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January 1, 2007 It's the first day of a new year and since I am stuck in this house with nothing to do, I have decided to start that journal I have always planned. As a young writer, it is important to get into the habit of writing every day. After a while it will just be as natural as everything else that I have learned to do on a daily basis. That's the interesting thing about repetition. Something about creating new connections in your brain. Anyway, excuse my grammar or spelling. If you are reading this, I probably was a huge hit as an author and now someone is writing my biography after my death. Heh. Just kidding. You're probably just the FBI. Ah well. Lets introduce the young hero. My name is Manuel Clark. Most folks call me Manny, although obviously my mom uses my full name when she is upset. My father left her years ago and she is upset more often than not. I have five younger siblings, Anna, Rita, Tony, Carson, and Yvonne. I was born January 4th, 1989, so yes, I am turning 18 in three days. Thrills. I am 5 foot 7 inches, and weigh 140 pounds. I am in pretty decent shape, although I barely do anything to keep that way except going dancing with the honeys. I have had a few girlfriends although nothing real serious, and while I managed to go all the way with Kim, I don't get it regular, and since I am not going to college this year, thanks to a bit too much partying, I have been working odd jobs to pay for my bad habits. Anyway, today I am taking care of the Beedle twins. Yes, two 12 year olds. Before you get some nasty thought in your head, Mark Beedle actually weighs 20 pounds more than I do and is at least 2 inches taller. His dad is huge, so I expect he will be too. Adam is actually my height and a little slimmer but still probably will sprout. I on the other hand am never going to be a big man. My parents are both small and slight. So no, the Beedles aren't a pair of bouncy teenage girls like your fantasy suggested. Dream on. Mark and Adam are at best, a pretty smart pair. Maybe precocious. At worst they are arrogant brats who refuse to do what they are told without acting up. I have been sitting for them ever since their mother died four years ago. They had pretty much rejected every babysitter up until me, and that is probably because I am a guy. Anyway they weren't bad kids, and their dad paid about triple the normal rate. Of course Dad went out and got himself a much younger wife, and they spent a lot of time out on the town. I didn't really care since I could hook up afterwards. In this case they were gone for 4 days on a New Years cruise. They will be back tomorrow. Had an interesting discussion at dinner (pizza again), since Adam is totally crazed about semiology, which it turns out involves advertising or something. Anyway he was talking about sublimnal stuff like it was all around us and that we were being told what to buy and what to do. Now everyone gets all caught up in this stuff, but I can't tell you how many commercials I have seen, and I honestly never buy anything. So if it works, it doesn't work on me, and I said so. Adam made up some crap about how, probably if something was tailor made for someone, that it would work on anyone. Mark started making fun of him, and the two of them ended up needing to be separated. Later they settled down and I left them working on something in their room. They are spoiled as hell and both have seriously nice computers, along with everything else a boy might want at age 12. Well almost anything. I don't think they actually have Tara Reid stuffed in their closet. It has gotten pretty quiet up there, so I am just going to make sure they are asleep and then raid dad's porn collection. A guy has to do what a guy has to do. January 2nd, 2007 Yes, I have returned. The boys are out at a friends, and I am all alone until 4. I suppose I should be perfectly honest, since this really is my journal and won't be read until I'm dead. Hey that rhymes. Anyway so I went to check the porn collection, and it was a mess. I must have knocked it over. I have to be more careful to keep things neat when I mess around with Mr. Beedles stuff. Anyway I noticed what looked like a homemade DVD. Now I am not saying that I have a thing for Mr. Beedles wife, but she is really a knockout. She can't be more than 22, and it is clear that Mr. Beedle is getting a good deal for the money he spends on keeping her in the finer things. Anyway I popped the disk in but it wasn't her. It was mostly just like a compilation of a lot of different scenes, like someone had taken all their favorite parts from all the porn and put it together, and laid down a music track. I guess old man Beedle was having fun with his new DVD burner one day. It was pretty funny actually, a lot of scenes of women putting on panty hose, or taking them off but