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A Woman In Full: Sharon's Journey Continues; Part VII - Questions And Precautions free porn video
Part VII - Questions and Precautions
Suddenly, Holloran was scarce. No pop-in visits to Jocelyn's office, no
spur-of-the-moment summonses to his office or even phone calls; all she
got was the occasional desultory e-mail. They dealt solely with routine
matters - no mention was made of the investigation or of what had
appeared in the New York Sun-Tribune over the weekend.
He wasn't the only one. Her secretary had called in sick, and any number
of people she tried to reach on Monday were unreachable.
"The wall is starting to be raised," she mused aloud.
There was one exception. Bernice Grady, the head of Human Resources,
called and asked if anyone had given her any difficulty.
"No. Why?"
"Just asking," came Bernice's cool reply. "Every once in a while, I spot
check to make sure our harassment and discrimination policies are being
followed. That includes the CFO."
"I haven't harassed or discriminated against anyone," Jocelyn replied,
and heard a hearty, almost masculine, laugh on the other end.
"Good. If you hear of anything, though, you be sure to let me know."
Jocelyn thanked her and hung up.
If only she could think of something to make Sharon laugh so easily.
Sharon was greeted at the restaurant Tuesday night with a standing
ovation.
"On balance," Carol Anne said, "a net gain."
Sharon looked at her quizzically.
"Greta probably lost interest, but Janelle, Lola and Christina probably
gained."
"And yourself?" asked Greta, just passing by.
Carol Anne smiled and touched Sharon's hand.
"I've always been intrigued," she said in a soft whisper with a wink.
Sharon smiled.
"I guess the biggest disappointment," she said to Carol Anne, "is that
everyone here reads that rag."
"Gossip," she replied with a shrug.
Nicole, who was the newest girl on staff as well as the youngest, made
Sharon feel the best when she came up to her and said, "I still think
your gorgeous."
She felt like people were staring at her, checking her out when they had
a chance, but realized it was probably just her imagination. The article
hadn't mentioned her by name, or where she worked, so it was only those
who knew of her marriage to Jocelyn who were able to connect the dots.
Amber was refusing to talk to her, and KC was nowhere to be seen. She had
not seen Alicia since their confrontation in the street over the weekend,
but Sharon was most worried about Deanna.
"You're not responsible for her," Jocelyn said one night.
But Sharon felt she was. After all, she had pushed Alicia to accept the
idea of Deanna, and she had even allowed David to have "Deanna days".
Since the story had run, she had seen neither David nor Deanna, and she
was getting worried.
She knew that he often came home early on Wednesdays because of his
visits to the allergist, so she waited, not even pretending to work. A
little before three, she heard the front door, and she went to the door
to the apartment. Sure enough, it was David.
He froze on the stairs when he saw her.
"Can we talk?" she asked.
"Mom told me not to," he replied.
"And what do you think?"
He remained motionless for a long time. Then, very slowly, he began to
come back down the stairs. But when he reached the first floor and turned
to face her, she saw his face hardened in a way she'd never seen it
before, and all she could think of was how much she missed Deanna.
"I don't think anything," he said. "I just have questions."
"You have a right to have questions. Most people don't but you do."
He looked confused.
"Why?"
"Because I knew, and I helped you. Your mom thinks I did a bad thing.
You're wondering now if she's right. So ask what you need to ask."
He looked at the floor. Then he looked at her.
"Is it true?"
"Is what true?"
If she was going to answer his questions, at least they would have to be
as honest as her answers.
"Is it true that you're...you know..."
"No, David, I don't know. Tell me what you want to know."
"Is it true that you're really a guy?"
"I live my life as a woman. I was born a male. I hated my male self, and
I've loved every minute that I've lived as a female, from when I was
little and my sister dressed me up right up until now. Life as a woman is
not easy, David. You know that because you've had a taste of it. You know
that Deanna's life is not inherently easier or better than David's. And
yet you wanted to live it."
He stared at the floor.
"You wanted me to live it."
"Only because you wanted it. After I caught you that first time, I was
supportive because I knew what it was like to want to be a girl. So when
you asked me for help I gave it. But I also warned you."
He looked up at her.
"When you brought boys back here after flirting with them, when they
wanted to kiss you. When you wanted to kiss them. I told you it wasn't a
game, that you had to live with what you did. I know what that rush is
like, when a guy is looking at you, thinks you're hot. It's like a drug,
it makes you feel so good. Because isn't part of the essence of being a
girl the ability to attract the interest of a boy?
