Andersonville 3 - The Price of Revenge
by Kelly Davidson
This story is dedicated to all the survivors of child abuse, both
physical and emotional. May you find the support and strength to
deal with it like I did.
Fade in...
Linda Anderson - the do anything wonder woman. That's what the
job title should have read. Not that I was good at everything I
did; I was just expected to do everything around the office.
That included making coffee, filing folders, scheduling
appointments, and now fixing expensive computers. I had placed
my favorite music CD into the slot of my computer and the darn
thing had decided it wasn't going to give it back. So I did what
any normal person would do, I kept hitting the release button
while cussing with rage. Strange as it may sound, that didn't
work. So now I was resorting to more drastic measures by using a
screwdriver.
June Herns had mysteriously excused herself from my presence
about 15 minutes before. I didn't think about it too much, I was
busy using my interpretation of the Jaws of Life on the CD unit.
Just as I was getting ready to jab the screwdriver into the slot
I saw the reason for her hurried exit.
"Judge Jasper?" I gasped in surprise at the sight of the man
standing in front of my desk. I recovered quickly. "What can I
do for you Judge."
"Please come with me Miss Anderson." I was in shock, he had
actually been civil to me by using the word 'please' and in a
rather cordial tone.
"What do you need from me Your Honor?" I felt it was better to
remain polite than be rude and piss him off. He wasn't the type
of person you wanted to get on the bad side of, although I
already was.
"My daughter would like to meet and have lunch with you in the
park. She already has everything set up." He gave me a warm,
thin smile that caused me to become a little nervous. This
wasn't the same person I had worked for just a few weeks ago.
I grabbed my purse and followed him out to the park. There,
underneath a large tree, was a picnic table covered with
sandwiches and other types of delights. An attractive young
woman, maybe 23 or 24, was waiting for us. She had long, blonde
hair that was tied up in a ponytail making her appear even
younger. But in her crystal-blue eyes I could see signs of
disdain, as if she was angered at the sight of me standing there.
"So you're Linda," she spatted out my name with vermin.
"And you are?" I asked in a somewhat neutral tone. It was clear
this meeting wasn't going to be a pleasant one.
"Diane," she replied as if I should have known her name. Then
she added, "Gerald's older sister."
So now I knew why I was here. She wanted to confront me, to tell
me what kind of bitch she thought I was. Well fine, I was ready
for her. Let the bitch give me her best shot.
"Having Gerald as a brother is not my problem," I responded
defiantly. I looked squarely at the judge to see what his
reaction was but if he had one he hid it well. "Do you also have
something to say to me?" I asked him.
Judge Jasper surprised me by giving me an almost sad, sympathetic
look. "This is between my daughter and you - I'm only here as a
witness." He sat down at the picnic table and reached for a
sandwich.
"So what is it you want from me?" I semi-politely asked the other
woman.
"To see for myself what Gerald is accused of," she said with a
stern look. "You will show me what happened."
"What do you mean?" I asked with shock and anger. "I wasn't
present when he was 'raping' my friend each night!" And I didn't
think I wanted to know either. But she grabbed my hands and
pulled me close with incredible strength.
"Concentrate!" she demanded. "Think of your friend as Jennifer
Anderson."
Suddenly everything went dark and I found myself in her body. I
couldn't make out much, but I knew it was in her old bedroom at
the Jensen house. I was lying on her bed and could sense I
wasn't alone. A hand reached out and grabbed my breast.
'Oh NO - Please, not again,' I heard Jennifer cry out in panic
and fear. 'Not again - GOD, PLEASE MAKE HIM STOP!'
A face appeared out of the darkness. It was Gerald and he had a
vicious glare on his face. "This time I going to make it hurt
'BITCH' for telling Dr. Jensen our little secret." His fingers
reached down to her groin and I could feel him starting to
violate me. Jennifer screamed but only in her mind.
'No - No,' she sobbed to herself. 'Oh God, NOOOOOO please - make
him stop. Someone, in the name of Jesus, stop him please!' She
was almost in a hysterical state now - with waves of pleasure
from his advances starting to work their way in.
'I WANT TO DIE!' she yelled out in pain and horror.
It was too much for my mind to take. I broke the link and
snapped my hands away from the other woman. My eyes blinked a
few times and I found myself back in the park. Diane turned to
look away from me, her face full of rage but somehow I knew it
wasn't directed at me. Judge Jasper continued to sit there
calmly munching on a sandwich as if he hadn't seen anything. But
I knew he had, I could sense his presence in the dream. He
looked at the two of us and cleared his throat.
"I'll leave you two ladies alone so you can talk." He rose up
from the table and slowly walked away.
My body was still shaking over the experience and I felt like I
was going to vomit. I knew my friend had suffered plenty under
Gerald's control but I had never known the full scope of it. Now
- now I understood the real hell he was talking about. I had
experienced it first hand.
Diane never turned to look at me but I could see she was
different lady from the one I had met just a few minutes ago.
She struggled for a moment as if the words were hard to say.
"I - I can't be your friend right now. But I don't blame you for
what you did. Please leave me alone now."
'Friends?' I thought. I wanted to ask why she thought I would
even consider being friends with the sister of someone who had
violated my best friend several times. But the horror of what I
had just seen and felt took the fight out of me. All I wanted to
do at the moment was hug my brother and tell him I now understood
why being Jennifer Anderson had been so hard for him to accept.
As I walked away I turned to see what Diane was doing but she was
already gone - along with the food and everything else. It was
like she had never been there.
Fade out...
******
Voice of Dennis Butz - Thousands of years ago there was a war in
the heavens, between the gods of old and the new arrivals. During
the process the earth was almost destroyed by fire and floods as
our war ran unchecked. Finally, after centuries of conflict, an
uneasy peace was achieved between our two people. Both sides
recognized they needed the other, but neither side was willing to
trust the other. However, as man grew in power and knowledge he
challenged the gods themselves. To maintain the balance and keep
the peace, a buffer zone was needed.
It's a small town - just like thousands of others spread across
the land. Quiet streets, family-run businesses, and Saturday
afternoon picnics. But this town is different. It's a place for
lost souls, for misguided individuals, and for those who are in
need of a second chance. It's also the last, best chance I have
of freeing my people from their captors. The name of the project
is Restoration; the name of the town is Andersonville!
******
Fade in...
Colonel Myers was sitting back in his chair and thinking what a
great job he had. Inside the bunker he had access to unlimited
resources, both in men and material, and the best part was that
almost no one knew they were there. The bunker, as it was known
to those who worked there, was located almost 40 feet below the
Andersonville Courthouse. From here he could watch and direct
all the activities within a 20-mile radius. There were hundreds
of hidden cameras located all around the town, and many more on
the main road leading in.
