Rachel - Crossing The Line VII free porn video

Hi - another installment. No editing again (sorry but no editors interested in helping), long story, hope you'll forgive me. Thanks for all your comments to date - emails and feedback left. It helps more that you'll ever know. I am deep into the next chapter and with luck it won't be so long before it's out there. Rachel Rachel - Crossing the Line VII By Rachel M. Moore November 21st 12:10 AM ...I pushed away from Brad and pulled the garbage can to my face just in time to catch a gut wrenching stream of vomit. My mind raced as I tried to will my body to stop, to relax. Why was this happening? My chest was cramping and my back felt like the muscles were being ripped apart. Brad disappeared for a moment and when he returned he had a large bath towel he offered to me after my third wretch. I could feel snot bubbles at my nose and tears welling in my eyes. Oh crap... I puked a small mouthful of acidy liquid into the towel before Brad could get to the garbage can back in front of my face. Damn! I closed my eyes and tried stay calm. Breathe slowly, that's it, breathe slowly... A cool washcloth on my head brought me back around and I squinted enough to see Brad walk out of the room. Did I pass out? No, I must have drifted off to sleep? What is going on here? The light from the lamp on the nightstand seemed to bright, alien like, as I turned to get a look at the time on the clock radio, it was just past one A.M. All I could remember was holding the towel and... No need to relive that I thought, Thank God I wasn't barfing anymore. I remember laying back and feeling my body blur past in the mirrors on the ceiling. Those stupid mirrors I tried to grin. I opened my eyes all the way and tried to focus on the image above me. I got lost in the image and felt like I was watching myself from outside of my body, floating... What's wrong with me? I looked pale and pasty, my hair shot and I could feel the sweat cooling around the back of my neck. I saw, as I watched myself in the mirrors, that the shirt I was wearing, Brad's sweet smelling shirt was open now and I could see my chest was a bright red. Why I wasn't panicked to see such a sight is beyond me, maybe I was afraid to move? I didn't want to throw-up again. Where did Brad disappear too? "Brad..." I croaked weakly and I had to stop because my stomach made a protest that I knew I had to obey. I lay there very still, barely breathing so as not to disturb the God of Vomiting. I scanned the ceiling and saw that the garbage can was on the floor next to the bed. It's anyone's guess whether I'd even be able to get to the damn thing if I decided to erupt again. I slowly reached for the bath towel lying across my mid-section and brought it to my lips. I dabbed the corner of my mouth and held it there so as to spit out the acidy coating that lined my mouth. Oh shit I feel like crap! I hadn't notice Brad entering the room until he spoke, "Whoa, your back." he said as he placed a glass of ice water on the nightstand beside me. "You scared me pretty good there for a couple minutes, you just faded out on me, you feel any better?" I tilted my head enough to convey I was better, "What's wrong with..." "I wasn't sure at first what was going on," he interrupted me, "until I opened up your shirt to try and cool you off and saw your chest. I don't think I've ever seen anyone so soaked in sweat. God Rach, I half considered dialing 911 you scared me so bad. Then I remembered you had seen Dr. Hanson and..." he paused awkwardly, "Well first, I mean it's obvious this is something he did, something you let him do. It was tough to find him, guess he's in Arizona. I thought you were just going to talk with him not..." he looked down over my bare chest. When I didn't say anything Brad pressed on, breaking an uncomfortable silence without me having to prod him to tell me what the good Dr. Bill had to say. "Since you didn't get a chance to tell me about your visit I figured this," he glanced at my chest again, "was something he had done and you were either having a reaction to it or were going to die on me." He smiled weakly and I could tell, him seeing me like this bothered him, made him uncomfortable, "Hanson told me that what I was describing to him wasn't out of the 'acceptable range' of reactions to the injections or the hormones he had given you. I saw the wrapper for the hormones on the kitchen counter and figured you must have taken them. He commented that you should take them with food. I guess I screwed that up huh? Breaking our dinner date and all." He smiled a little more confidently this time, scanning my face and eyes for some hint that I was digesting all of this. Acceptable range? Acceptable range! Screw you Dr. Bill! I have never felt this bad in all my life and he's trying to tell me this is in some 'range' I should just be okay with? Augh! I nodded my head slightly and rolled