Ways To Womanhood: Celine's Interview free porn video

Ways to Womanhood: Celine's Interview Christel: Thank you for coming, Celine, you are a very busy woman and you live stealth; so I admire your courage to speak. Celine: (she laughs). The stealth aspect is getting every day more difficult as your past follows you and today I think it is much better to be transparent about it. We do a much better job for our sisters showing that transsexuals can really be women, able to build as strong and beautiful partnerships as every other human being. In this respect I admire very much Lynn Conway. She was a world guru of computer science, lived stealth and was married. She was finally outed by a stupid journalist and took the whole thing from the other side. Today she is an activist for the cause of the transsexuals. Christel: Would you like to tell me how it all started? Celine: Yes. I remember that I felt I was a girl since my early childhood. Obviously I could not make myself understandable except with my slightly girlish behaviour. So my father told me very often "with your being a boy we lost a good girl". And my parents tended to assign the housework to be done by my brother and me according to preferences. So my brother did the gardening and "heavy" work with Daddy whereas I worked more often with Mom and learned the more feminine chores. Christel: Did you like that or were you jealous about your brother? Celine: I liked it and I remember I told my mother that if she wanted to have another child I would help in taking care. I showed her clearly my interest for all the female work, except cleaning and knitting, which she tried to teach me. The only typically male interest was my excellent understanding of electrical stuff, which lead to my little laboratory for fixing electrical household items. So one day my Mom's hair drying hood died. The engine of the fan was burned, so there was nothing to fix but my mother had her hair wet with the curlers in. So I took the hand dryer and I told her that I liked to do that. She accepted that I unrolled her hair but then to my disappointment she wanted to take over for the styling. I told her also that all the hairdryer hoods were cheap and nasty stuff and that I would gladly blow her hair dry with the hand dryer once in a week when she did her hairdo. Christel: But didn't she become somehow suspicious? Celine: Probably yes. Imagine I was approximately thirteen years old and one day in an attempt of adding some elements of sexual education, she started to speak about homosexuality. It was in a rather mocking and disapproving tone. My main source of information about sexuality was my brother, Marc, who was four years older then I. He was always very friendly and helpful to me in every respect. I couldn't have wished a better brother than him. And I have also to confess something with some shame. I discovered sexuality with him, I mean often I sneaked in his room which was close to mine we cuddled together in his bed and I made questions about how it worked, how the children came. Just take into account that in this time there was not sex education in school. And as I also started to have sometimes a hard on we touched each other, most of the time we masturbated each of us himself. And one day I asked him what women did feel and how homosexuality worked and so on. And after he explained to me I asked him if he could give me once the feeling of a woman. And this was the start of an incestuous homosexual relationship. I loved to give myself to him to be penetrated by him. It was in a sense very innocent and I started it. I was well aware that something with my sexuality was not ok, women were for me like sisters, I enjoyed being with them, I felt close to them because I wanted to be like them. My parents never knew about this, even later I kept the secret, as did my brother. But we always had a kind of complicity, which was beyond the normal. Christel: Did you already crossdress then? Celine: I started when I was ten years old. My mother was often away for professional reasons, my brother went to school in Lausanne and we stayed in a little village 12 kilometres above Lausanne. My father was a sales representative in knitwear. As eighty percent of the collection was female wear and our family pretty pennywise, as kids when we were home we wore often the old collections. The sweaters and twin sets gave our way of clothing a slightly girlish touch. As far as I was concerned I liked it but I must say that I was too shy to openly risk a provocation by putting on some of the rare skirts or dresses which sometimes were part of the old collections. This to say that my father was quite often en tournee visiting his clients all over Switzerland and coming home only Thursday or Friday evening. So I had my time slots when I could easily crossdress without being caught. When I was ten, my mother's shoes still fit and I liked her high heels. When I was twelve I used the shoes of a cousin who stayed a summer with us and had left her luggage in our house. And I started to use make up, got my nails and hair done. And when I was fourteen my feet had become 41, too big, and I didn't have anymore shoes. So I managed to buy some unisex shoes. And I begged my mother that she allowed me to let my hair grow because she did our haircut herself and had the tendency to keep us with very short hair. She accepted with a mocking comment if I wanted to become like the Beatles and she insisted that the condition was that I kept my hair clean and tidy. Christel: She must have known something, so many indications ... Celine: Sure, that's why one day she told me that she would be away overnight and asked me to cook for my brother who was scheduled to come home only at eight in the evening. My father was away and I was still in the village school and the Wednesday afternoon was free. So from noon to eight o'clock in the evening there was plenty of time and I had planned to "undo" myself only at seven. So I had a shower, washed my now long hair and put on a bra, a blouse, a pantyhose and a skirt from my mother's wardrobe. In the meantime I had become reasonably skilled in rolling my hair myself and I finished putting the net on. I put on lipstick, mascara and eye shadow and did my nails. Then I took from my mothers jewel case her coral necklace and ear clips. In the mirror I found that I looked like a young woman and that it was time to go under my mothers new hair dryer hood and it's noise separated me from the rest of the world. I was just reading Annabelle, when I saw her feet. Christel: Oh God, she was there and you didn't notice her .... She came back specially for this and you went in the trap. Celine: I jumped up and hit my head in the drying hood. She took my hand, lifted the dryer and smiled. She probed my curlers with her hand ... "You are not dry honey, at least another ten minutes. Just sit and get finished and ... you look great, wow, young lady!" My heart was beating up to my throat but I sat and she put the dryer back over my head. Little by little it sunk into me that she had somehow accepted, she hadn't scolded me. But I was anxious about what was to come, would she punish me, humiliate me? I couldn't relax and those ten minutes seemed to me to be the longest in my life. And finally she lifted the hood again, probed my curlers and looked straight in my eyes: "Would you like me to take your curlers out and style your hair or do you prefer to do it yourself?" "Yes Mom, please do it ..." "And ... I guess we need to talk." She had me to sit in front of the mirror, she took my net off and started to unroll the first curler. "You are pretty good in this, well you have seen me many times do it, but to do it on oneself in front of the mirror is quite a learning. Let's say you are gifted, but you didn't learn to wind your hair so well in just one attempt. So tell me how long are you going on with this?" I blushed again and