His staff consisted of 3 real men - each of who commanded of a
crew of 25 temporary people. The temps monitored the camera
screens and other devices around the town and reported any
problems back to them. His men in turn reported any problems
back to the Colonel that they felt required it. It was then the
Colonel's job to decide how the problem was to be handled.
To make things interesting for his men, each temp was given his
own life. When their shift was done they were simply turned off
and stored in the computer until it was time to start work again.
But the computer interjected events into their programs during
this off time. So when their shift started up again, the temps
would joke and tell their supervisor about the ball game they
went to last night or the waitress they went out on a date with -
all the while his men knew they had never left the cold memory of
the computer disk. Each shift had its own set of temps which
worked together to help build a strong team. As a result, the
Colonel and his men began to see the temps as real people, not
just computer-generated images.
The intercom squawked. "Barry, can I see you for a moment?"
Colonel Myers picked up his coffee and walked the short distance
to the Sergeant's monitor.
"What's up Jeff?" Colonel Myers asked. Inside the bunker, they
rarely used proper titles unless there was a visitor present.
His Sergeant's name was Jeff Summers, a good-looking man with a
nice build who stood about 6'1'. He had recently turned 21, and
his friends had decided to help him celebrate by giving him a
huge beer bash. The Colonel had participated in the festivities,
and was still feeling the effects of the party three days later.
The other men, all of whom were at least 20 years younger, didn't
seem bothered with any type of hangover the next morning.
"We have a car heading east on the access road," the Sergeant
explained in an almost monotone voice. "Speed is 53 miles per
hour. I ran a quick plate check and the car came back stolen
three days ago. I'm trying to get more information, but I
thought you would like to know ahead of time."
"How far is he from the turnoff?" the Colonel asked.
"At his present speed, about 8 minutes." Barry Myers frowned.
That wasn't much time to decide what to do.
The Sergeant's screen beeped as more information started to
appear. "Got something. The LA Police believe a Greg Saunders
stole the vehicle. I'm printing off his police record now. Want
me to pull up his picture from the camera shot Colonel?"
"Do it, so we can compare it to the picture on the police
printout." Barry waited until the printer was done and ripped it
off. He looked at the man's rap sheet and his anger grew.
"Do you have his face up yet, Jeff?" Barry Myers demanded. The
Sergeant noticed his boss was suddenly a little impatient. This
meant they had a real scumbag on their hands.
"Coming up now Colonel." The picture from the camera wasn't very
good, but it was enough to make a positive ID, and let them know
it was Mr. Saunders driving the car."
"What have we got, sir?" Jeff asked with great curiosity.
"A child molester wanted in two states. He murdered one of his
twelve victims and jumped bail. What lame-brained, bleeding
heart judge would allow this scum to post bail?" Barry picked up
a blue phone nearby and waited for the other party to pick up.
"Bird dog, this is the big dog here. We got a hot one heading
your way that's five minutes out. I want you to put out the
welcome mat for him, and implement plan two. We'll watch from
here." The Colonel hung up the phone while the sergeant turned
on the camera that over-looked the house and intersection.
Inside the farmhouse a world of activity started up. One soldier
sat down at the main control panel and started flipping switches.
Two hundred yards down the road, a rock moved sideways, and a
sign popped up from the ground. It read: "Andersonville - 5
miles", with an arrow pointing to the north. Not far away,
another sign rose up indicating the road to Andersonville also
lead to Canada. More signs appeared from out of the ground
advertising various businesses in Andersonville.
While this was going on, three soldiers were busy putting up the
'bridge out ahead' signs leaving only two ways for the car to go
- back the way it came, or straight into Andersonville. About 30
seconds before the car arrived at the intersection, everything
was in place, and the soldiers were back inside the farmhouse.
From the bunker, the Colonel and his men watched the activity
with silent appreciation. The Major in charge of the farmhouse
operation had trained his men well.
As the car approached, the driver saw the signs in the road and
slammed on his brakes. For a moment, the man sat there as if
trying to figure out what to do. Then he hit the gas and headed
north toward the trap. When he had crossed over the three metal
bars in the road, the Colonel knew they had him for sure. He
picked up the blue phone again.
"Good work bird dog - I'm very impressed by your work. We have
him now, return everything back to normal status. Thanks guys."
The Colonel hung up the phone and picked up a red phone right
next to it. This phone rang into the Andersonville police
station.
"Dave, this is Colonel Myers. We have a bad boy coming your way;
I'm having the printout sent to you. He just crossed our first
trap and is heading into town. I'll let you know where he
decides to stop." There was an acknowledgement on the other end,
and the Colonel hung up. Now it was a waiting game to see where
it ended.
Sergeant Summers switched the only road into town onto the main
screen. While they waited, the men took bets on where
Mr. Saunders would end up. One of them picked the motel while
the others picked a couple of restaurants. Colonel Myers' gut
told him the man would end up at Louie's Bar and Grill, which was
located just off Main Street, so he wasn't too surprised to see
him pull up in front of the place, much to his men's
astonishment. He chuckled slightly as he pocketed their money
and made his call to Sergeant Williams. It was the Andersonville
Police's case now, although his men would continue to monitor the
situation with interest to see what happened next.
Colonel Myers told his Sergeant to come and get him when the fun
started and went back inside his office. There was a report that
needed to be completed, and he wanted to get it done while it was
still fresh in his mind. Overall, he rated their latest
execution as a high B+. The only weak link had been him; he had
taken way too long to decide what to do.
'Well,' the colonel thought, 'I'll have to make sure I do a
better job next time.' He was halfway into finishing the report
when the intercom went off again.
"Barry, you better get out here. We have a rocket on wheels
coming down the road." The Colonel didn't waste anytime getting
to the Sergeants desk.
"What have you got?" he demanded to know.
"A Chevy sir," the sergeant's voice registering the stress of the
situation. "It came up on us suddenly. I have him clocked at
nearly 84 miles per hour. I'm working on his ID now sir, it
should be up in less than a minute"
Dave turned and looked at the nearby monitor, which showed a
still screen of the car as it passed the first checkpoint.
Information from Sergeant Summer's search started to appear on
his screen.
"Car is registered to a Paul Baxter. No wants or warrants.
Except for minor traffic tickets, he doesn't seem to have a
criminal history. Current address is Lakeview, California. He
sure is trying to get somewhere in a hurry, though."
The name stuck out in the Colonel's mind - it was familiar. He
started shifting through the paperwork he had on Mr. Saunders and
found out why. One of his victims had been Leslie Baxter, age 7.
Found murdered almost three years ago after having been sexually
assaulted.
