The Munsters 7-8: The Mary Meetings free porn video

[Before Fred Gwynne was "Herman Munster" he was "Off. Francis Muldoon" of "Car 54, Where Are You?" which was created by Nat Hiken. He also created Phil Silver's Sgt. Bilko Show (more properly titled, "You'll Never Get Rich"). Gwynne guest stared at least twice on it. Several people were in both Hiken shows. Joe E. Ross ("Off. Gunter Toody"), as "Sgt. Rupert Ridzik", was a regular, along with Beatrice Pons ("Emma" in both). Hiken, though, did not create "The Munsters". If you do not know who did, I'm not going to spoil the surprise.] Munsters 7-8: The Mary Meetings By Ron Dow75 7) Going Out That face! Where had he-she seen that horribly homely face before!?!! The pretty blonde college-coed aged Mary Munday, formerly Herman Munster, had her back bent backwards, taking in the full height of the 6'4" uniformed campus policeman who stood in her way out. At the moment it was hard to believe that she'd ever been tall. Meanwhile, the officer's partner on the other side of the door was nearly having a tantrum, "Francis, Francis! What's happening?! Let me see-ee!" The horse-faced giant looked away from the girl he'd almost tripped over to survey the scene inside the sorority bedroom. "It, it's like the report said, Gunther. There's a dirty old man in here." From behind Mary, Ernie Bilko, late of the US Army and Leavenworth, challenged, "Who's an old man?" The bald brunette with glasses shaped like a bowling pin was in a blue blazer-with-leather-patches and open dress shirt. All that seemed to be missing was the ascot. And behind him, his ex-girlfriend Joan Hogan cried, "But it doesn't bother you to be "dirty"!?!" The blonde, short-and- permed, was a zaftig woman who looked like she'd just returned from a date. She had on green tweed dress suit and cap and white plaited blouse. Besides the small diamond friendship ring, she also had on a dollar-sign brooch. Further away, little college-coed Chrissy Coxe said, "I think all men are basically dirty." Her hair had enough hairspray to look like a helmet. She wore a gingham shirt she'd and very short cutoffs. To both her and the cop, the man with the fleshy neck said as suavely as he could, "'Dirty' is only in the mind of the beholder." Wide, short Gunter Toody was trying to squeeze to get past tall Francis, "Let me behold! I wanna see!" Francis Muldoon moved aside far enough for his partner to pop by. "Gunther, there's nothing to see! And if there was, what would your wife say?!" Popping in had spun him around to where at the moment all he saw was the guy he showered with, "Why do you think I want to see!" Then he looked around. "There! There's something to see!" he insisted, pointing to Mary. Francis asked, "What? It's just a girl." Off. Gunther Toody said, and looking embarrassed, "She's indecently exposed!" Mary was in a rainbow splattered mini with a cream macram? sweater that had two strategically placed message pins ('The 6th Commandment: Make Love Not War' and 'Equal Rights For Women: The Right Fight'.) Ernie said, "If there's not an argument for 'In the mind of the beholder', I don't know what it." Muldoon told Gunther, "She, she's in her own bedroom. She's allowed to be indecent!" Housemother Joan Hogan informed the cop, "Actually, this is not her room." Little Chrissy informed her housemother, "Actually, the sorority president invited her to move in." Joan's old training as an army sergeant wanted to resurface; controlling herself, she said, "Well, that proves that this girl is indecent." Off. Toody begged, "Let me take her in, Francis!" And he was serious. Other than a little naughtiness, what he felt was the need to be useful. Police officer Muldoon, a little exasperated, told him, "This isn't a public place. You, you'd have to have a complaint." Ernie Bilko, ogling Mary said, "I have no complaint with her." Off. Francis Muldoon told him, "You don't belong here." Ernest now moved around to stand beside Joan, "She belongs here, and we just got back from a date. Together!" Miss Hogan shrugged away from the rat-fink, "I saw how you almost stood me up for that red-head!" Ernie explained, "That wasn't a redhead, that was Lucille Ball! I met her when I got the camp moved to California! It was after you left." Miss Hogan said, "I thought you said her name was Lucille Carter!?!" Bilko acted like it was all just a