"I tried to tell you because I knew myself. And I was ready to tell your
mother what you probably needed. Why? Because I know first hand how much
it hurts, and how lucky I was to find a woman who loved me for me. She
loves me. The boy who always ached to be a girl. Who watched with
jealousy and venom when his sister played with her friends, wearing their
pretty dresses and lace-trimmed anklets and patent leather mary janes.
"And I worried about you because I knew you wanted the same thing, and
might not be able to find it. I see you with young KC, attracted to her
and her little baby, wanting to help and glad because there are so few
who are willing and she's so grateful. And I feel awful because KC no
longer talks to me, and I know that you won't tell her about your desires
for fear that she will no longer talk to you."
He said nothing. He just stared at her impassively. Suddenly, she was
convinced she'd lost him.
"But I can stop worrying. You'll purge, now, and you'll stop talking to
me, and you'll never tell KC what's in your heart, and maybe that will be
a good thing because she'll never have to deal with it. But it's a lie,
Deanna. So, go live your lie, and satisfy your mother, and deny your own
self. But don't ever - EVER - accuse me of not caring. Because I thought
of Deanna as my daughter, the only daughter I was ever going to have."
The black cloud was descending yet again. She could feel it encroaching,
sense it catching her in its icy grip, just as the rapist had caught her
that night.
David turned and climbed the stairs to the second floor apartment, not
saying a word.
Maybe, Sharon thought, it would have been better if Bart had let him kill
me.
Brad Holloran was not prepared for the frosty formality with which
Jocelyn greeted him when they finally did meet. He tried to warm up their
meeting with the old humor and familiarity, but it fell flat as she
didn't react.
"Are you all right?" he asked at last.
"Of course," she said with a frosty smile. "Do you have any other
questions?"
"Well," he said at last, "I just wanted to say, about that article in the
paper the other day..."
"Article?" she asked. "What article?"
He mentioned the tabloid. She laughed.
"You read that? I never do. One step above the supermarket tabs."
She turned to leave.
"I thought," he said as a final gambit, "that perhaps we might have
dinner one night - you, Sharon, Darla and me."
She considered that.
"Let me get back to you on that," she said.
A short while later, she was in her own office packing up when Holloran
came in.
"I think we need to talk," he said. She regarded him curiously.
"We just did. Was there something else?"
"I just get the sense that there are some issues..."
She noticed his eyes darting around to different parts of her office.
"Are you looking for something?" she asked.
"No, of course not..."
"You seem to be. What is it you want?"
He stopped and stared.
"Just to get back to the easy association we've had since you got here,"
he said at last. She shrugged.
"I think I'm the same as always, and in any case, I carry myself in an
appropriate manner in dealing with the rest of the company's senior
management. If you think I'm being in any way improper, please let me
know."
He assured her she was not, and she smiled and bade him good evening. He
was still standing in her office as she walked out. She was certain he
was even more befuddled as she made no attempt to lock up before she
left.
Sharon seemed very somber when she got home, although her queries were
answered with a cheery, "I'm fine." She decided not to press it, since
she was sure she knew what it was, and she had decided that Sharon needed
to work things out in her own way.
At least she had gotten the submission out to Beverly Colby. It would be
nice, Jocelyn thought, if something good could come out of this mess.
After dinner, she set up shop on the dining room table, as had become her
habit. Sharon put some soft music on and sat on the couch reading. Soon,
though, it became hard for either of them to concentrate, as sounds of
shouting could be heard from the apartment directly overhead.
"Sounds like Alicia and David are going at it," she said aloud. Sharon
nodded but said nothing. She had told her about the encounter in the
street, and Jocelyn knew it had hurt Sharon more than she was letting on.
She tried to return to her work, but the fight upstairs was getting more
intense.
"You think they're all right?" she asked Sharon at last.
"If I hear anything break I'll call the police."
That was enough to get her up from the table. She started to walk over to
Sharon - it was time to get this out in the open. But Sharon saw her
coming and held up a hand.
"Please don't. I really don't want to talk about it. I'm not angry or
anything, but I just can't talk about it."
She stopped in her tracks.
"All right."
The shouting seemed to come to a climax, and then there was the
unmistakable sound of a door slamming.
"If she's smart, she'll let it go at that," Sharon said.
Silence followed. Sharon got back into her reading and Jocelyn got back
into her analysis. When Sharon got up to go to bed, Jocelyn was working
feverishly.
"I'm close," she said.
"You've been saying that for a week," Sharon noted.
"Uh huh. But I've cut through all the numbers. Now I'm going back and
looking at the e-mails that refer to them. There wasn't just one
transaction - there were several different ones that were all related."