backwards. Creative too. The music was sort of a generic drum synth thing and after a while I got into it. It felt a bit repetitive but for some reason I just played it a few times over. That's probably why I keep imagining the whole thing in my head. Anyway, time went by and before I knew it the boys were home. I threw the disk into my bag since I wasn't going to run it back up to Mr. Beedles room. The boys were tired out and after a few hours of TV they loped off to bed. They are really good boys most of the time. I figure the Beedles will be home from their cruise soon, so I will sign off. I am allowed to use the computer down here but I really am not that big into it. This private blog is pretty to use though. I think I might be able to keep it up. January 5th, 2007 Hey, I am back. Thought I was gone for good I bet. Nah. The computer at home broke again. Yvonne stuck crackers in the cd-rom player and then sprayed it with water to clean it off. The whole thing is a mess and even though we can use moms work laptop for some stuff, she says 'school work only.' Since I am not in school there isn't much excuse as far as she is concerned. I told her I want to be a writer and she handed me a pencil. Anyway, it's Friday night and the boys are in bed, and the Beedles are out for the weekend again. I don't mind. Went dancing twice this week and almost got it on with a gorgeous girl. Legs like you wouldn't believe. I got off just imagining her pulling those nylons up her long smooth legs. She was nasty though once I started talking to her. Said to call her when I was grownup size. Being short can suck, especially when the hottest girls wear those big heels. Still I get a nice view of the tatas, eh? It wasn't a great birthday, but I am eighteen now. Very thrilling. Anyway I raided the porn again. I was really just going to replace the disk I had 'borrowed'. I admit, I played it some lately, although obviously with my headphones on. I guess I have a thing for it. Can't be too weird, if Beedle made a special DVD of it. Anyway I was putting it on the bottom of the pile, when I found another disk just like it. Obviously I had to check it out, and I wasn't disappointed. I had gotten into the habit of watching with my headphones, so I just laid back and ended up falling asleep with it running. It was a lot artier with multiple images and all sorts of video effects, like someone had gotten a new video editor package and was trying everything out. When I woke up I decided to put it back immediately. Its really important to be neat when you are sneaking porn. While I was in Beedles closet I noticed Ms. Beedle had left her underwear draw open. Now I want to be honest since this is my effort to get into the habit of real productive writing. I went over to the drawer and noticed just a slew of nylons. I mean she must wear them every day. Most of my girls don't wear them, and the ones that do, I had never gotten them off, so I was somewhat unfamiliar. Figuring that there was nothing wrong with tights, I mean Robin Hood wore them, I locked myself in the bathroom and tried to get them on, but I have to admit that the effect wasn't really all that pleasing. I mean they felt good in a strange tingly way, but my legs are a little hairy. Also standing there with no shoes, they looked sort of childish, like footsie pajamas or something. I felt a little turned on though, and decided to pull them off before I made a mess. Like I said, important to be neat. Still I realized that I couldn't get them back into the neat little balls Ms. Beedle had them in. I think she has some sort of regular help come in to do laundry. Not really domestic, if you get my drift. I arranged the drawer so that they wouldn't be missed and now I think I will watch some T.V. and go to bed. January 6th, 2007 Drove the boys to the mall. Honestly they are such well behaved boys, I don't mind taking them shopping. I need a few things anyway. Picked up some underwear. Decided to try out the bikini type. Not girls underwear. But you know that I have been wearing those briefs and boxers for so long, and I am starting to get too old for them. I have to admit they look good on me. I have a really good looking ass, or so the girls say. Anyway on a lark I picked up some of my own tights. Its midwinter and they are great for keeping warm. Guys wear them when they go fishing too. Still felt weird with the hair, so I picked up some depilatory or whatever its called. It worked pretty well, and the nylons go on much nicer. Yes I tried them on just now and am wearing them under my jeans. I know its weird but lately I have been so bored so its nice to have a change of pace. Speaking of change of pace, the next DVD I found (yes there was another one; Beedle's been busy,) was trippy. It reminded me of some of the old 60's stuff, with the weird colors and trippy music, and you could sort of hear