Baby On Board free porn video

BABY ON BOARD by Unknown The story you are about to read is true. I have made every effort to keep it as factual and accurate as possible. Only the names have been changed to protect the identities of those involved. I was an only child with just my mother to raise me. In order for her to work, I stayed with a farming family who boarded several children for extra income. I was one of five boarders whose ages ranged from one through fifteen. The family also had two daughters ages eight and twelve. The household was run by Mrs. Brown. Mr. Brown was gone most of the time and I only saw him occasionally when I got to stay up late. Except for seeing my mother every other weekend this was my home and family for nearly eight years. The beginning of my story started during the summer of 1950. I was seven and had just gotten out of school for the summer. It was during this period that I became very observant of how the families daughters were always treated better than us boarders. I can remember envying them for being girls as I thought that was why they had so much. Though I never needed for life's necessities I was not the best dressed and often admired the beautiful dresses they wore. One night after we had all retired for the night, I laid in bed thinking how wonderful it would feel to be all dressed up in pretty clothes like theirs. There was a red and green plaid dress with a large white lace collar I really liked and I often imagined what it would be like to wear it. I had seen Mrs. Brown place it in a dresser down stairs, earlier that afternoon, and the thought of it was pulling at me. The curiosity kept growing until I could fight it no more and I finally decided I had to find out. Quietly, I slipped out of bed and down the stairs. It was pitch black as I groped my way to the back room where they kept the girls clothes. I never thought as to why some of their clothes were kept downstairs but for tonight I was glad. Finding the dresser, I slowly pulled the drawer open trying not to make a sound. It was very dark and I could hardly see as I rummaged through the feminine garments in my search. My excitement grew as my hands brushed against several silk items including a few lace trimmed panties. Before long I was holding the dress in my arms and rushed to the window to see it from the street light. I was shaking wildly now as I removed my P.J.'s. and grabbing a pair of panties from the drawer put them on. I gasped at the sensation of the silk against me as it slid up my legs and over my privates. My heart began pounding wildly now as I hurriedly pulled the dress over my head. After tugging the skirt down I wrapped the waist ties around back and awkwardly tied them in a bow. My hands were shaking nearly out of control as I pulled it tight. Eyes straining, I panned the room trying to find something I could use to see myself in. Just then I heard a loud click and the lights came on. In a fury of panic I turned to the door and froze as my eyes caught sight of Mrs. Brown standing there. She just stood staring at me for the longest without saying a word. My mind started racing as I felt the numbness of fear spread throughout my body. Finally she said angrily, while still staring at my attire "What in the world are you doing wearing one of Sandy's dresses?" I couldn't answer and lowered my head in shame. Again she snapped for an answer "I asked you a question young man. What are you doing with that dress on?" I raised my head slightly and in a now tearful voice exclaimed "I just wanted to see what it felt like." At that she told me she'd deal with me in the morning. "Now take that dress off and get your pajamas back on" she snapped. I hurriedly reached behind me to untie the bow but my hands were shaking so bad I couldn't get it loose. I looked up at her and said "I can't get it undone." She turned me around and quickly untied the bow. She then reached under the skirt and started to pull it over my head. All of a sudden she stopped and in a surprised voice exclaimed "What's this? Panties too! Looks like we'll just have to deal with you now. So you want to see what it's like to be a little girl do you?" At that she finished removing the dress. "Since it's bedtime you should be wearing a nightie not a dress." she said as she turned and opened another dresser drawer. I started pulling the panties off trying to undo the trouble I had gotten myself into when she turn back around and told me to pull them back up. She then held up a pretty pink nylon babydoll top and asked me if I thought it was pretty. Not getting an answer she slipped the nightie over my head and adjusted it on my body. It felt like a heavenly cloud of soft caresses all over me and though still scared and shaking I felt a rush of sensual pleasure engulf me. She must have seen it in my expression as she said "I see you like it. That's good since it is going to be you attire for the night." At that she instructed me to return to bed and that I had better not remove the panties or the nightie until she gave me permission. Still numb from what just happened, I slowly climbed the stairs feeling as though I would wake up at any second and find this just a dream. The nightie kept brushing against me, stirring my senses to new found pleasure and excitement. Please don't wake up now, I prayed silently. As I approached the bedroom door the pleasure was replaced by fear as I remembered there were other kids sleeping in my room and they would see me. "Oh! No!" I cried as I turned to run. Mrs. Brown smiled and in a firm demanding voice again told me to get to bed. After further pleading failed I opened the door and quietly entered trying not to wake anyone. Just as I was reaching for the blankets to cover me as I climbed in bed the lights came on. Mrs. Brown called the other children to wake up. In a fury I jumped into the bed and quickly pulled the covers up to my neck. The others stirred for a few minutes trying to shake the vail of sleep from their heads. Mrs. Brown then said "I'd like you all to meet a new boarder that's going to stay with us for awhile." At that she turn to me and told me to get up and introduce myself as Ms. Sissy. I hugged the blanket for all my worth as she grabbed it and started pulling it off of me. "Please! No! Please don't make me get up. I'm sorry for what I did." I cried. She acted as though she didn't hear me and in a final tug yanked the blanket completely off the bed. I was stunned as I lay there clad as a little girl all in pink. The other boys stood up in disbelief as they stared at my new attire and began to giggle and laugh. She again demanded I stand up. The laughter became louder as I climbed out of bed and stood before them. I was so upset and humiliated I began to shake violently. All of a sudden I felt a rush of warm liquid spreading and running down my leg. "Oh please no!" I thought as it formed a puddle at my feet. Everyone stopped laughing and silence filled the room as I finished wetting my panties. Even Mrs. Brown seemed surprised. When I had stopped the children started whispering to each other and pointing at me. The whispers soon changed to laughter as Mrs. Brown told them to call me a Sissy baby. I was so ashamed and humiliated when they started chanting "Sissy wet her panties. Sissy's a baby." over and over. After a few minutes, Mrs. Brown told the children that was enough and for them to get back in bed. She then took my hand and led me out of the room turning the lights out as we left. I was really shaking and scared now as I cried "I didn't mean to wet myself. I don't know what happened. I couldn't help myself." As we entered the bathroom she turned and said "So you couldn't help yourself huh? Well, I have just the answer for that." After removing the nightie and wet panties she washed