walked into the kitchen. She didn't laugh or offer to tell me where my regular clothes were. She simply said, "You look very nice". She kissed me on the forehead and began to serve my dinner. I was starved and she had fixed all my favorites. I soon forgot what I was wearing and enjoyed the meal. After dinner she had more surprises for me. She explained that most young girls my age were beginning to form breast and that my blouse looked a little silly with my flat chest. She produced a padded bra that still had the price tag on it. She insisted that I take the blouse off and put on the bra. I decided that maybe if I cooperated with her wishes, she would soon tire of this and realize how just how scatterbrained her plan was. After I had on the bra she produced a slip and panties, both of which had an abundance of lace. She pitched my underwear in the trash and I wondered if that was what had happened to all of my other clothes. After I was completely dressed, she stood back and looked me over for several minutes. "Not bad", she said. "Not bad at all for a beginning. A long way from perfect, but I believe you have potential. Go look at yourself in the mirror." I did and was shocked. I looked like a young girl with a bad haircut. My feelings were strange, embarrassed but a little excited. Some shame and guilt but at the same time a little intrigued with the image I projected. I also felt a sense of loss. Where was the boy? What was going to happen to my summer plans? What would happen to me if I learned to like this new image that stared back at me from the mirror? What if my friends saw me like this? Well, the shock of that first night was nothing compared to what I endured the next day. She took me shopping! Oh yes, in the plaid skirt and blue blouse. As it turned out, those items were the extent of my new wardrobe and she wanted to make sure that my other new clothes fit properly. Hell yes, I put up a fight, but just like the night before, I lost. At least, she was considerate enough to drive me to a nearby town where the chance of meeting someone I knew was limited. I couldn't believe that she was not embarrassed to be out in public with me dressed like a girl but she seemed to be enjoying herself. Even the sales ladies in the dress shops seemed to be enjoying what was being done to me. They made remarks like, "Isn't he cute" and "Wouldn't it be nice if more little boys wanted to look pretty". It would have been much easier for me if they had not recognized that I was really a boy but I didn't seem to fool anyone up close. I just kept my mouth shut and endured the humiliation. Surely, Mother would notice my cooperation and give me some of my male clothes back and allow me to enjoy at least part my summer as a boy. Mother spent a lot of money. Although we were not what you would consider rich, we were comfortably well off. Since my father's death three years earlier, mother had worked some but I think it was mostly just for something to do. I know that my father left her some pretty good insurance policies and she was now receiving his pension. She didn't seem at all concerned with the amount she was spending in her effort to feminize me and keep me away from my friends. I must have tried on twenty or thirty dresses and we bought well over half of them. We purchased boxes of very feminine underwear, slips, bras, panties, hose and several figure control garments. It seemed like every time we found a dress that she liked on me, we had to find another pair of shoes that would look good with it. One purchase in particular gave me cause to worry. I tried on a short, pleated red skirt with a black knit top and a matching red blazer. When she saw it, she said, "Oh, that will look nice for church". Surely she didn't plan to take me to church dressed like this, but before I could protest, she was busy picking out a pair of black heels to go with the outfit. Just when I thought we were headed home, we stopped at a jewelry counter where we purchased several rings, bracelets and necklaces. The sales girl asked about earrings and they walked to the other end of the counter. I couldn't hear what they were saying but I could see that they were looking at something on a tray. When they returned to where I was, the sales girl asked me to come behind the counter and sit in a chair. I should have been suspicious but I was so eager to get out of this place, I simply did as she instructed. She said the light was better there and she wanted to hold some earrings up to my ear so that my mother could see them better. She did just that but right after I heard my mother say, "I like those", I felt a sharp pain in my right ear and I knew immediately what she had done. My ear had been pierced. No more Mister Nice Guy. I raised hell and refused to allow her near my other ear. I felt that I had been violated. My mother began to cry as I said some pretty nasty things to the sales girl. I couldn't stand seeing my mother cry and people were stopping to stare at us. I felt trapped and on display and I just wanted to leave but mother said, through her tears, that we were not leaving with just one earring. I just wanted to go home so, finally, I sat still while the girl pierced my left ear. She turned me so that I could see my reflection