Recovery
By Ricky
Meetings.
What? You think I should say more? You obviously haven't
been subjected to that modern form of torture that is the
Business Meting. In mediaeval times they had the cute
little custom of pressing you for the Truth; naturally the
specific Truth your torturer's wanted to hear. They tied
you down and piled rocks on your chest until you couldn't
breathe, maybe slicing or burning other parts of your
anatomy just for fun, and encouraged you to say what they
wanted to hear.
We, in our modern society, have eschewed such behavior.
These days they tie you up in a business suit, wrap your
neck with a gaily colored cord (to remind you of the
gallows, no doubt), then lock you into a room with day-old
donuts and cold coffee until you can't breathe. Which was
the state I was currently in.
There was a tightness in my chest, and it sure as hell
wasn't the pleasant weight of the falsies nestled in my bra
as it caressed my body. Several of my colleagues were not
at all happy with the answers I was providing, answers that
didn't mesh well with their version of the Truth. They had
wound down now, I wasn't the only one who wanted this damn
meeting to end, but I could tell they were looking for new
piles of metaphorical rock to cast in my direction. Too bad
for them, I had the research results on my side so I was
going to win this round.
I fear I was rather distracted at that point. When this
never ending meeting finally ground to a halt I had six
weeks of vacation coming. I had made the boss happy by
offering to drive to this meeting in my own car, saving him
a lot of air fare, planning to return home at a leisurely
pace. I intended to dump this suit and spend every second
of it as Charlene.
I heard the chairs scrape and it brought me back to
reality. The meeting was over! I declined the pro forma
invitation to dinner, made a beeline to my car and got the
hell out of there.
I was actually going to regret leaving Toronto. Instead of
a hotel I had taken a friend's advice and stayed at
Pimblett's Rest, a funky B&B in Cabbagetown. The climb up
to the 3rd floor was worth it, for there was the Bewdley
Room, done in 60s kitch with orange shag rug, period
"artwork" and it's own bath. The bath featured the most
wonderfully awful fish sculpture, which sits watching as
you cavort in the huge Jacuzzi.
The proprietor was named Geoffrey, and he was fully as
funky as the place itself. If he likes you he'll show you
his copy of the Chinese language Toronto paper. Smack in
the middle of the front page, surrounded by
incomprehensible characters, is a picture of him. Dressed
as Queen Victoria, he's opening Toronto's first nude beach
since the Victorian era. Kneeling before him is a gentleman
wearing a hat and not much else. He'll gladly tell you the
story if you ask.
Oh, yeah, he cooks a mean breakfast in the kitchen with his
300 + teapots all on display. Geoffrey knows everybody and
everything about the city and will keep you entertained
with outrageous stories as long as you are willing to sit
there listening. A perfectly lovely man, indeed.
I compromised with my sense of urgency and actually took
time to place my suit into the box of male clothes I had
prepared that morning, but everything else landed on the
floor on my way to the bathroom. I spread pink goop all
over my legs and indulged myself with a copy of Cosmo as I
sat waiting for it to do it's magic. The warm water pounded
down on my body as I washed away all traces of unwanted
hair. The scent of apples filled my senses as I shampooed
and conditioned my own unfashionably (as a male) long hair.
There weren't many things I wanted to thank my father for,
but the genetics that left me with a full head of hair in
my 50s was a great a gift as any I had ever received. A
good close shave and then the blow dryer and curling iron
came into play. I was starting to see the beginnings of
Charlene in the big mirror. Hair no longer dripping, I
pulled out the brand new red bra I had bought for the
weekend. Just for the fun of it I watched myself in that
lovely mirror as I reached back and snapped the hooks
together. Not bad for an old man, still flexible enough to
pull that off! The falsies wiggled pleasantly in my hand as
I slipped them in and viola!, Charlene's outline was a bit
more clear. Since it was still a bit cool out, I selected a
red bulky knit sweater with a rolled collar, which nicely
displayed my faux breasts while hiding my Adam's apple.
What is it that makes wearing a colored bra so much more
fun than one that is plain white? You'd think that, as a
guy, just wearing a bra would be thrilling enough. I'm sure
you remember the first time you took your mother's or
sister's bra and crept into the bathroom to try it on. What
could have been more exciting than that? The danger, the
guilt, the exhilaration. Did you wear it under your PJs
that night or was it during the day when everyone else was
gone so you could walk around the house wearing it? However
it happened, you knew that you just had to keep wearing a
bra for the rest of your life, and it didn't matter what
color it was.
That is until later, when putting a bra became a simple
reflex; a natural thing to do. That's when you started to
want more, or at least that's when I did. Even though no
one in this world was ever going to see me in just my bra
and panties, I still got a thrill out of red or green or
blue lace on my body. I may be the only one who knows, but
that's enough.
I sat on the bed and slid the stockings over my hairless
legs, savoring the feeling as they covered my skin. There
is nothing like the feeling of nylon on freshly shaved
legs. I feel for the ordinary males who will never know the
sensitivity of skin without any hair, who will never thrill
to the sweep of a skirt over their calves. Will had it
right: "What fools these mortals be..."
Such a shame I couldn't find matching panties to go with my
new bra, just because my bra size starts with a "4" instead
of a "3" or even a "2" doesn't mean I don't like pretty
panties. Size discrimination - pure and simple. I found a
pair of dangly earrings in my case and exchanged them for
my simple gold studs. Guys get to wear only one earring,
girls can have two. Sex discrimination, pure and simple and
I wasn't buying it.
Enough kvetching! I was going to be exclusively in girl
mode for the next six weeks and that's that, so I put on
the nubbly skirt with red highlights that went so well with
my sweater and a pair of modest flats. Thanks again, dad,
for the light beard so I don't have to slather myself with
a geologic layer of foundation. I stepped back and looked
the results in the mirror. Charlene wasn't beautiful, but
she seldom attracted undue attention, which is just as it
should be. I slipped my wallet and makeup kit into my purse
and descended the stairs.
I have to hand it to Geoffrey, he didn't even blink when I
told him about Charlene. He waved me a cheery goodbye as I
went across to the pub for dinner. He owns the pub, too,
and it serves food to die for. The d?cor is early garage
sale and the clientele ranges from leather boys to cheerful
couples to businessmen to at least one crossdresser, all
mingling happily and enjoying themselves. Don't bother with
the menu, if there's a special just order it, you won't be
sorry.
I was halfway across the street in the twilight when I
heard a roar and saw something out of the corner of my eye.
I never made it to dinner that night.
---
Waking up has never been a favorite activity of mine,
especially when my head hurt like it was presently doing. I
certainly hoped I had a very good time last night, because
otherwise this hangover was certainly not worth the effort.
I hadn't felt this way since my 20s; this was definitely
not a part of my lost youth I wanted to recapture. I pawed
at the bedcovers, but something was holding my arm down. It
was not warm and curvy, so I supposed I hadn't gone home
with a woman in a drunken stupor, but the effort to open my
eyes and identify the obstruction was just too great to be
worth it.