me down with a cloth and gave me a towel to dry off with. She told me to wait there until she returned. I had just finished getting dry when she re-entered. I glanced at her hands hoping to see some of my clothes when I spotted what she was carrying. It was several of the babies cloth DIAPERS! I fell backwards trying to get away from her as she turned and closed the door. She demanded I came over and lay on the carpet at her feet. When I begged her not to make me, she grabbed my arm and pulled me down. I can remember kicking as she was trying to get the diapers folded. All of a sudden I felt a blow against the side of my leg and I froze in shock at the stinging sensation it created. "Now lay still while I get you diapered or you'll get another slap." she said in a firm tone. She then put a couple of pink tipped diapers pins in her mouth and slid the diapers under me telling me to raise up a little. I obeyed while pleading for her to stop. Again she ignored me and continued pulling them up between my legs. I glanced down at the diapers as she took the pins from her mouth and pulling them tightly around my waist fastened them securely. All of a sudden all my energy drained out of me in a tidal wave of submission. I laid there for a minute feeling totally beaten and helpless against her. "You can get up now." she said. As I was pulling myself up I could feel the strange nakedness of my condition and noticed how exposed it made me feel. Just then I saw a blur of fabric fall in front of my eyes and was soon clad in a new babydoll gown. This one was all white with little pink flowers around the neck and lace trimmed puffy sleeves and hem. It was much shorter than the other one and looked more like a babies christening dress than P.J.s. She then held out a pair of white silk panties and told me to step into them. "Looks like we will need to buy some plastic pants for you." she said as she pulled the panties up over my diapers. She then guided me to the nursery where the baby was sleeping. When she opened the door, I smelled the fragrance of baby powder fill my nostrils. I quickly looked around the room and spotted the baby asleep in her crib. "Your too big for the crib but we can make a bed for you in the playpen." she said as she started spreading blankets and sheets on the bottom of the pen. When she finished she told me to climb in. I couldn't get over the rails and she helped lift me in. She then turned out the lights and told me to go to sleep as she left. I looked at the light in the hallway through the jarred door until it went out. The smell of baby powder again gained my attention as I laid there recalling the events of the night. It felt like a dream laying there dressed as a baby and I often reached down and felt the diapers to convince myself this indeed was really happening. I felt at such peace now with the lights out and the soft silken feel of the nightie and warmth of the diapers soothed my nerves. I was exhausted from the nights ordeal and soon fell asleep. Early the next morning I awoke to the noise of scuffling kids at the door fighting to get a look see. I sat up before I realized what was going on and the sight of me sitting in the playpen brought on a burst of giggles from my observers. Looking down at myself regained my memory of last night and how I was now dressed as a baby. I frantically reached for a blanket to hide my baby clothes. Seeing me trying to hide my attire prompted David, the oldest boy, to enter and pull the blankets from me. Everyone was laughing now and started calling me sissy baby. "Look at the little baby. She's got diapers on." one boy shouted. "Doesn't sissy baby look cute in her pretty little dress." was another reply. They all joined in then, chanting "Sissy's a baby. Sissy's wearing diapers." I felt so humiliated I began to cry. Sandy, The youngest girl, kept trying to push a pacifier in my mouth while talking to me in baby talk. Mrs. Brown came to see what all the racket was about and when she entered she took one look at me and smiled while saying "I see everyone said good morning to the new baby." At that she lifted me out of the playpen and holding my hand tightly led me past the children to the door. Let's all go downstairs for breakfast." she said as she pulled me towards the stairs. As I pulled back she turned and strengthening her hold on my hand demanding I follow. "Please can I have these diapers off. I'll be good from now on." I pleaded. "We'll see" was her only reply as she again pulled at me to descend the stairs. "But I need to use the bathroom." I pleaded through my tears. She responded with a smile and said "Your a baby now and babies use their diapers. Now stop fighting or I'll have to spank you." Not knowing what else I could do, I followed her down the stairs. The diapers were very thick and made me feel strange as they rubbed against me while I walked. Once in the kitchen, I was set in the babies high chair and given a baby bottle of milk to drink. I stared at it for awhile and couldn't bring myself to pick it up. "Can I feed the new baby her bottle, mom? Please?" asked the oldest daughter. "Alright dear but make sure baby drinks it all. She's a growing baby and needs her nourishment." "Yes mommy." She took the bottle from the tray and forced it in my mouth. "Now drink all your milk like a good baby." she said in a snickering tone. The warm milk started building my already full kidneys and I began to cramp needing relief. I pushed the bottle away as it was intensifying the urge more and more. "You'd better finish your milk or you'll get spanked." came the daughters voice as she once again pushed the nipple between my lips. By the time the bottle was empty I was cramping so bad I couldn't move. Within minutes I had grabbed the edge of the tray and squeezed tightly as I felt my body slowly surrender to natures call. I could feel the wet warmth spreading through the diapers and felt flush with embarrassment as everyone looked on. The pee flowed faster and faster as my kidneys totally gave way to exhaustion. I could hear it running off the chair and splashing to the floor as everyone began to laugh and bring attention to my now soaked diapers. A puddle started forming on the floor and Mrs. Brown rushed to get a mop. After cleaning the floor, I was let down and told I was to remain in the wet diapers until she had time to change me. I burst into tears, begging to have them removed now and was told to hush up or I'd wear them all day. The silk panties felt strange over the wet diapers and clung tightly as though made of rubber. I felt cold as the front of my now wet nightie kept sticking to my stomach. I kept pulling it away as it didn't feel soft and warm anymore. It must have been nearly an hour before Mrs. Brown finally led me to the nursery to be changed. After removing the now nearly dry gown, she told me to again get on the floor so she could remove the diapers. "Well, have you learned your lesson from this experience young man?" she said as she pulled the panties down. "Yes!" I excitedly said in anticipation of this all coming to past. She stood up and grabbed some fresh diapers off the dresser and after folding them, she removed my wet diapers and sprinkled some baby powder all over my body. It smelled heavenly as she had me roll over and rubbed my buttock ever so gently. Grabbing the newly folded diapers she proceeded to diaper me again. "I'm going to have you wear diapers for the rest of the day and if you behave yourself, I'll return your regular clothes tonight. In the mean time you are to act like the baby you are dressed as and will spend the day with the baby in the playpen. Is that understood.?" "Yes." I said tearfully as I was helped to my feet. "I didn't get fresh panties or a gown this time." I thought to myself. All I had on was diapers