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My Wonderful Life free porn video
My Wonderful Life
by Anglea J.
My tears flowed down my face as I watched "It's a Wonderful Life," on
television. I guess that's really nothing unusual. After all, I shed tears
watching that movie before. But this time it was different. Because this
Christmas, I cried due to self pity. I always hated Christmas and other
family holidays, but this Christmas, it was worse. I felt lonely before, but
this time there seemed no hope that it would get better. I always said to
myself that by the time I reached thirty, I would have a family of my own.
But here I was thirty years old, the year almost over, and I was still all alone.
I could no longer bear my lonely existence. The pain of seeing a happy
family, on television, just added to my misery. I slowly removed the
sleeping pills from the bottle, looking at each one, as if each signified another
reason to end it all. Each pill told me how I was a failure. Each pill, twenty
six, in all, represented a year, that I did not receive any love.
It was difficult to remember ever receiving love. I guess the last time was the
day my parents died in that horrible car accident. As the sole survivor of the
accident, I was alone, at the age of four. I often asked, why I didn't die with
my parents but never got a response.
Without any family, I was placed in an orphanage. After a short stay at the
orphanage, I was put into foster home after foster home. Sure, most of my
foster parents were kind, but none of them loved me. I knew that they never
were nor would they be my family.
To make matters worse, I never made any friends. I guess losing my parents
at such a young age made me withdraw from other people. With no one to
draw me out of my shell, I became more and more of a loner. As I became
older, it became harder and harder to socialize. I knew people, mostly from
work, but none of them were my friends. Outside of the company
gatherings, I never saw then. No one visited me.
So here I was, counting the pills that would finally end my pain, when a
knock on the door startled me. What now" Not a single visit when I want
one. But on an important day like this, the day of the end, I get an
interruption. Its probably just a salesman. I decide to ignore it. But the
knock continues and gets louder.
With a sigh, I put the pills back in the bottle and walk towards my door. I
look through the peep hole. A woman, that I never saw before, is knocking
on the door. Just as I thought, a saleswoman.
I go back to my seat, hoping that the woman would give up and leave me
alone. But she continues to knock and even starts yelling, "help... its an
emergency," I finally give in and get my bathrobe. I open the door.
"Thank you," she says.
"What's the emergency..." I ask annoyed by her interruption.
"I need your help in stopping a suicide attempt"
"Who is trying to commit suicide", I ask.
"You...," she says.
Her remark surprise me. "I am not trying to commit suicide," I lie. I don't
know why, but I lie. I guess I feel a little ashamed.
She looks at the bottle of sleeping pills... and says, "you don't have to lie to
me Anthony Baker." "A friend of yours told me all about you and what you
are planning to do"
"What are you talking about," I say, "Are you crazy"? "No body knew about
this." "No one..." "Besides, I don't have any friends."
She looks at me and says, "that's where you are wrong." "You have
friends." "I am your friend, and my boss is also."
This is sounding somewhat familiar. The television. "It's a Wonderful
Life," is still on. "You are going to tell me that you are my guardian angel,
next," I say, laughing.
"Yes," she says, "I am glad you accept that fact." "According to the
manual," she says pointing to a book, "convincing a person that you are
guardian angel can be the hardest part."
"Wait a minute," I say, "I never said that I believed that you are an angel."
This is too weird. Am I hallucinating? I look at the pills, still twenty six
remaining. I didn't take any.
"No Anthony, you are not dreaming this," she says, "I am your guardian
angel." She then opens her book and starts to read silently. "Unfortunately,
you are my first case, and therefore you will have to bear with me."
I conclude that I am dreaming. Perhaps this is a way for a small part of me to
try to convince the other parts of myself against suicide. "Alright angel,
convince me," I say. "I think that it won't be as easy as the movie."
"Unfortunately, people's lives won't be worse off then now, if I had never
existed."
The angel closes her eyes and with a shocked expression says, "You are
right..." "Oops!!!" "I don't think I was supposed to say that aloud." She
frantically checks her book. "This a lot more difficult than my instructor
indicated." She looks up at the ceiling and says, "can I get a little assistance
please." "This is my first one and..."
She shakes her head from side to side as if disappointed by the answer from
the ceiling and looks back at the book.
"I got it!!!!" she says. "Perhaps there is a turning point in your life."
"Something that can be changed that would change everything."
"You can do that," I ask.
She frantically flips the pages of her book and says, "I don't know." "But it
doesn't hurt to ask."
"For starters, you can change the fact that my parents died when I was four,"
I say.
She turns more pages and then looks up. "The book says that we can't do
that." "No can't do that..." she says. "The big boss needed your parents for
a special purpose, according to the book you were left here to fulfill another
purpose."
"What purpose?" I ask.
"I don't know," she says, "if I knew that, then this would be much easier."
"What good are you?" I say.
"Let me try a few things," she says. The angel closes her eyes, and
periodically says... "no, that won't work..." "more muscles doesn't change
anything..." "more money" no not that either... ....no....no....no... no
that....no... can't do that.... she won't let me do that....there has to be
something....nothing..."