misunderstanding, "That's right. She's the secretary at the Unique Employment Agency! Now that I..." and he paused to smile at the cops, "...have been releaseD from my government obligation..." and back, "...I need a job." Miss Joan Hogan found that the hardest thing to swallow, "You work!?" He was back to eyeing the shapely young woman, "That's why I'm interested in Mary, here. She has that certain something that can make us all a fortune." Off. Toody pleaded, "Let me take her in-in!" Muldoon told him, "We can't do anything until she does something! There, there are such things as laws, Gunther!" Gunther Toody was disappointed, "Laws! They always get in the way of police work." Francis Muldoon wanted to be angry, "That, that's the kind of recklessness that got us kicked out of the Bronx!" Gunther was a shamefaced little kid again, "How was I to know the UN ambassador from Liechtenstein wasn't a spy?" Francis reminded him, "The President was right beside her!" Gunther Toody said with flawless logic, "And who has more secrets!?!" Ernie Bilko smiled for them, "I know the President personally. I was with him when he got his purple heart during the war, even though he was merely a congressman." Joan said with an edge to her voice, "Perhaps you'd like to show them the autograph he gave you? ...The one on the pardon." Francis Muldoon thought he heard something interesting, "Pardon me, what did you say...." He was distracted again by the pretty blonde. "Are you staring at me? Is, is there something wrong with my face?" And very self-consciously, he fumbled his fingers against it. The excessively exposed girl asked, "Have we met before?" Now it wasn't his fingers that fumbled about, "Gee, no. I don't think so. I, I would remember anybody as, as... as I don't get out on dates much. And ever since Mother passed away..." Mary was interested, "Oh, your mother passed away?" Gunther said, "He means when his mother passed on a way to move here with him. When he gets nervous, he doesn't talk too good." Mary said, "Gee! Just like me." Gunther elaborated, "Mrs. Muldoon went to Florida, instead. She'd not dead." Mary Munday said, "I'm sorry to hear that." Francis dared a smile, "You, you like mothers?" Maybe there was a logical explanation for why she was dressed this way. Mary smiled, "Do I!? I have 12 of my own. Not counting the time the Doctor brought me to life, of course. But you could say he was my mother, too." Muldoon's very expressive eyebrows rose. "You poor thing. I don't believe in divorce. Er, you have nothing against Catholics, do you?" Mary said, "Well... Grandpa was originally Orthodox. But I believe the Doctor was Catholic." Francis asked, "And what about you?" Mary said, "Me? I'm mixed. I guess you can call me ecumenical." Then she lowered her voice a bit, "It wouldn't be polite to tell you which part of me was Jewish." Gunther Toody complained, "Come on, Francis! If we're not going to arrest anybody, let's go." Francis said, "Wait, wait a minute, Gunther. I'm, I'm trying to ask this lady if, if she'll go out with me." Mary smiled, "I wouldn't mind at all, officer." Francis's rubbery mouth stretched, "You wouldn't?" Ernie Bilko was about to say something, but Joan Hogan used a little combat training to put his mind onto something else. === Chrissy Coxe followed the police and the irritating girl towards the stairs. Most of the other girls of the sorority also spied. For those who watched TV with their fathers, it felt like a western, with the town watching the bad guy being escorted out of town. The men, of course, didn't see it that way: Francis asked, "I, I don't know your name." The tall man was walking down ahead of her so he didn't have to look down at her braless cleavage. The girl with the peek-a-boo top said, "Grandpa calls me Mary Munday." Gunther said, "Oh? And what does he call you the rest of the week?" He thought that was cleaver. Francis told him, "Gunther!" that he wasn't. Mary said, "Gee, I didn't think of that. I hope I don't have to find out. You see Grandpa's looking for a cure." He-she felt even more "jouncy" on stairs. They'd reached the front door. Francis, concerned, asked, "Cure!?!! Is something wrong with you?!" Mary said, "Yes. I don't feel like the old me, any more." Herman would never be caught dead in public dressed like this." Before Francis could inquire into her health any more, Gunther