Ways To Womanhood: Barbara's Interview free porn video

Synopsis: Christel Lennart chooses interesting cases for interviews (are they real or a partially fantasy?). In Barbara's case, she was Dominique before, who just tried to find out how much transvestism appealed to him. A life story out of the full, with some dramatic elements, ends that Barbara is the first transwoman in Switzerland who has become a widow. But life has more in store for her. Categories: Bondage - Chemical or Drug Induced Change - The Operation - Femdom, Authoritarian - Workplace Situations Keywords: Hormones - Wedding Dress or Married - Autobiographical - Extreme Body Piercing - Long Finger Nails - Pregnant / Having a Baby - Bondage - Castration - Corsets - Hair or Hair Salon - Very High Heels My story "Lena" (in German) was the first foreign language contribution in Fictionmania. Thank you for the openness ! But some readers complained about having non-English stories in FM. This is my first story in English, and I devote the effort of writing in a - for me - foreign language to those who wish to learn other languages than English. I also want to thank the sisters who have corrected my probably numerous mistakes. Enjoy... Ways to Womanhood: Barbara's Interview Christel: Barbara, I am so glad you accepted this interview. Thank you very much. We now have several hours and in case we don't manage to finish today another meeting. Barbara: Thank you to you as well, it is good for me to talk about it, a way of getting some painful things settled but also remember the beautiful and exciting aspects of my life. The mourning is now over. Christel: You became a widow three years ago... Barbara: ... yes it was the first case in Switzerland that a transwoman became a widow and therefore there were some complicated legal issues, which are now all resolved. I receive a pension as widow, that's not enough to make a decent living, but it helps and grants me some freedom if I complete with a part time job. And I have also some savings from my husband and an aid from an unknown source if needed... Christel: Well you told me on the phone, that your husband had some strange relations... Barbara: Sure, Lukas was a very nice man, but he worked together with some Mafia structures, strange guys, I really know almost nothing about them except that they did behave in a very kind and supportive way with me, even after Lukas' accident and death. I guess the lesser I know the better it is. I just had to learn by heart the phone number of a lawyer if I need help. Christel: Do you think he has been killed for some reason by them ? Barbara: No, absolutely not. It was a genuine accident and some of his "friends" were there a couple of hours later when he was still alive in the hospital, and they would have done everything in order to save his life. No, really, I am absolutely sure it was an accident otherwise I would have been told or made understand. Christel: And how did you come to know Lukas ? Barbara: Well, let me start from my childhood. I always had the feeling that I should have been born as a girl. I first played with my mothers curlers in bed under the blankets and put them in my hair. When I was eleven I started to crossdress with my mothers clothes. When I was twelve I knew enough about hormones, so I took little by little some pills out of my mothers hormonal treatment - it was Estradiol - and cut them in quarters and had one quarter a day for several weeks. When my mother stopped this treatment, she got on contraceptive pills and had a recipe for six months and she bought them altogether. I took the risk and just stole one of the packs and went on another month on baby pills. Later on there have been periods where I didn't think anymore about it, I mean about crossdressing. And then started a very unhappy period, depressions and so. I started reading books about psychology to find out what was wrong with me. And with 15 everything was back and I had plenty of opportunities to crossdress without being caught. My way of doing it became more sophisticated, make up, I found a wig and shoes for my size from a young lady who had rented a room in our house. In this period I stayed happily for a couple of hours en femme and dreamed about living full time as a girl for a week. With time coming by our family split and I moved with my mother to another canton. My mother had to go away very often for several days for professional reasons. So I had days and nights to be a girl. I managed to get a dildo and dreamed about nice and strong guys as lovers. And sometimes I dared also a little walk outside but always afraid that somebody could see or worse recognise me. In fact I was extremely shy and although my mother and I talked very freely about sex, I never managed to gather my courage together to tell her. And I don't know how she would have reacted, most probably badly. Later I started a psychoanalysis, together with my studies of psychology. The Freudian analyst was convinced that transsexualism did not exist and was certain that I would get "cured" successfully. This lost me six years of my life, they were also a hell of self denial. I was still very shy and didn't dare to talk to nobody about my "problem" and above all: "don't act out !" as the Freudian's say. And finally I heard about the transgender club in Zurich, Femme Travestie. I attended one of their meetings as a man, found a friend who helped me to crossdress first time in my adult age, and he helped me to attend the next meeting as a girl. It needed all my courage to do this. In this meeting, Philomene, an African lady and shop owner in Zurich made a speech to tell us we were all welcome in her shop and that she would see that we find what we need. It was one of those typical African Queen shops, where you have some dresses, underwear, beauty items, hair salon, etc. Obviously many of the customers were somehow in prostitution, but a nice and permissive atmosphere prevailed there, a cheering up understanding of the girls who accepted us transsexuals as girls to become. What I wanted to do, was to live a couple of weeks en femme and Philomene offered me a room where to stay and a part time job to help her with her shop. After my studies I had planned a sabbatical year so I moved in after my last examinations in October. Philomene had a good sense about people and with a couple of questions she found out many things my psychoanalyst still didn't know. "You are a little bit submissive, you are ambiguous about your preference in partners" she said. I protested that my relations with girls had all finished in sheer disaster with me being impotent almost always. "Well in this case you need men, with the little money you have, the best is that they pay something to have the privilege of spending some time with such a nice girl as you are !" I blushed, but she took me with her to the "working area", another apartment where the African girls prostituted themselves. This has helped me to drop inhibitions, the atmosphere was so nice, we were almost always laughing and everybody, girls and customers, loved to spend time there, not only for sex but because of this special atmosphere. Most of the time I made the sandwiches but I learned also, with my "teacher" who was hilarious to tears, how to give a man a blowjob, how to excite them and finally how to be fucked. A couple of days later, Philomene led me to another apartment in the same house. There I met Michelle, she was a domina and introduced my to my new role as a maid and as a slave. There I had to service customers with special wishes either as the maid of Michelle in a dominant role or as the victim suffering pain from the sadistic people. I switched between both apartments according to the needs and it was in Philomene's that I first time met Lukas. He had an enormous dick and I was not able to let him have me anally. So we had to do other games. He was not upset at all and was instead very kind and soft and wanted to please me, give