in the mirror and I had little diamond studs in each ear. I think it was at that point that I lost the battle. I felt totally defeated. My masculinity was gone. All of the fight was gone from me and I knew that Mother was going to have her way with me. I felt so subdued that my will to fight collapsed. I offered no resistance when Mother later stopped the car in front of a beauty parlor. I didn't even complain when the beautician told me to remove my blue blouse and put on the smock. I sat in a daze while my hair was washed, trimmed and put in rollers. While the lady was combing out my new hair style, I heard her tell my mother, "Her hair is a little too short but the cut I've giver her will allow it to grow out nicely. The perm will keep her from looking so much like a boy while it grows." That was the first time I had been referred to as a "her" and little did I know how important that reference would become to me before this summer ended. It did not end with the new hair style. I was given a facial, my eyebrows were plucked into a thin arch, my lashes curled, my finger nails were manicured and painted a bright red and make-up was applied to my face. The beautician finally turned me toward the mirror. I couldn't believe what I saw. If it was at the jewelry store that I lost my masculinity, it was here in the beauty parlor that I fell in love with the new, feminine me. I was beautiful. The boy was gone and at that moment, I didn't miss him at all. We even stopped for lunch on the way home and I immensely enjoyed my first meal as a girl. No one saw me as a boy now and I was enjoying the feeling. Mother and I even became friendly again and even though I had a hard time putting my feelings into words, I think she realized that I was beginning to enjoy life as a girl. She was overjoyed and talked on and on about her plans for our summer and how she had always dreamed of having a daughter. It had been a long and eventful day. I lost my masculinity in a jewelry store, fell in love with my femininity in a beauty parlor and discovered my mother as my best friend in a restaurant. Chapter 2 Well, my summer as a girl had begun. I had a lot to learn and Mother worked with me every day. I was taught how to apply my own make-up without over doing it. I learned about clothes and how to match colors. She worked with my deportment constantly, teaching me how to sit, walk and make feminine gestures in everything and eliminate the masculine ones. I helped in the kitchen and with the house work. At night I slept in beautiful gowns and during the day I wore dresses, skirts and blouses. I was really getting the hang of the new me and I was beginning to dread the end of summer and the returning to school as a boy. Occasionally, one of my friends would call and Mother would tell them that Paul had been sent to Florida to stay with her sister for the summer because of the trouble he had gotten into. Soon, they just stopped calling. One day, about three weeks after the shopping trip, the doorbell rang. Somehow that bell scared me badly. I had not even considered being caught by someone who knew me as a boy. I ran for my room fearing that maybe they had seen me through the window. Mother answered the door and I could tell from the voices that it was Uncle Bob. Uncle Bob was Mother's brother and he was a doctor. We had been fairly close since my father's death and I knew that I would just die if he saw me dressed as a girl. For the first time, I began to hate myself for allowing Mother to do this to me. I hid in my closet and prayed that he would not come up the stairs. Surely, Mother would protect my secret. I could hear their voices but I couldn't make out what they were saying. It sounded a little like they were arguing and I became curious about what was going on. On trembling legs, I sneaked to the head of the stairs and hid where I was sure I could run back to my room if he started up the stairs. "Louise, what you are asking me to do is wrong and I won't do it", Uncle Bob was saying. "Look Bob, it is going to be done and if you won't help, I'll find someone who will", I heard Mother say. "I am not going to watch him end up like his father did." They must be talking about my stealing the car. I didn't know much detail about my father's death but I did know that he had been shot and killed in a bar room brawl. Was that really why Mother had me dressed this way? Was she afraid that would happen to me? "But Louise, there has to be other ways to protect him." "Oh, I'm sure there are but this would make both of us very happy", Mother said. "I just can't believe that. Paul is all boy. He would never enjoy living as a girl." Oh God! She has told him. He knows! I felt sick to my stomach and was afraid I might faint. "Well, you are wrong, Mister Smart Doctor, he has learned to be a girl much faster than he learned to play baseball. He loves his new life and if you won't help him be more comfortable as a girl, I know other ways." "But, what you are asking may not be reversible when he changes his mind." "He won't change his mind." "Has he started puberty yet?" "No, he has not and we have to do something before he does." "Actually, if you and Paul are serious about this, we should wait a year. Let him live as a girl for that