I lay there and slowly let the sounds around me penetrate
my limited consciousness. The faint beeps and boops in the
distance made me think of an arcade, but it wasn't nearly
noisy enough for one. There was a low hum somewhere nearby,
and the faint sound of snoring off to my left. Could I have
gone home with a woman and then slept in a separate bed?
This just didn't make sense. I was mustering the strength
to shift an eyelid when I identified determined footsteps
approaching me.
"Hello. Are you awake enough to hear me?"
I tried to answer, but my throat was awful dry.
"Hold on, I'll get you some water."
Feminine voice, soft but brisk. I don't usually sleep in
under such circumstances, preferring not to acquire the
status of lazy guest when I share someone's bed. I felt a
straw at my lips and filled my mouth with cool water.
Heavenly!.
"Not too much, now. Take it slow!
I savored the life-giving liquid, then took a bit more. OK,
this time I was going to open my eyes. I now had incentive,
I wanted to see the face that went with the angel that
would do this for me. I blinked with effort and finally
succeeded in keeping my eyes open, but suddenly I wished I
hadn't.
Not that there was anything intrinsically wrong with the
face I saw. Nicely shaped, a perky little nose, green eyes
and auburn hair, fitting the voice very nicely. The problem
was the nurse's cap on her head and the uniform on her
body. Somehow I didn't think I was in the middle of some
role playing game with a stranger, not unless the stranger
had outfitted her bedroom with a lot of hi tech equipment
and medical supplies.
About then I remembered the flash of light and the godawful
kick and realized I was in the hospital. Can you forgive me
if my next thought was "Not while I'm on vacation!"?
"Just take it easy, hon." My auburn haired angel advised.
"You've been in an accident and got banged up pretty bad.
You'll be all right, but you're going to hurt for a little
while. And don't move your right arm, there's an IV in it."
So that's what it was.
"Just lay back and rest, hon. The doctor will be along in a
bit and she'll tell you all about it."
I raised my head and sipped some more water. "Thanks!" I
croaked.
I must have gone back to sleep, because the sun was nowhere
near as bright when I next noticed it. Sure enough , in a
few minutes another set of footsteps approached, but this
time the voice didn't evoke a possible lover in my fuzzy
brain.
"Geoffrey!" I croaked
I guess angels come in all flavors, because I felt a straw
at my lips and once again filled my parched mouth with
water. After a couple of sips I was feeling much better.
The headache was gone, but I truly did ache all over. It
took a second to identify one of those pains as hunger.
"Hungry." I croaked.
"Very good, if you're hungry you're well on your way to
recovery. I'm afraid I haven't the facilities to make
breakfast right now, but I hear they serve a palatable
chicken broth."
"Broth?"
"Believe me, you need to start out slow after what you've
been through. Let me find a nurse.
He left and a few minutes later I was still awake when he
returned. He was right, the broth was good and when I
finished I really didn't want anything more. He assured me
my things were being taken care of and he had mailed the
package he found in my room, so I didn't have to worry
about that. I must have fallen asleep without saying
goodbye. I did a lot of that for a day or two, swimming to
the surface for a few minutes every few hours and then
sliding back under again.
Morning came again, and this time stayed for a while. My
auburn haired angel was again on duty and brought me my
breakfast repast - juice and toast and not much else. With
more strength than I had felt in some time I drained the
glass and set it down on the tray. It was then I realized I
was wearing a thin hospital gown. My hand involuntarily
rose to my unencumbered chest, confirming the bra I had
been wearing when I started off to dinner was no longer
there. Erin, for what else would such an elfin angel be
named, grinned at me.
"I take it you just realized you should have taken your
mother seriously when she told you to wear clean underwear
in case you got into an accident."
I was speechless.
"Your skirt and panties were a total loss, they had to cut
them off for the surgery, and I don't think you'd ever get
the garters clean again. Your bra and prostheses are still
OK and in one of the drawers with your blouse. Your purse
is safely locked up until you need it, and don't worry,
we've proved hundreds of mothers wrong about underwear,
really we have. Other than giving the surgical team a bit
of a surprise it's nothing we haven't seen before."
"Thank you, Erin." What else could I say.
"All gets added to the bill,. Speaking of which - now that
you seem coherent the dragon ladies from the office will be
dropping by to find out who is going to be paying that
bill. Forget what you've heard about socialized medicine in
Canada, it's probably wrong anyway, if you heard it in the
States. I'll fend them off if you want me to, but even I
can't keep them away forever."
"Don't bother, I have insurance. If you get me the purse
I'll dig out the information for the dragon ladies. So tell
me, what happened? I don't remember much"
"I think that better wait for the doctor, we nurses only
dispense meds, the doctors dispense wisdom and
prognostications."
"So when do I see the doctor?"
"I told you, I don't do prognostications, silly."
It hurt to laugh, but if felt good. Some nebulous time
later the Doctor arrived, a woman closer to my own age than
the delightful Erin. She pulled up a chair and sat beside
the bed, turning on her bedside manor.
"You're looking a bit better this morning, Mr. Mayes. Now
that we've reduced the narcotics I think you will be able
to concentrate a bit better."
"So that's why..."
"You have been very seriously injured, Mr. Mayes, the
narcotics were called for and you'll probably still need
them for a while. That's the button over there, press it
and you'll get a fresh shot into your IV. The computer is
smarter than all of us and won't let you overdose. Erin
tells me you want to know what happened, and I seem to be
the one elected to tell you." She took a breath.
"You were hit dead on by an SUV moving at a very high rate
of speed. The paramedics arrived barely in time, you lost a
great deal of blood. You were in surgery for about six
hours and it was very close."
I was having trouble digesting this. Hell, I was supposed
to be on vacation! "Six hours?"
"The reason you can't move is because your pelvis was
fractured and was put back together. There's a lot of
bandages down there at the moment. You are also hooked up
to a catheter and colostomy bag and unless you really want
the details I won't supply them."
"Thanks."
"Don't thank me yet, I haven't gotten to the hard part."
"Oh?"
"Mr. Mayes, in all my years of practice I have never found
a good way to tell this to a patient." I felt her take my
hand in hers. "So I'll simply tell you that we were unable
to save your left foot. It was damaged beyond our ability
to repair and had to be amputated."
The bright sunshine flooding the room was incongruous in
the gloom that enveloped me. I felt the firm grip of her
hand on mine, comforting in a very personal way.
"It's going to take some time to adjust, and we'll do
everything we can to help. I know that's not much
consolation right now, but you will get stronger and
recover almost completely." She talked a bit more but I
really didn't take it in. The drugs in my system must have
kept me from going off the deep end - the idea of being
without my foot still hadn't really sunk in. Eventually I
slept.
