Rachel - Crossing The Line Part X free porn video

Rachel - Crossing The Line X By Rachel Moore November 22nd, 7:12 PM I hate being late! I rushed from my new Miata to Dr. Hanson's office door and absently clicked the alarm button behind my back. The parking lot was empty except for an older Ford of some kind and I felt lucky to be driving my new car, courtesy of James Calstrom and our evening together. I smiled in the dark and reached for the handle of the office door, pausing as muffled voices on the other side of the door startled me. I looked around quickly and yes, the voices were coming from the office. The door opened before me and a woman was speaking, "Thank you Dr. Hanson, I'll..." and she noticed I was standing in the door way. "Oh, excuse me. Thanks again doctor." she spoke and with an odd second glance she walked past me and into the dark of the parking lot. That look! It hit it me square in the chest. She knew! She knew I wasn't what I appeared to be. Oh my God! No one has ever looked at me like that or read me so quickly - at least that I've ever noticed. Did I look that bad? No, I could pass even in my current state, I think. So what the hell was her problem? It was as if she was looking past the facade of the clothes, hair, and makeup - right into my soul. How could she know with just one brief look at me? She knew! I stood motionless for a second and watched as she walked away. Oh, crap that was so weird! Could I have spent more time on my hair or makeup? "Ah, Rachel come in, sorry I'm running a little behind." Dr. Hanson said holding the door for me as I continued to zone out hard, lost in the awkward realization that I wasn't as polished as I thought I was. I entered the waiting area and squinted in the glare of the lights. I was having trouble shaking off that woman's gaze, the realization in her eyes. I thought for a moment about just leaving, but I was kind of stuck now. I heard the door click shut behind me and I considered saying that I was the one who was late or making up some excuse about sleeping past when I had intended on getting up just to cover how rattled I was feeling. OK, relax. Hanson didn't say I was late and it was true I had over slept so that wouldn't be an excuse? OK, back up here - can I just relax and try to make some sense of where I'm at and what I'm doing here! I smiled at the good doctor and stood as if I wasn't sure where I was supposed to stand or how I was supposed to stand. This is so stupid!!! Who was that woman? Her name was Krystal, right? I shifted gears again and wondered if I really needed to be here? I mean just five hours ago Brad and I had had the most incredible sex and the reason for my being here was really moot, right? I mean everything was in working order - unlike just before that incredible experience. Wait, do I look that bad? Crap! I could feel my thoughts spinning out of control. I needed to get a grip, get a grip! "I'm glad you called. I'm going out of town next week and I wanted to see how you were doing. So, how are you doing?" Dr. Hanson asked with all the doctor like conviction you would expect. "I'm good, I ah, well there have been some... you know, things I didn't think were normal, I mean like anything is really 'normal' for me right now and I..." Why am I rambling? Concise thoughts, slow down! "Sure, sure there probably have been some things that are happening to you that seem strange." and he came over to me and patted me on the back as if to comfort me. He then guided me toward the examination rooms. "Any problems sleeping?" I nodded 'No'. Wait, I did have problems. No, I, I need a mirror! How could she have known with one simple glance at me? Come on! I was dressed in casual attire, but I didn't look like some construction worker. My hair, the oversized pink sweatshirt, the white Nike tennis shoes with powder-blue swoosh! Give me a break! "Dry mouth, abdominal pains, mood swings?" I'm still thinking about my last answer doc! I nodded 'Yes' meekly as he lead me into the first room past the nurses station. "I don't know if I'm moody or just trying to deal with who I'm trying to be. I can sleep though." Oh, nice one Rach. You know how stupid you sound? Do I look like I'm some drag queen right now? Slow down, just slow down and deal with the here and now. I thought about asking him how I looked, but the context of that question would seem odd. Would it be odd to ask? Augh! Hanson walked over to a file and read something on the first page and then flipped a page over the edge of the file. The silence was deadening and my ears were ringing off the hook, until he spoke. "How did you fare with the hormone injections to your breasts?" he asked as he put the file down and wrote something down, then turned to give me his full attention. I wasn't sure where to begin. I mean, those shots hurt like hell and I was sick and I slept like crap! "Ah, they hurt. I mean, I got sick and had a few bad dreams, but I'm fine now. I think?" Stay focused, just stay here with the good doctor and concentrate. Screw anything else. "No tenderness, pain of any kind now around your breasts?" "I, well you know they are, they are sensitive. I think that's about it." Nice Rachel, so articulate you are! I looked toward the floor and closed my eyes. This isn't going well. Why did I come here tonight? "OK, let's take a look." he paused as a phone rang out front, "Excuse me for a second, that's my wife and I'm the only one here right now. I'll be right back. If you could take your clothes off and put this gown on. I'll be right back." He walked past me and was out of sight before I could even mount a protest or move. What would I protest? This guy was my saving grace! I need to get with the program without over thinking the situation or anything that lead up to me standing right here or some bitch who gave me a strange look. I slowly pulled the sweatshirt over my head as carefully as possible, trying to preserve my hairdo. I still wasn't hip about being out in public without wearing my breast forms, but I thought Hanson should see my budding breasts in this state rather than pissed off because of being squished by the breast forms. I pulled my t-shirt off and quickly pulled the flimsy gown on. With no bra to worry about... Damn you Krystal. Augh! That was it! You bitch! You saw me, saw I was without what you probably paid thousands of dollars for on your chest and judged me as something beneath you. Well 'Fuck You'! I had run every gamut of emotion - pissed, fear, sadness. Why