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Special Needs. Players (in order of appearance): Rose Marian Carter; Tracy Tillerman; Beth Goodman; Mark Sanford; Lucy Davis as Ms. Pennywort; Susan Day; Trent Baker; Helen Anderson. Synopses: Special Needs has an odd connotation without context, and of late a politically correct term for accommodating the handicapped. Mark wasn't handicapped when he filled out that form although not too long after he did that form he wished he was. At least then he'd have a reason for what he was wearing. Mark also didn't know that he had special needs. Tracy did though and that, of course, was really the reason for the form he answered and signed. ***** "Oh, take a look at this one?" Rose said suddenly. "Which?" Tracy asked. "Last page, second paragraph from the top." Rose noted. Tracy, Beth and I turned our copies over to the last page. I found the paragraph. "Special needs! Incontinent students are considered special needs individuals. Under that designation Special Needs - Incontinent, or SNI students, are eligible for subsistence with products required in support of their condition. Authorized students will receive support by way of a check paid monthly while the conditions remain." "Interesting!" I said. "Very!" Rose noted. "Look at the last part! Says that to qualify all you've got to do is fill out a form certifying yourself as incontinent." Tracy noted and then mumbled the name of the form as if reading it to herself and added, "doesn't have much risk it looks like." "Would also be a big chuck of change!" Beth said as she mentally did some calculations. "Tell me about it!" I said working on paper the amounts shown that could be gotten if the student certified themselves as completely incontinent. There was twenty five dollars allowed for disposables to be worn during the day, per week, and another twenty five dollars for night disposables not counting some amount of funding for what they called the "necessities". "This one is yours!" Rose said. "Mine?" I asked and added: "Why me?" "Why not? I've done one, Beth has hers and Tracy just filled out the last one. It's your turn. Look, it's not as if you'll be buying and wearing the damn things so what's the big deal?" Rose asked looking at me weird. "Right? OK, this one is mine!" I said still feeling uncomfortable with just the connection to just to the word diapers. We continued going through the copies we'd paid twenty dollars for. The guy selling this list of benefits for mostly cash, said it was only a year old. You look for things like this in collage. In college, you discover right away that the city, county, state and federal government has a hundred little programs designed to assist students who might need assistance. All manner of things. Most of them a lengthy and complex process, but some not. Most are checks once that process is complete and those checks are, to a student trying to make ends meet, cash. After we settled into the large spacious four bedroom house we shared, we sat down to figure out our combined incomes and shared expenses. With that out of the way we then took on the task of discovering what sorts of things we might be eligible for with and without a little bit of fibbing. We'd found several things from several agencies so far that would net us an additional two hundred dollars a month. With me filing for that incontinence, or Special Needs, support pat that would raise the total to just over three hundred. That wasn't bad when you considered that most of those simply required the paper work to be mailed in. An extra three hundred dollars might very well mean having food on the table at the end of the month. I wrote down the address and, as agreed, took on this task of declaring myself legally incontinent. Each of us had one or two items we were filing for. This was mine. Tracy took the envelope I'd addressed with my request in it and added it to the others to be mailed. Living with three girls was, besides awesome, a learning experience simple because they were girls. That part made me smile again. Who would want to live in a dorm when they could have a house and what guy would rather be in a frat house when they could have three female room mates? That was the question Tracy had asked when we had finished class and were changing out of our costumes. She was looking for a forth person for the house she was sharing with Rose and Beth and she didn't see any reason why I couldn't be that forth. This came after I'd mentioned looking for a place which came right after she'd mentioned looking for that room mate. It was all so perfect except I was a guy and would be living with three girls. When I asked if being a guy would be a problem she'd joked and said no since I'd just played the part of a princess and she Prince Charming. That bit of humor I blamed on the teacher when she told us to swap genders for that last acting exercise and to partner up. Tracy had picked me the instant the teacher said that and she was the one that picked the Princess and Prince theme. Acting, the teacher said, was drawing on all sorts of notions that didn't fit our notions. I wore a pink full length dress almost like a bridal gown over a very full slip without the makeup or wig. It was not as difficult a task as I imagined and Tracy played the part of Prince Charming easily. So there we were in a very nice house. Rose, the holder of the rental agreement, got the master bedroom with the bathroom attached, Tracy and Beth took the hall bath to share and I got the bathroom next to the kitchen to myself since it just had a shower. Even that was good enough because you shared one large bathroom on every dorm floor. "All set?" Tracy asked of Lucy when they met at the School's library that evening. "All set. Here's the form!" Lucy said handing it to Tracy and asked: "So, how do I look?" "Scary!" Tracy said of her friend. Lucy was out of college a year now. She was also dressed, at the moment for Tracy's benefit. Lucy looked very much like a stern somewhat older business woman. She gave off an air of being a no nonsense, no humor kind of woman which was what the role called for. "OK!" Tracy said and added: "I get him to sign the form tonight, it goes into the mail in the morning, let's say, two days in the mail, two days at this agency.... No, make that three days at the agency and then you call." "Got it. So I'll be calling on Monday then! If I call that is going to make the home inspection for Wednesday. That OK?" Lucy asked. "Perfect. Only let's make it for later that day you call! Will add a little more panic into this." Tracy said. "Monday call, Monday visit!" Lucy said. "Great! Now all I've got to do in talk with Sandy and make sure she's all set." Tracy noted as she filled in the dates in her day timer. "You sure this isn't going to put him over that proverbial cliff?" Lucy asked. "Nope! However, I am going to bring him right to the very edge of it! I'll keep him from falling though." Tracy noted with a light laugh and added: "Besides, what boy doesn't want to be mothered?" "By three mothers?" Lucy said correcting Tracy. "OK, how about a mother and two wicked aunts, hows that?" Tracy said laughing as she opened her cell phone and punched in Sandy's number. "Hi!" Tracy said when Sandy answered and added: "It's me! You all set?" "Ready here! As far as Ms. Baker is concerned it would just be another client. Just make sure I'm here when you come in." Sandy said. "Not a problem. OK then, we're all set. I've just picked up the form from Lucy and Mark is going to fill it in tonight. She's going to do the in home inspection on Monday of next week. Can you put together whatever it is he's going to need for that first time?" Tracy asked. "Already done! You can pick that part of this up under your name, anytime, even if I'm not here." Sandy