voices and things backwards, but the more I tried to understand it the weirder it felt. Unlike the other disks, I didn't fall asleep at all. In fact I felt so charged up and energetic I considered taking a sleeping pill or something. I ended up cleaning the kitchen and finally was able to get to bed. January 7th, 2007 Woke up still feeling all tense and such. I used to be hyperactive. Maybe turning eighteen I sort of had a little flashback of being a kid. I have been thinking a lot about that. I think it has to do with the nylons and the footsie pj thing. I have been wearing them and it does seem like I have more energy. Probably some weird psychology thing. Anyway, I am bouncing around and tapping my feet and keep humming dance music and dancing, and the guys started laughing so I did a little dance for them, and they clapped. They are so nice. I did more cleaning to calm down and practiced my dance moves and its been fine. I need to get another pair of nylons since these need to be cleaned. I spent some time on the internet looking up how to care for them. Its so important to be neat about your clothing. I cant afford to let things wear out too early. January 10th, 2007 Computer at home is still busted. I actually came by to use the Beedles', and spent some time talking to Jack and Melinda, just about being a writer, and how good the boys have been, and how much I appreciate the work. They both smiled and Melinda seemed very pleased. She dresses really nicely. I find that once you get to know her, she is much less like a bimbo than I thought. I mean she likes to look good and wear nice things, but so does anyone. She and Jack get along so well. He treats her like a treasure. Anyway the boys have been in such a good mood when they see me. I think it's a real challenge to keep teenage boys in line, but I find if you treat them like they are grownups they act like it. Still they have some private joke that makes them a little infuriating. Twins and all. January 13th, 2007 I was so busy today I totally forgot to make my entry. I just can't sit still lately. I lost 10 pounds this last week. The last thing I want is to get skinnier. Being short is one thing, but being skinny... Girls are lucky, they get to wear heels and when they lose weight it looks good. I mean even the skinny girls like my sisters still have big asses and tits. Anyway so I came by last night to take care of the boys, and found a new DVD and this one was more relaxing again so I played it, but it really didn't help much. I have been dancing and humming all day today. Yes the Beedles are gone for the weekend. I swear they are having just too much fun for married people. I am glad I can help out. I don't think they could leave these naughty boys alone without me to play mommy. Well maybe not mommy, but big sister. I swear I have to clean up after them, and chase them around, and drive them places. Still its nice to be useful. Today though I just couldn't stay in my seat, and Mark said he had some sort of hypertension pills that were for hyperactivity and ADD and maybe I would try one. Well that worked out great. I took the little pink pill and it was almost instant, I felt relaxed and much more able to just take it easy. He told me that I should feel free to take the bottle, since they got them cheap on the internet. I didn't know you could get decent drugs on the internet but Adam said it was some Canadian company, and that they weren't prescription there. I really don't care. I have to admit I haven't been getting high as much lately, and maybe That's why I am so tense. I just don't like drinking beer or smoking pot anymore. Kids stuff. January 27th, 2007 Well I haven't been doing so well keeping the journal but since I am going to be here for a while I figure this will be a good opportunity. The boys are back in school already. I can't believe how fast this month went. I still have been having the issue with being hyperactive, but I just spend the day cleaning and dancing, and take my pill every night. I still have been watching the homemade porn. Beedle is so creative. I haven't been getting turned on by the newer stuff exactly although he had a whole maid thing that was really hot. Still it feels nice to just lay back and watch. I think I must be going through some weird growth spurt. I thought I might have gotten a little taller. I really wish I could add a few inches to my height. I swear Adam is going to be taller than I soon. I might get some lifts or something. Oh the big news. Mr. Beedle and Miss Melinda are going off for three months, and since I am eighteen they have asked that I stay over and watch the boys and take care of things around the house. I said yes. They pay is great. January 28th, 2007 Another day, another dollar. My body has really felt a little weird. I am not really losing weight anymore, and may have gained it back. I