---
Two days later I was feeling almost like myself, or rather
as I imagined I'd feel at about 40 years from now. The
company had changed my vacation to disability leave and the
insurance people were satisfied. Geoffrey had my stuff in
storage and was watching over my van. Best of all, I was up
on crutches for short periods. I still hurt, aches in
places where I hadn't known you could ache, but each day
was a little better. I had just gotten back to bed after a
short (very short!) walk and was resting my eyes when a
whirlwind blew through the door.
"Howdy, partner!"
It's hard to jump when you have a broken pelvis and are
still tied to an IV, but I managed it. It hurt. Seated in
the gaudiest wheelchair on the face of the planet was a
woman of middle years. Her brown hair was graying but her
face shown with an animation that spoke of her joy in life.
It was hard to see her figure in the chair, but I could see
her breasts were as exuberant as her voice. She wore a
cowboy hat, fringed leather vest and skirt and one cowboy
boot of exquisitely tooled leather. She needed only one
boot because her other leg was missing.
It was unnerving to look at where her leg used to be. Like
most folks I had never really known anyone without all
their body parts and it made me very uneasy when I saw
anyone with a handicap. It really hadn't sunk in that I was
now disabled, not really. I simply stared at her,
speechless.
I'm Carla, here to brighten your day, wrassel coyotes and
save the world, or at least your part of it."
She rolled over and stuck out her hand. I took it
automatically. She had a firm grip.
"Do they let coyotes into the hospital?"
"Nah, I had to leave 'em in the van. Don't have a proper
wrasslin' ring in this place anyhow. Tried to book one of
the operating theaters for the show but they reserve 'em
for doctors. Don't know why they call 'em theaters if they
don't have a proper stage in 'em. Not some place I'd want
to take a date to see a movie."
"So where would you take a date, Carla?"
"Depends on who I'm datin'. I do like movies, but these
days it's hard for me to make out in the theater with this
chair. Takes some effort to get gussied up and put on my
leg so I can sit in a regular seat. Too bad they don't have
drive-ins any more, that would make it so much easier to
fool around." She paused for breath. "Then there's
concerts, zoos, museums, the rodeo when it's in town and
good vittles. I have never turned down a good meal, right
Geoffrey?"
How had I managed to miss Geoffrey? He was standing there,
right behind Carla.
"Somehow I think it's more than coincidence you happen to
be standing there, Geoffrey." I hadn't realized he could
look abashed. "Would this force of nature be a friend of
yours, perhaps?"
"I thought it would be appropriate to introduce you two,
since you have some things in common."
"Don't you mean there's a commonality in the things we
DON'T have, Geoffrey darlin'?"
"I was trying to be tactful, Carla. I should have known
better. If you two can arrange that date, you have a free
dinner coming from the pub."
"You know how to motivate a patient better than a whole
hospital full of doctors and nurses, Geoffrey, but that's
going to have to wait until they spring me from this
place."
"That's what I'm here for, partner. I bribed the sheriff,
seduced the deputy and struck a deal with the judge's
husband you don't want to know about. Geoffrey tells me
you're from out of town. You got any kinfolks here abouts?"
"Nairy a one." Jeez, she had me talking like her! "The good
doctors have been talking about a nursing home while I
recover."
"Thought so. Well, you ain't a gonna be climbing up the
stairs so Pimblett's is out, but it so happens we have a
room available the Ole Homestead. 24 hour support staff,
independent living, PT (I later found out that's Physical
Therapy), home cooking and more crazy people" - how did she
do what she did to her face!? - "in one place than you'll
find anywhere outside Hollywood. Built the place special
for DRC, so it's real homelike."
"DRC?"
"Disability Rights Collective. We don't let handicaps stop
us from being active people. The Ole Homestead's not some
damned institution where they cram us gimps in like
cordwood and let us rot.'
"Carla, I get the feeling anyone tried to treat you like
cordwood would get an axe in their face."
"Yup, and I'd be sweet enough to help 'em learn how to live
without a nose afterward. Just all kinds of helpful, that's
me."
The staff at the hospital had been great, helping me to
recover and deal with my loss, but it had been all a bit
unreal to me. After talking to Carla (well, squeezing short
questions into the occasional pause in the verbal river and
then listening some more) my spirits rose and I began to
feel like life was going to be good once again. To her the
loss of her leg was just one more challenge and it
certainly wasn't going to stop her from getting on with the
things she enjoyed. I was infected with her indomitable
spirit by the time she was done.
A few pleasantries and they were gone. I was still
contemplating her words when I fell asleep. I still did
that a lot.
---
Carla became a regular visitor, the silent wheels of her
chair allowing her to appear at my bedside unannounced. I
think she liked watching me jump when I opened my eyes.
(Hell - I know she enjoyed it!) I positively looked forward
to her visits as the highlight of my day. She displayed a
succession of western inspired outfits and I learned of her
deep love for Cowboys, ranch life and Country music. ("NOT
Country-Western, as in the junk you hear on the radio! I
mean Country as in Cowboy songs on the range or making your
own music in the kitchen come Saturday Night.") This
passion was matched by her dedication to helping the
disabled learn to live life fully and joyfully.
I was just starting to consider living at the Ole
Homestead, not liking the idea of a nursing home, when
Geoffrey and Carla came to visit. After a little while I
screwed up my courage and asked "Geoffrey? Have you told
her about Charlene?"
"I hoped you wouldn't mind. Normally I wouldn't make such a
decision without a guest's approval, but I felt Carla would
treat it with the confidentiality it deserves. Besides,
when I put your clothes in storage I noticed that all
traces of Charlie the businessman had vanished. By Fed-Ex,
I suppose"
"I bet the staff was right surprised when they brought you
in." Carla offered. "Y'all might clean up right nice as a
woman. Want I should just put down C. Mayes and let y'all
make the choice of who shows up? Your choice, ain't none of
us going to worry 'bout weather you a boy or a girl."
I guess I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was. Not so
much by her knowing I was a crossdresser, but at her easy
acceptance of it. I decided to answer her with the same
honesty she had displayed to me."
"I was planning to spend the next six weeks as Charlene,
driving back home and seeing the sights. I haven't a stitch
of male clothing with me, so for the next six to eight
weeks I'll still be Charlene if you don't mind."
"Welcome to the Ole Homestead, Charlene. Jest as soon as
them Doctors call in the plumbers and 'lectricians to let
you loose I'll come and pick you up. Good thing you're in a
single room, you'll be able to put on your real clothes
without givin' your roommate a heart attack. I'll be back
to help you then, you're going to find that you'll have to
relearn even simple things like getting dressed."
---
I grew progressively stronger and was weaned from the
painkillers and the IV. The time eventually came when I had
signed a few thousand papers and put a load of instructions
for the proper care of my mangled body into a bag. I shaved
my face carefully that morning (the legs were still beyond
my capabilities) and was resting my eyes until Carla showed
up. I heard footsteps approaching, but not those of any of
the nurses, who I could identify by their gait by then.