my eyes back. "Did you eat anything tonight? You aren't hungry are you?" his face looked a little pained. I scrunched my eyes and gave him a 'Are you kidding?' look! I needed to wash my mouth out, "Water... ple..." he was reaching for it before I could finish my request. I pulled my chin forward as much as I could and Brad slowly tilted the glass at my lips. The first sip I swished around and then looked toward the floor. Brad picked up the garbage can and held it in front of my face so I could spit it out the dried coating that covered the inside of my mouth. God, that was so much better. He moved the can away, which he must have cleaned out because it was spotless, so as to offer me another sip of water. I took another small sip and this time swallowed. When all hell didn't break loose I took another small sip and then laid back. "Better?" "Yeah, I just feel whipped." I whispered. "With good reason I'd wager, I mean this has got to be one helluva shock to your system." When he finished speaking I could see an odd look on his face. What was he really thinking? Is this not something he wanted me to do? I felt embarrassed all of a sudden and slowly pulled his shirt over my chest. Okay, 'shock to the system' was an understatement, but I didn't want to debate this now - though it was going to be a debate when I had my wits about me and I could dig out of him what he really thought about the steps I had taken to make myself more complete. "What happened with the police? Am I in trouble?" and after a seconds pause I add quickly, "Are you in trouble?" so as not to seem only interested in my situation. I mean I cared what happened to Brad as much as... "What? Why would you be in trouble?" he said emphasizing the word 'you' with a little too much force. "What about the FBI? What if they find out about me... I can't go to jail?" I closed my eyes as my voice trailed off. I'd set something in motion that would not go over so well in jail. I didn't want to play any guessing games with him as to why I thought I was in trouble - just tell me everything is fine and I can keep this life I have now. He controlled all the external things that surrounded me right now, was it such a stretch for him to understand my insecurity? To understand those things I felt were a threat to... "Jail? Wait a second." he looked like he was shifting gears, "First, no one's going to jail and secondly if the FBI did find anything out about you it wouldn't make a bit of difference. Everything we've done to create Rachel has been completely legal. Even getting your drivers license. I mean, while that may have been expedited a bit it was no less legal. Please tell me you aren't spending any time worrying about this." he stopped to make a funny face at me as I meekly opened my eyes. "Ah ha! You have been worrying about that haven't you?" He was playing with me and damn it, it just wasn't a good time to be doing this, "Do you even understand..." I paused trying to map out where I was going with this, "What it is I'm going through? I mean really understand how everything around me isn't me. Everything you see is barely even a reflection of who I really am Brad. Don't you get it? Can you see?" I could feel the tears welling in my eyes. Damn! I can't even hold it together to make one stupid point! "Whoa, take it easy now. I think I've got an idea of where you are at Rach, I think I've been your biggest supporter in helping you be who you want to be. What makes you think I'm missing anything or don't fully grasp the gravity of your situation?" he said so calmly and in complete control. I took a breath and released it slowly, calm down just explain it to him rationally, you can do this. "Nothing... there's nothing here that is me. I mean..." I tried to sit up a little, but decided I wasn't going to make it, "I feel like some caged animal. I mean I have freedom, sort of, but this place isn't me. This bed isn't mine. Can you see what I'm saying?" I knew I hadn't even gotten close to explaining to him what I was feeling by the look on his face. "So, you don't want to live here? You want to go back to your house?" he asked sheepishly. "Augh! No... I mean yes! I mean I want to live here Brad, but this condo is yours, you, void of anything me. Don't you see?" and my mind raced for an example, "Do you know I play the piano? Do you know I have a piano at my house? Do you know I like to cook?" My mind was racing now and I didn't want to stop or lose momentum. "I have over two- hundred CD's in my music collection and probably that many LP's on vinyl. I like music, I like to cook, I like art, I like... I need to feel secure." and my voice trailed off. What I wanted to say was I would like my life a whole lot better if it were blended with what I have now, where I am right now, with my past. I wanted to say that I have been hiding in the shadows all my life and now I'm feeling exposed and I'm having trouble