was holding open the door, "Come on! Let's go already. Why does it always take women longer to leave the house than to get where they're going!?!" Francis scolded him, "Gunther!" Chilled, Mary assured him, "I'd better go, then. I, I certainly don't want to start acting like a woman." He-she tried not to wiggle. Gunther hurried out ahead, leaving his glaring partner to reach out to hold the door open, gentleman like, as Mary left. Outside, the little man, about Mary's height, tried to shoo her along. "Come on, come on..." Closing the door behind him, Francis told Mary, "You don't have to listen to him, Mary." Letting herself be hurried (despite what it and the breeze were doing to her boobs), Mary answered, "I was told always to obey an officer of the law." Then her friendly tone became a little sad and frightened, "Except when they want to be mean to me. Back in the old country, they were mean to me a lot." Francis felt for her, "They were!?!" (Gunther said, "That's right...Come off the porch...") Mary told him, "There was a lot of prejudice back before Grandpa brought us all to America. And all because people didn't like the way I looked." Come to think of it, there was some here, before Gloria came. Now, who lived with them before her, again? Off. Muldoon asked, "The old country doesn't like young, beautiful blondes??" Gunther said, "I can understand that. If I was old and ugly, I wouldn't like somebody like her reminding me." Francis told him, "You are old and ugly, Gunther!" Gunther said, "Not that old." Francis told Mary, "I'm younger than he is." Then, to help his chances anyway he could think of, he said, "I graduated from college! Mag, magna laude." Off. Toody cried, "Public property! She's standing on the sidewalk!" Muldoon realized what he was trying to do, "I will not let you arrest Mary!" Gunther Toody said, "But you said I don't need a complaint when she's on public property!" Francis Muldoon stepped between Mary and the nut, "This is the '60's! Look around, there are people out there more indecently exposed than Mary! You can't arrest all of them!" That almost helped reassure Mary. Gunther Toody said, "You've got to stop somewhere." Muldoon put his back to his friend, his arm down to block him. "You can go, Mary." Mary said, "Thank you." As she was leaving, he realized, "Wait! We haven't set a time for our date!" Mary, walking backwards long enough to talk with, said, "Date you!??! I, I can't date you! I, I, I'm already married!!" And she turned and hurried away, deeply red. The thought of dating a man had lead directly to where Herman Munster had seen that face. That body. Nine months ago he had been struck by a lightning bolt from one of Grandpa's experiments and been made into the police officer's plastic duplicate. (Just as John 'Joan' Jackson had been turned into a duplicate of some strange girl when Granpa had tried to change Herman back.) Gunther said, "I knew it! I knew she would break your heart, Francis." Francis turned on his partner, taking out some of that hurt, "What is it about her you don't like, Gunther!?! It was like you took an instant dislike to Mary!" Gunther said, "She reminds me of my wife." Then he struggled to explain how the young, beautiful, and charming girl could remind anyone of his wife. "It's, it's the way she smells. She has that same scent of harsh dye, aqua velva, and the cheap perfume that Emma uses." Francis smiled at the memory, "...And a touch of vanilla extract." === Grandpa's "Home Sweet Home" toilet water took the stench of the living dead off of Gloria. But it was also to help her find the right kind of bland, neutrally charged husband. It by-passed all reason by appealing to the sense organ that was actually a part of the brain, triggering whatever receptors the individual associated with home. Only Grandpa had to come up with a makeshift substitute for Mary, Gloria's perfect plastic double. Not only did it not shift to other receptors if the person wanted to push those associations away, the person could shift them to the aromas he or she thought would make for a sweet home. That plus the fact Mary's positive animal electricity was dissipating, leaving her more and more attractive could only lead to one thing... All of which, Mary, being Herman, had not quite grasped. He-she did not really know what to do next. But that was nothing new to Herman. It