There was a quiet knock on the door and I looked up to see
a tall woman in a professional blue suit standing there. It
took me a second to recognize Carla.
"Took you a second to figure out who I am, didn't it. I
left the chair tied up at the corral so's I could push you
out of here. You'll soon learn that being in a wheelchair
is a very effective disguise."
"Not the wheelchair, the outfit. What happened to my
favorite Cowgirl?"
"I am a woman of many moods and mysteries. I like to keep
my men guessing."
"I didn't know I was 'your man', although I could think of
worse things to happen. So do I get the answers when I'm
Charlene?"
"Nah, you get a different set of questions, girlfriend. I
hope you like the outfit I picked out for you. You have the
darndes't collection of bras I have ever seen, a regular
rainbow."
She put a parcel on the bed next to me. I'll just say hi to
Erin while you put on your panties."
She closed the door behind her and I discovered just how
weak I really was after laying in bed for the last few
weeks. I put my good foot into the panties without any
problem, but getting my stump into the other leg hole
wasn't as easy as it sounds. My brain still thought there
was a foot on the end of my leg and I had a hard time
lining things up. I eventually succeeded, but it was a
trial.
I put on my bra next, or at least I tried to. The simple
act of reaching around me to snap the hooks was beyond me.
My arms seemed to be as weak as noodles and my coordination
was shot. A bit embarrassed, I resorted to hooking the bra
over my belly and spinning it around. I hadn't had to do
that in years!
While I tried to catch my breath, Carla knocked and entered
without waiting.
"You look plumb tuckered out, Charlene. I told you it would
take some re-learning, now didn't I?
"Yes, Mother. You were right, Mother. Are my underwear
clean enough to satisfy you if I have another accident,
Mother?"
"You'll do, Child."
"Thank you, Mother. Don't just stand there, close the door
so I can finish dressing. My 'prosthetics', as Nurse Erin
so professionally calls them, are in the second drawer
down. You could save me a lot of hassle if you would get
them for me."
"Hot damn! I never got to play with a pair of boobs that
weren't attached to a body before!"
"I don't think I want to hear the rest of that story,
Carla. Save it for Paul Harvey."
"Hey, these things got nipples!"
"Of course they do, boobs have nipples if you grow 'em
yourself, so why shouldn't mine look like the real thing?"
"I can't rightly say, it just struck me a funny. They sure
do wriggle purty." She stood there flopping my falsies
around like a couple of misshapen fish.
"Quit playing with my boobs, Mother, or I'll call the
authorities."
"I'm an authority on everything, no need to bring in
outside help. May I?" She gestured to my unfilled bra
"Be my guest."
She slipped the forms in and I settled them in place, with
a wry smile. It was quite a sensuous feeling and I was
sorry when the warmth of her hands left my body. With
practiced fingers I buttoned my blouse and began the ordeal
of pulling the skirt over my legs. Carla silently aided me
and I accepted her outstretched hand to rise and settle it
around my waist. With my fractured pelvis it was going to
be a long time before I could wear anything to enhance my
hips. It felt a little odd not to be wearing a cincher or
girdle when going out in public.
"You're not going to but wearing nylons for a while so I
got you a sock. She extracted one sock from her purse and
put it on my good foot, then settled my shoe in place.
"Look at the bright side, your footwear expenses just got
cut in half. We have an exchange where you can partner up
with someone with a matching foot and trade, but with your
size it's likely to run to combat boots."
"I have a secret life where they could come in handy, you
know."
"Some secret. Let me do your makeup today, my treat.
"Thanks."
I explained the fine points of beard cover to her and she
soon had me looking 'right purty'.
I climbed into the wheelchair because there's some law of
nature that you have to leave the hospital in a wheelchair
even if you are in there for a hangnail. She hooked the bag
with my things over the arms of the chair and I sat
clutching my crutches, which stuck out before me. I had a
giddy urge to hang a lantern on them to light my way into
the world and decorate them with streamers, but Carla just
pushed me out into the hall before I could share my
fantasy. Naturally the nurses were waiting to wish me
goodbye, there was no way to hide my transformation back to
Charlene from the hospital grapevine. Erin gave me a kiss
and the other nurses, even Mark and John, took my hand and
wished me well. I had a hard time keeping the tears from
ruining my makeup.
---
I suppose it was Carla's Cowgirl personality that made me
picture the Ole Homestead as a ranch house on the prairie.
Kind of a foolish image for the environs of Toronto, one of
the largest cities in the world. Anyway I was surprised to
pull up in front of a modern condo. Other than the small
plate next to the larger than normal front door, telling
you it was the Somebody J. Woosis Memorial Residence, there
was no indication this was any different than any other
condo in the 'burbs.
I carefully shifted into the wheelchair Carla produced from
the back of her van and she pushed me to the door, which
opened at the command of a small, handheld control. Inside
the halls were very wide, as were the doors. No
institutional decor in here, lots of paintings and
knickknacks adorned the walls and tables of the common
area. Comfortable couches were scattered about, leaving
plenty of room for those of us in wheelchairs to find a
place to alight. It was empty at present, most of the
residents being at work or at the Center.
She gave me the grand tour of the place.
"We worked on turning this place into reality for years. We
finally got the funding and had the architects draw up the
plans and they were a nightmare. They hadn't a clue about
handicapped access. So the director back then took the
plans and a bunch of us crawled around a basketball court
drawing a chalk outline of the building from their prints.
He even scared up a toilet and set it out on the blacktop
in one of the bathrooms. Then he called a meeting and put
the architects in wheelchairs and had them try to maneuver
around the place. You should have seen the looks on their
faces as they tried to get around. This is what we got from
the revisions - not bad, huh?"
I agreed. The cowgirl accent had faded; she sounded as well
as looked the part of a successful professional woman..
"Anyway, we have 20 permanent rooms here. Most of our
residents have moderate to severe physical disabilities,
enough to need extra help but not enough to need personal
nursing care. The model is much like assisted living for
senior citizens. No locks on the doors going out, but we
watch out for each other"
"We have something unique to the Ole Homestead, two
furnished rooms set aside for transient residents, people
like yourself who are recovering from some major trauma.
With a little help in learning how to live with your new
status you'll be able to return to your own home in a short
time. It's still in the experimental stages, trying to see
how to make it work to everyone's advantage."
"This one's yours," she said as she opened a door with my
name on it. The door revealed a small, nicely decorated
studio apartment with everything placed unusually low to
the ground, a convenience I would learn to appreciate in
the next few weeks. My suitcases were placed near the bed.
"Take your time to unpack and rest up a bit. You're invited
to the common room for lunch at noon, and I'll introduce
you to whoever is around then."
She leaned over and kissed my forehead, then was gone.
It was amazing how tired I was, so I maneuvered myself into
the bed and closed my eyes. Not that I hadn't done this an
awful lot lately, but this was different. For one thing it
was quiet, something that you can't get in a hospital. The
other thing was the peace and comfort that always
accompanies having time as Charlene.