dealing with that. I have fears, doesn't he get that? I've never told anyone this much about myself, let alone tried to be who I am so openly. Brad tilted his head slightly as if to see whether or not I was finished. I just nodded slightly. I didn't have the courage to say any more of what I was feeling inside. How can I be doing this? "I certainly don't want you to feel like you've moved to a different country for heaven sakes. And the only reason and I mean the only reason I haven't pressed you on the life you left behind was I thought you were trying to escape it." He sat slowly down on the edge of the bed beside me and gently took my hand, "I knew this was coming Rach. Hell I've wanted to know what made you tick, what made you the person you are and who you were from the very first night I met you. There can't be to many more secrets you are hiding from me after the other night..." his voice was a whisper, "I won't let anything bad happen to you Rachel, I promise." I know I was being stupid about all this, but did he really understand the risks I was taking? And yes there probably weren't too many more secrets he couldn't figure out about me even before we had become intimate the other night. But damn it I'm much farther into the spot light than I care to be, at least so quickly. "But you whisked me off to this castle, away from everything that kept me grounded." I blurted out, again not sure of the point I was trying to make. Did I even have one? God I hate this! Brad brushed my bangs aside and felt my forehead, "I only brought you here because I thought that's what you wanted. I thought it would be easier to bring you out into the open where I could control things a little easier. Is this not what you wanted?" "This is what I want, but I can't just leave my past behind me Brad. It's as much a part of me as what I want to become. Don't you see? You were the first person ever to really know me, the real me inside and I... I can't handle rejection, at least not right now. I have no idea of how I managed with Tony or with you for that matter the other night when we..." and I looked away from him, from those piercing eyes that were trying to see right into my soul. "I get it, I think I see what you are getting at, but how can I make this transition any easier for you?" "Brad..." I squeezed his hand tight, "you've given me so much, you've made me almost whole inside and out. I just need to bring my past into the here and now. Some how join them together without screwing up anyone." "Screwing up anyone? Now I'm confused." and he shifted slightly on the bed, "Are you afraid of what you are doing with your life," he emphasized 'your life', "is going to mess people up? Seriously Rach, who are you doing any of this for anyway?" At first I could only just stare blankly at him, who's side was he on damn it? Don't turn this around on me! Just a second ago it seemed that he truly understood where I was coming from. How could he have gotten lost? I tried to be calm and began slowly, "I am scared to death of what people are going to say if they find out I'm not what I appear to be. Hell, people don't give a shit Brad about other peoples struggles if they aren't on the same beaten path. It doesn't take much to set people off these days, especially when it deals with 'lifestyle' choices. This path I'm on makes me feel like I have to leave everything that is me behind just so I'm not found out. I have to watch my every move, gesture, how I talk, what I say, I just don't..." and I stopped, realizing I wasn't sure where I was going with the thought and just needed to think it out more... "and my parents..." I sighed deeply. "You feeling guilty? Not a fear of rejection, guilt right?" "Maybe a little of both... I don't know..." my voice trailed off again. "Does it matter what they think?" Brad said softly. His question puzzled me at first, and then I wondered if it was a trick question. "Yes, it matters what people think Brad, how can it not matter?" "Then there's your biggest problem Rach, you can't live your life according to someone else's expectations." he paused and tried to suppress a yawn, "Whoa, sorry about that, I've barely slept since the other night." his voice became softer while slowly rubbing his eyes, "You've got to live this one life for you Rachel. If you don't you'll never be happy." Duh! Like I didn't know that already! He's missing the point. How could he have missed what I was trying to say, he must be tired! I sat silently for a few moments before I decided I'd had enough of this Rachel bashing and decided to turn the tables a little, learn a little more about this man, "Why are you doing this Brad?" "What?" and it looked as though he was replaying the last few moments of our conversation for as answer to my question. Ha! I caught him off guard and he looked a bit surprised by my question. I think I actually have the upper hand now. "Why are you helping