Sharon nodded her approval and said goodnight.
By Friday, Sharon was starting to feel a little better. The weather was
growing more and more spring-like and that always raised her spirits.
Julie urged her to return to the park.
"How's it going?" Julie asked. "With you, I mean."
"I guess I'm finding out who my real friends are."
"And which ones have bad taste in newspapers," Julie added. Sharon cast a
sidelong glance at her and found her grinning. She managed a small smile.
"Yeah, that too."
The smile faded.
"Jules, was I wrong to just want to live the way I wanted to live?"
"No, of course not. But I don't think it's about the choice you made,
it's about the fact that people didn't know. I know Amber feels that
way."
"Am I supposed to spend the rest of my life explaining? Hey, you all,
don't I look like a real girl? Well, don't get too excited, 'cause here's
my whole painful history!"
She turned to face her friend, trying not to cry.
"I did this because I needed to get away from that history. No one should
have to spend the rest of their life explaining themselves."
Julie's eyes were glistening, too.
"I know," she said in a whisper. "I never said you were wrong. I only
said that's what Amber feels. You don't have to explain, and no one has
the right to demand that you do, but when they find out you didn't
they're hurt just the same."
Sharon was aware that Julie was holding her hand in both of hers.
"We feel what we feel," she added. "You...me...Amber."
It was only a short while later they saw Amber enter the park with the
stroller and Ty. She spied Julie and began to walk over, but as she drew
closer, she saw Sharon and hesitated. Julie got up and strode over to
her.
"This has gone far enough," she said, softly. "She's been a good friend
and a little plumbing difference doesn't change that. Besides, try to see
it from her side, what she's been going through."
"You mean 'he', don't you?"
Julie glared at her and she was immediately sorry she'd said it. Julie
turned to go back to the bench with Sharon, and after a momentary
hesitation Amber followed.
"Hi."
Amber sat down between them. Sharon could see she was debating with
herself what to say or ask.
"Look," Sharon said at last. "You can't be thinking anything worse than
some of the things that have been said to me in the past week, so you
might as well get it out there. A diplomat you're not."
Amber allowed herself a momentary smile. But it faded quickly.
"Why did you tell Julie but not me?" she asked at last.
She had told Julie while she was separated from Jocelyn, when she felt
utterly alone and defenseless. Somewhere deep within her had been the
fear that she might lose everything, and she needed to know that Julie
really accepted her, no exceptions.
"You know how you always have that one friend, that one woman who accepts
everything about you, knows all your secrets? Julie was there for me, and
I needed her.
"But this is not just a nasty family secret, or a past indiscretion that
polite folks don't talk about. I didn't do this just because I like to
wear stockings, heels and skirts. I did it because I love being Sharon
and hated being Ray, and never, ever wanted to think about being Ray ever
again.
"I didn't lie to you, Amber, and I know that's what you think I did. I
was burying the part of me I couldn't accept, and still can't and never
will. Only now, I'll never be rid of it."
They sat in silence for a long time. Ty started to fuss and Amber gave
him a bottle.
"How's KC?" Sharon asked. "I miss her."
KC missed her as well. She had seen the article after hearing Amber and
Ryan talking about it.
"She felt betrayed, too, I'm afraid," Amber said. Julie made a comment.
"Of course she did. She was modeling you. You still don't see it, but she
admires you and looks up to you. You're the ideal mother to her. But she
has other models, too - like Sharon, who is her ideal girlfriend."
Sharon and Amber both stared at her.
"Mine, too," she added with a shrug.
Amber's shoulders sagged markedly. She stared at the ground.
"I know. I'm a shit."
"No, you're not," Sharon. "You're my friend. I hope."
Amber hugged her.
"I'm so sorry," she said.
Jocelyn was up bright and early Saturday morning. She and Sharon had
breakfast together and then she set up the laptop at her usual place at
the dining room table. She took time to get her files laid out, then
logged in.
"Hey, what's this?" she asked aloud.
"What's the matter?" Sharon asked. She was getting ready to go out and do
some food shopping.
"You remember any of your techie past? Can you come take a look at this?"
Sharon came over and peered over Jocelyn's shoulder at the screen.
"You forget your password?"
"Of course not."
"Clear the screen, shut it down and try again."
Sharon called it the "hit it in the head" method. Jocelyn tried it but
got the same results.
"Authorization denied?" Jocelyn said, reading the odd error message. She
looked over her shoulder and saw Sharon's frown.
"What?"
"I think you've been locked out."