had all started when he had come home from the graveyard shift, and was looking forward to having dinner with the family. Suddenly he had found himself in the living room turned into what he thought was his niece Gloria. He knew it had to be Grandpa's fault. When he-she confronted him about, Grandpa talked about electricity a lot. They were next to the campus. That must be where the electricity was Grandpa was going to use to fix things was. He was a mad scientist, and there were scientists at colleges. He-she would ask somebody where he-she could find them. Somebody asked her first. He had come across the street to do it. He was a lean, young man with short, curly blonde hair carrying a canvas-with-leather trim suitcase. "Well, hello there, my fine unescorted young woman. May I, perhaps, escort you to wherever it is you're going?" He had dark green pants and a gold-on-gold sports shirt. His friend, taking a more leisurely pace, said, "Eddie, leave the girl alone." This dark blonde was handsome without being rugged. He wore jeans with a light blue sports shirt with a dark blue stripe down the left side, the breast pocket light blue. A dark blue letterman sweater was draped over the shoulder bag that matched the suitcase. Eddy said, while taking inventory, "She can tell me herself, Wally." Wally apologized, "I'm sorry, Miss. Eddy Haskell can be smarmy, but he's basically a nice guy." Eddie cackled, "As opposed to old Wally, here. (Heh, Heah!)" The macram? didn't really hide anything. Wally said, "Don't believe him and you'll get along fine with him." Mary noticed that the other college-aged boy was trying to be charming in his own way. He seemed more interested in his-her legs. Eddie said, "That's right. Don't believe I think you're the best-looking babe I've ever met. Or seen on TV, either!" Mary said, "Alright. Especially since I'm not a, uh, babe. Can either of you gentlemen tell me were I can find the scientists?" Herman was a believer in Norman Vincent Peale. Eddie laughed, "You hear, Wally? She called us 'gentlemen'." Wally said, "I don't know about you, Eddie, but I always try to be a gentleman." Then to the girl, "Sure I can show you where some scientists are. We were just going there ourselves." It was difficult to keep his away off of that nearly exposed chest of hers. Mary asked, "Oh, are you studying to be scientists?" Eddie grinned, "No, we're going to be guinea pigs. We get all the guinea hens we can eat." He didn't pretend he wasn't looking. Wally told the smart aleck, "Eddie! Will you stop that." "No, we're not, Miss...Miss...?" Mary said, "It's Mary today." Eddie said, "That's a funny name, 'Today'! (Heh, Heah!)" He could swear the more he made with the jokes, the more she seemed to take on the air of somebody interested. Mary said, "No, today is Monday. My name is Mary Munday, today." Eddie asked, "Are you going to be Tuesday Weld, tomorrow? (Heh, Heah!)" Mary blinked, "Wouldn't I be Mary Tuesday?" Eddie said, "And Wednesday, Addams." Mary said, "Please, can't we keep them out of this?" Wally was reminded of the scents of hair spray, makeup and cleaning products. He formally introduced himself, "Mary Monday, I'm Wally Cleaver. My obnoxious friend is Eddie Haskell. We came from Mayfield-" A car pulled up: Officer Muldoon asked, "Are, are these two bothering you, Mary?" Wally turned pale, and said, "Oh! Uh, hello, officers." Eddie told Wally to loosen up, "They're not cops. They're just campus fuzz." And they couldn't arrest girls like Mary, right? Wally told, "Eddie!" to cool it. Eddie smiled, "Why? We don't go to this college." Mary, blushing, could not face the strange man he-she knew more intimately than she cared to, "No, no. They're not. I, I asked them to show me the way to the scientists." Gunther Toody cried, "I knew it! She's a spy!" Francis cried, "Enough with the spies, already, Gunther! You've seen too much 'Man from U.N.C.L.E.'