me?" He stared at me for a few seconds, "I will never lie to you Rach. Ask me anything and I'll tell you straight out the truth, regardless of whether it's going to hurt or not." He paused shifting his head slightly, "I trust you and I expect the same in return. I hope that is clear." another pause and the room was deadly silent, "Why am I helping you? That's easy. Because I see in you unlimited potential, potential on many levels and successes beyond your wildest imagination." "You mean money..." and I felt bad for blurting that out as soon as I had said it. "If you want to equate success to money then sure, but there's more that you can accomplish Rach, more than just having a big fat bank account. How about being the person you are on the inside? I want you to have that Rachel. Also there are adventures, experiences, even power and control - right within your grasp. You just need to be you to have it all." "Yeah, I got that already, 'I control everything.' I've heard that before. Tell me why? Why me?" Could I make it any more clear what I wanted to know. "Haven't we been over this?" he sounded a little frustrated, but the look on my face said I wasn't through hearing his answer. "There are men out there willing to pay extreme amounts of money for the company of women such as yourself. Powerful men Rach." the look on his face was deadly serious, "Men who cannot afford experiences off, what did you call it, 'the beaten trail'?" he smiled knowing he was trying to be cute by misquoting me, "These men can't be caught on that trail Rach, they can't lose face, lose their influence over," he used, "over society, companies, government, you name it." I scrunched my eyebrows slightly letting him know that he still hadn't answered my question. "You are one in several million Rachel. I have met few people in your same situation that..." he was searching for something, "that could pull this off. I mean, have you seen transsexuals or cross dressers on the Internet? Do you think there are millions of these people out there that look like real women? Do you think of those few that are out there that many come close to pulling it off like you can? Hell, most of them look like me wearing a dress, not a pretty sight." he smiled at his little joke. "Want to know why you don't see dead ringers like yourself out on every street corner? Because, they first of all rarely exist. And secondly these women are rarely if ever 'out' in public. They have a secret and by God they're going to keep it that way, stay under the radar if you will. Oh, one more reason. If they do come out they are quickly secured like some prized possession. They are vaulted, secured, almost worshipped. I have heard stories of men giving up fortunes to possess a woman like you. Why am I doing this? Because we can both find great success, happiness, with very little effort. You just have to be you, be Rachel, live your life as you want and the rest will all fall into place." I stared at him in disbelief. Was there some kind of underground cult worshipping people in my situation, women trapped in men's bodies? I didn't know what to say. I never truly believed I could pass up until I met Brad and he pushed me out into the spot light. He really believes that I can do this... Brad bobbed his head to catch my attention. "Would you like some proof?" he said as a matter of fact. I nodded slowly. "Tony has called me 3 times since he returned to Columbia. Can you guess what he wants?" Call me na?ve, but all I could come up with quickly was "His money back?" and as soon as I said that I felt incredibly stupid. When Brad quit laughing, which was a good twenty to thirty seconds worth he said, "No, just the opposite. His first call was to offer you $3,000 per day to stay with him at his ranch in the interior. The price went up with each call, the last offer being $5,000 per day. I think he wanted your company for at least a week, possibly two." Oh my God! I quickly calculated my share of the per day figure of five-grand, $3,500! Well $3,500 minus any expenses Brad might have incurred. Shit! That was almost fifty thousand dollars for two weeks spent in Columbia. I shock my head, the shock on my face evident. The pain in my chest, the vomiting, the looking like shit now were all a distance memory. Check that, I didn't like looking like this in front of Brad right now. I could feel my stomach tightening, but it wasn't from feeling sick. "I told him we would consider it, but for now you had some things you needed to work out around here. Actually I'm not sure I want you out of the country so soon. Are you beginning to see the opportunities and the power you have?" I was stunned. How the hell does one follow up those revelations? "You're kidding right?" Brad nodded 'No'. Oh God! I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I get to be... whoa! Wait a second; what things did I need to work out? I looked at