said. "Excellent." Tracy noted before saying good-bye. Tracy was on a natural high on her way home. "OK girls, we're on!" Tracy said to Rose and Beth as they started dinner. I was in the shower when Tracy shared the news with them. The girls cooked and I cleaned and that chore I had readily agreed to since I was a lousy cook. We shared the cleaning chores but that was temporary since I'd soon be doing all of the cleaning and laundry chores. I didn't know about that part but I also didn't know about the part where I'd became a sort of house boy or in this case a house girl. Actually that would be house baby girl to be more exact. That baby part was a kind of odd fetish that Tracy enjoyed which, when she mentioned it to the other girls caught their attention immediately. The actual idea of a house boy was originally Rose's. Rose had used a boy for the cleaning chores last year, in a smaller house, after setting him up to be caught wearing one of the girl's panties. After that he pretty much wore panties for his entire freshman year. The satiny maid's outfit had been Beth's idea as well and this year, when Tracy joined them in the new house, the adult baby thing came into their scheme of things. Boys, Rose once noted, made the perfect little domestics! All they needed to start them out that way was to get caught. After that just a little discipline and a lot of tender loving care kept them willing to continue. Tracy was going to be the one providing that tender loving care while Rose would be the disciplinarian. Beth was the one that suggested a kind of little girl or baby girl look and that, after a bit of laughter, was defiantly added. It was all going to start with that form. "Here's the form?" Tracy said handing me the paper that asked the usual sorts of questions. Like most forms I ignored that small print at the bottom that read: "I certify, under penalty and prosecution of perjury, that the above information is true." Tracy took the form, added it to an official looking envelope and licked it closed. A graphic artist friend of Tracy's was doing the forms and envelops. She had also made Lucy's identification card that Lucy would be using in a few days. There were even business cards for Lucy also to use. Lucy, since she already worked at the library, had added an official "received" stamp on the form Tracy brought in and then a "CASE WORKER" stamp with Lucy Pennyworth as the name. That last bit of clever deceit was achieved from a Make-Your-Own-Stamp kit. All that was left was for Lucy to call me and set me up as it were. Tracy already had the bag of incontinent items, that Susan had put together, for the in home visit about to be scheduled. I got that call on Monday afternoon early right after Tracy called Lucy on her cell phone, away from me, that told her I was in my room. Lucy had her text in front of her when I answered the phone. "Hello?" I said. "Mr. Sanford? Mark Sanford?" Lucy asked. "Yes?" I answered. "Mr. Sanford, my name is Lucy Pennyworth and I'm your case worker assigned for the Special Needs request you filled out." Lucy said. "OK?" I said slightly confused, a little scared and somewhat reluctant to carry this conversation on. There wasn't any mention of a case worker and I added that part as a question after that OK of mine. "It's routine. Nothing to worry about. This is simply to weed out those who might be attempting to use the system in a fraudulent way. We've only just changed the procedures this year." Lucy said. "OK." I said again getting even more scared over that word fraudulent. "Can I have your last four digits of your social security number? I need those to confirm your identification." Lucy asked. I gave her my last four digits and waited. "That checks! Good. Now then, it is required that I do an in-home inspection. I am a certified public health nurse and I'm aware of your need for discretion. However, I'm afraid that I can't negotiate a time for my visit since these are intended to be random and unannounced. As I understand, by your form, you are completely incontinent, is that correct?" Lucy asked. "I... I mean yes." I said almost confessing my crime out of fear. "Excellent. A lot of my clients are night incontinent only which restricts my visits to mostly bed times or early mornings. In your case, and I'm aware that you are a student, my visit can be just about any time that you are there. Please, may I have your current schedule. It only has to be an approximation." Lucy said. I read off my class schedules and then at the end of it, after Lucy had confirmed what I'd given her, I asked what she meant by an in-home inspection. My heart leaped into my throat when she said it was simply to confirm that I was, in fact, wearing diapers. No one, she noted, would diaper themselves just for the money. I hung up in a complete state of shock. "What?" Tracy said after she'd gone stiff and silent over my end of the conversation and apparent panic. Her alarm alarmed the other girls and the kitchen was silent by the time I hung up the phone. "That was Health Services, a Ms. Pennyworth. That lady is coming here to do an in-home inspection of me for that incontinent form I filed." I said sitting down heavily at the kitchen table. "That sounds kind of routine." Rose said and added, "you know, like checking to see if things are clean and safe for someone watching kids and such." "No! No, it's not! You don't understand! It's not the house she's checking! She's coming to verify that I am incontinent!" I said. "Now how in the heck do they confirm that sort of thing?" Beth asked. "Diapers?" Tracy asked quietly looking at me and understanding exactly what I was saying. "Diapers!" I said confirming Tracy's guess. "You're kidding!" Rose noted. "Oh my!" Beth said looking as surprised as the rest. "OK, so we go buy a package of diapers! Big deal?" Rose noted. "She's not checking to see if I have diapers damn it! She's checking to see if I'm wearing diapers!" I said in frustration. "Oh!" Beth said. "Exactly!" I noted. "Is it a one time inspection. Sometimes they just do it once and that's that?" Rose asked. "I don't know, she didn't say and I was too dumbfounded to ask. What am I going to do now?" I asked feeling totally lost. "When is she coming?" Tracy asked. "That's the worse part! I don't know. It's supposed to be random and unannounced. That's why I had to give her my school schedule." I said looking lost and feeling it. "OK, OK, let's not panic. Let's think this through for a second. So she's coming sometime this week right?" Tracy asked. "Yes. I suppose." I said but cursed under my breath since I didn't even know that. "OK, so... Let me see... OK, here we go! So for now, we simply do what we've got to do and that means, at least till you get past this inspection, you at least appear to be incontinent. I mean at least that way you don't get caught in a lie." Tracy said. "Do you know what you are saying?" I said in agony. "Yes! Yes I do, but it's the only way you are going to get past this!" Tracy said. "Can't be all that much money. We can get him some basics right away. At least a few things so it looks legit!" Rose said. "Money! Who cares about the money! She's coming to see if I'm wearing a diaper!" I said trying to make these girls understand what I was going through at the moment. "But just temporarily!" Rose noted as if that mattered. I didn't answer. For them it wasn't nearly as bad as it was for me. Girls! I mused. "That's what I was thinking." Tracy noted and added: "OK, so that's what we do. Tell you what, give me your waist size and I'll go to the pharmacy right now!" "This is insane!" I said. I looked at her in a lost sort of way and flushed red over what this all meant. "Hey, it's us remember! The thing is this could have been any one of us. Don't take it so personal. Relax, it's for what... A