Planetary Agents 3.5: Tentacles Of Doom free porn video

CHAPTER 5 LAST EPISODE: The galaxy?s greatest scientist (and high-school teacher) is the next target of a nasty tentacle monster. Our girl spies are there to save him. So far, there?s been no monster, but other oddities have been occurring. Now, Caitlin gets to find out what it truly means to be a girl? Crystal helped me into the shower while Amber ran out for some quick ?feminine protection.? Since Crystal was feeling everything I felt, you?d think it would be a case of the blind leading the blind. That wasn?t quite true, though. Crystal felt the *pain* of the cramps, but she was lucky enough that she didn?t get the other symptoms. I was weak, I had low-level aches all over, my head was pounding, and this ugly smelly blood just kept dribbling out of my body at irregular intervals. As an agent, my hormones and endocrine cycles were permanently stabilized. This should have been impossible - unless something had gone very wrong with my transformation. But I?d been thoroughly checked out by the lab back at HQ after my transformation. I was no longer transforming. That was over and done with. I was supposed to be stable for the next four years. But clearly I wasn?t stable. Not only that, it was obvious from the agony I was in that this was far more than a normal period. Something was going terribly wrong with me inside. I placed a hand gently over where I knew my womb was, feeling the gut-twisting pain as my uterus tried to rip itself apart. I was able to keep from screaming, but I wasn?t sure how l ong I?d be able to hold on. It was clear to me that I was dying. The pain, the blood, the impossibility of it all. As Crystal held me under the shower to wash us both off, I couldn?t hold back any longer. I started to cry. It was odd. I would have never let myself cry as a man. You just have to bear the pain, whatever it is. But as a girl it was okay. It was one of the things I had appreciated about being female - expressing emotions that men had to hide. Life as a girl had been good while it lasted. I wouldn?t have minded dying in the line of duty, perhaps defending a group of innocents. But this? Being torn apart from the inside out, just because of some technical mistake? It wasn?t fair. I began to sob louder. ?Hey, what?s the matter?? Crystal asked, putting her arms around me. ?I -? I gulped, taking a gasp of air between sobs, ?I?m dying, aren?t I? You don?t have to hide it from me. Something?s gone terribly wrong with my body and now it?s ripping me to pieces!? Crystal wrapped her arms around my smelly bleeding body. ?Oh, you poor child?? ??m not a child,? I mumbled. ?You are in some ways, no matter how old you are.? Her tone and words were unusually soft. ?I know, you thought you went through this when you first transformed. Neither Amber or I had the heart to tell you the truth.? She shifted so that we were face to face. She continued to hold me and stroke my face as we felt my guts starting to clench up for another spasm. ?In many ways, you?re only now becoming a real woman. For thousands of years *this* has been the right of passage that told a girl when she had become a woman. This is your first cycle, dear.? She kissed me gently on the lips as I braced for the cramp. ?Welcome to womanhood.? I trembled from the pain. When it eased slightly, I told her, ?You?re wrong. This is a lot worse than a normal menstrual period. You must be able to feel it, too! I?m dying!? She stroked my face and hair, as she turned me so that the warm spray hit me right on the lower abdomen. ?I *do* feel it, which is why I know that what you?re going through is nothing unusual. Some girls have it easy, some girls have it hard. I?ve always had it pretty hard. Amber was born as a normal female. She said that things got worse when she was upgraded to an agent. We think maybe our stronger muscles work against us in this case. The good news is you can expect a super heavy flow for the first or second day, and you?ll slack off to a lighter flow for the next four or five days.? I gasped, feeling the tears starting up again. ?I might have as many as seven days?? Crystal hugged me close. ?Well, maybe more. I?m sorry. The worst of the cramps should be over in a day or two.? I felt so miserable. Was I dying or not? It sure felt like it. ?I can?t believe it! Periods are just an inconvenience. They aren?t this kind of agony.? Crystal continued to stroke me, moving down my back. ?That?s what men think, dear. Women know differently. As do you, now. Men think it?s a joke, an arm-pit sweat-stain type of embarrassment. The truth is that it is our shared agony. It?s the price we pay to be women and mothers. It?s the price I?ll happily, voluntarily pay when I decide to have children.? ?You?re kidding!? ?Just count yourself lucky that in four months, this is the first period you?ve had. Most women lack an agent?s advantages. They have to suffer through this once a month.? ?But - that isn?t possible. How can they possibly go through life like this? I would have noticed!? ?Those are the vestiges of the man you used to be talking. Now that you?re experiencing it yourself, you?ll understand. A woman has to go through her daily life, acting normally, smiling, when she?s feeling nothing but pain inside. You will learn to do that, starting tomorrow. And once you share that bond, once you understand, you?ll learn to recognize what other women are going through. Not all the time, because this is something that everyone tries to conceal, but some of the time. I think you?ll be surprised.? Her words and her touch were slowly getting through to me. Perhaps I wasn?t dying. Still, to imagine that women all went through this once a month for their entire lives? How could I have missed something like that? ?Why?? I asked. ?Why is this happening to me?? ?That is one of life?s great mysteries. It is part of the magic of being a woman. It is the curse that balances the incredible power that we possess - the power of creating life. You hold within you the ability to grow a child, to birth that child, and to suckle your baby. Your period is the price you pay for all of that.? ?You can have it! I don?t want any of those things!? Crystal stroked my face and made me look into her eyes. ?Are you sure? Or is that the pain speaking? Okay, maybe we don?t know why you?re getting your period now. There could be a perfectly ordinary explanation. You aren?t the same person I am. Your brain is different, for one thing. Maybe that?s tipped a hormonal balance somehow. It?s even possible that you?ll have a regular period, unlike me.? She grimaced at that thought, realizing that she?d be sharing them with me. ?Suppose that?s true. Will it stop you from working as an agent? Will it keep you from doing your duty?? ?No, of course not.? ?And in four years, when you can choose your next form, will you be male or female?? I pulled away from her and wrapped my arms around my breasts. Another cramp was coming up, and I sank down to the shower floor, letting the hot spray pound on me while I thought. I thought about gymnastics, about my new friends. I thought about dressing up and looking pretty. I thought about dancing and flirting and what it was like to be a girl. I thought about Barrett Varden and our last night together. I thought about the pain that I was feeling and the disgusting dribble that I was helpless to stop. Was Crystal right? Was this what girls went through? What if I had to be like any other girl, suffering this every month? forever? ?Female,? I whispered. ?What was that? The shower?s too loud.? I forced myself to my feet and looked Crystal in the eye. ?I?d be female. Even if I have to go through this every single month.? I felt the tears