Brad long and hard for a second and blurted out, "What things do I need to work out? I can't leave the country?" Those questions caught him off guard, but I wasn't trying to be a bitch. He recovered quickly enough, "You can leave the country, but I can't protect you as well if you are away from me that's all. Not to mention this isn't the best time to be asking the government for visas or passports." he shook his head slightly, "Now, as good as you are at being, well you, there is still work to be done. Call it polishing or refining Rachel." There was a glimmer of a smile at his lips, but I couldn't tell if he wanted me to drop it or was he trying to make me feel better. "Does this involve Lisa?" His little smile disappeared quicker than it had appeared at the corner of his lips. Again I had caught him off guard. "Lisa?" "She works for you doesn't she? You've been having her mentor me, handle me, isn't that so?" This was a feeling I had had for sometime now and it all just bubbled to the surface in one cohesive thought that I finally blurted out. Brads eyes betrayed him. I had finally gotten a peek at the cards he held so close to his chest. He smiled after a moments pause, "Very good. You have beauty and brains, not that I underestimated you or anything. Very good." he paused a moment to see if I was going to back down, I looked determined so he continued, "Yes, Lisa works for me. She takes care of some of my projects when I get in over my head." "What does that mean? What projects?" "Rachel," he smiled, "I work for HCC's customer relations department. You know my main job is to acquire whatever patrons, high rollers, in various casinos want. I do many things on the side, like security work and a few other things. One of those other things is an escort service. 'Projects' are what I call the women who work for me. Lisa takes care of the details necessary in getting these women ready for the high expectations of the clients I provide for. Any other questions?" he finished calmly, seemingly in control again, and very sterile. I felt like, like he was being completely honest with me and I wasn't sure what to ask next. Was he bored with me and all my questions? I blurted out, "So, so I need work?" His face gave up a little pained looked and I could tell my question had made him feel a little uncomfortable. "Honestly, you need a little help in just a few areas. After that you just need to become relaxed with yourself and who you are. By no means is this a knock on who you are right at this moment Rach, honestly. Your mannerisms are dead on in most situations and Lisa is very impressed with how you handle yourself. Shit, Tony's calls should be proof enough that you aren't some football player in drag." he ended with a slight grin. "So I pass?" I mumbled meekly. "Come on, you're playing with me now, right?" he raised his eyebrows in a Mr. Spock kind of way. "Trust me, I wouldn't be putting in this much energy in you if I thought you were some crack-whore..." he caught himself and I could see he wished he could take those words back, but he pressed on trying to get past that little slip quickly, "I only surround myself with the best, those that I can trust, those that want to succeed. You pass in all those regards. Honest." "So if you boil it all down I'm just a whore?" I was hooked on that word and really didn't think my position in this relationship out that far until he had said what he just said. Yeah, I was working in, in what the 'sex' trade? Who is using who? Whore, the word had such a crappy ring to it. The roller coaster of emotions I was on tonight was now taking a steep plunge. "Rachel, since the dawn of time women have controlled and shaped this world we live in. I know of no women that haven't crossed a few lines in their time to make their lives better. Whore? You'll never be that unless you want to believe that." He stopped and yawned deeply. I shifted slightly, burring my back of my head in my pillow a little more. When I didn't offer up anything more right away, Brad slowly crawled over me and laid beside me. He probably felt this conversation was to taxing or to 'pump Rachel up' and decided to get more comfortable if it was going to drag on any longer. So many things were swirling in my mind, half-thoughts, questions, and fears. I just didn't know where to begin deciphering tonight's revelations. "God I'm tired." Brad whispered beside me. I looked over at him and saw that his eyes were closed and his breathing was becoming more relaxed. He kicked his shoes off and slowly undid his tie a few inches. Then there was silence. My mind began to wonder, my eyes traced the features of his face, the tiny crows-feet at the corner of his eyes, his strong nose and lips, his jaw... "I have some free time in the early afternoon, you up for lunch?" he said lying there with his eyes closed still. Jesus! He scared the bajebbers out of me! With my heart racing