Once I had started to feel better I had become frustrated
that my long planned cross country trip as Charlene had
been lost. Now, I lay on the strange bed in my temporary
home and savored the feelings; the weight of my breasts on
my chest, the subtle tug of the bra straps on my shoulders,
the soft, sensual feel of the fabric, the hem of my skirt
as it lay across my calf. I have always felt more creative
when I dressed as Charlene, better attuned to the world.
Maybe I was just fooling myself, but I felt my healing
would be more rapid as long as I could remain as Charlene.
The thought of healing brought my attention to what wasn't
attached to my leg any longer. In the hospital I had firmly
refused to agonize about what would happen when I left, I
made the decision to put my energies into recovery and not
into worry. Not quite the feat of willpower you might
think, because I spent a great deal of time sleeping or in
a semi-daze. Now, for the first time I confronted the fact
that I no longer had a foot on my left leg.
Years ago I had broken my leg and spent some time on
crutches. I was young enough to enjoy the attention and,
once the pain was gone, was able to get around pretty well.
I knew that as I regained my strength I would be able to
move around just as well now, but this time there would be
no date set for a return to normality. Carla assured me
that in time I would be walking on a prosthesis. My mind
suddenly translated Erin's passing reference to my falsies
as a prostheses into a picture of me trying move around on
two pseudopods extending from my chest. Strange mind I
have, huh?
I wondered if I would ever be able to wear pantyhose again.
For that matter, would all the time I had spent trying to
walk like a woman be wasted. Could I relearn that walk with
a phony foot? I had a feeling my days wearing high heels
were over. Funny, but the problems I foresaw were mostly
for Charlene. Charlie, who habitually wore pants, would be
able to hide the foot, but it was going to draw unwanted
attention to Charlene if I wanted to continue wearing
skirts. And I did want to continue wearing skirts!
Eventually I drifted off to sleep and woke an hour or so
later. Refreshed, I fixed my makeup and hobbled out into
the hall, looking for someone to talk to. Off the common
area was a aide's station and I met Marge, the day shift
aide. I could smell lunch wafting from further on down the
hall, so we headed that way.
There weren't too many people there, most of the residents
worked to the extent they were able and were gone during
the day. Carla was already seated, so we joined her.
"Howdy, Ladies!" Carla greeted us. She had reverted to a
more casual Western outfit. As we were sitting a man came
out of the kitchen with a large bowl of potatoes on his
powered wheelchair. Carla took it from him as he stopped
next to us, saying "Thank you, Gene. This is Charlene,
she's going to be with us for a few weeks while she
recovers.
"Pleased to meet you, Charlene."
OK, I have to admit I wasn't ready for Gene. He was a small
man, and by small I mean under 4 feet. He had one
functioning arm and both feet were very short and stunted..
He had a barrel of a chest and a funny voice.
Let's face it. My world, my PREVIOUS world, simply hadn't
included people with handicaps. The only experience I had
to guide me was being polite to some of my sisters who were
obviously men in dresses; not in the same class at all. It
was at that moment I realized how different my life was
going to be. I was now one of those people who I glanced
away from when I passed them on the street. I had thought
that as a crossdresser I had abandoned the need to be
'normal', had found an ability to treat my sisters, indeed
everyone, as individuals despite their mode of dress.
I was suddenly given a lesson in humility, and an insight
to a part of my character I wasn't really comfortable with.
To be blunt, Gene shocked the hell out of me. He was gone
in a moment, into the kitchen for another load, leaving me
thinking very hard.
"First time, Charlene?" inquired Carla. The woman must have
been reading my mind, or perhaps she had been present at
this little scene many times before. In any case, there was
no mistaking her meaning. Now one of the parts I find
hardest about being convincing as Charlene is the voice. It
doesn't come easy, but if I try I can produce a sort of
husky contralto. At that moment, such control utterly
escaped me.
"Yes. I'm not too proud of myself for what I was thinking."
"Well, I wasn't so happy with myself when I was in your
position, either. We gimps have a saying: 'Being able
bodied is only a temporary condition'. We live in a culture
that has largely eliminated the horrible things that used
to happen to people, and when those horrible things do
happen we can keep 'em alive, unlike our ancestors."
"Then again, we place so much emphasis on perfection in our
culture, most people haven't a clue how to deal with those
of us with physical or mental problems. I know you're here
to learn how to live without your foot, but I think there
are other lessons to be learned that are just as important.
It takes time and, frankly, it's probably easier to accept
the flaws in others than it is to accept the flaws
ourselves."
Gene came back with a bowl of vegetables, followed by a
woman pushing a cart with the rest of the meal on it. I was
soon introduced to Patty, the cook for the day. Her gait
was stiff, it was obviously hard for her to move her right
side.
"Hel-lo."
I suddenly forgot my difficulty in speaking, because it was
nothing compared with the effort required for Patty to
speak. I later learned she was faced with the choice of
death from a brain tumor or possible paralysis from the
operation. The surgery went on for far longer than was
anticipated and she suffered severe brain damage. Her
intellect was fully intact, but her speech and movement
were severely affected.
Hello, Patty. Can I help you serve what looks like a
delicious lunch?"
"Thank. You." This was accompanied by a vigorous nodding of
her head.
So I removed the food from her cart and she sat down next
to me. Perhaps to fill the obvious conversational gap,
Carla started explaining the way the place worked.
"Charlene, we operate somewhere between a commune and an
institution around here. While each room has a basic
kitchen, we have found we prefer eating together most of
the time. You're on your own for breakfast since our
schedules are all so different.. We rotate preparing lunch
among the regulars who eat here, with Patty taking much of
the load because she's a damn good cook and is here most
days. If you can avoid burning a pot of water we'll put you
in the rotation, there usually isn't more than four or five
for lunch.
"Dinner is a more elaborate production, with a real, paid
cook supervising the kitchen for us. We're usually
informal, but if you want to dress for dinner you're
welcome to do so." She gave me a broad wink and I nearly
sprayed my soda across the table. The next thing I knew,
Patty's good arm was beating me on the back as I made
strange choking noises.
I was beginning to think Carla would be a friend long after
I returned home.
"You'll be taking your PT sessions mostly in the afternoon,
so the mornings are yours to do whatever you want. Geoffrey
helped me bring your van over, so once you're cleared to
drive you can pretty much take care of yourself. I will
warn you that anyone with their own wheels is very popular
around here. Being a chauffeur is not part of the deal, but
it would be nice to supply a ride now and then. It would
take some of the load off me for a while, too."
Lunch passed amiable enough, with Carla or Marge
translating when I couldn't understand Patty' s comments.
---
You'll pardon me if I don't go into detail about that first
PT session, except to say it hurt like hell. Colleen, a
therapist fresh from her schooling, drew me as her guinea
pig. Actually she was pretty cute and had a gentle touch.