me an orgasm. When he left he gave me a kiss on my cheek and whispered in my ear "you transgirls are the nicest women and you darling are the nicest transgirl I ever met. Would you like me to come back ?" And he did the next day, the day after, and then he asked Philomene for a night with me. I was so pleased, felt myself finally recognised as a woman. Philomene arranged the night in the apartment where I had my room and where she and some other girls very often slept or had full nights with their customers. This night with Lukas was wonderful. He made love to me very gently respecting the fact that I was still not able to take him inside. He wanted me to have an orgasm but I was so shy and not prepared as I was only used to masturbate. But he took time and finally I shook my cock so strongly that I exploded. After this he hold me and we talked. He told me that his former girlfriend was trans too, that she left him a year ago. And he came another day and asked for another night. I was in heaven when he asked me to be his girlfriend but I was also honest and told him that I was just experimenting for a couple of weeks, that my time was about to finish in a fortnight. He just laughed and told me that he had found a boy's body with a true woman inside. And when we woke up in the morning, the other girls and Philomene were in the kitchen for breakfast, talking and laughing. "Good morning ladies" he said holding my hands and pulling me with him, "I just want to inform you that Barbara is not anymore my preferred prostitute...". The laughing stopped and the women looked at little bit puzzled at me in my night-gown and at Lukas who just wore a slip, "from now on she is my girlfriend and she will become a woman and when she is done I will marry her." He put his finger under my chin, looked in my eyes, which must have had a puzzled look. Then he came closer and kissed me deeply and I allowed him to do so although I know that a prostitute should never kiss a customer. Christel: Wow, how romantic, how did you feel then ? Barbara: It was wonderful, but I had simultaneously this feeling of danger, that I was falling in something, that I was loosing control over my life. Christel: But that's wonderful to loose control, just to surrender to life. Barbara: That's exactly the word, surrender. I was eager to experience that but I was not ready. The other women in the kitchen clapped hands laughed and invited us to joint for the breakfast. "Barbara, in this case you have to do some substantial steps..." said Philomene. Then Lukas asked me if I was ready to get my ass widened in order to be able to take him. I whispered yes and put my head on his shoulder. He gave me an address of a salon where the domina was very experienced with dilatation for people who enjoy fisting. I went there, it was painful but after a couple of sessions and wearing a device for several hours a day, I was ready. My first time with him was also painful, but only in the beginning, later it became wonderful as I got used to have his enormous cock slide in me. I felt so feminine, so filled up and I loved it. I also started to doubt my argument of "experimentation and reverting to normal". Christel: And did you just stay there, it was in Zurich if I remember well ? Barbara: Yes, in Zurich. But I didn't want to stay and I had to go back, because I had a job commitment for two weeks and I also had to clear my home as I had rented it to a friend for the duration of my sabbatical year. So for my Zurich stay only ten days were left to enjoy my relation with Lukas. Christel: How sad... Barbara: For my sabbatical I had planned a trip to Brazil where I had initially the intention to explore the scene of the transsexuals. When I told Lukas he had little trouble in convincing me that the most interesting scene of transsexuals was me with him. That's why we agreed that I would come back three weeks after leaving for a second experiment, this time it should last three months. And he also found out about my submissive nature which pleased him even more. Christel: And what did you do with the remaining ten days ? Barbara: Well, Lukas came first every evening to my apartment and I enjoyed feeling being loved as a regular girlfriend or a wife. One night he told me what he did: he owned a large garage with carrosserie and gave work to 25 to 30 mechanics which he said were all his friends. He asked me if I was ready to have a look into his life, which I joyfully accepted. Christel: Ok, but before we go to Lukas', tell me, how did you spend your days ? And were you passing enough to go stealth ? Barbara: Well, I had a pleasant time, I helped a little bit in Philomene's shop, worked a little bit in pleasing customers of Michelle or of Philomene, took care of improving my beauty (she laughs) and my passing. But by no means, I was not stealth. I had to shave every day and one could well see that I was a transsexual if only he looked closely, not to speak about my voice. But my passing improved little by little. Every day had its wins and its losses. Yes, and Lukas asked Philomene for the address of a practitioner for definitive epilation. Most worked with electrolysis, those who used laser or light pulse technology were awfully expensive. But Lukas insisted that I went to the most effective and least painful and... he paid for it. So during these ten days I got my whole body hair done, partially with laser, partially with light pulse. And after a couple of days I had a really wonderfully smooth skin and didn't need to shave for a week. This excited Lukas even more. And before leaving I got my second session, with the practitioner warning me that after a third or forth session the effect will be permanent. As with most of my first time in Zurich, jubilation and fear about not being able to go back were simultaneous. Christel: And then you visited Lukas at home... Barbara: Yes one day he came and drove with me to this little town some ten kilometres from Zurich where he had his garage and close by, his house. When we got out of the car, the guys whistled and Lukas took me by my hand, stood in front of his guys and told them "This is Barbara, she is my girlfriend, one day she will become my wife..." and he looked at me and said "... I really sincerely hope so". His guys clapped hands "welcome Barbara". Lukas showed me his house. "This may become your home, if you agree to be courageous enough to be truthful to yourself and to stay with me" he said. I didn't know what he meant with "courageous enough" and probably looked a little be puzzled. "I want you to be totally free when you leave in a couple of days. You may choose to never come back, to remain a boy or to look for another adventure. If you come back, I want you to do this knowingly. That's why I want to show you also my dominant side." He led my downstairs in the cellar and there was another stair down to reach the atomic refuge which are mandatory in most Swiss houses. And he had equipped it as a dungeon. A cross to be attached spread eagled, a discipline bench, chains and rolls on the ceiling to suspend a victim. I knew already most of this equipment from Michelle's dungeon. "Barbara, you are my love, truly, but you should also know my dark side of the dominant master. I am not brutal, but I will punish severely disobedience, unladylike behaviour, bad or loveless service, curiosity for things which are not your business. And in order to give you a taste, please strip right now." I did and trembled, because with Michelle I trusted the professional but with him I didn't know if I was about to discover a sick maniac. He fixed my ankles and wrists to the cross and attached me with a broad belt. "I like to see you like this, you will have explosions of joy and explosions of pain. With the right attitude you may enjoy both." And he caressed me sucked my nipples, blowed my limp penis until I came. "Now that you are done the wonderful game begins" he said. Always after an orgasm I felt disgusted and