as I was led to the living room and helped into the playpen where the baby was already sitting. "Cindy. This is a new friend for you to play with. Her name is Sissy." Mrs. Brown turned to leave and stopped. Looking over her shoulder and directed her words at me she said. "Now you play nicely with Cindy and don't make her cry." after which she left the room. All the kids were sent out to play and things became very quiet. As I sat there I thought about all I had gone through since last night and of how it all started. I remembered how wonderful the dress I put on had made me feel and of the beautiful feeling of a nylon gown against me as I went to sleep. Even the diapers felt strangely stimulating and comforting. I didn't understand why I felt this way but for now I didn't care. It felt wonderful and that's all that mattered. Feeling very relaxed and peaceful I laid down beside the baby and fell sound asleep. For the next four years, I had several such punishment sessions. It was during one of these sessions that the worst experience of my life took place. I'm not really sure what brought on the punishment, but I think I got mad at Anne, the oldest girl, and broke something she had. In response she ran to her mother and, knowing what would happen, told her she caught me messing with her clothes. Mrs. Brown didn't believe me when I told her it wasn't true. I was quickly grabbed and again taken to the now familiar back room. Before long I was in panties, petticoats and a navy blue dress complete with lace trimmed socks and a bow in my hair. I had never been dressed this completely before and even though I was very embarrassed I also liked the new feelings of petticoats swishing as I walked. I actually felt like a pretty little girl and secretly was enjoying the experience. Little did I know at the moment what was in store for me later. After the now expected ritual of being stood before my peers for a look see, Mrs. Brown took my arm and guided me to the back door. At that point I knew what was coming next and I yanked my arm free in a frantic attempt to avoid further embarrassment. "You get yourself back over here young lady or I'll really give you something to run from." she shouted. "Please don't make me go outside. I'll do anything. Please!" I begged but to no avail. Again grabbing my arm she pulled me through the door and onto the porch. "For giving me such a hard time you can remain out here until it's time for bed. If I catch you inside I'll give you a spanking you won't forget." At that, she disappeared into the house. It was only six in the evening and I didn't go to bed until after nine-thirty I thought to myself as I was trying to figure out how long I would have to remain outside. That's over three hours away! Fortunately the back yard was surrounded by several trees keeping it pretty much from view. I dashed for the barn and climbed into the hay loft to hide. Laying near the loading window, I could see most of the yard and looked to see if anyone saw me. The yard was empty and I rolled over to catch my breath. The evening passed slowly as I laid there keeping an ear open for intruders. I looked down at my skirt billowing from the petticoats and thought how feminine I must look. In idle boredom I pulled it back to see the lacy white ruffles and to feel their soft rows of nylon trimmed with pink satin ribbon. Just then I heard a creaking sound coming from the ladder. I quickly jumped up and scurried for a place to hide. There wasn't any! Ducking back down into the hay, I laid helpless to discovery. I watched as a head slowly ascended the top of the ladder. It was David, the oldest of us boys. His eyes were glued to mine as he pulled himself onto the loft and walked over to where I laid. "Well! What do we have here?" he asked in his usual sinister way. "Aren't we all prettied up today. Mind if I join you for a spell?" That's the last thing I wanted and I told him so but he sat down beside me anyway. At first he just sat there staring at me and my new clothes. "That dress sure looks pretty on you." he said as he was toying with the skirt. I started feeling a little scared as he started laughing and running his hands through the petticoats all the while flipping them up as though counting how many there were. "Is Sissy wearing panties too?" he asked as he became rougher and was pulling at the skirt for a look see. I was really scared now as I kept pushing my skirt back down while telling him to leave me alone. He became angry at that and pushing me back, forced his arm across my throat. "I just want to have a little look see sweets. Now if you cooperate you won't get hurt otherwise I might have to really get rough." he threatened as he reached down with his free hand and tugged at my skirts. I pushed and kicked but he was to big and strong. The harder I fought the more he would push his arm into my throat. I couldn't even scream. All of a sudden I felt his cold hand between my legs and he started rubbing my crotch. "Please don't" I pleaded but it only seamed to excite him more. He continued to rub my panties as he told me what a warm soft pussy I had. He then rolled on top of me and positioning himself between my now spread legs, he reached for his zipper. I again pleaded for him to stop as I heard the zipper slide open and felt his hand struggling between our groans. I gasped at the sensation of something soft and very warm brushing up and down my thighs. He removed his hand and placed it over my mouth trying to muffle my cries for help all the while moving more and more rapidly up and down against my panties. He was breathing hard now and it kept getting stronger as he continued to move faster and faster. I could hear his moaning between my muffled cries and could feel his now firm prick trying to enter an imaginary hole through my panties. All of a sudden he jerked and let out a loud moan of pleasure then another. His body slowly fell limp as he continued rubbing against me and he soon laid silent and still. I began to feel a wetness running down my crotch and again tried to push him off and get free. He raised his head and looking at my terrified expression, he also became scared. "Look. I didn't hurt you. Just keep your mouth shut and you'll be alright." he said in a nervous shaky voice. I could see the fear mounting in his eyes as he was struggling to re-fasten his fly. In a much more demanding voice he went on. "If you tell anyone what happened here I'll beat you so bad you won't even look good as a boy. Understood?" He again started pressing his arm harder into my neck as he waited for a reply. "I nodded that I understood and he released me and stood up to finish closing his fly and straighten his clothes. I didn't dare move as I laid there with my petticoat and dress still covering my chest. He turned and started to climb down the ladder but stopped just short of going out of sight. "Remember what I said if you know what's good for you." he repeated and then disappeared from view. I slowly pushed my dress down still petrified and shaking from my ordeal. I don't know how long I laid there but it had turned dark when I climbed down in response to being called in. I said nothing when questioned as to how I liked being a girl for the day. I couldn't even look at Mrs. Brown as she followed me to the back room. After stripping down to my panties, I went and took a bath. A fresh nightie and panties were waiting for me when I climbed out of the tub. As I entered the bedroom, my eyes couldn't help but glance over to David's bed. He was staring at me with a half smile on his face. I quickly turned away and climbed into bed. The lights were soon out and I laid there occasionally shaking as I recalled the nights terror. The next morning I was allowed to re-dress in my regular clothes with a reminder of repeated