time and find out if this is really what he wants", said Bob. "That's the whole point, dear brother. We don't have a year. Puberty could begin any day", Louise argued. "Surely the drugs would have a much faster effect if they are started before he begins to produce a lot of tatestarone. But, most likely, if we started them now, he would never produce any male hormone and his male organs would be useless." "Will you do it?" Asked my mother. "I didn't say that. Can I see him? You realize that I would need to give him a complete physical. I can't just write him a prescription My mother called me. My heart almost stopped. She called again, "Pauline". Oh no, she had been calling me that for three weeks now but I never thought she would call me Pauline in front of Uncle Bob. I didn't move. She came up stairs and sat down on the floor beside me. She took my hand in hers and said, "Pauline, darling. I know you are scared but this is important. I'm trying to help you to be happy. Now tell me honest -- Do you enjoy being a girl?" All I could say was, "yes". "Soon, your body will begin to change. Hair will grow on your face. Your skin will become rough and the shape of your body will change. Your voice will become very un-feminine. Your uncle has some medicine that can keep that from happening but he has to believe that you really want it before he gives it to you. I loved you as my son but I love you now as my daughter. If you really want this to continue, you have to face him and tell him that you prefer being a girl. It is your decision. She stood and walked back down stairs. "Well, where is he?" I heard Uncle Bob say. "He's embarrassed, Bob. He will be down in a moment." It was the hardest thing I ever did. Facing Uncle Bob like this was something I thought would never be possible. I sat there for what seemed like a long time. He already knew that I was a sissy now and either way, things would never be the same between us again. I mustered all the courage I had and started walking down the stairs bracing myself for his laughter and name calling. He didn't laugh or call me names. He took both my hands in his and looked me right in the eyes and asked, "Are you happier as a girl or would you rather go back to being a young man?" I couldn't seem to make my voice work. There was so much that I needed to explain to him but the words were not there. All I could manage was one word, "girl", and then the tears started flowing and I couldn't stop them. Chapter 3 We were in Uncle Bob's office at 8 o'clock the next morning. I wore a pair of cut-off jeans and a simple scooper neck top. My make-up was light and my hair, although still pretty short, was fluffed up as femininely as possible. Mother stayed with me the entire time and I was very embarrassed when the nurse told me to take off all my clothes. Since my mother was with me, she left the room and never actually saw my maleness - I was glad for that. Uncle Bob gave me a complete physical and at the end, he ask my mother if we could have a few moments alone. He wanted to ask me one more time if I was sure that this was what I wanted and I told him that it was. He explained that I could expect to see many changes in my body during the next few months and if at any time I decided that I had made a mistake, I should call him right away. "What type of changes?" I asked. "To begin with, the changes will be very slight and you will probably not notice anything", he answered. "Because of your age and a definite lack of large amounts of male hormones I expect the changes to begin to occur fairly fast after a few weeks. You will be like a young girl entering puberty but with the drugs I'll give you, you'll enter it very quickly. The first thing you will notice will most likely be a sourness and some swelling in your chest. After that, don't be surprised if you awaken one morning to find a fairly pronounced set of breast and they will continue to develop. Other changes will take place much slower in the area of your hips and thighs. Your voice will remain pretty much as it is now and you will probably have to shave your legs occasionally but you should never develop a beard. I envy you for that." "And if I were to change my mind about all this", I said. "We'll do what we can to reverse the process but I expect that in a year or so, your testicles will have permanently ceased to function. By then, you will probably not even be able to find them. This is definitely a serious step and I want you to be sure." I probably should have given it more thought, but I didn't. "Let's do it," I said. He called my mother back in and had me lie on my stomach. I could feel the coolness of the alcohol as he cleaned a place on my hip. Without another word, he plunged the hypodermic into my flesh and I felt the cool liquid as it entered my body. I felt excitement, fear and doubt all at the same time. The die was cast now and I would have to ride out this adventure for at least a while longer and maybe forever. As I got up off the examining table, Uncle Bob said, "Your body now thinks it is female. Soon, there will be almost no trace of the boy." While I was getting dressed, he gave some medicine bottles to my mother and explained the schedule that they were to be taken. "If she has any