coming back again. ?I want to be a girl!? Crystal hugged me close again. ?You are, honey, you are. Now more than ever.? At that opportune moment, the bathroom door swung open and Amber came in carrying a small bag. ?I got them.? She had to speak loudly to be heard over the roar of the shower. ?Okay,? Crystal yelled back out. She stroked me once more. ?Are you going to be okay?? I nodded. ?Good. Then give yourself a final rinse off, and we?ll give you your next lesson in being female.? I carefully scrubbed myself out, rubbing my fingers through all the folds down below, then carefully dipping inside myself to wash out. There was nothing at all erotic about it. This was girl-plumbing at its most disgusting and mechanical. I finished rinsing and stepped out. ?A little tip,? Crystal said, ?You probably don?t want to wash much inside. Between our regeneration and immune systems it probably doesn?t matter, but you don?t want to be putting foreign substances inside yourself.? ?Yeah?? I shot back. ?What about men?? ?That?s different.? ?Okay,? Amber said. ?I have more experience with this than either of you two Janie-come-latelies, so I?ll be the one who helps our little girl through this.? ?Um, this is pretty damn disgusting, so the quicker we can get through this, the better. Why are you two acting like it?s some sort of party?? ?Because it is, Caitlin,? Amber said. ?Now, which do you want to use, tampon or napkin?? ?Both,? I said. ?Just like last time. I *have* done this before, you know.? Amber nodded her head. ?Oh, yeah, when you first transformed. But that didn?t really count. That wasn?t a real period, it was just the side effect of your transformation. This time, you?re a real girl and you know it. And like it or not, this is your first ever period.? She sighed. ?I know it hurts, hon, but it?s a real right of passage for any girl.? ?You aren?t going to stand there and watch me, are you?? They both nodded. ?Hell,? Crystal said, ?we?ve been in and out of that juicy little hole of yours six ways from Sunday. Can?t we share this too?? ?You can?t be serious! This is *disgusting!* You?re both women! You can?t really be interested in this, can you?? To my surprise, they both blushed. Even Amber seemed to be suddenly shy, which was definitely not normal for her. ?Okay,? I said, ?what is it? ?Fess up Amber.? ?Well, dear,? she said, slowly, ?you?re right in a way. I?m not at all interested in watching another woman deal with her period?.? ?Okay, then what is it?? ?It?s?? she was blushing harder now ??it?s just watching *you* as you?re forced to accept that you really *are* a woman, all the way. Even more than making love to a man, this is such a right of passage. It?s so intimate and personal that the thought of sharing it with you?. It?s love and trust and sexuality and incredible intimacy all wrapped up together. Do you understand?? ?Yeah,? Crystal agreed. ?All of that. And one more thing, too. Most normal girls have their first period at thirteen or fourteen. So in a way, when you go through this, I feel sort of like I?m helping my baby sister try on her first training bra, you know?? I touched my C-cup breasts and said, ?I?m a little past the training bra stage, if you hadn?t noticed!? Crystal cringed appropriately, but didn?t back down. I sighed. ?Hell, why not? I?m already as humiliated as it?s possible to be. I?m not sure it can *get* any worse.? (insert image pln3e_01.jpg) (image text) Shut up and hand me the damn tampon! (end image text) I sat awkwardly on the toilet and spread myself open. With my left hand I took the tube that Crystal was offering and slid it up inside of me. And when I was done, the little string dangled out from between the thick lips of my labia. Somehow I was vaguely reminded of chewing tobacco and drool. ?Hmm, not too bad,? Crystal said, shifting her hips as if she was feeling the thing inside of her. ?I thought you weren?t supposed to be able to feel these damn things?? I said. ?I can feel it alright. Just sitting there inside of me, soaking up all the blood. How am I supposed to forget that I?m carrying something like that around inside of me?? ?It isn?t that you don?t feel it,? Amber said, ?it?s that you don?t feel *much*. After a while you?ll get used to it.? ?Yeah, sure.? Another thought struck me. ?I suppose I?ll have to wear panties to bed, won?t I?? Amber nodded. ?It?s probably a good idea.? ?Great. Just fucking great.? I got a pair and put them on, sticking the napkin to the crotch. When I slid them in place I examined myself critically in the mirror. There was a tiny bulge, and I couldn?t make out the contours of my labia any more, but it probably wasn?t that different for girls that actually had pubic hair. At least that was one blessing. It was a lot easier to keep clean without hair down there. Crystal snapped her fingers. ?No wonder your bras didn?t fit this morning!? Amber nodded. ?And I think that explains her attitude. Caitlin usually has such a sweet personality.? Crystal glared at her. ?Compared to *who*? What are you implying?? ?Just that you?re sometimes less than the demure feminine ideal.? ?And who says that?s an ?ideal??? I groaned while they bickered. They were probably right. I?d been in a bad mood all day, and I hadn?t understood why. Now I did. I was a slave to biology. My curvy little body had taken me for a ride. Again. ?But you?re right,? Crystal agreed. ?I always was a bitch when I had PMS. I guess Caitlin?s the same.? I groaned again. ?Please, can we let it rest? I just want to go back to bed.? Amber nodded. ?I stripped the sheets and remade the bed while you were in the shower. Now, lay down while I give you a backrub.? ?Huh?? ?You deserve it whenever you?re going through the curse. I trust you?ll return the favor.? ?Uh, I guess.? I lay down in bed, face down. It isn?t that comfortable a position nowadays, since it squashes my breasts under me. Since becoming a girl, I?ve hardly ever slept face down. Amber folded her legs beside her as she sat down next to my hips. She began to rub my lower back. ?Oh, my God! That feels incredible!? ?I know the pain is bad, but there are things you can do to help a girl out.? Amber sighed. ?It?s a bit intimate though, so unfortunately I missed out on this for the first few decades of my life. I never had someone I could be this open with.? After a while, the three of us turned on our sides and spooned each other, with me in the center. They said it was to give me maximum warmth, which would help. It did. Every time I felt the ache returning, Crystal would pick up on it and give her butt a little wiggle, which ground into my abdomen. The warmth really helped, too. I don?t know if I?ll ever tell them, but it was exactly as Amber said - I had a feeling of incredible intimacy. As they hugged me and warmed me into sleep, I thought about how much I loved them both, and how much I needed them. I fell asleep with tears running down my face. ***** ?I don?t have anything to wear!? Crystal gave another weary sigh. ?Just wear jeans, like you do every day.? ?I do not! Sometimes I wear slacks, or shorts. Besides,? I said, ?what I'm really asking is what?s best to wear when you?re oozing a trail of blood from your crotch.? Amber speared a glance at me. ?Do you mind?? ?Well I am!? Crystal sighed, *again*. ?Yes, we know you are. Get used to it. You aren?t the first girl to have her period and you won?t be the last.? ?Yeah, but it?s the first time *for me.