muttered something about some time, a couple of weeks or so. She laughed and in a bit threatening intonation said: "Honey you better tell me the truth, you see I am not furious but I would become so if you go on lying to me." I started sobbing and trembling but she was not in mood to let me play games. She slapped the comb on my face and raised her voice: "Ok, in this case I am making the decisions of what is going to happen later and I am going to start by telling you what I know. You have been using my wardrobe increasingly since two years. You may well have started occasionally before. I even know your preferred bras, skirts and blouses. And you were careless enough to leave some of your hair on the curlers. So it was easy for me to connect your request for long hair, your preference for household work, and all the other things. I got myself informed about children crossdressing, transsexualism and so on and I did every thing not to hurt you and you are going on lying to me ore playing stupid games. Now I tell you: You are going to stay a girl until Daddy and Mark come home. I will inform them immediately. And you better unclench your teeth because we really need to talk, we two and also with Daddy and with Marc!" When she finished my styling with some hairspray she asked me to remove my red nail varnish and lip stick and to replace them with a lighter more discrete pink she dropped on the table. "You need to learn how to be a girl without exaggerating, you are not doing a night on the trottoir!" When I had to go to the toilet I noticed that my room was locked as was hers. So there was no way of getting out of my role. I changed my lipstick and nail varnish. "Come honey, let's talk as women do while doing something useful. Today you are a girl so give me a hand with ironing. Later you will do the cooking for all of us, so you will just be normal in the role you have chosen today." And while we were doing the ironing together I started talking. I told her the truth about when I started, about the beginning in my early childhood, about how I felt when I crossdressed, everything. And suddenly my mother took me in her arms and hugged me. "You have suffered quite a lot. Now we have to find out if it is just something, which vanishes with time coming by, or if you need some more consistent help for change. I already talked to Daddy about this some time ago, when I realised that you crossdressed. So what will be your girl name?" I didn't answer, I never thought about it. "Ok, let's say, Cedric will become .... Celine, is this ok?" I nodded yes, I liked it immediately. "I have as well something to confess ... to you: when I was pregnant, after Marc, I wanted to have a girl. I hope that my wish did not interfere with your life ... it would certainly be better if later on you find your way as a boy, as a man!" She had informed Daddy and Marc by phone and they just made no comment, everything as if it was the most normal evening of their lives. Only my brother whispered in my ear, "You look stunning, wow, congratulations, you are a beautiful girl!" No need to say that he was rewarded the same evening ... Christel: It was somehow not very dramatic, except the moment of shock for you. But you had to face the problem talking about it.... Celine: We did this in the evening. Everybody was very friendly and understanding and welcomed my living as a girl if I needed to do so. As I was still a little bit shy and afraid that the whole thing could swap over into a wider public or into my school, I was proposed to live and dress as a girl as long as I wanted every evening and from Friday afternoon to Sunday evening when there was no school. And we agreed upon the fact that Mom and I would do the shopping downtown in a big mall instead of where we were known. Christel: Wow, this is fantastic, most trans-girls would wish to have a supportive family as you had. Celine: Sure, but behind I felt well the wish that the whole thing would vanish if lived out. Mom told me about her enquiries with specialists that most of them estimated that this was a temporary condition, which could be cured or which would disappear by itself. Christel: And you started the next weekend as a girl? Celine: I did and I started to relax a little bit. Friday evening Mom and I did the wet sets, I did hers and she did mine and we received friendly attention and compliments for looking good from Daddy and Marc. Christel: And Saturday you were shopping ... Celine: Oh yes, I was so afraid, it was my first time out of the house. Marc had to push me in Mom's car and close the door. And everything was then so normal. We did the shopping for the next week and Mom wanted to buy some more adequate women shoes for me and dragged me into the shoe shop. Once I was in I had to behave and again the sales girl didn't notice. I kept the shoes with three centimetres heels on, now I felt even more girlish. But for sure, a couple of hours out made me aware that people just perceived me as a young woman. Christel: Which season was it? Celine: If I remember well it was beginning of April. Being covered by clothes certainly helped a little bit not to feel too exposed and becoming used to the new role, to skirts, to wearing a bra. Mom filled it with two pair of pantyhoses. Christel: And how many weekends did you live as a girl this way? Celine: I don't remember, but certainly several. Mom took pleasure in ordering some clothing for me in mail order and she managed also to get real silicone breast forms. This was quite something to have them on the first time to feel how they move and jiggle. And then I stopped for a couple of weekends because I did something with my classmates. Christel: So, everybody felt relief and thought that it was finally over, hope for normality. Celine: Right. And it was in the time when we moved to a new house that my parents got built, a beautiful house, but it was not ready for habitation. Only a few rooms were ready and we had still some handymen there. And as my parents were very pennywise, they had workers who did the job for less, but they had regular jobs and worked for us only on Saturdays or holidays in order to generate some additional income. Christel: So there were other people in the house and you could not anymore dress ... Celine: Well, they had seen me as a boy one weekend and the week after as a girl. We had again our beauty session with Mom doing our wet sets. I guess they just asked themselves if I was a boy or a girl, not easy to distinguish at this age. Christel: So you gained courage to expose yourself as a girl to other people. Celine: Well, with all the going outside I had gained some self confidence. But Marc told me they commented to him jokingly about his beautiful sister and that they thought I was a boy when they first met me. And my brother answered that "I flipped between realities" but urged them to stay quiet about it. Christel: So they knew something about it and were taken in complicity. Celine: They were very nice to me, made a lot of compliments. And they have never been vulgar or making fun of me. They also remained often with our family for lunch or for a Saturday evening dinner after they finished their work. Somehow they became members of the family. They were all from Calabria, Giovanni, Gino and Vittorio. They were very skilled workers. Christel: And somehow you were trapped, you could not suddenly be there as a boy. Celine: No, this has happened. Sometimes I went out as a boy to attend some outies with my classmates and they noticed with a smile. But it was more that I started to love men looking at me as a girl, you know the joking charm of friendly people. Christel: And how long did this last, I guess the summer holidays were coming closer? Celine: That was the point where change for good got started. My parents insisted that we had summer jobs to earn something and to learn about the value of money. My brother had managed to get