wanted to leave what I considered my "sick state". I had already confessed this to him, so he knew perfectly. "Being a woman or worse a slave is not only something for the moments of excitement, but precisely a full and true surrender also in the moments when you have just cum, when you are not excited at all; once you get this you are ready. Let's do something with your nipples, you are to become a woman, so you will be increasingly aware of them. Let's see what you can stand." He took two clamps and screwed them strongly on my nipples, stretching more and more. It was extremely painful and I was crying, but when he asked me if I wanted him to stop I made "no" with my head. "This was only to get them ready to be needled." I felt that I was loosing a warm pee of fear and excitement when he pushed a needle horizontally through my nipple behind the clamp and then another vertically through the opening of the clamp. And he did it with my other nipple. I screamed loudly it was an awful pain but I must admit that I loved my helplessness and my master causing me to suffer. He took the clamps away opened the door and called his workers. I was there attached to the cross, naked, with two needles through my nipples and now the extreme humiliation of the man coming looking at me, seeing me as the transsexual. And soon I felt the rough manly hands caress and explore my body. "She has been a slut before, working as a prostitute and I love her. But you must know, honey, that I am not an egoist. When you come, you will sometimes also be a bonus for my friends here or for other people I will indicate to you. In this case, the person will have a voucher with the instructions for you how you have to please him. It can be as a victim here, can be just normal fuck, a blow job, a whole night or something else. Got that ? Ok guys, now your turn we will put her on the discipline bench and you will whip her, she deserves 20 harsh ones." I still had my needles in the nipples and that's how they took me down, attached my hands in the back and I was attached to the discipline bench so that my ass pointed in the air, helplessly expecting the execution of the sentence. Just two of the guys were allowed to stay and each was given a whip. "Now you have to beg for your punishment and kiss the whips, you know this don't you ?" I knew the ritual from Michelle's and soon I felt a loving hand caressing my buttocks "such a pity that we have to set them to fire, ok guys go !" I heard the well known swish and felt the stroke and then the second and so on and I started crying. "This is ok sugar, you can cry this is fine. I love it." When I got my 20 I had to kiss the whip again and to thank everybody for their efforts in my punishment. Lukas put his cock in my mouth and I felt the first of the two guys pushing with his cock against my ass pussy. Lukas exploded his cum in my mouth and I had to wait for the two guys to finish fucking me before I was put to my feet. Lukas took out the needles from my nipples, ouch. The humiliation was total when I left, everyone of the guys there knew that I was a slave, how I had been treated and that I might well be one day a bonus for them for good work or so... If I came back. Christel: And did you leave right after this ? Barbara: I still had another week to spend in Zurich. Lukas came to my place every night, it was wonderful. One evening he said: "Before you leave or soon after you come back I would like you to ask for medical advice. Here is an address, she is a lady doctor and very friendly and understanding with transgirls. But I couldn't manage a meeting before I left. I just told Lukas that if I came back, I would like to have a fuller experience of womanhood but still without permanent effects or signs on my body. I told him also that I would like to experience the feeling of being on hormones but only for a short time in order to avoid any permanent effect. And finally I left after a very romantic night with Lukas, whispering how much we love each other. Christel: But then you left for good and got back to your home in Neuchatel, didn't you ? Barbara: Right, I started my job as a tour guide as I had agreed months before with a travel agency and I visited my parents and my friends to prepare them for a longer separation, several months I told them, period in which I would probably write very little letters if at all. I also cleared my home. I sold my car, gave away most of my clothes, many personal items and I reduced my personal belongings to five boxes. I closed them so that they were ready for transportation if needed. I stayed four weeks. Christel: And how did you feel then, did you have the hope of getting "cured" from your transsexual inclinations ? Barbara: Well, I had imagined my month in Zurich as an experiment and, yes, I had the idea that a given time of acting out might settle my "problem" and allow me to become "normal" (she laughs). I thought by myself that maybe falling in love with a girl might be the stone on my road which would change the direction of my journey. But on the other hand my love for Lukas had already taken hold of me. And I must say that Lukas went on playing his role of conqueror : he called me almost every day. He sent me the video course from Anne Melanie Phillips about how to feminize your voice and so I was busy with my feminine self. But he never came to visit, I didn't want this because I wanted to live my ambiguity. It was a strange feeling of having two forces in me: one which was craving to go further, to surrender to my fate and the other which advocated normal life in my role as a boy and gave me the strong feeling that, yes, just fall in love with a girl and the nightmare of transformation is over and you can turn your life to normal things. Christel: And you told me that it almost happened just after your return to Zurich... Barbara: Right, I stayed in Neuchatel four weeks. Lukas told me on the phone that he had to leave for an overseas trip and that he would leave instructions with Philomene in case I was turning. In the last days I called Philomene and she reserved the same room as last time, a kind of following up where I stopped last time. I fixed the meeting for epilation on my first day in Zurich and I called also the lady doctor Lukas had indicated to me and fixed a meeting with her. Before leaving I made up my mind: I wanted to stay this time for three months but, this time, experiencing womanhood in a deeper more complete way, still with the idea that hopefully I would get cured (she laughs again). Hence, I said to myself, I can experience how it feels being on hormones, enjoying the feeling of peacefulness very often described by our trans sisters; having longer hair and maybe a coloration, you know things like that. But the whole thing without permanent changes so that I could revert back at any moment. Christel: Ok, but you told me that you had this adventure with a girl right in the beginning of your second Zurich stay which almost had you to go back to your boys life. Barbara: When I arrived in Zurich on a Sunday afternoon I moved into my room. Imagine that for my epilation meeting I was asked to let my beard and other body hair grow because it is easier to treat for them. So I looked almost like Jesus (she laughs), with now pretty more then shoulder long hair and a one week beard. And in the room close to mine lived a young Tunisian lady who worked also for Philomene. She was a bit bitchy but we became friends. "Are you the young lady to become Philomene told me about ?" she asked me when I came in. I blushed and she smiled "you look more like a very attractive actor". And she played girly seduction hundred percent and presented herself as Laila. In the evening Philomene came and told us both about Lukas' instructions and it came out that Laila was a professional beautician and hair artist and style counsellor. She had been asked by Philomene and Lukas to be my coach and to perform all her art on me in order to