"Bring up Mr. Saunders file again," the Colonel ordered in a
military tone. The Sergeant snapped to attention and a moment
later the information was on his computer screen. "Focus on this
victim," Barry said pointing to one of the names. "I want the
parents' names." The computer keys clicked as the Sergeant went
about his task in a quiet and professional manner.
"Got it sir. The little girl's parents were Mary and Paul
Baxter. Last known address, Lakeview California." The Sergeant
said the town's name with surprise in his voice.
"How far out is he Sergeant?"
"At his current speed sir - he'll be at the turnoff in under 2
minutes."
The Colonel swore to himself. He had told the town's designers
that the access road needed to be a least 5 miles longer in each
direction. He now had 90 seconds to decide the outcome of
someone's life. He looked at Mr. Baxter's picture on the TV
screen - there was a look of determination on his face as if he
were a man on a mission. Could he let him fail? Dave Myers
picked up the blue phone that was answered immediately.
"Bird dog, this is big dog here. We have a visitor who will be
coming up on you in less then a minute. Get out there and greet
him. If he wants to know about the last car that went by you,
then point him in the right direction. Do you copy? Good -
doghouse out."
The Colonel placed the handset back on its cradle and took a
drink of his coffee. He stared at the main screen and prayed he
had made the right decision. Paul Baxter's life was about to
change - he just didn't know if it was for good or bad.
******
I was driving at a breakneck speed - taking chances that the
slightest mistake could cost me my life. But then again, I
really didn't have a life anymore - not since that monster had
destroyed it. I had been searching for the bastard for more than
2 years - ever since he jumped bail and went to Canada. What
followed was 821 days of fruitless searching, but I wasn't about
to give up. Then I learned he had made his way back into the
United States to visit a friend and attend to some business. Now
I was hot on his trail.
A gas station attendant many towns ago had recognized the man
from the picture I showed him. Better still, he had had a
conversation with the man I had was searching for, and learned he
was heading back into Canada through the Michigan border. I
thanked him and headed off in the direction of the man who had
murdered my little girl after taking away her innocence. While
she lay in her grave, he was free and starting a new life. It
wasn't fair - and I was going to see to it that justice
prevailed. The anger rose in my throat - this monster didn't
deserve to live, let along start a new life. He had almost an
hour head start on me, but I wasn't going to let up. I was
determined to catch up with him before he crossed into Canada
again.
I flew past a sign that said "Andersonville 5 miles" with an
arrow indicating that I needed to make a turn up ahead. When I
came to the "T" intersection, I saw a middle-aged man working
near the side of the road. I slammed on my brakes and stopped
beside him. I was surprised to see my sudden stop didn't even
startle him. It was almost as if he'd expected me to stop.
"Excuse me," I interrupted. "I was wondering if you could help
me. I'm looking for a man in a black Ford. He may have driven
past here in the last half hour or so." It was a long shot, but
I was praying my good luck was still holding out.
"Yea, he passed by about twenty minutes ago," the farmer
replied. "He wanted to know a good place to eat around here, so I
sent him to Louie's Bar and Grill in Andersonville."
I couldn't believe my good fortune. Not only had the farmer
talked to the monster, he knew exactly where to find him.
"Did he look like this?" I asked holding up the picture of my
daughter's murderer.
"That's him," the man answered pleasantly.
"Thanks for your help mister. By the way, where does this road
lead?
The farmer shook his head. "Nowhere. It dead-ends in the town
of Andersonville. This is the only way in or out of the town."
"Thanks," I muttered in a rushed tone. I hit the gas and pointed
my car down the two-lane road. Damn, someone is smiling down on
me today. There was no way the monster was going to get away
from me now.
As I raced toward Louie's Bar and Grill all kinds of thoughts
were rushing through my mind, mostly of my little girl. I
pictured her sitting in the playground swing smiling at me. I
turned away for a moment, and when I looked back she was gone.
It was a nightmare that had haunted me for many nights; but soon
it would be over. There was a .357 bullet in the trunk of my car
with his name on it.
The bar/restaurant was located one block off the main road
through town. As I pulled up to it, I spotted the stolen car
immediately. One of the detectives on my little girl's case had
given me the information on it. He knew how much this case meant
to me, he just didn't know how much.
I parked my car next to his and retrieved the gun from the trunk.
I had waited almost three years for this day, and yet, at that
particular moment, I was beginning to have second thoughts about
killing him. Yes, he deserved to die, or have something equally
horrible happen to him, but did I have the right to kill him? I
pushed the thought aside. That decision had been made years ago,
and I wasn't about to back out now. I stuffed the gun under my
shirt and walked inside.
Louie's Bar and Grill was your typical hole-in-the-wall bar. The
air was filled with thick smoke and the smell of stale alcohol.
The place wasn't very crowded, so it didn't take me long to spot
him. He was sitting in a booth near the back without a care in
the world - chomping down on a steak the cook had just made for
him. My blood ran cold, and I reached for my gun. Before I
could pull it out though, someone grabbed my hand.
"That's far enough, sir," a tall, skinny man dressed in a regular
shirt and pair of slacks said to me. He pushed me into a booth
and held my hands down. This caught the attention of the
monster, who tried to get up. He quickly found a gun pointed
right in his face by another officer, who had stepped out of the
back room.
"Show me your hands right now," the tall man demanded from me. I
knew he had to be an uncover police officer. A few more uniforms
arrived and we were both taken out of the bar in handcuffs. In a
way, I was relieved that I hadn't gone through with it; that I
hadn't crossed the thin line that still separated me from him.
But then, I also felt angry with myself - that I had failed my
little girl by allowing him to live. The monster was placed into
the back of a police car - a sneer on his face when he saw it was
me. Unceremoniously, I was placed in the back of another police
car.
"He murdered my daughter," I tried to explain to the officer as
we drove off.
"We know," was all he said back. We rode the rest of the way to
Police Station in silence, and I was a little concerned. The
officer - his nametag said Phillips - didn't seem too interested
in my story. Didn't he understand that I was the good guy here?
But then again, I had gone into the bar with the intent to kill
the other man. I wasn't any better than the monster.
To my surprise, we were taken straight into the courtroom instead
of to a jail cell. What struck me even more funny was how the
officers acted toward us. They seemed unconcerned about our
story, as if they already knew everything about us.
I was seated across from Mr. Saunders, who was putting up a brave
front; even grinning a little. But then again, why shouldn't he
be happy? He had escaped death from my hands. The worst they
could do was send him back to California to face trial. Even
that would take a while if he fought extradition. All in the
name of his rights! It made me sick to think that no one in the
court system seemed to be concerned about my daughter's rights or
the rights of the other little children he had violated. What
about their rights to grow up in a happy and safe environment?
"All rise," bellowed one of the police officers. "The Municipal
Court of Andersonville is now in session. The honorable Judge
Herns is presiding."