*? Crystal opened the drawer and threw some jeans at me. ?Wear these then. They?re nice and tight. Trust me, the pressure can be comforting. Lets you know that nothing?s slipping. And they?re black, so even if you do bleed through, it wouldn?t show much.? I pulled myself back from the screech I had almost given. ?Bleed through? You never mentioned anything about that!? Amber rolled her eyes. ?Just change regularly and you won?t have any problems, even if you do have a heavy flow. Look, if you?re really worried, you can wear your jacket, too. That way, you can tie it around your waist and hide the stain until you get home to change.? My mood was diving into the floor. ?But - but-but I wore the jacket yesterday! And if I suddenly show up wearing something different, won?t everyone know?? ?Not the guys,? Crystal said. ?You have to hit ?em with a club to get them to notice stuff like that.? ?Look,? Amber said, ?there aren?t any magic answers here. You?re already wearing a tampon AND a napkin. How much protection do you need? Just make a decision and live with it, okay? I have to get to work.? And without another word, she walked out the front door. ?Oops. I hope I didn?t make her too angry.? Crys shrugged. ?She?ll get over it. So will you. So? are you finally ready?? I finally picked the black jeans, a pale yellow camisole, and a button-up sweater. If worse came to worst, I'd unbutton the sweater and wear it around my waist. ?Hmm, kind of mild for you,? Crys said. ?I feel like being mild today, okay? I don?t really want to call attention to myself.? She nodded. ?I understand perfectly.? Of course, she was wearing white boots, a sky blue leather miniskirt, a skimpy blue halter, and an undersized white leather vest over the top of that. She was showing a awful lot of arm, neck, legs, and midriff. ?Yeah, I guess I?m ready.? And the two of us headed out for school. Plain Jane and the exotic dancer. Just a glance at Crystal was enough to show that she was practically bubbling over with confidence. On the other hand, I was trying to turn into Miss Nobody. I?d never felt less like an identical twin in my life. I debated pulling yesterday?s trick for math class again today -- arriving so late that I wouldn?t have to talk to the guys. But I was probably going to be suffering through this for the rest of the week. How long could I keep that up? Besides, if Crystal was right they?d be dumb lumps and never even notice. Double-besides, if every other girl had to go through this humiliation, I could, too. But I really didn?t want to. What I wanted was to be home in bed, sleeping and trying not to moan from the pain. I was sure that everyone could tell, just from the way I was moving, how much pain I was in. Deliberately and consciously moving as naturally as I could, I made my way forward and sat down in the front row. The crew was already there. ?Hey, Caitlin, how?s it going?? I shrugged. ?Hey, you aren?t mad at Doug or anything, are you?? That caught me by surprise. ?Mad at Doug? Why in the world would you think that?? Larry gave me a blank look. ?I don?t know. He just seemed to think that maybe you were mad at him. You know, after the way he pulled that nasty trick on you for your first game and all. And he was saying that you seemed pretty, I don?t know, kind of irritated all yesterday.? ?Believe me, I am *not* mad at Doug.? Stano snorted. ?Huh. Probably just PMS or something, huh?? Esker slapped him on the back of the head. ?You idiot! If you don?t watch your mouth, someday someone?s going to jam your head up your butt.? I tried not to react, but I was utterly frozen. So, no one will notice, huh? I?d lasted, what, ten or fifteen seconds? Obviously, my humiliation was obvious to absolutely everyone if even Stano could tell - ?Sorry. Stano is incapable of speaking without vulgarity. But I guess you?re getting used to that by now. Two weeks ago his favorite word was ?hormone,? which actually came as a relief after living through months of sound effects.? I forced myself to give him a weary smile. ?Uh, Stano, I know you mean well, but some of us would appreciate it if you tone things down a little, okay?? ??sorry.? ?I don?t think girls really appreciate that quite the way guys do,? I said, philosophically. ?Well, except for my sister, of course.? Stano perked up again. ?Is she looking for a boyfriend?? ?Only for ten minutes at a time, Stano.? ?That works for me!? I tried not to wince as I felt another cramp coming on. ?Why *do* you put up with him?? ?Cause Stano is the mano. He can peel a computer like nobody?s business. In fact -? Esker interrupted, ?Maybe we?d better let Doug spring the plan on her.? My eyes narrowed. ?What plan?? ?Well, Doug was afraid that he?d offended you. And your scene with Danielle of the Upturned Nose was pretty public yesterday. So Doug was thinking that if he could offer you some help, he might get back in your good graces ?? ?Yeah,? Stano agreed. ?We worked on it most of last night. We should have the tech to pull it off.? Goodie. This was the first indication I?d had that my strategy of hanging with the geeks might bear fruit. Normally I would have been a lot more excited by the hints they were dropping, but right now it was hard to concentrate on anything other than the slowly subsiding cramp. ?Could you just lay things out in plain detail?? ?Well?? At that point, our math teacher walked in and the lesson began. That was actually a relief, because I could pretend to concentrate on the math lesson. Instead, I swept my eyes over the auditorium, looking at all the other girls in class. There were 24 other girls. On the average, about 6 of them were having their periods right now. Odds were that one or two of them were having their heaviest flow, right this minute. I roamed over them with slightly glazed eyes. Which ones? It was hard to tell. A couple of them were happily involved in class. Probably not them. A couple more seemed bored or sleepy. They were possibilities. It was incredible to realize that an entire world of silent suffering was occurring around me. A world that I had never been aware of, and that the average male was oblivious to. A world that we girls held to ourselves, silent lonely suffering that nevertheless bound us together in ways that I?d never understood before. The girl across the circle from me - she seemed like a possibility. She had a stony-faced expression that seemed like a picture of endurance. Not bored or sleepy - stoic. I saw the tiniest crease between her eyebrows and knew that she was feeling a cramp, right that second. Her eyes looked up and into mine and I think she recognized something in my face, too. We exchanged tiny, weary smiles. Crystal was right. I *could* live through it. I sat there through that entire damned math class and never screamed or yelled once. It was both sobering and depressing to think that if this normal state was permanent for me - if I couldn?t be returned to the adjusted hormonal balance that female agents normally maintained, then I would be spending somewhere between 5% and 25% of my entire life in this state. How did women accomplish anything? I guess because we had no choice but to learn to endure. After math class, I excused myself and headed quickly toward choir. I had to stop on the way in the girl?s lavatory, to change. I suddenly understood purses, too. Tampons and pads were too big to carry in a pocket unless you wanted a give-away bulge. I?d never minded sitting to pee, it had a pleasant femininity to it. But squatting and pulling a bloody wad out of your crotch - that was just disgusting. I dumped it in the smelly waste bin and loaded myself up with another (oh, joy). My napkin was still clean, but I wanted to change it anyway. Outside, I fixed my hair and thoroughly washed my hands. Karen, from the gym team gave me a commiserating smile. ?Pretty bad?? Jeez, how much did women talk about this stuff? ?Yeah, that?s putting it mildly.? ?First day?? I gulped. ?How?d you know?? ?You look it. You should add a little more blush, and more