"Perhaps I am just hopeless." I say losing patience, "maybe you will have
better luck saving your second assignment."
"No that won't work either...", she opens her eyes... "Let me look at you."
"Maybe I can get an idea from looking at you." "You know, you are kind of
small for a guy," she says.
"I didn't know that insults are supposed to be part of an angel's ..."
"Insult..." She says, covering her mouth with both hands. "It wasn't an
insult," she says waiving her hand to accentuate her point. "I am just trying to
brainstorm." "It just gave me an idea that's all." "But I am not sure if we are
allowed to do that." She looks in the book for several minutes. "Nothing,
absolute nothing against it."
She closes her eyes and slowly begins to smile. "Yes." "Finally, I see
happiness for you and everyone you come into contact." "Quickly close your
eyes," she orders.
When I close my eyes, I see an image of a beautiful woman preparing a
Christmas dinner. She is singing Christmas songs to herself. I am
immediately jealous of her happiness.
"Who is she," I ask.
"Don't you know," the angel says, "concentrate..."
She looks familiar. Maybe we met before. I concentrate. All of a sudden, I
have this feeling that I am that woman, preparing the dinner. "That's weird,"
I say.
"Yes, Angela, that's you." the angel says.
"What are you talking about," I say. "That's not me..." "First of, I am a
man and she's a..."
I start to remember growing up as a girl. A girl" How can that be. I open
my eyes and the image disappears. "What's going on," I ask the angel.
"The image that you saw, is what could have been, if things were a little
different," the angel says. "An X for a Y, and an alternate you."
"So its not real," I say.
"Close your eyes and just watch..." the angel says.
I close my eyes. The image returns. As I finish cooking the dinner, the
door bell rings. I take my apron off and walk towards the door and open it.
It's my parents. Wait, they are not my parents... They look nothing like my
parents. Yet, they are my parents. My adoptive parents. How can that be, I
was never adopted. My mom and dad kiss me on the cheek saying, "Merry
Christmas."
Memory of my parents adopting me comes.
"How?" I ask.
"Sadly, a skinny four year old boy is not very popular adoption candidates."
"But a cute sad looking girl caught the attention of a couple." "They, like
most young couples, wanted a baby, but one look at the crying girl and their
hearts melted." "They adopted you."
"They didn't adopt me," I said with tears running down my face, "they
adopted an alternate version of me."
I open my eyes, "I've seen enough." I am convinced more than ever that I
am a loser. My attention returns back to the pills.
"No," says the angel and reads at the book again. "Please, you must see the
rest of the alternate life."
"Why?" I ask.
"Because, if you don't that life will never exist and..."
"You mean it will only exist if I see it," I ask.
"It will only exist if you live it," the angel says.
As pathetic as my life had turned out, I had no desire to live a woman's life.
"Look, thanks for your attempt," I said, "but no thanks."
"But you don't understand," the angel says, "without you, your family, your
friends, will all be worse off." "Your adoptive parents will never adopt
anyone." "Before their names up on the waiting list for a baby, they will
divorce over the fact that your mother is infertile." "Your father will become
an alcoholic and die of liver damage before he is forty." "Your mother will
be as lonely as you are." "Your husband..."
"My husband?" I ask questioning the angel.
"Your husband will be a sad single old man still trying to pick up girls have
his age." "He won't even realize that most of the girls are laughing at the
middle aged man."
"And your children..." she said.
"My children?" I ask.
"Will never exist," she says.
"Not to mention countless others that will be better off from knowing you,"
she says. "If not for yourself, for all of them, close your eyes for a little
longer." "If you don't want to have that life then just open your eyes." "If
decide that you want to be that woman just wish it before opening your
eyes."
I close my eyes, more out of curiosity than a desire to help the strangers in
the image.
But as soon as my eyes close, they are no longer strangers. They are my
mom and dad, my husband, my children, and my friends. We are all
gathered in our living room watching 'It's a Wonderful Life.' A sense of
love fills my heart as I remember each of them and the years that we spent
together. The happy times and even the unhappy times makes a bond
between us that could only be described as love. And I know in that
instance, that I would sacrifice anything for anyone of them. Tears start to
flow down my face like twin rivers. At that moment, I wish with all my
heart, that I was the woman with this wonderful family.
I slowly open my eyes expecting reality to come back. But I have a slight
hope that my life would be permanently changed. Disappointment sets in as
the image begins to fade and my small apartment starts to come into focus.
All of it was just the dream of a mad, pathetic, desperate man. More tears
block my field of vision.
A hand wipes the tears away. I look at the direction of the hand. It's a man!
Not just a man, but my husband, Charles. He smiles at me and I return his
smile. "Perhaps we will break this tradition of watching It's a Wonderful
Life, next year." "You girls just cry too much," he says.
I look at the other people in my room. My two daughters are also crying.
My son is bravely trying to not to cry but few tears are appearing. My
mother and father are holding hands and my friends are smiling. I turn my
attention to the television.
"An angel got its wings." says the actor and looks out the window to see his
guardian angel.
I look out our window and see my guardian angel winking and waving her
book at me.
I smile and turn my attention to my husband and he kisses me. This is my
wonderful life.
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