me?!!! I can pass! Even without the breast forms I can pass so fuck you! Bitch! I shuddered, but was it because I was cold or realizing just maybe I wasn't as polished as I thought? November 22nd, 7:35 PM "Sorry about that, my wife is going out with some of her girlfriends tonight to that new casino, what's it called? Grand Cayman's or Grand something. All I know is she better not lose too much tonight." he finished with a chuckle. He then gave me a concerned look before continuing, "Rachel, I need you to take all your clothes off. I'll be doing a complete exam and drawing some blood. Alright?" There was great patience in his voice and that I hadn't followed his instructions to the letter made me feel even more stupid. I can't do anything right! I thought he just wanted to see my progress, my breasts beginning to flourish. I moved slowly as he watched me slip off my tennis shoes and undo my jeans. I slid them down quickly and I laid them over my t-shirt on the chair. I turned back toward him with a look that said 'This good enough?'. "If you wouldn't mind taking your panties off that will help things along." Stupid! What is my problem? I did as he asked and nervously tossed my lacy black panties toward the chair as if I were comfortable with this whole procedure. They missed and fell to the floor. Can this get any worse? Why did I wear black panties? Please God, give me a break. My thoughts were jumbled, but that I had wore black panties rather than one of the few pair of white cotton hip-hugger conservative pairs of panties I had made this moment even more awkward. I'm such an idiot! Why did I just throw them? God! Hearing, "If I could get you to step on the scale for me." snapped me out of my fog and over the next couple of minutes the examination Dr. Hanson performed was fairly basic. Weight, blood pressure, and then the drawing of blood. When that was completed he left the room for a few minutes and I began to wonder why I had to take my pants off. Was this really necessary? Hell, it was cold in here and the material of the gown felt like sandpaper against my puffy nipples. I leaned forward and tried to look down at them, pulling the gown away from my body almost to the point my ass began to poke out the back. I pulled the gown back into place just as Dr. Hanson came back into the room. "Looks pretty good, this last sample shows at least double what I expected to see over your last visit and before that last regiment of hormones." He finished speaking as he began to write again in my file. "So I'm OK? No issues?" Dr. Hanson looked up from my file with a questioning look, "Yeah, I think everything I've seen so far looks on target." He went back to writing and then clicked the pen he was holding a few times, "Just need to check a few other things and we'll get you out of here. Why don't you lay back on the exam table there and let's see how far you've come." I scooted my butt a bit further back on the table and got myself situated on the table like the doctor had asked. He watched me the whole time and I wondered if he noticed how hard I was trying to keep the gown from showing more than it should. My knees hurt with how tight I was trying to keep them pinched together. What am I doing here? When I finally stopped moving he slowly pulled at the sleeve of the gown. I of course had to move a bit to help him to pull it down, but he didn't seem to give it a second thought. Probably didn't want to ask me to do it and then have to explain to me how to do it. Augh! Alright, so beside a million anxiety related problems I was having up to this moment - I mean the root being just being here - I was about to be embarrassed beyond measure. Funny, in the place where I should feel I can get help or answers I was ready to run out of here. I didn't want Dr. Hanson to see the two tiny marks on my chest, marks that I spent a good ten minutes trying to conceal, marks that screamed 'HICKEY'! God, why me?!! Damn you Brad! With the gown now at my waist the doctors hands poked and prodded every inch of my chest. He had rubber gloves on and his touch felt alien. His fingers flattened out my breasts, pulled on my nipples, and traced areas I was confused as to why he'd be interested in touching. But all the while, with my emotions swirling and as stressed as I was feeling there was nothing but sterile vibes coming from Dr. Hanson. There was nothing sexual about what he was doing. His constant flow of questions, like 'How does this feel?' or 'Does this hurt?' seemed so routine. He examined the hickey on my left breast, but didn't say anything. Wait, did I expect a particular kind of vibe? Oh God, I'm not going there! If my little clit was going to suddenly spring to life I was going to run out of here naked and not look back! Next Dr. Hanson asked me to sit on the edge of the table. I did my best to get into the desired position while keeping a death grip on the gown so that it wouldn't go any lower or fall away from my body. He asked me to raise my arms out from my sides, above my head, and various other positions while he again went about poking and feeling my chest. When he stopped suddenly and went to a drawer by the sink I sighed in relief, he had to be done right? I watch as he pulled a small packet from the drawer and opened it before returning, "This is an alcohol swab. I just want to see something a little closer." Closer? Where the hell haven't you been on my chest! He rubbed the cold pad close to my right nipple and then on the side of my chest where my left breast would eventually grow into. I knew at that instant what he wanted to 'see a little closer', the hickey's. This can't be happening. "Hmmm..." he mused as if there was more he wanted to say, "It would probably be best to limit this kind of activity. These marks are from the drawing of blood through tissue toward the surface and at least in these early stages of your development it would be best to not distress any tissue development." He turned and threw the alcohol pad into the trash. "Can I assume that you are sexually active?" As if I couldn't feel any lower with the 'distressed tissue' lecture, I get the 'sexually active' question. Now, now I had hit rock bottom. I watched him write something and then look up at me as if wanting to hear my response. I could only nod 'Yes'. He wrote something and then returned to where I was sitting. Why are you doing this to me? You think I gave myself those hickies? God, don't ask me about sex... "Last time you were here