punishment for any misbehavior of any kind. When I sat down to breakfast all eyes were on me. I felt uneasy as though they knew what had happened to me but no one really did. No one but my attacker that is. I glanced across the table at David as he smiled a victory grin and quickly looked down at his cereal. Nothing more ever came of that horrible attack but the punishments in baby and girls clothes continued from time to time until I was thirteen and could stay home with my mother for good. Well, That's my story. It really happened to me over 35 years ago. Oh sure. I continued to wear diapers and dresses after I stayed with my mother and through my four years in the service. But that's another chapter. not.. THE END CHAPTER 2 Well, here I am going home to stay with my mother at long last. I was really excited as I sat at the bay window waiting to catch sight of her coming for me. I had sat at this very window so many times before when she would come to take me home for the weekend but this was different. The year was 1956 and school had just finished for the summer. I had sat at that window for hours worrying she might not come. Then with a rush of excitement, I saw her walking down the sidewalk toward the house. I jumped from the chair and rushed to the door to meet her. As she gathered my clothes and said good bye to everyone, my mind struggled to believe I was really leaving this place. I didn't even say good bye to the other kids. All I wanted was to leave as fast as I could. My mother seemed excited too, as we walked across the town to her house. Though there were several cars, she couldn't afford one. Many people couldn't so it didn't seem strange. In fact,I had only been in a car a couple of times in my whole life. When we got to the house and settled down after supper, we went to my bedroom to unpack. My mother laid the paper sacks on the bed and started pulling my clothes out for me to put in the dresser. I was so happy at putting them away as it strengthened the reality of this being permanent. For the next few days, we stayed up late and talked ourselves blue trying to catch up on years of separation. It wasn't long before I settled into a natural feeling of being home. It felt strange having my own bedroom and strangely enough a lonely one. I was use to having others sleeping in the same room and now I was alone. I often thought of the other kids as I went to sleep and wondered if they were still at the boarding house. Many times, flashes of my punishment sessions would invade my thoughts and I would have trouble going to sleep. For some unknown reason I found myself missing the attention I no longer had. I was almost fourteen when I started having wet dreams and would wake up with erections. Often, I would wake from a nightmare/dream of those earlier years and imagined I was in diapers or panties again. Mixed with the urge to masturbate, I soon started fantasizing being punished in these garments as I brought myself to a climax. Slowly desires started growing to relive those humiliating experiences. My sexual desires, though not understood, were driving me to want to return to the earlier days and punishment sessions. One evening, I asked my mother if I could return to the boarding house because I missed my friends. Thinking back, I think she must have been a little hurt but she finally agreed as she could understand my need for kids my own age. A few weeks later, I was back and settled in. More than half of the kids I grew up with were gone and several new kids had joined the ranks.Fortunately there was still a baby boarder. He was nearly two years old but still in diapers. It wasn't long before I realized things weren't ever going to be the same. Not once was I threatened with punishments of humiliation. Still, I was around the girls and baby clothes again. I was much more careful now as I occasionally got the chance to dress up at night. Then the idea hit me. Deliberately get caught in a dress again! My heart started pounding at the thought and for several days I tried to muster the courage to do it. In a repeat of earlier days, I tiptoed down the stairs and was soon rummaging through the dresser drawers. I again donned panties and this time even a half slip. Finally came the dress. It wasn't nearly as pretty as the plaid dress of years before but it had a full skirt and a plain collar. I slipped out of the room and walked around the den trying to get the courage to knock something over.I was to scared and finally returned to the back and put the clothes away. That weekend I asked my mother if I could return home. That all my old friends were gone and I didn't like it here. She agreed and told me she'd have me home the following weekend after the boarding fee was used up. All that coming week, I sulked at the failure of my venture. I slipped down to the back room almost nightly trying to retain all the pleasure I could 'DRESSING UP' as I liked to think of it. That Thursday evening as I again enjoyed the silk panties bring me to a climax, I knew I had to have some for my very own. When I had my P.J.'s back on I slipped the lacy panties into my shirt and darted up to the bedroom. Slipping them under my pillow, I soon went to sleep. When morning came I awoke to find I had stirred the bed clothes so badly the panties had falling on the floor. Fortunately no one had woke and discovered them and I grabbed them and hid them under the bed. Later, after breakfast, I returned and started packing my clothes for my trip home. I retrieved the panties and being alone I looked at them more closely. They were pure white with lace running along each leg. There was a little tiny blue bow at the bottom of each leg opening at the hip. They looked and felt so sexy I began to shake with excitement. Hurriedly I stuck them in the paper bag before they caused me to have an accident in my pants. Late that afternoon, my mother arrived and we were soon on our way home. For several months I would put the panties on at night and go to sleep. When I woke the next morning, I would have an erection that was so strong I couldn't resist satisfying myself.Sometimes I would fantasizing making love to a pretty young girl by stretching the panties over my pillow and rubbing myself against them. At other times I enjoyed making believe I was the girl and played with myself through the panties. It was fantastic and became a frequent past time until late one afternoon just before dusk. I was walking home from a friends house and was passing this long apartment building. As I glanced up at it sitting on a hill, I caught sight of a clothes line filled with diapers. I immediately got an erection and felt a compulsion to feel the diapers against my skin. God the urge was strong. I didn't understand why it was effecting me sexually only that the call couldn't go unanswered. I slipped up the embankment under the now dim lit sky and ducked between the rows of white cotton fabric. My heart started to pound as I felt sensual sensations run through my body as I looked at all the diapers surrounding me. All of a sudden I felt my crotch get wet and I knew what had happened. It felt great I thought and I hurriedly grabbed a couple of diapers from the line. My mind was reeling now as I stuffed them into my shirt and ran down to the road and home. That night when I was in my room alone I fondled the diapers while puzzled at why they got me so excited. When I finally went to bed I took the diapers out of my hiding place under the bottom drawer of my dresser and wrapped them around me pulling my underpants over them to keep them on. It was heavenly and I laid there for a long time just enjoying the soft bulkiness of my newfound pleasure. In the morning, I again woke up stimulated and brought myself to a climax in the diapers. It felt almost like when