week? Tops?" Rose said. "We're in this together!" Beth said. "Easy for you guys to say!" I said and added: "You're not going to be wearing diapers for a week." "But only when you are here. Right? She said it was an in-house inspection." Tracy said. "And that makes it better? So I've got to come home and put myself into a diaper each day?" I said almost on the verge of tears. "It really could have been worse!" Tracy noted. "Right!" I said but not sure what would make it worse. "Well, I'd better go do some shopping. If it's random it could very well be tonight since she already knows you are home." Tracy said. "I'm going to my room!" I said standing to walk out of the kitchen. "It's going to be OK!" Rose said patting my arm. "I'm cool with it as well. It's not like you really are incontinent. That would be so weird!" Beth said reaching out to pat my hand. "Thanks!" I said feeling no better over their encouragement. Tracy had her purse and was heading for the door as she yelled: "Be right back!" Tracy was gone thirty minutes which was mostly time spent at Star Bucks sipping a Mocha Java Chip before getting back into her car. The bag she'd had in the trunk all this time was now on the front seat. She had disposable diapers, wipes, baby oil, lotion and baby powder. The diapers Sandy provided were day - heavy for the thickness. Those thicker diapers had been Tracy's requirements. She liked that puffy look. The knock on my door came a half hour after Tracy had gone to the store. "Mark? It's me, I've got your stuff!" Tracy said knocking on my door once. "Great!" I said getting up off my bed like a condemned man walking towards his cell door for that final walk. "Want some help?" Tracy said sounding sympathetic and very kind. "Not likely. It's going to be bad enough doing this." I said taking the heavy bag from her. "Just make sure you leave the diapers out so she can see them and it might be wise to wet a few with tap water and bundled them into that trash can. Makes it look like you're using them everyday. Oh, and don't forget the oil and powder. She's sure to note the smell as well. Again, just use the sink for a couple of them and take a couple more out to put in your drawer so it looks like the bag goes back a few days." Tracy said before she left the room. "Great! Thanks." I said sarcastically. "I'll be in the kitchen if you need me." Tracy said. "Got it." I said closing the door. I went to the bag and emptied everything on the bed. The package of disposables was huge with only fourteen diapers in it. Not even a months supply if you only wore one a day. I had no idea how many a person who might be incontinent wore each day. It took a second to get the bag opened and another to catch my breath as I pulled one out. It really was huge and way too thick. The bag read: "Heavy duty for all day support!" It made sense but it didn't make me feel better. I tossed it on the bed and picked the package up to read how to put them on. Tracy meanwhile had reached the kitchen and was fighting the snickers that the other girls were also fighting. She glanced around the corner looking down the hall to check my door as she opened her cell phone. A second later she said: "OK Ms. Pennyworth, you're on!" Tracy closed her phone and looked at Rose as she asked: "Got the pants ready?" "All set. Rip stop nylon in a deep purple. They've got a really cute little pink heart on the back pocket." Rose said. Rose had gotten the silky warm up pants with a jacket to fit her. Rose was the largest of the girls and her pants would logical fit Mark once he discovered that none of his was going to fit over the diaper. Those pants would be his first girl clothes. Meanwhile I took my jeans and shorts off after opening the diaper on the bed but left my tee-shirt on. I'd peeled the protective cover from the baby powder and sprinkled it heavily onto the diaper believing Tracy when she said that the smell of it or the lack of it might be noticed if it wasn't there. A few moments later I gathered my tee-shirt up and sat down over the diaper. I laid back and did as the instructions said starting with the tapes for the legs then working my way up with the other three tapes to the waist. It was a massive amount of material between my legs, over my bottom and sticking out from the front. It left no doubt that it was a diaper when I stood. Panic began when it was obvious my jeans would never come close to fitting over that mound of material. Nothing I had would fit including my own pair of warm up pants. There was no way I'd meet that woman in just a tee-shirt and diaper. I went to the door, cracked it a bit and called out for Tracy. "What's up?" Tracy said arriving instantly. "I don't have anything to fit over this damn thing!" I said. "OK, hold on. Let me check and see if Rose has something." Tracy said walking off briskly for the kitchen. I heard their muffled voices then Rose walked past my door. "I've got a pair of warm up pants I just bought. With my hips as big as they are, it's sure to fit you and your... well, it should fit!" Rose said as she walked past. I waited behind my door before she came back and added: "Here, try these." "They've got a heart on them!" I said looking at the new purple colored pants. "It's all I've got!" Rose said sounding apologetic. "OK, give me a second!" I said in frustration. The damn things rustled almost as bad as the crinkle of the diaper. They were a kind of nylon and deep purple and over the back pocket, which was the only pocket, was that stupid pink heart. At least they fit though and at least they covered the diaper but they in no way would hide the fact I was wearing one. Worse still, it was obvious they belonged on a girl. "Hey?" Tracy said in a loud whisper from the other side of my door. "What?" I said happy to stay in my room forever. "I think she's here. That woman. She's coming up the steps! Did you wet a couple of diapers?" Tracy asked on the other side of my door. "NO! Quick, help me!" I said swinging the door open so Tracy could come in. I put the baby powder on the dresser with the baby oil and lotion then tore the moisture guard off the baby wipes. Tracy grabbed a couple of diapers and headed off for the bathroom as I took up two more to put in my drawer. I didn't see the smile on Tracy's face when she left the room. "Here, toss those into your trash can!" Tracy said coming back with one diaper already rolled up. She rolled the other when I took the first. The second one nearly filled my trash can but it was done. "Mark, there is a Ms. Lucy Pennyworth here to see you." Rose said from the front door. "Be right there!" I said trying to calm myself. I stood at my door feeling dreadful and worse I had a bottom as big as the girls which really made me look like a damn girl without breast. "Mark?" Tracy said impatiently from the end of the hall. "Coming!" I said opening the door. When I walked I sounded like my aunt and cousins that time I followed them out of the changing rooms for a wedding I was in. They were wearing taffeta but it sounded the same and it was the girls making all that racket then, now it was me. I felt the diaper move in an exaggerated way back and forth from behind as I walked down the hall. It had to be the worse day of my life. "Mr. Sanford?" The woman in the business suit asked standing there with both hands holding a briefcase in front of her. She didn't bother to extend a hand. She wore dark rimmed glasses that would rest on her chest with a cord and her hair was done up in a bun. She reminded me of an English teacher I once feared that took great pleasure in making us stand in front of the class reading poetry when we forgot our homework. "Yes!" I said hoping to keep that pink heart out of her view. "I'm Ms. Pennyworth. We talked on the phone. This is officially your first in-home visit. I can see