It was just after a major injury and weeks of forced
inactivity, just about any kind of effort hurt. My mantra
became 'No pain - no gain!', repeated over and over, sotto
voice.
Something that surprised and pleased me was the degree that
I was accepted by those who knew I was a man under my
skirts. Naturally my doctor, the aides at the Ole Homestead
and the lovely Colleen had to know, but they were
thoroughly professional and treated me with respect and
dignity. So OK, Colleen once pinched my butt, but we were
both in a very silly mood and it was a natural thing to do
at the time.
By the time I was done with my first PT session I had
spotted the flaw in my plans to remain Charlene for the
next few weeks. While PT was not a heavy workout, I still
needed a shower. That meant removing my makeup, then
shaving and re-applying it. Why hadn't I thought of that
before? Well, nothing for it but to just do it, I was
committed. I wrapped my stump, then sat down and showered.
That was another thing I had to get used to, sitting down
to shower. Kind of hard to stand without both feet.
---
Were you ever in a sorority or fraternity? If not, you've
surely heard of hazing. Well, dinner that first night was
much like being initiated. As I hesitatingly entered the
room, skirt swinging as I moved along on my crutches, Carla
and motioned me to sit beside her. She introduced me and I
nodded at the barrage of names that were returned.
Dinner was dinner, what else can I say. It wasn't until
after the dessert was finished that the initiation started.
If you are into being politically correct, I would
recommend you skip the next few paragraphs, because I was
initiated into the humor common among the disabled that
evening. Gene turned to me and asked:
"Hey Charlene. What would you call a girl with one leg
shorter that the other?
I just stared at him, my mouth sagging. I really didn't
know what to say.
"Eileen." He answered his own question.
He was answered by a general groan. I was scandalized, I
just didn't know what to do.
"Know what you'd call an Asian woman with the same
affliction?" He paused. "Irene."
"What would you call her after the operation?" Chimed in
Carla. "Noleen."
"How 'bout if she's married to a politician?" I really
don't know who asked that one, this was too much.
"Tipper!" came the answer. They were off and running and
nothing was going to stop them.
"Hey Charlene - What do you call a guy with no arms and no
legs in the ocean?"
"Bob!" the chorus replied.
Hanging on the wall?" Art
In a hole? Phil
In front of the door? Matt
In a ditch? Phil
In your hot tub? Stu
Water skiing Skip
On a beach? Sandy
"Enough! Enough!" I cried. "You win! Did I pass the test?"
It's hard to flee in horror when you're on crutches.
"Test?" asked Gene innocently. "What test?"
"So tell me, Gene." I had started to rally by then. " What
goes 'Click-click -now? Click-click-now?'"
"Why Charlene," he replied, blinking his eyes rapidly. "Do
tell us."
"Ray Charles with a Rubic's cube."
It was a good thing I had just heard that one at the B&B,
but somehow it hadn't hit so close to home when I heard it.
Carla stuck out her tongue.
"Don't do that unless you intend to use it. Carla, could
you give me the definition of 'Endless Love'"? A dramatic
pause. "Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles playing tennis."
I passed the test, which was a good thing since I had
exhausted my supply of jokes. And it looked like I passed,
period.
---
After the dinner session broke up, Carla invited me back to
her room for a while. Her room was like any other, except
that it connected to the Director's office. I collapsed on
her couch and she sat next to me, propping her good leg on
the hassock. She waved her arm, inviting me to do the same.
"I would never have believed it. How did you get to be so
convincing as a woman?"
"The same way you did. Practice, practice, practice."
"Yeah, but I got some natural advantages you ain't."
"So how did you learn to walk like someone with two legs?"
She stuck out her tongue again, so I made good on my threat
at dinner and kissed her.
"Mmmmm..."
"You intend to practice that much, Charlene?"
"If you're interested. I just took advantage of the
moment."
"Some moment!"
"Yeah! It was, wasn't it?"
"Let's let it simmer a bit before we start emptyin' the
pot, but I think I like the cookin'" she drawled
"How can you think about food after that meal?"
She stuck her tongue out again, so I kissed her again.
There's something to be said for old habits dying hard, at
least from my point of view. When we finally broke she
pulled back a little but kept hold of my hand.
"Enough! So you practice being Charlene a lot. Tell me why
you want to dress up like a girl in the first place?"
Now who would have believed that talking about my
crossdressing would be considered a neutral topic?
"I hate it when someone asks that, because I really don't
know. It's something I have to do or I get very unhappy.
There was a time when I was really bitter and confused and
scared, but once I found some friends who are in the same
boat as me I finally came to terms with it. Now I just
enjoy being Charlene whenever I can and Charlie when I
can't."
"You sound like you've read my Amputation 101 speech, which
was why I invited you here before you distracted me. I
guess a man wearing woman's clothes in this society would
stand out much like those of us with a disability."
"Well, I'm not sure about that. After all I can always put
on a pair of pants, but I don't think I'm going to be able
to find a new flesh-and-blood foot. I do take your point,
though. Even in the hospital there were some odd looks,
weren't there?"
"Get used to it. You wouldn't believe how nervous some
people get around us. In some ways I'm lucky, my amputation
was clean and the rest of me is 'normal'. It isn't easy
looking like an exhibit in the wax museum for the rest of
you life. A lot of how you make out is in your
personality."
"Gene is a salesman, drives a specially outfitted van and
makes sales calls wherever they need his product. You can
imagine what he has had to overcome to become a success. He
makes enough money he could live on his own, but he prefers
it here. Of course he's an exception, but the point is that
a physical disability need not keep you from living a
complete life. If there's anything I want you to learn from
your time here, that's it."
"I think I may have a new role model, maybe a couple of
them. Carla, I'm as scared of having to live without a foot
as I was many years ago when I thought I was the only man
in the world that wanted to wear women's clothes."
"Good!"
"Good?"
"Yeah, good. You know the stages of grief?" She paused
until I nodded my head. "If you're at the point of being
scared of the future then you are halfway there. My job is
to ease the depression and provide the hope so you make it
to the 'acceptance' part."
Her hand squeezed mine as she spoke. I was trying to find
something to say when the phone rang.
"Hello? Cindy? She's where? That damned fool! I suppose
Kevin is with her, it would take both of them to come up
with something so stupid. OK, as long as they're safe I'm
going to let 'em stew for half an hour before I pick them
up."
She hung up the phone and shook her head.
"Those two damn fools! Kevin bet Cindy she couldn't make it
to the mall and back in her chair, so she had to prove him
wrong, even with the battery at half charge. They're in
some little restaurant with Cindy's chair flat dead halfway
back from the mall."
She started to laugh.
"That's funny?" I asked.
"You've haven't heard Cindy speak, she makes Patty look
like an elocution teacher. Kevin can talk, but seldom makes
much sense. Can you imagine the poor people who had to
figure out what's wrong and get the phone number from them
to call us? After what I've been telling you about how
people react to disabilities, there has to be some really
confused people involved in this."