we talked about what your goals were and I got the sense that you were leaning toward SRS, Sexual Reconstructive Surgery. I can support you with that decision. What I won't support is unprotected sexual intercourse. Doesn't matter who your partner is, it takes just one encounter to contract AIDS and I shouldn't have to explain what road that will take you down." He stared at me for a moment, he was all business and I felt like I had to respond. "I understand..." I whispered. "I sincerely hope you do. You are so young and on the verge of realizing what you explained to me was all you ever wanted. Please don't ruin it all by making a huge mistake by not protecting yourself first.", he paused to reach for the gown and helped me to pull it back on. I could only stare back at him and tried to control an overwhelming urge to start crying. He patted my shoulder, "Alright then, one last thing and we'll talk a bit about what our next course of action is going to be." I tried to smile bravely. "OK, if you could just stand here.", he pointed at the floor next to the exam table as he turned to pull a rolling stool over toward where he expected me to stand, "We'll check just check your genitals and prostrate." I felt a buzzing in my head as I tried to make myself stand. When I pushed off the exam table the cold floor sent a joint through my body. I wanted to run, to be any where else but right here! I'm going to be sick! Dr. Hanson sat before me and pulled the hem of the gown up for me to hold while his alien gloved hand touched my little boys clit. He pulled gently, but with purpose. It hurt a little, but for the most part everything felt numb. Thank God! At least I didn't sprout a little stiff... "Looks good. Any tenderness here?" he asked while separating my tiny balls and pulling slightly. I could only nod 'No' and let out a breath when he eased his grip and the pressure he had applied to my left ball sack. Wait, he wasn't pulling on me, he was trying to see how far he could push them out of sight? I couldn't tell for sure. I did know I just wanted this to be done! "There doesn't appear to be much in the way of size difference from the last time you were here. That could change though with the new prescription I'll be giving you. It's not like everything down here is going to disappear or shrink into nothing, but you will notice a tightening of the skin around your scrotum. The tightening will give the illusion of shrinkage, so don't panic, it's just the hormones. I think we're a ways away from any SRS procedure, but we could pull your testicles back like this," and he reached toward an instruments table for a mirror to show me what he was talking about and how with a small incision he could stitch the entire area back. I winced at the thought and felt a little light headed. He ended by saying if I had any problems or worries that I should call and he would make time for me to come in after the office was closed. He spun on the stool and slid back to another drawer, pulling out a tube of lubricant. I could feel my legs begin to ache as every muscle seemed to tighten, to sense what was coming. I knew what was coming and I watched as he seemed to move in slow motion. He applied lube to his index finger, "Why don't you just turn around and lean on the table." he said matter of factly. I did as instructed and before I could even prepare he had a hand at my ass. The lube was cold and my leg began to shake slowly as if I were keeping time to music. "Relax, this will only take a second." Slowly he inserted his finger and quickly he was pressing down on an area that didn't need this kind of attention in my opinion. Before he even began I was wishing I had gone to the bathroom, his finger was causing me to want to take a piss and I strained to maintain control. When he had finished that part of the exam he pulled on the rim of my rose bud to the left and down, "Good. Good muscle tone." I felt him dabbing the area his finger had just vacated with a tissue. "Your prostate is a little spongy, but that's to be expected and is due to the hormones. Nothing we need to worry about. Any difficulties or pain with your bowel movements?" "No." I grunted in a low voice, praying this would be over soon and the embarrassment would cease. "That's good, let's have you get dressed and I'll see what I have in the way of samples to get you started on this new prescription and we can talk about a few other things." I stood slowly and walked over to where my panties were shining against the nearly white floor like a beacon. I picked them up and pulled them on without even turning to see what the good doctor was up to. I grabbed my jeans and quickly finished dressing. As I was pulling the sweatshirt on he excused himself saying he'd be right back. Whatever! I didn't care right now and I was glad the worst of it was over. November 22nd, 8:25 PM The door to the Miata closed with a reassuring thud and I fumbled with the keys a moment before getting the engine started. The headlights came on as the tiny engine roared to life and I sat starring at the tachometer as it bounced around just below one-thousand RPM. Thank God that's over! I was basking in the relief that everything was fine and I had nothing to worry about, but mostly that I was out of there! I would be home in less than twenty minutes and I was going to shower, then unplug the phone, and I was going to bed! Wait, unplug the phone first! As I pulled away from the parking lot I tried to replay all the things he had told me after the exam. Of course the best news he had given me dealt with his feeling that in a month I could be in the 'A' cup range based on what he saw from how my body reacted to the hormone injections and previous prescription. He assured me these results were not typical but very encouraging. He didn't have to convince me and I think my smile spoke volumes. I smiled as I sped through a yellow light and then quickly slowed after making it through the intersection. The hormones he was now prescribing were synthetic in nature, but according to him were designed for women who were underdeveloped or going through a particular type of hormone replacement therapy where quick stabilization of hormone levels were needed. He warned me of the side effects, but nothing sounded any different than the previous prescription he had given me. I wanted to rip the first capsules from their packages and swallow them, get them inside of me, get them working - but I'd wait till I got back to the condo. Funny, I was to call him immediately if I had any troubles breathing or a racing heart that didn't stop after a reasonable amount of time. Yeah, like that wasn't already an issue with me even before I'd met Dr. Hanson. I smiled again. I'm fine, everything about the changes I was going through were normal. I was fine. The weight of the world seemed to now be just a little less crushing. Dr. Hanson discussed breast implants as a last resort and told me to stop wearing the breast forms after I explained how they were bothering my breasts. 