Case 34 Innocence Lust Mr Phelps
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A Little Self Help free porn video
Note: This story was written way back in autumn 1994. It's
the first piece of fiction I ever wrote about my/our
condition.
It was posted to Usenet like the other ones I wrote at the
time and it is probably new to most people reading it now.
The story hasn't been changed except to clean it up and fix
errors. Once again I am grateful to Erin for wielding the
editorial red pencil and "activating" my verbs.
This is the first of three related stories. The third story is
already on Big Closet and the remaining part should be
along soon. I hope people like them.
A Little Self Help
By Emma Smith
Sunday, 01 September 2002
Chapter 1 - Visitation
Another interruption became more than I could bear, really,
so I left the keyboard a little hurriedly and charged
downstairs. If those blasted Witnesses had returned again
I'd give them something to tell people about. I flung the
door open and stopped because there she stood. I couldn't
quite place her but there was definitely something familiar
and yet also quite strange about her.
"Moderately reasonable place you have here John." She
grinned. "How about letting me in?" I must have been a
little too slow for her so she continued, "Come on then, this
is very important. Jane's getting cold."
I took her inside and sat her down, watched her admiring
the decorations such as they were. The silence became a bit
awkward but I determined not to break first. I resorted to
staring at the clock for a while. It kept on ticking as usual.
"I suppose you think this is strange?"
"Oh no, mysterious women are always knocking on my
door and acting weird. It happens to me all the time. Only
the other day."
"Don't worry, I know all about you, everything. I want to
help."
"Everything?"
"The works."
"You a spy, a psychic or a nut?"
"No, it's simple. How can I say this - I'm another one of
you."
"Oh wow, I just knew it. I'm going to call the police or a
doctor or something. You just barge in here"
"You've spent a fair deal of time looking in the mirror
lately, don't you see any resemblance? There are two sides
to mirrors you know."
I looked at her much more closely, slim, nice figure and
face, long dark hair. Those tight jeans showed off her figure
really well. She had a great voice too and a sexy smile.
Unfortunately, most of the resemblance was in my dreams.
"Now look. I don't know who put you up to this but I'm not
going for it. What do you really want?"
"I want you give you a chance at being happy. I'm taking a
big risk by being here but I've seen you and her crying, I
know you'd have done the same for me."
"I don't really know what you mean."
"Yes, you do, things aren't right for you. I can help."
"Oh yes, by coming around out of nowhere and driving me
mad? You'll be telling me you're some sort of fairy
godmother next. Wave the wand and zap, everything's
fine."
"Oh stop it, no magic wand see." She shook her sleeves as
proof. "I'm not offering you an easy out, just something no
one else can. It might turn out harder than if you leave it
and walk away."
"I don't understand. You keep hinting at some kind of big
secret. It's getting to me."
"You do seem a little disturbed. I'll leave you more details
and we'll talk again soon. I'm sorry for winding you up but
I couldn't resist it. You know what our sense of humour is
like."
I watched her take out a small cube from a pocket and place
it on the table. Then she fiddled with her watch for a while,
cursed a bit, blew me a kiss and seemed to fold out of
existence right in front of me.
I fell into a chair, just a little bit shocked. Then I went to
get myself a drink and made it a very large one. I had
another couple. I could hardly bear to look at the table. The
cube was still there. I laughed madly to myself as I threw
three books of popular physics into the dustbin. It was
expensive, but good therapy usually is.
Chapter 2 - Learning Difficulties
It may surprise you that the cube was left on the table for a
whole day. I could see it was going to be one of the most
important things in my life and knew I had to approach it
right, make the right choice and find out what the hell was
going on. Also, I was bloody scared.
So the following evening I picked it up and studied it. A
featureless grey cube slightly smaller than one of those
used-to-be popular puzzles. It didn't rattle and had no
switches visible. As I sat watching it a swirling pattern
started to develop within. It disturbed me somehow and I
kept staring at it. I started to feel like it was sucking me in
and I was about to fall into deep space. I already felt tired
and sleep came easily, and words and pictures followed.
She was in there with me.
"Hi, freaky isn't it? I hope my exit didn't upset you too
much. To answer your biggest questions I'm your
counterpart in a fairly close reality. Our tech level is much
higher and we've started to experiment with dimensional
travel. I'm on the research team but contact like this is
strictly forbidden, I'm taking rather a risk with this. This
cube is programmed with quite a lot of my personal records
and detailed information on the things that you'll want to
know. Interactive retrieval now commences. Bye for now
love."