I was relieved to see the Judge was an older woman - maybe even a
grandmother. It meant she could be more emotionally attached to
the rights of my murdered child than a male judge. Not that she
could really do anything to Mr. Saunders - but perhaps she would
have sympathy toward my plight, and speed up his extradition back
to California.
"Sergeant Williams, what is our first case?" she asked with
displeasure. I could tell from her tone that she had a good idea
who Mr. Saunders really was.
"Greg Saunders, Your Honor. He is charged with molesting twelve
children that resulted in the death of one of them."
I couldn't stand it any longer. I stood up and shouted, "That's
untrue Your Honor. The officer is making it sound like it was an
accident, but he meant to murder my Leslie. Your Honor - she -
she was only 7 years old." My voice cracked a little when I told
the Judge my daughter's age.
The Judge hit her gavel on the table, but not too hard.
"Mr. Baxter, I understand how you feel," she said in a soft but
firm tone. "But do not interrupt this proceeding again - do I
make myself clear? You'll get your chance to talk before I
announce my sentence. Mr. Saunders has already been found guilty
of his crimes in this court."
Suddenly the monster didn't seem to be so confident anymore. He
had expected a simple hearing, not to be tried for his crimes.
"Wait a minute," he protested. "You can't find me guilty of
anything - this isn't proper procedure. Where's my lawyer? I'm
supposed to have one present."
"You don't need a lawyer Mr. Saunders," the Judge explained in a
somewhat acid tone. "You're guilty of these crimes, there isn't
any doubt about that. What I'm going to do to you next is still
undecided. I recommend you choose your next words very
carefully.
"This is BULLSHIT!" he yelled back at her.
"Interesting words," she told him in a calm, even tone that even
made me shiver in fear. "I'll keep them in mind when I sentence
you." I could sense danger by the way she said the words, but
didn't know why. After all, what could she really do to him?
The female Judge turned and looked at me.
"Do you have anything to say Mr. Baxter before I continue with
Mr. Saunders' punishment phase?" I could see the monster was
trying to say something else, but nothing seemed to be coming out
of his mouth.
"No Your Honor," I answered in a timid voice. I was beginning to
fear for myself, a selfish act.
"Really Mr. Baxter?" the Judge asked in mock surprise. "He
murdered your only daughter. You've spent more then two years
trying to track him down while ruining your life in the process.
And now, after you have him in front of you, you have nothing to
say? Tell me Mr. Baxter, what would you like to see happen to
Mr. Saunders? A painful death maybe?"
It was a question I had been asking myself for three years now.
I just didn't want to see the man dead; I wanted to see him
suffer for his crimes before he died. But I wasn't thinking of
him, I was taking a hard look at what I had become. The problem
was, I didn't know what that was. Then I thought of my poor,
little girl, lying there on that cold abandoned factory floor
where he had left her. He didn't even have the decency to cover
her up after he was finished, instead leaving her to lay there
naked. I knew what I wanted to happen to him, I wanted him to
suffer just like my little girl had.
"Your Honor, I want him to receive the worst punishment possible.
Most people think death is pretty bad, but I want his punishment
to be worse than death. I want him to suffer the same way he
caused all those other little boys and girls to suffer, some even
to this day. I don't know what that punishment would be, and I
know you can't honor it. But you asked for my opinion and that's
what I want to see happen. I want him to suffer for his crimes,
not just die for them."
Judge Herns nodded thoughtfully. "An interesting punishment you
are suggesting Mr. Baxter. Most people would have been satisfied
with a long, lingering death." She sat there for a minute in
silence, as if she were thinking. Then, there was a look of
resolution on her face.
"I usually don't make it a point to listen to my ex-husband," she
started out, "but in your case Mr. Saunders, I'm going to take a
page out of his book. Mr. Baxter, I'm going to honor your
request. Watch carefully and remember - this is what 'you'
wanted."
She stopped talking and held her hands out in front of her body.
As strange as it may sound, it looked like the palms of her hands
started to glow. She closed her eyes as if she was concentrating
hard, and I could see her lips moving slightly, as she muttered
something under her breath. Her eyes opened back up and I saw a
ball of light the size of a baseball rise from her hands. It was
almost like a vapor, except for the green and yellow dots that
moved around it. The ball hovered above her hands for a moment
and then sped off with incredible speed and hit Mr. Saunders
squarely in the chest. The man stepped back as if he felt the
impact, but to be honest, from my view, it looked like the ball
of light had gone right into him. There appeared a look of
discomfort on his face.
"What - what's happening to me?" the monster cried out as he was
finally able to speak. "I feel funny all over - like my body is
changing." At that moment, his hands started getting longer and
to my horror, turned into tree branches. Tiny leaves started
sprouting from them as more branches appeared from his body.
Then his feet started to change as well. Where he once had feet
there were now roots which disappeared when his pants fell down
and turned into a bag.
"Stop, HELP - AGGG," he screamed, as his mouth turned into the
bark of the tree, and then his entire face disappeared. A moment
later, all that remained of Mr. Saunders was a five-foot tall
Maple. I sat there in a semi-state of shock - my words had
caused another person to be turned into a tree.
"From now on Mr. Saunders," the Judge said clearly, "when the
children touch and climb you - you will still get turned on, but
won't be able to do anything about it. And as a special bonus,
after the sun goes down, you'll relive the pain of each child you
harmed, including the one you murdered. You will remember for
the rest of your life what you were and what you have lost.
Since you are a young tree, that will be a very long time, long
after your victims have gone on to their own reward."
My stomach began to turn, and I felt nauseated. What had I done?
Yes, he deserved to be punished, but like this? Yet this is
exactly what I had wanted to happen - to have him suffer like I
had all these years. However, the sweet taste of revenge I had
desired for so long didn't taste sweet at all. It was like a
bitter pill.
"Does this satisfy your thirst for revenge Mr. Baxter?" the Judge
asked me in a somewhat harsh tone. I wanted to answer her, but I
was growing sicker by the moment.
"You're - you're - honor." I could feel my bile starting to rise
up my throat.
"Out the door and to the right Mr. Baxter," she responded softly.
I placed my hand over my mouth and ran out of the courtroom as
fast as I could. When I reached the bathroom stall, I threw open
the door and upchucked everything I had eaten that morning, then
continued to heave. I couldn't remember being so sick to my
stomach.
Once I was done, I sat down on the toilet and started sobbing
uncontrollably. All these years chasing this man so there would
be justice and for what? It hadn't brought my lovely child back.
Instead, it consumed and destroyed my life. After all these
years of hunting this monster, I now knew the price of revenge -
why didn't I realize it back then?
I stepped over to the sink to splash some water on my face. I
took a careful look and saw that the last three years had been
hard on it. It seemed as if I had aged 10 years since this
nightmare began. An officer, his nametag said Sergeant Dave
Williams, walked into the bathroom.