Jocelyn's gut was telling her the same thing. She picked up the phone and
called the company's IT hotline. She requested a password reset.
"Sorry, ma'am," the technician said. "It's not letting me reset it."
"What do you mean?"
"I get a message that you are not authorized to use the system."
"That's absurd. I'm the chief financial officer of the company."
"Yes, ma'am. But you need to talk to IT security on Monday. My
instructions are..."
He stopped.
"What instructions?" she demanded.
"I'm sorry, ma'am. My English is not good."
"I understand you perfectly."
The line went dead.
"Call Jack," Sharon said.
She did. He thought it was odd, possibly telling. He asked how long she
had been accessing the company's network from home.
"I've done that since I first started working there," she said. "Sharon
complains that I work too hard."
But after some discussion, he focused on the fact that it had only been
recently that she had started doing so much of this analysis from home.
"Tell him about the new laptop," Sharon said, having stopped at the door
and come back. "And the router."
She did. Jack remained quiet for a long time.
"What's your next step?"
"Call the head of Tech Security. If I can't get him, I'll e-mail him from
my personal account."
Another pause.
"No," he said at last. "Don't do anything. Work with what you've got or
take the rest of the weekend off. Inquire on Monday, but go through
normal channels, as if this is just a minor inconvenience. Do not show
any sense of urgency at all.
"Now, your home computers - do you have good anti-spyware software on
them? Not just anti-virus, but anti-spyware?"
"Yes, Sharon insists."
"Good girl. Run full scans every time you log on and before you log off.
Don't just rely on the automatic screening."
"Anything else?"
"Yes. Just because you're not showing them a sense of urgency doesn't
mean you don't have one. Try to get that analysis done as quickly as
possible."
She knew he was right. She was about to say so when she heard background
noise from his end.
"What's that?" she heard him say, away from the phone. Then he spoke to
her. "Julie just came in. She said she saw some young guy with a
professional looking camera hanging around the park. She says she saw him
there yesterday, too, when he tailgated his way in behind some old guy -
smooth, held the gate for him to get in with his walker."
"Jack, I'm not going to hide in the house."
"No, of course not. Do what you would normally do. But wear sunglasses,
and Julie says if you have big hats, wear them, too. Not that they won't
recognize you, but it'll make for a poor quality photo, and no one who
doesn't already know you would be able to use it to recognize you."
She thanked him for being so thorough. His answer chilled her.
"I don't think you realize, yet, just how high the stakes are."
"Oh, yes I do. I realized that as soon as they dragged Sharon into it."
Sharon agreed with Jack's precautions, and she dug out the big straw hats
they'd gotten on the cruise, back when they'd first met Rod and George.
She also found a pair of sunglasses from the same trip.
"How do I look?" Sharon asked when she was ready to go.
"Like Audrey Hepburn."
Sharon scowled.
"I'd have to have my hair up in a beehive to look like Audrey Hepburn,"
she scoffed. "I hate beehive hairdos."
She left the house and thought she heard an odd noise as she turned to
walk down the front steps. She heard it again and saw a young man with a
camera and a powerful telephoto lens close to the corner of 21st Street
and Gramercy Park West. She immediately turned toward 20th Street, around
to the park entrance by Irving Place.
She saw KC coming up Irving, though, and crossed over to meet her.
"Oh!" KC said when she realized it was Sharon, hesitating to say anything
more.
"I know," Sharon said. "Traveling incognito. Were you going to the park
or for a walk?"
"I...hadn't decided."
"Then would you like to join me for a walk? I've got a photographer on my
trail and I need to shake him. Besides, I'd really like to talk to you.
You've no idea how I've missed you."
"Why?"
"Walk with me? Please?"
KC caught the tone of her voice.
"Shit!" Sharon muttered, glancing back toward the park. "There he is. I
have to go."
She turned to continue down Irving Place.
"Wait!"
KC caught up with her and they began to walk briskly together.
"You going to look to see if he follows?" KC asked.
"No. Then he'll know for sure I'm dodging him. This way, he's not sure
and so may not follow."
They crossed 19th Street and kept going.
"You look like a movie star. Like J-Lo or somebody. And now you know how
they feel."
They kept up a brisk pace, but KC was comfortable with it.
"I've missed you," she said. "I think Ty has, too."
"I saw him yesterday."
Amber had told her. She'd also told her that they had made up, and KC was
really happy about that.
"Although," she added, "I'm still kind of confused."
"What about?"
But Amber had told her not to ask any questions, and so she wouldn't.