a job with a farmer. He liked to work in the nature. And for me, there was a problem. My mother argued that to resolve "my problem" I should spend the summer as a girl. On the other hand it was not advisable to get me a job as a girl. And my parents wanted to have a vacation together to refresh their marriage. So the perspective of having me with them and moreover as a girl didn't please them. And my mother was a bit angry with me: "Either you spend your holidays as a boy and you get a job or you choose to be a girl and then we don't know what to do with you. Because one thing for sure: if you choose to be a girl I will not let you go and forth, one day boy one day girl as you did in the last two months. The best would be you get fed up with being a girl and the thing is over once forever. But if you choose to spend your summer as a girl, believe me that I will do what is needed that you cannot back out up to the very end of it." I was very embarrassed because Giovanni, Gino and Vittorio were sharing our meal. Christel: It must have been strange for them, coming from a not very developed area of Italy, to witness such strange issues, isn't it? Celine: Yes, but what I learned later is that Italians are paradoxically very tolerant in sexual matters. They have been very attracted to transsexuals and a couple of years later they had some a presenters in TV, a marquis was married with a trans-woman, and so on. In the eighties Germany had its laws about transsexuality and Italy a lot of practice. Christel: Strange, isn't it? Celine: Well the point is that Giovanni, Gino and Vittorio continued to be very friendly to me and did not give me the feeling that they considered me as a freak. And one day ? and this is another confession with a little shame ? it was on a short holiday when my parents and my brother were away, I cooked for them and we talked. They asked me if I felt like a woman, if I knew what men were about. Finally they gently seduced me. I already knew from my bedtime with my brother how to give blowjobs and how it is when you are penetrated. They were very happy because they were living without their women and they didn't go to prostitutes in order to save as much many as possible to build their future in their country. We agreed that not a word, not a gesture or a familiarity, which could have indicated to my parents or even to my brother was to be said or shown. And I did it many times with them, always very discretely. Christel: Oh, oh, the young lady goes astray ... Celine: Well, one day Giovanni mentioned to my mother that two of his cousins and another lady lived in Geneva and operated a beauty parlor, with hair salon and nail studio. That it worked so well that they needed some help and were looking for an apprentice. He said he had asked if they would consider taking me on a holiday's job. Mom and I got interested and on a Sunday we visited them. They were very kind people. Like Giovanni, Gino and Vittorio they were hard workers. All four saved money by living together in a big flat in the old city, you know one of those flats which had an independent maid's room. They said that I could do the cleaning and preparing work, operate the till and the telephone to fix the meetings with the clients. The problem was that commuting from the little village above Lausanne would have cost time and money. Alice, Sandra and Patrizia showed me the maid's room. "It is now full of junk and a little bit dirty, we will empty it, Giovanni will refresh it and you should just imagine it with a carpet, a bed, a wardrobe, a vanity, a table and a chair. And for all the rest, you stay with us in the flat." Looking at the room imagining these improvements it looked quite ok, small but quiet, the noise of the traffic of the city sounded like from far and was not disturbing. And the girls were really nice and friendly. "We heard about you from Giovanni, we find it beautiful that a boy wants to explore the world of womanhood. And as a girl you look great. You can stay your whole holidays up to beginning September. The only thing is that we want that all of us have ten days off in summer, ten days in a single chunk, to enjoy. We don't know when it will be because the business is very variable, but we will care that you will have your ten days as well." But Mom objected, "This is ok as long as you take care, that she is in good hands and further I want her to stay the whole summer as a girl. So no ten days holidays to sneak out or so." "Don't worry, Isabelle (this was Mom's name), we will do what is needed," Sandra said. The girls giggled, and Alice continued "Well I am the beautician and I will mark you with semi-permanent make up, you know this is on a henna basis and lasts for six to eight weeks. You can't make believe to nobody that you are a boy when you have it on!" The discussion that followed was more on concrete things, salary, working hours, insurance, the rent for my room, my participation for food and eventually the day I had to start. "You know Isabelle, Friday is the worst day for us, we have not one minute. You have to finish school on Thursday or much better on Wednesday or show up the week after. But on the other hand we would like you to come as soon as possible." And Mom: "Well on the last two days, they don't do anything in school anyhow. We will say that you are sick and nobody will notice. So we can get ready for holidays as well, Marc is old enough to get to his job by himself ... yes fine, I agree, it will be Wednesday in the late afternoon. I will pick you up at school in Lausanne and drop you here." Christel: Wow, sounds like Coccinelle's story ... Celine: Yes I heard about it. For me it was wonderful, when we left I was happy, like hundreds of butterflies in my belly. A wonderful job, paid and I had been sentenced to be a girl, no escape for me, no thinking about becoming normal. Christel: And how far was it from the holidays? Celine: Only three weeks. Christel: And how did you start? Celine: Precisely as we agreed. Two days before the end of school, Mom picked me up on Wednesday. The following morning she would call the school and schedule me as sick. Mom had packed my preferred items from her wardrobe she knew about and the stuff we had shopped together in a suitcase. She stopped on the highway to Geneva and I had to change in the women's restroom. She threw my boys clothes in the trunk and said, "You are not going to wear boys clothes for a certain time!" And when I arrived it was almost six o'clock and the girls had close to finished. "Hi Celine, welcome, you will get intense care from all of us to get you ready for tomorrow." Mom left and this was the start. Christel: And what was the intense care? Celine: First I got a women's cut. Sandra was the hair artist. "Tonight I will give you a perm and after this a wet set. While you process Alice will do your nails, she will make you long nails with square tips but the right size so that you can work. And after this Patrizia will come back and do your face, pluck your eyebrows and your semi-permanent make up. You will got done your lips, eyeliner and a coloration and perm of your eyelashes. I hope you will be finished by eleven o'clock. After this we are going to have a drink in a bar, so we present our new princess to the world. And tomorrow morning you start your new life." Soon after she rolled my hair on perm rods. "Look, this is called the Mohawk pattern and I am not using the small perm rods you probably know from your Mom. Those ones are a little bit bigger because I want to give your hair the more generous movement of large curls. Another advantage is that your hair still appears to be longer. I am winding on the top of your head towards back and within short you will see I will wind the sides downwards. It's probably what you did when you first came here. Did you do it yourself?" "Before getting caught I did it myself in front of the mirror and after this, Mom