I tried to answer as calmly as I could that I would like that. He nodded slightly and like someone shuts their car off or the lights Brad was sleeping. It didn't take long before I followed him off to the abyss. It would take some time to digest all that I had learned tonight and yet there was still more I wanted to know about this new life, about Brad, about the opportunities that lay before me... November 21, 10:38 AM A noise outside the window partly cleared the fog from my eyes. I had been dreaming again, though nothing as graphic as I had experienced last night. The only thing I could remember about my last dream was being introduced to an FBI agent by Brad. Why that didn't wake me screaming I don't know and I half-smiled at myself in the mirrors on the ceiling. I pulled the blankets a little tighter around my chin and tried to replay my last dream, trying to make sense of why Brad would be doing that to me. The scene was fuzzy now... something swooshed across the bedroom window... then a second later another swoosh and a light tapping that lasted a few seconds. The window now had my full attention now, my dream completely lost. My mind was racing, my heart also. I watched the window for a good thirty seconds with not so much as a breath or even a blink on my part. No shadows moved across the window, nothing. Somewhere above the window there was a clanking sound and I decided I'd had enough of waiting for my demise. I slid slowly from the bed onto my knees, then stood slowly hoping that whoever was outside wouldn't notice me, not that they could through the curtains, but I was sure someone was about to bust through the window any second. I walked quickly to the bedroom door as another creak came from behind me, I didn't bother to look back. I made my way down the hallway toward the living room. "Brad..." I tried to whisper but it came out as a hiss and much louder than I had expected. So much for stealth. As I made my way into the living room I felt a cool breeze. Had I left the slider open? I froze... a man at the window was starring at me. Our eyes locked and I couldn't move, couldn't breathe. Oh God! He shifted his gaze slightly as if puzzled by what he was seeing. NO! I turned around quickly, grabbing frantically at the shirt so as to cover myself. When I was composed I took a look over my shoulder at the man, he shook his head and mouthed something to someone else outside with him. Then I heard another voice from outside and laughing. I ducked back into the hallway as gracefully as I could and leaned against the wall opposite the window, out of sight. Perfect! I had basically just exposed myself to the window washer! I'm such a loser! And what did he see? He probably is wondering what the hell some guy in simple white cotton panties is doing parading around this condo in his boyfriends dress shirt. Welcome Rachel, welcome to a new low! I felt like crying, but just bonked my head against the wall a few times. Guess it could have been worse, it could have been a SWAT team rappelling down from the roof to take me into custody. I shook my head; I'm such a loser! I could hear the creaking of the platform the window washers were on and when I peeked around the corner to see if they were still doing my windows I could only see a couple cables. Fabulous... then it hit me, maybe there was more to the show I had just given the pervert at the window. Slowly I released the death grip I had on Brad's shirt and pulled it open. I hadn't noticed any odd feelings or sensations like 38DD breast hanging or anything like that, but just maybe there was something budding, just maybe... When I had opened the shirt enough to get a look at my chest there was nothing. Nothing but a few red patchy areas on a flat barren chest. Move over 'new low' you're being replaced! This just wasn't going to be my day, I could already tell. I was following up my window washer peep show low with another one. One that made me feel even more depressed than the last. Guess I wasn't being too realistic. I mean, what did I expect? Did I really think the shots from yesterday and one dose of hormones were really going to produce a set of breasts over night? Augh! Screw this... I turned back toward the bedroom, letting Brad's shirt slip off my shoulders, and scrunched it into a ball. As I entered the bedroom I threw it at the bed and was quickly reminded that all was not well with my chest yet. While it was nothing like the pain I had experienced the night before, my chest did feel rather stiff. I rubbed just under my armpit and could feel the muscles were tight. Yeah right! What muscles? I moved my hand slowly under my left breast and tried to push it up, willing it to be something it wasn't, something I had prayed so hard for in the past, there was nothing there but a dull ache. Okay, enough depression for one morning! I headed for the shower and needed to get ready for my lunch date