Sharon told her it would be all right, but KC was adamant. They walked
for a couple of blocks in silence.
"Is Jocelyn in trouble? It seems like it. I overheard Amber telling my
dad that the story in the paper was about something she may have done
wrong."
Ty started to fuss, so they stopped while KC got him into a less awkward
position in the stroller. Sharon glanced back. There was no sign of the
photographer.
"I think we've shaken the paparazzi," she said. Then she knelt down and
stroked Ty's hair a little. He was settling down.
"He looks a lot like you," Sharon said. "It's really obvious, now. Much
more than when he was first born."
They started walking again.
"Wanna push?" KC asked, and Sharon took over without a word. Ty started
to fuss, and Sharon stopped and started to bend down to pick him up.
"Don't do that," KC said, gently. "If you always pick him up when he
fusses, he'll constantly want to be picked up. Keep going and see if he
settles down."
She did, and he settled back down.
"You're really growing into motherhood," Sharon noted.
"I'm still scared shitless most of the time," KC replied.
When they got to 14th Street, Sharon crossed over and turned right, then
left on 4th Avenue. When she turned right onto 12th Street, KC asked if
they were going somewhere in particular.
"Ever walk down here, much?" Sharon asked. "No? Well, it's a nice
neighborhood, and one a girl your age should see."
As they approached Broadway, there was a sprawling bookstore with several
rolling bookcases arrayed along the sidewalk.
"The Strand," Sharon said. "Miles of books, inside and out, new and used.
Mostly used. I've found books here that had been out of print for
decades. I can lose myself for hours in this place."
They continued to University Place, then turned and began walking further
downtown. When they crossed 8th Street, they saw a purple NYU banner
hanging from one of the buildings.
"So, this is where NYU is?" KC asked.
"All around you, from Broadway over to MacDougal, from 10th Street to
below West 4th, including Washington Square. It's not all NYU, but the
university permeates everything, like a huge urban campus."
As they slowed to a stroll, KC glanced all around her.
"It's beautiful!" she gasped.
"Isn't it? But this isn't the best of it."
They walked to the end of the block and came upon Washington Square Park.
They turned west on Washington Square North until they came to the famous
arch.
"I know this! I've seen it in movies!" KC said.
"Very famous landmark. One of my favorites."
"Thank you for showing it to me."
"I didn't bring you here just to see the arch, or the beautiful houses.
This is a center of learning, of inquiry, of culture. It's also a center
of excess, of wild behavior, of experimentation with drugs and sex."
KC blushed.
"You don't have to choose between being educated and being a good
mother," Sharon said. "You're a good mother. You also have a very sharp
mind. I know Ty means the world to you, and he should, but there are more
ways to take care of him than just mothering him as you are now."
KC grew quiet.
"Amber put you up to this, didn't she?"
"No. But when you seemed so surprised that NYU was here, I realized your
horizons are far more narrow than they should be. You owe it to Ty to
complete your education and to do as well as you can. Then, when he's
older, your own desire to see him a successful college man will ring
true."
They began walking back. KC had something else on her mind.
"There's a boy who likes me. He's very sweet. He sits with me in the park
sometimes, and he likes Ty. He lives in your building."
"David?"
She nodded. But Amber did not like him, although she wouldn't say why. KC
pressed Sharon to either tell her what was objectionable about him or
else to assure her that he was in fact a boy she should be interested in.
"I like him," Sharon said. "And I can see why you would, too. It doesn't
surprise me that he isn't put off by Ty, and I think that alone would
make you like him."
KC nodded and smiled.
"Mothers often have intuitive reactions to their children's romantic
interests. Sometimes they're right, sometimes not."
"Has she said anything to you about it?" KC asked.
Sharon allowed herself to breathe a little easier.
"No, she hasn't. Maybe she's suspicious of his motives. After all, he
knows you're a young mother, and sometimes boys think of such girls as
easy prey."
"He wouldn't think like that," KC protested.
"No, but Amber might think he does."
They were coming along 20th Street, approaching Gramercy Park.
"Can I give you a cup of tea?" Sharon asked.
"Oh, I wish I could. But Amber will be getting itchy. She hates when I'm
gone for long periods of time. But I really loved our walk and our talk."
Sharon promised they'd do it again, soon. Ty started to fuss, this time
in earnest, and Sharon reached down and picked him up, giving him a quick
hug and kiss.
"Uh oh," she said, wrinkling up her nose.
"Yeah, thought so. I'll get him home and change him."
KC put him back in the stroller and Sharon mounted the steps to the house
as KC started for home.
She never saw the photographer.
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