highlights around your eyes to pull attention away from the pallor.? I tried it and it seemed to help. ?Remember the old words: this too shall pass.? ?Thanks, Karen.? She patted my shoulder on the way out. ?No problem, little Sis.? ***** Choir was endurable, even if Crystal glared at me every time a cramp started. There was nothing either of us could do about it. Normal girls could at least take some painkillers, but my super-immune system would immediately eliminate the drugs from my system. I managed to sing my way through an hour of hell, before dragging myself to Dr. Burchess? class. I had to change again. I was not going to sit around with Doug and Kate for two hours without changing first. Slightly better prepared, I headed for class. Doug was in back, setting up some glassware, while Kate was in front talking to some of the other students. I headed back to join Doug. He looked up and spotted my deadpan face. I saw him swallow convulsively. He really *did* think I was mad at him. I decided to have mercy on him and give him a safe topic of conversation. ?So what?s this ?Touchdown Week? thing that I keep seeing everywhere?? ?You?ve never heard of Touchdown Week? Malibu must have the same sort of holiday, doesn?t it?? Oops. Beats the heck out of me. ?I don?t know. Why don?t you try explaining it to me, first?? Doug cringed a bit, which made me cringe inwardly. That hadn?t come out the way I?d intended. ?Well, it?s the holiday and celebration for when the first colony ships arrived. All week long, although I imagine you guessed that from the title. They always have the elementary school put on a play. We?ll see that in a couple of days.? His face suddenly lit up with an idea. ?But if you don?t know what Touchdown Week is, then you don?t?? His face fell again, this time in a look that I recognized too well from my own former life. He was feeling shame and inadequacy and fear and rejection, all tied into one. I couldn?t let it lie. ?Look, Doug, whatever you may think, I am *not* mad at you.? He looked down into my eyes with an expression of nervous fear. ?I?m sorry about Saturday. I just meant it as a joke! You seemed to be having fun.? I eased my way down into my lab chair. ?It was a good joke and I did have fun.? ?You don?t sound like it.? ?God dammit Doug, I told you I am NOT mad at you.? I said it very quietly, so that no one else in class would hear us. ?Okay, then why are you so damn pissed off?? I clenched my jaw as another spasm passed through me. Reaching forward, I grabbed his shirt and pulled him over so that his ear was right next to my mouth. ?Female problems,? I whispered. ?Oh,? he said, sitting back. ?Oh.? I rubbed my face in shame. ?If you breathe even a hint of this to any of the rest of the crew, you are a DEAD MAN, understand me?? ?Oh, uh, yeah.? He thought for a second. ?Why did you even tell me?? ?I am trying to figure that out right now, Doug. I wish I knew.? I am such an idiot sometimes. The lab assignment involved general purpose gas chromatographs, and how they could be used to detect both organic and non-organic molecules in an airborne environment. All I could think about was how I was sure that not only could everyone smell me, they could build a machine that would flash a red light announcing, ?She?s menstruating!? I am such an idiot sometimes. I pulled us quickly toward the cafeteria, so that we could sit in our private corner before Danielle and company could take up their station. Today was not the day for confrontations. I sipped on my milkshake which seemed to taste particularly good today. ?Okay, Doug, spill it. Stano and crew said something about you having some sort of plan to help me out?? ?Uh, yeah. Well, see, I thought you were mad at me,? he gave an oddly endearing grin, ?so I wanted to get back in your good graces. And after that scene with Danielle yesterday -? ?I can fight my own battles, Doug.? Kate gave a snort. I?m sure that Doug and I interpreted that in opposite fashions, since he probably thought she?d been protecting *me*. ?Well, yeah, sure. But that doesn?t mean that you can?t use some help now and then.? I nodded, waiting for him to get on with it. ?So I thought, what this girl - Danielle, I mean - really needs is something to take her down just a few notches, so she?s living at the same height as the rest of us mortals.? ?Uh huh.? ?And it would be better if it couldn?t actually be traced.? I started to smile. ?You?ve got a prank, don?t you?? ?Well? guys don?t usually use them, but aren?t makeup implants all programmed through a radio signal?? Kate gestured at her fur-covered face. ?Don?t look at me. I don?t have an implant.? I thought about it. ?I think so. I?ve got a makeup key, so you could find out for sure. I suppose it could be infra-red or something. I never really thought about it.? I thought some more, and got a bigger smile. ?And the cheaper implants are really just an overlay. It?s good for a week or two. But for the upper and ultra-class, they use real implants. There?s no way to just scrub it off and throw it away.? ?But they?ve got a manual deactivation, don?t they?? I was pretty sure I knew the answer to that. ?I think there?s no standard. They?re all different, and you?d have to read the manual. Do you suppose Danielle is the type to read the user?s manual?? Kate snorted, "I doubt she even knows where it is." We all had a nice chuckle over that. ?So? Stano and I worked out most of the details last night. We have at least two more nights of work. What do you think?? He was looking straight at me. I grinned. ?Need a guinea pig?? ?Uh huh.? I stuck out my hand. ?Mr. Winrow, you have a deal.? ***** My floor exercises were off worse than yesterday. Coach Anna carefully took me aside for a talk. ?I?m sorry, Coach,? I said. ?I?m just not feeling into it today.? She nodded. ?These times when a girl isn?t feeling ?into it? are a gift for the trainer. It is now when you must push yourself hardest. *Force* your body to do as you will. Your spirit is the master of the body. If you can accomplish that, then those times when you are ?into it? will come that much easier.? Great. Now everybody knew. Did other girls get talked to like this during *their* periods? ?I?ll try, Coach.? The question was: how? It would be easy to excel. Even today, I was deliberately holding myself back. The problem was the matter of fine control. The subtleties were missing, and it was hard to get them back when I felt this horrible. So instead of taking a chance, and erring on the spectacular side, I was erring on the sloppy side. I wanted to follow the coach?s advice, but how? First I loosened up on the floor by doing some standing forward flips. Those take a lot of sharp bending at the waist. It didn?t feel good, but I could push myself through it. Next I tried the pommel horse jump. I?d been working on a splits-flip, and throwing in bad landings each time, just to make it look appropriate for my skill levels. I took the running jump and leapt (it took a lot of control to jump high enough without going too high). My hands hit the horse with my legs split on each side. I tipped forward and pushed into a forward flip, legs out wide. One turn then my legs straightened to hit the ground. Now, to blow the ending, this time I?d pitch forward on my face. Next time I would land on my butt. ?Excellent, Caitlin. That?s excellent progress. We just need to work on your landing.? I nodded and tried again. The coach was right. If I could push myself through this, the skills would serve me well. ***** Fashion was the last thing on my mind that night, but during the lull I was able to punch up the catalog on the screen. Sure enough, the store did carry the SaniPanty line. I looked at the styles and color. For