Her image faded and I found myself in a small, well-lit,
room with a desk and chair. I sat down and a middle aged
man entered and came over to me.
"Hello, I'm the access program. Tell me what you want and
I'll get it."
"What? Isn't that a little low tech?"
"Of course not. You are not implanted with an access
terminal. Your sister thought a familiar metaphor would
help. She created me to assist you. Please let me help you."
"Ok then, let's start with some fairly basic biology and
psych texts, films, mind melds or whatever it is you guys
use."
"Accessing. There are 12,436 items stored in this system,
which match your criteria. I suggest these three." He waved
and they appeared on the desk. "Call me back when you
need more." He left. I got to work.
When I came around I found the house in total darkness
except for the orange glow from the lights outside. I
checked my watch and saw seven hours had passed in the
trance. I searched for the cube and found it under the chair
where it had rolled away. Its program completed it now
glistened black.
My experience seemed dreamlike but also somehow more
real than the mundane reality surrounding me. I clasped my
head as the pain hit me. I looked at the thing with some
respect then decided to take some aspirin before the
pounding in my head woke the neighbours.
When I felt vaguely human again I went upstairs and took
out some of my clothes, put on some make up and dressed
in jeans and blouse. As I put on my wig the usual feeling of
relief and calmness flooded through me but tonight it
seemed different as I looked at myself with new
knowledge. I put on my new earrings and felt quite pleased.
I still didn't look how I really wanted but it always made
me feel better, all I ever wanted was to be myself and it had
always been denied.
Later on, I had the usual pain when I had to take it all off
again. I washed off the make up and once again became the
normal person everyone expects to see me as, the square
peg in the round hole. The often depressed and pained
duality to be faced. People wonder why I'm miserable ha!
They got the right life. They can have children, enjoy sex,
and wear their favourite clothes.
I managed to stop myself before the run of self pity could
really get under way and went to the kitchen to make a
drink.
It was a fitful night, as fragments of knowledge splattered
across my brain like some deranged modern artwork. If a
little learning is a dangerous thing I'd become positively
lethal.
As ever, being awake is maddening, you're tired, you try
and will yourself to sleep all night. You finally manage it
and the alarm goes off. You feel like death but drag
yourself out of bed anyway and head off to work to offer
yourself up to the machine. This morning I just thought,
"Sod it".
Chapter 3 - Reunion
I got up and called in sick, went back to bed and slept a
little more. Just after lunchtime I got bored and went for a
walk. It ended up being quite a long one as I mulled over
my recently gained knowledge. I found my steps taking me
along by the canal.
I walked past empty warehouses and factories along a path
that seemed deserted. It brought back to me the time six
months ago when I'd stood staring at the water and thought
hard about throwing myself in. I watched the water
moving, dropped in a stone and saw the ripples slowly fade.
I felt alone and frustrated. Knowing no one was around I
vented some of it by shouting.
"I suppose you think you're bloody clever!" and jumped
with a massive start as she grabbed my shoulder from
behind and squeezed.
"Well, I don't argue with facts. My, you look a bit off
colour, been up all night?"
I couldn't help join in with her laughter as I could imagine
the expression I'd had on my face.
"You have got my sense of humour."
"No, you've got mine!"
"But you've got my real body."
"I used to have one like yours. It didn't fit, I took it back."
This exchange struck both of us as rather funny and we
laughed for a long time. I suppose you had to be there. We
embraced and walked along the path together, our
conversation a bit fitful, as we kept meeting other people
walking dogs or jogging determinedly.
"So now we're even, you know all about me."
"Yes, you've had an interesting life."
"Oh, I don't know."
"Was being a man in your world hard?"
"Not really, it just didn't suit me. I decided to switch."
"And no one minded?"
"It's no utopia but people are encouraged to experiment,
find out who they are and what they need and are helped to
get it, whatever it is."
"And you say it's no utopia!"
"It's just more tolerant, this place will be better eventually
but you haven't got that long. I can help you jump the
queue a little."
"You mean it?"
"Would I lie to me?"
"What did your parents say?"
"Err, hi love, we burned your old clothes and you're
marrying your cousin next week."
"So zis humour runs in ze family. Zat is very interesting.
So, what's ze secret plan."