and I did our wet sets to each other." "I guess you are gifted, we will see what you can learn and how fast. I will get you started on shampooing and after we will see if I can let you do some simple wet sets. Always be careful when I do something on you, ask questions, it's the best way to learn. Here we spend some time on ourselves, because we should always look our best as examples and models for our clients. So as soon as your hair has recovered from the perm I will give you coloration. Tomorrow we can have a look in the fashion book to select your colour." Soon after she had finished and applied the perm lotion. "Ok, now we have 25 minutes, go to Alice's chair to get started with your nails. I will just move the climazon to Alice's chair to get you processed." So I had to commute to get rinsed and neutralised with just my nails filed and prepared to get the extensions. Sandra put Wella's Opta treatment in my hair and I had to go for ten minutes again to Alice's chair, then back to rinse and finally Sandra put the wet set curlers in and moved the dryer hood to Alice's chair. She finished my extensions, varnished them in a soft pink tone and did my toenails in the same color. When she finished styling me, Patrizia was already waiting. She worked at an incredible speed when she plucked my eyebrows, almost no time to feel that it hurts. "So we are done with the eyebrows, do you want to have a look or shall we go on with the eyelashes?" I opted for going on, it was late and we wanted to go out. "Now I am going to give a perm to curb your eyelashes upwards, so you don't need to do them every day and it looks cleaner and more natural. And the perm gel will have them accept the coloration much better. You will look like an angel." It burned a little bit, in the eyes but she was already working on my lips while my eyelashes processed. "I will make your lips slightly wider, you will see that it fits your face perfectly. This is a very new semi-permanent stick, I will apply the colour and if you like the colour and the lip contour I will shoot it in with the laser. If you don't we can change. And the whole thing lasts for a couple of weeks before it needs refreshing." My eyes had become wonderful, my eyelashes showed upwards and were deep black, my eyebrows were finely arched and I liked my lips. Some stinging followed and she did the same procedure for my eyeliner. "Now you are always basically made up for the next two months. I will show you how to improve it for the day or for going out as we do tonight. It will be good to add some lipstick, eyeshadow, mascara and rouge according to the moment of the day and for the effect you would like to produce." When she was finished I was a kind of doll, but it was not overdone. But she continued, "You look a little bit naked on your neck, so we got you a kit with a pearl necklace, pearl bracelet and earrings. Put them on while I am going to fetch the needles to get your ears pierced." We closed the salon when we were finished and left to the bar. It was just ten minutes walking. The slight pain in my earlobes and the clicking of my heels made me aware what had happened to me this evening and that I felt utterly feminine. Christel: Well this was a kind of big bang which was going to be followed by "public exposure" in the bar, wasn't it? Celine: Yes and I felt also a little bit afraid and I told Patrizia. She giggled and said: "You will have to learn what to do when men look at you. When you are alone, just look on the ground or elsewhere. Don't look at a man when he is looking at you otherwise it will be perceived as an invitation. But when we are in the bar you can joke and look as much as you want, this is a group of friends, sometimes there is somebody new, but they all behave." The trick with looking I already knew from my shopping trips to the mall with Mom. When we arrived, I was presented as the new holiday helper of the salon. The guys joked and complimented about my good looking. "Hopefully you will be able to keep her until the end of the holidays, I am afraid that there might already be a white knight riding to kidnap this beautiful princess," Stefano laughed. He was a tall man, maybe in the beginning of his thirties and he looked good. Christel: But it was already pretty late in the evening wasn't it? Celine: Let's say approximately eleven o'clock. But you are right, I was very tired and happy when we left. My suitcase was in Sandra's car and we went home. I entered my room with the awareness that this would be my new home for the coming two months. "Celine, please come to the bathroom, I want to see if you take care properly of your face," Patrizia said. Mom had put my own products in the suitcase and I used it to take my make up off, to clean my skin and I put a night cream on. "You are doing well, that's nice, Celine, Isabelle gave you a proper education. In the coming days we will optimise the products for your skin. Remember we are professionals and should always be a good example. So tomorrow morning, remember the big change, we girls need much more time to get ready. Nothing in common with getting up in the morning as a boy. Half past eight we have to be in the salon, so we will leave a quarter pas eight. This means I want to see you here in the bathroom at seven o'clock with your beauty case." After this I don't remember anything, I think I slept like dead, but I felt incredibly happy. Christel: And how was your first day as salon worker? Celine: Everybody had a pink robe with her name embroidered on it. I was surprised and moved when Sandra gave a new one with "Celine" on it. I kissed them all and thanked, they had prepared my coming with love. "We wear it over our normal clothes as long as it is not so warm and when it gets really hot you just keep your undies. It's cotton and good quality. And you will get three more, you will change them every two days unless you stained it. Just throw it in the laundry we have it done three times a week by a laundry service," I was instructed by Sandra. And then there were the duties I had to take care about on a current basis: sweeping with the broom immediately after a hair cut, put the towels into the laundry once the were used, clean the chairs and the washing bowl once a client left. I had to take care myself to see when I was needed. I was so interested to see that I was always looking if I could help and the girls were very pleased with me. The second day I learned to operate the till and the phone. This was a little bit difficult because I had to learn how much time was needed. No problem for a brushing, a wet set or a cut. But for perms, coloration or for Patrizia's beauty parlour I had to ask or to have one of the girls to pick up the phone and to schedule the chair. Christel: And did this enthusiasm last over the coming days? Celine: Yes it did. So many things to learn. And the girls seemed to have the intention to keep me busy with learning every day something new, which I was then expected to do in addition to my current duties. So when a friend of Alice came for a cut, Sandra presented me as the new apprentice to her asked if it was ok that I did the shampooing. I was pretty used to this because we did it with Mom. Adjust the water temperature and ask the client if it is ok, massage with the shampoo, rinse using your hand to avoid water dripping in your clients face, you know. "So, please tell me, how does our apprentice work, shall we keep her?" Sandra laughed. She had observed from distance how I managed while she was giving a cut in the chair close by. "She does it perfectly well, she has very agreeable hands and more, she takes her time, not like you who are always in a hurry. So next time I will be her client," the lady joked in the harsh humour which is typical for the people in Geneva. Everybody laughed and Patrizia started rebating, "Celine, two days here and you managed yourself in a dangerous situation. Now