underwear, I was pretty much your basic white. A very light flower print looked cute, but nothing too exotic. But what cut? High cut might work with my gym tights, but they?d stretch up to my hip bones, practically. Most of my pants were pretty low cut. So it looked like bikini cut would work better. And I did have a 25% discount? I decided to go ahead and punch in my order. The discrete package arrived automatically, a few minutes later. I couldn?t believe that I was actually eager to try out a feminine hygiene product, but I spent the time reading the instructions. Then, during my next break, I slipped away to the women?s restroom and changed panties. I briefly wondered what to do with my old panties. In embarrassment, I wrapped them in the plastic bag from my new purchase and crammed the whole wad into my wallet. We were already poor enough on this assignment. I wasn?t going to waste a perfectly nice pair of panties! Hoping I wasn?t making a huge mistake, I removed both my tampon and napkin, and put the panties on directly. Pressing two buttons on the side caused them to snug them up nicely. I paused, passing my hand over them. They really did feel sheer. And I could tell that they followed my contours exactly. Almost embarrassingly close, in fact, since I didn?t have any pubic hair. (insert image pln3e_02.jpg) (image text) The SaniPanty - hi-tech feminine hygiene (end image text) I finally dropped my skirt back down (I?d changed for work). I did most of my work on my feet, so even if the panties bled through, I?d probably find out before I stained my skirt. I decided to go ahead and try them. That?s when they went to work. I felt the nubbly surface in the crotch of the panties begin to unfold. It was an intensely shivery feeling as the tiny little fingers went feeling through my feminine folds. One set surrounded my urethra. The other set slipped inside me - into my vagina - and began to expand in an unpleasantly full fashion. According to the instructions, I wasn?t supposed to take them off when I went to the bathroom. Their design was based on the waste elimination units from women's space suits. The nubs surrounding my urethra would completely capture all urine and pass it through to outside. I?d pee without ever taking my panties off. At the same time, the manual advised you to trigger the release for the menstrual fluid bladder, emptying that into the toilet too. (An optional model had an anally mounted bladder for menstrual overflow, but that was getting a bit too kinky, even for me.) Theory was fine, but I can tell you, it feels pretty darned weird walking around with panties tied into your delicates. ***** The darned things seemed to really work, though. ***** Doug and Stano were still up by the time I got off work. I felt like hell, of course, but this prank would be worth it. I followed Doug?s directions to Stano?s place. It was a nice enough family apartment, but Stano?s room was something else. It was a masterpiece of geeky magnificence. His lab bench alone was worth worshipping. Add in the large array of display screens, the multiple reference feeds, and the micromanipulator setup and you had a slick workshop. ?Hey, you look good in a skirt,? he said, insulting by implication. ?You should wear them more often.? ?Help me out on this, Stano, and I?ll wear a skirt just to please you.? ?You got it, sweet cheeks.? I tried to wither him with my glare. ?Watch it, bub.? He pushed his luck farther. ?Well you could prove your gratitude by going with me -? He stopped suddenly and glared at Doug. ?What?? Doug just looked innocently away. ?Come on, Winrow. If you don?t have the nerve, make way for a man who does!? ?What?? I asked in confusion. ?Nothing!? they both chorused. ?Look, guys,? I told them, ?whatever it is, tonight is *not* the night. I feel terrible, and I just want to get this done before I collapse, okay?? ?Okay,? they agreed reluctantly. Between my makeup key and the keys from Stano?s mother and sisters ( all acquired without permission), Stano was able to build up a pretty likely set of connection routines. After that, he practiced on me for a couple of hours, controlling details of color and shade, position and contrast. By the time he was done, he could paint me in everything from clown makeup to a bulls-eye pattern centered on my nose. ?Now,? he chuckled evilly, ?we just have to get Niebel?s personal code.? I smiled. ?I?d be too obvious, but I might be able to get some help from the girls on the gym team?? ***** I opened my eyes in shock, not understanding the darkness for a moment. Beside me, Crystal moaned softly and turned over again, kicking me once more. My disorientation was so strong that it took me a few moments to shake off the dream. In wonder, I slowly ran my fingertips over my face, my breasts, and down to the pain at my hips. I was still me - still Caitlin. I was still whole, and - thank God - still a girl. The pain was as bad as ever, but I welcomed it after the nightmare. Somehow, I was left with the lingering fear that if I was anything less than grateful for this agony, then the whole package would be taken away from me somehow. I checked my legs. Was I leaking somehow? Had blood on my legs triggered the nightmare? But I was still clean. The SaniPanties were doing their job. I did feel an unpleasant fullness down below, and I quietly rose from bed to relieve myself. Making my way to the bathroom, I sat down with the panties still on. Pressing the proper sequence of pressure points, I triggered the release. It felt distinctly odd as the blood poured out from the crotch of the panties. I could feel the fullness vanishing from my vagina. It was also distinctly odd to let go and urinate while still wearing panties, but that?s the way they worked. That unpleasant chore finished, I wiped (on the outside of the panties) and snuck back into bed. I snuggled up between Crystal and Amber and tried to tell myself that I wouldn?t have any more nightmares. Was it coming to bed at three in the morning that had done this to me? Was it coping with the pain and humiliation of my first menstruation? I lay in bed for a few moments, trying to convince myself that I could handle this. If this pain was the price of being a girl, then I accepted it. I was a girl now, a woman, with all the implications that came with that. I just wished that my subconscious mind could believe that. And I wished that I wouldn?t keep having nightmares about pitchforks whenever I menstruated. ***** I didn?t want to wake up the next morning. ?What time did you get in?? Crystal asked, with a loathsome perkiness. ?About three,? I mumbled, from under my pillow. ?You should get to sleep early when you?re having your period,? Amber advised, helpfully. ?After all, you?re already anemic from the loss of blood. You?re going to feel tired no matter what you do, you don?t want to compound that with lack of sleep.? ?Great,? I muttered, ?*now* you tell me.? ?Time for school!? Crystal sang. She seemed to be in that early morning chipper glee that turns so many of us normal people into homicidal maniacs. She snatched my pillow away and pulled off the covers. ?Alright already!? I yelled at her. ?Jeez! Give a girl a break!? Saying that, I got up and stumbled in to the bathroom. I stared at myself vacantly in the mirror, confirming that I really *was* a girl. The nightmare hadn?t been true. I placed a hand over my waist, touching the dull pain that still throbbed there. *Please,* I thought, sending my wishes? I don?t know, sending them out somewhere, like a prayer, *please don?t take this away from me. I want this. I want to be a girl. Please?