trouble at all, you are to call me right away," he said, "and I want her back in one month for another hormone shot. If everything goes well, I will probably give her an implant at that time which will last for six months or more." That was the first time I had heard Uncle Bob refer to me as she and the sound of it sent little chills over my body. I liked the tone of it. As we were leaving, Uncle Bob put his arm around my shoulder and said, "Pauline, I think I had better start calling you that now, if you ever need someone to talk with, you call me. Just because you are a girl now, doesn't mean that we can't still go fishing sometimes." He smiled and added, "I guess I'll have to bait your hook for you now." I kissed him on the cheek and said, "Thank you Uncle Bob for being so understanding. I love you." As we went through the door, I turned back to him and added, "I'd love to go fishing with you and I think I can still bait my own hook." For the next few weeks we stayed pretty close to home. Mother continued my training in femininity and I proved to be a fast learner. So much of it seemed to just come naturally. My hair was growing out nicely and I loved to experiment with different styles. I could apply my make-up in a third of the time it once took. I had learned to cook and Mother was teaching me to sew. We often drove to a nearby town to shop, have dinner out or take in a show or movie. No one ever seemed to question my femininity and I was becoming very comfortable in the new roll. We didn't have many near neighbors where we lived but occasionally one Mother's friends would drop by. She simply explained that Paul was in Florida with her sister and that her sister's girl, Pauline, was spending the summer with her. The closest I ever came to being recognized was when one of Mother's friends once said that Paul and Pauline looked enough alike to be brother and sister. I was noticing slight changes in my body but nothing drastic until around the third week in July. My nipples had been enlarging for some time and they were very sensitive but still no real noticeable breast yet. One morning while I was putting on my padded bra it was uncomfortable - Like it just didn't fit. I took if off and looked in the mirror and there they were - Real breast and they looked big. Oh, I realize now that they were not really big like Dolly, but to someone who had never had any, they looked big to me. We went shopping that morning for new bras and a week later we had to shop for bigger ones. Mother bought me several bikini bathing suits and I spent some time in the back yard working on a tan. Before we knew it, it was only two weeks until school was to open. I had always figured that when school started, I would have to start dressing as a boy again and limit my female dressing to after school and on weekends. After all, I was still legally a boy. My body had changed so much by then that neither Mother nor I thought I could get away with masquerading as a boy and I really didn't want to try. So, we moved. We put our house on the market and it sold that week. We found another beautiful home in a town that was seventy-five miles away and Mother enrolled me in the high school there as her daughter, Pauline Watson. Since there was still a week before school opened, we hired a moving company to move everything and Mother and I went on a vacation to the beach. By this time my hair was to my shoulders, thick and luscious. My body had developed curves that I had only dreamed of before. And a whole new education became necessary. Boys! I attracted a lot of attention on the beach and at first I tried to be indifferent and ignore this new unsolicited attention. Mother and I had some long talks and the new phase of my education began. I accepted my first date the last night we were there and man, was I nervous. It went well. My date turned out to be a real gentleman and I really enjoyed the attention and all that goes with being treated like a lady. I wouldn't want to admit this to my old buddies I used to play baseball with, but I also got my first kiss and I found it to be delightful. Chapter 4 School started, and again, I was nervous. On my first day I wore a new black and white jumper with a red knit top under it. I was up at five that morning because I wanted everything to be perfect. I put my hair up in a pony tail and applied just a hint of make-up. I changed clothes three times and finally settled on the first outfit I tried. Mother walked with me to the bus stop and I think she was more nervous than me. The bus ride went well and I met several friendly girls on the bus. While we stood around waiting for homeroom to start, I noticed several boys giving me the eye. The bell rang and there was mass confusion while everyone located their homeroom. I found a seat next to one of the girls I had met on the bus and the teacher introduced herself and began to call the roll. When she called, "Pauline Watson" I raised my hand. She looked at something on her desk and then looked back at me then she looked back through the papers on her desk. She looked up again and asked, "Pauline, did you go to Northern Junior High School in Raleigh last year?" My heart sank. She had my permanent record from my old school and it would have my name