Sandra will be jealous. Did you already schedule when you want to take over the salon?" I blushed because this way of joking was unfamiliar to me but Sandra closed the round, "No I am not jealous, Celine I will teach you everything and when you are ready, you take my place and send me some money every month so I stay in the Carribean islands." Everybody laughed again and the humour was on the whole day giving a joyful atmosphere to the salon. I remained silent. During the pause, Sandra hugged me and gave me a kiss on my cheek. "You are so lovely. I hope we are not stressing you with our joking. You will see in a couple of days you are going to tune in!" And the girls went shopping with me, I learned about clothing styles and walking in high heels. Christel: Did you hear something from your parents? Celine: Oh yes, on Friday, when I just had learned how to answer the phone, Mom called. She told me that they had found a last minute deal for a holiday resort and that they had to leave on Tuesday afternoon. She asked if she could get done the coloration of her re-growth and a wet set "just to see you, where you work and how you work..." They invited me for lunch in a restaurant close to the lake and Mom was scheduled for two o'clock. I thought I had improved my looking a little bit in these few days, but I was surprised that both hold their mouths open when I arrived. "Wow, Celine, you are beautiful, a girl I would kill for, you are becoming as beautiful as my Isabelle," Daddy said putting his arm around Mom's shoulder. They asked me about me job, if I was happy with it, how I felt and so on. They were pleased that everything was ok. But Mom had sometimes the gift to ruin a good atmosphere with harsh statements, "I am happy about your holiday, honey, but one thing is not negotiable and you know it. You are going to finish your school and you will do your maturity certificate in order to have the choice if you want to go to university later. I don't know how we are going to manage with this beautiful girl you have become. We may have to shave your head or so, but the maturity certificate is essential and one day you will thank me for this." I was shocked by the perspective of turning to school as a boy with a shaved head. Fortunately Daddy found the right words saying that there was a lot of time ahead and that we would certainly find a good solution. After the lunch, Daddy visited a client who had become a friend of him and Mom came to the salon. She was greeted by the girls who thanked her for allowing "her daughter" to help during the holidays. "Is it ok if I do your re-growths and after this Celine gives you the wet set?" Sandra asked and without waiting for Mom's answer, "After this I will style your hair so that you start your holiday beautifully." Mom agreed and Sandra asked me to stay close to learn. "So when you are back home, you can do it to your Mom, because this is really difficult to do it properly on oneself in front of the mirror. Now they have grown already a bit long, the best is to do them every three or four weeks. As Isabelle is very kind with you, you will be able to reward her with this service done in a professional way." Sandra asked Mom some question about the brand and type of coloration she used and compared Mom's hair with her samples. She picked out the right bottle and prepared the bowl and the brush. "Ok, now you are going to shampoo Isabelle and as soon as you have finished we will start." I washed Mom's hair carefully and lovingly. I hoped that she would show mercy after her holiday with the school business, I wanted to show her that I did my best to learn and to become a good hairstylist. Mom started talking about her expectations of the holiday resort and how much she rejoiced about going first time with Daddy without the kids. "I am really thankful, that everything worked so smoothly, that you found the proper job for your special inclinations," she said. I patted her hair dry and called Sandra. She put the coloration lotion in the bowl. "Good job Celine, now we take care that Isabelle remains the beautiful blonde, she has always been. Now we are parting her hair in small strands and fix the strands with clips, you see. Why that? We just need to colour the dark re-growth part in the beginning and let it process and after we are going over all the hair with the coloration in order to unify it. Try it yourself now." And I started work on Mom's hair and Sandra had me to clip all the strands. When I was finished she did the front and top of Mom's head and round her hairline, just brushing the lotion on the re-grown part. She left me the part behind where a mistake was unlikely to be seen. Mom had to process a while before Sandra unified the coloration by brushing the lotion over the full length of Mom's hair. I had to do again the area inside and behind. When the processing was finished Sandra had me to rinse Mom's hair, to apply the treatment and to rinse again. "Ok young lady, now you can give your Mom the wet set, Isabelle you agree?" "She did it well before," Mom answered. I was so proud that I was allowed to take the cart-trey with the curlers and to do a wet set on my own. I took one of the curlers as gauge for the width and parted her hair in sections for the traditional Mohawk pattern as I had been taught before. The sections had to be slightly narrower than the curlers. Sandra had shown this to me when she gave me the perm and the wet set. And I just experienced that it was much better and easier this way when I rolled Mom's hair. Sandra came every once in a while to look. "Well that's not bad for a start Celine!" she said and opened a curler to correct its position. I still had so much to learn. With Sandra's help we finished rolling and Sandra showed how to fix the net and to lead Mom to the hairdryer. She showed me how to install a client, regulate the heat and the timer. I had to tidy up the chair, clean the bowl and the brush, throw the towels in the laundry. And while Mom was under the hood, I had plenty of work. When I heard the timer buzzing I checked if Mom's hair were dry, Sandra came as well. "So Celine what would you decide? Ready for styling or more drying?" "I would leave her five minutes more," I said. "Five minutes more would give you troubles with her hair becoming electric. Not good for styling. But you are right, they are not dry, so two minutes more and you lead Isabelle to the chair, take the net off and let her hair cool out for five minutes. And then we are going to style her." When I led Mom to the styling chair, she took my hand and hugged me. She whispered in my ear, "Ma petite coiffeuse (my little lady hairstylist), you seem so happy here, what are we going to do? You have a boy's body and within short you will become a man. What are we going to do with you?" and a tear rolled down from her eye. Sandra showed me on Mom the most traditional styling techniques and allowed me to try. "You are learning very fast, Celine. Isabelle, we should definitely keep your daughter as an apprentice." Mom nodded. Daddy had arrived to pick her up. We hugged and they left. Christel: At least your Mom seemed to leave with a kind of concern about your future ... hopefully she put in question her shaving your head plans. Celine: Well I was still in an inner turmoil. Fortunately on Tuesdays we usually finish early. At six o'clock we had finished and when we changed I started to cry. I was tired but most of all what Mom had said about the boy's body had struck me like a bus. I told the girls about our discussion at lunch. The girls cheered me up, had me refresh my make up and dragged me to the bar. Only Stefano was there and the girls and him started joking and I probably made a thoughtful face. Stefano worked in a bank and I was told that he climbed the hierarchical ladder very fast and was now between the middle management and the upper spheres. "What is going on with you Celine?" Stefano