* I felt tears leaking down my face. Crystal came up behind me. ?Are you okay?? she asked, wrapping her arms around me. ?It doesn?t feel that bad.? ?Is isn?t. It?s good.? ?Huh?? ?Never mind.? She shook her head, not understanding. ?Well hurry up. We only have twenty minutes.? I frantically dug through my clothes. Did I dare wear shorts today? The SaniPanties had done a good job during the night. But I couldn?t bring myself to be daring today. Just thick jeans and a button-up sweater shirt. I made it in and out of the shower in record time. It was no fun putting used panties back on. I rinsed them off, wishing we had enough money for me to buy another pair. By the time I sat down in math class, I was feeling good about myself. Not feeling good, mind you. But I thought that maybe I was learning how to cope. I was learning how to put on a pleasant face and maintain happy vapid chatter, despite what I was feeling inside. I was even managing to chat with the boys before math class. That is, until Stano dropped his little bomb. ?So,? he asked casually, ?do you have a date yet?? Oh, God, this was just what I needed. ?Excuse me?? ?A date for the dance? You know, Friday night, the big Touchdown Week dance?? Oh, this was just (censored) delightful. I was not about to accept a date with Stano. On the other hand, he was doing me a major favor. I froze for a minute, trying to find a way out of the trap. I forced myself to smile and pat his hand. Appropriately enough, I felt a cramp beginning. ?Sorry, Stano,? I tried to make my voice as sweet as possible, which was a challenge, ?I?m afraid I?m already occupied.? ?What do you mean by that? Someone else got to you first, didn?t they? Who is it? I can?t believe it was Winrow! He doesn?t have the nerve. So who was it?? ?My lips are sealed, Stano.? He sat back in his chair, fuming. I sat back and listened to my heart pounding. I knew I?d just done a very stupid thing. I was an agent. I was here on a mission. Stano had shown himself to be a first-class hacker, and I needed his help to get into the computer surveillance systems and protect Dr. Burchess. And Stano had just given me the opening I needed to guarantee his help. But I didn?t want to go out with him. He was crude, and funny at times, but he was also vulgar and disgusting. Those would have been more amusing traits to guy-me, but girl-me was left flat. He was okay as a friend, and even as a gaming buddy, but there was nothing else there. No? heart flutter. Nothing that filled me with anticipation. But as an agent, that shouldn?t have mattered. I should have been more dedicated, more professional. Still, I couldn?t help smiling. A dance, huh? ***** I was finishing up in the girl?s lavatory when I spotted Diane from gymnastics. I pulled her aside so that we were temporarily alone. ?You know who Danielle Niebel is?? I asked. She made a ?duh!? expression. I pulled the signal tap out of my purse. ?Can you arrange to be close to her, sometime when she?s fixing her makeup? Just hold this button down for the entire session.? ?What?s up?? I gave a nasty smile. ?Nothing?yet. I don?t want to spoil the surprise.? She raised her eyebrows, but slipped the gizmo into her purse. ***** All through Burchess? bio class, Doug didn?t say a word. I kept waiting for him to say something, but he just sat there like a dumb lump. I swear, males are so god-damned useless! ??so we can see the limits of remote sample monitoring,? Dr. Burchess was saying. ?low quality data on these values, none at all on this set of factors.? Someone in front raised their hand. ?Is it possible to get a demonstration?? Dr. Burchess frowned. ?Well, I suppose I have equipment available. Let me propose this: I understand that many of you engage in an evening study session. I?ll bring it there. Just make sure that you don?t eat anything until I get set up, and we can give you an excellent demonstration.? I looked at Doug, trying to give him a leading line. ?Do you suppose it can detect a rise in blood pressure?? ?Uh, yeah, I think so. Why?? ?Maybe we?ll have to test it.? He looked at me in puzzlement. ?We could raise our blood pressure?? See if the monitoring equipment detects it??? He frowned, trying to figure out what I was driving at. Maybe I was being too subtle. Stano would have jumped all over a line like that. But then, that was Stano?s problem, wasn?t it? ?Never mind, Doug.? ***** At least lunch was quiet. I skipped anything solid, and just had a milkshake. My stomach was churning a bit too much for solid food. I offered some to Doug. ?Ugg, no thanks,? he said, holding up his hands. ?Afraid of catching cooties?? I tried to give him a smile, I really did. ?No, seriously. I just can?t stand milk products. Even cheese.? He shuddered. I leaned closer. ?You don?t mind it on my breath, I hope?? He seemed nervous. ?Oh, no! Not at all. Your breath is? fine. I mean, really good.? Maybe he was taking someone else to the dance. I was starting to get depressed. What if Stano had been my only chance? But I still couldn?t bring myself to go with him. I?d be better off claiming that I had to work that night, even though they?d already given me Friday off. I hadn?t understood, at the time. I thought they were just over-staffed. I decided that I?d finally have to get up the nerve to come out and ask *him,* but I suddenly stopped. I realized that as a guy, I?d only ever managed to ask a girl out a couple of times. It came down to being simultaneously shy and under-confident. And I was suddenly wondering how Doug really felt about me. Was this imposing too much? What if he wasn?t interested in me. What if he was gay? What if someone else had already asked him? What if he turned me down? As we rose, I stood there with my mouth open. I couldn?t say anything. I meant to ask him, but the time wasn?t right. Kate was there. How could I do that in front of her? And I stood there with my mouth open while they both walked off to class. Feeling depressed, I slunk after them. ??about a dozen. How about you?? ?I?ve had over a dozen, today alone,? Danielle said. ?Of course, I had my date lined up last week.? ?Who?? ?Bryce.? ?Oh my God! It?s so perfect!? ?Isn?t it?? Danielle looked up and saw me slumping past. I think her table was set up so that she could monitor everyone entering or leaving the cafeteria. ?Well, she looks like something the cat dragged in.? She chuckled at her own witticism. ?What?s the matter, girl? Still trying to find a date who?s desperate enough to take you to the dance?? I raised my head and glared at her, but I didn?t feel good enough to put any fire into it. One of her friends spoke in a low voice. ?Looks like someone?s having a really bad cycle.? The flush ignited on my face before I could stop it. They all broke out laughing. Thankfully, no one else in the cafeteria had followed the exchange. ?Come on,? Danielle pried, ?tell us, little mouse-toy. Who was desperate enough to finally ask someone like *you* to the dance?? ?None of your business,? I told her. ?Girls,? she crowed, ?I don?t think she has a date yet!? ?I do SO!? I shot back. ?Who is it, then?? Dammit, why did I go and say something stupid like that? I couldn?t give them a name. I didn?t know who did and didn?t have dates. ?None of your business.? ?Dateless bait! Second rate! No one wants a cat-nip!? ?Don?t worry, dear,? Danielle said, oozing false sympathy. ?You could always go with the cat. No one?s ever stupid enough to ask her out. You two would make a fine couple. Of course, we?ll have to keep an eye on you, so that your friend doesn?t take a sudden bite out of her favorite toy. Otherwise,? she made a clawing motion with her hand, ?it would be swerve, then serve the hors d'oeuvre.? They broke up laughing at that. ?It?s too good! A *shrimp* hors d'oeuvre!? one of the idiots said. ?No thank you! I?m *human*! I don?t eat cat-nip!? I