that you are covered, but the visit requires I confirm that. Shall we step into your room before I complete the forms?" The woman said giving the hint that a yes was my only possible answer. "It's this way." I said turning and then cursing myself when I did so. She obviously saw the pink heart. "Mr. Sanford!" The woman said as I began to walk off. It was too late to worry about that heart now. "Yes?" I said stopping and turning back towards her. "Mr. Sanford, given what you are wearing, I'm required to ask if this is some sort of fetish or are you truly incontinent?" Ms. Pennyworth asked. Rose and Beth were in the kitchen leaving me with just Tracy and I was at a loss on what to say. "I don't think that's any of your business!" Tracy said as she moved towards me in a protective way and added, "but if you must know, the answer is certainly not! He's been with us for some time now and I, as well as his other two room mates, can verify his incontinence. He is also transgendered and expressing his preferred gender and as far as I know that's still a person's right." Tracy said with her own version of authority as she put her arms to her hips. "Yes it is his right and I apologize for my question, but it is still required. We get a lot of odd requests for support, as you can imagine. Truth is a great many individuals will try and cheat the system so we're trained to look for those sorts of signs. Obviously he's more than free to express himself and I apologize if it had offended you in any way. It's simply something I had to ask." Ms. Pennyworth noted. "The answer is no!" I said looking at Tracy gratefully for her support and a little set back that the woman now thought I wanted to be some kind of girl. "Shall we?" Ms. Pennyworth noted sitting her briefcase down by the coffee table. "In here!" I said, getting her meaning, and turning towards my room. I allowed her to follow me in before shutting the door. I stood by as she slipped on a pair of thin exam gloves she removed from her suit pocket. I was feeling open, exposed and very vulnerable. "This will only take a second. I'm just going to make sure you are not wearing any 'normal' garments under your diaper." Ms. Pennyworth said moving behind me. A second later I felt the tug of the diaper on the front of my waist as she tugged at the back. I felt like a child being checked to see if I'd gone potty. "Excellent and, with that, you've passed your first in-home visit." Ms. Pennyworth said as she snapped the gloves off leaving them in the trash basket that held the two large diapers Tracy had tossed into it. I was glad now for that little bit of foresight. I was also glad I'd used baby powder as the smell of it filled the room again. "I'll just need to complete my form. I'm setting you up for the minimum visits and given the extent of your incontinence, you've been pre-approved for our Special Needs program." Ms. Pennyworth said as walked out. "Minimum visits?" I asked. "Since June of this year we've been mandated by the government agency that supports this program to make routine visits, at least for a time. Depending on our recommendations those visits are a minimum to maximum over a certain period. For some it can be six months or more. In your case, under the minimum, it's trice for this month, twice the month following and once for the third month with a routine call or visit every three months after that." Ms. Pennyworth noted. "Trice?" I asked. "Three visits for this first month after this visit. Again, they are random but I've got your schedule and, as you've noted, it only takes a minute or two. I should also caution you, although I suspect I don't need to, that if you are not in diapers when I make that inspection, your support ends automatically and I'd be required to file a cause. It would be up to you to prove legally that you are, in fact, incontinent or no longer incontinent and make a case on why it ended. Now then, I've set you up with a local store that we've worked with before and with very good results. It's called The Life Support Store and should have everything you'll need." Ms. Pennyworth said as she picked up her briefcase before sitting. She opened it on her lap, pulled a form from it, then a card and closed the lid again. "Great!" I said. "This is your voucher. Show this to the sales woman at the store on your first visit. It's a lot like a signature card for your bank. This will authorize you to draw what you need while that store does the billing directly to us. Makes it a little more convenient all around and pretty much eliminates the need for checks and cash." Ms. Pennyworth noted. I went into a renewed panic suddenly. No cash or checks? Just that voucher. That ended any hope of gaining something from this. "It would also be a way to track what I bought." She noted casually, and then there were those visits she mentioned. I was suddenly trapped. I wouldn't know when she'd come so I wouldn't know when I had to wear these damn things which really meant all the time. "Disposables might be cheaper at the Big Box Store?" Tracy noted and I loved her for her insight to ask or even answer Ms. Pennyworth's questions and comments. "Actually they are cheaper. Much cheaper as a matter of fact, but they don't carry cloth diapers or the waterproof plastic panties nor do they have any kind of services." Ms. Pennyworth said to Tracy. "Services?" I asked. "In this case a diaper service. It's really very convenient for our clients. You simply take in your soiled diapers and pick up fresh ones. Very much like it was some years ago when diapers were popular. The agency funding this is keen on environmental impacts and have issued a mandate to change everyone wearing diapers full time to move to cloth. The other big advantage with cloth is you don't have to wash and dry them. Just drop the used ones off and pick up fresh ones." Ms. Pennyworth said and added: "The store pretty much provides you with all of it so I'd go there first thing with your card. This way you don't have to purchase anything more out of pocket." "Right!" I said as I sat down to the sound of my diaper crinkling and my rip stop nylon swishing. I was defeated and lost. I was in a diaper and it looked like I'd be moving to cloth diapers and plastic panties of some sort and possibly for months. I'd become an adult baby by my own hand. "Well, that's it then. It's been a pleasure meeting you and if you have any questions just dial my service, it's on the card!" "Ms. Pennyworth said handing me the voucher and an official looking business card. I watched in agony as she walked to her car. "Now what?" I said landing hard on the couch. "Well, I'm not exactly sure. I mean I know what this must be like for you and I wish there was something I could say that would make you feel better but I'm at a loss. I guess, if this helps at all, then you've at least got our support and we're with you in this all the way." Tracy said. "That's for sure! It could have been any one of us!" Rose said. "She said cloth diapers!" I said. "I know!" Tracy said with a lot of sympathy in her voice. "And baby pants of all things!" I moaned. "I thought she said waterproof plastic panties?" Beth asked. "Beth, what do you think babies that wear diapers wear?" I said. "Oh? Right! Sorry about that." Beth said. "Baby pants!" I said slightly under my breath. "I know!" Tracy said feeling the heat of her orgasm rising till she shuddered lightly and what she hoped was privately. Tracy promised to go with me to that store. I wore another disposable that following morning and those damn girl pants with the pink heart on them and the longest jacket I had. "We're looking for Susan?" Tracy said to a young man behind the counter at the Life Support Store. We'd put off going last night for today. So far those pants with the heart were the only pants that