make a female out of me. She agreed and got a healthy check to start with from Lukas and the promise of further instalments with successes coming by. Lukas had asked to make sure that I would really stay for the three months with no possibility to escape and he wanted me this time to stay with him in his house. Together with Philomene he had thought up that I was given a hair coloration, a perm, plucked and finely arched eyebrows and semi- permanent make up on henna basis. I gulped. "But if I want to leave after the three months, a perm and a coloration are still visible... ". Philomene smiled "you can shave like a skinhead, where is the problem ?" But Lukas wasn't there and was scheduled to return only on Friday and Philomene left. So we had plenty of time and a couple of hours later Laila and me were in her bed and started to caress each other. "Hey Barbara, you are a boy, a very nice and strong one" she whispered while she hold my stiff cock in her hand. "What is your true name ?" And I told her. We made love together with me in the male role and it was the first time that I came at the same moment with a girl. It was wonderful. "You are so big and so hard that you were about to hurt me" she laughed when I tenderly hold her after our exploits "you know that this means something from the part time professional I am." Now that I was to become a girl, I had experienced for the first time a totally relaxed orgasm. There was no more pressure for male performance on me. Every pleasurable game with kisses all over the body, sucking of nipples was ok, not only with me as the male in the role of the forced conqueror. As a girl to become I was freed from every expectation and I received from her so much tenderness and caresses as only a girl could expect from a man. We stayed in bed part of the morning and she tried to talk me out of my transformation ideas. "You know, sodomy is awful for Allah and he made you a boy and you should accept the role He has assigned to you. If you allow me, my love could help you to get out of this sinful project." I had then to go to my laser and pulse light epilation session and turned back with a feeling of burning on my skin. For a stronger effect they leave the hair on the treated area and it falls out by itself in the coming four days. So the next evening she had to work and came back very late, but I already waited in her bed, she had asked me to do so. "I will probably not be in mood to have more sex, but just feeling you, being in your arms." The following afternoon Philomene had reserved her salon for my coloration and it was precisely Laila who was supposed to do it. But it didn't happen, she cancelled the chair with Philomene pretexting she wanted to do some shopping and style counselling with me. So we used our time to hang around like lovers when she didn't work. And I wore a kind of unisex clothing, with trousers, because Laila told me that girl clothes on a man are disgusting. On Thursday morning I was scheduled with the doctor and on the afternoon after for another shopping trip with Laila. Philomene asked about my coloration, about my make up. She frowned and seemed really concerned. Christel: And what did the doctor say ? Barbara: She took some blood for analysis and hormonal status. I looked probably very ambiguous without make up and in male clothes. "Make up your mind" she said "taking hormones is not a joke. If you want to try how it feels, you can do that, here is the recipe. But I advise you, it will not be good for your health if you take it for a longer period of time. After two weeks or so, you will start to feel the difference. After two months you may have the first noticeable but reversible changes in your skin texture, some tenderness in your nipples and so on. And by then you should really know what you want. On the recipe you have an antiandrogen and some estrogens, those which are responsible for the ambitioned female feelings and you need a relatively high dosage to allow them to overcome your own body's male hormone production. This is all very unpleasant for your endocrine system and for your metabolism. The best for your physical health is to move out of it as soon as possible. If you really want to go into womanhood the most friendly way for your body is to get you castrated in order to stop your male hormone production. Once this is done the feminisation can be obtained much faster and with low doses of female hormones and it gives always a much more harmonious result. Unfortunately, castration is considered a serious thing in Switzerland, almost the same as SRS and it is not available without a long series of medical and psychiatric authorisation and support. This is completely stupid and in my view it would be much better to perform the castration soon after the patients decision and then wait for SRS the necessary time. In case the patient would reverse, some results could still be obtained through medication with male hormones. But reversing patients seem to be extremely rare, I have never seen one, nor heard about one from a colleague." Each time she used the word castration I felt chills all over my body, again this struggle between longing to surrender and fight for normality. And Friday, in the beginning of the afternoon, Lukas showed up. Christel: Oh God ! Barbara: You can say that, he was furious. He had been informed by Philomene that we didn't really move on. He managed to get us both in a room and interrogated us as a prosecutor would do. He got us quickly to confess. "I only wanted her best, I didn't want to harm nobody on the contrary" Laila started to cry. "You Laila received a check to perform a duty and I don't see the slightest result and you Barbara came here with a promise to stay three months with me and you already cheated one week. You have both been unfaithful and for such an attitude a severe punishment is mandatory. Come with me, but don't fear to much I will be merciful. But first get dressed and made up, I hate women in trousers and in flat shoes." Trembling we helped each other to look our best and were led soon after to the dungeon of Lukas house. He invited four of his guys to enjoy the spectacle. Lukas told the guys why we were here about to be punished and made it clear that as the end of our punishment they could have their fun with us as we were sluts anyhow. We had both to strip and Laila was the first being tied on the discipline bench. She knew the ritual, she hated it but she complied... better for her. She looked so sweet with her hands tied on her back and her white ass pointing in the air to expect its treatment. And Laila was already crying, almost silently. "Ok Barbara, she will get forty and you will do it, you know how to do it. If you miss parts of the ritual you will both be punished. And I will count all the strokes which are to feeble and you will both get them by one of the men here and I warn you they are strong. But I will be totally fair. No bonus for the men if you do a good job Barbara." Oh no, this is the worst which can happen, I thought by my self, but I had to comply. I got Laila to kiss the whip and to beg for the execution of her sentence. And then I suddenly started to cry. "Barbara, would you like me to delegate her punishment to one of my men here?" No I had to do it, and I would do a good job, with love but strong enough for a real punishment, not the fun play of Michelle's salon. I knew that if one of the men would use the whip it would be a massacre. Swish, the first stroke got Laila to scream and cry. Swish, the second but by the third or fourth her crying became a soft surrendered lamentation, Laila was an Arab, strong in supporting suffering. When I had given her the fifteenth, Lukas stopped me. "Good Barbara, it is strong and painful, but it will leave no scars. So before you go on I would like to ask Leila if she is ok and strong enough to suck a cock while she is being whipped, so we can abbreviate a little bit, what is done is done and the guys