as Paul and my sex as male. I wanted to run. I didn't know what to say so I simply said, "Yes Ma'am." My heart began to beat again when I heard her say, "Must be a computer error. It happens all the time. They have your name as Paul and your sex as male. I'll fix this so that you will not have this problem in your other classes." She went on with calling the roll like nothing had happened and that was the last time my sex ever came in question. At lunch that first day, I was introduced to some of the boys that I had noticed giving me the eye before homeroom. There was a back to school dance planned for Friday night and before I knew it, I had accepted an invitation from a very cute boy to be his date to the dance. That afternoon, I couldn't wait to get home and tell Mother everything that had happened. We spent every afternoon that week with her teaching me how to dance as a girl. I must have learned pretty well because when Friday night came, I was invited to dance almost every dance. By Monday morning, I was one of the most popular girls in our school. So popular, that Mother had to make a rule that I could only date on Friday or Saturday nights and then only if my school work was completed. Oh, how I loved being a girl. Several of the boys wanted to go too far with our petting and I quickly learned how to put a stop to that. I still had a fear that someone would discover my male parts so I couldn't allow young hands to roam too far. With all the hormone treatments that I had had, it would have probably taken a magnifying glass to find that little piece of meat between my legs but I was taking no chances. Because of this, I became known as one of the nicest girl in school and the over- sexed boys stopped asking me for dates. Nevertheless, my weekends were usually booked solid. I still remember my first encounter with sexual feelings. I was dating Charles and we were on a double date with Mary Anne and Jim. I knew from talking with Mary Anne that she and Jim were into some pretty heavy petting but I figured that was her business. Jim was driving and Charles and I were in the back seat. After a movie and a quick stop for ice cream, Jim drove to what the high school kids called Lover's Lane. I knew that this was a dangerous place for me to be and I guess I could have asked Jim to take me home, but I didn't want to be a prude. So, I decided to play it by ear and do the best I could to keep my secret. Charles started kissing me and that was okay. I had been kissed before and I must admit, I did like it. A little later, as we kissed, I felt his hand on my breast. I should have stopped him there, but my will to resist had weakened. It did feel good. My mind was saying, "Make him stop" and my body was saying, "Just a few more minutes". The next thing I knew, he had unbuttoned my blouse and reached behind my back and released the clasp on my bra. Still, I didn't seem to have the strength to stop him. Moments later, his lips were on my nipple and the gentle sucking sent chills through out my body. I was lost in passion until I felt his hand working its way up under my skirt and that jolted me beck to reality. I had to push his hand away several times before he got the message. Finally, he stopped his attempts but instead, he took my hand and placed it between his legs. I could hardly believe the firmness I felt there and I decided that this was the price I would pay to protect my secret. As he sucked and fondled my breast, I continued to rub his male hardness. In just a few minutes I felt the spasms of his climax and it was all over. He had a mess in his underwear and my secret was safe. Oh, I worried for days that he would brag to his friends that he had had intercourse with me but then I decided, so what. That would only assure everyone that I was really a girl. However, I didn't date Charles any more. One of my best girl friends talked we into trying out for the cheerleader squad with her. I couldn't believe it when we were both selected. My senior year, I was chosen to be the head cheerleader, an honor that I will always be proud of. My mother talked me into dance lessons while I was in high school. I took classes in ballet and modern dance for two years and found that I had a real talent. I found the ballet to be much more exciting than baseball had been earlier in my life. My success with dance lead to piano lessons and later voice lessons. Even now, I sing in the church choir and have done several solos. I graduated from high school with honors and am now in my second year of college. Uncle Bob has made arrangements for me to have sex reassignment surgery this summer. I am so excited I can hardly sleep at night. In a little over one month, I'll be complete. It will be nice to finally get this little deformity removed from between my legs because I think I have found the man I want to marry. We met in my World History class and I plan to tell him about Paul after the operation. I know he will understand because he is just the sweetest man on this planet. So, you see, I did finally make it through puberty. Maybe not exactly the way Paul had wanted but, believe me, this way is much better. I have not missed Paul since that first day in the beauty parlor and now I hardly ever even think of him. THE END