asked. I didn't answer. Patrizia sat close to me and put her arm around my shoulder. "We have to face it, honey, you have to make decisions and if something needs to be done you need to go for it. We will see how we can help you. At least we should talk ..." she said. "Yes, but please not here ..." I sniffed. "Don't bother, Stefano is a second degree cousin of Giovanni he knows about your story and he likes your courage and determination to live your life to the full extent. And he is full of resources," she smiled to me. "But you outed me ..." Stefano put his chair closer and looked straight in my eyes. "Celine, I knew before I saw you first time and for me you are a wonderful, attractive, beautiful, intelligent, humorous and delightful woman." I laughed. "Isabelle is right, so far you are a boy in womanly shell, but this is going to change. How old are you now?" "I am becoming sixteen ..." "It is a true miracle that your intelligence has developed so well whereas your body is still like the one of a child, mostly undetermined, nor male nor female. But this is going to change within very short time. Your voice will change, your beard and body hair will grow, an Adam's apple will develop. That's what happens to a boy around fifteen years old." I started crying. I was so happy and now, this was going to finish because of my male hormones kicking in. I knew it before but I didn't want to think about it. I had already spotted some disgusting body hair which started to grow under my navel. "Celine .... Celine, please stop crying. Maybe we can help you. But first you have to make a decision, a decision, which will determine your life. You need to choose if you want to become a man or a woman. If you want to become a man, you just need to do nothing, instead if you want to become a woman you need to take urgent action." I looked at Stefano. He had a friendly face although he looked as if in every moment he was flawlessly determined. "So if the girls here are ok, I would like to invite Celine to the movie. So you can find out how you feel with a man on your side. And you can have other discussions on the girls side tomorrow." Christel: Hey Mister Stefano conqueror I guess. Celine: Sure but the proposal was helpful and told in a loving way. Christel: And you went to the movies. Do you remember what it was? Celine: (she laughs frantically) Yes we went to the movie, no I remember nothing because I barely didn't se anything of it because Stefano kissed me from the first moment on and never stopped. He fondled my body, under my skirt until we left in the middle of the movie, most probably to the relief of the people sitting around us. He continuously whispered in my ear, "Darling you excite me so much, please may I invite you for a drink, just ten minutes ....* Christel: (she laughs) Oh, just ten minutes, you understood well what this meant? Celine: (she goes on laughing) Oh yes. But in the meantime I felt a strange excitement I never felt something like this before. When I was with my brother, or with Gino, Giovanni or Vittorio, it was more that I liked the idea that I had a little glimpse in the way a woman lives and that they used me as a woman. This time it was different, very different. I guess the simple fact that I had for several days seen myself continuously in the mirrors as a woman changed something in the perception I had about myself. I never had sex with a woman and I never had an orgasm with a man. The only way for me to come, was to masturbate. And now I had the feeling that I needed Stefano, that I wanted to feel him inside me. So we went to his flat and he didn't do too much warming up. I was a little bit shy because of my body and my silicone tits. So we cuddled under the blankets, he kissed me everywhere and suddenly he took the K-Jelly tube and lubricated me. He took me and it was wonderful, I mean it became every moment more wonderful and I got an orgasm very quickly, the strongest I ever experienced in my short life. "Do you want me to go on?" he asked. I was grateful for the question because for me it was over and I could have switched to something else, but I wanted to be there for him, I wanted him to have pleasure with me. And suddenly I felt the deep need to be a woman and I had the hope to be able to give this man what he expected from a woman. And when he had finished he hold me firmly in his arms before we took a short nap. "Have you ever had sex with a woman?" he asked when he woke up. "No." "And with a man?" "Yes." "Several?" "Yes ... but .." "But?" "This was the first time I had an orgasm while making love with a man. You got in the trap, now you will have to perform many times..." He laughed "I will gladly face the spell which was thrown over me in this trap, you are really lovely and so exciting. Did you decide for the future, man or woman?" "Woman!" "Fine, that's a decision. You know what needs to be done, don't you?" "I guess some medication and see a doctor?" "Well this takes by far too much time. Nothing would have happened and your puberty might well be under way with all the negative effects of the male hormones transforming your body. You need to get castrated as soon as possible and then start on hormones." The word castration hit me in all its cruelty. But he followed on, "In this case nobody can force you to revert back to being a boy, a thing which doctors and psychologists would probably impose to you before they consider that you are to become a woman. And after this procrastination, you would have to cope with your voice, your beard and so on." "And how can this be done without seeing a doctor?" I asked. "I don't know yet, give me some time to find out. At least I heard that in Italy transsexuals are well organised. I will enquire." Christel: The white knight riding .... Celine: When I came back home the girls were laughing and joking. "How was the movie?" But I didn't answer, I was shaken and probably I had a different expression on my face. "Oh you look like something serious happened?" Alice changed the tone. "Yes, I made a decision." Silence. "And you need to do something or not?" Patrizia enquired indirectly. "I need to do something or ... I don't know, more precisely I need to get something done!" "Wow, then you are going to stay with us, you are going to become a girl" and I was soon being hugged by all of them. I had wild dreams this night but in the morning my determination was still there, solid as a rock. Christel: The problem of getting it done quickly was still there. Celine: Yes, it was and I was concerned. I didn't know if something was happening, if Stefano was reliable. And I had not the first idea of what I could do. Cutting of my balls myself was not an option. "Don't worry, we will take care, we are coming closer to a solution," I heard Sandra whispering in my ear. Christel: And how did your determination affect your daily life and work? Celine: Mostly that I had even more interest in the professional aspects and I asked the girls to show me which books could be used for the theoretical part. But they had only very few things. So I went to library and asked for books, I called the professional association of hair stylists and bought the education supports. I got in touch with the suppliers and asked for documentation. I spent a lot of my own money, because I didn't have received my first salary. And most of all, I paid attention to everything and wrote down in the evening what I had learned in my diary. For example when Sandra prepared me for my coloration, how she helped me to select my colour. This was the week after my parents left. She first determined with me my skin type and the basic colours, which fit me well. I am an autumn type with green eyes. The next step was looking into the fashion book finding how hairstyles and colours worked together. Then looking at the samples, rejecting those I didn't like and selecting those, which I felt possible. Together