know my jeans are tighter. I dunno. Lately I have just been feeling so different. I was showing Mark how to dance, and took the girl part and he is just so big and strong that it seemed almost natural to let him lead. He is going to be a great dancer. Taught Adam as well. They were so sweat about it. Mark said with my hair as long as it was, I could pass as a girl. Strangely I felt sort of happy about that but I poked him and told him not to be rude. He smiled and said 'yes, ma'am' but I know he is just teasing. I might have to get a haircut though. It IS getting very long. January 29th, 2007 So this is a little weird, and I am not sure what to do. I don't think Mr. Beedle made these last DVD's. Not sure why they are in his porn stack at all. They are all really abstract and arty, but I find that if I take my pill and then watch it feels really good. I really don't know. Maybe he gets them on the internet. Probably some weird artists series. January 30th, 2007 My tits have been itching for like two days now. I was scratching them and Adam suggested some cream that his stepmom uses. It felt good. He says he can get more on the internet so not to worry. Talked to the Beedles. They are having a great time. January 31rst, 2007 Ok, I went through the porn collection and its like some of the disks I remember being there are gone, and there are some new ones. I think the boys are messing with them. I guess I can't blame them, but I am not sure that some of these are appropriate. The most recent one seemed to have a lot of nipple torture scenes, like pumps and stretching and its just not really for kids. I mean not that most porn is, but you know, its one thing to be looking at girls, I mean That's what boys do. But this stuff is freaky. I can't get some of the things I see out of my head. I started tugging on my own nipples and they have been so sensitive lately. The cream helps, but I find that they are getting bigger and much more sensitive. Mark bumped my chest while we were dancing, and it hurt so bad I almost cried. February 1, 2007 Been a month of this journal. Read through it, and it seems so weird to remember what I was thinking. I feel like I have changed a lot since I turned 18. More mature. The house is nearly spotless, the boys clothing is clean. I learned to wash my nylons and keep them nice. I have a few. I was coming out of the shower after shaving, and Adam said my legs looked really nice. He said it was a shame that I didn't wear clothing that showed them off more. I felt all tingly hearing it. Lately I have been checking out skirts at the mall. Got a haircut the other day though. It was so messy. It looks better now, especially when I tie it back. February 2, 2007 Danced with both boys. I just love dancing with them, teaching them new moves. Some of it is a little risque, but it is nice to see how well they respond. I did one move and Mark said if I had been wearing a frilly skirt, it would have looked great. I was also telling them how girls wearing heels had to be better at dancing than guys, but both of them said that they were sure I would be a great dancer even in heels. They are the best. February 3rd, 2007 Mark accidentally dropped my pills on the floor, but he promised to get new ones. I need them. I would be up all night cleaning if I didn't have my little pink pill. Been playing a few disks. Its funny, there is almost no real pictures anymore. I was playing one this afternoon with my headphones and when Mark asked what it was I told him it was just a relaxation thing. He said, cool, and then he showed me a program on the computer that did almost the same thing, but you didn't need a disk. He explained that there was some weird thing with the headphones called binaural and that it was a way to relax better. He is very bright for a 13 year old. That's right, we had a nice birthday party, and the boys got gift-certificates to buy their own clothing at the mall. We will go shopping tomorrow! Its so exciting really. They get to pick out whatever they want, and its like 300 dollars! Even better, Mr. Beedle included a nice bonus for me, a hundred dollar gift certificate. I love shopping! February 4th, 2007 Ok, well it was their birthday, so when we were at the mall and they suggested I try on a skirt, just for the hell of it I did. I was already wearing my nylons and when I came out they whistled. For some reason no one seemed to think it was strange. I even went into the girls' dressing room. It was pretty cheap and a little snug around the hips but it really did look hot. They made me buy it! I swear. Worse they saw my nylons, but they didn't laugh, although Mark said it looked weird without shoes. I agreed, and before I knew it we were at the shoe store. Mark bought me a pair of heels! I am a size 10 shoes and a size 4 for clothing. Adam said something about a bra, but Mark punched him. They are