I was forced to wet them back at the boarding house and I soon began fantasizing I was wetting the diapers against my will when I had a climax. It wasn't long before I had acquired about six pairs of each, panties and diapers. I even managed to steal some diaper pins from my aunts house. I was so occupied with my sexual pleasures I ignored girls until high school. All I ever noticed was what they were wearing. Oh sure! I had a few puppy loves but they didn't feel the same and I felt resentment at having to do the approaching. It made me feel like a beggar asking to be loved. I didn't want to have to ask. I began envying them for their freedom to act as they wanted and the fact that boys offered them affection without being asked. Us boys couldn't play with dolls, that was sissy.We couldn't be passive, that was to feminine. We weren't allowed to feel pretty, or even act gentle and dainty. Yet girls could play with our toys, be boyish and aggressive and even wear pants like us. But the biggest thing was that when they really wanted to, they could dawn a frilly dress and lacy petticoats and escape the pressures of assertiveness. They could enjoy the soft sensual feel of delicate silk against their bodies symbolic of gentle passiveness. Well, even if it has to be private...SO CAN I! I don't think I really hated girls for their freedom, I only envied them and resented society for forcing such behavioral rules on me when I didn't have a choice as to my sex. Over the next couple of years I continued my private life undetected. Then one day as my mother and I were walking out the door to go get groceries, she unemotionally blurted out that she had found some diapers in my room. I froze at the door stunned at her news. "Do you enjoy wearing them? Do they excite you?" she asked as she kept walking to the street. I of course said no. Strangely she didn't say another word and just kept walking. I was very quiet the rest of the day for fear the topic would come up again but it didn't. When we returned to the house I looked for the first unobtrusive moment to rush to my room to check my hidden wardrobe. They were gone! I dared not asked my mother of them and sunk into dismay. I never acquired any more clothing while at home and it soon diminished from my thoughts except when I saw a pretty dress in a store window or a diapered baby. I can remember there was one dress in a store window that had my heart aching for it and I would go by the store several times a day just to see it. I would often walk by quickly with just a glance or two in fear someone would notice my unnatural interest. I think I would have given up all I owned to have had that dress. Strangely, it was almost an exact copy of the plaid dress I was caught in years before. Not overly frilly but nicely trimmed in just a little lace on the sleeves and collar. The skirt was knee length and somewhat full. I was really depressed when it was finally removed from display. God! Here it is thirty years later and I can still see that dress in my mind as though it was here before me. My heart still feels a yearning to see it billow out from my waist swaying as I walk. Finally the time came when I felt the tug of freedom and independence pulling at my mind. By now I was so attached to the security of my mothers apron strings, I felt scared to strike out on my own. Then one day when I felt a passing moment of strength, I stepped in a post office and joined the Marines. I know! Of all the branches, why the Marines? I say it's because they were the first door in the hallway, but it's possible the slogan 'Let us make a man of you!' might have pulled me that way. Because, by now I knew I was not as aggressive as a young man should be plus I had become to attached to my mother, a mommy's boy if you will. Perhaps the service will straighten me out. Well, I was signed up for four long years. While in Boot CampI started getting very upset and nervous at the shouting and harassment and though I still don't understand it, I started having to go to the bathroom more and more. When on the parade field, I would ask to be excused to use the bathroom. After awhile it became every five minutes and I was soon denied. That led to the inevitable and I would often wet my pants while marching. This also started happened in the barracks. I couldn't stand at attention at the foot of the bunks long enough for inspection. The Drill Instructor finally sent me to a Psychiatric Observation Unit. The place was horrifying as it was full of epileptics and really sick people. I felt I was put in a nut house and in a moment of terrifying fear, I darted out the doors and started running wildly to escape. They of course caught me and returned me to the unit. The next day, I was sent to see a captain (doctor) and he asked me a lot of questions. I couldn't explain my wetting problem but explained I wanted very much to complete my tour of duty for my sake and my mothers pride. I burst into tears at the thought of her shame if I failed. When I explained my tears, he assigned me to a new squadron with a letter saying I was to complete Boot Camp at any cost. I continued to wet myself but no one put me down for it any more and it soon stopped. For the next two years I think I functioned pretty much as most of the guys. I learned to stand up for myself and all seemed to be turning out well for me. All except my deathly shyness towards girls. Finally I had saved enough money to buy a car. It was a 62 Dodge Dart. I was so proud of it I spent all my time fixing it up. It attracted friends who didn't have transportation and I was soon going to town several times a week. Occasionally some friends would fix me up with a date but I always acted so nervous and shy that the girls never cared to go with me a second time. Then one weekend I went to the beach alone and as I was sitting on the sand watching the tide, a pretty young girl of about twenty came over and started to talk. I was really excited inside at having such good fortune and tried not to show my nervousness. As we talked I calmed down and started trying to flatter her as I thought that was the proper thing to do to get her to like me. Her name was Kathy and she had the prettiest curly brown hair I'd ever seen. Kind of Shirley Temple styled. Before I knew what was happening she was all over me. Talk about aggressiveness. When she held herself next to me I felt myself getting excited and it embarrassed me. She looked down and said "That's alright. I'm use to it. Would you like to go somewhere and have some real fun?" Not knowing what she meant I said sure. She told me when to turn as we drove to our destination. It was an old house with grey wood siding set back in the woods about a mile. As we entered she asked me if I was hungry and would I care for a sandwich. "O.K!" I said as I sat on the couch. She brought a tray and sat beside me. It wasn't long after eating before she started moving her hands all over me. I loved it and my mind started swirling as I felt sensations awakening I didn't know I had. The next thing I knew she had her hand in my pants and it blew my mind. She knew just how to excite me and stroked me faster and faster. Then with the experience of an expert she stopped just in time and pulled her hand out. I was aching with desire now and she knew it. Grabbing my hand she pushed it up her skirt and said it was my turn. As I tried awkwardly to oblige her I felt her soft silk panties getting moist. My cock was screaming for relief as my mind started seeing pictures of her panties. All of a sudden I felt my cock explode in my pants as I let out a yelp of pleasure. Don't stop she pleaded as she grabbed my hand and moved it faster against her crotch. She let out several whimpers of delight and finally slid down on the couch, drained and relaxed. "That