." Eddie liked the idea, "A Mata Hari, hunh? Wasn't she an exotic dancer?" He could almost picture it. Francis Muldoon took offense, "Now, now, just a minute, fella! Mary isn't that kind of..." While he was lecturing the fresh man, a call came over their radio that was for Car 5. Off. Toody said, "There's another disturbance at the sorority!" Francis's long brows went down for more than one reason. "I knew we should've run that guy out!" As the car was pulling, he cried, "Stop, Gunther!!" Gunther stopped. And, exasperated, asked, "What is it, Francis!?!" Francis reached for something under the dashboard. "I want you to have this, Mary." He brought out an issued walkie- talkie. "In case you want us. For, for any reason." Feeling that she had to accept it because he was a policeman, Mary said, "It's a little big, isn't it?" Everything was so much bigger than Herman was used to. She had to hold it with both small hands. Wally Cleaver slipped the bag that was over his shoulder, "Here, you can carry it in this." Mary hesitated, "It looks like a shoulder bag." Eddie kidded his friend, "That's because that's what it is." Wally told her the truth, "It's just a piece of luggage, Mary." Then, "And what if it were a shoulder bag, Eddie? A lot of guys have them, nowadays." Mary said, "They do? Well, in that case..." 08) What Kind of House is This? On the way, the two campus police argued about giving out official property. As they were entering the Sigma Iota Sigma sorority again, Gunther was saying, "Why can't you hold a grudge, Francis? I hold all of mine with Emma!" Francis said, "There's something about Mary. I want protect her. Give her a safe and quite home where, where she has nothing to have a grudge against." Gunther said, "You always were a mama's boy." When they passed into the living room, he said, "Speaking of mothers." The matronly housemother Joan Hogan was not sitting on the bald man dressed like a playboy. With just the skirt and blouse, and a pair of mocs, she was on the floor sitting on the back of a dark haired girl wrapped in a crocheted Afghan. There were enough openings in the sofa cover to show that the long, thin girl was almost completely naked. (This knit showed she was on the bony side. As opposed to Mary's.) Before he spoke, Francis noted (rather than look at the exposed skin of the girl) that the far wall had an open door with a full-length window. A two-way-mirror. Behind it was a room that had, from what he could see of it from where he was standing, a stained chaise and a bookcase and table with more books on it. A couple of the girls chose to tell the cops, "Miss Hogan caught Joan Jackson peeping on us!" Every hair in place, prim but pretty Kimberly told them, "She was, like, doing more than just 'peeping'! She was indulging in her voyeuristic perversion at our expense!" She wore a white short sleeve blouse and tartan skirt that could've passed as a parochial school uniform. Gunther sniffed the air. "She's right. I recognize that smell from when Emma makes me do it with her. Once a month, like she's on a schedule or something." The embarrassed Francis found it harder to sniff. "It is rather strong. No wonder mother only served white fish on Fridays." The former WAC reported, "I found her in flagrant disregard in that tower of hers." On the outside, an odd two-story octagonal structure could be seen. Finally the president of the sorority got enough air into her lungs to tell them, "They were clothed! I was alone! And she is fired!" Joan Hogan refused to budge her ample weight off of scrawny young thing. "I signed up with the clear understanding I was in charge around here." Joan Jackson demanded, "Then who can fire you!?!" Sounding more like the Southern belle of her origins, "Your father. In person, so that I can get the satisfaction of telling him what I think of his-" A strange, dirty old man voice cried, "Even of hooters, there's only so much I can take!" Miss Hogan was as startled as everybody else. She also had just pushed Miss Jackson back down against the floor for emphasis. She yelped and, surprised, fell off the girl when she got a jolt of electricity from the girl's bra band. Joan Hogan cried, "What in the world!??!" Now only her legs were on the jasper. The shorthaired blond Ivana said, "I recognize that dirty old man voice!" The Amazon had on a long red skirt and peasant blouse. The stringy-haired brunet Hester said, "Who could forget it." The thin coed wore a black skirt with dark green turtleneck and tights. Oriole said, "Goodness knows, you'd want to try." Her Asian hair carefully styled, and helped her look like the Southern belle in pink glace and petticoats she was dressed like. The Elvis-haired Sally told them, "He calls himself 'Grandpa'." She wore a lime double-knit with a high hem and a low d?colletage. Chrissy told them, "But