"If you are ready Mr. Baxter, I need you to come with me," he
told me.
"Where are we going?" Then I realized I really didn't care. I
just wanted my life to be over.
A thin smile appeared below his bushy mustache. "To finish the
job you started," he told me.
'Finish?' I thought. What more was there left to do? He led me
out to a police cruiser where Mr. Saunders was sticking out of
the trunk. I got in the passenger seat, and we drove a few
blocks to a park. Once there, the officer pulled out the new
tree and a shovel.
"This should be a good spot," he said, but his statement really
wasn't directed at me. I sat on a nearby bench and watched him
dig a hole in the ground. The officer was a strong man, and in a
matter of minutes he had dug the hole deep enough. He pulled out
a small pocketknife and cut open the ball around the roots of the
tree. Large amounts of dirt began to fall out and I began to
wonder what body parts the dirt had once been.
The cop placed the tree in the hole, and then started shoveling
the dirt back around it. In a matter of minutes, the human tree
was planted. Sergeant Williams gave me a small nod, walked back
to his car, and drove off. I just sat there in a daze, not
knowing what to do next. Then the sound of kids laughing
distracted me. Not far away there were some small children
playing on a jungle gym. They giggled and chased each other
without a care in the world. Considering what I had seen, they
didn't have to worry about the dangers of the outside world. My
daughter had once played like that - happy and carefree. It
seemed like a lifetime ago.
"A lovely sight, isn't it." The voice startled me, and I saw
Judge Herns sitting next to me staring over at the same group of
kids. I hadn't even heard her show up.
"I mean the kids," she sighed. "They grow up so fast, but during
the time between birth and adulthood they are so wonderful.
Nothing can replace that feeling of being a parent, don't you
agree Mr. Baxter?"
"Your Honor," I started out humbly, "I want to apologize for
running out earlier. I didn't mean to disrupt your court like
that, I know we still have business to talk about."
She gave me a cordial smile and said, "My child, I understand
completely. Very few men wear their feelings on their sleeve
like you do. We'll get to you in just a moment."
"Your honor, what you did to Mr. Saunders in the courtroom. How
- I mean, who are you?"
"The more important question Mr. Baxter," she said with a serious
tone in her voice, "is who are you? You're not the same man
today as you were when you started this quest three years ago,
are you?"
"No, I'm not. And to answer your question Judge, I don't know
who I am anymore. I thought I did. When my baby died, I wanted
to bury the bastard for what he did." I chuckled sickly. "And I
finally got my wish."
"But that doesn't make you happy Mr. Baxter, does it?"
"No," I answered truthfully. "My little girl is still dead.
Somehow, I thought that catching him would make everything right
again, but it didn't. It cost me my wife, my job, my house - my
whole damn life. I've been such a fool these past few years."
Judge Herns shook her head as if she understood what I was trying
to say.
"Forgiveness can be a valuable tool in life, Paul," she told me.
"I'm not saying Mr. Saunders deserves forgiveness, but you need
to forgive yourself for what happened to your daughter."
"I should've kept a better eye on her that day," I said looking
down at the ground in guilt. "That's what a father is supposed
to do - right? Protect his kids. Well I failed Judge - big
time. I can never forgive myself for what happened."
She patted me on the knee. "Then I'll start the process, my
child. I'm forgiving you for bringing a gun into Andersonville
and trying to kill someone. You're free to go and pick up the
pieces of your shattered life. I'll have to remove your memories
of this event, but if nothing else, you'll know Mr. Saunders got
what he deserved. Come see me when you are ready." She stood up
to leave.
"What about if I want - I mean, can I - will you." I found the
words impossible to say.
"Is there something you wish to ask me?" the Judge said while
looking down at me with her dark, brown eyes. I couldn't get the
words to come out of my mouth. I had no right to ask, and was
terrified of what she might say. But where else did I have to
go?
"Will you let me stay here?" I asked softly. "I don't have any
other place to go, and I'm too old and tired to start over
again." The Judge sat back down on the bench and gave me a
serious look.
"Do you understand what you are asking, Mr. Baxter? If I allow
you to stay, you'll never be able to leave Andersonville again.
Even if this is a lovely town, you must understand it will become
your permanent home. It also means that I'll have to charge you
with your original crimes. Your life will be mine to do with as
I see best, and you'll no longer be known as Paul Baxter
anymore."
"Do you mean that I may be turned into a tree like the monster?"
I was fearful of what would happen to me.
She smiled slightly to push that thought away. "I only turn
people into trees if they deserve it, Paul. No, you will remain
human and take the place of one of our temporary residents.
You'll be given a new and rewarding life to live as your own as
long as you follow the golden rule of loving everyone as you want
to be loved."
"Sounds wonderful," I said honestly.
The Judge narrowed her eyes slightly at me. "It can be Paul, if,
and when, you accept who you become. That's the hard part,
living as someone else. So I want you to think about this
because once you agree to my offer, I won't change you back, no
matter how much you regret the decision. It won't be easy, but I
promise you'll get back the life you threw away three years ago."
I sat there in silence. There was nothing left in the outside
world anymore. Even if I wanted to get back together with my
wife, it was too late. She had recently re-married and didn't
want to see me again. I suppose I couldn't blame her for that.
My career? I used to be in real estate, and while I could get
back into it again, my heart wasn't in it anymore. No, I needed
to make a fresh start in life, but without a place to live,
family to help support me, or money, I would never make it. What
the Judge was offering me was a second chance at life.
"I want to take you up on your offer, Judge Herns. And I know
what you're going to ask me. Yes, I'm very sure this is what I
want."
She gave me a thin but supportive smile. "Let's go back to my
office where we won't be seen, then."
As we walked back, I took a look at the new place I would soon
call home. It wasn't a bad place; in fact the town was clean and
rather charming. It was the type of town you would want your
kids to grow up in. We strolled into her office where a young
attractive teenage girl was working. The Judge told her to have
Carol Green come down, and then ushered me into her office.
"Don't be nervous Paul," she said in a trusting voice. "What I'm
going to do won't hurt. I'm going to delay the change so
Dr. Green can explain what is happening to you. I think it will
be easier for you to deal with it. Please don't try to fight
her, Paul, she's here to help you. Okay, are you ready to
begin?"
I shook my head slowly. To be honest, I was scared despite her
assurances it wasn't going to hurt. I debated about closing my
eyes, but decided I really wanted to see what was happening.
The Judge started by closing her eyes and holding out the palms
of hands. I could see them start to glow. Next, a small, white
ball interlaced with blue sparkles rose out of her hands. It
hovered for a moment, then came right at me and hit me squarely
in the chest. Although I didn't actually feel it hit me, I did
take a few steps back as if it had. There was a slight tingling
all over my body that quickly passed. Someone knocked, and the
door opened. A beautiful blonde haired woman in a pale blouse
and a long, flowered skirt walked in.