was beautiful!" she exclaimed as she got up to get cleaned. Turning to me she looked at my pants and laughingly said "Looks like you wet yourself. Follow me to get cleaned up." As we entered the bathroom she pulled her skirt and slip down and stepped out of them. Being as modest as I was I stood there not feeling right about dropping my pants. "Aren't you going to clean up?" she exclaimed. It felt strangely exciting as I stripped before her. I was naked now as I waited for my turn at the sink. She pulled her panties off and playfully tossed them at me. The moment they hit my stomach my cock sprung back up. "Wow! That's neat." she said as she picked up the panties and brushed them across my bulging cock. "Please don't" I said as I pulled away and started to shake. "What's the matter?" she asked. "I can't tell you. Please don't ask me as it's to embarrassing." I said. At that she looked bewildered for a moment and then her expression changed. "Does my clothing turn you on?" she asked. I became flush as I lowered my head in shame and nodded yes. At that she turned and finished washing up. Go ahead and get cleaned up she said as she stepped behind me to clear the sink. My hands were shaking as I tried to calm down from my embarrassment and I hurriedly washed off. When I turned to get dressed my eyes widened with fright. My clothes were gone and so was she. I pushed the door open a crack to see if I could find out what was going on. "Come on out." she said. As I pushed the door the rest of the way open my eyes spotted her standing across the room. "Come put these on she said as she held up an array of female clothing. Again I panicked as I felt my cock rising. "I mean it. Put these on and let me see what you look like. It'll be fun." she said in a playful way. As I walked across the room I said I couldn't and that I wanted my clothes back. "Not until you let me see you in these." she playfully repeated over and over. She knew I really wanted to and didn't give in until I agreed. "Alright but just for a minute." I said as I felt my body start to tighten with excitement. Within minutes I was dressed in panties, a bra, blouse and skirt. I could feel my already somewhat sore cock throbbing with delight at the silk panties encasing it. "Now that you've seen me make a fool of myself, please fetch my clothes so I can change." I demanded half heartily while still feeling my heart beats running wild. "What's the matter? Don't you like being dressed up?" she asked. "Yes I like it but it's not proper or natural." I commented. "Nonsense! If you like it, I don't care. Wear them for a little while. I won't tell." I humbly asked if she was sure and didn't think badly of me this way. "It's alright. Enjoy yourself." she said as she went to the kitchen. At that I sat on the couch and looked at the skirt draped across my knees. I had an urge to rub my swollen cock through the panties but didn't dare. She entered a few minutes later with a couple of Cokes and sat beside me. "Please don't be embarrassed around me. I knew someone else like you once and I learned to understand. It'll be our secret. Besides, you made me feel so good earlier I feel I owe it to you." I couldn't believe I could be so lucky at finding someone so understanding. We pasted the rest of the evening telling of our experiences. I felt so relaxed and excepted by her I even told of my diapering experiences. She said she thought that Mrs. Brown must have been sick and maybe even got her kicks forcing children into humiliation. It was the best evening of my entire life as I sat there all dressed up with such a warm caring person to share my feelings with. She was not without pain herself as she unfolded her life before me. Her father had raped her several times over a two year period before she managed to get away. Her mother knew of it and turned her back as though it wasn't happening. Later, she met this guy and got pregnant. He didn't care about her and she got an abortion which messed her up so she couldn't have any more kids. She started to cry as she talked of the abortion. I felt such apathy for her as I put my arm around her and pulled her close to my shoulder. I was so relaxed and involved with her story I actually forgot how I was dressed. I didn't know what to say to her other than I felt she was the most beautiful person I had ever met. I told her how very special she was and that I really liked her. We sat there watching the Johnny Carson Show and grew closer than I thought two people could. All of a sudden my mind awoke to the fact I was to report back to the base by midnight. It was already midnight! I scurried to change clothes as she helped me. I rushed for the door and stopped, turning around I again looked at her and told her of this being the best night I could ever have had. We hugged and I kissed her deeply. "Can I see you again tomorrow?" I asked. "Of course you can, silly. In fact you'd better." she responded. It was a long lonely drive back to the base as my mind kept trying to relive all the splendid moments of the evening. It was so wonderful it almost felt like a dream that didn't really happen. I pulled up to the barracks at around 1:20 AM. The Duty NCO was waiting for me and said I was late. He had already put me on report and told me I was to report to the Squadron Commander in the morning. The next day I rushed to the Commanders Office where I sat most of the morning waiting in the hall. "I see you were late reporting in last night. What have you to say for yourself?" he asked in a stern cold tone. "I just lost track of the time, Sir! I rushed back just as soon as I rea--" "Enough! Your confined to the base for one week. Be thankful I don't confine you to the barracks. Now send in the next soldier on your way out." "Yes Sir!" I reported with disheartened feelings. All the way back to the barracks all I could think of was what is Kathy going to think when I don't show up. She doesn't have a phone either. I went stir crazy that week thinking of her and wanting to let her know what happened. Then, before the week was out, I received orders of my transfer to the West Coast. Oh God! No! I thought as I felt hopelessly caged. I just had to see Kathy again. The rest of the week I checked out of the different base facilities and sold my car with terms of possession upon my departure that weekend. I finished up Friday night and had one evening on the town to clear up personal things. I drove as fast as I could to that little grey house where I had found such warmth. When I arrived, I rushed to the door and nearly knocked it down in my hasty excitement. There was no answer. I ran around to the back trying to see inside not being able to accept her not being there. The house was empty and locked tight as a drum. Sadly I returned to the front and climbed in my car. Searching for a piece of paper, I wrote of my confinement and transfer to California. I told of my heart ache at missing her and that I'd write every day. After slipping it under the front door I returned to the car and sat there for over an hour hoping she'd return. No such luck. As I started back to the barracks I remembered the beach where I first met her. Turning the car around I raced toward the shore. When I got there it was barren. It looked like a desert sprawled before the ocean. Nothing moved. I drove for about a mile up and down the coast line but it was all the same. I finally started back to the base as I felt tears starting to flow from my eyes. I could hardly see the road at times as I kept trying to clear my vision. I didn't sleep at all that night as I thought only of her. When morning came, I hauled my sea bag to the bus. The sun light was hurting my tear raw eyes as the bus headed for the airport. Before long I was aboard a transport on my way to the Sunny shores of California