opened my mouth to say something, but I didn?t have the energy, and I couldn?t think of a come-back. So instead I just slunk away. I spent my next two classes quietly sulking in the back of the room. I was tired, in pain, and I felt completely miserable. ***** Gymnastics started well. Diane came up to me while I was undressing. She opened up her purse and handed over Stano?s gizmo. ?Got it,? she said. ?In fact, I got her three different times.? My eyes gleamed. ?Perfect!? Unfortunately, things went downhill from there. First off, I had to take off the SaniPanties to put on my gymnastics outfit. Which meant I had to go back to using a tampon. Then, as we did some warm ups, a bunch of guys came over to watch us. They sometimes did that. I guess some guys got off on watching young girls do splits and jumping and jiggling and demonstrating how flexible we could be. It was easy to tell from their expressions which were the sports fans and which were the slobbering perverts. I suppose I shouldn?t be so judgmental, since I fell into the ?slobbering pervert? class myself (and I got to watch *inside* the girl?s locker room!), but what bothered me about this set of guys was the way they kept pointing at me and snickering. Slobbering would have been better - at least that had an element of flattery in it. But they were having a good old time at my expense. Then Karen pulled me aside. ?Uh, Caitlin? You have a string showing.? Huh? I looked at her in total incomprehension. ?You know! Down below?? For a second I still didn?t get it, then my eyes went wide in horror. I mouthed the word ?tampon?? and she nodded in confirmation. My face went scarlet. Not just bright red, but scarlet. I could feel it. I reached for my internal body image and damped it out, but everyone watching me had seen. I looked around desperately for cover, but the best to be had was a stack of mats and other equipment to one side. I tried to walk casually in that direction, keeping my legs together, keeping my side toward the audience, not letting my face show, trying to look casual and natural throughout it all. Then, on the other side of the mats, I realized they only covered me waist high. I casually dropped a hand down to my crotch. Yep, there was that dangling string. One-handed, I tugged open my clothes at the crotch and tucked the damn string back up inside my panties. That done, I peeked at my fingertip. Sure enough, there was a spot of blood. I looked around for a solution, and ended up wiping it on my sock, disguising the movement as an itch. I felt about two centimeters tall as I came around to join the other girls again. I wasn?t blushing crimson, but only because I was holding that off through sheer force of will. That?s when Coach Anna came up to me. She pointed to Cindy, in the middle of her floor exercise. ?You go next. This is your most difficult time yet. If you can push this distraction aside, and concentrate on your work, then you have the potential for true greatness. But you must concentrate entirely on what you are doing. No side distractions.? I shrunk to one centimeter high. ?You saw everything, didn?t you?? ?The coach must see everything and everyone. The gymnast, she has to focus on her task and nothing else. Now go.? I tried to focus my mind while Cindy finished. I could do this, even if I wouldn?t be doing quite what the coach was pushing me for. My body hurt, I definitely didn?t want to bend or twist. I was humiliated, and what I wanted most in the world was to run home, bury myself in bed, and cry myself to sleep. But I was an *agent*, dammit, and I COULD DO THIS. Cindy was almost done. I had promised myself that I would always do gymnastics in real-time, not speeding up for extra advantage. I could maintain that, but it took extra concentration. And, of course, there was the constant need to hold myself back, not to jump too far or bounce too high. I narrowed my field of view to see only the mat, figuring out ahead of time where I would insert my mistakes. Only the planned mistakes, no others. Cindy was gone and I felt the coach tap me on the shoulder. ?Go.? I strode out onto the mat, legs tight, body tight. I knew my butt was sticking way out, but I didn?t care at that moment. I forced it all to come together in my mind, then made my move. I started with some loosening up dance moves, then began my first pass. Under the coach?s guidance, I?d been adding in more advanced moves and more in-the-air stuff. I began with a full front tuck and three front walkovers to get started. I put some wobble in the tuck as I rolled in mid-air, but the walkovers were perfect and cut my momentum. For my second pass, I launched into a whip-back (which I kept correct), a half turn, which turned into a side split to front lying support. I dropped flat into the front lying support way too hard, and as I splatted face-first onto the mat it really stung my breasts. They were oddly sensitive today, and I belatedly realized why. I kicked up into a handstand and did a double pirouette (which I?d always shown a strength in). I turned that into a front walkover, and began my final pass. For this, I pulled out all the stops and did a trio of back walkovers. Then, as I gained speed and momentum (which is damn tough in the middle of a walkover, so it really showed off my flexibility), I ended with a rather spectacular full-twisting back handspring, but I deliberately landed on one foot and spoiled the end by collapsing. Still, deliberately forcing myself to pant, I felt quite good about it. The coach was there at my arm. ?Excellent, excellent. Perfect control. Spectacular.? More quietly, she added, ?But not too spectacular. Quite believable, no?? I looked at her in surprise. Was she saying what I *thought* she was saying? But she?d already turned to the next girl. After class, in the showers, I thanked Karen. ?God,? I said, ?I am *so* embarrassed. Thank you for telling me. I?ll bet those creeps in the stands were laughing at me the whole time. I just wanted to die. Thank you so much.? She touched my shoulder with a soapy hand. ?I think we?ve all been there at one time or another. That?s the problem with these tight gym outfits. What?s a girl to do? The best we can hope for is that we cover for each other.? ?Maybe,? I admitted. ?But I?um, I sorted of started late, you know? I?ve only been through this,? I gulped, ?once before.? She tousled my hair. ?Just what I?d expect from our little sister. Count yourself lucky, girl. I started at twelve. At least now you?ll start growing some hair down there. Nothing the boys like better than to run their fingers through your bush.? I allowed my blush to show this time. ?Really?? ?Well, obviously there are *some* things they like better.? ?Uh? I?m not sure if I?m going to grow any hair. It sort of runs in the family. My -? jeez, how could I put it ?