he's Mary's dummy, and she's not here!" Gunther said, "It's him! That Ernie guy-the man in the girls' boudoir!" Joan Hogan, sitting upright but with her legs still over queen, told them, "I threw Ernie out!" She was still obviously sore at him. Amateur detective Muldoon guessed that's what brought on the woman's confrontation with the coed. Grandpa warned, "Hold on, Joan. I'm going to use some electro-static levitation!" Miss Hogan felt her legs want to go in two different directions, hiking up her skirt. Shoving down on the hem, she quickly got them off of Jackson. To the astonished eyes of everybody, the girl wrapped so tight in the Afghan she should be barely able to move moved. Like a toppled mummy rising upright she rose. Hester cried, "She's possessed!" Oriole cried, "Grandpa's haunting her!" Sally said, "I knew Joan would catch something from Mary." Sparks gripped the carpet while reaching out for the ceiling, and the top of the crocheted blanket opened like a petal. When she was on her feet and the sparks stopped, the coverlet fell from her body. Gunther's little piggy eyes went wide. "Now that's got to be indecent!" All that the girl who looked like a thin model was wearing was a size D white-with-lace bra. Though, in her hand, she did have a pair of red-with-black-lace panties that looked like they could have come out of a Frederick's of Hollywood catalog. Wrinkling her nose, Kimberly pointed to the panties and declared, "There's your evidence!" They did have fluid on them, even more down her legs. Gunther said, "Oo! Oo! A complaint!" The surprises for SIS sorority were not over: Joan Jackson bent a knee inward and modestly covered herself with her hands. "Can someone get me something to wear?" The naked girl was plainly beginning to blush. Little Chrissy went to go for President Jackson's clothes. Decided it would take too long, and turned to look around. As soon as Off. Muldoon had seen the afghan 'coming loose' from around the girl, he'd turned around. Now, he tugged at the arm of his partner, "It's not right to look at a girl who's not properly dressed!" Off. Toody protested, "An officer is not supposed to take his eye off of the perpetrator! Even I learned that at the academy." And he was serious. Emma had just about ruined his interest in women. The tall officer pulled him and forced him around. "I don't think she's going to try and escape. Not, not like that!" Gunther, frustrated, said, "But if we let her get dressed, she won't be indecent! That's like destroying evi-idence." But he did join his partner. Miss Hogan had retreated to near the open secret door, and was asking herself, "What's going on??" Little Chrissy in cutoffs went to Hester, asking, "Loan Joan your skirt! You're wearing tights." Hester's hands went to her wraparound black skirt as she glanced down at it and the green tights covering her legs. "So I'm wearing tights!? This may be the '60s, but I don't know of anybody wearing just tights! It, it'd be like going out in pantyhose!" Chrissy, as inoffensively as she could, pushed the taller girl with the stringy hair towards the back of a sofa. "Then don't go out. I'll get you something to wear, I promise!" Joan, uncomfortably glancing at the backs of the officers, pleaded, "Please, Hester?!! There are men here!" And she thought to crouch and retrieve the afghan. Another girl, chestnut Melanie, looking disgusted with herself, started pulling her arms out of her button-down yellow sweater with the pink-rose-and-thorns embroidery. Toody, looking to his side, cried, "Now they're getting indecent! What do they do in sororities!?!" Her sweater off, the girl in the pink blouse told Joan Jackson, "I'll give you this-If you'll take 'Grandpa' out of here!" Grandpa, sounding like an old brat, said, "Only if I can have a glass of chocolate milk and a straw!" === Officer Toody asked impatiently, "Can we turn around, now!?!" Grandpa answered, "I haven't got my milk, yet!" Hearing his voice again only added more fuel to the speculation and innuendo that was being passed around the gathered sorority sisters (in whispers, for the most part. But their glances told Miss Jackson who was at their center.) Abashed at how she hadn't responded like a sergeant until now, the housemother told him, "She's dressed. And I agree. It's best she leave for a while. I think the girls will want to hold a