we narrowed the choice step by step and finally Sandra made a proposition, "We will take it from the Koleston collection and I will mix for you a three level coloration. This means that we will have three tones, which are very close. Everybody will doubt if it is natural or a very sophisticated coloration. As the black cherry was too dark and the other tones to reddish for you, I think I got the idea. If you trust me, it will be in between, more intense and diversified. I would do rather big strands in order to keep the question "coloration or natural" open. And it is not so very far away from your natural colour, so we will have no problems and re-growth will be practically unnoticeable for two months. How do you feel about this?" I was happy and thanked her and soon after I was on the clients side. It was the third time after I arrived, because we did our hair each other in the pauses, early in the morning, after business hours or when there were few clients. Sandra, Patrizia and Alice were my teachers and my models to work on. And they did my wet sets. But it was the first time Sandra proposed something substantial to be done with my hair since my perm. "Now that your perm is settled your hair is open for coloration, you have wonderful hair which will respond beautifully. And you will also be a model here of what we can do." She shampooed my hair, patted it dry and prepared three coloration bowls and the brushes. When she mixed the coloration lotions she was very concentrated and looked like a witch or like an alchemist. "Ok honey, shall we go, or do you have questions or doubts?" she asked, and I noted she always checked and counterchecked if her clients really wanted to go for it. Something I would note in my learning diary. "Go, Sandra and thank you," I said. "Keep the thank you for later if you like the result, anyway you will not look like a parrot," she laughed. She separated the strands and used clips of different colours. I paid closely attention how she proceeded. "All the hair I don't clip will be mainstream coloured, with the big bowl and the black brush, the hair clipped with the red clips will be the more reddish tone with the red brush and the yellow clips with the fairer tone and the yellow brush. Now I am going first to do the main coloration and after this we will put strands one by one on alu paper and apply their respective lotion. The difficulty is that everything needs to be done very carefully not to mix the colours on the hair, because you notice stains very easily. Once the colour is on and hair is rinsed comes the developing lotion, then it doesn't matter anymore if all hair is together. The only thing, which matters then, is to let it process the necessary time because the pigments develop their colour inside of the hair and it goes on developing over the next days becoming more intensive. But if you stop the process by rinsing out the developer to early it can give strange effects or the wrong colour." When I was finished with the coloration the effect on the rinsed hair was already stunning, I loved it. "Ok now the wet set, beauty, and we are ready to conquer the world" she said while she was already parting my hair in sections. "As we had your perm on the Mohawk pattern, we have to do the wet sets the same way. Just remember, if you have to do a wet set over a perm, find first out the pattern in which the perm has been set. Obviously you can make some exceptions, but it is good if they are not too far away from the original perm pattern." She was winding my hair on the curlers with an incredible speed an soon my head was secured with a net and I was ready for the dryer. When she finished styling me I gave her big kiss and thanked her, it was beautiful, I loved it. The only thing I worried a little bit about was the effect I had on men. My hairstyle and colour were beautiful and elegant, not the slightest way vulgar, but the fact was that I was probably truly attractive for men. Christel: This is nice ... nothing to be ashamed about. Celine: Sure, I just had to think more and more about how a woman has to behave if men could not take their eyes off. The next opportunity was in the bar where we always met. Stefano was there and he noticed and liked my hair. And there were many other guys. This bar was a bit the "male pole" for our girls business. Although we had also men coming for haircuts most of our clients were women. I was aware how I loved what Sandra had done to my hair, how it moved, smelled and felt when I touched it. Suddenly I knew the difference between male and female behaviour: Moving my hair, touching it sometimes, being ok with myself and with my body was something exciting in a subtle way for men. Not necessary to do more than being there and enjoying to feel ok. And they tried ? and succeded ? to make me laugh and I received compliments and invitations. But Stefano was there and I noticed he had something to say and I also felt the need to cuddle again in his strong arms. So I gave him a discrete hint with my eyes and said that I was tired and wanted to go home. I left and waited outside and looked in the window of a shop when I heard him running. "Please Celine, let's have a drink ..." he laughed "here are the keys of my flat, I just excused myself for the toilet, and now I will say that I leave as well." Christel: Another wonderful evening with Stefano. Celine: Yes I started to feel more for him and I loved the tender but determinate way he made me his woman. "My sweetie, my girl to become, we need to move, because your colleagues will come with beer and pizza. And I have to make an announcement" he said after our short nap. I was again a bit shocked, because he outed me again as his lover with my colleagues but on the other hand I felt secure and protected. "Stefano, you are somehow taking my life in your hands and ..." "... and as long as you are not totally a woman I will even more do so, believe me, I truly love you and I feel concerned about getting you on the right way. Yes Celine, I love you, I have fallen in love with you." That was the moment the world tipped for me. I had never been in love but I knew for sure that now I was. He hugged me and I passionately kissed him, hungry to feel his tongue explore my mouth. "Oh Stefano, yes I love you to. But what can we do now? How will our lives be? I feel so young and so inexperienced I don't know what to do." "First step, you can say what is if it's true and for the rest wait and listen what can be done." Christel: And the others came, you both confessed your love and then there was pizza and beer evening. Celine: Plus Stefano's announcement. Christel: This was not the confession of your love? Celine: Yes but also that he had found out how to resolve my little male problem. Christel: Oh yes, and what did he propose? Celine: He had mainly found out that in Italy there were as many transsexuals as everywhere in the world. And that they often dealt with the puberty problem much earlier and without the medical system. In short they had a way of getting rid of the problem in a peculiar way. "I was told that it is blood and riskless but that it is a little bit more painful than an operation," he said " they did it many times without any problem because not cut no infection. There is a nurse who would accept to come and do it if you wish. She would stay until it is over and care that the pain remains tolerable. I collected also some information from people who got it done and they are perfectly happy about it. All of them report very differently about pain, some say it was almost nothing, others say it was excruciating for a couple of hours. The decision is yours, if you want I will ask this nurse to come and she can do it here." Christel: Now it gets serious. Celine: Yes and I accepted, I felt my rock solid determination. Christel: And when did it happen? Celine: On the following Saturday, Stefano is not amongst the people who lose