only I didn't think the sun could ever shine for me again. My stomach felt knotted as I landed and I felt the world was spread between her and me. It was the worst pain I ever felt. After I got settled in my new quarters, I wrote her a very long letter telling her of my love and again of the reasons I didn't return to her as promised. I wrote every day for nearly a month, sometimes twice a day. Nothing ever came back. Not a word. I was totally broken with grief. Several months passed and I finally started feeling my old self again. I had bought another car and my life was starting to get back in order. One problem remained. I would lay awake at night remembering Kathy and of my experiences that beautiful night. I began rubbing myself to sleep while making believe I was laying beside Kathy all dressed in diapers and a cute little baby doll gown. It made me feel safe from the pains I felt but mostly it made me feel loved. It wasn't long after that, I got the courage to buy a dozen diapers and I kept them in the trunk of my car. If anyone happened to see them I would explain they were the cheapest car polishing rags I could find. When ever I could drive off to the backwoods or an empty back road, I would get in the back seat and after diapering myself I would lay on my stomach and masturbate to a climax. Sometimes I would fantasize being at the boarding house of years ago and sometimes I'd dreamed Kathy was with me. When ever I was through, I always felt an over overwhelming feeling of guilt as I felt I must be very sick to be doing this. But I couldn't stop. I needed the feelings of love and security renewed over and over. As time went on I began to feel very lonely in my pre-occupation and wanted a regular relationship with a girl. I knew I would probably never find another girl like Kathy and that my practice would turn most girls away so I resolved never to tell my secret again. I had been in the Marines two years when I got orders to go to Japan. My orders stated I had a year to serve before my return. I had just turned twenty the day I arrived in Yokohama and thought how lucky since the legal drinking age in Japan was twenty. It took a couple of months to learn my way around but before long I was indulging in all the nice ladies of the evening. My shyness seemed to vanish somewhat and I became very forward with the prostitutes. Before long I started asking for special treatments and I was soon living out my fantasies and dreams when ever I could afford to. I can remember one very special time when I had won over a hundred dollars the previous evening playing cards. I went to Yokohama, my favorite hangout, and after visiting several night spots, I stopped at a small back street bar looking for a little fun. There were several girls scattered throughout the room of varied ages and a couple of soldiers at the bar. I guess it must have been a slow night because as soon as I started flashing a few Yen around they ran the other soldiers out and locked the doors. After a few round of drinks one of the girl climbed under the table and started given me head. I jumped up and stated I didn't want that. Hiroko, the oldest of the girls, spoke english fairly well and asked what would I like. Even though I had become very relaxed around prostitutes I still felt uneasy at asking for my special fantasies. Even so, I usually managed to muster the courage and made my desires known. "I want the oldest of you to play at being the mother to the youngest and at catching me messing with your daughter, I want you to punish me." They all became very interested as Hiroko translated my words to the others. "What kind of punishment?" she asked. "I want to be forced into diapers and stood before all of you while made to wet them." I started shaking with excitement as I often did when making my request. "I will give each of you 3000 Yen and enough extra for one of you to go and buy the diapers. They looked at each other and giggled and laughed as they talked over my offer. I could feel my face get flush with embarrassment as I waited for their answer. Hiroko turned to me and with a big grin said they agreed. About thirty minutes later one of the girls returned with a whole box of diapers. I was both surprised and pleased at seeing they were real cloth baby diapers as I thought they might be made a little different over here. All the bar shades were drawn and I was asked to explain how I wanted each to act and when. After giving details of my fantasy the play began. I sat in a booth with the youngest girl and after a couple of drinks to calm down, I started running my hand over her body. Slowly I slipped it under her kimono and was rubbing her pussy when the mother, played by Hiroko, came barging in from the back room. Shouting angrily in Japanese she grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the booth. The daughter pointed at me and, in broken english that sounded more like baby talk, accused me of forcing myself on her. At that the mother asked the others to grab me and hold me while she stripped me. Forcing me down on the bench she told the daughter to go and bring some diapers. I struggled half realistically as they held me down. When the daughter returned the mother took the diapers and, with a little effort, fastened them on me. I relaxed my struggles as I was let up and stood before the girls while they giggled and pointed at my condition. At that point I was to act upset and wet myself but hard as I tried, I couldn't relax my erection enough to pee. When asked what was wrong, I explained I couldn't wet myself as planned. The next chain of events were totally unexpected. Hiroko said something to the other girls and they grabbed and pulled me to the floor forcing me into a spread eagle. I was both bewildered and a little frightened at the surprise move. As I looked up I saw the young girl, playing the daughter, lift her kimono and pull her panties down. My heart started racing wildly with excitement as I started to suspect what was about to happen. She straddled herself over my diapers while looking at me with a big playful smile and sat down on them. I really started struggling now as I wasn't prepared for this. Just then I felt my diapers getting very warm and wet as she let herself go. I REALLY felt humiliated and ashamed now. I had actually lost control of the situation and wasn't sure I liked it. After she finished, I was let back up and again stood before the group. At that point I was, as I had instructed earlier, told to rub myself through the diapers until I climaxed. To continue with the fantasy of being forced, I received several slaps on my wet rear end until I obeyed. Within minutes, I climaxed in a burst of pleasure as they all laughed with delight. After the laughing subsided I was shown the wash room and upon cleaning up I got dressed and paid the girls. I slipped an extra 1000 Yen to the daughter while smiling at her and thanked them all for fulfilling my desires. I went back to that bar several times during my stay in Japan but as great as the encounters were, they were never quite as special as that first time. Oh Sure! I also had many normal sexual experiences during my tour but this one was so special that I wanted to share it with you. After I returned to the states and the East Coast, I nearly forgotten my fetishes. I started collecting girls addresses from other service guys who broke up with them or knew them through their girl friends. In short time, I was writing twenty to thirty letters a week in hopes some would write back. One week I received two letters out of thirty mailings. One was from a thirteen year old, (nice joke good buddies), and the other from Doris. She was a blonde with blue eyes, twenty one years old and was five feet two inches tall. My being only five foot four, this sounded