here love it." She nodded yes and soon she wrapped her lips around a cock of a man who had a compassionate expression on his face. He stroke her hair with caring hands and I resumed my duty as Leila's executioner. I left more time between the strokes to give the men the time to enjoy the difference between the contraction due to the pain of a stroke and the following relaxation. He came soon and it was the turn of the next. He wasn't finished when we had reached forty. "Ok you can finish her in her ass or pussy once she has thanked for her punishment and kissed the whip." Laila's ass was red like tomato, slightly turning to blue, it was beautiful and the guy finished himself in her ass. When Laila was put to her feet she almost fainted, but she looked at me wild and furious. "Now it's your turn, Barbara. But first I want to make sure, Laila understands your true nature. You lied to her pretending to be a male. And with this you are the true cause of her sentence to be punished. You caused her the pain both by causing and by executing her punishment. She has all good reasons to be furious and I hope she will show no mercy when it is her turn to punish you... Ok guys, she is yours. " Laila was allowed to sit down on an armchair while the two guys bent me over a table. I felt K-jelly on my ass and soon after the thrusting cock of the first. I moaned and loved it and the perspective of getting punished gave me a feeling of soft helplessness. I felt his cock spurting soon after, the guys were absolutely hot through our spectacle if they came so fast. And while I felt the second introducing himself to my ass pussy, Lukas pointed his frightening big instrument to my face. "You love it don't you ? You are a slut and you will not be allowed to escape your fate." And with this he shoved his instrument in my mouth. It was the first time I measured how big and beautiful he was since I left Zurich. The second guy had also been pretty fast. Lukas took me away from the table, led me on a bed, opened my legs and turned to Laila. "Do you see how big I am ? Barbara got special dilatation sessions to be able to take me in her. Now I am going to fuck her and you will see, she loves it much more then the miserable normal sex you may have had together." The start was very painful after four weeks of missing his incredible instrument, I cried, but after a while it became more and more clear that he was right. "Tell them that you want to be a woman, that you are a slut. Tell Laila that you need cocks and more specially my wonderful cock. Tell her that you love me, yes that's the most important, that you love me..." And I repeated as I was told and more then that I showed it with my hands caressing frantically his back, urging his buttocks to take me deeper, faster, harder, whispering words of love. And soon after I had an orgasm, I think it was the most explosive of my life. I was almost berserk and he had to hold me very strongly until my energy faded a little bit and then I felt him coming in me pushing his cum deep into me. This caused me to totally relax, a deep calm came over me and I started crying of joy and happiness. I thanked him, kissed him and told him that I love him totally and without conditions. Christel: Oh my God, all this happiness but you still had to receive your punishment, how was this? Barbara: The happiness was so much that I didn't care. It was ok for me, I was totally surrendered. After he came, Lukas rested in me and on me for a couple of minutes before he got up and put me on my feet as well. He sat down as everybody else did in this moment except me. "Stand here Barbara and listen, I am going to give you the sentence of how you will behave and what you will do if you want to avoid the kind of punishment you will receive soon after. I mean you will get forty as well. So for the next weeks you have committed to stay with me and to go as deep as possible into womanhood without permanent effects. This is ok, after three months you are free to leave and to revert to your male role if you wish. But for the time you stay here I am going to set the rules you will follow and Laila is going to help with this and to report any kind of lack of compliance with those rules which are: * You strive to become an as beautiful as possible woman from point of view of cosmetics, dressing, hair, etc. * You will always wear heels, at least 4 cm, including at home, which means you will get some slippers with heels * You will always wear skirts or dresses, trousers are strictly forbidden for you, with some special exceptions for skiing, horse riding and if I take you with me on the motorbike; but you have to ask me for permission for those exceptions * You will always use your female voice which you have nicely trained and you are absolutely forbidden to use male voice, scream or other noises which could give the impression that you are not female * You will wear permanently long finger nails * You will use your best endeavours to get good results with the jobs which will be assigned to you, those will be most of the time jobs which are traditionally more for females; Philomene and me are giving those jobs and Laila will coach you in becoming the woman you dream to be. And both will report to me any kind of disobedience or lack of commitment and together we will decide your punishments. But you will also get another help right today: as you dared to fuck Leila and you have the bad habit to masturbate instead of giving your love and energy to me, today after your punishment here we will go the piercer's shop where you will get an ampallang with a big ring. This will make fucking and masturbating impossible. Is this all clear ?" It couldn't be more, except that I didn't know what an ampallang was. But I was already led to the discipline bench, got my hands tied on my back and was led down. They fixed my legs with some Velcro straps and my belly with broad belt on the bench, I could move only my upper body and my head and wiggle a little bit with my ass. I knew that they were all getting excited by the idea of my white ass getting severely whipped to become red and blue. Lukas gave Laila the whip. "You have all good reasons to be furious with Barbara, now it is your turn, she will get forty as well, like you before, you know the ritual, please enjoy !" But Laila started to cry: "But I love him to, I can't do that. " "First, you should not talk about Barbara as a male, take care otherwise you will get some punishment in addition, and second, ok, she will get the first five from Peter and then you can decide again." Peter was one of the workers and had huge muscles. That I would receive the first five from him was not good news. He performed the ritual, I kissed the whip and begged for the execution of my sentence of 40 strokes. The first swish was more like the noise of a jumbo jet and the pain was so intense that I couldn't breathe. Only after the second I started screaming and suddenly remembered that even in this situation I had to use my female voice. The whip felt like it was cutting my ass into pieces and I fainted for a moment. "Nice massacre", I heard Lukas voice, "Leila, if you love her, you should consider to finish her punishment, otherwise I have to ask Peter to finish her..." My ass was burning wild and the perspective of having Peter to finish my sentence filled me with fear. So I begged "please Leila, please for the love of God, carry on my punishment, I beg you." "Laila ? Are you ok with that ? But remember the right balance, the strokes you do too gently will be replaced by Peter at the end by good and strong ones." Peter handed the whip to Laila and she stand by my side, looked at me, I turned my head and could see her eyes with a strange light which seemed to me a mixture of compassion and anger. And suddenly she screamed: "You are a disgusting faggot, yes I will transform you into a woman, you don't deserve anything better, you should get castrated as soon as possible, you should