'My breasts.' That sounded so funny, but I was a believer. I would have breasts soon, I mean not soon enough, but soon. I wanted to giggle and watched as a car pull out in front of me just before I made it to the next intersection. Pay attention to the road Rachel! When my heart slowed I wondered whether I should consider the few cosmetic surgery suggestions Dr. Hanson had mentioned. They all sounded incredibly painful and from what research I had done about surgeries for shaving the Adams apple and collagen injections the costs were going to be just as painful as the actual procedures. He talked about smoothing and defining my cheeks with implants and pulling my chin back for a more feminine look. All things I had never really considered, but if they made me more of who I was trying to be on the outside, well I'd have to consider going for it. The real question was whether I go for it and ask Brad for assistance or wait? What did I want? Yeah, so I wanted to have a few things done and I could feel my stomach flutter from the excitement factor, but then again I could just be hungry. I felt like laughing again. I feel good, this visit with Dr. Hanson turned out to be pretty good. OK, so I have options and they will help make the person I'm trying to project from the inside easier to accept for those around me. Wait, do I care? Yes. Augh! Damn it, make up your mind! Oh, I'd like to meet that Krystal woman again and see if she sticks her nose up in the air when she sees me after these hormones really kick in! Ha, Dr. Hanson faked your chest all nice and pretty I'd bet, but I'm going to have the real thing. Things? Whatever! All natural, so screw you! Why am I obsessing on this woman? But I knew the answer without having to ask the question - the look of knowing she had on her face... November 22nd, 8:54 PM I punched the button on the phones base to retrieve the two messages the flashing number was complaining about. I turned as the tiny cassette spun in rewind mode to get a glass of water. The now familiar metallic voice chimed the date and time of the call, 7:43 PM, before I heard Lisa's voice, "Hi ya Rach. Hey, Brad's got someone he needs you to work tomorrow morning. This one might be a bit odd though - he's got a cheerleader fetish. Brad's set up a room at the Grand Cayman's for tomorrow and I'm going to drop off your outfit and pompom's in the morning. Pick up a key at the front desk in your name and if you show up around 11:15 AM you'll catch me. The guys harmless. Call me when you get in. Bye." I stood there a moment wondering if I really heard what I thought I had just heard. What was Brad getting me into? Cheerleader fetish? No, don't think so! The metallic voice began after a short pause, the time of the call was 8:50 PM. "Rach, you there? Pick up. Augh, hey tomorrow mid-day at the Grand Cayman's we've got something set up for you. Call Lisa if she doesn't get in touch with by say 10:00 PM for the details. Probably be just a few hours. Call me." No, no! I'm not doing this, forget it. What is this crap about being a cheerleader Brad? You didn't even mention that! I grabbed the phone and dialed his cell number. It went to voice mail, "No! Not going to happen Brad and that's final. Don't bother calling because I'm going to shower and I'm going to bed. Oh, and I'm unplugging the phone!" I hung up and could feel my hands shaking ever so slightly after setting the phone down. Damn it! I have enough issues with being me and now he wants me to be a cheerleader? I was fuming and stood there wondering if he was going to call me back and why didn't he mention any cheerleader crap. The answer was still going to be 'NO!' when he called! I wasn't going to do it. I picked the phone up and dialed Lisa's cell phone. "Hey Rachel." "Lisa? Lisa I'm not going to do it! No, no, and NO!" I felt like I was speaking twice as fast as I normally did and when I heard my final 'NO!' I knew my voice wasn't what it should be and I didn't sound all that feminine. Damn it! "Rachel? Take it easy, I know this is a strange request, did Brad tell you about what you were doing?" "No! You said something about cheerleading! That's crazy Lisa! I can't do that!" and I had to stop speaking because I had lost all control over my voice, the tone, everything. This isn't happening, this isn't going to happen! "So he didn't tell you anything? Augh! Look, this guy is harmless and it's not like you're going to go out in public dressed like this or anything..." "No! I'm not doing this Lisa, I don't care who this guy is." I interrupted her in mid-sentence. I tried to control my emotions and sighed into the phone, "I'm not an actress Lisa. This isn't me, no not who I am and I, I can't do it." "Sure you can. Just show up, get dressed up, prance around a bit, have a little fun and get paid two-thousand dollars for about two hours of your time." "What?" and I tried to digest what she had said about fun, money, and time. You heard me. Get paid two-thooousand dollars for dressing up like a cheerleader for some hot guy." No way. No way was I going to get paid that kind of money for, well, for being with some guy. That was roughly the amount I made for a lot more time spent with... Augh! Was this taking into account Brad's cut? Damn it! I mostly am seen at night. Evenings, evenings meant dark and I could hide out in the open easier while being myself. No, there was no way I was going to be caught dead in broad day light dressed up as a cheerleader. No, ain't happening. Even if it was at night I wouldn't... "Rachel? You there?" "Ah, Lisa I can't do this. I'm not sure I could even do it if it were the dead of night either. Come on... I've only been doing this for a week now." I sounded like I was pleading to be put out of my misery and this request had disaster written all over it, she had to know that. "Please Lisa, can you talk with Brad? I can't do this... Please..." and my voice trailed off. "I'll talk to Brad, but I think it's