fit me with my diaper on and Tracy had wisely recommended I wear those and the diaper to the store. It only made sense she said if I was full time incontinent to at least appear to be. "Susan, a customer!" The young man yelled to a woman three isles down. She smiled and walked towards us as the young man walked off to another person just walking in. "Hi, how may I help you?" Susan asked. "We've got a voucher!" Tracy said holding out the card. I was too nervous, too scared to do anything but walk out of the house, into Tracy's car and into that store. The longest walk was the few feet to that stores front door. "Well, great. Our exchange program is really super. So, what are you wearing now?" Susan asked of Tracy. "It's not for me, it's for him!" Tracy said. "My apologies. And you sir, what do you wear now?" Susan asked taking the card from Tracy. "It's a generic brand for heavy usage." I said choking it out of me. I tried keeping my voice lowered and fairly even hoping the woman got the hint to lower her's. "Do you know the name of them?" Susan asked not getting the hint. "She bought them!" I said deferring to Tracy. "I'm not sure!" Tracy said and then added, "got them at the Big Box store." "Well, never mind that, we can figure that out when you try on our fitted cloth. If its heavy and you're comfortable with the control of those lets just stay with that. Our contoured fitted diapers are excellent and I'll bet even more absorbent than what you are wearing now." Susan said as she moved off to the shelves past the one she was working at. "She's so damn casual!" I whispered to Tracy. "I'm guessing so are her customers. Wouldn't be too much different talking about wheel chairs and the like!" Tracy said. "Right." I noted. Again it made sense that people who did this for a reason would have no reason to be worried over discussing them and suddenly, before me was a lot of stuff to discuss. We were in the adult incontinence products and standing in front of neatly folded piles of diapers and plastic panties of all sorts. There were even adult size rhumba panties and some with baby prints. It was like a baby store for adults or at least this section was. "How often do you need changing now?" Susan asked. I'd thought about that question as did Tracy on our way and we settled on two times for during the day and one time for night. "Three!" I said. "Great. So we'll go with a three change package which is twenty one diapers, at three a day, and seven pair of plastic panties with a one day reserve. That reserve gives you three diapers and a pair of plastic panties for just in case. We give you our starter set then set you up on an exchange day. For that exchange, all you do is bring in your soiled diapers and pick up fresh ones. You can pick your exchange day and you've got all day on that day to make the exchange. It's in the back with a private door and we keep a reserve pickup list and space for you so you don't have to carry through the store. Now then, what about support clothes?" Susan asked. "Support clothes?" I asked. We call them support clothes. Onesies is the actual name. Kind of generic. They are great for keeping things in place as the diapers get heavier from wetting. Pretty much based on the baby onesie but designed for adults. They've got a few more snaps than what you'd find on the baby styles. Very comfortable, and again, they tend to keep things in place. You can get those on your voucher as well as two sleepers for night time." Susan noted. "I'm not sure?" I said wanting to say no but thinking that a real incontinent person might be interested in such things. I didn't want to tip my hand. I didn't want to be there. I didn't really know what to say. "What do you think?" I said to Tracy. "Definitely!" Tracy said and then in a quieter voice directed at me she added: "For Ms. Pennyworth's sake as well when she visits again - right?" "Right!" I said and was about to repeat what Tracy just said to this woman Susan. "Pennyworth? Is that your case worker?" Susan asked. "Yes, why?" Tracy asked. "Met her here once for a case she was on. Relentless if she thinks you're cheating the system. Nice enough if you're not. Listen, if it were me, and given it's Ms. Pennyworth, I'd go with our full support package. It's not going to cost you anything more and if she does track what you are getting it will work in your favor." Susan said. "What's in the full support package?" I asked. "You'll still get twenty one diapers, but our very best, plastic panties, which you can choose from our patterns if you like, seven onesies in your choice of colors or white, two sleepers as well as seven extra soakers for night time. The sleepers are the deluxe footed ones which are just a tad bit more comfortable than the ones with elastic around the ankles. We also give you three sets of diaper pins, baby powder, baby oil, lotion, ointment, the liquid baby bath and I'd recommend that because helps with rashes, and baby wipes. Think of it as a kind of new born layette for adults. Plus, we give you a nice carryall bag that's great for travel and a lined duffel you can use to carry your soiled diapers in. You take out your diapers in a fresh duffel. Makes it very discreet when you come in for the fresh ones." Susan said happily. "Fine!" I said not as happy as she was. "Great! Now then let's get you measured for the diapers and, if you like you can wear one of the new ones out with you. They are not too much thicker than the one you're wearing and if you're not used to cloth, I think you'll find them surprisingly soft and comfortable," Susan said and added, "are you wet now?" I was about to say absolutely not but caught Tracy's look. I realized with that look that it might be better if I was, as bad as that sounded. Tracy was right as I stood there thinking about it, but wanting badly to shrink away into oblivion. I no longer was trying to hold myself from wetting. "A little." I said as I continued trying to do what I'd trained hard to avoid for the better part of my life. Nothing happened for a while then all hell broke lose as the urge changed into a stream that I wasn't sure I could stop. I felt the diaper growing heavier. "No problem, Change rooms are in the back!" Susan said and then stopped as she looked at Tracy then again at me. "Perhaps you'd rather your partner change you? Some people get nervous with a stranger." Susan said. I wasn't sure what to say. I was sure I didn't want either woman changing my diapers. Actually I didn't want diapers at all but right now, especially not a wet one. Obviously it was either going to be Susan, and I didn't know Susan, or Tracy, and I wasn't sure how Tracy would feel changing me. I was torn between a decision and just fainting. Again Tracy came to my rescue. "I'd rather it be me if you don't mind, as you can imagine, this is often difficult of him. Embarrassing on occasion, like now. Anyway, we've pretty much kept it between just us." Tracy said. "Not a problem at all! As I said, some clients are simply too nervous with a stranger. Change rooms are right there. Why don't you start and I'll go get a tri-size set." Susan said pointing at a pair of louvered doors. "Tri-size?" I asked. "We just call it that. It's three diapers each sized a little differently. An inch one way or another on your diapers can be amazingly significant if you've got to wear them for a long time." Susan said as she moved off. Tracy and I headed for the changing room. "I'm really sorry you've got to go through this!" I said with regret in my voice. It was ironic that I felt bad for her sake but, then again, I didn't know this was for her sake. "What? Hey, don't be! Don't be in the least! I'm glad I can help. Besides, you're the one doing this! Funny thing is I'm actually very comfortable with this. OK, to tell you the truth, I think