live under a veil in an Islamic country in order to know what it means to be a woman." And suddenly she started whipping me, I felt her effort but it was caresses compared with Peter's massacre, so I had to encourage her: "Stronger Leila, leave your anger out, I deserve your severity..." and the pain became more intense. I felt my ass like it was becoming a burning liquid and I started to cry loudly in my feminine voice on order to able to bear it. She did me quite fast. And when I thanked her and kissed the whip I could see that she was wet from perspiration. Fortunately there was no addition from Peter. Lukas thanked Laila and told her she did a good job and that she would from now on use the same severity in my feminisation. Christel: This was quite strong, did you at any time have the idea of escaping of leaving for good ? Barbara: No on the contrary. I had exactly what I had asked for: somebody taking my life in his hands, pushing me further but in the meantime being respectful with the limits I made as a condition for this three months stay. Lukas was always very precise, inflexible to enforce my contribution to this game and absolutely trustworthy about my limits. My ass was burning, but I had deserved it with my behaviour. I had taken the risk of getting with a girl during this time which belonged to him according to our agreement. If I really wanted an affair with Laila I could have chosen to quit or to do it after the three months. This way I offered him and besides myself the opportunity to get with Laila into a femdom relation with forced feminisation, the most delicious and exciting variation of all my former fantasies. Christel: But in fact I see that you were quite open to a sado- masochistic "enrichment" of the game, maybe a way of getting yourself trapped ? Barbara: Yes... (she thinks and keeps a moment of silence). In fact I was injured by this punishment and needed some light medication, because some of my strokes, those Peter had given me were bleeding al little bit. I loved the whole thing at every moment and I trusted Lukas that he would not let things go too far. But on the other hand, if such a punishment is somehow exciting for me, I wouldn't like to get something like that every week. So it was better to behave, it showed me that the game was serious, the anything goes attitude had been whipped out of me. Christel: So from this moment on you would obey and take your commitment seriously. Barbara: Exactly and Laila as well was on board in this game. She now had the right anger to transform her sadness for the lost boy in a somehow aggressive attitude in transforming and teaching me. Like in the movie "A Thousand an One Night" were the princess gets her unfaithful lover castrated. Christel: And soon after leaving Lukas' house you went to the piercing shop ? Barbara: The worker guys returned to their jobs and I could rest a moment with an Arnica pack on my buttocks. Leila stayed close to me and I could literally feel her inner turmoil between love, disgust, attraction and aggressivity. Then Lukas asked us to get ready. We both had mascara smeared all over our faces by our tears and needed to redo our make up completely. When we were ready, Lukas drove to a piercing shop in Zurich. When we entered he asked for the ampallang, apparently he had already reserved the session by phone. "Are the ladies coming to watch ?" asked the clerk who had apparently misunderstood something. "No, this lady-to-be will get it" Lukas said pushing me towards the clerk. He looked at me a little bit puzzled and somehow I felt the pride for having been stealth in this moment. We went upstairs and there was a gynaecological chair. I had to undress my lower part and got fixed again on it this time with my feet fixed in the stirrups. The boss and operator came. "You are becoming a nice girl, wow. Oh and what do I see, you have been punished. Please tell me you are here out of your free will ?" I said yes, although I didn't know yet what an ampallang was. And then he turned to Lukas and Laila and asked "Is this to be a punishment, I mean shall I gag her, or can I give her a shot for local anaesthesia ?" Christel: Oh poor girl, other risks of painful suffering, I would have peed of fear. Barbara: (she laughs) Yes fortunately Lukas told him to give me a shot and that it was for safety against fucking and masturbation. "I see" said the man "do you know how an ampallang works ?" I nodded no. "Well, you will get a ring through your penis right behind the glans. There are small ampallangs with two beeds on each side of the piercing, which allow intercourse and are pleasant for the woman. But the large ring you will be getting does not allow any penetration and is so disturbing when you try to masturbate that you will drop it within short time. In fact the large ampallang ring leads to a kind of cerebral reorganisation of your sexuality and you will renounce to cock sex and becoming more and more needy to be penetrated. It's a kind of cerebral feminisation of the sexual behaviour. In your case this seems to be one of the desired effect, am I right ?" Lukas answered yes for me and asked about reversibility. "If you don't want it anymore it can be opened with a special tool and taken out. The hole will become smaller and finally close, a process which will take a couple of weeks. If you want me to go, what we will do is this: first you get a small catheter in your urethra, then I will give you a shot in the penis, and then I will pierce with needles of increasing diameter behind your glans but avoiding the corpus cavernosum. This needs very much precision and experience. Finally I will put through your penis a little high tech pipe with micro-perforations which will allow us to bring a medication and air to the wound. This allows to speed up the healing from the traditional three to four months to two weeks, provided you come every day for a short treatment. And on this pipe we will fix the ring. Ok ? Shall we go ?" Lukas asked to have my headpiece pushed up so that I could see. He and Laila were holding my hands while the operator worked on my limp Willy. Finally I left the shop with the strange feeling of a piece of metal between my legs. I had a recipe for painkillers and we went to the pharmacy. Lukas asked me if I had already bought the hormones the doctor prescribed me, I didn't. So we bought all together and Lukas drove us to our apartment. Christel: So you didn't go to stay with Lukas this day ? Barbara: No he wanted me to be ready, as he said. He asked Leila when she could do me. In fact she had to work on Friday evening, you can imagine. On Saturday, Philomene's salon was completely booked, Sunday and Monday it was closed, so she promised to hand over Lukas' beautiful princess, as she said, Tuesday afternoon at six o' clock. "This is fine with me" said Lukas "just keep in mind that the three months start Tuesday... and don't forget to start your hormones today. This evening I will take you out for dinner and after this I will stay with you... bonus time for me because of your trying to cheat." We laughed and a kind of complicity was between us. "And now you can hug and caress as much as you want, from now on I consider you as sisters !" said Lukas to both of us before he left. Christel: I see that your story is full of rituals of passage if you see what I mean. Surrender, submission, becoming... Barbara: Sure. I have studied psychology and obviously had also courses in anthropology, ethnology, etc. I see my story also with some kind of analytical distance, with curiosity. But I must tell you, once you are in a ritual which is made for you, if you can tune in, there is no more theory, no more distance in this moment, you are caught and hopefully you enjoy. Christel: But it is interesting that you tried to procrastinate your ritual of becoming a woman with your affair with Laila. Barbara: Yes I did it. But there was genuinely a part of belief in normality and another part of letting the