pretty much a done deal and you're expected to be there. OK, subject change, I heard you have a new car. What's with that?!!" I could tell by her tone she must be smiling on the other end of the line, "Oh God Lisa, I, it blew my mind. I don't think I said much about my old Miata to James and then he gives me a nearly new one! I still can't..." and then a thought jumped into my mind, "James? Lisa am I meeting James tomorrow?" There was a slight pause, "Did Brad tell you who you were meeting?" "Lisa, you know who I'm meeting tomorrow don't you? It's James isn't it?" There was something in the way she answered me that screamed she knew. James and I had talked about so much last night, but there was a long stretch of the conversation where I had talked about the cheerleaders at my high school and how they seemed to have everything. The popularity, the admiration, how they were desired, and how I wished I could have been one. It wasn't the outfits or actually cheering, well maybe a little bit was what they wore, it was how they were desired by the boys at my school. Probably desired in a Britney Spears kind of way by some of the dad's in the stands also, but that was OK by me. I wanted to be desired. This had to be something James was putting together. "Arrr, dang it!" she paused, "OK, yes. James set this up with Brad this afternoon. It was supposed to be a surprise for you and it was something that he wanted also. This kind of blows the surprise though. What is this cheerleader thing anyway?" and there was the tiniest hint of regret in her voice for having come clean, but she was also curious. "Grrr... I can't believe it, he must have recorded everything I said last night." "Rach, guys will do that when they are trying to impress you. It's sweet, but he's not stupid." What did that mean? I get the impress part, but what did she mean by him not being stupid? "Hey, I have to call him." "Yeah, I guess if you're not going to dress up and do some sexy gymnastic moves he should probably know that. Besides, his plane leaves at 1:30 PM I think, so there's not all that much time tomorrow anyway. I have no idea why Brad or James was pushing this meeting." "He told me he was flying back home to Chicago tomorrow mid-day, so I'm surprised he wants to try and see me before he goes." I said, sounding a bit unsure of what anyone's motivations were at this point. "I'm not. Come on, guys will take as much of you as you are willing to put out there - never forget that." Lisa sounded like she was preaching, but I guess she had a point and it's not like I hadn't see John use Shannon. John, Shannon, my old job, my old life, my parents... The past was bleeding into my present and I didn't want to think about those things right now. Crap! My parents were probably worried sick and I hadn't talk to them in over a week. Shit! "You want me to tell Brad it's off for tomorrow?" "No, I need to call James. He's in the same room right?" I asked and wondered if he thought I wouldn't remember the room number from last night when I picked up the key? This is too weird. "No, he changed rooms to a mini-suite. Guess the tub in the room next door over flowed and there was a little water in his room when he came back looking for you." "Oh. I, I didn't know I was supposed to stay. He didn't leave a note or anything, so I just left." Not to mention if had I stayed how crappy I would have looked. The Broduer suit was a mess, I didn't have enough makeup to even remotely look the same as I had the night before, and it was day light. Not like I'm a vampire or... "Yeah, well that's the way it goes. I'm sure he'd have liked to have spent the day with you. So, " she began as if she was mapping out every step for me, "I'm not going to bring the cheerleading outfit by the hotel tomorrow. You're going to call James. Did you want me to call Brad?" Hmm, what would have happened had I spent the day with James? Well, beside not being with Brad... Why am I going there? I was lucky to get out of there without him seeing me this morning! OK, now what did I want to do? I needed to call him and Thank him for the car, he asked me to call in his note that had the key to the Miata. Augh! This was too confusing, I feel like I owe him so much. Grrr!!! "Ah, you call Brad and I'll call James. As for the outfit... I don't know. Right now I think you should just return it because there's no way I'm going to wear it." I'd pretty much decided that there was no way in hell I was going to wear a cheerleading outfit and I hoped I sounded convincing enough that she wasn't going to press me any further. "Sounds like a plan. Hey, I gotta run. I'm meeting a friend for a drink in a few minutes. Call me after you talk with James if you feel like it. I'd be curious to know what you two decide to do about tomorrow." We said our goodbyes and I starred at the phone after I had hung up. James, Brad, my past, everyone wanted a piece of me. Wanted me in their lives on their terms. What about me? What were my terms, my wants? Augh!! I needed to call my parents! November 22nd, 9:22 PM "James?" I could barely hear over the sounds of the casino that drowned out his 'Hello!'. "Hello?" and I could tell he couldn't hear me, "Wait a second..." In the background I could sort of hear him speaking to someone "Yeah... here you go... No... maybe later..." Then into the phone, "I'm trying to get someplace a little quieter, hold on a second." More casino noise, a slot machine was ringing in the background and people were screaming as if they'd won a major jackpot. The noise got a little less intense, "Hello?" "James, ah I... Hi." and I could feel goose bumps on my arm. "Rachel?" he asked surprised. "Yeah, ah, how are you?" Why was this so difficult? "Hey, how's the car? I wanted to call you, but Brad is pretty strict about allowing anyone access to you or anyone in his business directly. I'm glad you called." "I love the car!" I replied with more excitement than I had intended. But that wasn't a bad thing though was it? Augh! Don't over think any of this! "I, I can't believe, I mean I couldn't, ah can't believe you just gave it to me and..." I felt tongue tied, nervous, my stomach was flopping a bit. What is my problem here! "I'm really glad you liked it. Living in Chicago it was just collecting dust out here and," there was a pause and he lowered his voice, "and I thought there was a pretty good connection between us... Ah, you know, I just thought you'd appreciate having it. So you like it eh?" "It's great. I, really