"Yeah, like me. Why are you making them wait half an hour?"
"To teach them a lesson. Cindy is a lovely person, she has
to fight hard every day to make herself understood, but she
hasn't an ounce of judgement. She lets Kevin talk her into
the stupidest things imaginable."
"Yeah, I learned that just being a crossdresser doesn't
make you immune to being stupid or boring or any of the
thousand other foibles of humanity. I suppose being
disabled doesn't either."
"Foibles? Y'all sure talk purty fer a leetle slip 'o a
girl, ma'am." She slipped back into that accent.
This time I stuck my tongue out at her. We easily found
something to fill the time until we went after Cindy and
Kevin.
---
Saturday was a lousy day, at least as far as the weather. I
suggested a trip to the Ontario Science Centre and Carla
enthusiastically accepted. I had to quell my guilt about
parking in the handicapped space. After a lifetime of
having it drummed into me NOT to park there, it took some
attitude readjustment to realize it was now OK. I was very
pleased at how well the place was designed, we had no
trouble getting anywhere and we had a great time. There's
one exhibit on static electricity where they pick a victim,
I mean audience member, and hook them up to the generator.
You can imagine who was the first volunteer.
I don't think the demonstrator, a kid who had to be all of
20, was quite ready for a one legged cowgirl in a
wheelchair to be his subject, but it's kind of hard to deny
Carla. She put her hand on the great, silver ball and they
fired it up. Her hair soon started flying and she had a
most impressive fright wig sticking out in all directions.
I kind of hoped to see sparks flying from he chair, but no
such luck.
The time came when a trip to the facilities was necessary.
Carla and I were using our wheelchairs; sure, we could get
around with out them, but a great deal of walking will tire
you out pretty quickly when you're an amputee, and I was
still on crutches. Now, when I'm in Charlene mode I try to
be as inconspicuous as possible using the ladies room, but
I suddenly realized this was never again going to be
possible. Two women in wheelchairs following each other
into the bathroom truly draws the attention of those
nearby!
I had started to get used to being an object of attention
by that time. No matter how polite people may be, when
you're in a wheelchair you get noticed. Carla was right, a
wheelchair is an effective disguise. As far as I could tell
no one read me as a man the entire time we were there.
Since I occasionally get read no matter how hard I try, I
have some experience with other people's reactions. Maybe
you can stare at a woman if you wonder if she is really a
woman, but staring at someone in a wheelchair is simply not
done in polite society. While I wouldn't recommend the
method to the general run of crossdressers, it seemed to
work for me.
It was late afternoon when we had poked all the buttons and
interacted with all the exhibits. We left the exhibit halls
at the top of a long ramp with several 180 degree turns in
it. Carla's face glowed as she suddenly shouted "Race you
to the bottom!"
She took off down the ramp in her wheelchair at a speed
that I found frightening. With the switchbacks she was
headed directly for a solid concrete wall, going far faster
than I wanted to contemplate, and it didn't look like she
was slowing down enough to make the turn. At the last
possible instant she screamed "Yahoo!" and grabbed the rail
with one hand, sluing the chair around to roar pell-mell
down the next incline. My heart beating furiously I
followed, much more slowly. I made it to the second level
as she had repeated the performance at the final turn of
the ramp. She shot across the lower lobby at high speed,
headed directly for a bank of glass doors.
Was this woman completely crazy? By this time everyone in
the place had stopped dead and was watching in shock. I
held my breath as she applied the brakes and stopped bare
millimeters from the doors.
"Hot Dog! That was fun!" she crowed, hands clenched over
her head in the traditional gesture of sporting victory.
By the time I rolled up beside her I had to force my way
through the concerned crowd that surrounded her. I was so
frightened I couldn't speak. The throng was treated to the
sight of two women in wheelchairs kissing each other in
public.
Must have been a liberal crowd, the applause was completely
unexpected.
---
When we arrived home (funny - it was home to me by then) we
curled up together on my couch, something we had been doing
a lot of lately.
"Darling woman, don't you ever scare me like that again!"
"Sissy! I was perfectly safe and it was fun! There are
times you have to take the opportunity to live in the fast
lane."
"While your friends keel over with heart attacks. And by
the way, just because I'm a crossdresser doesn't mean I'm a
sissy. I'm not into that particular scene, thank you."
"Oh? So what scenes are you into?"
"Mutual respect, joy, tenderness, shared pleasure. Simple
stuff like that."
We kissed then, our hands roaming over each other,
exploring and caressing. I unbuttoned her blouse and she
helped me, our fingers meeting in the middle. I traced the
outline of her bra cup with a finger, delving into the warm
space between her breasts and playing with her soft flesh.
I cupped her breast in my hand and lifted it, savoring the
weight in my hand, then ran my hands over the soft,
slippery material of her bra. I felt her nipples begin to
enlarge and she made low, encouraging noises.
I soon felt her playing with my own breasts. Such a shame
that they were not real, but it was highly erotic to have
her pressing them against my chest. I felt her fingers
sketch the outline of my bra straps and down my back,
causing me to shiver.
"Chilly, darlin'?" she asked. "We might be warmer in bed.
Together."
"That sounds like a lovely idea."
It was a lovely idea but, as with many good ideas, it
wasn't as easy as it sounded. Carla had opted to leave her
leg off for our outing and my crutches were out of reach on
the other side of the room. So it was either shift to our
wheelchairs for the few feet to the bed or crawl.
We crawled. Have you ever tried to crawl wearing a dress?.
I got about three shuffles before I was tangled in the hem,
so Carla kindly unzipped me and I proceeded to wiggle and
slither out of the dress on all fours in the middle of the
room. Carla took the opportunity to remove her open blouse
and her pants while I struggled, then we resumed our
journey. I had a nice view of her lovely, panty clad ass
ahead of me. Since her amputation is above the knee her
crawl was a bit lopsided, but she still had a nice ass.
Isn't that a romantic picture, two gimps clambering across
the room, shedding clothes as they go? With one of them
quite obviously a male in bra and panties? There is only
one conclusion an observer could reach: we both must have
been superbly horny in order to be interested in sex by the
time we got into bed
That observer, thankfully hypothetical, would have been
right. I slid the strap of her bra down her shoulder and
exposed her nipple, which I immediately covered with my
lips. I shifted lower in the bed, nestling myself against
her, my own breasts pressing against her. She didn't seem
to mind, so I started to run my hand along her inner
thighs. She didn't mind that either. Quite the contrary,
she spread her legs apart so I had better access.
Now I have played this game with several women in the
course of my life, and it has always produced a favorable
result. The sensitive flesh of the thigh can stimulate a
woman (or a man for that matter) to intense pleasure. I
brought my hand slowly up the leg closest to me, my fingers
dancing and caressing lightly until I encountered the silk
of her panties. I brushed lightly over her womanhood,
feeling the springiness of her hair under the gossamer
fabric, then continued down the other side. My fingers
moved as if on autopilot while I sucked her breast and
tongued her nipple.