"Good morning, Your honor," she said pleasantly. "I see you have
a job for me."
The Judge gave her a welcoming smile. "Good morning Carol. Will
you please take Mr. Baxter up to your office and integrate him
into his new life? Linda can give you his file."
"She already has," the lovely young doctor said, while holding up
a large envelope. "Linda certainly is starting to fit in well
around here."
"Thanks to you Carol," the Judge winked. "Just don't let her
know I said so. Maybe you can work on getting her to dress a bit
more feminine on the job."
"I'll see what I can do June, she's still a little stubborn about
that at times." The blonde haired woman turned her attention to
me. "Well Paul, let's go up to my office where we can talk in
private."
We walked past the desk where a young woman, Linda Anderson I
assumed, was working. I remembered seeing her in the courtroom
earlier when the monster was on trial. She almost seemed too
young be working in a job like this. I wondered why the Judge
was so interested in seeing her dressed more feminine. It seemed
to me that some women were just natural tomboys, although she was
wearing a lovely skirt and blouse outfit. She gave me a sad
smile and returned to her work.
Carol Green led me past the elevator and explained that we had to
take the stairs since it was out of order. It turned out her
office was on the second floor overlooking Main Street. The room
was decorated in a very nice and profession fashion with pictures
of various sights from around the country hanging on the wall.
There was a small desk in one corner, and several comfortable
chairs, including a couch, in another. The attractive woman
motioned for me to take a seat, and got me a glass of water.
"What happens now," I asked nervously, taking a drink.
"Relax Paul," she answered calmly. "Your changes should start in
the next minute or so. It's important to remember not to panic
when they do, or to be too upset after it's all over."
"Why would I be upset?" I asked, now panicking a little at what I
might become. "Am I going to become some old, unattractive man?"
The doctor giggled lightly. "No, nothing like that. In fact
you're going to be very attractive when it's over."
I was about to ask her something else when I felt a tingling of
pins and needles starting to move throughout my body. Dr. Green
smiled at the expression on my face as if she understood what was
happening.
"Relax Paul, it's not going to hurt, and it'll be over in a
minute. Just breathe deeply and don't panic. Relax."
Her words did little to relieve the stress I was feeling. In a
rather short time, based on what I had seen happen to
Mr. Saunders, I would cease to exist as Paul Baxter and become
someone else. The idea was suddenly very frightening to me.
I felt a heavy concentration of activity around my chest and
groin. The skin on my chest began stretching as two mounds
started to push outward. I watched in semi-horror as they grew
and grew and grew. By the time they were done, my breasts were
at least a 'D' cup. I could feel a tugging on the back of my
head as my hair grew by several inches until it reached the back
of my neck. I could feel the bald spot I once had was now
covered with fine, thick hair.
My clothes started changing as well. My pants literally turned
into a pair of blue-jean shorts. My shirt remained in place, but
changed color and style as it fit loosely over my chest. My butt
started moving in the seat and I could feel my hips push out as
they moved higher up my body. There was no doubt in my mind now,
the Judge had decided to turn me into a woman. I only hoped she
would allow me to be changed back once this was all over.
The area of my groin continued to tingle intensively, and I felt
my penis shrinking as more internal changes seemed to be
happening inside. It was an almost pleasant, tickling effect
that was beginning - I hated to admit - to turn me on. My legs
grew narrower, as did my arms, and my hands got smaller. Both
hands looked so tiny and feminine now, and I gasped hard at the
changes being made to me.
With one final pull I felt my penis disappear inside and become
my vagina. Then everything stopped at once and I felt normal
again - at least as normal as I could. Doctor Green stood there
with a smile on her face.
"You look lovely Mary. You really do."
'Mary?' She had called me by a female name. But I didn't want
to be known by everyone as a woman - and I didn't want the body
that went with it. I didn't want to be lovely, or pretty, or be
all the things a woman was supposed to be. I wanted out of my
new body and this crazy place they called a town.
"What - what did she do to me?" I demanded to know, but my voice
didn't sound as hard as I wanted it to. It was rather sweet and
feminine.
"I think you know what she did," Carol retorted in a calm voice.
"What you need to do now is accept what has happened to you, and
start living your new life."
"But I don't want to be woman," I protested vigorously. "Judge
Herns didn't tell me I would become a girl if I stayed."
"I would hardly call you a girl," the doctor answered me back.
"First you're a 27 years old woman with three adorable kids."
"KIDS!" I interrupted her. "I now have kids to take care of? Do
you know how crazy all this sounds doctor? I was a failure as a
father, what makes Judge Herns think I'll make a better mother?"
"Because you'll have me to help you out," Dr. Green told me.
"I'm raising two kids of my own, and I have plenty of experience
to share with you."
"I won't do this," I said with resolution in my voice.
"You have to," she told me. "You really don't have a choice
anymore. You agreed to the Judge's rules, and if you try to back
out now, she won't be very happy with you."
"Yeah," I said as if it was a dare. "What else could she do to
me that would be worse that what's already happened?"
"You really don't want to find out, Mary - please trust me on
this." Dr. Green made it sound like a plea to make me behave.
"Why did she do this to me? Why couldn't she have kept me as a
man?" Suddenly I found tears forming in my eyes. Was this part
of the curse of being a woman - crying on the spot? The doctor
sat down and put her arm around me in an attempt to comfort me.
I had to admit it made me feel a little better.
"Mary - okay, Paul, it's not a punishment. Why Judge Herns
decided to turn you into a woman I don't have an answer for.
Maybe one day she will tell you why - but I'm sure she had good
reasons for doing so. What you need to do is forget about your
past life and embrace your new one. You really are a lucky lady.
Do you want me to tell you about yourself?
"Sure - why not," I sniffed. "Wow me with this wonderful life
she stuck me into."
"Sarcasm won't help, Paul," she told me. "Okay, as I said you're
27 and a mother of three. Your husband," I gave her a shocked
look, but she grinned and went on, "works as a manager over at
the mine. He's an important person at his job for someone so
young. He hopes to become president of the mine one day. His
name is George Patterson and you two have been married for almost
8 years now. You live in a nice, 4-bedroom house off of Maple
Street. By the way, I've seen the house and if I may be so bold,
you are going to love living there."
"Look," I started out in the hopes I could talk myself out of
this life she was presenting to me. "It sounds great, but I
think I'll pass on this. Just let me go see the Judge and work
all this out."
She shook her head and said, "It's not going to happen Paul!
This is who you're going to be for the rest of your life. If you
try to escape, the Judge will only get mad, and then you will
have to be punished."