I don't know what to say." "I think you've said enough, I'm glad it worked out." "Yeah, well I'm calling because of that and..." "Something wrong with the car? Hey, don't worry about it. I'll give you a number for the service manager at my dad's Mazda dealership and he can take care of anything you need, he'll bill me, so don't worry about it. What's up with the car? I haven't driven it in a few months, so it might just need to be..." "No, no nothing is wrong with the car James." I felt like I had to interrupt him and before I could continue he began talking. "Oh, OK, what's up?" he asked curiosity evident in his tone. "I, well tomorrow and I'm not going to..." and I swallowed hard, "I can't dress up." There was a short pause and what sounded like a group of slot machines beginning to buzz in unison, "Tomorrow? I'm leaving tomorrow Rachel." "I know. Lisa told me James, she told me about the cheerleading outfit." My face felt flush. "Oh." and a touch of disappointment made it through the line in just that one little word, "Well so much for surprises." he chuckled nervously. "I'm sorry James. I, there's so much going on in my life and I just, well I can't. I mean I want to, but..." "Hey, hey don't worry about it Rachel. I was trying to be cuter than I should have been. I just wanted to see you before I left and, well I thought the message would be clear." "Huh?" and now I was confused. "Did you guess or did Lisa tell you this was my idea?" He sounded embarrassed, "I guess I guessed." I replied like I was still caught up on what point he was trying to make, "What message James?" I wondered if I should have pressed the point since I was dashing all his hopes and wants. Well, at least some of his wants. Wait, my wants right? I talked about the cheerleaders, he really just listened. "You're desired Rachel..." he sounded as if he was struggling with his thoughts as much as I was, "I... just wanted you to know that." "Oh..." What was I supposed to say now? Desires, wants, attraction, we both had these things, needed them and found them in our short time together. "Can I see you?" I blurted out without really thinking about what I was saying. Oh shit! What did I just say? Oh God! "I would like that. Brad said you would probably be busy tonight so I dreamed up that whole cheerleader thing. Stupid I know, but it was the only thing I could think of..." "It wasn't stupid James. I can't even tell you how special you've made me feel." November 22nd, 11:19 PM The drive over to the Grand Cayman's, weaving my way through the crowded lobby, and sharing the elevator ride up to the 16th floor with two drunk senior citizens couldn't compare with the nervous energy I felt standing in front of James' door. I still couldn't believe I was standing here. What was I thinking? No, I wanted to be here it's just... Augh! What the hell is my problem? I flattened the pleats of my skirt nervously and looked yet again at how my blouse hung over my padded underwire bra. As long as nothing pressed against my chest I would be fine. I had tried to put the breast forms in, but it was just too painful. I had considered padding with tissue, but once my blouse was removed it would be obvious and way to embarrassing. No, I needed a good dark room and no roving hands to pull this off. Well, to at least make myself feel comfortable. God I hope he didn't get bored waiting for me and leave to go back to the casino. I knocked tentatively and took a step backwards, the small overnight suitcase I was holding knocked against my knees. I moved it from in front of me to the side nervously. Was I preparing to run? Why step away from the door? I smiled and shook my head, the door opened. James starred at me and smiled, "I'm glad you came." he said holding his hand out. I took his hand and he lead me into the suite. There were a few candles placed around the living room area and once the door shut behind me he pulled me toward him and we embraced. His hand moved over my back and the silky material of my blouse. He snuggled his face into my neck, kissing me ever so lightly and I dropped the suitcase. He was oblivious to the thud it made against the floor and wall. I felt his tongue move slowly along my jaw line and to the base of my ear where he playfully sucked and nibbled at my ear. One hand moved to the base of my neck and into my hair. It was as if he knew he was pushing me over the edge and he gently pulled my head to the side exposing more of my neck. Oh my God! I sucked in a breath when his lips pulled at my earlobe. When I moaned ever so slightly on my slow exhale he took a step forward, pushing me back into the wall just inside the door. I felt his other hand caress my ass, then felt it pulling my skirt up. Slowly, so slowly I could feel the hem of the skirt rising up my pantyhose covered legs while he kissed and licked at my neck. All I could do was hold onto his shoulders like I was on an out of control roller coaster. My knees felt weak and his simple acts of passion were rushing through me, intoxicating, mesmerizing. I felt his hand brush over my ass and his fingers catching the waistband of my pantyhose. I could barely breathe now, let alone move or want to break free from his embrace. Another soft moan escaped my lips and I sucked in a short breath as his hand moved under my pantyhose. Too fast Oh God! I tried to lick my lips and speak, but nothing would come out. This was happening so fast, he kissed at my cheek, my forehead, and his hand brushed my hair as if to get a firm grip on my head. This was not the James from last night. He was more aggressive now, more in control, he seemed driven, wanting. I tried to open my eyes, to control my breathing, but there was nothing I could do to gain control. When his hand moved around my waist and between us I rocked my head back and it bounced off the wall slightly. "Ah " I choked and when I opened my eyes James' lips were at mine and his tongue flicked at my lips. His lips moved over mine and I huffed "James " in a garbled tone. He kissed me lightly as his body moved away from mine so his hand could explore the lace of panties near my tucked clit. I could feel his fingers hook the elastic around my panties and I shuddered as it moved toward my crotch. "Please " I tried to sound like I wanted him to slow down. Which I did, right? Wait This feels so good... My whisper fell on deaf ears and his forefinger found my now swollen little boys clit. He worked slowly, but was able to free it from the tucked position I