"You disappear for a while with me, I hack you an ID and
as a decent, responsible, citizen you apply for DNA
RetroMod therapy. Then I put you back and you carry on
how you want. Except you'll be able to use the cleaner
public loos and you won't smell quite as badly in the
mornings."
"You have done your research, I'm impressed."
She bowed ironically.
"But what if you get caught."
"I shouldn't. You won't be around long; I should be able to
cover it. If they get me then I'll be off the project and get
into some real trouble. But hey, almost identical people
from different realities should stick together!"
"You and me and me and me against the world?"
"Not quite, but close."
"And I'll be away for?"
"Six months or so."
"I could say I'm doing a solo walk round the world."
"Digging to China?"
"Skiing down Everest?"
"Or just say you're quitting. You may well want a change
of scene when you get back. What do you say?"
"Come on, I'll race you to that bridge."
"Which one? Hey! Come back you cheater!"
Chapter 4 - Departure
I'd packed the few things I wanted to take and surprisingly
it wasn't that much. After all, it was just another little trip
away from home. Mothers generally don't hand out advice
for what to take on inter-dimensional journeys; somehow a
packed lunch seems oddly inadequate.
I took out the small box and read the note again for about
the fiftieth time. "I would fetch you but I have to operate
this end. Signal when you're ready. Mind the reality gap,
closing your eyes helps." I turned it over again to look at
the cartoon cat sticking its tongue out at me, smiled, then
put it back in my pocket.
I closed my eyes tightly and pressed the button. I felt
nothing. Then suddenly I was being touched and kissed.
"You do look funny standing like that, posed for any good
statues lately?"
I opened my eyes to find myself in a white room, which
seemed familiar except for several pieces, of what could
well be machinery, placed tastefully around the room in a
pleasing pattern.
"Now remember, you're my brother. Everyone's expecting
you, just try and keep calm."
"Calm she says! I feel like my heart is about to burst out of
the top of my head."
She gave me a very weird look "You humans have a very
strange physiology." and stared at me glassily. I fell for it
again and she giggled loudly before handing me a thin
bracelet.
"This is your ID and terminal, you are a member of a
religious sect that forbids bodily implants. Wear it always,
and think of me."
"I will, your supreme cleverness."
"Just don't screw up. Learn to use the bracelet to do simple
things like open doors and call lifts first, I'll help you pick it
up. Now come on."
As we left the room an older man entered and looked
quizzically at me. She nudged me, somewhat excessively I
thought, I'm not totally thick.
"My brother is programmed for full access, a courtesy to
our visitors."
"I knew that dear, I was merely waiting politely to be
introduced."
"My brother John, this is Zax - archivist and master
programmer on our research project."
"A pleasure, I can see the resemblance. I hope your mind is
as strong and clear as hers."
"I hope so too. I have heard of your wisdom, I feel like
we've met already." She nudged me again.
"Thank you, be welcome in our place of work." He bowed
and left.
"So, you're not above borrowing from your surroundings?"
"Of course not, elegant reuse is a cornerstone of
simulation."
"Bullshit."
"Yeah. Must be rubbing off. I like him a lot, I knew you'd
get on."
"He seems like he has a knack for finding things out
though."
They left the room and soon the building to find a
landscaped garden outside covering a fair deal of ground.
"I hope he waits till you're safely back before he puts 10
base 2 and 10 base 2 together. Let's go home."
"How do we do that?"
"Simple. We use our legs, race you back!" She ran off
straight-ahead.
"You bloody cheat! I don't know where it is." I followed
her laughter into the distance.
Chapter 4 - Home
Her place was nearby and very tastefully done too, put
mine to shame a bit. I tried to look casual, sank into a chair
and accepted a large drink.
"Hi home. I'm home."
"Good afternoon Jane, you have two messages."
"Save them for later. Offline."
"Fine."
"Ok, I'll need about two weeks to get everything set up.
That is if you're sure you still want to do it?"
"Never felt surer."
"I hope we get away with it."
"Sure we will."
I was a bit surprised when the kid walked in. He looked
around 9 or 10 but I was wary of judging ages around here.
For once I decided to keep quiet.
"Hi mom!"
"Hello, come and say hello to your uncle - remember what
I told you."
"Yeah, keep my big mouth shut or I get walloped."
"That's right. It's a secret ok?"
"Sure. I'm off to meet the guys, I'll probably be back
tomorrow."
"Ok, have fun. Watch that blonde guy, she's got her eye on
you."