with Brad. At this rate I was going to be late... November 21, 11:19 AM Somewhere during my shower and attempting to run the water heater dry I decided I wasn't done with Brad. I needed to still melt my past life into the here and now, no arguments. I shaved my legs and all the other places I needed attend too. It was either my imagination or I was it breathing in too much steam, but the hair on my face seemed easier to shave - less growth softer? That thought passed as quickly as it had come on. After applying my makeup and styling my hair I couldn't help but wonder what Brad thought I needed work on. I looked closely at my face and decided my eyebrows definitely needed to be changed. They looked like Brooke Sheilds' bushy caterpillars. I smiled seductively in the mirror, my teeth? Was my smile not right? Then it hit me, while most of my facial features were feminine looking my lips were too thin. Are they my only problem? I stood back and checked my profile in the mirror. My nose isn't too big is it? If Brad thinks I'm getting any plastic surgery he's nuts! I won't do that, I'm not going there. Standing there naked I looked at my chest again, running my fingers slowly over the few welts that remained from the shots Dr. Hanson had given me the night before. I threw my shoulders back a little and turned slowly while studying my chest for any sign, any development. Nothing. Move on Rachel. I smiled warmly at myself, funny I'm calling myself Rachel. That isn't a surprise is it? I gave myself a determined look in the mirror. I'm going to be all right, I really am Rachel now. November 21, 12:18 PM I wasn't sure where Brad was taking me for lunch, so I was feeling a little nervous. Not just because of where we would be going, but because I really didn't know what I should be wearing. Of course if I'd been in my right mind, I would be worried more about being in the spot light or at least feeling like one was on me instead of worrying about what outfit to wear. The jeans I had bought the other day with Lisa were nice looking - in a semi-casual kind of way, but should I wear a dress? Then I remembered the weather report from last night 'rain likely'. Okay, no dress. "No dress..." and I rolled my eyes as if I were talking to someone. This must mean I'm going crazy right? Talking to myself? I laid the jeans on the bed and went over to small dresser near the bed. I had put what little lingerie I had purchased in the top drawer and rummaged around until I found the bra and panty set I wanted to wear. Lacey, silky and fire engine red. Just looking at them made me feel sexy, they emanated sexual power. The Polo T-shirt I was going to wear was also red, though not quite as energetic as the bra and high cut laced panties. For a moment I considered not gaffing my clit back, but decided the jeans were going to be revealing enough without any extra effort. When I was secure in the gaffe I removed the tags from the panties and slid them up my smooth legs and then admired how they fit and accentuated my ass. The high cut giving my body more of an hour glass appearance. Usually by this time in my dressing process there is a little clit tingle, a slight swelling if you will, but today there was nothing. I rubbed my hand slowly over the shapely mound the gaffe produced, then over the smooth silky crotch area. I felt nothing, no arousal, what was going on? Was the gaffe to tight I wondered? I considered taking my panties off and quickly checking to be sure everything was in order, but caught the time as I began to pull my panties down - 2:43! "Shit! I needed to get moving!" I about fell over trying to get my jeans on I was in such a rush and sat on the edge of the bed as I put on my anklet socks and new Nike tennis shoes. Funny, I can not count the number of times I had looked through the store adds from the Sunday paper at tennis shoes and every time the ones that most appealed to me turned out to be for women. It felt spooky now to be actually wearing a pair that not only fit, but looked so good. The simple things never ceased to amaze me about being a woman. That's what I am, I could feel that fact hardening in my soul with every minute I was being Rachel. What didn't feel spooky or amazing was everything else I was wearing. The makeup, the jeans, the... I was stalling. I still needed to put my bra on and I had been delaying, almost wishing I could talk myself into not wearing one at all. Of course if those damn shots from last night had done something I wouldn't be having this conversation with myself now would I! I looked over at the bra and picked it up, gently rotating it in my hand. It was beautiful, lacey and empty. Empty like what I have to fill it... Augh! I grabbed the price tag and ripped it quickly from the bra and then did the same with the T-shirt. I headed for the living room. Last night I had crashed on the couch and just sort of let the breast forms plop onto