had had it in. When it was free and he rubbed his finger on its tip and I dug my nails into his shoulder and tried to rock forward, but his hand entwined in my hair prevented me from moving. "You feel a little wet here " he said seductively as he slide his finger over the helmeted region of my clit and then back to the tip. I had stopped breathing and my eyes felt as thought they were permanently locked in the back of my eye sockets. Oh shit! I moaned a little louder as he took my small clit between his fingers and pulled. "No " I pleaded at just above a whisper. I wanted to scream but pleasure seemed to suppress my will. He stopped moving his hand on my clit and released his grip in my hair. It happened so suddenly my neck popped from the side and my face bumped into his chest. I tilted my head back so as to see his face. When we made eye contact he leaned in ever so slowly and kissed my lips, parting them with his tongue. It became an urgent kiss, fast and powerful. He sucked at my tongue, forced his into my mouth, and switched between passion and lust faster than I could keep up with. I felt his hand on my clit move away as his other hand pulled at my skirt. This was happening too fast, so fast. He broke off the kiss and I was left feeling numb, unable to absorb all that he was giving to me. I had kissed so few females in my life and never thought I was very good at it, but being kissed like was different, natural. I was being lead and in that I could sense my giving, my taking. Oh shit! Oh God that felt so wonderful. James pulled me away from the wall slightly and I felt my skirt falling away from my waist. A panic look washed over my face as I tried to figure out what was happening. My skirt was falling? How had he undone the button and the zipper? I felt him lean into my body as he quickly knelt before me, his hands firmly at my hips. My back once again against the wall, in more ways than one I thought. Where did that thought come from? James wasted no time, there was no pause, only reckless want and desire. He kissed my stomach through my blouse and his right hand reached around between the wall and my ass. He squeezed with one hand as the other found the waistband of my pantyhose. Then both hands joined in the task of pulling my pantyhose down as he laid tiny kisses on my stomach, pelvic area, and legs. Oh crap! I kicked one shoe off and he removed the second, pushing the pile that my skirt was to the side in one quick move of his hand. He then patiently pulled the pantyhose over my feet so as not to ruin them and when he had finished I reached for his head. "James " I whispered. I wanted to tell him, to tell him? What? Maybe, ah slow down? No, I was electrified by his passion, no "I need you Rachel. You are all I've thought about all day. You make me crazy..." The last word I heard was 'day' because a hand was been placed between my legs and was pulling at the cotton crotch of my shear pink lacy panties. I watched as his face moved toward my stomach again, he went lower. I felt his lips rub ever so slowly over the tip of my now throbbing clit pulsing against the shear pink fabric. I looked down at him one last time before his hands pulled the waistband of my panties down over my hips. I felt them fall from my knees to my ankles and managed to step one foot out of them before I reached wildly for James' head. What was I doing! I tried to get a firm grip on his head, but he had already begun licking the tip of my clit and I almost fell over from the shock. "James " I whispered. There was no answer only warmth enveloping my swollen little boys clit. I rocked backwards against the wall and tried weakly to push his head off of my clit. His grip on my hips tightened and he rocked forward slightly, taking all of me in his mouth. My clit felt warm and on fire all at the same time. I shook my head from side to side as his face pulled away from my clit and then went back down it to the base. He sucked hard, clamping his lips tight over my clit as he pulled back to the tip. "Stop " I wheezed and I could feel him push my hips away from his face, then pull me forward. Oh crap! I could feel a tingling sensation in my clit as James made me thrust into his mouth. Back, in, back A loud slurp smacked from his mouth as my clit escaped and he hungrily reached for my clit to get it back into his mouth. A hand moved from my hip and I thought he might be slowing down. No! I felt his hand again, felt its touch, it had found it's way between my legs and pulled at my clits two small soft companions. While he guided my thrusts with his one hand at my hip, his other pulled and rubbed over my ball sacks. They were tight and I knew it would not take James much more to get them to pulse and release as my clit began to tingle and throb even more. When James moaned I felt my heart skip and tried to slow his pulling at my hips. There was little I could do to slow him down though, his face slapped against my pelvis, his lips warm and wet on my clit, his hand kneading my balls. Oh fuck! I swallowed hard, "No " as my breaking point was about to be reached. Shocking myself that I could even get a word out. I was hanging by a thread, my climax welling up, it's point of no return clicking into place. James' hand stopped pulling at my balls and his lips stopped just short of the helmet of my little boys clit. Ever so slowly his face backed away from my clit and he looked up at me. There was great want in his eyes and a look that asked if I wanted this. I touched the side of his face as he ran a finger down the shaft of my throbbing clit. I closed my eyes and tried to not move. When his hand touched my hip again I opened my eyes and stared at him. "Oh, God " I looked away, "You have no idea what you're doing to me." "I think I do. It's what you're doing for me that makes this so incredible." My clit twitched as I shifted and James leaned forward to kiss its swollen head. I placed a hand on his head again and he moved a hand between my legs. I thought he was going to caress my balls again, but I felt a finger glide over my tight rose bud. I froze and our eyes locked. Slowly he moved his finger around the edge, poking slowly at it as I fought to maintain control. When the tip of his finger pushed inside of me I tried to squirm, but could only push my shoulders back against the wall. Oh fuck, shit! My breathing was strained as his finger explored my little boys pussy. Before I closed my eyes I could see his stare, his want. With my eyes closed I