meeting. "Without the president." Joan Jackson, waiting for Chrissy to bring her panties and shoes, told anybody who was listening (her proud Ds out), "Remember who provides most of the money around here. (And the endowments. Most of which haven't been disbursed yet.) Me-My, uh, Dad!" A hidden girl whispered rather loudly, "She means her sugar daddy." Grandpa said, "I heard that! This bra can also pick up sounds only a BAT would hear!" Almost as one, the girls jumped. Gunther Toody, too Ivana's jaw fell, "I didn't even see her mouth move." Sally, glaring, now, said, "Joan doesn't know ventriloquism! And I'm beginning to think that neither did Mary." Oriole was scandalized, spread her fingers over her upper chest, "You mean we were the victim of some pranksters!?" Joan Hogan said, "What I caught her doing, 'prankster' that would be step up." Police Officer Muldoon asked, "Wha, what's this about pranksters?" This sounded like something he would rather write a report on. Grandpa explained, "John Jackson made his fortune with computers. You know, transistors, and micro- miniaturization." Francis Muldoon said, "You, you mean she's bugged!?!" Grandpa said, "Well, there's certainly something in this bra." Policeman Gunther 'figured' it out, "Aha! The bra! That's the only place it could've been on her!" Joan told them, "Hey, you two, 'she' and 'her' are right here!" And she did with enough force to move right and left. Grandpa, straining a bit, said to her, "Quiet! I'm trying to give you more support. That's what bras do." Now that Gunther had time to think about it. "I don't remember any wires or batteries coming out of the bra. Are you sure that's where the speaker is?" Grandpa answered, "Cross her heart!" The housemother threatened, "There better not be an 'eye' to go with the 'ear' and 'mouth'!" Francis Muldoon tried to assure her (and himself), "Don't worry. They, they don't make cameras that small. (I think)." Hester said, "I would've thought that about the microphone and listening device, too." That did relate to her major. Maybe in a couple of decades... Joan Hogan crossed her arms and scowled at Joan Jackson and her talking bra. "Even if her dirty old man couldn't see, it's pretty darn sleazy for them to 'share' a moment like that." The hidden girl whispered rather loudly, again, "Like father, like daughter." Joan Jackson's roommate and lover Sally said, "You can say that again." Oriole had thought she had reached the limits of her being scandalized. She hadn't, "The very idea!" (Gunther whined, "What are they talking about, Francis?!") (Uncomfortable, Francis said, "Ask Emma." (Gunther said, "I don't like to ask her anything. I'm the smart one in the family.") Grandpa "explained", "Mary assists me with many of my experiments." (Ivana said, "I thought Mary was that kind of girl." Ivana had the wrong build to be that kind, herself.) Grandpa continued, "...But for the next phase, I needed somebody with brains as well as boobs." Sally said, "Speaking of which: How on earth!?!" Joan smiled, and arched her back, and used her hands to frame her thrust out bust, "Do you like?" Sally said, "No! Especially if you expect me to get them, too." Joan just sort of wagged them for all of them to see her new C breasts inside a padded D cup. "I learned the secret." Grandpa laughed, "Better living bras through science." The hidden girl whispered rather loudly, "I thought that was her sugar granddaddy's real experiment." Sally, upset, didn't need any more distractions, "Kimberly, you can stop trying to hide!" Kimberly stepped forward. "I think this proves what kind of..." While she was talking, Heather, and 'Thighs', went towards Joan, "Do you think you, uh, could get a bra like that for us?" 