good boys, but Mark is just so much more mature than Adam. Anyway we went home and I tried it all on and we even practiced dancing. I am still not as tall as Mark, but I am taller than Adam so that's at least something. Adam looked a little jealous so I danced with him too. Twins can be so competitive. February 5th, 2007 I was wearing my jeans and such and Mark looked a little bummed, but I can't wear a skirt every day, can I? February 6th, 2007 I went shopping today while the boys were out. I found a little black dress that was made of some weird micro fibre. It clung really nicely and showed off the way my body has been changing. Its been weird how I never noticed how much I look like a girl. I bought another pair of shoes, sort of short boots with a nice heel on them. I want to be at least as tall as Mark. February 7th, 2007 So this morning I dressed up in my black dress with red tights and my little black boots. I did my hair up a bit. I look really great but I think some lipstick would really sell this look. Maybe some eye makeup. Both boys complemented me and just for kicks I showed Mark I could still kiss him on the forehead. He blushed but I think he likes it. I have to be careful to give Adam the same attention. Both boys need to feel like they are special. February 8th, 2007 Last nights disk was a whole thing about how men can be turned into women through hypnosis and hormones. It was surprisingly exciting. I can't imagine it being real, but the guys seemed like they were going under. Lately when I am turned on my nipples get really hard and stick out of my shirt. Adam commented and said something about a bra. I thought Mark would punch him, but he sort of nodded. I felt a little weird about it, but I think they feel uncomfortable with how my breasts look without one. They are just not grownup enough to understand what I am trying to do, but they are very supportive. February 9th, 2007 Ran out of pills, but Mark had the replacements. They are different looking. Larger. I asked and he said I probably needed a bigger dose. I guess I do. Mark is very smart and I think he really cares about how I feel. He asks me questions sometimes, and I find that I can really open up to him. Lately I have been talking to him about how I feel when I dress up, and he asks the most insightful things. He said that I probably feel more comfortable now dressing as a woman because it lets me play out the role that society has given me, being a care giver and a house cleaner. I said yeah, sometimes I feel like I am just the maid or the nanny and he nodded. He said, "You probably can clean better when you just think of yourself as a pretty young girl, who is a maid." I never realized that's what I was doing. February 10th, 2007 I told Mark about this journal, and he read through it. He said I was clearly happier now than when I started. It is so true. This last month has been great. I love taking care of the boys, and even though I feel a little kinky experimenting with dressing up, I think Mark totally understands me. He is so smart for a 13 year old. I wish he was a little older, but dancing with him feels really nice. Adam too. I have been finding that, while he isn't quite as mature looking or acting, something about the way he smacks my bottom just makes me tingle. February 11th, 2007 The Beedles called and they commented on my voice being higher. I hadn't noticed. It must have been gradual. I explained that we all had gotten over a cold the boys brought home, but everyone was ok. The boys miss their parents, but they are so nice about it, like I am really making up for them being gone. Just for fun I wore one of Ms. Melinda's dresses, and I fit really well. I tried on one of her bras but it is too big for me. Adam wanted me to stuff it, but Mark said I should find out what size I was and get my own. Mark really understands this so much better than Adam, but I kind of liked the thought of having really big boobs just to see what Adam thought. He is still so immature, and I think he just likes looking at girls with big tits. Mark is more aware of how a man really should treat a girl. Not that I am a girl, but it's a good role for me while I am taking care of them. I have gotten so good at makeup too. February 13th, 2007 I have no idea how it happened but I think I must have just been so busy yesterday I didn't remember to enter anything in my journal. Honestly have no idea. I remember sitting down to do it and then getting up to go to bed but I guess I got caught up in playing with some new program Mark set up for me. February 14th, 2007 Mark says I should only wear woman's clothing from now on. He got a tape measure and told me to strip. He measured my body all the way from top to bottom. I felt so strange standing there, while the boys discussed all my dimensions. They started commenting about what needed work, and whether