could still see him. He was gentle and when my knees buckled a bit on one probing push into me he slowed his advance, taking my still throbbing clit in his mouth and moaning loudly. I wanted to cum at that very moment. He released my clit and licked at the head, while slowly pushing his finger into me. Then Slowly he would pull it to the edge of my pussy. I leaned forward, stretching my arms out to brace myself on his shoulders. "I want you to fuck my face " he said softly as he pushed his finger deep into me. I shuddered and tried to maintain balance, holding his shoulders tightly. I was past the point of arguing. What would I argue? I was awash in pleasure, on the edge of an incredible orgasm, and I wanted it all, wanted more. I wanted it all and more. I I tried to lean against the wall as I watched James move his lips toward my clit. I could only stare. "I want you Rachel " he whispered just before his lips slid over the engorged helmet of my tiny clit. Down to the base and back up to the tip. His finger moved in my boys pussy in time with his face. His lips felt so wet and warm on my clit. My clit ached and every nerve was on fire. I ached all over, every muscle seemed to throb below my waist and the muscles in my back were in knots. James held my clit in his mouth and was motionless, he had stopped leading. At first I was confused as to why he had stopped, but it quickly came to me that it was my turn to lead, to thrust with want and desire into his mouth. I felt his free hand pulling at my hip ever so gently, pulling me forward, my clit into his mouth, guiding me. He wanted me to thrust into his mouth; he wanted me to control the moment. I was so close, this would be over in I shifted myself slightly to the left and placed a hand on top of James' head. Slowly I moved forward an inch, then back. Again forward and I shuddered, as his tongue seemed to move playfully over my clits shaft. When I tried to pull back I wasn't allowed to. James sucked hard on my clit not allowing me to pull away, while his finger slid into my little boys pussy. He moaned and I felt my knees wanting to give out. I thrust forward against James' lips, but he would not allow me to enter his mouth either. What are you doing?!! I wanted to scream and I was rocked back by the finger in my ass going deeper than the last few strokes. My hips bucked and my clit felt jammed. "Ah " I cried softly. I tried to pull away from his lips, no luck. I placed my other hand on his head and tried to pull his face onto my clit, but he held me firmly as his fingers pace quickened in my ass. I tried to move with his finger thrusts, but was thrown off by how tightly he held me clit in his lips. It hurt my clit, oww! "James " I cried in a voice that sounded very much like I was pleading for relief. "Mmmm " he moaned, his eyes closed now, his finger probing deep inside of me. I rocked back, catching his finger deep inside of me and stepped forward so as to maintain my balance. My clit slid into his mouth slightly. I shifted my hips back and rode his finger, then thrust forward into his mouth. This time further. It was if I were fighting him, fighting to get my clit into his mouth while trying to get every ounce of pleasure from his finger being thrust into me. I stepped forward again and grabbed a hand full of hair. This time I could feel his lips caress the base of my clit, easing their grip, their pressure. I push his head away and pulled it toward me as I thrust my hips, grinding my pelvis not only into his face, but on his finger in my little boys pussy. I pushed and thrust, push, grind. My clit ached, burned. His palm slapped between my ass cheeks with his every thrust into my little boys pussy. I tried to grind my ass onto his finger, but that caused him to tighten his lips around my clit. What are you doing?!! Why are you fighting me?!! I thrust forward and pulled his face to the base of my clit. If I were bigger he would have gagged, but instead you flicked his tongue against my clits shaft and grunted. The pace of his finger fucking me from behind sped up as I struggled to pleasure my clit in his mouth while trying to ride I was fighting for pleasure with every movement I pulled his hair, thrusting and gyrating wildly, out of control. "Ah I, God!" and I pushed his face away as I felt his free hand pull at my ball sacks. Another pull, pain. I thrust again I felt like I was going to fall over! There was a slurping sound ringing in my ears. A finger pleasuring me from behind. My clit "No!" and my body wretched forward, convulsing as my clit pulsated within James' mouth. I tried to retreat, but he greedily smoothers his face into my pelvis, pulling firmly on my ball sacks and pushing his finger deep into my ass. I could feel my clit throb and twitch. He continued even as I was fighting for him to stop. Milking my clit, my balls for every ounce of me. There was incredible pain, a pleasurable pain, but I need it to stop! "Aaah wait!" and I felt my knees begin to buckle, my clit slurped noisily from James' mouth and my body collapsed onto his shoulders before we both fell into a pile of twisted bodies onto the floor. The room was spinning, warm, and I struggled to catch my breath. "Awwhh " and a hand was pushing my leg. "You alright?" and I wondered if I could be any more embarrassed? I had just cum in James' mouth, fell over on him and had hurt him? Was I on his leg? Oh this isn't happening! "Yeah, you were," he sighed hard, "Yeah, guess my legs don't bend that way all that well. I'm OK though " He tried to chuckle, but it sounded strained. I moved to my left and got my legs off of his, rolling over onto my back. Now what? I brought my arms up over my face. Why does this shit happen to me? Can I not do anything right? That was an incredible orgasm and I go and screw it up in one fell swoop! My head was pounding, I feel sweaty, and I'm lying on the floor! Can this get any worse. A hand touched my stomach and I am snapped out of my momentary spaced out 'Why me?' trip. This isn't the way tonight was supposed to be! I peer out from under my forearms at James and can see that his eyes are closed. He has a look of content and peace on his face. OK, so maybe this wasn't such a disaster after all? Maybe this is normal? Maybe this isn't all about me crossing lines, but making it so another can cross their own lines? Wait, what am I thinking? What is normal? I mean what is normal between a man and a woman? A man and what I want to be? "Are you alright?" James whispered