battle take place. And it did, some of it, ouch, on my ass. Christel: And then it was clear that there was no escape, that the other rituals would take place, at least up to the point of your safety with the "three months experiment". Barbara: I was so much taken by the things to come that the three months seemed to me something very far away and abstract. It was a huge amount of time ahead during which I had to become and to be a woman. And there were so many aspects of it: taking hormones, going to the doctor, getting my coloration and beauty treatment and in addition several of them done by Laila, my lost love. Dramatic, like in the movie Caligula, something broke inside of me (she laughs). Christel: Yes, go on, what happened then, in the evening, in the coming days ? Barbara: Well we had to get ready, Laila for work (as the prostitute) and me for my lover Lukas who invited me out. Hence we had to make ourselves beautiful again. And I red the instructions of the hormones and took my first pills. And the evening was wonderful, Lukas stayed overnight and I felt very secure and comforted in his arms after he told me I had nothing to fear, that he would be very gentle if I was obedient, that in fact he was also very tolerant. And I had to admit that he was right with the severity of our punishments. He caressed my cock with the ring and then took me which was so good although my sore ass did hurt. And the rest of the week end was nice as well: common breakfast with Laila, Philomene and some other girls, a walk outside in the countryside, the movies, etc. Philomene was told the whole story and she laughed like mad. Christel: And your eventful day was Tuesday then. Barbara: Not exactly, because Philomene had the idea that I should get corseted She found out that you can sculpt the body of transsexuals by corseting them when they are started on hormones. She agreed on this with Lukas and we went to a specialised shop. Have you ever tried a tight corset ? Christel: Well yes, on my wedding and on some special occasions... Barbara: I mean real corseting, as they did with the women at the time of Louis XIV, was with the intention to show a kind of ideal of a woman with a wasp waist. And that's what they started me on. I got a first set of 2 corsets same size for change every two days. I had to wear them 24 hours a day for 6 days and 1 day relief. You get laced tighter and tighter and every day your "mistress" wants to get some millimetres more. And when your corsets starts to feel ok, you finally get comfortable in it, your body has adjusted, you get two new ones which are much tighter to gain some more centimetres. As the lady of the shop in her talkative way explained: "This is a very strong signal to your body for the body fat reallocation which takes place when you are on hormones. In the painfully tight areas the body will reduce fat and transport it to areas where the corset is lose. And even your inner organs will shrink to adjust which helps you to eat less and to slim. You will see, you will have very little appetite, so eat only healthy things with vitamins, with fibers, fruit and vegetables. It will also help you to move gracefully, to feel the waistline between your pelvis and the upper part of your body which is characteristic for women. And your breast growth will be substantially accelerated, the earlier you can throw your breast forms away the better it is, isn't it ? In a couple of months you will have wonderful curves." I had silicone breast forms which moved very naturally and felt ok, but sure she was right, the real things would be much better. She provided me also some tanga slips with a Velcro loop sewed in to attach my ampallang so that it was pulled always towards behind... no bulge could occur. I have suffered every morning, sometimes the whole day, but it worked wonderfully well. After several months the results were there, today I wear a corset only once in a while for maintenance. And the feeling when Lukas put his hands around my waist and on my hips was delicious. I loved this forced feminization which was imposed on me. Christel: And then there was Tuesday... Barbara: Yes, Leila had reserved a chair in Philomene's salon. You know it was small, two chairs only, but also a cabin for beautician, a nail studio. She had almost everything, she was also quite good but she did nothing in a very systematic and "industrial" way. Many African Queen shops are like this. And Leila got us ready in order to start half past eight, which was pretty early for her. And she started with my nails. "You still move like a boy, getting long fingernails will force you to move in a different way, like a girl if you don't want to break them or to hurt yourself. So at ten o clock, I had long fingernails with square tips and with a light pink translucid coating. It felt really strange, I needed to touch things differently, move in a smooth way and I was not anymore able to make a fist. I needed to learn how to hold a pen to write. So every movement gave me feed back that I had to move like a woman. At eleven she started to pluck my eyebrows, then came my eyelashes. She first applied a perm gel to get them permanently curved upwards. "So you don't need to do it every morning. And being permed they will accept the black coloration I am going to give them much better, so this will last at least one month or six weeks" she said. Before noon, she got me to the patience exercise for the semi-permanent make up. You must stay absolutely motionless for two hours. She first did the contours of my lips and then applied the henna colours as eyeliner and on the lips. As they are liquid and have to dry it takes an hour and you need a second application. So she had lunch while I was motionless to get dry. "You have to suffer to get beautiful honey... I am so sorry that I have to kill the boy in you, but you deserve it and anyhow, it is inevitable." After the second application was dry she showed me how to use make up on top of what was now permanent. "You need to learn to do it yourself. Everything I taught you once, I expect you to know and apply it. If not I will report to Lukas that you are not paying attention." She smiled and gave me a kiss. And then she let me have a pause. It was almost three o' clock when I was back and in the meantime she had prepared everything for my coloration. "We had already decided your colour before you came, black sherry red, it will give your hair reddish reflexes. As your are an autumn type, it will be beautiful on you and in total harmony with your green eyes. But to start I have to give you a female cut." I didn't have a cut since my last stay in Zurich, so my hair was pretty long, but it looked like that of an untidy boy. I got the smock on and had my head in the washing bowel a couple of minutes later. And Leila started talking... "A good cut is the basis and the secret for beautiful hair, every woman should have her haircut maintained properly and regularly. Well, Lukas has charged me to be your coach, your hair artist, your beautician, it would be nice to have some more jobs of this type. You know I left Tunis because I need to make some money because I want to invest in a hair and beauty salon there. So working with Philomene is fast money, the kind I need to progress in Tunis.... " We really became friends, because at this time I already loved women gossip and all the little secrets, giggling, you know. And finally came the coloration, staying under the plastic cap, rinsing. Yes, Leila is a pro, the colour is beautiful, I love it. And my hair was soft and shining. Then she came with the cart with the curlers. "Now and next week as well, I will just give you a wet set, and in two weeks I will give you your first perm" she said while she started to comb and to part it in strands. Then she started rolling it on medium sized curlers. I dazed away in memories when I was a little kid. My mother took me sometimes to the hair salon and I had just to wait and look. I