That is until I ran out of leg.
I can only plead distraction. Hell, my brain knew there
wasn't anything there, but I wasn't exactly relying on my
rational capabilities at the moment. In a way it was a very
intimate experience. No matter how well adjusted you are to
your injury, there is always something just a bit
disquieting about having someone touch your stump. I
caressed the end of her leg before resuming my journey back
upward, hoping I hadn't done something too outrageous. In
any case, she seemed to be enjoying it, her hips were
moving rhythmically under my hand and pressing upward in
demand. I slid my hand under the elastic and began to play
with the curly hair, working my way through it until I felt
the parting of her soft lips.
They were very moist and easily parted. I immediately found
her clit and felt is slide beneath my fingers. Each time I
passed over her little nub she gave a cry of passion, I
felt her shift and her cries were suddenly muffled but no
less enthusiastic, she had placed a pillow over her head. I
quickly slid down into her hole and circled my finger
around the tight opening of her womanhood, then returned to
her clit. I had barely repeated the sequence when her body
went perfectly still beneath my hands. Her breathing
stopped, her muscles tightened and in one explosive
movement she came, crying out into the pillow.
"From the side. I want you in me. Now!" Assertive as
always.
We wrestled with her panties until they were out of the way
(a short leg does have some advantages!) and I pulled mine
aside. Moments later I parted her lovely ass cheeks and
sidled around behind her. She was so wet I slid in almost
without resistance. I ignored the ache in my still healing
hips as, with a little adjustment, I slid my rod in and out
of her with ease. I had the passing realization that I was
still wearing my bra, but it didn't really matter. We were
deep into the urgency of the most ancient ritual of
mankind, the desire to continue the chain of life. That
modern medicine guaranteed I would never be a father again
was irrelevant, I thrust into her until I exploded, filling
my woman as had my ancestors had filled theirs before me.
We lay spent, side by side. My hand absently caressing her
body as we relaxed. I once again came to her stump and gave
it a squeeze.
"It doesn't bother you?" she asked.
"Well, maybe a little, but it's part of you and I'm content
with that. I placed her hands on the mound of my false
breasts. "You accepted me as I am, how could I do any
different?"
"You are an amazing man. Woman. Both. From the moment I met
you in the hospital, still half zonked with painkillers, I
felt something drawing me to you. Geoffrey told me you were
a crossdresser but it really didn't sink in until the day
you left the hospital, but by then it really didn't matter.
I just liked you, and it tickles me to watch you with
everyone else. You have such a natural feminine way about
you that I don't think anyone really suspects."
"I bet if you asked Cindy you'd get a surprise. Kevin is so
self absorbed I could parade around in my lingerie and he
wouldn't notice, but I'm pretty sure she's read me."
"Is that crossdresser jargon for getting found out?"
"Yeah. After all the jargon I've had to wade through in the
hospital and this place, it's good to know I can confuse
you."
"You surely do a good job of that. My sense of ethics has
taken a beating the past few weeks. The more I got to know
you the more I liked you. I've never had the hots for one
of my residents before and I have been telling myself it
was unprofessional to want to get you into bed with me."
"I can see the problem, but I'm glad you're here. If I were
going to be a permanent resident there might be a problem,
but I think we can consider it more like boffing the
landlady than taking advantage of someone under your
professional care."
"You have experience in boffing landladies?"
"Thousands of 'em. They pass my name around on the
grapevine and I haven't had to pay rent in years."
Some people never learn. She stuck her tongue out at me
again. My landlady remained silent for several minutes.
"Carla?"
"Yes, darling?"
"Can I ask an indelicate question?"
"Such as...."
"How did you lose the leg?"
"Bone cancer. I was 14 when it happened. By pure dumb luck
I managed to break a leg falling out of a tree. When they
did the x-rays they found the cancer very early, still
Stage 1A. Back then amputation was about the only option.
You can imagine what it was like. I was a tomboy (why else
would I have been in a tree?) and played all the girl's
sports that were allowed at school. Suddenly that whole
part of my life was gone. Boys wouldn't come near me and
the girls were almost as bad. I never got invited to a
single dance. I had precisely 3 dates in high school, and
two of them were guys that lost bets with their buddies."
"I was determined to be a doctor and learn how to cure
people like me, but by the time I got a couple of years
into college I realized that wasn't the right path for me.
I found out I wanted to help people learn how to live well
despite their challenges, so I majored in Social Work.
After a little while in the field I realized that the
barriers were both personal and institutional, and the
institutional structure needed changing in a big way. I
went back to school and got my Masters in Public
Administration, learned how to play politics and started
agitating."
"I've been thrown in the can a dozen times or so,
handcuffed to my wheelchair and I'm proud of it! It's
almost fun to watch the cops figure out how to get me into
a cell; most of the cells aren't accessible, you know. I
guess I've gotten a bit more mellow over the years, hell -
I don't even know where my handcuffs are any more, so I
would have to find some other way to attach me to the chair
if I wanted to start a protest."
"So how did you end up here?" I asked.
"I was horny and you were cute and available."
"You are the most annoying woman! Keep it up and I may fall
asleep before I make sure your horns are properly ground
down."
Jesus! You're lying there wearing a bra but you're still
acting just like a man. Threats, he gives me!"
"And you didn't answer my question, Miss Side Issue."
"Task oriented, that's not very ladylike."
I tickled her, what else could I do?
"You win! I interned with the DRC and was impressed with
the way the first director ran the place. His philosophy
was to find how to bend the rules to benefit the clients,
not how to save money by finding the simple way out. This
residence was his brainchild, a place run by and for the
residents with the help of professionals when needed. When
he retired I applied for the job and now I theoretically
run the whole madhouse, the clinic, the drop in center and
this place. Actually it's more like guiding a wild horse in
the general direction you want him to go, but I've never
been happier."
"So now, you know my deep dark secrets. Can I ask how you
came to be Charlene?
"That depends. Would you get upset if I talk about an old
lover?"
"Not unless you're into comparisons..."
"The details have conveniently vanished into the haze of
time; there is no other than you that fires my lust and
inflames my passions!"
"It's a good thing you're lying on your back or I might be
tempted to do something regrettable to your manhood. So
what's the big deal with the old lover?"
"Her name was Betty. Still is, for that matter. We went out
a few times soon after I got my first apartment. Much to my
surprise she came home with me one evening when several of
us had been out closing a few bars. It was a good thing we
stumbled into the bedroom in the dark, because it wasn't
until morning when I noticed I hadn't put away my nightgown
and sleeping bra the previous morning, not to mention
leaving the pile of panties and dresses in the laundry
basket."
"So how did you handle that, you glib tongued devil?"