-my mother and my sister didn?t have much hair. And my aunt on my mother?s side,? yeah, since Amber?s last name was Trin, she could hardly be on my father?s side, ?she never had much hair. What if it never develops?? ?Lucky kid,? Joanne said from the other side of the shower. ?You want hair? You can have mine! I?ve got plenty!? She fluffed her thick bush in illustration. ?Oh, button it,? Kate said. ?I don?t want to hear any of *you* complaining about too much body hair!? We all laughed at that. I wouldn?t have, but Kate?s tone let us know that she was comfortable with her body, and comfortable laughing at herself, so I couldn?t help but join in. It made everyone seem closer, more accepting, and much more of a family. ?Honestly,? Diane told me, ?I don?t think you have anything to worry about. Some guys get turned on by the naked hairless look.? ?How would you know?? someone called from in back. ?Just ask Sin. Besides,? she fixed me with her eye, ?you?re still a little young for that, aren?t you? If you let a boyfriend ruffle your muff, you?re only about ten centimeters from letting him dip into the old honey pot. You aren?t ready for *that* yet, are you?? I blushed. I still wasn?t used to the frank sexuality of the girl?s locker room. But with a period, I had a legitimate reason to rush to get the panties on and get dressed again. ***** I made sure I got to Persephone Pizza early. I lurked outside, quite a ways down along the main approach, using my agent training to spot him before he got too close. Soon enough I spotted him. Doug had his head down, staring at the ground as he walked along. I stepped in beside him. ?Hi, Doug. On your way to the study session?? ?Oh, Caitlin!? I put my hands on my hips, facing him. ?Well it sure isn?t my sister. You sound like you?re surprised to see me. We do this every night.? ?Uh, yeah. Every night.? He smiled, weakly. I was kicking myself. Why had I worn this stupid outfit? Jeans and a sweater shirt? Boring. Ugly. No wonder I felt so bad. ?So,? I said, suddenly straying too close to the topic I really wanted to raise. ?This Touchdown Week sounds like quite a celebration, here on Okefenokee.? ?Uh huh,? he agreed, articulately. ?There?s the elementary school play tomorrow, and the big dance on Friday.? ?Really?? I looked at him hopefully, trying to encourage him with my eyes. ?Yeah.? We walked a little bit farther in silence, then he said. ?Here we are. I guess we might as well get our food before the crowd gets thick.? ?Yeah,? I muttered darkly. ?Might as well.? My stomach was acting up again, so I just got a vanilla milkshake. I remembered Dr. Burchess? instructions, so I didn?t have any yet, I just held it. I looked at the glass, which had a large black ?37? on the outside. ?What?s this?? I asked the guy working the counter. ?Sorry,? he said. ?We got a new soda machine back here. We have to use this crate of numbered glasses until installation is signed off and approved.? I shrugged and took a teeny sip. ?Well, it tastes fine. I think you must have it installed correctly.? He shrugged. ?Yeah. We?ve got our rules until the paperwork gets signed off.? The place filled up pretty quickly, then Dr. Burchess arrived, bio field case in hand. It was the size of a small brief case, with a long wand attached by way of a coiled tube. Dr. Burchess began using the scan wand, and demonstrating how he could pick up basic traits like respiration and metabolism from a distance. Kate had joined us. She?d obviously eaten beforehand, but I could understand why. I idly sketched notes on my data pad, while trying not to scowl at Doug. ?Now, step up single file and let me press the scan wand to your arm or hand,? Dr. Burchess said, ?and we?ll see how much more data we can gather.? We gathered into a single file. Doug tried to stand beside me, but I ignored him. My turn came quickly enough. Dr. Burchess pressed the scan wand to my arm and their was a flash of light. Dr. Burchess looked at the screen and then turned to look me in the eye. ?Hmm, low blood sugar. You?d really better have something to eat. Maybe two somethings.? ?Yes, Sir.? I headed back to our table, while Doug had his arm scanned. I started sipping my shake without waiting for him. He came back and offered me a slice of pizza, but I gave him a disdainful look so that he knew I wasn?t interested. In him or his pizza. I made idle notes on my dataplaque while Dr. Burchess droned on about the technology behind the scanner. A chat window opened on my dataplaque. doug: WHY ARE YOU MAD AT ME? caitlin: WHO SAYS I?M MAD AT YOU? doug: OH, COME ON. WHAT DID I DO? He was really starting to irritate me. caitlin: NOTHING. THAT?S THE PROBLEM. doug: WHAT? caitlin: JUST FORGET IT, DOUG. I?M NEW ON THIS PLANET, I DON?T KNOW HOW THINGS WORK HERE. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE IF SOMEONE INTRODUCED ME TO SOME OF THE SPECIAL THINGS HERE. BUT NEVER MIND. He was silent for a bit and I finished my shake. That made me feel a little better, but not much. Dr. Burchess waved the scan wand around again, demonstrating remote capabilities. doug: YOU AREN?T TALKING ABOUT THE DANCE, ARE YOU? caitlin: OF COURSE I AM. I watched him closely. He gave a miserable sigh and began writing out more notes. doug: SO WHO ASKED YOU TO GO? caitlin: IF YOU MUST KNOW, STANO ASKED ME TO GO. Now he looked even more miserable. Well good! It served him right. doug: I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME. HE?S A NICE GUY, DESPITE HIS BIG MOUTH. He looked appropriately unhappy. So I typed in: caitlin: I TOLD HIM NO. doug: ???? WHY ???? caitlin: IF YOU ABSOLUTELY MUST KNOW, I WAS HOPING THAT SOMEONE ELSE WOULD ASK ME. He looked across the table at me with a combination of hope and dread in his eyes. doug: WHO? I glared at him, and wrote: caitlin: YOU ARE SUCH A GOD-DAMNED IDIOT! I HATE YOU! With that, I folded my arms and looked away. I refused to look at either him or my dataplaque. Instead, I tried to concentrate on what Dr. Burchess was saying. But with my period and all, I was feeling pretty miserable. And my eyes were stinging. So it was kind of hard to concentrate. I kept thinking about how I was blowing this mission. I hadn?t played up to Stano, I wasn?t getting any good contacts aside from Kate, and right now I was ignoring her, too. I could only hope that she wasn?t getting offended by my behavior. She had to know that Doug and I were writing notes back and forth to each other. I think we?d been subtle enough that it looked like we were taking class notes, but I don?t think we?d fooled Kate. So she was probably mad at me now, too. After about five minutes I gave up and looked back at them. Kate was watching Dr. Burchess, but Doug was trying to subtly indicate his dataplaque. I rolled my eyes and looked down. He?d gone to the trouble of formatting it and putting it into a romantic italic font. doug: My beautiful Caitlin, I am devastated to think that I could ever cause you pain. You are so wonderful to watch, to listen to, that I count myself lucky to just have a chance to be near you. I never dreamed that I would have a chance to ask you out. I never dreamed that you would even care for the affections of someone like me. I never dared ask you. I wanted to, but I was too afraid. It?s incredibly hard for me to admit this even now, but I guess if you really do hate me, then I have nothing left to lose, do I? I dream about you every night and every morning. I?ve known you for only a single week, and you fill my every thought, my entire life, both my waking and sleeping moments. I hope I haven?t scared you off by going too far in the other direction now. I know I should have said something. Looking back, I can see that you were dropping me hints, waiting for me to make some move. If it?s not too late, can I beg your forgiveness? I thought that every other man in the entire school must see you the same way that I do. I thought that surely you would be buried under invitations. Since you could pick and choose any man you wanted, surely you would have no interest in me. At least, that?s what I thought. If you can forgive me, please, give me just one more chance? Caitlin, beautiful Caitlin. Graceful, brilliant, Caitlin, whose voice is like a song, whose movement is perfection, and whose smiling face will forever shine in my dreams, may I take you to the dance? I smiled and sniffed, brushing away a tear and wrote back, caitlin: OKAY, I FORGIVE YOU. YES, DOUG, I WOULD LOVE TO GO TO THE DANCE WITH YOU. While I thought about it, I copied his letter and saved it. I thought I might like to look that over a few times in the future. Doug tried to hid