time. He invited all of us for dinner except me because he already told me that I had to stay on fast after breakfast. So I imagined what was to come. When we arrived, we were presented with the nurse, Laura was her name. I got only water to drink and she had me to sit on a chair with an electric heat pad. I can tell you I was anxious. She gave me a short examination in the bathroom and stated that I was hairless so no shaving was needed. When I was back on the heat pad, she started talking, she knew very little French, so Patrizia stayed there to translate from Italian. "You look beautiful, I was told that you decided to become a woman. Is this right?" I nodded. "It would be a pity to let the male hormones kick in that's why taking off your testicles is crucial and urgent. In most countries a castration is seen as a severe mutilation and it is strictly forbidden to perform it without a long procedure of medical, psychological and psychiatric advice. Far too long for you. In order to protect myself I have you to write a paper that you did it yourself, that you ordered the materials and so on. I am formally only helping you when it is anyway done." With the help of Patricia I translated the text I had to write on plain paper in French. "And now, how is it done? We use the same technique as for the castration of goats or sheep: two very tight rubber bands separate your testicles and your scrotum from the rest of the body, cutting off blood supply until they are dead. After approximately twelve hours they can be cut off without pain or risk of infection and the remaining scar makes a crust and heals within ten days. After this the crust falls off and there remains only a little pink spot. For the pain I have pills for the pre-menstrual syndrome, as this is the precise area where women feel pain when they suffer PMS. It is a light medication, which has proven very helpful in many cases. If the pain becomes more severe, I can blow it out with a stronger pill, which will make you sleep. I want to use as less anaesthetic as possible as those medications are not particularly good for health. Everybody reacts in a different way. So I would stay close to you during the whole critical phase and give you the pills you need to keep pain in a tolerable range. Now tell me if you really want it?" I said yes. "Ok would you like me to start?" Yes again. "Ok the heat pad is to relax your genitals in order to get them longer. You may already have noticed that when it is cold the balls stay close to the body and when it is warm your scrotum gets longer. As we need to put the two bands, we need it long enough." "Celine we are all with you, we admire your courage and support you with all our love, tomorrow morning you have it behind," Stefano said. I was naked under my skirt, I left my tanga in the bathroom when Laura examined me. She took off the heat pad, my ass was burning and everything wet from perspiration. She put a towel on my chair pushed my skirt up and I had to sit again. Everybody was now seeing my genitals. Laura, took out of her bag a kind of tong and two little bands. "This is called an Elastrator. You will see there is no pain in putting the bands on, pain may only start after an hour or so." She pulled my balls downwards and massaged my scrotum until she said it was long enough. She put the first band on the Elastrator and opened it, the band was hardly stretched enough to let pass one after the other my testicles. All the pushing hurt a little bit but nothing bad. I felt a little sting when the first band contracted on my srotum. She prepared the second one and put it on the Elastrator. This time I didn't feel anything. "Celine," she said, "now the bands are on. Your testicles can well survive two hours with this regimen. But after this, it would be life threatening to take them away. Hence if you want me to take them away tell me now. Or if you want to think about it you can tell me in one hour. The bands are now sinking deeper and deeper and it would be difficult to take them off without hurting your scrotum." She showed four little transparent plastic half pipes in her hand. "Otherwise and if you are sure I will secure the situation putting around the banded area two plastic pipes to make the bands inaccessible. Tomorrow when you are done I will just make a cut between the two pipes and your balls fall off with one of the two pipes and the other one will come off as well and leave the crust. Now tell me, do you want me to take the bands off?" "No!" "Do you want time to think?" she asked again. "No, please put the pipes on!" I said. "You are very determined, you are courageous, good!" Short after there was the smell of acrylic glue. "Ok, now you are on the train, no possibility to go back." She liftet my chin with her finger and looked in my eyes "you are beautiful, you will become a strong woman, I think you are the youngest and the most pretty one I ever helped." Christel: Did it start to hurt? Celine: No, I just flatted my skirt and stayed with the others. There was just a weird feeling between my legs, the whole thing seemed much bigger. But I consoled myself with the certainty that tomorrow morning it was off. I knew that there was no way back, that pain might be on schedule, but somehow I was happy. The pain started let's say an hour later, very little and tolerable in the beginning and then it became stronger. Laura gave me the pill with PMS painkiller and this helped for another half an hour. After this I had a slight sense of nausea and the pain grew. I wanted to go to bed. Stefano had offered his bed for my terrible night and for Laura who wanted to stay close. So I put my nightgown on and searched refuge under the blankets. Stefano came and kissed me. "Thank you, you are so wonderful. Once your troubled time is behind you and as soon as you are of age I will ask you if you want to marry me." I smiled and gave him another kiss although the pain pulled me away from him inside of my body and I just asked myself if this is what women feel when they are pregnant and busy with themselves. On the other hand I was so happy and felt so secure in his house. Today I think that this is the most wonderful thing, which can happen to a trans-sister: feeling secure, feeling loved, feeling cared for. Christel: Could you sleep or was the pain too much? Celine: I drifted away several times. I wanted to try to stand the thing with the PMS pills. But after two hours the pain became excruciating, really horrible. So Laura gave me another pill. "This will blow you out for three hours or more. After this, when you wake up the pain might be over, or we do what is needed. It has never lasted more than ten or eleven hours and you have already three hours behind. Sleep well honey. Just tell me would you like to see when I cut the thing off, or do you prefer waking up and it is done?" she asked, with Patrizia or Alice always close by for translation. "I want to see, thank you." I only remember the next morning. The pain was over and Laura came to have a look. "Can you feel something, honey?" she asked. "I feel that you are pulling on my groin" I said. " I have stung a needle in it, we are ready, I am going to cut it." She had a little tray with a scalpel, bandage and disinfecting material. "Please hold your penis while I work here and open your legs as wide as you can!" she took my hand and had me to pull my penis upwards on my belly. I was half sitting in the bed and I could see what she did. She had surgical gloves on, put a little plastic bag around my balls, which were now black, she grasped them and pulled slightly. She took the scalpel and with a clear cut the thing was off. I didn't feel anything. "Don't move hold your penis as before, now we need to tidy up the hole thing for healing" she said and smiled to me. She took the other half pipe off from the scar. The band was still there to close it. She took disinfecting wound powder to dry it