He blushed noticeably "We haven't done anything at all yet
Mom."
"I know, I'm getting worried about you, now get going."
"Bye then, bye uncle!" He winked dramatically at me and
left quickly.
"I thought you said it wasn't a complete bio reversal."
"It isn't. If I can't bear a child naturally I can still supply
half the genes and raise one. He's going to be a bit like his
father, too damn clever by half."
"And like his mother?"
"What, you mean totally irresistible?" She brushed her hair
aside and laughed.
"What else?"
"Come on, let's get some food."
Chapter 5 - Alterations
I felt very nervous as we walked to the medical centre. Can
I do this? What will happen? Why am I talking to myself? I
made myself shut up. Once they had me tucked up in bed
they tactfully left us alone for a while.
"I thought it would be all robots and machines and
computers."
"It is, they just do this to make people feel at ease. When
I've gone, they'll knock you out, put you in this big
machine, saw off the top of your head."
"And suck out my brains?"
"No, that's the reverse operation. You're becoming a
woman."
"We've watched too many bad films. What really
happens?"
"We interface you to the design program, it's a special job
old Zax tailored for my change. A real work of art."
"We can talk later?"
"Once things get under way, you'll be put in semi-active
mode and plugged into some comm. channels. Relax and
I'll catch you on the net."
"I'm relaxed. I'm relaxed."
"No, you're not, but you soon will be. I'll see you on the
other side."
"Take care."
"And you. Don't interact with any strange men. Not till you
have the right bits anyway!"
She kissed me and left, waving from the door. I really did
start to feel relaxed and felt quite good when the medic
arrived.
"We're ready to start. These jobs are fairly common now
and you have the best program I've seen for it. I'll be
monitoring you but there should be no problem." He
produced a small metal tube.
"What are you going to." The lights dimmed to black.
I came to in what looked suspiciously like a psychiatrist's
office. The bearded figure got me to lie down on the couch.
"I hope you can handle this scenario. There are several
others available."
"This will be fine."
"Now then, you understand there are limits to what we can
do here."
"Yes, I know. Can you tell me what's going to happen? It
will help me to concentrate."
"Of course. I am supplied with your physical and mental
parameters and genetic template. We will develop a desired
end configuration based on GeneFlow simulations. I will
construct a tailored splicer to modify the activation patterns
of certain parts of your code."
"This will cause a shift towards the final configuration?"
"Precisely. Over a few months major changes will occur to
your body and we shall perform minor rewiring of certain
motor and other nerve functions to ensure a perfect
mapping of your new arrangement. The UNI nano-
machines involved are programmed to destruct afterwards.
I understand this is permissible to your sect."
"And if they don't?"
"It is unlikely but if they do you will not be waking up. I
understand suicide is permissible to your sect under certain
conditions."
"I believe some of our more forward members have tried
it."
"It should not be necessary. Commence design programme.
May your experience be a positive one. All trademarks
acknowledged."
"The more things change...."
"Indeed. An apt observation."
Chapter 6 - To Awaken Anew
"Ok, I have to go now. They want to shut me down for a
full check before they let me out of here at last."
"Let's hope they haven't lost your system disk."
"Yeah."
"See you in a week or so. Does it hurt?"
"Only when I don't laugh."
"I know. It was a corny joke, I'm sorry. Hey, I've seen your
pictures, you are going to be one sexy creature."
"I'll believe it when I see me."
"You will. Bye."
"Bye."
Her e-voice faded and I signalled that I was ready.
"You are stable and nominal. There is no indication of
trouble. A complete medical scan will now be performed.
You will not be conscious during this procedure. If
everything has gone well then we will not need to speak
again. Your full function will be restored. Thank you for
using our software."
"Where do I send the tip?"
"Clarify? Destination of effluent heap has no appropriate
referent."
"Never mind. Thanks for your help."
"Terminal 7 disconnect. GeneTech sequence 1023
concluded. Scan commences. Good luck and thank you
again."
I yawned and stretched before trying to get out of bed and
falling over. It wasn't I was tired or really disoriented; just
that I had two seemingly overlaid self-images for a
moment. I made do with sitting down a while and thinking.
I tried again and it seemed easier. I made it across the room
and caught my image in the mirror. I almost fell over again.
I stared into it deeply, so engrossed was I that I missed the
sound of the door.
"Wow!"
"Hi sis! How come you're out of bed? Get back in, doctors
orders."
"Doctor of what?"