asked to have a hairdo as well but they laughed and said that this was nothing for a little boy. I blushed but I knew that I was a girl, even if I had a boys body. Later I asked my mother blouses, skirts and dresses but she laughed and taunted me. Now I finally felt ok, I was becoming a woman, getting my hair done. I must admit that already at this point I had more than doubts about my wish to go back to my male life, but I decided to resist my fate so that my resistance could be overthrown by Lukas who hopefully would force me to surrender. "Hi see Barbara who is coming there, your future husband" Laila laughed. "Hi I have to show some little shoppings for you" he said. And Laila "Wait that I finish to roll her hair, we will be looking before she gets under the dryer." Lukas took a chair and sat down close to me and took my hand. "You are becoming so beautiful, this is so exciting to see you changing. Laila finished by spraying a curling lotion onto each curler and put the hairnet on my head to secure the curlers. She took off my smock and I went to my feet. Lukas hugged me and then gave me a deep kiss. I felt so feminine, I was so grateful. And Lukas pulled us towards the close by beautician room which had a table. And he put a little present on the table "this is for you Barbara" I opened it and started crying, it was a wonderful two row pearl necklace and two pearl earrings. Laila attached it and admired it with many wows. "But your ears are not pierced, we need to do this right now, I am going to fetch the piercing needles" she commented. "But this leaves permanent signs" I objected. "Don't be such a coward, if you want to revert back we can close the piercings just by putting in a hot needle and it takes only a few days to heal. Ten minutes later - ouch and ouch - I had my ears pierced and wore with pride Lukas' wonderful earrings. Kisses, hugs and more tears. But the next parcel was on the table. Lukas indicated with a gesture that I should open this as well "Looks like a starter kit for my love" he said giggling. Inside there were three interlaced silver bangles with the matching ring. The ring was exactly my size..."how did you know my size ?". He just laughed "I took your measure while you were sleeping." But I had troubles to put on the bangles, my hand was to big. Laila took me to the lavabo, put some water and soap on my hand and the bangles slid over. "Your hands will improve with the hormones, they will become softer and get a more feminine form" Philomene said who had just arrived, "and this is very good for you because femininity must enter through all your senses at every moment. So hearing the little tingle of your bangles when you move will just remind you." More kisses and more tears, before he put another parcel on the table. It was a silver ring with lots of very small diamonds which sparkled incredibly. This ring as well fit my finger perfectly. "And I have another ring, I can just show you, but you will not receive it now. This one is an engagement ring and the very day you consent to let me put it on your finger, you will be mine for ever. In this case you will be castrated - Laila was right the other day when she said that this should happen as soon as possible - and I would do my best to let you have your SRS very quickly and we would marry. So I ask you, Barbara, would you like to become my wife ? But I don't pretend an answer, I don't want to put pressure on you, just feel free." It was a wonderful diamond ring and I understood suddenly in myself why women can fall under the spell of a man just for jewellery. Was this due to the hormones kicking in ? "Oh Lukas..." I looked at him through tear veiled eyes "this is so wonderful, just give me some time, I am not totally ready. But please ask me often and every once in a while this wonderful question, because it gets me thousands of butterflies in my belly." Lukas chuckled and took me by the hand pulled me behind him in a corner and whispered in my ear: "Barbara, I had always one phantasm and I would like to ask you if you can help me... well I always wanted a girl in curlers to give me... a blowjob." I laughed, "This is usually not happening because you would probably ruin Laila's work if this girl was to be me. She would kill you, paying attention to particular cruelty in doing so. But I have an idea, I need to secure your hands so that you leave me undisturbed, and we have a reclining chair..." He kissed me and I left my hand slide down over his belly, lower and lower, very slowly until I could feel his hard demonstration of maleness in his bulge. I massaged it a little bit and it became incredibly tense under his trousers. Philomene and Laila had gone to the kitchen to have some coffee. "Barbara don't forget you have to go under the dryer, now." I just asked for ten minutes and led Lukas to the beautician room with the reclining chair. "Wait Lukas, this time it is me who is going to tie you up." I tied his hands behind his back at both extremities of a silk scarf, opened his trousers and let them fall down with his slip so that he could only make ridiculously small steps. His enormous malehood pointed threatening towards me. I led him to the reclining chair and helped him to sit down. He sat on the scarf, so his hands were close to his legs but he couldn't move them. I started a cruelly slow blowjob, he moaned and begged to let him cum. As I knew quite well his reactions I got him close to explosion three times and cooled him down. I had mercy with him only the fourth time, he exploded in my mouth, I swallowed and licked him clean. Just in this moment the door opened and Philomene looked in "Oh sorry" she laughed "but it looks like Barbara is ready for the dryer now." I untied him, helped him to his feet and to dress and I whispered in his ear "Thank you for your liquor, it was wonderful, you are so strong, oh Lukas, I love you so much. Just sit back in the reclining chair and relax while I get my hair dry and styled." Lukas kissed me "You are a true witch, you know how to please a man much better then most of the born women. I love you and I hope that one day you will become my wife. I couldn't happen better." The noise under the dryer made me drowsy. I closed my eyes and allowed a feeling of happiness crawl through my body and into my heart. I was becoming a woman very quickly, I opened the eyes just a little moment, looked at my hands, with my long fingernails, my rings and bangles, with those hands and with my mouth I had just made my man happy so that he asked me in marriage. I was asleep when Laila stopped the dryer. "Lets first do your make up" she said while I went back to the styling chair. Lukas had said that he wanted to take me out for dinner. So I got an evening make up. I did my foundation, the mascara, the eyeliner, eye shadow and the lipstick myself and Laila finished with different shades of Egyptian Wonder. "You are becoming good, you paid attention, ok now lets style your hair." My black cherry reddish curls looked very sweet on me and I was soon finished in a cloud of hairspray. Lukas had woken up as well and was looking at what he called "the birth of Venus". "You look wonderful, Barbara, my sweetie, you have really become a woman, I am sorry that I had to kill the remainings of the little boy in you, but the result is stunning. I wish you all the best... Now I have to move, it's now seven o' clock and I'm late." She did her own make up while she talked with an artificially unfriendly voice to Lukas. "You asked to have her ready for six o' clock, which was ok for me. And then you came and played Santa Klaus on Christmas and then asked for some special services... It's your fault that I am late. You have to pay for this." "ok, ok, sorry", Lukas gave her a friendly slap on her bottom and we all left. Christel: And this was your departure to Lukas home. Barbara: First we went to collect my items in Philomene's apartment. And there he asked me for a gift. He wanted my backpack with my