"You really don't expect me to spread my legs for my some
stranger I don't even know, do you?" The thought horrified me.
"I'm not GAY, DOCTOR."
The doctor grinned as if she had expected me to lose my temper.
"Your baby is only a week old. Your family doctor is suggesting
you don't have sex with your husband for at least four weeks so
this'll give you plenty of time to get used to the idea, Paul.
However, since your body didn't actually go through the stress of
the birth, you can try it earlier if you want. And you'll find
it to be a most natural event when you do. You're going to love
sex as a woman, Paul, trust me on this."
"Fine then," I said in frustration. If Dr. Green couldn't see my
point, then I would go see the Judge as soon as she let me leave.
"So what happens now doctor?"
"Why don't we start with your children, first." The doctor
opened up the door and pulled in a stroller. There was a newborn
baby stirring slightly inside.
"This is your daughter, Leslie," she whispered softly to me. I
looked at the small bundle of joy and my heart broke - I was in
love with her. She stirred some more, then started to cry
loudly. It always amazed me how something so small could cry so
loud. I reached down and picked up the crying child. Almost
immediately I felt the bond that happens between a parent and
child.
"She's beautiful doctor," I said staring at her. I suddenly
forgot about my visit with the Judge. All I could think about
was how much this newborn daughter looked like my old Leslie.
The baby went from crying to screaming unhappily at the top of
her lungs.
"I think she's hungry Mary," the doctor hinted. I looked around
for a bag containing her bottles but didn't see one.
"Where are the baby bottles?" I asked with concern.
"There are none. You decided to breast feed her," the doctor said
with a grin. I blushed slightly at the idea.
"But I - well - my ex-wife never did that and I ..."
"Don't know what to do," she finished for me with a smile.
"That's what I'm here for, Mary. Sit down in the chair." I took
a seat while carefully holding on to my new daughter.
"Okay, unbutton your blouse so the baby can get to your breast."
I blushed some more but the comforting smile never left the
doctor's face. "It's alright Mary, I've seen this done before.
You don't have to be ashamed about doing this in front of me.
This is what woman do - we share our experience with others."
I guess she had a point, I didn't have anything that she hadn't
seen before in the mirror. I unbuttoned my blouse and exposed
the right side of my bra.
"Okay Mary, you're wearing a maternity bra, which allows you to
unsnap the front of it so the baby can get to your breast without
you having to take the bra off. So unsnap it and move the baby's
mouth up to your nipple. Leslie will take it from there."
I was no longer embarrassed about what I was doing. In fact I
found the idea of nursing my baby a little exciting. I pulled
the front of my bra down and stuck little Leslie in front of my
breast. She took hold of the nipple, and her crying turned to
soft sobs and then the gentle sound of her sucking on my breast.
The feeling of nursing her was wonderful. It wasn't a sexual
feeling, but it was just as powerful. Leslie continued to nurse
while I held tightly onto her warm body and realized I had never
felt so happy or complete in all my life.
"You did a good job for the first time," Dr. Green said after
about five minutes. I think she deliberately waited that long to
give me time to bond with Leslie before interrupting my thoughts.
"Is it always like this?" I wanted to know. "Like she's a part
of me? I feel so close to her right now."
"Yes," the doctor said with glowing eyes, remembering her own
children. "And it continues even after they no longer need your
milk anymore. You will always feel like they're a part of you."
Leslie was sleeping again. I pulled her away from my breast, and
wrapped her back up in the blanket. My new baby girl looked like
an angel lying there in my arms.
"Next time, use the other breast, and change her diaper before
you start so you won't have to disturb her after she eats," the
doctor suggested. I nodded, and reluctantly laid her back down
in the stroller.
"You said I had three children, Doctor," I said. "When do I meet
the other two?"
"How about right now?" Dr. Green replied. She opened the door,
and two small boys, about four and five years old, walked into
the room. There was something wrong with their eyes, because
they twinkled when I looked at them. The doctor noticed my
confusion and concern. She pulled out a couple of coloring books
and crayons for them.
"Here boys, why don't you color for a few minutes outside while I
talk to your mother." Their faces lit up when they saw the
coloring books, and they scampered out into the hallway to some
chairs close by.
"Their eyes?" I gasped.
"It's alright Mary. It's normal with children who are temps.
You'll get used to it."
"You mean - they're not real?"
"Well, yes and no. They are real in the sense that you can touch
them. They each have their own personalities - fears, joys,
strengths, and weaknesses. They can cry and laugh just like real
children, and each one has their own fears. Nothing about them
is different from you and me except for one thing - a computer
program controls their personalities. In time the Judge will
substitute in a real person, making them whole. Then they'll
have the freedom to choose, as well as make their own mistakes."
"So this body used to belong to a temp?" I found the idea a
little uneasy.
"Correct. Which means you don't have to worry about making new
friends, they already know you."
"But how will I know who they are if I haven't met them yet?"
"Simple. If it's a temp, just ask them who they are. They will
tell you, and the computer will erase the question from their
memory. For a real person, you'll have to do a song and dance
until you find out who they are. Oh, one more thing, most of the
real people don't remember who they were."
"You wiped out their memories?" I was horrified again.
"Not really. I can't tell you why this happens, because, to be
honest, I don't know myself. My guess is that it's easier for
them to adjust if they don't know what's really going on. Most
of them were criminals who had a rough start. I guess not
remembering their past makes it easier for them to live in the
present." The doctor looked at her watch and frowned slightly.
"I would love to talk with you some more, Mary, but I have
another appointment coming soon. Why don't you stop by my office
tomorrow around 11am to talk? Afterwards, we can do lunch
together."
Carol opened the door, and I could see my two boys sitting,
quietly coloring. I started to push Leslie's stroller into the
hallway, but hesitated. Suddenly everything seemed foreign to me
and I became scared.
"Dr. Green," I stuttered out. "I'm not - I'm not sure - that I
can do this."
She reached over and gave me an encouraging hug. "You'll do fine
Paul. Just remember that you're Mary Patterson now and everyone
will know you by that name. Why don't you take the kids to the
park and get to know them better? By the time you get home
tonight everything will seem natural to you - I promise." Carol
gave me another hug and called out to an officer who happened to
be walking by.
"Officer Philips, would you mind helping Mrs. Patterson get her
stroller down the steps and to her car please?"
The police officer smiled and said, "sure thing doc." He grabbed
hold of the stroller with both hands and started down the steps
with it. Along the way we passed a teenage girl, maybe about 17
years old, being escorted up the steps by another police officer.
The look on her face showed signs of distress.
"Hi Troy," the officer holding on to the teenager said as he past
us by. "Decided to give married life a try?"