you're bringing out some kind of maternal instinct in me because I'm actually looking forward to this in a way." Tracy said patting my arm as we reached the changing room door. "You're kidding, right?" I said looking at her before passing through the door. It was a large room about four times bigger than an average changing room. Against the wall a shelf and below that a flat table framing a thin mattress. The mattress had a roll of paper not too unlike you'd find in a doctor's exam room to cover it. It was a fresh looking room, that smelled just as fresh, baby fresh and impeccably clean. "Kidding? Me? No, and if I told you any more than that, it might scare you so why don't we wait till we're out of here." Tracy said. "Scare me how?" I asked curious but also to help me with my nervousness. "OK, I warned you remember so you asked for it! Now don't ask me why, but this is really turning me on as well." Tracy said. "Me in diapers? Me wearing a diaper is turning you on?" I said more as a statement and surprising at that as I asked that question. I'd always gotten the impression that Tracy looked at me differently. I often thought there was something in that look. Something more than the other two when they looked although I blamed it on my ego. Truth was Tracy always seemed out of my league in some ways so I never dared act on it. Now this. "Warned you! Now if you don't want me to faint, let's drop it." Tracy said. I wasn't sure why, but suddenly this whole thing took on a different light. A very odd kind of feeling washed over me and some of it just good old fashion passion, in spite of the reasons I was there. A desire returned. A desire I often had when Tracy moved about the house in the evenings, most often after her bath. It wasn't sexy her robe but the thought of what she wore or didn't wear under it. I smiled in spite of myself. Rose was older and acted it and, while sexy in her own right, not really my type. Beth was cute and her sexuality apparent but she too, more of an air head, didn't light me up very much. Tracy on the other hand was the basis for a lot of my fantasies and I never really understood why. Nor did I get past that basic, almost primal sense of her. It was kind of like falling in love with a celebrity. Great to imagine but way out of my league. It also changed the complexity or concept of her changing me because we were way out of the norms for the usual course of events when two people declare or hint at an attraction. Some of it now because of that attraction. A girl hinting she's turned on because of a guy's build, or intellect or whatever it is in a 'normal' sort of way is one thing. Being told you turn a girl on because you're wearing a diaper and she's about to change you is odd to say the least. And yet suddenly I too was getting turned on. "What?" Tracy said noting my facial change as we stood there. "What? Gosh, let me see if I can answer that? It was bad enough trying to imagine you changing my diaper! Now it's worse since you've hinted it could be even sexual. We... I mean guys that is, don't have a lot of control over themselves sometimes. Especially when there is a hint of sex." I said feeling my face heat up. "And that's bad because?" Tracy said with a mischievous grin on her face. "Well, besides the fact we're in the middle of a retail shop and I'm wearing a very wet diaper and about to be put into another, I can't think of a reason why I should think this is bad." I said matching her grin with my own. "You've never played in the middle of the day? Or covertly? Perhaps somewhere out of the ordinary?" Tracy said moving closer to me to emphasize what she was saying with a finger she moved over my chin. "OK, remember that part about guys sometimes not having a lot of control over themselves?" I said. "Yes." Tracy said in a very seductive voice. "It's gotten worse!" I said. "Any control left at all?" Tracy said as she moved her face closer to mine. "Only just!" I said meaning it. I was painfully aware of her proximity to me and it's meaning as that finger traced the outline of my lips now. "I must be getting rusty then!" Tracy said moving her lips within an inch or two of mine as she added, "I may have to hone up on my girl skills some." "I'm in a wet diaper!" I said. "And I'm suddenly in wet panties!" She added before her lips touched mine. I felt my own lips crush against hers then her tongue forcing my lips apart although that wasn't what brought on that guttural moan I heard coming from me. What caused that moan was that crush of her pelvic bone and hips pressing against me and with it came that odd sense of detachment you sometimes feel just before a climax. I had this happen once before. There was a girl, long ago, just after I'd reached puberty that had the same effect on me. I'd taken her to the show in a perpetual state of sexual arousal and right after the lights dimmed we started necking. I didn't know a thing about girls then other than they caused me a great deal of tension and stress and this one, kissing me, about as much as I could imagine and handle and I wasn't handling it very well. All she did, the only thing she did, as we kissed, was lay her hand on my lap. No movement, or nothing you could sense other than her simply placing her hand right there where no hand had gone before. It was electrifying, overwhelming and all hell broke loose in those short seconds it took to realize I was being touched. It was an overwhelming pleasure mixed with an overwhelming fear of what I'd just done. I walked home with my jacket in front of me and her giggling over it. I thought of that girl and that day as all hell broke loose for the second time in my life. It happened the instant I felt her push against my diaper and the relative world, that store, this changing room, Susan, and most of my fears simply vanished. Were I making a movie I would have the actor standing there in the middle of that kiss as everything around him moved away. Soft music, first in the background, would grow louder, then climax and he would fade out to a blank screen. Of course the guy would not be wearing diapers in the movie and I was. So what had just happened? I thought on that and a dozen other wonderful things as I continued kissing her past the last of my spasms. I felt weak as if the bones in my legs had suddenly turned to rubber. We broke slowly but her face stayed close and her body even closer as she slipped her arms around me to rest her palms against my bottom and that diaper. "Feeling a little less tense?" She asked in a teasing sort of way before she brushed her lips against mine. "I need to lay down!" I said not realizing that my joke over feeling faint could be taken literally and Tracy did take it that way as she brought her right hand away to pat the table. "What a coincidence, we have a nice comfortable little place for you right here in front of us." Tracy said. "Very funny!" I said but amazed, maybe even startled, over the changes that had taken place within me in those minutes since we entered. Was there a connection to another part of me over what I was wearing? I didn't think so and might still deny any sort of connection, but I also thought I might then be lying. Of course it was some of what Tracy had said and some of what she'd just done and what had she done? Under any other circumstances what had just happened would have been considered completely normal. Two people, strong sexual attraction, some sexual tension, a little passion, more and then boom! There is it! All perfectly normal and played out time and time again, only it wasn't even close to being normal. I was wearing a wet diaper under a pair of women's warm up pants that had a pink heart on the pocket. Was it Tracy? Those clothes, the diaper? The place itself? What had happened confused me although what was about to happen