the floor near the couch. Brad probably thought I was a slob for just leaving my personal items strewn all over the place, I really wasn't like that. As I walked down the hall toward the living room I could feel a cool breeze and quickly remembered my 'exposure' earlier this morning. I slowed as I reached the corner and peered into a quiet room. The cables and ropes were still there but my washer buddy wasn't. I made a dash to the couch and noticed the breast forms were on the coffee table; Brad must have picked them up. Another low to add to my ever growing list of lows! My chest was still hurting, but nothing like last night, so putting my bra on wasn't that big of a deal. The breast forms slid into the cups just like they were old friends. Next I pulled the T-shirt on and made a few adjustments before I tucked the shirt in. The view from of the city so high up is mesmerizing. The skyline in the distance looked as though a storm was heading this way. I felt cold wind lick in through the patio door and went over to close it. Of course I just had to sneak out onto the tiny patio and peer over the edge at the window washers. They were pretty close to being done, probably about the 6th floor, so they would be coming back his way within the hour. For a split second I considered spitting down on them, but figured they would know who did it and hunt me down. I smiled a little devilish grin but decided I didn't need any gay bashers visiting me... I'm not though... not gay. Augh! I'm trapped in a male body! Doesn't anyone get it! I do... I pulled the slider shut and the grumbling in my stomach was telling me I needed to eat. Food... got to eat. In the kitchen I could see the answering machine light was flashing and I wondered if it was a message from last night or had I missed a call while I was in the shower. Damn! I pressed the rewind button and after a few seconds of whirling tape noise and a few clicks the messages played. "Rach, pick up..." there was noise in the background like Brad was on the freeway or something, "I'll call you back in a few minutes." The message was followed by the time of the call in a metallic voice "10:53 AM, 11-21." A quick 'beep' and another message began, "Rachel, where are you? Look, I have some things I need to take care of so I'm going to have to rain check on lunch. Also, I need you to see someone tonight, I'll explain later. Lisa is going to come over with some clothes and some instructions. Crap..." he paused and there wasn't as much background noise now, "I hope you're feeling better kid, this is very important. I'll call ya." The voice said "10:59 AM, 11-21" this time. The machine stopped with a blunt clicking noise. No! No, no, no, damn it! I don't want to work tonight. I'm not ready for this, what happened to 'you need a little help in just a few areas'? I leaned on the counter and stared blankly at the answering machine. What if I was still sick? I mean, I felt kind of woozy. Was it the hormones? The shots? Was I just hungry? No! I won't do this tonight. I grabbed a package of the hormones from the counter and popped the pills from the plastic wrapper. If I'm sick he can't expect me to work can he? I tossed the pills into my mouth and quickly grabbed a glass for some water. The pills tasted nasty in my mouth and I swallowed them down in one water chugging gulp. That should do it and I paused to think about what I had really just done. I hadn't eaten since lunch the previous day and even that couldn't be considered a meal. I spent a good part of last night being sick and throwing up - something I really didn't want to repeat. Shit! I needed to eat something to help minimize any effects these pills were going to have on my stomach... God Damn it! I don't want to be sick! Augh! I grabbed the loaf of bread on the counter and quickly threw two pieces into the toaster in the corner. While that was going on I rummaged in the refrigerator for something to put on the toast. Butter, mayo, ketchup, relish, damn! I wasn't making a burger. In one of the drawers were single slices of cheese. I pulled four of them out of their wrappers and stood anxiously in front of the toaster. My stomach groaned and I could feel it protesting. I don't want to be sick again... I'm losing it. I'm absolutely losing all sense of reason, what reality is. What did Brad say last night about women crossing lines? I don't want to cross a line. Why can't I already be on the side I want to be on? I hate fucking lines... A knocking on the door brought me back into the here and now hard. I spun to face the door as the toast popped up behind me. I froze for a second and cursed the toaster for adding to my anxiety. "Rachel?" a muffled voice said through the door and a few more knocks on the door. I wasn't ready for Lisa, not yet, I needed to eat, I needed to... -- Chapter VIII promises to be VERY hot... check back! Thanks again for reading my story. Rachel