"This is the closest I'll ever get to a family again," Officer
Philips responded with a cheerful laugh. "I see Miss Williams
was in trouble with the Judge again. You really shouldn't try to
escape Peggy, I'll only have to go out and catch you again."
"Screw you Officer Philips," she spat out.
"I'll like to, Peggy, but you're jail-bait now - aren't you!" He
gave her an evil, mean grin. "Maybe when you turn 18 once again
we can relive some of those old times. Then again, maybe you'll
learn that going to bed with me doesn't mean I'm going to help
you escape. However, it was fun while it lasted."
I became angry, not only with the officer talking to the
frightened girl that way, but also for him talking so openly in
front of my children. I suddenly felt very protective of what
they saw or heard.
"Officer Philips," I snapped at him. "I would appreciate it if
you didn't talk like that in front of my children - or IN FRONT
OF ME!"
The cop turned to give me an angry look, but I beat him to the
punch, and was already glaring at him. Then it dawned on me, it
wasn't just an act; I really was angry with him. I stared him
down, and his anger faded quickly.
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Patterson," he said in an apologetic tone as he
continued carrying the stroller down the steps. The teenaged
girl smiled and mouthed a 'thank you' at me for putting this jerk
in his place.
"Come on, Miss Williams, Dr. Green is waiting for you," the
officer holding onto her arm said. She looked back at me again,
then disappeared down the hallway.
I followed the other officer out of the courtroom to a red Dodge
mini-van that I assumed belonged to me. I was proven correct
when I stuck the key into the door lock and it opened. I thanked
Officer Philips for his help, and belted my kids in. Leslie
stirred a little while I was buckling her, but faded back to
sleep. I had forgotten how much babies slept during their first
month of life. This was due to the fact that their bodies were
growing at a fantastic rate and they tended to use up most of
their energy.
When we got to the park, the two boys jumped out of the van and
raced to the giant jungle gym. I unbuckled Leslie's car seat and
carefully placed it down next to me on the wooden bench. It was
a surprisingly nice, warm day for Montana in early August. I
wondered how much snow the town would get, and how much fun my
boys would have playing in it. I was surprised to find myself
thinking about the future and not worrying about the past. I had
only been in this body for a little more than one hour and yet
felt like I had been Mary Patterson all my life.
"Is that your little girl?" I noticed a young woman about my age
standing next to me. "She's beautiful!"
"Thank you," I smiled. I could tell from the twinkle in her eyes
that she was a temp. I also noticed that the more they
interacted with you, the more their eyes twinkled. I wondered if
whoever was running the show had set this meeting up. I decided
to play along.
"I'm Mary Patterson, and this is my daughter Leslie." I extended
my hand to her.
"Hi Mary," the woman said touching my hand with hers. It felt so
warm, like a real hand. "I'm Susan Brookman. That's my little
girl, Cindy, over there on the swing." She pointed to a little
girl about 5-years old with curly, brown hair.
"She's cute too," I smiled back in a most feminine manner. It
seemed easy to go through the motions at the moment. "Would you
like to join me?"
"I'll love to," the temp answered cheerfully, as she sat down on
the bench beside me.
"My two boys are over there - John and Michael," I said. "My
oldest will be in first grade this year." I was thankful to have
remembered to ask them their names on the way over.
Susan giggled. "Better watch out, Mary, my Cindy is kind of boy
crazy right now. I swear she's growing up so fast."
'So was my little girl,' I said to myself remembering my old
Leslie sadly. It was over, why couldn't I let go of her?
"They do grow up fast," I said with tears in my eyes. Maybe the
temps weren't programmed to react to certain reactions, because
Susan never gave me a second glance. We spent the next hour
talking about various things, like where were the best places to
shop in Andersonville, and where could I get my hair done. By
the time I was ready to leave, I was convinced the meeting had
been a setup by Judge Herns, Carol Green, or someone else to work
on my female skills. I felt like I passed with flying colors.
I followed the directions that Office Philips had given me to my
new residence. Carol Green was right about my new home - I loved
it. It was a two-story brick house with a huge back yard and
lush, green grass. There were several tall trees that provided
lots of shade in the summer and some protection against snow in
the winter. In the back, I could see a patio with some rather
expensive patio furniture and a small gas grill off on one side.
The only thing missing was a swimming pool, although I imagine
the swimming season around here was too short to make one
practical to own. I tried the front door and was surprised to
find it wasn't locked.
Inside, I found the house decorated for a family with kids in
mind. The furniture was nice but not so nice that a spilled
drink would ruin it. There was a large family room with a
fireplace, and a lovely dinning room off from the kitchen. There
was even a toy room on the main floor that my boys scampered off
to play in.
About this time, Leslie was waking up from her nap, and the
unsettling aroma and loud crying indicated she was more than just
hungry. I took her upstairs into the nursery and put her down on
the changing table. Now, I had changed diapers many times
before, but as a woman it felt different. Maybe it was the
bonding process I had with my new daughter, but taking care of
her seemed more like a privilege than a chore. In fact, I
couldn't wait to hold her up to my breast again to feed her. It
was the ultimate experience of being close to someone and knowing
you were responsible for sustaining their life.
I took Leslie to my breast and with loving care helped her attach
herself to my nipple, as Carol had shown me, in case she had
trouble. Slowly, almost rhythmically, as before - she sucked the
milk from my body. I felt so attached to her.
After Leslie was done eating, I rocked her in my arms until she
fell back asleep. My baby looked like an angel laying in the
small downstairs crib in my living room. I spotted some pictures
sitting on a small table and went over to look at each one.
There was me on my wedding day, being held by my husband, who had
one arm draped around my tiny waist. I was wearing a beautiful,
white bridal gown with long sleeves and lots of lace. I found
myself wondering how there could be a picture of a wedding that
had never happened. Still, it was hard to deny the woman
standing there with the shiny smile on her face wasn't me. I was
younger looking and my hair was a little bit longer but it was
still me - or the me I was now supposed to be.
The other pictures were of when my sons were babies. In both
cases, I was holding them lovingly in my arms. Then there were
pictures of some older couples who I suspected were my parents
and in-laws. I could tell which ones were my parents, as I had
clearly gotten my looks from my mother.
Then there was my husband. From another man's perspective, he
was very distinguished looking. From a woman's perspective, he
was a pure hunk. Tall and well built - with a strong smile that
was both open and sincere. He was a handsome man with a thick
crop of light blonde hair and a mustache. I felt an instant
attraction to him.
I tried to shake myself out of the trance I was falling into. I
was a man after all - at least on the inside. What I looked like
on the outside didn't matter; it was the inside that counted.
But then I looked back at the man in the picture and felt a warm
feeling of security, of knowing I had someone like him to take
care of me.
I moved Leslie's crib near the kitchen so I could make dinner.