didn't? I didn't have a clue of our relationship yet, and since I didn't have a clue I gave up trying to analyze this. I did know that when my climax passed a lot of my fears did as well and a great amount of my humiliation and embarrassment. Not all of it but some of it. That, I mused, was a good thing. Tracy's cell phone rang and she fished it out of her pocket to her face as she said: "Hello?" "Hey, hi!" Tracy said and added, "actually, I am busy right now, can I call you back in a bit? Great, talk to you soon. Bye!" Tracy closed her phone and put it away. I didn't know it, but it was Susan calling on her own cell phone to check on Tracy's progress. Tracy had asked, once we were in the changing room, for Susan to stay back for a time. Susan had stayed back until that call. Now she was on again. She moved to the changing room. "Sorry about the delay, I couldn't find my measuring tape!" Susan said from the other side of our door. "That's OK!" Tracy said as she pushed the louvered door open giving Susan an implied consent to enter. "Just need waist and thighs for an approximation. I'll bring in three diaper lengths after I get those!" Susan said moving behind me with a tape measure women used for sewing. "If you can just lift your jacket up a little..." Susan added as she circled my waist with the tape. She was going to see that damnable pink heart and my embarrassment returned. Susan smiled as it came into her view. Tracy was so good at this, she mused, as she gathered one end of the tape to connect with the other side. "Twenty two inches! I'd kill for that size waist!" Susan said as she released the tape and did the same with my right thigh. "Me too!" Tracy said. I kept silent. "OK, got it! I'll get the diapers and you can see which one fits best." Susan said standing up as she rolled the tape over her fingers and added: "Be right back." She left and I said: "She saw the pink heart!" "She's a sales person and I'll bet she gets all kinds of people in here." Tracy said and added: "She's going to guess and most likely decide on something but that's her bag, not ours. If you want to know the truth, those pants suit you!" "What?" I said in a surprised voice. "It's not what you think. I'm just saying that it kind of softens you a little. Let me try saying this so it doesn't send you off into a fit... That small bit of femininity is part of my attraction to you OK? As damaging as that might be to your ego, and honestly it's not meant to be, it makes you a little more attractive. Don't know how else to put it." Tracy said with a shrug. I didn't want to push that too much further or risk what had started between us so I just nodded. What that sales women might think was beyond my control, but obviously Tracy liked it. She liked the diapers and me in purple with pink hearts. It had been an interesting morning so far. Odd, very odd, but interesting. "Here we go! Susan said coming into the changing room without knocking this time and added, "now these are constructed a lot like disposables but they mimic the cloth exactly. We have to use these because we can't restock diapers once they've been worn. It's the law. They'll pin on just like your diaper and they are just as thick. You've also got six pair of plastic panties here so you can try on a variety of types and styles, and I'm not sure if you're interested in our patterned ones, but I've brought in a couple of our more popular styles." Susan said cheerfully. We stood there watching her lay everything out neatly and the last a small bag she'd held under her forearm. "Oh, and I've included a freshen up kit. There is a small packet of baby wipes and a travel size baby oil and baby powder in it. Two diaper pins as well. Just give a shout when you're done. The sizes are marked on the diapers and those plastic panties." Susan added before leaving. I didn't miss the pink pair of baby pants with bears on them as I said: "She brought in a pink pair of baby pants!" "Well, at least we know what she might be thinking after seeing that pink heart!" Tracy said with a snicker. "Great! A damn Sissy! No, a sissy in a diaper!" I said but not feeling as bad as I might have only yesterday or even a few minutes ago with someone else. "Transgendered!" Tracy noted as a way to soften what I'd just said but then laughed and added, "although sissy would work for me as well." "Ouch!" I said flinching from the words. "Hey, you used the word first, not me!" Tracy said. "I was being sarcastic!" I said. "Should punish you for getting me all flustered then!" Tracy said but with that mischievous grin on her face again. "Don't tell me you're into spankings or something like that?" I said feeling mixed about such a thing. "Spankings? I didn't mention spankings and besides, young man, punishment doesn't always have to be physical!" Tracy said pointing a finger at me and taking on a stern tone. "Yes ma'am." I answered in my own version of someone in the submissive role but added since my curiosity was aroused: "So what other forms of punishment are there?" "Oh, I think we'll leave that topic open for now but it could be you leaving here without those pants." Tracy said laughing. "Right!" I said. "Anyway, first things first and first is getting that wet diaper off of you. So, why don't you take those 'sissy' pants off and get your cute little bottom up here - baby!" Tracy said in that stern voice she'd used earlier. "Yes ma'am!" I said as I dropped my warm up pants. I didn't miss her use of either word. All three throwaway diapers fit but the third one fit best although a bit more fluff went between the elastic sides. I'd discovered that these fitted diapers have elastic at the back of the waist and around the legs. It gathered the diaper more and did make the fit better and I'd laughed with that analysis. I was discussing this whole fit thing as if I was talking about a man's pair of shorts instead of diapers. It had been an experience to even consider this so far and yet I was. I'd laid up on the table, spared my legs and Tracy, with an expertise that amazed me a little, did what I guessed mothers were doing countless times a day with countless number of babies. That wet diaper had been gathered from the front after Tracy undid the tapes, then she rolled that front over the back after pulling it free of me so it was in a ball that could be closed with those tapes. The bundle went into a closed trash can. The best part came with the baby wipes, oil and powder and Tracy's almost childish playfulness with each of them after I'd raised my bottom for the first diaper. She had stirred me again but this time she was using it as leverage after pinning the last diaper on me. She was cooing and teasing me with short brief kisses before she had picked up that pink pair of baby pants with the baby teddy bears on them and said: "If baby wants mommy to play with him, baby has to wear his pretty little sissy pants!" "Get those away from me!" I said but smiled at her mommy voice and that continued teasing. It wasn't exactly something I'd prescribe for anyone not into this, but it was taking away the discomfort of what was happening to me. Playing at this was somehow easing the reality of it, but it didn't change the fact those were pink. "No way!" I added. "OK, but baby is going to regret not cooperating with mommy!" Tracy said as she moved her left hand to my diaper and with it a light massage, suggesting things to come. "No!" I said again, but it lacked any sort of conviction. "Then I'm afraid I have no choice! You will wear these!" Tracy said as she gathered those same panties while moving towards my feet. "Really, Tracy, I can't wear those!" I said drawing my foot back a little but not far enough to make it all that convincing. "You most certainly will, young man, or you'll leave here with just your tee-shirt and diaper