'Thighs' nodded. "You have to expect something new to have bugs in it." She wore a busy black-and-orange blouse and solid black pants. Kimberly was not pleased. Grandpa said, "I'll see what I can do. Are either of you virgins, by the way?" (Francis blushed and fumbled, "Vir, virgins!?" (Gunther said, "I know Emma doesn't remember anything about that.") Miss Hogan cried, "I knew it!!" And she stepped forward to bodily throw out the perverted accomplice of "Grandpa". Grandpa tried to "explain" again, "Virgins have better imaginations! They make better subjects." Joan Hogan said, "I'm not going to let you subject these girls to any experi-" As soon as she touched Jackson, she received enough of a jolt to take several steps back. Toody cried, "Assault!" Muldoon said, "With what!? And she touched the girl!" Grandpa told her, "I released the static animal electricity the afghan had gotten from all of girls sitting on the sofa cover since the last time it was washed." The housemother starting to flush, cried, "Electricity!??! No shock's made me feel this way before!" Grandpa said, "The girls are all young, squirming college girls." Her legs growing unsteady, Joan Hogan collapsed onto the sofa behind her. "But I'm a mature woman." She struggled to keep from doing what she'd caught Jackson doing. "Who, who should know how to, control her, her, self...." Grandpa apologized, "Apparently, the cover hadn't been washed in some time." 'Thighs' said, "Wow.... That's some side effect." (Muldoon looked as his partner turned his back on the scene again, too. Gunther grimaced, "I see that every month at my apartment.") Hester back-tracked, "Er, no thanks for the bra. I'm horny enough as it is." Sally groaned, "And her bra's doing that to Joan? She doesn't need to be more over-sexed." Chrissy hurried in from the kitchen. She had a green checkered skirt over one arm, a pair of black lacy panties over the other arm, a pair of black pumps in one hand, and a glass of chocolate milk with a straw in her last hand. "I've been trying to hear what's been happening, but I've been missing all of the visuals!" She slowed towards a stop as she stared at the housemother. "Now I wish I had. Talk about not wanting to see young people doing it." Joan Jackson had to reach out to take the shoes from her. Chrissy explained to her president, "Sorry I took so long. I had a hard time finding them in your closet." But Joan wasn't sore. She was smiling at the shoes. Sally said, "Are you actually going to wear heels?" Joan sort of giggled. "If you're going to be a girl, why not be a girl?" And lifted a foot to slip the first on. Sally said, "That's what you say to me, but you've never taken your own dictate, before." Joan smiled, "Live and learn." And she winked at her roomie as she slipped on the last 3" heel, "Now that I know the secret, maybe I get lessons for you. It should be easier for a girl that started out as a girl." Sally Sanders held up a hand, "Oh, no! This girl never wanted to be a girl. I played dress-up doll for you, but I draw the line at acting like a girlie girl." Joan said, "We'll see. Me and Gran-" She teeter on the brink of falling off of her heels. Grandpa cried, "Easy does it! I don't want to my charged-up girl to be grounded, now. Let me help you." The assembled watched as those size Ds rose up higher on her chest. And even out. Joan happily said, "Thank you, Grandpa." === Wally Cleaver and Eddie Haskell were nice enough young fellows. But they crowded him-her and stared a lot, (though hardly ever looking at his-her face), especially the very talky Eddie. The closer he got, the draftier the mini skirt and macram? sweater it seemed to get. (Was it just his-her imagination, or did just about everybody downwind keep looking, too?) They took Mary to a separate and practically hidden one- story wooden building behind a three-story brick building. But inside, it didn't look like what he-she thought of as a lab. (And Herman had seen a number of them.) It looked like an informal, progressive classrooms. But, Mary wondered, what where they teaching? Eddie spotted a teenage girl in a dress and hose and cried, "Hey! If it isn't the Beaver!" The dark haired girl in makeup turned around, blushing. "Please, Eddie. Don't call me that any more. My name is Thea Cleaver. That's short for Dorothy." The End of this installment Yes, the "The Munsters" started out as a spoof of "Leave It to Beaver". And with a title like the latter, I'm surprised there aren't more parodies of it, of the Fictionmania kind. When I was thinking of what I could do with each show, I thought of making Theodore Cleaver a straightforward accident case. He got into a lot of those. As I understand it, back then some of the psychological community still believed that in cases like this (if interceded young enough, and intensively enough) a boy could come to accept herself as a girl. Further arguing for this course was the Cleavers' Aunt Billingsly who worked in this field. (As mentioned in Ch. 6.) No magic or sci fi here.