or not implants would be a good idea. I am almost a C cup, and I am measuring 34-27-38. Yes my ass is getting large. I had to buy new jeans. That's what Mark got upset about, since I bought my typical kind, and Mark said I looked dumb in boys jeans. I felt really bad because he was right. February 16th, 2007 I did it again. I keep sitting down to do something on the computer and then I just get caught up. Anyway I bought girls jeans that fit perfectly, and lots of girls underwear and bras. I have been saving up money. It's a totally new me. I showed off for Mark and Adam and they were very appreciative. Very appreciative. I really need to remember they are still children. I tend to have a very feminine sway and bounce when I walk and I think I am giving them a little more stimulation than a proper babysitter should. Still they behave well and rarely cop a feel. I think they have adjusted to me being a girl around them. February 17th, 2007 I was thinking back to when I used to try on my sisters clothing when I was little, and how much I wished I was just like them. Now look at me. It seems weird but I haven't seen anyone I know since I have started dressing like this. I don't care. I just want to take care of the boys and relax. February 24th, 2007 Adam gave me a present while Mark was out. I am not sure what to think, but Adam told me to try it on and it was very nice of him. It had to be expensive, it was so well tailored to me. Even though it was a little tight in the chest. My tits got bigger again. I realize that I haven't been writing as much. I don't really know what takes up my day. I end up watching videos or soap operas or cleaning or preparing dinner. I haven't gone out dancing in ages, but I practice a lot with the boys. March 18th, 2007 I forgot about the journal. Mark mentioned that I hadn't been adding new entries and that he felt it would be appropriate for me to describe what I am. I am a sexy maid! I figured it out the other day. I have been wearing a maids uniform for weeks, since I showed Mark the present Adam gave me. I have a few different ones, some are more functional, and some are more appropriate for dancing with the boys and sometimes, when I am feeling very naughty, I put on the little frilly babydoll maid uniform and prepare dinner in that. I really am very sexy. I love to clean. I love making the boys happy. They enjoy touching my body and ordering me to do things. I love doing what I am told. March 24th, 2007 I had the wildest conversation with Master Mark and Master Adam. They showed me the entry in my journal where I doubted I was affected by subliminals or other things on TV. I remembered the conversation, but I was not sure why they were mentioning it. They then explained that they had begun just trying to get me to wear nylons but when I responded so easily they had decided to see how far they could go before I resisted. I see how they must feel they are responsible for the changes I have gone through, but it is honestly hard for me to imagine how they could rationalize it this way. I have always wanted to be a pretty maid. It's why I have worked so hard for the Beedles, so that they would see that I could really be perfect for this position. I wanted to explain to them, but Master Mark said I was not to speak unless told and then he explained some other things that would be proper. Master Adam then explained some things and afterwards I felt so good I could cry. April 1st, 2007 Master Mark and Adam explained things to Master Jack and Mistress Melinda. Manuel had left town unexpectedly, having hired me to replace him temporarily. Things were going well and Master Mark had sent several DVD's to demonstrate my skills as a maid and nanny. At first they had seemed suspicious, but Master Mark was persistent. Master Mark is having me try his newest DVD tonight. I can't wait. January 1rst, 2008 I have always wanted to have a journal where I could express my most intimate thoughts. My name is Amanda but most folks call me Mandee. I work as the nanny and maid for a very nice family. Most girls wish they were princesses, but even as a little girl I have always enjoyed playing the obedient servant. I guess I am just like that. I love to obey. I love when men look at me, and I love to please them. I really enjoy cleaning, and dancing. My favorite is when my Master allows me to dance for him. He lets me go to the clubs to dance, and I love the way it feels when I see how much the men want to dance with me. I never let them get too far. I am saving myself for when Master will choose to take me and make me a real woman. I am 5'7" so I always wear high heels. I love my maids uniforms. I have a 36 inch bust with C cups, although Master Adam insists I should get implants. We will see. Its almost my birthday! I will be 19! I can't wait to see what they have for me. I love presents. Happy New Year!