on!" Tracy said sounding stern again. "Is that door closed tightly!" I asked smiling but looking at the door which reflected a little of the apprehension I felt. It was all so oddly thrilling this role playing we had fallen into and those baby pants looked so damn real. "Hush now and give mommy that foot!" Tracy said ignoring my concerns completely and a second later I did give her that foot. It was such a contradiction to what I'd felt walking into that place and how I felt now. One moment in shear and utter panic and the next being teased into baby pants designed for girl babies. As relationships go this one would have to be reasoned out as the oddest I'd ever heard of. And I smiled. "OK, stand sweetheart!" Tracy said and I didn't miss the change in her tone. The pink baby pants puffed a little even over the thickness of the diaper as she added: "Nice fit! Great look!" "Thanks!" I said feeling so odd over this odd feeling. "OK if mommy pats the baby's bottom?" Tracy said doing so even before I could say yes as she added, "oh how adorable these feel and look. So cute!" "You're really enjoying this aren't you?" I asked as her hand patted me. The sound and feel of that pat melted together and with it a little more of my anxiety. "You're not?" Tracy asked moving that same hand now to the front. "Absolutely not!" I said lying. "Right!" Tracy said happily. "So now what?" I asked. "Well, we could make love right here and now, or finish up, get your stuff together and scoot home as quickly as the law allows." Tracy said. "I'll vote for home!" I said smiling but realizing I could just as easily laid there with her. "Great choice! OK, stay here and let me tell Susan what these sizes are, and I'm going to need a real diaper to change you into." Tracy said. "And a plain pair of baby pants!" I noted. "Nope, those stay! You're being punished remember!" Tracy noted as she patted the front lightly. "You're kidding?" I said not sure if I wanted to take this game, she was suddenly about to modify, all that far. "Oh, come on! At least keep this pair on for now and who's going to know?" Tracy said. "Me!" I said and then added: "And that saleswoman!" "Well, you'll just have to ignore those hang-ups of yours and hers for another half hour or so and if you do mommy is going to show what being a good little sissy really means." Tracy said. "I'm not sure about this?" I said with a sudden tone of apprehension. "You're not sure? OK, fair enough. Why don't you slip out of those and I'll go tell Susan that you need something a bit more conservative." Tracy said. It was her tone, her sudden coolness, I detected and the risk that posed. I was blowing the chance of a lifetime over the color of my baby pants. Baby pants only she would see or know about since that woman Susan already did or most likely already had an opinion of me. I wanted this! "Pink works for me!" I said a little reluctantly and with no small amount of blush to my cheeks considering what I'd be wearing out. "You sure?" Tracy asked. "Yes." I said but not sure at all. I was diapered 'properly' and wore the pink baby pants with the baby bears pattern and swapped my tee-shirt for a new onesie. That onesie actually did hold up the thick diaper and those baby pants when I stood. It went on like a tee-shirt but drew taught when Tracy tugged the back to pin it to the front. I didn't know I was wearing the girl's version, in white, out but the collar was a bit more feminine less wide than the guys onesie. There were two extra bags of diapers with the rest of my new things in that carry bag which was more or less an adult size diaper bag. Everything, but the stuff I wore, was in the back seat as we pulled onto Baker Road for home. I walked out with a little more confidence than when I walked in but looking more like a girl Susan noted to that young man in the store standing next to her. I was pensive in those first few minutes sitting on top of those layers of cotton, plastic and the nylon of my warm up pants. I was trying to figure out what had changed. What had caused the shift in my head that made what had happened so suddenly different. Maybe a bit better. "Where are you?" Tracy asked. "Not sure?" I said. "What's the matter?" Tracy asked in a soothing tone. "What happened between when we left home and now? I mean what's really changed that makes this almost tolerable? Holy mackerel! Tracy, I'm wearing pink baby pants!" I said. "You really want to know?" Tracy asked. "Yes." "No, I mean do you really want to understand it?" Tracy asked but it was a cautionary tone she used. "Of course?" I said. "Means being very honest! Maybe too honest." Tracy warned. "Not a problem!" I said. "You sure you can be honest with me?" Tracy asked. "Of course! I mean after all we've just been through?" I said. "Would you like wearing girl's panties over those pink baby pants?" Tracy asked. "What?" I asked back. "You heard me?" Tracy said. "No! Of course not!" I said. "OK, just testing. Sorry, you're not ready for the rest of this yet." Tracy said. "Testing for what?" I asked. "I was testing for honesty! You didn't pass!" Tracy said. "What are you talking about? You asked me a question, I answered honestly!" I said feeling wounded. "No you didn't. You postured! You're still layering! You're giving a classic guy answer. This conversation isn't going to work unless you are honest and open. You gave me the proper guy answer. Sorry, that's not being honest." Tracy said and then added, "but, if it's any consolation, I understand that you've got hang-ups. I mean after all, you're a guy." I sat there brooding. I'd lied. I'd lied and she knew it and maybe I wasn't ready to be 'that' honest. Although now I was curious. Very curious over what Tracy knew that I didn't as I said: "OK, yes then, I would! I mean I've only worn girl's panties a couple of times and it was when I was younger but I did like them! Is that honest enough for you?" "Yes! Thank you!" Tracy said patting my knee as she continued driving. "Now what?" I asked flushed over that confession. "Now what? Now we share our insights into what changed!" Tracy said but then went silent. "Was that a promise of things to come or what?" I asked after a long pause that made me think she wasn't going to answer. "Rolling the stuff around in my head first." Tracy noted and then nodding, which I suspected was more for her than for me, she added, "OK, here we go... What if this ended right now? I mean what if you were no longer required to have to wear those things and this all ended today, right now? But, before you answer, think about this first... What if it ended but I'd asked you to keep wearing them? Wear them for my sake as it were. Would you? And please be honest!" "I'm not sure? I mean that honestly. OK, if this ended? Wait a second, let me think for a moment... OK, if this ended and I still had these things and you asked that I wear them? I suspect I'd wear them then." I said and then added, "what am I saying?" "Why?" Tracy asked. "Why, what?" I asked. "Why would you be willing to wear them?" Tracy asked. "Because you'd asked me to?" I answered. "But what about you? What would you be doing it for?" Tracy asked. "For your sake?" I said getting a little confused. "Nope, you're still layering a little here! OK, you're wearing this stuff now because you have to right?" Tracy said. "Of course!" I answered darkly. I was trapped in a way. "Lots of negative emotions came into play didn't they?" Tracy asked. "Tons!" I said. "Fear?" Tracy asked. "Yes!" I said. "Embarrassment? Humiliation?" Tracy added. "Yes to both of those big time!" I said. "You were trapped, exposed, vulnerable and suddenly dependent on me and my support." Tracy asked. "Yes!" I said. "Ego got trashed badly!" Tracy noted. "Got tossed right out the window!" I said. "There was that mental pain, agony, anguish and