"Molecular Systems Technology, not really medical but not
too far off these days."
"How do I look?"
"Too good, too blonde, and too pleased with yourself. I'm
really happy for you, and madly jealous."
"Thanks, there's no need to be. You're the irresistible one
remember? It's all down to you in any case. What happens
now?"
"You wait a while for your reflexes to catch up with the
rest of you and we go home. When I'm sure you're fine we
send you back on the longer trip."
"I hope I don't wake up soon, I love this dream!"
"Oi! Cover yourself up." She pointed at the window and I
saw one of the technicians peering in and gazing at me. I
dived for the bed and ended up under it.
"Reactions excellent, coordination terrible. Needs more
work."
"Ouch!" I laughed so hard I banged my head.
Chapter 7 - Discovery
Extract - Personal Diary - Jane 24/10/98
I had been looking forward to the meal and he didn't
disappoint me, taking his usual pride in serving up things
I've never heard of cooked in exquisite ways. It was a real
pity it hadn't worked out; we were both too headstrong at
times I suppose. I still care deeply for him and he is kind to
me, even while he is with another as is the case often these
days.
Soon after we had finished eating he took me over to the
seating area and we relaxed. I was soon un-relaxed when he
made it clear that he knew everything that had gone on.
"Jane really, I'm surprised at you."
"When did you find out?"
"Quite early on, your programs were very good but not
undetectable."
"I suppose I should have expected it."
"Sooner or later you would have been found out. I can't
decide whether you were being selfish or altruistic. It's
rather unique to help yourself out in this way. At least your
motive seems to have been kindness and concern for
another. That is good."
"So what are you going to do?"
There was a long pause, as he seemed to be searching for
words and weighing me up for bad news.
"Nothing. I have discovered some things you weren't aware
of. I'm afraid you can't send her back."
"But."
"A strange disturbance in the other reality has occurred."
"What happened?"
"Space time pushed back, it found a gap in itself and closed
it. She has no life to return to."
"But we've done so many trips, nothing has ever gone
wrong."
"For short periods only, a day at most. Apparently it is not
safe to be away for long. Or perhaps there are other things
at work. I hate to say this but we are dabbling in things we
don't really understand."
"What about her starting a new life back there?"
"I cannot allow that, it seems we have been given a
warning we should heed. Who knows what will happen if
we don't?"
"All the same."
"I have notified the Sector Council, she has been offered
full citizenship and will probably be able to adjust quite
easily, it's only one more transition after all. It may even
work out for the best."
End Extract.
After she'd left Zax brought up the document on the view
screen again and mused over it. It was a parochial historical
record from the other reality. It was dated September 1st
1994. Page 16. A small item noting a mysterious violent
death. Their 'police' were investigating. They would find no
culprit. The verdict would remain open but the file would
be swiftly closed.
He would see that neither woman returned to the other
reality. He would make sure that neither found out the
horror that had happened to one of them there. He disliked
deception and concealment but sometimes it can prevent
pain and he would take the guilt on himself rather than see
them in pain. They were so much alike really, he had loved
one of them and owed something to both of them.
Chapter 8 - Stability and Disturbance
Well I've been here for some time now and it hasn't been
too bad. I spent a pretty good few months with my sister,
getting used to my new self. I then decided I should make
a start by myself and was allocated somewhere to live.
Since then I've had a few lovers of various persuasions
(now I know what all the fuss about sex was about) made a
good few friends and not had too hard a time fitting in. It's
taken a lot of mental effort to get anywhere up to speed
with some of the things I should have learnt in school here.
Life is longer here and a little more relaxed than before, at
least in some ways. In other ways it's much harder,
especially when a lot of your knowledge and outlook has
suddenly become useless.
Planning is just starting for the first Star Search expedition,
in about thirty years time the ship will leave orbit and I
hope to be on it. It will take harder work than I ever thought
I might be capable of but determination has set in, my
friends call it blind stubbornness.
I can't help wondering what happened back there.
Sometimes I catch a glimpse of myself and feel a strange
shiver that disturbs me. Not so much someone walking on
my grave as breaking through it with a pickaxe and raking
over my bones.
But then as Zax says, human literature is full of those who
make a deal with the devil. There aren't that many of them
who escape with both their lives and their souls intact. I just
hope I have.
I'm not dead yet; at least I'm not here. Just don't let me
wake up.
The End.
Fay
- 22.01.2021
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