to good to be true. We wrote several letters over the next couple of months and I found myself mentally falling for her. I know now it wasn't real love but in my loneliness at the time, I thought it was. I took a weekend pass and drove day and night to see her. She was as beautiful as the pictures she sent. I wasted no time in getting her alone so we could talk. It wasn't long before I was telling her I loved her. She was totally shocked at my suddenness. "We hardly know each other!" she exclaimed. At that she knew she had to level with me. "I'm pregnant and my parents don't know about it. The boy just left for overseas duty and told me good bye. He didn't even care." she said as she sobbed. "I care! Marry me and I'll take care of you." I said so confidently that I amazed myself. "I don't want the baby not to have a father. I didn't have one and it's not fair to the child. Please say you'll accept." I pleaded. "I can't, it's to quick. Give me time." she answered. We dropped the subject and spent the rest of the day doing everything we could together. That night we went to a drive-in and, within the first hour, I asked again. "I know we haven't known each other for very long and that you probably don't love me but I think you could if you'd give me a chance to make you happy. Please marry me." I pleaded with all the ernest I could muster. "Alright. I'll marry you." she replied. At that we hugged and kissed like long time lovers. On the way back to her folks we had agreed never to tell the baby I wasn't its biological father and that I should tell her folks of her pregnancy before we leave. When I pulled up in front of her house, I asked her to go upstairs and pack while I spoke to her mother. As I called her mother to join me at the kitchen table, I tried to collect my thoughts as to how I was going to break the news. I started by telling her of my deep love for her daughter and of my desire to marry her. I then told of the baby and, knowing I wasn't there long enough to be responsible, I explained of her being deserted. At that she jumped from the chair in a fury of anger. I grabbed her arm holding her back from charging upstairs. "Please sit back down for a minute" I pleaded. "What your daughter needs now more than anything is your understanding. She needs to know you still love her. Please think of her torment the last three months she suffered with this secret. Go to her and let her know you still love her no matter what." At that I felt her relax some what. I released my grip on her arm and watched as she went up stairs. I sat there the longest waiting for the outcome. All of a sudden Doris rushed down the stairs and out to the car. Minutes later, her mother came down and rejoined me in the kitchen. "What did you say to her?" I asked half threatening. "I told her I was upset but that I still loved her." "Good! I guess I'd better go to her now. Try not to worry." At that I got up and went out to the car where she was still crying. "I'm sorry I had to bring this all out in the open but it had to be done. Please forgive my causing such pain. I love you." I said as I tried to dry the tears from her eyes. "My father will be home soon and he won't be so understanding." she said with alarm. "Well, we can't wait anyway. I've got to be back at the base tomorrow night and it's six hundred miles away." I reminded her in a comforting tone. At that we went back up to the house and got her suitcases. As I followed behind her, back to the car, I turned to the mother and told her again not to worry. That we'd keep in touch regularly and keep her posted. I then asked her to talk to the father as I couldn't wait if I was to get back in time. I hugged her and told her I loved her daughter very much and that I'd take good care of her. I then turned and went to the car. Upon returning to the base, my Sergeant and his wife helped us find a place to stay until we could get married and get base housing. Our marriage went as most did and I seemed to have completely gotten over my fantasy needs. It was about five months after we were married when the baby arrived. At first it dominated both our lives and just about stopped any sexual sharing we had. I began feeling neglected but when I mentioned it to my wife she became angry saying that's all I cared about. Of course it wasn't but it brought on arguments anyway. This went on for several months. Then one day, while I was using the bathroom, I saw the diaper pail and smelled the fresh aroma of urine. I immediately became hard and felt an uncontrollable desire to rub the wet diapers between my legs. Having abstained from sex for so long intensified my climax. It was the most explosive one I had ever experienced. I was hooked again. I started masturbating several times a day with the wet diapers. The frequency of the urine soaked cloth rubbing against my tender cock soon made me to raw to continue. I was crazed with desire now and obsessed with my fetishes. When the raw pain became unbearable, I started using my wives soft silk panties. When she was out shopping, I would dawn her baby doll nighties and panties and after prancing around the house for awhile, I would masturbate. Every time my cock would heal, I would be back into wet diapers again. Only once did I actually wet them myself but it wasn't as pleasurable and I returned to the baby's. A few times I came very close to getting caught but never was. This practice slowed down whenever sex with my wife increased from time to time but it never stopped completely from that beginning on. We were married for five years and I had long since finished my military duty when I finally found the courage to tell her of my hang ups. I think it came about because of both guilt and an underlying craving for her involvement. I was really scared that dreaded evening as I knew it could cause the end to my marriage. I kept trying not to think of the worst as I called her to join me. Slowly, I told her of my childhood experiences and of the punishments I frequently received. She sat listening, half bewildered and confused as to how to act. I explained that as I developed into manhood, certain desires came to the surface because of those early experiences that I couldn't understand nor control. At that point, I held her hands and nervously told of my desire for forced diapering and girls nighties, etc. Her face was blank as though in a stare as she calmly listened. I was in tears now as the fear of my possibly losing her seeped into my mind. Sobbing now, I went on to describe my helplessness in these feelings and of the years of guilt I had from them. I pleaded for her compassion and understanding and told of my fear at losing her because of these uncontrollable feelings. She remained silent as I finished my confession of my years of secretly satisfying my special need. When I finished, she just stared at the table. I added that I was willing to go for help if she felt it might help, that I'd do anything at all to keep us together. She looked up at me and agreed it might be best. She then reassured me of her love and effort to stand by me. Living in a large metropolitan city, I was fortunate to have a psychology hospital and clinic near by. After a couple of days of taking test, I was interviewed by a head doctor while he taped our discussion. I told everything that had happened up to that time. I was shaking wildly as I described the details of my early punishments at the boarding house and had to stop several times to calm down. The next visit, he asked if I would repeat my story to a group of student interns. Being a low cost charity case I felt obligated to agree. The same thing happened again. I shook uncontrollable as I recalled my humiliating experiences. I felt my underpants become wet as I semi-climaxed in them and my face turned flush as e